Touchstone and not to be satisfied till he findes that he hath got more than ever any Hypocrite yet had or can have The best of God's Children are most suspicious of themselves and afraid of their own deceitful hearts Do but see how David carrieth it in Psal 139. What is his great request that he must have granted or he can't be satisfied Is it not that God would deliver him from mistakes in matters of everlasting consequence so Psal 119.80 Pardon this tediousness upon these things if most of the Professors of the World did not split upon these Rocks I should pass these things over with silence Fourthly All that dye quietly are not happy after Death It 's no unusual thing for the wicked to carry their false peace with them to the Grave I have heard indeed many poor People boasting of their deceased Friends and pleasing themselves to think how happy they were Because they dyed like Lambs to use their own expression Alas alas how many thousands are there that dye like Lambs that are but Swine and have the Devil 's Brand upon their Foreheads It 's dangerous arguing from peoples carriage upon a Death-bed what their state is in another World such is the hardness of Mens hearts so dreadful the searedness of their Consciences and so great the subtilty of Satan that many are carried very quietly to Hell and fear nothing till they feel and are not brought to their senses till unspeakable horror and anguish doth it And on the other side how many of the precious Sons of Zion have seat in a Cloud how many of the dear Children of God may go out of the World thorow a painful Death are not their intellectuals sometimes impaired their reason Clouded and their Bodyes upon the Rack and yet in a moment they feel themselves swallowed up of that Glory and the doleful antecedents of their happiness did but make their rest more sweet and welcome and put an accent upon their bliss The truth of it is it hath not a little puzled some as well as David to construe God's dispensations to see the wicked dye quietly Psal 73.4 and the godly to have a strange Death but God will shortly resolve this Riddle and I think it were no very difficult thing for a serious understanding Man to give himself considerable satisfaction in this business May not the wicked dye quietly because his Conscience is quite seared and he may perswade himself that he hath made an agreement with Death and Hell may he not hope that there is no such place as Hell or if there is that it is tolerable may he not make himself believe that the Word of God is not true and invisibles are all but fansies or that God is so merciful as that he will not damn him and many such things the Devil helps his Servants with that so his service may not be disparaged and that he may have the better advantage to tempt others There is much also in the nature of the Disease and it may be God may try his own Children with acute pains and let Sathan buffer them to manifest the excellency of his Power and their Grace to try others of his Children whether for all this they will serve him and some Persons of admirable attainments and great experiences while in health may have some considerable Tryals upon a Death-bed that poor Christians which were ready to fear because they had not their enjoyments that therefore they had nothing at all might see that great Saints have their Tryals as well as they but I shall be far briefer in other things I come now to shew you who they are that are blessed at their Death and to give them a brief Description of those which dye in the Lord. First They are such who are made thorowly to understand that they were sometimes quite dead in sins and trespasses that they were Aliens from the Common-wealth of Israel and strangers to the Covenant of Grace Secondly They are Persons which are convinced of that misery of such a state and made to know that if they dye in their sins they must be buried in Flames Thirdly Vpon this they are out of love with their most beloved sins and count that which was their life joy and pleasure to be a very Death misery and Hell whereupon they set themselves in good earnest against sin as the greatest evil in the World they believe now That if they live after the Flesh they shall dye but if through the Spirit they mortifie the deeds of the Flesh they shall live Upon this account they use all the means that they can to get their corruptions weakned an inward principle Divine Life Now he begins to act them which is as contrary to Sin as Heaven to Hell a Spirit of ingenuity restrains them How shall they do this and sin against God They now see sin in its colours as it is contrary to the best good God they can see its killing and damning Nature in the Agonies and Sufferings of Christ and they feel the doleful effects of sin in their Soul and body both and upon this account they can say what have I to do with Vanity any more Shall I still hug this Serpent shall I still Sail with this Jonah in my Vessel and shall I after all this keep this Dalilah in my Bosom No but O that I could hate it Ten Thousand times more than I do There is an enmity raised in the Soul against sin which can't be satisfied till it see the Death of Sin now this is a Person that is fit for Death and Death it will as you shall hear afterwards do him a World of kindness in shewing him the Heads of all his Enemies 4. An other quality of this Person which is like to make such a blessed end is this he is one that is dead to the World Faith hath discovered a better Country to him it hath spyed that new Jerusalem and those blessed Regions and now the Soul thinks the World scarce worthy of a serious thought or look he takes himself to be a kind of Prisoner here and the whole World but a Dungeon if compared with that state of liberty and glory he now joyns with David and says Whom have I in Heaven but thee and there is none upon Earth that I can desire beside thee This is the Man that is like to be a gainer by Death he who contemns Earth and makes Heaven his choice shall never finde himself a loser 5. Another property of the Man which shall be blessed at Death is this he is one that takes Christ for life and happiness Time was indeed he was of an other mind sin was his delight and none so despicable in his Eye as Christ but God in free and rich grace hath taken away the Scales from his Eyes and healed him of his miserable blindness and let him see such a loveliness in the Lord Christ as that now he is able to say
full everlasting freedom from evil or any imperfection 2. It consists in a compleat perfect and eternal enjoyment of all the good that our natures are capable of First It consists in a full and everlasting freedom from evil or any imperfection And here I shall insist upon some of those evils and imperfections which a Child of God shall be freed from as soon as ever Death hath let the Soul out of the Body First The Saint is free from all sin The Bolts shall be knockt off the Prison walls broke down and the poor Captive set at liberty O blessed Jubilee How glad would Paul have been if when he cryed out in such an agony O wretched Man who shall deliver me if he had heard a voice from Heaven saying thy groans have pierced the Clouds thy Prayer hath reached the Heavens thy Petitions shall be granted immediately would not this have been grateful news When before a few days be at an end this shall be the condition of every one of God's People Now indeed if you lissen to their Closets you should hear how dolefully they bemoan their condition if you follow them into their Families what is it that they would most desire of God is it not freedom from sin what complaints do they make of themselves that there should be so great an unsutableness in them to God that their hearts are unsensible of the worth of divine things that they should have so little love to the Lord Christ and be so little taken with the kindness of the Redeemer How weak and faint how cold and dull in duty how ready to betray their Lord how cowardly in the cause of God But death will for ever silence these complaints death tares off Joshua's rags and presents him before the Lord without spot or wrinckle or any such thing sin indeed accompanyeth the ungodly into another World he rests from his pleasures and his wicked works follow him but it is far otherwise with the godly sin was his burden and Death shall unload â—im sin shall be confined to Hell Heaven enterâ—ains no such deformity This Tyrant shall no more inslave any of Christ's subjects The house of Saul and the house of David shall no longer â—ontend that bloody conflict between the flesh and spirit shall then be determined by a final Victory then the Soul will say farewell my hard heart farewell unbelief farewell ingratitude then thou shalt never entertain an unkind thought of God more the lame and the blinde and the Jâ—busites shall be smitten when King David comes to make his Palace in Zion thy sins must dye when the Lord cometh to take the full possession of this Fort Royal confession of sin shall shortly be needless no darkness shall cloud the understanding no perversness the will no disorderliness in the affections no treachery in the memory the Eyes shall be better employed than in beholding of vanity the Eares shall not be locked against truth the Hands far from violence the Tongue from deceit and the Feet from walking in ways of wickedness And seems this a light matter to you who have gone bowed all your dayes under the pressure of sin is it nothing to you to have all your iniquities done away as a Cloud and your transgressions as a thick Cloud Thus see what a kindness that formidable enemy doth to all the subjects of Christ's Kingdom what prayers teares and groans did gradually it doth at one blow Thus the oppressed is delivered the mourner made to rejoyce and the great make-bate between God and the Soul for ever discarded and turned out of Doors Eph. 5.27 Es 44.22 2. When a Christian ayâ—th he shall be freed from all the temptations of Sathan Death sets the Soul out of the Devils reach this Angel hath nothing to do in Heaven this Serpent shall not come into the higher Paradise nor Sathan creep into this Eden Now indeed he goes up and down like a roaring Lyon seeking whom he may devour novv he sets his Ginnes every vvhere to catch the unvvary Christian he useth his stratagems to surprize them but then this adversary shall be trod under Foot his Fiery Darts shall be quenched and his designes broken O happy Day vvhen will it come vvhen the Devil shall be as unlikely to tempt as our hearts to close vvhen vve are got once safe to rest the Devil shall as easily shake God's Throne as our happiness Death turns the Key Bolts and Bars this Enemy out then O then thou shalt see this Pharaoh cast dead on the shore and for ever disabled from making any resistance against thee or in the least disturbing thy peace Rev. 20.10 3. The blessedness of the People of God consisteth in their being freed from the frownes and flatteries of the World In life time thou art fain to fight thy way to peace to dispute every step thou goest and canst never have a quiet Hour vvhile thou hast such ill Neighbours There is an old quarrel between the Seed of the Woman and the Serpent and the enmity is radicated and the â—end can be cooled with nothing but Death Christian expect not as long as any of that Cainisâ— Generation breath that thou shouldest be long â—â—cure In the World you shall have tribulation â—ut be of good cheer Christ hath overcome the World Joh. 16.33 What though they speak â—â—eat words Prison Halters Faggot Thou shalt â—e long ride in state to glory and then let them 〈◊〉 their worst When thou art in Heaven they â—ay curse and increase their own misery but â—â—ey shall not in the least diminish thy tranquillity â—â—d as for their flatteries they shall signifie nothing thing the beauty of this inseriour World will be darkned by the brightness of that Light which Death leads thee into its excellencies will be quite eclipsed its allurements will lose their power Who can choose but contemn the Earth that knows what Heaven meaneth O how low an esteem have the most experienced Men here oâ— the World Honours and riches are accounted very inconsiderable things to them which understand the difference between finite and infinite the disproportion between time and Eternity Death bloweth the dust out of our eyes it pluckâ— off the Vail and shews one quickly the glory oâ— both Worlds and so it is not lest long to determine which is to be preferred dross or silver brass or gold a dunghil or a Palace there wiâ—â— be no thought of returning to Egypt or Gosheâ— either in them which know the fruitfulness of thâ— spiritual Canaan the accommodations of the neâ— Jerusalem the pleasure of the holy Court 4. At Death he shall rest from all his pains there is no fear of sickness sorrowes and achâ—â—â— The Stone Gout and Plague are Distempers thâ—â— none labour with there that Aire is clear anâ— sin which infecteth other places never got footing there they that scarce know what a Dayâ—â— ease now means shall then forget their sorrow their constitutions shall be mended their
the latter end of my Book of Acquaintance with God which is now reprinted at present my advice shall be that you would follow them who thorow faith and patience are the inheriters of the promise and propose to your selves the examples of the most eminent Christians such as this precious young mans whose Funeral Rites we are now solemnizing and because examples are very cogent and affect most more than precepts I shall present you with an account of some of this holy young mans practices and experiences Take them therefore as I have gathered them by my own experience and intimate knowledge of him and as I have collected them out of many sheets of his own writings But let it not be thought I beseech you that out of custom or flattery I speak such Funeral Commendations were he but a Common Christian I would have sorbâ—rn speaking any thing of this nature for sear of hardening sinners I must deal plainly I abho that cursed flattery in commending all that are buried as if to die and to go to Heaven were all one I know many rotten posts are guilded many Sepulchres that are full of bones and putrified flesh are painted and many Professors are extolled at their death who did no good whâ—le they lived except it were the giving some pitâ—ful pittance to the poor when they could keep it no longer I question not but that thousands are praised upon earth that are condemned in Heaven and many applauded for Saints that will be found among the Devils and damned Expect it not therefore as a thing like to be usual with me to commend dead persons As I would judge none so I dare commend but few This only by way of Apology I shall come to the thing promised to propose some imitable passages of the life of T. M. 1. First He began to â—ook Heaven ward betimes he was made to remember his Creatour in the daies of his youth his first convâ—ctions were at about twelve years old but they had no abiding impression upon him the great work was begun to purpose between sevenâ—een and eighteen I shall be the more brief here because you have the account more full from his own hand The change that was wrought upon him did express more of the power of God and the riches of his grace than ordinary The Lord made his work upon him very clear and distinct for he broke in upon his soul like an armed man and shook him terribly â—veâ— Hell and the â—â—rrâ—urs of God set themselves â—n array against him and the poison of his arrows drank up his spirits sin did appear in its colour to him â—s ugly as the devil and as dreadful as Hell it self so that the foundation was laid in very deep huâ—â—â—lity O then how frightful a thing was sin yea his beloved sin the sin of gaming was made most loathsome and abominable so that for that he loathed himself in dust ashes and looked upon himself as unworthy to tread upon Gods ground and had not God ordered it so as that the first Sermon he heard after this great conviction was upon that Scripture 1 Tim. 1.15 he had even fallen into despair but the thoughts of Gods having mercy upon the chiefest of sinners did a little support his soul and gave him hopes of a possibility of being saved 2. This put him upon strong groans and prayers that the Lord would pitty him as ever he would pitty any poor creature in the World O that he would pitty him hast thou not a blessing for me O God even for me what shall I do now I am without God Christ or Grace my condition is such I cannot bear it who can be contented to be damned O pitty me pitty me dear Lord I cannot tell what in the world to do mercy mercy mercy or I am lost mercy speedily or I am lost for ever And so he continued in a way of duty reading and praying and inquiring and resolving thus to do all his dayes and now farewell wicked company farewell sports and vanity and idleness the great business of minding his soul now swallows him up and after a while he hath a little more peace than he had but upon further enquiry and waiting upon the means he was convinced thaâ— all this would not do without the Righteousness oâ— Christ And this brings me to the next thing 3. He was deeply convinced of the absolute necessity and excellency of Christ and brought oâ— from his own righteousness to high prizingâ— and admirings of Christ take his own words And is it true indeed hath Christ done and suffered such things for thee O my poor sinful vile odious polluted soul and what wilt not thou love him now Oh think a little what put him upon aâ— this was it any self interest is he any gainer by thee he got nothing but grief pain and death O my soul it was free pure and undeniable love that caused him to do and suffer what he did consider again O my soul what cause was there that he should make thee a partaker of the benefit of his blood what wast thou Oh a motâ— loathsome sinner and what wilt thou not yet love him O Lord I am ashamed of my own heart that I cannot raise it to the highest pitch oâ— admiration of that infinite boundless love Oâ— love love love O that I could love thee O Lord I would fain be sick of love O that I could dyâ— sick of love to thee O that I could feel thee warming my heart with that quickning blood which thou sheddedst upon the Cross O what love is like to that O my soul it was shed for thee who was an enemy a rebel a despiser of Christ awake O blessed spirit and blow upon my soul and kindle a fire which may burn with love to Christ to all Eternity Amen Amen 4. He did upon this in a serious and solemn manner give up himself to the Lord in a Covenant I shall not repeat the words of this Covenant because they are taken verbatim out of my book of Acquaintance with God and he subâ—cribed his name to it and kept it as a witness before the Lord and to quicken his own soul to a â—ore close walking with God according to the Arâ—â—cles of that Covenant 5. After he was gone thus far his bowels began â—o yern over his Christless friends some of which I perceive by his letters began to abuse him for his seriousness and to deride his strictness and jeer at his holiness shall I give you a taste of his spirit I cannot do it in warmer words than his own which are as followeth Yours I received but whether I dare to thank you for it I know not for truly I cannot express the trouble that hath since seised upon my spirit Oh poor soul what shall I say unto thee Oh my bowels my bowels they yern towards thee I am pained yea I am pained while I think upon thy condition what shall I
Death Unstung A SERMON Preached at the Funeral of THOMAS MOWSLEY An Apothecary who died July 1669. With a Brief Narrative of his Life and Death Also the manner of Gods dealings with him before and after his Conversion Drawn up by his own hand and Published By James Janeway Minister of the Gospel O Death where is thy sting Come and hear all ye that fear God and I will declare what he hath done for my soul Psal 66. v. 16. LONDON Printed for Dorman Newman and are to be sold at his shop near the Lame-Hospital in Little-Brittain at the Chyrugions Arms. 1669. TO My Beloved HEARERS Especially Those of the Younger sort Grace and Peace Men Brethren and Fathers GOD that made your souls sets a very high value upon them and Christ that bought them though they cost his heart-blood thought them worth his purchase and that eternal glory or misery that is prepared for souls speaks them not to be inconsiderable Vpon this account it 's impossible that you and I should use too much diligence in the securing these souls for this cause the Ministers of Christ can easily over-look prisons banishment and faggots so that they may but be instrumental for the saving of souls and delivering them from the wrath to come This I hope is the ground that I am carrying on in this ensuing Discourse This may speak when I may not when I cannot I might give many reasons of my appearing thus in print I might tell the world of the desires of many that by reason of the multitude could only see but not hear I might speak of the want of time to deliver the fourth Part of what is here presented to you I might tell you of the importunity of some of the young men that would gladly write after this Coppy But I must profess all this would have signified little with me did I not find by that account which some give of the work of grace upon their hearts that the Lord hath owned my poor papers formerly Among others that poor penitent Murtherer Thomas Savage which makes me not without hope that the same Spirit which breathed life into my other Writings may please also to give a blessing to these I will not stand now to answer the Objections that may be made against the Publication of this Sermon I never met with this that it is impossible that it should be subservient to the salvation of a soul and therefore I think the cost answerable I must confess had it not been for a necessary Caution or two I should have eased you of the trouble of reading and my self of writing this Epistle The first is this Be not offended if you find in the Young Mans Evidences some expressions that may sound somewhat harsh and some tautologies remember that they are word for word from his own papers as he wrote them hastily consider also that he was but young and a servant too so that it seems almost incredible that one that had so much business should be able to redeem so much time as to do what he did of this nature Secondly I would it might be a little considered what a hurry I was in when this task was laid upon me and how little time to peruse my own Coppy I beg you therefore candidly to over-look many mistakes As for you my dear friends I suppose a pardon is easily granted As for others scorn not holiness contemn not the future blessedness and make sure of happiness in the life to come and then I can easily bear your slighting of me Young Men I may be bold with you I charge you as you value the comforts of another life forget not what an excellent example this precious Brother of yours gave you Read this ensuing Discourse with seriousnesness and let it be read again in your lives Brethren you are my Joy and Crown and if you stand fast I live O make not my boasting void How can I bear to think that any of you should perish For Gods sake and for your souls sake falsifie that Proverb A Young Saint and an Old Devil Brethren my hearts desire is that I may see you all with that blessed Saint at the right hand of Christ Remember your sands run apace and you are hasting into Eternity O make sure of that which will stand you in some stead when you die O secure somewhat to live comfortably upon in another world let your lives bespeak you persons resolved for Christ and Heaven upon any terms Let your loyns be alwaies girt and your lamps be burning Whatch ye be strong quit you like men Remember Christ Heaven and Glory are before you Sit not still till you are safe in the bosom of Christ Consider that many set out fair and look as if they were bound for Zion and yet founder in the way I say again make sure Sirs I expect ere long to pass upon Eternity let me beg of you as you hope for our good meeting in another world that you make Religion your business and labour to get every day nearer Heaven Endeavour not only to be Christians but solid experienced and examplary Christians that so you may prove the glory of your generation the credit of Religion and the Joy of gray-headed Saints Sirs you are now my hope your-love zeal and union my comfort go but on at this rate and you are made for ever Know this now the eyes of the world will be upon you nay that which is more the eye of God is upon you and will take notice how you improve such a Providence as this I beseech you look about and let the world understand that you are not nominal Christians but real Saints Will any of you send me sorrowing into the grave shall I lose my hopes and comforts and you your souls can you easily forget what was the practice of this Young Man do you remember what was the usual subject of his discourse did you not observe how holily meekly and diligently he served his great Master is there no weight in a Crown of Glory is there no desireableness in happiness is it a small thing to live in the society of God Saints and Angels I am perswaded you think these things considerable Well then act as persons that long for possession which that all of you may enjoy is and shall be the prayer of one that desires not to count his life dear so he may but finish his course with joy and meet you with comfort hereafter James Janeway July 28. 1669. Death Vnstung A Funeral SERMON Rev. 14.13 And I heard a Voice from Heaven saying unto me write blessed are the dead which dye in the Lord from hence-forth yea saith the Spirit that they may rest from their Labours and their Works do follow them IT is none of the least works of a Minister of Christ to disparage sin and incourage holiness to set Life and death before our People and to present as much as in us lies
Heaven and Hell to their view and to perswade them to a wise and speedy choice that when these Houses of Clay shall be laid in the dust they may be secured of an Habitation not made with hands that is Eternal with God in the Heavens The Apostle in this Chapter doth both in the 10. Verse he tells us what a Draught is prepared for the implacable Enemies of Christ they shall drink off the Wine of the wrath of God which is poured out without mixture into the Cup of his Indignation and they shall be tormented with Fire and Brimstone in the presence of the Holy Angels and in the presence of the Lamb. The wicked may drink roar and swagger they may persecute the Members of Christ because they dare not so madly venture upon the Eternal displeasure of God as they do and sell their precious Souls for a moments joy and make light of damnation but let them know that for all these things God will bring them to Judgment an Eternity of intolerable sorrowes must pay for their short pleasures And hence it is the serious Christian that makes it his business to avoid this dreadful misery is satisfied that he doth not act irrationally and madly if the scorn and contempt of the wicked World doth not frighten him upon this account he patiently submits to any punishment rather than he will hazard the loss of his Soul and be miserable for ever that word for ever sticks much in his mind let the wicked laugh and be merry let them please themselves in his sorrows he knows 't is but a little while and all will be mended and their minds changed he is willing to stay for his happiness and joyes till he comes to another World and he doth not envy the wicked what they do enjoy let them make the best of it as long as they can and boast of their pleasures when they see themselves wrapt up in Flames The unseen world which most forget is always in the Saints eye and if he may but live happily there he passeth not if he run thorow reproaches injuries and a thousand Deaths to that glorious and endless life Here is the reason of the Saints patience this makes him judge it no folly to keep the Commandements of God and the faith of Jesus In the 13. Verse the Apostle comes to speak a word of encouragement not only to the suffering Saints of that Age but for the support of all that should be honoured with such service as to seal the truths of Christ with their blood And I heard a Voice from Heaven saying unto me write blâ—ssed are the dead which dye in the Lord from hâ—nceforth yea saith the Spirit that they may rest from their labours and their works follow them In the words you may take notice of two parts 1. A Proposition 2. The Confirmation of that Proposition 1. The Proposition in which we may observe 1. The Predicate blessed 2. The Subject the dead 3. The restriction and limitation of the Subject which dye in the Lord. 2. The Confirmation of this Proposition 1. They rest from their labours 2. Their works follow them 3. The Person affirming this the Spirit which is further cleared 1. By the manner of this Delaration it was by a voice from Heaven 2. By the specification of the Person to whom it was spoken saying unto me 3. By the particular note of Observation Write The Doctrine which I shall take notice of from these words is this Doct. That whatever miseries a Saint may meet with in this Life at Death he shall be happy or in the words of the Text That they are blessed which dye in the Lord. In the Prosecution of this Observation I shall 1. Enquire what it is to dye in the Lord. 2. I shall prove that such are blessed 3. I shall shew wherein their happiness doth consist 4. I shall make some Application 1. I shall enquire what it is to dye in the Lord. 1. Neg. They which make it their business to do what they can against God while they live are not like to be blessed when they dye They which live like Devils are not like to dye like Saints Are there not a Generation in the World who act for the Devil with all their might and count all that time lost which is not spent in his service which make a jest of Damning and are as merry within a step of these devouring flames as if Hell and a Tavern were alike Do they not carry themselves as if they could not make hast enough to misery and make sure enough of Damnation How do they wound and stab their own Souls and let flye against the Almighty How contemptible a thing is Heaven and how ridiculous is the very name of Holiness to them They are of the same mind of those which Job speaks of Job 21.14 They say unto God depart from us for we desire not the knowledge of thy ways And who is the Lord that I should hearken to him And if a compassionate Minister of Christ beseech them with all the tendernesse that he can for his Soul to bethink themselves a little what these things may end in at last and to consider what a dreadful thing it is to fall into the hands of a living God how are his perswasions rejected with contempt and his pitty recompensed with scorn And may I not say of most wicked Men they do flye in the Faces of them that would tell them of their danger and do what they can to deliver them from it And yet for all this how well are they contented with their own condition and laugh at the godly as if it were a dangerous and mad thing to strive to go to Heaven and the truest happiness to be miserable for ever O who would imagine that any living should be thus lamentably besotted Tell them of Hell 't is as much as their life is worth they had rather hazard the feeling of it hereafter than bear the hearing of it here They fear a little disgrace among Men more than the contempt of God They choose rather to be under the weight of God's wrath than the least affront from a Man Talk to them of Glory Heaven and a Kingdom they are light and trivial things with them they had rather hear of a Whore a Tavern or Play and yet these Monsters must be Sainted and do more confidently expect a blessed Eternity after a life of wickedness than some of the dear Children of God do but if such as these ever come to Heaven without Repentance then the Word of God is false Doth not that say That the wicked shall be turned into Hell Tribulation and anguish upon every one that doth evil and there is no peace saith my God to the wicked The Devil himself may as well expect to shake off his Chains and be restored to his lost Glory as they O be not deceived as you Sow so you must Reap do not hope that
none but Christ none but Christ He is altogether lovely He is now quite out of love with himself neither his righteousness nor any thing is lovely now but Christ and will not that Soul be blessed when it comes to have its desires accomplished he that counts nothing worth the having except Christ and for Christ can't be miserable when he is lodged safe in his imbraces 6. He that makes it his business to live to Christ to him to dye shall be gain God is often times better but never worse than his word And hath he not made many promises to them that diligently seek him Hath he not said that their labours shall not be in vain in the Lord The Christian is running and he shall at last obtain the Prize the Crown he fights for he shall have fear not Christian quit thy self bravely win it and wear it what though it be wrapped up in Cypress its beauty shall not be Vailed long What though Death with his cold and dirty hand set it upon thy head it will sit as neat and as fast as an Almighty hand can make it What though the Vessel be tost and broke it shall come safe with its Rich Lading to the desired Haâ—bâ—ur Condemn not O you foolish World these spiritual Merchants till you know what their returns are when their burden is deliver'd but imitate them till you can finde a more glorious Prize than Heaven a better happiness than God can give and a Kingdom that will last longer than Eternity Psal 63.8 Psal 90.14 7. They which are willing if called to it to do or suffer any thing for Christ shall inherit this blessedness He that is willing to dye for Christ shall live as long as Christ lives in happiness and rest 't is not for nothing that Paul makes no great matter of bonds scorns at threatnings and triumpheth in danger the finishing his course with joy makes all go down sweetly Acts 20.24 The Primitive Christians were no Stoicks and yet with what patience gratitude and joy did they suffer what the malice and wit of Men and Devils could inflict and now they enjoy the fruit of their labours the salvation of their Souls and that is not all but they receive their Palms Robes and Crowns ye more peculiar badges of God's Champions Loe thus shall it be done to the Persons whom the Lord delighteth to honour This 't is to be imprisoned banished or dye for Christ Rejoyce O ye suffering Saints and be exceeding glad for great is your reward in Heaven to you it is given not only to believe but also to suffer this Fire is but to purifie and to make you Vessels more fit for your Masters use this dirt cast upon you is but to scower and make you more clean this knocking rubbing and hewing is but to furbish and polish you that you may be more stately Pillars in the Temple of your God Fear not Men nor Devils the greatest hurt that they do you is to fill your Sailes and to bring you more speedily to your Port. 8. They which long for the coming of Christ and their being with him that can say I have waited for thy salvation O God now let thy Servant depart in peace In a word that can bear their absence from Christ only upon those terms that they may bring honour to him in this life and perswade Souls to be in love with him and may be instrumental for the setting up his Kingdom shaking the Kingdom of Sathan and weakning the interest of Hell in the World These O these are your brave Souls that are out of Gun-shot Death can neyer surprize them they stand always with their Loines girt and their Lamps burning And if the Bridegroom should make the Mountains to quake with the ratling of his Charriots and the Hills to tremble at the presence of his Majesty and the Heavens themselves to shrivel into nothing by the glory of his coming yet they O blessed Souls and they only would break forth into a Song of Triumph and Eternal Hallelujâ—hs Who would not be a Saint sure none but a mad-man or a fool Do the World understand what these things mean Do they indeed believe how much the highest of them all are below the meanest and lowest Childe of God Thus I have shown you who are the Subjects of this blessedness I know I forget time but it goes well may you and I get but this blessedness secured and spend a happy Eternity The second thing that I proposed to speak to was to prove that such as these are in spight of Hell shall be blessed and because in the fore going discourse this hath been touched upon I shall but very briefly run over these things First God saith they shall be blessed and therefore they shall when the great Persecutors have been hunting for their prey and hope to roast what they have got and seed themselves with the hopes of the content and pleasure that they shall enjoy nay when they shall beg with tears for the blessing they shall be frustrated denyed cursed and hear that heart-rending reply they have gotten the blessing before you came 't is now too late yea and they shall be blessed Might I not heap up a World of promises the least of which clear a Saints title to this blessed inheritance time would fail me if I should but read one in Forty what is the meaning of that Es 57.2 Phil. 1.21 2 Cor. 5.1 Job 3.17 2. They feel somewhat of this happiness in this World therefore they shall have it compleated in another How oft do the Saints feel their Souls transported with the sense of divine pleasures How many earnests do they receive of the purchased possessions How many warm refreshing Raies of Divine love break in upon their Soul so that they would not exchange one Hours comfort for all the joys that ever the wicked enjoyed could they all be united in one and their duration be Eternal Have I not with much comfort seen some of those triumphing Saints rejoycing when others would have mourned Have I not heard them talk of their sweet experiences the very mention of which is more reviving to a spiritual hearer than the highest pleasures that the sensualist is capable of Sometimes in prayer their souls even get into the bosom of God and the great God and Man have a blessed intercourse the Soul lets out it self to God and God lets out his love to the Soul Sometimes in a meditation the Heart is glowing and the Fire burns and ere it is aware it is lifted above the World yea and above it self too What else is this but the clear demonstration of the reality of invisibles Can meer fancies thus transport Men Must they not believe their own experiences Can that joy which is the result of faith and love and comes in from the promises and that in a way of duty and close walking with God Can that be a delusion Will the spirit of truth
defilements and taken out her stains and have decked her with his Jewels and put on her Wedding Garment That Day is coming O my soul when will the shaddows flee away when will Days and Nights be all at an end when will time be spent when shall the Curtain be drawn O that that 's the place thou shalt then love that precious Jesus with a Seraphick and Angel-like love thou wilt then as much delight and rejoyce in him as Abraham David and Paul did Thy drowsie Soul shall be as nimble and active in the service of thy great Maker as Enoch and Elias thou shalt praise him Day and Night and be no more weary than the Angels themselves thou shalt perfectly understand the vvill of God and readily obey it thou shalt be holy as God is holy And what vvould you now give for such a frame hovv glad vvould you be to feel a connaturality to divine imployments hovv happy vvould you think your selves if your heart vvere alvvayes as God vvould have it Is it not for this that you fast and pray Is it not for this that you hear read and meditate Is not this the end of Sacraments Well be of good cheer in Mount Zion there shall be deliverance and holiness Obed. 17. And is all this nothing seemeth it still a small priviledge to be a Child of God and like our Father vvho that understands this vvould not bid Death vvelcome and say novv Grave do thy vvorst Ask Paul and he vvill tell you that upon this account he groans enquire of David and he vvill let you understand that he never expects satisfaction till he avvake vvith God's likeness Psal 17. 3. Another thing vvherein the blessedness of a Christian at Death lyes is this the sight of Christ What can be more desired by a Child of God than to behold and enjoy him by vvhom all the mercies we have and all that we expect slow in to us Eph. 1.11 That good old Saint Luk. 2.30 thought it a Heaven upon Earth to see him though his Majesty was vailed and the brightness of his glory wrapped up and covered by his humanity he doth sing a Requiem to his Soul and say Now let thy Servant depart in peace for mine Eyes have seen thy Salvation How were Peter James and John affected at his transfiguration Mat. 17 2. What an admirable frame doth the Spouse seem to be in when she saw only the shadow and back-parts of this beloved one Cant. 5.16 She can't tell when to have done commending of him But all this is but a small thing compared to the sight which they shall see when their graces shall be compleat and their Soul like him and then shall they behold the King in his beauty no longer the contempt and scorn of the World no longer in poverty and want no longer crucified and rejected but Jesus the express Image of his Father and the brightness of his glory accompanyed with Millions of Angels all at his command and yet for all this casting a gracious Eye upon them then shall the Soul behold him face to face who did and suffered such wonderful things for it 't was he that came out of his Fathers bosome 't was he that stept out of his Throne and put off his Robes that came leaping over the Mountains and skipping over the Hills running thorow a thousand difficulties that he might pluck thee out of thy misery and deliver thee out of the paw of the Lyon and the Bear that he might redeem thee from the power of Sin Death and Hell How will the Heavens eccho with Songs of joy when the Bride the Lamb's Wife shall come to dwell with her Husband for ever Isay 33.17 Christ is the desire of Nations the joy of Angels the delight of the Father and he in whom he is well pleased What solace then must that Soul be filled with that hath the possession of him to all Eternity Is not his love better than wine and a look of his countenance to be preferred before Corn and Oyl Is not his kindness to be valued above life it self What meanest thou then O my Soul that thou dost so dread his coming Why art thou so loath to be with him Why art thou afraid of the enjoyment of him Will thy Redeemer make thee a slave hath Heaven changed his Nature and made him less desirable Will thy Saviour make thee miserable Awake then O ye Saints and stand a tip-toe wait watch and long till thou see him who alone can fill thy Soul fight strive and run till you enjoy One smile of his one look of his love is worth the pleasures of ten Worlds where is thy heart where are thy desires what 's become of thy love if Christ doth not affect draw and fire thee what will but when thou shalt see Christ indeed his very looks will so warm thy Soul that thou shalt in a moment feel a divine flame which shall never be extinguished as long as Christ the object of thy love shall live the sight of Christ will put new life into thy Soul and make thy love and joy fresh for ever this is he O my Soul that was wounded that thou mightest be healed this is he who was Crowned vvith Thorns that thou mightest be Crovvned vvith Glory this this is he that dyed that thou mightest live Is not all the Glory of Heaven vvrapped up in him Are not the Treasures of divine kindness which vvere sometimes hid in him novv opened Tell me now O my soul is there any in tvvo Worlds comparable to him Was not that he that sheltered thee from the storms of God's vvrath Was not that precious Body the Shield vvhich blunted the Svvord of Justice and kept the Arrovves of the Almighty from doing dreadful execution upon thee an Enemy Traytor and Rebel Was it not he that laid dovvn the price that bought thy pardon that purchased this Inheritance vvas it not he that fed thee vvith his Body that broached his heart blood to quench the thirst of thy Soul the lusts of thy heart and the flames of God's indignation Look upon him is he not made up of love I see now it is not for nothing that the Virgins did love him it was not vvithout good reason that the Spouse vvas sick it vvas not vvithout very good cause that the Saints did so long to be vvith him to be with him did I say vvho that hears of him can choose but vvish to see him vvho that sees him can live without him who that lives vvith him can leave him What mean the World Sure they are dead blind or mad but vvhere am I now This is a subject so svveet that I can't tell hovv to make an end O that I might see knovv and enjoy look dear Jesus upon me and let me go and tell the World thy beauties let me every day have a little sight of thee that I may commend thee a thousand times more feelingly and that I may
command the affections of all that hear of thee that nothing but thy love may serve their turns Pardon me that this admirable one hath dravvn out my thoughts so largely If you can but love after all this and see him when you dye with comfort you will say I were too short in his praises and too superficial in his commendations and that the half was not told you 4. The blessedness of departed Saints lies in this that they shall meet with all the Children of God and have communion with the spirits of the just made perfect Thou shalt then meet thy best friends whose company was so warming whose words were so incouraging whose lives did so much command Religion their Faces did then shine their conversation was in Heaven but O what an alteration is there in them for the better their Souls are now like Christ nothing but grace love and praise no difference in judgment no pride or passion nothing that offends And how vvill they vvelcome you to their Fathers House you that took sweet counsel together that went to the House of God that talk'd of that glory how glad will you be when you meet in it Nay Death will bring you acquainted with all these famous Worthies of whom the World was not worthy the noble Champions of Christ which thought not their lives dear to them so they might but finish their course with joy this Porter opens the Door and lets the Saints Soul into that Palace where all the Favourites of that great Prince reside and thou shalt stand also with them upon Mount Zion in the presence of that Mighty King and shalt behold and live in his glory for ever And is all this inconsiderable What would I give to see Enoch that walked with God How glad should I be to be acquainted with Elias how joyful if I might have some discourse with Paul Would it not make one couragious in the cause of God if one could hear Daniel or the Three Children tell the story of their deliverance How should one be pleased to have it from the Mouth of Moses Joshuah and Caleb what God did for Israel in the Fields of Ham the Red-Sea and the Wilderness and how he brought them into the Land of Canaan hovv do you think you should be affected at such things as these vvhy as formidable as Death looks it 's he that brings us to the speech of all these How loath are we novv to part when a knot of us have got together to talk about the things of another World are not the Saints the excellent ones in whom is our delight is not the empty discourse of the unexperienced World tedious and their Company a burden Why Heaven hath in it none but Saints and Angels and the blessed God Is not that Company indeed and all their work will be to admire praise and love God and to take infinite delight and complacency in him to all Eternity O what acclamations of joy vvill there be vvhen all the Children of God shall meet together vvithout fear of being disturbed by the Antichristian and Cainish brood when they meet and never part but joyn in Hallelujahs for ever That that 's the melody vvhen a Quire of ten thousand times ten thousand of Angels shall sing an Eternal Song and the hundred and forty and four thousand and that innumerable Company out of all Nations Tongues and Kindreds shall ansvver saying Blessing honour glory and power be unto Him that sits upon the Throne and unto the Lamb for ever and ever Rev. 5.13 Luk. 13.28 29. Heb. 11.22 Eph. 2.19 5. An other thing wherein the blessedness of the Saints departed consists is that then all their Prayers shall be sully answered their desires satisfied and hopes enjoyed They now oft with sorrow hear the reproaches of the wicked who are ready to ask them vvhere is their God vvhat is become of their sasts tears and groans to vvhat purpose do they afflict themselves what profit is it for them to call upon God what benefit is there in serving the Almighty The wicked boast of their hearts desire and are ready to sleight Religion as a useless and contemptible thing But is there not a time a coming vvhen the godly may ask them vvhat profit they have novv in their pleasures vvhat comfort in their greatness what fruit of all their labours and with unspeakable satisfaction produce their Crown and say This this was the prize that we contended for this was the reward that vve had in our Eye this was the glory and honour which we so highly valued This is our God in whom we have trusted Es 25.9 The Saints shall then see that it was not in vain to seek knock and wait then they shall understand that nothing was lost which was spent for their Souls and Heaven they shall shortly know that the poorest hearty groan was heard the quickest ejaculations were not unobserved and that the vveakest sincere Prayers were able to pierce the Heavens O who would not serve such a Master who can't forget any of his nay the Lord will infinitely out-do their requests and give them more than their Tongue could ask and mindes conceive This is the portion of them that seek thee that seek thy face O Jacob. 6. At Death the Believer shall be possessed of God and know what the beatifical Vision means and if you would be better satisfied what this is my request is that you would live holily and go and see And if after a sight and sense of this incomprehensible glory you finde that I have deceived you by making you to over-value it I am contented to bear the blame of an Impostor I am here but brief because I must confess my Meditations are now at a loss and silence and astonishment must speak the rest 7. That which is no small addition to a Saints happiness is this that there is no fear of losing of it his Enemies can't rob him for they are all safe enough and his Treasure is locked up there where neither Moth nor Rust can corrupt nor Thieves break thorow and steal the Christian may then rejoyce over his Enemy and say vvho shall separate me from the love of God they that are safe in Heaven need not to entertain any fears of losing their Inheritance If God that made Heaven and brought them to it can secure them if Christ that bought it for them can make good his purchase if all challenges are laid aside they are vvell enough thy house shall not be shaken thy comforts are durable and the lease of thy Inheritance runs parallel with the life of God and must not expire till Eternity be spent Rom. 8.33 Heb. 13.5 If. 54 10. Is 35. last 8. The last thing that I shall mention wherein the happiness of the Dead that dye in the Lord consists is in the full and joyful assurance of a glorious Resurrection and acquaittance at the day of Judgment Their Bodies are the sacred Temples
do for thee what shall I say unto thee I could be contented that these lines were writ with my very heart blood so that they might affect thee O I had rather dye than receive another such letter from you I could not relish it it was bitter I could not see the name of dear Jesus in it how can I think of your blind superstition and not mourn and lament over a dead soul you say you are sorry and you are troubled What is the matter are you sorry that I should concern my self about my soul and about yours you would not trouble your self about these things now if not now I pray when will you at the hour of death at the day oâ— Judgement O then it will be too late O now oâ— never delayes are dangerous O Eternity Eternity O where shall yours and my soul dwell tâ— all Eternity Oh either in heaven or in hell either with Christ or devils the soul that siâ— shall dye your debt is great the justice of God must be satisfied and nothing can do it but thâ— blood of Jesus O for this precious Jesus make not light of Christ he is precious he is altogether lovely I would not for ten thousand world quit my share in him and in that which is the matter of your fear you complain that I have leâ—â— the wayes of our fore-fathers I seâ—â— you take the shadow for the substance what 〈◊〉 the Cross in Baptism without the Baptisme 〈◊〉 the spirit what good will the bowing at thâ— name of Jesus do them which persecute him iâ— his members and have him not formed in their hearts O that God would cut asunder your false hopes if Christ were in you yoâ— would rejoyce to think that he hath been aâ— work in my soul was I born with these principles which you read in my last Letters I am surâ— I was once of an other mind than now I am but blessed yea admired be free grace which hath made me to differ from my self and others 〈◊〉 am afraid you understand not my meaning wheâ— I speak of love to God and Regeneration as long as I only concerned my self about the World anâ— not my soul you kindly entertained my letters but no sooner did I speak of repentance and thâ— affairs of our poor never-dying souls but then you are troubled and cannot bear it I tell you I lay dead almost eighteen years and then I had a gracious wound from my dear God which made me cry out where am I I am undone I am undone my sin will damn me O what shall I do for a Christ And at this rate he goes on writing many letters which did all breath a divine spirit 6. He was very spiritual in his discourse and by that he put life into most of them that conversed with him how helpful was he to young Christians how ready to hearten them up in the wayes of God and how able to discover to them the policies of Satan he was scarce in his element but when he was doing or receiving of good he studied Mr. Herbert Palmer's little Book about making Religion ones business and he did in a great measure put it into practice To use his own expressions I did saith he labour to spiritualize common action and to serve God in serving my master with diligence cheerfulness and faithfulness O what resort was there of young ones to him for direction and advice in things which they did not think it so fit to trouble their Pastor with and how did he endeavour to season his fellow servants with grace When he went to any of his Masters Patients how diligent in using of means for their recovery and how careful to drop something that might tend to the health of their souls and as he had opportunity amongst the weaker and poorer sort he would pray with them and O with what vehemency of spirit with what fluency of expression and with what mighty affections would he do it I need not tell some of you how helpfull he hath been to the bodies and souls of the sick and upon this account he looked upon it as a great mercy that the Lord had called him to such an employment wherein he had such singular advantages to deal with poor souls about the affairs of Eternity I question noâ— but there are some standing here that have cause to bless God that ever they saw his face and I believe that some of you that are young and poor will quickly dearly miss him 7. He was exceedingly raised in duty and one that injoyed rare communion intimacy and acquaintance with God and for about five moneths as his own papers shew together he rarely came into the presence of God but he went away with some special tokens of his love so that he said he could have been contented to have left the world at a quarter of an hours warning Hear how his Papers speak My soul continued if my heart do not mightily deceive me in a thriving condition for five moneths O the comforts that I then had they are unspeakable I seldome went to duty but carryed my dear Saviour and brought him away with me every Ordinance was a visit of love my love to Jesus Christ and his members whereever I saw them was not to be expressed what hatred to sin what zeal for Gods glory what yerning of bowels towards poor souls in the state of nature how beautiful were the feet of the Embassadors of peace what a fulness and sweetness did I then see and feel in Christ ever hungring after him and ever satisfied with him and him alone what affections God-ward what despising of visibles what deep apprehensions of the Majesty and Attributes of God how did I walk unweariedly with him how did I rejoyce before him with fear and trust filially in him with trembling O what watchfulness over my thoughts words and actions Indeed I was often assaulted but I had a faithful Centinel which would give warning and admit of none but such as were friends to the Lord Jesus what low thoughts had I of my self and high prizings of a naked Christ Oh Sir in one word I made Religion my business and was taken up with that which concerned the glory of God every grace was at strife which should excell other in its actings I could never go to market but I could experience returns of Grace and Mercy In this I have not varied two words from his own writings in a letter that he gave me wherein he did grievously bewail the least departures of his heart from God as you shall hear in the next 8. He took special notice of his own heart and did mightily bewail any declinings from that vigour that sometimes he had and here I shall again use his words as they follow But this did not continue long it was as a calm before a storm for soon after my time being almost out I began to have some thoughts of my setting up and
a book which the Lord at that time opened my heart to ask for which was Drex d. Eternit and truly upon the perusal of that Treatise I think nay I am sure the burden of my sins seemed to be renewed and I cannot express that unspeakable sorrow which I then had in my poor soul by reason of all its mighty sins and truly I hope the mercy of God was not a little cause of my trouble to think that I should have none to offend and kick against but those bowels yea those tender bowels of pitty and compassion which had so long yearned over my poor soul and had so long shielded off the stroak of Justice which was so long hanging over my provoking head and then oh then I did unspeakably desire the pardon of my sins and then did feel the burden of them so unsupportable that I did earnestly beg of the Lord that they might be laid upon the Lord Jesus who was able to bear them and did endeavour by earnest Prayers to obtain a smile from God in and through Jesus Christ for out of Christ he was a terrible God and a consuming fire and so I forthwith resolved to take up with all outward duties as Prayer Reading Hearing Conferring with good Christians and I cannot but let you know that the first Sermon I heard in this condition was out of 1 Tim. 1.15 where it is said that Christ came into the world to save sinners of whom I not Paul only but I even I am chief and so I went on through fear and trembling and not without some joy and hopes that the Lord who had begun a good work in me would finish it in his good time which God grant for Christ his sake Min. And is this which you have spoken from your own experience is it indeed as I hope it is then I can no longer for bear but say with good Zacharias Blessed be the Lord God of Israel who hath visited and redeemed his people and amongst them thy poor soul and now I say again take heed of spiritual pride think very lowly of thy self and give glory to God And now Dear Heart give me leave for the good of thy eternal welfare to examine thee of some things which thou hast touched upon in the last Discourse that so I may be assured that that work which the Lord hath begun in thee may prove as a Tree planted and rooted in thy renewed heart by the Spirit of God and not of thine own seting And for the accomplishing of which weighty work it will be convenient to enquire what fruit it hath since born for the tree may be known by its fruit Therefore in brief what hast thou found in thy heart concerning sin Conv. Sin Truly I am not able now to express that unspeakable bitterness I then found in it oh how did I hate it and pursue it with the greatest zeal and detestation possible oh how did my heart rise at the very appearance of it and truly if it did not very greatly deceive me I think I hated it more than death it self and should have chosen death rather than wilfully committed the least known sin and if there had been no hell yet as I have often said sin should have been my hell and holiness my Heaven Min. I am glad to hear what thou hast said but what sins were they thou so hatedst it may be they were great and dreadful fins as Blasphemy and Murder c. but what didst thou think of heart sins and evil motions which I am sure would much beset thee Conv. Oh of I knew my own heart these were the greatest enemies that I had to encounter these were they that like unto so many Goliahs bid defiance to what Christ had wrought in my poor soul and did endeavour to retake the Fort-Royal of my heart which the Lord was about to make a Temple for his glorious Image to dwell in and oh Blessed be Free Grace and let all that hear of this stand and admire and give glory to God Min. The Lord preserve this blessed enmity still more and more in thy heart and now tell me which way thou wentest about to engage against and so to overcome these great Goliahs though commonly known by the name of peccadilloes Conv. Oh now now you come very neer me and this even pierces between the bone and marrow and the Lord who is the searcher of hearts and knoweth the thoughts and actings of every soul give me understanding in this point that I may say nothing but what I really found in my own soul Oh then I did presume too much upon my own strength and did not lay them at the feet of Christ whom then I hoped I took for my Lord and King and did not as I fear wholly depend upon his Kingly power which is to overcome and subdue all those enemies which rise up in the hearts of his Children and make war against him and would not that he should rule over them for surely had I thus done he would not have suffered them so often to assault me and even sometimes overcome me as I shall God willing make clear to you by and by Min. Still I have great cause to admire the goodness of God to thy poor soul in that he hath been pleased now to open thy eyes to see this thy great mistake which doubtless had not the Lord in time revealed it to thee it would have proved a sore evil and it may be thou mightest not have seen it before it had been too late and now tell me which way thou wentest about to destroy thy sins seeing thou wast ignorant in great measure in applying the death of Christ to kill them Conv. The chiefest instruments that I used in this work was Prayer and sometimes Fasting which I found very powerfull to batter down the strong holds of Satan in my poor soul for which doubtless I was not to be blamed if so be that I had used them only as a means to have raised up my heart to Christ and so as they were appointed of God to be the way and means whereby I might have recourse to him who alone is able for so great a work but woe to my ignorant and proud heart that would not totally submit to God but idolized Prayer and Repentance and Fasting as if these had been the Captains of the souls Salvation whereas they are but empty in themselves and nothing worth no more than as they lead me to Christ who alone is the Captain and horn of my Salvation Min. And now I think it will not be amiss to let me hear how you carryed your self in the great duty of Prayer and how soon you entred upon the duty Conv. The Lord was pleased within two or three dayes after my first trouble to incline my heart to seek him by Prayer which I used constantly twice a day besides some private ejaculations and sighes between whiles and I will now tell
and Worship that and should do what I did more to advantage self than Christ Oh I say again what a wonder it is that ever he was pleased to let me see my folly and oh if he should not have done it yet in this particular how inexcusable had I been which will appear in the next Answer Min. Now let me know when and in what manner the Lord was pleased to magnifie his grace in convincing you of the insufficiency of your own Righteousness and of the resting in duties Conv. I will likewise make this as plain to you as the Lord shall enable me so that I may not be found guilty of a spiritual lye and to the best of my remembrance about four months after my powerful call when as I thought I was assuredly in a most happy condition having passed through abundant of tryals and temptations and I began to find them somewhat to flee before me of which you shall hear anon more at large then oh then the Lord was pleased to put into my hand a little Book Entituled The Christians great Interest by Mr. Guthry which when I perused I found I was much concerned in it and was somewhat troubled but it so violently accused me of my Dalilah righteousness which I loving too well to see as I thought abused with a small sigh or the like I commanded it to depart and not to dare to come and controule my idol self any more yet it made my way so plain before me that I could not withstand it a little while after the Lord was pleased to put into my hand another Book for which I have abundant cause to bless God which was the Sincere Convert and reading the latter part of that which treats concerning carnal Confidence and resting in Duties all which did very much concern me I was very much troubled and began to question my estate a little concerning duties but truly I took so little delight in this that I soon laid it by and returned it to the place from whence it came and likewise I had other Books as Mr. Baxters Self-denyal which I read part of with much delight as in reference in denying self-pleasures and sinful recreations and vain company c. all these yielded comfort to me because I found that I did really desire to deny my self all these and made it a great ground of comfort to me that I could so earnestly desire their destructions but when I came to the denyal of self-righteousness this was a hard saying and self would not bear it but away I went to those Books where I could find out as I thought a way to Heaven by my own working and those that treated most of a holy life was the most pleasing to me but when I read concerning Christ or heard him taught to me by his Ministers for although I have omitted how my heart was in hearing yet I would desire you to include that and to suppose that my heart was in that as in Reading or Conferring with respect to the subject I say when I heard Christ taught by his Ministers either in a Pulpit or a Book I much delighted in that I heard or read but when Justification alone by Faith in Christs Merits and living by faith upon a naked Christ as peradventure I might be put too upon a sick bed by reason of a violent disease or the like that I could not have strength of body nor composure of mind to perform duties as in a Feaver or a fit of the Stone or Gout c. I say when these noble and Heaven-born Mysteries were treating on I was much to seek and could take but little comfort from them and so I went on from duty to duty and if at any time I found my heart dead and could for that day or week or month it may be find any comfort from them then I lived in hopes that although I found not all well at present yet it would not long continue so with me and so in some time I recovered life and comfort again I say I continued thus for the space of above three years And now I will declare one thing which did more trouble me than ordinary and that was in August last 67. it happened that as I was visiting a patient and for this thing in particular I have cause to bless God that he placed me in this my calling whom we supposed the Lord would take away at that very time there came Dr. B. to perform as was thought onâ— of the last duties he had to do 〈◊〉 and amongst his discourse and adâ—â—◠〈◊〉 bade her be sure to lay all her sins upon Christ which I liked very well but withall that she should lay all her own Righteousness at his feet and not at all â—o trust to any good she had in her seâ—f but wholly to rely upon the merits of Christ which when I heard my heart rose much against what he said and did much oppose his advice and thought it not at all convenient to be spoken and doubtless had I been in her condition I mean so near death as it was thought she was and he had advised me to the same thing and had cleared it to me oh what a dreadful visitation had that been surely it would have put my soul into such a dreadful Agony of confusion if not despair that surely I should have dyed a second death before I knew the pangs of the first But oh I say again who can hear of this and not be overcome with soul ravishing admirations of the love and goodness and patience of God towards such a wretched nothing as I was that ever he should so long forbear from destroying that soul with eternal damnation that would not with the cords of love be drawn to accept of so clear Salvation but the Lord was plâ—ased still to keep this upon my heart And although I was somewhat troubled but as before again I went to my old Physitians and took a small pill of Prayer composed of a little fear and humiliation but no sooner it got into my heart but there it was guilt with pride and so again became pleasant to me and then I thought all was well and I do desire earnestly that by this God may be much glorified and again methinks I find my heart so mightily inclined to go on in this work which at your request you may remember I was so unwilling to undertake that 〈◊〉 have great hopes there may be the hand of God in it and that it was he that put it into your heart to request if of me and I pray God it may be his glory alone that may move me to it and not any self-pride truly you may say I have great cause to fear and not to trust my own heart any more and the Lord preserve this Jealousie more and more in me but to my present purpose and this which I am about to say might have proved a great disadvantage to me