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A01949 The ephemerides of Phialo deuided into three bookes. The first, a method which he ought to follow that desireth to rebuke his freend, when he seeth him swarue: without kindling his choler, or hurting himselfe. The second, a canuazado to courtiers in foure pointes. The third, the defence of a curtezan ouerthrowen. And a short apologie of the Schoole of abuse, against poets, pipers, players, [et] their excusers. By Steph. Gosson, stud. Oxon. Gosson, Stephen, 1554-1624. 1579 (1579) STC 12093; ESTC S105684 72,417 199

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not foūd in one head nor all Images hewed out of one block But one enioyeth that which another wants the same lacketh that which another hath The Moone and the Starres doo gouerne the night but the Sunne receiueth the day to his charge Neptune rules the seas but Aeolus the wyndes Cupid shootes arrowes but Iupiter thunderbolts Tibullus writes wanton sonets of loue but Homer the bloodie destruction of Troy And the Autor of this Booke which you tooke mee perusing teacheth a Courtier too tel a fine tale but I hope you woulde haue profite his Countrie For my part aunsweared Philotimo I dare not meddle in this case for marring of that which I cannot amend and sith my lucke serues me so yll I am contented with the losse of a single stake to poste ouer my game to the hands of Phialo who hath reade more than I and Playes with aduauntage vppon sure cardes You know answeared Phialo that it is not for me to teache gesture in the presence of Roscius to touch the stringes in Apolloes hearing nor to describe a courtier before Philotimo Yet if I mighte drawe you downe the patterne of a Courtier I woulde haue him too bee in spirite a Cyrus in temperaunce an Ageselaus ● witte a Themistocles in experience a Philip in boldenesse a Brasidas in tongue a Pericles in friendeshippe a Ionathas in Wisedome a Solomon excercised in armes skilfull in Bookes liberall in giftes lowlie in Pompe valiaunt in fighte in Victorye mercifull and too saie all at once in his whole life a true Christian that rather seeketh a Kingdome in Heauen than a Scepter on earth an immortall Crowne than a vanishing wreath the glorie of GOD than his owne prayse Yet sith my Courtier is as harde too bee founde in Italie as Tullies Oratour which neuer spoke Aristotles blisse which was neuer tasted the Phoenix of Arabia that was neuer seene or the Castles which Mathematicians buylde in the Ayre without tooles I will onely geue you three or foure Notes which I thinke verie requisite in a Courtier because I se them but slenderly handled by other Let a young Gentleman resorte too Ferara you shall haue more readie too profer him Paris Harpe then Achilles launce nyce Doctrine then manly Discipline Too subdue these affections and too make choyce of euery thing that lieth before you too consider the ende why you are called too that place and too discharge your duetie whē you are there you ought Philotimo to be learned to be liberall to abhorre flatterers and chiefly of all to further Religion whiche is the Sacrifice that God looketh for at your hands Alexander was a Captaine to the Greekes a Lord to the Barbarians and a Philosopher too both hee taught the Hircans too marry the Arachosians to plough the Sogdians too succour theyr parentes the Persians to refrayne theyr mothers bedde the Scithians to burye their dead bodies and the Indians too honour the Grecians gods Hee was in birth a Prince in life a Philosopher in troubles a souldier in peace a Scholer Thou art not sent to the Courte Philotimo to lay the floure of thy youth in Ladies laps but to learne the state of thine owne Countrey and the conditions of forraigne Realmes that thou mayest the better be able to serue thy Prince When Embassadours came out of Persia to Philip of Macedon Alexander his sonne being then but a childe asked them nothing of theyr maisters high Orchardes or golden groaues or what musicke hee loued or what dauncers hee liked but how many men at armes hee was able to make if need required what kinde of place he chosed to fight in after what order he planted his battayle what iustice he ministred to his subiectes and by what kinde of lawes be gouerned his Countrey Learning hath beene thought so necessarie in the Courte that Darius had alwayes rather see one Zopyrus at his Elbowe then a hūdred Babyloniās And when he was presented with a fayre Pomegranate he wished to haue as many learned men continually about him as there were little graines within that apple When Dionysius embrased the doctrine of Plato the Nobles and Gentlemen so gaue their minde to knowledge that euery corner in the Courte was full of triangles It is necessary that they which looke vnto many should see much and sith the whole weight of the common wealth lieth in the necke of good Courtiers it were too bee desired that none shoulde come there but suche as are wise O Philotimo how many young Gentlemen are there now in Tuscanie which neuer dreame of these matters but hauing stabled their horse for amoneth in Sienna though they neuer tasted the sweetnesse of knowledge by lothing the trauel yet trudge they to Ferara to liue in the Courte Wherein I may say they are a great deale more fruiteful than Hares for they are reported to conceiue to goe prowde and to litter their liuerets at one instaunt But these wexe great with learning before they conceiue it and deliuer their burden fourtie weekes at the leaste before it is begotten If they take the Court ouer their heades as a hoode for the raine or a cloude for their ignorance thinking that a little sparke there should shine like a flame and euery flye swell as bigge as an Eagle they perceiue not that vnskilfull woorkemen setting a puppet vpon high pillers too make it seeme huger shewe euery faulte of it the playner That they which wold not be seene must not hide them selues on the toppe of an hill and that suche as are placed in Princes Courtes are subiect to the eare and eye of euery man where they cannot once stumble in behauiour without shame nor trippe in their speeche without rebuke Where the foundation is weake the frame tottereth where the roote is not deepe the tree falleth where the knot is loose the string slippes where the water is lowe no bessell rides and vpon litle learning the life of a Courtier cannot bee builded because the foote is not able to beare vp the head Thou arte vtterly deceiued Philotimo if thou think it should fare with thee as it dooth with the Sunne the neerer he mounteth vp to the Pole the slower he mooues and the higher thou settest thy selfe in the Courte the lesser thou iudgest thou oughtest too studie Thou arte not called to this life too sleepe out thy dayes in a Trunke with Clearchus or to ioyne with Domitian too catch Flyes In emptie Vessels it passeth our cunning too finde where they leake till wee poure in Liquour I foole bewraieth himselfe if you geue him a Swoorde the Oule is blinde when she comes too light the loyterer which hath effeebled his minde with pleasure and slouth and nouseled himselfe in the fogge of ignorance holdeth no water in princes Courts playes like a foole with the shadow of authoritie like a Bastarde Birde shutteth his eyes at the blase of Nobilitie brightnesse of honour and knowledge of many matters Homer in setting
eclipseth his glorie to shoulder them out displaceth him to pinche them nippeth him to strike them woundeth him to rayle at them reuileth him All which inconueniences quickly growe where the Courtier like a good Aiax doth not holde out his buckler to couer Vlisses Iosua calling the rulers of Israel together before his death chargeth them bicause the Lord hath giuen them landes which they neuer purchased Cities which they neuer built Vineyardes which they neuer planted to serue him in holines and truth which is religion And when they had confessed the Lorde to be their God vowing obedience vnto him he presently registred their promise in the booke of God and erected a dumbe stone for a witnes of their beleefe to crie vengeance against them if they slipt the coller Doutles the bringing vp of Iosua with Moyses was a good meane to make him a captaine to Gods people whose word was appointed to be his directiō If courtiers borowe this clue of a godly Theseus to match with Chimaera and beare vp their swordes with Iosua in the Lordes quarell Iordan shall drie for their armies to passe their spies shall be harbored in the middest of Iericho the Sunne shall stoppe to giue them victorie and all shall prosper that they take in hande Bicause the weapons of ministers are prayers and teares and the Church hath no authoritie to compell it is the duetie of Princes by good lawes and statutes to establish religion force euery man to liue in order Where this is foreslewed the wrath of God is kindled against the Court his plague lighteth on the whole coūtrie Solomon had no sooner forgotten God and fallen to Idolatrie but God swore that he would teare the crowne from his head disherite his sonne and deliuer his kingdome to a stranger Runne through the scriptures you shall finde them very sharpely scourged which went about to supresse Religion Ieroboam stretcheth out his hand against the Prophet and it withereth Ahab robbed God of his honour empriprisoned his messengers and was slaine with an arrowe Azahia for flying to straunge gods is threatened death his souldiers consumed with sier from heauen Herod forgetting religion and dishonouring God is eaten with wormes I haue often wondered with my selfe Philotimo knowing Princes to be placed in their chaire by God howe they dare suffer any wickednes in the Court which representeth the throne of his heauenly Maiestie howe they can possibly blaspheme with that tongue which is giuen thē to honour him how they presume with that hād to murder his shepheards which they haue receiued to fight for religion In that wee haue abundance of worldly blessings we are earthly in that we frame our selues to the worshippe of God we are made heauenly The eies of brute beastes are turned downe to the earth to seeke nothing but meat for their bellies The countenance of man is lifted to heauē to behold the glorie of God in his works which hath made al things for vs vs for him selfe that we might acknowledge his goodnes in the same and honour him for it all the daies of our life If we do not this wee spend our time in beholding the earth wee seeke nothing els but to garnish our bodies or pamper our flesh which maketh vs like vnto sauage beastes Then what is the glory of a Courtier without religion What is his gouernement without godlines If thou wilt prooue a good Courtier Philotimo depart from Ferara the pit of Ignorance the storehouse of greedines the palace of Flatterers the slewes of Idolatrie and trauell to Englande where thou shalt finde a countrie so gouerned with good lawes a people so instructed in the feare of God a church so reformed in religion a Court so learned so liberall so vertuous so godlie a Debora so victorious ouer Sisara so thankfull to God so dreadfull to the wicked so beloued of the good so iust in iudgemēt so many yeeres quiet that thou wilt dout whether thou shouldest thinke her Maiestie fortunate in obedient subiectes or pronounce the whole land to be blessed for so good a prince By this little shadowe of a courtier which as time will serue I haue roughly drawne cunning workemen may gather the breadth of his bodie You may see by this that he ought to be learned bicause it is necessarie for them to knowe many things which gouerne many and to bridle them selues when they sitte so high the one cōfirmed by the exāples of Alexander of Darius of Agamemnons eyes and head of Craesus of Philip of Dionysius and all those which receiued Philosophers into the court to be instructed by them The other layde open in Clitus Lysimachus Clearchus and Caesar which trauelled to fight for renowne in other countries but neuer sayled into them selues to boult out the power that God hath ouer them and to confesse their owne weakenes which stand at his checke To be liberal by the comparison of a spring the end of wealth the daughters of nature the doctrine of Plato the societie of man the neede that themselues may haue ere they die as Craesus Cyrus Antigonus Crassus the maner of Cyrus Archelaus the day peale of the Persians the propertie of the Graces and the glorie of bountie passing nobilitie of birth honour in Court riches of Fortune or conquest in fielde To banishe all Flatterers for their apishe imitation their vnprofitable frēdship their studie of gaine and their hypocrisie Last of all to seeke the aduaūcement of religion by the dutie of a prince by the examples of Alexander Ptolome by the image of God the footesteps of Iosua the authoritie of scriptures and the happines of England which enforteth me heere through want of skil in describing the beautie of that Court to shut vp my lippes as the banquished painter who finding him selfe vnable liuely to set out the sorowes of Niobe was driuen to wrappe vp her head in a cloude Truely saide Ieraldy In my simple iudgement you haue shewed your selfe a verie good workeman For Alexander desired to haue his picture cut in brasse and wrought in such metall by none but Lysippus bicause none but he did labour to expresse his Liōs lookes others spoyling him quite of the shape of a souldier blased the rolling of his eyes and his amorous gesture Diuers haue paynted the Courtier in smoothe speeche wittie replies comely behauiour excellent daunsing which are like to the wanton gloses of Alexander but thou hast cast his Idol with perfecter metall in a good mould and carued him out the face of a man And Man of an old Poet is called 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 which signifieth brightnes according to your Etymologie of one of the Graces Some Philosophers thought the substance of the mynde to be a light bicause it is fearefull in the night it is troubled with darknes it shunnes it as a foe and is comforted agayne when the daye peepes Learning is often compared to light Ignorance contrarie likened to
vpper hande howe ill good cookerie agrees with their queasie stomackes and how they had rather suffer destruction to ouertake them then seeke any meane to saue their soules It is the propertie of hony though it be sweete to torment those partes of the bodie that are infected such as are troubled with the Kings euil neuer taste it but they iudge it to be gall Therefore I wishe them al that feele me sharpe to consider whether it be to those that are sound or to such as I finde do norish filthe My Schoole of Abuse hath met with some enemies bicause it correcteth vnthristy Schollers Demosthenes orations smelt of sampe oyle because his candle burnt brightest when theeues were busiest They that are greeued are Poets Pipers and Players the first thinke that I banishe Poetrie wherein they dreame the second iudge that I condemne Musique wherein they dote the last proclaime that I forbid recreation to man wherein you may see they are starke blinde He that readeth with aduise the booke which I wrote shal perceiue that I touche but the abuses of all these When we accuse the Phisition for killing his patient we finde no faulte with the Arte it selfe but with him that hath abused the same Therefore let me holde the same proposition still which I sette downe before drewe out of Tully that ancient Poetes are the fathers of lies Pipes of vanitie and Schooles of Abuses Iupiter which was but a mortall man and almost a paticide that for greedinesse of the crowne droue his owne father Saturne out of his kingdome though hee were a cruell tyrant an vnnaturall childe an vsurping Prince an abhominable leacher as wicked a wretche as euer liued by Poets is made the king of gods Venus a notorious strumpet that lay with Mars with Mercurie with Iupiter with Anchises with Butes with Adones that taught the women in Cyprus to set vp a Stewes too hyre out them selues as hackne●es for gaine and that made her self as common as a Barbars chayre by Poets is placed for a goddesse in heauen Al these whome the Poetes haue called gods and goddesses for the most part were bastardes begotten in adulterie or very lewde liuers which had no soner defiled their beddes but they were snatchte vp to the skyes and made starres in so much that Iuno crieth out in Seneca Tellus colenda est pellices coelum tenent Le ts dwel in earth for heauen is full of whores what stuffe is this wantons in heauen a double diuinitie of he gods she gods If it be so I hope they will graunt me that in that place nothing ought to bee vayne if nothing be vaine they must liue together by couples like man and wife or holde the publique weale of Plato and make euery thing common If they liue together in lawfull marriage giue them houses to thē selues for lawfull encrease that all which they do be not seene in the market if they haue houses let them haue landes it is no reason they should be poorer then wee if they haue lande either lette it bee fruitfull of it selfe or giue them whippes in their handes and sende them like swaynes to plough and ●arte Bicause they are gods they neuer die bicause they are married they dayly multiplte for none can be so fruitfull as they thus neuer dying and euer encreasing some of them in time shall be driuen to dwell in the ayre some in the water some in the earth some in hell when house rome is scant for heauē will not hold so great a company If they bee fruitfull what is the reason that Iupiter getteth no more children ▪ doeth ●ee waxe olde or is Iuno barraine 〈…〉 afeard to gleane any longer of other 〈◊〉 corne least he be robbed of his own haruest Considereth he now 〈◊〉 good turne requireth another that hee which strikes with the sworde shal be beaten with the scabbarde If they make all common what are they better then brute beastes So grosse are the errours so great the abuses so horrible the blasphemies we finde in Poetes that wee may rather iudge them monsters of nature then men of learning Whilest they make Cupide trumphe in heauen and all the gods to matche bounde like ●●●serable captiues before his charriot they belie God and be witch the reader with bawdie charmes Whilest they enclose the power of their Gods in what compasse they please giuing Heauen to Iupiter Hel too 〈◊〉 the Sea too Neptune they forgett●● earth and leaue it too the rule of none 〈◊〉 al. Whilest they make many gods they ouerthrow euery god For if their gods bee of equal power no one of them cā doo any thing without his fellow and so none of them al may be called a god because God is perfect and almighty Being perfect he can neither be encreased nor diminished being almightie he hath no neede of the helpe of other What a confusion haue Poets brought whē thinking little that whatsoeuer is deuided may be destroyed they set all the gods togither by the eares some fighting for Troy some for the Greeks some for Aenaeas som for Turnus Saturne whō they affirmed to be god of time was a varlet that gelded his own Father afterwarde thrust out of his seate by his sonne Iupiter he was constrained to saue himselfe by flighte and a greate whyle liued obseurely in Italy Apollo was a buggerer and Schoolemaister of periurie Mars a murderer Mercury a theefe Castor Pollux whome they reporte to be twinnes growen in one body when they were rauishers of other mens wiues neuer mette within one payre of sheets Flora a curtezan that got infinite summes of money by sinne and gaue all to the Romans when she died by Poets is honoured for a goddesse of flowers Thus making gods of them that were brute beastes in the likenes of men diuine goddesses of common harlots they robbe God of his honour diminishe his authoritie weaken his might turne his seate to a stewes By writing of vntruthes they are open liers but if they do faine these frantike cenceates to resemble some what els that they imagine by speaking of one thing and thinking another they are dissemblers It is not enough for their freendes to say Lascina est nobis pagina vrta proba Our verse is wātō but our life is good Or Iuraui lingua mētem iniuratam gero My tōgue hath sworne my hart is free For players action doeth answere to their partes and Poets discourses to their maners yet are many of their Schollers so enchaunted that like the superstitious and foolishe Aegyptians they had rather lose their lyues then the Idols of their byrdes their beastes their Ibes their Adders their Dogges their Cattes their Serpents their Crocodiles Pypers are very sore displeased bicause I allow not their new 〈◊〉 and shew them how farre their instrumentes differ from those that were vsed in olde times they say their musique is perfecter nowe than it was before but who shal be