she doth not well consider that she hath not yet mewed all her owne sick-feathers She may well stepp out of her Nest yea and Almightie God himself will perhaps take her now and then out from thence But she is not yet fitt for a Flight because her vertues are not yet growne to be of full strength nor hath she yet experience for the knowledge of dangers nor doth she yet vnderstand the mischeif which growes by putting too much trust in her owne forces And now this is that which destroyed me and both for this and for all things there will be great necessitie of a Directour and of conuersation with persons who are spirituall indeed It is true I am fully perswaded that when Almightie God doth once bring a Soule to this state he will not leaue to fauour her nor suffer her to perish if she doe not very shamefully and entirely forsake and forbeare to serue his Diuine Maiestie But yet if it should so happen that she fall let her consider and consider againe euen for the loue of our Blessed Lord and take heed that the Diuel deceaue her not so farre as to make her giue-ouer her Prayer as he did me vnder the pretence of false Humilitie as I haue declared and as I would fayne repeat very often But let her trust in the goodnes of Almightie God which is greater then all the sinnes which we can commit and let her hope that he will not remember our ingratitude when once we reflecting duly vpon our selues desire to returne againe to his friendship nor euen so farre consider the Fauours which he hath done vs as to make vs be punished for them but that rather they will help to obtaine pardon for vs so much the sooner as for persons who haue belonged to his House and haue had the honour to eat as men vse to say of his bread Let them remember his words and consider how he hath proceeded with me who euen wearied my self with offending his Diuine Maiestie before he would forbeare or faile to pardon me For he neuer growes vnwilling to giue nor is it euer possible to draw his Mercies dry and so let not vs be wearie of euer receauing Fauour at his hands Let him be blessed for euer Amen and let all creatures praise him THE TWENTIETH CHAPTER VVherein she treats of the difference betvveen Vnion and Rapt and declares vvhat kind of thing a Rapt is She speakes also of the blessing vvhich that Soule hath vvhich our Lord through his goodnes brings thither and of the Effects vvhich Rapts vse to produce This Discourse is of much admiration I Would be glad to know how to declare through the Fauour of Almightie God the difference which there is between Vnion on the one side and Rapt and Flight as they are wont to call it of Spirit on the other for these two latter doe signifye in substance but one thing and it is also called Extasis The aduantage is very great which belongs to Rapt beyond Vnion and the effects also which it produces are much greater and it hath also manie other operations For meer Vnion seemes to be alwaies after the same manner both in the beginning in the middle and in the end and it is alwaies in the interiour part But now as Rapts are Visitations of the Soule which vse to be of a higher Straine they are wont to produce their Effects not only interiourly but exteriourly also I humbly beseech our Blessed Lord that as he hath vouchsafed to declare the rest so he will also vouchsafe to doe this for certainly if his Diuine Maiestie had not been pleased to giue me to vnderstand by what meanes in what manner it might be done I should not possibly haue knowne which way to turne my hand Let vs therefore now consider that this last Water whereof we haue spoken is so very plentifull and abundant that if it were not because the Soyle of the Garden cannot consent to receaue it we might beleiue that the verie Clowd it self of that great Maiestie were heer rayning it self downe vpon this earth And so when we are gratefull to our Lord for this great blessing acknowledging the same by our good workes according to the vttermost of our power our Lord catches-vp that Soule as a man may say euen iust so as the clowdes snatch vp the vapours from the earth and so taking her wholy vp from the same earth the clowd rises vp to Heauen and carries the same along with it self and shewes her certaine things belonging to that Kingdome which is prepared for her I know not whether this Comparison will be thought to suite well with that whereof I am speaking but I am sure that in realitie of truth it passes thus In these Rapts it doth not seem that the Soule doth euen animate the Bodie and so the Bodie it self remaines with a kind of trouble and defect through the want of that naturall heat which belongs to it and it goes all cooling it self though yet with an excessiue sweetnes and delight There is heer no meanes at all to resist though in Vnion we being then as in our owne Countrie there is some remedie and so though it be not without suffering a kind of paine and vsing some force it may alwaies in effect be employed But heer for the most part there is no remedie at all nor anie helpe but manie times the thing ariues without our being so much as able to preuent the coming of it euen by our very thought And there growes to be such a speedie and strong kind of impetuositie that you feele and find this Clowd to raise it self instantly vp or rather that this strong Eagle takes you and carries you quite away between her wings And I say it is vnderstood and you find your self to be carried away though you know not whither For howsoeuer the thing happen to be with delight yet so great is the weaknes of our naturall condition that it puts vs into some feare in the beginning And therefore it will be necessarie in this case for the Soule to be much more couragious and resolute then for all those occasions which were precedent For heer she must be content to hazard all and to leaue her self wholy in the hands of Almightie God and to goe whithersoeuer she shall be carried and this with a very good will for in fine they will be sure to carrie her whether she will or no and that with so great extremitie of strength and speed that howsoeuer I had a minde very very often to resist it yea and that I employed all the strength I had to that purpose and especially at some particular times when things fell out to happen in publique yea and at manie other times also when they were priuate for I was then in doubt and feare least I might be abused and deceiued it was yet but seldome that I was able to preuaile to some small proportion But it cost
honour which is allowed to others I considered the goodnes of Almightie God in not permitting the Soule euen of that man to be defamed but that it might be concealed that he was an Enemie of his For my part I was euen turned halfe foole by what I had seen yet during all the performance of the Office of the Dead there was no more Diuel to be seen but when afterward they put the Bodie into the Graue there was such a multitude of them readie to receaue the Bodie that I was euen out of my self with beholding it and it was no little courage which I needed for enabling me to dissemble the seeing it And I considered how those Diuels were likelie to treat that Soule when they exercised such an absolute dominion euen ouer that woefull Bodie And I would to Christ that what I saw had also been seen by such as are in Mortall Sinne for me thinkes it must haue been of much effect and force towards a making them mend their liues Now all this obliged mee to know more and more what I owed to Almightie God and from what he had deliuered my Soule But yet I went on with feare enough till I had imparted these particulars to my Ghostlie Father as conceauing that perhaps it might haue been some Illusion of the Diuel whereby to defame that Soule though yet the man had not been held to be of very good life But yet it is verie true that whether it were an Illusion or no I am sure I neuer remember it but it makes me afrayd And now since I haue begunne to speake of Visions which haue relation to some such persons as are dead I will also declare some things concerning some other kind of Soules which our Lord hath been pleased that I should see But I will speake only of few both to be the shorter and because it will not be necessarie to say much in order to the receauing of benefit thereby They told me once that a certaine man was dead who had been Prouinciall of his Order but when he dyed he was Prouinciall of another Prouince Now I had communicated much with this man and had been obliged to him for some good offices which he had done me This man was of much many vertues but yet when I came to know that he was dead I was greatly troubled at it because I was in feare and doubt of his Saluation in regard that he had been a Prelate or Superiour twentie yeares which really is a thing that I am apt to feare as holding it to be a matter of much danger to haue charge of Soules And so I went with trouble enough to an Oratorie and gaue him all that little good which I had euer done in my whole life which yet was little enough and I humbly besought out Blessed Lord that he would supply out of his infinit merits for as much as that Soule might wat towards the freeing it self out of Purgatorie And whilst I was begging this Boone of our Blessed Lord in the best manner I could me thought he rose as from some deep part out of the earth on my right side and so I saw him mount-vp to Heauen with very great ioy The man was very old before he dyed but yet now he seemed to me to be but of thirtie yeares old or rather somewhat lesse but with much brightnes in his face This Vision passed away very speedily but yet I was so extreamly comforted by it that the death of that man did put mee now to no more paine though I had troubled manie others about him for he was very well beloued And thus also the comfort of my Soule being so great I could not possibly doubt but that the Vision was true and no illusion This hapned but fifteen dayes after his death but still I was not slack in procuring that he might be recommended to Almightie God saue that I could not doe it so hartily as before I saw this Vision For when our Lord shewes me such things and that yet I will pray for them afterward I cannot choose but conceaue that it is as if I gaue an Almes to a rich man But now I came to vnderstand afterward for the man dyed very farre off that the death which our Lord granted him was of so great comfort to him by the knowledge of himself and by the humilitie which he expressed that it was of very great edification Now a certaine Religious Woeman dyed at home with vs about a day and a halfe before that occurred whereof I am going to speake but she had been a good Seruant of Almightie God And another Religious Woeman reading one of those Lessons which belong to the Office of the Dead which was recited in the Quire for her Soule it was my turne to stand by and assist in repeating the Versiâ—â—e but in the midst of the Lesson me thought I saw the Soule rise vp as the other did and so went to Heauen Now this was no Imaginarie Vision like the last but like others which I recounted before Yet these be no lesse certaine then those others are There was also another Religious Woeman of between eighteen and twentie yeares old who dyed at home in our House Now she had been alwaies sicklie and a great Seruant of God and very diligent in the Quire and in fine a very vertuous woeman and really I was apt to thinke that she should not haue gone to Purgatorie at all but rather that there would haue been supernumerarie merits in regard of the manie sicknesses which she had endured But yet when we were reciting the Office before she was buryed and some foure howers after she dyed I vnderstood that her Soule sprung vp out of the same place and went to Heauen Being one day in a Colledge of the Societie of IESVS with those great afflictions and troubles which I haue declared my selfe sometimes to haue had and still haue both in Bodie and Soule I found my self to be in such condition that me thought I was not able so much as to entertaine one good thought There dyed that night a Brother of the Societie of that House and I recommending him the best I could to Almightie God and being at the Masse of another Father of the Societie for his Soule I was seazed by a very great Recollection and I saw him goe-vp to Heauen with much glorie yea and I vnderstood that our Blessed Lord himself did accompanie him by way of particular fauour A Religious man of our Order who was a very good man was falne very dangerously sick And I being then at Masse grew to be in very great Recollection and saw that the man was dead and that he went instantly to Heauen without touching vpon Purgatorie at all and he dyed in that verie hower as I was told afterward Now I wondred that he had neuer entred into Purgatorie but I vnderstood that he hauing been a Religious man and hauing well obserued the
I still desired to recouer my health though yet I endured my sicknes with great alacritie And I would be thinking and considering sometimes that if by enioying my health I might chance be damned it would be better for me to remaine still as sick as I was but howsoeuer I conceiued that I should be able to serue Almightie God much better if I could enioy my health Now this is the abuse and errour which deceaues vs not to resigne ourselues entirely to the disposition and good pleasure of our Lord who knowes best what is fitt for vs. But in the meane time I got manie Masses sayd for this purpose and I resorted also to the vse of other solid and approued Prayers for I was neuer a friend of certaine odd deuotiōs which are vsed by diuers persons and especially by woemen with some odd Ceremonies which I could neuer endure since I vnderstood that they sauoured of Superstition howsoeuer other folkes were moued by them And so I tooke for my Aduocate and Lord the Glorious S. Ioseph and I recommended my self much to him and I haue seen clearly that this Father and Lord of mine hath drawne me as well out of this necessitie as out of other greater when there was question of Honour and Losse of the Soule and that with more benefit and aduantage then euen my self could tell how to desire Nay I cannot remember that hitherto I euer desired anie thing by his meanes which he hath failed to obtaine for me and it is able euen to amaze me when I consider the great Fauours which Almightie God hath donne me by meanes of this Blessed Saint and the dangers both of Bodie and Soule out of which he hath deliuered me In such sort as that it seemes our Lord hath giuen the grace and power to other Saints to succour men in some one kinde of necessitie of theirs but I finde by good experience that this glorious Saint succours vs in them all and that our Lord will make vs vnderstand that as he would be subiect to S. Ioseph vpon earth and that by enioying the name of his Father and by being as it were his Directour and Tutour he might command him so also he would now in Heauen grant whatsoeuer this Saint should desire This truth hath also been seen by the experience of others whome I haue desired to recommend themselues to this Saint and now manie are growne to be deuoted to him and my self also haue fresh experience of this truth For my part I procured to celebrate his Festiuitie with all the solemnitie I was able to vse but yet with more vanitie then true spirit desiring that it might be performed with much curiositie and exactnes though yet still with good intention But I euer had this of ill That if our Lord enabled me at anie time to doe anie thing which was good it would be full of imperfections and faults whereas towards the doing anie thing amiss and for the exercising of curiositie and vanitie I vsed much diligence and dexteritie and cunning our Lord pardon me for it And now I would faine perswade all the world to be deuoted to this glorious Saint for the great experience which I haue had of the blessings that he obtaines for vs of Almightie God nay I haue neuer knowne anie one who is seriously deuoted to him and performes him particular seruices whome I finde not also to goe proceeding on in vertue for really he assists those soules much which recommend themselues to him And to my best remembrance there are diuers yeares wherein I haue desired somewhat of him vpon his Festiuall Day and I haue euer found it granted and if peraduenture my petition had some little of the indirect belonging to it he redressed it and set it streight for my greater good If I were anie such person as had authoritie to write I would gladly enlarge my self heer to make particular relation of the Fauours which this glorious Saint hath obtained both for me and others but to the end that I may doe no more then I am commanded I must be shorter in manie things then I would and more large in others then is needfull like one in fine who hath little discretion for the doing of anie thing which is good Only I begg for the loue of Almightie God that whosoeuer can belieue me will try the truth of what I say for he shall find by experience how greatly a good thing it is to recommend himself to this glorious Patriarch and to be deuoted to him Especially such as giue themselues to Prayer should alwaies be affectionate to this Saint for I know not how one can thinke of the Queen of the Angells at those times when she suffered so much during the Infancie of our Lord Iesus and not giue thankes to S. Ioseph for the great assistance which he gaue them at that time Whosoeuer wants a Maister who might instruct him to pray let him take this glorious Saint for his guide and he shall neuer loose his way I beseech our Lord that I may haue committed no errour in presuming to speake of this Saint for though I thus professe and publish my self to be deuoted to him yet haue I been euer faultie in the not doing him reall seruices and in not imitating his vertues But now he did like himself by procuring that I might be able to rise and walke and be no longer a Cripple and so I did also like my self in making so ill vse of this fauour But now who would euer haue imagined that I could so soone fall back againe after my receiuing so manie regalo's at the hands of Almightie God and after his Diuine Maiestie had vouchsafed to giue me some Vertues which euen as it were of themselues did awake and stirr me vp to his seruice and after I had seen my self euen as it were dead and in so imminent danger to be condemned to Hell and after he had raised me againe both in Bodie and Soule in such sort that all they who saw me were euen amazed to finde that I could so long be aliue But what is this O my Lord and my God Is this life to be still so dangerous which we are to liue Euen now whilst I am writing this me thinkes that by this fauour and mercie I might be able to say with S. Paul though yet not with such perfection as he sayd it that now It is not I vvho liue but thou O my Creatour vvho liuest in me according to the experience which I haue had some yeares by that little which I am able to vnderstand of my self and still thou holdest and keepest thy hand ouer me and I find my self full of desires and good purposes and in some sort I haue proued also euen by experience of manie things in these late yeares that I would by no meanes doe anie thing which should contradict or cross thy will how little soeuer it might be though yet I well belieue that I
of Quiet Prayer She treats hovv manie Soules come to ariue to this Degree of Prayer and that fevv passe beyond it The particulars vvhich are touched heer are not only very profitable but very necessarie LEt vs now returne to our purpose This Quietnes and Recollection of the Soule is easily perceiued by the satisfaction and peace which is infused into her with a very great contentment and calmnes of the Powers of the sayd Soule togeather with a very great delight And now it seemes to her because she is not come yet anie further that already she hath nothing left to desire and that with a very good will she could make the same suite with S. Peter That her aboade might be euer there She dares not stirr or moue nay she would hardly giue her self leaue so much as to take her breath for feare least so that Good should be flying away out of her hands And the while the poore little Soule vnderstands not that as by her owne power she could doe nothing for the drawing of that good to her self so is she of lesse abilitie to detaine it there anie longer then our Lord shall be pleased to grant it I haue already declared that in this first Recollection and Quiet the Powers and Faculties of the Soule are not wanting but yet she is so fully satisfyed with God that as long as this occasion lasts howsoeuer those two other Powers may discompose themselues yet the Will remaining vnited with Almightie God that Quiet and calme rest is not lost but rather by little and little the Will againe recouers and recollects the Vnderstanding and Memorie For howsoeuer the sayd Will be not yet totally ingulfed yet is she so employed without knowing how that how diligent soeuer they be they know not how to depriue her of her contentment and ioy but rather she goes helping her self without anie trouble at all of her owne to the end that this little sparke of the Loue of Almightie God may not be quenched in her I beseech our Lord to allow me grace that I may giue this to be well vnderstood for there are manie and very manie Soules which ariue to be in this Degree or State and few which get beyond it and I know not who may be in fault thereof only I am sure enough that there is none in Almightie God For since his Diuine Maiestie doth a Soule the Fauour that she may be able to ariue to this point I cannot beleiue that he would cease to carrie her much further if it were not for some fault of her owne But now it imports the same Soule very much that when she ariues thus farre she may well vnderstand the great dignitie wherein she is and the great Fauours which our Lord hath donne her and how in all good reason she were no longer to be as of the Earth because it seemes now already that his goodnes makes her an Inhabitant of Heauen if it be not her fault and wretched shall she be if she turne back and I belieue it would be then to goe downe low enough whither I was going if the mercie of our Lord had not made me turne yet back againe For the most part in my opinion they giue ouer for very greiuous faults of their owne nor is it possible for anie Creature to quitt so great a good without the blindnes of being subiect to committ some very great ill And therefore I humbly beseech those Soules euen for the loue of our Lord to whome his Maiestie hath done so great a Fauour as to make them able to reach this Degree and State that they will know themselues yea and that they will hold themselues in great account with an humble and holie presumption that so they may neuer returne againe to the Flesh-Potts of Egipt And yet that if through their weaknes and wickednes and through their naughtie and miserable condition they should chance to fall back as I did they will euer be yet representing to themselues the great good which they haue lost and that also they will grow into suspicion of themselues and walke along with Feare as they haue really great cause to be afrayd And if they returne not to Prayer they will be sure to goe from bad to worse for this indeed doe I call a true Fall when one comes once to abhorre that verie way whereby they purchased so great a good and it is with such Soules that I am speaking now For I say not that Soules will neuer offend God nor that they will neuer committ anie Sinne though yet still it were but reason that whosoeuer had begunne to receaue such Fauours as these should be very carefull to keep themselues from committing anie But in fine we are miserable Creatures and that which I aduise very earnestly is that they will not giue-ouer their Prayer for there shall they come to know what they are doing and there shall they gaine sorrow for hauing left our Lord and strength to rise againe And let that Soule beleiue and let her doe it home that if she depart from Prayer she growes in my opinion to runne great hazard I know not whether I hitt right in what I say but at least I iudge of others by my self But now in the meane time this kinde of Prayer is a certaine Sparke of the Fire of that true Loue which our Lord beginnes to kindle in a Soule and his pleasure also is that the same Soule shall goe vnderstanding what kinde of thing this Loue is and what kinde of great Regalo and delight it brings This Quiet and Recollection and little Sparke if indeed it be of the Spirit of God and not a gust either giuen by the Diuel or yet procured by our selues though yet still one who hath experience cannot possibly but vnderstand at the verie instant that it is no such thing as can be acquired saue that euen in our verie Naturall condition we are so greedie of all that which is sauourie that we will needs tast of all but if as I sayd it be of the Diuel we quickly grow againe to be very cold And how much soeuer we our selues may beginne to make this Fire also burne for the procuring of this gust we seem to haue indeed a minde to doe no other busines heerby then to cast-on water enough to quench it whereas if in verie deed this little Sparke were of Diuine Loue and were conveyed by Almightie God into the Soule how small and poore soeuer it be it would find some shift or other to make a mightie noise And if the Soule doe not quench it by her owne fault this proues that verie thing which beginnes to make a huge kinde of fire and sends forth great flames from it self as I shall declare in fitt place of that mighty loue of God which his Diuine Maiestie is gratiously pleased that perfect Soules should enioy And this verie Sparke is a certaine kinde of signe and euen pawne
Lord through his goodnes made me see it and shewed it me in a certaine Rapt of mine So also should it be heer in this world and that so Almightie God and the Soule might be able to vnderstand one another and that vpon this sole cause and reason in regard that his Diuine Maiestie is pleased that they shall doe so without anie other artifice or meanes that so the mutuall loue which these two deare freinds carrie to one another may be giuen by them to be mutually vnderstood Iust so as in this world when two persons loue one another very dearly and be endued with a good vnderstanding and witt they seem able to vnderstand themselues together euen without so much as signes and by only looking well vpon one another Thus ought it to be in our case since without our knowing expresly how these two Louers looke earnestly vpon one another in the face as the Spouse saith to his Beloued in the Canticles for so I thinke I haue heard that it is expressed there O admirable benignitie of thee O Lord who permittest thy self to be looked vpon by those eyes which haue abused their sight so much as these of my Soule haue done At least O my deare Lord let them now be accustomed after this sight of thee to looke no more vpon anie inferiour and base Obiects nor let anie thing be able to please them out of thee O great ingratitude of mortall Creatures how farre wilt thou be able to atiue For now I know euen by experience that this is litterally true which I am saying That whatsoeuer is possibly able to be expressed by me is no more then the verie least part of that Fauour which thou impartest to anie such Soule as thou vouchsafest to bring to such a State as this O Soules which haue begunne to vse Prayer and you who haue really Faith and firme Beleif what blessings and benefits are you possibly able to seeke and get which may anie way be compared euen to the least of those which are obtained by the Seruants of Almightie God euen in this mortall life of ours And consider for it is most certainly true that Almightie God imparts himself thus euen heer to such as forsake all things for loue of him For he is no accepter of persons and he loues all men nor hath anie one of them anie excuse how wicked soeuer he may haue been since our Lord hath proceeded after this manner euen with me and aduanced me to such a condition as you see Consider also that this which I am saying now is not so much as a little Cipher of that which were to be sayd but only so much is heer deliuered as is necessarie for the giuing this manner of Vision and Fauour which Almightie God is pleased to doe to a Soule to be in some sort vnderstood But now it is in no power of mine to declare that which she findes and feeles when our Lord is pleased to impart those secrets and greatnesses of his togeather with that delight which is so highly superiour to all those others which can possibly be imparted by this world and that they doe with a mightie deale of reason make them who possesse the same euen abhorre all the pleasures of the earth which when they be all clapt togeather are no better then meer dung and durt nay it is after a sort euen to giue one a Vomit to bring these into anie comparison at all with those others euen though they should be able to last for euer And yet of these Celestiall ioyes what kind of poore proportion of them is that which he is pleased to impart in this world No more then as it were one slight single drop of water of that huge full flowing Riuer which is prepared for vs in Heauen It is a verie shame scorne and really I employ it all against my self and if it were possible for Soules to be affronted euen in Heauen I should haue cause to find my self ashamed when I were there more then anie Creature to thinke that we should expect to enioy so great benedictions and delights and glorie as is to be infinit in that next Life and all at the onlie cost of our deare Lord IESVS And shall we not weep perhaps at least with the Daughters of Ierusalem since we will hot helpe him to carrie the Crosse as Simon Cyreneus did Or can we euer thinke of coming to enioy that by the way and meanes of pleasures and passe-times which he vouchsafed to get and gaine for vs vpon the price of his owne most pretious Bloud This is absolutly impossible And can we thinke by our aspiring to vaine Honour that we may be able to remedie and redresse that huge contempt and scorne which he endured for vs There is no manner of sense in anie such cōceipt No no the course is vtterly mistaken and we shall neuer be able to ariue at that iourneys end by anie such erroneous way as this Your Reuerence must cry-out alowd to make these truths be heard and beleiued by the world And since it hath pleased Almightie God to take this power and libertie from me I would alwaies be crying them out to my self but both he heard me and I came also to vnderstand him so very late as may be seen by what I haue written heer and it is no lesse then matter of extreame confusion to me to speake of it and therefore I will now hold my peace and for the present will only say that which I haue been considering sometimes which is that I humbly beseech Almightie God to bring me once to such tearmes as that I may enioy this immense Good O what an accidentall glorie and gust will it be for the Blessed Saints of Heauen who enioy this felicitie when they shall find that although it were late yet at length they left nothing vnperformed which it was possible for them to doe for the loue of Almightie God Nor did they faile to present him with the verie vttermost of whatsoeuer they could offer in all kindes according to the power which they had and to the condition wherein they were placed he giuing them still more who had more How rich will he then find himself to be who left all the riches he had for Christ our Lord How full of honour who reiected all honour and tooke no pleasure in anie other thing then to find himself abased and despised for the loue of him How wise will he see himself then who reioyced to see the world hold him for a foole since they called Wisdome it self by that name But how few of such as these are there now in the world by reason of our great Sinnes Alas it seemes that all they are spent and gone long agoe whome the world was wont to esteē for madd fooles when they saw them performe those heroicall acts of true Louers of Christ our Lord. O world O world How dost thou goe gaining Honour
this Light nor yet of anie other thing at all which our Lord was pleased to giue me to vnderstand and that with such a soueraigne kind of delight as cannot possibly be declared For all our Senses enioy such a superiour degree of sweetnes that it can no way be fully expressed and therefore I thinke it will be best to say no more I had once been aboue an hower in this condition when our Lord shewed me admirable things and seeming not to depart from being neer me he spake these verie words to me See heer my Daughter vvhat they loose vvho are against me doe not thou forbeare to let them knovv it But O my deare Lord what good will my saying it doe to them whome their owne actions blind so deeply if thy Diuine Maiestie doe not giue them light Some there be to whome thou hast giuen it and they haue profited much by knowing those greatnesses of thine but yet O my Lord they see in such sort withall that they are shewed to such a wretched and miserable thing as my self that I cannot but esteem it a strange thing to find that anie Creature should beleiue me Blessed be thy name and thy mercie for at least I haue plainly seen an euident amendment in mine owne Soule and I would be glad if I might still remaine there and not come back to liue heer anie more For the contempt wherein I held this whole world was very great and it seemed to be no better then euen dung to me and now I find how basely we be employed who are detained therein Whilst I remained with that Ladie of whome I spoke before it hapned to me once when I was ill and euen sick at the hart for I haue formerly been subiect to this miserie though nothing so much of late she considering me with much charitie and compassion commanded that one day certaine Iewells of hers should be brought forth which she had of very great value and one in particular of Diamonds which was prized at a verie high rate Now she conceaued belike that this would recreate and reviue me but I smiled inwardly at her the while and had compassion to see how meane things men esteem when I considered what our Lord hath layd-vp for vs And I thought how impossible a thing it would be for me to put anie manner of value vpon such toyes as those euen though I should endeauour it vnlesse our Lord should first depriue me of the memorie of those other treasures But now this kind of Fauour giues so great a dominion to the Soule that I know not whether it can possibly be vnderstood but only by such persons as possesse it For it is the proper true and naturall discharge and vntying of the Soule from all things created and this growes absolutly without anie labour of our owne and Almightie God doth it all and then his Diuine Maiestie shewes these Truths and that so as to make them remaine imprinted and engrauen in the Soule and they serue also to make vs see clearly that it was not possible for vs to acquire them especially in so short a time by anie diligences of our owne Vpon this I also came to haue very little feare of death which formerly had been great in me but now it is growne to seem to be a thing of very much facilitie and ease for such as apply themselues to the Seruice of Almightie God For by death the Soule flyes out of prison in one moment and is not only put presently into libertie but enioyes an euerlasting rest and glory Now this way which is held by Almightie God in carrying the Spirit vp to shew her so excellent things in these Rapts seemes to beare a very close kind of conformitie with the passage of a Soule out of a Bodie at the hower of death since it growes euen at one instant to be so entirely inpossession of this Eternall Good But heer I lay aside the consideration of those sorrowes and paines which are felt when the Soule is torne out of the Bodie for we are to make little account of that and they also who loue God in good earnest and haue shaken hands with all the contentments of this life are certainly wont to dye with more sweetnes It also seemes to me that these Fauours did me very much good towards the bringing me into a knowledge of our true Countrie and to see that we were meer Pilgrims heer and it is a pretious kind of thing to find what passes there aboue and to vnderstand where in fine we are to liue for euer And whensoeuer one goes to settle and stay for good and all in anie Countrie it giues a great assistance towards the enduring all the incommodities of the iourney when we know that the end of it is to be such as that we may in fine be in great repose and happines when we get thither It is also heer obtained that with case we may grow able to consider Heauenlie things that so our conuersation may be there And this is a great kind of gaine since the onlie thinking of Heauen recollects the Soule in regard that our Lord being pleased to shew vs somewhat which passes there we are induced to pawse and thinke vpon it And sometimes it so falls out that they whome I know to liue there are the Soules who accompanie me and in whome I receaue most comfort and these indeed are they who seem to be truely aliue and those others on the other side who liue heer seem to be so very deadly dead as that this whole world put togeather cannot amount to be anie companie at all for me And especially when I find anie of these impulses or impetuosities in my self the whole world seemes to be but a verie Dreame and all the obiects of these corporeall eyes of mine a meer ieast and toy but that which already I haue seen with the eyes of my Soule that I say is the thing which she desires and because she finds her self to be yet farre off from thence this is that which is no lesse then euen death it self to my Soule In fine the Fauour is excessiuely great which our Lord vouchsafes to that Soule to whome he giues such Visions as these for they helpe her much in all things and particularly to the carrying of a certaine heauie Crosse which lyes vpon her For nothing can satisfye her now but euerie thing disgusts and checks her And if our Blessed Lord did not giue way that we might forget it sometimes though yet we remember it againe afterward I know not how we should be able to liue Let him be Blessed and praised for all Eternitie and I humbly begg of his Diuine Maiestie euen by that very pretious Bloud which his owne Sonne shed for me that since he hath vouchsafed that I should vnderstand somewhat of these benefits and blessings and that I should beginne to enioy them also in some kind euen in this life it
had begunne to obey She also declares for hovv little purpose it serued to resist the Fauours of Almighty God and hovv his Diuine Maiestie vvent daily imparting them to her after a more compleat manner CHAP. 25. She treates heer of the vvay and manner of vnderstanding those vvords or Speeches vvhich Almighty God is pleased to vtter to the Soule though yet vvithout hearing any voyce or sound and of some errours or abuses vvhich may happen heerin and hovv the right may be knovvne from the vvrong It is of much vse and profit for such as see themselues in this degree of Prayer for it is declared very vvell and the Doctrine containes great instruction 26. CHAP. She prosecutes the same Discourse and goes relating and declareing such things as happened to her vvhich made her to loose feare and to be strengthned in a beleife that it vvas a good spirit vvhich spake to her 27. CHAP. She treates of another vvay hovv our Lord instructs a Soule and giues her to vnderstand his vvill after a very admirable manner vvithout any Speech at all She also declares a certaine Vision and great Fauour vvhich our Lord shevved her and this Vision vvas not Imaginarie This Chaepter is very much to be noted 28. CHAP. She treates of the great Fauours vvhich our Lord did her and hovv he appeared to her the first time She declares that it vvas a Vision vvhich shevved it selfe by vvay of the Imagination and discouers the great effects and testimonyes vvhich such things leaue in the Soule vvhen they are of Almighty God This Chapter is of great instruction and deserues to be noted much 29. CHAP. She prosecutes the Discourse vvhich she had begunne and relates some high Fauours vvhich our Lord vvas pleased to doe her and vvhat his Diuine Maiestie did futher for the securing and encourageing her minde and for the enabling her to ansvver her Contradictours 30. CHAP. She returnes to recount the course of her life and hovv our Lord gaue remedye to many of her troubles by bringing that Holy man Fray Pedro de Alcantara of the Order of the Glorious S. Francis to the place vvhere she vvas And she declares the great temptations and invvard troubles vvhich sometimes she endured 31 CHAP. She treates of certaine exteriour temptations and representations of the Deuill and of the torments vvhich he gaue her She speakes also of other things vvhich are very fitt for the aduise and instruction of such persons as are vvalking on in the vvay of Perfection 32. CHAP. She treates hovv it pleased our Lord to put her in Spirit into a place of Hell vvhich she said she had deserued for her Sinnes She relates vvhat vvas represented to her there vvhich vvas but a kind of shaddovv of such things as are suffered in that place She beginnes also to declare the vvay and manner hovv that Monastery vvas founded in Auila vnder the name of S. Ioseph 33. CHAP. She proceeds in the same Subiect of the Foundation of the Monastery of the Glorious S. Ioseph She declares hovv she vvas commanded to attend to that busines and of the time vvhen she forbore to follovv it and of some troubles vvhich she had and hovv she vvas comforted in them by our Blessed Lord. CHAP. 34. She declares hovv at this time she vvas necessarily to goe from that place and she shevves the cause thereof and hovv her Superiour commanded her to goe for the comfort of a certaine Lady vvho vvas much afflicted She beginns to treat of that vvhich hapened to her there and of the great Fauour vvhich it pleased our Lord to doe by her meanes in stirring-vp a very principall person to doe him very great Seruice and hovv aftervvard she receiued much Fauour and protection from him This is an admirable Discourse and very much to be noted 35. CHAP. She prosecutes the same Subiect about the Foundation of this Hovvse of our Glorious Father S. Ioseph She speakes of the Degrees by vvhich our Lord came to appoint that holy Pouertie should be ordained there and of the cause vvhy she came from that Lady vvith vvhome she vvas and of other things also vvhich succeeded 36. CHAP. She prosecutes the Subiect vvhich she had begunn and declares the finall conclusion of this Monastery of the Glorious S. Ioseph of Auila and of the great contradictions and persecutions vvhich the Religious vvoemen vvere put to suffer euen after they had taken the Habit and of the many troubles and temptations vvhich she vvas faine to vndergoe and hovv his Diuine Maiestie drevv her out of all vvith victorie to his ovvne praise and glorie 37. CHAP. She treates of the effects vvhich vsed to remaine in her Soule vvhen our Lord had done her any Fauour and she accompanies this Discourse vvith very profitable Doctrine She declares also hovv vvee are to procure and greatly esteem the gaining of one degree of glory more and hovv vvee must not for any trouble or paines forsake those benefitts blessings vvhich are euerlasting 38. CHAP. She treates of some great Fauours vvhich our Lord vvas pleased to doe her as vvell in acquainting her vvith certaine Secrets of Heauen as by giueing her other great Visions and Reuelations She declares also the effects vvhich they left in her Soule and the great benefitts vvhich she obtained by them 39. CHAP. She proceeds in the same Subiect of shevving the great Fauours vvhich our Lord had done her And she declares hovv he vvas pleased to promise his Fauour to them for vvhome she should begg it and she relates some important particulars vvherein his Diuine Maiestie had done her extraordinary Fauours of this kind 40. CHAP. She proceeds in the same Discourse by relating the great Fauours vvhich our Lord shevved her vvhereby good instruction is to be gotten And vvith the end of this Chapter she ends also the Discourse of her Life 41. A Letter vvritten by the GLORIOVS S. TERESA vvhich she sent together vvith the Booke to her Ghostly Father APPROBATIO HAec vita S. Teresae primùm Hispanico sermone à se conscripta postea taliter edita nunc verò felicissimè Anglicè reddita per Ill m virum M. T. iussu R mi Antuerpiensis à me attentè perlecta fuit in eadem nihil dum reperi vel contra fidem vel quod possit meo iudicio pias Christianas aures offendere imò cùm amorē eius seraphicum vndique lucentem ac inflammantem Lector experiatur censeo dignissimam vt in communem etiam Catholicorum Anglorum vtilitatem imprimatur Antuerpiae 5. Augusti M. DC XLII RICHARDVS WAKE I. V. L. Cap. 4. Cap. 5. Cap. 2. Cap. 8. Cap. 7. Cap. 6. Cap. 22. * Note this great most certaine Truth a Many vse to repeat the Creed in the presence and as in the person of such as are neer expiring by vvay of fortefying thē at that time against the temptations of the Diuell b VVhen persons are neer expiring attendants vse to be very
THE FLAMING HART OR THE LIFE OF THE GLORIOVS S. TERESA Foundresse of the Reformation of the Order of the All-Immaculate Virgin-Mother our B. Lady of Mount-Carmel This History of her Life vvas vvritten by the Saint her selfe in Spanish and is nevvly novv Translated into English in the yeare of our Lord God 1642. Aut mori aut pati Either to dye or els to suffer Chap. 40. ANTWERPE Printed by IOHANNES MEVRSIVS ANNO M. DC XLII TO THE INCOMPARABLE SOVERAIGNE PRINCESSE HENRIETTA-MARIA OF FRANCE QVEEN OF GREAT BRITTAINE FRANCE AND IRLAND MADAME I Presume not novv to approach to your Maiesties presence vvith designe to begg your Fauours though this vse to be the case of euery Creature but to pay your Maiestie a Seruice and that a great one for the many Princely benefitts vvhich I haue receiued already from your gratious hand For heer I come to offer your Maiestie a meanes of magnifying your ovvne naturall greatnes by your avovving protecting and enlargeing the glory of an incomparable Saint S. Teresa To vvhome as I haue vvell vnderstood that already yovv carry an extraordinary deuotion and not only deuotion to her selfe but affection also to the holy Religious vvoemen of her Angelicall Order vvhereof the English Nation vvhich novv enioyes the honour to be also yours hath a Monastery at Antwerpe vvhich needs not perhaps be ashamed to appeare neer any other of the vvhole vvorld vvhether it be for their great entire contentment in Recollection their insatiable yet most delightfull thirst after Perfection Vnion vvith our Blessed Lord or the euerlasting Feast of Joy Iubily vvhich they solemnize both in the harty high respects vvhich they carry to their Reuerend Mother Superiour and their true most tender loue to one another so it vvill not be vnvvorthy either of your ovvne greatnes or goodnes that vvhen there is question of considering the vertues perfections of the Glorious S. Teresa and the celebrating her praises and the studying her Life J meane that Life of hers vvhich she vvrote vvith that most holy vvise hand of her ovvne vvhich I heer present your Maiestie vouchsafe to march at the very head of that vvhole Troope vvhich may addresse it selfe to the imitation of her Heroicall actions and to the admiration of those incomparable Graces and Fauours vvhich the God of Heauen and Earth thought fitt to infuse vvith his enamoured hart and omnipotent hand into that most happy Soule For vvho can euer be more fitt to patronize so great a Saint as she is then so great a Queen as your Maiestie vvho besides your Birth and renovvne vvhereof to speake after the manner of men yovv haue so much occasion to bragg haue also in order to Heauen shevved such constancy in the vvay of Religion and pietye as may iustly all things considered giue cause to the rest of your owne most eminent Ranke at least to shrinke if not to blush For my selfe to begg your Maiesties pardon for this apparance of presumption vvere novv to acknowledge some such fault as vvhereof J acquitted my selfe before I vvill therefore rather by this meanes hope to obtaine a Suite for this Seruice yea and that of the most sauory kind of all other it is That yovv vvill vouchsafe to imploy the Sacrifice of my vvhole Life in obedience to any of your Maiesties least commands God make keep your Maiestie as healthy as happy as this vvorld can tell hovv to vvish yea and as the other can tell hovv to graunt I most humbly aske leaue to doe your Maiestie all Reuerence at your Royall Feet Your Maiesties most humble most obedient most deuoted most obliged Seruant M. T. A word of Aduertisment to the Reader TO the end that the Reader 's iudgement may be kept from anie considerable errour concerning the person of the Glorious S. Teresa he is humbly and earnestly desired to read the Preface before he read the Booke and especially that part thereof vvhich occurrs betvveen that § vvhich beginns vvith these follovving vvords For she vvill tell you c. And that other vvhich beginns But novv it vvill come fittly in c. He may also be pleased to excuse the fevv Faults vvhich shall be found in the Print the rather because it vvas performed both in a strange Countrie and by strangers THE PREFACE OF THE TRANSLATOVR TO THE CHRISTIAN AND CIVIL READER I Was moued and who would not be moued by the Reuerend Mother Superiour of the English Teresian-Carmelites at Ant werpe the rest of that holie Assemblie to Translate out of Spanish into English the Life of the Admirable and Blessed Woeman S. Teresa their holie Mother and mine whose Excellencies and Perfections it is hard for anie Penn to expresse and few Harts euen of the most refined and raised can fully vnderstand and comprehend For though it were translated long agoe by an eminent and worthie Man of our Nation in the great deuotion which he carried to his excellent Saint yet he had liued so very long out of his Countâ—â— and had attended in so serious a manner to the acquiring of Perfection and Knowledge in order to the Conuersion of Soules that on the one side he seemed to haue lost a little of the puritie of his owne English Toung and on the other not to haue acquired enough of the Spanish and consequently not to haue been able to performe the Worke so exactly as he desired Since such a Booke as was so sublimely conceiued by such a Hart and so vehemeÌ„tly posted-out by such a Penn could neuer be exactly translated out of anie one Language into an other vvithout a kind of full possession of them both besides a great attention application of minde othervvise Some places being therfore very obscure and manie other more then a little mis-vnderstood the Booke vvas not so vvell receiued nor so gladly greedily read as it deserued And therfore both in honour of their renouned and admired Parent in appetite also of their ovvne consolation and perfection in Spirit the zeale of these holy Religious vvoemen could not content it selfe vvith less then a procuring to get a nevv Translation made vvhich perhaps might proue to their thinkeing a little lesse imperfect then the other For my part I confesse I vvonder that some such Reuievv and Reformation concerning a Publique Worke so much importing the glory of Almighty God and the honour of so eminent a Saint could be forborne so long But euen that very conceipt and consideration did helpe to clappe the Spurrs into my Sides towards a running through this Course and Carreire vvith all the care speed vvhich I could possibly vse And heerin though my abilityes were small yet my attention grew to be great and so I considered seuerall Coppyes and tooke also many opinions and yet found that all my diligences vvere few enow towards the discharge of the multitude of doubts and difficultyes vvhich occurred Partly through the
had a minde to be most particularly serued and glorifyed by it and that the Soules which would consecrate themselues to him therein might proue to be holie and happie in a very eminent degree as long as they would continue attentiue and carefull not to swarue from that Spirit which was deriued to them from Heauen through S. Teresa by her Prayers and teares and other holie meanes Which Spirit of hers though it euidently appeare both by the exercise and example of all Heroicall Vertue yet particularly it seemes to ayme and point at the regular and constant vse of Recollection Mentall Prayer vvhereof she speakes oftnest and vvith most particular desire and care and appoints two Howers to be employed euerie day therein besides all other Deuotions of anie kind vvhich is practised by all her holy Religious and is really that time vvhich giues them more aboundant ioy then all the rest And indeed she takes manie occasions not only to recommend it earnestly to the Children and Successours of her owne Order but exhorts also all Creatures who will haue the happines to be the true Seruants of our Blessed Lord to take fast hold by this Anker in their Nauigation through the Sea of this vvorld In vvhich Sea not only they who are best shipped but euen such others also as haue been cast ouer board from Grace into the storme and tempest of a Sinnefull life may yet by meanes of Prayer proue able yea and morally certaine through the mercie of Almightie God to recouer the assured Port of Saluation For in the iudgement of this excellent creature this point and practise of Mentall Prayer is the most sacred and soueraigne help by way either of Preseruatiue before Sinne or yet of remedie or Restoratiue after it which can possibly be found or ministred in this world and indeed a kind of Manna from Heauen which imparts all kind of Good to the Soule Good alwayes in the substantiall vvay because it alwayes brings encrease of grace so enables men to vvinne great victoryes ouer themselues where by they daily grow to be the Seruants of Almighty God more more And sometimes also Good in a vvay of most soueraigne sweetnes beyond any thing which Flesh Blood knowes how to imagine But yet to make the Soule capable of this last she must resolue to vntye her selfe vvholy and it must indeed be wholy not only from the firme purpose of committing any Sinne vvhether it be great or small but euen from the very fastning her affections in any manner of inordinate vvay to any Creature of any kind though yet it should not be vnlawfull in it selfe And a most particular care must also be taken by all such as vvill follow the footstepps directions of this Glorious Saint vpon vvhich she presses so very often so very hard in twenty places of this excellent Worke That a Soule which pretends to serue our Blessed Lord in this kind as she ought must resolue both very faithfully very early to dispose herselfe to doe it with true perfect Liberty of Spirit that is with an absolute intention determination to doe it meerly because it is the holy Will of our B. Lord and because he hath made it the meanes vvhereby she may obtaine the pardon of her Sinnes and acquire all Christian vertue through encrease of Grace and pay both frequent ardent acts of Homage Greife Loue to his Diuine Maiestie procure an imitation of those Heroicall vertues which he was pleased to expresse in his bitter Passion And aboue all things the Saint requires vs to take heed of haueing any mercenary respect at all to receiue gusts spirituall delights or other higher Fauours from him in this Life but to remitt all such things to the next and so that vvee may euer doe him true Seruice to leaue it with all indifferency conformity to our Blessed Lord whether he vvill dispence all his Fauours to vs at one payment in the next world or els by parts portions in this And whosoeuer shall be of a different minde vvill not only disoblige the Glorious S. Teresa her selfe but may also make this Booke both an vnprofitable vnvsefull yea euen an inconuenient Study for his Soule But to returne to the glorious actions of this Saint That besides the instituting or redressing this Order where she had both men and woemen though yet cheifly her owne Sex in her eye she should also being only but a Woeman be able so to worke vpon men as in despight of lesse rigour no little enuie to bring them to take as it were the Law at her hands and notwithstanding the pride of Old Adam to ouer-worke them to co-operate vvith the Grace of the Nevv and to make them not disdaine to accept of her Instruction and to apply themselues to the imitation of this Virgin vvill not allow vs to doe anie thing but vvonder saue that it was most euidently the hand and the strong hand of Almightie God vvho enabled and strengthned this deare Seruant of his to be the Instrument of so Heroicall a vvorke And all this is so excellently set downe by the sayd Doctour Levvis de Leon as that I vvill doe both the Saint and her Children the right to shew them the verie Fountaine it self from vvhence the Relation springs and not deface or disgrace it by anie imperfect description of mine owne You are therefore to vnderstand and consider for these circumstāces are not impertinent to the substance that some yeares after the death of this excellent Creature S. Teresa and long before she vvas declared a Saint by the iudgement of the Holie Catholique Church in the Processe vvhereof there vses euer to be euen an excesse of difficulty in weighing and admitting of all Proofes there grew a question about the publishing of her Writings and Workes And to the end that nothing might be done therein either by anie indiscreet zeale or other accident the Councel Royall of Spaine vvhich is a Bodie of great Authoritie Wisdome committed the review of vvhatsoeuer the Saint had left behind her in that kind to be cōsidered by some fitt graue person that so that vvhich should be found to be truly hers might be distinguished from other things and so proceed to be publique by Authoritie This person vvas a learned and renowned man a Father of S. Dominicks Order a Doctour vvho liued in Madrid at that time His name vvas Levvis de Leon as I sayd before vvho togeather with acknowledging and approuing yea and admiring her Writings whereof this Life of hers is the cheife employed himself also with great care to set them out himself And vvhen this Booke went to the Presse he dedicated it to the Prioresse and Religious Woemen of the Teresian-Carmelites vvho then vvere newly founded in Madrid And heer you shall be entertained vvith as much of that Dedicatorie Epistle as imports the excellencie both of the Holie Mother S.
so hard that his affliction was very great I told him once vpon this occasion that since he had been so deuoted to that Mysterie when our Lord carried his Crosse vpon his Back he might doe well to conceaue that his Diuine Maiestie had been pleased to giue him a feeling of some part of that which himself had vndergone with so much trouble and my Father was so comforted by this thought that I remember him not to haue euer complained more He remained three dayes with very little shew of vnderstanding but yet the day whereon he dyed our Lord restored it to him that so entirely as we were all euen amazed to see it and he continued in it saying the Creed and as soone as he had passed through the first part thereof he expired When he was dead he looked euen like an Angell and as such in manner of speach he euer seemed in my sight to be both in Soule and disposition or humour which he had extreamly good Nor doe I know why I haue spoken thus much of him vnlesse it be to confesse and accuse mine owne wickednes so much the more since vpon the sight of such a death and the knowledge of such a life I ought to haue amended and reformed mine if it had been but to grow the liker to such a Father His Confessarius who was a Dominican and a great learned man affirmed that he made no doubt but that my Father would goe streight to Heauen for he who had Confessed him diuers yeares spake much of the great puritie of his Conscience This Dominican Father being a very worthie man and a true seruant of God did me a great deale of good for I Confessed my self to him and he vndertooke the profit of my Soule with care and to make me well vnderstand the way of perdition wherein I was walking He caused me also to Communicate euerie fifteen dayes and beginning first to treate with him by little and little I spoke with him afterward at length about my Prayer and he told me that I must not faile to vse it and that it could not by anie meanes but doe me good I beganne therefore to vse it againe and from that time forward I neuer left it though yet I did not for the present giue-ouer the occasions of my imperfections I therefore in the meane time passed a most sad life for in Prayer I came to vnderstand my faults On the one side I was called by Almightie God and on the other I followed the world All those things which belonged to God gaue me great contentment but those things which were of the World tyed me vp in chaines and it seemes I had a minde to make these two contraryes friends which yet are so much in enmitie with one another namely a Spirituall life on the one side and sensuall pastimes contentments and delights on the other In my Prayer I endured much trouble because now my Spirit was growne to be no longer a Lord but a Slaue and therefore I was not able to shut my self vp in my hart which was the onlie way of proceeding I formerly had held in my vse of Prayer without shutting vp a thousand vanities togeather with my self I passed so manie yeares in this manner that now I am astonished to consider that anie person should be able to endure the not leauing either the one or the other in so long a time I well know that now it was no longer in my hand to giue ouer Mentall Prayer for he held me now in his who resolued to doe me greater fauours O that I could declare the occasions of doing ill which God remoued from me in those yeares and how I put my self againe into them and of the danger wherein I was to loose all the opinion and reputation which I had in the world from which he freed me and of the hast which I made to discouer by my actions what kinde of Creature I was and the hast which our Lord made also to couer these faults and to discouer some little vertue of mine if there were anie and to make the same seem great in the eyes of all men in such sort as that they euer held me in much account For though sometimes my vanities would shine through my actions yet they seeing other things in me which appeared good would not belieue the ill But the true cause heerof was that the knower of all things saw that this was fitt to be so ordained to the end that when afterward I should come to perswade the world to doe him seruice they might giue me some little credit therin And that Soueraigne Bountie of God did not so much consider my great sinnes as it did those desires which I had sometimes to serue him and the great trouble I felt in my self for wanting power and strength to put the same in execution But O thou Lord of my Soule and how shall I euer be able to expresse with fulnes and clearnes enough the fauours which thou shewedst me in those yeares and how in that verie time when I was offending thee most thou madest such hast to dispose my Soule to a most profound remorse and sorrow that so I might come to tast of thy regalo's and great fauours againe The truth is O my King that thou didst vse the most curious and choice kinde of sharp punishment which could possibly to my thinking be found for me as one who didst well vnderstand what was likelie to cost me the dearest of all other things for thou didst punish those sinnes of mine with great regalo's And I thinke it is no impertinencie which I vtter though yet it were a kind of reason that I should now euen as it were loose my witts whilst I renew the memorie of my ingratitude and malice towards thee But really it vvas so much a more painefull and insupportable kinde of thing for me to receaue such fauours vpon the verie neck of my hauing falne into so great offences then it would haue been to endure grieuous punishments that some one of those sayd fauours so receaued seemes clearly and very certainly to haue euen ouer-wrought and defeated and confounded me more then all my infirmities and torments and other afflictions put togeather vvere euer able to doe For as for these latter afflictions I found that I deserued them vvell and I thought they might goe in part by vvay of satisfaction for my sinnes though yet euen in that kinde of account I know that my sufferances vvere few for my offences vvhich vvere so manie and so very great But now to see my self receauing so freshly so high fauours vvhilst yet the vvhile I made so ill retribution for those vvhich I had receaued before is in my account a kinde of most terrible torment and I thinke it vvill be esteemed so by all such as haue anie knowledge or loue of God and vve may easily finde this to be true euen by the naturall condition of persons
our Lord will seeme to haue brought them so vpon vs as that we were not able to resist them Now it seems that his Diuine Maiestie is pleased to pay vs heer for the little poore care we tooke to serue him with so high a guift as that comfort is which he bestowes vpon a Soule who sees her self able to lament weep for hauing offended so great a Lord. And I wonder not a whitt at this for me thinkes she hath reason enough and to spare for receauing ioy and comfort vpon this occasion There doth the Soule reioyce there doth she regale her self I like that Cōparison well which offers it self to me now That these ioyes of Prayer should be somewhat like those others which are in Heauen For as they see no more there then God is pleased that they shall see according to their deserts they acknowledging how small those deserts are euerie one of them is highly well content with the place wherein he is though yet there be an excessiue differēce betweē the ioyes of some and of others in Heauen yea much more then there is between some spirituall ioyes and others heer on earth which yet is very great And really a Soule when God doth her this Fauour at first is very apt to thinke that there remaines no more then to be desired and she esteems her self then to be abundantly satisfyed for all the seruice which euer she was able to pay Almightie God and I finde that she hath at least reason enough to thinke so For euen one of those single teares which yet we may after a sort procure in some part euen of our selues though still without the assistance and fauour of God we can doe absolutly nothing at all cannot be payd for and purchased in my opinion with all the labours and troubles of the world For a Soule gaines much by them and indeed what greater gaine can possibly anie Creature acquire then to haue some kinde of testimonie that she is pleasing to Almightie God So that let whosoeuer shall arriue to this point praise God very much and acknowledge himself to be mightily in his Debt for already there is good apparance that his Diuine Maiestie designes such a person for his seruice in his owne House and hath chosen him for his Kingdome without intētion that he shall turne his back from him anie more And let vs not care for certaine odd Humilities which be in the world whereof I intend to treat For some will needs esteem it to be Humilitie not to vnderstand those Guifts which our Lord is bestowing vpon them But as for vs let vs well and very well know how the Case stands with vs Namely that Almightie God bestowes them vpon vs without anie merit at all of ours and let vs be thankfull to his Diuine Maiestie for them For if we know not what fauour we receaue we shall not stirre our selues vp to loue him for them as we ought For it is a most certaine truth that the better we finde that we are rich knowing first that of our selues we are poore we grow to profit so much the more yea and euen our very Humilitie will proue to be more entire and sincere That other course serues but to accowardize the minde and to make it hold it self vncapable of receauing great benefits if our Lord beginning once to bestow them it shall also beginne to fright it self by a feare of Vaine-Glorie But let vs rather belieue that he who doth vs so great Fauours will giue vs also grace that if the Diuel tempt vs vpon these occasions we shall haue knowledge how to vnderstand him and strength from God how to resist him I meane if we goe on with plainenes and sinceritie as in the sight of Almightie God pretending euer to content him only without respect to men For it is a very euident and certaine truth that we loue a person the better when we remember very freshly what benefits we haue receaued at his hands And if it be both lawfull and meritorious for vs to be euer keeping in memorie that we haue our verie Being from Almightie God and that he created vs of nothing and that he vpholds vs still togeather with all those other benefits of his Passion and Death which he endured for euerie one of vs who are now aliue long before we were borne why should it not be also lawfull for me who was wont to treat of nothing but vanities to vnderstand and see and consider these things often especially when now our Lord allowes me so great a blessing as that I would not willingly euen so much as speake of anie thing but of him And now behold heer a rich Iewel which remembring that it is bestowed vpon vs and that already we are in possession thereof inuites and euen obliges vs to loue our Blessed Lord And this in fine is the totall good of that Prayer which is grounded vpon Humilitie But what will then occurr when they shall finde that other more precious Iewels are come into their power and possession which our Lord imparts to some of his seruants as namely a profund contempt both of the whole world yea and of themselues It is cleare that in this case we must hold our selues for deeper debtours and more obliged to serue him and to vnderstand that of our selues we had no part of this Treasure at all and to know the great bountie of our Blessed Lord who to a Soule so wicked and so absolutly without all merit as mine for which the first of those Iewels aforesayd was not only sufficient but by much too great would yet needs load mee still with greater treasures then I could euen tell how to desire We must in such cases as these procure to get new strength wherewith to serue him and by no meanes to be vngratefull for our Lord giues them euer vpon this condition that if we vse not well that treasure and high place wherein he puts vs he will stripp vs of them againe and as for our parts we shall come to be more poore then euer we were so his Diuine Maiestie will dispense his Treasures to such others as he shall thinke fitt who may benefit both themselues and others by the good vse thereof But now how shall that man improue his owne Stock and spend thereof with latitude of hart vpon others whilst yet he is not come so farr as to know that himself is rich It is in my opinion an impossible kinde of thing considering the grounds of Humane Nature for one to doe great and goodlie things if he vnderstand not himself to be fauoured by Almightie God for we are so miserable Creatures and so inclined to delight in things of this world that we can hardly abhorre effectually all that which heer we enioy and especially to doe it with great libertie of Spirit if we vnderstand not out selues to haue some kind of tast or pawne concerning Heauenlie
all their hopes are lost though for my part I conceaue that all that Losse is Gaine But let them as I haue sayd represent themselues as in the presence of Christ our Lord and without wearying of the Vnderstanding be speaking and regaling themselues with him and not tire their witts to finde out and frame certaine Discourses but let them only present their necessities and the reason which he may haue not so much as to endure them there Some one of these considerations will serue at one time and some other at an other that so the Soule may not be wearie of feeding alwaies vpon one dish These particulars are both very gustfull and very profitable also if once the Partie be accustomed to feed on them for they vse to bring great support and strength for the life of the Soule manie aduātages also otherwise I will declare my selfe further vpon this matter because all these points concerning Prayer carrie their difficulties along with them and vnlesse there be a good Directour at hand they are very hard to be vnderstood And this is the verie cause why though I would faine make short and that iustly because it would suffice for me but euen to touch them by reason of the great capacitie of him who commanded me to write these particulars of Prayer yet my dulnes is not able to declare explicate in few words a thing which it so much imports to be well vnderstood And because I suffered so very much by vsing only Bookes when I beganne the exercise of Prayer I haue compassion of all them who doe so too for it is no lesse then strange to see how farr otherwise Bookes are wont to be vnderstood then men see they ought to haue been when once they come to haue had experience of these things But now to returne to what I was saying let vs put our selues to consider some passage of the Passion of our Blessed Lord and for example let it be that when he was tyed to the Pillar And heer let the Vnderstanding search-out the cause of those great dolours and afflictions which his Diuine Maiestie felt in that Solitude of his as also vpon manie other things which if the Vnderstanding be good at working or els if he haue Learning he may easily be able to fetch from thence And this is a manner of Prayer wherein all Creatures may both beginne and proceed and make an end and it will be a very excellent and secure way till our Lord may perhaps carrie them on to other things which are supernaturall I say for all though yet there be manie Soules which profit more by other Meditations then by that of the Sacred Passion For as there are manie Mansions in Heauen when a Soule is there so are there also manie wayes thither Some profit more by considering Heauen and some afflict themselues best by thinking of Hell others by reflecting vpon Death and some if they be very tender-harted are too much troubled and vexed if they alwaies goe ruminating vpon the Passion and they regale themselues better yea and they also profit more by considering the Power and Greatnes of Almightie God in his Workes and the Loue he beares vs which they finde to be represented to them in all his Creatures And this is an admirable way of proceeding though yet still we must neither forget nor forbeare to consider the Life and Passion of our Blessed Lord very often that in fine being the verie thing from which all our good both euer did and euer can ariue to vs. He who is a Beginner had need be carefull to consider very well what that is whereby he profits most and to this purpose he will haue great need of a Directour if he can meet with an experienced man for if he be not so in good measure he may chance err by carrying a Soule on without either vnderstanding her himself or els giuing her to be vnderstood by the Partie For as the Partie cannot but know of how great merit it is for him to subiect himself to a Directour so he will not presume to depart from that which the other shall direct I haue mett with certaine Soules which haue been afflicted and deiected and streightned because he who had the instructing them wanted experience and I was hartily sorrie for them And some also I haue seen who knew not what to doe with themselues for they not vnderstanding matter of Spirit afflicted themselues both in Bodie and Soule and the while were sure enough not to benefit others One of them told me once of a Directour of hers who would not suffer her in eight yeares togeather to passe on out of the consideration of the knowledge of her self and yet our Lord had her then in the condition and degree of Quiet Prayer but so she was in trouble enough And though it be very true that this point of the knovvledge of ones self is neuer indeed to be vtterly giuen ouer nor is anie Soule in the way of Prayer to thinke she hath so much of the Gyant in her as not to vnderstand that manie times she must turne Child and suck againe and this must neuer be forgotten and perhaps I shall also speake often of it againe in regard that it imports so much because there is no State of Prayer so high wherein it will not be necessarie to turne-againe often to the beginning And this point of the knowledge of our selues and of our Sinnes is the daily bread which must be eaten with all the meate how delicate soeuer it may be of such as are in this way of Prayer yea and without this verie bread they will neuer be able to support and strengthen themselues yet must euen this be taken by weight and measure For when once a Soule findes her self layd very flatt and low and sees clearly that she hath no good thing of her owne and findes her self to be full of confusion and shame so much as to appeare in the presence of so great a King and the little which she is able to pay him for the very much which she findes her self to owe him what necessitie is there to spend so very much time vpon this without applying our selues to such other things as our Lord may perhaps set before vs and which it will not be reason for vs to leaue since his Diuine Maiestie knowes better then we vpon what it is conuenient for vs to feed So that it imports vs very much that the Directour be well aduised I meane also that he be of good vnderstanding and experience and if with this he be also learned it will be of mightie importance But yet still when all these three parts shall not chance to meet togeather in the same man the two former qualities of these three will fall out to import more then the third because they may easily procure to consult with such as are learned whensoeuer they shall haue need thereof
which his Diuine Maiestie giues to that Soule to shew that he chooses her out for great things if she will make her self fitt to receaue them I say this is a mighty guift yea and farre greater then I am anie way able to expresse And it is matter of much greife to me that as I was saying I know manie Soules which ariue thus farre and that yet there are so very few which passe further at least as they ought to passe that I am euen ashamed to confesse it I say not that there are so very few who passe on for it may very well be that there are manie for God doth not sustaine vs for nothing but I only speake of such as I haue seen For my part I would earnestly wish them not to hide their Talent since it seemes Almightie God chooses them out for the profit of manie others and especially in these times when it is so necessarie that his Diuine Maiestie should haue strong freinds to support and vphold such as are weake And let them all who finde that they haue receaued this great Fauour at our Lord's hands esteem themselues for strong if they know how to correspond well with the lawes which a firme and fast freindship euen of this verie world requires And if they will not let them apprehend very much and feare that they shall doe themselues a great deale of hurt yea and I pray God that it may be to none but themselues That which the Soule is to doe in these times of enioying this Quiet is but only that with suauitie and without noyse she employ the Will to vnderstand with much calmnes and discretion that the Soule is not to negotiate with Almightie God by the strength of the Arme. I call it noyse if the Vnderstanding goe seekingout manie words and considerations to giue thanks for this benefit and to make vp a mightie heape of her defects and sinnes to shew that she deserues not this Fauour For all is in motion now and the Vnderstanding represents many things to vs and the Memorie is boyling vp and really these Powers of the Minde are wont to giue me trouble enough at times and in regard that I haue but a weake Memorie I cānot in these cases subdue them But those other considerations and mentall discourses be indeed no better then as so manie great loggs of wood which are layd with small discretion vpon that little Sparke of fire to quench it And therefore let her know and say with great humilitie O Lord what am I able to doe heer What hath this Seruant or Slaue to doe with the Lord of Heauen and Earth Or els she may vse such other words as shall present themselues then in the way of Loue. But note heer that she must be very very well grounded vpon knowing that to be true which she saith Now as for that which concernes the Vnderstanding let the Soule consider it no otherwise then meerly as if it were a Miller and if she will needs giue it part of that which she enioyes or shall labour to recollect it also to her self she will find that it is not to proue well with her For manie times it is seen that during this Vnion and repose or rest in the Will the Vnderstanding is still much out of order and if the Will cannot be be able to arrest it it is better to let it alone then that she should still goe hunting after it I say the Will But let it remaine enioying that Fauour and be recollected and shut-vp in it self like a wise Bee for if no one of the Bees should goe into the Hiue but all be gadding abroad so to be still ferching one another home there would little store of hony be made And so a Soule will loose very much if she be not well aduertised of this and especially if the Vnderstanding be quick and sharp For if once such an one beginne to put discourses in order and light vpon some prettie reasons to the purpose she will if they be handsomly sayd beginne to thinke that shee performes some great exploit But the discourse which is to be vsed heer must be a knowing clearly and confessing plainely that there is no other reason at all why Almightie God should euer doe vs so great a Fauour then his owne onlie goodnes and to consider that we are now approached so neer to him and to begg Fauours of him and to beseech him also for his Church and for all such as haue recommended themselues to vs and so also for the Soules in Purgatorie and this not by the noise of words but only by a feeling desire to be heard by his Diuine Maiestie This is a Prayer which comprehends very much and we shall obtaine more thereby then by multiplying much rowling discourse by way of the Vnderstanding But let the Will stirr-vp her self by some reasons which will easily represent themselues to her then when she findes her self to be so very much improued to quicken-vp her Loue and to make her performe certaine amourous acts of how great things she would be glad to doe for one to whome she owes so verie much without admitting and permitting as I sayd that the vnderstanding part should make a noise in the search and pretence of doing high and mightie matters For heer anie few little poore strawes presented and offered-vp with Humilitie and they may be sure enough to be strawes if we bring them will make a great deale more to the purpose and will help to kindle a good fire more quickly then a great deale of bigg loggs of wood will be able to doe I meane reasons which in our opinion shall be very sure to quench and put-out the fire euen in the turning of a hand This is good for learned men who command me to write all this for through the goodnes of God it may be hoped that all of them ariue hither and it might perhaps so happen amongst them that this time would passe away in applying some places of Scripture But though that kinde of knowledge could not faile to be vsefull to them both before such occasions as these and also after yet at these verie times of Prayer there would be little occasion to vse it in my opinion vnlesse they had a minde to coole the feruorous employment of the Will For the Vnderstanding findes it self then to possesse such an excessiue kind of claritie by being so neer to Light it self that euen I with being so poore and miserable as I am seem to be another kinde of Creature And it is most certainly true that it hath hapned to me being in this kind of Quiet and without vnderstanding in effect anie thing of the Prayers which are recited in Latin and especially of the Psalter that not only I vnderstand the Verse in Spanish but I passe also yet further on and delight my self highly in considering what the meaning of that Spanish is I speake not
Soule did at that time And our Lord sayd this to me in these words It doth my Daughter dissolue and defeat it self to be so the more ingulfed in me for novv it is no longer she vvho liues but I and since she cannot cōprehend that vvhich she vnderstands her very vnderstanding it after a kind of Morrall vvay vvhich she doth is really a not vnderstanding it after a strict comprehensiue vvay vvhich she is not able to doe He who shall haue had triall of this by experience will be able to ariue to the expression of some part therof but as for me I cannot deliuer that more clearly which passes heer since it is so very obscure I can only say that in this case their being then so close to Almightie God is represented to them and there remaines such a kinde of certaintie therof that it cannot possibly faile to be beleiued And now heer all the Powers of the Soule fall short of operation and are suspended in such sort that by no meanes as I haue sayd it can possibly be vnderstood that they worke If she were thinking of some Mysterie it is instantly so forgottē as if there had neuer beē anie such thought If she were reading there is no remembrance of it nor yet of pawsing and if praying vocally in like manner So that now this importunate little Gnatt of the Memorie hath her wings burnt heer and can now no longer spring-vp nor stirre The Will also is now employed all in louing though it vnderstād not how it loues The Vnderstanding if it vnderstand it is not yet vnderstood how it vnderstands and at least it can comprehend nothing of that which it vnderstands To me it doth not seem that it vnderstands because as I was saying it is not vnderstood and for my part I attaine not to vnderstand all this At the first I chanced to be in so great an ignorance as not to know that Almightie God was in all things and considering how very present I conceiued him to be to me it seemed impossible for me to beleiue the cōtrarie To leaue therefore to beleiue that he was there I could not because it seemed to me as it were apparantly and clearly that I had vnderstood his verie Presence to be there Some men who were not learned told me that he was only there by his Grace which still I could not possibly beleiue because as I was saying I held him to be directly present otherwise and thus I cōtinued with some trouble But at length a great learned man of the Order of the Glorious S. Dominick freed me from this doubt and told me not only that he was present but that he also communicated himself to vs which comforted me very much But now it is heer to be noted and vnderstood that this Celestiall Water is alwaies a most eminent Fauour of our Lord and giues the Soule excessiuely great aduantages as I shall now declare THE NINETEENTH CHAPTER She prosecutes the same Discourse and beginnes to declare the effects vvhich this Degree of Prayer vvorkes in the Soule She persvvades men earnestly not to turne back nor to giue-ouer their Prayer though they should happen to fall euen after they had receaued these Fauours She speakes of the great harme vvhich vvill ariue to them if they doe othervvise This Discourse is much to be noted and it is of great consolation for vveake persons and Sinners THe Soule doth in this Prayer and Vnion remaine with an excessiue kind of tendernes in such sort that she would faine euen defeat and dissolue her self not through paine or trouble but by abundance of teares of ioy wherein she is bathed without so much as feeling or knowing how or when she wept them It giues her a great delight to find the impetuous force of that fire appeased and allayed by Water which yet makes it encrease so much the more This language of mine may seem to be a kind of gibberidge but yet thus stands the case It hath hapned to me sometimes when I was in this part of this Prayer to be so wholy out of my self as that I knew not whether I were awake or asleep or whether in verie deed I had been in that glorie which I felt and whether it were true that I was indeed so all bathed in water which distilled with such force and speed from mine eyes that it seemed as if a very Clowde of Heauen had rayned it downe but in fine I found that it was no dreame This hapned to be in the beginnings of this Prayer and it passed quickly ouer But the Soule remaines so couragious thereby that if it were possible for her to be cut into a thousand peices for God's sake it would be of extreame consolation to her And now heer come in all her promises her heroicall resolutions the liuelie efficacie of her desires her beginning to abhorre the world her clearlie discerning her owne vanitie and all this much more perfectly and more highly then it hapned in anie of her former Prayers Her humilitie is also growne much stronger for now she very clearly discernes that no diligence at all of her owne was anie peice of a cause for bringing her that excessiue and incomparable Fauour nor for making her enioy the same She sees now clearly that she is a most vnworthie Creature for in anie roome where there enters a strong and cleare Sunne-Beame there is not the least and thinnest Cobweb which can lye hid She now lookes very clearly vpon her owne miserie and now she is so very free from Vaine-Glorie that it seems a kind of impossible thing for her to haue anie because now already she hath it euen in her verie eye how little she is able to performe or rather in verie deed that it is iust nothing at all and that in this case there was hardly so much as anie cōsent of hers but that it seems that euen whether she would or no they shut the gates of all her Senses vp to the end that she might so the better enioy her Lord and that now since she remaines all alone with him what can she haue to doe but to loue him She neither can see nor heare vnlesse she be made to doe so as it were by very strong hand and therefore there is little for which to thanke her Her former life growes then to be represented to her with perfect truth togeather with the great mercie of Almightie God And all this occurrs to her without anie necessitie at all that her Vnderstanding should now goe hunting after it For there doth she already find all this kind of food readie dressed for her to vnderstād and eat Of her self she sees very well that she deserues Hell-Fire and that now in stead therof they giue her no other punishment then glorie And therefore she doth now euen consume her self in the prayses of Almightie God and now would I be glad euen to consume my self so Blessed be thou O
togeather vvith the Bodie and so both of them participate therin And it is not also with that extremitie of being as it were abandoned and vtterly forsaken which yet abounds in this wherein as I was saying we haue no part at all our selues But there often comes a kind of desire vnseasonably and vnexpectedly vpon vs and I know not from whence it moues And vpon this desire which penetrates the whole Soule euen at one verie instant she beginnes to afflict and euen belabour her self so as that she rises much aboue her self and indeed aboue whatsoeuer is created and Almightie God is pleased to make her so very desolate disgusted in order to all temporall things that how much soeuer she may labour and endeauour to the contrarie there is nothing in this world which will either accompanie her or whereby she would be glad to be accompanied but euen directly to dye in that Solitude For if anie bodie speake to her or if she would employ all the power which possibly she might haue to speake to others it serues to very little purpose for her Spirit doe what she can doth still not depart from making her find her selfe to be perfectly alone And though it seem to me as if Almightie God were then extreamly remote from her yet at times he communicates his greatnesses to her by a manner the most highly strange that can be imagined yea and more strange then can possibly be expressed Nor doe I beleiue that anie other creature will either beleiue it or can vnderstand it but only some such person as may haue felt it For this is no communication to giue comfort but only to shew the reason which that person hath to be afflicted and distressed for being absent from that Good which comprehends all good things in it self By meanes of this communication both the desire doth encrease and so also doth the extremitie of that Solitude wherein the Soule findes her self togeather with a certaine paine which is so very delicate and penetratiue the Soule being placed then in that kind of Desert that it may expresly and euen literally seem to be at that time that verie thing where of the Royall Prophet spoke when he was in the same verie Solitude Saue that our Blessed Lord would vouchsafe the sense of those things to him and make him feele it being a Saint after a more perfect manner But the words whereof I speake were these Vigilaui factus sum sicut passer solitarius in tecto I haue vvatched and am become like a solitarie Sparrovv vpon the topp of a House For so doth that Verse represent it self to me at those times that me thinkes I doe euen see mine owne condition therin And it comforts me to obserue that others haue also found themselues in so high an extremitie of Solitude and especially when they were such persons as the Royall Prophet was So that me thinkes this kind of Soule is not then it self but rather vpon the verie topp or ridge as one may say therof yea and of all things also which are created for then mee thinkes the Soule remaines in the very highest and most superiour part of her self At other times the Soule seemes to find her self in that occasion as in the verie extremitie of necessitie and miserie and that then she is saying and asking her self this question VVhere is novv thy God But now heer it is to be noted that for my part I knew not then what those words signifyed in the vulgar Toung yet when afterwards I came to know it I was much comforted to see that our Lord was pleased to bring them to my memorie without anie procurement at all of mine At other times I also called that Saying of S. Paul to minde That he vvas crucifyed to the vvorld I say not that I was so for I see but too well that I am not but me thinkes the Soule in this case is very much after that manner for she gets no comfort either from Heauen because she is not there nor carries she anie affection at all to the Earth nor is she also there but remaines as if she were euen crucifyed between Heauen Earth and suffering all the while without receauing anie succour either from one of these places or the other For that which comes to her from Heauen which is as I haue sayd before but a notice of Almightie God so admirable aboue all that which we know anie way how to desire doth but serue for her greater torment because it multiplyes the same desire in such sort that the excessiue paine thereof doth put her in my opinion euen past her senses saue that she remaines so but a very little while Now this condition of minde seemes to be no lesse then euen the verie agonie and passage of death it self yet withall there is so very great a contētment taken in this suffering that I know not to what in fine I may possibly be able to compare it It is a feirce and yet a sauourie and delightfull kind of Martyrdome since all that which concernes this world and which it is possible to represent to the Soule yea though it were euen the most delightfull Obiect which euer she had been accustomed to embrace is by no meanes admitted but is instantly cast sharply away from her She vnderstands also heer very well that she cares for nothing at all but Almightie God and yet she considers no particular thing euen in him but she will haue him all togeather and yet after a sort she knowes not what she would haue I say againe that she knowes not because her Imagination represents nothing at all to her yea and in my opinion during a great part of that time wherein she is after that manner the Powers of her Soule doe not worke that ioy which vses to be felt both in the case of Vnion and of Rapts for they are wholy suspended by her paine But O that I were able to giue your Reuerence to vnderstand this busines well though it were but that you might so make me know more particularly what it is For now this is that in which my Soule doth ordinarily most cōtinue whensoeuer I am not employed about somewhat she is put euen vpon these verie straights and agonie of death She is afrayd when she sees them beginne for feare least it should cost me my life but yet when it is once begunne she would be glad that during all that life which might last she might continue in that state of sufferance though yet still it be so very excessiue that the person is scarce able to endure it For sometimes I am in effect without anie pulse at all as my Sisters tell me who then come towards me to see what passes for now they beginne a little to vnderstand more of the case And the bones of my verie armes to which the ioynts are fastned grow then to be euen opened and my hands are so starke and
by those beames you will find it to be all full of moates This Comparison is very literally true for before the Soule is in this Extasis she conceiues her self to haue been very carefull not to offend Almightie God that she performed it according to the vttermost of her power but yet being come once so farre as that this Sunne of Iustice shines vpon her which makes her open her eyes she then sees so many moates therin that she would be glad if she could tell how to shut them againe for she is not yet become so true an Eaglet of this swift and strong Eagle which bred her as that she can be able to looke earnestly vpon this Sunne But how little soeuer she chance to hold them open she sees her self all impure and calls that Verse to minde which saith VVho shall euer be iust in thy presence When once she beholds this Diuine Sunne her sight is dazled by the brightnes of it but when she lookes in vpon her self her eyes are stopped vp with clay and so this poore Doue is blind yea and it happens manie times that she also remaines blind for good and all as being absorpt amazed and as it were out of her witts with so manie mightie greatnesses as she is then growne to see Heer finally is true Humilitie acquired not careing anie way at all either to speake well of her self or yet that others should doe it And our Lord deuides and disposes of the Fruit of this Garden not she and so there sticks nothing of it to her fingars All the good which she hath goes on as still addressed to Almightie God and if she be drawne to say anie thing of her self it is also directed to his glorie for she knowes that she hath no interest therin and cannot be ignorant therof euen though she would as discerning it by the verie sight of her eyes which are shut towards the things of this world but which are still kept open for the vnderstanding of Truths almost whether she will or no. THE ONE AND TWENTIETH CHAPTER She prosecutes and finishes this last Degree of Prayer She declares vvhat the Soule finds therein vvhen she returnes to liue againe in the vvorld and the Light also vvhich our Lord giues concerning the deceipts and errours of the same vvorld This Chapter deliuers excellent Doctrine I Will therefore now finish that which I was saying That namely there is heer no more now anie need that the Soule should giue anie new consent since already she hath giuen it all and knowes that she hath voluntarily deliuered her self wholy vp into his hands and that she cannot deceiue him who is the knower of all things for it is not as things passe heer in this world where all this life of ours is full of nothing but duplicities and deceipts and when you thinke you haue fully gotten the good will of anie Creature by the shew he makes you quickly come to vnderstand that all is tricks and lyes and that no bodie can tell how to liue in a world of so much odd busines especially if there be anie little interest of the Parties But blessed is that Soule which our Lord comes once to draw to the knowledge of such things as are reall Truths O what a condition and fortune were this for Kings and how much would it import them more to gaine this great aduantage then to get large Dominions and States What rectitude would there be foūd in the Kingdome How manie mischiefs would haue been forborne already would also be forborne heerafter For heer there is no feare of loosing life or honour for the loue of Almightie God but rather such losses as these would goe for a great blessing amōgst such as find thēfelues carrie another māner of respect to the honour of our Lord then to all them to whome they are lesse obliged For Kings are the men whome those others follow and in this case these Kings would loose a thousand Kingdomes and they would haue great reason to be glad to doe so rather thē to loose the meanes of making one stepp further towards the augmentation of the Holie Catholick Faith or the procuting some light for Hereticks for it is another manner of busines to purchase and get such a kind of Kingdome as will neuer end And what Soule soeuer shall come to tast but one single dropp of this water all the rest of this whole world will be but fitt euen to turne the stomack But now if the Soule of such a person should fall out to be once ingulfed into this water what strange effects would it produce Deare Lord if thou shouldst draw me to such a condition as that I might be able to publish this truth with a lowd voice they would yet beleiue mee no more then they doe others who know how to publish the same after a much better manner But yet at least I should giue satisfaction to my self and me thinkes I should esteem euen my verie life but at a little rate vpon condition that I might be able to giue but some one of these single Truths to be well vnderstood And yet I know not what I should be able to doe with my self afterward for there is no trust at all to be had in me I being that miserable creature which I am Yet still I haue so great impulses to vtter and declare these things to such as be in authoritie and command that me thinkes they doe euen annihilate and consume me And yet now since I can doe no more I returne O my Lord towards thee to seeke remedie for all inconueniences for thou O my Lord knowest well how highly glad I would be to dispossesse my self euen of all these verie Fauours which of thy goodnes thou hast vouchsafed to doe me prouided alwayes that I might still remaine in condition neuer to offend thee more and to resigne them vp to Kings and Princes for then it is very certaine that it would be wholy impossible for them either to permit that those things should be done which are permitted or yet that they should faile to receiue extraordinarie blessings at thy hand O make them my God vnderstand to how much they are obliged since thou wert pleased by what I haue heard to honour them in such sort vpon earth as that when thou takest anie of them away there is some kind of signification therof euen in the Heauens And when I thinke of this it breeds a kind of deuotion in me that thou O my King maist be pleased to make them euen heerby vnderstand that they ought to imitate thee in their life since there grow in some sort to be certaine apparances and signes in Heauen at their death as there was when euen thy self camest to dye I see well that I am presuming very farre but I beseech your Reuerence teare it if you mislike it and beleiue that I would be glad to speake it better if I were present
The matter is that when these things are of the Diuel it seemes as if all kind of benediction did hide it self and euen flye from the Soule so vntoward and vnquiet and in so great disorder doth she remaine without anie one good effect at all For though there may be a seeming as if there were a planting of good desires in her yet they are not effectuall or strong The humilitie which he leaues behind him is false vnquiet and without anie suauitie at all and me thinkes this may be easily enough vnderstood by anie Creature who hath experience of what a good Spirit is But yet the Diuel is very able to play manie tricks and therefore there is nothing of this kind so certaine and cleare but that somewhat may still be feared at his hands And so it will euer be well done to proceed with caution and aduice and to haue a Directour who may be learned and to conceale nothing from him and so the Party shall be sure to take no hurt though yet I haue had my part thereof through the excessiue feares to which some of them were subiect In particular it hapned to me once that manie persons meeting togeather in whome I had beleife enough and there was reason that I should haue it and though I proceeded heerin after the manner of entire confidence but with one yet when he commanded me I spoke also with others they treated much about finding remedie for all my inconueniences For they loued me very much and I doubted that I might perhaps be deceiued and I was also subiect to extreame feares whensoeuer I was not in Prayer for when I was and when our Lord vouchsafed to doe me anie Fauour therein I grew presently into good assurance and I thinke they were fiue or six of them and they were all great Seruants of Almightie God But then my Ghostlie Father told me that they all had growne to resolue that it was the Diuel and directed me not to Communicate so often and that I should endeauour to diuert my self in such sort as that I might not be much alone Now I was extreamly timorous in these cases as I haue sayd and the palpitation of my hart helped me on therein so that I had not the courage manie times to be alone in my roome euen by day But when I found what so manie of them affirmed which yet I could by no meanes beleiue I grew to haue an extreame scruple as conceauing that this was a signe of very little humilitie in my self since they all were incomparably of better life then I and besides all this they were learned and in fine why should not I beleiue them I forced my self the best I could to doe it and I thought much of mine owne wicked life and how considering that it might be likely enough to be true which they sayd Vpon this I went into the Church with this affliction and passed on into an Oratorie hauing forborne manie dayes to Communicate and auoided also to be alone which yet had formerly been my totall comfort and all this without hauing one person with whome I might treat for they were all against me Nay some of them me thought made themselues as it were merrie with me whensoeuer I would be telling them what I thought and others would be aduising my Ghostlie Father to take heed of me nay some would goe so farre as to say that it was clearly the Diuel Only my Ghostlie Father though he conformed himself with those others as I grew to vnderstand afterward so farre as to haue me tryed did euer giue me comfort and told me that though it should be the Diuel yet I not offending Almightie God he would be able to doe me no hurt That the difficultie would grow to be remoued That in the meane time I should pray hartily to Almightie God and that he and all those others and manie more also then they would doe the like and all my Prayer and theirs whome I conceiued to be the Seruants of Almightie God aymed at this That his Diuine Maiestie would be pleased to carrie me on by some other way And this kind of making continuall intercession to our Lord might last about a matter of some two yeares As for me I was capable of no comfort when I thought once that it was possible for the Diuel to be so often speaking to me and in me but in regard that now I employed no more howers of my time in Solitude for Prayer our Lord gaue me Recollection euen when I was in conuersation and so as that I was not able to auoyd it and he sayd such things to me as he pleased and I in the meane time was troubled that I was faine to heare him But once being all alone without hauing anie Creature by me vpon whome to ease my self I could neither pray nor reade but was like a person euen all amazed at so great tribulation as I endured and with so much feare to consider whether the Diuel were to haue power to circumuent me in this manner or no. And being all disordered and euen tyred without knowing what to doe with my self for I had seen my self in this affliction and that very often though yet neuer to my thinking in so great extremitie as then I remained foure or fiue howers after this manner For there seemed to be no comfort at all for me either vpon earth or yet from Heauē but our Lord left me so in sufferāce and vnder the feare also of a thousand dangers O my deare Lord and how truly art thou a true friend and how powerfull art thou to doe what thou wilt and dost neuer leaue to loue them who loue thee if they loue thee indeed Let all things praise thee O thou Lord of the whole world and O that I could cry out lowd enough through that whole world to declare how faithfull and true thou art to thy freinds All other things grow to faile vs but thou who art the Lord of them all dost neuer faile and it is little also which thou permittest such as loue thee to suffer for thee O my deare Lord how delicately and how smoothly yea and how sauourily also dost thou know how to treat such Soules O that a Creature whome I know had been so happie as neuer to haue detained her self vpon louing anie other thing then thee It seemes indeed O Lord that sometimes thou tryest such as loue thee with a kind of rigour to the end that by that extremitie of trouble they may afterward come the better to find and feele thereby the great excesse of thy loue O my God! that I had vnderstanding and learning yea and new words so to be able to exaggerate thy workes according to that intelligence which my Soule hath thereof All this is wanting to me O my deare Lord but yet if thou forsake me not I will neuer be wanting to thee Let all the learned men of the world rise-vp against
resolutly affirme him to be that person as if I had seen him But yet now in this other case I could for heer there is imprinted so cleare a notice of him in the Minde without seeing him that it seemes a kind of impossibilitie to doubt it for our Lord will haue it so engrauen vpon the Vnderstanding that it can no more be questioned then euen that which we see no nor yet so much for in things which we see there remaines sometimes a suspicion whether we might not haue fancied such a thing and so mistaken it But heer though vpon the suddaine and as it were by way of surprise one may beginne to fall vpon a kind of suspicion or doubt yet still vpon the whole matter we remaine in so great a certaintie as that the doubt continues not to haue place And so also doth it fall out though yet in a different manner that God instructs the Soule speakes to it but yet without speaking at all in such sort as I haue already declared This is a certaine kind of language which hath so much of the Celestiall in it that it cannot well be giuen to be vnderstood by vs heer how much soeuer we may desire it vnlesse our Lord himself be pleased to teach it by experience For our Blessed Lord conueyes and places that in the most interiour part of the Soule which he is pleased that the same Soule shall vnderstand and know and there doth he represent it without either anie image of his person or anie forme of words but only after the way of that kind of Vision which I haue already touched And now let this manner of Almightie God's making the Soule vnderstād what he will in the way of great Truths and mysteries be much obserued For manie times that which I vnderstand when our Lord declares anie Vision which his Diuine Maiestie is pleased to represent to me is after this manner and me thinkes it is in such occasions as where the Diuel is least able to intermeddle or intrude himself for these reasons and if they be not found I am likelie enough to be deceiued Now this kind of Vision and language is so inwardly a thing of Spirit that heer there is no kind of springing or euen stirring in anie of the Powers of the Minde nor yet in anie of the Senses of the Bodie in my opinion by which meanes the Diuel may be able to make himself the gainer Thus I say it happens sometimes as namely when it lasts but a very little while For at some other times me thinkes that neither the Powers of the Minde are suspended nor yet the Senses of the Bodie disabled but that they are all at home and in vse The other happens not alwayes in this degree of Contemplation but rather very seldome I say that when they are so lost we neither operate anie thing nor doe anie thing but all seemes to be the worke of our Lord. It is as when a food is already conueyd into the stomack without either our hauing eaten it or so much as knowing who layd it there but only we vnderstand well that there it is though in that case it be neither knowne what the food is nor who carried it thither But heer it is very differet for here the food is knowne though yet how it got thither I cannot tell for neither did I see it nor vnderstand it nor was I euer moued to desire it nor had it euer come to my knowledge before that such a thing could possibly be In the Speech vpon which I touched before Almightie God makes the Vnderstanding obserue and reflect vpon that which is sayd whether it desire to vnderstand or no. For there it seemes that the Soule hath some other kind of eates wherewith to heare that he makes her harken and not the while to thinke of somewhat els as if one who could heare well were not suffered to stopp his eares and that they cryed out alowd to him who would therefore be faine to heare them whether he would or no but somewhat in fine he doth since he is attentiue to vnderstand what they say But heer the Soule doth inst nothing for euen that little which was done in the former way and which was only to harken is taken from her now for now she findes all dressed to her hand yea and all eaten by her too So that now there is nothing to be done by her but to enioy Iust so as anie one who without euer hauing learnt or so much as endeauoured to read and much more without anie studying at all should find that whole Science already possessed by himself and that without knowing at all either how or whence it came since he had neuer procured to acquire it with so much as learning his A. B. C. And this last Comparison me thinkes declares some part of this Celestiall guift for the Soule findes her self heer to be growne wise vpon a suddaine and that the Mysterie of the most Holie Trinitie and other most sublime Articles are so exactly declared to her that there is not anie Theologue or Diuine in the world with whome she might not aduenture to dispute concerning the truth of those high points The Soule remaines heer in such an amazement that some one such Fauour as this suffices to worke a totall change in her and to make her loue nothing but only him who without anie labour at all of hers hath made her capable of so vnspeakable blessings and to whome he communicates his secrets and whome he treats with arguments of so great and deare friendship and loue that they endure not so much as to be written For he doth some such kinds of Fauour as might euen bespeake a kind of suspicion and doubt in the hearer in regard that they are of so great admiration and haue been imparted to a person who hath deserued them so very ill And in fine if we bring not a very Liuelie and euen lusty Faith with vs they cannot be beleiued and therefore I resolue to speake of few of those which our Lord hath been pleased to vouchsafe me vnlesse I be expresly commanded and vnlesse it be of some few Visions which perhaps may ferue to doe good in some kind To the end that anie such persons as to whome our Lord may be pleased to impart the like may not wonder and thinke it impossible as I did or els that so I may declare the manner and way by which it hath pleased our Lord to conduct my Soule that being the verie thing which they haue commanded me to write Returning therefore now to this manner of vnderstanding these kinds of things me thinkes our Lord is pleased that by all meanes this Soule of ours should haue some notice heer euen of that which passes in Heauen and that as Soules doe there vnderstand one another really without speaking which for my part I neuer knew before and this is most certainly true till our
this and your Reuerence will expresse it better and will vnfold all that which you may find obscure and I not know how to deliuer It seemed to me indeed in some respects that it was an Image or distinct representation which I saw but in manie other no but rather that it was Christ our Lord himself considering the excessiue kind of claritie wherewith he vouchsafed to impart himself to me And yet sometimes it was after so vndistinct a manner that me thought it was a Representation or Image but yet still not like those designes and draughts or Pictures of things which are made heer how perfect soeuer they may be for I haue seen both very manie and very good ones of this kind But it is a very great impertinencie to conceiue that anie one of them comes home to the life but how well soeuer they be drawne they will neuer yet ariue to reach the Naturall in all respects for in fine the one is aliue and the other is dead But let vs lay this aside though yet the relation of one to the other hold very well And still I say not that I frame a Comparison between Christ our Lord himself and that which I sayd I saw for Comparisons neuer agree so perfectly and entirely as these two things did But the truth is that there is the same difference in what I saw from anie Image which there is between a thing that liues and a thing which is painted And if you will needs haue this to haue been an Image I am sure it was a liuing Image and not a dead man but Christ aliue and it giues me also to vnderstand that he is both God Man and that not so as he was layd in the Sepulcher but as he was afterwards in the Resurrection And sometimes he comes with such an immense kind of Maiestie that no Creature can be able to doubt but that it is our verie Lord himself and especially after my receauing the Blessed Sacrament for then we know well that he is there since we vnderstand it by Faith and this seemes to be the same Lord with that An he shewes himself then for so true and entire a Lord of that little house that the whole Soule sees her self to be euen dissolued consumed and annihilated in Christ our Lord. Deare IESVS and how should one be able to giue the heigth of that Maiestie to be vnderstood wherewith thou comest to shew thy self in these occasions and how absolutly doth the Soule resolue that thou art the Lord of the whole world and of the Heauens and of a thousand worlds and of innumerable Heauens and worlds which thou caust create considering that high Maiestie with which thou representest thy self to her For then she knowes that all this world is iust nothing in respect of that whereof thou deseruest to haue dominion Heer O my IESVS doth the Soule see very clearly that it is but a beggarlie kind of power which the Diuels haue in comparison of thine and how he who is so happie as to please thee may tread all the power of Hell vnder his feet Heer the Soule findes the reason which the Diuels had to tremble when thou didst descend to Limbus Patrum and how they would haue wished to haue been rather in thousands of other and lower Hells then to haue endured the sight of so high a Maiestie as thine But I perceiue that thou art heer disposed to let our Soules see how potent thou art and how great the power of thy most Sacred Humanitie is when it is accompanied by thy Diuinitie Heer is it well represented what kind of thing the Day of Iudgement will be where we shall see the mightie Maiestie of this King and behold his great rigour towards the wicked Heer is true Humilitie layd vp and left in the Soule by seeing her owne miserie whereof now she can be ignorant no longer Heer that confusion and true repentance for Sinne where euen when she is seeing how greatly our Lord shewes her his loue yet knowes she not where to dispose of her self but is as it were euen annihilated outright I say this kind of Vision is of so excessiue power and strength when our Lord is pleased to shew a Soule so eminent a portion of his Maiestie and greatnes by it that I hold it for an impossible thing vnlesse our Lord should be pleased to assist her by making her remaine in Rapt and Extasis and so to loose the Vision of that Diuine presence by the act of enioying that anie mortall Creature should be able to endure it at the present though yet afterward it is no impossible thing to forget it And yet still this can not be wholy forgotten in regard that that Maiestie and Beautie is so very deeply imprinted there but only when our Lord is pleased that the Soule shall suffer some such great kind of drynes and solitude as I will declare afterward for then it seemes that euen one forgets Almightie God himself But howsoeuer the Soule is growne now to be clearly another kind of thing then what she was before and is alwaies as it were euen steeped and bathed in Almightie God and there seemes in my opinion to be a new and more liuelie kind of Loue communicated to her in a very high degree For though that kind of Vision aforesayd which I declared to represent Almightie God without anie Image be a thing more sublime and high in it self yet for the making it continue long in our memorie and to entertaine and keep our thoughts well employed so great is the weaknes of our condition that it makes very much to our purpose when so Diuine a Presence as that of our Blessed Lord is represented and lodged in the Imaginatiue part of our Minde And therefore these two kinds of Visions are wont to come alwaies togeather And indeed it is thus that they come For the excellencie and beautie and glorie of the most Holie Humanitie of Christ our Lord is beheld with the eyes of the Soule And by that other way which is now declared we grow to be giuen to vnderstand that he is God and powerfull yea and omnipotent and that he commands and gouernes all things and that his loue doth euen replenish them all This kind of Vision is to be valued at a very high rate and it is also in my opinion without danger for in fine it is discerned by the effects that the Diuel hath no power at all heerin And yet it is true that three or foure seuerall times he hath had a minde to represent our Lord himself to me after this manner that is to say by way of such a false kind of representation For he takes the forme of Flesh but it comes not within the compasse of his power to counterfeit it with anie such kind of glorie as when it is indeed of Almightie God The Diuel is wont to make certaine representations for the destroying of some true
for I confesse I vnderstand not this kind of language but because I haue been thinking that our Saints had antiently affirmed and taught that a Monasterie should be a kind of Court to instruct such persons as had a minde to make themselues Courtiers in the Kingdome of Heauen But now things are vnderstood in the direct contrarie way because they who should be continually employed in pleasing Almightie God and in procuring to abhorre the world must now forsooth be obliged to all attention and care in stead of pleasing God to please such as liue in the world yea and that in certaine things which are euerie day so subiect to change that I know not how our performances could passe vn-reproued yea though it were possible that all might be learned in one Lesson without anie losse at all of more time Yea and euen for the Titles which are expected vpon the Superscription of Letters it were now it seemes not to be vnfitt that there were some Doctours-Chaire erected as one may say where they might instruct and teach how such and such Titles were to be vsed For sometimes men leaue the Paper emptie on one side of the page of the Letter and sometimes on the other And now he who was not wont to be VVorshipfull must be called Honourable and I know not in fine where things will rest For I am not yet fiftie yeares old and yet I haue seen such changes in my time that I cannot tell now how to liue But then how will they who are now borne know how to carrie themselues if they chance to liue long I haue really great compassion of Spirituall persons who are obliged to liue in the world for certaine holie ends for I hold it to be a kind of terrible Crosse which they are faine to carrie euen in this respect If they could all come to agree in a tale and professe themselues to be ignorant and be content to be held for such in this kind of art or science they might free themselues from a great deale of trouble But now into what kind of fooleties haue I cast my self For by treating of the greatnesses of Almightie God I am growne by degrees to speake of the basenesses of the world And since our Lord hath done me the Fauour to make me able to leaue it I am resolued to goe out of it now at length Let them fitt themselues to it as they list who sustaine and hold-vp these toyes with so much trouble to themselues and I pray God that we may not pay dearly for them in the other world where there is no change to be found Amen THE EIGHT AND THIRTIETH CHAPTER VVherein she treats of some great Fauours vvhich our Lord vvas pleased to doe her as vvell in acquainting her vvith certaine Secrets of Heauen as by giuing her other great Visions and Reuelations She declares also the effects vvhich they left in her Soule and the great benefits vvhich she obtained by them BEing so very ill at ease one night that I thought fitt to excuse my self from Prayer I tooke a Paire of Beades or Rosarie into my hand to employ my self Vocally by that meanes And I procured not to recollect my Vnderstanding in anie very serious manner though yet forasmuch as concerned my exteriour I was sufficiently recollected and in my Oratorie But when our Blessed Lord hath a minde to anie thing these diligences of ours to the contrarie are not wont to serue to anie great purpose For I remaining a while after this manner there came a Rapt of Spirit vpon me with such an excessiue impulse or impetuositie that there was no power in me to resist it It seemed to me that I was carried vp and placed in Heauen yea and the first persons whome I saw there were my Father and my Mother and I also saw some things besides so very great and all in so very short a space of time as wherein an Aue Maria might be sayd that I was amazed as conceauing that it was too very great a Fauour for me In this circumstance of the times haueing been so short I may perhaps be deceaued for it may haue been a little longer but at least it ranne speedily away and seemed short enough For my part I was in some feare of an Illusion but yet supposing that it should proue none I found my self in an extreame deale of shame with considering how I could euer be able to declare anie such thing as that to my Ghostlie Father Not yet in my opinion that I was to receaue trouble by it in respect of anie such thing as Humilitie in me but because I thought it likelie enough that he would make some ieast at it and say Lord what a kind of S. Paul or S. Ierome is this woeman growne that she forsooth must see things of Heauen yea and besides in regard that these Glorious Saints had participated and been admitted to such things as these I grew to be in so much the more feare of my self and really I did nothing but weepe bitterly in regard that in my opinion there was no apparance of reason at all that these things were to passe after this manner But yet howsoeuer in fine I resolued that I would goe to my Ghostlie Father notwithstanding all the auersion which I had and that I would acquaint him with all things for I neuer durst conceale anie thing from him through the very great feare wherein I was of being abused and deceiued Yet when he found me to be so greatly afflicted he did procure to comfort me much and told me of manie good things to free me from the paine wherein I was But afterward that which followes hapned to me and the same occurrs to me often For our Lord went shewing me yet greater Secrets I say he went shewing them to me for that a Soule should euer be able to see anie one iott more then is represented to her by our Lord is absolutly an impossible thing and for my part I neuer saw more then meerly what he was pleased to shew me at euerie seuerall time But that was so very much that the least part thereof sufficed to make me remaine all amazed and my Soule to be very much improued towards the vndervalue and dis-esteem of whatsoeuer thing might be in this world I would be extreamly glad if I could tell how to giue some little part of the least of that which I knew to be vnderstood but I find that it is wholy impossible For though this Light which we see heer and that Light which is represented there be all of it Light yet still there is so great a difference withall as that there is no manner of comparison For the claritie and brightnes euen of the verie Sunne it self is a thing of meane and poore apparance in respect of this In fine the verie Imagination of man how subtile and refined soeuer it may be is yet vnable to reach to the describing anie thing of
with a great Clowde and so to become very darke and that so though our Blessed Lord be euer present with vs yea so very present as that he giues vs our verie Being thereby yet then he is not so represented as to be seen by vs And that when the Case concernes Heretiques the Looking-Glasse is directly broken which is farre worse then to be obscured But now there is a very great deale of difference between my seeing it and my relating it for it is no easie thing to giue it well to be vnderstood Yet this hath done me a great deale of good and hath affected me with much pittie and greif for those times wherein my self did obscure my Soule in such sort as that I was not able to behold and see this Blessed Lord of mine It seemes also to me that this kind of Vision is very vsefull to persons who are of much recollection to teach them a way of thinking of our Blessed Lord as in the most interiour part of their Soules which is a consideration that will stick closest to then and will be of much more benefit then if they were considered as anie way our of the Soule according to what I haue sayd els where and it is contained also in some Bookes which are written of Prayer about the way how wee are to seeke Almighty God In particular the Glorious S. Augustin speakes much of how Almightie God is not to be sought either in pleasures or externall places and that he could be no way found so well as in our selues and this is certainly the best way nor haue we need to goe further off then to our verie selues and much lesse to clime-vp as high as Heauen for this purpose for this will but distract the Soule and wearie the Spirit and doe vs nothing neer so much good I will also giue an aduertisment heer to the end that if anie bodie haue anie such thing as that he may know the better how to carrie himself It happens in some very great Rapts when the time is past wherein the Soule remaines in Vnion and when all the Faculties and Powers thereof are absorpt and which lasts as I haue sayd but a little while that the Soule remaines recollected and is not able in the exteriour way to returne to it self but those two Powers and Faculties namely the Vnderstanding and Memorie remaine as with a kind of frensie in great disorder This I say happens sometimes and especially with Beginners And I haue been thinking whether it may not proceed from this That our condition is naturally very weake and not able to admit and endure so great a strength of Spirit and that the Imagination is weakned also much and I know that this happens to some Now for my part I am apt to thinke that it were not ill to oblige them in such cases as this to leaue-off their Prayer for that time and to goe recouering that afterward which they loose then that so all come not on togeather for it may chance proue an occasion of much inconuenience And of this we haue experience and that it will fall out to be of better proofe to consider very well how much our state of health and strength is able to endure But in all things there will be need of good experience and of a good Directour for when once the Soule is growne to be in these tearmes manie things will come to offer themselues wherein there will be need enough of some bodie with whome it may be fitt to consider them And if anie such man can not be found when he is sought our Blessed Lord himselfe will not be wanting to him since he would not be wanting to me I being the wicked Creature I am For I beleiue there are very few who are come to haue experience of so manie things and if there be not experience it is in vaine to thinke of anie remedie which will not rather serue to disquiet and afflict the Soule But the best is that our Blessed Lord will take euen that trouble of ours in account for some satisfaction of himself and therefore it will fall-out to be better done to conferr thereof as I haue formerly sayd and so will it also be to proceed after this manner in all those things whereof I am speaking now For I see that this imports very much especially if they be woemen who are concerned and that they doe it with their Ghostlie Father and that he also be such as is fitt At least there vse to be more woemen then men to whome our Lord imparts these Fauours and this I vnderstood first from the holie man Fray Pedro de Alcantara and I haue also seen my self that they proceeded and profited more in this way of Spirit then men doe But he gaue excellent reasons for his opinion which need not be inserted heer for they all are in fauour of woemen Being one day in Prayer there was suddainly represented to me but it was without my seeing anie thing formed and yet it was with a very extraordinarie kind of claritie how all things are seen in Almightie God and how he hath them all in himself To know how to set this downe is in no power of mine but it remained deeply imprinted in my Soule and it was one of the greatest Fauours that euer had been done me by our Blessed Lord yea and of those also which put me to greatest confusion shame when I considered the manie sinnes which I had committed against him I well beleiue that if our Blessed Lord had been pleased to let me see this Vision at some other time of my life or if they could see him now who are sinning against him they would neuer haue the hart and courage to doe as they doe It appeared to me as I sayd but yet so as that I cannot expresly affirme that I saw anie thing distinctly but yet somewhat me thinkes must needs haue been seen by me since I am able to make this verie comparison but that it fell out to be signifyed by so delicate and subtile a way as that the vnderstanding is not able to reach it or els that I haue no skill of all those kinds of Visions which seem not to be Imaginarie but yet in some of these I verily thinke that perhaps there may be somewhat of the Imaginarie or formed apparance and that only the Powers of the Soule being then in Rapt they are not able afterward to assigne anie Forme in what manner our Lord represents himself to them there and how he is pleased that they shall enioy him But yet supposing it to be the Diuinitie in the forme of some bright Diamond which were bigger then the whole world or els of some Looking-Glasse after the manner of what I sayd before concerning the Soule in that other Vision saue that this is in so superiour a kind of manner that I am not able to expresse it and that all that which we doe is seen