because I cannot number my sinnes Is 30.20 I will eate the bread of sorrow and I will drinke the water of contrition and affliction if I live to eate drinke any more See see how voluntarily these forward teares falling all-ready from mine eyes present themselves to my lipps steale into the corners privately as it were instructing mee that they are the wine which befitt's a sinner Lord let mee not live if I doe not love to grieve and grieve most affectionately for my hainous offences for those offences of mine which so scourged my Redeemer that they fetch'd the very blood from his sacred body O my God make mee thus to passe away my time if any more time shall be mine and then I know that thou wilt wiâ—e these teares from mine eyes Is 25.8 and number mee with those few Mat 7.13.14 which shall enter in at the strait gate But what a tedious life in the meane while shall I leade if I doe nothing but weepe and cry and mourne out my life Better be out of the world then to take noe pleasure in the world Must I droope away my youth and strength while I am here and then drop away into my grave and so be forgotten Yes I must If I will have my heaven hereafter I must have my hell here I cannot bee without my hell of sinne here for the devill is allways with mee in his temptations and why should I not desire rather to have my hell of punishment here then hereafter It will be wisedome to endure a light affliction upon earth rather them eternall flames with the damned It will be good policie to forbeare the vaine and fruitlesse joyes upon earth that I may have joyes unspeakeable and endlesse in heaven This life will not continue allways I shall not allways live here in the bitternesse of this anguish and teares There will come a time when I shall have beauty for ashes Is 61.3 the garment of gladnesse for the spirit of heavinesse when I shall have comfort and joy and that joy shall noe man take away from mee Io 16.22 Ps 126.6 If I now goe on my way weeping bearing pretious seede I shall doubtlesse come againe with rejoycing bringing my sheaves with mee But when will that time come Will it not be long first I am contented to weepe for my sinns but mee think's I am not willing to weepe too long O my soule doe but consider with thy selfe that all thy life is not long enough if al of it were spent in teares to satisfie my God for the smallest of mine offences They are infinite in number and hee is infinite whom they displease Yet through the merits of him Lu 19.41 who wept over Ierusalem my teares shall be accepted and my sinnes be forgiven I shall not thinke my time of sorrow long or tedious if I doe but hearken to the Angel which Saint Iohn saw standing upon the sea and upon the earth Reu 10 5. who lifted up his hand to heaven vers 6â— And sware by him that liveth for ever and ever who created heaven and the thines that therein are and the earth and the things that therein are and the sea and the things that are there in that there should be time noe longer This will come to passe and I am sure that it cannot be long first Let mee but have a litle patience let mee possesse my soule in patience but a litle while Lu 21.19 Heb 10 37. and hee that shall come will come and hee will not tarry O my God either lend mee noe more minuits or howsoëver let mee have noe more sinne But if I must of necessitie sinne so long as I shall live give mee true repentance as often as I sinne or if that bee a taske too full of difficultie for a woman to performe by reason of the weakenesse of the sexe and the frailtie of the flesh yet give mee such repentance as may be both true and timely and acceptable Lord I desire not to live any longer unlesse I might live without offending thy gratious Majestie What time soever thou shalt allott mee hereafter it shall be more then I will expect lest it should wickedly entice mee to deferre my repentance Yet if it be thy pleasure to adde unto my dayes let it be thy pleasure likewise to adde unto my repentance Make mee thy child by grace and then I shall pant with David and thirst with David and cry Ps 42.2 Reu. 22 20. with David O when shall I come and appeare before thee Finish soone these dayes of sinne and come Lord Iesus come quickly The Prayer Ancient of dayes Dan. 7.9 Reu. 4.8 whose garment is white as snow and the haire of whose head is like the pure wooll thou which wert and art and art to come Lord God All mighty have mercy upon mee the meanest and the unworthiest of all thy creatures Mercy o Lord I begge for the wicked and most sinfull losse of my pretious time O Lord forgive whatsoëver I have done amisse pardon ô father whatsoëver I have offended in This or none must be my time of sorrow Lord graunt that I may weepe and grieve mourne for my former sinfull life It is thy custome ô God it is thy promise Ps 50.15 Neh. 9.27 to hearken unto those who are in distresse When the Israelites cryed thou deliveredst them from the hand of their enemies in their troubles when they cryed unto thee thou heardest them from heaven My sinnes are mine enemies and farre more cruell then were the enemies of Israel Lord be thou as gratious now unto mee in this time of my trouble as thou wert then unto thy people heare mee from heaven and forgive mee the wickednesse of my misse-led life Is 33.2 I wayte for thee ô my God be thou mine arme every morning and my salvation in this time of spirituall sorrow Forgive mee the losse of the time allready past accept of my repentance at this time which is present and so protect guide and blesse mee that what time soever shall be to come I may wholly dedicate it to thee the donour Ps 20.12 1. Pet. 1.17 Eph. 5.16 Rom. 13.11 Gal. 6.10 Io 9.4 Teach mee so to number my dayes that I may apply my heart unto wisedome Make mee to passe the time of my sojourning here in feare redeeming the time because the dayes are evill and considering that it is now high time for mee to awake out of the sleepe of securitie Graunt that as I have opportunitie I may doe good unto all but especially to the house-hould of faith The night cometh when none can worke Lord doe thou draw mee Heb. 12 1. that I may follow after thee that so I may runne with patience the race which is set before mee vers 2. looking unto thee my Iesus the author and finisher of my faith Make mee to watch and attend thy coming ô
the Soliloquie A resolution for the time to come VVHile the earth remaineth sayth the Lord to Noah seede time and harvest cold and heate summer and winter Gen 8.22 day and night shall not cease This is a faithfull promise of the true God and therfore cannot be questioned or doubted by Christians But how long shall these seasons last Onely as long as the earth remaineth And how long shall the earth remaine God onely knoweth that it is not in the power or reach of the wisest upon earth to limit the time thereof A time will come Mat 24 35. when heaven and earth shall passe away when the Sunne shall be darkened and the Moone shall not give her light vers 29 and the Starres shall fall from heaven and the powers of the heavens shall be shaken but of that day vers 36 and hower knoweth noe man noe not the Angells in heaven but the Father onely The earth I know shall have a time of dissolution and her funerall piles shall be kindled and fired by him Is 30.33 whose breath like a streame of brimstone doth kindle Tophet Yet though I know not how soone this time shall be expired I hope it may be deferred for many ages and so peradventure it may be But what if it be What can the delaying thereof advantage mee How many ages have passed since the creation of the world How many millions of people have had their successions since the death of Abel I neither was created with the first nor for any thing I know shall I remaine with the last If therfore the earth and the seasons of the earth shall continue a thousand yeares if yet I live not out that thousand yeares what can the age of the world advantage mee Why then doe I fasten my hopes upon future times Why doe I confidently reckon upon yeeres to come or moneths or weekes or dayes Nay why upon to morrow Why upon an hower Why upon a minuit There is nothing more sure then that my former dayes are past and gone and may not be re-called Nothing is more certaine then that the present instant is short and cannot continue And nothing againe is more uncertaine to mee then the future time whereon I depend Moreover If I were sure to live a certaine proportion and number of dayes or weekes or moneths 2. King 20.6 if I were sure that the Lord would adde unto my dayes fifteene yeares as hee did to Hezekiahs yet how doe I know that hee would give mee grace to repent in those fifteene yeeres An impenitent life is but a living death and which is worst of all after that cometh judgment Heb 9.27 If then I vainely flatter my selfe with a hope that my life shall be prolonged and relying upon the broken reede of that deceaving hope if I deferre my repentance I doe but hope that God will lengthen my dayes that I may increase my sinnes so by consequence that my punishment may be increased There is indeede a sort of coveteous people in the world which promise to themselves a continuance of their lives that they may increase their riches These are they which say Iam 4 13. To day or to morrow wee will goe into such a citty and continue there a yeare and buy and sell and gett gaine vers 14 whereas as the Apostle saith they know not what shall be to morrow For what is our life It is even a vapour that appeareth for a litle time and then vanisheth away And there is a sort of luxurious Atheists and Epicures which say Come yee Is 56.12 I will fetch wine and wee will fill our selves with strong drinke and to morrow shall be as this day and much more aboundant Wised 2.5 These are they which say Our time is a very shadow that passeth away and after our end there is noe returning for it is fast sealed that noe man cometh againe vers 6. Come on therfore let us enjoy the good things that are present and let us speedily use the creatures vers 7. like as in youth Let us fill our selves with costly wine and ointments and let noe flower of the spring passe us vers 8. Let us crowne our selves with rose-buds before they be withered vers 9. Let none of us goe without his part of voluptuousnesse let us leave tokens of our joyfullnes in every place for this is our portion and our lott is this And these are they which like the rich Epicure in the Gospel say unto their Soules Lu 12.19 Soule thou hast much goods layed up for many yeares take thine ease eate drinke and be merry All these suppose that man was created onely for meates and not meates for man They conceave that every one shall have a time of pleasure and wickedly they seeke it in the vanitie of the creatures But oh that both they and I might ever have those words of the All mighty sounding in our eares vers 20 Thou foole this night thy soule shall be required of thee and then whose shall those things be which thou hast provided This night Lord Yes this very hower this very instant thou mayst strike mee dead then as death leaves mec judgment shall find mee O it will be a time of horrour and amazement to those that prepare not for to those that expect not his comeing 1. Pet. 4.17 Saint Perer sayd long agoe that The time is come that judgment must beginne at the house of God and if it first beginne at us Lord put mee into that number what shall the end be of them that obey not the Gospel of God And if the righteous scarcely be saved vers 18 where shall the ungodly and sinners appeare Hearke Doest thou heare that ô my soule The righteous shall scarcely be saved This is true for it is the word of trueth It was inspired by his Spirit who sayd Straite is the gate Mat 7.14 and narrow is the way that leadeth to life and few there be that find it O how I tremble when I reade that scarcely and that few What shall I doe to be one of those few allthough I obtaine it never so hardly allthough I know that I shall scarcely attaine to it Lord I will repent but doe thou assist mee Lord I will be faithfull but doe thou increase my faith Lu 17.5 I will doe I say When How Am I sure of any time but the present moment Or can I stay the present instant and hinder it from flying Noe noe I cannot By thy grace therfore blessed God even now this very instant I doe repent and am unfeignedly sorrowfull for all mine offences this very moment I doe believe all that thou hast spoken in thy holy word I doe believe thee I doe believe in thee ô Lord helpe thou my un-beliefe Mar 9.24 If I shall have any more minuits allotted mee I wil number them with my teares
eate the bread of sorrowes for so wee give our beloved sleepe and why then should I delight in vanitie Prov. 6 10. Yet a litle sleepe therfore a litle slumber a litle folding of the hands to sleepe But hearke What 's that Mee think's I heare some-body call and say How long wilt thou sleepe vers 9. ô sluggard When wilt thou arise out of thy sleepe Yes I did heare some-body call so indeede It was none other but God himselfe by the mouth of King Solomon Even the same who telleth mee that If I doe not arise vers 11 then shall povertie come upon mee as one that travaileth and my want as an armed man c. 20.13 I must not love sleepe therfore lest I come to povertie but I must open mine eyes and I shall be satisfied with bread Well then I 'le rubb mine eyes and rowze up my selfe and bethinke my selfe of my businesse but first I will thinke upon the first upon the best upon God I have reason to give him the first the chiefest roome in my meditations because I layd mee downe and slept Ps 3.5 and againe I am now awaked and all this through the mercy and goodnesse of the Lord who sustained mee Hee preserved mee who neither slumbereth Ps 121.4 Ps 44.23 nor sleepeth allthough David cryeth out to him and saith Awake why sleepest thou ô Lord Arise cast us not off for ever But this was onely through the fervencie of his devotion in a time of severe persecution and affliction for at another time it was hee himselfe who confessed Ps 111.4 that Hee which keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleepe Surely hee may more properly call out from heaven to mee then David upon earth did to him in heaven and say Awake why sleepest thou Yea so indeede hee doeth promiseth mee and offereth mee the morning starre to light mee But it is upon condition that I must first overcome Overcome What Must I overcome my sleepe That I have done Must I over-come mine enemies Those I am commanded to love Mat. 5.44 Yet I must over-come mine enemies my sinnes and I must allso over-come my selfe Ps 18.28 the sinner and then I am sure hee will light my candle as hee did Davids The Lord my God will inlighten my darknesse hee will give mee comfort joy and prosperitie after my trouble Nay a candle shall not serve my turne hee hath promised to give mee a starre the morning starre which shall both enlighten my soule with the brightnesse of divine knowledg in this morning of a happinesse begunne and allso enlighten mee hereafter in the morning of the generall re-surrection when my body shall be glorified together with my soule I shall shine as the starres for ever and ever Dan. 12 3. Hee will give mee the morning starre to enlighten mee not to torment mee The prince of darknesse was once an Angel of light and then even hee was a morning stame but now I may say with the Prophet Is 14.12 verf. 13 How art thou fallen from heaven ô Lutifier sonne of the morning How art thou cutt dowme to the ground which saydest in thine heart I will exalt my throne above the starres of God! This starre I hope hee will not suffer to deceave mee with his false and deluding light for his glaring is but a counterfeit light and his leading tend's to the burning brimstone Noe hee will give mee a better starre even him who came to be a light to lighten the Gentiles Lu. 2.32 and to be the glorie of the people Israel even the Prophet of the highest C. 1.76 Vers 79 who giveth light to them that sâ—tt in darknesse and in the shadow of death And who is that but hee which professeth himselfe to be the roote Reu. 22 16. and the off-spring of David and the bright and the morning starre Hee himselfe hath shewed mee what I should doe hee hath taught mee by his owne example what dueties I should performe for I find it recorded of him that In the morning Mar. 1.35 rising up early a greate while before day hee went out and departed into a solitarie place and prayed So should I doe too I should doe so now for it is now about the same time or at most it differeth not much I will therfore arise I will arise out of my sinnes by his blessing I will arise out of them before day even before the day of the Lord cometh 2. Pet. 3 10. and I will goe out of them or force them out of mee I will depart from them into a solitarie place and retire to my meditations and be both solitarie and sorrowfull for all the offences which I have committed and then I will pray I will pray for forgivenesse through the meritts of him who prayed so early Or if I am too weake to master my selfe in this holy resolution I will besiech him that I may be as Simon Mar 1.36 and those that were with him that I may at leastwise follow after him Surely hee can so illuminate my thoughts that I may see thereby to performe my duety It was that morning starre which enlightened David and made him take up that holy resolution Ps 5.3 saying My voyce shalt thou heare in the morning ô Lord in the morning will I direct my prayer unto thee and will locke up It was hee who enlightened him to put in practise that very resolution for hee himselfe testifieth of himselfe Ps 130.6 saying My soule wayteth for the Lord more then they that watch for the morning I say more then they that watch for the morning It was that morning starre which enlightened the people Luc 21 â—8 that they might all see to come to him early into the temple to heare him Ps 119 147. It was that morning starre againe which enlightened David when hee prevented the dawning of the morning and cryed when hee hoped in his word It was that morning starre which gave light unto Ioshua and the people Ios 6.15 vers 20 when they compassed Iericho on the seaventh day early about the dawning of the day seaven times after which the wall fell downe flatt so that the people went up into the citty every one straite before him and tooke the citty So will I wayte for him so will I prevent the dawning of the morning so will I direct my prayer unto him so will I heare him in his temple and so will I encompasse Iericho about the dawning of the day the citty of Satan the â—trong hold of the Serpent even mine owne â—icked and corrupted heart which hath so â—ong stood out against my God and I will never leave compassing it with my teares and my sighes and my pensive and sorrowfull thoughts untill the wall fall downe untill the stonie rampard thereof yeeld unto the commandements of my Lord and my maker But on the contrarie certainly that morning starre
of forgetfullnesse I should never have knowne the benefit of fullnesse if I had not learned it by an empty bellie I will therfore begge of him a blessing to this crosse that the more I want of out-ward blessings the more eagerly I may sieke for inward content I will resolve Hab. 3.17 with the Prophet that Allthough the figg-tree shall not blossome neither fruit be in the vines though the labour of the Olive shall faile and the fields shall yeeld mee noe meate though the flocks shall be cutt off from the foald vers 18 there shall be noe heard in the stalls Yet I will rejoyce in the Lord I will joy in the God of my salvation Rom. 8 35. Neither tribulation nor distresse nor persecution cutt nor famine nor nakednesse nor sword shall ever seperate mee from the love of Christ I know that hee which can send provisions without content can likewise feede mee when I least expect it Hag. 1.6 Yee have sowed much saith the Prophet and bring in litle yee eate but yee have not enough yee drinke but yee are not filled with drinke yee cloath you but there is none warme and hee that earneth wages earneth wages to putt in a bagge with holes The curse is as greate to eate without satisfaction as to want what wee desire I know that God oftentimes hath sent a famine that so his people might the more depend upon him So hath his goodnesse many times appeared Gen 42 5. when men had least expectation of supplies True it is that when the famine was sore in the land of Canaan the Sonnes of Israel bought corne in Egypt Men have ever vallewed their bellies above their estates In the Egyptian famine Ioseph bought all the land of Egypt for Pharaoh the King c 47.20 for the Egyptians sould every man his field because the famine prevailed over them so the land became Pharaoh's When Esau was faint comeing out of the field and Iacob refused him a messe of pottage under the price of his birth-right c 25.32 vers 33 hee said Behold I am at the point to die and what profit shall this birth right doe to mee So hee sould his birth-right unto Iacob The Prophet lamenting the people of Ierusalem Lam 1.11 say's All her people sigh they seeke bread they have given their pleasant things for meate to relieve the soule All these have beene furnished by ordinarie meanes but I allso reade that God hath provided when men could least expect 1. King 17.10 vers 12 or helpe When the widdow of Zarephath had nothing left but a poore handfull of meale in a barrell and a litle oyle in a cruse and went out to gather two sticks that shee might goe in and dresse it for her and her sonne that they might eate it and dye even then shee receaved comfort from the Prophet Elijah vers 16 for her harrell of meale wasted not neither did the cruse of oyle faile as the Lord had spoken by the mouth of the Prophet When the selfesame Prophet by the command of God dwelt by the brooke Cherith that is before Iordan even before the increase of the meale vers 5. and the oyle was miraculously effected in a wonderfull manner hee was fed by the Ravens vers 6. for they brought him bread and flesh in the morning and bread and flesh in the evening and hee dranke of the brooke Againe when the same Elijah fled to Beersheba upon the threats of Iezebel c 19.4 hee went a daye 's journie into the wildernesse and came and sate under a Iuniper tree and hee requested for himselfe that hee might dye and said It is enough now ô Lord take away my life for I am not better then my fathers vers 5. Yet as hee lay and slept under the Iuniper tree behold there an Angel touched him and said unto him Arise vers 6. and eate And when hee looked and behold there was a cake baked on the coales and a cruse of water at his head hee did eate and drinke and layd him downe againe vers 7. And the Angel of the Lord came againe the second time and touched him and said Arise and eate vers 8. And bee arose againe the second time and did eate and went in the strength of the meate fourtie dayes Gen 21 14. When Abraham rose up early in the morning and tooke bread and a botle of water and gave it unto Hagar putting it on her shoulder and the child Ismaël and sent her away and shee departed and wandered in the wildernesse of Beersheba after a while the water was spent in the botle vers 15 and shee poore soule vers 16 cast the child under one of the shrubbs And shee went and sate her downe over against him a good way off as it were a bow shoote for shee said Let mee not see the death of the child And shee sate over against him vers 17 and lift up her voyce and wept Yet even then God heard the voyce of the lad and the Angel of God called to Hagar out of heaven and said unto her What ayleth thee Hagar Feare not for God hath heard the voyce of the lad where hee is Arise vers 18. lift up the lad and hold him in thine hand vers 19 for I will make of him a greate nation And God opened her eyes and shee saw a well of water and shee went and filled the botle with water and gave the lad drinke Thus my God if hee please can doe for mee too for I cry and I weepe with distressed Hagar not for drinke Ps 145 19. but bread Who knoweth but the Lord may heare my cry and may helpe mee The birds that nest in the Cedars of Lebanon the goates on the hills and the conies in the rocks the beastes of the forrests and the roaring Lyons the creeping things in the greate and wide sea and the Leviathan which is made to play in the waters Ps 104 27. These all wayte upon him Iob. 38.41 Ps 145.15 that hee may give them their meate in due season Hee provideth for the Raven his foode when his young ones cry unto God they wander for lack of meate The eyes of all wayte upon him and hee giveth them their meate in due season vers 16 Hee openeth his hand and satisfieth the desire of every living thing Why then should I vexe and torment my selfe in this time of want as if either the Lord were ignorant of my calamitie or else were unable or unwilling to helpe mee I resolve with my selfe that though the conflict bee greate betweene my selfe and my appetite though my stomack cry and my belly complaine though leanenesse possesseth my cheekes and palenesse setteth up it's rest in my countenance though feeblnesse stealeth upon my joynts and faintnesse on my spirits yet will I not leave my confidence in my God I shall not the sooner
Yet can hee be so loving as to forbeare my punishment and can hee not be so mercifull as freely to forgive it O yes hee can if hee please but which way shall I endeavour thus to please him O my Iesus vouchsafe to mee thy grace as thou did'st once to an adulteresse and then with her I will weepe and lament Be reconciled unto mee as thou wast unto her Lu 7.38 and then will I wash thy feete with my teares and will wipe them with the haires of my head I will not spare the costliest spicknard though it drop from the wounds of my sorrowfull heart I will kisse thy feete and anoint them with the ointment O say of mee as thou diddest of her vers 47 Her sinnes which are many are forgiven for shee loveth much Her soule was polluted so is mine Her body was likewise uncleane but so is not mine yet even so had mine allso beene had not hee preserved mee who is the husband of my soule Of my selfe I am fraile and apt to be shaken by every temptation to him alone therfore must I render the thanks who hath kept mee from dis-honour and to him must I pray for the continuance of his protection But is every sinne accounted adulterie Is the breach of every command an act of disloyaltie Then virginity it selfe seemeth to be adulterie and the chastitie of the body to violate the bond of wed-lock with Christ for Saint Pauls words are peremptorie saying I will that the younger women marry 1. Tim. 5.14 beare children and guide the house c. Never was I yet the mother of a child nor the guide of a house for never was I married though the Apostle requireth it Is it therfore an offence because I am not a wife Thus indeede they are apt to pleade who un-willingly submitt to my present condition Saint Paul if rightly understood seemes but to allow it rather then command it for when hee decreeth mariage to be an ordinance of God hee doth not thereby determine virginitie a crime So farre is hee from that 1. Cor 7.28 that though hee saith If a virgin marry shee hath not sinned yet hee concludeth saying vers 38 Hee that giveth her in marriage doth well but hee that giveth her not in marriage doth better Heb. 13.4 It is true that mariage is honourable in all and the bed undefiled but onely wee that are virgins Mat. 22 30. who neither marry nor are given in marriage are as the Angells of God in heaven Thus is our honour as greate as theirs in the bed un-defiled yea and more honourable are wee in that our condition resembleth the Angells of God So long as I remaine in this state of virginitie Gen. 3.16 Eph. 5.22 neither are my desires subject to a husband nor am I tyed to submission nor yet are my sorrowes multiplyed as are theirs who in conception are severely sensible of an hereditarie punishment True it is that I am bound to obedience yet not to a husband whose conditions I know not but to my parents Ex. 20.12 of whose love I am certaine This is a knot which nothing but death can ever untye Mariage is then but an honourable bondage accompanied with sorrowes making us subject to him that 's our head yet not freeing us from obedience to those that are our parents But Virginitie hath fewer sorrowes and lesse subjection yet lesse too are the comforts and fewer the blessings It is my duety therfore to submitt to the pleasure of my God and strive to honour him in what condition soëver I shall live Should all decree to continue virgins the number of saints should not be increased nor the world remaine above the space of an age Wherfore I will not so love virginitie as contemning mariage nor so honour mariage as undervallewing virginitie In each condition those are most honourable who most doe endeavour for the honour of God In ancient times so greate was the submission of virgins to their parents that even their vowes to God were subject to alteration at the discretion of the earthly father So saith the law If a woman vow a vow unto the Lord Num. 30.3 vers 4. and bind herselfe by a bond being in her father's house in her youth And her father heare her vow and her bond wherwith shee hath bound her soule and her father hold his peace at her then all her vowes shall stand and every bond wherewith shee hath bound her soule shall stand vers 5. But if her father dis-allow her in the day that hee heareth not any of her vowes or of her bonds wherewith shee hath bound her soule shall stand and the Lord shall forgive her because her father disallowed her If a vow to God which was made by a virgin did thus depend upon the pleasure of her father assuredly then the vow of mariage ought not to passe without the parents consent If by their indiscretion our choyce be amisse though the sufferance be ours yet the blame is theirs if it prove successefull our joy shall be doubled by our willing obedience In those weighty affaires concerning wedlock there is greatest neede of a vigilant eye It is but justice that the parent should leade her by advice whose eye is darkned by the violence of affection Shee that wed 's not without counsell lives not without comfort for shee judgeth not by the event but rejoyceth in her obedience Thus if I doe obey the commands of my parents I manifest my selfe to be a child of my God If I willingly submitt to their discretion I may undoubtedly hope for the blessing of my maker yea and peradventure it may succeed beyond expectation God hath beene ever a father to those virgins who have beene faithfully obedient to his commands In mariage there is allways a hand of providence happie are those that marrie in the Lord. Hee was a father to the virgin Rebeckah Gen. 24 16. Est 2.17 when hee gave her unto Isaak Hee was a father to the virgin Esther whom Ahasuerus the King so fervently loved that hee not onely wedded her but allso crown'e her yet was shee alasse but a poore Iewesse taken into the charitable care of her uncle Mordecai vers 7. after her father's and mothers decease Thus doeth the Allmighty provide for those who submitt to his pleasure and labour to espouse a virgin soule to Christ the bride-groome O my God doe thou be for ever my father and thy sonne my loving and affectionate husband that my soule may be adorned with the graces of thy spirit and be allways acceptable to my deerest Lord. Can a maide forgett her ornaments Ier. 2.32 saith God by his Prophet or a bride her attire Yet my people have forgotten mee dayes without number My soule was a virgin but shee forgot her ornaments shee was a bride espoused to Christ but shee forgott her attire shee hath forgotten her husband dayes without number The
learne to depend upon God Some things wee thinke wee can certainly foresee consulting with reason about those causes and effects which are meerely naturall but yet wee often faile in our expectations either through the defect of reason or the indisposition and weakenesse of the second causes or else yea and most chiefely by the order of the Most High Yet some are so fond as to magnifie their reason and thereupon ground a necessitie of events not well considering that Allthough this reason obligeth men yet it tyeth not him who is farre above both reason and nature Some againe in their curiositie prying too neerely into things to come borrow their assistance from the Prince of the ayer accounting their knowledg an excellency not tyed to the lawes of religion Thus did that wicked King Ahazia but contrarie to his expectation hee receaved an answer from a Prophet of the Lord vers 6. for Elijah said unto him Thus saith the Lord Therfore thou shalt not come downe from that bed on which thou art gone up but shalt surely dye O what a dreadfull sentence was this Especially to him who sought to the Devill that lyer for his knowledg but receaved such an answer from God who could not deceave Thus am I gone up to my bed too as was that bruised King I am tormented with sicknesse and I languish in a disease O what shall I doe Faine mee thinks I would be certified how long I have to live faine I would live Ps 39.4 and yet I am not certaine of life I am not readie for death and yet I am heartily afraid that I shall find this death too readie for mee But why should I not dye Am I not disturbed with heates and colds with weakenesse and feeblenesse Am I not in a world that giveth noe content That can neither bound my desires nor yet afford what I seeke While I am here I am subject to miseries every moment When I shall be gone this faintnesse and weakenesse these troubles and perturbations shall forsake my weake and infirme body But what then When my body shall sleepe in the silent grave shall it continue there for ever Or shall the soule have a decay and yeald to corruption together with my body of clay and earth Noe noe nothing lesse The body shall indeede lye downe in the dust but yet it shall one day be summoned to rise againe but the soule is eternall it shall continue for ever For ever it shall rest in continuall peace or for ever it shall be tormented in ever-lasting flames Noe merveile then ô my sorrowfull soule that thou art unwilling to leave this tabernacle of flesh since thou knowest not whither thou shalt flye at thy departure But why should not I as well hope for felicitie as dread those torments when my life shall end Doe I aske Why The reason is too plaine What good can I expect from the hands of him whom I have never loved whom I have never obeyed Those whom hee crowneth with heavenly blisse are they who sought for it in a miserable life But I have so lived upon earth as if earth should continue and I have made choyce of this world for the seate of my happinesse But now alas to my woe I find that earth can neither afford any true content nor yet a continuance of that which I accounted good What now shall I doe O whither shall I betake my selfe that I may be partaker of those joyes which are the inheritance of the godly Num. 23.10 Faine I would dye the death of the righteous and I wish that my last end might be like unto his But is this a desire easie to be graunted Alas had I lived the life of the righteous I might then have beene sure I should have dyed the death of them But that ô that is it which pricketh mee at the heart I have lived in sensualitie and this evill day hath beene out of my remembrance so that I cannot comfort my selfe with the smallest hope of what I so eagerly covet But what then Is there noe remedie at all but that I must have the bitter portion with the damned in hell God forbid Hee who hath forborne mee so long when I went on in my wickednesse may yet if hee please afford mee his mercy It is not above his power nor will it eclipse his glory It was once his free promise to a thiefe even dying upon the crosse Lu 23.43 2. Cor. 1.20 This day shalt thou be with mee in paradise His promises allso are sure they are in him yea and in him Amen I doubt not therfore but his mercy was as greate as his word was sure Thus hee saved one which forbiddeth mee despairing yet it was but one which forbiddeth mee presuming But surely it can be noe presumption to build upon his goodnesse Hee delighteth not in the death of a sinner What good can the condemning of mee doe either to him or his creatures True it is that his justice maybe magnified by it but yet it will adde noe glory to his mercy Againe there are but a few in heaven to sing forth his praises but infinite millions in hell and destruction dishonour him in their blasphemies In heaven mee think's there is one too few untill I shall come thither to adde to the number In hell mee think's there would be one too many if I should be throwne into that gulfe of perdition O my God since thou hast vouchsafed mee the knowledg of a heaven yea and of thee the Lord of heaven and earth allthough my knowledg be imperfect thou art offended yet for the merits of thy Sonne be pleased to make mee a cittizen of heaven Rev 21 27. It is most true that there shall in noe wise enter into that place any thing that defileth neither whatsoëver worketh abomination or maketh a lye but they onely which are written in the Lamb's booke of life Upon these termes my hopes indeede doe languish and grow more faint then my feeble body But who is that which condemneth the wicked Is it not hee who likewise calleth the wicked and inviteth them to mercy Is it not hee who telleth mee by his Prophet and saith it himselfe Eze 18 21. If the wicked will turne from all his sinnes that hee hath committed and keepe all my statutes Vers 22 doe that which is lawfull and right hee shall surely live hee shall not dye All his transgressions that hee hath committed they shall not be mentioned unto him vers 23 Have I any pleasure at all that the wicked should dye Saith the Lord God and not that hee should returne from his wayes and live O who is more wicked then I Who more sinfull then I My life hath beene nothing but a continued rebellion and my time hath beene wasted in nothing but disobedience Yet while I have life I have hope If I can but know mine iniquities and get a sorrowfull spirit for them
2.16 Dan 3.29 lying in a manger King Nebuchad nezzar made a decree that every people nation and language which spake any thing amisse against the God of Shadrach Meshech and Abednigo should be cut in pieces and their houses should be made Iakes So the Geneva translation but now wee have all pretending to be worshippers of that God yea even those who esteeme our Churches noe better then what those Blasphemers houses were to be turned into yea and in good earnest such Ioel. 2.20 such places of stench and filthinesse they account fitt and good enough to offer their incense in to the God of heaven But doe they not thinke that their stinke doth come up and their ill savour come up unto the great God and that he will say unto them Is 1.13 your incense is an abomination unto mee Idolatrie hath in ancient times foolishly set forth our Churches with Pageantrie and gawdie trickings of superstition in our later times wee dreaded the courtings and the slow-paced but cunning and subtle insinuations of the prowd whore of Babylon and now mee think's wee have a strang kind of alteration Mat 12 25. for here is not onely a Kingdome ô woe is the time divided against it felfe but allso Satan in some places seeming to cast out Satan profanenesse to cast out superstition 1. Chr. 2.7 Nay every troubler of our Israel every Schismatick every Sectarist every Vpstart as well as ould Heretick comes in among us as did the wise men Ex 7.11 the sorcerers the magicians of Egypt before Pharaoh and casteth downe every man his rod and they become serpents Gen. 3.15 But o when will the seede of the woman bruise nay breake these serpents heads When will that Angel which hath the key of the bottomlesse pit come downe from heaven with a great chaine in his hand Reu 20 1. vers 2. vers 3. and lay hold on the Dragon that old serpent and all the young ones made of the magicians rod's and bind them and cast them into the bottomlesse pit and shut them up and set a seâ— upon them that they deceave the nations nâ— more Heb 9.10 Is not this time hoped to be the times Reformation Why then doe Iacob and Esaâ— still strugle in the wombe of our Rebeckah Gen. 25 22. Ex. 14.24 vers 25 Iud. 5.28 Isa 5.28 What troubleth our host and taketh off our charet wheeles that they drive so heavily Why tarry the wheeles of the charet Why are not the wheeles like the whirlewind Shall the children come to the birth and shall there not be strength to bring forth Shall the seamlesse coate of Christ be allways thus torne in pieces Shall the souldiers still teare it Shall they still cast lots what every man should take c 37.5 Ioa. 19.23 Mar. 15.24 Ioa 19.34 Ps 74.10 Yea and not content with tearing his coate shall the souldier with a speare pierce his very side allsâ— O God how long shall the adversarie reproach Shall the enemies blaspheme thy name for ever Time was when Micah had an house of godâ— and made an Eâ—hod and Teraphim and consecrated one of his Sons who became his Priest but in those dayes saith the text there was noe King in Israel Iud 17 5. vers 6. but every man did that which was right in his owne eyes Wee cannot truely say wee have noe King but too truely wee may see that allmost every man striveth to doe that which is right in his owne eyes Alas Num 24.23 Is 1.25 vers 27 Who shall live when God doth this When will the Lord turne his hand upon us and purely purge away our drosse and take away all our tinne When shall Zion be redeemed with judgment and her converts with righteousnesse 2. Sam 15.31 Isa 1.5 vers 6. When shall the counsell of Achitophel be turned into foolishnesse The whole head is sick and the whole heart faint From the sole of the foote even to the head there is noe soundnesse but wounds and bruises and putrifying sores that are neither closed nor bound up nor mollified with ointment Eze 11 2. 2. King 11.17 O that the men that devise mischiefe and give wicked counsell might once come to an end Lord how wee long for a Iehojada to make a covenant betweene the Lord and the King and the people that wee should be the Lords people betweene the King allso and the people vers 18 and that all the people of our land would goe into the house of Baal and breake it downe breake his altars and his images in pieces thorowly and that he would take the rulers over hundreds vers 19 vers 20 and the captaines and the guard and the people of the land and all of them bring the King to his house and set him upon the throne of the Kings that all the people of the land may rejoyce and the City may be in quiet The Lord once did how the hearts of all the men of Iudah even as the heart of one man 2. Sam. 19.14 vers 15 so that they sent this word to the King Returne thou and all thy servants So the King returned and came to Iordan and Iudah came to Gilgal to meete the King to conduct the King O that our dayes of mourning were turned into a day of rejoycing and showting Ezra 4.10 that wee might offer sacrifices of sweete savours for it unto the God heaven But such a day of rejoycing wâ— cannot expect nor hope for untill our Goâ— shall be pleased to make us more sensiblâ— first of our sinns and then of our present an emergent calamities Alas Alas wee pretenâ— to be sorrie for our sinns and wee pray foâ— peace and yet full litle doe wee remembeâ— that there is noe peace saith the Lord Is 48.22 unto the wicked It would prove indeed a most inralluable blessing 2. King 20.19 if wee could see peace and truth in our dayes and wee are assured the to the counsellers of peace there is joy Prov. 12.20 But what hopes can wee have of peace while our â—…quities separate betweene us and our God If. 59.2 and our sinns hide his face froÌ„ us that hee will nâ— heare vers 3. Our hands are defiled with blood our fingers with iniquity Our lips speake lies our tongues mutter perversnesse vers 4. who calleâ—… for justice And who pleadeth for truth Wee trust in vanity and speake lies wee conceave mischiefe and bring forth iniquity Wee hatch cockatrice eggs vers 5. and weave the spiders webbs hee that eateth of the eggs dyeth and that which is crushed breaketh forth into a viper vers 6. vers 7. Our workes are workes of iniquity and the act of violence is in our hands Our feete runne to evill and wee make hast to shed innocent blood our thoughts are thoughts of iniquity wasting and desolation are in out paths