although Men's wanton fancies would not have it so But by God's Post attempt to set their own As if that were too weak to stand alone 'T was not Event but Duty which his Eye Fixt as the measure to be guided by His Courage in this warfare was so great Nothing could ever force him to retreat But still he kept his ground as who should say If I lose that I also lose the day Therefore let Enemies do what they can My fear of God hath drown'd the fear of Man Thus did he sow in tears till now at last To him this low'ring stormy season 's past And his full sheaves of Glory make amends For light afflictions with what far transcends He liv'd belov'd and dy'd bewail'd and such Wh ' enjoy'd him most enjoy'd him not too much His Body's Earthen-vessel henceforth must Be laid up silent in its native dust Until that matter when the Trump shall sound Start with another form out of the ground He walks in his uprightness but the sense Of this his sleep should make our Diligence That when with Christ the Judg among the train Of Saints and Angels he shall come again Then in that General Assembly we May sing these Sion-songs eternally S. O. Not worthy to unloose The Latchet of his Shooes To the Reader on the Picture and Book HERE you may see some Lines of Wadsworth's face More of his thinking pow'r sublim'd by Grace His Sacramental thoughts in Prose are sweet His Sermons lively Fancies walk on feet His Letters great affections shew'd when young Yet all fall short of Wadsworth's Pulpit-Tongue A Pathetical Meditation on the Passion of Christ to be read by Communicants before their reception of the Sacrament of the Lords-Supper Quest WHat is the Sacrament of the Lords-Supper Ans It consists of two visible signs Bread and Wine which by the Lords appointment was to represent to the receiver his bloody death that so his Disciples may keep it fresh in their memories Q. But is it only to remember that there was a Christ and that he was crucified and no more Ans Experience tells us that such a bare remembrance as that doth little move upon the heart and upon the affections and so will do little or no good It is not the remembrance of any mans death that doth of it self affect me but as I consider him as a father or as a husband or as a friend with many other expressions of his love to me when living this will exceedingly work upon the heart so as to cause sorrow and grief and the like Quest What is it then that I must call to mind when I think upon a bleeding and dying Christ so as to affect my heart Answ The cruel and bloody nature of his Death here you may consider the whole story of his Arraignment his being betrayed by his own Apostle his being spit upon and crowned with thorns his being mocked and jeered by putting a reed into his hand instead of a scepter afterwards his bearing of a Cross and his being nailed to it in his hands and feet after that his being pierced through with a spear this Mat. 27. will fully acquaint you with Secondly the causes of his Death it was no natural disease neither was it for any evil done of his own but for us He bore our iniquities upon the cross Thirdly the effects of his death which was to obtain power of his Father to conquer the Devil and pull us out of his hands to break our hearts and to conquer us to himself to pardon our sins and to give unto us eternal life with himself in glory and this upon our faith and sincere repentance Now from all these things are your Meditations to be raised before you come to the Sacrament and when you are receiving of it An Example of Meditation I have here set you down as followeth Away these wanton wandering worldly thoughts you are clogs to my soul Away all trifling worldly business I cannot now attend your call my heart hath now something else to do Adieu my Friends farewell my Husband Wife and Child I must go see my bleeding Lord that 's dearer to me than you all Come now my soul thou art alone thou knowest the way make hast and speed look yonder see how the people flock cross but this vale and climb but up this Mount thou wilt soon arrive at bloody Golgotha where thou shalt see thy bleeding and dying Saviour to sigh and linger out a dying life on the Cross in love for thee This this might Oh my soul have been thy day and thou might'st have been the prisoner this I say might have been the day in which thou might'st have drunk the bitter cup of the fierce anger of God But look yonder there he goes that must drink up the dregs and all for thee Look again there he goes that must lay down his life that thou maist be reprieved But come my soul draw up a little nearer thou canst not see him well at so great a distance stand here and thou wilt see him passing look there he goes with a train of Virgins following But see how cruelly these barbarous Jews do use him they make him bear his Cross himself and press his wearied fainting limbs above his strength see how they laugh and scoff and wag their heads as if he were their May-game Methinks my heart boils up with rage to see these cruelties revenged Oh! how could the blessed God forbear to see his blessed Son thus wronged Why did he not send twelve Legions of Angels for his rescue Why doth he not send down fire from Heaven upon the heads of these his Sons enemies and so consume them But stay my foelish heart thou knowest not what spirit thou art of this debt was owing and it must be paid God requires so much and it must be given or thou canst not be saved Thy Lord did know this well enough for this he came from Heaven and committed himself to the rage of men he knew he must endure all these revilings and doth it grieve thy soul to see him thus abased Stay but a while and thou shalt see him more look up my soul come tell me what thou seest Oh I cannot sorrow tyes my tougue I cannot speak I see and hear those things that I want a power to utter I see a troop of Virgins following him their weeping eyes their blubbering lips their sighs and throbbings speak them mourners I see my Lord looks towards them and kindly chides their loving sorrow Why weep ye Oh ye Daughters of Jerusalem weep not for me My Lord what need was there for that question Should not they weep when thou must bleed Would not their eyes have been flints if that then they should not drop tears for thee when as thou wert about to pour out thy life and blood for them Ah! could they chuse or do less then weep to see thine innocent self among a herd of Tygers what should
man would have done it 2 And was not God himself slighted by those that were invited to the feast Was not Christ worse than slighted and was not Paul called a Babler and the Gospel foolishness 3 But consider further Is not the Gospel and the God of it slighted in thee the message thou knowest is not thine but his that sent thee 4 And think is it not natural for the carnal mind to have unsavoury dark foolish thoughts of the Gospel was it not always so did not Christ wonder seeing their unbelief 5 But think it 's God in Christ or the strictness and spiritualness of the Gospel that they undervalue and think nothing of the excellency of They say it 's thou speakest nothing they would say the other but they dare not speak out and so they cast it on thee and art thou not willing rather to suffer than it wouldst not thou have interposed thy face to Christ to have received the spittle and kept it from him and thine head to have been crowned with thorns and what dost thou shrink in taking of this 6 But think what reason have they to charge thee with a nothingness and impertinency in preaching what mean so many to follow thee they may hear nothings and impertinencies nearer home Wherefore go on chearfully and boldly in thy work and regard not what some few scoffers say when thou art carrying on that work for the good of souls which the Lord will own and bless HYMN I. WHat ails my soul to look so wan My vitals they are fled What faintings do I feel within My heart as 't were is dead Love-beams do shine full in my face From off the throne above They sparkle glories round my soul Yet yet I cannot love I see the Heavens open wide My Lord upon his throne I see his Saints all cloth'd in gold Bedeckt with glittering stone I fee a Crown held in his hand To set upon my head If once I were laid low in grave Yet yet my heart is dead What my distemper is God knows It 's cause I can unfold My heart lay down upon the earth And there it caught a cold This this alone had been enough My health to overthrow But I of flesh a surfeit took Which made my grief to grow Lord what compassions in thy looks What pearls stand in thine eye Like a kind friend thou turn'st away As loth to see me die No cordials can my sp'rits revive Those glorious sights do'nt move Oh I am lost there is no hope I see yet cannot love My God! my God! don 't me forsake If I must needs then die Whil'st I am breathing out my last Oh! do but thou stand by Help help thou great soul-curing God In languishments I lye Speak but the word my heart revives Oh yet I shall not die I find my native heat restor'd My wonted joys return I love thee Lord I love thee now With love my heart doth burn Oh what are all the things below What toys they seem to me When shall I leave them and come up To dwell my Lord with thee HYMN II. The Souls Farewell to her Body TIr'd with a body now at last In travel on my road I must take Inn and rest my self I must of flesh unload I see my prison-walls fall down And mold'ring into dust I feel my chains of flesh break off As eaten up with rust Oh! I am going help my God! A little respite give Reverse thy sentence add some years That I on earth may live Ah! foolish soul how fond of life Dost thou thy self betray Why a few minutes more dost thou With tears for life thus pray Are not the years enough thou ' st been A Pilgrim here below Thy Father calls bids come away Ah! fool thou wilt not go What seest thou in this wicked world That thus delights thine eye A father brother or dear friends Thou ' lt find them all on high Thy Saviour hath a Palace there Imbost about with Gold Thine's but a den where now thou dwell'st Whose walls scarce keep out cold What canst thou see more than thou hast The same Sun runs its round The rivers ebb and flow alike No new thing can be found The pleasant faces of thy friends Thou feest but o're again The sweets of meats and drinks thou tasts Are but the very same Yet these sweet and beloved things Have thorns been in thy side Their Prickles have so torn thy heart Thou scarce could'st them abide But Oh thou lump of Gold my Soul How full of dross and tin Thy Father would but melt thee now And purge thee of thy sin Thou art my Soul a ball of light Here in dark lanthorn place't God in a golden socket would Thee set to burn not waste Arise my Soul come shake thy plumes Prepare thy self for flight Like a fledg'd Eagle mount aloft And bid the world Good-night Farewell then dearest friends farewell Farewell fond world I say Lord now I come Oh take me up With sighs and groans I pray HYMN III. The Resurrection of our Blessed Lord. ON Golgotha that fatal day While Christ on Cross did bleed The whole Creation groan'd they say To see that bloody deed The Earths big heart with sorrow swells Which burst out in earth-quakes The Sun his eye hides in a cloud The lowring Heaven shakes The bodies of the dead arise Most ghastly look and wonder Because mens hearts nor garments rent The Vale doth tear asunder Yet one thing do I admire more To see a God-man dead His breathless royal trunk they took And laid in grave deaths-bed Like conquer'd captive there he lies In th' prison of a grave Three days the tyrant death him holds In fetters like a slave So long said he I 'le lye then cry'd Hell grave death do your worst Fast tye me bind me chain my hands I 'le all your fetters burst Rowl rowl a stone upon his tomb The Jews of Pilate pray Set watch and ward lest that his friends By night steal him away With bills and lanthorns there they stand With scoffs they him deride See how he riseth jeeringly They flout one very side At length the third days morn doth dawn Our Lord begins to ' wake Whilest the hard stony Cover-lid Away the Angel takes Look look the watch-men see they run As frighted hark their crys The buried Jesus he is risen We saw him with these eyes Shout shout for joy ye Saints of his This is your Saviour dear When you this wretched life must leave Graves Coffins do not fear This day a perfect conquest he Of grim-lookt death hath made Your moulder'd rotted bodies he Can raise as he hath said HYMN IV. Of our Lords Ascension into Heaven I Sometime wondred why thou Lord Those forty-days didst stay On earth betwixt thy Grave and Crown Or thy Ascension day It seems most like a Captain great After some bloody fights Who walks to shew his friends he lives And puts his Host to rights Thus all things
arise Out of a pit by which a Beldam lies Stirring her urine thence doth darkness fleet Baffling the light making the day retreat Clouds in the air ingender double charge Themselves with thunder then themselves enlarge In sheets of flame thence follow winds That strike amazement to the hearers minds What shall I say of Wizards that are whirl'd In cloudy chariots round the airy world What of Amantius and Rotarius set Perched on tops of Oaks bemir'd and wet Whence in a trice from out the shepherds sight A wind them snatches and then take their flight Like two cock-sparrows 't length were seen to hop Upon a towring lofty houses top One trembling th' other laughing bid him cheer It was as safe to be in th' air as there Thus was Mag. Warrin hackned on the back Of some foul Fien that made the welkin crack With storms and tempests as he her did rear A loft jolting along yet void of fear Lighting at last on th' top of a tall oak Was seen condemn'd and in a rope did choak Wondrous is' t easie tell me to conceive That air should thus condense it self then heave Such weighty bodies upward or bare words Or ceremonious charms make them as birds To course about the air ma'n't we with ease Rather imagin sp'rits t' produce all these Strike sail my muse thou 'rt now in sight of shore Laden with traffick hath inricht me more Than Indian voyage knowledg of sp'rits to me Is far more sweet than Arab spices be They may embalm the body what care I Let body rot and stink my soul can't die Spirits are all immortal so 's my soul It cannot wast nor die Bells they may toul Their mortal knells for Bodies but I have What the Father of Sp'rits alive will save Welcome ye Angels then 't is for your sake That I in part this tedious voyage make My undisturbed reason free from doubt Spirits hath seen in flesh and some without Lord when this prison falls and I am free Let me i' th' number of just spirits be FINIS The TABLE A Preface of the Authors Life and Death An Elegy on the Authors death Octob. 29. 1676. Verses on the Picture and Book The Contents of the Book viz. Three Preparatory Questions about the Sacrament Pag. 1 An example of Meditation about the sufferings of Christ Pag. 2 c. The causes of Christs death consider'd in that Meditation Pag. 6 c. A Colloquy 'twixt the Judg Sinner and Saviour Pag. 14 c. Objections about Gods love c. answer'd Pag. 20 c. The Sacrament particularly the Dress Pag. 31 c. The Presence-chamber Pag. 33 The Communion plate and the Bread Pag. 35 The Wine Pag. 37 The Conclusion Pag. 40 A Meditation on Christs death preparatory to the Sacrament for private use Pag. 42 Three pious Letters to his Sister when he was but a young Student at Christs Colledg Pag. 50 A Sermon on Rev. 12.1 Of the Church compar'd to a Woman Pag. 58 A Sermon on Amos 3.6 Preach'd Sept. 2. 1673. Pag. 81 A Meditation for raising his heart under slightings Pag. 123 POEMS Hymn 1. On the Souls Love-sickness Pag. 126 Hymn 2. The Souls Farewell to her Body Pag. 128 Hymn 3. The Resurrection of our Blessed Lord Pag. 130 Hymn 4. Of our Lords Ascension into Heaven Pag. 132 Hymn 5. The Souls Access Pag. 133 Hymn 6. The descent of the Spirit Pag. 135 Hymn 7. Of Gods Providence and Judgment Pag. 137 Hymn 8. The vanity of created enjoyments Pag. 142 Hymn 9. On Isaiah 53. Pag. 144 Hymn 10. A Consolatory against the fear of Death Pag. 146 Hymn 11. Comfortable at the death of a dear friend Pag. 150 Hymn 12. Of Thanksgiving for the restoration of health Pag. 153 Hymn 13. Remedies against discontentments in four Parts Pag. 156 Hymn 14. The desire of Assurance Pag. 161 The Welcome Pag. 166 Mortality Pag. 172 Self-estimation Pag. 174 Contempt A Dialogue 'twixt Flesh and Spirit Pag. 176 The Alarm Pag. 177 A Song of the Pilgrim Pag. 181 A Spiritual Song of Triumph Pag. 182 A description of Paul 's Shipwrack Act. 27. Pag. 184 A sinners unregenerate inside turn'd outside or the language of the Kingdom of darkness Pag. 192 The Rout of Demetrius Pag. 195 The Flint Pag. 200 A Divine Song of the Brides stay for her Beloved Pag. 202 A wounded Conscience Pag. 205 The Petition for a Prospect of Immortalities Pag. 207
sentence thou canst not send me into worser than flames or punish me longer than everlastingly Christ answers Oh how my bowels turn this sinner knows not what is in my heart he thinks I am his enemy Sinner shake off thy fears and wipe thine eyes thou shalt not die The Sinner speaks again Oh thou glorious God or Angel or I know not what to call thee do not delude or deride a poor Caitiff wretch in the midst of misery Why wilt thou raise me to such a pinacle of hope to cast me down and make my fall the greater My Judg hath passed the sentence I must die and who can reverse the doom Ah! I must go see my prison-door wide open the smoke and flashes come to meet my despairing soul half way Christ speaks And now my heart begins to break my love can keep no longer in how causelesly doth this wretch torment his heart he knows not who I am I must reveal my self Sinner I love thee I say thou shalt not die Come feel my heart and pulses how they beat and tell how strong my love within doth act them Dost thou not see I have left my Throne and am come down to the Bar where thou standest condemned But why dost thou weep Come let me wipe thine eyes and bind up thy bleeding and despairing heart I tell thee thou shalt not die If Heaven will have blood it shall have mine so it will but spare thine Sinner if thou knewest who I am thou wouldst not doubt one tittle I tell thee I am his Son his only Son that but now condemned thee I know he is just and justice must be fatisfied But do not thou fear if one of us must die it shall be I I will pour out my blood a sacrifice for sin and appease his wrath and make you friends again Ye innumerable company of Angels yet servants at my Fathers will why do ye rejoice to see my prisoner sent to Hell this cursed soul over whom in glory you do now triumph I do resolve to die for and to buy her to my self a Spouse and to make her blessed with your selves and give her a Princess's place on a Throne that is by my self Sinner speaks Is this a dream or am I waking the goodness greatness glory of this sudden unexpected blessed change tempts me to doubt whether it be true or whether it be some unruly fancy that doth delude this wretched heart of mine What! for the Son of God to debase himself so low as to take my nature and so my cause and become the prisoner What! and though he knows he shall be cast Will he hear the sentence and quietly bear bolts and shackles and chains which should have fettered me Yet more than this Doth he know it is impossible to get a reprieve from his Father and Judg and that he must most assuredly drink the bitterest dregs of Death more bitter than Devils or damned souls in Hell as yet ever tasted of For it is impossible the Cup should pass And can he will he dare he venture But stay I must be a Spouse to be exalted from this Dunghil to be a Princess to the Son and Heir of Glory Hold hold here 's enough it is a Dream an idle fancy of a distempered brain I shall never find a heart to believe one syllable But yet methinks if it be a dream 't is a Golden one Is it possible that such a damned wretch as I could harbour such silken gilded thoughts of such love grace mercy and tenderness of the Son of God Oh my heart if they were not true how came they into my mind or how came they to stay or could they if but meer fictions make such a change in my heart Could they so victoriously conquer all my fear silence all my doubts allay the heats of a scorched and be helled Conscience But why a dream poor wretched heart Didst thou not see him step off his Throne Was it a time to dream or sleep in when thou wert before the Judgment-seat while God was frowning and the Devils dragging thee to and fro to get thee away to Hell Oh then just then he stept down drew near and took thee by the hand and spoke these reviving words to thee Doubt this and doubt thy judgment But why a dream I am not now in Hells torments whither I was just now sentenced My heart is now at ease and quiet surely something must be the reason why the Devil that but now had hold of me hath left me Where is the Conscience that but now was burning in me But Oh cannot the presence of the Lord put me out of doubt Do not his words that were so kind his tender dealing with me doth not his stooping to me taking me by the arm and the gentle lifts that he gives to my drooping soul speak him present Oh! do not my head eyes arms heart breast and the ease of every joint and limb about me witness the same A way my unbelieving heart what a stir is here to make thee believe a thing so evident Doubt my mind and freely doubt I'â—e give thee leave when thou hast any occasion or reason for it But why should I doubt that which is past all doubt May I not believe my senses I both saw and heard him speak the words or shall I misdoubt his faithfulness I know he is the Son of God he cannot lye But is it true yet my God I pray thee be not angry with my scrupulous heart thou seest in tears I make the doubt let it be an argument to me of sincerity I do not ask that question as one that would be fain perswaded it's true Canst thou think my Lord that I would not be reconciled and cheerfully accept of Grace when thou so freely offerest it Oh but Lord speak these words to my heart which thou hast already spoke to my ear and thou wilt melt it into love and thankfulness and I shall never doubt it more Object But yet but what can Heaven love so much Answ Thou silly worm how idly dost thou question must Heaven and so its love be bound up to so narrow and contracted thoughts as thine are What can God love no more than thou canst Love is a perfection and God is infinitely perfect so must be infinitely and incomprehensively loving Thou fool go found the Sea and tell me its greatest depths give me the height of yonder Stars this possibly thou maist do for the Seas are not so deep but they have a bottom nor the Stars so high but they may by art be known But Oh the heights and depths and breadths and lengths of the love of our Redeemer He is God and his breasts are so full of love that they flow and overflow with love they have no bottom Do but try my soul cast thy self into this bottomless lovely Ocean into this endless Bosom and when thou hast been sinking millions of millions of years tell me whither
pore about a channel was Which pains had open'd wide Through which as through sulphureous mynes Did scalding liquors glide Amidst those simpring plashes lay My wrinkl'd par-boil'd skin In my own sweats I had expir'd Had not my good Lord been My God then dri'd up all my dews Me richest cordials gave Out of those waters I did cry And he my life did save Colds gone and waters now asswag'd A fire fast hold doth catch My muddy cottage was on flame Through sparks within my thatch Its sindgings made my former griefs Desir'd they would return That winds would blow or waters flow To cool me that did burn While my house flam'd about my ears My soul wisht to get out I cri'd I call'd my God did hear And then put th' hot fire out Next must my rest a burthen prove Unto my drowsie head My spirits spent my strength 's decay'd I was as those are dead My eyes as useless were through sleep My tongue had lost her taste Each thing it did offend my smell My flesh about did waste That very God that on dry bones Did breathe and make them live That very pow'r that Laz'rus rais'd Again this life did give He put this quickness in my joints These spirits in mine eyes Restor'd this joy unto my heart Thus answer'd all my crys HYMN XIII Remedies against Discontents THAT blessed peace which all men wish That none but good enjoy Is when all states of life do please And nothing doth annoy If thus unshaken thou wouldst live Contemplate God on high As near as may be live like him Fixt in self-constancy Wish nothing more than to be good Do justly fear no man Think on the blest eternity Let th' world do what it can Be no more mov'd with thy reproach Than God when men blaspheme Let not want loss or death affright Which men so dreadful deem Think that the world below the Moon As yet thy self contains And that all things here ebb and flow That nothing fixt remains What wonder is' t the Mariner At sea meets with a storm How boldly yet he plows the waves In danger fears no harm The traveller his weary steps Directs unto his Inn Sometimes meets Sun-shine and then storms Yet ne'r leaves travelling Are not our days and months and years Now foul and sometimes fair Variety doth not annoy Change makes things please as rare Why should I wish it always day The world without a night Why should I wish it always Spring For flowers for delight Were I not fool to weep to see A cloud creep o're the Sun Such folly is it to lament A cross when it is come II. Rash man complains In any strait But this I could be blest Any mans trouble I could bear Mine only gives no rest Says he what sorrow can be like To want and beggery This this I feel or else I fear Which makes me wish to die Man be thou faithful do thy work Thou serv'st a righteous Lord He will not let his servant want But bread will sure afford Starving-extremity thou fear'st This beggars never feel Better allowance God them gives To whom his dole he deals Hunger and cold and nakedness True blessed Paul complains Yet so as that he glorieth In them so in his chains Are not the Lilies gaily cloath'd They neither toil nor spin Are not the birds of th' air fed That ne'r brought harvest in Will God give grace and glory both Yet barely bread deny Will he give Crowns and Scepters too Of want yet let thee die True murm'ring Israel cri'd out Can God a Table spread Can he in this vast wilderness Prepare for all here bread The Devil could have taught those men That God of stones could take Could mould and knead them up to dough And of them bread could make III. The fool fears want while plenty lasts Like one in Summers day Should shake and blow his hands for cold Then winters coming say Or like one that in streams doth swim Yet gasps and crys for thirst Then says Oh me what shall I do This river leave I must It 's best things should be as they ' r made That rivers ebb and flow That glass or earthen ware may break That riches come and go Fool do'nt torment thy heart in vain If these things fleeting be Fix but thy soul on things above They ' l constant prove to thee All will be gone say let them go Man lives not all on bread There is a word of promise that In want holds up thy head I never will to death thee leave I 'le never thee forsake Think but on this do but believe Thine heart 't will joyful make IV. I know whence spring more troubles yet That do annoy me here My undertakings oft are great And I success do fear I often am engag'd in more Than able to go through Which makes me sit and moan my self Not knowing what to do Whose fault is that why didst thou so Thy God's too good a Lord To set thee on more work than he To do doth strength afford Where he finds will he doth accept With eye to what thou hast Give but thine all he wont refuse To crown that all at last I often have intended much But could not what I meant I would men save but ah I can't Because they wo'nt consent Instead of thanks for my good-will With taunting scoffs I meet I would them raise up unto Thrones They would me under feet Sometimes I talk like to a fool Deridingly they say I now teach false and then too sharp I can't please any way Be wise and such things ne'r will touch Thy heart as to disturb All thy attempts if good should joy Though insuccess them curb It 's reason to think in this world That good things should be crost If thou wilt fish for men thou must With winds and waves be tost What if I disappointments meet They are in use with men Why should I not expect to share Alike with my breth'ren What wonder is' t that they should call That false or sharp that tart That frets the sinews of their soul And that corrodes their heart Can the old man it quiet take To see him bound about That thence where so long he hath lodg'd He should be thus cast out Is not my work a warfare call'd What and no enemy How canst thou fight and not oppose Or use Heav'ns armory HYMN XIV TWO things Lord I desire of thee First that with thee I live If thou delay'st to bring me there Oh then assurance give Content I 'le be in th' shades of night Until my glory dawn Do but for surety grant this wish That I may keep the pawn Give Lord the earnest in my breast A gracious heart to see Let me but know thou dost me love And I shall quiet be Can I have peace whilst that I fear Thy curse hangs o're my head It makes my heart to ake to think What now if I were dead Pardon O Lord it
soul after God security doth Again Patience makes the soul more cautious of its walkings to take heed of offending God Security doth not Let a man therefore in his waiting seek for an holy restlesness of soul after God I found it in my practise hard to distinguish betwixt these two cases 1650. XXXV Men go to Ordinances as Reading Hearing Praying c. and meet not God in them The Reasons of which distemper are 1. because of the distraction of their thoughts in them and that ariseth from the temper or rather distemper of the soul exercis'd in thoughts of those things before they went which in Ordinances do distract them As for instance Perhaps a mans studies or affairs of the world and his thought of them distracts him it 's a sign he had been thinking of these things either immediately before he came or else his heart was too much carried out in the week-days after them 2 Thine heart was hard when thou wentest to hear or read and it 's no wonder if the seed falling on rocky ground that it do not grow up and bring forth fruit 3 Because thou wentest not with an open mouth and an hungry soul to the Ordinances that 's another reason why thou art neither filled nor art satisfied with divine Consolations few have gone to hearing with a full intent to hear what God would speak to them there and so have come away empty It is ordinary for Saints in a weak and low estate to put up Petitions to God as low as they themselves They think it presumption to ask the great things promis'd as Adoption Assurance c. and they are apt to think they do well in it then doubtless this came from an unbelieving heart which would seal the fountain which God hath open'd and close those arms which God hath spread open to receive sinners and to cover the breasts of consolation with a vail of modesty which God taketh not well at our hands Many Saints will complain of their hardness of heart listlesness to praying reading hearing and this is the burthen which they lie under Now if I were to advise such a soul it would be thus Let him cast all these distempers of soul upon his own self as the cause of them Let him reflect upon his conversation hath he walked close with God or hath he not given way to loosness either in his carriage he hath been too light or in his tongue too vain If he say he hath set a watch over himself and resolv'd to walk more strictly and yet hath fal'n Ans But didst thou not first let fall thy watch and then fall into sin or art thou not conscious to thy self that thou could'st walk more strictly if thou wouldst Thine own thoughts shall condemn thee thy conscience tells thee thou mayest pray more if thou wilt thou mayest read more and meditate more on what thou readest and pray more over what thou meditatest if thou wouldst O man thy judgment herein is just XXXVI It is a general complaint of Saints that they cannot get up their hearts as to mourning for the sins of others And for Answer This may cast down many a poor Saint but I would have such an one to take notice of what temper his soul is as to his own sins and if he finds his heart hard and not able to mourn for his own sins it is no wonder if it mourns not for the sins of others So then I would have thy soul in this case as thou wouldest in the other Now as for thine own sins thou canst satisfie thy self as to this case that thou canst remember God hath drawn thee out in a melting frame for them So then think thou whether at any time when thou hast been in an humble melting temper thou could'st then mourn for others sins But withall take notice of this that a mourning temper for others sins is an high attainment Therefore pray thou for it that thou mayest continually be in such a temper and that upon this account because thy God thy Father is dishonoured by their sins labour for a tender regard to Gods glory And as to mourn for the sins of others so it is hard in praying for another Saint if one hears that soul hath received that which he prayed for to believe that his prayers had an interest in his deliverance and this is the reason why he cannot find his heart carried out in praises to God for the deliverance of that soul Let such a soul take up only this consideration and know that his prayers have as much influence upon another as upon himself and so let him resolve himself But in our praying for mortification or comfort in our souls we are apt to miscarry in determining Gods time in our souls for the giving of it As for instance Suppose I pray for strength against my passions I am apt to determine Gods time to the next time I have an offer to my passion and this occasions great dejection to some who are apt to think that God did not hear neither did Christ intercede nor the spirit help in that prayer Therefore this is the advice I would give to all Saints in this case let them pray for that which they want but be sure let them withall adjoyn patient waiting upon God to the giving in of an answer Or thus I would have a man be resolv'd that God will give in an answer but let him be undetermin'd as to the time It is very difficult for a soul that hath been praying againstany particular corruption and that for a long while and yet finds his corruptions to overcome him or to get head to persuade himself that God hath heard his prayers and that Christ interceded for those prayers yet thou maist know whether Christ interceded for thee in those prayers First if thou art carried out in thy dependance upon God notwithstanding these prayers are not answered directly as to the conquest of thy particular corruption Thus he dealt with Peter saith Christ I have pray'd that thy faith fail thee not And that the prick in Pauls flesh was not quickly took away yet he had an answer Gods grace was sufficient for him Secondly If he keeps up thine heart in a continual praying against this corruption For we must know that every breathing of the soul after mortification is purchased of the Father by the death and intercession of the Lord Jesus Christ Thirdly If God answers thee as to the mortification of any corruption though not in that which thou prayedst against in particular Suppose thou prayed'st against anger or pride perhaps God will answer thee in deadning thine heart to the world and by these signs thou mayest discover the beams of love though there be a cloud that interposeth XXXVII Now we have given you a taste out of his own journal in his own words how this Pious Virtuoso besides his Philosophical and Theological studies was exercised in gathering experiments for the
improvement of spiritual knowledg even whiles at the Vniversity which might make him a Workman that needed not be ashamed We shall look upon him though then but a Batchelor of Art who yet had gain'd respect by his Collegiate and Academical exercises and was well furnish'd with abilities as call'd to be employ'd in that exercise to which the former were only preparatory and subservient For it seems about the latter end of 1652 when his Father being admonisht by age was summon'd by sickness to leave this Temporary life he was concern'd to be at home the place of his Nativity where his custom was to call his Fathers servants to an account about their Souls and to Catechise them in the main Principles of Religion Here when he had as a most dutiful Son perform'd the last offices to his dying and deceased Father and was comforting his sorrowful Mother and instructing the Family He was importun'd by some good Christians of his acquaintance who soon found what excellent gifts and endowments this young Timothy had to employ his Talents in Preaching the Gospel as occasion should offer This upon their invitation he readily embrac'd and by his Preaching gave such evident proofs of his experimental knowledg utterance and zeal for God that upon the death of Mr. Morton a very Reverend and Worthy Minister the Parishioners of Mary Newington-Butts having heard him Preach and being satisfied of his Learning Piety and Ministerial abilities as the Instruments shew and Petition'd for him He was Feb. 16. 1652 ordered to that Rectory by those then in power as a Godly and Orthodox Divine And this was very remarkable in his Election to that Charge that though the Parishioners were divided into two several Parties and both went with their Petitions to Westminster upon the foresaid vacancy to have a Minister setled amongst them neither party knowing the others mind yet they both pitch'd upon him for whom the unanimous Petitioners did easily obtain a grant XXXVIII Hereupon this observant young Divine who was ever ready to acknowledg God in all his ways doth in his book with his own hand record this seasonable Call viz. God called me very clearly as I thought to the charge of Newington in which I used no means but Prayer wherein I was carried out in abundance of calmness of mind grounded on Faith This is remarkable in it that for some two weeks before I heard of it I was exceedingly troubled in my thoughts about means for subsisting at the Vniversity till my profits came in And behold how God graciously silenc'd all them by a gracious Providence but I look higher than so For much about this time as we conceive he was also Chosen Fellow of Christs Colledge yet to the satisfaction of the Reverend Dr. Bolton the Master and his particular friend He resolv'd to accept of the Charge at Newington where He was so unanimously desired and where he might have a greater opportunity of doing good to souls which was most upon his heart and the working of God upon others hearts by his Preaching was much heeded by him For we have him noting Feb. 17. 1652 3. I Preach'd at Mary-Overees wherein God wrought so graciously by me upon T. W. that through the urgencies of his spirit He wrote a large Letter to me indeed very spiritually wherein He blessed God particularly that He had heard me and that God had counted me so worthy as to become an Ambassador of so glorious a Gospel This was the first occasion of the renewing our acquaintance Bless the Lord O my soul that He hath made use of thy foolishness to manifest his Wisdom and his Grace to others XXXIX Afterwards on March 6. and 11. we find him again recording these Observables I heard from one of Newington that a wicked man of that Parish should say to him That he was very glad that they had made such a choice of me which forc'd him to these expressions through my weak preaching that he was perswaded if the Devil himself should come and preach to men he would perswade them to seek heaven O my soul admire the new Hierusalem Further Mr. Diaper brought one of Newington to me they called Mr. Langleys Convert who told me in our Converse that he had lain under a deadness of heart for almost a quarter of a year but since my Preaching there his spirit was exceedingly refresh'd and quickned This is the Lords doings and it is wonderful in mine eyes The same night in our Conference both concurred I mean the forementioned parties in this experiment that they have kneeled down on their knees yet through straitness of heart have risen up again and Petition'd nothing of God March 12. saith he my soul was in an exceeding spiritual frame wherein God exceedingly deadned me as to worldly-mindedness with which through a little dallying with a day or two before I was somewhat bewitch'd Oh! my soul take heed of jesting with covetous expressions lest it prove thy snare On Saturday night April the 1st my spirit was very much refresh'd in the light of Gods countenance the actings of my faith being very visible in relation to Newingtons salvation A friend of mine told me of a very carnal wretch that at hearing of me concerning the unkindness of sinners to God was very importunate with the said party to write out my Sermon for him which importunity lasted for a week or more but at length the said importunate party waxed cold and he heard no more of him when he had written it out for him Note All convictions and all meltings are not converting For the searching of such like we have this experimental Preacher recording You shall find it in your dealings with some souls that it is very hard to bring them off their good meanings and wishes especially such as are any thing moral and haply do subdue some of their grosser sins Examine such thus First How doth your soul take it if you find not God in prayer if you can rise up as you kneel down find God or not find him suspect thine heart for all is not right within Secondly Whether doth the absence of God or the loss of a creature a child or a wife or a husband most trouble thee thou maiest by this search thine heart to the quick for the loss of whatsoever it is that troubles thee most that is thine heart most upon Indeed the heart of this choice servant of the Lord was much upon his Masters work for the good of Souls For on a time June 1651. we find he had noted that he was furpriz'd in spirit with joy unutterable breaking out Oh! how did my bowels earn when I thought of Souls at a distance from God and sitting upon the shadow of death Whereupon he communicated his experience to his Chamber-fellow XL. And now having after thorow examination and profession of his faith been solemnly set apart to his Ministerial office and Pastoral Charge by the laying on of the hands of
in several particulars 1. Sorrow is the proper consequent of sin Christians therefore so far as freed from sin are necessarily in a state of freedom from sinful sorrow slavish fear c. That liberty 2 Cor. 3. latter end is fixed to joy nothing so genuine and characteristically appendant to the state of an Adopted Child of God as joy because having the spirit he ought to rejoyce evermore and that with joy unspeakable and full of glory 2. I grant also that Saints ought to joy in one anothers society with a spiritual delight considering the Wisemans saying Prov. 15.16 Better is little with the fear of the Lord than great treasures and trouble therewith The company of such should be all their delight Psal 16.3 Christ himself speaks of his rejoycing in the habitable parts of his earth and his delights with the sons of men Prov. 8.31 This might be more at large evidenc'd from Scriptures 3. I must as I have had too sad a cause put in this much That as Christian liberty in other things through Satans policy is abused too too much for an occasion to the gratifying of the flesh and vanity of heart which should not be Gal. 5.13 so in this which I account if it be brought to the face vain laughter Which I shall describe in brief and then leave to spiritual judgments There is such a frame of heart in many precious Saints as this viz. Acertain sudden indeliberate and rash leaping of heart carelesly blindly and unadvisedly transported with fleshly apprehensions of some sensual ridiculousness in somewhat though never so spiritual without the soul an unreasonable jocundness a shameful discovery of the hearts nakedness and inconsiderable jovialty a carnal unaccountable tripudiation in cases never so serious yea sometimes when most serious a delightful frenzy an irregular itching of the laughing faculty Alas I cannot but say I have sound mine own heart sometime like a feather following the puff of any ridiculous object up and down according to the less or greater impression which any vain foolish matter made upon my sense I had occasion to cry out June 18. O the filthy emptiness of my weak heart arising from those troubled steams within me This I could then count nothing but a fuzze of vanity a bubble of corruption a carnal dancing of the careless sons the bane of reason and poyson of Religion Carnality therefore and vanity are the formal Constitutives of this distemper Vanity I say and lightness in an untameable predominancy The internal cause of it is the loosness and rottenness of such a soul as is void of the actual exercise or power of reason discretion and judgment but it is promoted cherished and enlarg'd from some particular circumstance in the object ab extra let into the unsetled mind and indisposed heart by the quick convoy of the bruitish senses which causes this lightness I speak of or an unaccountable or over-powerful frame of laughing upon the presentation of the imagination or understanding either of a very serious thing grace or carriage of a person apprehended under the notion of his being usually familiar or light or more nearly I mean spiritually related to the soul thus distempered having for its external rise or occasion ex parte objecti that very thing ordinarily which to a rectified and considerative mind should rather be a cause of sorrow or serious humble rejoycing namely sometimes 1. Anothers expression of the like vanity 2. The more precious serious or so apprehended Saint his casting his eyes fixedly upon thee 3. Such a familiar Saint his relation either of some great sin or some special act of divine grace in any spiritual working of soul or his putting a light soul on any more singularly advantageous duty suppose Prayer out of a serious heart 4. The external efficient cause of this distemper is Satan who perceiving the heart loose at the bottom easily disposed to lightness of spirit makes it more vain and causeth other objects to take 5. As the cause of this distemper is very bad because corruptio optimi est pessima so the effects are and proportionably worse Take it thus in the lump It 's scandalous and a temptation to others it makes one uncredible as to any spiritual thing done or urg'd by one in such a frame yea it renders a more serious mood suspicious upon the same account it grieves true Saints and delights the Devil In respect of ones self it causes accordingly as it is more prevalent a general indisposition to all acts of Religion and sense of God it deprives a man of all spiritual communion either with God or his Saints for it takes away seriousness which is the considerate fixedness of the soul as to acts of reliance on Christ for strength against it and lastly it hinders sympathizing with other Saints especially as to mourning 6. There be connexed with this distemper while it is in act upon the soul 1. Pride self-applauding no self-abasing apprehensions 2. Security of heart no sense of the Lords being dishonoured Having seen these particulars opening the nature of lightness or carnal laughter the concerning Question is XLVI How may I distinguish betwixt Christian joys and this kind of laughter Answ First Spiritual joy and the expressions thereof be it in smiles or other gestures is still competent and consistent with the hearts well-disposedness towards God and all spiritual things because it is the fruit of the spirit Gal. 5.22 This doth as it were oyl the Chariot-wheels of the soul disposing it better to communion with God and all spiritual activity Yea seeing it ariseth from some love of God and Christ in him darted into the soul it fits the soul more for Christ and inflames it towards him by this the apprehensions of God are not extinguished but sweetned not diminisht but rather enlarg'd Whereas è contra the frame before mentioned dims the light of grace which by the spirit hath been sown in the soul it quenches the spirit of divine Union and so estranges the soul from God it sets the door open to backsliding and profaneness of heart and we see it is the nurse of profaneness in our spiritual backsliding Get a soul into never so high an attainment this will cast him down and betray him so that the soul hereby is brought to a strange loss seeing the spirit through such vanity of mind is sent away with grief and sadness I could produce a most remarkable instance of one a most precious one amongst us who by this means and the subtilty of Satan was cheated of very much spiritual comfort Secondly Spiritual joy and the expression thereof in cheerfulness consists with prudence and discretion so that a man may be spiritually joyous and yet behave himself fuitably to occasions persons and circumstances but this laughing frame puts a soul upon absurd unbeseeming and unsuitable carriages as laughing when one goes to sympathize with a soul broken for sin See Partic. 3d. above Thirdly
A man hath power over h imself in the expression of spiritual joy to order it well but he hath no power to refrain from or regulate this laughing even then when he well knew he ought not to laugh Fourthly Spiritual pleasantness is acceptable to all that are wise to salvation but a civil discreet man would be exceedingly offended to see Christians so unreasonably transported to laugh and know not wherefore Fifthly Spiritual joy and cheerfulness is not only every way regular but well-grounded too Now of this same laughter above describ'd a man can give no rational account at all Sixthly The last inconvenience which should cause an utter extirpation of this wild kind of laughing as that which stands in opposition to spiritual cheerfulness is non-edification The spirits of Saints are more cold and flat and indisposed by it Reflexion strikes conscience for it as vain but true Christian mirth joy and cheerfulness hath contrary effects with Saints From the premises for the determination of the case I thus judg 1. Christians smiling at their first congress if conscience suggest not some sufficient ground or spiritual account thereof must needs be some degree of vanity aforesaid as proceeding from the lightness of their spirits especially if their meeting be spiritual and deeply serious in which cases the vanity of heart in Christians doth oftentimes bubble up and should be check'd 2. One of the best ways for a Christian to discern both in the point of Congress and the whole continuance of converse whether his smiling or laughter be vain or spiritual consequently lawful and commendable is his having power over his heart therein so that he can restrain it if he thinks fit still keeping spiritual liberty to the exercise of other spiritual duties which vain laughter and smiling alloweth not XLVII Saints often times in the midst of their spiritual enjoyments are apt to meet with this tentation the Devil suggesting such thoughts as these Surely this joy will not last always one time or other thy sins will provoke God to leave thee utterly For dost thou think that he can ever look upon sin and not punish it seeing he is of purer eyes than to behold iniquity but with detestation Know that in such a case God would have thee to live by faith I mean as to thy during joys And of this we have an excellent Type in Exod. 16.25 God would have the Israelites to gather Manna only for the present day and to cast off all solicitousness as for the morrow And God doth this and suffers such injections of Satan to try thy faith as he did theirs which you may observe in all Gods methods of grace towards them He brought them into the Wilderness where they were to trust him for provision into the Red-sea that they might trust him with their lives And truly upon a serious consideration we shall find his methods the same in these Gospel-times Get therefore to live by faith Here may be confuted a scruple of many a poor soul being not yet come up to discover its Saintship Whether it may laugh or be merry seeing it knows not but it may be in a state of Damnation The Devil by such a temptation or injection works much upon a scrupulous soul Let such an one argue thus with himself There is no more reason for this that I should not laugh being as yet ignorant of mine eternal happiness than that I should not study or work or follow my calling in such a case for one helps me as to my spiritual state as the other But again Let such an one know this that he must exceedingly watch over his heart in such a condition for perhaps it 's joy is too carnal and by embasing of that joy he may want of spiritual comfort For he that regards the least iniquity in his heart the Lord will not hear him And perhaps this is thy bosom-pleasure pray therefore that thine heart may be moderated to such pleasures and mortified more to the world There is a temper of spirit in some Saints at sometimes although very rarely that being in a raised frame they are so full of divine love that every verse of Scripture they have read hath begotten a new extasie of joy and they have been thus for a while together yea so long that they have been weary of rejoycing this excelling sensation is too strong many times for the body and by reason of the weakness of the flesh there is not a sufficiency of spirits to fluctuate about the heart for a long time but by degrees they decay and weaken or as Mr. Lockier says Gods consolations are as your Aqua Vitae is and the Saints of a weak brain quickly turn'd with the reception of them So that God in wisdom gives us in comfort by measure lest our weak vessels should break XLVIII Consonant to that Christian cheerfulness for the describing distinguishing and regulation of which as we have had his thoughts once and again and his friends were refresh'd with this well-regulated temper in their conversation with him So in his preparatory experimental Theology we find him resolving and recording some things concerning the raising of a Christians affection and carriage with reference to the praising of God Where he notes Many souls are troubled in the examinations of themselves about their affections whether they are set more upon God or things here below and are exceeding apt to conclude against themselves Upon which observation he resolves First Thou art not to think that thine heart is to be ever actually set upon God in the midst of thy worldly affairs and therefore if thou art in thy studies or employments of any other honest particular calling If heavenly thoughts come in thou art not so to entertain them as immediately to leave off the business of thy particular calling and fall to spiritual exercises therefore one comparing the thoughts of man saith some are like to a friend others like to strangers coming to visit another man Now the friend coming at the door he will turn his friend into the door and make him tarry a while till he hath done with his stranger but the stranger being gone he will return then to his friend and he shall lodg with him perhaps all night The Application of this is very sweet you your selves may apply it But Secondly If thou canst but willingly and freely part with the world with thy corruptions and desire heartily of God that he would deaden thine heart to creatures and give in more of himself it is a sure evidence that thou takest more delight in the things of God than of the world And of this we have an example which the Apostle gives us in the Patriarchs Heb. 11.13 14. These all died in or according to faith not having received the promises but having seen them afar off and were perswaded of them and embraced them and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth for they that say
such things declare plainly that they seek a countrey XLIX Further there from the story of the Woman of Canaan who acted faith on Christ for the cure of her daughter whereupon Christ said unto her O woman great is thy faith be it unto thee as thou willest and immediately her daughter was made whole He infers that Saints should not have slight and superficial thoughts of these outward mercies but should know these mercies come or stream from the same fountain as spiritual mercies do and can we think that sweet and sowr water come from the same fountain Oh get your hearts into an admiring spiritual praising frame for outward mercies Upon which he put this Question What is the reason that Saints find it such an hard thing for them to get their hearts into a praising frame for the receit of mercies meerly external Ans First Examine thy soul whether thou dost not set thine heart too much upon some external mercy as learning parts estate and this perhaps may be the cause why God doth not spiritualize thine heart in the reception of that food and health thou hast And here we may allude to a place of Scripture If then thou regardest iniquity in thine heart the Lord will not hear thy prayer So if thou dost idolize one creature too much God in punishing of thee will not raise thine heart to praise him for another mercy Secondly Another reason may be because thou hast not studied Christ in such mercies so as to acknowledg thou art made partaker of them by his procurement Thirdly Because thou hast not constantly liv'd upon God for the giving of them in and if God should keep some of them from thee thou couldst praise God as well as for the giving of them to thee being not regardful of thy dependance upon him for all thou hast Fourthly Examine your selves whether or no you pray'd for these mercies which you now receive and for which you find your soul indispos'd to thankefulness Assure your selves there is no greater motive to a mans thankefulness to God than when he looks upon mercies given in as a fruit of prayer Of this you may have an instance Rom. 1.8 9 10. saith Paul there I thank my God through Jesus Christ for you all that your faith is spoken of throughout the world And what is the reason Vers 9 10. For God is my witness whom I serve in my spirit in the Gospel of his Son that without ceasing I make mention of you always in my prayers making request c. L. As he had early impressions upon his heart to Sabbath-sanctification so they continued to the last For several years as some of his nearest Relatives have observ'd it was his usual practise when he rose out of his bed on the Lords-days in the mornings with a cheerful heart and voice to sing a Psalm or some part of it or spiritual Hymn for the putting of himself into a spiritual frame for the work of the day or to repeat those eucharistical expressions or salutations of the heavenly host recorded Luke 2.14 Glory to God in the highest and on earth peace good-will towardmen By this means his spirit was much rais'd and â—e shew'd himself not less zealous for the well-performance of the Lords work than he then was for the due sanctifying of the Lords-day not only in the Congregation but in his Family and amongst his Friends For hearing some of them on that blessed day talking about worldly matters he fairly rebuk'd them with kindness saying John when in the Isle of Patmos was in the spirit on the Lords-day He had acquainted us in his experiments on Saturday night the middle of June 1651. when before he went to bed he did by the spirit exceedingly heighten the free-grace of God to him of a dream of his saith he there I dreamed that some Scholars were playing at Ninepins in our Chappel on the Sabbath-day My thought when I saw them Oh! how was my spirit moved I ran amongst them kick'd them down and said Hath England lost so much blood for such sins and will you take no warning And this I utter'd very affectionately Such dreams as these lik'd me well and from thence I often gathered the frame of my spirit On a Sabbath sometime after this he records I was not in the day in so spiritual a frame as I desired my thought mine heart knew little of God which I was desirous to have been my trouble but towards the evening reading Gal. 4.9 But now that ye have known God or rather are known of God c. How kindly did that place work on me as eye-salve to my faith as fire to my love The word was this or rather being known of God It seems that was the precious word which did rest so sweetly upon the heart and so deeply affect this choice Servant of the Lord on the Lords-day when he us'd to have his heart greatly rais'd in singing of Psalms in his family and would say to his Wife and Relatives Do not you find a sweetness in this day Oh! certainly it is the sweetest day in all the week LI. In all his Relations he was a man greatly beloved and singularly useful by prayer counsel and various other ways of doing them good We have him on Feb. 25. 1652. recording an experiment which his Relatives had to his dying-day an abundant proof of His own words are At morning mine heart was melted and so at evening in a special manner Ch how evidently God made out my faith to me both for my self and others especially for our family and my other Christian friends and the Church in general for bringing peace to her Verily of a truth the spirit help'd me in that prayer I was much broken in heart and had a deep sense of the love of God A little after he adds I was much in melting humility let it be one of the evidences of thy Saintship for I never saw humility more apparent before Oh! praise thou God and never cease One of his nearest Relatives remembers he would often say in self abasement If it were possible I could do as much work for God as any man did upon earth I would not care whether it were known there were such a man as I am in the world So little regard had he to the applause of men in what he did and so little regard had he to the rewards of men that when some had told him of some small presents that such and such neighbours had presented to some of his brethren in the Ministry and thereupon asked him Whether they had been with him He answered no And subjoyn'd he was not sorry he was pass'd by in that way saying I am heartily glad I had not their presents so that I might receive my reward from my Master For I am never better pleased than to think after I have done his work that Jesus Christ hath all my reward in reversion for me yea and he would
that thou hadst just now sinned and broke that law which threatned death and upon the breach doth find thee guilty Think that thou sawest a flaming Cherubim a messenger of the Court of Heaven flirt in at that door and arrest thee for High treason and give thee a summons to rise from the seat thou sittest on to make a sudden answer for thy life Look then my soul Ah! I lookt just now I see that door wide open What 's this a spirit Ah me I am undone for I have sinned I think the room shakes under me or else 't is my heart that 's trembling What 's this I hear I must now answer for my life Oh what shall I say I know not what I have sinned my Conscience tells me that I have sinned the witness within will cast me I see the Inditement writ with blood on my heart the pride sensuality and the earthliness of which I am charged with I am not able to deny one tittle Oh for a mountain to cover me Oh whither shall I go whither shall I fly That Bed these Curtains this Closet cannot hide me My Mother Father Wife or Child cannot help me O who then shall I run whither I know not vengeance will find me out where ever I go Oh cursed and subtil Satan are all thy fair promises and inticements come to this O my wicked cursed foolish heart that ever I should believe him before my Creator that told me the day I sinned I should surely die Oh that for a little simple transient pleasure I should so madly hazard my eternal life and now I must be cast to Hell to bear the punishment of my folly Think once again think that this were the day and this the very place in which God should come and sit in Judgment on thee Methinks I see the Heavens bow themselves Oh what a crackling do I hear in the Clouds look yonder see who comes it is my Judg his countenance is as a flame of fire he utters his voice like Thunder the mountains skip or rather shake or rather tremble Now now is the time of my utter destruction near at hand Oh how shall I look him in the face his looks do already affright me I shall not say one word and I have not one friend that will say one word for me It 's true I see a terrible glorious Troop of Angels that do attend him but they are all his friends and therefore all my enemies I dare not speak a word to them and alas if I should they are all but his servants and fellow-creatures with my self alas they cannot yea they will not help me It 's true there is one that one that seems as one with God the beams of whose countenance are far brighter than all the Host of Heaven Besides if God have a Son it may be it is he methinks he is a mirrour of his Fathers Glory but this I know not be what he will he cannot pity me a sinner the doors of hope are all shut up and now as a miserable wretch I must prepare to hear my sentence the Judg is set and with trembling heart and joints I stand a prisoner at the bar for my life and now I must attend his call God speaks Sinner where art thou The Sinner answers Lord here am I. God speaks How darest thou thus abuse my Grace and kindle up my zeal against thee that now as stubble it will consume thee Is this the thanks that thou hast returned for all the love that I have shewed to thee Must I make a whole world and give it to thee and as if that was too little I bid thee freely take my self and all and would not this content thee Was I not as a father to thee the time thou lovedst me and didst obey me Did I not make thy seat a Paradise and strewed thy paths with pleasure Did I not rejoice over thee as a young man over his bride What evil hast thou found in me that thou shouldst thus rebelliously revolt and break my Laws and for a trifle sell my favour and hazard my eternal pleasures Speak sinner was it not so The Sinner answers My God these weeping eyes and bended knees confess so much God speaks Had I not told thee that sin would have cost thee thy life then thou hadst had some excuse have I said it and will the great God change Sinner thou must die I told thee so before and now I tell thee again the God of Heaven cannot lye Get thee gone thou cursed wretch into eternal flames and keep that Devil company in chains and torments with whom thou hast rebelled against me and go see what pleasure thou hast in sinning The Sinner answereth Thou great God and terrible Judg I do confess thy sentence just but if there be any bowels of mercy in thee pity me or I die for ever Mercy mercy Lord for I am thy creature the workmanship of thy hands If there be any thing in the trembling heart and hands and knees of this thy sentenced prisoner that will move compassion Oh pity pity a condemned sinner God speaks What! stays he longer to trouble my patience I say be gone thou cursed though thou art my creature know that my wrath hath kindled on better creatures than thou art get thee to Hell and the howling Devils will tell thee as much The Sinner speaks Ah wo wo wo to me for ever cursed I am and cursed must I go for ever My Righteous Judg and ye Glorious Angels adieu for ever Live live for ever blessed and happy in his love I might have lived and joyed and gloried in that God that made both ye and me but like a wretch that I am wo that ever I was born I sold his favour and so my eternal life for a thing of nought a vain lust a sinful pleasure that lasted but for a season and I go I go into eternal flames What says my heart to this Methinks the very thoughts of it do make my heart to quiver and my flesh to shake all round about me I feel no strength in all my joints God speaks So so I am glad something moves thee But think again that the Devil did take hold of thee and drag thee from the place thou sittest on to Hell suppose the Father frowning on thee and all the Angels shouting thee down to Hell and glorying in thy damnation but think again thou sawest when all were joying to see thee sentenced to Hell that he that sat just by the Judg whom thou thoughtest even now to be his Son but knewest it not Look look methinks I see him rise off his Throne see see how the Angels fall to adore him methinks he is a coming near thee Oh how my heart doth tremble Oh what will he torment me before my time Ah me my doom is great enough already Sinner speaks Thou wilt not send me to a worser place than Hell my Judg hath passed my
you come to ground Ye glorious Angels and ye blessed spirits of just men made perfect that live above you that have been wading downward these five thousands of years do ye feel a bottom or are ye near one Away away my foolish heart if this be all thou hast to plead he may redeem thee and take thee for his Spouse and betroth thee to himself notwithstanding all this Object But Oh this filthy loath some fleshly self this base unthankeful earthly heart that can prefer a dunghill dross and dirt before him that can freely lay out his love to a creature like my self But Oh how hard and stiff and unrelenting am I to my God But Oh he will slight me because I have often put him off and slighted him he cannot love and die for such a one as I am Answ Cease fool thy reasonings he cannot love an enemy because thou canst not he cannot die because thy cowardly heart will not suffer thee Why should he fear the grave that had power over it And what though thou art unworthy of his love if he will have thee and make thee worthy Thy heart is base and what of that if he will mend it thy filthy rotten and polluted soul he intends to wash and cleanse it till it is without spot and wrinkle or any such thing Thy stubborn proud earthly and lustful heart he can make humble tender soft and yielding And when he hath made thee as he would why may not he take thee to himself and lay thee next his heart and delight over thee everlastingly Object But will his Father yield to this I am too poor a match for the Son and heir of all things But will he can he suffer his Son to die to buy such a beggarly thing to himself as I am Answ Away these silly simple childish thoughts how like an inhabitant of this earthly sensual world dost thou reason thou wilt not under-match and therefore will not God his Son Thou fool thou wilt not because thou canst find another equal But dost thou not know that God can find none equal to his Son he must stoop or else go without It 's true he might have gone without but what if he would not why should not Heaven have its will as well as thou Thou hast no dowry and he doth need none and yet thou arguest as if Heaven would make traffick with his Son and his love as we filly worms do here but we are beggars and so are Angels and all the glorious Hosts above they are his Creatures hang and depend upon him and cannot subsist one moment happy without supplies and helps of his Grace and why may he not bring a beggarly man as near to himself as a beggarly Angel if so it pleaseth him Object But doth it so please him Answ How often have I told thee it doth please him and hast thou not believed Come if thy hearing will not satisfie let thy seeing do it Look if thou hast eyes Come tell me doth not Heaven look as though it was pleased with the offer of his Son What cloud or darkness dost thou see about the Throne what sign or token of displeasure canst thou at all discover Open thine eyes view the God of Glory Do his looks bespeak him to be thy Father or thy Judg And canst thou not read both Husband Father and Lord and all in his countenance What not see it surely thou art blind If he had not told as much from his own mouth his eyes and looks bespeak his love and favour loud and clear enough to thee But doth he not tell thee to put thee out of all doubt this is my well beloved Son hear him hear him what 's that believe him whatsoever he says why what saith he O dull and stupid heart hast thou forgot already He said he will pay his life for thine and doth not his Father bid thee hear him He said he would reconcile thee love thee and make thee friends again And is it not comfort when the Father bids thee believe him he said he will pardon wash and cleanse thee and take thee to himself and betroth thee to him for ever and after all will give thee to see his Glory even the same Glory which he had before the world And the Father is willing to all this for he tells thee his Son is his well-beloved Son and bids thee believe him and misdoubt not one syllable And canst thou after all this doubt that the Father is not willing But do not his Angels likewise who are ministring spirits with voice and looks proclaim as much that Heaven is well pleased with the Son and with his Death and Passion and so with thee in him Do not the Angels admire the mystery of Redeeming Grace that makes them so desirous to peep into it Why did they proclaim his coming into the world and sing for joy that there was good-will in Heaven to men on earth or why do they so diligently attend thee by night and by day Thou seest them not keep guard about thy Chamber-door and round about the curtains of thy bed Why do they attend thee from room to room and follow thee down stairs and out of doors if it were not but that thou art some great Princess nearly allied to their Lord and Master Thou dost not see this blame then thine eyes and the infidelity of thy heart shall it be less true because thy base infidelity cannot digest it Thou might doubt God Heaven and every thing else on that score but hast thou not it from his own mouth that the Angels are ministring spirits for the heirs of glory Come tell me I say tell me quickly I must have an answer Can this and all this be true and Heaven yet not be pleased If God with his Son and Angels be all content that thou shouldst be restored and so exalted to such dignities as to be heir unto the Crown of Heaven if these be pleased who is there in Heaven that can else be displeased What saith my heart what not yet one word Oh how long shall I be troubled and pestered with thy unbelief Oh my God strike chide and break this flint reprove this stubborn and unbelieving heart I cannot perswade it that thou lovest me or art willing to love me I urge thy word and my best reason to prove it but I cannot make it yield Oh break I pray thee this Flint or Adamant upon thy downy breast of love strike and one blow of thine will make it fall in pieces and confess at length that thou art well pleased with thy Son and fully satisfied that he should bleed and die for me But let me try thee once again if thou hast lost thine ears and eyes I 'le see if thou hast lost thy feeling too Thou sayest thou canst not believe that God is willing to accept the Son for thee or that thou so vile a wretch canst be accepted of by the Father
same and before this age did not our Fathers and Grandfathers and great Grandfathers and so continued a testimony of ages from the time that they were done to this day witness to the truth of them and that so unanimously and resolutely that ten thousands have rather chosen to lose their lives than the truth of them Now put all these together and tell me canst thou doubt Away I see thou dost but trifle confess the truth or I am resolved to heed thee no longer Come take and embrace that crucified Jesus account all things else but as loss and dross and dung in comparison with him stick not at his outward meanness scruple not at his ignominious dying it is the very Christ the Saviour of the world Oh why shouldest-thou thus torment me Dost thou not see all thy fellow-Christians to glory in that Cross and in that Christ that died on it Do they not bear it as a badg of honour and shall it be to thee as shame Do not all the Christian World eat and drink as often as they can the Symbols of this their dying Lord And do they not all sing and joy and triumph in it and wilt thou the while lye vexing thy self over a company of needless fears and scruples Farewell all needless doubts and tormenting questions I see my faith is built on a Rock blow winds beat waves you cannot now remove me Blessed God! I thank thee for thy Son thou hast given his life for the spoiler thou hast bowed his back to the enemies long furrows have they plowed upon it and the day of his calamity they laughed at Lord thou hast wounded him for my sins and bruised him for my iniquities These speak the depth of thy counsels and the ways of thy mercy past finding out and the tenderness of thy Bowels Thou hast made him my Rock and my shield and my strong tower and in the day of my sorrow through him thou wilt hear me To thee O God will I make my vows and to thee will I pay them I will humble my self before thee I will always lye at the feet of my Redeemer Lord his Cross and his shame shall be no more a stumbling-block to me I will take it up and follow him it shall be my Crown my Song and the glory of my rejoicing I will enter into thy Courts with joy and in the Congregations of thy Saints shall be my delight I will remember thy loving-kindnesses of old and the days in which thou didst afflict thy only Son for the sins of my Soul I will call to mind the Covenant of thy Grace and my heart shall praise thee when I see it founded on blood Then will I betroth my self to thy Son join thou Lord both our hands and hearts and we will strike up a match for ever Praise thou the Lord Oh my soul and all you that love and fear him praise his holy name The SACRAMENT The Dress Lord where am I What! all the Children of the Bride-chamber up and drest and I slumbering in my bed Tell me ye fairest what make you up so early Alas our Lord was up before us all He called us up by break of the day and wondered that we were not triming our lamps knowing with whom we were to feast this day Oh! well then I will rise up too Oh what a shew do these bright and glittering Saints make in mine eyes What a brightness do these pearls and diamonds cast in mine eyes they do strike me into amazement Oh what a lovely humble look doth crown their brow and what a comely countenance hath joy and Heavenly delight cast on their cheeks surely they did not thus dress themselves it was my Father that made them thus prepar'd to entertain his Son But where are my Clothes Now for the fairest sweetest robe of thoughts and wishes that can be found or that the wardrobe of my Father can afford me Oh how naked am I But where are my silken golden twists of Faith to hang the jewels of joy and love and humility upon I am never drest till they be on Oh where where are they I saw them by me but just now I laid them by my heart before I went to bed Oh what was I so long a reasoning about Oh what long and many threds did my reason spin even now but to make these twines to tye up my joy and to raise up my love and to hang my Heavenly delight upon But ah I fear this envious world hath with her vanities stollen them away or hid them from me or the envious Devil or unbelief have been ravelling or snarling of them that now I am as far to seek as ever Whither O whither shall I go to find them out Now will the Bridegroom come and I am not ready I cannot dare not go to day Now will my Lord be angry and ask me why I came not and I have no answer to make him And if I go undrest he will ask me where is my Wedding-garment and then I shall be speechless Ah foolish simple heart that thou wouldst take no more care but to let these thoughts of earth so intangle themselves with thy so pure and Heavenly contemplations Now how to get them loose again thou knowest not this thou mightst by heed and care have prevented but now what help Lord I have sinned O holy Father pardon this time and I will take more heed Oh come and unty my thoughts from this earth and come and dress me up as best pleaseth thee Come be not discouraged Oh my soul Let but thy attire of Grace be whole that is sincere thy God and so thy Saviour will accept thee Though thy garments are not so much perfumed with heaven as thy brethrens are but yet if they are but white and free from the spots of flesh and spirit thou wilt be looked on and liked of well enough Thy Lord doth know that all have not talents alike and where he gives but a little he expects but little A Faith that is richly embroidered over with love and delight is not given to all and is not expected from any but from those to whom it is given Thou hast an honest willing serious heart that thinks it doth despise and trample under feet the nearest dearest pleasures profits and glories in the world in compare with him that gave himself to death for thee and hadst rather anger flesh and blood the dearest friends and all the world than him by sinning against him in the least If this be true fear not thou hast thy Wedding-garment on thou art well clad as mean soever as it is it is such a one as Heaven gave thee and such a one as thy dear Redeemer can and will embrace thee in The Presence-Chamber Fear not O my soul I charge thee do not faint Let not thy weakness and the poverty of thy grace discourage thee see how thy Lord draws nigh Fear not I say he will not ask
thee Friend how camest thou hither not having on thy Wedding-garment He sees thy heart and sees thou hast it on Oh he comes and it is but to whisper thee a welcome in thine ear it is but to fall about thy neck and kiss thy be-tear'd cheeks and bid thee a kind welcome to thy bleeding Lord. Soul Oh did I think to be thus much made of I thought he would not have minded me but I did no sooner appear and set my feet within the doors but he ran to meet me he took me in his arms he brought me hither and set me here Is this a house or is it a Palace Is this a Court for Princes or for Angels Never did place more ravish me into amazement than this place Beautiful are thy gates O Zion O how pleasant is the habitation of the most high Is it the place or the company that strikes me into astonishment Now I can say most feelingly say with David My delights are with the Saints of the most high and the most excellent of the earth Their poverty their disgrace their contempt amongst whom they live do not puzzle my quick-ey'd Faith these are the Kings Daughters that are all glorious within their garments are of needle-work imbroidered over with pure gold fine-spun gold These O these hovv poor and mean soever they are or may seem to be these shall sit vvith Christ to judg the World Oh! hovv my foul is ravished vvith delight to see and look on those with whom I shall live for ever If they are so lovely now what will they be hereafter when our God shall take them and scowr off their rust and wash their Garments bright in the Sun-shine of his countenance and change those mortal and corruptible bodies into immortal and glorious ones and set them upon Thrones about himself and lade their heads with Crowns of massy gold and when I shall hear them warbling out the everlasting Praises of the Lamb whose Body and Blood we all sit down to feed on Communion-Plate Never was Gold or Silver graced thus before To bring this Body and this Blood to us is more than to Crown Kings or be made Rings For Star-like Diamonds to glitter in The Bread Welcome Fairest take and eat 't is the sweetest dainties dearst morsel Heaven can afford thee Welcome my Dear to the Table of thy Lord. Welcome a thousand times I bid thee yea welcomer than thine own heart can wish Take eat this morsel it cost my life it 's a portion thy Father sent unto thee by me and bid me remember thee of his love to thee He bids thee remember a Fathers love I a Saviours He hath a heart to give thee and so have I. Take this in earnest of them both in one Take freely if thou wert not welcome I would have told thee I would have asked thee for thy Wedding-garment knew I not thy heart or if I were uncertain of thy love I would have scorn'd thee as unworthy of my presence did I know thou lovest any thing above me I would have hid my face and never have spoke thee a welcome so feelingly and kindly to thy soul Tell me O tell me dost thou not love me I know thou dost and above Father or Mother Wife or Child Lands or Living or Credit I know thou dost And wilt thou not take the Cross and follow me I know thou wilt I see and know the labour of thy love I remember the pains and travel of thy soul I saw thee follow me on thy knees in tears and begged my life rather than thy life I know thy heart I saw it bleeding before my Throne I took it in my arms and bound it up and in that breast I remember I put it up again I saw thee when no eye saw thee I heard thee and had compassion on thy groanings whilst thou wert complaining that I had shut out thy prayers I well remember since thy heart did first fall sick with love since the time thy flesh began to die and since thou laidst thy self in the grave down by me and wert willing to die to all this vain empty glory of the world because I died and left it I know thee well enough Thou art mine and I am thine Take it I charge thee eat it as thou lovest me and whilst thou feedest remember the love of thy dearest Redeemer Soul Oh 't is the sweetest meat that ever tongue did tast it sends a rellish to my very heart I find it digests as it deseends I feel my nerves and sinews strengthen I never knew that bread was the staff of life till now Oh how fit is my soul now for Christ How easie do I now find his yoke how light his burden Methinks I could watch or pray or read more earnestly resolvedly believingly than ever Oh! methinks I can take his Cross and bear it strongly and take the shame and despise it fully Oh 't is a feast of fat things The richest banquet of love that ever I was at it was but a little that I took and it fills me full my hungry stomack now crys 't is enough I find it now verified to my soul and spirit that he that eats of this bread shall never hunger more Well I need not starve when there is such bread in my Fathers house I need not I will not I cannot feed any longer on husks with the swine of the world I fed on air and smoak before I never tasted substantial bread till I tasted of this This is the staff of my life and upon this will I support my self to my very grave The Wine Christ Come my Dearest I have drunk and thou shalt pledg me I have broached my side and drew it on purpose for thee This is a Wine of mine own making when I trod the Winepress of my Fathers wrath It is my blood but take and drink it it was the cause of my wounding but to thy soul it shall prove healing I died and bled it was but to make this Banquet for thee I have brought thee into my Wine-cellar and my Banner over thee shall be love Fear not take and drink thou hast an ulcer in thy heart and this shall cure it spots and stains of guilt on thy soul and this shall purge them away thy spirits are faint this shall revive thee thou art afraid to see thy Fathers face this shall make thee to draw near the Throne of Grace with boldness Drink I charge thee drink on thy love and loyalty to me I command thee as thou wilt have thy heart to mend thy wounds to cure thy spirits to revive thy fears to scatter thy soul to love and obey me take O take this cup into thy hand taste it and praise my love Soul Lord I have taken I have drunk as thou hast bid me I neither could or dare deny thee Can I refuse thy blood when I have accepted thy self Or can I accept my pardon at thy hands and
refuse the seal thereof I know I am vile I am vile but thou hast pardoned me Lord I have abused thy love a thousand times refused thy offered self and withstood the tenders of thy Grace but thou hast covered all my sins thou hast freely justified me by thy Grace and made a full attonement for me by thy blood this is that thou freely biddest me take and I have freely drunk it Never was Wine so full as this is Never was Bowl so full of pleasure as this I have swallowed down my life and pardon at one draught I took it from my Saviours hand it was a cup of his own preparing If ever drink was sugared this was I never tasted better rellisht Wine in all my life The richest Cordials cannot match this draught Divine Spirits of pearls dissolved would but dead this Wine Oh when my hopes but kist the purple dews they hung and cleaved so As if they were loth to let thee go They strove and strugled to get near my heart As if intending there to take a part I dare not say them nay blood from that bowl May the best room command within my soul What a sudden strange yet happy alteration do I find within my languid spirits are revived my winter is over Methinks I feel my life and joy to spring amain My Aarons Rod a dry stick but now doth bloom and flourish My newly ingrafted soul is full of Infant-clusters Blood at the root of Vines They say produceth richest Wines Oh! if my Lord will undertake to dress this Vine and trickle down his blood into my root then draw it up into each branch of Grace by the warming beams of his reviving love then let my Dearest come let him come as he hath promised and bring my Father and his Father with him and sup both with me and in me Let them come and I will bid them a welcome I shall have a fruit to present them with which they themselves shall say is pleasant I shall not send my Father away now so oft complaining I came to seek for grapes and fruit but behold wild ones The Conclusion Oh! how unwillingly do I rise methinks I could sit here and feast my heart and eyes for ever What running-Banquets doth my Lord afford me here surely he should not need to fear that I should surfeit on himself But alas I must be gone what shall I do in yonder hungry soul-starving world again I have been feeding on my Paschal Lamb and now I must go and eat my sowr herbs but if it be his will I must obey if it be so I must arise I know thou hast prepared the endless feast above where I shall ever sit and enjoy thy love and glut my hungry eye and heart on the Banquet of thy everlasting self As yet I am now on earth my toil and work lyes heavy on my hands I have yet an afternoon to labour out God knows my work is hard too hard for me my self to perform I scarcely should have lasted out so long but that sometimes at such seasons as this is he repaired my sinking spirits by pouring in the Cordials of his Blood Now I must go and perhaps find as sharp conflicts with my self as ever I know the World and Hell have been laying their snares and gins to catch my new-fledg'd soul and all conspire against my welfare Now it is well if I escape a fall a bruise a breaking of my bones in which sad plight I have so often lain that my Lord might have took me for dead but that my groanings told him loudly I lived Lord must I leave this feast must I go Take me then by the hand and lead me if I must walk let me see thee by me that I may know I walk with my God Lead me away and I will go with thee and let me not go till thou bringst me hither again I cannot will not live without thee And do thou Lord say I must not shall not If both our hearts in love so well agree What then shall separate my Christ from me A Meditation on the Death of Christ Preparative to the Sacrament Pen'd for his private use BUT is he dead Oh sad yet joyful news how strangely is my soul amazed and diversly mov'd and troubl'd by these contrary passions methinks I could pull up the floodgates of my sorrow and vent it out in tears but something bids me hold Shall I mourn for him that 's just now past his state of mourning He 's dead and what of that And so are all his griefs his bloody sweats his sighs and groans concluded He hath drunk on the brook in the way bitter while they were in his mouth and he was living but sweet now they have sunk into his belly and and he in Heaven Sweet to him because it was his work and he hath finisht it and sweet to me because it was the potion of sorrow death hell that I must have taken And canst thou mourn methinks if thou didst love thine heart should rather sympathize with his He is singing and shalt thou be sighing He is joying that his work is done and now is welcoming into Heaven by God his Father and shouting up by Angels voices as the great Conquerour of the hearts of men on earth and that now in triumph he is returned And will a mournful weed a wet eye and a cloudy brow become thee at these times of Festivals Shall the Heavenly Angels be joyful and thou sad How strangely will this be construed Will it not be said thou dost not love him or thou dost envy his recovered glory that he had left and now again hath taken Or that thou canst not endure to see him wear his Princes Crown in Heaven that for a time he had laid aside to come down to the earth to fetch thee thence to Heaven But ah my Lord thou wilt not sure interpret sorrow thus thou hast not sure forgot to give a meaning unto tears to teach a sigh to speak and then to know its language Hath my Lord forgot so suddenly that he was on earth and that he sweat and groan'd and wept and bled as well as I do now What though now all tears and sorrow and sighing is done away and he ceaseth to be any longer subject to our infirmities yet sure he knows it is not thus with us I am not yet in Heaven nor am I yet quite past the vale of sorrow and it cannot then be strange to him if he sees sometimes our faces look of a sadder hue than those that are in Heaven But why should thus my tears be check'd and my throbbing heart be chidden were it for a thing of nought I might be counted fool or child but shall my Saviour die and vent his soul in a stream of blood and all in love to me and shall he thus forsake the world and die and then be laid in the grave and I be denied the liberty of following
him thither as a mourner Shall it be said of the Prince of glory that he died and had the burial of an ass because there was none to sorrow forth those words of Ah my Lord What! shall it be granted to a Wife to mourn for the death of a beloved Husband and to a Child at the burial of a beloved Father Shall not such be blamed but rather pitied And shall their friends come in and confess the loss and the ground of their sorrow just and rather sit them down and bear them company in their grief And must I of all be thus censur'd Away with an Husband Wife or Child to me Is he not more to me than ten Husbands Might I not have had an hundred that would have never done half so much for me as he hath done That first left his glory for my sake and then laid down his life and took the stroke upon himself that I my self deserved and all because he lov'd me Was ever friend like this friend and ever love like this love Many waters cannot quench love but neither waters blood death nor many deaths could quench his love to me But shall he love and die in love and thus be forc'd to leave me because he lov'd me and I not mourn the absence of my best Beloved How unreasonably may any this deny me But ah what a bitter-worded check did I even now receive as if my sorrow would arise from the envying of his now glorious state and not from any love I bear him Oh! what needle-pointed words are those methinks they have pierc'd mine heart in every part and from each prick hath started forth a drop that hath set it o're with a bloody dew But how can it once be thought that envy should get a room in an heart that 's full of love with which it swells it bubbles up and runs all over it cannot be Bear witness heavens I do not grieve that you contain him but that I on earth have lost him Oh my God! I am not sorry that thy Son hath past his sufferings and is arriv'd to rest and got again into thy bosom his ancient nest of love and pleasure Oh you blessed Orders of Seraphims and Cherubims and you innumerable company of the spirits of the just men made perfect I do not envy that you have my Lord with you that you see his face and live and walk and joy in the light of his countenance Alas we your poor Brethren could not make him so welcome here on earth as you can there we lov'd him as sincerely as you and believ'd in him and took delight too in him but yet nothing near so much as you You know him better than we do for you know him as you are known and therefore know better how to prize him We know him but in part and the value price and love could but be in the like proportion He is therefore far much better there than here and how shall I then either envy him or you And what my soul should I wish him back again what if I thought I could prize and love him more and could promise the like for all his beloved disciples I could not alike engage for the wicked envious malicious unbelieving world I could not promise he should meet with no other Herod to seek his life or that the hard-hearted Jews would give him better entertainment whom they dare yet curse with the name of Conjurer though Moses and their Prophets bore witness to him and though they received a seal from Heaven in voices thunders signs and an innumerable company of real Miracles Oh no! my Lord though I could wish to fee thy face again on earth yet not in such a state of misery in the midst of a den of Bears and Lions as not long since thou wast Ah! thou knowest I took no delight to hear that traiterous news of thine own Apostle that had betray'd thee and that it fill'd mine heart with anguish to hear how shamefully and scornfully thou wast abused Thou sawest me blush when I heard thy face was spit on my head did ake when thine was crowned with thorns Anguish and indignation did loose my nerves and with a palsie shook mine hands when thine had a mock-Scepter put into them a reed and a scoff Hail Jesus King of the Jews And did not mine heart break and bleed to hear that thine was pierced Ah my Lord and shall I yet find an heart to wish thee here again No no I am glad thou hast escap'd their bloody hands and now got quite without their reach I am glad thou hast got to perfect ease and rest and know'st no pains nor griefs nor sorrows Oh! take a full possession of thy Fathers breast and sit thee down upon his Throne Thou art a King for ever And take delight in these thy soul-did travel die and bleed for on earth I will repine at nothing that shall advance thy glory But Oh! thou cruel bloody unbelieving world you wicked murtherous bloody Jews though I rejoice my Lord is safe arrived home and quietly landed within his haven yet from you I cannot hold mine anger that made his Sea a Sea of blood and drain'd his heart to make it deep and fill'd his sails with sighs and groans that caus'd his voyage to be so doleful What good got you to stand and laugh to see him sorrowful to scoff and jeer to hear his lamentations what cursed rage was that to make such hast to fetch him vinegar and gall to prolong his life to lengthen out his dolors How could you find such barbarous hearts to triumph over a bleeding dying lamb that was so innocent How could you taunt at him when you heard him praying for you Father forgive them and so tenderly excusing you for they know not what they do Methinks that kindly harmless carriage should have pierced your hearts those melting words should have dissolv'd them and instead of piercing him I should have thought you pierced And ah but that I know an unbelieving heart my self and understand what hardness means I should stand and wonder Oh! it 's too hard an Adamant for downy words and doleful sounds and tender carriages to break and shatter How often have I outstood all those my self And when I served my flesh how little did I mind them And when they have been presented to me in the Gospel or in a Sermon told that all these tortures he endur'd for me and I in part believed it too yet was I not as a man bereft of my senses and I was no more mov'd in mine heart as if I had not heard or understood and were quite bereav'd of sense and reason But had I thus continued in my senseless unbelieving state and as I liv'd so died yet how deservedly should I have born the wrath of God and have been sent to Hell as a recompence of mine unbelief And yet you careless secure Jews can you think to escape when
setled up he mounts Upon his Royal Steed Who prancing through the streets is prais'd For his victorious deed Just so my glorious blessed Prince With vict'ry on his side Being won with ghastly gaping wounds In triumph he must ride Down with a Chariot made of clouds From th' Palace-yard on high His Father sent to setch his Son In great solemnity Before he steps up to his seat Like Royal Prince he gave Rich-wonder-working gifts to 's friends And then he took his leave Strait at command the foaming winds With prancings up they fly Proud of the burthen that they drew A load of Majesty When he got home Oh! with what shouts Of joy did Heav'n resound When th' Father sat him on his Throne And there himself him crown'd Angels and Saints do all at once The Song of the Lamb sing As worthy of all honour praise Yea worthy to be King Sit there thou great Victorious Prince At thy Fathers right hand Bring down thine en'mies to thy feet Rule all by thy command HYMN V. The Souls Access LOrd hear my knocking 's hark my crys Want drives me to thy door Oh! chide not do not say Away I was here once before Where shall I go thou only hast That life none gives beside I went about the world to beg For life but all deni'd Thou art my God and Saviour To thee I naked creep Besmear'd in blood and tears I lie Lord pity see I weep If I have sin'd Lord thou hast di'd To free me thou wast sent And thou hast said I shall not die If that I will repent Justice Oh hold a while thy stroke Suffer a sinner plead It 's for my life one word and then Strike on and make me bleed If I had sin'd and would not yield But stoutly stand it out Thy wrath might then have broacht my heart And let my life run out If I had heard a Christ was come With open arms to save Had I not run for refuge there Mercy I might not crave Now Justice strike 't is done but see Where I incircled lye Within the folds of Jesus arms Strike in his arms I 'le die Chear up my heart the storm is o're Justice is ris'n and gone All thy accusers creep away Thy Christ is lest alone What blessed voice was that I heard My Son rise off thy knees Thy sins are pardon'd thou art free And I have paid thy fees Lord what a quick dispatch hast thou In grace giv'n to my cause I am arraign'd acquit set free By thy most gracious Laws Had I not guilty dar'd to plead Though fraught with Angels skill How sure my impannel'd conscience would Have sought and found the bill HYMN VI. The descent of the Spirit WHO knows the winds from whence they come Or whither they do go The holy breathings we receive Are from the Spirit ev'n so Sometimes its cooling gales we feel On Conscience all on fire Sometimes its cooling heats we find Our nummed hearts inspire This is that Holy Ghost that Christ Did promise for to send This is that pow'rful Spirit that Our stubborn hearts must bend Jerusalem the City was Design'd for his descent Thither the Christians at th' command Of th' Heavenly Angel went No sooner were they set but straight A mighty tempest rose Shook the foundations of the house Which they for pray'rs had chose Struck with amazement soon there fell Flames shap't both flat and long Which hovering light upon each head Much like a Cloven-tongue Those little fiery bushes were But wonders for to shew That th' wonder-working Spirit was Come down to men below For straight he tun'd each Christians tongue All Languages to speak The Parthians Medes and Elamites To them their minds might break Thousands of Salem flock to see This strange unheard-of thing They flock too fast for they forget Good hearts with faith to bring Some are amaz'd but others scoff Some praise but others say They have too much of tongue they 'r drunk With much new wine to day Oh injur'd God! how can'st thou bear These dreadful Blasphemies These wonders speak thy Gospel true They say it 's nought but lyes Scarce fifty days now past thy Son With nails they Crucifi'd And now to heap up sin on sin Thy Spirit they deride Instead of wrath Gods bowels yern Yet thinks them thoughts of Grace The bleeding Christ while Peter preacht The Spirit gave them chace Three thousand hearts at once he struck Who bleeding came and cri'd What shall we do we do believe On Christ we Crucifi'd O holy conquering Spirit thou Those souls did'st captivate This is a second wonder wrought Which we with Songs relate Oh let me find thy heats within As a refiners fire Purge from my heart all dross and sin This this is my desire HYMN VII First Part. THOU dreadful Judg whose Majesty Angels themselves adore That can't with open face thee see But clap their wings before When thou with whispers dost but chide The arch of Heaven doth quake Big-bellied clouds forth lightning bring And into thunders break When that thy wrath it doth but breathe Great storms of whirlwinds rise Hail snow and rain come tumbling down Whilest th' trembling sinner flies The lofty mountains stoop their heads To hide them in their vales Great men and Princes shrink for fear Their hearts and courage fails Some high and mighty Angels hatcht Treason against his Crown He spar'd them not but from their Throne With vengeance pull'd them down He chains of darkness on them laid As pris'ners doth them keep Against the great and terrible day When hardest hearts shall weep When the old world thy name forgot And laid aside their fears The gentle wrathful Heavens wept Drowns it with showers of tears When Sodom and Gomorrah burnt With fires of wanton lust With flakes of fir'd brimstone thou Those Cities burnd'st to dust Sion it self that darling hill In Salem that did stand Them both for slaying of thy Son Thou mad'st a fire-brand Our bleeding carcasses thy sword leaves reeking on the ground Yet after this we no more fear Than men fall'n in a swound Second Part. When thou O mighty God shalt come Riding upon the wind To judg the world Oh! in what place Will th' wicked refuge find How shall we hear thy shrill voice't trump Cleaving th' air asunder To wake our ashes in their graves With noise like claps of thunder Lord what a glorious train is that That on their wings do ride Look how they post in full career Thronging on either side Oh! they 're the Angels of the Lord Egypt's first-born that slay'd That took poor Lazarus soul that di'd And him in bosom laid The Trump shall sound and Michael then Th' Archangel strait shall cry Arise you dead to judgment come The Lord your lives must try Look how the wicked's bodies crawl Like Toads out of their den What ghastly fearful looks they bear They look like frighted men Why do you sinners now thus quake Call for your
cups and sing Scoff laugh deride your Preachers now Care not for Christ your King You worldlings call upon your gods See what your Gold can do Ye proud ambitious of the earth Judg whether Gospel's true Fear not you humble holy Saints This is your Marriage-day Your night is past your tears dri'd up Your sorrows fled away This day you heard of and believ'd At it your hearts did melt This wrath now come you beg'd to ' scape Whilest on the earth you dwelt Third Part. Lord I astonisht stand to think What brightness will thy face That day put on when thou thy self To mortals wilt uncase How will the bleeding mangled Christ On earth that seem'd so poor Outshine the Sun and put it out For it shall shine no more Then to the wicked he shall say See him whom you have pierce't It 's I whom you did scorn to fear And bid me do my worst You sin'd yet would not bow your knee Though I you pardon could You would go on and have your way Though th' danger you were told I must not rule you you had got A better Lord than I I cri'd I call'd but you were deaf Why sinners will you die How long did I your leisure wait With hope you might repent Ah sinners now it is too late My patience is quite spent You hope 't to find a Lamb your Judg And of my love to share You shall me find a Lion now That can in pieces tare Go cursed cursed from my sight I 'le never see you more I would have wip't off all your debts Now you shall pay the score Ye Angels that attend my will Bind them in chains about Now cast them in the dreadful gulf They never shall come out Loaded with sins now get you hence Sink deep sink deep in flames Torments seize on your trembling joints I ever be free from pains Blow blow thou wrathful breath of God That kindlest Tophets fires Ye worms of conscience catch your hold Bite hard and never tire You poys'nous curled snakes arise Out of the sulphur'd Lake Torment them ever with your smells Their lives yet never take Bear witness sinners I your Judg Am free from cruelty I would have sav'd you from this death You rather chose to die Now you would leave your loved sins Have me at any rate Leave pride and drink and gold and life Ah! now it is too late Lord hear a trembling sinner cry While I on earth do dwell I thee will love and fear and serve Free me but from this Hell Oh! when I die grant me this wish That I thy face but see Gold honour pleasures here on earth I will forsake for thee HYMN VIII WHat if my Chests were cram'd with Gold My Chariots stood at Gate What if a thousand servants did Upon my pleasure wait What if my House a Palace were Its walls with Rubies shone My Chambers costly Tissue wore In-laid with Diamond-stone What if my Bed were cloath'd with Gold Befring'd with Pearls most bright What if some clouds of ruffled Silks Were Curtains for my light What if I drank the sp'rits of Pearl Eat of all sowls beasts fishes What if each day these were serv'd up In massie golden dishes What if I had espoused one So wise so good so fair That both in soul and shape she might With Angels well compare What if my numerous off-spring were Of Wits deeply profound Their outward carriage state did bear Yet all with meekness crown'd What if for one whole thousand years Our youth a spring-tide had What if that while no pains we knew That ever made us sad Yet ah my soul this thread of life At length would fret away A dark and sullen cloudy night Would rise upon our day This long-liv'd candle at the last Would to her socket burn Her flame would struggle for a life And then to smoke would turn My soul chuse rather to live well How long it matters not He that lives ill while he hath liv'd Hath done he knows not what Thou maist live well without this wealth Be good without this state Please but thy God and thou wilt think Thy death will come too late HYMN IX 53 Chap. of Isaiah Translated WHO hath believed our report Who hath the Lords arm seen When he his Son sends to the world By blood it to redeem He must spring up before his face As a most tender plant Out of dry ground he must shoot up Yet seem all form to want When one his visage shall behold He nothing there shall see Of that alluring beauty which May well desired be Men him despise and shall reject Add sorrows to his grief Of him asham'd they hide themselves So give him no relief Yet certainly he only was The man our griefs that bore But we thought he was smitt'n of God So paid but his own score For our transgressions he had wounds And for our sins was bruised By his chastisements we had peace For our health stripes he chused All we like sheep have gone astray And turn'd from God each one But God all our iniquities Hath laid on him alone He was afflicted and opprest Yet moved not his tongue Lay like a lamb when to be kill'd By butchers laid along From darksome prison he was took Who shall declare his birth For th' peoples sins he smitten was And cut off from the earth With wicked men he found a death Among the rich a tomb Because for ill nor done nor said He had receiv'd his doom Yet did it please the Lord to bruise And put him for to bleed Therefore he shall prolong his days And after see his seed Therefore the pleasure of the Lord Shall prosper in his hand The travel of his soul shall see His children at command By his knowledg my righteous Son Shall many justifie For he by suffering shall bear All their iniquity Therefore I him a portion With the great will divide Because to death his soul he pour'd His Kingdom shall be wide HYMN X. A Consolatory against the fears of Death THOU tyrant Death look not so stern Think not me to affright The giddy tumult thou maist awe With thy unconquer'd might I wear di'd in a Saviours blood A scarlet robe about Strike where thou wilt thy Serpents sting This robe shall fetch it out Were I to die but like a beast I think my heart would break But now I know my soul survives To fear it were but weak Were it not baseness for to think Of Saints souls though the least That after death they did enjoy No more than a poor beast If then I shall as joyful be And happier every way Than I am here why should I fear To bid that world good day But Oh! the fainting-fits and pains That I must needs go through Why what of that they 'r quickly o're Then what needs such ado They are not past some fourteen days Diseases come to height Be patient but for that small time Bid sorrows then
i' nt that I Do fear thou canst not save Nothing can hinder if thou please Nor Devil Hell nor Grave Nor do I doubt but 't is thy will To save some such as I For as vile wretches as I am Thy Son did freely die In the deep Seas of thy rich love Blaspheming Paul did swim He though thy Saints he sought to kill Yet thou didst pardon him The Harlot Mary Magdalen Who deeply ran on score Who did ten thousand talents owe Yet that debt-bond was tore A swearing cursing Peter thou Didst to thy mercy take That Son whom he did fear to own Thou pardon'st for his sake This makes me confident my God That Heav'n may be my place If thou would'st please to grant to me Maries or Peters Grace Give me O God to go aside And in some corner creep That there with Peter bitterly In dolors I may weep Give me but sinful Maries love Love shall my ointment be Which I upon my Lords feet will Pour out as well as she But ah my God! this is my fear Their faith and love I want My carnal proud and sensual heart Speaks me no penitent This only Lord I have to plead Those lusts my heart doth hate I long I wish to be set free From this sad sinful state Sure Lord I am no enemy To holiness within Thou seest my soul contend and strive To beat down every sin When that perchance my foot doth slip And thee I do offend Doth not my sin make me to mourn And don 't I strive to mend Had not I faith why should I fear The threatenings of thy Law Why should I dread thy Majesty And of thee stand in awe Had I not faith why should I long Thy face above to see Why should I praying sue so hard To get my liberty Did not I love thee why should I My loved self forsake Why should I loath my loved sins For thy beloved's sake Did I not love why don 't the shell Of duties me suffice In Sacraments and pray'rs why do I thus thy presence prize Did I dissemble to be seen Of men why doth my sin Which none knows but my self alone Me trouble that 's within Did I dissemble then my tears My sighs in company Would more be heard and seen then when My God alone stands by It 's true I love thee not enough Nor is my faith so strong But that with grief I do confess Thy faithfulness I wrong But Lord remember I 'm but dust In weakness here I live That little which I have thou gav'st The rest above shalt give Did not those Stars that now do shine With thee in Heav'n above While living on the earth complain Of want of faith and love Nay Lord do not I read that thou The hungry soul didst bless And it that thirsts for righteousness Such am I I confess But Lord remember he that thirsts And hungry is for grace He some degree of grace must want And I am in that case If he is blessed why not I My hung'rings thou dost see If thou hast said he shall be full Why sha'nt that word reach me I sin I sin but thou hast place't The righteous Christ on high To advocate and plead his cause That at his feet doth lye Lord there a sinner I do lye Thy promise I will trust For pardon and for love will hope Till I fall to the dust The Welcome I. WElcome my child on high Heaven joys to see thee here Be not afraid it is thy Fathers house And thy Saviour bought it dear It was for this he bled And his soul ' n offering did make When my Son thou didst accept this Jointure he thee made Now possess it for his sake Whyart thou asham'd come behold me behold me I have forgot thy sin And made thee clean within Now thou' rt arrived here above Of nought think but of love I shall ne're be angry with thee agen II. My servants that attend Put on his best attire Set a Crown on his brow in brightness that out-shines The clearest flames of fire Spread out that cloth of Gold His foot-cloth it must be If you have him drest come bring him set him here He must keep me company Have you done if you have bid him welcome bid him welcome He was our friend on earth And royal in his birth For whilest he lived I saw he Forsook all to love me And did truly serve me to his his death III. A child a bride a wife Ragg'd and adorn'd so soon From the Dungeon to the Throne how quickly am I rais'd And my midnight turn'd to noon Even now on my death-bed I sigh'd I sob'd I groan'd I weeping cri'd my God hath me forgot And by all my friends was moan'd What they think now on earth I do not know I do not know Nor for't do I much care What a weeping though they are Of little do they think I Do possess such glory That I 'm made so much-of here above IV. This is Jerusalem Pav'd o're with slates of Gold Her rows of houses like to towers stand It 's more stately than was told Here 's not a street but 's strow'd With flowers of Paradise Not a step that I tread but such sweetnesses I pownd More rich than Arabian spice Walls that her inclose are far brighter far brighter Than th' oriental flame Or a thing that wants a name Her sparkling gates are well known To be made up of such stone That the richest Diamonds doth excel V. Blest shades that here do dwell These mansions that possess I never till now a place or people saw That the God of Heaven doth bless Here 's not a look speaks care No sign of tear or grief Not a sigh or a groan through all the streets I hear Nor a beggar that wants relief All yet that I 've met are like Angels like Angels In clearness they surpass A Star or chrystal-glass Whose unsoil'd beauty doth seem To out-vye a Sun-beam Far Oh far more splendid than all these VI. Their locks like curls of light Their Lilly-necks hang o're Bedeckt with Ribbonds richer than of Gold I ne're saw such before Sweetness of spirit blooms And blossoms all the week In smiles of joy and love that do adorn In their flowrings on each cheek In mantles as white as the fair Moon the fair Moon They walk about each street And embrace all that they meet I never saw friends so love As they do here above Oh! I could lie at any of their feet VII I am where I would be In the City of my King This is the place I have desir'd to see And to hear the cherubs sing What lofty strains are these I ne're heard voice so lavish Not a note that I hear but melts me into joy And my heart doth in me ravish In the close when they shout Hallelujah Hallelujah Glory to God on high And the Lamb that below did die There 's warmth methinks in these names That melts me into