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want_v and_o can_v come_v but_o here_o must_v stay_v and_o die_v answer_n i_o grant_v o_o soul_n it_o be_v faith_n alone_o that_o great_a unite_n grace_n by_o which_o thou_o must_v lay_v hold_v of_o christ_n the_o want_n of_o it_o be_v thy_o case_n well_o faith_n be_v the_o gift_n of_o god_n thou_o know_v who_o bid_v thou_o believe_v and_o true_a repentance_n he_o must_v give_v or_o thou_o can_v never_o live_v well_o come_v sinner_n come_v away_o be_v always_o of_o this_o mind_n thou_o must_v both_o knock_v and_o call_v and_o seek_v if_o mercy_n thou_o will_v find_v lord_n mercy_n lord_n o_o poor_a soul_n cry_v thy_o mercy_n lord_n i_o crave_v or_o here_o i_o die_v in_o misery_n it_o be_v mercy_n i_o must_v have_v i_o do_v believe_v help_v unbelief_n my_o hold_n of_o christ_n i_o will_v keep_v if_o run_v i_o can_v after_o thou_o lord_n after_o thou_o i_o will_v creep_v then_o welcome_o sinner_n unto_o christ_n though_o come_v for_o a_o dole_n this_o faith_n though_o weak_a yet_o save_v 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heaven_n have_v farewell_o dear_a wife_n i_o can_v stay_v christ_n bid_v i_o come_v i_o must_v away_o farewell_o my_o body_n make_v of_o dust_n i_o must_v to_o he_o in_o who_o i_o trust_v farewell_o those_o sin_n i_o leave_v before_o i_o be_o go_v where_o i_o will_v sin_v no_o more_o and_o farewell_n trouble_v at_o decease_n in_o heaven_n will_v be_v perfect_a peace_n farewell_o my_o earthly_a house_n and_o land_n a_o house_n i_o will_v have_v not_o make_v with_o hand_n farewell_o all_o sorrow_n doleful_a cry_n in_o heaven_n be_v no_o weep_a eye_n nay_o farewell_o all_o my_o worldly_a stuff_n a_o single_a christ_n make_v rich_a enough_o to_o let_v all_o go_v be_v sure_o best_a to_o enter_v on_o eternal_a rest_n yet_o do_v not_o say_v that_o i_o be_o dead_a i_o be_o but_o undress_v and_o go_v to_o bed_n i_o be_o go_v you_o see_v yet_o do_v not_o cry_v meet_v i_o in_o heaven_n when_o you_o die_v the_o welcome_a to_o heaven_n god_n welcome_o my_o child_n to_o endless_a bliss_n heaven_n 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in_o his_o pulpit_n lord_n day_n decemb._n 23_o 1688._o with_o some_o hint_n of_o advice_n to_o survive_a relation_n compose_v and_o make_v by_o a_o true_a lover_n of_o he_o and_o he_o g._n d._n hark_v hark_v what_o mean_v the_o mournful_a look_n and_o cry_v the_o pensive_a bleed_a heart_n and_o blubber_a eye_n the_o throb_v the_o throw_n the_o sigh_n which_o do_v appear_v with_o sad_a complain_n almost_o every_o where_o why_o so_o much_o droop_v in_o a_o halcion-day_n when_o with_o loud_a acclamation_n we_o shall_v pay_v rather_o a_o tribute_n to_o our_o prince_n and_o peer_n who_o seasonable_o have_v rescue_v we_o from_o fear_n why_o so_o much_o sorrow_n now_o if_o needs_o must_v be_v occasion_v by_o some_o depth_n of_o misery_n i_o sigh_v to_o tell_v you_o yet_o be_o hereto_o force_v my_o heart_n be_v so_o full_a it_o must_v have_v vent_n or_o burst_v great_a oak_n the_o famous_a preacher_n late_o dead_a have_v hardly_o time_n to_o undress_v to_o go_v to_o bed_n and_o he_o must_v 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1690._o that_o i_o have_v particular_o mention_v the_o sin_n of_o my_o youth_n etc._n etc._n i_o must_v acquaint_v all_o peruser_n of_o this_o book_n that_o i_o be_o not_o asbamed_a to_o do_v it_o for_o the_o advance_v of_o free_a and_o rich_a grace_n some_o passage_n of_o the_o life_n of_o gervase_n disney_n from_o my_o first_o marriage_n especial_o with_o many_o particular_n before_o such_o as_o either_o occur_v to_o memory_n or_o by_o the_o help_n of_o my_o diary_n i_o be_v capable_a of_o take_v in_o which_o i_o have_v endeavour_v as_o impartial_o to_o view_v my_o dark_a side_n as_o bright_a and_o both_o for_o these_o reason_n by_o the_o former_a i_o discover_v the_o miserable_a corruption_n of_o my_o wretched_a nature_n the_o wiles_n and_o subtlety_n of_o a_o busy_a devil_n who_o go_v about_o like_o a_o roar_a lion_n seek_v who_o he_o may_v devour_v by_o the_o latter_a i_o will_v discover_v the_o wonderful_a free_a grace_n of_o god_n to_o i_o who_o be_v one_o of_o the_o worst_a and_o great_a of_o sinner_n in_o bring_v i_o from_o under_o satan_n slavery_n and_o dominion_n i_o the_o say_v gervase_n disney_n be_v bear_v birth_n the_o day_n of_o march_n 1641_o at_o of_o religious_a parent_n viz._n john_n disney_n of_o swinderby_n in_o the_o county_n of_o lincoln_n esq_n the_o elder_a son_n by_o a_o second_o venture_n of_o sir_n henry_n disney_n of_o norton-disney_n kt._n and_o barbara_n his_o wife_n who_o be_v the_o elder_a daughter_n of_o gervase_n lee_n of_o norwell-hall_n in_o the_o county_n of_o nottingham_n esq_n they_o have_v nine_o child_n lend_v they_o by_o the_o lord_n viz._n cornelius_n elizabeth_z gervase_n mary_n john_n sarah_n samuel_n dorcas_n daniel_n sarah_n and_o samuel_n die_v very_o young_a the_o former_a of_o the_o purple_n and_o though_o sarah_n very_o young_a yet_o have_v a_o good_a savour_n of_o spiritual_a thing_n upon_o her_o heart_n and_o in_o that_o sickness_n a_o long_a desire_n to_o be_v dissolve_v and_o to_o be_v with_o christ_n she_o be_v esteem_v one_o of_o the_o beautiful_a child_n that_o ever_o be_v see_v her_o hair_n be_v milk_n white_a and_o complexion_n pure_a white_a and_o red_a yet_o it_o be_v judge_v her_o great_a beauty_n lie_v within_o the_o lord_n have_v betimes_o adorn_v her_o soul_n with_o ornament_n of_o grace_n and_o from_o the_o abundance_n of_o her_o heart_n her_o mouth_n do_v often_o speak_v to_o the_o great_a comfort_n and_o refreshment_n of_o weep_a friend_n that_o stand_v about_o she_o she_o call_v much_o upon_o god_n as_o her_o father_n my_o father_n one_o day_n stand_v by_o her_o bedside_n and_o hear_v she_o frequent_o cry_v out_o o_o my_o father_n my_o father_n ask_v she_o who_o she_o mean_v do_v she_o mean_v he_o o_o no_o no_o say_v she_o it_o be_v my_o heavenly_a father_n i_o cry_v after_o you_o be_v my_o father_n on_o earth_n but_o it_o be_v my_o father_n in_o heaven_n i_o want_v you_o can_v help_v i_o but_o he_o can_v many_o such_o like_a passage_n i_o have_v hear_v my_o father_n disney_n report_n of_o she_o which_o show_v she_o to_o be_v more_o sit_v for_o heaven_n than_o earth_n samuel_n also_o die_v young_a of_o a_o lethargy_n samuel_n be_v remove_v from_o earth_n to_o heaven_n when_o about_o the_o age_n of_o 4_o year_n he_o be_v a_o child_n of_o most_o pregnant_a part_n and_o have_v a_o strange_a understanding_n in_o the_o best_a thing_n he_o be_v indeed_o a_o good_a young_a samuel_n and_o fear_v god_n from_o a_o child_n he_o be_v my_o father_n great_a favourite_n and_o darling_n in_o his_o company_n and_o with_o his_o pretty_a talk_n my_o father_n do_v much_o delight_n and_o will_v therefore_o usual_o at_o his_o walk_a hour_n which_o he_o do_v pretty_a much_o for_o exercise_n he_o must_v lead_v his_o young_a samuel_n by_o the_o hand_n and_o then_o can_v not_o but_o admire_v his_o pious_a talk_n his_o strange_a question_n in_o divinity_n which_o i_o have_v hear_v my_o father_n say_v sometime_o he_o be_v astonish_v at_o and_o sometime_o his_o question_n will_v be_v so_o deep_a that_o lie_n be_v almost_o nonplus_v to_o answer_v he_o be_v extraordinary_a inquisitive_a and_o will_v usual_o demand_v a_o reason_n for_o every_o thing_n under_o debate_n he_o love_v prayer_n and_o will_v not_o though_o so_o very_o young_a be_v get_v to_o bed_n without_o it_o his_o wonderful_a ripeness_n in_o his_o infancy_n seem_v a_o presage_v and_o prognostic_n in_o his_o friend_n apprehension_n that_o he_o be_v not_o like_a to_o be_v long_o one_o of_o this_o world_n he_o seem_v indeed_o to_o be_v though_o a_o bud_n yet_o ripe_a for_o nip_a as_o soon_o as_o sickness_n seize_v he_o my_o father_n send_v down_o hill_n at_o lincoln_n to_o good_a old_a mr._n reyner_n to_o desire_v his_o prayer_n for_o he_o and_o not_o long_o after_o go_v down_o himself_o to_o make_v enquiry_n after_o he_o mr._n reyner_n present_o tell_v he_o i_o believe_v with_o sorrow_n enough_o that_o as_o to_o his_o son_n samuel_n he_o must_v resign_v he_o to_o god_n and_o prepare_v to_o part_v with_o he_o for_o â—he_n do_v not_o believe_v he_o be_v long_o for_o this_o world_n and_o say_v he_o i_o ground_n my_o persuasion_n upon_o this_o when_o i_o pray_v for_o his_o recovery_n i_o find_v strange_a restraint_n upon_o my_o spirit_n and_o be_o much_o dampt_v &_o strain_v but_o when_o i_o pray_v that_o the_o lord_n will_v fit_v he_o for_o himself_o and_o crown_v he_o with_o happiness_n to_o eternity_n when_o i_o beg_v for_o the_o eternal_a welfare_n of_o his_o soul_n i_o be_o then_o much_o enlarge_v thus_o the_o secret_n of_o the_o lord_n be_v with_o that_o good_a man_n that_o true_o fear_v he_o for_o the_o child_n die_v at_o that_o time_n thâ—_n i_o suppose_v as_o likely_a to_o live_v according_a to_o haimâ—â—â—â—_n conjecture_n as_o any_o of_o we_o be_v all_o 〈…〉_z of_o the_o smallpox_n at_o that_o time_n but_o my_o brother_n cornelius_n who_o have_v that_o distemper_n young_a and_o my_o sister_n mâ—…y_n who_o through_o god_n goodness_n escape_v the_o infection_n by_o my_o mother_n remove_n she_o to_o sâ—â—inder_v by_o when_o we_o be_v drop_v down_o of_o they_o one_o after_o another_o my_o brother_n cornelius_n die_v of_o a_o consumption_n cornelius_n about_o the_o year_n 1664_o and_o in_o about_o the_o 28_o year_n of_o his_o age_n at_o my_o uncle_n thomas_n disney's_n at_o stoke-hammond_n he_o go_v to_o school_n at_o lincoln_n where_o his_o quick_a and_o ripe_a natural_a part_n be_v soon_o observe_v at_o school_n he_o be_v so_o extraordinary_a industrious_a and_o studious_a that_o in_o a_o short_a time_n such_o be_v his_o proficiency_n in_o humane_a learning_n the_o be_v account_v one_o of_o the_o â—…st_a scholar_n not_o only_o of_o that_o school_n but_o perhaps_o of_o that_o town_n and_o country_n as_o to_o grammar-learning_n his_o master_n mr._n clark_n be_v proud_a he_o have_v such_o a_o scholar_n to_o boast_v of_o be_v indeed_o the_o very_a credit_n of_o his_o school_n and_o will_v therefore_o usual_o put_v he_o upon_o the_o most_o difficult_a task_n in_o learning_n and_o dispute_v he_o be_v a_o great_a improver_n of_o time_n in_o his_o young_a year_n i_o have_v be_v credible_o inform_v he_o will_v hardly_o allow_v himself_o time_n for_o those_o necessary_a repast_n that_o nature_n may_v warrantable_o challenge_v the_o spare_a time_n that_o he_o have_v from_o school_n which_o other_o scholar_n spend_v in_o play_n and_o youthful_a recreation_n he_o will_v constant_o with_o great_a delight_n spend_v in_o his_o study_n usual_o rise_v early_o and_o sit_v up_o late_o for_o such_o end_n his_o great_a prosiciency_n in_o learning_n be_v such_o that_o he_o prove_v very_o useful_a i_o may_v not_o say_v serviceable_a to_o the_o scholar_n of_o the_o same_o form_n for_o whilst_o they_o be_v spend_v their_o spare_a hour_n with_o delight_n in_o play_n he_o will_v be_v spend_v his_o with_o as_o great_a delight_n in_o his_o own_o study_n or_o in_o the_o service_n of_o those_o idle_a lad_n who_o common_o engage_v his_o help_n in_o prepare_v 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flame_n mr._n flavel_n himself_o die_v a_o martyr_n for_o christ_n the_o year_n before_o viz._n 1665_o remarkable_a in_o that_o dreadful_a mortality_n by_o the_o plague_n good_a man_n he_o dare_v not_o fly_v from_o it_o when_o the_o hand_n of_o god_n in_o that_o plague_n seem_v to_o be_v go_v out_o against_o the_o city_n he_o be_v willing_a be_v a_o minister_n to_o hazard_v his_o own_o body_n for_o the_o advantage_n of_o other_o soul_n and_o so_o true_o he_o do_v for_o be_v take_v at_o a_o religious_a meeting_n he_o be_v carry_v before_o some_o magistrate_n who_o after_o some_o debate_n with_o he_o plain_o tell_v he_o they_o will_v set_v before_o he_o life_n and_o death_n and_o leave_v he_o to_o make_v his_o choice_n they_o tell_v he_o he_o must_v either_o promise_n never_o to_o preach_v at_o a_o conventicle_n more_o or_o they_o must_v commit_v he_o to_o a_o prison_n at_o that_o time_n sore_o infect_v with_o the_o sickness_n he_o be_v too_o great_a a_o champion_n for_o christ_n and_o a_o more_o faithful_a servant_n to_o his_o lord_n and_o master_n than_o to_o stand_v long_o to_o consider_v a_o answer_n but_o ready_o tell_v they_o as_o to_o their_o former_a proposal_n he_o do_v abhor_v the_o thought_n of_o a_o compliance_n by_o desert_v his_o saviour_n service_n and_o as_o to_o their_o latter_a threaten_v he_o be_v free_o willing_a to_o comply_v with_o the_o will_n and_o pleasure_n of_o god_n and_o can_v hearty_o say_v his_o will_v be_v do_v so_o that_o he_o be_v o_o height_n of_o wickedness_n and_o cruelty_n commit_v to_o prison_n there_o present_o take_v the_o infection_n and_o in_o a_o few_o day_n transplant_v from_o earth_n to_o heaven_n after_o i_o be_v acquaint_v with_o this_o worthy_a divine_a and_o have_v taste_v and_o receive_v some_o benefit_n by_o his_o ministry_n being_n introduce_v at_o first_o by_o john_n southam_n a_o journy-man_n drugster_n in_o london_n a_o very_a serious_a young_a man_n and_o one_o i_o must_v bless_v god_n for_o i_o become_v a_o 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about_o that_o time_n now_o it_o be_v that_o the_o remembrance_n of_o my_o sin_n be_v more_o grievous_a to_o my_o soul_n than_o the_o forsake_v of_o they_o the_o sin_n i_o once_o love_v i_o now_o loathe_v and_o will_v if_o that_o have_v be_v possible_a have_v give_v ten_o thousand_o world_n i_o have_v never_o commit_v they_o now_o it_o be_v i_o by_o experience_n feel_v what_o before_o i_o will_v not_o believe_v that_o the_o best_a of_o sin_n sweet_n be_v real_o most_o intolerable_o bitter_a i_o now_o experience_v the_o truth_n of_o that_o passage_n i_o meet_v with_o in_o a_o reverend_a author_n mr._n hardcastle_n say_v he_o let_v every_o person_n that_o lie_v under_o a_o temptation_n to_o commit_v sin_n serious_o consider_v thus_o if_o i_o commit_v this_o sin_n i_o must_v either_o repent_v of_o it_o or_o i_o must_v not_o if_o i_o do_v not_o repent_v it_o damn_v i_o and_o if_o i_o do_v repent_v aright_o i_o shall_v find_v it_o cost_v i_o more_o pain_n and_o trouble_v and_o sorrow_n than_o the_o sin_n be_v worth_a that_o i_o do_v commit_v and_o this_o i_o have_v often_o think_v upon_o since_o upon_o any_o temptation_n conscience_n now_o fly_v in_o my_o face_n and_o be_v more_o than_o a_o thousand_o witness_n against_o i_o now_o i_o do_v by_o sad_a experience_n feel_v the_o truth_n and_o terror_n of_o that_o single_a text_n a_o wound_a conscience_n who_o can_v bear_v and_o this_o through_o grace_n i_o can_v say_v that_o when_o i_o do_v not_o sinful_o stop_v its_o mouth_n it_o be_v a_o faithful_a monitor_n to_o i_o that_o scripture_n terrify_v i_o great_o the_o soul_n that_o sin_n shall_v die_v and_o here_o be_v my_o argument_n upon_o it_o the_o law_n say_v the_o soul_n that_o sin_n must_v die_v my_o conscience_n tell_v i_o but_o thou_o o_o soul_n have_v sin_v and_o what_o be_v the_o conclusion_n why_o very_o dreadful_a thou_o must_v die_v i_o set_v about_o the_o work_n of_o repentance_n but_o must_v confess_v till_o the_o lord_n do_v save_o by_o his_o word_n and_o spirit_n shine_v in_o upon_o my_o soul_n i_o think_v that_o bare_a repentance_n be_v enough_o without_o consider_v that_o true_a and_o save_a repentance_n consist_v in_o forsake_v as_o well_o as_o in_o confess_v sin_n but_o here_o the_o lord_n set_v home_o upon_o my_o heart_n such_o consideration_n as_o these_o that_o his_o holy_a and_o righteous_a law_n be_v break_v and_o satisfaction_n must_v be_v make_v that_o he_o himself_o be_v just_a and_o his_o justice_n must_v be_v satisfy_v and_o that_o all_o my_o prayer_n and_o tear_n and_o duty_n and_o repentance_n though_o i_o shall_v use_v they_o as_o mean_n be_v yet_o no_o good_a foundation_n to_o build_v my_o hope_n of_o heaven_n upon_o that_o though_o i_o can_v shed_v a_o thousand_o tear_n and_o those_o of_o blood_n for_o one_o vain_a thought_n they_o will_v be_v no_o better_o than_o puddle_n water_n to_o justify_v and_o save_v i_o now_o do_v those_o scripture_n stâ—ir_v i_o in_o the_o face_n 1_o cor._n 6._o 9_o know_v you_o not_o that_o the_o unrighteous_a shall_v not_o inherit_v the_o kingdom_n of_o god_n be_v not_o deoeive_v neither_o fornicator_n nor_o idolater_n nor_o adulterer_n nor_o effeminate_a nor_o abuser_n of_o themselves_o with_o mankind_n nor_o drunkard_n nor_o reviler_n nor_o extortioner_n shall_v inherit_v the_o kingdom_n of_o god_n and_o that_o of_o gal._n 5._o 19_o now_o the_o work_n of_o the_o flesh_n be_v manifest_a which_o be_v these_o adultery_n fornication_n uncleanness_n lasciviousness_n idolatry_n witchcraft_n hatred_n variance_n emulation_n wrath_n strife_n sedition_n heresy_n envy_n murder_n drunkenness_n revel_v and_o such_o like_a they_o that_o do_v such_o thing_n shall_v not_o inherit_v the_o kingdom_n of_o god_n and_o though_o i_o bless_v god_n the_o most_o of_o these_o sin_n that_o do_v entitle_v to_o eternal_a wrath_n and_o vengeance_n i_o can_v not_o charge_v myself_o as_o guilty_a of_o yet_o some_o i_o can_v and_o the_o least_o of_o they_o in_o their_o own_o nature_n i_o find_v be_v damn_v and_o will_v serve_v to_o exclude_v i_o out_o of_o the_o kingdom_n of_o god_n now_o through_o grace_n be_v i_o ready_a to_o cry_v out_o o_o what_o must_v i_o do_v to_o be_v save_v and_o a_o little_a serious_o to_o inquire_v into_o my_o spiritual_a state_n and_o after_o jesus_n christ_n and_o the_o way_n of_o salvation_n by_o he_o now_o i_o begin_v to_o think_v of_o the_o corruption_n of_o my_o nature_n and_o the_o sinfulness_n of_o my_o heart_n and_o that_o all_o the_o impure_a stream_n of_o my_o life_n have_v proceed_v from_o that_o most_o corrupt_a fountain_n mar._n 15._o 19_o and_o that_o it_o be_v not_o enough_o to_o bewail_v the_o outward_a act_n of_o sin_n but_o the_o inward_a principle_n of_o corruption_n lead_v to_o it_o now_o i_o
time_n with_o you_o on_o earth_n to_o sit_v your_o heart_n be_v proud_a and_o look_v and_o speech_n you_o know_v and_o carriage_n unto_o all_o be_v also_o so_o lodge_v they_o in_o hell_n their_o pride_n must_v cost_v they_o dear_a see_v what_o they_o will_v be_v proud_a of_o when_o they_o be_v there_o envious_a let_v envious_a person_n now_o be_v bring_v to_o the_o bar_n who_o malice_n do_v exceed_v all_o other_o far_o there_o hardly_o can_v be_v any_o rich_a or_o great_a but_o these_o will_v quick_o envy_v their_o estate_n they_o soon_o repine_v if_o they_o but_o see_v or_o hear_v other_o commend_v whilst_o themselves_o be_v there_o if_o neighbour_n but_o excel_v in_o any_o thing_n they_o either_o blast_v his_o name_n or_o clip_v his_o wing_n these_o be_v the_o by-path_n envious_a soul_n have_v tread_v their_o eye_n be_v evil_a because_o i_o be_v good_n then_o take_v they_o deu'l_a companion_n to_o be_v they_o be_v not_o fit_a for_o heaven_n but_o for_o thou_o wrathful_a bring_v forth_o those_o wrathful_a person_n that_o black_a crew_n who_o tongue_n contentious_a wound_v not_o a_o few_o their_o fiery_a spirit_n have_v be_v just_o like_a sword_n and_o gall_n be_v always_o mingle_v with_o their_o word_n wound_v they_o have_v and_o lash_v reproachful_o with_o scorpion-tongue_n in_o passion_n stander-by_n even_o take_v they_o devil_n they_o be_v too_o hot_a to_o be_v in_o any_o place_n but_o hell_n take_v they_o to_o thou_o moralist_n let_v moralist_n come_v forth_o who_o loud_o boast_v of_o their_o upright_a deal_n than_o the_o most_o we_o be_v say_v they_o in_o carriage_n always_o civil_a and_o in_o appearance_n we_o forsake_v the_o devil_n first-table_n duty_n we_o have_v keep_v and_o shall_v exact_o strict_a and_o just_a have_v be_v to_o all_o well_o all_o be_v nothing_o still_o here_o lie_v the_o bar_n to_o the_o power_n of_o godliness_n you_o stranger_n be_v take_v they_o then_o devil_n i_o will_v hear_v no_o more_o better_a than_o they_o be_v go_v to_o 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dismal_a sentence_n you_o must_v hear_v you_o once_o be_v seem_a saint_n but_o now_o alas_o among_o the_o open_o profane_v you_o pass_v you_o seem_v to_o love_v my_o way_n and_o people_n too_o and_o once_o run_v very_o well_o who_o hinder_v you_o be_v heaven_n to_o you_o so_o unpleasant_a that_o you_o must_v for_o sake_n it_o for_o you_o know_v not_o what_o be_v my_o reward_n so_o mean_a you_o go_v away_o and_o will_v no_o long_o in_o my_o service_n stay_v and_o can_v the_o devil_n give_v you_o better_o pay_v what!_o face_n heavenwards_o and_o then_o retreat_n this_o make_v your_o lesser_a wickedness_n complete_a for_o when_o you_o have_v try_v both_o way_n a_o worse_a and_o better_o you_o vain_o choose_v the_o first_o and_o leave_v the_o latter_a then_o take_v they_o devil_n who_o will_v never_o be_v wise_a and_o let_v they_o know_v what_o it_o be_v to_o apostatise_v impenitent_a unbeliever_n come_v forth_o impenitent_n and_o hear_v your_o fate_n let_v unbeliever_n now_o lament_v 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day_n in_o which_o they_o be_v unite_v devil_n must_v needs_o with_o fury_n be_v drive_v seize_v we_o for_o hell_n be_v senteneed_a out_o of_o heaven_n and_o with_o their_o insultation_n at_o we_o rage_n as_o tho'_o our_o torment_n will_v their_o own_o assuage_v in_o flame_n must_v fry_v which_o never_o cease_v to_o burn_v from_o whence_o we_o never_o may_v nor_o can_v return_v meditation_n upon_o the_o sacrament_n in_o verse_n make_v the_o 28_o of_o jan._n 85._o by_o g._n d._n all_o wanton_a wander_a worldly_a thought_n be_v go_v it_o be_v christ_n alone_o i_o be_o now_o to_o think_v upon_o stand_v off_o the_o world_n and_o worldly_a business_n all_o i_o have_v no_o leisure_n to_o attend_v your_o call_n my_o friend_n i_o leave_v you_o thing_n below_o adieu_o i_o must_v my_o bleed_a saviour_n go_v and_o view_v my_o soul_n be_v for_o mount_v up_o that_o i_o may_v see_v my_o bless_a lord_n who_o bleed_v and_o die_v for_o i_o and_o may_v not_o stay_v since_o heaven_n give_v the_o call_n but_o hasten_v to_o he_o dear_a than_o you_o all_o come_v then_o my_o soul_n be_v get_v alone_o make_v haste_n heaven_n banquet_n be_v prepare_v go_v and_o taste_v look_v yonder_o see_v how_o other_o flock_n and_o run_v and_o can_v thou_o linger_v thus_o my_o soul_n be_v go_v touch_v but_o this_o veil_n climb_v up_o that_o mount_n then_o stay_v thou_o be_v arrive_v at_o bloody_a golgotha_n pause_v here_o a_o while_n and_o pause_v thou_o shall_v see_v thy_o saviour_n bleed_v die_a dead_a for_o thou_o admire_v rich_a grace_n my_o soul_n o_o strange_a decree_n that_o christ_n must_v be_v the_o prisoner_n and_o not_o i_o it_o may_v have_v be_v my_o case_n that_o i_o must_v sup_v nay_o drink_v the_o dregs_o of_o this_o most_o bitter_a cup._n but_o look_v he_o yonder_o go_v that_o now_o must_v die_v my_o bless_a saviour_n suffer_v and_o not_o i._n nay_o look_v again_o my_o soul_n approach_v more_o near_o and_o see_v a_o train_n of_o virgin_n follow_v there_o look_v there_o he_o pass_v by_o o_o bloody_a jew_n that_o dare_v the_o lord_n be_v anoint_v thus_o abuse_n see_v how_o they_o laugh_v and_o scoff_v and_o do_v at_o length_n force_v he_o to_o bear_v his_o cross_n above_o his_o strength_n press_v his_o weary_a limb_n they_o wag_v the_o head_n make_v he_o their_o sport_n and_o thus_o away_o he_o be_v lead_v methinks_v my_o heart_n do_v boil_v with_o rage_n to_o see_v the_o folly_n of_o these_o monster_n cruelty_n how_o can_v the_o bless_a lord_n to_o send_v forbear_v legion_n of_o angel_n for_o his_o rescue_n here_o why_o cause_v he_o not_o some_o fire_n from_o heaven_n then_o to_o fall_v upon_o these_o curse_a wicked_a man_n why_o do_v he_o not_o destroy_v this_o wicked_a race_n and_o pity_v more_o his_o son_n be_v distress_a case_n but_o stay_v my_o foolish_a heart_n thou_o do_v not_o know_v what_o spirit_n thou_o be_v of_o it_o must_v be_v so_o a_o debt_n be_v due_a to_o heaven_n and_o must_v be_v pay_v god_n call_v it_o in_o and_o payment_n must_v be_v make_v sinner_n can_v never_o be_v safe_a nor_o get_v to_o heaven_n till_o satisfaction_n be_v complete_o give_v this_o christ_n well_o know_v yet_o never_o grudge_v at'th_v cost_v to_o purchase_v back_o what_o bankrupt_a sinner_n lose_v he_o leave_v his_o father_n bosom_n tho'_o he_o know_v the_o sad_a and_o doleful_a thing_n that_o will_v ensue_v he_o know_v he_o be_v to_o suffer_v bleed_v and_o die_v or_o sinner_n must_v be_v lose_v eternal_o yet_o have_v undertake_v he_o will_v perform_v for_o this_o he_o hither_o come_v for_o this_o end_n bear_v he_o therefore_o shrink_v not_o nor_o do_v once_o dispute_n he_o die_v for_o the_o sake_n of_o sinner_n and_o be_v mute_a o_o sad_a arraignment_n when_o the_o judge_n must_v
in_o the_o evening_n of_o it_o take_v one_o or_o other_o of_o we_o to_o walk_v with_o he_o in_o the_o garden_n where_o he_o will_v always_o commune_v with_o we_o of_o heavenly_a matter_n will_v inquire_v into_o our_o proficiency_n by_o the_o mean_n of_o that_o day_n will_v try_v our_o knowledge_n in_o spiritual_a thing_n and_o as_o careful_o instruct_v we_o where_o he_o find_v ignorance_n prevail_v but_o above_o all_o which_o i_o must_v never_o forget_v he_o have_v so_o awake_o and_o pathetical_o discourse_v to_o we_o about_o the_o joy_n of_o heaven_n and_o the_o happiness_n of_o soul_n be_v arrive_v there_o that_o i_o can_v say_v i_o have_v even_o long_v at_o such_o a_o time_n to_o he_o out_o of_o the_o body_n and_o to_o be_v with_o the_o lord_n have_v be_v fill_v with_o hunger_a desire_n to_o forsake_v the_o world_n husk_n and_o to_o taste_v those_o dainty_n of_o my_o father_n house_n which_o indeed_o my_o brother_n do_v most_o lively_a and_o sweet_o represent_v to_o we_o i_o well_o remember_v i_o have_v then_o be_v ready_a with_o paul_n to_o desire_v to_o be_v dissolve_v and_o to_o be_v with_o christ_n at_o other_o time_n he_o will_v in_o so_o sweet_a yet_o startle_v manner_n discourse_n to_o we_o about_o the_o pain_n of_o hell_n and_o the_o eternal_a misery_n of_o damn_a soul_n will_v so_o lively_o set_v forth_o sin_n in_o its_o black_a and_o bloody_a colour_n as_o that_o which_o bring_v soul_n to_o that_o place_n of_o horrid_a darkness_n that_o i_o and_o i_o believe_v other_o of_o my_o brother_n and_o sister_n be_v sufficient_o startle_v and_o fright_v for_o that_o time_n it_o make_v i_o whilst_o the_o thought_n be_v afresh_o upon_o i_o much_o afraid_a of_o sin_n my_o main_a reason_n alas_o be_v then_o only_o as_o i_o well_o remember_v that_o i_o may_v escape_v those_o dreadful_a misery_n he_o have_v represent_v to_o we_o i_o can_v say_v to_o the_o glory_n of_o god_n that_o through_o his_o blessing_n upon_o my_o brother_n discourse_n i_o have_v have_v good_a impression_n sometime_o upon_o i_o which_o i_o must_v sad_o say_v too_o soon_o wear_v off_o again_o be_v but_o as_o the_o morning-cloud_n and_o as_o the_o early_a dew_n he_o will_v with_o some_o other_o of_o his_o schoolfellow_n who_o be_v of_o the_o same_o form_n with_o himself_o such_o as_o mr._n john_n reyner_n that_o most_o eminent_a servant_n of_o god_n now_o in_o heaven_n mr._n jonathan_n robinson_n that_o pious_a christian_a now_o a_o bookseller_n in_o london_n mr._n thomas_n peachall_a a_o attorney_n and_o divers_a other_o than_o well_o dispose_v frequent_o meet_v together_o and_o keep_v hour_n nay_o often_o whole_a afternoon_n in_o religious_a exercise_n by_o themselves_o they_o take_v their_o turn_v for_o the_o carry_v on_o that_o work_n and_o usual_o discourse_v from_o some_o text_n of_o scripture_n at_o such_o time_n and_o this_o they_o do_v from_o house_n to_o house_n do_v good_a it_o be_v hope_v wherever_o they_o come_v admit_v constant_o of_o some_o auditor_n of_o the_o 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die_v at_o about_o the_o john_n age_n of_o 16_o year_n at_o swinderby_n of_o a_o deep_a consumption_n and_o though_o i_o have_v for_o some_o year_n before_o be_v a_o apprentice_n in_o london_n have_v not_o the_o advantage_n of_o intimate_a acquaintance_n with_o he_o nor_o therefore_o of_o make_v remark_n upon_o he_o for_o some_o year_n before_o his_o death_n yet_o this_o i_o be_v certain_o assure_v of_o by_o those_o who_o know_v he_o best_o that_o he_o live_v a_o very_a blameless_a and_o unspotted_a life_n and_o die_v a_o most_o comfortable_a and_o happy_a death_n resign_v his_o soul_n into_o the_o hand_n of_o god_n his_o faithful_a creator_n and_o leave_v a_o vain_a world_n with_o joy_n and_o comfort_n my_o sister_n elizabeth_n mary_n and_o dorcas_n darcas_n be_v all_o person_n that_o have_v the_o fear_n of_o god_n before_o their_o eye_n be_v exemplary_a in_o holiness_n and_o true_o serious_a and_o gracious_a they_o be_v usual_o under_o the_o eye_n care_n and_o conduct_v of_o our_o godly_a parent_n and_o in_o this_o respect_n have_v the_o advantage_n great_o beyond_o some_o other_o of_o we_o of_o parental_a instruction_n and_o admonition_n be_v constant_o under_o a_o religious_a discipline_n their_o good_a education_n the_o lord_n give_v they_o heart_n to_o improve_v and_o grace_n to_o answer_v they_o be_v of_o good_a natural_a temper_n lover_n of_o god_n ordinance_n conscientious_a in_o the_o discharge_v of_o duty_n both_o religious_a and_o relative_n and_o strict_a in_o the_o sanctification_n and_o observance_n of_o the_o lord_n day_n elizabeth_n marry_v to_o john_n hatfield_n esq_n of_o laughton_n in_o yorkshire_n marry_o to_o mr._n jonathan_n stanyforth_o then_o of_o rotheram_n in_o the_o same_o county_n and_o after_o of_o firbeck_n dorcas_n to_o mr._n joshua_n wigley_n of_o cliff_n in_o derbyshire_n all_o very_o eminent_a for_o holiness_n have_v very_o competent_a estate_n keep_v up_o religion_n in_o the_o strictness_n of_o it_o in_o their_o family_n maintain_v a_o strict_a discipline_n and_o endeavour_v to_o train_v up_o all_o under_o their_o care_n and_o charge_n in_o the_o fear_n of_o the_o lord_n these_o my_o sister_n live_v but_o a_o few_o year_n after_o their_o marriage_n with_o their_o husband_n and_o leave_v they_o for_o their_o lord_n christ_n one_o much_o better_a my_o sister_n mary_n i_o think_v only_o leave_v a_o child_n to_o survive_v she_o viz._n disney_n stanyforth_o s._n and_o now_o under_o my_o tuition_n as_o one_o of_o his_o guardian_n he_o be_v at_o my_o writing_n this_o about_o the_o age_n of_o 15_o year_n a_o comely_a child_n of_o sweet_a disposition_n extraordinary_a solidity_n observant_a of_o friend_n not_o morose_n but_o kind_n to_o enemy_n and_o which_o crown_v all_o one_o i_o think_v i_o may_v say_v true_o fear_n god_n my_o parent_n for_o who_o i_o bless_v god_n parent_n be_v true_o religious_a themselves_o take_v great_a care_n by_o a_o religious_a education_n to_o make_v we_o their_o child_n so_o too_o and_o that_o whilst_o young_a and_o afterward_o be_v as_o careful_a and_o circumspect_a in_o the_o dispose_n of_o we_o in_o marriage_n and_o employment_n to_o such_o as_o fear_v god_n and_o true_o god_n do_v wonderful_o answer_v their_o prayer_n and_o bless_v their_o endeavour_n for_o we_o be_v all_o of_o we_o settle_v and_o dispose_v herein_o to_o our_o parent_n great_a satisfaction_n and_o our_o own_o great_a comfort_n too_o few_o i_o fear_v consider_v and_o improve_v the_o advantage_n of_o a_o religious_a education_n though_o certain_o a_o most_o singular_a and_o distinguish_a blessing_n not_o to_o be_v bear_v of_o popish_a pagan_a turkish_a or_o debauch_a parent_n must_v needs_o be_v esteem_v a_o great_a mercy_n and_o sure_o will_v be_v by_o those_o the_o lord_n do_v save_o enlighten_v such_o will_v know_v how_o prone_a corruption_n within_o will_v be_v to_o
there_o be_v a_o conventicle_n that_o night_n there_o be_v so_o many_o dissenter_n about_o the_o fire_n how_o reproachful_o so_o ever_o these_o may_v speak_v i_o believe_v mr._n mayor_n than_o parker_n at_o hencross_n be_v more_o serious_a when_o he_o tell_v i_o the_o town_n of_o nottingham_n be_v much_o behold_v to_o our_o conventicle_n for_o the_o timely_a stop_n of_o those_o flame_n 12._o the_o 3d_o of_o december_n 1685._o this_o night_n through_o extraordinary_a drowsiness_n at_o family-prayer_n i_o sleep_v 2_o or_o 3_o time_n and_o awake_v again_o do_v not_o use_v the_o best_a mean_n i_o can_v and_o shall_v of_o stand_v up_o to_o prevent_v the_o drowsiness_n i_o hope_v may_v go_v off_o without_o it_o upon_o which_o be_v drop_v again_o asleep_a to_o my_o apprehension_n something_o give_v i_o a_o great_a blow_n upon_o the_o middle_a of_o my_o back_n which_o present_o awake_v i_o in_o a_o fright_a which_o i_o do_v real_o feel_v pain_n i_o some_o minute_n after_o i_o be_v awaken_v i_o have_v purpose_v upon_o it_o and_o hope_v through_o grace_n to_o perform_v it_o to_o be_v always_o more_o watchful_a for_o the_o future_a against_o such_o a_o sin_n this_o bring_v to_o my_o mind_n another_o providence_n of_o like_a nature_n my_o elder_a brother_n be_v to_o repeat_v a_o lecture-sermon_n one_o night_n in_o my_o father_n family_n i_o be_v then_o very_o young_a and_o not_o like_v that_o work_n cry_v to_o go_v to_o bed_n and_o to_o have_v my_o brother_n with_o i_o in_o which_o after_o some_o repulse_n i_o be_v gratify_v in_o my_o desire_n to_o our_o chamber_n we_o go_v and_o into_o bed_n i_o get_v but_o before_o i_o can_v drop_v asleep_a i_o feel_v the_o bottom_n of_o the_o bedclothe_n lift_v up_o where_o present_o something_o pull_v i_o by_o the_o toe_n but_o nothing_o there_o be_v to_o be_v see_v this_o affright_a i_o exceed_o and_o though_o young_a i_o can_v conclude_v it_o a_o rebuke_n to_o i_o for_o hinder_v that_o pious_a exercise_n of_o repetition_n and_o dare_v never_o do_v it_o after_o some_o good_a say_n of_o good_a man_n i_o find_v collect_v in_o my_o diary_n out_o of_o sermon_n i_o have_v hear_v viz._n 1._o there_o be_v few_o if_o any_o who_o joy_n in_o a_o comfortable_a communion_n with_o god_n be_v not_o sometime_o cloud_v with_o sorrow_n 2._o where_o the_o minister_n work_n end_v there_o the_o hearer_n begin_v 3._o it_o show_v but_o little_a love_n to_o god_n in_o duty_n when_o we_o come_v with_o unwillingness_n stay_v with_o weariness_n and_o go_v away_o with_o gladness_n 4._o a_o man_n may_v be_v fat_a in_o gift_n yet_o lean_a in_o grace_n 5._o in_o the_o want_n of_o all_o thing_n we_o may_v taste_v and_o see_v how_o sweet_a the_o lord_n be_v 6._o it_o be_v comfortable_a music_n to_o hear_v the_o bird_n in_o the_o breast_n sing_v whatever_o we_o suffer_v for_o it_o 7._o that_o repentance_n be_v seldom_o true-hearted_a that_o be_v gray-headed_a 8._o let_v our_o thirst_n to_o worldly_a thing_n be_v cold_a to_o heavenly_a thing_n inflame_v 9_o it_o be_v easy_a for_o man_n to_o fly_v from_o duty_n but_o impossible_a to_o avoid_v their_o account_n 10._o accustom_v thyself_o to_o duty_n but_o do_v not_o duty_n customary_o 11._o entertain_v none_o in_o your_o house_n that_o shut_v god_n out_o of_o their_o heart_n 12._o associate_v not_o yourselves_o with_o those_o as_o friend_n that_o be_v god_n enemy_n 13._o they_o can_v be_v true_a to_o man_n that_o be_v false_a to_o god_n 14._o dare_v not_o to_o decline_v duty_n to_o preserve_v liberty_n 15._o let_v the_o present_a day_n be_v practice_n be_v still_o the_o mend_v of_o the_o past_a day_n be_v error_n 16._o i_o fear_v my_o duty_n more_o than_o my_o sin_n duty_n lift_v i_o up_o but_o my_o sin_n humble_v i_o 17._o it_o be_v well_o if_o rome_n relic_n among_o we_o do_v not_o keep_v possession_n for_o popery_n 18._o give_v not_o way_n to_o sleep_v any_o night_n till_o thou_o have_v particular_o inquire_v into_o thy_o carriage_n the_o day_n past_a 19_o family-passion_n cloud_n faith_n disturb_v duty_n and_o darken_v comfort_n 20._o he_o never_o want_v comfort_n that_o live_v content_a 21._o that_o man_n never_o want_v his_o own_o will_n that_o make_v god_n will_n his_o 22._o they_o need_v not_o drink_v of_o another_o bucket_n that_o have_v the_o fountain_n nor_o use_v stilt_n and_o crutch_n that_o have_v spiritual_a strength_n 23._o let_v parent_n and_o governor_n by_o their_o example_n endeavour_v to_o influence_n child_n and_o servant_n into_o a_o good_a practice_n 24._o sanctify_a trouble_n be_v token_n of_o special_a love_n 25._o if_o your_o house_n be_v not_o nursery_n for_o heaven_n they_o will_v be_v breed_v place_n for_o hell_n 26._o whatever_o evil_a we_o will_v reprove_v in_o another_o we_o must_v be_v double_o watchful_a against_o it_o ourselves_o 27._o early_o beginning_n in_o goodness_n make_v a_o easy_a deathbed_n 28._o put_v not_o that_o of_o to_o last_v that_o can_v be_v do_v too_o soon_o 29._o we_o have_v no_o more_o to_o live_v upon_o to_o eternity_n than_o what_o we_o lie_v up_o in_o time_n 30._o it_o be_v better_a to_o be_v reproach_v for_o be_v too_o soon_o than_o damn_v for_o be_v too_o late_o in_o heaven_n way_n 31._o good_a family_n make_v good_a church_n and_o good_a education_n good_a family_n 32._o the_o content_a man_n be_v never_o poor_a let_v he_o have_v never_o so_o little_a and_o the_o discontent_a man_n never_o rich_a let_v he_o have_v never_o so_o much_o 33._o there_o be_v two_o jubilee_n keep_v in_o heaven_n one_o at_o the_o conversion_n of_o a_o sinner_n on_o earth_n the_o other_o at_o his_o glorification_n in_o heaven_n 34._o bad_a time_n to_o live_v in_o be_v good_a time_n to_o die_v in_o 35._o affliction_n be_v hard_a meat_n but_o patience_n a_o good_a digester_n 36._o the_o best_a trial_n of_o our_o spiritual_a estate_n be_v by_o the_o tenure_n of_o our_o action_n not_o by_o this_o or_o that_o particular_a action_n 37._o though_o a_o sincere_a christian_a will_v not_o overtake_v a_o sin_n yet_o the_o most_o sincere_a may_v be_v overtake_v with_o a_o sin_n 38._o sad_n conclusion_n may_v be_v draw_v against_o eminent_a saint_n if_o some_o particular_a action_n be_v a_o rule_n to_o judge_v by_o 39_o it_o be_v good_a to_o be_v as_o charitable_a to_o other_o as_o ordinary_o we_o be_v partial_a to_o ourselves_o 40._o the_o best_a of_o saint_n will_v never_o arrive_v at_o assurance_n if_o it_o do_v not_o consist_v with_o many_o imperfection_n 41._o a_o sanctify_a cross_n have_v more_o of_o mercy_n in_o it_o than_o a_o unsanctified_a comfort_n 42._o the_o company_n a_o man_n keep_v be_v a_o commentary_n upon_o his_o life_n 43._o persecute_a godliness_n be_v far_o more_o eligible_a than_o prosperous_a profaneness_n 44._o it_o be_v the_o very_a nature_n of_o true_a faith_n to_o make_v future_a thing_n present_v 45._o it_o be_v very_o difficult_a for_o one_o to_o be_v angry_a and_o not_o sin_n and_o very_o dangerous_a to_o sin_n in_o be_v angry_a 46._o it_o be_v good_a scripture-logick_n to_o draw_v conclusion_n of_o confidence_n from_o premise_n of_o experience_n 47._o the_o poor_a in_o the_o world_n have_v more_o than_o he_o have_v when_o he_o come_v into_o the_o world_n and_o more_o than_o he_o can_v carry_v out_o when_o he_o leave_v the_o world_n 48._o duty_n rest_v in_o as_o well_o as_o sin_n unrepented_a of_o be_v dangerous_a 49._o if_o mercy_n be_v not_o a_o loadstone_n to_o draw_v we_o near_o to_o god_n it_o will_v be_v a_o millstone_n to_o sink_v we_o deep_o into_o hell_n 50._o it_o be_v sad_a to_o lose_v good_a man_n in_o the_o best_a time_n but_o look_v like_o a_o judgement_n to_o lose_v they_o in_o the_o worst_a the_o surviving_n advice_n of_o a_o decease_a husband_n to_o a_o survive_v wife_n or_o a_o call_v from_o the_o dead_a to_o the_o live_n write_a january_n the_o 30_o 168_o and_o intend_v for_o my_o dear_a wife_n perusal_n if_o it_o shall_v please_v the_o lord_n she_o survive_v me._n note_v this_o be_v write_v some_o time_n before_o the_o death_n of_o his_o former_a wife_n dear_a on_o earth_n i_o have_v of_o some_o late_a month_n be_v employ_v in_o set_v not_o only_o my_o heart_n which_o i_o account_v my_o great_a work_n but_o my_o house_n in_o order_n which_o i_o judge_v likewise_o absolute_o necessary_a in_o order_n to_o my_o great_a change_n i_o can_v not_o but_o leave_v a_o few_o line_n of_o advice_n to_o thou_o my_o best_a friend_n on_o earth_n which_o whilst_o i_o live_v i_o hope_v to_o follow_v with_o my_o prayer_n to_o the_o great_a god_n and_o our_o heavenly_a father_n for_o his_o blessing_n upon_o this_o i_o be_v the_o rather_o induce_v to_o do_v now_o when_o through_o mercy_n in_o perfect_a health_n that_o i_o may_v
exile_n for_o the_o friendship_n of_o relation_n at_o norwell_n and_o southwell_n i_o be_o there_o beg_a pardon_n for_o sinful_a compliance_n as_o in_o sit_v late_o in_o a_o alehouse_n in_o southwell_n where_o the_o company_n be_v health_v it_o about_o though_o bless_v be_v the_o lord_n i_o drink_v not_o much_o yet_o i_o be_v a_o bad_a example_n in_o sit_v and_o sip_v with_o the_o wicked_a in_o waste_v my_o precious_a time_n my_o prayer_n therefore_o be_v that_o the_o lord_n will_v pardon_v that_o and_o continue_v mercy_n and_o give_v i_o a_o thankful_a heart_n in_o and_o a_o lively_a sense_n of_o divine_a goodness_n the_o 20_o be_v the_o sabbath-day_n through_o mercy_n i_o find_v myself_o in_o a_o pretty_a good_a frame_n of_o spirit_n and_o take_v particular_a notice_n in_o my_o diary_n of_o mr._n coats_n subject_n which_o be_v come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o labour_n etc._n etc._n i_o there_o find_v a_o desire_n that_o the_o lord_n will_v work_v those_o truth_n more_o and_o more_o upon_o my_o heart_n by_o his_o spirit_n that_o my_o sin_n may_v be_v pardon_v and_o my_o soul_n prosper_v the_o 21_o under_o some_o dulness_n occasion_v by_o slavish_a fear_n of_o man_n which_o i_o find_v bewail_v that_o day_n with_o this_o petition_n that_o the_o lord_n will_v enable_v i_o to_o live_v by_o faith_n and_o that_o i_o may_v encourage_v myself_o in_o the_o lord_n my_o god_n under_o all_o outward_a discouragement_n whatsoever_o who_o have_v deliver_v i_o do_v deliver_v and_o i_o trust_v will_v deliver_v i_o his_o poor_a creature_n o_o that_o my_o sin_n may_v not_o provoke_v the_o lord_n to_o turn_v away_o his_o face_n the_o 23d_o have_v this_o day_n be_v state_v account_n with_o my_o wife_n and_o several_a other_o with_o reference_n to_o disbursement_n the_o three_o month_n in_o the_o summer_n of_o my_o exile_n and_o trouble_v in_o the_o year_n 85_o though_o i_o find_v they_o extraordinary_a large_a yet_o through_o grace_n i_o find_v myself_o free_a from_o those_o passion_n that_o upon_o such_o account_n i_o use_v to_o be_v prone_a to_o my_o experience_n again_o there_o record_v of_o god_n gracious_a appearance_n for_o i_o 26_o mercy_n there_o again_o take_v notice_n of_o in_o the_o lord_n be_v deliver_v i_o from_o trouble_n and_o a_o petition_n that_o if_o it_o be_v the_o lord_n will_n i_o may_v be_v preserve_v from_o enter_v into_o bond_n which_o i_o and_o all_o my_o friend_n do_v believe_v will_v be_v very_o ensnare_a to_o i_o there_o i_o find_v sin_n bewail_v and_o lay_v heavy_a upon_o my_o conscience_n 27_o manifestation_n make_v of_o deliverance_n still_o from_o danger_n i_o there_o bless_v god_n i_o be_o still_o at_o liberty_n and_o hear_v nothing_o from_o the_o d._n of_o n._n of_o enter_v into_o those_o bond_n he_o require_v i_o then_o hear_v of_o dr._n temple_n execution_n and_o take_v notice_n of_o distinguish_a mercy_n that_o he_o shall_v be_v take_v and_o i_o leave_v who_o through_o man_n rage_n and_o wrath_n be_v in_o danger_n i_o there_o bless_v god_n i_o be_v not_o the_o man._n 27_o i_o take_v notice_n of_o the_o many_o comfortable_a sabbath_n that_o i_o have_v enjoy_v since_o i_o come_v home_o without_o fear_n or_o disturbance_n cousin_n billingsley_n preach_v here_o from_o these_o word_n commune_fw-la with_o your_o own_o heart_n which_o much_o affect_v i_o 28_o a_o like_a account_n as_o to_o mercy_n and_o i_o remember_v no_o actual_a sin_n that_o day_n 29_o the_o like_a account_n with_o my_o experience_n that_o god_n have_v bless_v the_o mean_n i_o have_v use_v for_o the_o cure_n of_o a_o cold_a that_o hold_v i_o 8_o of_o october_n 1685_o this_o day_n i_o return_v from_o lincoln_n where_o i_o have_v be_v some_o time_n and_o take_v notice_n the_o lord_n give_v i_o a_o very_a comfortable_a journey_n no_o sad_a providence_n occur_v in_o the_o journey_n i_o be_o yet_o deliver_v from_o enemy_n notwithstanding_o their_o rage_n and_o threaten_v and_o from_o the_o ensnare_a bond_n i_o beg_v then_o of_o the_o lord_n that_o he_o will_v continue_v this_o mercy_n and_o give_v i_o to_o live_v a_o thankful_a holy_a humble_a and_o fruitful_a life_n and_o pardon_v the_o particular_a sin_n of_o this_o day_n and_o help_v i_o against_o it_o and_o to_o perform_v promise_v make_v under_o my_o affliction_n 9th_o i_o there_o bless_v god_n for_o the_o mercy_n of_o that_o day_n and_o beg_v pardon_n for_o my_o sin_n and_o that_o the_o lord_n will_v cause_v i_o to_o live_v better_o the_o next_o day_n 10_o my_o sin_n stare_v i_o in_o the_o face_n be_v many_o and_o great_a there_o i_o find_v myself_o beg_v that_o i_o may_v eye_v the_o blood_n of_o christ_n and_o might_n through_o grace_n be_v interest_v in_o it_o be_v the_o only_a sovereign_a remedy_n for_o a_o poor_a sinner_n yet_o i_o be_o preserve_v from_o enshare_a bond_n and_o enjoy_v through_o mercy_n comfortable_a liberty_n and_o sit_v under_o my_o own_o vine_n with_o delight_n 11_o this_o i_o find_v a_o comfortable_a sabbath_n when_o mr._n coat_n do_v most_o sweet_o call_v invite_v and_o encourage_v sinner_n to_o come_v to_o christ_n o_o that_o i_o may_v not_o stand_v out_o the_o lord_n bless_v the_o sermon_n to_o my_o poor_a soul_n and_o pardon_v my_o sin_n 12_o no_o actual_a sin_n that_o i_o know_v of_o i_o this_o day_n beg_v direction_n from_o heaven_n about_o the_o oath_n of_o allegiance_n i_o and_o other_o in_o my_o family_n be_v call_v to_o take_v and_o next_o day_n i_o do_v take_v it_o have_v observe_v no_o intimation_n from_o the_o lord_n against_o it_o but_o be_v well_o satisfy_v about_o it_o beside_o i_o fear_v if_o i_o refuse_v it_o will_v be_v worse_o with_o we_o upon_o the_o account_n of_o our_o meeting_n which_o i_o do_v desire_v to_o keep_v up_o i_o beg_v the_o lord_n will_v enable_v i_o to_o keep_v the_o oath_n be_v take_v as_o a_o sacred_a thing_n i_o be_o yet_o at_o liberty_n and_o free_a from_o ensnare_a bond_n 15_o i_o that_o day_n beg_v the_o lord_n will_v humble_v i_o under_o any_o thing_n of_o sin_n that_o may_v be_v in_o my_o swear_v and_o take_v the_o oath_n the_o day_n before_o 16_o this_o day_n mr._n h._n acquaint_v i_o that_o one_o do_v say_v that_o the_o lord_n will_v lie_v heavy_a upon_o i_o that_o i_o be_v to_o give_v a_o security_n by_o bond_n of_o 7000_o l._n which_o will_v ask_v a_o great_a time_n for_o i_o to_o get_v and_o that_o i_o be_v only_a capt._n l_n prisoner_n at_o large_a well_o i_o find_v this_o hint_n in_o my_o diary_n that_o day_n that_o i_o can_v trust_v my_o god_n who_o have_v deliver_v i_o and_o that_o he_o will_v deliver_v i_o still_o from_o the_o fury_n and_o rage_n of_o man_n and_o the_o effect_n thereof_o 17_o this_o day_n i_o have_v a_o encourage_v letter_n from_o v._o l._n as_o if_o the_o duke_n have_v do_v with_o i_o which_o i_o beg_v then_o the_o lord_n will_v grant_v and_o enable_v i_o to_o live_v up_o to_o so_o great_a a_o mercy_n for_o several_a other_o day_n after_o i_o be_o blessing_n god_n for_o the_o comfortable_a and_o quiet_a abode_n in_o my_o house_n 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of_o christ_n yoke_n i_o be_o yet_o through_o mercy_n continue_v in_o my_o family_n in_o peace_n and_o safety_n enjoy_v distinguish_a mercy_n and_o love_n god_n help_v i_o to_o make_v a_o right_a use_n of_o it_o and_o still_o restrain_v man_n that_o they_o do_v not_o hurt_v i_o and_o enable_v i_o to_o give_v thou_o the_o glory_n of_o that_o mercy_n thou_o please_v to_o give_v i_o the_o comfort_n of_o 26_o this_o day_n i_o be_v at_o cos_n r_n funeral_n the_o lord_n prepare_v i_o for_o my_o change_n i_o come_v from_o thence_o over_o a_o dangerous_a way_n in_o safety_n 27_o god_n have_v this_o day_n preserve_v
to_o a_o relation_n grow_v loose_a in_o conversation_n dear_a cousin_n the_o content_n of_o this_o may_v seem_v strange_a to_o you_o especial_o as_o come_v from_o one_o so_o unfit_a and_o unable_a to_o be_v your_o monitor_n yet_o when_o i_o tell_v you_o it_o be_v out_o of_o a_o sincere_a love_n to_o your_o precious_a soul_n and_o a_o hearty_a desire_n of_o your_o welldoing_a i_o doubt_v not_o but_o in_o kindness_n it_o will_v be_v receive_v as_o indeed_o it_o be_v intend_v not_o only_o the_o relation_n between_o we_o but_o the_o rule_n of_o christianity_n will_v oblige_v we_o to_o watch_v over_o one_o another_o and_o true_o cousin_n i_o be_o satisfy_v that_o religion_n never_o receive_v a_o great_a wound_n than_o by_o the_o miscarriage_n of_o professor_n stain_n in_o they_o will_v prove_v more_o mischievous_a than_o the_o spot_n of_o a_o licentious_a age._n o_o cousin_n the_o eye_n of_o the_o world_n be_v upon_o you_o nay_o god_n eye_n be_v upon_o you_o to_o who_o you_o and_o all_o 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wherein_o be_v rend_v and_o tear_v work_n with_o more_o of_o himself_o and_o the_o influence_n of_o his_o bless_a spirit_n o_o brother_n its_o one_o of_o the_o brave_a sight_n in_o the_o world_n to_o see_v a_o christian_a in_o the_o exercise_n of_o grace_n suitable_a to_o the_o dispensation_n to_o see_v he_o act_v faith_n patience_n humility_n submission_n resignation_n and_o divine_a joy_n in_o a_o time_n of_o press_a affliction_n this_o will_v recommend_v religion_n to_o the_o world_n and_o convince_v the_o man_n of_o it_o there_o be_v more_o in_o it_o than_o mere_a talk_n hearty_o glad_a we_o shall_v be_v if_o you_o will_v come_v for_o a_o while_n to_o london_n to_o divert_v yourself_o here_o among_o good_a man_n i_o hope_v it_o may_v be_v for_o your_o advantage_n and_o do_v conclude_v it_o high_o necessary_a for_o you_o a_o while_n to_o leave_v kirkstead_n we_o all_o send_v our_o hearty_a remembrance_n to_o you_o and_o you_o the_o lord_n fit_v we_o all_o for_o our_o great_a and_o last_o change_n and_o in_o the_o midst_n of_o our_o private_a loss_n let_v we_o remember_v the_o affliction_n of_o zion_n so_o pray_v your_o sympathize_v brother_n and_o servant_n g._n disney_n poem_n the_o damn_n doom_n or_o some_o meditation_n in_o verse_n upon_o the_o last_o great_a sentence_n at_o the_o day_n of_o judgement_n make_v by_o i_o jan._n 1685_o upon_o mr._n dunton_n paraphrase_n of_o mat._n 25._o 41._o depart_v from_o i_o you_o curse_v into_o everlasting_a fire_n prepare_v for_o the_o devil_n and_o his_o angel_n dunton's_n heavenly_a past-time_n pag._n 96._o hark_v hark_v the_o trumpet_z sounds_z the_o court_n be_v meet_v christ_n as_o chief_a justice_n on_o the_o bench_n be_v set_v adorn_v with_o glorious_a robe_n and_o rich_a attire_n not_o now_o abase_v on_o earth_n advance_v high_o guard_v by_o saint_n and_o angel_n such_o as_o they_o must_v all_o attend_v the_o service_n of_o this_o day_n he_o who_o when_o prisoner_n here_o be_v force_v to_o stand_v and_o at_o a_o 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they_o but_o in_o vain_a for_o such_o late_a call_n and_o cry_v can_v nought_o obtain_v their_o heart_n be_v harden_v in_o a_o day_n of_o grace_n when_o god_n do_v sweet_o call_v and_o give_v they_o space_n for_o to_o repent_v and_o now_o those_o rocky_a stone_n have_v no_o regard_n at_o all_o unto_o their_o groan_n the_o mountain_n will_v not_o fall_v to_o hide_v they_o from_o the_o wrath_n of_o he_o that_o sit_v on_o the_o throne_n o_o what_o a_o sight_n i_o see_v the_o wretched_a state_n of_o fool_n bewail_v folly_n when_o too_o late_o from_o hell_n and_o grave_n they_o come_v but_o must_v not_o stay_v they_o be_v to_o pass_v account_n and_o so_o away_o now_o soul_n and_o body_n meet_v and_o must_v remain_v by_o righteous_a sentence_n in_o eternal_a paâ—â—_n they_o partner_n be_v in_o sin_n whilst_o here_o below_o and_o must_v together_o groan_v in_o endless_a wâ—_n the_o grave_n do_v open_a and_o the_o prisoner_n rise_v and_o now_o methinks_v i_o hear_v the_o doleful_a cry_n of_o those_o poor_a sinner_n who_o on_o earth_n take_v pain_n to_o make_v their_o soul_n as_o black_a and_o full_a of_o stain_n as_o any_o can_v be_v grudge_v always_o when_o they_o be_v out-stripâ—_a in_o sin_n by_o any_o man_n methinks_v i_o hear_v their_o plea_n and_o see_v they_o quake_v and_o all_o the_o little_a shift_n they_o will_v be_v make_v and_o all_o because_o they_o will_v appear_v at_o the_o bar_n of_o god_n a_o little_a better_o than_o they_o be_v the_o gripe_a usurer_n now_o look_v about_o to_o find_v some_o better_a hand_n than_o his_o hand_n 〈◊〉_d which_o he_o do_v well_o remember_v heretofore_o do_v often_o by_o extortion_n wrong_v the_o poor_a the_o wanton_a dare_v not_o own_o his_o wanton_a eye_n i_o must_v say_v he_o have_v better_o or_o i_o die_v my_o oft_o unâ—hastly_a upon_o woman_n gaze_v and_o for_o laseivious_a look_v i_o stand_v amaze_v the_o lawyer_n will_v reject_v his_o gâ—lded_a tongue_n by_o which_o be_v thousand_o in_o the_o world_n do_v wrong_a he_o know_v that_o he_o be_v fee_v or_o bribe_v never_o stand_v to_o make_v a_o good_a cause_n bad_a a_o bad_a cause_n good_a the_o gallant_a dare_v not_o own_o his_o strut_a foot_n which_o often_o â—rudged_v thrâ—_n thick_a and_o thin_a to_o meet_v a_o dirty_a whore_n or_o hector_v drunken_a friend_n to_o help_v he_o vain_o precious_a time_n to_o spend_v my_o foot_n be_v swift_a in_o run_v to_o do_v evil_a i_o must_v have_v other_o foot_n or_o go_v to_o the_o devil_n the_o politician_n dare_v not_o own_o his_o head_n another_o he_o will_v fain_o have_v in_o its_o stead_n what_o that_o contrive_v he_o always_o be_v pursue_v and_o find_v his_o wicked_a brain_n be_v his_o undo_n some_o they_o will_v part_v with_o finger_n and_o will_v have_v even_o any_o finger_n out_o of_o any_o be_v grave_a so_o they_o may_v miss_v their_o own_o which_o be_v too_o beâ—â—_n to_o sign_n decree_v against_o the_o innocent_a thief_n they_o will_v part_v with_o hand_n and_o liar_n tongue_n the_o instrument_n of_o many_o grievous_a wrong_n long-winded_a sinner_n they_o will_v part_v with_o lung_n the_o hypocrite_n too_o have_v a_o mind_n to_o part_v with_o he_o to_o change_v it_o for_o a_o better_a heart_n ill-minded_n sinner_n now_o will_v change_v their_o mind_n for_o any_o other_o of_o a_o better_a kind_a and_o other_o other_o thing_n will_v swap_v if_o then_o they_o may_v hereby_o but_o pass_v for_o better_a man_n king_n will_v disow_v their_o crown_n and_o grandeur_n too_o and_o now_o appear_v in_o rag_n if_o that_o woâ—ld_v do_v but_o o_o prodigious_a madness_n here_v show_v eâ—r_v every_o one_o must_v keep_v what_o be_v his_o own_o and_o wicked_a man_n must_v see_v their_o monstrous_a folly_n who_o will_v not_o whilst_o on_o earth_n be_v strict_a and_o holy_a well!_o be_v the_o prisoner_n come_v then_o let_v they_o hear_v they_o must_v my_o wrath_n and_o fury_n ever_o bear_v sentence_n depart_v 〈◊〉_d say_v wretch_n never_o return_v into_o a_o fire_n that_o must_v always_o burn_v prepare_v for_o the_o devil_n and_o a_o crew_n of_o wicked_a wretch_n just_a like_o such_o as_o you_o prisoner_n ah_o dreadful_a word_n depart_v and_o that_o from_o thou_o must_v needs_o be_v the_o upshot_n of_o all_o misery_n lord_n let_v i_o stay_v but_o here_o the_o sinner_n â—ries_v my_o clamorous_a conscience_n and_o my_o blubber_a eye_n may_v tormoâ—â—_n be_v enough_o dear_a god_n abate_v some_o pity_n show_v i_o for_o my_o wretched_a estate_n be_v such_o i_o can_v bear_v let_v sentence_n be_v a_o little_a bate_v by_o a_o sight_n of_o thou_o judg._n nay_o sinner_n â—noâ—_n my_o presence_n heretofore_o thou_o do_v noâ—_n like_o tho'_o offer_v over_o and_o over_o thou_o will_v &_o not_o entertain_v i_o in_o thy_o heart_n and_o now_o my_o sentence_n sinner_n â—â—_o depart_v a_o offer_a christ_n and_o pardon_v thou_o do_v slight_a and_o what_o can_v follow_v on_o it_o but_o dismal_a night_n prisoner_n and_o must_v i_o now_o depart_v and_o undergo_v this_o dreadful_a heaâ—y_a doom_n yet_o let_v i_o know_v that_o thorgill_n bless_v i_o lord_n and_o then_o i_o caâ—_n refresh_v my_o soul_n with_o this_o where_o â—'re_o i_o be_o i_o be_o loath_a to_o go_v but_o if_o i_o must_v i_o crave_v that_o i_o before_o may_o heaven_n blessing_n have_v jesus_n sinner_n be_v go_v nay_o more_o i_o must_v thou_o tell_v my_o curse_n shall_v go_v along_o with_o thou_o to_o hell_n my_o blessing_n thou_o despise_v for_o many_o year_n and_o can_v not_o have_v it_o now_o tho'_o seek_v with_o tear_n thou_o must_v for_o ever_o fry_v and_o flame_n and_o rot_v depart_v then_o sinner_n for_o i_o know_v thou_o not_o prisoner_n and_o must_v i_o be_v accurse_v and_o never_o see_v thy_o bless_a face_n again_o then_o lord_n let_v i_o find_v out_o for_o a_o