bravest Knight the Earth had ever Possess'd As for Sancho he was looking up and down the Garden for the Disconsolate Matron to see what sort of a Face she had got now her Firz-bush was off But he was inform'd that as Clavileno came down Flaming in the Air the Countess with her Women Vanish'd immediately but not one of 'em Chinbristl'd nor so much as a Hair upon their Faces Then the Dutchess ask'd Sancho how he had far'd in his long Voyage Why truly Madam answer'd he I have seen Wonders for you must know that though my Master would not suffer me to pull the Cloath from my Eyes yet as I have a kind of an Itch to know every thing and a Spice of the Spirit of Contradiction still hankering after what 's forbidden me so when as my Master told me we were Flying through the Legion of Fire I shov'd my Handkerchief a little above my Nose and look'd down and what d' you think I saw I spy'd the Earth a hugeous way a far off below me Heaven bless us no bigger than a Mustard-seed and the Men walking to and fro upon 't not much larger than Hazle-Nuts Judge now if we were not got up wounded high Have a Care what you say my Friend said the Dutchess for if the Men were bigger than Hazle-Nuts and the Earth no bigger than a Mustard-seed one Man must be bigger than the whole Earth and cover it so that you cou'd not see it Like enough answer'd Sancho but for all that d' you see I saw it with a kind of a side-Look upon one Part of it or so Look you Sancho reply'd the Dutchess that won't bear for no Thing can be wholly seen by any Part of it Well well Madam quoth Sancho I don't understand your Parts and Wholes I saw it and there 's an end of the Story Only you must think that as we flew by Inchantment so we saw by Inchantment and thus I might see the Earth and all the Men which way soever I look'd I 'll warrant you won't believe me neither when I tell you that when I thrust up the Kerchief above my Brows I saw my self so near Heaven that between the top of my Cap. and the main Sky there was not a Span and a half And Heaven bless us forsooth what a hugeous great Place it is And we happen'd to Travel that Road where the * * The Pleiades vulgarly call'd in Spanish the Seven young She-Goats seven She-Goat-Stars were And Faith and Troth I had such a Mind to Play with 'em having been once a Goat-herd my self that I fancy I 'd have cry'd my self to Death had I not done it So soon as I spy'd 'em what does me I but sneaks down very soberly from behind my Master without telling any living Soul and play'd and leap'd about for three quarters of an Hour by the Clock with the pretty Nanny-Goats who are as sweet and fine as so many Marigolds or Gilly-Flowers And honest Wooden Peg stirr'd not one Step all the while And while Sancho employ'd himself with the Goats ask'd the Duke how was Don Quixote employ'd Truly answer'd the Knight I am sensible all things were alter'd from their Natural Course therefore what Sancho says seems the less strange to me But for my own part I neither saw Heaven nor Hell Sea nor Shore I perceiv'd indeed we pass'd through the middle Region of the Air and were pretty near that of Fire but that we came so near Heaven as Sancho says is altogether incredible because we then must have pass'd quite through the Fiery Region which lies between the Sphere of the Moon and the upper Region of the Air. Now it was impossible for us to reach that part where are the Pleiades or the Seven Goats as Sancho calls 'em without being Consum'd in the Elemental Fire and therefore since we escap'd those Flames certainly we did not soar so high and Sancho either Lies or Dreams I neither Lie nor Dream reply'd Sancho Uds Precious I can tell you the Marks and Colour of every Goat among 'em if you don't believe me Do but ask and try me You 'll easily see whether I speak Truth or no. Well said the Dutchess prithee tell us good Sancho Look you answer'd Sancho there were two of 'em Green two Carnation two Blue and one party-colour'd Truly said the Duke that 's a new kind of Goats you have found out Sancho we have none of those Colours upon Earth Sure Sir reply'd Sancho you 'll make some short difference between Heavenly She-Goats and the Goats of this World But Sancho said the Duke among those She-Goats did you see never a He Not one Horn'd Beast of the Masculine Gender Not one Sir I saw no other Horn'd thing but the Moon and I have been told that neither He-Goats nor any other Cornuted Tups are suffer'd to lift their Horns beyond those of the Moon They did not think fit to ask Sancho any more Questions about his Airy Voyage for in the Humour he was in they judg'd he would not stick to ramble all over the Heavens and tell 'em News of whatever was doing there though he had not stirr'd out of the Garden all the while Thus ended in short the Adventure of the Disconsolate Matron which afforded sufficient Sport to the Duke and Dutchess not only for the present but for the rest of their Lives and might have supply'd Sancho with matter of Talk from Generation to Generation for many Ages could he have liv'd so long Sancho said Don Quixote whispering him in the Ear since you 'll have us believe what you have seen in Heaven I desire you to believe me in what I said I saw in Montesino's Cave Not a Word more CHAP. XLII The Instructions which Don Quixote gave Sancho Pança before he went to the Government of his Island with other Matters of Moment THE Satisfaction which the Duke and Dutchess receiv'd by the happy Success of the Adventure of the Disconsolate Matron encourag'd 'em to carry on some other Pleasant Project since they could with so much Ease Impose on the Credulity of Don Quixote and his Squire Having therefore given Instructions to their Servants and Vassals how to behave themselves towards Sancho in his Government the Day after the Scene of the Wooden Horse the Duke bid Sancho prepare and be in a readiness to take Possession of his Government for now his Islanders wish'd as heartily for him as they did for Rain in a dry Summer Sancho made an humble Bow and looking demurely on the Duke Sir quoth he since I came down from Heaven whence I saw the Earth so very small I a'n't half so hot as I was for being a Governour For what Greatness can there be in being at the Head of a puny Dominion that 's but a little Nook of a tiny Mustard-seed And what Dignity and Power can a Man be reckon'd to have in governing half a dozen Men no bigger than Hazle-Nuts For I cou'd not
think there were any more in the whole World No if your Grace would throw away upon me never so little a Corner in Heaven though it were but half a League or so I would take it with better Will than I would the largest Island on Earth Friend Sancho answer'd the Duke I can't dispose of an Inch of Heaven for that 's the Province of God alone but what I am able to bestow I give you that is an Island tight and clever round and well proportion'd fertile and plentiful to such a Degree that if you have but the Art and Understanding to manage things right you may make a Hoard there both of the Treasure of this World and the next Well then quoth Sancho let me have this Island and I 'll do my best to be such a Governour that in spight of Rogues I shan't want a small Nook in Heaven one Day or other 'T is not out of Covetousness neither that I 'd leave my little Cott and set up for some body but meerly to know what kind of thing it is to be a Governour Oh! Sancho said the Duke when once youv'e had a Taste of it you 'll never leave licking your Fingers 't is so sweet and bewitching a thing to Command and be Obey'd I am confident when your Master comes to be an Emperour as he cannot fail to be according to the course of his Affairs he will never by any Considerations be perswaded to an Abdication his only Grief will be that he was one no sooner Troth Sir reply'd Sancho I am of your Mind 't is a dainty thing to Command tho' 't were but a Flock of Sheep Oh! Sancho cry'd the Duke let me live and die with thee for thou hast an Insight into every thing I hope thou 'lt prove as good a Governour as thy Wisdom bespeaks thee But no more at this time to Morrow without further Delay you set forward to your Island and shall be furnish'd this Afternoon with Equipage and Dress answerable to your Post and all other Necessaries for your Journey Let 'em Dress me as they will quoth Sancho I shall be the same Sancho Pança still That 's true said the Duke yet every Man ought to wear Cloaths suitable to his Place and Dignity for a Lawyer should not go Dress'd like a Soldier no◠a Soldier like a Priest As for you Sancho you are to wear the Habit both of a Captain and a Civil Magistrate so your Dress shall be a Compound of those two for in the Government that I bestow on you Arms are as necessary as Learning and a Man of Letters as requisite as a Swords-man Nay as for Letters quoth Sancho I can't say much for my self for as yet I scarce know my A B C but yet if I can but remember my Christ's-Cross 't is enough to make me a good Governour As for my Arms I 'll not quit my Weapon as long as I can stand and so Heaven be our Guard Sancho can't do amiss said the Duke while he remembers these things By this time Don Quixote arriv'd and hearing how suddenly Sancho was to go to his Government with the Duke's Permission he took him aside to give him some good Instructions for his Conduct in the discharge of his Office Being enter'd Don Quixote's Chamber and the Door shut he almost forcibly oblig'd Sancho to sit by him and then with a grave deliberate Voice he thus began I give Heaven Infinite Thanks Friend Sancho that before I have the happiness of being put in Possession of my Hopes I can see thine already Crown'd Fortune hast'ning to meet thee with thy Wishes I who had assign'd the Reward of thy Services upon my happy Success am yet but on the way to Preferment and thou beyond all reasonable Expectation art arriv'd at the Aim and End of thy Desires Some are assiduous sollicitous importunate rise early bribe entreat press will take no Denial obstinately persist in their Suit and yet at last never obtain it Another comes on and by a lucky hit or chance bears away the Prize and jumps into the Preferment which so many had pursu'd in vain which verifies the saying The Happy have their Days and those they chuse Th' Unhappy have but Hours and those they lose Thou who seem'st to me a very Blockhead without sitting up late or rising early or any manner of Fatigue or Trouble only the Air of Knight-Errantry being breath'd on thee art advanc'd to the Government of an Island in a Trice as if it were a thing of no Moment a very Trifle I speak this my dear Sancho not to upbraid thee nor out of Envy but only to let thee know thou art not to attribute all this Success to thy own Merit while 't is entirely owing to the kind Heavenly Disposer of Humane Affairs to whom thy Thanks ought to be return'd But next to Heaven thou art to ascribe thy Happiness to the Greatness of the Profession of Knight-Errantry which includes within it self such stores of Honour and Preferment Being convinc'd of what I have already said be yet attentive O my Son to what I thy Cato have further to say Listen I say to my Admonitions and I will be thy North-Star and Pilot to Steer and bring thee safely into the Port of Honour out of the Tempestuous Ocean into which thou art just going to Launch for Offices and great Employments are no better than profound Gulphs of Confusion First of all O my Son fear God for the fear of God is the beginning of Wisdom and Wisdom will never let thee go astray Secondly Consider what thou wert and make it thy Business to know thy self which is the most difficult Lesson in the World Yet from this Lesson thou wilt learn to avoid the Frog's foolish Ambition of Swelling to rival the Bigness of the Ox else thou wilt soon roll down the Wheel of thy mad Presumption and be put in Mind that thou wert but a Hog-driver True quoth Sancho but I was then but a little Body for when I grew up to be somewhat bigger I drove Geese and not Hogs But methinks that 's nothing to the Purpose for all Governours can't come from Kings and Princes Very true pursu'd Don Quixote therefore those who want a noble Descent must allay the Severity of their Office with Mildness and Civility which directed by Wisdom may secure 'em from the Murmurs and Malice from which no State nor Condition is exempt Be well pleas'd with the Meanness of thy Family Sancho nor think it a Disgrace to own thy self deriv'd from Labouring Men for if thou art not asham'd of it thy self no body else will strive to make thee so Endeavour rather to be esteem'd Humble and Vertuous than Proud and Vicious The number is almost Infinite of those who from low and vulgar Births have been rais'd to the highest Dignities to the Papal Chair and the Imperial Throne and this I could prove by Examples enough to tire thy Patience Make
two old Men went away the one to his Satisfaction the other with eternal Shame and Disgrace and the Beholders were astonish'd Insomuch that the Person who was commission'd to Register Sancho's Words and Actions and observe his Behaviour was not able to determine whether he should not give him the Character of a wise Man instead of that of a Fool which he had been thought to deserve No sooner was this Tryal over but in came a Woman haling along a Man that look'd like a good substantial Grazier Justice my Lord Governour Justice cry'd she aloud and if I cannot have it on Earth I 'll have it from Heaven Sweet Lord Governour this wicked Fellow met me in the Middle of a Field and has had the full Use of my Body he has handl'd me like a Dishclout Woe 's me he has robb'd me of that which I had kept these three and twenty Years Wretch that I am I had guarded it safe from Natives and Foreigners Christians and Infidels I have been always as tough as Cork no Salmander ever kept it self more entire in Fire nor no Wool among the Briers than did poor I till this lewd Man with nasty Fists handl'd me at this rate Woman Woman quoth Sancho no Reflections yet whether your Gallant 's Hands were nasty or clean that 's not to the Purpose Then turning to the Grazier Well Friend said he what have you to say to this Woman's Complaint My Lord answer'd the Man looking as if he had been frighted out his Wits I am a poor Drover a Hog-man and this Morning I was going home from this Market where I had sold under correction be it spoken four Hogs and what with the Duties and the sharping Tricks of the Officers I hardly clear'd any Thing by the Beasts Now as I was trudging home whom should I pick up by the Way but this Hedge-Madam here and the Devil who has a Finger in every Pye being powerful forc'd us to yoke together I gave her that which would have contented any reasonable Woman but she was not satisfied and wanted more Money and would never leave me till she had dragg'd me hither She 'll tell ye I ravish'd her but by the Oath I 've taken or mean to take she lies like a Drab as she is and this is every Tittle true Fellow quoth Sancho hast thou any Silver about thee Yes an 't like your Worship answer'd the Drover I have some twenty Ducats in Silver in a leathern Purse here in my Bosom Give it the Plaintiff Money and all quoth Sancho The Man with a trembling Hand did as he was commanded The Woman took it and dropp'd a thousand Curtsies to the Company wishing on her Knees as many Blessings to the good Governour who took such special Care of poor Fatherless and Motherless Children and abus'd Virgins and then she nimbly tripp'd out of Court holding the Purse fast in both her Hands though first she took care to Peep into it to see whether the Silver were there Scarce was she gone when Sancho turning to the Fellow who stood with the Tears in his Eyes and look'd as if he had parted with his Blood as well as his Money Friend said he run and overtake the Woman and take the Purse from her whether she will or no and bring it hither The Drover was neither so deaf nor so mad as to be twice bid away he flew like Lightning after his Money The whole Court was in mighty Expectation and could not tell what could be the End of the Matter But a while after the Man and the Woman came back â—he pulling and she tugging she with her Petticoat tuck'd up and the Purse in her Bosom and he using all the Strength he had to get it from her But it was to no purpose for the Woman defended her Prize so well that all his Manhood little avail'd Justice cry'd she for Heaven's sake Justice Gentlemen Look you my Lord see this impudent Ruffian that on the King's High-way nay in the Face of the Court would rob me of my Purse the very Purse you condemn'd him to give me And has he got it from you ask'd the Governour Got it quoth the Woman I 'll lose my Life before I 'll lose my Purse I were a pretty Baby then to let him wipe my Nose thus No you must set other Dogs upon me than this sorry sneaking mangy Whelp Pincers Hammers Mallets and Chizzels shan't wrench it out of my Clutches no not the Claws of a Lion they shall sooner have my Soul than my Money She says the Truth my Lord said the Fellow for I am quite spent The Jade is too strong for me I cannot grapple with her Sancho then call'd to the Pemale Here quoth he Honesty You She-Dragon let me see the Purse The Woman deliver'd it to him and then he return'd it to the Man Hark you Mistress said he to her had you shew'd your self as stout and valiant to defend your Body nay but half so much as you 've done to defend your Purse the Strength of Hercules could not have forc'd you Hence Impudence get out of my Sight Away with a Pox to you and do not offer to stay in this Island nor within six Leagues of it on pain of two hundred Lashes Out as fast as you can you tricking brazen-fac'd Brimstone Hedge-Drab away The Wench was in a terrible fright and sneak'd away hanging down her Head as shamefully as if she had been catch'd in the Deed of Darkness Now Friend said the Governour to the Man get you home with your Money and Heaven be with you But another Time if you han't a mind to come off worse be sure you don't yoke with such Cattle The Drover thank'd him as indifferently as he could and away he went and all the People admir'd afresh their new Governour 's Judgment and Sentences An Account of which was taken by him that was appointed to be his Historiographer and forthwith transmitted to the Duke who expected it with Impatience Now let us leave honest Sancho here for his Master with great Earnestness requires our Attendance Altisidora's Serenade having strangely discompos'd his Mind CHAP. XLVI Of the dreadful Alarms given to Don Quixote by the Bells and Cats during the Course of Altisidora's Amours WE left the great Don Quixote profoundly buried in the Thoughts into which the enamour'd Altisidora's Serenade had plung'd him He threw himself into his Bed but the Cares and Anxieties which he brought thither with him like so many Fleas allow'd him no Repose and the Misfortune of his torn Stocking added to his Affliction But as Time is swift and no Bolts nor Chains can bar his rapid Progress posting away on the Wings of the Hours the Morning soon revolv'd At the Return of Light Don Quixote more early than the Sun forsook his downy Bed put on his Shamoy-Apparel and drawing on his walking Boots conceal'd in one of 'em the Disaster of his Hose he threw his Scarlet Cloak over
of Proof His Courser was a Flea-bitten Horse that seem'd of Friezland Breed and had a Quantity of Wooll about each of his Fetlocke's The valorous Combatant came on well tutor'd by the Duke his Master how to behave himself towards the valorous Don Quixote de la Mancha being warn'd to spare his Life by all Means and therefore to avoid a Shock in his first Career that might otherwise prove fatal should he encounter him directly Tosilos fetched a Compass about the Barrier and at last made a Stop right against the two Women casting a leering Eye upon her that had demanded him in Marriage Then the Marshal of the Field call'd to Don Quixote and in the Presence of Tosilos ask'd the Mother and the Daughter whether they consented that Don Quixote de la Mancha should vindicate their Right and whether they would stand or fall by the Fortune of their Champion They said they did and allow'd of whatever he should do in their behalf as good and valid The Duke and Dutchess by this Time were seated in a Gallery that was over the Barriers which were surrounded by a vast Throng of Spectators all waiting to see the unmerciful and unparallelled Conflict The Conditions of the Combat were these That if Don Quixote were the Conqueror his Opponent should marry Donna Rodriguez's Daughter but if the Knight were overcome then the Victor should be discharg'd from his Promise and not bound to give her any other Satisfaction Then the Marshal of the Field placed each of them on the Spot whence they should start dividing equally between them the Advantage of the Ground that neither of them might have the Sun in his Eyes And now the Drums beat and the Clangor of the Trumpets resounded through the Air the Earth shook under 'em and the Hearts of the numerous Spectators were in Suspence some fearing others expecting the good or bad Issue of the Battle Don Quixote recommending himself with all his Soul to Heaven and his Lady Dulcinea del Toboso stood expecting when the precise Signal for the Onset should be given But our Lacquey's Mind was otherwise employ'd and all his Thoughts were upon what I am going to tell you It seems as he stood looking on his Female Enemy she appear'd to him the most beautiful Woman he had ever seen in his whole Life which being perceiv'd by the little blind Archer to whom the World gives the Name of Love he took his Advantage and fond of improving his Triumphs though it were but over the Soul of a Lacquey he came up to him softly and without being perceiv'd by any one he shot an Arrow two Yards long into the poor Footmans Side so smartly that his Heart was pierc'd through and through A Thing which the mischievous Boy cou'd easily do for Love is invisible and has free Ingress or Egress where he pleases at a most unaccountable Rate You must know then that when the Signal for the Onset was given our Lacquey was in an Extasie transported with the Thoughts of the Beauty of his lovely Enemy insomuch that he took no manner of Notice of the Trumpet 's Sound quite contrary to Don Quixote who no sooner heard it but clapping Spurs to his Horse he began to make towards his Enemy with Rosinante's best Speed At the same Time his good Squire Sancho Pança seeing him start Heaven be thy Guide cry'd he aloud thou Cream and Flower of Chivalry-Errant Heaven give thee the Victory since thou hast Right on thy Side Tosilos saw Don Quixote coming towards him yet instead of taking his Career to encounter him without leaving the Place he call'd as loud as he cou'd to the Marshal of the Field who thereupon rode up to him to see what he would have Sir said Tosilos is not this Duel to be fought that I may marry yonder young Lady or let it alone Yes answer'd the Marshal Why then said the Lacquey I feel a Burden upon my Conscience and am sensible I should have a great deal to answer for shou'd I proceed any further in this Combate and therefore I yield my self vanquish'd and desire I may marry the Lady this Moment The Marshal of the Field was surpriz'd and as he was privy to the Duke's Contrivance of that Business the Lacquey's unexpected Submission put him to such a Nonplus that he knew not what to answer On the other Side Don Quixote stopt in the Middle of his Career seeing his Adversary did not put himself in a Posture of Defence The Duke cou'd not imagine why the Business of the Field was at a Stand but the Marshal having inform'd him he was amaz'd and in a great Passion In the mean Time Tosilos approaching Donna Rodriguez Madam cry'd he I am willing to marry your Daughter there 's no need of Law-Suits nor of Combats in the Matter I had rather make an End of it peaceably and without the Hazard of Body and Soul Why then said the valorous Don Quixote hearing this since 't is so I am discharg'd of my Promise let them e'en marry a God's Name and Heaven bless 'em and give 'em Joy At the same Time the Duke coming down within the Lists and applying himself to Tosilos Tell me Knight said he is it true that you yield without Fighting and that at the Instigation of your timerous Conscience you are resolv'd to marry this Damsel Yes an 't please your Grace answer'd Tosilos Marry and I think 't is the wisest Course quoth Sancho for what says the Proverb what the Mouse wou'd get give the Cat and keep thy self out of Trouble In the mean while Tosilos began to unlace his Helmet and call'd out that somebody might help him off with it quickly as being so choak'd with his Armour that he was scarce able to breathe With that they took off his Helmet with all Speed and then the Lacquey's Face was plainly discover'd Donna Rodriguez and her Daughter perceiving it presently a Cheat a Cheat cry'd they They have got Tosilos my Lord Duke's Lacquey to counterfeit my lawful Husband Justice of Heaven and the King This is a Piece of Malice and Treachery not to be endur'd Ladies said Don Quixote don't vex your selves there 's neither Malice nor Treachery in the Case or if there be the Duke is not in the Fault No those evil minded Negromancers that Persecute me are the Traytors who envying the Glory I should have got by this Combat have transform'd the Face of my Adversary into this which you see is the Duke's Lacquey But take my Advice Madam added he to the Daughter and in spight of the Baseness of my Enemies marry him for I dare engage 't is the very Man you claim as your Husband The Duke hearing this angry as he was cou'd hardly forbear losing all his Indignation in Laughter Truly said he so many extraordinary Accidents every Day befal the great Don Quixote that I am inclinable to believe this is not my Lacquey tho' he appears to be so But
Figures that happen'd to be St. George a Horseback and under his Feet a Serpent coil'd up his Throat transfix'd with a Lance with the Fierceness that is commonly represented in the Piece and all as they use to say spick and span new and shining like beaten Gold Don Quixote having seen the Image This said he was one of the best Knight-Errants the Divine Warfare or Church-Militant ever had His Name was Don St. George and he was an extraordinary Protector of Damsels What 's the next The Fellow having uncover'd it it prov'd to be St. Martin on Horse-back This Knight too said Don Quixote at the first sight was one of the Christian Adventurers and I am apt to think he was more liberal than valiant and thou may'st perceive it Sancho by his dividing his Cloak with a poor Man he gave him half and doubtless 't was Winter-time or else he would have giv'n it him whole he was so charitable Not so neither I fancy quoth Sancho but I guess he stuck to the Proverb He that lends his Breech must you understand me Don Quixote smil'd and desiâ—'d the Men to shew him the next Image which appear'd to be that of the Patron of Spain a Horse-back with his Sword bloody trampling down Moors and treading over Heads Ay this is a Knight indeed cry'd Don Quixote when he saw it one of those that fought in the Squadrons of the Saviour of the World He is call'd Don San Jago Mata-Moros or Don St. James the Destroyer of the Moors and may be thought one of the most valorous Saints and Professors of Chivalry that the Earth formerly enjoy'd and Heaven now possesses Then they uncover'd another Piece which shew'd St. Paul falling from his Horse with all the Circumstances usually express'd in the Story of his Conversion and represented so to the Life that he look'd as if he had been answering the Voice that spoke to him from Heaven This said Don Quixote was the greatest Enemy the Church Militant had once and prov'd afterwards the greatest Defender it will ever have In his Life a true Knight-Errant and in his Death a steadfast Saint an indefatigable Labourer in the Vineyard of the Lord a Teacher of the Gentiles who had Heaven for his School and the Lord of Wisdom for his Master and Instructer Don Quixote perceiving there were no more Images desir'd the Men to cover those he had seen And then my good Friends said he to 'em I cannot but esteem the Sight that I have had of these Images as a happy Omen for these Saints and Knights were of the same Profession that I follow which is that of Arms The Difference only lies in this Point that they were Saints and fought according to the Rules of holy Discipline and I am a Sinner and fight after the Manner of Men. They conquer'd Heaven by Force for Heaven is taken by Violence but I alas cannot yet tell what I gain by the Force of my Labours Yet were my Dulcinea del Toboso but free from her Troubles by a happy Change in my Fortune and an Improvement in my Understanding I might perhaps take a better Course than I do Heaven grant it quoth Sancho and let the Devil do his worst All this while the Men wonder'd at Don Quixote's Discourse as well as his Figure for they could not understand one Half of what he meant So that after they had made an End of their Dinner they got up their Images took their Leaves of Don Quixote and continu'd their Journey Sancho remain'd full of Admiration as if he had never known his Master he wonder'd how he should come to know all these Things and fancy'd there was not that History or Adventure in the World but he had it at his Finger's Ends. Faith and Troth Master of mine quoth he if what has happen'd to us to Day may be call'd an Adventure it is one of the sweetest and most pleasant we ever met with in all our Rambles for we are come off without a dry-hasting or the least bodily Fear We have not so much as laid our Hands upon our Weapons nor have we beaten the Earth with our Carcasses but here we be safe and sound neither-a-dry nor a-hungry Heaven be prais'd that I have seen all this with my own Eyes Thou say'st well Sancho said Don Quixote but I must tell thee that Seasons and Times are not always the same but often take a different Course and what the Vulgar call Forebodings and Omens for which there are no rational Grounds in Nature ought only to be esteem'd happy Encounters by the Wise One of these superstitious Fools going out of his House betimes in the Morning meets a Frier of the Blessed Order of St. Francis and starts as if he had met a Griffin turns back and runs home again Another Wise-acre happens to throw down the Salt on the Table-cloath and thereupon is sadly cast down himself as if Nature were oblig'd to give Tokens of ensuing Disasters by such slight and inconsiderable Accidents as these A wise and truly Religious Man ought never to pry into the Secrets of Heaven Scipio landing in Africa stumbl'd and fell down as he leap'd a-shore Presently his Soldiers took this for an ill Omen but he embracing the Earth cry'd I have thee fast Africa thou shalt not scape me In this manner Sancho I think it a very happy Accident that I met these Images I think so too quoth Sancho but I would fain know why the Spaniards call upon that same St. James the Destroyer of Moors just when they are going to give Battel they cry Saint Jago and close Spain Pray is Spain open that it wants to be clos'd up What do you make of that Ceremony Thou art a very simple Fellow Sancho answer'd Don Quixote Thou must know that Heaven gave to Spain this mighty Champion of the Red-Cross for its Patron and Protector especially in the desperate Engagements which the Spaniards had with the Moors and therefore they invoke him in all their martial Encounters as their Protector and many times he has been personally seen cutting and slaying overthrowing trampling and destroying the Saracen Squadrons of which I could give thee many Examples deduc'd from authentick Spanish Histories Here Sancho changing the Discourse Sir quoth he I can't but marvel at the Impudence of Altisidora the Dutchess's Damsel I warrant you that same Mischief-monger they call Love has plaguily mawl'd her and run her through without Mercy They say he 's a little blind Urchin and yet the dark Youth with no more Eye-sight than a Beetle will hit you a Heart as sure as a Gun and bore it through and through with his Dart if he undertakes to shoot at it However I have heard say that the Shafts of Love are blunted and beaten back by the modest and sober Carriage of young Maidens But upon this Altisidora their Edge seems rather to be whetted than made blunt You must observe Sancho said Don Quixote that Love
more wretched than you all Come Howl as in redoubled Flames Attend me to th' eternal Night No other Dirge nor Funral Rite A poor despairing Lover claims And thou my Song sad Child of Woe When Life is gone and I m below For thy lost Parent cease to grieve With Life and Thee my Woes increase And shou'd they not by dying cease Hell has no pains like those I leave These Verses were well approv'd by all the Company only Vivaldo observ'd that the Jealousies and Fears of which the Shepherd complain'd did not very well agree with what he had heard oâ— Marcella's unspotted Modesty and Reservedness But Ambrose who had been always privy tâ— the most secret Thoughts of his Friend inform d him that the unhappy Chysostome wrote those Verses when he had torn himself from his ador'd Mistress to try whether absence the comâ—â—â— cure of Love wou'd relieve him and mitigaâ—â— his Pain And as every thing disturbs an absent Lover and nothing is more usual than for him to torment himself with a thousand Chymera's of his own Brain so did Chrysostome perplex himself with jealousies and suspicions which had no ground but in his distracted imagination and therefore whatever he said in those uneasie Circumstances cou'd never affect or in the least prejudice Marcella's Virtuous Character upon whom setting aside her Cruelty and her disdainful Haughtiness Envy itself could never fix the least Reproach Vivaldo being thus convinc'd they were going to read another Paper when they were unexpectedly prevented by a kind of an Apparition that offered it self to their View 'T was Marcella herself who appear'd at the top of the Rock at the foot of which they were digging the Grave but so beautiful that Fame seem'd rather to have lessen'd than to have magnify'd her Charms those who had never seen her before gaz'd on her with silent wonder and delight nay those who us'd to see her every day seem'd no less lost in admiration than the rest But scarce had Ambrose spy'd her when with anger and indignation in his heart he cry'd out What mak'st thou there thou fierce thou cruel Basilisk of these Mountains com'st thou to see whether the Wounds of this murther'd Wretch will bleed afresh at thy presence Or com'st thou thus mounted aloft to glory in the fatal effects of thy native Inhumanity like another Nero at the sight of Flaming Rome Or is it to Trample this unfortunate Corps as Tarquin's ungrateful Daughter did her Fathers Tell us quickly why thou com'st and what thou yet desirest For since I know that Chrysostome's whole study was to serve and please thee while he liv'd I 'm willing to dispose all his Friends to pay thee the like obedience now he 's dead I come not here to any of those ungrateful ends Ambrose reply'd Marcella but only to clear my Innocence and show the injustice of all those who lay their misfortunes and Chrysostome's Death to my charge Therefore I entreat you all who are here at this time to hear me a little for I shall not need to use many words to convince People of sense of an evident Truth Heav'n you 're pleas'd to say has made me beautiful and that to such a degree that you are forc'd nay as it were compell'd to love me in spight of your endeavours to the contrary and for the sake of that love you say I ought to love you again Now tho I am sensible that whatever is beautiful is lovely I cannot conceive that what is lov'd for being handsom shou'd be bound to love that by which 't is lov'd meerly because 't is lov'd he that loves a beautiful object may happen to be ugly and as what is ugly deserves not to be lov'd it wou'd be ridiculous to say I love you because you are handsom and therefore you must love me again tho I am ugly But suppose two persons of different Sex are equally handsom it does not follow that their desires shou'd be alike and reciprocal for all Beauties do not kindle Love some only recreate the sight and never reach nor captivate the heart Alas shou'd whatever is beautiful beget Love and in slave the mind Mankind's desires wou'd ever run confus'd and wandering without being able to fix their determinate choice for as there is an infinite number of beautiful objects the Desires wou'd consequently be also infinite whereas on the contrary I have heard that true Love is still confin'd to one and voluntary and unforc'd This being granted why wou'd you have me force my Inclinations for no other reason but that you say you love me Tell me I beseech you had Heaven form'd me as ugly as it has made me beautiful cou'd I justly complain of you for not loving me Pray consider also that I do not possess those Charms by choice such as they are they were freely bestow'd on me by Heaven and as the Viper is not to be blam'd for the Poyson with which she kills seeing 't was assign'd her by Nature so I ought not to be censur'd for that Beauty which I derive from the same Cause For Beauty in a Virtuous Woman is but like a distant Flame or a sharp-edg'd Sword and only burns and wounds those who approach too near it Honour and Virtue are the ornaments of the Soul and that Body that 's destitute of 'em cannot be esteem'd beautiful tho it be naturally so If then Honour be one of those Endowments which most adorn the Body why shou'd she that 's belov'd for her Beauty expose herself to the loss of it meerly to gratifie the loose Desires of one who for his own selfish ends uses all the means imaginable to make her lose it I was born free and that I might continue so I retir'd to these solitary hills and plains where Trees are my Companions and clear Fountains my Looking-glasses Those whom I have attracted with my sight I have undeceiv'd with my words And if hope be the food of desire I never gave any encouragement to Chrysostome nor to any other it may well be said 't was rather his own obstinacy than my cruelty that shorten'd his life If you tell me that his intentions were honest and therefore ought to have been complyd with I answer that when at the very place where his Grave is making he discover'd his Passion I told him I was resolv'd to live and dye single and that the Earth alone shou'd reap the spoils of my Reserv'dness and Beauty and if after all the admonitions I gave him he wou'd persist in his obstinate pursuit and sail against the Wind what wonder is' t he shou'd perish in the Waves of his Indiscretion had I ever encourag'd him or amus'd him with ambiguous words then I had been false and had I gratify'd his wishes I had acted contrary to my better resolves He persisted tho I had given him a due caution and he despair'd e're he was hated Now I leave you to judge whether I ought to be blam'd
busled up in his Nest and catching hold of Maritornes they began the most pleasant Skirmish in the World When the Carrier perceiving by the Light of the Inn-keeper's Lamp the dismal Condition that his dear Mistress was in presently took her part and leaving the Knight whom he had more than sufficiently maul'd flew at the Squire and paid him confoundedly On the other hand the Inn-keeper who took the Wench to be the cause of all this hurly burly cuff'd and kick'd and kick'd and cuff'd her over and over again And so there was a strange Multiplication of Fisticuffs and Drubbing The Carrier pummell'd Sancho Sancho maul'd the Wench the Wench belabour'd the Squire and the Inn-keeper thrash'd her again And all of 'em laid on with such Expedition that you wou'd have thought they had been affraid of losing Time But the best Jest was that in the heat of the Fray the Lamp went out so that being now in the dark they ply'd one another at a Venture they struck and tore all went to Rack while Nails and Fists flew about without Mercy There happen'd to lodge that Night in the Inn one of the Officers belonging to that Society which they call the old holy Brotherhood of Toledo whose chief Office is to look after Thieves and Robbers Being wak'd with the heavy Bustle he presently jump'd out of his Bed and with his short Staff in one hand and a Tin Box with his Commission in 't in the other he grop'd out his way and being enter'd the Room in the dark cry'd out I charge ye all to keep the Peace I am an Officer of the holy Brotherhood The first he pop'd his hand upon happen'd to be the poor batter'd Knight who lay upon his Back at his full length without any Feeling upon the Ruins of his Bed The Officer having caught him by the Beard presently cry'd out I charge you to aid and assist me But finding he cou'd not stir tho' he grip'd him hard he presently imagin'd him to be dead and murther'd by the rest in the Room With that he bauld out to have the Gates of the Inn shut Here 's a Man murther'd cry'd he look that no Body makes his Escape These Words struck all the Combatants with such a Terrour that as soon as they reach'd their Ears they gave over and left the Argument undecided Away stole the Inn-keeper to his own Room the Carrier to his Pannels and the Wench to her Kennel only the unfortunate Knight and his as unfortunate Squire remain'd where they lay not being able to stir while the Officer having let go Don Quixote's Beard went out for a Light in order to apprehend the suppos'd Murtherers But the Inn-keeper having wisely put out the Lamp in the Gateway as he sneak'd out of the Room the Officer was oblig'd to repair to the Kitchen Chimney where with much ado puffing and blowing a long while among the Embers he at last made shift to get a Light CHAP. III. A further Account of the innumerable Hardships which the brave â—on Quixote and his worthy Squire Sancho underwent in the Inn which the Knight unluckily took for a Castle DOn Quixote who by this Time was come to himself began to call Sancho with the same lamentable Tone as the Day before when he had been beaten by the Carriers in the Meadow Sancho cry'd he Friend Sancho art thou asleep Art thou asleep Friend Sancho Sleep reply'd Sancho mightily out of Humour may Old Nick rock my Cradle then Why how the Devil should I sleep when all the Imps of Hell have been tormenting me to Night Nay thou' rt in the right answer'd Don Quixote for either I have no Skill in these Matters or this Castle is enchanted Hear what I say to thee but first swear thou will 't never reveal it till after my Death I swear it quoth Sancho I am thus cautious said Don Quixote because I hate to take away the Reputation of any Person Why quoth Sancho I tell you again I swear never to speak a word of the Matter while you live and I wish I may be at liberty to talk on 't to Morrow How cry'd Don Quixote Have I done thee so much wrong Sancho that thou would'st have me die so soon Nay 't is not for that neither quoth Sancho but because I can't abide to keep things long for fear they shou'd grow mouldy Well let it be for what thou pleasest said Don Quixote For I dare trust greater Concerns to thy Courtesie and Affection In short I know that this very Night there has happen'd to me one of the strangest Adventures that can be imagin'd for the Daughter of the Lord of this Castle came to me who is one of the most engaging and most beautiful Damsels that ever Nature has been proud to boast of What cou'd I not tell thee of the Charms of her Shape and Face and the Perfections of her Mind What cou'd I not add of other hidden Beauties which I condemn to Silence and Oblivion lest I endanger my Allegiance and Fidelity to my Lady Dulcinea del Toboso I will only tell thee That the Heavens envying the inestimable Happiness which Fortune had thrown into my Hands or rather because this Castle is enchanted it happen'd that in the midst of the most tender and passionate Discourses that past between us the prophane Hand of some mighty Giant which I cou'd not see nor imagine whence it came hit me such a dreadful Blow on the Jaws that they are still embru'd with Blood after which the discourteous Wretch presuming on my present Weakness did so barbarously bruise me that I feel my self in a worse Condition now than I did Yesterday after the Carriers had so roughly handled me for Rozinante's Incontinency From which I conjecture that the Treasure of this Damsel's Beauty is guarded by some enchanted Moor and not reserv'd for me Nor for me neither quoth Sancho for I have been Rib-roasted by above Four Hundred Moors who have hammer'd my Bones in such guise that I may safely say the Assault and Battery made on my Body by the Carrier's Poles and Pack-staves were but ticklings and stroakings with a Feather to this But Sir pray tell me d' ye call this such a pleasant Adventure when we are so lamentably pounded after it And yet your hap may well be accounted better than mine seeing you 've hugg'd that fair Maiden in your Arms. But I what have I had I pray you but the heaviest Blows that e're fell on a poor Man's Shoulders Woe 's me and the Mother that bore me for I neither am nor ever mean to be a Knight-Errant and yet the elder Brother's Portion of Mischiefs falls still to my Lot What hast thou been beaten as well as I said Don Quixote What a Plague cry'd Sancho han't I been telling you so all this while Come never let it trouble thee Friend Sancho reply'd Don Quixote for I 'll immediately make the precious Balsam that will cure thee in the
of bearing the intolerable Load that press'd him so was to him as great an impossibility In this perplexing Exigency with leave be it spoken he cou'd find no other Expedient but to take his right Hand from the Crupper of the Saddle and softly untying his Breeches let 'em drop down to his Heels having done this he as silently took up his Shirt and expos'd his Posteriors which were none of the least to the open Air. But the main Point was how to ease himself of this terrible Burthen without making a Noise To which purpose he clutch'd his Teeth close scru'd up his Face shrunk up his Shoulders and held his Breath as much as possible Yet see what Misfortunes attend the best projected Undertakings When he had almost compass'd his Design he cou'd not hinder an obstreperous sound very different from those that caus'd his Fear from unluckily bursting out Hark! cry'd Don Quixote who hear'd it what Noise is that Sancho Some new Adventure I 'll warrant you quoth Sancho for ill Luck you know seldom comes alone Having pass'd off the Thing thus he e'en ventur'd t'other Strain and did it so cleverly that without the least Report or Whisper his Business was done effectually to the unspeakable Ease of his Body and Mind But Don Quixote having the Sense of Smelling as perfect as that of Hearing and Sancho standing so very near or rather join'd to him certain Fumes that ascended perpendicularly began to regale his Nostrils with a Smell not so grateful as Amber No sooner the unwelcome Steams disturb'd him but having Recourse to the common Remedy he stop'd his Nose and then with a snaffling Voice Sancho said he thou art certainly in great Bodily Fear So I am quoth Sancho but what makes your Worship perceive it now more than you did before Because reply'd Don Quixote thou smellest now more unsavorily than thou didst before Hoh that may be quoth Sancho But whose Fault 's that You may e'en thank your self for 't Why do you lead me a wild Goose-chace and bring me at such unseasonable Hours to such dangerous Places You know I a'n't us'd to 't Prethee said Don Quixote still holding his Nose get thee three or four Steps from me and for the future take more Care and know your Distance for I find thou thinkst my Familiarity with thee may priviledge thee to want Respect I warrant quoth Sancho you think I have been doâ—ng something I should not have done Come say no more cry'd Don Quixote the more thou 'st stir the worse 't will be This Discourse such as it was served them to pass away the Night and now Sancho seeing the Morning arise thought it time to unty Rozinante's Feet and do up his Breeches and he did both with so much Caution that his Master suspected nothing As for Rozinante he no sooner felt himself at Liberty but he seemed to express his Joy by pawing the Ground for with his Leave be it spoken he was a Stranger to Curvetting and Prancing Don Quixote also took it as a good Omen that his Steed was now ready to move and believed it was a Signal given him by kind Fortune to animate him to give Birth to the approaching Adventure Now had Aurora display'd her rosy Mantle over the blushing Skies and dark Night withdrawn her Sable Veil all Objects stood confest to human Eyes and Don Quixote could now perceive he was under some tall Chesnut-Trees whose thick spreading Boughs diffus'd an awful Gloom around the Place but he could not yet discover whence proceeded the dismal Sound of those incessant Strokes Therefore being resolv'd to find it out once more he took his Leave of Sancho with the same Injunctions as before adding withal that he should not trouble himself about the Recompence of his Services for he had taken Care of that in his Will which he had providently made before he left home but if he came off victorious from this Adventure he might most certainly expect to be gratify'd with the Promised Island Sancho could not forbear blubbering again to hear these tender Expressions of his Master and resolved not to leave him till he had finished this Enterprize And from that deep Concern and this nobler Resolution to attend him the Author of this History infers that the Squire was something of a Gentleman by Descent or at least the Offspring of the old Christians Nor did his good Nature fail to move his Master more than he was willing to shew it at a Time when it behov'd him to shake off all softer Thoughts For now he rode towards the Place whence the Noise of the Blows and the Water seem'd to come while Sancho trudg'd after him leading by the Halter the inseparable Companion of his good and bad Fortune After they had gone a pretty way under a pleasing Covert of Chesnut-Trees they came into a Meadow adjoining to certain Rocks from whose Top there was a great Fall of Waters At the Foot of those Rocks they discover'd certain old ill-contriv'd Buildings that rather look'd like Ruins than inhabited Houses and they perceiv'd that the terrifying Noise of the Blows which yet continued issu'd out of that Place When they came nearer even patient Rozinante himself started at the dreadful Sound but being heartened and pacified by his Master he was at last prevail'd with to draw nearer and nearer with wary Steps the Knight recommending himself all the way most devoutly to his Dulcinea and now and then also to Heaven in short Ejaculations As for Sancho he stuck close to his Master peeping all the way through Râ—zinante's Legs to see if he could perceive what he dreaded to find out When a little further at the doubling of the Point of a Rock they plaâ—nly discover'd kind Reader do not take it amiss six huge Fulling-Mill-Hammers which interchangeably thumping several pieces of Cloths made the terrible Noise that caus'd all Don Quixote's Anxieties and Sancho's Tribulation that Night Don Quixote was struck dumb at this unexpected Sight and was ready to drop from his Horse with Shame and Confusion Sancho star'd upon him and saw him hang down his Head with a desponding dejected Countenance like a Man quite dispirited with this cursed Disappointment At the same Time he look'd upon Sancho and seeing by his Eyes and his Cheeks swell'd with Laughter that he was ready to burst he could not forbear laughing himself in spight of all his Vexation So that Sancho seeing his Master begin immediately gave a Loose to his Mirth and broke out into such a Fit of Laughing that he was forc'd to hold his Sides with both his Knuckles for fear of bursting his aking Paunch Four times he ceas'd and four times renew'd his obstreperous Laughing which Sauciness Don Quixote began to resent with great Indignation and the more when Sancho in a jeering Tone presum'd to ridicule him with his own Words repeating part of the vain Speech he made when first they heard the Noise Know Sancho I was born in
Doctor the Devil 's in 't May I be choak'd if I can remember a word of this confounded Letter but only that there was at the beginning High and subterrane Lady Soveraign or superhuman Lady you wou'd say quoth the Barber Ay Gaffer quoth Sancho you 're in the right But stay now I think I can remember some of that which follow'd ho I have it I ha 't now He that is wounded and wants Sleep sends you the Dagger which he wants himself that stabb'd him to the Heart and the Hurtman does kiss your Worship's Hands with my Desire sweetest Dulcinea del Toboso and thus he went on rambling a good while with I don't know what more of fainting and Relief and sinking till at last he ended with Yours till Death The Knight of the Woful Countenance The Curate and the Barber were mightily pleas'd with Sancho's excellent Memory insomuch that they desir'd him to repeat the Letter twice or thrice more that they might also get it by heart and write it down which Sancho did very freely but every time he made many odd Alterations and Additions as pleasant as the first Then he told 'em many other Things of his Master but spoke not a word of his own being toss'd in a Blanket at that very Inn He also told 'em that if he brought a kind Answer from the Lady Dulcinea his Master wou'd forthwith set out to see and make himself an Emperor or at least a King for so they two had agreed between themselves he said and that after all 't was a mighty easy matter for his Master to become one such was his Prowess and the strength of his Arm. Which being done his Master wou'd marry him to one of the Empresse's Damsels and that fine Lady was to be Heiress to a large County on the main Land but not to any Island or Islands for he was weary of ' em Poor Sancho spoke all this so seriously and so feelingly ever and anon rubbing his Nose and stroking his Beard that now the Curate and the Barber were more surpriz'd than they were before considering the prevalent Influences of Don Quixote's Folly upon that silly credulous Fellow However they did not think it worth their while to undeceive him yet seeing this was only a harmless Delusion that might divert 'em a while and therefore they exhorted him to pray for his Master's Health and long Life seeing it was no impossible thing but that he might in time become an Emperor by his Valour a Cardinal or an Archbishop at least by his Prudence But pray good Mr. Doctor ask'd Sancho shou'd my Master have no mind to be an Emperor and take a fancy to be an Archbishop I wou'd fain know what your Archbishops-Errant are wont to give their Squires Why answer'd the Curate they use to give 'em some Parsonage or Prebendary or some such other Benefice or Church-Living which with the profits of the Altar and other Fees brings 'em in a handsom Revenue Ay but says Sancho to put in for that the Squire must be a single man and know how to answer and assist at Mass at least and how shall I do then seeing I have the ill luck to be sped nay and besides I don't so much as know the first Letter of my Christ-cross-row What will become of me shou'd it come into my Master's Head to make himself an Archbishop and not an Emperor as 't is the Custom of Knights-Errant Don't let that trouble thee friend Sancho said the Barber we 'll talk to him about it and advise him nay urge it to him as a point of Conscience to be an Emperor and not an Archbishop which will be better for him by reason he has more Courage than Learning Troth I 'm of your Mind quoth Sancho tho he 's such a Head-piece that I dare say he can turn himself to any thing Ne'ertheless I mean to make it the burden of my Prayers that Heaven may direct him to that which is best for him and what may enable him to reward me most You speak like a wise man and a good Christian said the Curate But all we have to do at present is to see how we shall do to get your Master to give over that severe unprofitable Penance which he has undertaken And therefore let 's go in to consider about it and also to eat our Dinner for I fancy 't is ready by this Time Do you two go in if you please quoth Sancho but as for me I had rather stay without and anon I 'll tell you why I don't care to go in a Doors however pray send me out a bit of hot Victuals to eat here and some Provender for Rozinante With that they went in and a while after the Barber brought him out his Dinner and returning to the Curate they consulted how to compass their Design At last the latter luckily bethought himself of an Expedient that seem'd most likely to take as exactly fitting Don Quixote's Humour which was that he shou'd disguise himself in the habit of a Damsel-Errant and the Barber shou'd alter his Dress as well as he cou'd so as to pass for his Squire or Gentleman-Usher In that Equipage added he we will go to Don Quixote and feigning my self to be a distress'd Lamsel I will beg a Boon of him which he as a valorous Knight-Errant will not fail to promise me By this means I will engage him to go with me to redress a very great Injury done me by a false and discourteous Knight beseeching him not to desire to see my Face nor to ask me any thing about my Circumstances till he has reveng'd me on that wicked Knight This bait will take I dare engage and by this Stratagem we 'll decoy him back to his own House where we 'll try to cure him of his romantic Frenzy CHAP. XIII How the Curat and the Barber put their Design in execution With other things worthy to be recorded in this Important History THE Curat 's Project was so well lik'd by the Barber that they instantly put it into practice First They borrow'd a compleat Woman's Apparel of the Hostess leaving her in Pawn a new Cassock of the Curat 's and the Barber made himself a long Beard with a grizled Ox's Tail in which the Innkeeper us'd to hang his Combs The Hostess being desirous to know what they intended to do with those things the Curat gave her a short account of Don Quixote's Distraction and their Design Whereupon the Innkeeper and his Wife presently guest this was their Romantick Knight that made the precious Balsam and accordingly they told 'em the whole story of Don Quixote's lodging there and of Sancho's being toss'd in a Blanket Which done the Hostess readily fitted out the Curat at such a rate that 't wou'd have pleas'd any one to have seen him for she dress'd him up in a Cloth Gown trimm'd with Borders of black Velvet every one the breadth of a Span all pink'd and jagg'd
anxious thoughts without so much as acquainting my Maid with my Design To tell you the truth I did not well know my self what I went about for as there could be no remedy Don Ferdinand being actually marry'd to another what could I hope to get by seeing him unless it were the wretched satisfaction of upbraiding him with his Infidelity In two days and a half we got to the Town where the first thing I did was to inquire where Lucinda's Father liv'd That single question produc'd a great deal more than I desir'd to hear for the first Man I address'd my self to shew'd me the House and inform'd me of all that had happen'd at Lucinda's Marriage which it seems was grown so publick that it ' was the talk of the whole Town He told me how Lucinda swoon'd away as soon as she had answer'd the Priest that she was contented to be Don Ferdinand's Wife and how after he had approach'd to open her Stays to give her more room to breath he found a Letter under her own hand wherein she declar'd she cou'd not be Don Ferdinand's Wife because she was already contracted to a considerable Gentleman of the same Town whose Name was Cardenio and that she had only consented to that Marriage in obedience to her Father He also told me that it appear'd by the Letter and a Dagger which was found about her that she design'd to have kill'd her self after the Ceremony was over and that Don Ferdinand inrag'd to see himself thus deluded would have kill'd her himself with that very Dagger had he not been prevented by those that were present He added 't was reported that upon this Don Ferdinand immediately left the Town and that Lucinda did not come to her self till the next Day and then she told her Parents that she was really Cardenio's Wife and that he and she were contracted before she had seen Don Ferdinand I heard also that this Cardenio was present at the Wedding and that as soon as he saw her marry'd which was a thing he could never have believ'd he left the Town in despair leaving a Letter behind him full of Complaints of Lucinda's Breach of Faith and to inform his Friends of his Resolution to go to some place where they should never hear of him more This was all the Discourse of the Town when I came thither and soon after we heard that Lucinda also was missing and that her Father and Mother were grieving almost to Distraction not being able to learn what was become of her For my part this News reviv'd my hopes having Reason to be pleas'd to find Don Ferdinand unmarry'd I flatter'd my self that Heaven had perhaps prevented his second Marriage to make him sensible of his violating the first and to touch his Conscience in order to his acquitting himself of his Duty like a Christian and a Man of Honour So I strove to beguile my Cares with an imaginary prospect of a far distant Change of Fortune amusing my self with vain hopes that I might not sink under the load of Affliction but prolong my Life tho' this was only a lengthning of my Sorrows since I have now but the more reason to wish to be eas'd of the trouble of living But while I staid in that Town not knowing what I had best to do seeing I cou'd not find Don Ferdinand I heard a Crier publickly describe my Person my Cloaths and my Age in the open Street promising a considerable Reward to any that cou'd bring Tidings of Dorothea I also heard that 't was rumour'd I was run away from my Father's House with the Servant who attended me and that Report touch'd my Soul as much as Don Ferdinand's Perfidiousness for thus I saw my Reputation wholly lost and that too for a Subject so base and so unworthy of my nobler Thoughts Thereupon I made all the haste I cou'd to get out of the Town with my Servant who even then to my thinking began by some Tokens to betray his faultering in the Fidelity he had promis'd me Dreading to be discover'd we reach'd the most despart part of this Mountain that Night But as 't is a common Saying that Misfortunes seldom come alone and the end of one Disaster is often the beginning of a greater I was no sooner got to that Place where I thought my self safe but the Fellow whom I had hitherto found to be modest and respectful now rather incited by his own Villany and the Opportunity which that place offer'd than by any thing else had the impudence to talk to me of Love and seeing I answer'd him with Anger and Contempt he wou'd no longer lose time in clownish Courtship but resolv'd to use violence to compass his wicked Design But just Heaven with a happy presence of Mind assisted me in that Distress and his brutish Passion so blinded him that not perceiving he was on the brink of a steep Rock I easily push'd him down and then without looking to see what was become of him I ran as fast I cou'd into the thickest part of the Desart to secure my self The next Day I met a Country-man who took me to his House amidst these Mountains and imploy'd me ever since in the nature of his Shepherd There I have continu'd some Months making it my business to be as much as possible in the Fields the better to conceal my Sex But notwithstanding all my Care and Industry he at last discover'd I was a Woman which made him presume to importune me with beastly Offers So that Fortune not favouring me with the former opportunity of freeing my self I left his House and chose to seek a Sanctuary among these Woods and Rocks there with Sighs and Tears to beseech Heaven to pity me and to direct and relieve me in this forlorn Condition or at least to put an end to my miserable Life and bury in this Desart the very Memory of an unhappy Creature who more thro' ill Fortune than ill Intent has given the idle World occasion to be too busy with her Fame CHAP. II. An Account of the beautiful Dorothea's Discretion with other pleasant Passages THIS Gentlemen continu'd Dorothea is the true Story of my tragical Adventures and now be you Judges whether I had Reason to make the Complaint you overheard and whether so unfortunate and hopeless a Creature be in a Condition to admit of Comfort I have only one Favour to beg of you be pleas'd to direct me to some Place where I may pass the rest of my Life secure from the Search and Inquiry of my Parents not but their former Affection is a sufficient Warrant for my kind Reception could the Sense I have of the Thoughts they must have of my past Conduct permit me to return to 'em but when I think they must believe me guilty and can now have nothing but my bare Word to assure 'em of my Innocence I can never resolve to stand their Sight Here Dorothea stopt and the Blushes that overspread
her Cheeks were certain Signs of the Discomposure of her Thoughts and the unfeigned Modesty of her Soul Those who had heard her Story were deeply mov'd with Compassion for her hard Fate and the Curate would not delay any longer to give her some charitable Comfort and Advice but scarce had he begun to speak when Cardenio addressing himself to her interrupted him How Madam said he taking her by the Hand are you then the beautiful Dorothea the only Daughter of the rich Cleonardo Dorothea was strangely surpriz'd to hear her Father nam'd and by one in so tatter'd a Garb. And pray who are you Friend said she to him that know so well my Father's Name for I think I did not mention it once throughout the whole Relation of my Afflictions I am Cardenio reply'd the other that unfortunate Gentleman whom Lucinda as you told us declar'd to be her Husband I am that miserable Cardenio whom the Perfidiousness of the Man who has reduc'd you to this deplorable Condition has also brought to this wretched State to Rags to Nakedness to Despair nay to Madness it self and all Hardships and Want of human Comforts only enjoying the Privilege of Reason by short Intervals to feel and bemoan my Miseries the more I am the Man fair Dorothea who was the unhappy Eye-witness of Don Ferdinand 's unjust Nuptials and who heard my Lucinda give her Consent to be his Wife that heartless Wretch who unable to bear so strange a Disappointment lost in Amazement and Trouble flung out of the House without staying to know what would follow her Trance and what the Paper that was taken out of her Bosom would produce I abandon'd my self to Despair and having left a Letter with a Person whom I charg'd to deliver it into Lucinda's own Hands I hasten'd to hide my self from the World in this Desart resolv'd to end there a Life which from that Moment I abhorr'd as my greatest Enemy But Fortune has preserv'd me I see that I may venture it upon a better Cause for from what you have told us now which I have no Reason to doubt I am embolden'd to hope that Providence may yet reserve us to a better Fate than we durst have expected Heaven will restore you Don Ferdinand who cannot be Lucinda's and to me Lucinda who cannot be Don Ferdinand's For my Part tho' my Interests were not link'd with yours as they are I have so deep a Sense of your Misfortunes that I would expose my self to any Dangers to see you righted by Don Ferdinand And here on the Word of a Gentleman and a Christian I vow and promise not to forsake you till he has done you Justice and to oblige him to do it at the Hazard of my Life shou'd Reason and Generosity prove ineffectual to force him to be blest with you Dorothea ravish'd with Joy and not knowing how to express a due Sense of Cardenio's obliging Offers would have thrown her self at his Feet had he not civilly hinder'd it At the same Time the Curate discreetly speaking for 'em both highly applauded Cardenio for his generous Resolution and comforted Dorothea He also very heartily invited 'em to his House where they might furnish themselves with Necessaries and consult together how to find out Don Ferdinand and bring Dorothea home to her Father which kind Offer they thankfully accepted Then the Barber who had been silent all this while put in for a Share and handsomly assur'd them he would be very ready to do 'em all the Service that might lie in his Power After these Civilities he acquainted 'em with the Design that had brought the Curate and him to that Place and gave 'em an Account of Don Quixote's strange kind of Madness and of their staying there for his Squire Cardenio hearing him mention'd remember'd something of the Scuffle he had with them both but only as if it had been a Dream so that tho' he told the Company of it he could not let them know the Occasion By this Time they heard some Body call and by the Voice they knew it was Sancho Pança who not finding 'em where he had left 'em tore his very Lungs with hollowing With that they all went to meet him which done they ask'd him what was become of Don Quixote Alass answer'd Sancho I left him yonder in an ill Plight I found him in his Shirt lean pale and almost starv'd sighing and whining for his Lady Dulcinea I told him how that she 'd have him come to her presently to Toboso where she look'd for him out of Hand yet for all this he would not budge a Foot but e'en told me he was resolv'd he wou'd ne'er set Eyes on her sweet Face again till he had done some Feats that might make him worthy of her Goodness So that added Sancho if he leads this Life any longer I fear me my poor Master is never like to be an Emperor as he is bound in Honour to be nay not so much as an Archbishop which is the least thing he can come off with therefore good Sir see and get him away by all Means I beseech you The Curate bid him be of good Cheer for they would take Care to make him leave that Place whether he wou'd or not and then turning to Cardenio and Dorothea he inform'd 'em of the Design which he and the Barber had laid in order to his Cure or at least to get him home to his House Dorothea whose Mind was much eas'd with the Prospect of better Fortune kindly undertook to act the distress'd Lady her self which she said she thought wou'd become her better than the Barber having a Dress very proper for that Purpose besides she had read many Books of Chivalry and knew how the distress'd Ladies us'd to express themselves when they came to beg some Knight-Errant's Assistance This is obliging Madam said the Curate and we want nothing more So let 's to work as fast as we can we may now hope to succeed since you thus happily facilitate the Design Presently Dorothea took out of her Bundle a Petticoat of very rich Stuff and a Gown of very fine green Silk also a Necklace and several other Jewels out of a Box and with these in an Instant she so adoâ—â—d her self and appear'd so beautiful and glorious that they all stood in Admiration that Don Ferdinand should be so injudicious to slight so accomplish'd a Beauty But he that admir'd her most was Sancho Pança for he thought he had ne'er set Eyes on so fine a Creature and perhaps he thought right Which made him earnestly ask the Curate who that fine Dame was and what Wind had blown her thither among the Woods and Rocks Who that fine Lady Sancho answer'd the Curate she 's the only Heiress in a direct Line to the vast Kingdom of Micomicon Mov'd by the Fame of your Master 's great Exploits that spreads it self over all Guinea she comes to seek him out and beg a Boon of him that
is to redress a Wrong which a wicked Giant has done her Why that 's well quoth Sancho a happy Seeking and a happy Finding Now if my Master be but so lucky as to right that Wrong by killing that Son of a Whore of a Giant you tell me of I 'm a made Man Yes he will kill him that he will if he can but come at him and he ben't a Hobgoblin for my Master can do no Good with Hobgoblins But Mr. Curate an 't please you I have a Favour to ask of you I beseech you put my Master out of Conceit with all Archbishopricks for that 's what I dread and therefore to rid me of my Fears put it into his Head to clap up a Match with this same Princess for by that Means 't will be past his Power to make himself Archbishop and he 'll come to be Emperor and I a great Man as sure as a Gun I have thought well of the Matter and I find 't is not at all sitting he shou'd be an Archbishop for my Good for what should I get by it I an 't fit for Church Preferment I am a marry'd Man and now for me to go to trouble my Head with getting a License to hold Church-Livings 't would be an endless Piece of Business Therefore 't will be better for him to marry out of hand this same Princess whose Name I can't tell for I never heard it They call her the Princess Micomicona said the Curate for her Kingdom being call'd Micomicon 't is a clear Case she must be call'd so Like enough quoth Sancho for I have known several Men in my Time go by the Names of the Places where they were born as Pedro de Alcala Juan de Ubeda Diego de Valladolid and mayhap the like is done in Guinea and the Queens go by the Name of their Kingdoms 'T is well observ'd reply'd the Curate As for the Match I 'll promote it to the utmost of my Power Sancho was heartily pleas'd with this Promise and on the other Side the Curate was amaz'd to find the poor Fellow so strangely infected with his Master 's mad Notions as to rely on his becoming an Emperor By this Time Dorothea being mounted on the Curate's Mule and the Barber having clapt on his Ox-tail Beard nothing remain'd but to order Sancho to shew 'em the Way and to renew their Admonitions to him lest he shou'd seem to know 'em and so spoil the Plot which if he did they told him 't would be the Ruin of all his Hopes and his Master's Empire As for Cardenio he did not think fit to go with 'em having no Business there besides he cou'd not tell but that Don Quixote might remember their late Fray The Curate likewise not thinking his Presence necessary resolv'd to stay to keep Cardenio Company so after he had once more given Dorothea her Cue she and the Barber went before with Sancho while the two others follow'd on foot at a Distance Thus they went on for about three Quarters of a League and then among the Rocks they spy'd Don Quixote who had by this Time put on his Cloaths tho' not his Armour Immediately Dorothea understanding he was the Person whipp'd her Palfry and when she drew near Don Quixote her Squire alighted and took her from her Saddle When she was upon her Feet she gracefully advanc'd towards the Knight and with her Squire falling on her Knees before him in spight of his Endeavours to the contrary Thrice valorous and invincible Knight said she never will I rise from this Place till your Generosity has granted me a Boon which shall redound to your Honour and the Relief of the most disconsolate and most injur'd Damsel that the Sun ever saw And indeed if your Valour and the Strength of your formidable Arm be answerable to the Extent of your immortal Renown you are bound by the Laws of Honour and the Knighthood which you profess to succour a distress'd Princess who led by the resounding Fame of your marvellous and redoubted Feats of Arms comes from the remotest Regions to implore your Protection I cannot said Don Quixote make you any Answer most beautiful Lady nor will I hear a Word more unless you vouchsafe to rise Pardon me noble Knight reply'd the petitioning Damsel my Knees shall first be rooted here unless you will courteously condescend to grant me the Boon which I humbly request I grant it then Lady said Don Quixote provided it be nothing to the Disservice of my King my Country and that Beauty who keeps the Key of my Heart and Liberty It shall not tend to the Prejudice or Detriment of any of these cry'd the Lady With that Sancho closing up to his Master and whispering him in the Ear Grant it Sir quoth he grant it I tell ye 't is but a Trifle next to nothing only to kill a great Looby of a Giant and she that asks this is the high and mighty Princess Micomicona Queen of the huge Kingdom of Micomicon in Ethiopia Let her be what she will reply'd Don Quixote I will discharge my Duty and obey the Dictates of my Conscience according to the Rules of my Profession With that turning to the Damsel Rise Lady I beseech you cry'd he I grant you the Boon which your singular Beauty demands Sir said the Lady the Boon I have to beg of your magnanimous Valour is that you will be pleas'd to go with me instantly whither I shall conduct you and promise me not to engage in any other Adventure till you have reveng'd me on a Traytor who usurps my Kingdom contrary to the Laws both Human and Divine I grant you all this Lady quoth Don Quixote and therefore from this Moment shake off all desponding Thoughts that sit heavy upon your Mind and study to revive your drooping Hopes for by the Assistance of Heaven and my strenuous Arm you shall see your self restor'd to your Kingdom and seated on the Throne of your Ancestors in spight of all the Traitors that dare oppose your Right Let us then hasten our Performance Delay always breeds Danger and to protract a great Design is often to ruin it The thankful Princess to speak her grateful Sense of his Generosity strove to kiss the Knight's Hand however he who was in every thing the most gallant and courteous of all Knights would by no Means admit of such a Submission but having gently rais'd her up he embrac'd her with an awful Grace and Civility and then call'd to Sancho for his Arms. Sancho went immediately and having fetch'd 'em from a Tree where they hung like Trophies arm'd his Master in a Moment And now the Champion being compleatly accoutred Come on said he let us go and vindicate the Rights of this dispossess'd Princess The Barber was all this while upon his Knees and had enough to do to keep himself from laughing and his Beard from falling which if it had drop'd off as it threaten'd wou'd have betrayed his Face
being got thither hark you Sir cry'd he to him if you have no thoughts of marrying this same Lady it 's a clear case that the Kingdom will never be yours and if it be not what good can you be able to do me Then let any one judge whether I have not cause to complain Therefore good your Worship marry her once for all now we have her here rain'd down as it were from Heaven to us and you may after keep Company with my Lady Dulcinea for I guess you 'll not be the only King in the World that has kept a Miss or two in a corner As for Beauty d' you see I 'll not meddle nor make for if I must say the truth I like both the Gentlewomen well enough in Conscience tho' now I think on 't I have never seen the Lady Dulcinea How not seen her blasphemous Traitor reply'd Don Quixote when just now thou brought'st me a Message from her I say answer'd Sancho I have not seen her so leisurely as to take notice of her Features and good Parts one by one but yet as I saw 'em at a blush and all at once me thought I had no reason to find fault with ' em Well I pardon thee now said Don Quixote and thou must excuse me for the Displeasure I have given thee for the first Motions are not in our Power I perceive that well enough quoth Sancho and that 's the reason my first Motions are always in my Tongue and I can't for my life help speaking what comes uppermost However Friend Sancho said Don Quixote thou hadst best think before thou speakest for the Pitcher never goes so oft to the Well I need say no more Well what must be must be answer'd Sancho there 's somebody above who sees all and will one day judge which has most to answer for whether I for speaking amiss or you for doing so No more of this Sancho said Dorothea but run and kiss your Lord's Hands and beg his Pardon and for the time to come be more advis'd and cautious how you run into the Praise or Dispraise of any Person but especially take care you do not speak ill of that Lady of Toboso whom I do not know tho' I am ready to do her any Service and for your own Part trust in Heaven for you shall infallibly have a Lordship which shall enable you to live like a Prince Sancho shrug'd up his Sholders and in a sneaking Posture went and ask'd his Master for his Hand which he held out to him with a grave Countenance and after the Squire had kiss'd the back of it the Knight gave him his Blessing and told him he had a word or two with him bidding him come nearer that he might have the better convenience of speaking to him Sancho did as his Master commanded and going a little from the Company with him since thy Return said Don Quixote addressing himself to him I have neither had time nor opportunity to inquire into the particulars of thy Embassy and the Answer thou hast brought and therefore since Fortune has now befriended us with Convenience and Leisure deny me not the satisfaction thou may'st give me by the rehearsal of thy News Ask what you will cry'd Sancho and you shall not want for a◠Answer but good your Worship for the time to come I beseech you don 't be too hasty What occasion hast thou Sancho to make this request reply'd Don Quixote Reason good enough truly said Sancho for the Blows you gave me e'en now were rather giv'n me on Account of the Quarrel which the Devil stirr'd up between your Worship and me t'other Night than for your Dislike of any thing which was spoken against my Lady Dulcinea Prithee Sancho cry'd Don Quixote be careful of falling again into such irreverent Expressions for they provoke me to anger and are highly offensive I pardon'd thee then for being a Delinquent but thou are sensible that a new Offence must be attended with a new Punishment As they were going on in such discourse as this they saw at a distance a Person riding up to 'em on an Ass who as he came near enough to be distinguish'd seem'd to be a Gipsy by his Habit. But Sancho Pança who whenever he got sight of any Asses follow'd them with his Eyes and his Heart as one whose Thoughts were ever fix'd on his own had scarce giv'n him half an Eye but he knew him to be Gines de Passamonte and by the Looks of the Gipsy found out the Visage of his Ass as really it was the very same which Gines had got under him who to conceal himself from the knowledge of the Publick and have the better opportunity of making a good Market of his Beast had cloth'd himself like a Gipsy the Cant of that sort of People as well as the Languages of other Countries being as natural and familiar to him as his own Sancho saw him and knew him and scarce had he seen and taken notice of him when he cry'd out as loud as his Tongue would permit him Ah! thou Thief Genesillo leave my Goods and Chattels behind thee get off from the back of my own dear Life Thou hast nothing to do with my poor Beast without whom I can't enjoy a moment's Ease Away from my Dapple away from my Comfort take to thy heels thou Villain hence thou Hedge-bird leave what is none of thine He had no occassion to use so many Words for Gines dismounted as soon as he heard him speak and taking to his heels got from 'em and was out of sight in an instant Sancho ran immediately to his Ass and imbrac'd him How hast thou done cry'd he since I saw thee my Darling and Treasure my dear Dapple the Delight of my Eyes and my dearest Companion And then he stroak'd and slabber'd him with Kisses as if the Beast had been a rational Creature The Ass for his part was as silent as cou'd be and gave Sancho the Liberty of as many Kisses as he pleas'd without the return of so much as one word to the many Questions he had put to him At sight of this the rest of the Company came up with him and paid their Complements of Congratulation to Sancho for the recovery of his Ass especially Don Quixote who told him that tho' he had found his Ass again yet would not he revoke the Warrant he had giv'n him for the three Asses for which favour Sancho return'd him a multitude of Thanks While they were travelling together and discoursing after this manner the Curate address'd himself to Dorothea and gave her to understand that she had excellently discharg'd her self of what she had undertaken as well in the Management of the History it self as in her Brevity and adapting her Stile to the particular Terms made use of in Books of Knight-Errantry She return'd for answer that she had frequently convers'd with such Romances but that she was ignorant of the Situation of the Provinces
could scarce think it feign'd and therefore secur'd himself from her Blow by avoiding it and holding her Hand Thereupon to give more Life to the Fiction as in a Rage at her disappointed Revenge on Lothario she cry'd out since my malicious Fortune denies a compleat Satisfaction to my just Desires at least it shall not be in its Power entirely to defeat my Resolution With that drawing back her Dagger-Hand from Lothario who held it she struck it into that part of her Body where it might do her the least damage and then fell down as fainting away with the Wound Lothario and Leonela surpriz'd at the unexpected Event knew not yet what to think seeing her still lie all bloody on the Ground Lothario pale and trembling ran to her to take out the Dagger but was deliver'd of his Fears when he saw so little Blood follow it and more than ever admir'd the cunning and wit of the Beautiful Camilla Yet to play his part as well and shew himself a Friend he lamented over Camilla's Body in the most pathetick manner in the World as if she had been really dead he curs'd himself and curs'd his Friend that had put him on that fatal Experiment and knowing that Anselmo heard him he said such things as were able to draw a greater pity for him than even for Camilla though she seem'd to have lost her Life in the unfortunate Adventure Leonela remov'd her Body to the Bed and begg'd Lothario to go seek some Surgeon that might with all the secresie in the World cure her Lady's Wound She also ask'd his Advice how to excuse to her Master if he should return before it was perfectly cur'd He reply'd they might say what they pleas'd That he was not in a humour of advising but bid her endeavour to stanch her Mistress's Blood for he would go where they should never hear more of him and so he left them with all the appearance of Grief and Concern that the Occasion requir'd He was no sooner gone but he had leisure to reflect with the greatest wonder imaginable on Camilla's and her Woman's Conduct in this Affair and on the Assurance which this Scene had given Anselmo of his Wife's Virtue since now he could not but believe he had a second Portia and he long'd to meet him to rejoyce over the best dissembl'd Imposture that ever bore away the Opinion of Truth Leonela stanch'd the Blood which was no more than was necessary for covering the Cheat and washing the Wound with Wine only as she bound it up her discourse was so moving and so well acted that it had been alone sufficient to have convinc'd Anselmo that he had the most virtuous Wife in the World Camilla was not silent but added fresh Confirmations in every word she spoke she complain'd of her Cowardise and Baseness of Spirit that deny'd her time and force to dispatch that Life which was now so hateful to her She ask'd her too whether she should inform her Husband of what had pass'd or not Leonela was for her concealing it since the discovery must infallibly engage her Husband in a Revenge on Lothario which must as certainly expose him too for those things were never accomplish'd without the greatest danger and that a good Wife ought to the best of her Power prevent involving her Husband in Quarrels Camilla yielded to her Reasons but added that they must find out some pretended cause of her Wound which he would certainly see at his return Leonela reply'd that it was a difficult task since she was incapable even in Jest to dissemble the Truth Am I not answer'd Camilla under the same difficulty who cannot save my Life by the odious Refuge of a falshood Had we not better than confess the real Truth than be caught in a Lie Well Madam return'd Leonela let this give you no further Trouble by to morrow Morning I shall find out some expedient or other though I hope the place where the Wound is may conceal it enough from his observation to secure us from all apprehension leave therefore the whole event to Heaven which always favours and assists the Innocent Anselmo saw and heard this formal Tragedy of his ruin'd Honour with all the Attention imaginable in which all the Actors perform'd their Parts so to the Life that they seem'd the Truth they represented he wish'd with the last impatience for the Night that he might convey himself from his hiding place to his Friend's House and there rejoyce for this happy discovery of his Wife 's experienc'd Virtue Camilla and her Maid took care to furnish him with an opportunity of departing of which he soon took hold for fear of losing it 'T is impossible to tell you all the Embraces he gave Lothario and the joy and extreme satisfaction he express'd at his good Fortue or the extravagant Praises he gave Camilla Lothario heard all this without taking a Friend's share in the Pleasure for he was shock'd with the concern he had to see his Friend so grossly impos'd on and the guilt of his own Infidelity in injuring his Honour Though Anselmo easily perceiv'd that Lothario was not touch'd with any pleasure at his Relation yet he believ'd Camilla's Wound caus'd by him was the true motive of his not sharing his joy and therefore assur'd him he need not too much trouble himself for it since it could not be dangerous she and her Woman having agreed to conceal it from him This cause of his fear being remov'd he desir'd him to put on a face of Joy since by his means he should now possess a perfect happiness and content and therefore he would spend the rest of his Life in conveying Camilla's Virtue to Posterity by writing her Praise in Verse Lotharia approv'd his Resolution and promis'd to do the same Thus Anselmo remain'd the most delightfully deceiv'd of any Man alive He therefore carry'd Lothario immediately to his House as the Instrument of his Glory though he was indeed the only cause of his Infamy and Dishonour Camilla receiv'd him with a face that ill express'd the satisfacton of her Mind being forc'd to put on Frowns in her looks while her Heart prompted nothing but smiles of Joy for his presence For some Months the Fraud was conceal'd but then Fortune turning her Wheel discover'd to the World the Wickedness they had so long and artificially disguis'd and Anselmo's impertinent Curiosity cost him his Life CHAP. VIII The Conclusion of the Novel of the Curious Impertinent THE Novel was come near a Conclusion when Sancho Pança came running out of Don Quixote's Chamber in a terrible Fright and crying out help help good People help my Master he 's just now at it Tooth and Nail with that same Gyant the Princess Micomicona's Foe I ne'er saw a more dreadful Battel in my born days He has lent him such a Sliver that whip off went the Giant 's Head as round as a Turnip You 're mad Sancho said the Curate interrupted in
Zoraida The Night coming on and the Inn-keeper by order of Don Ferdinand's Friends having made haste to provide them the best Supper he could the Cloath was laid on a long Table there being neither round nor square in the House Don Quixote after much Ceremony was prevail'd upon to sit at the Head he desir'd the Lady Micomicona to sit next to him and the rest of the Company having plac'd themselves according to their Rank and Convenience they eat their Supper very plentifully Don Quixote to raise the diversion never minded his Meat but inspir'd with the same Spirit that mov'd him to preach so much to the Goat-herds he began to hold forth in this manner Certainly Gentlemen if we rightly consider it those who make Knight-Errantry their Profession often meet with most surprizing and stupendous Adventures For what Mortal in the World at this time entring within this Castle and seeing us sit together as we do will imagine and believe us to be the same Persons which in reality we are Who is there that can judge that this Lady by my side is the Great Queen we all know her to be and that I am that Knight of the woefol Figure so universally made known by Fame It is then no longer to be doubted but that this Exercise and Profession surpasses all others that have been invented by Man and is so much the more honourable as it is more expos'd to Dangers Let none presume to tell me that the Pen is preferable to the Sword for be they who they will I shall tell them they know not what they say For the reason they give and on which chiefly they rely is that the labour of the Mind exceeds that of the Body and that the Exercise of Arms depends only on the Body as if the use of them were the Business of Porters which requires nothing but much strength Or as if this which we who profess it call Chivalry did not include the Acts of Fortitude which depend very much upon the Understanding Or else as if that Warriour who Commands an Army or defends a City besieg'd did not labour as much with the Mind as with the Body If this be not so let Experience teach us whether it be possible by bodily strength to discover or guess the intentions of an Enemy The forming Designs laying of Stratagems overcoming of Difficulties and shunning of Dangers are all Works of the Understanding wherein the Body has no share It being therefore evident that the Exercise of Arms requires the help of the Mind as well as Learning let us see in the next place whether the Scholar or the Soldier 's Mind undergoes the greatest labour Now this may be the better known by regarding the End and Object each of them aims at for that intention is to be most valu'd which makes the noblest end its Object The scope and end of Learning I mean humane Learning in this place I speak not of Divinity whose aim is to guide Souls to Heaven for no other can equal a design so infinite as this is to give a perfection to distributive Justice bestowing upon every one his due and to procure and cause good Laws to be observ'd an End really Generous Great and worthy of high Commendation but yet not equal to that which Knight-Errantry tends to whose Object and End is Peace which is the greatest blessing Men can wish for in this Life And therefore the first good News the World receiv'd were those the Angels brought that Night which was the beginning of our Day when they sang in the Air Glory on high and Peace upon Earth to Men of Good Will And the only manner of Salutation taught by the best Master in Heaven or upon Earth to his Friends and Favourites was that entring any House they should say Peace be in this House And at other times he said to them My Peace I give to you My Peace I leave to you Peace be among you A Jewel and Legacy worthy of such a Donor a Jewel so Precious that without it there can be no happiness either in Earth or Heaven This Peace is the true end of War for Arms and War are one and the same thing Allowing then this Truth that the End of War is Peace and that in this it excells the End of Learning let us now weigh the Bodily labours the Scholar undergoes against those the Warriour suffers and then see which are greatest The Method and Language Don Quixote us'd in delivering himself were such that none of his Hearers at that time look'd upon him as a Madman But on the contrary most of them being Gentlemen to whom the use of Arms properly appertains they gave him a willing Attention and he proceeded in this manner These then I say are the sufferings and hardships a Scholar endures First Poverty not that they are all Poor but to urge the worst that may be in this case and having said he endures Poverty methinks nothing more need be urg'd to express his Misery for he that is poor enjoys no happiness but labours under this Poverty in all its parts at one time in Hunger at another in Cold another in Nakedness and sometimes in all of them together yet his Poverty is not so great but still he Eats though it be later than the usual Hour and of the scraps of the Rich which is the greatest of a Scholar's Misfortunes neither can the Learned wholly want another Man's Fire or Chimney-corner where though they be not thoroughly heated yet they gather warmth and at last they lie at Night under Covert I will not touch upon other less material Circumstances as the want of Linnen and scarcity of Shooes the thinness and baldness of their Cloaths and their Surfeiting when good Fortune throws a Feast in their way This is the difficult and uncouth path they tread often stumbling and falling yet rising again and pushing on till they attain the Preferment they aim at whither being arriv'd we have seen many of them who having been carry'd by a Fortunate Gale through all these Quick-sands from a Chair Govern the World their Hunger being chang'd into Satiety their Cold into comfortable Warmth their Nakedness into Magnificence of Apparel and the Mat they us'd to lie upon into stately Beds of costly Silks and softest Linnen a Reward due to their Virtue But yet their sufferings being compar'd with those the Soldier endures appear much inferiour as I shall in the next place make out CHAP. XI A Continuation of Don Quixote's curious Discourse upon Arms and Learning SInce speaking of the Scholar we began by his Poverty and its several parts continu'd Don Quixote let us now observe whether the Soldier be any thing richer than he and we shall find that Poverty it self is not poorer for he depends on his miserable Pay which he receives but seldom or perhaps never or else in that he makes by Marauding with the hazard of his Life and trouble of his
their Guide and Conductor For certainly at the approach of this lovely Damsel not only Castles ought to open and expand their Gates but even Rocks divide their solid Bodies and Mountains bow their Ambitious Crests to make her entrance and afford her a Retreat Enter therefore Sir this Paradise where you shall find a bright Constellation worthy to shine in conjunction with that Heaven of Beauty which you bring Here shall you find Arms in their height and Beauty in Perfection Don Quixote's Speech Mien and Garb put the Judge to a strange Non-plus and he was not a little surpriz'd on t'other Hand at the sudden appearance of the Three Ladies who being inform'd of the Judge's coming and the young Lady's Beauty were come out to see and entertain her But Don Ferdinand Cardenio and the Curate addressing him in a Style very different from the Knight soon convinc'd him that he had to do with Gentlemen and Persons of Note tho' Don Quixote's Figure and Behaviour put him to a stand not being able to make any reasonable conjecture of his Extravagance After the usual Civilities pass'd on both Sides they found upon examination that the Women must all lye together in Don Quixote's Apartment and the Men remain without to guard them The Judge consenting that his Daughter shou'd wait on the Ladies he remain'd contented with his own Bed and part of the Inn-keeper's for himself and the Gentlemen and so made a shift to pass the Night The Captain upon the first sight of the Judge had a strong presumption that he was one of his Brothers and presently ask'd one of his Servants his Name and Country The Fellow told him his Name was Juan Perez de Viedma and that as he was inform'd he was born in the Highlands of Leon. This with his own Observations confirm'd his Opinion that this was the Brother who had made Study his Choice whereupon calling aside Don Ferdinand Cardenio and the Curate he told them with great Joy what he had learn'd with what the Servant further told him that his Master being made a Judge of the Court of Mexico was then upon his Journey to the Indies that the young Lady was his only Daughter whose Mother dy'd in Child-birth settl'd her Dowry upon her Daughter for a Portion and that the Father had still liv'd a Widower and was very Rich. Upon the whole Matter he ask'd their Advice whether they thought it proper for him to discover himself presently to his Brother or by some means try how his Pulse beat first in relation to his loss by which he might guess at his Reception Why should you doubt of a kind one Sir said the Curate Because I am poor Sir said the Captain and would therefore by some device fathom his Affections for should he prove ashamed to own me I should be more asham'd to discover my self Then leave the Management to me said the Curate the Affable and courteous Behaviour of the Judge seems to me so very far from Pride that you need not doubt a Welcome but however because you desire it I engage to find a way to found him Supper was now upon the Table and all the Gentlemen sat down but the Captain who eat with the Ladies in the next Room when the Company had half Supp'd My Lord Judge said the Curate I remember about some years ago I was happy in the acquaintance and friendship of a Gentleman of your Name when I was Prisoner in Constantinople he was a Captain of as much Worth and Courage as any in the Spanish Infantry but as unfortunate as brave What was his Name pray Sir said the Judge Ruy Perez de Viedma answer'd the Curate of a Town in the Mountains of Leon. I remember he told me a very odd Passage between his Father his two Brothers and himself and truly had it come from any Man below his unsuspected Credit and Reputation I should have thought it no more than a Story He said that his Father made an equal dividend of his Estate among his three Sons giving them such Advice as might have fitted the Mouth of Cato that he made Arms his choice and with such success that within a few Years by the pure Merit of his Bravery he was made Captain of a Foot-Company and had a fair prospect of being advanc'd to a Colonel but his Fortune forsook him where he had most reason to expect her Favour for in the memorable Battel of Lepanto where so many Christians recover'd their Liberty he unfortunately lost his I was taken at Goletta and after different turns of Fortune we became Companions at Constantinople thence we were carry'd to Algiers where one of the most strange Adventures in the World befell this Gentleman The Curate then briefly ran through the whole Story of the Captain and Zoraida the Judge sitting all the time more attentive than he ever did on the Bench to their being taken and stripp'd by the French and that he had heard nothing of them after that nor could ever learn whether they came into Spain or were carry'd Prisoners into France The Captain stood list'ning in a Corner and observ'd the Motions of his Brother's Countenance while the Curate told his Story Which when he had finish'd the Judge breathing out a deep sigh and the Tears standing in his Eyes O Sir said he if you knew how nearly your Relation touches me you would easily excuse the violent Eruption of these Tears The Captain you spoke of is my eldest Brother who being of a stronger Constitution of Body and more elevated Soul made the Glory and Fame of War his Choice which was one of the three Proposals made by my Father as your Companion told you I apply'd my self to Study and my younger Brother has purchas'd a vast Estate in Peru out of which he has transmitted to my Father enough to support his liberal Disposition and to me wherewithal to continue my Studies and advance my self to the Rank and Authority which now I maintain My Father is still alive but dies daily for grief he can learn nothing of his eldest Care and importunes Heaven incessantly that he may once more see him before Death close his Eyes 'T is very strange considering his discretion in other Matters that neither Prosperity nor Adversity could draw one Line from him to give his Father an account of his Fortunes For had he or we had the least hint of his Captivity he needed not have staid for the Miracle of the Moorish Lady's Cane for his Deliveance Now am I in the greatest uneasiness in the World least the French the better to conceal their Robbery may have kill'd him the thoughts of this will damp the pleasure of my Voyage which I thought to prosecute so pleasantly Could I but guess dear Brother continu'd he where you might be found I would hazard Life and Fortune for your Deliverance Could our aged Father once understand you were alive though hidden in the deepest and darkest Dungeon in
on Foot and in so mean a Disguise The young Gentleman pressing his Hands very passionately made this Reply not without giving a Proof of the Greatness of his Sorrow by his Tears Without Ceremony or Preamble I must tell you dear Sir that from the Instant that Heaven made us Neighbours and I saw Donna Clara your Daughter and my Mistress I resign'd to her the whole Command of my Affections and if you whom I most truly call my Father don't prevent me I shall this Day be happy in her Embraces for her sake have I abandon'd my Father's House for her have I thus disguis'd my Quality her would I thus have follow'd thro' the World She was the North-Star to guide my wand'ring Course and the Mark at which my Wishes flew Her Ears indeed are utter Strangers to my Passion but yet her Eyes may guess by the Tears she saw distill'd from mine You know my Fortune and my Quality if these can plead Sir I lay them at her Feet then make me this Instant your happy Son and if my Father biass'd by contrary Designs should not approve my Choice yet Time may work some favourable Change and alter his Mind The Amorous Gentleman thus concluded The Judge was much surpris'd at the handsome Discovery he made of his Affections and was not a little puzzl'd how to behave himself in so sudden and unexpected a Matter he therefore without any positive Answer advis'd him only to compose his Thoughts to divert himself with his Servants and to prevail with them to allow him that Day to consider on what was proper to be done Don Lewis express'd his Gratitude by forcibly kissing the Judge's Hands and bathing them in his Tears enough to move the Heart of a Rock much more a Judge's who being a Man o' th' World had presently the Advantage of the Match and Preferment of his Daughter in the Wind tho' he much doubted the Consent of Don Lewis's Father who he knew design'd to match his Son into the Nobility By this Time Don Quixote's Entreaties more than Threats had parted the Fray at the Inn Door the Strangers paying their Reckoning went off and Don Lewis's Servants stood expecting the Result of the Judge's Discourse with their young Master When as the Devil would have it who should come into the Inn but the Barber whom Don Quixote had robb'd of Mambrino's Helmet and Sancho of the Pack-Saddle As he was leading his Beast very gravely to the Stable he spies Sancho mending something about the Pannel he knew him presently and setting upon him very roughly Ah Mr. Thief Mr. Rogue said he have I caught you at last and all my Ass's Furniture in your Hands too Sancho finding himself so unexpectedly assaulted and nettled at the dishonourable Terms of his Language laying fast hold on the Pannel with one Hand gave the Barber such a Douse on the Chops with t'other as made his Mouth over-run with Blood for all this the Barber stuck by his Hold and cry'd out so loud that the whole House was alarm'd at the Noise and Scuffle I command you Gentlemen continu'd he to assist me in the King's Name for this Rogue has robb'd me on the King's High-way and would now murder me because I seize upon my Goods That 's a Lie cry'd Sancho 't was no Robbery on the King's High-way but lawful Plunder won by my Lord Don Quixote fairly in the Field The Don himself was now come up very proud of his Squire 's Behaviour on this Occasion accounting him thenceforth a Man of Courage and designing him the Honour of Knighthood on the first Opportunity thinking his Courage might prove a future Ornament to the Order Among other things which the Barber urg'd to prove his Claim Gentlemen said he this Pack-Saddle is as certainly my Pack-Saddle as I hope to die in my Bed I know it as well as if it had been bred and born with me nay my very Ass will witness for me do but try the Saddle on him and if it does not fit him as close as close can be then call me a Liar Nay more than that Gentlemen that very Day when they robb'd me of my Pack-Saddle they took away a special new Bason which was never us'd and which cost me a Crown Here Don Quixote could no longer contain himself but thrusting between them he parted them and having caus'd the Pack-Saddle to be deposited on the Ground to open View till the mighty Truth came to a final Decision That this honourable Company may know cry'd he in what a manifest Errour this good Squire persists take notice how he degrades that with the Name of Bason which was is and shall be the Helmet of Mambrino which I fairly won from him in the Field and lawfully made my self Lord of by Force of Arms. As to the Pack-Saddle 't is a Concern that 's beneath my Regard all I have to urge in that Affair is That my Squire begg'd my Permission to strip that vanquish'd Coward 's Horse of his Trappings to adorn his own he had my Authority for the Deed and he took them And now for his converting it from a Horse's Furniture to a Pack-Saddle no other Reason can be brought but that such Transformations frequently occur in the Affairs of Chivalry For a Confirmation of this dispatch my Sancho and produce the Helmet which this Squire would maintain to be a Bason O' my Faith Sir said Sancho if this be all you can say for your self Mambrino's Helmet will prove as arrant a Bason as this same Man's Furniture is a meer Pack-Saddle Obey my Orders said Don Quixote I cannot believe that every thing in this Castle will be guided by Inchantment Sancho brought the Bason which Don Quixote holding up in his Hands behold Gentlemen continu'd he with what Face can this impudent Squire affirm this to be a Bason and not the Helmet I mention'd Now I swear before you all by the Order of Knighthood which I profess That this is the same individual Helmet which I won from him without the least Addition or Diminution That I 'll swear said Sancho for since my Lord won it he never fought but once in it and that was the Battel wherein he free'd those ungracious Gally-Slaves who by the same Token would have knock'd out his Brains with a Shower of Stones had not this same honest Bason-Helmet sav'd his Skull CHAP. XVIII The Controversy upon Mambrino's Helmet and the Pack-Saddle disputed and decided with other Accidents not more strange than true PRAY good Gentlemen said the Barber let 's have your Opinion in this Matter I suppose you will grant this same Helmet to be a Bason He that dares grant any such thing said Don Quixote must know that he lies plainly if a Knight but if a Squire he lies abominably Our Barber who was privy to the whole Matter to humour the Jest and carry the Diversion a little higher took up t'other Shaver Mr. Barber you must pardon me Sir if I
Assault with the greatest Bravery resolving to defend themselves and offend their Enemy as long and as much as possible But Providence had order'd the Matter much better than they cou'd hope for while Sancho who had thrown himself on his Master's Body was lamenting his Loss and the suppos'd Death of so noble and generous a Lord in the most ridiculous Manner that e'er was heard the Curate of the Knight's Party was come up with the other who came in the Procession and was immediately known by him so that their Acquaintance put an End to the Fears which both Sides were in of an Engagement Don Quixote's Curate in few Words acquainted the other with the Knight's Circumstances whereupon he and the whole Squadron of Penitents went over to see whether the unfortunate Knight were living or dead and heard Sancho Pança with Tears in his Eyes bewailing over his Master O Flower of Knighthood cry'd he that with one single perlous Knock art come to an untimely End Thou Honour of thy Family and Glory of all La Mancha nay and of the whole varsal World beside which now it has lost thee will be over-run by Miscreants and Outlaws who will no longer be afraid to be mauld for their Misdeeds O bountiful above all the Alexanders in the World thou who hast rewarded me but for poor eight Months Service with the best Island that is wash'd by Salt Water Thou who wert humble to the Proud and haughty to the Humble Thou who durst undertake Perils and patiently endure Affronts Thou who wert in Love no Body knows why True Pattern of good Men and Scourge of the wicked sworn Foe to all Reprobates and to say all at once that Man can say thou Knight-Errant The woful Accents of the Squire 's Voice at last recall'd Don Quixote to himself when after a deep Sigh the first thing he thought of was his absent Dulcinea O charming Dulcinea cry'd he the Wretch that lingers banish'd from your sight indures far greater Miseries than this And then looking on his faithful Squire Good Sancho said he help me once more into the Inchanted Chariot for I am not in a condition to mount at present this Shoulder is all broke to pieces With all my heart my good Lord reply'd Sancho and pray let me advise you to go back to our Village with those Gentlemen who are your special Friends At home we may think of some other Journey that may be more to the purpose than this With reason hast thou spoken Sancho reply'd Don Quixote It will become our Wisdom to be unactive till the malevolent Aspects of the Planets which now reign be over This grave Resolution was highly commended by the Canon Curate and Barber who had been sufficiently diverted by Sancho Pança's ridiculous Lamentation Don Quixote was plac'd in the Waggon as before The Processioners recover'd their former Order and past on about their Business The Goatherd took his leave of the whole Company The Curate satisfy'd the Officers for their Attendance since they would stir no farther The Canon desir'd the Curate to send him an account of Don Quixote's Condition from that time forward having a mind to know whether his Phrenzy abated or increas'd and then took his leave to continue his Journy Thus the Curate the Barber Don Quixote and Sancho Pança were left together as also the good Rozinante that bore all these Passages as patiently as his Master The Waggoner then yoak'd his Oxen and having set Don Quixote on a Truss of Hay jogg'd on after his slow accustom'd pace that way the Curate had directed In six days time they reach'd the Knight's Village 'T was about noon when they enter'd the Town and as this happen'd to be on a Sunday all the People were in the Market-place thro the middle of which Don Quixote's Cart must of necessity pass Every body was curious to know what was in it and the People were strangely surpriz'd when they saw and knew their Townsman While they were gaping and wondering a little Boy ran to the Knight's House and gave intelligence to the House-keeper and Niece that their Master was return'd and very lean pale and frightful as a Ghost stretch'd out at length on a Bundle of Hay in a Waggon and drawn along by a Team of Oxen. 'T was a piteous Sight to see the wailing of those two poor Creatures the Blows too which they gave themselves with the Curses and Execrations they thunder'd out against all Books of Chivalry were almost as numerous as their Sighs and Tears But the heighth of their lamenting was when Don Quixote entr'd the Door Upon the noise of his Arrival Sancho Pança's Wife made haste thither to inquire after her good Man who she was inform'd went a Squiring with the Knight As soon as ever she set Eyes on him the question she ask'd him was this Is the Ass in health or no Sancho answer'd he was come back in better health than his Master Well said she Heaven be prais'd for the good News But hark you my Friend continu'd she what have you got by this new Squireship Have you brought me home e'er a Gown or Petticoat or Shooes for my little Boys In troth sweet Wife reply'd Sancho I have brought thee none of these things I am loaded with better things Ay said his Wife that 's well Prethee let me see some of them fine things for I vow I 've a hugeous mind to she 'em the sight of 'em will comfort my poor Heart which has been like to burst with Sorrow and Grief ever since you went away I 'll shew 'em thee when we come home return'd Sancho in the mean time rest satsfy'd for if Heaven see good that we shall once again come abroad in search of other Adventures within a little time after at my return thou shalt find me some Earl or the Governour of some Island ay of one of the very best in the whole World I wish with all my heart this may come to pass reply'd the good Wife for by my troth Husband we want it sorely But what do you mean by that same word Islands for believe me I don't understand it All in good time Wife said Sancho Honey is not made for an Asse's Mouth I 'll tell thee what 't is hereafter Thou wilt be amaz'd to hear all thy Servants and Vassals ne'er speak a word to thee without an 't please you Madam an 't like your Ladyship and your Honour What dost thou mean Sancho by Ladyship Islands and Vassals ask'd Joan Pança For so she was call'd tho her Husband and she were nothing a-kin only 't is a Custom in La Mancha that the Wives are there call'd by their Husbands Sirnames Prithee Joan said Sancho dont't trouble thy head to know these Matters all at once and in a heap as a body may say Yet by the way one thing I will assure thee That nothing in the varsal World is better for an honest Man than to be Squire to
and Tokens that are yet fresh on my Ribs would not let me Hold your Tongue said Don Quixote and let the Learned Batchelor proceed that I may know what the History says of me And of me too quoth Sancho for they tell me I am one of the top Parsons in 't Persons you should say Sancho said Carrasco and not Parsons Hey-day quoth Sancho have we got another Corrector of hard Words If this be the Trade we shall never ha' done May I be curs'd said Carrasco if you be not the second Person in the History honest Sancho nay and some there are who had rather hear you talk than the best there though some there are again that will say you were horribly Credulous to flatter your self with having the Government of that Island which your Master here present promis'd you While there 's Life there 's Hope said Don Quixote when Sancho is grown Mature with Time and Experience he may be better qualify'd for a Government than he is yet Odsbodikins Sir quoth Sancho if I been't fit to Govern an Island at these Years I shall never be a Governor though I live to the Years of Methusalah but there the Mischief lies we have Brains enough but we want the Island Come Sancho said Don Quixote hope for the best trust in Providence all will be well and perhaps better than you imagine But know there 's not a Leaf on any Tree that can be mov'd without the permission of Heaven That 's very true said Carrasco and I dare say Sancho shall not want a thousand Islands to Govern much less one that is if it be Heaven's Will Why not quoth Sancho I ha' seen Governors in my time who to my thinking could not come up to me passing the Sole of my Shooes and yet forsooth they call'd them your Honour and they eat their Victuals all in Silver Ay said Carrasco but these were none of your Governors of Islands but of other easie Governments Why Man these ought at least to know their Grammar Ay ay quoth Sancho give me but a gray Mare once and I shall know her well enough I 'll warrant ye But leaving the Government in the Hands of him that will best provide for me I must tell you Master Batchelor Sampson Carrasco I am huge glad that as your Author has not forgot me so he has not given an Ill Character of me for by the Faith of a trusty Squire had he said any thing that did not become * * A Name the Spaniards desire to be distinguish'd from the Jews and Moors by an Old Christian as I am I had rung him such a Peal that the Deaf should have heard me That were a Miracle said Carrasco Miracle me no more Miracles cry'd Sancho let every Man take care how he talks or how he writes of other Men and not set down at Random Higgle-de-piggledy what ever comes into his Noddle One of the faults found with this History said Carrasco is that the Author has thrust into 't a Novel which he calls The Curious Impertinent not that 't is ill Writ or the Design of it to be mislik'd but because it is not in its right place and has no coherence with the Story of Don Quixote I 'll lay my Life quoth Sancho the Son of a Mungrel has made a Gallimawfry of it all Now said Don Quixote I perceive that he who attempted to write my History is not one of the Sages but some ignorant prating Fool who would needs be meddling and set up for a Scribbler without the least grain of Judgment to help him out and so he has done like Orbaneja the Painter of Ubeda who being ask'd what he Painted answer'd as it may hit and when he had scrawl'd out a Mis-shapen Cock was forc'd to write underneath it in Gothick Letters This is a Cock At this rate I believe he has perform'd in my History so that it will require a Commentary to explain it Not at all answer'd Carrasco for he has made every thing so plain that there 's not the least thing in 't but what any one may understand Children handle it Youngsters read it Men understand it and Old People Applaud it In short 't is universally so thumb'd so glean'd so studi'd and so known that if the People do but see a Lean Horse they presently cry there goes Rozinante But none apply themselves to the reading it more than your Pages There 's ne'er a Nobleman's Antichamber where you shan't find a Don Quixote No sooner has one laid it down but another takes it up One asks for it here and there 't is snatch'd up by another In a Word 't is esteem'd the most Pleasant and least Dangerous Diversion that ever was seen as being a Book that does not betray the least indecent Expression nor so much as a profane Thought To write after another manner said Don Quixote were not to write Truth but Falshood and those Historians who are guilty of that should be punish'd like those who Counterfeit the Lawful Coin But I cannot conceive what could move the Author to stuff his History with Foreign Novels and Adventures not at all to the Purpose while there was a sufficient Number of my own to have exercis'd his Pen. Without doubt they should observe the Proverb Ne'er stuff the Cushion with Straw if you have Down enough And certainly had he altogether confin'd himself to my Thoughts my Sighs my Tears my laudable Designs my Adventures he might yet have swell'd his Book to as great a Bulk at least as all Tostatus's Works I have also reason to believe Mr Batchelor that to compile a History or write any Book whatsoever is a more difficult Task than Men imagine There 's need of a vast Judgement and a ripe Understanding It belongs to none but great Genius's to express themselves with Grace and Elegance and draw the Manners and Actions of others to the Life The most Artful Part in a Play is the Fool 's and therefore a Fool must not pretend to write it On the other side History is in a manner a sacred thing so far as it contains Truth for where Truth is the Supreme Father of it may also be said to be at least in as much as concerns Truth However there are Men that will make you Books and turn 'em loose into the World with as much dispatch as they would do a Dish of Fritters There 's no Book so bad said the Batchelor but some good thing may be found in it That 's true said Don Quixote yet 't is a common thing for Men who had gain'd a very great Reputation by their Writings before they Printed them to lose it afterwards quite or at least the greatest part The Reason's plain said Carrasco their Faults are more easily discover'd after their Books are Printed as being then more read and more narrowly examin'd the rather if the Author has been much cry'd up before the severity of the scrutiny is so
and sometimes a great deal worse Well said the Batchelor if the Author prints another Edition of the History I 'll take special Care he shan't forget to insert what honest Sancho has said which will make the Book as good again Pray good Mr. Batchelor ask'd Don Quixote are there any other Emendations requisite to be made in this History Some there are answer'd Carrasco but none of so much Importance as those already mention'd Perhaps the Author promises a Second Part said Don Quixote He does said Carrasco but he says he cannot find it neither can he discover who has it So that we doubt whether it will come out or no as well for this Reason as because some People say that Second Parts are never worth any thing others cry there 's enough of Don Quixote already However many of those that love Mirth better than Melancholy cry out Give us more Quixotery let but Don Quixote appear and Sancho talk be it what it will we are satisfy'd And how stands the Author affected said the Knight Truly answer'd Carrasco as soon as ever he can find out the History which he is now looking for with all imaginable Industry he is resolv'd to send it immediately to the Press though more for his own Profit than through any Ambition of Applause What quoth Sancho does he design to do it to get a Penny by 't nay then we are like to have a rare History indeed we shall have him botch and whip it up like your Taylors on Easter-Eve and give us a Huddle of Flim-flams that will never hang together for your hasty Work can never be done as it should be Let Mr. Moor take Care how he goes to work for my Life for his I and my Master will stock him with such a Heap of Stuff in Matter of Adventures and odd Chances that he 'll have enough not only to write a Second Part but an hundred The poor Fellow belike thinks we do nothing but sleep on a Hay-mow but let us once put Foot into the Stirrup and he 'll see what we are about This at least I 'll be bold to say that if my Master would be rul'd by me we had been in the Field by this Time undoing of Misdeeds and righting of Wrongs as good Knights-Errant use to do Scarce had Sancho made an End of his Discourse when Rozinante's Neighing reach'd their Ears Don Quixote took it for a lucky Omen and resolv'd to take another Turn within three or four Days He discover'd his Resolutions to the Batchelor and consulted him to know which Way he shou'd steer his Course The Batchelor advis'd him to take the Road of Saragosa in the Kingdom of Arragon a solemn Tournament being shortly to be perform'd at that City on St. George's Festival where by worsting all the Arragonian Champions he might win immortal Honour since to out-tilt them would be to out-rival all the Knights in the Universe He also applauded his Design but withal admonish'd him not to be so desperate in exposing himself to Dangers since his Life was not his own but theirs who in Distress stood in want of his Assistance and Protection That 's it now quoth Sancho that makes me sometimes ready to run mad Mr. Batchelor for my Master makes no more to set upon an hundred armed Men than a young hungry Taylor to guttle down half a Dozen of Cucumbers Body of me Master Batchelor there 's a Time to retreat as well as a Time to assail Sant Jago and hey for the Honour of Spain must not always be the Cry For I 've heard Somebody say and if I an 't mistaken 't was my Master himself that Valour lies just half-way between Rashness and Cowheartedness and if it be so I would not have him run away without there 's a Reason for 't nor would I have him fall on when there 's no Good to be got by 't But above all things I wou'd have him to know if he has a Mind I shou'd go with him that the Bargain is he shall fight for us both and that I am ty'd to nothing but to look after him and his Victuals and Cloaths So far as this comes to I will fetch and carry like any Water-Spaniel but to think I 'll lug out my Sword though it be but against poor Rogues and sorry Shirks and Hedge-birds y'troth I must beg his Diversion For my Part Mr. Batchelor 't is not the Fame of being thought valiant that I aim at but that of being deem'd the very best and trustiest Squire that ever follow'd the Heels of a Knight-Errant And if after all my Services my Master Don Quixote will be so kind as to give me one of those many Islands which his Worship says he shall light on I shall be much beholding to him but if he does not why then I am born d' ye see and one Man must not live to rely on another but on his Maker Mayhaps the Bread I shall eat without Government will go down more savourily than if I were a Governour and what do I know but that the Devil is providing me one of these Governments for a Stumbling-block that I may stumble and fall and so break my Jaws and ding out my Butter-Teeth I was born Sancho and Sancho I mean to die and yet for all that if fairly and squarely with little Trouble and less Danger Heaven would bestow on me an Island or some such-like Matter I 'm no such Fool neither d' ye see as to refuse a good thing when 't is offer'd me No I remember the old Saying When the Ass is given thee run and take him by the Halter and when good Luck knocks at thy Door let him in and keep him there My Friend Sancho said Carrasco you have spoken like any University-Professor However trust in Heav'ns Bounty and the noble Don Quixote and he may not only give thee an Island but even a Kingdom One as likely as the other quoth Sancho and yet let me tell you Mr. Batchelor the Kingdom which my Master is to give me you shan't find it thrown into an old Sack for I have felt my own Pulse and find my self sound enough to rule Kingdoms and govern Islands I ha' told my Master as much before now Have a Care Sancho said Carrasco Honours change Manners perhaps when you come to be a Governour you will scarce know your own Mother This said Sancho may happen to those that were born in a Ditch but not to those whose Souls are cover'd as mine is four Fingers thick with good old Christian Fat No do but think how good-condition'd I be and then you need not fear I shou'd do dirtily by any one Grant it good Heaven said Don Quixote we shall see when the Government comes and methinks I have it already before my Eyes After this he desir'd the Batchelor if he were a Poet to oblige him with some Verses on his design'd Departure from his Mistress Dulcinea del Toboso every Verse
to begin with one of the Letters of her Name so that joining every first Letter of every Verse together they might make Dulcinea del Toboso The Batchelor told him that though he were none of the famous Poets of Spain who they say were but three and a half he would endeavour to make that Acrostick though he was sensible this would be no easy Task there being seventeen Letters in the Name so that if he made four Stanzas of four Verses apiece there wou'd be a Letter too much and if he made his Stanzas of five Lines so as to make a double Decima or a Redondilla there wou'd be three Letters too little however he wou'd strive to drown a Letter and so take in the whole Name in sixteen Verses Let it be so by any Means said Don Quixote for no Woman will believe that those Verses were made for her where her Name is not plainly to be discern'd After this 't was agreed they should set out within a Week Don Quixote charg'd the Batchelor not to speak a Word of all this especially to the Curate Mr. Nicholas the Barber his Niece and his House-keeper lest they shou'd obstruct his honourable and valorous Design Carrasco gave him his Word and having desir'd Don Quixote to send an Account of his good or bad Success at his Conveniency took his Leave and left him and Sancho went to get every thing ready for his Journey CHAP. V. The Wise and Pleasant Dialogue between Sancho Pança and Teresa Pança his Wife Together with other Passages worthy of Happy Memory THE Translator of this History being come to this fifth Chapter thinks fit to inform the Reader that he holds it to be Apocryphal because it introduces Sancho speaking in another Style than could be expected from his slender Capacity and saying things of so refin'd a Nature that it seems impossible he cou'd know ' em However he thought himself oblig'd to render it in our Tongue to maintain the Character of a faithful Translator and therefore he goes on in this manner Sancho came home so Chearful and so Merry that his Wife read his Joy in his Looks as far as she cou'd see him Being impatient to know the Cause My Dear cry'd she what makes you so Merry I shou'd be more Merry my Chuck quoth Sancho wou'd but Heaven so order it that I were not so well pleas'd as I seem to be You speak Riddles Husband quoth she I don't know what you mean by saying you should be more merry if you were not so well pleas'd for tho' I am silly enough I can't think a Man can take Pleasure in not being Pleas'd Look ye Teresa quoth Sancho I am Merry because I am once more going to serve my Master Don Quixote who is resolv'd to have t'other Frolick and go a hunting after Adventures and I must go with him for he needs must whom the Devil drives What should I lie starving at home for The Hopes of finding another Parcel of Gold like that we spent rejoices the Cockles of my Heart But then it grieves me to leave thee and those sweet Babes of ours and wou'd Heaven but be pleas'd to let me live at home dry-shod in Peace and Quietness without gadding over Hill and Dale through Brambles and Briars as Heaven might well do with small Cost if it wou'd and with no manner of Trouble but only to be wiling it should be so why then 't is a clear case that my Mirth wou'd be more firm and sound since my present Gladness is mingl'd with a Sorrow to part with thee And so I think I have made out what I have said that I should be Merrier if I did not seem so well pleas'd Look you Sancho quoth the Wife ever since you have been a Member of a Knight-Errant you talk so round about the Bush that no body can understand you 'T is enough quoth Sancho that he understands me who understands all things and so scatter no more Words about it Spouse But be sure you look carefully after Dapple for these three Days that he may be in good Case and fit to bear Arms double his Pittance look out his Pannel and all his Harness and let every thing be set to rights for we are not going to a Wedding but to roam about the World and to make our Party good with Giants and Dragons and Hobgoblins and to hear nothing but hissing and yelling and roaring and howling and bellowing all which wou'd yet be but Sugar-Plumbs if we were not to meet with Yanguesian Carriers and Inchanted Moors Nay as for that Husband quoth Teresa I am apt enough to think you Squires-Errant don't eat their Master's Bread for nothing and therefore it shall be my daily Prayer that you may quickly be freed from that plaguy Trouble Troth Wife quoth Sancho were not I in hopes to see my self e'er it be long Governour of an Island o' my Conscience I shou'd drop down Dead on the Spot Not so my Chicken quoth the Wife Let the Hen live though it be with Pip. Do thou live and let all the Governments in the World go to the Devil Thou cam'st out of thy Mother's Belly without Government thou hast liv'd hitherto without Government and thou may'st be carry'd to thy long Home without Government when it shall please the Lord. How many People in this World live without Government yet do well enough and are well look'd upon There 's no Sauce in the World like Hunger and as the Poor never want that they always eat with a good Stomach But look ye my Precious if it shou'd be thy good Luck to get a Government prithee don't forget your Wife and Children Take notice that little Sancho is already full fifteen and 't is thought fit he go to School if his Uncle the Abbot mean to leave him something in the Church Then there 's Mary Sancha your Daughter I dare say the Burden of Wedlock will never be the Death of her for I shrewdly guess she longs as much for a Husband as you do for a Government and when all comes to all better my Daughter ill Marry'd than well kept I good footh Wife quoth Sancho if it be Heaven's blessed Will that I get any thing by Government I 'll see and Match Mary Sancha so well that she shall at least be call'd my Lady By no means Husband cry'd the Wife let her Match with her Match If from clouted Shooes you set her upon high Heels and from her Coarse Russet Coat you put her into a Fardingale and from plain Moll and Thee and Thou go to call her Madam and your Ladyship the poor Girl won't know how to behave herself but will every foot make a Thousand Blunders and shew her home-spun Country-Breeding Tush Fool answer'd Sancho 't will be but two or three Years Prenticeship and then you 'll see how strangely she 'll alter your Ladyship and keeping of State will become her as if they had been made for
quoth Sancho pray tell me these same Julys and these Augusts and all the rest of the famous Knights you talk of that are dead where are they now Without doubt answer'd Don Quixote the Heathens are in Hell The Christians if their Lives were answerable to their Profession are either in Purgatory or in Heaven So far so good said Sancho but pray tell me the Tombs of these Lordlings have they any Silver-Lamps still burning before 'em and are their Chappel-walls hung about with Crutches Winding-sheets old Perriwigs Legs and Wax-eyes or with what are they hung The Monuments of the dead Heathens said Don Quixote were for the most part sumptuous pieces of Architecture The Ashes of Julius Caesar were deposited on the top of an Obelisque all of one Stone of a prodigious bigness which is now called Aguglia di San Pietro The Emperor Adrian's Sepulchre was a vast Structure as big as an ordinary Village and call'd Moles Adriani and now the Castle of St. Angelo in Rome Queen Artemisia buried her Husband Mausolus in so curious and magnificent a Pile that his Monument was reputed one of the seven Wonders of the World But none of these nor any other of the Heathen Sepulchres had any Winding-sheets or other Offering that might imply the Persons interr'd were Saints Thus far we are right quoth Sancho now Sir pray tell me which is the greatest wonder to raise a dead Man or kill a Giant The answer is obvious said Don Quixote to raise a dead Man certainly Then Master I have nick'd you saith Sancho for he that raises the Dead makes the Blind see the Lame walk and the Sick healthy who has Lamps burning Night and Day before his Sepulchre and whose Chappel is full of Pilgrims who adore his Relicks on their Knees that Man I say has more Fame in this World and in the next than any of your Heathenish Emperors or Knight-Errants e'er had or will ever have I grant it said Don Quixote Very good quoth Sancho I 'll be with you anon This Fame these Gifts these Rights Pivileges and what d' ye call 'em the Bodies and Relicks of these Saints have so that by the consent and good liking of our Holy Mother the Church they have their Lamps their Lights their Winding-sheets their Crutches their Pictures their Heads of Hair their Legs their Eyes and the Lord knows what by which they stir up People's Devotion and spread their Christian Fame Kings will vouchsafe to carry the Bodies of Saints or their Relicks on their Shoulders they 'll kiss you the pieces of their Bones and spare no cost to set off and deck their Shrines and Chappels And what of all this said Don Quixote What 's your Inference Why truly Sir quoth Sancho that we turn Saints as fast as we can and that 's the readiest and cheapest way to get this same Honour you talk of 'T was but yesterday or t'other day or I can't tell when I 'm sure 't was not long since that two poor bare-footed Friars were Sainted and you can't think what a croud of People there is to kiss the Iron-Chains they wore about their Wastes instead of Girdles to humble the Flesh I dare say they are more reverenc'd than Orlandosa's Sword that hangs in the Armory of our Sovereign Lord the King whom Heaven grant long to Reign So that for ought I see better it is to be a Friar tho' but of a beggarly Order than a valiant Errant Knight and a dozen or two of sound Lashes well meant and as well laid on will obtain more of Heaven than two thousand thrusts with a Lance tho' they be given to Giants Dragons or Hobgoblins All this is very true reply'd Don Quixote but all Men cannot he Friars we have different Paths allotted us to mount to the high Seat of Eternal Felicity Chivalry is a Religious Order and there are Knights in the fraternity of Saints in Heaven However quoth Sancho I have heard say there are more Friars there than Knight-Errants That is said Don Quixote because there is a greater number of Friars than of Knights But are there not a great many Knights-Errant too said Sancho There are many indeed answer'd Don Quixote but very few that deserve the Name In such Discourses as these the Knight and Squire pass'd the night and the whole succeeding day without encountering any occasion to signalize themselves at which Don Quixote was very much disgusted At last towards evening the next day they discover'd the goodly City of Toboso which reviv'd the Knight's Spirits Wonderfully but had a quite contrary Effect on his Squire because he did not know the House where Dulcinea liv'd no more than his Master So that the one was mad till he saw her and the other very melancholick and disturb'd in Mind because he had never seen her nor did he know what to do shou'd his Master send him to Toboso However as Don Quixote would not make his Entry in the Day-time they spent the Evening among some Oaks not far distant from the place till the prefix'd moment came then they enter'd the City where they met with Adventures indeed CHAP. IX That gives an Account of Things which you 'll know when you read it THE sable Night had spun out half her Course when Don Quixote and Sancho descended from a Hill and enter'd Toboso A profound Silence reign'd o'er all the Town and all the Inhabitants were fast asleep and stretch'd out at their Ease The Night was somewhat clear though Sancho wish'd it dark to hide his Master's Folly and his own Nothing disturb'd the general Tranquility but now and then the Barking of Dogs that wounded Don Quixote's Ears but more poor Sancho's Heart Sometimes an Ass bray'd Hogs grunted Cats mew'd which jarring Mixture of Sounds was not a little augmented by the Stillness and Serenity of the Night and fill'd the enamour'd Champion's Head with a thousand inauspicious Chimera's However turning to his Squire My dear Sancho said he shew me the Way to Dulcinea's Palace perhaps we shall find her still awake Body of me cry'd Sancho what Palace do you mean When I saw her Highness she was in a little paltry Cot. Perhaps reply'd the Knight she was then retir'd into some Corner of the Palace to divert her self in Private with her Damsels as great Ladies and Princesses sometimes do Well Sir said Sancho since it must be a Palace whether I will or no yet can you think this is a Time of Night to find the Gates open or a seasonable Hour to thunder at the Door till we raise the House and alarm the whole Town Are we going to a Bawdy-house think you like your Wenchers that can rap at a Door any Hour of the Night and knock People up when they list Let us once find the Palace said the Knight and then I 'll tell thee what we ought to do But stay either my Eyes delude me or that lofty gloomy Structure which I discover yonder is Dulcinea's
believe I 'll swear it if he swear again I 'll out-swear him and if he be positive I 'll be more positive than he and stand to 't and out-face him in 't come what will on 't So that when he finds I won't flinch he 'll either resolve never to send me more of his sleeveless Errands seeing what a lame Account I bring him or he 'll think some one of those wicked Wizards who he says owes him a Grudge has transmogrify'd her into some other Shape out of Spight This happy Contrivance help'd to compose Sancho's Mind and now he look'd on his grand Affair to be as good as done Having therefore stay'd till the Evening that his Master might not think he had employ'd so much Time in Going and Coming things fell out very luckily for him for as he arose to mount his Dapple he spy'd three Country-Wenches coming towards him from Toboso upon three young Asses whether Male or Female the Author has left undetermin'd tho' we may reasonably suppose they were She-Asses such being most frequently us'd to ride on by Country-Lasses in those Parts But this being no very material Circumstance we need not dwell any longer upon the Decision of that Point 'T is sufficient they were Asses and discover'd by Sancho who thereupon made all the Haste he cou'd to get to his Master and found him breathing out a thousand Sighs and amorous Lamentations Well my Sancho said the Knight immediately upon his Approach what News are we to mark this Day with a white or a black Stone E'en mark it rather with Red-Oker answer'd Sancho as they do Church-Chairs that every Body may know who they belong to Why then said Don Quixote I suppose thou bring'st good News Ay marry do I quoth Sancho you have no more to do but to clap Spurs to Rozinante and get into the open Fields and you 'll see my Lady Dulcinae del Toboso with a Brace of her Damsels coming to see your Worship Blessed Heaven cry'd Don Quixote what art thou saying my dear Sancho Take Heed and do not presume to beguile my real Grief with a delusive Joy Adsookers Sir said Sancho what shou'd I get by putting a Trick upon you and being found out the next Moment Seeing is Believing all the World over Come Sir put on put on and you 'll see our Lady Princess coming dress'd up and bedeck'd like her own sweet self indeed Her Damsels and she are all one Spark of Gold all Pearls all Diamonds all Rubies all Cloth of Gold above ten Inches high Their Hair spread over their Shoulders like so many Sun-Beams and dangling and dancing in the Wind and what 's more they ride upon three Flea-bitten gambling Hags there 's not a Piece of Horse-flesh can match 'em in three Kingdoms Ambling Nags thou meanest Sancho said Don Quixote Gambling Hags or ambling Nags quoth Sancho there 's no such Difference methinks but be they what they will I 'm sure I ne'er sat Eyes on finer Creatures than those that ride upon their Backs especially my Lady Dulcinea 't would make one swoon away but to look upon her Let us move then my Sancho said Don Quixote and as a Gratification for these unexpected happy Tidings I freely bestow on thee the best Spoils the next Adventure we meet with shall afford and if that content thee not take the Colts which my three Mares thou know'st of are now ready to Foal on our Town-Common Thank you for the Colts said Sancho but as for the Spoils I am not sure they 'll be worth any thing They were now got out of the Wood and discover'd the three Country-Lasses at a small distance Don Quixote casting his Eyes towards Toboso and seeing no Body on the Road but the three Wenches was strangely troubl'd in Mind and turning to Sancho ask'd him whether the Princess and her Damsels were come out of the City when he left ' em Out of the City cry'd Sancho Why where are your Eyes Are they in your Heels in the name of Wonder that you can't see 'em coming towards us shining as bright as the Sun at Noon-day I see nothing return'd Don Quixote but three Wenches upon as many Asses Now Heaven deliver me from the Devil quoth Sancho Is' t possible your Worship shou'd mistake three what-d'ye-call-ems three Ambling Nags I mean as white as driven Snow for three ragged Ass-Colts Body of me I 'll e'en peell off my Beard by the Roots an 't be so Take it from me Friend Sancho said the Knight they are either He or She-Asses as sure as I am Don Quixote and thou Sancho Pança at least they appear to be such Come Sir quoth the Squire don't talk at that rate but snuff your Eyes and go pay your Homage to the Mistress of your Soul for she 's near at Hand and so saying Sancho hastens up to the three Country-Wenches and alighting from Dapple took hold of one of the Asses by the Halter and falling on his Knees Queen and Princess and Dutchess of Beauty quoth he an 't please your Haughtiness and Greatness vouchsafe to take into your good Grace and liking yonder Knight your Prisoner and Captive who 's turn'd of a sudden into cold Marble-Stone and struck all of a heap to see himself before your High and Mightiness I am Sancho Pança his Squire and he himself the wand'ring Weather-beaten Knight Don Quixote de la Mancha otherwise call'd the Knight of the Woeful Figure By this time Don Quixote having plac'd himself down on his Knees by Sancho gaz'd with dubious and disconsolate Eyes on the Creature whom Sancho call'd Queen and Lady and perceiving her to be no more than a plain Country-Wench so far from being well-favour'd that she was blubber-cheek'd and flat-nos'd he was lost in Astonishment and cou'd not utter one Word On the other side the Wenches were no less surpriz'd to see themselves stopp'd by two Men in such different out-sides and on their Knees But at last she whose Ass was held by Sancho took Courage and broke Silence in an angry Tone Come cry'd she get out of our way with a Murrain and let us go about our Business for we are in haste Oh Princess and Universal Lady of Toboso answer'd Sancho why does not that great Heart of yours melt to see the Post and Pillar of Knight-Errantry fall down before your high and mighty Presence Hoy day quoth another of the Females hearing this What 's here to do Look how your small Gentry come to jeer and flout poor Country-Girls as if we could not give 'em as good as they bring Go get about your Business and let us go about ours and speed you well Rise Sancho said Don Quixote hearing this for I am now convinc'd that my malicious Stars not yet satisfy'd with my pass'd Misfortunes still shed their baleful Influence and have barr'd all the Passages that cou'd convey Relief to my miserable Soul in this frail Habitation of Animated Clay Oh! thou
Golden Crown and Cupid's Painted Wings for I wou'd have pluck'd 'em off and put 'em into thy power Ay but says Sancho your Strolling Emperor's Crowns and Scepters are not of pure Gold but Tinsel and Copper I grant it said Don Quixote nor is it fit the Decorations of the Stage should be real but rather Imitations and the resemblance of Realities as the Plays themselves must be which by the way I wou'd have you love and esteem Sancho and consequently those that write and also those that act 'em for they are all instrumental to the good of the Common-wealth and set before our Eyes those Looking-glasses that reflect a lively Representation of Humane Life nothing being able to give us a more just Idea of Nature and what we are or ought to be than Comedians and Comedies Prithee tell me hast thou never seen a Play acted where Kings Emperors Prelates Knights Ladies and other Characters are introduc'd on the Stage One acts a Ruffian another a Soldier this Man a Cheat and that a Merchant one plays a designing Fool and another a Foolish Lover But the Play done and the Actors undress'd they are all equal and as they were before All this I have seen quoth Sancho Just such Comedy said Don Quixote is acted on the great Stage of the World where some play the Emperors others the Prelates and in short all the Parts that can be brought into a Dramatick Piece till Death which is the Catastrophe and End of the Action strips the Actors of all their Marks of Distinction and levels their quality in the Grave A rare Comparison quoth Sancho tho' not so new but that I have heard it over and over Just such another is that of a Game at Chess where while the Play lasts every Piece has it particular Office but when the Game 's over they are all mingl'd and huddl'd together and clapp'd into a Bag just as when Life 's ended we are laid up in the Grave Truly Sancho said Don Quixote thy Simplicity lessens and thy Sense improves every day And good reason why quoth Sancho some of your Worship's Wit must needs stick to me for your dry unkindly Land with good dunging and tilling will in time yield a good Crop I mean Sir that the Dung and Muck of your Conversation being thrown on the barren ground of my Wit together with the Time I ha' serv'd your Worship and kept you Company which is as a body may say the Tillage I must needs bring forth blessed Fruit at last so as not to shame my Master but keep in the Paths of good Manners which you have beaten into my sodden Understanding Sancho's affected Style made Don Quixote laugh tho' he thought his words true in the main and he could not but admire at his Improvement But the Fellow never discover'd his weakness so much as by endeavouring to hide it being most apt to tumble when he strove to soar too high His excellence lay chiefly in a knack at drawing Proverbs into his Discourse whether to the purpose or not as any one that has observ'd his manner of speaking in this History must have perceiv'd In such Discourses they passed a great part of the Night till Sancho wanted to drop the Portcullices of his Eyes which was his way of saying he had a mind to go to sleep Thereupon he unharness'd Dapple and set him a grazing But poor Rozinante was condemn'd to stand Saddl'd all Night by his Master's Injunction and Prescription us'd of old by all Knight-Errants who never unsaddl'd their Steeds in the Field but took off their Bridles and hung 'em at the Pummel of the Saddle However he was not forsaken by faithful Dapple whose Friendship was so unparallell'd and inviolable that unquestion'd Tradition has handed it down from Father to Son that the Author of this true History compos'd particular Chapters of the united Affection of these two Beasts tho' to preserve the Decorum due to so heroick a History he wou'd not insert 'em in the Work Yet sometimes he cannot forbear giving us some few Touches on that Subject as when he writes That the two friendly Creatures took a mighty Pleasure in being together to scrub and lick one another and when they had had enough of that sport Rozinante would gently lean his Head at least half a yard over Dapple's Neck and so they wou'd stand very lovingly together looking wistly on the ground for two or three Days except some body made 'em leave that Contemplative Posture or Hunger compell'd them to a Separation Nay I cannot pass by what is reported of the Author how he left in writing That he had compar'd their Friendship to that of Nysus and Euryalus and that of Pylades and Orestes which if it were so deserves universal Admiration the sincere affection of these quiet Animals being a just Reflection on Men who are so guilty of breaking their Friendship to one another From hence came the saying There 's no Friend all Friendship 's gone Now Men hug then fight anon And that other Where you see your Friend trust to your self Neither shou'd the World take it ill that the cordial affection of these Animals was compar'd by our Author to that of Men since many important Principles of Prudence and Morality have been learn'd from irrational Creatures as The use of Clysters from the Stork and the Benefit of Vomiting from the Dog The Crane gave Mankind an Example of Vigilance the Ant of Providence the Elephant of Honesty and the Horse of Loyalty At last Sancho fell asleep at the Root of a Cork-Tree and his Master fetch'd a slumber under a spacious Oak But it was not long e'er he was disturb'd by a Noise behind him and starting up he look'd and hearken'd on the side whence he thought the Voice came and discover'd two Men on Horse-back one of whom letting himself carelesly slide down from the Saddle and calling to the other Alight Friend said he and unbridle the Horse for methinks this place will supply them plentifully with Pasture and me with Silence and Solitude to indulge my amorous Thoughts While he said this he laid himself down on the Grass in doing which the Armour he had on made a Noise a sure sign that gave Don Quixote to understand he was some Knight-Errant Thereupon going to Sancho who slept on he pluck'd him by the Arm and having wak'd him with much ado Friend Sancho said he whispering him in his Ear here 's an Adventure Heaven grant it be a good one quoth Sancho But where 's that same Master Adventure 's Worship Where dost thou ask Sancho Why turn thy Head Man and look yonder Dost thou not see a Knight-Errant there lying on the Ground I have reason to think he is in Melancholick Circumstances for I saw him fling himself off from his Horse and stretch himself on the Ground in a disconsolate manner and his Armour clash'd as he fell What of all that quoth Sancho How do you
quoth the other Squire I shou'd think my self well paid for my Services with some good Canonry and I have my Master's Word for it too Why then quoth Sancho belike your Master is some Church-Knight and may bestow such Livingâ— on his good Squires But mine is purely Laick some of his wise Friends indeed no thanks to them for it once upon a time counsell'd him to be an Archbishop I fancy they wish'd him no good but he wou'd not for he 'll be nothing but an Emperor I was plaguily afraid he might have had a hankering after the Church and so have spoil'd my Preferment I not being gifted that way for between you and I tho' I look like a Man in a Doublet I shou'd make but an Ass in a Cassock Let me tell you Friend quoth the Squire of the Wood that you are out in your Politicks for these Island-Governments bring more Cost than Worship there 's a great Cry but little Wool the best will bring more Trouble and Care than they are worth and those that take 'em on their Shoulders are ready to sink under ' em I think it were better for us to quit this confounded Slavery and e'en jog home where me may have better Pastimes There we may have Fishing and Hunting and the likâ— for he 's a sorry Country-Squire indeed that wants his Horse his couple of Hounds or his Fishing-Tackle to live pleasantly at Home All this I can have at Will quoth Sancho Indeed I have ne'er a Nag but I have an honest Ass here worth two of my Master's Horses any Day in the Year A bad Christmas be my Lot and may it be the next if I wou'd swop Beasts with him tho' he gave me four Bushels of Barley to boot no marry wou'd not I Laugh as much as you will at the value I set on my Dapple for Dapple you must know is his Colour Now as for Hounds we have enough to spare in our Town and there 's no Sport like Hunting at another Man's Cost Faith and Troth Brother Squire quoth the Squire of the Wood I am fully set upon 't These Vagrant Knights may e'en seek their mad Adventures by themselves for me I 'll Home and breed up my Children as it behoves me for I have three as Precious as three Orient Pearls I have but two quoth Sancho but they might be presented to the Pope himself especially my Girl that I breed up to be a Countess Heaven bless her in spight of her Mother's Teeth And how old pray said the Squire of the Wood may this same Young Lady Countess be Why she 's about Fifteen answer'd Sancho a little over or a little under but she 's as â—all as a Pike as fresh as an April-Morning and as strong as a Porter With these parts quoth the other she may set up not only for a Countess but for one of the Wood-Nymphs Ah the Young Buxsome Whore's Brood What a Spring the Metâ—lesom Quean will have with her My Daughter 's no Whore quoth Sancho in a grumbling Tone and her Mother was an honest Woman before her and they shall be Honest by Heaven's blessing while I live and do well So Sir pray keep your Tongue between your Teeth or speak as you ought Methinks your Master shou'd have taught you better Manners for Knight-Errants are the very pink of Courtesie Alas quoth the Squire of the Wood how you 're mistaken how little you know the way of praising People now a-days Have you never observ'd when any Gentleman at a Bull-Feast gives the Bull a home Thrust with his Lance or when any Body behaves himself cleverly upon any Occasion The People will Cry out What a brisk Son of a Whore that is a clever Dog I 'll warrant him So what seems to be Slander in that Sense is notable Commendation And be advis'd by me don't think those Children worth the owning who won't do that which may make their Parents be commended in that Fashion Nay if it be so quoth Sancho I 'll disown 'em if they don't and henceforth you may call my Wife and Daughter all the Whores and Bawds you can think on and welcome for they do a thousand things that deserve all these fine Names Heav'n send me once more to see them and deliver me out of this Mortal Sin of Squire-Erranting which I have been drawn into a second time by the wicked Bait of a hundred Ducats which the Devil threw in my own way in Sierra Morena and which he still Haunts me with and brings before my Eyes here and there and every where Oh that plaguy Purse 't is still running in my Head methinks I am counting such another over and over Now I hug it now I carry it home now I 'm buying Land with it now I let Leases now I 'm receiving my Rents and live like a Prince Thus I pass away the time and this lulls me on to drudge on to the end of the Chapter with this Dunder-headed Master of mine who to my knowledge is more a Madman than a Knight Truly said the Squire of the Wood this makes the Proverb true Covetousness breaks the Sack And now you talk of Madmen I think my Master is worse than yours for he is one of those of whom the Proverb says Fools will be meddling and who meddles with another Man's Business Milks his Cow into a Sieve In searching after another Knight's Wits he loses his own and Hunts up and down for that which may make him rue the finding And is not the Poor Man in Love quoth Sancho I marry said t'other and with one Casildea de Vandalia one of the oddest Pieces in the World she 'll neither Roast nor Boil and is neither Fish Flesh nor good Red Herring But that 's not the Thing that Plagues his Noddle now He has some other Crotchets in his Crown and you 'll hear more of it e'er long There is no way so smooth quoth Sancho but it has some hole or rub in 't to make a Body stumble In some Houses they Boil Beans and in mine are whole Kettles full So Madness has more need of good Attendants than Wisdom But if the old Saying be true that it lightens Sorrow to have Companions in our Grief you are the fittest to comfort me you serve one Fool and I another My Master quoth the Squire of the Wood is more stout than foolish but more Knave than either Mine is not like yours then quoth Sancho he has not one grain of Knavery in him he 's as dull as an old crack'd Pitcher hurts no Body does all the good he can to every Body a Child may perswade him it is Night at Noon-Day and he is so simple that I can't help loving him with all my Heart and Soul and can't leave him in spight of all his Follies Have a care Brother said the Squire of the Wood when the Blind leads the Blind both may fall into the Ditch 'T is better to wheel about fair
ever For is it possible there shou'd be at this time any Knight-Errants in the World and there shou'd be a true History of a living Knight-Errant in Print I cannot persuade my self there is any body now upon Earth that relieves Widows protects Damsels or assists Married Women and Orphans and I shou'd still be of the same mind had not my Eyes afforded me a sight of such a Person as your self Now Heaven be prais'd for this History of your true and noble Feats of Arms which you say is in Print will blot out the Memory of all those Idle Romances of pretended Knight-Errants that have so fill'd and pester'd the World to the detriment of good Education and the Prejudice and Dishonour of true History There is a great deal to be said answer'd Don Quixote for the Truth of Histories of Knight-Errantry as well as against it How return'd the Gentleman in Green Is there any body living who makes the least scruple but that they are false Yes Sir my self for one said Don Quixote But let that pass If we continue any time together on the Road I hope to convince you that you have been to blame in suffering your self to be carry'd away with the Stream of Mankind that generally disbelieves ' em The Traveller at this discourse began to have a suspicion that Don Quixote was distracted and expected the next words would confirm him in that Opinion But before they enter'd into any further Conversation Don Quixote begg'd him to acquaint him who he was since he had given him some account of his own Life and Condition Sir Knight of the Woeful Figure answer'd the other I am a Gentleman born at a Village where God willing we shall dine by and by My Name is Don Diego de Miranda I have a reasonable Competency I pass my time contentedly with my Wife my Children and my Friends My usual Diversions are Hunting and Fishing yet I keep neither Hawks nor Hounds but some tame Partridges and a Ferret I have about three or fourscore Books some Spanish some Latin some of History and others of Divinity But for Books of Knight-Errantry none ever came within my Doors I am more inclinable to read those that are Profane than those of Devotion if they be such as yield an innocent Amusement and are agreeable for their Style and surprizing for their Invention tho' we have but few of 'em in our own Language Sometimes I eat with my Neighbours and Friends and often I invite 'em to do the like with me My Treats are clean and handsome neither penurious nor superfluous I am not given to murmur and backbite nor do I love to hear others do it I am no curious Inquirer into the Lives and Actions of other People Every Day I hear Divine Service and give to the Poor without making a shew of it or presuming on my good deeds least I shou'd give way to Hypocrisie and Vain-glory Enemies that too easily possess themselves of the best guarded Hearts I endeavour to reconcile those that are at Variance I pay my Devotions to the Blessed Virgin and ever trust in Heaven's infinite Mercy Sancho listen'd with great attention to this Relation of the Gentleman's way of Living and believing that a Person who led so good and pious a Life was able to work Miracles he jump'd in haste from his Ass and catching hold of his right Stirrup with Tears in his Eyes and Devotion in his Heart fell a kissing his Foot What 's the matter Friend cry'd the Gentleman wondring at his proceeding What 's the meaning of this Kissing Oh! good Sir quoth Sancho Let me kiss that dear Foot of yours I beseech you for you are certainly the first Saint on Horse-back I ever saw in my born Days Alas reply'd the Gentleman I am no Saint but a great Sinner You indeed Friend I believe are a good Soul as appears by your Simplicity With that Sancho return'd to his Pack-Saddle having by this Action provok'd the Profound Gravity of his Master to smile and caus'd new Admiration in Don Diego And now Don Quixote enquires of him how many Children he had telling him at the same time that among the things in which the Ancient Philosophers who had not the true Knowledge of God made Happiness consist as the Advantages of Nature and Fortune one was to have many Friends and a numerous and Vertuous Off-spring I have a Son Sir Knight answer'd the Gentleman and perhaps if I had him not I shou'd not think my self the more unhappy not that he is so bad neither but because he is not so good as I wou'd have him He is Eighteen Years of Age the last six he has spent at Salamanca to perfect himself in his Latin and Greek But when I wou'd have had him to have proceeded to the Study of other Sciences I found him so engag'd in that of Poetry if it may be call'd a Science that 't was impossible to make him look either to the Study of the Law which I intended him for or of Divinity the noblest Part of all Learning I was in hopes he might have become an honour to his Family living in an Age in which good and vertuous Literature is highly favour'd and rewarded by Princes for Learning without Vertue is like a Pearl upon a Dunghil He now spends whole Days in examining whether Homer in such a Verse of his Iliads says well or no Whether such an Epigram in Martial ought not to be expung'd for Obscenity And whether such and such Verses in Virgil are to be taken in such a Sense or otherwise In short his whole Converse is with the Celebrated Poets with Horace and Persius Juvenal and Tibullus But as for Modern Rhimers he has but an indifferent Opinion of ' m. And yet for all this Disgust of Spanish Poetry he is now breaking his Brain upon a Paraphrase or Glose on four Verses that were sent him from the University and which I think are design'd for a Prize Sir reply'd Don Quixote Children are the Flesh and Blood of their Parents and whether good or bad are to be cherish'd as part of our selves 'T is the Duty of a Father to train 'em up from their tenderest Years in the Paths of Vertue in good Discipline and Christian Principles that when they advance in Years they may become the staff and support of their Parents Age and the glory of their Posterity But as for forcing them to this or that Study 't is a thing I don't so well approve Persuasion is all I think that is proper in such a case Especially when they are so Fortunate as to be above studying for Bread as having Parents that can provide for their future Subsistence they ought in my Opinion to be indulg'd in the pursuit of that Science to which their own Genius gives them the most Inclination For tho' the Art of Poetry is not so profitable as delightful yet it is none of those that disgrace the ingenious Professor
same time he snatch'd the Helmet out of Sancho's Hands before he could discharge it of the Curds and clapp'd it on his Head without examining the Contents Now the Curds being squeez'd between his bare Crown and the Iron the Whey began to run all about his Face and Beard which so surpriz'd him that calling to Sancho in great disorder What 's this cry'd he Sancho What 's the matter with me sure my Scull is growing soft or my Brains are melting or else I sweat from Head to Foot But if I do I 'm sure 't is not for Fear This certainly must be a very dreadful Adventure that 's approaching Give me something to wipe me if thou canst for I 'm almost blinded with the Torrent of Sweat Sancho did not dare to say a Word but giving him a Cloath bless'd his Stars that his Master had not found him out Don Quixote dry'd himself and taking off the Helmet to see what it should be that felt so cold on his Head perceiving some white stuff and putting it to his Nose soon found what it was Now by the Life of my Lady Dulcinea del Toboso cry'd he thou hast put Curds in my Helmet vile Traytor and unmannerly Squire Nay reply'd Sancho cunningly and keeping his Countenance if they be Curds good your Worship give 'em me hither and I 'll eat 'em But hold now I think on 't the Devil eat 'em for me for he himself must have put 'em there What! I offer to do so beastly a Trick Do you think I have no more Manners As sure as I 'm alive Sir I have got my Inchanters too that owe me a Grudge and Plague me as a Limb of your Worship and I warrant have put that nasty stuff there on purpose to set you against me and make you fall foul on my Bones But I hope they 've miss'd their aim this time i'troth My Master is a wise Man and must needs know that I had neither Curds nor Milk nor any thing of that kind and if I had met with Curds I should sooner have put 'em in my Belly than his Helmet Well said Don Quixote there may be something in that The Gentleman had observ'd these Passages and stood amaz'd but especially at what immediately follow'd for the Knight-Errant having put on the Helmet again fix'd himself well in the Stirrups try'd whether his Sword were loose enough in his Scabbard and rested his Lance. Now cry'd he come what will come here am I who dare encounter the Devil himself in propria Persona By this time the Waggon was come up with them attended only by the Carter mounted on one of the Mules and another Man that sat on the forepart of the Waggon Don Quixote making up to 'em Whither go ye Friends said he What Waggon is this What do ye convey in it And what is the meaning of these Colours The Waggon is mine answer'd the Waggoner I have there two brave Lions which the General of Oran is sending to the King our Master and these Colours are to let People understand that what goes here belongs to him And are these Lions large enquir'd Don Quixote Very large answer'd the Man in the fore-part of the Waggon There never came bigger from Africk into Spain I am their Keeper added he and have had charge of several others but I never saw the like of these before In the furthermost Cage is a He-lion and in the other behind a Lioness By this time they are cruel hungry for they have not eaten to Day therefore pray good Sir ride out of the Way for we must make haste to get to the place where we intend to feed ' em What! said Don Quixote with a scornful Smile Lion-Whelps against me Against me those puny Beasts And at this time of Day Well I 'll make those Gentlemen that sent their Lions this way know whether I am a Man to be scar'd with Lions Get off honest Fellow and since you are the Keeper open their Cages and let 'em both out for maugre and in despight of those Inchanters that have sent 'em to try me I 'll make the Creatures know in the midst of this very Field who Don Quixote de la Mancha is So thought the Gentleman to himself now has our poor Knight discover'd what he is the Curds I find have soften'd his Scull and mellow'd his Brains While he was making this Reflection Sancho came up to him and begg'd him to disswade his Master from his rash Attempt Oh good dear Sir cry'd he for Pity-sake hinder my Master from falling upon these Lions by all means or we shall be torn a-pieces Why said the Gentleman is your Master so arrant a Mad-man then that you should fear he would set upon such furious Beasts Ah Sir said Sancho he is not mad but woundy ventersome Well reply'd the Gentleman I 'll take care there shall be no harm done and with that advancing up to Don Quixote who was urging the Lion-keeper to open the Cage Sir said he Knight-Errants ought to engage in Adventures from which there may be some hopes of coming off with Safety but not in such as are altogether Desperate for that Courage which borders on Temerity is more like Madness than true Fortitude Besides these Lions are not come against you but sent as a Present to the King and therefore 't is not the best way to detain 'em or stop the Waggon Pray sweet Sir reply'd Don Quixote go and amuse your self with your tame Partridges and your Ferrets and leave every one to his own Business This is mine and I know best whether these worthy Lions are sent against me or no. Then turning about to the Keeper Sirrah you Rascal you said he either open the Cages immediately or by Heav'n I 'll pin thee to the Waggon with this Lance. Good Sir cry'd the Waggoner seeing this strange Apparition in Armour so Resolute for Mercy 's sake do but let me take out our Mules first and get out of harm's-way with 'em as fast as I can before the Lions get out for if they should once set upon the poor Beasts I should be undone for ever for alas that Cart and they are all I have in the World to get a living with Incredulous Wretch said Don Quixote take 'em out quickly then and go with 'em where thou wilt though thou shalt presently see that thy Pre-caution was needless and thou might'st have spar'd thy Pains The Waggoner upon this made all the haste he could to take out his Mules while the Keeper cry'd out as loud as he was able Bear Witness all ye that are here present that 't is against my Will I 'm forc'd to open the Cages and let loose the Lions and that I protest to this Gentleman here that he shall be answerable for all the Mischief and Damage they may do together with the loss of my Salary and Fees And now Sirs shift for your selves as fast as you can before I open
is not impossible but there may be one who may deserve the Name tho' he does not think so himself That 's very unlikely reply'd Don Quixote But pray Sir tell me what Verses are those that your Father says you are so puzzl'd about If it shou'd be what we call a Gloss or a Paraphrase I understand something of that Way of Writing and shou'd be glad to see it If the Composition be design'd for a Poetical Prize I would advise you only to put in for the second for the first always goes by Favour and is rather granted to the great Quality of the Author than to his Merit but as to the next 't is adjudg'd to the most deserving so that the third may in a Manner be esteem'd the second and the first no more than the third according to the Method us'd in our Universities And yet after all 't is no small Matter to gain the Honour of being call'd the first Hitherto all 's well thought Don Lorenzo to himself I can't think thee mad yet let 's go on With that addressing himself to Don Quixote Sir said he you seem to me to have frequented the Schools pray what Science has been your particular Study That of Knight-Errantry answer'd Don Quixote which is as good as that of Poetry and somewhat better too I don't know what sort of Science that is said Don Lorenzo nor indeed did I ever hear of it before 'T is a Science answer'd Don Quixote that includes in it self all the other Sciences in the World or at least the greatest Part of them Whoever professes it ought to be learned in the Laws and understand distributive and commutative Justice in order to right all Mankind He ought to be a Divine to give a Reason of his Faith and vindicate his Religion by Dint of Argument He ought to be skill'd in Physick especially in the botanick Part of it that he may know the Nature of Simples and have Recourse to those Herbs that can cure Wounds for a Knight-Errant must not expect to find Surgeons in the Woods and Desarts He must be an Astronomer to understand the Motions of the Celestial Orbs and find out by the Stars the Hour of the Night and the Longitude and Latitude of the Climate on which Fortune throws him and he ought to be as well instructed in all the other Parts of the Mathematicks that Science being of constant use to a Professor of Arms on many Accounts too numerous to be related I need not tell you that all the divine and moral Virtues must center in his Mind To descend to less material Qualifications he must be able to swim like a Fish shooe a Horse mend a Saddle or a Harness And returning to higher Matters he ought to be inviolably devoted to Heaven and his Mistress Chaste in his Thoughts Modest in Words and Liberal and Valiant in Deeds Patient in Afflictions Charitable to the Poor and finally a Maintainer of Truth though it cost him his Life to defend it These are the Endowments that constitute a good Knight-Errant and now Sir be you a Judge whether the Professors of Chivalry have an easy Task to perform and whether such a Science may not stand in Competition with the most Celebrated and best of those that are taught in Colleges If it be so answer'd Don Lorenzo I say it deserves the Preheminence over all other Sciences What do you mean Sir by that If it be so cry'd Don Quixote I mean Sir reply'd Don Lorenzo that I doubt whether there are now or ever were any Knights-Errant especially with so many rare Accomplishments This makes good what I have often said answer'd Don Quixote most People will not be perswaded there ever were any Knights-Errant in the World Now Sir because I verily believe that unless Heaven will work some Miracle to convince them that there have been and still are Knights-Errant those incredulous Persons are too much Wedded to their Opinion to admit such a Belief I will not now lose Time to endeavour to let you see how much you and they are mistaken all I design to do is only to beseech Heaven to convince you of your being in an Error that you may see how useful Knights-Errant were in former Ages and the vast Advantages that would result in ours from the Assistance of Men of that Profession But now Effeminacy Sloth Luxury and ignoble Pleasures triumph for the Punishment of our Sins Now said Don Lorenzo to himself our Gentleman has already betray'd his Blind-side but yet he gives a Colour of Reason to his Extravagance and I were a Fool should I think otherwise Here they were call'd to Dinner which ended their Discourse And at that time Don Diego taking his Son aside ask'd him what he thought of the Stranger I think Sir said Don Lorenzo that 't is not in the Power of all the Physicians in the World to Cure his Distemper He is Mad past Recovery but yet he has pleasant lucid Intervals In short they Din'd and their Entertainment prov'd such as the old Gentleman had told the Knight he us'd to give his Guests neat plentiful and well order'd But that which Don Quixote most admir'd was the extraordinary Silence he observ'd through the whole House as if it had been a Monastery of mute Carthusians The Cloth being remov'd Grace said and Hands wash'd Don Quixote earnestly desir'd Don Lorenzo to shew him the Verses he had wrote for the Poetical Prize Well Sir answer'd he because I will not be like those Poets that are unwilling to shew their Verses when entreated to do it but will tire you with them when no body desires it I 'll shew you my Gloss or Paraphrase which I did not Write with a Design to get a Prize but only to exercise my Muse I remember said Don Quixote a Friend of mine a Man of good Sense once told me he wou'd not advise any one to break his Brains about that sort of Composition and he gave me this Reason for 't that the Gloss or Comment cou'd never exactly agree with the Theme so far from it that most commonly it left it altogether and ran contrary to the Thought of the Author of the Text. Besides he said that the Rules to which Custom ties up the Composers of those elaborate Amusements are too strict allowing no Interrogations no such Interjection as said he or shall I say no changing of Nouns into Verbs nor any altering of the Sense Besides several other Confinements that cramp up those who puzzle their Brains with such a crabbed way of Glossing as you your self Sir without doubt must know Really Signior Don Quixote said Don Lorenzo I wou'd fain catch you Tripping but you still slip from me like an Eel I don't know Sir reply'd Don Quixote what you mean by your slipping I 'll tell you another Time answer'd the young Gentleman in the mean while be pleas'd to hear the Theme and Paraphrase which is this The THEME COu'd I
Cheeses set up like Bricks made a comely Bulwark on the other Two Pans of Oil each bigger than a Dyer's Fat serv'd to fry their Pancakes which they lifted out with two strong Peels when they were fry'd enough and then they dipp'd 'em in as large a Kettle of Honey prepar'd for that purpose To dress all this Provision there were above fifty Cooks Men and Women all cleanly diligent and chearful In the ample Belly of the Steer they had sew'd up twelve little sucking Piggs embowell'd to give it the more savoury Taste Spices of all sorts lay about in such Plenty that they appear'd to be bought by whole-sale In short the whole Provision was indeed Country-like but plentiful enough to feast an Army Sancho beheld all this with wonder and delight The first Temptation that captivated his Senses was the goodly Pots his Bowels yearn'd and his Mouth water'd at the dainty Contents By and by he falls desperately in Love with the Skins of Wine and lastly his affections were fix'd on the Fryingpans if such honourable Kettles may accept of the Name The scent of the fry'd Meat put him into such a commotion of Spirit that he could hold out no longer but accosting one of the busie Cooks with all the smooth and hungry Reasons he was Master of he begg'd his leave to sop a Luncheon of Bread in one of the Pans Friend quoth the Cook no hunger must be felt near us to Day thanks to the Founder Light light Man and if thou canst find ever a Ladle there skim out a Pullet or two and much good may do you Alack a day quoth Sancho I see no Ladle Sir Blood and Suet cry'd the Cook what a silly helpless Fellow thou art Let me see With that he took a Kettle and sowsing into one of the Pots he fish'd out three Hens and a couple of Geese at one heave Here Friend said he to Sancho take this and make shift to stay your Stomach with that Scum till Dinner be ready Heaven reward you cry'd Sancho but where shall I put it Here answer'd the Cook take Ladle and all and thank the Founder once more I say no Body will grudge it thee While Sancho was thus employ'd Don Quixote saw twelve young Farmers Sons all Dress'd very Gay enter upon stately Mares as richly and gaudily equipp'd as the Country could afford with little Bells fasten'd to their Furniture These in a close Body made several Careers up and down the Meadow merrily shouting and crying out long live Camacho and Quiteria he as rich as she Fair and she the fairest in the World Poor Ignorants thought Don Quixote over-hearing them you speak as you know but had you ever seen my Dulcinea del Toboso you would not be so lavish of your Praises here In a little while at several other parts of the spacious Arbour enter'd a great Number of Dancers and among the rest twenty four young active Country-Lads in their fine Holland-Shirts with their Handkerchiefs wrought with several Colours of fine Silk wound about their Heads each of 'em with Sword in Hand These Danc'd a Military Dance and skirmish'd with one another mixing and intermixing with their naked Swords with wonderful sleight and activity without hurting each other in the least This Dance pleas'd Don Quixote mightily and tho' he was no stranger to such sort of Dances he thought it the best he had ever seen There was another he also lik'd very well perform'd all by most Beautiful young Maids between fourteen and eighteen years of Age clad in slight green with their Hair partly filletted up with Ribbons and partly hanging loose about their Shoulders as bright and lovely as the Sun 's Golden Beams Above all they wore Garlands of Roses Jasmine Amaranth and Honey-suckles They were led up by a Reverend Old Man and a Matronly Woman both much more Light and Active than their years seem'd to promise They Danc'd to the Musick of Zamora Bagpipes and such was the Modesty of their Looks and the agility of their Feet that they appear'd the prettiest Dancers in the World After these came in an artificial Dance or Masque consisting of eight Nymphs cast into two Divisions of which Love led one and Wealth the other one with his Wings his Bow his Arrows and his Quiver the other array'd in several gaudy Colours of Gold and Silk The Nymphs of Cupid's Party had their Names inscribed in large Characters behind their Backs The first was Poesy Prudence was the next the third Nobility and Valour was the fourth Those that attended Wealth were Liberality Reward Treasure and Peaceable Possession Bedrawn by four Savages clad in green cover'd over with Ivy and grim surly Vizzards on their Faces so to the Life that they had almost frighted Sancho On the Frontispiece and on every quarter of the Edifice was inscrib'd the Castle of Reservedness Four expert Musicians play'd to them on Pipe and Tabor Cupid began the Dance and after two Movements he cast up his Eyes and bent his Bow against a Virgin that stood upon the Battlements of the Castle addressing himself in this manner The MASQUE LOVE MY Name is Love supreme my Sway The greatest Good and greatest Pain Air Earth and Seas my Power obey And Gods themselves must drag my Chain In every Heart my Throne I keep Fear ne'er could daunt my daring Soul I firâ— the Bosom of the Deep And the profoundest Hell controll Having spoken these Verses Cupid shot an Arrow over the Castle and retir'd to his Station Then Wealth advanc'd and perform'd two Movements after which the Musick stopp'd and he express'd himself thus WEALTH LOve's my Incentive and my End But I 'm a greater Pow'r than Love Tho' Earthly Born I Earth transcend For Wealth 's a Blessing from above Bright Maid with me receive and bless The surest pledge of all Success Desir'd by All us'd right by Few But best bestow'd when grac'd by you Wealth withdrew and Poesy came forward and after she had perform'd her Movements like the rest fixing her Eyes upon the Lady of the Castle repeated these Lines POESY Sweet Poesy in moving Layes Love into Hearts Sense into Souls conveys With Sacred Rage can tune to Bliss or Woe Sways all the Man and gives him Heav'n below Bright Nymph with ev'ry Grace adorn'd Shall noble Verse by Thee be scorn'd 'T is Wit can best thy Beauty prize Then raise the Muse and thou by her shall rise Poesy retir'd and Liberality advanc'd from Wealth 's side and after the Dance spoke this LIBERALITY Behold that noble golden Mean Betwixt the Sparing and Profuse Good Sense and Merit must be seen Where Liberality's in Use But I for Thee will lavish seem For Thee Profuseness I 'll approve For where the Merit is extreme who 'd not be prodigal of Love In this Manner all the Persons of each Party advanc'd and spoke their Verses of which some were pretty and some foolish enough Among the rest Don Quixote who had a very
Sirrah that as they gave you a dry Benediction with a Quarter-Staff they did not cross you with a Cutlass I han't Breath to answer you at present quoth Sancho but my Back and Shoulders speak enough for me Pray let 's make the best of our way from this Cursed Place and whene'er I Bray again may I get such another Polt on the Kidneys Yet I can't help saying that your Knights-Errant can betake themselves to their Heels to save one upon Occasion and leave their trusty Squires to be beaten like Stock-fish in the midst of their Enemies A Retreat is not to be accounted a Flight reply'd Don Quixote for know Sancho that Courage that has not Wisdom for its Guide falls under the Name of Temerity and the rash Man's successful Actions are rather owing to his good Fortune than to his Bravery I own I did Retire but I deny that I fled and in such a Retreat I did but imitate many Valiant Men who not to hazard their Persons indiscreetly reserv'd themselves for a more fortunate Hour Histories are full of Examples of this nature which I do not care to relate at present because this would be more tedious to me than profitable to thee By this time Don Quixote had help'd Sancho to bestride his Ass and being himself Mounted on Rozinante they Pac'd softly along and got into a Grove of Poplar Trees about a Quarter of a League from the Place where they Mounted Yet as softly as they rode Sancho could not help now and then heaving up deep Sighs and lamentable Groans Don Quixote ask'd him why he made such a heavy Moan Sancho told him That from his Rump to his Pole he felt such grievous Pains that he was ready to sink Without doubt said Don Quixote the Intenseness of thy Torment is by reason the Staff with which thou wert struck was broad and long and so having fallen on those parts of thy Back caused a Contusion there and affects them all with Pain and had it been of a greater Magnitude thy Grievances had been so much the greater Truly quoth Sancho you 've clear'd that in very pithy Words of which no body made any doubt Body of me was the Cause of my ailing so hard to be guess'd that you must tell me that so much of me was sore as was hit by the Weapon Shou'd my Ankle-bone ach and you scratch your Head till you had found out the Cause of it I would think that something But for you to tell me that Place is sore where I was Bruis'd every Fool could do as much Faith and Troth Sir Master of mine I grow Wiser and Wiser every Day I find you 're like all the World that lay to Heart no body's Harms but their own I find where abouts we are and what I 'm like to get by you for e'en as you left me now in the Lurch to be well belabour'd and Rib-roasted and t'other Day to dance the Carp-Galliard in the Blanket you wot of so I must expect a hundred and a hundred more of these good Vails i' your Service and as the Mischief has now lighted on my Shoulders next Bout I look for it to fly at my Eyes A Plague of my Jolter-head I have been a Fool and Set all along and am never like to be Wiser while I live Would it not be better for me to trudge home to my Wife and Children and look after my House with that little Wit that Heaven has given me without galloping after your Tail high and low through confounded cross Roads and By-ways and wicked and crooked Paths that the Ungodly themselves can't find out And then most commonly to have nothing to moisten one's Weasand that 's fitting for a Christian to drink nothing but meer Element and Dog's Porridge And nothing to stuff one's Puddings that 's worthy of a Catholick Stomach Then after a Man has tir'd himself off his Legs when he 'd be glad of a good Bed to have a Master cry Here are you sleepy Lie down Mâ— Squire your Bed's made Take six Foot of good hard Ground and measure your Corps there and if that won't serve take as much more and welcome You 're at Rack and Manger spare not I beseech your Dogship there 's Room enough Old Nick roast and burn to a Cinder that unlucky Son of Mischief that first set People a madding after this Whim of Knight-Errantry or at least the first Ninny-hammer that had so little Forecast as to turn Squire to such a Parcel of Mad-men as were your Knights-Errant in the Days of Yore I mean I am better bred than to speak ill of those in our Time no I honour them since your Worship has taken up this blessed Calling for you 've a long Nose the Devil himself could not outreach you you can see farther into a Milstone than he I durst lay a Wager said Don Quixote that now thou art suffer'd to prate without Interruption thou feel'st no manner of Pain in thy whole Body Prethee talk on my Child say any thing that comes uppermost to thy Mouth or is Burdensome to thy Brain so it but alleviates thy Pain thy Impertinencies will rather please than offend me and if thou hast such a longing Desire to be at home with thy Wife and Children Heaven forbid I should be against it Thou hast Money of mine in thy Hands See how long 't is since we Sallied out last from Home and cast up the Wages by the Month and Pay thy self An 't like your Worship quoth Sancho when I serv'd my Master Carrasco Father to the Batchelor your Worship's Acquaintance I had two Ducats a Month besides my Victuals I don't know what you 'll give me tho' I 'm sure there 's more Trouble in being Squire to a Knight-Errant than in being Servant to a Farmer for truly we that go to Plough and Cart in a Farmer 's Service though we moil and sweat so a-days as not to have a dry Thread to our Backs let the worst come to the worst are sure of a Bellyful at Night out of the Pot and to snore in a Bed But I don't know when I have had a good Meal's Meat or a good Night's Rest in all your whole Service unless it were that short time when we were at Don Diego's House and when I made a Feast on the savoury Skimming of Camacho's Cauldron and Eat Drank and Lay at Master Basil's All the rest of my time I have had my Lodging on the cold Ground and in the open Fields subject to the Inclemency of the Sky as you call it living on the Rinds of Cheese and Crusts of mouldy Bread drinking sometimes Ditch-water sometimes Spring as we chanc'd to light upon 't in our way Well said Don Quixote I grant all this Sancho then how much more dost thou expect from me than thou had'st from thy Master Carrasco Why truly quoth Sancho if your Worship will Pay me Twelve-pence a Month more than Thomas Carrasco gave me
dare vouch it in any Ground in Spain that my Lady Dulcinea del Toboso is woundy Handsome and fair But where we least think there starts the Hare I 've heard your great Scholards say That she you call Dame Nature is like a Potter and he that makes one handsome Pipkin may make two or three hundred And so d' ye see you may understand by this that my Lady Dutchess here does not a jot come short of my Lady Dulcinea del Toboso Don Quixote upon this addressing himself to the Dutchess Your Grace must know said he that no Knight-Errant ever had such an eternal Babbler such a bundle of Conceit for a Squire as I have and if I have the honour to continue for some time in your Service your Grace will find it true I am glad answer'd the Dutchess that honest Sancho has his Conceits it s a shrew'd sign he is wise for merry Conceits you know Sir are not the Off-springs of a dull Brain and therefore if Sancho be jovial and jocose I 'll warrant him also a Man of Sense And a Prater Madam added Don Quixote So much the better said the Duke for a Man that talks well can never talk too much But not to lose our time here Come on Sir Knight of the Woeful Figure Knight of the Lions your Highness should say quoth Sancho The Woeful Figure is out of date and so pray let the Lions come in play Well then said the Duke I entreat the Knight of the Lions to vouchsafe us his Presence at a Castle I have hard by where he shall find such Entertainment as is justly due to so eminent a Personage such Honours as the Dutchess and my self are wont to pay to all Knight-Errants that travel this Way Sancho having by this got Rozinante ready and girded the Saddle tight Don Quixote mounted his Steed and the Duke a stately Horse of his own and the Dutchess riding between 'em both they mov'd towards the Castle She desir'd that Sancho might always attend near her for she was extremely taken with his notable Sayings Sancho was not hard to be entreated but crowded in between 'em and made a fourth in their Conversation The Duke and the Dutchess were very well satisfied esteeming themselves very fortunate in having an Opportunity to entertain at their Castle such a Knight-Errant and such an erring Squire CHAP. XXXI Which Treats of many and great Matters SAncho was over-joy'd to find himself so much in the Dutchess's Favour flattering himself that he shou'd fare no worse at her Castle than he had done at Don Diego's and Basil's Houses for he was ever a Cordial Friend to a plentiful way of Living and therefore never fail'd to take Opportunity by the Fore-top where-ever he met her Now the History tells us that before they got to the Castle the Duke rode away from them to instruct his Servants how to behave themselves toward Don Quixote so that no sooner did the Knight come near the Gates but he was met by two of the Duke's Lacquies or Grooms in long Vests like Night-Gowns of fine Crimson-Sattin These suddenly took him in their Arms and lifting him from his Horse without any further Ceremony go great and mighty Sir said they and help my Lady Dutchess down Thereupon Don Quixote went and offer'd to do it and many Compliments and much Ceremony pass'd on both sides but in Conclusion the Dutchess's earnestness prevail'd for she wou'd not alight from her Palfry but in the Arms of her Husband excusing her self from incommoding so great a Knight with so insignificant a Burden With that the Duke took her down And now being enter'd into a large Court-yard there came two Beautiful Damsels who threw a long Mantle of fine Scarlet over Don Quixote's Shoulders In an instant all the Galleries about the Court-yard were crouded with Men and Women the Domesticks of the Duke who cry'd out Welcome Welcome the Flower and Cream of Knight-Errantry Then most if not all of 'em sprinkl'd whole Bottles of sweet Water upon Don Quixote the Duke and the Dutchess This usage agreeably surpriz'd the Don and this was indeed the first Day he knew aad firmly believ'd himself to be a Real Knight-Errant and that his Knighthood was more than Fancy finding himself Treated just as he had read the Brothers of the Order were entertain'd in former Ages Sancho was so transported that he even forsook his beloved Dapple to keep close to the Dutchess and enter'd the Castle with the Company But his Conscience flying in his Face for leaving that dear Companion of his alone he went to a reverend old Duena who was one of the Dutchess's Retinue and Whispering her in the Ear Mrs. Gonsales or Mrs Pray forsooth may I crave your Name Donna Rodriguez de Grijalva is my Name said the old Waiting-woman What is your Business with me Friend Pray now Mistress quoth Sancho do so much as go out at the Castle-Gate where you 'll find a Dapple Ass of mine see him put into the Stable or else put him in your self for poor thing 't is main fearful and timersome and can't abide to be alone in a strange Place If the Master said she pettishly has no more Manners than the Man we shall have a fine time on 't Get you gone you saucy Jack the Devil take thee and him that brought you hither to affront me Go seek somewhere else for Ladies to look to your Ass you Lollpoop I 'd have you to know that Gentlewomen like me are not us'd to such Drudgeries Don't take Pepper in your Nose at it reply'd Sancho you need not be so frumpish Mistress As good as you have don 't I have heard my Master say and he knows all the Histories in the World that when Sir Lancelot came out of Britain Damsels look'd after him and Waiting-women after his Horse Now by my Troth whether you believe it or no I wou'd not swop my Ass for Sir Lancelot's Horse I 'll tell you that I think the Fool rides the Fellow quoth the Waiting-woman Hark you Friend if you be a Buffoon keep your stuff for those Chapmen that will bid you fairer I wou'd not give a Fig for all the Jests in your Budget Well enough yet quoth Sancho and a Fig for you too an' you go to that Adad shou'd I take thee for a Fig. I might be sure of a ripe one your Fig's rotten Ripe forsooth say no more if sixty's the Game you 're a Peep out You Rascally Son of a Whore cry'd the Waiting-woman in a pelting Chafe whether I am Old or no Heaven best knows I shan't stand to give an Account to such a Raggamuffin as thou thou Garlick-eating Stinkard She spoke this so loud that the Dutchess overheard her and seeing the Woman so alter'd and as red as Fire ask'd what was the matter Why Madam said the Waiting-woman here 's a Fellow wou'd ha' me put his Ass in the Stable telling me an idle Story of Ladies that look'd
when they heard a great Noise in the House and by and by Sancho came running in unexpectedly into the Room where they sate in a terrible Fright with a Dish-clout before him instead of a Bib. The Scullions and other greasie Rabble of the Kitchen were about him one of 'em pursuing him with a little Kneading-Trough full of Dish-water which he endeavour'd by any means to put under his Chin while another stood ready to have wash'd the poor Squire with it How now Fellow said the Dutchess What 's the matter here What wou'd you do with this good Man Don't you consider he 's a Governor Elect Madam quoth the Barber-Scullion the Gentleman won't let us wash him according to Custom as my Lord Duke and his Master were Yes marry but I will quoth Sancho in a mighty Huff but then it shall be with clearer Sudds cleaner Towels and not quite so stovenly Paws for there 's no such difference between my Master and me neither that he must be wash'd with Angel-Water and I with the Devil's Lye So far the Customs of great Men's Houses are good as they give no Offence But this same Beastly washing in a Puddle is worse Pennance than a Frier's Flogging My Beard is clean enough and wants no such refreshing Stand clear you had best for the first that comes to wash me or touch a Hair of my Head my Beard I would say Sir Reverence of the Company I 'll take him such a Dowse o' th' Ear he shall feel it a Twelvemonth after For these kind of Ceremonies and Soapings d' ye see look more like Flouts and Jeers than like a civil Welcome to Strangers The Dutchess was like to have burst her Sides with Laughing to see Sancho's Fury and hear how he argu'd for himself But Don Quixote did not very well like to see him with such a nasty Dish-Clout about his Neck and made the sport of the Kitchen-Pensioners Therefore after he had made a deep Bow to the Duke as it were desiring Leave to speak looking on the Scullions Hark ye Gentlemen cry'd he very gravely Pray let the Young Man alone and get you gone as you came if you think fit My Squire is as cleanly is another Man your Trough won't do you might as well have brought him a Dram-Cup Away be advis'd by me and leave him For neither he nor I can abide such slovenly Jestings No no quoth Sancho taking the Words out of his Master's Mouth let 'em stay and go on with their Show I 'll pay my Barbers I 'll warrant ye They had as good take a Lion by the Beard as meddle with mine Let 'em bring a Comb hither or what they will and Curry-comb it and if they find any thing there that should not be there I 'll give 'em leave to cut and mince me as small as a Horse Sancho is in the right said the Dutchess still Laughing and will be in the right in all he says he is as clean and neat as can be and needs none of your scouring and if he does not like our way of Washing let him do as he pleases Besides you who pretend to make others clean have shewn your selves now very Careless and Idle I don't know whether I mayn't say Impudent too to offer to bring your Kneading-Trough and your Dish-clouts to such a Person and such a Beard instead of a Golden Bason and Ewer and fine Diaper-Towels But you are a Pack of unmannerly Varlets and like saucy Rascals as you are can't help shewing your Spight to the Squires of Knight-Errants The greasy Regiment and even the Steward who was with 'em thought verily the Dutchess had been in earnest So they took the Cloath from Sancho's Neck and sneak'd off quite out of Countenance Sancho seeing himself deliver'd from his Apprehensions of this Danger ran and threw himself on his Knees before the Dutchess Heaven bless your Worship's Grace quoth he Madam Dutchess Great Persons are able to do great Kindnesses For my part I don't know how to make your Worship amends for this you 've done me now I can only wish I might see my my self an Arm'd Knight-Errant for your sake that I might spend all the Days of my Life in the Service of so high a Lady I am a poor Country-Man my Name is Sancho Pança Children I have and serve as a Squire If in any of these Matters I can do you any good you need but speak I 'll be nimbler in doing than your Worship shall be in ordering 'T is evident Sancho said the Dutchess that you have learn'd Civility in the School of Courtesy it self and have been bred up under the Wings of Don Quixote who is the very Cream of Compliment and the Flower of Ceremonies All Happiness attend such a Knight and such a Squire the one the North-Star of Chivalry-Errant the other the bright Luminary of Squire-like Fidelity Rise my Friend Sancho and assure your self that for the Recompence of your Civilities I will perswade my Lord Duke to put you in Possession of the Government he promis'd you as soon as he can After this Don Quixote went to take his Afternoon's Sleep But the Dutchess desir'd Saâ—cho if he were not very sleepy he would pass the Afternoon with her and her Women in a cool Room Sancho told her Grace that indeed he did use to take a good sound Nap some four or five hours long in an Afternoon but to do her good Honour a Kindness he wou'd break an old Custom for once and do his best to hold up that Day and wait on her Worship The Duke on his side gave fresh Orders that Don Quixote shou'd be entertain'd exactly like a Knight-Errant without deviating the least step from the Road of Chivalry such as is observable in Books of that kind CHAP. XXXIII The savoury Conference which the Dutchess and her Women held with Sancho Pança worth your Reading and Observation THE Story afterwards informs us that Sanchâ— slept not a Wink all that Afternoon but waited on the Dutchess as he had promis'd Being mightily taken with his comical Discourse she order'd him to take a low Chair and sit by her but Sancho who knew better things absolutely declin'd it till she press'd him again to sit as he was a Governour and speak as he was a Squire in both which Capacities he deserv'd the very Seat of Cid Ruy Diaz the famous Champion Sancho shrugg'd up his Shoulders and obey'd and all the Dutchess's Women standing round about her to give her silent Attention she began the Conference Now that we are private said she and no Body to over-hear us I would desire you my Lord Governour to resolve me of some Doubts in the printed History of the great Don Quixote which puzzle me very much First I find that the good Sancho had never seen Dulcinea the Lady Dulcinea del Toboso I should have said nor carried her his Master's Letter as having left the Table-Book behind him in Sierra Morena how then
no kind of Office of any Value that is not purchas'd with some sort of Bribe or Gratification of one kind or other all that I expect for advancing you to this Government is only that you wait on your Master in this Expedition that there may be an End of this memorable Adventure And I here engage my Honour that whether you return on Clavileno with all the speed his Swiftness promisâ—s or that it should be your ill Fortune to be oblig'd to Foot it back like a Pilgrim begging from Inn to Inn and Door to Door still whenever you come you will find your Island where you left it and your Islanders as glad to receive you for their Governour as ever And for my own Part Signior Sancho I 'll assure you you 'd very much wrong my Friendship shou'd you in the least doubt my Readiness to serve you Good your Worship say no more cry'd Sancho I am but a poor Squire and your Goodness is too great a Load for my Shoulders But hang Baseness Mount Master and blindfold me some-body wish me a good Voyage and pray for me But harkee good Folks when I am got up and fly in the Skies mayn't I say my Prayers and call on the Angels my self to help me trow Yes yes answer'd Trifaldi for Malumbruno though an Inchanter is nevertheless a Christian and does all things with a great deal of Sagacity having nothing to do with those he should not meddle with Come on then quoth Sancho let 's away and Heaven prosper us Thy Fear Sancho said Don Quixote might by a superstitious Mind be thought ominous Since the Adventure of the Fulling-Mills I have not seen thee possess'd with such a panick Terrour But hark ye begging this noble Company 's Leave I must have a Word with you in private Then withdrawing into a distant Part of the Garden among some Trees My dear Sancho said he thou feest we are going to take a long Journey thou art no less sensible of the Uncertainty of our Return and Heaven alone can tell what Leisure or Conveniency we may have in all that Time Let me therefore beg thee to slip aside to thy Chamber as if it were to get thy self ready for our Journey and there presently dispatch me only some 500 Lashes on the Account of the 3300 thou standest engag'd for 't will soon be done and a Business once begun you know is half ended Stark mad before George cry'd Sancho I wonder you are not asham'd Sir This is just as they say You see me in Haste and ask me for a Maidenhead I am just going to ride the wooden Horse and you would have me flea my Back-side Truly truly you 're plaguily out this Time Come come Sir let 's do one thing after another let us get off these Women's Whiskers and then I 'll feague it away for Dulcinea I have no more to say on the Matter at present Well honest Sancho reply'd Don Quixote I 'll take thy Word for once and I hope thou 'lt make it good for I believe thou art more Fool than Knave I am what I am quoth Sancho but whatever I be I 'll keep my Word ne'er fear it Upon this they return'd to the Company and just as they were going to mount Blind thy Eyes Sancho said Don Quixote and get up Sure he that sends so far for us can have no Design to deceive us since 't would never be to his Credit to delude those that rely on his Word of Honour and tho' the Success should not be answerable to our Desires still the Glory of so brave an Attempt will be ours and 't is not in the Power of Malice to eclipse it To Horse then Sir cry'd Sancho to Horse The Tears of those poor bearded Gentlewomen have melted my Heart and methinks I feel their Bristles sticking in it I shan't eat a Bit to do me Good till I see them have as pretty dimpled smooth Chins and soft Lips as they had before Mount then I say and blindfold your self first for if I must ride behind 't is a plain Case you must get up before me That 's right said Don Quixote and with that pulling a Handkerchief out of his Pocket he gave it to the disconsolate Matron to hoodwink him close She did so but presently after uncovering himself If I remember right said he Virgil tells us of the Trojan Palladium that wooden Horse which the Greeks offer'd Pallas full of arm'd Knights who afterwards prov'd the total Ruin of that famous City 'T were Prudence therefore before we get up to probe this Steed and see what he has in his Guts You need not said the Countess Trifaldi I dare engage there 's no Ground for any such Surmise for Malambruno is a Man of Honour and wou'd not so much as countenance any base or treacherous Practice and whatever Accident befalls ye I dare answer for Upon this Don Quixote mounted without any Reply imagining that what he might further urge concerning his Security would be a Reflection on his Valour He then began to try the Pin which was easily turn'd and as he sate with his long Legs stretch'd at Length for want of Stirrups he look'd like one of those antique Figures in a Roman Triumph woven in some old Piece of Arras Sancho very leisurely and unwillingly was made to climb up behind him and fixing himself as well as he cou'd on the Crupper felt it somewhat hard and uneasy With that looking on the Duke Good my Lord quoth he will you lend me something to clap under me some Pillow from the Page's Bed or the Dutchess's Cushion of State or any thing for this Horse's Crupper is so confounded hard I fancy 't is rather Marble than Wood. 'T is needless said the Countess for Clavileno will bear no kind of Furniture upon him so that for your greater Ease you had best sit side-ways like a Woman Sancho took her Advice and then after he had taken his Leave of the Company they bound a Cloth over his Eyes But presently after uncovering his Face with a pitiful Look on all the Spectators Good tender-hearted Christians cry'd he with Tears in his Eyes bestow a few Pater Nosters and Ave-Marys on a poor departing Brother and pray for my Soul as you expect the like Charirity your selves in such a Condition What! you Rascal said Don Quixote d' ye think your self at the Gallows and at the Point of Death that you hold forth in such a lamentable Strain Dastardly Wretch without a Soul dost thou not know that the fair Magalona once sate in thy Place and alighted from thence not into the Grave thou Chicken-hearted Varlet but into the Throne of France if there 's any Truth in History And do not I sit by thee that I may vie with the valorous Peter of Provence and press the Seat that was once press'd by him Come blindfold thy Eyes poor spiritless Animal and let me not know thee betray the least
Symptom of Fear at least not in my Presence Well quoth Sancho hoodwink me then among ye But 't is no Mar'l one should be afraid when you won't let one say his Prayers nor be pray'd for though for ought I know we may have a Legion of Imps about our Ears to clap us up in the Devil's Pound presently Now both being hoodwink'd and Don Quixote perceiving every thing ready for their setting out began to turn the Pin and no sooner had he set his Hand to it but the Waiting-Women and all the Company set up their Throats crying out Speed you speed you well valorous Knight Heaven be your Guide undaunted Squire Now now you fly aloft See how they cut the Air more swiftly than an Arrow Now they mount and tower and soar while the gazing World wonders at their Course Sit fast sit fast couragious Sancho you don't sit steady have a Care of falling for shou'd you now drop from that amazing Height your Fall would be greater than the aspiring Youth 's that misguided the Chariot of the Sun his Father All this Sancho heard and girting his Arms fast about his Master's Waste Sir quoth he why do they say we are so high since we can hear their Voices Troth I hear 'em so plainly that one would think they were close by us Ne'er mind that answer'd Don Quixote for in these extraordinary kind of Flights we must suppose our Hearing and Seeing will be extraordinary also But don't hold me so hard for you 'll make me tumble off What makes thee tremble so I 'm sure I never rid easier in all my Life our Horse goes as if he did not move at all Come then take Courage we make swinging Way and have a fair and merry Gale I think so too quoth Sancho for I feel the Wind puff as briskly upon me here as if I don't know how many Pair of Bellows were blowing Wind in my Tail Sancho was not altogether in the Wrong for some strong Pairs of Bellows were indeed levell'd at him then which gave Air very plentifully so well had the Plot of this Adventure been laid by the Duke the Dutchess and their Steward that nothing was wanting to further the Diversion Don Quixote at last feeling the Wind Sure said he we must be risen to the middle Region of the Air where the Winds Hail Snow Thunder Light'ning and other Meteors are produc'd so that if we mount at this Rate we shall be in the Region of Fire presently and what 's worst I don't know how to manage this Pin so as to avoid being scorch'd and roasted alive At the same Time some Flax with other combustible Matter which had been got ready was clapp'd at the End of a long Stick and set on Fire at a small Distance from their Noses and the Heat and Smoke affecting the Knight and the Squire May I be hang'd quoth Sancho if we ben't come to this Fire-Place you talk of or very near it for the Half of my Beard is sindg'd already I have a huge Mind to peep out and see whereabouts we are By no Means answer'd Don Quixote I remember the strange but true Story of Doctor Torralva whom the Devils carry'd to Rome hoodwink'd and bestriding a Reed in twelve Hours Time setting him down on the Tower of Nona in one of the Streets of that City There he saw the dreadful Tumult Assault and Death of the Constable of Bourbon and the next Morning he found himself at Madrid where he related the whole Story Among other things he said as he went through the Air the Devil bid him open his Eyes which he did and then he found himself so near the Moon that he could touch it with his Finger but durst not look toward the Earth lest the Distance should make his Brains turn round So Sancho we must not unveil our Eyes but rather wholly trust to the Care and Providence of him that has Charge of us and fear nothing for we only mount high to come souse down like a Hawk upon the Kingdom of Candaya which we shall reach presently For tho' it appears not Half an Hour to us since we left the Garden we have nevertheless travell'd over a vast Tract of Air. I know nothing of the Matter reply'd Sancho but this I am very certain that if your Madam Magullane or Magalona what d'ye call her could sit this damn'd wooden Crupper without a good Cushion under her Tail she must have had a harder Pair of Buttocks than mine This Dialogue was certainly very Pleasant all this while to the Duke the Dutchess and the rest of the Company and now at last resolving to put an end to this extraordinary Adventure which had so long entertain'd them successfully they order'd one of their Servants to give fire to Clavileno's Tail and the Horse being stuft full of Squibs Crackers and other Fire-works burst presently into Pieces with a might Noise throwing the Knight one way and the Squire another both sufficiently Sindg'd By this time the Disconsolate Matron and Bearded Regiment were Vanish'd out of the Garden and all the rest counterfeiting a Trance lay flat upon the Ground Don Quixote and Sancho sorely Bruis'd made shift to get up and looking about were amaz'd to find themselves in the same Garden whence they took Horse and to see such a number of People lie Dead as they thought on the Ground But their Wonder was diverted by the appearance of a large Lance stuck in the Ground and a Scroll of white Parchment fasten'd to it by two green silken Strings with the following Inscription upon it in Golden Characters The Renown'd Knight Don Quixote de la Mancha atchiev'd the Adventure of the Countess Trifaldi otherwise call'd the Disconsolate Matron and her Companions in Distress by barely attempting it Malambruno is fully satisfy'd The Waiting-Gentlewomen have lost their Beards King Clavijo and Queen Antonomasia have resum'd their pristine Shapes and when the Squire 's Penance shall be finish'd the White Dove shall scape the Pounces of the Pernicious Hawks that pursue her and her Pining Lover shall lull her in his Arms. This is preordain'd by the Sage Merlin Proto-Inchanter of Inchanters Don Quixote having read this Oracle and Construing it to refer to Dulcinea's Dis-inchantment render'd Thanks to Heaven for so great a Deliverance and approaching the Duke and Dutchess who seem'd as yet in a Swoon he took the Duke by the Hand Courage Courage Noble Sir cry'd he there 's no Danger the Adventure is finish'd without Blood-shed as you may read it Registr'd in that Record The Duke Yawning and Stretching as if he had been wak'd out of a sound Sleep recover'd himself by degrees as did the Dutchess and the rest of the Company all of 'em acting the Surprize so naturally that the Jest could not be discover'd The Duke rubbing his Eyes made a shift to read the Scroll then Embracing Don Quixote he extoll'd his Valour to the Skies assuring him he was the
so many Flesh-flies Come now for your Queston good Mr. Steward and I 'll answer it as well as I can whether the Town be sorry or pleas'd At the same instant two Men came into the Court the one dress'd like a Country Fellow the other look'd like a Tailor with a pair of Sheers in his hand An 't please you my Lord cry'd the Taylor I and this Farmer here are come before your Worship This honest Man came to my Shop yesterday for saving your Presence I am a Tailor and Heaven be prais'd free of my Company So my Lord he shew'd me a piece of Cloath Sir quoth he is there enough of this to make me a Cap Whereupon I measur'd the Stuff and answer'd him yes an 't like your Worship Now as I imagine d' ye see he could not but imagine and perhaps he imagin'd right enough that I had a mind to cabbage some of his Cloath judging hard of us honest Tailors Prithee quoth he look whether there been't enough for two Caps Now I smelt him out and told him there was Whereupon the Old Knave an 't like your Worship going on to the same Tune bid me look again and see whether it would not make three And at last if it would not make five I was resolv'd to humour my Customer and said it might So we struck a Bargain just now the Man is come for his Caps which I gave him but when I ask him for my Money he 'll have me give him his Cloath again or pay him for 't Is this true honest Man said Sancho to the Farmer Yes an 't please you answer'd the Fellow but pray let him shew the five Caps he has made me With all my Heart cry'd the Tailor and with that pulling his hand from under his Cloak he held up five little tiny Caps hanging upon his four Fingers and Thumb as upon so many Pins There quoth he you see the five Caps this good Gaffer asks for and may I never whip a stitch more if I have wrong'd him of the least snip of his Cloath and let any Work-man be Judge The sight of the Caps and the oddness of the Cause set the whole Court a laughing Only Sancho sat gravely considering a while and then Methinks said he this Suit here need not be long depending but may be decided without any more ado with a great deal of Equity and therefore the Judgment of the Court is That the Tailor shall lose his Making and the Country-Man his Cloath and that the Caps be given to the poor Prisoners and so let there be an end of the Business If this Sentence provok't the Laughter of the whole Court the next no less rais'd their Admiration For after the Governour 's Order was executed two old Men appear'd before him one of 'em with a large Cane in his Hand which he us'd as a Staff My Lord said the other who had none some time ago I lent this Man ten Gold-Crowns to do him a kindness which Money he was to repay me on Demand I did not ask him for it again in a good While lest it should prove a greater Inconveniency to him to repay me than he labour'd under when he borrow'd it However perceiving that he took no care to pay me I have ask'd him for my Due nay I have been forc'd to dun him hard for it But still he did not only refuse to pay me again but deny'd he ow'd me any Thing and said that if I lent him so much Money he certainly return'd it Now because I have no Witnesses of the Loan nor he of the pretended Payment I beseech your Lordship to put him to his Oath and if he will swear he has paid me I 'll freely forgive him before God and the World What say you to this old Gentleman with the Staff ask'd Sancho Sir answer'd the old Man I own he lent me the Gold and since he requires my Oath I beg you 'll be pleas'd to hold down your Rod of Justice that I may swear upon 't how I have honestly and truly return'd him his Money Thereupon the Governour held down his Rod and in the mean time the Defendant gave his Cane to the Plaintiff to hold as if it hinder'd him while he was to make a Cross and swear over the Judge's Rod This done he declar'd That 't was true the other had lent him the ten Crowns but that he had really return'd him the same Sum into his own Hands and that because he suppos'd the Plaintiff had forgot it he was continually asking him for it The great Governour hearing this ask'd the Creditor what he had to reply He made Answer that since his Adversary had sworn it he was satisfy'd for he believ'd him to be a better Christian than to offer to foreswear himself and that perhaps he had forgot he had been repaid Then the Defendant took his Cane again and having made a low Obeisance to the Judge was immediately leaving the Court. Which when Sancho perceiv'd reflectiong on the Passage of the Cane and admiring the Creditor's Patience after he had study'd a while with his Head leaning over his Stomach and his Fore-finger on his Nose on a sudden he order'd the old Man with the Staff to be call'd back When he was return'd honest Man said Sancho let me see that Cane a little I have a Use for 't With all my Heart answer'd the other Sir here it is and with that he gave it him Sancho took it and giving it the other old Man There said he go your ways and Heaven be with you for now you 're paid How so my Lord cry'd the old Man Do you judge this Cane to be worth ten Gold-Crowns Certainly said the Governour or else I am the greatest Dunce in the World And now ye shall see whether I have not a Head-piece fit to govern a whole Kingdom upon a shift This said he order'd the Cane to be broken in open Court which was no sooner done but out dropp'd the ten Crowns All the Spectators were amaz'd and began to look on their Governour as a second Solomon They ask'd him how he could conjecture that the ten Crowns were in the Cane He told 'em that having observ'd how the Defendant gave it to the Plaintiff to hold while he took his Oath and then swore he had truly return'd him the Money in his own Hands after which he took his Cane again from the Plaintiff this consider'd it came into his Head that the Money was lodg'd within the Reed From whence may be learn'd that though sometimes those that govern are destitute of Sense yet it often pleases God to direct 'em in their Judgments Besides he had heard the Curate of his Parish tell of such another Business and he had so special a Memory that were it not that he was so unlucky as to forget all he had a mind to remember there could not have been a better in the whole Island At last the
must come to the worst on 't And since you mind me of being grateful it won't look well in you not to be so to those who have made so much of you at their Castle As for your Cat-Affair I can make nothing of it only I fancy you are still haunted after the old Rate You 'll tell me more when we meet I wou'd fain have sent you a Token but I do not know what to send unless it were some little Glister-Pipes which they make here very curiously and fix most cleaverly to the Bladders But if I stay in my Place it shall go hard but I 'll get something worth the sending be it what it will If my Wife Teresa Pansa writes to me pray pay the Postage and send me the Letter for I mightily long to hear how it is with her and my House and Children So Heaven preserve you from ill-minded Inchanters and send me safe and sound out of this Government which I am much afraid of as Doctor Pedro Rezio diets me Your Worship's Servant Sancho Pansa the Governor The Secretary made up the Letter and immediately dispatch'd the Express Then those who carry'd on the Plot against Sancho combin'd together and consulted how to remove him from the Government and Sancho pass'd that Afternoon in making several Regulations fot the better Establishment of that which he imagin'd to be an Island He publish'd an Order against the Higglers and Fore-stallers of the Markets and another to encourage the bringing in of Wines from any Part whatever provided the Owners declar'd of what Growth they were that they might be rated according to their Value and Esteem and that they who shou'd adulterate Wine with Water or give it a wrong Name shou'd be punish'd with Death He lower'd the Price of all Kind of Apparel and particularly that of Shooes as thinking it exorbitant He regulated Servants Wages that were unlimited before and proportion'd 'em to the Merit of their Service He laid severe Penalties upon all those that shou'd sing or vend lewd and immoral Songs and Ballads either in the open Day or in the Dusk of the Evening and also forbid all blind People the singing about Miracles in Rhimes unless they produc'd authentick Testimonies of their Truth for it appear'd to him that most of those that were sung in such Manner were feign'd and a Disparagement to the true He appointed a particular Officer to inspect the Poor not to persecute but to examine 'em and know whether they were truly such for under Pretence of Counterfeit-Lameness and artificial Sores many canting Vagabonds impudently rob the true Poor of Charity to spend it in Riot and Drunkenness In short he made so many wholesome Ordinances that to this Day they are observ'd in that Place and call'd The Constitutions of the grand Governor Sancho Pansa CHAP. LII A Relation of the Adventures of the second disconsolate or distrest Matron otherwise call'd Donna Rodriguez CID Hamet relates that Don Quixote's Scratches being heal'd he began to think the Life he led in the Castle not suitable to the Order of Knight Errantry which he profess'd he resolv'd therefore to take Leave of the Duke and Dutchess and set forwards for Saragosa where at the approaching Tournament he hop'd to win the Armour the usual Prize at the Festivals of that Kind Accordingly as he sat at Table with the Lord and Lady of the Castle he began to acquaint 'em with his Design when behold two Women entred the great Hall clad in deep Mourning from Head to Foot One of 'em approaching Don Quixote threw her self at his Feet where lying prostrate and in a manner kissing 'em she fetch'd such deep and doleful Sighs and made such sorrowful Lamentations that all those who were by were not a little surpriz'd And tho' the Duke and the Dutchess imagin'd it to be some new Device of their Servants against Don Quixote yet perceiving with what Earnestness the Woman sigh'd and lamented they were in doubt and knew not what to think till the compassionate Champion raising her from the Ground engag'd her to lift up her Veil and discover what they least expected the Face of Donna Rodriguez the Duena of the Family and the other Mourner prov'd to be her Daughter whom the rich Farmer 's Son had deluded All those that knew 'em were in great Admiration especially the Duke and the Dutchess for though they knew her Simplicity and Indiscretion they did not believe her to be so far gone in Madness At last the sorrowful Matron addressing her self to the Duke and Dutchess May it please your Graces said she to permit me to direct my Discourse to this Knight for it concerns me to get out of an unlucky Business into which the Impudence of a treacherous Villain has brought us With that the Duke gave her Leave to say what she wou'd then applying her self to Don Quixote 't is not long said she valorous Knight since I gave your Worship an Account how basely and treacherously a graceless young Farmer had us'd my dear Child the poor undone Creature here present and you then promis'd me to stand up for her and see her righted and now I understand you are about to leave this Castle in quest of the good Adventures Heaven shall send you And therefore before you are gone no body knows whither I have this Boon to beg of your Worship that you would do so much as challenge this sturdy Clown and make him marry my Daughter according to his Promise before he was concern'd with her For as for my Lord Duke 't is a Folly to think he 'll ever see me righted for the Reason I told you in private And so Heaven preserve your Worship and still be our Defence Worthy Matron answer'd Don Quixote with a great deal of Gravity and solemn Form temperate your Tears or to speak more properly dry 'em up and spare your Sighs for I take upon me to see your Daughter's Wrongs redress'd though she had done much better had not her too great Credulity made her trust the Protestations of Lovers which generally are readily made but most uneasily perform'd Therefore with my Lord Duke's Permission I will instantly depart to find out this ungracious Wretch and as soon as he is found I will challenge him and kill him if he persists in his Obstinacy for the chief End of my Profession is to pardon the Submissive and to chastise the Stubborn to relieve the Miserable and destroy the Cruel Sir Knight said the Duke you need not give your self the Trouble of seeking the Fellow of whom that good Matron complains nor need you ask me Leave to challenge him for I already engage that he shall meet you in Person to answer it here in this Castle where safe Lists shall be set up for you both observing all the Laws of Arms that ought to be kept in Affairs of this Kind and doing each Party Justice as all Princes ought to do that admit of single
Combats within their Territories Upon that Assurance said Don Quixote with your Grace's Leave I for this time wave my Punctilio's of Gentility and debasing my self to the Meanness of the Offender qualify him to measure Launces with me and so let him be absent or present I challenge and defy him as a Villain that has deluded this poor Creature that was a Maid and now through his Baseness is none and he shall either perform his Promise of making her his lawful Wife or die in the Contest With that pulling off his Glove he flung it down into the Middle of the Hall and the Duke took it up declaring as he had already done that he accepted the Challenge in the name of his Vassal fixing the Time for Combat to be six Days after and the Place to be the Castle-court The Arms to be such as are usual among Knights as Lance Shield Armour of Proof and all other Pieces without Fraud Advantage or Inchantment after Search made by the Judges of the Field But in the first Place added the Duke 't is requisite that this true Matron and this false Virgin commit the Justice of their Cause into the Hands of their Champion for otherwise there will be nothing done and the Challenge is void in course I do answer'd the Matron and so do I added the Daughter all asham'd blubbering and in a crying Tone The Preliminaries being adjusted and the Duke having resolv'd with himself what to do in the Matter the mourning Petitioners went away and the Dutchess order'd they should no longer be look'd upon as her Domesticks but as Ladies-Errant that came to demand Justice in her Castle and accordingly there was a peculiar Apartment appointed for 'em where they were serv'd as Strangers to the Amazement of the other Servants who could not imagine what would be the End of Donna Rodriguez and her forsaken Daughter's ridiculous and confident Undertaking Presently after this to compleat their Mirth and as it were for the last Course in came the Page that had carry'd the Letters and the Presents to Teresa Pansa The Duke and Dutchess were overjoy'd to see him return'd having a great Desire to know the Success of his Journey They enquir'd of him accordingly but he told 'em that the Account he had to give 'em could not well be deliver'd in Publick nor in few Words and therefore begg'd their Graces would be pleas'd to take it in private and in the mean time entertain themselves with those Letters With that taking out two he deliver'd 'em to her Grace The Superscription of the one was These for my Lady Dutchess of I don't know what Place And the Direction on the other thus To my Husband Sancho Pansa Governour of the Island of Barataria whom Heaven prosper as many or more Years than me The Dutchess sat upon Thorns till she had read her Letter so having open'd it and run it over to her self finding there was nothing of Secrecy in it she read it out aloud that the whole Company might hear what follows Teresa Pansa's Letter to the Dutchess My Lady THE Letter your Honour sent me pleas'd me hugeously for Troth 't is what I heartily long'd for The String of Coral is a good Thing and my Husband 's Hunting Suit may come up to it All our Town takes it mighty kindly and is very glad that your Honour has made my Spouse a Governor though no Body will believe it especially our Curate Master Nicholas the Barber and Sampson Carrasco the Batchelor But what care I whether they do or no So it be true as it is let every one have their Saying Though 't is a Folly to lye I had not believ'd it neither but for the Coral and the Suit for every Body here takes my Husband to be a Dolt and can't for the Blood of 'em imagine what he can be fit to govern unless it be a Herd of Goats Well! Heaven be his Guide and speed him as he sees best for his Children As for me my dear Lady I am resolv'd with your good liking to make Hay while the Sun shines and go to Court to loll it along in a Coach and make a world of my Back-Friends that envy me already stare their Eyes out And therefore good your Honour pray bid my Husband send me some Stock of Money for 't is dear living at Court one can have but little Bread there for Six-pence and a Pound of Flesh is worth thirty Maravedies which would make one stand amaz'd And if he is not for my going let him send me Word in time for my Feet itch to be jogging for my Gossips and Neighbours tell me that if I and my Daughter go about the Court as we should spruce and fine and at a taring Rate my Husband will be better known by me than I by him for many can't chuse but ask what Ladies are those in the Coach With that one of my Servants answers The Wife and Daughter of Sancho Pansa Governor of the Island of Barataria and thus shall my Husband be known and I honour'd far and near and so have at all Rome has Pardons You can't think how I am troubl'd that we have gather'd no Acorns hereaway this Year however I send your Highness about half a Peck which I have cull'd one by one I went to the Mountains on purpose and got the biggest I could find I wish they had been as big as Ostrich Eggs. Pray let not your Pomposity forget to write to me and I 'll be sure to send you an Answer and let you know how I do and send you all the News in our Village where I am waiting and praying the Lord to preserve your Highness and not to forget me My Daughter Sanchica and my Son kiss your Worship's Hands She that wishes rather to see you than write to you Your Servant Teresa Pansa This Letter was very entertaining to all the Company especially to the Duke and Dutchess insomuch that her Grace ask'd Don Quixote whether it would be amiss to open the Governor's Letter which she imagin'd was a very good one the Knight told her that to satisfie her Curiosity he would open it which being done he found what follows Teresa Pansa's Letter to her Husband Sancho Pansa I Receiv'd thy Letter dear Honey Sancho and I vow and swear to thee as I am a Catholick Christian I was within two Fingers breadth of running Mad for Joy Look you my Chuck when I heard thou wert made a Governor I was so transported I had like to have fallen down dead with meer Gladness for thou knowest sudden Joy is said to kill as soon as great Sorrow As for thy Daughter Sanchica she scatter'd her Water about before she was aware for very Pleasure I had the Suit thou sent'st me before my Eyes and the Lady Dutchess's Corals about my Neck held the Letter in my Hands and had him that brought 'em standing by me and for all that I thought what I saw and felt was
the Road while the rest of the Footmen had secured Sancho and Dapple and drove 'em silently before ' em Don Quixote attempted twice or thrice to ask the Cause of this Usage but he no sooner began to open but they were ready to run the Heads of their Spears down his Throat Poor Sancho far'd worse yet for as he offer'd to speak one of the Foot-Guards gave him a Jagg with a Goad and serv'd Dapple as bad though the poor Beast had no Thought of saying a Word As it grew Night they mended their Pace and then the Darkness encreas'd the Fears of the Captive Knight and Squire especially when every Minute their Ears were tormented with these or such like Words On on ye Troglodytes Silence ye Barbarian Slaves Vengeance ye Anthropophagi Grumble not ye Scythians Be blind ye Murdering Polyphemes ye devouring Lions Bless us thought Sancho what Names do they calls us here Trollopites Barber's Slaves and Andrew Hodgepodgy City-Cans and Bur-frames I don't like the Sound of ' em Here 's one Mischief on the Neck of another When a Man 's down down with him I wou'd compound for a good dry Beating and glad to ' scape so too Don Quixote was no less perplex'd not being able to imagine the Reason either of their hard Usage or scurrilous Language which hitherto promis'd but little Good At last after they had rode about an Hour in the Dark they came to the Gates of a Castle which Don Quixote presently knowing to be the Duke's where he had so lately been Heaven bless me cry'd he what do I see Was not this the Mansion of Civility and Humanity But thus the Vanquish'd are doom'd to see every Thing frown upon ' em With that the two Prisoners were led into the great Court of the Castle and found such strange Preparations made there as encreas'd at once their Fear and their Amazement as we shall find in the next Chapter CHAP. LXIX Of the most singular and strangest Advenventure that befel Don Quixote in the whole Course of this famous History ALL the Horse-men alighted and the Footmen snatching up Don Quixote and Sancho in their Arms hurry'd 'em into the Court-Yard that was illuminated with above a hundred Torches six'd in huge Candle-sticks and about all the Galleries round the Court were plac'd above five hundred Lights insomuch that all was Day in the Midst of the Darkness of the Night In the Middle of the Court there was a Tomb rais'd some two Yards from the Ground with a large Pall of black Velvet over it and round about it a hundred Tapers of Virgins-Wax stood burning in Silver-Candlesticks Upon the Tomb lay the Body of a young Damsel who though to all Appearance dead was yet so beautiful that Death it self seem'd lovely in her Face Her Head was crown'd with a Garland of fragrant Flowers and supported by a Pillow of Cloath of Gold and in her Hands that laid across her Breast was seen a Branch of that yellow Palm that us'd of old to adorn the Triumphs of Conquerors On one Side of the Court there was a Kind of a Theatre erected on which two Personages sate in Chairs who by the Crowns upon their Heads and Scepters in their Hands were or at least appear'd to be Kings By the Side of the Theatre at the Foot of the Steps by which the Kings ascended two other Chairs were plac'd and thither Don Quixote and Sancho were led and caus'd to sit down the Guards that conducted 'em continuing silent all the while and making their Prisoners understand by awful Signs that they must also be silent But there was no great Occasion for that Caution for their Surprize was so great that it had ty'd up their Tongues with Amazement At the same Time two other Persons of Note ascended the Stage with a numerous Retinue and seated themselves on two stately Chairs by the two Theatrical Kings These Don Quixote presently knew to be the Duke and Dutchess at whose Palace he had been so nobly entertain'd But what he discover'd as the greatest Wonder was that the Corps upon the Tomb was the Body of the fair Altisidora Assoon as the Duke and Dutchess had ascended Don Quixote and Sancho made 'em aâ— profound Obeysance which they return'd with a short declining of their Heads Upon this a certain Officer enter'd the Court and coming up to Sancho he clapp'd over him a black Buckram-Frock all figur'd over with Flames of Fire and taking off his Cap he put on his Head a Kind of Mitre such as is worn by those who undergo publick Penance by the Inquisition whispering him in the Ear at the same Time that if he did but offer to open his Lips they would put a Gag in his Mouth or murder him to rights Sancho view'd himself over from Head to Foot and was a little startl'd to see himself all over in Fire and Flames but yet since he did not feel himself burn he car'd not a Farthing He pull'd off his Mitre and found it pictur'd over with Devils but he put it on again and bethought himself that since neither the Flames burn'd him nor the Devils ran away with him 't was well enough Don Quixote also stedfastly survey'd him and in the Midst of all his Apprehensions could not forbear smiling to see what a strange Figure he made And now in the midst of that profound Silence while every Thing was mute and Expectation most atrentive a soft and charming Symphony of Flutes that seem'd to issue from the Hollow of the Tomb agreeably fill'd their Ears Then there appear'd at the Head of the Monument a young Man extremely handsome and dress'd in a Roman Habit who to the Musick of a Harp touch'd by himself sung the following Stanza's with an excellent Voice Altisidora's Dirge While slain the fair Altisidora lies A Victim to Don Quixote's cold Disdain Here all Things mourn all Pleasure with her dies And Weeds of Woe disguise the Graces Train I 'll Sing the Beauties of her Face and Mind Her hopeless Passion her unhappy Fate No Orpheus's self in Numbers more refin'd Her Charms her Love her Sufferings cou'd relate Nor shall the Fair alone in Life be sung Her boundless Praise is my immortal Choice In the cold Grave when Death benums my Tongue For thee bright Maid my Soul shall find a Voice When from this narrow Cell my Spirit 's free And wanders grieving with the Shades below Ev'n o'er Oblivion's Waves I 'll sing to thee And Hell it self shall sympathize in Woe Enough cry'd one of the two Kings no more Divine Musician it were an endless Task to enumerate the Perfections of Altisidora or give us the Story of her Fate Nor is she dead as the ignorant Vulgar surmises No in the Mouth of Fame she lives and once more shall revive as soon as Sancho has undergone the Penance that is decreed to restore her to the World Therefore O Rhadamanthus thou who sittest in joynt Commission with me in
Regard to Virgin-Decency are forc'd to give their Tongues a Loose and betray the Secrets of their Hearts Alas Noble Don Quixote de la Mancha I am one of those unhappy Persons over-rul'd by my Passion but yet so reserv'd and patient in my Sufferings that Silence broke my Heart and my Heart broke in Silence 'T is now two Days most inexorable and Marble-hearted Man since the Sense of your severe Usage and Cruelty brought me to my Death or something so like it that every one that saw me judg'd me to be dead And had not Love been compassionate and assign'd my Recovery on the Sufferings of this kind Squire I had ever remain'd in the other World Truly quoth Sancho Love might e'en as well have made Choice of my Ass for that Service and he would have obliged me a great deal more But pray good Mistress tell me one Thing now and so Heaven provide you a better natur'd Sweet-heart than my Master what did you see in the other World What Sort of Folks are there in Hell For there I suppose you have been for those that die of themselves must needs go to that Summer-house To tell you the Truth reply'd Altisidora I fancy I could not be dead out-right because I was not got so far as Hell for had I got in I 'm sure I should ne'er have been allow'd to have got out again I got to the Gates indeed where I found a round Dozen of Devils in their Breeches and Waste-coats playing at Tennis with flaming Rackets they wore flat Bands with scollop'd Lace and Ruffles of the same Their Arms were naked four Fingers Breadth to give an Air to their Wrists and make their Hands look the longer But what I most wonder'd at was that instead of Tennis-balls they made use of Books that were every whit as light and stuff'd with Wind and Flock or such Kind of Trumpery This was indeed most strange and wonderful but what still amaz'd me more I found that contrary to the Custom of Gamesters among whom the gaining Party at least is in good Humour and the Losers only angry these Hellish Tossers of Books of both sides did nothing but fret fume stamp curse and swear most horribly as if they had been all Losers That 's no Wonder at all quoth Sancho for your Devils whether they play or no win or lose they can never be contented That may be said Altisidora but another Thing that I admire I then admir'd I would say was that the Ball would not bear a second Blow but at every Stroke they were oblig'd to change Books some of 'em new some old which I thought very strange And one Accident that happen'd upon this I can't forget They tos'd up a new Book fairly bound and gave it such a smart Stroke that the very Guts flew out of it and all the Leaves were scatter'd about Then cry'd one of the Devils to another look look what Book is that 'T is the Second Part of the History of Don Quixote said the other not that which was compos'd by Cid Hamet the Author of the first but by a certain Arragonian who professes himself a Native of Tordesillas Away with it cry'd the first Devil down with it plunge it to the lowest Pit of Hell where I may never see it more Why is it such sad stuff said the other Such intolerable Stuff cry'd the first Devil that if I and all the Devils in Hell should set our Heads together to make it worse it were past our Skill The Devils continu'd their Game and shatter'd a World of other Books but the Name of Don Quixote that I so passionately ador'd confin'd my Thoughts only to that Part of the Vision which I told you It could be nothing but a Vision to be sure said Don Quixote for I am the only Person of that Name now in the Universe and that very Book is tos'd about here at the very same rate never resting in a Place for every Body has a Fling at it Nor am I concern'd that any Phantom assuming my Name should wander in the Shades of Darkness or in the Light of this World since I am not the Person of whom that History treats If it be well writ faithful and authentick it will live Ages but if it be bad 't will have but a bad Journey from its Birth to the Grave of Oblivion Altisidora was then going to renew her Expostulations and Complaints against Don Quixote had not he thus interrupted her I have often caution'd you Madam said he of fixing your Affections upon a Man who is absolutely uncapable of making a suitable Return It grieves me to have a Heart obtruded upon me when I have no Entertainment to give it but bare cold Thanks I was only born for Dulcinea del Toboso and to her alone the Destinies if such there be have devoted my Affection So 't is â—resumption for any other Beauty to imagine she can displace her or but share the Possession she holds in my Soul This I hope may suffice to take away all Foundation from your Hopes and to recal your Modesty and re-instate it in its proper Bounds for nothing is to be expected from a Man in Impossibilities Upon hearing this Death of my Life Cry'd Altisidora putting on a violent Passion thou Lump of Lead thou with a Soul of Morter and a Heart as little and as hard as the Stone of an Olive more stubborn than a fullen Plough-driver or a Carrier's Horse that will never go out of his Road I have a good Mind to tear your Eyes out as deep as they are in your Head Why thou beaten Swash-buckler thou Rib-roasted Knight of the Cudgel hast thou the Impudence to think that I dy'd for Love of thy Lanthorn-Jaws No no Sir Tiffany all that you have seen this Night has been Counterfeit for I would not suffer the Pain of a Flea-bite much less that of dying for such a Dromedary as thou art Troth Lass I believe thee quoth Sancho for all these Stories of People dying for Love are meer Tales of a roasted Horse They tell you they 'll dye for Love but the Devil a-bit Trust to that and be laugh'd at Their Discourse was interrupted by the coming in of the Harper Singer and Composer of the Stanza's that were perform'd in the Court the Night before Sir Knight said he to Don Quixote making a profound Obeisance let me beg the Favour of being number'd among your most humble Servants 't is an Honour which I have long been ambitious to receive in regard of your great Renown and the Value of your Atchievements Pray Sir said Don Quixote let me know who you are that I may proportion my Respects to your Merits The Spark gave him to understand he was the Person that made and sung the Verses he heard the last Night Truly Sir said Don Quixote you have an excellent Voice but I think your Poetry was little to the Purpose for what Relation pray have
you The Niece and Maid who without Doubt were good-natur'd Creatures undress'd him put him to Bed brought him something to eat and tended him with all imaginable Care CHAP. LXXIV How Don Quixote fell sick made his last Will and died AS all humane Things especially the Lives of Men are transitory their very Beginnings being but Steps to their Dissolution so Don Quixote who was no way exempted from the common Fate was snatch'd away by Death when he least expected it Whether his Sickness was the Effect of his melancholick Reflections or pre-ordain'd by the Heavens I will not determine but he was seiz'd with a violent Feaver that confin'd him to his Bed six Days All that Time his good Friends the Curate Batchelor and Barber came often to see him and his trusty Squire Sancho Pança never stirr'd from his Bed-side They conjectur'd that his Sickness proceeded from the Regret of his Defeat and his being disappointed of Dulcinea's Dis-inchantment and accordingly they left nothing unessay'd to divert him The Batchelor begg'd him to pluck up a good Heart and rise that they might begin their Pastoral Life telling him that he had already writ an Eclogue to that Purpose not inferiour to those of Sannazaro and that he bought with his own Money of a Shepherd of Quintana two tearing Dogs to watch their Flock the one call'd Barcino and the other Bueron but this had no Effect on Don Quixote for he still continu'd dejected A Physician was sent for who upon feeling his Pulse did not very well like it and therefore desir'd him of all Things to provide for his Soul's Health for that of his Body was in a dangerous Condition Don Quixote heard this with much more Temper than those about him for his Niece his House-keeper and his Squire fell a weeping as bitterly as if he had been laid out already Don Quixote desir'd them to leave him a little to himself because he found himself inclinable to Rest they retir'd and he had a hearty Sleep of above Six Hours which the Maid and Niece were afraid would be his last At length he wak'd and with a loud Voice Blessed be the Almighty cry'd he for this great Benefit he has vouchsafed to do me Infinite are his Mercies they are greater and more in Number than the Sins of Men. The Niece harkening very attentively to these Words of her Uncle and finding more Sense in them than there was in his usual Talk at least since he had fallen ill What do you say Sir said she has any Thing extraordinary happen'd What Mercies are these you mention Mercies answer'd he that Heaven has this Moment vouchsafed to shew me in spite of all my Iniquities My Judgment is return'd clear and undisturb'd and that Cloud of Ignorance is now remov'd which the continual Reading of those damnable Books of Knight-Errantry had cast over my Understanding Now I perceive their Nonsense and Impertinence and am only sorry the Discovery happens so late when I want Time to make Amends by those Studies that shou'd enlighten my Soul and prepare me for Futurity I find Niece my End approaches but I wou'd have it such that tho' my Life has got me the Character of a Mad-man I may deserve a better at my Death Dear Child continu'd he send for my honest Friends the Curate the Batchelor Carrasco and Master Nicholas the Barber for I intend to make my Confession and my Will His Niece was sav'd the Trouble of sending for presently they all three came in which Don Quixote perceiving My good Friends said he I have happy News to tell you I am no longer Don Quixote de la Mancha but Alonso Quixano the same whom the World for his fair Behaviour has been pleas'd to call the Good I now declare my self an Enemy to Amadis de Gaul and his whole Generation all profane Stories of Knight-Errantry all Romances I detest I have a true Sense of the Danger of reading them and of all my pass'd Follies and thro' Heaven's Mercy and my own Experience I abhor them His three Friends were not a little surprized to hear him talk at this rate and concluded some new Frenzy had possess'd him What now said Sampson to him What 's all this to the Purpose Signior Don Quixote We have just had the News that the Lady Dulcinea is dis-inchanted and now we are upon the point of turning Shepherds to sing and live like Princes you are dwindl'd down to a Hermit No more of that I beseech you reply'd Don Quixote all the Use I shall make of these Follies at present is to heighten my Repentance and though they have hitherto prov'd prejudicial yet by the Assistance of Heaven they may turn to my Advantage at my Death I find it comes fast upon me therefore pray Gentlemen let us be serious I want a Priest to receive my Confession and a Scrivener to draw up my Will There 's no trifling at a Time like this I must take Care of my Soul and therefore pray let the Scrivener be sent for while Mr. Curate prepares me by Confession Don Quixote's Words put them all into such Admiration that they stood gazing upon one another they thought they had Reason to doubt of the Return of his Understanding and yet they cou'd not help believing him They were also apprehensive he was near the Point of Death considering the sudden Recovery of his Intellects and he deliver'd himself after that with so much Sense Discretion and Piety and shew'd himself so resign'd to the Will of Heaven that they made no Scruple to believe him restor'd to his perfect Judgement at last The Curate thereupon clear'd the Room of all the Company but himself and Don Quixote and then confess'd him In the mean time the Batchelor ran for the Scrivener and presently brought him with him and Sancha Pança being inform'd by the Batchelor how ill his Master was and finding his Niece and House-keeper all in Tears began to make wry Faces and fall a crying The Curate having heard the sick Person 's Confession came out and told them that the good Alonso Quixano was very near his End and certainly in his Senses and therefore they had best go in that he might make his Will These dismal Tidings open'd the Sluices of the House-keeper's the Niece's and the good Squire 's swollen Eyes so that a whole Inundation of Tears burst out of those Flood-Gates and a thousand Sighs from their Hearts for indeed either as Alonso Quixano or as Don Quixote de la Mancha as it has been observ'd the sick Gentleman had always shew'd himself such a good-natur'd Man and of so agreeable a Conversation that he was not only belov'd by his Family but by every one that knew him The Scrivener with the rest of the Company then went into the Chamber and the Preamble and formal Part of the Will being drawn and the Testator having recommended his Soul to Heaven and bequeath'd his Body to the Earth according to