i_o shall_v yet_o i_o desire_v and_o labour_n to_o be_v as_o holy_a as_o i_o can_v 3._o when_o my_o heart_n be_v dull_a cold_a and_o out_o of_o order_n to_o serve_v god_n it_o do_v much_o trouble_v i_o and_o in_o go_v to_o god_n i_o find_v comfort_n 4._o when_o i_o be_o hinder_v from_o duty_n with_o the_o people_n of_o god_n it_o be_v a_o great_a grief_n unto_o i_o and_o the_o manifestation_n of_o the_o presence_n of_o god_n upon_o my_o heart_n be_v the_o great_a joy_n i_o find_v and_o that_o which_o most_o fill_v and_o satisfy_v my_o soul_n 5._o i_o find_v the_o want_n of_o any_o of_o god_n ordinance_n to_o be_v a_o grief_n to_o i_o and_o that_o i_o be_o at_o a_o loss_n therein_o 6._o i_o desire_v to_o serve_v god_n in_o all_o thing_n and_o have_v a_o real_a and_o hearty_a respect_n to_o his_o commandment_n and_o to_o do_v just_o to_o all_o and_o do_v find_v my_o heart_n chief_o draw_v forth_o to_o holiness_n and_o in_o all_o thing_n to_o keep_v a_o good_a conscience_n and_o live_v in_o the_o fear_n of_o god_n a._n o._n xxv_o experience_n of_o m._n m._n i_o have_v many_o time_n have_v a_o desire_n to_o hear_v the_o word_n of_o god_n when_o employ_v about_o my_o call_v but_o i_o than_o think_v to_o myself_o that_o i_o have_v no_o body_n to_o provide_v for_o i_o but_o if_o god_n will_v bestow_v on_o i_o so_o much_o of_o these_o outward_a thing_n as_o upon_o other_o in_o the_o world_n than_o i_o will_v spend_v more_o time_n in_o hear_v pray_v and_o read_v the_o word_n and_o according_o as_o rhese_fw-mi outward_a thing_n have_v ebb_v or_o flow_v so_o have_v my_o joy_n be_v less_o or_o more_o but_o now_o god_n have_v give_v i_o a_o sight_n of_o my_o sin_n and_o why_o i_o have_v former_o no_o comfort_n it_o be_v because_o i_o have_v not_o faith_n in_o my_o heart_n before_o god_n wrought_v that_o in_o i_o instead_o of_o make_v use_n of_o those_o comfort_n which_o the_o word_n hold_v forth_o i_o spend_v my_o time_n in_o mistrust_v god_n providence_n who_o therefore_o just_o during_o that_o time_n hold_v the_o sense_n of_o his_o spiritual_a consolation_n from_o i_o sometime_o i_o be_v in_o despair_n so_o low_a that_o i_o can_v not_o apprehend_v any_o thing_n to_o be_v my_o portion_n but_o hell_n every_o thing_n that_o fall_v not_o out_o according_a to_o my_o mind_n i_o think_v be_v a_o judgement_n from_o god_n upon_o i_o yet_o i_o afterward_o get_v comfort_n by_o these_o invite_a promise_n isa_n 55.1_o ho_o every_o one_o that_o thirst_v come_v you_o to_o the_o water_n and_o he_o that_o have_v no_o money_n come_v you_o buy_v and_o eat_v yea_o come_v buy_v wine_n and_o milk_n without_o money_n and_o without_o price_n and_o ezek._n 33.11_o as_o i_o live_v say_v the_o lord_n god_n i_o have_v no_o pleasure_n in_o the_o death_n of_o the_o wicked_a but_o that_o the_o wicked_a turn_n from_o bis_fw-la way_n â—nd_n live_v turn_v you_o turn_v you_o from_o you_o evil_a way_n for_o why_o will_v you_o die_v o_o house_n of_o israel_n i_o have_v some_o comfort_n from_o these_o promise_n but_o no_o assurance_n my_o thought_n be_v various_a and_o though_o between_o hope_n and_o despair_n yet_o i_o resolve_v to_o go_v to_o god_n know_v that_o he_o be_v unchangeable_a and_o that_o who_o he_o love_v he_o love_v to_o the_o end_n and_o that_o if_o a_o sinner_n do_v repent_v and_o turn_v to_o he_o he_o will_v blot_v all_o his_o sin_n and_o iniquity_n out_o of_o his_o remembrance_n and_o it_o please_v god_n to_o bring_v this_o promise_n into_o my_o mind_n and_o to_o help_v i_o by_o faith_n to_o lay_v hold_n on_o it_o and_o apply_v it_o to_o myself_o ezek._n 18.21_o 22._o if_o the_o wicked_a will_v turn_v from_o all_o his_o sin_n that_o he_o have_v commit_v and_o keep_v all_o my_o statute_n and_o do_v that_o which_o be_v lawful_a and_o right_a he_o shall_v sure_o live_v he_o shall_v not_o die_v all_o his_o transgression_n that_o he_o have_v commit_v they_o shall_v not_o be_v mention_v unto_o he_o in_o his_o righteousness_n that_o he_o have_v do_v he_o shall_v live_v and_o christ_n say_v job_n 3.16_o god_n so_o love_v the_o world_n that_o he_o give_v his_o only_a beget_v son_n that_o whosoever_o believe_v in_o he_o shall_v not_o perish_v but_o have_v everlasting_a life_n and_o this_o be_v life_n eternal_a to_o know_v god_n and_o jesus_n christ_n who_o he_o have_v send_v i_o bless_v god_n he_o have_v make_v i_o now_o to_o believe_v not_o only_o in_o word_n but_o to_o labour_v to_o bring_v forth_o the_o fruit_n thereof_o in_o a_o godly_a life_n and_o conversation_n 2._o i_o can_v but_o admire_v the_o free_a love_n of_o god_n to_o i_o that_o though_o i_o have_v give_v ear_n former_o to_o the_o devil_n and_o to_o the_o world_n and_o to_o my_o own_o wicked_a heart_n yet_o god_n have_v be_v thus_o please_v now_o to_o call_v i_o out_o of_o darkness_n into_o his_o most_o marvellous_a light_n 3._o god_n have_v be_v please_v to_o give_v i_o faith_n to_o believe_v that_o though_o sin_n have_v abound_v in_o i_o yet_o grace_n shall_v now_o much_o more_o abound_v this_o make_v i_o to_o see_v the_o free_a love_n of_o god_n without_o any_o desert_n in_o the_o creature_n 4._o i_o have_v former_o go_v about_o to_o limit_n god_n and_o to_o be_v upon_o term_n with_o he_o that_o if_o he_o will_v give_v i_o so_o much_o of_o these_o worldly_a thing_n as_o i_o think_v needful_a than_o i_o will_v spend_v more_o time_n in_o those_o duty_n which_o he_o have_v command_v i_o but_o this_o be_v contrary_n to_o the_o word_n of_o god_n which_o teach_v i_o now_o first_o to_o seek_v the_o kingdom_n of_o god_n and_o the_o righteousness_n thereof_o know_v that_o all_o other_o thing_n shall_v be_v add_v to_o i_o that_o i_o want_v 5._o and_o now_o bless_a be_v god_n he_o have_v make_v i_o to_o believe_v this_o and_o all_o other_o promise_n so_o that_o i_o can_v by_o faith_n call_v god_n my_o father_n who_o have_v promise_v i_o that_o all_o thing_n shall_v work_v together_o for_o good_a to_o i_o because_o i_o love_v he_o 6._o i_o have_v find_v something_o from_o god_n of_o hope_n of_o mercy_n since_o i_o be_v a_o faithful_a hearer_n of_o the_o word_n though_o the_o devil_n do_v before_o tempt_v i_o with_o objection_n to_o drive_v i_o to_o despair_v for_o sin_n 7._o i_o be_o now_o i_o praise_v my_o god_n comfort_v in_o believe_v that_o god_n will_v not_o mention_v my_o sin_n against_o i_o christ_n die_v for_o sinner_n and_o the_o ungodly_a and_o i_o know_v that_o although_o i_o have_v be_v a_o great_a sinner_n yet_o this_o hinder_v i_o not_o from_o lay_v hold_n on_o the_o promise_n 8._o i_o do_v believe_v that_o the_o life_n i_o now_o live_v i_o live_v by_o the_o faith_n of_o the_o son_n of_o god_n i_o see_v by_o faith_n that_o christ_n have_v satisfy_v god_n justice_n for_o my_o sin_n in_o particular_a and_o have_v bid_v i_o to_o reckon_v myself_o in_o he_o 9_o now_o be_v spiritual_o marry_v to_o christ_n all_o the_o privilege_n of_o saint_n and_o believer_n belong_v to_o i_o and_o i_o can_v say_v all_o be_v i_o and_o i_o be_o christ_n and_o christ_n be_v god_n who_o shall_v lay_v any_o thing_n to_o the_o charge_n of_o god_n elect_n it_o be_v god_n that_o have_v justify_v i_o who_o be_v he_o that_o shall_v condemn_v i_o be_v now_o justify_v by_o faith_n in_o christ_n i_o have_v peace_n with_o god_n 10._o i_o know_v when_o this_o earthly_a tabernacle_n be_v dissolve_v i_o shall_v have_v a_o abide_n not_o make_v with_o hand_n but_o eternal_a in_o the_o heaven_n for_o christ_n say_v i_o be_o go_v to_o prepare_v a_o place_n for_o you_o that_o be_v for_o i_o and_o all_o believer_n 10._o all_o the_o promise_n of_o god_n in_o christ_n be_v speak_v to_o believer_n and_o by_o faith_n i_o believe_v they_o be_v make_v to_o i_o and_o because_o he_o live_v i_o shall_v live_v also_o now_o christ_n have_v make_v i_o free_a i_o be_o free_a indeed_o 11._o christ_n have_v do_v all_o for_o i_o only_o bid_v i_o to_o believe_v which_o faith_n by_o his_o spirit_n he_o have_v wrought_v in_o i_o 12._o i_o have_v former_o be_v stir_v up_o to_o hear_v pray_v and_o read_v upon_o selfish_a consideration_n of_o fear_n that_o otherwise_o i_o shall_v go_v to_o hell_n and_o i_o be_o ashamed_a to_o think_v how_o i_o have_v choose_v rather_o to_o believe_v what_o the_o devil_n have_v say_v than_o what_o god_n have_v say_v but_o bless_v be_v the_o lord_n i_o now_o see_v it_o be_v free_a love_n that_o he_o forgive_v iniquity_n transgression_n and_o sin_n only_o because_o mercy_n please_v he_o all_o that_o i_o can_v do_v can_v 13._o i_o
be_o guilty_a before_o god_n justice_n in_o myself_o both_o by_o original_a sin_n which_o come_v by_o the_o fall_n of_o adam_n and_o much_o more_o by_o those_o many_o actual_a sin_n which_o i_o have_v personal_o commit_v but_o i_o be_o justify_v by_o christ_n 14._o i_o desire_v to_o show_v my_o dutiful_a love_n in_o obedience_n to_o my_o father_n command_n and_o my_o affection_n according_a to_o the_o rule_n of_o the_o gospel_n to_o christ_n my_o husband_n with_o who_o i_o be_o spiritual_o marry_v 15._o the_o lord_n say_v come_v out_o from_o among_o they_o all_o you_o my_o people_n and_o be_v you_o separate_v and_o touch_v no_o unclean_a thing_n and_o i_o will_v be_v your_o god_n and_o you_o shall_v be_v my_o people_n and_o if_o i_o regard_v iniquity_n in_o my_o heart_n the_o lord_n will_v not_o hear_v my_o prayer_n i_o take_v god_n to_o witness_v who_o know_v the_o secret_n of_o all_o heart_n that_o i_o desire_v to_o join_v in_o duty_n not_o to_o the_o end_n that_o other_o shall_v have_v a_o good_a opinion_n of_o i_o i_o know_v i_o must_v leave_v all_o worldly_a relation_n how_o soon_o i_o know_v not_o but_o herein_o i_o shall_v have_v peace_n that_o i_o do_v as_o my_o father_n have_v command_v i_o and_o i_o rejoice_v in_o christ_n jesus_n put_v no_o confidence_n in_o the_o flesh_n but_o only_o in_o the_o merit_n of_o my_o saviour_n m._n m._n xxvi_o experience_n of_o h._n w._n when_o my_o god_n appear_v through_o his_o grace_n to_o shine_v by_o his_o sacred_a spirit_n into_o my_o dark_a soul_n my_o thought_n be_v much_o take_v up_o in_o consideration_n of_o my_o sad_a and_o deplorable_a condition_n under_o â—â—e_z curse_n by_o nature_n yet_o so_o that_o i_o do_v withal_o see_v enough_o in_o christ_n to_o deliver_v i_o from_o all_o if_o i_o do_v attain_v to_o a_o true_a belief_n but_o my_o perplex_a soul_n drink_v deep_a of_o the_o bitter_a dregs_n of_o a_o sorrowful_a cup_n before_o i_o can_v taste_v of_o the_o sweet_a cordial_n my_o bless_a saviour_n have_v prepare_v for_o i_o wherewith_o i_o have_v since_o be_v often_o refresh_v my_o conscience_n tell_v i_o that_o if_o i_o ever_o expect_v deliverance_n from_o sin_n death_n and_o hell_n and_o to_o have_v favour_n with_o god_n i_o must_v devote_v my_o heart_n to_o he_o alone_o but_o yet_o i_o find_v the_o love_n of_o some_o worldly_a vanity_n root_v so_o fast_o in_o my_o affection_n that_o i_o do_v often_o put_v god_n off_o and_o have_v a_o eye_n to_o some_o worldly_a content_n which_o deprive_v i_o for_o that_o time_n of_o enjoy_v peace_n in_o his_o presence_n i_o often_o say_v lord_n such_o a_o day_n i_o will_v leave_v all_o and_o never_o seek_v myself_o but_o thy_o glory_n in_o all_o thing_n and_o then_o again_o lord_n after_o such_o a_o merry_a meeting_n than_o i_o will_v shake_v hand_n with_o all_o temporal_a delight_n and_o again_o now_o lord_n once_o more_o i_o will_v have_v but_o one_o day_n of_o pleasure_n and_o then_o i_o will_v part_v with_o all_o that_o offend_v thou_o and_o not_o seek_v after_o any_o thing_n out_o of_o thou_o more_o but_o for_o a_o time_n all_o this_o prove_v but_o unfaithfulness_n to_o my_o saviour_n and_o wound_n to_o my_o own_o spirit_n the_o sense_n whereof_o do_v sad_o terrify_v my_o conscience_n my_o soul_n be_v much_o cast_v down_o and_o i_o sit_v up_o a_o great_a part_n of_o many_o night_n when_o all_o the_o family_n where_o i_o than_o live_v be_v in_o bed_n and_o with_o a_o heavy_a heart_n and_o flood_n of_o tear_n gush_v from_o my_o sorrowful_a eye_n i_o be_v exceed_o disquiet_v pour_v forth_o my_o heart_n to_o my_o god_n and_o beg_a mercy_n at_o the_o footstool_n of_o the_o throne_n of_o grace_n and_o that_o which_o be_v the_o great_a horror_n upon_o my_o spirit_n be_v that_o i_o can_v not_o manifest_v my_o believe_v by_o a_o pious_a spiritual_a conversation_n in_o a_o faithful_a obedience_n according_a to_o the_o sacred_a rule_n of_o the_o gospel_n when_o i_o have_v have_v resolution_n for_o worldly_a pleasure_n to_o satisfy_v the_o desire_n of_o nature_n it_o have_v take_v away_o the_o comfort_n of_o my_o heart_n from_o spiritual_a duty_n in_o the_o interim_n but_o i_o find_v in_o my_o soul_n a_o great_a conffict_n in_o wrestle_v against_o those_o sad_a temptation_n my_o conscience_n convince_a i_o how_o great_a a_o enemy_n i_o be_v to_o my_o soul_n therein_o and_o testify_v that_o it_o will_v be_v infinite_o better_a to_o leave_v all_o the_o vain_a thing_n of_o the_o world_n than_o to_o live_v without_o the_o love_n of_o my_o saviour_n but_o when_o my_o god_n be_v please_v to_o bring_v my_o heart_n to_o a_o frame_n to_o resolve_v serious_o never_o to_o delay_v with_o god_n a_o moment_n more_o my_o heart_n be_v so_o fix_v on_o my_o saviour_n that_o i_o see_v a_o sufficiency_n in_o he_o under_o any_o dispensation_n i_o taste_v a_o great_a sweetness_n in_o the_o grace_n of_o his_o spirit_n than_o in_o any_o temporal_a pleasure_n and_o i_o find_v much_o of_o the_o love_n grace_n spirit_n and_o power_n of_o my_o dear_a saviour_n appear_v to_o refresh_v my_o trouble_a soul_n and_o i_o have_v find_v much_o comfort_n from_o divers_a promise_n of_o the_o lord_n and_o particular_o isa_n 49.8_o 8._o i_o will_v preserve_v thou_o and_o give_v thou_o for_o a_o covenant_n of_o the_o people_n to_o establish_v the_o earth_n and_o to_o cause_n to_o inherit_v the_o desolate_a heritage_n that_o thou_o may_v say_v to_o the_o prisoner_n go_v forth_o to_o they_o that_o be_v in_o darkness_n show_v yourselves_o though_o i_o be_v before_o a_o prisoner_n to_o worldly_a vanity_n and_o shut_v up_o in_o darkness_n yet_o christ_n be_v send_v to_o declare_v the_o covenant_n to_o such_o i_o find_v good_a warrant_n to_o apply_v it_o to_o myself_o ezek._n 34.22_o therefore_o will_v i_o save_v my_o flock_n and_o they_o shall_v be_v no_o more_o a_o prey_n this_o salvation_n i_o apply_v as_o promise_v to_o i_o consider_v that_o though_o i_o be_v a_o sinful_a man_n yet_o it_o be_v my_o comfort_n that_o the_o lord_n be_v my_o god_n vers_fw-la 31._o and_o you_o my_o flock_n the_o flock_n of_o my_o pasture_n be_v man_n and_o i_o be_o your_o god_n mat._n 5.6_o bless_a be_v they_o which_o do_v hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o righteousness_n for_o they_o shall_v be_v fill_v god_n have_v give_v i_o a_o heart_n to_o hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o my_o saviour_n and_o my_o god_n above_o all_o thing_n i_o believe_v this_o promise_n be_v make_v to_o i_o with_o many_o more_o which_o give_v much_o sweet_a comfort_n and_o consolation_n to_o my_o soul_n and_o be_v justify_v by_o faith_n i_o have_v peace_n with_o god_n through_o our_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n the_o testimony_n of_o which_o faith_n be_v seal_v to_o my_o soul_n by_o his_o bless_a spirit_n in_o these_o demonstration_n 1._o i_o find_v many_o evident_a testimony_n of_o the_o love_n of_o god_n to_o i_o which_o have_v draw_v forth_o my_o soul_n to_o a_o high_a esteem_n of_o he_o and_o to_o love_v he_o above_o all_o thing_n 2._o i_o see_v nothing_o but_o sin_n in_o myself_o and_o my_o trust_n be_v in_o my_o saviour_n merit_n for_o justification_n 3._o i_o feel_v glorious_a refreshment_n from_o the_o heavenly_a gale_n of_o god_n bless_a spirit_n breathe_v his_o grace_n into_o my_o soul_n which_o be_v the_o high_a bliss_n i_o can_v desire_v on_o this_o side_n heaven_n 4._o i_o find_v much_o comfort_n from_o the_o word_n and_o ordinance_n 5._o my_o chief_a desire_n in_o all_o thsng_n be_v to_o glorify_v god_n 6._o i_o find_v a_o very_a great_a affection_n in_o my_o heart_n to_o the_o people_n of_o god_n or_o any_o that_o i_o judge_v so_o to_o be_v 7._o i_o desire_v to_o be_v at_o peace_n with_o and_o do_v all_o the_o good_a i_o can_v to_o all_o especial_o those_o of_o the_o household_n of_o faith_n 8._o i_o can_v hearty_o beg_v of_o the_o lord_n to_o give_v i_o deliverance_n from_o and_o strength_n against_o every_o sin_n though_o never_o so_o please_v to_o my_o nature_n or_o which_o i_o be_o most_o prone_a to_o 9_o i_o find_v no_o such_o full_a joy_n in_o any_o thing_n as_o i_o do_v in_o communion_n with_o my_o god_n 10._o i_o see_v a_o purity_n and_o glory_n in_o the_o way_n of_o god_n and_o gospel-duty_n above_o all_o thing_n 11._o i_o desire_v no_o long_o to_o live_v than_o to_o glorify_v god_n 12._o all_o the_o day_n of_o my_o appoint_a time_n i_o wait_v till_o my_o change_n shall_v come_v h._n w._n xxvii_o experience_n of_o d._n r._n it_o have_v please_v the_o lord_n ever_o since_o i_o know_v a_o difference_n between_o good_a and_o evil_n to_o give_v i_o a_o heart_n to_o seek_v after_o those_o thing_n which_o savour_v most_o of_o god_n and_o it_o be_v
my_o heart_n and_o my_o portion_n for_o ever_o he_o have_v rather_o be_v gracious_a than_o great_a and_o have_v rather_o be_v the_o holy_a man_n upon_o earth_n than_o the_o most_o learned_a the_o most_o famous_a or_o the_o most_o prosperous_a his_o joy_n be_v change_v he_o now_o rejoice_v in_o the_o way_n of_o god_n testimony_n more_o than_o in_o all_o riches_n he_o delight_v in_o the_o law_n of_o the_o lord_n of_o which_o he_o former_o have_v little_a savour_n he_o have_v no_o such_o joy_n as_o in_o the_o thought_n of_o christ_n and_o fruition_n of_o his_o company_n forever_o his_o care_n and_o fear_n be_v alter_v he_o be_v once_o careful_a about_o the_o thing_n of_o this_o life_n but_o now_o his_o great_a solicitude_n be_v how_o to_o secure_v his_o soul_n and_o everlasting_a concern_v he_o use_v to_o fear_v nothing_o so_o much_o as_o the_o loss_n of_o his_o estate_n reputation_n friend_n or_o pleasure_n nothing_o sound_v so_o terrible_a to_o he_o as_o pain_n poverty_n or_o disgrace_n now_o these_o be_v little_a to_o he_o in_o comparison_n with_o the_o dishonour_n and_o displeasure_n of_o god_n it_o pierce_v his_o heart_n to_o think_v of_o lose_v god_n favour_n or_o of_o be_v part_v from_o his_o bless_a saviour_n his_o love_n run_v a_o new_a course_n and_o he_o like_o the_o ancient_a father_n can_v scarce_o find_v word_n sweet_a enough_o to_o express_v his_o affection_n to_o his_o well_o belove_a jesus_n let_v i_o see_v thou_o o_o light_n of_o my_o eye_n come_v o_o thou_o joy_v of_o my_o spirit_n let_v i_o behold_v thou_o o_o the_o gladness_n of_o my_o heart_n let_v i_o love_v thou_o o_o light_n of_o my_o soul_n appear_v unto_o i_o o_o my_o ahief_a delight_n my_o sweet_a comforter_n o_o my_o god_n my_o life_n &_o the_o whole_a glory_n of_o my_o soul_n let_v i_o find_v thou_o o_o desire_n of_o my_o heart_n let_v i_o hold_v thou_o o_o love_n of_o my_o soul_n let_v i_o embrace_v thou_o and_o possess_v thou_o o_o heavenly_a bridegroom_n his_o sorrow_n have_v now_o a_o vent_n by_o the_o view_n of_o his_o sin_n the_o sight_n of_o a_o crucify_a christ_n which_o do_v scarce_o move_v he_o before_o how_o much_o do_v it_o affect_v his_o heart_n his_o hatred_n boil_v his_o anger_n burn_v agatn_v sin_n all_o the_o faculty_n and_o member_n of_o his_o soul_n and_o body_n that_o be_v former_o instrument_n of_o sin_n be_v now_o become_v the_o holy_a utensil_n of_o christ_n live_a temple_n that_o eye_n which_o be_v once_o wander_v wanton_a haughty_a and_o covetous_a be_v now_o employ_v as_o ave-mary_n weep_v over_o his_o sin_n in_o behold_v god_n in_o his_o work_n in_o read_v his_o word_n in_o search_v for_o object_n of_o charity_n and_o mercy_n and_o seek_v all_o opportunity_n to_o do_v he_o serusce_fw-mi that_o ear_n that_o be_v open_v to_o satan_n call_n and_o like_o a_o vitiate_a appetite_n relish_v nothing_o better_a than_o filthy_a or_o at_o least_o srothy_a unprofitable_a discourse_n and_o the_o laughter_n of_o fool_n be_v now_o bore_v to_o hear_v the_o sweet_a voice_n of_o jesus_n and_o be_v open_a to_o his_o teach_n it_o now_o say_v speak_v lord_n for_o thy_o servant_n hear_v and_o wait_v for_o his_o word_n as_o the_o rain_n which_o be_v sweet_a to_o he_o than_o the_o honey_n and_o the_o honey_n comb_n or_o his_o appoint_a food_n that_o head_n which_o be_v fill_v with_o carnal_a contrivance_n and_o design_n be_v now_o employ_v in_o matter_n of_o great_a concern_n and_o study_n how_o it_o may_v perform_v the_o will_n of_o god_n his_o thought_n be_v now_o more_o intent_n about_o his_o duty_n than_o his_o gain_n and_o his_o principal_a business_n be_v how_o he_o may_v please_v god_n and_o avoid_v sin_n his_o heart_n which_o be_v full_a of_o pollution_n and_o defilement_n be_v now_o become_v a_o altar_n of_o divine_a incense_n where_o the_o fire_n of_o celestial_a love_n be_v continual_o burn_v and_o from_o whence_o the_o daily_a sacrifice_n of_o prayer_n and_o praise_n and_o the_o sweet_a perfume_n of_o holy_a desire_n ejaculation_n and_o soliloquy_n be_v constant_o ascend_v his_o mouth_n be_v become_v a_o well_o spring_n of_o life_n his_o tongue_n be_v as_o choice_a silver_n &_o his_o lip_n feed_v many_o now_o the_o salt_n of_o heavenly_a grace_n have_v season_v his_o speech_n and_o purge_v out_o all_o its_o corruption_n have_v cleanse_v it_o from_o its_o former_a filthy_a tommunication_n flatery_a boast_v rail_a lie_a swear_v backbiting_a which_o once_o issue_v out_o like_a flash_n of_o infernal_a fire_n from_o the_o hell_n that_o be_v in_o his_o heart_n his_o throat_n that_o be_v once_o a_o open_a sepulchre_n now_o send_v forth_o the_o sweet_a breath_n of_o prayer_n and_o holy_a discourse_n and_o the_o man_n speak_v in_o another_o tongue_n even_o the_o language_n of_o canaan_n and_o be_v never_o so_o well_o please_v as_o when_o talk_v of_o god_n christ_n and_o the_o glorious_a thing_n of_o another_o world_n his_o mouth_n bring_v forth_o wisdom_n and_o his_o tongue_n be_v become_v the_o silver_n trumpet_n of_o his_o maker_n praise_n and_o glory_n to_o conlude_v his_o conversation_n be_v in_o heaven_n and_o the_o new_a man_n take_v a_o new_a course_n in_o his_o life_n and_o practice_n when_o god_n have_v give_v he_o the_o new_a heart_n and_o write_v his_o law_n in_o his_o mind_n he_o forthwith_o walk_v in_o his_o statute_n and_o keep_v his_o judgement_n and_o though_o sin_n like_o a_o wearisome_a and_o unwelcome_a guest_n god_n know_v dwell_v in_o he_o yet_o it_o have_v no_o more_o dominion_n over_o he_o he_o have_v his_o fruit_n unto_o holiness_n and_o though_o he_o have_v many_o a_o fall_n yet_o the_o law_n and_o life_n of_o jesus_n be_v his_o rule_n and_o he_o have_v a_o unfeigned_a respect_n to_o all_o god_n commandment_n and_o keep_v a_o good_a conscience_n willing_a in_o all_o thing_n to_o live_v honest_o and_o without_o offence_n towards_o god_n and_o men._n in_o such_o a_o state_n as_o this_o no_o doubt_n be_v those_o eminent_a christian_n who_o make_v the_o follow_v solemn_a declaration_n of_o the_o gracious_a experience_n which_o they_o have_v of_o the_o exceed_a love_n &_o favour_n of_o god_n to_o their_o soul_n in_o support_v they_o under_o their_o doubt_n and_o difficulty_n and_o afterward_o confirm_v their_o mind_n in_o the_o good_a way_n of_o the_o lord_n they_o have_v find_v the_o lord_n to_o be_v merciful_a and_o full_a of_o goodness_n compassion_n and_o truth_n and_o therefore_o think_v that_o they_o ought_v with_o their_o mouth_n to_o show_v forth_o his_o praise_n both_o to_o stir_v up_o they_o to_o join_v with_o they_o therein_o and_o likewise_o to_o encourage_v poor_a distress_a disconsolate_a christian_n to_o put_v their_o trust_n in_o the_o almighty_a since_o if_o they_o persevere_v sincere_o in_o seek_v his_o face_n he_o will_v certain_o at_o length_n discover_v himself_o unto_o they_o and_o fill_v their_o heart_n with_o joy_n and_o gladness_n and_o it_o maybe_o reasonable_o hope_v that_o these_o heavenly_a experience_n will_v be_v very_o effectual_a and_o conducive_a thereunto_o since_o they_o confist_n of_o such_o variety_n of_o trial_n temptation_n and_o exercise_n of_o spirit_n that_o we_o can_v scarce_o suppose_v but_o the_o most_o disquiet_v despair_v soul_n may_v here_o meet_v with_o case_n as_o dark_a and_o comfortless_a as_o his_o own_o and_z and_o likewise_o find_v what_o a_o good_a end_n the_o lord_n in_o his_o due_a time_n bring_v all_o the_o trouble_n of_o his_o afflict_a child_n unto_o and_o for_o this_o purpose_n no_o doubt_n they_o be_v first_o collect_v and_o publish_v some_o year_n since_o by_o divers_a faithful_a and_o pious_a minister_n of_o the_o gospel_n in_o and_o about_o london_n and_o though_o they_o have_v omit_v the_o name_n of_o the_o person_n because_o no_o glory_v shall_v appear_v therein_o yet_o they_o be_v then_o know_v to_o be_v christian_n who_o have_v true_o taste_v &_o see_v that_o the_o lord_n be_v gracious_a now_o that_o the_o god_n of_o all_o peace_n and_o consolation_n may_v give_v his_o blessing_n hereunto_o be_v the_o hearty_a and_o earnest_a prayer_n and_o desire_n of_o he_o who_o be_v a_o wellwisher_n to_o the_o soul_n of_o men._n w._n d._n mercy_n triumphant_a in_o the_o conversion_n of_o sinner_n to_o god_n discover_v in_o the_o remarkable_a and_o gracious_a experience_n of_o several_a eminent_a christian_n 1._o experience_n of_o mr._n j._n r._n minister_n of_o the_o gospel_n before_o i_o give_v a_o account_n of_o my_o own_o experience_n i_o shall_v brief_o discover_v the_o duty_n and_o usefulness_n of_o communicate_v christian_n experience_n 1._o it_o be_v a_o duty_n because_o it_o have_v be_v the_o practice_n of_o the_o people_n of_o god_n in_o former_a age_n when_o our_o bless_a saviour_n have_v cleanse_v the_o leper_n matth._n 8.4_o he_o bid_v he_o go_v and_o show_v
in_o prison_n i_o have_v dreadful_a apprehension_n of_o hell_n in_o my_o soul_n and_o can_v do_v nothing_o but_o weep_v and_o mourn_v and_o pray_v count_v my_o life_n to_o be_v lose_v and_o yet_o i_o be_v more_o trouble_v for_o the_o wrath_n of_o god_n than_o the_o wrath_n of_o man_n but_o at_o length_n it_o please_v god_n to_o give_v i_o comfort_n for_o one_o night_n whilst_o i_o be_v bemoan_v myself_o and_o in_o much_o despair_n on_o a_o sudden_a the_o room_n be_v all_o in_o a_o flame_n and_o i_o think_v myself_o in_o the_o midst_n of_o lightning_n and_o be_v terrify_v i_o imagine_v i_o see_v these_o word_n write_v against_o the_o wall_n thy_o sin_n be_v pardon_v and_o thy_o life_n be_v hide_v with_o christ_n in_o god_n this_o extraordinary_a manifestation_n much_o ease_v the_o trouble_n and_o sorrow_n wherein_o i_o be_v but_o yet_o for_o want_v of_o faith_n this_o comfort_n do_v not_o long_o continue_v with_o i_o for_o after_o that_o i_o think_v i_o see_v the_o lord_n with_o such_o a_o wrathful_a countenance_n that_o i_o dare_v not_o look_v upon_o he_o and_o the_o next_o news_n that_o i_o hear_v be_v that_o i_o be_v order_v to_o be_v shoot_v to_o death_n oh_o than_o i_o can_v express_v the_o terror_n that_o i_o be_v in_o my_o woeful_a misery_n be_v such_o that_o neither_o prayer_n read_v of_o the_o scripture_n nor_o the_o precious_a promise_n therein_o can_v afford_v i_o any_o relief_n for_o i_o can_v not_o believe_v that_o i_o have_v any_o right_n to_o they_o and_o therefore_o can_v not_o lay_v hold_n of_o they_o in_o this_o dreadful_a distress_n i_o lie_v a_o condemn_a man_n both_o in_o soul_n and_o body_n lament_v my_o wretched_a condition_n when_o open_v the_o bible_n in_o joel_n 2.13_o i_o see_v it_o thus_o write_v turn_v you_o to_o the_o lord_n god_n for_o he_o be_v gracious_a and_o merciful_a slow_a to_o anger_n and_o of_o great_a tenderness_n and_o repent_v he_o of_o the_o evil._n hereupon_o i_o ponder_v a_o while_n and_o say_v and_o be_v he_o such_o a_o god_n well_o then_o he_o be_v my_o god_n and_o with_o that_o i_o give_v myself_o up_o into_o his_o hand_n resolve_v to_o rely_v upon_o he_o let_v he_o do_v what_o he_o will_v with_o i_o and_o on_o this_o foundation_n i_o be_v settle_a and_o satisfy_v a_o while_n after_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o deliver_v i_o out_o of_o the_o danger_n of_o death_n and_o to_o set_v i_o at_o liberty_n from_o prison_n but_o notwithstanding_o this_o great_a mercy_n yet_o i_o must_v confess_v that_o i_o afterward_o find_v such_o opposition_n in_o my_o heart_n against_o god_n as_o i_o can_v not_o believe_v have_v be_v in_o i_o i_o be_v grievous_o wound_v for_o it_o and_o can_v have_v no_o quiet_a but_o go_v to_o mr._n w._n and_o acquaint_v he_o with_o it_o who_o tell_v i_o that_o i_o have_v fall_v from_o my_o first_o work_n and_o that_o i_o must_v repent_v this_o rent_n my_o heart_n and_o i_o have_v no_o rest_n i_o return_v from_o he_o and_o apply_v to_o prayer_n keep_v that_o course_n continual_o till_o by_o degree_n i_o be_v recover_v out_o of_o that_o disconsolate_a condition_n and_o i_o praise_v god_n i_o have_v since_o find_v his_o favour_n and_o kindness_n extend_v towards_o i_o so_o that_o i_o be_o full_o persuade_v he_o love_v i_o and_o will_v pardon_v my_o sin_n in_o jesus_n christ_n on_o who_o merit_n i_o rely_v in_o who_o righteousness_n i_o rest_v and_o by_o who_o grace_n i_o be_o now_o set_v free_a to_o serve_v he_o here_o and_o doubt_v not_o but_o to_o reign_v with_o he_o hereafter_o f._n b._n v._o experience_n of_o h._n m._n my_o father_n be_v a_o gentleman_n of_o a_o fair_a estate_n have_v many_o child_n eleven_o son_n of_o we_o he_o be_v high_a sheriff_n and_o when_o he_o die_v all_o our_o family_n be_v break_v disperse_a and_o in_o confusion_n two_o of_o we_o be_v bring_v up_o within_o five_o mile_n of_o gloucester_n but_o i_o be_v place_v a_o apprentice_n in_o london_n and_o by_o this_o mean_v my_o sorrow_n and_o trouble_n begin_v to_o be_v great_a at_o first_o from_o the_o consideration_n of_o this_o sudden_a change_n which_o continue_v a_o while_n but_o about_o the_o 17_o year_n of_o my_o age_n my_o former_a grief_n be_v turn_v into_o another_o kind_n of_o trouble_n namely_o sorrow_n for_o my_o sin_n i_o be_v for_o three_o year_n together_o wound_v with_o the_o sense_n of_o my_o sin_n and_o corruption_n which_o be_v many_o i_o follow_v sermon_n pursue_v the_o mean_n be_v constant_a in_o duty_n and_o do_v look_v for_o heaven_n that_o way_n i_o be_v very_o precise_a in_o outward_a formality_n censure_v all_o for_o reprobate_n that_o wear_v their_o hair_n long_o and_o not_o short_a above_o their_o ear_n or_o that_o follow_v the_o common_a mode_n and_o fashion_n of_o those_o day_n thus_o i_o continue_v distract_v in_o my_o thought_n and_o wound_v in_o my_o conscience_n weep_v often_o and_o bitter_o and_o pray_v earnest_o but_o yet_o have_v no_o comfort_n till_o i_o hear_v that_o sweet_a saint_n now_o in_o heaven_n dr._n sibbs_n by_o who_o mean_n and_o ministry_n i_o be_v bring_v to_o peace_n and_o joy_n in_o my_o spirit_n his_o sweet_a soul-melting_a sermon_n win_v my_o heart_n and_o refresh_v i_o much_o for_o by_o he_o i_o see_v much_o of_o the_o goodness_n of_o god_n and_o have_v good_a hope_n and_o confidence_n in_o christ_n jesus_n and_o can_v overlook_v the_o world_n undervalue_v all_o earthly_a thing_n and_o be_v not_o afraid_a of_o affliction_n and_o though_o i_o be_v sometime_o under_o the_o spirit_n of_o bondage_n again_o unto_o fear_n yet_o my_o heart_n still_o hold_v firm_a and_o my_o desire_n be_v all_o heaven-ward_n i_o take_v delight_n to_o hear_v funeral_n sermon_n but_o dr._n sibbs_n chief_o by_o who_o i_o be_v effectual_o wrought_v upon_o and_o satisfy_v with_o comfort_n which_o i_o hope_v will_v never_o leave_v i_o till_o i_o come_v to_o everlasting_a rest_n h._n m._n vi_o experience_n of_o mr._n t._n h._n minister_n of_o the_o gospel_n i_o be_v but_o young_a when_o i_o first_o come_v under_o conviction_n of_o soul_n and_o my_o heart_n be_v warm_v by_o a_o zealous_a ministry_n which_o put_v i_o much_o upon_o duty_n i_o use_v to_o read_v the_o scripture_n every_o night_n and_o to_o repeat_v sermon_n often_o and_o so_o i_o spend_v the_o first_o scene_n of_o my_o youth_n till_o i_o be_v send_v by_o my_o friend_n to_o london_n where_o i_o live_v a_o year_n or_o two_o during_o that_o time_n as_o often_o as_o i_o see_v any_o minister_n i_o can_v not_o but_o weep_v and_o always_o wish_v that_o i_o may_v be_v one_o myself_o to_o be_v able_a to_o preach_v too_o after_o this_o i_o be_v send_v to_o one_o of_o the_o university_n in_o england_n but_o be_v wild_a with_o youthful_a company_n be_v remove_v to_o the_o college_n of_o dublin_n where_o i_o continue_v till_o the_o horrid_a popish_a rebellion_n break_v out_o in_o 1641._o at_o which_o time_n i_o leave_v it_o and_o go_v to_o liverpool_n in_o lancashire_n where_o i_o preach_v some_o year_n yet_o all_o this_o while_n i_o be_v but_o formal_a and_o as_o the_o young_a man_n in_o the_o gospel_n say_v he_o have_v keep_v all_o these_o thing_n from_o his_o youth_n so_o i_o be_v from_o from_o my_o youth_n religious_a well_o give_v love_v the_o mean_n and_o follow_v they_o hear_v sermon_n and_o seek_v to_o serve_v god_n but_o alas_o i_o be_v yet_o all_o this_o while_n in_o darkness_n and_o do_v not_o know_v it_o but_o afterward_o i_o see_v that_o i_o be_v blind_a and_o carnal_a for_o i_o begin_v to_o be_v in_o great_a doubt_n and_o trouble_n and_o very_o much_o cloud_v in_o my_o spirit_n and_o be_v exceed_o tie_v and_o bind_v up_o for_o a_o time_n under_o the_o sense_n of_o my_o formal_a holiness_n and_o sin_n but_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o give_v i_o light_n once_o as_o i_o be_v walk_v sad_o alone_a upon_o the_o mountain_n it_o please_v the_o lord_n so_o to_o influence_n i_o by_o his_o spirit_n which_o seem_v to_o be_v immediate_o pour_v out_o upon_o i_o that_o my_o soul_n be_v satisfy_v in_o jesus_n christ_n and_o my_o heart_n be_v fill_v with_o heavenly_a joy_n and_o peace_n and_o with_o most_o ravish_a contemplation_n which_o continue_v without_o a_o cloud_n for_o several_a week_n together_o and_o give_v i_o assure_v hope_n of_o the_o love_n of_o god_n and_o ever_o since_o i_o have_v live_v in_o the_o righteousness_n of_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n and_o though_o i_o have_v meet_v with_o many_o storm_n and_o cloud_n yet_o they_o have_v all_o pass_v away_o and_o can_v hinder_v i_o from_o salvation_n so_o long_o as_o christ_n who_o be_v my_o lord_n and_o saviour_n be_v above_o they_o and_o i_o doubt_v not_o
the_o shape_n of_o it_o i_o declare_v unto_o they_o as_o before_o and_o they_o tell_v i_o that_o it_o be_v jesus_n christ_n that_o have_v appear_v in_o the_o shape_n of_o a_o child_n and_o that_o he_o have_v overcome_v death_n and_o hell_n for_o i_o then_o i_o cry_v out_o and_o say_v bless_a be_v jesus_n christ_n for_o evermore_o and_o do_v entreat_v those_o people_n that_o be_v there_o with_o my_o father_n that_o they_o will_v go_v to_o prayer_n for_o i_o that_o those_o comfortable_a revelation_n which_o i_o have_v see_v and_o my_o faith_n in_o christ_n may_v never_o depart_v from_o i_o yet_o for_o three_o year_n after_o i_o have_v many_o ebbing_n and_o flow_n and_o much_o fear_v possess_v i_o so_o that_o satan_n will_v tell_v i_o i_o be_v more_o afraid_a of_o hell_n than_o of_o offend_a god_n but_o i_o bold_o sit_v up_o in_o my_o bed_n and_o tell_v satan_n he_o be_v a_o liar_n and_o that_o i_o will_v rather_o be_v damn_v than_o deny_v jesus_n christ_n and_o so_o christ_n do_v appear_v very_o comfortable_o to_o i_o and_o have_v and_o do_v deliver_v i_o out_o of_o many_o trouble_v very_o often_o and_o how_o to_o speak_v of_o they_o i_o know_v no_o end_n yet_o satan_n like_o a_o cunning_a sophister_n have_v be_v tamper_n with_o i_o to_o despair_v of_o christ_n but_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o bring_v many_o promise_n into_o my_o mind_n and_o the_o example_n also_o of_o mary_n magdalen_n and_o of_o the_o woman_n of_o canaan_n believe_v that_o as_o jesus_n christ_n be_v gracious_a to_o they_o so_o he_o will_v also_o be_v to_o i_o and_o christ_n have_v often_o time_n reveal_v unto_o i_o that_o his_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a for_o i_o as_o he_o say_v unto_o paul_n i_o can_v speak_v but_o little_a of_o jesus_n christ_n but_o yet_o i_o be_o full_o persuade_v in_o my_o soul_n that_o i_o shall_v think_v myself_o very_o happy_a even_o to_o give_v my_o life_n for_o the_o glory_n and_o honour_n of_o his_o name_n if_o the_o lord_n will_v count_v i_o but_o worthy_a of_o such_o a_o favour_n and_o i_o will_v not_o for_o all_o the_o kingdom_n in_o the_o world_n and_o the_o pomp_n thereof_o be_v in_o such_o a_o condition_n again_o and_o now_o my_o soul_n do_v desire_v to_o give_v up_o itself_o unto_o god_n and_o to_o walk_v in_o the_o strict_a course_n that_o his_o word_n do_v prescribe_v e._n r._n xii_o experience_n of_o t._n m._n about_o the_o fourteen_o year_n of_o my_o age_n i_o be_v put_v out_o to_o be_v a_o aprentice_n but_o be_v place_v with_o a_o master_n in_o who_o i_o see_v little_a of_o god_n his_o way_n be_v contrary_a to_o the_o way_n of_o god_n which_o be_v a_o great_a trouble_n to_o my_o spirit_n and_o the_o more_o because_o some_o rude_a people_n drink_v swear_v and_o be_v very_a debauch_a with_o he_o three_o or_o four_o year_n after_o there_o grow_v great_a dispute_n among_o some_o person_n about_o episcopacy_n presbytery_n independency_n and_o the_o like_a which_o make_v i_o question_n with_o my_o own_o thought_n which_o be_v the_o true_a way_n to_o worship_n god_n i_o apply_v myself_o to_o mr._n t._n the_o minister_n and_o other_o yet_o be_v not_o satisfy_v but_o after_o great_a perplexity_n of_o spirit_n i_o meditate_a with_o myself_o and_o wonder_v what_o will_v be_v the_o end_n of_o my_o trouble_n for_o they_o have_v be_v many_o especial_o temptation_n to_o despair_v of_o salvation_n but_o afterward_o be_v return_v back_o from_o my_o master_n to_o my_o father_n house_n lie_v down_o once_o upon_o a_o bench_n i_o fall_v asleep_a and_o dream_v that_o i_o be_v in_o a_o green_a meadow_n where_o i_o see_v various_a form_n of_o creature_n some_o furious_a other_o very_a please_a yet_o all_o of_o they_o seem_v monstruous_a and_o change_v their_o shape_n often_o and_o behold_v myself_o alone_a in_o the_o midst_n of_o they_o i_o be_v grievous_o trouble_v and_o then_o there_o seem_v to_o appear_v a_o great_a red_a dragon_n before_o it_o come_v at_o i_o i_o think_v a_o little_a child_n be_v put_v in_o my_o arm_n which_o be_v so_o beautiful_a and_o comely_a that_o i_o admire_v it_o and_o be_v so_o take_v with_o behold_v it_o that_o it_o put_v the_o fear_n of_o the_o dragon_n for_o the_o present_a out_o of_o mind_n but_o the_o dragon_n afterward_o draw_v near_o and_o sore_o affright_v i_o but_o both_o myself_o and_o the_o child_n be_v take_v away_o and_o carry_v up_o a_o hill_n and_o the_o dragon_n pursue_v we_o and_o be_v often_o ready_a to_o fall_v in_o run_v up_o the_o hill_n i_o fear_v that_o the_o dragon_n will_v catch_v i_o but_o my_o strength_n be_v come_v to_o i_o i_o get_v up_o to_o the_o top_n of_o the_o hill_n and_o the_o dragon_n make_v up_o after_o i_o when_o i_o be_v get_v up_o to_o the_o top_n there_o appear_v a_o brightness_n from_o heaven_n which_o gush_v forth_o like_o a_o stash_n of_o lightning_n and_o split_v the_o dragon_n in_o piece_n at_o which_o i_o rejoice_v exceed_o then_o the_o child_n be_v put_v into_o my_o arm_n again_o and_o i_o ask_v it_o what_o be_v its_o name_n it_o iay_v emanuel_n i_o ask_v who_o be_v its_o father_n it_o say_v i_o be_o i_o ask_v who_o be_v its_o mother_n it_o say_v eternity_n i_o ask_v from_o whence_o he_o come_v he_o say_v from_o my_o father_n out_o of_o heaven_n i_o ask_v to_o who_o he_o come_v and_o what_o be_v his_o errand_n here_o he_o say_v to_o save_v that_o which_o be_v lose_v and_o return_v again_o i_o ask_v he_o if_o he_o will_v dwell_v with_o i_o while_o he_o stay_v he_o say_v he_o can_v not_o be_v detain_v according_a to_o that_o frame_n and_o figure_n he_o be_v in_o but_o after_o death_n he_o will_v dwell_v with_o i_o in_o another_o frame_n the_o thought_n of_o death_n grieve_v i_o but_o the_o child_n bid_v i_o not_o to_o weep_v at_o it_o for_o in_o this_o world_n that_o which_o be_v beauty_n must_v be_v destroy_v and_o that_o which_o be_v contemptible_a must_v be_v exalt_v i_o than_o see_v myself_o very_o contemptible_a and_o poor_a and_o trouble_v and_o in_o these_o thought_n the_o child_n be_v take_v away_o from_o i_o then_o my_o father_n come_v into_o the_o room_n make_v a_o noise_n whereat_o i_o awake_v much_o distract_v and_o trouble_v in_o my_o thought_n and_o so_o perplex_v that_o i_o know_v not_o what_o to_o do_v and_o the_o more_o by_o seek_v to_o understand_v what_o i_o have_v see_v because_o i_o know_v not_o how_o to_o be_v satisfy_v in_o some_o doubt_n that_o lay_v very_o sad_a and_o heavy_a upon_o my_o soul_n but_o i_o have_v since_o find_v much_o comfort_n out_o of_o god_n word_n where_o christ_n say_v come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o be_v weary_a and_o heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_n and_o the_o lord_n say_v i_o have_v call_v thou_o by_o name_n and_o again_o he_o say_v in_o another_o place_n i_o will_v bear_v in_o thou_o a_o poor_a and_o afflict_a people_n and_o they_o shall_v serve_v i_o and_o in_o esay_n he_o say_v i_o will_v gather_v my_o lamb_n with_o my_o arm_n and_o gentle_o lead_v those_o that_o be_v with_o young_a and_o then_o he_o have_v promise_v that_o he_o will_v never_o lay_v more_o upon_o his_o people_n than_o he_o will_v enable_v they_o to_o bear_v and_o i_o have_v these_o effect_n of_o my_o faith_n 1._o my_o heart_n be_v lead_v out_o to_o love_n god_n who_o be_v eternal_a and_o invisible_a and_o incomprehensible_a i_o love_v he_o in_o all_o his_o dispensation_n towards_o i_o and_o in_o the_o mean_a creature_n though_o never_o so_o despise_v i_o desire_v to_o own_o god_n where_o ever_o i_o see_v he_o 2._o i_o find_v my_o heart_n very_o full_a in_o duty_n yet_o i_o have_v be_v sometime_o trouble_v by_o some_o choleric_a distemper_n that_o have_v transport_v i_o in_o some_o dispute_n which_o i_o be_o very_o sorry_a for_o and_o resolve_v to_o leave_v 3._o i_o love_v the_o lord_n who_o have_v hear_v my_o prayer_n and_o now_o at_o last_o satisfy_v i_o in_o every_o scruple_n of_o my_o conscience_n 4._o my_o desire_n be_v to_o walk_v according_a to_o the_o rule_n of_o the_o gospel_n all_o the_o day_n of_o my_o life_n t._n m._n xiii_o experience_n of_o j._n h._n many_o year_n ago_o i_o have_v some_o yerning_n after_o the_o truth_n of_o jesus_n christ_n and_o be_v in_o the_o country_n and_o hear_v mr._n young_a a_o minister_n in_o leicestershire_n preach_v twice_o a_o day_n the_o word_n wrought_v so_o on_o my_o heart_n that_o i_o take_v great_a delight_n to_o hear_v he_o but_o be_v jeer_v by_o the_o people_n for_o a_o puritan_n i_o do_v leave_v off_o hear_v for_o a_o time_n and_o be_v in_o the_o town_n near_o mr._n young_a sometime_o as_o i_o go_v abroad_o i_o
my_o delight_n always_o to_o frequent_v the_o society_n of_o those_o who_o i_o think_v be_v true_o godly_a and_o upon_o this_o account_n i_o think_v myself_o to_o be_v something_o when_o be_v serious_o weigh_v i_o become_v nothing_o for_o i_o know_v god_n but_o as_o a_o natural_a man_n do_v even_o by_o way_n of_o discourse_n i_o be_v as_o i_o conceive_v since_o much_o in_o the_o posture_n of_o the_o proud_a pharisee_fw-mi i_o can_v say_v i_o thank_v god_n i_o be_v not_o such_o a_o person_n as_o be_v give_v to_o lewdness_n or_o vice_n as_o other_o be_v and_o be_v thus_o in_o my_o natural_a condition_n i_o think_v i_o have_v need_n of_o nothing_o when_o i_o be_v as_o the_o church_n of_o the_o laodicean_n wretched_a and_o miserable_a and_o poor_a and_o blind_a and_o naked_a and_o that_o which_o be_v worst_a i_o know_v not_o that_o i_o be_v thus_o in_o ignorance_n walk_v in_o darkness_n till_o the_o lord_n bring_v i_o forth_o into_o the_o light_n first_o by_o convince_a i_o of_o sin_n second_o convince_v i_o of_o righteousness_n the_o first_o be_v according_a to_o my_o remembrance_n about_o seven_o or_o eight_o year_n since_o i_o be_v in_o discourse_n with_o a_o friend_n concern_v something_o which_o do_v much_o displease_v i_o wherein_o my_o answer_n be_v very_o cross_a and_o my_o word_n very_o full_a of_o anger_n i_o begin_v to_o espy_v myself_o full_a of_o malice_n and_o envy_n which_o do_v much_o reflect_v upon_o my_o own_o heart_n and_o cause_v a_o wonderful_a grief_n unto_o i_o and_o have_v never_o take_v notice_n of_o any_o such_o thing_n before_o it_o be_v so_o much_o the_o more_o strange_a to_o i_o but_o call_v myself_o to_o a_o strict_a examination_n what_o foundation_n i_o have_v lay_v when_o the_o building_n begin_v to_o prove_v so_o rot_v it_o please_v the_o lord_n that_o thereby_o i_o grow_v more_o and_o more_o sensible_a of_o my_o own_o miserable_a condition_n as_o be_v in_o the_o state_n of_o nature_n a_o child_n of_o wrath_n find_v myself_o a_o lump_n of_o sin_n and_o uncleanness_n and_o at_o a_o far_a distance_n from_o the_o way_n of_o god_n and_o to_o be_v in_o probability_n of_o nothing_o so_o much_o as_o of_o damnation_n and_o ready_a to_o be_v cast_v into_o hell_n for_o my_o sin_n find_v myself_o out_o of_o christ_n and_o not_o any_o hope_n that_o i_o shall_v ever_o gain_v a_o interest_n in_o he_o for_o i_o see_v that_o without_o faith_n it_o be_v impossible_a to_o please_v he_o and_o that_o without_o faith_n i_o can_v not_o think_v of_o any_o way_n to_o please_v he_o be_v lose_v in_o false_a way_n of_o my_o own_o invention_n and_o consider_v also_o that_o paul_n counsel_v the_o corinthian_n to_o examine_v themselves_o whether_o they_o be_v in_o the_o faith_n and_o say_v he_o know_v you_o not_o your_o own_o self_n whether_o jesus_n christ_n be_v in_o you_o except_o you_o be_v reprobate_n and_o follow_v this_o course_n i_o can_v not_o otherwise_o judge_v but_o that_o i_o be_v a_o reprobate_n and_o this_o condition_n be_v very_o burdensome_a unto_o my_o spirit_n and_o neither_o in_o hear_v or_o read_v can_v i_o for_o the_o time_n find_v any_o ease_n of_o this_o my_o trouble_n but_o still_o i_o do_v apprehend_v the_o lord_n as_o a_o angry_a judge_n require_v satisfaction_n of_o i_o for_o my_o sin_n thus_o i_o languish_v not_o know_v which_o way_n to_o steer_v my_o thought_n but_o oftentimes_o cry_v out_o to_o the_o throne_n of_o grace_n what_o shall_v i_o do_v to_o be_v save_v sometime_o i_o shall_v persuade_v myself_o it_o be_v altogether_o impossible_a for_o i_o to_o think_v of_o be_v save_v or_o ever_o to_o gain_v so_o much_o faith_n as_o to_o believe_v that_o christ_n die_v for_o my_o sin_n for_o i_o think_v it_o will_v be_v a_o very_a great_a presumption_n in_o i_o to_o attempt_v any_o such_o thing_n have_v often_o have_v thought_n of_o destroy_v myself_o it_o be_v my_o desire_n that_o i_o may_v never_o forget_v the_o providence_n of_o god_n in_o keep_v i_o from_o all_o danger_n in_o this_o my_o extreme_a doubtful_a condition_n wherein_o i_o make_v not_o any_o one_o acquaint_v with_o my_o trouble_n but_o the_o lord_n who_o work_n it_o be_v to_o deliver_v i_o in_o this_o my_o spiritual_a bondage_n when_o i_o have_v hear_v godly_a man_n encourage_v poor_a soul_n to_o believe_v in_o christ_n i_o have_v think_v that_o other_o might_n but_o i_o dare_v not_o presume_v because_o i_o be_v no_o better_o qualify_v for_o if_o i_o can_v find_v myself_o more_o holy_a or_o more_o godly_a or_o full_a of_o goodness_n than_o there_o will_v be_v some_o hope_n that_o i_o may_v believe_v and_o hope_v for_o the_o favour_n of_o god_n and_o that_o christ_n die_v for_o i_o but_o afterward_o god_n put_v into_o my_o heart_n to_o consider_v that_o see_v by_o the_o deed_n of_o the_o law_n no_o flesh_n can_v be_v justify_v for_o i_o think_v before_o i_o must_v have_v do_v something_o that_o shall_v have_v prove_v meritorious_a and_o begin_v to_o be_v acquaint_v with_o a_o emptiness_n in_o myself_o and_o a_o inability_n of_o my_o own_o to_o do_v any_o good_a and_o find_v that_o it_o must_v be_v give_v i_o from_o the_o lord_n christ_n be_v all_o in_o all_o to_o the_o saint_n upon_o this_o consideration_n i_o cast_v myself_o upon_o god_n say_v lord_n i_o be_o thy_o workmanship_n do_v with_o i_o what_o seem_v good_a unto_o thou_o if_o thou_o do_v damn_v i_o i_o have_v deserve_v the_o severe_a of_o thy_o judgement_n thou_o be_v just_a although_o i_o be_o for_o ever_o just_o miserable_a and_o one_o day_n read_v of_o mr._n perkins_n his_o book_n treat_v of_o the_o small_a degree_n of_o saving-faith_n which_o do_v express_v that_o a_o desire_n to_o believe_v be_v faith_n itself_o i_o be_v something_o comfort_v to_o hear_v of_o this_o know_v that_o none_o can_v more_o desire_v it_o than_o i_o do_v and_o upon_o this_o a_o while_n i_o rest_v satisfy_v but_o not_o long_o after_o i_o find_v it_o a_o reed_n whereon_o i_o have_v lean_v and_o grow_v again_o very_o restless_a and_o be_v beat_v off_o from_o this_o stay_n by_o have_v the_o opportunity_n of_o another_o book_n which_o make_v i_o to_o understand_v that_o the_o poor_a man_n know_v full_a well_o that_o a_o desire_n to_o be_v rich_a and_o to_o be_v rich_a indeed_o be_v two_o several_a thing_n and_o so_o a_o desire_n to_o believe_v and_o faith_n itself_o be_v not_o the_o same_o for_o as_o all_o that_o desire_v to_o be_v rich_a be_v not_o rich_a so_o all_o that_o desire_v to_o believe_v do_v not_o believe_v be_v thus_o drive_v from_o my_o other_o principle_n i_o begin_v to_o see_v a_o more_o emptiness_n in_o the_o creature_n and_o a_o great_a fullness_n in_o the_o creator_n and_o this_o last_o book_n by_o the_o blessing_n of_o god_n through_o his_o grace_n do_v inform_v my_o judgement_n in_o many_o thing_n which_o be_v very_o comfortable_a to_o i_o as_o that_o the_o love_n of_o god_n be_v the_o cause_n christ_n be_v give_v for_o sinner_n and_o that_o he_o become_v a_o full_a satisfaction_n to_o god_n for_o sin_n and_o if_o we_o stay_v from_o christ_n till_o we_o be_v full_a of_o good_a work_n it_o may_v be_v a_o symptom_n we_o shall_v never_o believe_v for_o it_o show_v that_o we_o must_v be_v ingraft_v into_o christ_n by_o faith_n before_o we_o can_v bring_v forth_o good_a fruit_n for_o without_o i_o you_o can_v do_v nothing_o say_v christ_n and_o whatsoever_o be_v not_o of_o faith_n be_v sin_n these_o and_o many_o such_o like_a expression_n in_o the_o scripture_n which_o god_n put_v into_o my_o mind_n be_v very_o comfortable_a to_o the_o refresh_n of_o my_o dull_a and_o weary_a spirit_n many_o time_n but_o yet_o fear_n in_o interval_n possess_v i_o as_o not_o find_v christ_n to_o be_v make_v i_o by_o faith_n for_o i_o can_v not_o say_v in_o particular_a that_o god_n be_v my_o god_n nor_o see_v that_o there_o be_v a_o reconcilement_n make_v between_o god_n and_o my_o soul_n sometime_o i_o will_v persuade_v my_o heart_n to_o venture_v to_o believe_v in_o christ_n for_o the_o pardon_n of_o my_o sin_n but_o present_o objection_n will_v thwart_v my_o resolution_n by_o conclude_v that_o i_o be_v too_o great_a a_o sinner_n and_o it_o be_v not_o absolute_o say_v that_o christ_n die_v for_o i_o in_o this_o condition_n i_o be_v for_o about_o four_o year_n before_o i_o do_v thorough_o apprehend_v the_o love_n of_o god_n in_o christ_n jesus_n unto_o i_o yet_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v at_o last_o to_o work_v effectual_o upon_o i_o by_o many_o sweet_a promise_n out_o of_o his_o word_n which_o do_v wonderful_o rejoice_v my_o soul_n as_o john_n 13.15_o 16._o whosoever_o believe_v in_o the_o son_n shall_v not_o perish_v but_o have_v
my_o faith_n be_v true_a but_o doubt_v that_o sure_o i_o have_v presume_v upon_o false_a ground_n and_o be_v much_o perplex_v yet_o now_o it_o please_v god_n in_o the_o midst_n of_o my_o distress_n to_o bring_v to_o my_o mind_n these_o word_n the_o spirit_n say_v come_v and_o the_o bride_n say_v come_v and_o every_o one_o that_o will_v come_v drink_v of_o the_o water_n of_o life_n free_o i_o say_v of_o myself_o i_o can_v come_v but_o i_o pray_v lord_n draw_v i_o and_o i_o shall_v run_v after_o thou_o and_o this_o word_n be_v cast_v into_o my_o soul_n by_o the_o lord_n my_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a for_o thou_o only_o do_v thou_o believe_v and_o god_n have_v now_o wrought_v faith_n in_o i_o and_o by_o the_o testimony_n of_o his_o spirit_n have_v seal_v his_o love_n in_o christ_n to_o i_o work_v in_o my_o heart_n so_o to_o love_v he_o that_o i_o have_v cast_v myself_o whole_o upon_o he_o h._n c._n xxxi_o experience_n of_o t._n r._n mariner_n at_o the_o age_n of_o two_o and_o twenty_o be_v in_o the_o strait_n i_o be_v take_v by_o the_o merciless_a turk_n but_o the_o power_n of_o the_o lord_n deliver_v i_o out_o of_o captivity_n by_o a_o miraculous_a way_n unexpected_a the_o lord_n give_v i_o grace_n to_o call_v on_o he_o give_v i_o a_o gracious_a answer_n that_o he_o will_v never_o leave_v i_o nor_o forsake_v i_o in_o the_o war_n with_o france_n on_o the_o coast_n of_o guinea_n i_o be_v take_v by_o a_o french_a man_n of_o war_n and_o be_v great_o afflict_v for_o want_v of_o food_n and_o raiment_n and_o other_o hardship_n which_o they_o lay_v on_o i_o to_o have_v turn_v to_o their_o catholic_n religion_n yet_o the_o lord_n still_o promise_v i_o that_o he_o will_v give_v i_o a_o deliverance_n out_o of_o their_o merciless_a hand_n who_o make_v good_a his_o promise_n to_o i_o in_o a_o short_a time_n bless_a be_v his_o holy_a name_n after_o this_o i_o go_v a_o voyage_n to_o brasile_n and_o our_o ship_n be_v lade_v we_o do_v intend_v for_o portugal_n but_o they_o detain_v we_o a_o whole_a year_n so_o that_o our_o ship_n be_v all_o eat_v with_o worm_n and_o we_o be_v fain_o to_o keep_v pump_v for_o nine_o month_n but_o the_o long_o the_o worse_o for_o in_o our_o passage_n homeward_o we_o can_v not_o tell_v which_o death_n to_o choose_v either_o to_o starve_v or_o to_o be_v drown_v for_o our_o victual_n be_v so_o small_a that_o for_o one_o year_n and_o more_o we_o have_v no_o bread_n in_o our_o ship_n but_o eat_v the_o root_n of_o tree_n make_v into_o a_o substance_n like_o oatmeal_n and_o for_o beef_n one_o ounce_n for_o a_o man_n a_o day_n which_o stink_v so_o that_o none_o can_v have_v eat_v it_o but_o man_n in_o our_o case_n for_o drink_v we_o be_v glad_a of_o a_o pint_n of_o water_n a_o day_n during_o the_o time_n of_o our_o passage_n which_o be_v seventeen_o week_n but_o in_o this_o passage_n we_o see_v the_o wonderful_a work_n of_o god_n for_o he_o send_v we_o for_o three_o eek_n in_o seasonable_a time_n fish_n call_v dolphin_n sometime_o two_o or_o three_o in_o a_o day_n and_o as_o we_o grow_v within_o three_o hundred_o league_n of_o the_o coast_n of_o portugal_n and_o our_o provision_n near_o spend_v only_o three_o or_o four_o day_n leave_v and_o all_o our_o man_n sick_a and_o weak_a and_o almost_o starve_v it_o please_v god_n of_o his_o great_a mercy_n to_o send_v we_o a_o ship_n of_o flushing_n a_o man_n of_o war_n who_o prove_v to_o we_o as_o joseph_n to_o the_o child_n of_o israel_n for_o they_o bring_v we_o victual_n which_o save_v our_o life_n and_o after_o they_o have_v take_v our_o ship_n they_o be_v fain_o to_o put_v on_o board_n forty_o man_n to_o keep_v she_o from_o sink_v for_o it_o please_v god_n that_o the_o next_o day_n after_o we_o have_v a_o violent_a storm_n and_o a_o great_a sea_n break_v upon_o she_o so_o that_o we_o think_v she_o will_v never_o have_v recover_v herself_o again_o for_o our_o good_n do_v shut_v all_o to_o one_o side_n and_o so_o she_o be_v fain_o to_o go_v until_o she_o come_v to_o flushing_n but_o we_o poor_a creature_n be_v in_o great_a peril_n and_o danger_n of_o our_o life_n and_o yet_o the_o lord_n comfort_v i_o by_o his_o promise_n that_o he_o will_v bring_v i_o to_o shore_n and_o will_v deliver_v my_o life_n from_o death_n and_o my_o eye_n from_o tear_n and_o he_o have_v do_v gracious_o with_o i_o above_o my_o desert_n and_o enable_v i_o above_o my_o strength_n and_o deliver_v i_o aâ—_n my_o hope_n therefore_o will_v i_o praise_v he_o without_o measure_n and_o magnify_v his_o name_n without_o end_n three_o year_n after_o this_o be_v on_o the_o coast_n of_o ireland_n it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o raise_v a_o violent_a storm_n and_o in_o the_o morning_n by_o the_o dawn_n of_o the_o day_n we_o be_v so_o near_o the_o shore_n that_o to_o man_n judgement_n there_o be_v nothing_o but_o death_n approach_v for_o we_o know_v no_o place_n of_o that_o land_n by_o reason_n of_o the_o fog_n and_o rain_n that_o we_o have_v all_o the_o day_n and_o know_v not_o where_o 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for_o his_o continual_a and_o most_o sweet_a favour_n unto_o i_o sinful_a wretched_a and_o empty_a man_n void_a of_o all_o spiritual_a goodness_n furthermore_o i_o be_v after_o this_o in_o a_o ship_n of_o 300_o tun_n lie_v on_o the_o coast_n of_o virginia_n wind-bound_a the_o space_n of_o seven_o week_n it_o please_v god_n to_o visit_v our_o people_n with_o the_o pestilential_a fever_n and_o the_o calenture_n which_o be_v a_o violent_a fever_n or_o madness_n at_o first_o and_o we_o have_v in_o our_o ship_n two_o hundred_o thirty_o five_o soul_n at_o that_o time_n and_o it_o be_v the_o will_n and_o pleasure_n of_o god_n that_o we_o have_v a_o hundred_o of_o they_o sick_a at_o one_o time_n so_o that_o we_o have_v but_o few_o to_o look_v 〈◊〉_d â—he_v sick_a and_o be_v in_o great_a want_n of_o provision_n yet_o we_o know_v not_o whither_o to_o go_v but_o it_o please_v god_n to_o raise_v a_o great_a storm_n so_o that_o a_o great_a sea_n break_v into_o our_o main_a sail_n and_o we_o have_v two_o foot_n water_n between_o deck_n and_o our_o poor_a sick_a people_n cry_v out_o they_o be_v drown_v but_o within_o a_o hour_n after_o by_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n we_o have_v fair_a weather_n and_o fair_a wind_n and_o within_o three_o or_o four_o day_n god_n set_v we_o safe_a on_o land_n to_o our_o great_a joy_n and_o comfort_n that_o before_o be_v almost_o past_a hope_n so_o that_o he_o cause_v we_o to_o say_v with_o the_o prophet_n david_n it_o be_v good_a for_o i_o that_o i_o be_v afflict_v and_o yet_o have_v another_o choice_a mercy_n to_o make_v know_v of_o what_o god_n have_v do_v for_o i_o for_o he_o have_v now_o call_v i_o out_o of_o the_o world_n but_o not_o out_o of_o the_o land_n of_o the_o live_n he_o have_v also_o open_v my_o eye_n and_o make_v clear_a my_o understanding_n with_o mary_n to_o choose_v the_o better_a part_n and_o whatsoever_o the_o world_n or_o satan_n can_v cast_v upon_o i_o it_o shall_v all_o turn_v to_o my_o good_a for_o i_o know_v that_o my_o redeemer_n live_v and_o he_o my_o soul_n desire_v to_o bless_v and_o praise_v which_o i_o trust_v i_o shall_v do_v till_o my_o change_n come_v as_o god_n shall_v enable_v i_o and_o the_o lord_n strengthen_v my_o faith_n xxxii_o experience_n of_o t._n g._n it_o have_v please_v the_o lord_n god_n of_o his_o own_o free_a mercy_n and_o love_n in_o jesus_n christ_n to_o prevent_v and_o keep_v i_o ever_o since_o i_o be_v bear_v from_o many_o thousand_o danger_n and_o yet_o i_o like_v a_o unruly_a creature_n
receive_v the_o applause_n of_o the_o whole_a company_n upon_o which_o my_o mind_n be_v terrible_o strike_v and_o i_o immediate_o reply_v thus_o to_o myself_o good_a god_n that_o a_o man_n that_o walk_v upright_o that_o see_v the_o wonderful_a work_n of_o god_n and_o have_v the_o use_n of_o his_o sense_n and_o reason_n shall_v use_v they_o to_o the_o defy_v of_o his_o creator_n but_o though_o this_o be_v a_o good_a beginning_n towards_o my_o conversion_n to_o find_v my_o conscience_n touch_v for_o my_o sin_n yet_o it_o go_v off_o again_o yet_o all_o my_o life_n long_o i_o have_v a_o secret_a value_n and_o reverence_n for_o a_o honest_a man_n and_o love_a morality_n in_o other_o but_o i_o have_v form_v a_o odd_a scheme_n of_o religion_n to_o myself_o which_o will_v solve_v all_o that_o god_n or_o conscience_n may_v force_v upon_o i_o yet_o i_o be_v not_o ever_o well_o reconcile_v to_o the_o business_n of_o religion_n nor_o have_v that_o reverence_n for_o the_o gospel_n as_o i_o ought_v to_o have_v this_o estate_n of_o mind_n continue_v till_o the_o 53._o chapter_n of_o isaiah_n be_v read_v to_o he_o wherein_o there_o be_v a_o lively_a description_n of_o the_o suffering_n of_o our_o saviour_n and_o the_o benefit_n thereof_o and_o some_o other_o portion_n of_o scripture_n by_o the_o power_n and_o efficacy_n of_o which_o word_n assist_v by_o his_o holy_a spirit_n god_n so_o wrought_v upon_o his_o heart_n that_o he_o declare_v that_o the_o mystery_n of_o the_o passion_n appear_v so_o clear_a and_o plain_a to_o he_o as_o ever_o any_o thing_n do_v that_o be_v represent_v in_o a_o glass_n so_o that_o the_o joy_n and_o admiration_n which_o possess_v his_o soul_n upon_o the_o read_n of_o god_n word_n to_o he_o be_v remarkable_a to_o all_o about_o he_o and_o he_o have_v so_o much_o delight_n in_o his_o testimony_n that_o he_o beg_v his_o mother_n and_o lady_n to_o read_v the_o same_o to_o he_o frequent_o and_o be_v unsatisfied_a notwithstanding_o his_o great_a pain_n and_o weakness_n till_o he_o have_v learn_v especial_o the_o 53._o chapter_n of_o isaiah_n with_o out_o book_n compare_v this_o prophecy_n with_o the_o passion_n of_o christ_n in_o the_o evangelist_n and_o observe_v that_o it_o be_v clear_o foretell_v by_o the_o prophet_n some_o hundred_o of_o year_n before_o it_o be_v accomplish_v and_o this_o consideration_n have_v such_o mighty_a influence_n upon_o his_o soul_n and_o strengthen_v his_o faith_n that_o afterward_o he_o never_o have_v the_o least_o doubt_n about_o the_o certainty_n of_o the_o gospel_n and_o eternal_a salvation_n by_o jesus_n christ_n he_o say_v the_o in_o the_o first_o verse_n of_o that_o chapter_n the_o prophet_n declare_v what_o great_a opposition_n the_o doctrine_n of_o christ_n crucify_a will_v meet_v with_o in_o the_o world_n from_o such_o obstinate_a sinner_n as_o he_o be_v who_o have_v believe_v our_o report_n and_o to_o who_o be_v the_o arm_n of_o the_o lord_n reveal_v and_o that_o the_o lowliness_n of_o his_o condition_n and_o person_n upon_o earth_n will_v cause_v weak_a and_o inconsider_v man_n to_o undervalue_v he_o because_o he_o do_v not_o appear_v with_o the_o vain_a splendour_n &_o pomp_n wherein_o they_o be_v please_v this_o he_o say_v be_v plain_o predict_v in_o the_o second_o verse_n he_o have_v no_o form_n or_o comeliness_n and_o when_o we_o shall_v see_v he_o there_o be_v no_o beauty_n that_o we_o shall_v desire_v he_o at_o the_o same_o time_n discourse_v of_o the_o manner_n of_o his_o youth_n up_o which_o all_o man_n know_v be_v too_o too_o much_o devote_v to_o the_o service_n of_o sin_n and_o that_o the_o lust_n of_o the_o flesh_n of_o the_o eye_n and_o the_o pride_n of_o life_n have_v captivate_v he_o he_o be_v very_o large_a and_o particular_a in_o his_o acknowledgement_n about_o it_o and_o more_o ready_a to_o accuse_v himself_o than_o any_o other_o can_v be_v public_o cry_v out_o o_o bless_v god_n can_v such_o a_o horrid_a creature_n as_o i_o be_o be_v accept_v by_o thou_o who_o have_v deny_v thy_o be_v and_o contemn_v thy_o power_n can_v there_o be_v pardon_n and_o mercy_n for_o i_o will_v god_n own_o such_o a_o wretch_n as_o i_o be_o shall_v the_o unspeakable_a joy_n of_o heaven_n be_v confer_v upon_o i_o o_o mighty_a saviour_n never_o but_o through_o thy_o infinite_a love_n and_o satisfaction_n o_o never_o but_o by_o the_o purchase_n of_o thy_o blood_n add_v that_o with_o all_o abhorrency_n he_o do_v reflect_v upon_o his_o former_a course_n of_o life_n that_o sincere_o and_o from_o his_o heart_n he_o do_v repent_v of_o all_o that_o folly_n and_o madness_n which_o he_o have_v commit_v he_o have_v a_o true_a and_o lively_a sense_n of_o god_n great_a mercy_n to_o he_o in_o strike_v his_o hard_a heart_n and_o lay_v his_o conscience_n open_a which_o hitherto_o have_v be_v deaf_a to_o all_o god_n call_n and_o method_n say_v if_o that_o god_n who_o die_v for_o great_a as_o well_o as_o lesser_a sinner_n do_v not_o speedy_o apply_v his_o infinite_a merit_n to_o his_o poor_a soul_n his_o wound_n be_v such_o as_o no_o man_n can_v conceive_v or_o bear_v cry_v out_o that_o he_o be_v the_o vile_a wretch_n and_o dog_n that_o the_o sun_n shine_v upon_o or_o the_o earth_n bear_v that_o now_o he_o see_v his_o error_n in_o not_o live_v up_o to_o that_o reason_n which_o god_n have_v endue_v he_o with_o and_o which_o he_o have_v unworthy_o vilify_v and_o centemn_v wish_v that_o he_o have_v be_v a_o starve_a leper_n crawl_v in_o a_o ditch_n that_o he_o have_v be_v a_o link_n boy_n or_o a_o beggar_n or_o for_o his_o whole_a life-time_n confine_v to_o a_o dungeon_n rather_o than_o thus_o to_o have_v sin_v against_o his_o god_n his_o faith_n be_v remarkable_a in_o a_o hearty_a embrace_v and_o pious_a confession_n of_o all_o the_o article_n of_o the_o christian_a religion_n and_o all_o the_o divine_a mystery_n of_o the_o gospel_n say_v that_o the_o absurd_a and_o foolish_a philosophy_n which_o the_o world_n so_o much_o admire_v propogated_a by_o the_o late_a mr._n hobbs_n and_o other_o have_v undo_v he_o and_o many_o more_o of_o the_o best_a part_n in_o the_o nation_n who_o without_o god_n great_a mercy_n may_v never_o it_o may_v be_v attain_v to_o such_o a_o serious_a repentance_n as_o he_o be_v he_o faithful_o adhere_v to_o and_o cast_v himself_o entire_o upon_o the_o mercy_n of_o jesus_n christ_n and_o the_o free_a grace_n of_o god_n declare_v to_o repent_v sinner_n through_o he_o with_o a_o thankful_a remembrance_n of_o his_o life_n death_n and_o resurrection_n beg_v of_o god_n to_o strengthen_v his_o faith_n and_o often_o cry_v out_o lord_n i_o believe_v help_v thou_o my_o unbelief_n he_o have_v a_o mighty_a love_n for_o and_o esteem_v of_o the_o holy_a scripture_n which_o he_o have_v former_o too_o much_o slight_v and_o ridicule_v take_v up_o resolution_n to_o read_v they_o frequent_o and_o meditate_v upon_o they_o if_o god_n shall_v spare_v he_o have_v already_o taste_v the_o good_a word_n for_o have_v speak_v to_o his_o heart_n he_o acknowledge_v all_o the_o seem_a absurdity_n and_o contradiction_n thereof_o fancy_v by_o man_n of_o corrupt_a and_o reprobate_a judgement_n be_v vanish_v and_o their_o excellency_n and_o beauty_n appear_v be_v come_v to_o receive_v the_o truth_n in_o the_o love_n of_o it_o he_o be_v extraordinary_a fervent_a and_o frequent_a in_o his_o prayer_n and_o supplication_n and_o often_o call_v upon_o other_o to_o pray_v for_o and_o with_o he_o or_o to_o read_v the_o scripture_n to_o he_o and_o towards_o the_o end_n of_o his_o sickness_n will_v hearty_o desire_v god_n to_o pardon_v his_o infirmity_n if_o he_o shall_v not_o be_v so_o wakeful_a &_o intent_n through_o the_o duty_n as_o he_o wish_v to_o be_v and_o that_o though_o the_o flesh_n be_v weak_a yet_o the_o spirit_n be_v willing_a and_o hope_v god_n will_v accept_v that_o he_o continual_o beseech_v god_n by_o his_o grace_n and_o holy_a spirit_n to_o sustain_v he_o and_o to_o keep_v he_o from_o all_o evil_a thought_n from_o all_o temptation_n and_o diabolical_a suggestion_n and_o every_o thing_n that_o may_v be_v prejudicial_a to_o rhat_o religious_a temper_n of_o mind_n which_o god_n have_v now_o so_o happy_o endue_v he_o withal_o cry_v out_o one_o night_n especial_o how_o terrible_o the_o tempter_n do_v assault_v he_o by_o cast_v upon_o he_o lewd_a and_o wicked_a imagination_n but_o i_o thank_v god_n say_v he_o i_o abhor_v they_o all_o and_o by_o the_o power_n of_o his_o grace_n which_o i_o be_o sure_a be_v sufficient_a for_o i_o i_o have_v overcome_v they_o it_o be_v the_o malice_n of_o the_o devil_n because_o i_o be_o rescue_v from_o he_o and_o the_o goodness_n of_o god_n that_o free_v i_o from_o all_o my_o spiritual_a enemy_n he_o be_v very_o joyful_a at_o his_o lady_n
glitter_v with_o a_o sharp_a edge_n which_o take_v up_o the_o whole_a space_n of_o the_o gate_n from_o one_o post_n to_o the_o other_o with_o a_o broad_a blade_n most_o keen_a and_o cruel_a at_o which_o sad_a sight_n be_v almost_o distract_v with_o fear_n i_o shriek_v out_o yet_o have_v not_o the_o least_o power_n to_o stop_v but_o be_v forcible_o carry_v towards_o it_o so_o that_o the_o edge_n of_o the_o threaten_a blade_n meet_v with_o my_o body_n it_o seem_v to_o i_o impossible_a that_o i_o shall_v escape_v death_n and_o i_o make_v no_o other_o account_n but_o to_o be_v quite_o off_o and_o part_v asunder_o but_o afterward_o be_v hurry_v through_o with_o that_o irresistible_a force_n i_o have_v strength_n to_o stay_v a_o little_a beyond_o it_o and_o to_o contemplate_v the_o desperate_a peril_n that_o i_o be_v in_o i_o stand_v as_o one_o amaze_v and_o scarce_o know_v whether_o i_o be_v alive_a or_o dead_a yea_o i_o can_v hardly_o believe_v myself_o to_o be_v any_o thing_n but_o a_o dead_a man_n or_o at_o least_o mortal_o and_o deadly_o wound_v if_o not_o woeful_o and_o deplorable_o cut_v in_o twain_o oh_o how_o i_o stand_v tremble_v and_o turmoil_v in_o my_o thought_n until_o after_o some_o time_n the_o vital_a blood_n which_o be_v retire_v for_o the_o heart_n defence_n begin_v to_o disperse_v and_o circulate_v in_o its_o former_a course_n and_o then_o i_o look_v about_o and_o turn_v to_o the_o gate_n way_n but_o the_o appearance_n be_v pass_v away_o the_o sword_n go_v and_o vanish_v whilst_o i_o be_v leave_v alone_o the_o rest_n run_v away_o in_o a_o labarynth_n of_o fear_n grief_n and_o doubt_n free_a from_o a_o wound_n without_o but_o deep_o and_o woeful_o wound_v within_o and_o never_o since_o to_o the_o praise_n of_o god_n grace_n as_o i_o know_v of_o have_v i_o make_v such_o vain_a and_o irreverent_a mention_n of_o the_o name_n of_o the_o lord_n but_o good_a god_n what_o be_v thy_o will_n herein_o thou_o who_o be_v not_o tie_v to_o mean_n or_o order_n best_o ordere_v and_o dispose_v of_o all_o thing_n for_o thy_o own_o design_n and_o glory_n and_o so_o this_o be_v i_o be_o sure_a but_o what_o it_o be_v i_o know_v not_o yet_o it_o leave_v a_o last_a impression_n upon_o i_o and_o the_o scar_n be_v still_o to_o be_v be_v see_v in_o my_o heart_n though_o the_o wound_n be_v heal_v but_o alas_o how_o long_o and_o lamentable_o do_v i_o lie_v afflict_v and_o in_o continual_a fear_n after_o this_o every_o thunder_n and_o lightning_n i_o look_v upon_o as_o fatal_a to_o i_o and_o send_v to_o destroy_v i_o and_o then_o i_o will_v fall_v to_o my_o prayer_n and_o say_v my_o creed_n and_o commandment_n and_o to_o my_o sermon_n as_o fast_o as_o i_o can_v that_o i_o may_v be_v find_v well_o do_v at_o least_o if_o not_o as_o a_o charm_n to_o preserve_v i_o or_o a_o challenge_v to_o god_n by_o virtue_n of_o they_o to_o keep_v and_o defend_v i_o and_o i_o remember_v it_o be_v a_o great_a comfort_n to_o i_o to_o consider_v that_o other_o do_v not_o do_v as_o i_o do_v but_o that_o they_o altogether_o flight_v holiness_n prayer_n etc._n etc._n and_o live_v wicked_o and_o carnal_o in_o drunkeness_n disobedience_n sabbath-breaking_a and_o other_o sin_n every_o day_n this_o i_o be_v so_o far_o from_o grieve_v at_o and_o weep_v over_o that_o i_o in_o my_o heart_n rejoice_v in_o it_o as_o have_v more_o hope_n and_o fancy_v myself_o to_o be_v in_o a_o better_a condition_n than_o they_o and_o therefore_o shall_v have_v more_o favour_n from_o the_o hand_n of_o god_n but_o all_o this_o while_n like_o a_o israelite_n in_o egypt_n i_o work_v for_o life_n and_o my_o service_n be_v my_o saviour_n and_o i_o will_v often_o take_v occasion_n to_o discourse_n with_o my_o brother_n sister_n and_o schoolfellow_n about_o heaven_n and_o hell_n and_o what_o a_o hard_a thing_n it_o be_v to_o be_v save_v be_v at_o malden_n in_o essex_n some_o time_n after_o i_o have_v a_o certain_a dream_n which_o seem_v afterward_o fulfy_v it_o be_v about_o the_o time_n when_o the_o spaniard_n and_o hollander_n have_v a_o sea_n fight_v in_o the_o down_n which_o i_o hear_v some_o talk_n of_o it_o fill_v i_o with_o fear_n and_o the_o follow_a night_n i_o dream_v that_o i_o see_v fire_n rain_v or_o rather_o pour_v down_o round_o about_o and_o look_v where_o i_o be_v i_o think_v myself_o to_o be_v without_o the_o coach_n yard_n gate_n of_o my_o father_n house_n i_o be_v much_o affright_v to_o see_v nothing_o but_o fire_n on_o every_o side_n of_o i_o and_o look_v upward_o and_o about_o i_o pray_v earnest_o for_o deliverance_n none_o come_v nigh_o i_o by_o a_o good_a space_n though_o flame_v in_o all_o place_n else_o so_o that_o i_o can_v see_v none_o exempt_v wherefore_o be_v afflict_v for_o my_o father_n and_o our_o family_n i_o fall_v on_o my_o knee_n to_o ask_v mercy_n for_o they_o and_o continue_v pray_v a_o long_a while_n before_o i_o can_v be_v hear_v but_o at_o last_o i_o think_v i_o be_v bid_v to_o arise_v and_o look_v and_o then_o the_o fire_n seem_v not_o to_o fall_v so_o fast_o on_o my_o father_n house_n as_o before_o but_o abate_v by_o little_a and_o little_a till_o i_o awake_v now_o though_o this_o dream_n seize_v much_o upon_o my_o spirit_n for_o the_o present_a yet_o i_o account_v it_o only_o a_o fancy_n till_o about_o six_o year_n after_o meeting_n with_o dr._n draiton_n in_o the_o isle_n of_o ely_n and_o repeat_v it_o to_o he_o he_o declare_v to_o i_o that_o for_o several_a reason_n which_o he_o give_v this_o must_v be_v more_o than_o a_o mere_a dream_n or_o work_n of_o fancy_n and_o that_o something_o will_v happen_v which_o this_o do_v presignifie_v instance_v in_o some_o of_o the_o like_a kind_n which_o himself_o his_o wife_n and_o other_o have_v meet_v with_o as_o warning_n and_o prediction_n and_o therefore_o he_o wish_v i_o by_o no_o mean_n to_o slight_v or_o contemn_v it_o because_o he_o be_v confident_a it_o do_v presage_v some_o fiery_a and_o angry_a dispensation_n upon_o our_o family_n and_o that_o my_o father_n and_o the_o rest_n will_v fall_v under_o some_o trouble_n by_o the_o time_n or_o otherwise_o and_o myself_o shall_v be_v free_a and_o at_o liberty_n to_o pray_v for_o they_o and_o that_o by_o degree_n they_o shall_v be_v bring_v out_o and_o the_o fire_n abate_v this_o interpretation_n which_o he_o give_v more_o full_o be_v for_o the_o most_o part_n verify_v some_o year_n after_o but_o all_o this_o while_n i_o be_v labour_v for_o heaven_n in_o a_o exceed_a formal_a way_n and_o do_v much_o covet_v to_o know_v the_o thing_n of_o god_n and_o therefore_o often_o wish_v that_o i_o be_v a_o minister_n such_o a_o one_o as_o mr._n fenner_n mr._n martial_n mr._n hooker_n my_o father_n or_o some_o other_o eminent_a preacher_n that_o so_o i_o may_v attain_v to_o their_o knowledge_n and_o then_o i_o think_v i_o shall_v do_v more_o abundant_a service_n for_o god_n as_o if_o the_o lord_n be_v behold_v to_o i_o for_o my_o obedience_n and_o shall_v the_o more_o easy_o and_o sure_o obtain_v salvation_n thus_o i_o poor_a creature_n continue_v for_o several_a year_n together_o keep_v many_o fast_a day_n by_o myself_o hear_v read_v sing_v psalm_n meditate_a use_v soliloquy_n and_o pray_v many_o time_n a_o day_n and_o what_o not_o and_o yet_o at_o last_o sink_v into_o the_o depth_n of_o despair_n what_o by_o the_o often_o thought_n of_o hell_n in_o read_v drexelius_n upon_o eternity_n and_o then_o think_v of_o the_o endless_a easeless_a and_o remediless_a torment_n of_o the_o damn_a what_o by_o frequent_a fright_v as_o before_o and_o what_o by_o my_o father_n once_o preach_v on_o the_o parallel_n of_o the_o fool_n in_o the_o gospel_n luke_n 10.20_o thou_o fool_n this_o night_n will_v i_o take_v away_o thy_o soul_n than_o who_o shall_v these_o thing_n be_v that_o thou_o have_v provide_v from_o whence_o he_o discover_v the_o unaccountable_a folly_n of_o man_n to_o lay_v up_o the_o trifle_n of_o this_o world_n and_o forget_v heaven_n that_o eternal_a happiness_n be_v not_o to_o be_v obtain_v upon_o a_o down_o bed_n nor_o without_o much_o pain_n and_o care_n since_o our_o bless_a lord_n tell_v we_o that_o many_o strive_v hard_a to_o enter_v into_o the_o kingdom_n of_o heaven_n and_o shall_v not_o be_v able_a and_o that_o except_o our_o righteousness_n exceed_v the_o righteousness_n of_o the_o scribe_n and_o pharisee_n we_o shall_v in_o no_o case_n enter_v into_o the_o kingdom_n of_o heaven_n matth._n 5.20_o what_o with_o these_o and_o other_o thing_n i_o be_v almost_o throw_v into_o the_o bottomless_a abyss_n of_o desperation_n i_o take_v the_o bible_n to_o look_v these_o scripture_n and_o read_v they_o over_o and_o over_o again_o but_o
know_v more_o this_o dream_n have_v such_o a_o effect_n and_o influence_n upon_o i_o that_o i_o can_v not_o rest_v till_o i_o have_v declare_v it_o and_o now_o i_o find_v my_o heart_n ever_o since_o take_v off_o from_o sin_n and_o the_o lust_n of_o the_o world_n and_o have_v experience_v so_o great_a a_o change_n in_o be_v call_v home_o to_o god_n as_o i_o be_o not_o able_a to_o express_v it_o in_o word_n and_o be_o now_o desirous_a to_o please_v god_n and_o to_o walk_v in_o his_o way_n have_v be_v long_o before_o wrought_v upon_o by_o the_o word_n preach_v and_o by_o prayer_n and_o now_o have_v give_v myself_o up_o to_o god_n in_o who_o mercy_n alone_o through_o the_o merit_n of_o jesus_n christ_n i_o expect_v joy_n and_o peace_n here_o and_o eternal_a happiness_n hereafter_o j._n c._n ix_o experience_n of_o mr._n j.b._n preacher_n of_o the_o gospel_n as_o to_o my_o life_n and_o experience_n i_o must_v declare_v that_o when_o i_o be_v but_o a_o little_a one_o god_n begin_v to_o work_v upon_o i_o for_o go_v to_o school_n i_o once_o happen_v to_o swear_v a_o oath_n as_o i_o be_v play_v with_o my_o companion_n which_o i_o have_v no_o soon_o utter_v but_o i_o be_v instant_o strike_v with_o horror_n for_o it_o and_o the_o sense_n thereof_o be_v so_o terrible_a that_o i_o doubt_v i_o shall_v be_v present_o throw_v into_o hell_n for_o it_o in_o which_o fear_n and_o great_a trouble_n i_o leave_v my_o school_n fellow_n play_v the_o sorrow_n and_o misery_n i_o think_v i_o be_v in_o will_v not_o permit_v i_o to_o stay_v any_o long_o away_o i_o go_v into_o the_o church_n porch_n not_o far_o off_o and_o sit_v down_o alone_o for_o some_o time_n weep_v bitter_o to_o myself_o but_o at_o length_n i_o know_v not_o how_o i_o begin_v to_o have_v some_o hope_n of_o pardon_n and_o thereupon_o grow_v cheerful_a and_o fearless_a till_o a_o while_n after_o i_o go_v to_o see_v some_o malefactor_n execute_v for_o after_o i_o come_v home_o the_o sight_n of_o their_o death_n run_v so_o much_o in_o my_o mind_n and_o appear_v so_o continual_o before_o my_o eye_n that_o my_o sias_fw-la and_o the_o horror_n of_o hell_n come_v fresh_a upon_o i_o again_o so_o that_o i_o be_v exceed_o cast_v down_o and_o cryod_n out_o oh_o what_o shall_v i_o do_v how_o shall_v i_o be_v save_v which_o i_o have_v often_o in_o my_o mouth_n and_o in_o the_o hear_n of_o my_o friend_n in_o this_o condition_n i_o can_v take_v no_o comfort_n from_o they_o till_o the_o lord_n himself_o bring_v i_o out_o of_o it_o and_o incline_v i_o to_o give_v up_o myself_o to_o jesus_n christ_n by_o the_o life_n of_o faith_n which_o i_o now_o live_v notwithstanding_o which_o i_o be_v under_o several_a temptation_n and_o oftentimes_o they_o come_v very_o thick_a upon_o i_o but_o even_o then_o i_o resolve_v that_o if_o i_o be_v throw_v into_o hell_n yet_o i_o will_v still_o lay_v hold_n upon_o my_o lord_n and_o saviour_n jesus_n christ_n and_o will_v never_o let_v he_o go_v and_o upon_o his_o merit_n and_o satisfaction_n i_o have_v be_v establish_v through_o his_o grace_n ever_o since_o so_o that_o i_o take_v christ_n for_o my_o king_n priest_n and_o prophet_n and_o do_v believe_v he_o to_o be_v a_o propitiation_n for_o my_o sin_n and_o my_o portion_n and_o inheritance_n both_o here_o and_o for_o ever_o j._n b._n experience_n of_o vv._n vv._n i_o have_v much_o reason_n to_o acknowledge_v a_o great_a work_n of_o god_n upon_o my_o heart_n in_o deliver_v i_o wonderful_o from_o several_a destroy_a sin_n which_o once_o i_o think_v slight_a but_o be_v real_o so_o great_a that_o i_o can_v scarce_o express_v they_o i_o be_v very_o extravagant_a and_o bring_v very_o low_a both_o in_o body_n and_o mind_n and_o extreme_o sensible_a of_o disobey_v my_o parent_n from_o what_o the_o scripture_n say_v of_o man_n in_o the_o latter_a time_n that_o they_o shall_v be_v lover_n of_o themselves_o heady_a disobedient_a to_o their_o parent_n etc._n etc._n the_o serious_a consideration_n hereof_o cast_v i_o down_o afflict_v my_o conference_n and_o so_o trouble_v i_o that_o i_o be_v altogether_o comfortless_a thus_o i_o continue_v a_o long_a time_n till_o it_o please_v god_n that_o once_o in_o a_o sermon_n i_o hear_v jesus_n câ—rist_n free_o offer_v even_o to_o the_o worst_a of_o sinner_n and_o then_o i_o begin_v to_o look_v up_o a_o little_a with_o hope_n of_o comfort_n and_o apply_v these_o offer_n to_o my_o own_o soul_n be_v sensible_a that_o i_o have_v real_a need_n of_o they_o and_o so_o at_o length_n i_o begin_v to_o be_v satisfy_v with_o peace_n and_o rest_n and_o follow_v the_o hear_n of_o the_o word_n and_o rejoice_v in_o it_o and_o love_v the_o company_n of_o good_a people_n and_o yet_o for_o all_o this_o i_o be_v under_o much_o temptation_n and_o too_o much_o incline_v to_o drink_v till_o my_o brother_n strong_a reprove_v i_o say_v brother_n i_o hear_v strange_a thing_n of_o you_o that_o you_o be_v give_v to_o drink_v this_o so_o smite_v i_o together_o with_o the_o abuse_n i_o receive_v from_o the_o profane_a sort_n who_o cry_v out_o after_o i_o o_o this_o be_v one_o of_o fowler_n be_v follower_n that_o i_o be_v wound_v in_o my_o spirit_n a_o long_a time_n to_o think_v that_o i_o shall_v bring_v such_o a_o scandal_n upon_o the_o gospel_n for_o two_o month_n i_o be_v woeful_o torment_v in_o my_o mind_n till_o the_o lord_n recover_v i_o and_o give_v i_o resolution_n and_o power_n against_o this_o and_o all_o other_o sin_n which_o have_v continue_v with_o i_o ever_o since_o and_o for_o which_o i_o acknowledge_v his_o great_a love_n and_o mercy_n to_o i_o and_o do_v live_v upon_o christ_n the_o true_a messiah_n who_o i_o believe_v to_o have_v die_v for_o my_o sin_n and_o that_o he_o will_v save_v my_o soul_n w._n w._n x._o experience_n of_o m._n k._n when_o i_o take_v a_o view_n of_o my_o life_n upon_o the_o stage_n of_o this_o world_n i_o may_v very_o well_o compare_v it_o to_o a_o tragicomedy_n a_o labyrinth_n from_o one_o sin_n to_o another_o from_o one_o affliction_n to_o another_o i_o be_v indeed_o the_o daughter_n of_o very_a good_a and_o honest_a parent_n who_o diligent_o bring_v up_o their_o child_n in_o the_o fear_n of_o god_n my_o mother_n who_o in_o her_o day_n be_v note_v for_o a_o godly_a virtuous_a and_o religious_a gentlewoman_n she_o i_o say_v from_o among_o twelve_o child_n choose_v i_o to_o set_v her_o love_n and_o affection_n upon_o she_o tell_v i_o it_o be_v because_o she_o see_v something_o a_o more_o tractableness_n and_o and_o diligence_n to_o please_v her_o thâ—n_n in_o the_o rest_n which_o when_o i_o perceive_v as_o than_o not_o be_v seven_o year_n old_a i_o lay_v myself_o forth_o the_o more_o to_o give_v her_o content_n who_o take_v great_a delight_n to_o instruct_v i_o to_o hear_v i_o read_v and_o ask_v her_o question_n she_o allot_v i_o a_o portion_n of_o scripture_n every_o day_n as_o likewise_o a_o part_n of_o erasmus_n rotterdamus_n upon_o the_o four_o evangelist_n wherein_o we_o both_o take_v great_a delight_n about_o that_o time_n i_o have_v serious_a thought_n concern_v god_n the_o father_n son_n and_o holy_a ghost_n who_o put_v this_o part_n of_o scripture_n into_o my_o mind_n he_o that_o be_v ashamed_a of_o i_o before_o man_n of_o he_o will_v i_o be_v ashamed_a before_o my_o father_n which_o be_v in_o heaven_n and_o whoso_o deni_v i_o before_o man_n he_o will_v i_o deny_v before_o the_o angel_n which_o be_v in_o heaven_n i_o than_o begin_v to_o examine_v myself_o on_o this_o manner_n what_o will_v thou_o do_v if_o thou_o be_v tempt_v among_o diversity_n of_o opinion_n to_o be_v ashamed_a of_o this_o profession_n wherein_o thy_o parent_n nurture_v thou_o what_o will_v thou_o do_v if_o thou_o shall_v be_v tempt_v to_o deny_v christ_n and_o be_v call_v to_o suffer_v for_o his_o sake_n as_o some_o of_o thy_o kindred_n be_v in_o queen_n mary_n time_n will_v thou_o not_o deny_v thy_o master_n will_v thou_o not_o run_v away_o from_o thy_o colour_n i_o resolve_v that_o i_o will_v not_o and_o if_o the_o lord_n will_v be_v please_v to_o try_v i_o he_o shall_v see_v how_o valiant_o i_o will_v fight_v under_o his_o banner_n and_o what_o a_o faithful_a soldier_n i_o will_v be_v to_o this_o i_o do_v implore_v his_o help_n continual_o whatsoever_o i_o be_v about_o still_o my_o heart_n be_v pray_v and_o i_o desire_v that_o god_n will_v be_v please_v to_o awake_v i_o in_o the_o night_n that_o i_o may_v rise_v out_o of_o my_o bed_n to_o prayer_n which_o many_o time_n i_o do_v after_o this_o manner_n i_o spend_v my_o day_n until_o i_o be_v twelve_o year_n old_a at_o which_o time_n it_o please_v god_n to_o take_v my_o
mother_n from_o i_o which_o be_v some_o sorrow_n to_o i_o but_o be_v sudden_o make_v my_o father_n housekeeper_n so_o as_o it_o be_v a_o mother_n to_o ten_o child_n a_o mistress_n over_o six_o servant_n none_o to_o do_v any_o thing_n without_o my_o command_n or_o consent_n be_v as_o it_o be_v my_o father_n right_a hand_n from_o who_o i_o have_v this_o authority_n it_o do_v not_o only_o stop_v my_o sorrow_n but_o cause_v a_o exceed_a joyful_a pride_n or_o proud_a joy_n to_o seize_v upon_o my_o heart_n see_v myself_o as_o it_o be_v advance_v be_v respect_v among_o the_o chief_a of_o the_o parish_n who_o be_v my_o mother_n companion_n i_o represent_v her_o person_n when_o i_o be_v among_o they_o then_o begin_v the_o care_n of_o the_o world_n and_o the_o deceivableness_n of_o vanity_n to_o seize_v upon_o my_o heart_n and_o make_v i_o forget_v my_o former_a order_n promise_n and_o intention_n and_o thus_o i_o spend_v almost_o seven_o year_n cumber_v about_o many_o thing_n but_o quite_o neglect_v that_o one_o thing_n which_o be_v needful_a about_o this_o time_n it_o please_v god_n to_o take_v my_o father_n from_o i_o upon_o a_o sudden_a i_o ask_v my_o heart_n what_o be_v the_o cause_n of_o my_o father_n death_n it_o make_v answer_v thus_o because_o thou_o have_v sin_v against_o god_n thou_o have_v not_o only_o omit_v much_o good_a but_o thou_o have_v commit_v much_o evil_n thou_o have_v spend_v thy_o time_n idle_o and_o loose_o and_o for_o thy_o sake_n all_o thy_o brother_n and_o sister_n be_v now_o make_v fatherless_a and_o motherless_a this_o consideration_n make_v such_o a_o deep_a impression_n upon_o my_o spirit_n that_o i_o refuse_v all_o comfort_n for_o half_a a_o year_n cry_v out_o continual_o my_o sin_n my_o sin_n woe_n be_v i_o my_o sin_n be_v demand_v by_o divers_a godly_a friend_n and_o reverend_a divine_n what_o those_o sin_n be_v which_o so_o much_o trouble_v i_o i_o tell_v they_o sin_n of_o omission_n sin_n of_o omission_n they_o will_v persuade_v i_o that_o i_o be_v young_a and_o that_o i_o have_v not_o year_n enough_o over_o my_o head_n to_o be_v guilty_a of_o so_o many_o sin_n by_o omission_n that_o need_v so_o much_o sorrow_n i_o tell_v they_o that_o i_o be_v old_a enough_o to_o offend_v god_n and_o to_o provoke_v he_o to_o anger_n indeed_o i_o can_v not_o give_v so_o ready_a account_n of_o my_o sin_n of_o evil_n commit_v and_o of_o good_a omit_v but_o though_o they_o never_o take_v notice_n of_o my_o sin_n yet_o my_o heart_n be_v witness_v against_o i_o thus_o i_o weary_v all_o my_o friend_n with_o my_o excessive_a sorrow_n who_o know_v not_o what_o to_o do_v for_o i_o more_o than_o they_o have_v do_v with_o one_o consent_n they_o send_v i_o up_o to_o london_n persuade_v i_o that_o the_o word_n of_o god_n be_v more_o plentiful_o preach_v there_o which_o make_v i_o willing_a to_o come_v but_o miss_v of_o my_o brother_n to_o who_o i_o be_v send_v to_o be_v provide_v for_o and_o resolve_v to_o wait_v upon_o some_o gentlewoman_n until_o i_o can_v with_o conveniency_n return_v down_o again_o god_n by_o his_o providence_n bring_v i_o to_o the_o wife_n of_o dr._n page_n minister_n of_o debtford_n from_o who_o i_o receive_v great_a comfort_n but_o in_o a_o short_a time_n god_n take_v he_o from_o we_o all_o who_o death_n be_v great_o lament_v i_o find_v much_o favour_n and_o love_n from_o all_o that_o know_v i_o and_o most_o especial_o from_o mris._n page_n who_o for_o three_o year_n and_o a_o half_a will_v not_o suffer_v i_o to_o be_v away_o from_o she_o one_o day_n at_o the_o end_n of_o which_o time_n i_o be_v marry_v to_o her_o elder_a son_n than_o live_v we_o have_v not_o be_v long_o marry_v and_o my_o husband_n receive_v his_o portion_n but_o we_o take_v a_o house_n in_o westminster_n intend_v to_o take_v some_o honest_a course_n for_o a_o livelihood_n but_o there_o god_n know_v we_o fall_v acquaint_v with_o some_o company_n which_o do_v not_o only_o cause_v much_o time_n to_o be_v spend_v in_o idleness_n but_o almost_o all_o our_o mean_n one_o man_n especial_o who_o give_v his_o mind_n to_o drink_v and_o other_o vice_n more_o than_o any_o good_a he_o i_o say_v be_v never_o well_o content_v without_o my_o husband_n company_n see_v imminent_a danger_n to_o hang_v over_o our_o head_n by_o reason_n of_o this_o course_n of_o life_n i_o great_o desire_v my_o husband_n to_o refrain_v that_o man_n company_n or_o at_o least_o not_o to_o suffer_v he_o to_o come_v so_o often_o home_n to_o our_o house_n this_o i_o beg_v upon_o my_o knee_n with_o tear_n but_o can_v not_o prevail_v then_o do_v the_o devil_n set_v his_o foot_n into_o my_o heart_n and_o persuade_v i_o that_o by_o the_o commit_n of_o one_o sin_n i_o shall_v prevent_v many_o and_o so_o stir_v i_o up_o to_o murder_v he_o to_o which_o suggestion_n i_o cowardly_o yield_v and_o seek_v all_o opportunity_n to_o perform_v this_o wicked_a act_n here_o i_o deny_v my_o master_n christ_n in_o the_o high_a of_o this_o hatred_n in_o my_o sleep_n i_o think_v i_o be_v in_o a_o very_a large_a chamber_n sit_v behind_o a_o table_n cover_v with_o a_o green_a carpet_n upon_o which_o lie_v all_o manner_n of_o instrument_n which_o proclaim_v death_n sudden_o the_o man_n come_v into_o the_o chamber_n who_o so_o soon_o as_o i_o espy_v to_o be_v alone_o catch_v up_o a_o weapon_n in_o my_o hand_n i_o resolve_v there_o to_o commit_v the_o horrid_a act_n of_o murder_n upon_o his_o body_n but_o god_n who_o watch_v over_o he_o whether_o they_o sleep_v or_o wake_v and_o work_v by_o mean_n and_o without_o mean_n which_o way_n he_o please_v at_o that_o time_n put_v a_o end_n to_o all_o my_o revengeful_a thought_n and_o cause_v i_o to_o hear_v a_o voice_n in_o my_o ear_n say_v vengeance_n be_v i_o to_o which_o voice_n i_o answer_v aloud_o and_o thou_o will_v repay_v o_o lord_n then_o wake_v hear_v myself_o speak_v i_o be_v in_o very_o good_a charity_n with_o he_o and_o leave_v my_o wrong_n to_o god_n but_o reflect_v upon_o my_o own_o heart_n there_o i_o find_v not_o only_o these_o but_o a_o whole_a nest_n of_o most_o diabolical_a and_o wicked_a intention_n which_o my_o god_n be_v please_v by_o his_o prevent_a grace_n to_o smother_v in_o their_o birth_n for_o i_o no_o soon_o have_v conclude_v that_o i_o will_v fulfil_v my_o own_o heart_n lust_n although_o i_o suffer_v all_o the_o punishment_n due_a for_o such_o and_o such_o like_a sin_n wherein_o i_o run_v away_o from_o my_o captain_n yet_o for_o all_o this_o he_o have_v a_o favour_n towards_o i_o and_o send_v a_o herald_n after_o i_o to_o bring_v i_o back_o again_o but_o than_o begin_v a_o fresh_a battle_n for_o my_o god_n come_v as_o it_o be_v to_o see_v what_o use_n i_o have_v make_v of_o the_o talon_n that_o he_o have_v give_v i_o he_o find_v it_o not_o only_o wrap_v up_o in_o a_o napkin_n but_o exceed_o abuse_v and_o search_v my_o heart_n what_o find_v he_o there_o but_o a_o sink_n of_o sin_n a_o cage_n of_o unclean_a bird_n and_o den_n of_o thief_n a_o place_n for_o dragon_n for_o the_o scritchowl_a and_o for_o the_o satire_n these_o have_v take_v full_a possession_n there_o be_v no_o room_n for_o my_o god_n they_o keep_v he_o out_o and_o what_o do_v they_o there_o but_o make_v it_o like_o a_o trouble_a sea_n first_o tell_v i_o my_o sin_n be_v great_a than_o can_v be_v forgive_v do_v thou_o not_o know_v say_v they_o that_o thy_o thought_n sin_n be_v sufficient_a to_o damn_v thou_o although_o thou_o have_v never_o commit_v any_o actual_o do_v not_o the_o scripture_n say_v plain_o if_o a_o man_n lust_n after_o a_o woman_n he_o have_v commit_v adultery_n which_o commandment_n be_v break_v bring_v death_n i_o than_o take_v a_o view_n of_o all_o the_o ten_o commandment_n write_v in_o the_o moral_a law_n to_o see_v which_o of_o they_o i_o have_v break_v and_o which_o i_o have_v keep_v i_o find_v they_o all_o break_a and_o at_o the_o end_n of_o every_o one_o be_v write_v death_n and_o not_o only_o these_o but_o those_o sweet_a command_n of_o my_o saviour_n jesus_n christ_n wherein_o he_o bid_v we_o watch_v and_o pray_v for_o your_o enemy_n feed_v the_o hungry_a clothe_v the_o naked_a love_v one_o another_o all_o which_o i_o have_v likewise_o break_v which_o make_v i_o to_o see_v nothing_o to_o remain_v for_o i_o but_o death_n and_o damnation_n i_o argue_v then_o with_o myself_o on_o this_o wise_a i_o have_v read_v and_o i_o have_v hear_v that_o almighty_a god_n which_o by_o his_o power_n make_v heaven_n and_o earth_n and_o all_o therein_o have_v send_v his_o son_n to_o die_v for_o sinner_n and_o that_o there_o be_v hope_n through_o his_o
death_n that_o i_o shall_v get_v pardon_n i_o have_v no_o soon_o cast_v my_o eye_n upon_o my_o god_n and_o saviour_n but_o i_o be_v dash_v from_o all_o my_o enemy_n satan_n possess_v my_o thought_n suggest_v thus_o unto_o i_o fond_a fool_n quoth_v he_o why_o do_v thou_o thus_o trouble_v thyself_o take_v thy_o pleasure_n do_v what_o thou_o like_v thou_o shall_v never_o be_v call_v to_o a_o account_n for_o any_o thing_n for_o as_o the_o wise_a man_n die_v so_o die_v the_o fool_n and_o both_o rest_n in_o the_o grave_n together_o there_o be_v no_o god_n to_o save_v thou_o or_o to_o punish_v thou_o all_o thing_n be_v make_v by_o nature_n and_o when_o thou_o die_v there_o be_v a_o end_n of_o all_o thy_o good_a and_o bad_a deed_n thou_o talk_v of_o the_o scripture_n and_o of_o a_o god_n and_o of_o a_o jesus_n which_o thou_o have_v hear_v of_o there_o see_v thy_o simplicity_n now_o how_o can_v thou_o prove_v the_o scripture_n to_o be_v true_a alas_o they_o be_v make_v by_o man_n invention_n there_o be_v no_o hold_n for_o thou_o to_o take_v there_o thus_o be_v unquiet_a i_o spend_v my_o day_n and_o night_n in_o tear_n and_o sigh_n and_o groan_n sometime_o think_v with_o myself_o if_o i_o shall_v be_v save_v why_o be_o i_o thus_o then_o again_o conclude_v that_o there_o be_v no_o heaven_n no_o god_n no_o jesus_n no_o good_a angel_n only_o a_o hell_n there_o be_v and_o devil_n to_o carry_v i_o thither_o who_o wait_v in_o every_o corner_n and_o behind_o every_o door_n to_o snatch_v i_o away_o and_o i_o see_v there_o be_v no_o remedy_n but_o the_o more_o i_o strive_v the_o fast_o i_o stick_v i_o faint_v and_o lay_v down_o my_o arm_n and_o cowardly_o yield_v to_o the_o enemy_n argue_v with_o myself_o if_o i_o be_o a_o firebrand_n of_o hell_n a_o child_n of_o perdition_n a_o limb_n of_o satan_n and_o my_o portion_n be_v to_o be_v with_o the_o devil_n and_o his_o angel_n why_o live_v i_o long_o upon_o the_o earth_n why_o go_v i_o not_o to_o my_o own_o place_n thus_o content_a 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the_o people_n but_o show_v i_o as_o it_o be_v in_o a_o look_a glass_n my_o own_o condition_n and_o tell_v i_o that_o by_o the_o gate_n of_o hell_n many_o time_n god_n be_v please_v to_o bring_v his_o servant_n to_o heaven_n be_v hungry_a and_o thirsty_a i_o be_v glad_a of_o a_o little_a food_n and_o present_o catch_v hold_v of_o that_o word_n be_v it_o so_o think_v i_o then_o there_o be_v comfort_n for_o i_o i_o will_v about_o my_o work_n if_o it_o please_v god_n to_o assist_v i_o in_o his_o sermon_n he_o ask_v divers_a question_n to_o which_o my_o heart_n make_v answer_v so_o that_o i_o come_v home_o joyful_a long_v to_o hear_v more_o of_o his_o doctrine_n which_o fall_v out_o as_o if_o it_o have_v be_v on_o purpose_n for_o my_o sake_n so_o that_o for_o a_o month_n or_o five_o week_n i_o hear_v two_o three_o four_o or_o five_o sermon_n from_o he_o constant_o every_o week_n wherein_o he_o bid_v i_o try_v and_o prove_v whether_o i_o have_v faith_n or_o no_o whether_o i_o do_v hate_v my_o sin_n or_o no_o and_o what_o have_v be_v the_o sign_n and_o fruit_n thereof_o he_o likewise_o bid_v i_o search_v the_o scripture_n for_o they_o be_v true_a and_o compare_v my_o condition_n with_o the_o child_n of_o god_n there_o but_o after_o he_o be_v sensible_a of_o my_o condition_n which_o i_o make_v know_v to_o he_o private_o he_o be_v very_o laborious_a to_o bring_v my_o soul_n out_o of_o the_o jaw_n of_o death_n and_o to_o raise_v it_o up_o to_o jesus_n christ_n for_o which_o pain_n i_o hope_v my_o god_n will_v reward_v he_o to_o his_o everlasting_a comfort_n but_o one_o thing_n i_o have_v almost_o forget_v when_o i_o be_v in_o the_o depth_n of_o my_o spiritual_a dejection_n i_o be_v utter_o deny_v all_o outward_a comfort_n my_o god_n hide_v his_o face_n i_o be_v trouble_v the_o sun_n the_o moon_n and_o the_o star_n seem_v in_o their_o course_n to_o fight_v against_o i_o my_o neighbour_n fall_v out_o with_o i_o and_o mock_v i_o my_o kindred_n desert_v i_o my_o captain_n christ_n offend_v make_v i_o run_v the_o gauntlet_n and_o every_o soldier_n have_v a_o lash_n at_o i_o whatsoever_o happen_v unto_o i_o bring_v sorrow_n to_o my_o heart_n but_o when_o i_o be_v persuade_v that_o the_o scripture_n be_v true_a i_o set_v myself_o to_o search_v they_o to_o see_v what_o comfort_n i_o can_v find_v there_o beginning_n at_o the_o alpha_n of_o genesis_n i_o find_v in_o the_o beginning_n god_n create_v the_o heaven_n and_o the_o earth_n and_o all_o therein_o well_o
7_o i_o often_o hear_v this_o voice_n in_o my_o ear_n arise_v you_o dead_a and_o come_v to_o judgement_n i_o rejoice_v to_o hear_v this_o say_n he_o that_o shall_v come_v will_v cbme_v and_o will_v not_o tarry_v 8._o i_o desire_v sanctity_n of_o life_n and_o help_v from_o my_o father_n to_o discharge_v my_o duty_n in_o that_o call_v wherein_o god_n have_v place_v i_o 9_o i_o long_o to_o hear_v he_o speak_v who_o say_v in_o the_o omega_n of_o the_o revelation_n behold_v i_o come_v quick_o and_o my_o reward_n be_v with_o i_o even_o so_o come_v lord_n jesus_n come_v quick_o amen_o amen_n m._n k._n xi_o experience_n of_o e._n r._n i_o be_v bear_v and_o breed_v up_o of_o godly_a parent_n yet_o satan_n so_o far_o tempt_v i_o to_o commit_v that_o detestable_a sin_n of_o tell_v a_o lie_n about_o eleven_o year_n of_o age_n against_o a_o sister_n of_o i_o who_o be_v shrewd_o and_o severe_o correct_v by_o my_o parent_n for_o that_o fault_n though_o none_o of_o she_o but_o i_o and_o i_o have_v not_o grace_n at_o that_o time_n to_o lay_v it_o to_o heart_n but_o three_o month_n after_o i_o have_v 〈◊〉_d fit_a of_o sickness_n and_o a_o grievous_a touch_n in_o my_o conscience_n for_o that_o sin_n commit_v against_o god_n and_o my_o sister_n that_o i_o see_v nothing_o but_o desperation_n and_o fear_v that_o the_o horror_n of_o hell-fire_n will_v seize_v on_o my_o soul_n and_o body_n for_o this_o sin_n and_o satan_n tell_v i_o that_o there_o be_v no_o salvation_n for_o i_o for_o god_n know_v i_o not_o neither_o will_v he_o own_v i_o but_o if_o i_o will_v either_o hang_v myself_o or_o cut_v my_o throat_n or_o take_v the_o bedstaff_n to_o thrust_v down_o my_o throat_n than_o i_o shall_v never_o be_v torment_v more_o but_o look_v how_o a_o ox_n die_v so_o shall_v 1_n then_o i_o cry_v out_o to_o my_o parent_n and_o say_v that_o i_o be_v damn_v and_o that_o there_o be_v no_o salvation_n for_o i_o but_o that_o i_o must_v go_v to_o hell_n my_o parent_n watch_v i_o and_o search_v narrow_o to_o see_v what_o instrument_n i_o have_v prepare_v then_o the_o devil_n tempt_v i_o to_o rend_v the_o pillow_n and_o pick_v out_o some_o of_o the_o feather_n to_o swallow_v they_o down_o which_o i_o do_v and_o it_o have_v like_a to_o have_v cost_v i_o my_o life_n for_o i_o be_v very_o nigh_o death_n by_o this_o mean_n my_o parent_n send_v for_o a_o doctor_n to_o administer_v some_o thing_n to_o i_o which_o he_o do_v and_o when_o i_o be_v a_o little_a rccover_v they_o send_v for_o mr._n knewstubs_n minister_n in_o edmondsbury_a and_o mr._n roger_n minister_n of_o dedham_n who_o take_v a_o great_a deal_n of_o pain_n with_o i_o and_o ask_v i_o who_o i_o do_v believe_v in_o i_o tell_v they_o that_o i_o do_v believe_v in_o god_n that_o he_o will_v damn_v i_o they_o ask_v i_o if_o god_n will_v damn_v i_o because_o i_o do_v believe_v in_o he_o i_o answer_v no_o but_o it_o be_v for_o that_o sin_n commit_v against_o god_n and_o my_o innocent_a sister_n they_o ask_v i_o whether_o i_o be_v not_o 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to_o see_v my_o sin_n and_o he_o will_v also_o open_v my_o heart_n to_o loath_a sin_n and_o he_o will_v pardon_v my_o sin_n yet_o i_o tell_v they_o not_o that_o he_o will_v never_o open_v my_o heart_n but_o with_o terror_n for_o i_o be_v bear_v to_o be_v damn_v and_o must_v be_v damn_v and_o that_o christ_n never_o die_v for_o such_o a_o sinner_n as_o i_o be_v this_o i_o speak_v with_o great_a sigh_v and_o they_o ask_v i_o what_o make_v i_o think_v so_o i_o tell_v they_o that_o i_o see_v nothing_o but_o death_n and_o hell_n and_o confusion_n of_o body_n and_o soul_n they_o ask_v i_o why_o i_o sigh_v and_o weep_v so_o sore_o i_o tell_v they_o because_o now_o i_o be_v go_v into_o hell_n for_o the_o devil_n with_o his_o chain_n be_v ready_a to_o throw_v i_o into_o the_o utter_a pit_n of_o darkness_n they_o say_v wherefore_o i_o tell_v they_o for_o offend_v the_o lord_n my_o creator_n &_o do_v wish_v myself_o to_o be_v in_o hell_n that_o i_o may_v be_v out_o of_o misery_n and_o may_v no_o 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white_a with_o a_o apple_n in_o one_o hand_n and_o a_o white_a wand_n in_o the_o other_o and_o he_o carry_v i_o till_o i_o come_v into_o a_o place_n where_o i_o do_v see_v much_o terror_n of_o fire_n and_o shriek_v and_o a_o great_a deep_a ditch_n where_o be_v nothing_o to_o hold_v by_o yet_o i_o must_v go_v over_o that_o burn_a lake_n and_o he_o take_v the_o white_a wand_n and_o lay_v it_o over_o the_o ditch_n and_o bid_v i_o tread_v upon_o it_o and_o fear_v not_o but_o i_o refuse_v then_o he_o come_v and_o take_v i_o by_o the_o hand_n and_o trundle_v his_o apple_n on_o the_o wand_n which_o bowl_v over_o very_a level_n and_o with_o that_o i_o say_v it_o be_v the_o lord_n therefore_o i_o will_v venture_v and_o do_v venture_v over_o with_o this_o child_n in_o my_o hand_n and_o when_o i_o come_v to_o shore_n i_o cry_v out_o with_o fear_n my_o lord_n my_o god_n and_o my_o saviour_n be_o i_o in_o hell_n or_o be_o i_o redeem_v out_o of_o hell_n with_o that_o i_o awake_v be_v in_o a_o great_a passion_n and_o fear_n and_o there_o be_v my_o friend_n about_o i_o they_o tell_v i_o i_o be_v redeem_v out_o of_o hell_n i_o ask_v how_o can_v they_o tell_v have_v they_o be_v there_o for_o i_o tell_v they_o that_o i_o have_v be_v new_o there_o then_o i_o cry_v out_o oh_o where_o be_v that_o sweet_a babe_n that_o be_v with_o i_o they_o ask_v i_o what_o babe_n and_o what_o be_v
indeed_o there_o have_v be_v no_o real_a conversion_n though_o i_o have_v often_o thought_n towards_o god_n and_o especial_o i_o be_v give_v much_o to_o impatiency_n for_o which_o my_o husband_n have_v often_o reprove_v i_o but_o still_o i_o go_v on_o in_o my_o sin_n be_v not_o sensible_a of_o my_o sad_a condition_n therein_o until_o i_o come_v into_o england_n after_o which_o this_o sermon_n of_o mr._n t._n do_v much_o humble_v i_o and_o wrought_v upon_o my_o heart_n a_o very_a great_a sense_n of_o my_o sin_n and_o i_o be_v afraid_a that_o i_o have_v commit_v the_o sin_n of_o blasphemy_n against_o god_n as_o job_n say_v his_o child_n perhaps_o have_v do_v some_o way_n or_o other_o because_o i_o have_v sometime_o curse_v some_o body_n or_o something_o that_o have_v anger_v i_o and_o in_o passion_n rapt_v out_o sometime_o at_o oath_n many_o night_n i_o water_v my_o bed_n with_o my_o tear_n about_o it_o and_o go_v to_o mr._n west_n a_o minister_n near_o liverpoole_n and_o other_o godly_a people_n who_o use_v such_o mean_n as_o god_n lead_v they_o forth_o to_o for_o my_o comfort_n but_o i_o be_v still_o afflict_v in_o my_o soul_n about_o the_o space_n of_o three_o week_n and_o then_o i_o find_v much_o comfort_n be_v persuade_v by_o good_a counsel_n to_o trust_v in_o god_n which_o i_o do_v and_o be_v hearty_o sorry_a for_o my_o sin_n and_o then_o my_o husband_n be_v trouble_v in_o mind_n himself_o and_o the_o lord_n make_v i_o a_o instrument_n to_o comfort_v he_o as_o well_o as_o i_o can_v but_o about_o five_o month_n after_o he_o have_v abundance_n of_o joy_n and_o comfort_n and_o expect_a death_n say_v that_o he_o be_v persuade_v he_o shall_v be_v kill_v and_o so_o present_o after_o he_o be_v settle_v in_o his_o mind_n it_o fall_v sad_o out_o for_o the_o enemy_n take_v liverpool_n and_o kill_v my_o husband_n and_o a_o child_n both_o before_o my_o face_n and_o strip_v and_o wound_v i_o and_o a_o child_n of_o five_o year_n old_a and_o it_o be_v think_v i_o can_v not_o live_v and_o this_o be_v a_o strong_a trial_n and_o i_o be_v much_o tempt_v my_o sense_n i_o think_v be_v go_v from_o i_o and_o my_o heart_n i_o think_v will_v have_v rend_v in_o piece_n yet_o i_o pray_v and_o the_o lord_n hear_v i_o i_o think_v it_o be_v too_o much_o for_o i_o to_o bear_v but_o i_o remember_v my_o saviour_n word_n he_o that_o will_v not_o forsake_v father_n or_o mother_n or_o sister_n or_o brother_n or_o husband_n or_o child_n for_o christ_n be_v not_o worthy_a of_o he_o and_o i_o desire_v to_o give_v glory_n to_o his_o name_n i_o consider_v that_o i_o must_v part_v with_o all_o for_o christ_n i_o strive_v hard_o against_o my_o own_o weakness_n and_o my_o heart_n say_v that_o god_n be_v just_a in_o all_o his_o deal_n with_o i_o i_o think_v when_o i_o have_v consider_v of_o it_o that_o i_o do_v but_o suffer_v as_o a_o evil_a doer_n myself_o but_o our_o cause_n be_v god_n and_o our_o enemy_n popish_a rebel_n paul_n be_v ready_a not_o only_o to_o suffer_v but_o to_o die_v at_o jerusalem_n for_o the_o name_n of_o christ_n so_o i_o take_v it_o patient_o give_v glory_n to_o god_n and_o believe_v that_o god_n who_o wus_fw-mi come_v so_o near_o i_o will_v not_o forsake_v i_o i_o be_v assure_v with_o much_o joy_n that_o the_o lord_n will_v bring_v i_o to_o himself_o and_o in_o this_o confidence_n do_v rejoice_v with_o my_o wound_a child_n and_o a_o little_a daughter_n a_o barn_n where_o we_o be_v put_v have_v get_v a_o piece_n of_o a_o old_a bible_n and_o then_o and_o since_o i_o have_v find_v much_o settledness_n in_o my_o faith_n from_o several_a promise_n of_o the_o lord_n reveal_v in_o his_o holy_a word_n some_o of_o which_o follow_v john_n 15.7_o if_o you_o abide_v in_o i_o and_o my_o word_n abide_v in_o you_o you_o shall_v ask_v what_o you_o will_v and_o it_o shall_v be_v do_v unto_o you_o i_o trust_v in_o god_n never_o to_o depart_v from_o his_o word_n and_o therefore_o hope_v to_o find_v comfort_n in_o the_o end_n and_o do_v find_v comfort_n in_o the_o way_n in_o that_o christ_n abide_v with_o i_o matth._n 5.6_o bless_a be_v they_o which_o do_v hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o righteousness_n for_o they_o shall_v be_v fill_v though_o the_o lord_n have_v thus_o empty_v i_o of_o some_o worldly_a comfort_n yet_o he_o have_v give_v i_o a_o hunger_a and_o thirst_a soul_n after_o himself_o and_o therefore_o i_o lay_v hold_v of_o this_o promise_n of_o blessedness_n as_o make_v to_o i_o matth._n 11.28_o where_o christ_n say_v come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o labour_n and_o be_v heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_n it_o this_o i_o have_v be_v and_o still_o be_o much_o comfort_v in_o the_o great_a affliction_n that_o god_n have_v lay_v upon_o i_o in_o who_o alone_o be_v true_a rest_n and_o as_o further_a testimony_n of_o my_o love_n to_o god_n and_o evidence_n of_o my_o faith_n i_o have_v these_o comfortable_a inference_n which_o speak_v much_o peace_n to_o my_o soul_n 1._o my_o love_n to_o god_n and_o christ_n be_v more_o than_o to_o all_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n 2._o i_o find_v a_o great_a difference_n in_o my_o affection_n to_o god_n and_o to_o the_o world_n and_o the_o thing_n thereof_o so_o that_o my_o child_n which_o of_o all_o worldly_a thing_n be_v most_o near_o and_o dear_a to_o i_o yet_o if_o god_n shall_v take_v they_o from_o i_o i_o can_v free_o give_v they_o 3._o i_o find_v the_o spirit_n strive_v against_o the_o flesh_n so_o that_o when_o i_o hear_v dr._n holmes_n speak_v of_o that_o still_a voice_n which_o a_o believer_n hear_v as_o it_o be_v from_o the_o spirit_n it_o do_v so_o enlarge_v my_o heart_n that_o for_o joy_n and_o great_a comfort_n it_o make_v i_o weep_v through_o the_o influence_n of_o the_o spirit_n sensible_o then_o upon_o my_o heart_n and_o so_o at_o other_o time_n also_o i_o find_v much_o comfort_n in_o the_o spirit_n of_o god_n which_o be_v my_o great_a joy_n 4._o i_o do_v rejoice_v mighty_o in_o the_o ordinance_n and_o apply_v what_o i_o hear_v to_o myself_o as_o well_o as_o i_o can_v and_o when_o i_o hear_v any_o thing_n against_o any_o evil_n that_o i_o can_v apply_v to_o myself_o the_o lord_n draw_v forth_o my_o heart_n frequent_o to_o pray_v to_o god_n that_o i_o may_v do_v nothing_o that_o may_v displease_v he_o and_o i_o thank_v my_o god_n i_o find_v a_o full_a willingness_n in_o desire_n and_o affection_n to_o submit_v to_o every_o truth_n of_o jesus_n christ_n 5._o when_o i_o hear_v comfort_n speak_v of_o that_o concern_v i_o i_o be_o so_o joyful_a that_o it_o fill_v my_o heart_n and_o sometime_o fetch_v tear_n from_o my_o eye_n as_o particular_o when_o master_n m._n say_v that_o affliction_n be_v a_o testimony_n of_o god_n love_n to_o his_o people_n as_o lazarus_n be_v sore_o afflict_v and_o dear_o belove_v 6._o since_o i_o hear_v mr._n b._n and_o other_o as_o also_o suitable_a to_o my_o condition_n seucral_a thing_n lay_v open_a by_o mr._n w._n in_o some_o case_n of_o conscience_n i_o have_v be_v much_o affect_v to_o settle_v myself_o so_o by_o the_o power_n of_o christ_n that_o i_o may_v find_v peace_n in_o my_o conscience_n in_o all_o thing_n before_o i_o die_v and_o have_v make_v it_o my_o chief_a business_n and_o have_v find_v comfort_n in_o the_o meeting_n of_o godly_a people_n 7._o i_o bless_v the_o name_n of_o the_o lord_n my_o affection_n be_v love_v to_o the_o people_n of_o god_n and_o i_o know_v i_o love_v they_o dear_o and_o my_o heart_n rise_v to_o hear_v they_o speak_v against_o i_o have_v rather_o bear_v reproach_n myself_o than_o than_o see_v any_o one_o of_o they_o wrong_v or_o suffer_v 8._o i_o desire_v as_o to_o live_v with_o god_n in_o glory_n in_o heaven_n so_o to_o lead_v my_o life_n to_o his_o glory_n here_o on_o earth_n in_o grace_n according_a to_o the_o rule_n of_o his_o holy_a word_n and_o the_o example_n of_o the_o saint_n therein_o express_v and_o i_o can_v hearty_o wish_v be_v it_o possible_a that_o i_o may_v never_o sin_v more_o and_o i_o have_v i_o bless_v god_n a_o clear_a discern_a through_o the_o power_n of_o the_o spirit_n of_o grace_n that_o the_o gospel_n be_v the_o word_n of_o truth_n to_o salvation_n 9_o when_o i_o come_v before_o the_o lord_n i_o see_v nothing_o but_o emptiness_n in_o myself_o and_o therefore_o trust_v in_o the_o fullness_n of_o christ_n in_o who_o power_n and_o spirit_n i_o find_v much_o comfort_n and_o desire_v always_o that_o i_o may_v come_v prepare_v with_o that_o wedding_n garment_n that_o may_v never_o be_v take_v away_o from_o i_o for_o of_o myself_o i_o can_v do_v nothing_o but_o through_o
upon_o i_o that_o i_o can_v read_v the_o promise_n but_o i_o find_v none_o of_o they_o to_o belong_v to_o i_o i_o can_v not_o say_v god_n be_v i_o or_o have_v discover_v himself_o to_o i_o in_o pardon_v my_o sin_n yet_o this_o i_o have_v often_o thought_n of_o that_o i_o will_v throw_v myself_o upon_o christ_n and_o if_o i_o perish_v i_o perish_v and_o since_o i_o bless_v god_n i_o have_v find_v some_o satisfaction_n in_o several_a place_n of_o scripture_n as_o first_o in_o matth._n 11.28_o come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o labour_n and_o be_v heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_n and_o feel_v such_o a_o burden_n then_o upon_o my_o soul_n i_o rely_v upon_o that_o true_a rest_n another_o be_v in_o 1_o john_n 2.2_o and_o he_o be_v the_o reconciliation_n for_o our_o sin_n and_o not_o for_o we_o only_o but_o for_o the_o sin_n of_o the_o whole_a world_n i_o be_v one_o in_o the_o world_n i_o apply_v this_o to_o myself_o and_o in_o 1_o john_n 1_o 14._o the_o father_n send_v the_o son_n to_o be_v the_o saviour_n of_o the_o world_n another_o place_n of_o scripture_n be_v john_n 3.17_o for_o god_n send_v not_o his_o son_n into_o the_o world_n to_o condemn_v the_o world_n but_o that_o the_o world_n through_o he_o may_v be_v save_v and_o in_o verse_n 35._o he_o that_o believe_v on_o the_o son_n have_v everlasting_a life_n upon_o this_o account_n i_o say_v i_o believe_v lord_n help_v my_o unbelief_n and_o in_o the_o six_o chapter_n of_o john_n and_o 67_o and_o 68_o verse_n jesus_n say_v unto_o his_o discipe_n will_v you_o go_v from_o i_o also_o peter_n say_v unto_o he_o lord_n whither_o shall_v we_o go_v for_o thou_o have_v the_o word_n of_o eternal_a life_n so_o that_o i_o will_v now_o wait_v upon_o the_o lord_n for_o a_o further_a manifestation_n of_o himself_o unto_o my_o soul_n in_o the_o use_n of_o his_o ordinance_n although_o i_o have_v not_o in_o time_n past_o be_v feed_v with_o the_o child_n bread_n yet_o now_o i_o do_v believe_v i_o shall_v not_o be_v deny_v those_o crumb_n of_o spiritual_a comfort_n to_o nourish_v and_o refresh_v my_o weary_a spirit_n for_o god_n say_v isa_n 55.1_o ho_o every_o one_o that_o thirst_v come_v you_o to_o the_o water_n and_o he_o that_o have_v no_o money_n come_v you_o buy_v and_o eat_v yea_o come_v buy_v wine_n and_o milk_n without_o money_n and_o without_o price_n and_o i_o praise_v god_n i_o have_v find_v of_o late_a a_o very_a great_a manifestation_n of_o god_n work_v a_o change_n upon_o my_o heart_n and_o draw_v i_o by_o true_a faith_n to_o himself_o 1._o about_o a_o quarter_n of_o a_o year_n since_o i_o hear_v mr._n b._n on_o the_o lukewarmness_n of_o the_o church_n of_o laodicea_n show_v that_o the_o lord_n will_v refuse_v none_o that_o come_v to_o he_o in_o humbleness_n of_o spirit_n and_o sincerity_n of_o heart_n then_o i_o think_v sure_o i_o may_v make_v use_n of_o these_o full_a promise_n make_v to_o those_o that_o come_v to_o he_o and_o it_o put_v i_o to_o search_v the_o scripture_n which_o i_o do_v and_o find_v a_o great_a influence_n upon_o my_o spirit_n in_o the_o understanding_n of_o the_o word_n than_o before_o 2._o i_o be_o in_o all_o thing_n that_o i_o do_v fearful_a of_o offend_v god_n and_o my_o desire_n be_v to_o do_v all_o thing_n to_o his_o glory_n 3._o my_o love_n to_o god_n be_v so_o hearty_a that_o i_o delight_v to_o be_v meditate_v of_o god_n and_o to_o have_v communion_n with_o he_o and_o can_v wish_v that_o i_o may_v be_v whole_o if_o it_o be_v possible_a with_o god_n and_o my_o heart_n be_v never_o so_o at_o rest_n as_o when_o i_o be_o read_v of_o his_o truth_n and_o hear_v other_o speak_v of_o they_o 4._o i_o be_o so_o little_o affect_v to_o the_o world_n that_o i_o account_v it_o nothing_o i_o can_v willing_o leave_v all_o for_o god_n and_o i_o hope_v suffer_v any_o thing_n for_o god_n if_o he_o shall_v please_v to_o call_v i_o to_o it_o so_o far_o as_o i_o can_v judge_v of_o my_o own_o heart_n but_o herein_o trust_v in_o the_o power_n of_o christ_n 5._o sin_n be_v loathsome_a to_o i_o so_o that_o the_o affection_n that_o i_o do_v bear_v to_o some_o evil_n be_v go_v and_o i_o now_o loathe_v they_o more_o than_o before_o i_o love_v they_o 6._o i_o have_v many_o constict_n between_o the_o flesh_n and_o the_o spirit_n but_o i_o find_v in_o those_o strive_n my_o heart_n most_o cleave_v to_o follow_v the_o mind_n of_o god_n know_v that_o if_o i_o give_v way_n to_o sin_n satan_n enter_v and_o with_o all_o my_o soul_n i_o desire_v and_o delight_n to_o follow_v the_o leading_n of_o god_n spirit_n 7._o in_o all_o thing_n the_o resolution_n of_o my_o heart_n be_v for_o do_v those_o thing_n that_o may_v please_v god_n and_o that_o without_o delay_n be_v fearful_a to_o offend_v god_n which_o through_o infirmity_n i_o do_v i_o have_v great_a trouble_n in_o spirit_n for_o it_o and_o my_o resolution_n aae_v always_o against_o every_o thing_n that_o may_v hinder_v my_o peace_n with_o god_n 8._o i_o find_v in_o my_o heart_n so_o great_a a_o peace_n between_o god_n and_o my_o conscience_n that_o shall_v god_n now_o call_v i_o i_o shall_v be_v very_o well_o content_v to_o go_v to_o my_o saviour_n 9_o i_o do_v not_o doubt_v of_o god_n love_n to_o i_o because_o he_o have_v draw_v forth_o my_o heart_n sincere_o to_o love_v he_o 10._o my_o love_n have_v be_v always_o from_o a_o child_n to_o the_o people_n of_o god_n and_o my_o heart_n have_v be_v ever_o trouble_v when_o i_o have_v hear_v they_o evil_n speak_v of_o 11._o my_o affection_n be_v great_a to_o the_o ordinance_n and_o my_o heart_n long_v after_o they_o and_o when_o at_o any_o time_n i_o come_v with_o a_o cold_a heart_n to_o duty_n yet_o my_o heart_n be_v frequent_o warm_v and_o enlarge_v in_o those_o duty_n e._n c._n xviii_o experience_n of_o d._n m._n some_o year_n since_o through_o many_o cross_n increase_v upon_o i_o like_o a_o arm_a man_n i_o fly_v unto_o god_n to_o seek_v his_o mind_n by_o prayer_n and_o he_o discover_v to_o i_o that_o it_o be_v for_o my_o sin_n which_o be_v then_o set_v before_o i_o which_o cause_v m_o to_o feel_v the_o hand_n of_o god_n by_o affliction_n upon_o i_o that_o fin_n be_v the_o cause_n of_o my_o suffering_n which_o lie_v very_o heavy_a upon_o i_o and_o terrify_v i_o so_o that_o i_o think_v i_o have_v be_v in_o the_o way_n to_o damnation_n and_o that_o if_o it_o have_v be_v in_o the_o way_n to_o salvation_n every_o affliction_n will_v not_o come_v so_o upon_o i_o great_a than_o i_o think_v i_o can_v be_v able_a to_o bear_v in_o particular_a the_o lord_n discover_v to_o i_o that_o i_o have_v too_o much_o love_v my_o husband_n in_o make_v a_o idol_n of_o he_o and_o therefore_o he_o just_o become_v a_o great_a terror_n to_o my_o spirit_n for_o he_o grow_v a_o enemy_n to_o goodness_n and_o so_o a_o hindrance_n to_o i_o in_o come_v to_o christ_n and_o while_o i_o thus_o dote_v on_o he_o he_o go_v away_o from_o i_o i_o fear_v through_o the_o sense_n of_o that_o and_o other_o sin_n together_o with_o the_o aggravation_n of_o my_o affliction_n that_o god_n do_v not_o love_v i_o yet_o it_o strike_v into_o my_o heart_n that_o god_n do_v not_o strike_v willing_o and_o therefore_o i_o endeavour_v to_o see_v what_o be_v the_o mind_n of_o god_n in_o it_o who_o have_v take_v away_o my_o husband_n good_n and_o all_o from_o i_o namely_o that_o he_o have_v do_v it_o that_o i_o shall_v not_o hang_v upon_o husk_n but_o shall_v love_v he_o and_o i_o find_v that_o i_o have_v love_v the_o world_n too_o much_o and_o set_v my_o heart_n too_o much_o upon_o these_o creature-comfort_n and_o therefore_o the_o lord_n take_v they_o away_o from_o i_o this_o wrought_v upon_o i_o great_a trouble_n and_o deipair_n so_o that_o i_o cry_v till_o i_o be_v almost_o blind_a and_o i_o have_v great_a fear_n and_o tremble_a upon_o i_o that_o i_o can_v not_o pray_v not_o hear_v with_o profit_n but_o think_v it_o be_v in_o vain_a for_o i_o to_o pray_v who_o god_n love_v not_o and_o who_o i_o have_v so_o offend_v about_o a_o quarter_n of_o a_o year_n after_o i_o have_v a_o temptation_n by_o satan_n to_o drown_v myself_o in_o a_o pond_n near_o leeds_n in_o yorkshire_n whither_o the_o devil_n lead_v i_o tell_v i_o that_o i_o may_v do_v it_o there_o it_o be_v a_o private_a place_n where_o no_o body_n can_v see_v i_o and_o i_o come_v to_o the_o pond_n side_n but_o by_o the_o providence_n of_o god_n have_v a_o great_a love_n to_o a_o young_a infant_n i_o have_v i_o take_v that_o child_n in_o my_o arm_n and_o
when_o i_o come_v to_o the_o place_n i_o look_v upon_o the_o child_n and_o consider_v with_o myself_o what_o shall_v i_o destroy_v myself_o and_o my_o poor_a child_n and_o cry_v out_o unto_o god_n lord_n what_o will_v thou_o have_v i_o to_o do_v and_o have_v a_o sore_a conflict_n at_o that_o time_n with_o the_o devil_n but_o i_o think_v at_o last_o i_o hear_v the_o lord_n say_v to_o my_o soul_n as_o he_o do_v to_o paul_n trust_v in_o i_o my_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a for_o thou_o and_o then_o i_o find_v some_o comfort_n which_o enlarge_v my_o heart_n through_o the_o assistance_n of_o god_n spirit_n to_o call_v upon_o the_o name_n of_o the_o lord_n for_o further_a assistance_n and_o comfort_n and_o so_o i_o go_v back_o again_o with_o much_o joy_n believe_v that_o i_o shall_v have_v the_o favour_n of_o god_n and_o the_o lord_n put_v it_o into_o my_o mind_n to_o go_v to_o one_o e._n b._n that_o dwell_v by_o a_o moor_n side_n near_o leeds_n who_o i_o know_v be_v a_o godly_a woman_n and_o she_o open_v to_o i_o the_o trouble_n of_o david_n and_o job_n and_o give_v i_o sweet_a comfort_n say_v god_n be_v by_o i_o and_o i_o do_v not_o see_v he_o and_o as_o job_n wish_v so_o she_o wrought_v upon_o my_o heart_n to_o wish_v o_o that_o i_o can_v see_v he_o o_o that_o i_o can_v behold_v he_o and_o my_o heart_n be_v full_a of_o joy_n and_o i_o cry_v and_o be_v much_o grieve_v with_o very_o great_a repentance_n that_o i_o have_v be_v so_o seduce_v and_o do_v so_o despair_v of_o god_n mercy_n and_o have_v be_v so_o blind_v and_o the_o lord_n set_v it_o upon_o my_o spirit_n that_o though_o i_o have_v lay_v all_o aside_o yet_o now_o i_o shall_v come_v out_o of_o the_o wilderness_n lean_v on_o my_o belove_a and_o i_o have_v a_o great_a affection_n to_o the_o way_n of_o god_n than_o ever_o and_o delight_v in_o they_o more_o than_o ever_o before_o they_o be_v a_o burden_n to_o i_o now_o they_o be_v easy_a and_o sweet_a be_v at_o york_n i_o hear_v a_o minister_n there_o out_o of_o hosea_n 2._o preach_v that_o which_o wrought_v much_o comfort_n in_o i_o and_o that_o christ_n have_v promise_v to_o betrothe_v himself_o to_o every_o believer_n and_o then_o and_o since_o i_o have_v much_o joy_n in_o the_o promise_n of_o god_n and_o can_v through_o the_o spirit_n of_o god_n which_o i_o find_v and_o feel_v in_o my_o heart_n lay_v hold_v by_o faith_n on_o they_o as_o my_o particular_a interest_n as_o rom._n 10.4_o christ_n be_v the_o end_n of_o the_o law_n for_o righteousness_n to_o every_o one_o that_o believe_v christ_n by_o hss_a spirit_n have_v wrought_v belief_n in_o i_o both_o in_o his_o promise_n and_o threaten_n and_o to_o live_v according_a to_o his_o word_n therefore_o i_o conclude_v that_o i_o shall_v be_v save_v by_o the_o righteousness_n of_o my_o saviour_n rom._n 9.4_o who_o be_v israelites_n to_o who_o pertain_v the_o adoption_n and_o the_o glory_n and_o the_o covenant_n and_o the_o give_v of_o the_o law_n and_o the_o service_n of_o god_n and_o the_o promise_n i_o know_v that_o every_o believer_n be_v a_o true_a israelite_n and_o bring_v under_o the_o covenant_n of_o grace_n by_o jesus_n christ_n and_o that_o therefore_o the_o promise_n of_o grace_n and_o salvation_n belong_v to_o i_o rom._n 3.21_o 22._o but_o now_o the_o righteousness_n of_o god_n without_o the_o law_n be_v manifest_v be_v witness_v by_o the_o law_n and_o the_o prophet_n even_o the_o righteousness_n of_o god_n which_o be_v by_o faith_n of_o jesus_n unto_o all_o and_o upon_o all_o they_o that_o believe_v for_o there_o be_v no_o difference_n i_o be_v one_o who_o god_n have_v draw_v to_o believe_v it_o be_v manifest_v unto_o i_o that_o i_o have_v a_o interest_n in_o the_o righteousness_n of_o jesus_n christ_n to_o justify_v i_o before_o god_n by_o his_o merit_n which_o be_v make_v i_o by_o faith_n hosea_n 2.19_o 20._o i_o will_v betrothe_v thou_o unto_o i_o sore_o ever_o yea_o i_o will_v betrothe_v thou_o unto_o i_o in_o righteousness_n and_o in_o judgement_n and_o in_o love_a kindness_n and_o in_o mercy_n i_o will_v even_o betrothe_v thou_o unto_o i_o in_o saithsulness_n and_o thou_o shall_v know_v the_o lord_n i_o find_v great_a comfort_n from_o this_o promise_n in_o that_o the_o lord_n double_v and_o treble_v his_o promise_n and_o enlarge_v himself_o so_o free_o to_o the_o soul_n and_o as_o testimony_n of_o my_o real_a conversion_n to_o god_n and_o union_n with_o jesus_n christ_n and_o that_o reconciliaon_n be_v make_v between_o god_n and_o my_o soul_n i_o find_v these_o real_a evidence_n wrought_v by_o god_n bless_a spirit_n in_o i_o 1._o i_o find_v in_o my_o heart_n great_a love_n to_o god_n that_o when_o god_n say_v seek_v my_o face_n my_o heart_n rejoin_v again_o say_v thy_o face_n lord_n will_v i_o seek_v and_o i_o find_v nothing_o so_o dear_a to_o i_o as_o the_o love_n of_o god_n and_o if_o my_o heart_n deceive_v i_o not_o i_o can_v bear_v and_o suffer_v any_o thing_n to_o bring_v glory_n to_o god_n account_v all_o thing_n but_o dung_n and_o dross_n below_o christ_n 2._o when_o any_o thing_n of_o the_o flesh_n arise_v against_o the_o motion_n of_o god_n spirit_n to_o draw_v i_o from_o good_a or_o to_o do_v evil_a i_o find_v frequent_o the_o power_n of_o the_o spirit_n to_o subdue_v my_o heart_n not_o to_o submit_v to_o the_o flesh_n but_o to_o walk_v in_o his_o way_n and_o yet_o i_o be_o so_o sensible_a of_o my_o infirmity_n that_o all_o that_o i_o do_v or_o can_v do_v be_v nothing_o but_o as_o filthy_a rag_n but_o i_o know_v jesus_n christ_n be_v my_o saviour_n and_o stand_v engage_v for_o i_o and_o when_o the_o flesh_n be_v weak_a i_o find_v the_o spirit_n thirst_v after_o god_n 3._o i_o find_v in_o my_o heart_n a_o very_a great_a thirst_v after_o the_o ordinance_n and_o a_o great_a enlargement_n of_o heart_n and_o comfort_n in_o they_o my_o heart_n be_v delight_v to_o be_v among_o the_o people_n of_o god_n and_o full_a of_o joy_n in_o they_o 4._o when_o thought_n of_o want_n at_o any_o time_n arise_v i_o find_v full_a satisfaction_n in_o the_o better_a part_n which_o never_o can_v be_v take_v from_o i_o which_o be_v my_o interest_n in_o jesus_n christ_n and_o i_o find_v in_o my_o conscience_n a_o great_a testimony_n of_o my_o spiritual_a union_n with_o god_n and_o that_o i_o be_o so_o separate_v from_o the_o world_n in_o my_o affection_n that_o god_n have_v draw_v i_o to_o himself_o 5._o god_n who_o search_v the_o heart_n know_v what_o be_v the_o mind_n of_o the_o spirit_n because_o he_o make_v intercession_n for_o the_o saint_n according_a to_o the_o will_n of_o god_n which_o will_v of_o god_n i_o find_v a_o free_a submission_n to_o in_o my_o heart_n with_o joy_n know_v that_o all_o thing_n shall_v work_v together_o for_o good_a to_o they_o that_o love_n god_n 6._o it_o be_v the_o chief_a desire_n of_o my_o heart_n that_o god_n will_v keep_v i_o close_o to_o my_o duty_n and_o i_o have_v abundance_n of_o joy_n in_o communion_n with_o the_o lord_n which_o be_v more_o sweet_a to_o i_o than_o my_o joy_n in_o any_o thing_n else_o 7._o i_o delight_v much_o to_o speak_v of_o god_n and_o of_o his_o way_n and_o to_o use_v what_o mean_v i_o can_v to_o comfort_v the_o saint_n who_o i_o love_v dear_o and_o if_o possible_a to_o convert_v sinner_n d._n m._n xix_o expertence_n of_o ae._n l._n i_o have_v late_o great_a grief_n upon_o my_o spirit_n about_o a_o daughter_n which_o be_v bring_v to_o great_a suffering_n and_o by_o reason_n of_o she_o go_v away_o in_o her_o affliction_n i_o think_v she_o have_v make_v away_o herself_o god_n put_v it_o into_o my_o thought_n to_o remember_v my_o sin_n and_o that_o he_o have_v lay_v this_o affliction_n upon_o i_o for_o neglect_v my_o duty_n to_o he_o and_o not_o serve_v he_o as_o i_o ought_v this_o cause_v great_a sorrow_n in_o i_o and_o make_v i_o abundant_o shed_v tear_n my_o sin_n i_o think_v be_v the_o occasion_n that_o the_o lord_n make_v she_o so_o great_a a_o cross_n to_o i_o for_o which_o i_o have_v deserve_v it_o so_o that_o both_o become_v a_o great_a grief_n to_o my_o soul_n and_o thus_o i_o lie_v languish_v in_o very_o great_a sorrow_n then_o i_o begin_v to_o think_v with_o myself_o that_o there_o be_v no_o refuge_n but_o only_o in_o christ_n and_o i_o consult_v my_o thought_n how_o to_o go_v to_o good_a company_n and_o meeting_n where_o i_o may_v find_v comfort_n from_o the_o people_n of_o god_n and_o about_o two_o year_n since_o one_o morning_n i_o come_v to_o mr._n s._n to_o join_v with_o godly_a people_n that_o come_v thither_o to_o prayer_n though_o with_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o
distraction_n in_o my_o mind_n and_o i_o show_v my_o discontent_n and_o condition_n to_o he_o and_o he_o tell_v i_o that_o if_o i_o have_v but_o a_o mind_n to_o seek_v god_n and_o to_o repent_v he_o be_v gracious_a and_o will_v receive_v i_o to_o mercy_n the_o thing_n that_o i_o do_v earnest_o beg_v of_o god_n be_v to_o know_v christ_n crucify_v for_o i_o and_o he_o tell_v i_o that_o indeed_o be_v best_a of_o all_o and_o after_o some_o good_a instruction_n from_o he_o and_o other_o i_o be_v much_o delight_v to_o frequent_v the_o meeting_n of_o god_n servant_n and_o good_a sermon_n and_o i_o find_v many_o good_a operation_n upon_o my_o heart_n after_o very_o strong_a conflict_n whicn_o i_o have_v thus_o for_o about_o three_o quarter_n of_o a_o year_n lie_v in_o my_o bed_n wake_v all_o the_o night_n and_o call_v upon_o god_n to_o direct_v i_o to_o ask_v at_o his_o hand_n those_o thing_n which_o may_v be_v for_o his_o glory_n and_o my_o comfort_n and_o beg_v that_o he_o will_v give_v i_o a_o settle_a heart_n that_o may_v not_o be_v distract_v with_o the_o thing_n of_o the_o world_n in_o the_o morning_n i_o fall_v tnto_o a_o slumber_n with_o god_n still_o in_o my_o thought_n in_o which_o i_o hear_v as_o it_o be_v a_o voice_n from_o heaven_n speak_v to_o my_o heart_n and_o say_v thus_o ask_v of_o god_n a_o perfect_a upright_a heart_n to_o walk_v in_o his_o presence_n which_o when_o i_o be_v full_o awake_a i_o take_v to_o be_v the_o motion_n of_o god_n spirit_n upon_o my_o conscience_n which_o do_v fill_v i_o with_o much_o joy_n provoke_v i_o to_o pray_v to_o the_o lord_n to_o grant_v i_o that_o grace_n and_o about_o two_o year_n since_o the_o lord_n give_v i_o a_o sense_n of_o my_o sin_n in_o a_o great_a measure_n than_o before_o and_o my_o repentance_n be_v more_o spiritual_a and_o my_o hatred_n of_o sin_n more_o real_a and_o i_o find_v a_o sore_a combat_n betwixt_o the_o flesh_n and_o the_o spirit_n be_v more_o sensible_a how_o i_o have_v stray_v from_o the_o rule_n of_o the_o gospel_n and_o do_v yet_o come_v short_a of_o my_o duty_n therein_o and_o it_o be_v a_o great_a grief_n to_o my_o heart_n that_o i_o can_v not_o live_v according_a to_o that_o which_o god_n have_v reveal_v of_o his_o will_n to_o i_o whilst_o i_o be_v thus_o trouble_v in_o spirit_n i_o hear_v some_o thing_n in_o several_a sermon_n preach_v by_o master_n b._n touch_v the_o sin_n of_o our_o natural_a corruption_n and_o what_o holiness_n god_n repuire_v of_o we_o and_o i_o hear_v mr._n c._n show_v that_o we_o shall_v strive_v to_o enter_v in_o at_o the_o narrow_a gate_n which_o wrought_v in_o my_o heart_n a_o very_a great_a sense_n of_o my_o sin_n in_o these_o conflict_n i_o meet_v with_o many_o discouragement_n and_o satan_n tempt_v i_o to_o despair_n but_o the_o lord_n sustain_v i_o i_o consider_v that_o as_o a_o sinner_n i_o deserve_v nothing_o but_o damnation_n but_o my_o comfort_n be_v in_o christ_n and_o my_o grief_n be_v interlace_v with_o comfort_n sometime_o i_o be_v in_o sorrow_n two_o or_o three_o day_n and_o then_o again_o find_v comfort_n and_o often_o pray_v unto_o the_o lord_n to_o lay_v no_o more_o weight_n upon_o i_o than_o he_o will_v give_v i_o strength_n to_o bear_v and_o i_o find_v the_o lord_n to_o be_v my_o shield_n and_o buckler_n and_o remember_v many_o promise_n from_o the_o lord_n in_o which_o to_o this_o day_n i_o bless_v god_n i_o have_v and_o still_o do_v find_v much_o comfort_n as_o psal_n 34.19_o many_o be_v the_o affliction_n of_o the_o righteous_a but_o the_o lord_n deliver_v he_o out_o of_o they_o all_o i_o have_v have_v many_o affliction_n for_o my_o sin_n but_o none_o but_o christ_n righteousness_n be_v my_o comfort_n in_o who_o i_o trust_v for_o deliverance_n ezekiel_n 33.11_o as_o i_o live_v say_v the_o lord_n god_n i_o have_v no_o pleasure_n in_o the_o death_n of_o the_o wicked_a but_o that_o the_o wicked_a turn_n from_o his_o evil_a way_n and_o live_v turn_v you_o turn_v you_o from_o your_o evil_a way_n for_o why_o will_v you_o die_v o_o you_o house_n of_o israel_n matth._n 11.28_o come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o labour_n and_o be_v heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_n ezekiel_n 18.30_o repent_v and_o turn_v yourselves_o from_o all_o your_o transgression_n so_o iniquity_n shall_v not_o be_v your_o ruin_n isaiah_n 43.25_o ay_o even_o i_o be_o he_o that_o blot_v out_o thy_o transgression_n for_o my_o own_o sake_n and_o will_v not_o remember_v thy_o sin_n these_o and_o divers_a other_o promise_n i_o praise_v god_n i_o have_v have_v comfort_n from_o and_o as_o the_o fruit_n of_o my_o faith_n and_o my_o love_n to_o god_n i_o have_v these_o evidence_n wrought_v by_o his_o spirit_n through_o faith_n in_o my_o heart_n as_o a_o further_a manifestation_n of_o my_o interest_n in_o christ_n 1._o i_o believe_v in_o the_o promise_v of_o the_o free_a mercy_n of_o god_n in_o the_o merit_n of_o christ_n and_o can_v apply_v they_o with_o comfort_n to_o my_o own_o soul_n as_o i_o by_o faith_n 2._o my_o heart_n and_o my_o mind_n affect_v god_n above_o all_o the_o pleasure_n and_o joy_n in_o the_o world_n and_o when_o i_o think_v of_o the_o thing_n of_o the_o world_n in_o relation_n to_o god_n i_o think_v that_o without_o god_n all_o be_v but_o vain_a and_o vanity_n 3._o when_o i_o think_v of_o my_o cross_n and_o affliction_n in_o the_o world_n than_o i_o lift_v up_o my_o heart_n to_o god_n in_o christ_n and_o can_v say_v have_v thou_o i_o have_v all_o thing_n if_o i_o have_v christ_n i_o have_v enough_o 4._o my_o heart_n rejoice_v in_o duty_n and_o my_o soul_n do_v more_o rejoice_v in_o hear_v the_o word_n than_o in_o worldly_a pleasure_n 5._o i_o have_v the_o peace_n of_o god_n upon_o my_o conscience_n which_o be_v more_o to_o i_o than_o all_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n and_o make_v i_o set_v the_o world_n at_o naught_o and_o it_o be_v my_o prayer_n that_o i_o may_v never_o be_v without_o that_o peace_n of_o god_n whatever_o befall_v i_o 6._o the_o lord_n have_v give_v i_o a_o content_a mind_n in_o what_o condition_n soever_o he_o bring_v i_o to_o and_o his_o spirit_n work_v upon_o my_o heart_n that_o i_o do_v not_o repine_v against_o his_o will_n e._n l._n xx._n experience_n of_o j._n b._n some_o time_n ago_o a_o child_n of_o i_o about_o six_o year_n of_o age_n when_o i_o have_v bid_v he_o go_v forth_o to_o play_v he_o have_v come_v in_o again_o very_o solitary_a because_o other_o child_n will_v swear_v and_o be_v rude_a i_o will_v ask_v he_o robert_z what_o ail_v you_o why_o do_v you_o not_o go_v to_o play_v he_o will_v answer_v that_o he_o have_v no_o fellow_n to_o play_v withal_o but_o such_o as_o will_v swear_v and_o the_o like_a and_o they_o can_v be_v say_v he_o god_n child_n i_o will_v say_v why_o not_o child_n then_o he_o will_v say_v no_o mother_n though_o i_o be_o but_o a_o little_a way_n in_o my_o book_n yet_o i_o have_v learn_v that_o god_n will_v not_o pardon_v such_o sin_n as_o swear_v i_o have_v sometime_o say_v yes_o child_n i_o hope_v god_n will_v pardon_v they_o else_o god_n help_v thy_o father_n and_o god_n help_v we_o all_o then_o he_o have_v reply_v mother_n with_o great_a repentance_n god_n can_v forgive_v for_o his_o mercy_n be_v great_a but_o good_a mother_n let_v we_o forbear_v that_o which_o be_v evil_a and_o many_o time_n i_o have_v such_o conference_n with_o that_o child_n that_o see_v i_o trouble_v about_o it_o he_o have_v say_v good_a mother_n be_v content_a their_o parent_n be_v such_o and_o they_o must_v needs_o learn_v after_o they_o i_o think_v upon_o my_o child_n word_n and_o have_v before_o often_o offend_v god_n on_o the_o lord_n day_n and_o the_o thought_n of_o other_o fail_n in_o my_o conversation_n it_o wrought_v great_a trouble_n upon_o my_o heart_n so_o that_o i_o be_v much_o afflict_v in_o soul_n consider_v that_o my_o child_n so_o young_a shall_v give_v i_o such_o instruction_n which_o have_v prove_v a_o blessing_n to_o bring_v i_o home_o to_o he_o i_o do_v then_o make_v some_o doubt_n whether_o god_n will_v forgive_v i_o those_o sin_n and_o about_o that_o time_n hear_v dr._n usher_n preach_v several_a sermon_n and_o particular_o upon_o that_o text_n that_o we_o be_v but_o sojourner_n and_o traveller_n here_o and_o show_v that_o we_o be_v not_o at_o home_n therefore_o we_o must_v keep_v on_o in_o the_o straight_a way_n to_o heaven_n and_o take_v heed_n of_o the_o broad_a way_n which_o lead_v to_o hell_n this_o and_o other_o mean_v since_o do_v throw_v i_o down_o low_o under_o the_o sense_n of_o sin_n yet_o not_o without_o sometime_o some_o
therefore_o see_v i_o be_o not_o my_o own_o i_o be_o buy_v with_o a_o price_n therefore_o i_o desire_v to_o glorify_v god_n with_o my_o soul_n and_o body_n which_o be_v the_o lord_n say_v with_o mary_n in_o luke_n 1._o my_o soul_n do_v magnify_v the_o lord_n and_o my_o spirit_n do_v rejoice_v in_o god_n my_o saviour_n who_o have_v regard_v the_o low_a estate_n of_o his_o handmaid_n 8._o though_o former_o my_o soundation_n be_v build_v upon_o the_o sand_n and_o therefore_o easy_o overthrow_v yet_o now_o i_o trust_v in_o the_o lord_n i_o be_o establish_v by_o faith_n build_v upon_o that_o rock_n which_o be_v the_o love_n of_o god_n my_o saviour_n christ_n be_v the_o corner_n stone_n isa_n 28.16_o behold_v i_o lie_v in_o zion_n a_o stone_n a_o try_a stone_n he_o that_o believe_v shall_v not_o make_v haste_n 9_o i_o wait_v upon_o the_o will_n of_o my_o heavenly_a father_n in_o all_o his_o dispensation_n for_o a_o more_o full_a enjoyment_n of_o jesus_n christ_n in_o my_o soul_n which_o i_o do_v hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o and_o i_o have_v the_o promise_n of_o my_o god_n that_o i_o shall_v be_v fill_v and_o have_v taste_v i_o have_v find_v the_o lord_n be_v gracious_a and_o more_o to_o be_v desire_v than_o thousand_o of_o world_n 10._o i_o believe_v not_o upon_o other_o word_n but_o as_o in_o john_n 4.42_o as_o some_o say_v to_o the_o woman_n of_o samaria_n now_o we_o believe_v not_o because_o of_o thy_o say_n for_o we_o have_v hear_v he_o ourselves_o and_o know_v that_o this_o be_v indeed_o the_o christ_n the_o saviour_n of_o the_o world_n 11._o as_o david_n say_v i_o have_v faint_v unless_o i_o have_v believe_v to_o see_v the_o goodness_n of_o the_o lord_n and_o i_o believe_v therefore_o have_v i_o speak_v for_o i_o be_v great_o afflict_v as_o the_o apostle_n say_v you_o be_v complete_a in_o christ_n therefore_o i_o reckon_v myself_o in_o he_o 12._o the_o lord_n have_v clear_v it_o to_o i_o that_o i_o be_o a_o believer_n i_o be_o confident_a that_o christ_n jesus_n do_v pray_v to_o his_o father_n for_o i_o in_o the_o 17._o of_o john_n say_v i_o pray_v not_o for_o these_o only_a hut_a for_o they_o that_o shall_v believe_v through_o their_o word_n that_o they_o may_v be_v one_o even_o as_o we_o be_v one_o therefore_o thou_o be_v my_o god_n and_o i_o will_v praise_v thou_o for_o thou_o have_v hear_v i_o and_o be_v become_v my_o salvation_n thus_o in_o some_o measure_n i_o have_v weak_o hint_v out_o a_o reason_n of_o the_o hope_n that_o be_v in_o i_o trust_v in_o my_o god_n that_o as_o he_o have_v take_v away_o the_o guilt_n of_o sin_n out_o of_o my_o conscience_n so_o in_o his_o due_a time_n he_o will_v take_v away_o all_o sin_n from_o my_o conversation_n as_o he_o have_v give_v i_o a_o pardon_n for_o sin_n so_o he_o will_v overpower_v all_o my_o corruption_n that_o i_o may_v live_v more_o to_o the_o praise_n of_o the_o glory_n of_o his_o grace_n wherein_o he_o have_v make_v i_o accept_v in_o the_o belove_a and_o that_o i_o shall_v become_v over_o sin_n satan_n self_n and_o all_o thing_n opposite_a to_o grace_n more_o than_o a_o conqueror_n through_o he_o that_o have_v love_v i_o and_o wash_v i_o from_o my_o sin_n in_o his_o blood_n for_o to_o he_o be_v all_o thing_n possible_a and_o he_o be_v the_o wise_a masterbuilder_n who_o will_v not_o only_o begin_v but_o will_v go_v on_o to_o accomplish_v his_o own_o work_n d._n r._n xxviii_o experience_n of_o a._n o._n i_o have_v undergo_v sad_a trouble_n of_o spirit_n for_o my_o sin_n which_o i_o have_v have_v a_o great_a fight_n and_o sense_n of_o and_o shed_v many_o tear_n for_o and_o desire_v to_o be_v true_o sorry_a for_o they_o and_o hate_v they_o and_o to_o have_v no_o more_o communion_n with_o they_o about_o two_o year_n i_o lay_v under_o very_o great_a temptation_n and_o be_v ready_a to_o despair_v and_o for_o several_a night_n can_v not_o take_v any_o rest_n in_o my_o bed_n but_o be_v very_o weak_a with_o weep_v and_o much_o grieve_v for_o my_o evil_a thought_n yet_o the_o lord_n draw_v forth_o my_o heart_n to_o call_v upon_o he_o and_o hope_v in_o he_o for_o mercy_n but_o i_o have_v many_o sore_a conflict_n insomuch_o that_o i_o can_v not_o lie_v in_o the_o chamber_n alone_o i_o make_v what_o use_n i_o can_v of_o opportunity_n to_o desire_v comfort_n from_o such_o godly_a christian_n as_o i_o can_v meet_v withal_o to_o counsel_v i_o in_o the_o way_n of_o god_n and_o i_o labour_v to_o hearken_v to_o they_o but_o find_v my_o heart_n very_o dull_a and_o heavy_a for_o a_o time_n until_o about_o three_o year_n since_o i_o begin_v to_o find_v comfort_n from_o some_o sermon_n that_o i_o hear_v and_o book_n that_o i_o read_v and_o some_o thought_n that_o the_o lord_n settle_v upon_o my_o heart_n by_o his_o spirit_n hope_v that_o there_o be_v mercy_n for_o i_o and_o i_o do_v believe_v that_o i_o have_v all_o the_o prayer_n of_o all_o the_o saint_n in_o the_o world_n put_v up_o to_o the_o throne_n of_o grace_n for_o i_o and_o that_o my_o saviour_n have_v satisfy_v for_o my_o sin_n and_o through_o he_o god_n be_v reconcile_v to_o i_o and_o in_o particular_a i_o find_v comfort_n from_o these_o and_o some_o other_o promise_n john_n 16.35_o jesus_n say_v unto_o they_o i_o be_o the_o bread_n of_o life_n he_o that_o come_v to_o i_o shall_v never_o hunger_n and_o he_o that_o believe_v on_o i_o shall_v never_o thirst_v verse_n 37._o all_o that_o the_o father_n give_v i_o shall_v come_v to_o i_o and_o he_o that_o come_v to_o i_o i_o will_v in_o no_o wise_a cast_v out_o john_n 14.1_o let_v not_o your_o heart_n be_v trouble_v you_o believe_v in_o god_n believe_v also_o in_o i_o jerem._n 31.23_o but_o this_o shall_v be_v the_o covenant_n that_o i_o will_v make_v with_o the_o house_n of_o israel_n after_o those_o day_n say_v the_o lord_n i_o will_v put_v my_o law_n in_o their_o inward_a part_n and_o write_v it_o in_o their_o heart_n and_o i_o will_v be_v their_o god_n and_o they_o shall_v be_v my_o people_n and_o i_o do_v find_v in_o my_o heart_n a_o testimony_n of_o my_o believe_v &_o that_o i_o do_v love_n god_n wrought_v in_o i_o by_o his_o bless_a spirit_n by_o these_o particular_n 1._o i_o love_v god_n not_o through_o slavish_a fear_n but_o for_o his_o name_n and_o glory_n so_o that_o i_o can_v leave_v all_o for_o he_o and_o nothing_o be_v so_o dear_a and_o precious_a unto_o i_o as_o the_o love_n of_o god_n and_o nothing_o so_o great_a a_o joy_n to_o i_o as_o that_o christ_n who_o die_v for_o i_o have_v not_o leave_v i_o 2._o i_o find_v such_o comfort_n from_o the_o lord_n that_o he_o by_o his_o spirit_n revive_v my_o droop_a heart_n and_o fill_v my_o empty_a soul_n and_o when_o my_o poor_a spirit_n be_v even_o faint_v away_o i_o find_v comfort_n from_o his_o glorious_a power_n and_o presence_n 3._o when_o i_o can_v come_v to_o ordinance_n it_o be_v a_o grief_n to_o i_o and_o when_o i_o be_o in_o duty_n it_o be_v a_o grief_n to_o i_o that_o i_o be_o so_o dull_a and_o find_v no_o more_o enlargement_n yet_o my_o affection_n be_v groan_v after_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n in_o duty_n and_o i_o have_v a_o great_a longing_n to_o receive_v more_o of_o christ_n and_o i_o find_v more_o comfort_n when_o my_o heart_n be_v enlarge_v in_o duty_n than_o in_o any_o other_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n and_o i_o know_v that_o all_o my_o comfort_n be_v from_o jesus_n christ_n 4._o what_o i_o desire_v to_o enjoy_v i_o seek_v to_o enjoy_v it_o in_o god_n through_o peace_n of_o conscience_n that_o it_o may_v be_v to_o the_o comfort_n of_o my_o faith_n for_o god_n be_v pure_a and_o it_o be_v a_o great_a grief_n to_o i_o that_o i_o câ—n_v serve_v my_o god_n no_o better_o 5._o i_o do_v not_o fear_v death_n for_o my_o faith_n be_v so_o settle_a in_o god_n that_o i_o long_o to_o be_v with_o my_o saviour_n when_o he_o shall_v be_v please_v to_o call_v i_o to_o he_o christ_n have_v dye_v for_o i_o to_o take_v away_o the_o fear_n of_o the_o second_o death_n a._n o._n xxix_o experience_n of_o m._n w._n i_o have_v from_o my_o childhood_n desire_v to_o serve_v the_o lord_n and_o to_o make_v his_o commandment_n my_o rule_n to_o walk_v by_o and_o i_o think_v once_o that_o i_o can_v have_v say_v with_o the_o young_a man_n in_o the_o gospel_n all_o these_o have_v i_o keep_v from_o my_o youth_n but_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o visit_v i_o with_o a_o grievous_a sickness_n even_o unto_o death_n and_o then_o my_o heart_n tell_v i_o that_o i_o be_v a_o great_a sinner_n and_o my_o conscience_n accuse_v i_o that_o i_o have_v
love_v the_o world_n more_o than_o i_o have_v love_v jesus_n christ_n then_o i_o be_v afflict_v in_o my_o spirit_n with_o fear_n because_o i_o can_v not_o believe_v that_o jesus_n christ_n have_v dye_v for_o i_o i_o beseech_v the_o lord_n by_o earnest_a prayer_n that_o he_o will_v be_v please_v to_o spare_v i_o for_o i_o find_v myself_o to_o be_v very_o unfit_a for_o death_n i_o make_v promise_n to_o the_o lord_n that_o if_o he_o do_v please_v to_o spare_v i_o i_o will_v lead_v a_o new_a life_n and_o do_v resolve_v to_o walk_v more_o close_o to_o my_o god_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v in_o mercy_n to_o hear_v my_o prayer_n and_o grant_v this_o request_n and_o spare_v i_o a_o while_n long_o to_o serve_v he_o in_o the_o land_n of_o the_o live_n but_o notwithstanding_o my_o promise_n and_o the_o great_a deliverance_n the_o lord_n have_v wrought_v for_o i_o in_o keep_v i_o back_o from_o hell_n and_o the_o grave_a i_o have_v soon_o forget_v all_o i_o begin_v to_o love_v the_o world_n again_o and_o live_v as_o vain_o as_o before_o but_o the_o lord_n smite_v my_o conscience_n and_o sore_o trouble_v my_o spirit_n for_o this_o backslide_n put_v i_o in_o mind_n of_o the_o promise_n i_o have_v make_v to_o he_o in_o my_o sickness_n with_o great_a bitterness_n of_o heart_n and_o grief_n of_o soul_n i_o mourn_v for_o my_o fail_n and_o do_v again_o resolve_v for_o the_o time_n to_o come_v to_o keep_v more_o close_o to_o god_n and_o set_v a_o watch_n over_o my_o heart_n but_o the_o more_o i_o look_v into_o my_o heart_n the_o more_o vile_a i_o see_v myself_o to_o be_v and_o be_v great_o trouble_v that_o i_o have_v so_o often_o play_v the_o hypocrite_n with_o my_o god_n i_o again_o beseech_v the_o lord_n by_o prayer_n that_o he_o will_v be_v please_v for_o jesus_n christ_n his_o sake_n to_o forgive_v all_o my_o sin_n and_o backslide_n which_o i_o then_o be_v grieve_v for_o with_o loathe_v more_o than_o ever_o before_o my_o conscience_n be_v so_o wound_v and_o my_o soul_n cast_v down_o in_o so_o great_a a_o conflict_n that_o my_o spirit_n be_v almost_o dry_v up_o and_o my_o heart_n begin_v to_o grow_v weary_a and_o faint_a with_o cry_v and_o groan_v after_o my_o saviour_n yet_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o humble_v i_o still_o more_o and_o more_o and_o to_o try_v i_o further_o as_o gold_n be_v try_v in_o the_o fire_n and_o my_o affliction_n be_v double_v upon_o i_o by_o satan_n malice_n who_o tempt_v i_o with_o evil_a thought_n which_o be_v grievous_a to_o my_o soul_n when_o i_o have_v pray_v with_o a_o trouble_a spirit_n as_o well_o as_o i_o can_v the_o devil_n put_v thought_n into_o my_o mind_n quite_o contrary_a to_o the_o frame_n of_o a_o pray_a spirit_n when_o i_o have_v read_v the_o word_n of_o god_n he_o tempt_v i_o with_o doubt_n and_o question_n touch_v some_o thing_n therein_o whether_o it_o be_v truth_n or_o not_o and_o satan_n follow_v his_o temptation_n so_o close_o upon_o i_o that_o as_o soon_o as_o the_o lord_n have_v enable_v i_o to_o repulse_v one_o temptation_n the_o devil_n assault_v i_o with_o another_o so_o that_o i_o have_v scarce_o time_n to_o fetch_v my_o breath_n one_o temptation_n follow_v so_o close_o upon_o another_o be_v trouble_v much_o in_o my_o spirit_n in_o this_o condition_n i_o be_v tempt_v to_o discontent_n that_o the_o lord_n have_v not_o take_v away_o these_o temptation_n from_o i_o and_o in_o anger_n fall_v into_o some_o great_a passion_n even_o near_o unto_o desperation_n and_o i_o be_v sore_o buffet_v by_o the_o devil_n in_o this_o my_o low_a extremity_n who_o assault_v i_o with_o fresh_a temptation_n of_o blasphemous_a thought_n touch_v god_n so_o that_o when_o in_o the_o bitterness_n of_o my_o soul_n i_o be_v seek_v after_o jesus_n christ_n and_o have_v name_v god_n he_o will_v put_v into_o my_o mind_n the_o object_n of_o the_o brute_n creature_n and_o even_o whilst_o i_o be_v pour_v out_o my_o soul_n to_o the_o creator_n and_o be_v plead_v a_o promise_n he_o bring_v a_o curse_n to_o my_o thought_n thus_o be_v i_o repulse_v in_o all_o duty_n by_o satan_n terrify_n my_o soul_n to_o persuade_v i_o that_o it_o be_v in_o vain_a for_o i_o to_o seek_v for_o salvation_n because_o i_o have_v commit_v the_o sin_n against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n which_o god_n by_o his_o word_n have_v declare_v shall_v never_o be_v forgive_v neither_o in_o this_o world_n nor_o in_o the_o world_n to_o come_v because_o i_o be_v discontent_v that_o the_o lord_n after_o all_o my_o address_n to_o he_o have_v not_o deliver_v i_o from_o all_o my_o trouble_n but_o the_o lord_n give_v i_o strength_n to_o resist_v satan_n and_o say_v in_o the_o bitterness_n of_o my_o soul_n to_o my_o god_n far_o be_v it_o from_o i_o o_o lord_n to_o be_v offend_v with_o thou_o and_o the_o lord_n wrought_v this_o resolution_n in_o my_o soul_n that_o i_o do_v protest_v before_o the_o lord_n that_o although_o i_o shall_v see_v nothing_o but_o hell_n before_o i_o yet_o i_o will_v trust_v in_o he_o and_o stay_v myself_o upon_o my_o god_n until_o he_o please_v to_o send_v i_o deliverance_n i_o make_v my_o case_n know_v to_o a_o dear_a friend_n who_o give_v i_o some_o comfort_n he_o tell_v i_o that_o the_o sin_n against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n be_v to_o sin_v wilful_o by_o perpetual_a despite_n against_o god_n i_o find_v a_o clear_a testimony_n in_o my_o conscience_n that_o i_o be_v so_o far_o from_o despit_v the_o spirit_n of_o grace_n that_o i_o have_v not_o sin_v willing_o against_o god_n for_o i_o find_v it_o to_o be_v a_o affliction_n to_o i_o to_o be_v tempt_v with_o evil_a thought_n touch_v the_o lord_n though_o i_o consent_v not_o to_o they_o and_o i_o find_v my_o soul_n grieve_v that_o i_o can_v not_o be_v free_v from_o they_o and_o then_o with_o abundance_n of_o tear_n by_o often_o prayer_n and_o supplication_n to_o the_o throne_n of_o grace_n i_o pour_v forth_o my_o sinful_a soul_n at_o the_o footstool_n of_o god_n mercy_n exalt_v free_a grace_n and_o plead_v the_o unspeakable_a riches_n of_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n that_o will_v appear_v in_o the_o conversion_n of_o such_o a_o sinner_n as_o i_o have_v be_v methinks_v it_o seem_v to_o exalt_v god_n mercy_n and_o to_o be_v one_o of_o the_o great_a manifestation_n of_o free_a grace_n in_o the_o world_n to_o be_v to_o the_o great_a glory_n of_o the_o lord_n and_o unspeakable_a comfort_n of_o my_o poor_a soul_n if_o he_o will_v be_v please_v to_o bring_v i_o to_o himself_o now_o when_o by_o the_o divine_a power_n of_o god_n my_o heart_n be_v thus_o resolve_v to_o trust_v in_o he_o and_o to_o wait_v upon_o he_o than_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o show_v i_o to_o my_o comfort_n the_o example_n of_o jesus_n christ_n who_o have_v no_o sin_n in_o himself_o yet_o he_o be_v tempt_v of_o the_o devil_n and_o likewise_o of_o paul_n how_o satan_n send_v send_v a_o messenger_n to_o buffet_v he_o who_o then_o pray_v unto_o god_n and_o the_o lord_n say_v my_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a for_o thou_o my_o power_n be_v make_v know_v in_o thy_o weakness_n then_o i_o begin_v to_o be_v comfort_v and_o to_o think_v if_o christ_n himself_o be_v tempt_v if_o the_o child_n of_o god_n who_o have_v be_v eminent_a example_n have_v lie_v under_o temptation_n and_o the_o lord_n according_a to_o his_o promise_n have_v strengthen_v and_o deliver_v they_o there_o be_v hope_n for_o i_o and_o the_o lord_n wrought_v faith_n in_o my_o heart_n to_o believe_v that_o he_o will_v strengthen_v i_o and_o keep_v i_o that_o i_o shall_v not_o perish_v for_o ever_o and_o i_o have_v since_o find_v great_a consolation_n in_o many_o promise_n which_o the_o lord_n have_v reveal_v in_o his_o word_n which_o i_o have_v plead_v before_o he_o some_o of_o which_o follow_v isaiah_n 50.10_o who_o be_v among_o you_o that_o fear_v the_o lord_n and_o obey_v the_o voice_n of_o his_o servant_n that_o walk_v in_o darkness_n and_o have_v no_o light_n let_v he_o trust_v in_o the_o name_n of_o the_o lord_n and_o stay_v upon_o his_o god_n i_o apply_v this_o promise_n thus_o i_o have_v walk_v in_o darkness_n and_o see_v no_o light_n but_o god_n have_v wrought_v in_o my_o heart_n to_o fear_v he_o and_o a_o willingness_n to_o obey_v my_o saviour_n and_o a_o resolution_n to_o trust_v in_o the_o name_n of_o the_o lord_n therefore_o i_o know_v it_o be_v not_o in_o vain_a to_o stay_v myself_o upon_o my_o god_n and_o matth._n 12.20_o it_o be_v say_v by_o christ_n a_o bruise_a reed_n shall_v he_o not_o break_v and_o smoke_a flax_n shall_v he_o not_o quench_v till_o he_o send_v forth_o judgement_n unto_o victory_n the_o lord_n have_v break_v and_o bruise_v i_o in_o
have_v kick_v at_o his_o fatherly_a protection_n and_o run_v into_o many_o gross_a and_o vile_a sin_n the_o first_o gross_a one_o be_v many_o kind_n of_o unlawful_a game_n which_o hold_v i_o as_o a_o bondslave_n near_o thirty_o year_n to_o the_o great_a endanger_v both_o of_o my_o body_n and_o soul_n but_o yet_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o look_v gracious_o upon_o i_o and_o to_o give_v i_o afterward_o a_o hatred_n against_o this_o vice_n and_o withal_o he_o put_v into_o my_o mind_n a_o resolution_n which_o i_o confirm_v with_o a_o vow_n as_o follow_v that_o as_o i_o love_v god_n and_o his_o word_n or_o my_o own_o soul_n i_o will_v never_o play_v at_o any_o game_n for_o money_n so_o long_o as_o i_o live_v the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o accept_v of_o my_o good_a will_n and_o bless_v i_o and_o i_o in_o my_o lawful_a call_v many_o year_n until_o at_o the_o last_o that_o old_a serpent_n the_o devil_n envy_v my_o happy_a proceed_n in_o this_o reformation_n he_o draw_v i_o into_o many_o other_o sin_n which_o have_v almost_o bring_v i_o to_o as_o bad_a a_o end_n as_o the_o first_o but_o the_o lord_n out_o of_o the_o low_a extremity_n give_v in_o remedy_n to_o his_o child_n and_o he_o give_v i_o a_o hatred_n against_o they_o also_o and_o a_o resolution_n never_o to_o commit_v they_o any_o more_o yet_o about_o two_o or_o three_o year_n after_o that_o old_a enemy_n of_o mankind_n satan_n that_o roar_a lion_n seek_v who_o he_o may_v devour_v come_v again_o with_o turn_n to_o destroy_v i_o persuade_v i_o that_o to_o drink_v with_o my_o neighbour_n be_v acceptable_a to_o god_n which_o may_v be_v use_v without_o excess_n but_o i_o give_v will_n the_o full_a reins_o which_o bring_v i_o back_o again_o to_o my_o former_a course_n withal_o annex_v wrath_n and_o anger_n to_o my_o house_n and_o family_n persuade_v i_o that_o i_o must_v rule_v in_o my_o house_n which_o have_v bring_v i_o beside_o myself_o have_v not_o god_n help_v i_o who_o never_o fail_v those_o who_o he_o love_v and_o that_o put_v their_o trust_n in_o he_o for_o present_o upon_o this_o extremity_n he_o send_v this_o remedy_n 1._o a_o sight_n of_o my_o sin_n 2._o a_o grief_n and_o sorrow_n for_o they_o 3._o a_o resolution_n to_o leave_v they_o and_o 4._o the_o lord_n carry_v i_o through_o a_o way_n to_o leave_v they_o which_o be_v thus_o i_o begin_v to_o call_v to_o mind_n what_o be_v the_o great_a thing_n i_o love_v in_o this_o world_n and_o in_o the_o world_n to_o come_v beside_o those_o that_o i_o name_v before_o which_o i_o set_v opposite_a to_o these_o two_o monster_n then_o i_o vow_v before_o the_o lord_n desire_v his_o assistance_n that_o as_o i_o love_v the_o holy_a ghost_n the_o comforter_n or_o ever_o look_v to_o have_v comfort_n from_o the_o bless_a communion_n of_o the_o body_n and_o blood_n of_o christ_n jesus_n to_o cleanse_v my_o sin_n so_o if_o i_o do_v remember_v or_o be_v in_o perfect_a sense_n i_o will_v never_o drink_v above_o two_o reasonable_a glass_n or_o cup_n of_o wine_n or_o four_o cup_n of_o beer_n in_o any_o one_o place_n or_o at_o any_o one_o time_n without_o any_o equivocation_n and_o that_o at_o any_o time_n when_o i_o come_v into_o the_o door_n of_o my_o house_n if_o there_o be_v any_o controversy_n in_o my_o family_n that_o then_o i_o will_v with_o gentle_a persuasion_n do_v my_o best_a endeavour_n to_o end_v it_o and_o this_o with_o god_n help_v i_o will_v perform_v and_o i_o pray_v o_o lord_n my_o god_n bless_v my_o hand_n and_o my_o heart_n to_o perform_v thy_o will_n that_o when_o any_o temptation_n to_o game_n or_o drunkenness_n or_o lust_n shall_v assault_v i_o either_o by_o thought_n or_o any_o other_o mean_n that_o then_o present_o i_o may_v fly_v unto_o thou_o in_o the_o name_n of_o christ_n jesus_n my_o saviour_n and_o i_o do_v still_o fly_v unto_o god_n confess_v and_o sorrow_v for_o my_o sin_n desire_v the_o lord_n to_o help_v and_o assist_v i_o to_o perform_v and_o keep_v all_o these_o and_o in_o all_o thing_n to_o serve_v god_n as_o long_o as_o i_o live_v i_o can_v be_v so_o humble_v for_o my_o sin_n as_o i_o desire_v yet_o have_v i_o have_v much_o trouble_n for_o sin_n and_o have_v shed_v tear_n many_o a_o time_n and_o i_o have_v be_v much_o trouble_v that_o my_o heart_n can_v be_v break_v enough_o yet_o i_o have_v have_v many_o cross_n but_o i_o know_v it_o be_v the_o hand_n of_o god_n and_o i_o desire_v to_o lie_v low_a before_o he_o when_o god_n first_o discover_v my_o sin_n to_o i_o i_o be_v be_v much_o terrify_v but_o i_o have_v find_v much_o comfort_n in_o that_o glorious_a promise_n which_o god_n make_v when_o adam_n have_v sin_v that_o the_o seed_n of_o the_o woman_n shall_v break_v the_o serpent_n head_n gen._n 3._o and_o also_o that_o sweet_a promise_v declare_v by_o the_o lord_n jesus_n come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o be_v weary_a and_o heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_n matth._n 11.28_o and_o peter_n declare_v say_v repent_v and_o be_v convert_v that_o your_o sin_n may_v be_v blot_v out_o when_o the_o time_n of_o refresh_a shall_v come_v from_o the_o presence_n of_o the_o lord_n i_o have_v plead_v these_o and_o several_a other_o promise_n with_o god_n and_o have_v by_o faith_n trust_v in_o god_n who_o bid_v we_o cast_v our_o care_n on_o he_o and_o he_o will_v care_v for_o we_o 1_o pet._n 5.7_o and_o i_o do_v believe_v in_o god_n and_o cast_v myself_o upon_o he_o know_v all_o the_o promise_v to_o be_v yea_o and_o amen_o in_o christ_n and_o i_o have_v these_o effect_n of_o god_n gracious_a spirit_n work_v regeneration_n in_o my_o soul_n 1._o in_o that_o the_o lord_n bless_v be_v his_o holy_a name_n have_v so_o settle_v my_o heart_n on_o himself_o that_o i_o can_v leave_v friend_n relation_n and_o all_o thing_n for_o god_n 2._o i_o find_v in_o my_o heart_n a_o real_a affection_n and_o love_v strong_o carry_v out_o to_o all_o the_o child_n of_o god_n and_o i_o love_v to_o do_v good_a to_o the_o people_n of_o god_n 3._o i_o take_v much_o delight_n to_o hear_v the_o word_n of_o god_n preach_v and_o to_o partake_v of_o duty_n with_o the_o people_n of_o god_n &_o to_o have_v communion_n with_o god_n in_o private_a duty_n 4._o i_o be_o trouble_v when_o my_o heart_n be_v cold_a in_o duty_n but_o much_o comfort_v when_o my_o heart_n be_v enlarge_v towards_o god_n 5._o i_o believe_v that_o god_n will_v save_v i_o through_o christ_n for_o ever_o t._n g._n xxxiii_o experience_n of_o m._n h._n in_o my_o youthful_a age_n it_o please_v god_n to_o give_v i_o a_o heart_n to_o take_v delight_n to_o hear_v the_o word_n preach_v at_o many_o place_n but_o especial_o at_o st._n antholins_n at_o the_o morning_n lecture_n and_o this_o i_o do_v often_o for_o some_o time_n until_o satan_n stir_v up_o many_o instrument_n to_o call_v i_o puritan_n with_o many_o other_o reproachful_a term_n that_o make_v i_o ashamed_a to_o go_v in_o public_a but_o like_o nicodemus_n by_o stealth_n as_o it_o be_v in_o the_o dark_a but_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o convince_v i_o of_o satan_n wile_n that_o he_o be_v a_o deceiver_n from_o the_o first_o and_o that_o in_o hear_v the_o word_n preach_v those_o that_o will_v be_v soldier_n in_o christ_n school_n must_v not_o be_v daunt_v for_o every_o foil_n and_o if_o i_o do_v look_v for_o salvation_n by_o jesus_n christ_n i_o must_v manful_o fight_v under_o the_o banner_n of_o christ_n and_o hold_v out_o to_o the_o end_n if_o i_o will_v be_v save_v from_o the_o consideration_n hereof_o god_n be_v please_v to_o put_v courage_n into_o my_o heart_n to_o hold_v on_o in_o the_o way_n of_o god_n and_o in_o profess_v the_o gospel_n which_o i_o do_v though_o with_o abundance_n of_o weakness_n and_o difficulty_n and_o thus_o i_o do_v continual_o go_v on_o though_o dark_o until_o it_o please_v god_n to_o break_v forth_o in_o his_o most_o glorious_a light_n for_o by_o special_a providence_n i_o be_v bring_v to_o see_v a_o utter_a ruin_n to_o my_o soul_n without_o a_o christ_n and_o though_o i_o have_v hear_v much_o of_o christ_n by_o the_o outward_a ear_n yet_o have_v i_o no_o experimental_a knowledge_n of_o he_o till_o the_o word_n of_o christ_n show_v i_o that_o my_o condition_n be_v such_o as_o paul_n speak_v of_o to_o the_o ephesian_n that_o i_o be_v dead_a in_o trespass_n and_o sin_n and_o except_o i_o be_v quicken_v by_o the_o spirit_n and_o by_o faith_n do_v bathe_v my_o soul_n in_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n i_o be_v a_o undo_v creature_n notwithstanding_o all_o my_o long_o hear_v the_o word_n preach_v have_v then_o weigh_v many_o circumstance_n and_o
have_v conference_n with_o many_o of_o the_o people_n of_o god_n both_o preacher_n and_o other_o i_o be_v very_o much_o strengthen_v in_o faith_n and_o have_v a_o assurance_n of_o the_o love_n of_o god_n in_o christ_n jesus_n whereby_o i_o do_v find_v much_o comfort_n to_o my_o soul_n and_o since_o hear_v some_o able_a minister_n of_o the_o gospel_n hold_v forth_o most_o precious_a truth_n i_o find_v much_o comfort_n and_o more_o particular_o mr._n bridges_n of_o yarmouth_n open_v that_o comfortable_a scripture_n psal_n 41.11_o why_o be_v thou_o cast_v down_o o_o my_o soul_n why_o be_v thou_o disquiet_v within_o i_o trust_v in_o god_n etc._n etc._n his_o doctrine_n be_v that_o a_o godly_a man_n have_v no_o just_a cause_n to_o be_v discourage_v whatsoever_o his_o condition_n be_v either_o the_o sense_n of_o sin_n or_o the_o temptation_n of_o satan_n or_o trouble_v or_o affliction_n that_o a_o man_n have_v cause_n to_o be_v humble_v for_o the_o least_o sin_n but_o not_o to_o be_v discourage_v at_o the_o great_a from_o trust_v in_o god_n but_o to_o rely_v upon_o the_o lord_n by_o faith_n in_o christ_n whatsoever_o his_o disincouragement_n be_v which_o have_v since_o cause_v i_o to_o walk_v in_o a_o thankful_a posture_n towards_o god_n for_o his_o unspeakable_a mercy_n and_o it_o be_v my_o great_a grief_n that_o i_o can_v be_v no_o more_o thankful_a see_v i_o have_v receive_v so_o much_o mercy_n from_o god_n who_o i_o do_v daily_o offend_v which_o have_v make_v i_o with_o paul_n to_o cry_v out_o o_o wretched_a man_n that_o i_o be_o who_o shall_v deliver_v i_o from_o this_o body_n of_o death_n but_o that_o the_o next_o word_n produce_v comfort_n bless_a be_v god_n through_o jesus_n christ_n yet_o after_o this_o it_o please_v god_n to_o suffer_v i_o to_o fall_v into_o a_o sinful_a condition_n by_o be_v too_o confident_a in_o my_o own_o strength_n which_o fall_v cost_v i_o abundance_n of_o tear_n sigh_n and_o sobbing_n of_o heart_n even_o as_o david_n say_v to_o the_o break_n and_o dry_v of_o my_o bone_n it_o make_v i_o walk_v sad_o for_o many_o month_n together_o &_o even_o to_o despair_v of_o any_o help_n and_o see_v i_o have_v bring_v so_o much_o dishonour_n to_o god_n and_o scandal_n to_o the_o gospel_n and_o reproach_n to_o the_o professor_n thereof_o this_o do_v much_o press_v my_o soul_n consider_v what_o a_o professor_n i_o be_v before_o in_o stand_v for_o the_o glory_n of_o god_n and_o oppose_v all_o gainsayer_n and_o for_o i_o to_o fall_v oh_o this_o do_v make_v such_o gash_n in_o my_o soul_n that_o the_o consideration_n thereof_o cause_v i_o to_o walk_v sad_o and_o sorrowful_o and_o with_o so_o much_o shame_n that_o i_o can_v not_o endure_v to_o go_v in_o the_o street_n but_o that_o urgent_a ncessity_n force_v i_o to_o go_v out_o for_o comfort_n then_o it_o please_v god_n by_o special_a providence_n to_o cast_v i_o under_o dr._n homes_n his_o ministry_n and_o he_o treat_v on_o that_o subject_n concern_v backsliding_a out_o of_o jer._n 14_o v._n 7._o o_o lord_n though_o our_o iniquity_n testify_v against_o we_o yet_o do_v thou_o it_o for_o thy_o name_n sake_n for_o our_o back_n sliding_n be_v many_o etc._n etc._n which_o sermon_n be_v by_o the_o work_n of_o the_o spirit_n of_o god_n effectual_a unto_o i_o for_o i_o be_v almost_o under_o despair_n before_o but_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o give_v i_o much_o comfort_n from_o this_o doctrine_n that_o saint_n may_v be_v guilty_a of_o many_o backslide_n yet_o they_o shall_v not_o despair_v for_o that_o be_v a_o great_a sin_n the_o doctor_n make_v this_o use_n that_o if_o saint_n may_v break_v their_o peace_n wicked_a and_o unregenerate_a man_n may_v break_v their_o neck_n a_o second_o use_n be_v that_o a_o saint_n shall_v beware_v of_o backslide_v and_o make_v all_o speed_n to_o go_v to_o jesus_n christ_n for_o more_o strength_n to_o keep_v and_o uphold_v he_o for_o the_o future_a this_o do_v give_v i_o some_o comfort_n and_o cause_v i_o to_o set_v upon_o the_o work_n of_o seek_v to_o jesus_n christ_n more_o earnest_o because_o christ_n tell_v paul_n that_o his_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a for_o he_o i_o have_v rest_v in_o that_o little_a mustard-seed-faith_n i_o have_v before_o but_o now_o it_o do_v begin_v to_o spring_v and_o blossom_n to_o the_o praise_n and_o glory_n of_o jesus_n christ_n that_o he_o shall_v as_o it_o be_v snatch_v i_o as_o a_o brand_n out_o of_o those_o burn_n of_o hell_n and_o establish_v my_o poor_a soul_n by_o his_o free_a grace_n to_o see_v all_o my_o iniquity_n lay_v to_o the_o charge_n of_o christ_n as_o isa_n 53._o v._n 5._o all_o we_o like_v sheep_n have_v go_v astray_o we_o have_v turn_v every_o one_o to_o his_o own_o way_n and_o the_o lord_n have_v lay_v on_o he_o the_o iniquity_n of_o we_o all_o which_o scripture_n be_v open_v by_o a_o worthy_a member_n of_o that_o church_n mr._n f._n it_o do_v much_o strengthen_v my_o faith_n in_o the_o application_n when_o i_o come_v to_o consider_v first_o that_o it_o be_v iniquity_n that_o the_o lord_n jehovah_n lay_v on_o christ_n second_o that_o it_o be_v my_o iniquity_n that_o be_v thus_o lay_v on_o he_o three_o that_o it_o be_v the_o lord_n himself_o that_o do_v lay_v it_o on_o he_o and_o four_o that_o the_o lord_n have_v do_v it_o already_o it_o be_v not_o now_o to_o do_v all_o these_o point_n do_v much_o comfort_v i_o see_v they_o be_v back_v by_o scripture_n and_o such_o a_o caution_n give_v by_o the_o apostle_n paul_n heb._n 3.12_o say_n take_v heed_n lest_o there_o be_v find_v in_o you_o a_o evil_a heart_n of_o unbelief_n etc._n etc._n which_o be_v a_o great_a sin_n and_o plague_n to_o any_o poor_a soul_n this_o wrought_v much_o with_o i_o but_o then_o apply_v several_a other_o scripture_n to_o the_o everlasting_a praise_n of_o jehovah_n and_o to_o jesus_n christ_n my_o saviour_n this_o scripture_n be_v produce_v in_o psal_n 68.16_o compare_v with_o the_o apostle_n word_n speak_v of_o christ_n thou_o have_v ascend_v up_o on_o high_a and_o lead_v captivity_n captive_a and_o receive_v gift_n for_o man_n even_o rebellious_a one_o that_o the_o lord_n god_n may_v dwell_v among_o they_o and_o that_o of_o ezek._n 16.7_o 8_o 9_o 10._o a_o precious_a scripture_n for_o trouble_a soul_n to_o be_v meditate_a on_o for_o comfort_n that_o a_o man_n be_v in_o his_o filth_n and_o guilt_n and_o all_o over_o with_o blood_n nay_o when_o no_o eye_n will_v pity_v he_o that_o then_o be_v a_o time_n of_o love_n to_o his_o soul_n oh_o mercy_n and_o free_a grace_n indeed_o then_o again_o consider_v the_o new_a covenant_n to_o open_v blind_a eye_n and_o to_o bring_v prisoner_n out_o of_o prison_n to_o the_o glorious_a light_n and_o liberty_n of_o the_o son_n of_o god_n and_o his_o proclamation_n isa_n 55._o ho_o every_o one_o that_o thirst_v come_v and_o in_o that_o of_o joh._n 6._o five_o 37._o he_o that_o come_v to_o christ_n he_o have_v promise_v in_o no_o wise_a to_o cast_v out_o though_o thy_o sin_n he_o as_o crimson_a and_o scarlet_a yea_o of_o such_o a_o deep_a dye_n as_o that_o with_o paul_n i_o may_v say_v to_o be_v chief_a of_o sinner_n yet_o it_o please_v god_n to_o give_v i_o in_o refreshment_n from_o he_o same_o scripture_n about_o two_o year_n since_o providence_n cast_v my_o lot_n at_o westminster_n where_o i_o hear_v mr._n w._n and_o have_v observe_v many_o honest_a people_n at_o hear_v of_o the_o word_n i_o then_o seek_v to_o the_o lord_n by_o earnest_a prayer_n so_o to_o direct_v i_o by_o his_o bless_a spirit_n that_o my_o only_a aim_n may_v be_v for_o his_o glory_n the_o good_a of_o other_o and_o with_o comfort_n to_o my_o own_o soul_n it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o direct_v my_o heart_n notwithstanding_o all_o opposition_n of_o satan_n and_o the_o persuasion_n of_o some_o other_o to_o resolve_v and_o to_o break_v through_o all_o opposition_n and_o difficulty_n and_o to_o join_v in_o the_o worship_n of_o the_o lord_n god_n of_o our_o father_n and_o to_o walk_v in_o his_o way_n according_a to_o the_o strict_a rule_n of_o the_o gospel_n of_o jesus_n christ_n hold_v forth_o in_o his_o word_n m._n h._n xxxiv_o experience_n of_o l._n p._n about_o twenty_o year_n since_o i_o be_v then_o with_o child_n be_v much_o trouble_v at_o some_o thought_n which_o god_n put_v into_o my_o mind_n touch_v my_o conversation_n which_o lie_v so_o sore_a and_o heavy_a upon_o i_o that_o i_o can_v not_o tell_v what_o to_o do_v because_o i_o see_v though_o i_o endeavour_v as_o much_o as_o i_o can_v to_o do_v my_o duty_n to_o my_o god_n yet_o i_o be_v not_o able_a to_o live_v as_o i_o shall_v and_o then_o i_o begin_v to_o know_v what_o the_o worm_n of_o conscience_n mean_v i_o
feel_v what_o until_o then_o i_o be_v ignorant_a of_o and_o the_o blackness_n of_o my_o spirit_n be_v such_o with_o the_o burden_n of_o my_o trouble_a and_o afflict_a soul_n that_o i_o can_v not_o at_o that_o time_n take_v comfort_n in_o any_o thing_n and_o have_v i_o not_o be_v with_o child_n &_o affect_v with_o natural_a inclination_n to_o the_o babe_n in_o my_o womb_n i_o have_v be_v in_o danger_n have_v not_o god_n prevent_v i_o to_o have_v destroy_v myself_o for_o i_o have_v some_o temptation_n that_o way_n but_o my_o god_n strengthen_v i_o yet_o before_o i_o be_v bring_v to_o bed_n i_o find_v peace_n and_o comfort_n and_o through_o grace_n have_v such_o settlement_n in_o my_o spirit_n that_o i_o can_v with_o joy_n night_n and_o day_n call_v upon_o my_o god_n believe_o but_o before_o i_o attain_v to_o this_o i_o have_v many_o sore_a conflict_n until_o after_o some_o consideration_n that_o the_o lord_n have_v put_v into_o my_o mind_n as_o first_o touch_v the_o child_n that_o i_o go_v with_o because_o god_n have_v say_v the_o just_a and_o innocent_a slay_n thou_o not_o and_o then_o consider_v the_o innocency_n of_o the_o child_n it_o become_v a_o mean_n to_o stay_v my_o hand_n from_o lay_v violence_n upon_o myself_o yet_o for_o a_o time_n i_o be_v much_o trouble_v in_o spirit_n till_o god_n give_v i_o peace_n from_o these_o and_o other_o scripture_n promise_n where_o the_o lord_n say_v call_v upon_o i_o in_o the_o day_n of_o trouble_n and_o i_o will_v deliver_v thou_o &_o thou_o shall_v glorify_v i_o psal_n 50.15_o sin_n shall_v not_o have_v dominion_n 〈◊〉_d you_o for_o you_o be_v not_o under_o the_o law_n but_o under_o grace_n rom._n 6.14_o now_o the_o testimony_n of_o my_o conversion_n and_o true_a believe_v in_o which_o i_o hope_v i_o have_v a_o seal_n of_o my_o interest_n in_o the_o lord_n jesus_n be_v these_o 1._o my_o love_n to_o god_n which_o be_v real_a sincere_a and_o hearty_a desire_v he_o above_o any_o thing_n else_o whatsoever_o 2._o my_o rely_v upon_o jesus_n christ_n have_v nothing_o of_o my_o own_o to_o rest_v upon_o i_o fly_v to_o he_o and_o rest_n on_o he_o for_o all_o as_o my_o alone_a saviour_n and_o redeemer_n 3_o i_o delight_v to_o read_v the_o holy_a word_n of_o god_n and_o to_o hear_v or_o otherwise_o to_o partake_v thereof_o in_o which_o i_o find_v much_o comfort_n 4._o the_o comfort_n which_o i_o find_v by_o enlargement_n of_o my_o soul_n when_o god_n come_v in_o under_o the_o mean_n in_o duty_n and_o the_o loathnesse_n i_o have_v to_o be_v deprive_v of_o the_o ordinance_n 5._o the_o peace_n i_o find_v with_o my_o god_n in_o my_o soul_n which_o be_v sweet_a though_o not_o without_o much_o heaviness_n of_o spirit_n for_o my_o fail_n i_o do_v not_o live_v without_o wane_v and_o change_v in_o my_o spiritual_a life_n and_o faith_n towards_o the_o lord_n for_o sometime_o i_o trust_v god_n with_o all_o and_o at_o other_o time_n i_o meet_v with_o some_o doubt_n yet_o bless_v be_v god_n i_o find_v they_o more_o and_o more_o assuage_v and_o my_o communion_n with_o christ_n every_o day_n more_o sweet_a and_o full_a 6._o i_o doubt_v not_o but_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n my_o redeemer_n will_v so_o support_v i_o through_o his_o grace_n that_o what_o ever_o my_o condition_n have_v be_v or_o shall_v be_v here_o i_o shall_v not_o fail_v of_o salvation_n through_o christ_n in_o heaven_n for_o ever_o l._n p._n xxxv_o experience_n of_o f._n p._n i_o have_v be_v trouble_v at_o the_o thought_n of_o my_o corruption_n and_o wretched_a condition_n i_o have_v former_o have_v some_o doubt_n touching_n the_o scripture_n whether_o they_o be_v truth_n or_o not_o but_o have_v be_v since_o trouble_v that_o i_o make_v those_o foolish_a doubt_n to_o question_n god_n word_n and_o be_v so_o wound_v in_o my_o conscience_n for_o my_o sin_n therein_o that_o i_o fear_v i_o shall_v be_v damn_v for_o it_o because_o i_o think_v it_o be_v a_o sin_n that_o god_n will_v not_o pardon_v i_o have_v also_o strange_a thought_n about_o the_o sinful_a way_n of_o ungodly_a people_n and_o consider_v how_o loose_o people_n live_v i_o and_o temptation_n to_o persuade_v i_o that_o sure_o there_o be_v some_o easy_a way_n to_o heaven_n then_o the_o scripture_n have_v lay_v down_o or_o then_o i_o have_v learn_v but_o for_o these_o evil_a thought_n of_o i_o i_o have_v be_v so_o afflict_v in_o my_o spirit_n that_o i_o think_v i_o be_v a_o damn_a wretch_n i_o have_v be_v tempt_v by_o these_o blasphemous_a thought_n against_o the_o lord_n which_o have_v so_o afflict_v i_o that_o sometime_o i_o fear_v the_o devil_n will_v fetch_v i_o away_o and_o carry_v i_o to_o hell_n and_o i_o have_v think_v sometime_o that_o sure_o god_n can_v not_o in_o justice_n pardon_v such_o sin_n as_o i_o have_v commit_v i_o have_v also_o be_v tempt_v to_o make_v away_o myself_o but_o the_o lord_n god_n put_v i_o in_o mind_n to_o consider_v that_o it_o will_v not_o give_v i_o ease_v or_o comfort_n but_o be_v the_o way_n to_o enter_v into_o endless_a misery_n and_o thus_o i_o lay_v afflict_v with_o a_o most_o sad_a &_o trouble_v some_o spirit_n for_o about_o a_o year_n yet_o though_o with_o little_a hope_n from_o my_o present_a sense_n i_o have_v desire_n that_o god_n will_v save_v i_o and_o some_o groan_n i_o have_v after_o he_o and_o in_o his_o time_n which_o be_v best_a i_o begin_v to_o find_v enlargement_n of_o heart_n from_o god_n and_o a_o great_a longing_n for_o christ_n which_o increase_v through_o the_o work_n of_o his_o glorious_a power_n so_o that_o i_o think_v i_o can_v have_v be_v content_a to_o have_v go_v through_o all_o the_o misery_n in_o the_o world_n to_o have_v enjoy_v he_o and_o in_o my_o sleep_n i_o dream_v that_o i_o see_v my_o saviour_n lie_v in_o a_o grave_a and_o after_o again_o i_o see_v he_o rise_v from_o death_n when_o i_o awake_v and_o have_v some_o thought_n about_o my_o dream_n i_o find_v comfort_n in_o my_o soul_n and_o begin_v more_o sweet_o to_o hope_n that_o christ_n jesus_n die_v for_o my_o sin_n and_o be_v rise_v again_o for_o my_o justification_n but_o the_o devil_n who_o go_v about_o like_o a_o roar_a lion_n do_v still_o tempt_v i_o so_o that_o i_o be_v again_o ready_a to_o despair_v for_o my_o former_a evil_a thought_n and_o i_o be_v afraid_a that_o satan_n will_v have_v i_o and_o i_o doubt_v that_o god_n have_v no_o part_n in_o i_o which_o cause_v i_o to_o weep_v much_o and_o i_o be_v exceed_o trouble_v and_o sometime_o think_v that_o very_o i_o hear_v the_o devil_n come_v in_o a_o whirlwind_n for_o i_o and_o so_o terrify_v be_v my_o conscience_n that_o from_o the_o thought_n of_o the_o wrath_n which_o i_o fear_v i_o can_v have_v wish_v myself_o a_o beast_n a_o dog_n or_o any_o thing_n because_o their_o misery_n will_v have_v a_o end_n but_o after_o many_o comfortable_a discourse_n with_o friend_n and_o read_v some_o godly_a book_n that_o come_v to_o my_o hand_n the_o lord_n god_n in_o time_n deliver_v i_o from_o those_o temptation_n and_o have_v since_o comfort_v i_o with_o these_o promise_n to_o the_o great_a joy_n of_o my_o heart_n though_o some_o time_n i_o have_v not_o be_v without_o some_o doubt_n the_o lord_n have_v say_v be_v content_a with_o such_o thing_n as_o you_o have_v for_o he_o have_v say_v i_o will_v never_o leave_v thou_o nor_o forsake_v thou_o so_o that_o i_o may_v bold_o say_v the_o lord_n be_v my_o helper_n heb._n 13.5_o 6._o the_o lord_n say_v sin_n shall_v not_o have_v dominion_n over_o you_o rom._n 6.14_o this_o have_v often_o give_v i_o much_o comfort_n and_o keep_v up_o my_o soul_n when_o i_o have_v be_v ready_a to_o despair_v and_o christ_n say_v i_o will_v pray_v the_o father_n and_o he_o shall_v give_v you_o another_o comforter_n that_o he_o may_v abide_v with_o you_o for_o ever_o even_o the_o spirit_n of_o truth_n john_n 14.16_o 17._o and_o i_o have_v this_o testimony_n of_o my_o interest_n in_o christ_n by_o faith_n wrought_v by_o his_o blesstd_a spirit_n in_o i_o 1_o i_o see_v such_o a_o frailty_n in_o my_o flesh_n that_o except_o the_o lord_n send_v his_o holy_a spirit_n to_o enable_v i_o i_o can_v do_v any_o thing_n of_o my_o duty_n to_o god_n of_o myself_o it_o be_v the_o spirit_n of_o the_o lord_n and_o not_o any_o thing_n in_o i_o that_o be_v the_o foundation_n of_o my_o comfort_n 2._o i_o have_v have_v many_o time_n if_o my_o heart_n deceive_v i_o not_o clear_a testimony_n and_o evidence_n that_o i_o love_v god_n more_o than_o any_o thing_n else_o and_o desire_v he_o above_o all_o 3._o i_o desire_v much_o to_o hear_v the_o word_n and_o be_o trouble_v that_o sometime_o it_o do_v not_o so_o
everlasting_a life_n this_o very_a word_n whosoever_o do_v work_v so_o kind_o and_o with_o such_o a_o sweet_a efficacy_n upon_o my_o heart_n that_o i_o be_v constrain_v to_o submit_v have_v not_o any_o objection_n against_o it_o for_o it_o comprehend_v all_o sort_n of_o sinner_n although_o never_o so_o great_a yet_o whosoever_o believe_v in_o this_o son_n of_o god_n shall_v enjoy_v such_o a_o sweet_a promise_n no_o less_o than_o eternal_a life_n in_o the_o 16._o verse_n god_n so_o love_v the_o world_n that_o he_o give_v his_o only_a beget_v son_n that_o whosoever_o believe_v in_o he_o shall_v not_o perish_v but_o have_v everlasting_a life_n and_o in_o act_n 10.43_o that_o whosoever_o believe_v in_o he_o shall_v receive_v remission_n of_o sin_n then_o in_o gal._n 2.20_o i_o live_v by_o the_o faith_n of_o the_o son_n of_o god_n who_o love_v i_o and_o give_v himself_o for_o i_o and_o christ_n jesus_n die_v for_o sinner_n of_o who_o i_o be_o chief_a see_v this_o application_n of_o christ_n that_o paul_n make_v in_o particular_a to_o himself_o who_o be_v a_o very_a great_a sinner_n it_o do_v much_o embolden_v i_o in_o the_o like_a rom._n 5.8_o 9_o god_n commend_v his_o love_n towards_o we_o in_o that_o while_o we_o be_v yet_o sinner_n christ_n die_v for_o the_o ungodly_a and_o i_o be_v ungodly_a therefore_o i_o believe_v christ_n dye_v for_o i_o and_o when_o we_o be_v yet_o without_o strength_n in_o due_a time_n christ_n die_v for_o sinner_n i_o be_o a_o sinner_n and_o therefore_o christ_n die_v for_o i_o and_o he_o be_v reconcile_v unto_o we_o while_o we_o be_v enemy_n for_o the_o lord_n to_o be_v thus_o reconcile_v to_o ungodly_a to_o sinner_n to_o enemy_n this_o be_v more_o love_n indeed_o than_o ever_o i_o expect_v especial_o that_o the_o lord_n will_v have_v be_v half_o so_o gracious_a to_o i_o this_o turn_v all_o my_o former_a sorrow_n into_o joy_n cry_v out_o what_o shall_v i_o render_v unto_o the_o lord_n for_o all_o his_o benefit_n that_o he_o have_v bestow_v upon_o i_o for_o what_o be_v i_o or_o any_o of_o my_o father_n house_n that_o the_o lord_n shall_v be_v so_o merciful_a unto_o i_o and_o i_o have_v these_o testimonis_fw-la of_o my_o real_a conversion_n to_o god_n 1._o the_o testimony_n of_o his_o spirit_n adopt_v i_o to_o be_v his_o child_n gal._n 3.4_o 5._o god_n send_v forth_o his_o son_n to_o redeem_v those_o that_o be_v under_o the_o law_n that_o they_o may_v receive_v the_o adoption_n of_o son_n and_o because_o you_o be_v son_n god_n have_v send_v forth_o the_o spirit_n of_o his_o son_n into_o your_o heart_n cry_v abba_n father_n wherefore_o thou_o be_v no_o more_o a_o servant_n but_o a_o son_n i_o be_v once_o under_o the_o law_n dead_a i_o be_o now_o by_o christ_n redeem_v and_o i_o bless_v god_n for_o this_o precious_a privilege_n that_o i_o can_v call_v god_n my_o father_n 2._o christ_n have_v fulfil_v the_o law_n therefore_o i_o shall_v not_o be_v condemn_v by_o the_o law_n but_o justify_v by_o jesus_n christ_n without_o the_o deed_n of_o the_o law_n there_o be_v a_o time_n when_o i_o be_v dead_a in_o sin_n and_o in_o ungodliness_n be_v alienate_v from_o the_o commonwealth_n of_o israel_n and_o a_o stranger_n to_o the_o covenant_n of_o grace_n have_v no_o hope_n and_o without_o god_n in_o the_o world_n but_o be_v make_v alive_a by_o jesus_n christ_n i_o see_v my_o sin_n do_v away_o and_o do_v believe_v that_o christ_n have_v bear_v on_o his_o body_n all_o my_o sin_n he_o be_v bruise_v for_o our_o transgression_n isa_n 53._o and_o the_o lord_n lay_v on_o he_o the_o iniquity_n of_o we_o all_o by_o who_o stripe_n we_o be_v heal_v so_o that_o i_o do_v believe_v that_o by_o one_o offering_n he_o have_v perfect_v for_o ever_o all_o those_o that_o be_v sanctify_v heb._n 10._o and_o that_o christ_n jesus_n be_v become_v a_o full_a and_o perfect_a satisfaction_n for_o my_o sin_n and_o that_o the_o lord_n be_v well_o please_v with_o and_o content_v in_o this_o satisfaction_n mat._n 3._o that_o be_v my_o well-beloved_a son_n in_o who_o i_o be_o well_o please_v 3._o i_o be_o in_o and_o through_o god_n free_a grace_n what_o i_o be_o not_o for_o any_o thing_n in_o i_o or_o that_o i_o can_v do_v but_o as_o in_o titus_n 4.5_o we_o ourselves_o be_v sometime_o foolish_a disobedient_a serve_v divers_a lust_n but_o when_o the_o kindness_n and_o love_n of_o god_n our_o saviour_n appear_v towards_o man_n not_o by_o work_n of_o righteousness_n which_o we_o have_v do_v but_o according_a to_o his_o mercy_n he_o save_v we_o that_o be_v justify_v free_o by_o his_o grace_n we_o shall_v be_v make_v heir_n according_a to_o the_o hope_n of_o eternal_a life_n and_o in_o another_o place_n 1_o tim._n 1.9_o who_o have_v save_v we_o and_o call_v we_o with_o a_o holy_a call_n not_o according_a to_o our_o work_n but_o according_a to_o his_o own_o purpose_n and_o grace_n in_o christ_n jesus_n before_o the_o world_n begin_v therefore_o i_o believe_v that_o god_n the_o father_n love_v i_o in_o jesus_n christ_n 1_o john_n 4.19_o we_o love_v he_o because_o he_o love_v we_o first_o john_n 14.14_o you_o have_v not_o choose_v i_o but_o i_o have_v choose_v you_o that_o you_o shall_v bring_v forth_o much_o fruit_n isa_n 43.25_o ay_o even_o i_o be_o he_o that_o blot_v out_o all_o thy_o transgression_n for_o my_o own_o sake_n and_o will_v not_o remember_v thy_o iniquity_n and_o he_o will_v have_v mercy_n even_o because_o he_o will_v have_v mercy_n the_o blood_n of_o jesus_n christ_n cleanse_v we_o from_o all_o sin_n i_o plain_o see_v it_o be_v the_o lord_n do_n and_o it_o be_v marvellous_a in_o my_o eye_n as_o in_o ephes_n 2._o you_o who_o be_v dead_a in_o trespass_n and_o sin_n have_v he_o quicken_v together_o with_o he_o by_o grace_n you_o be_v save_v and_o that_o not_o of_o yourselves_o it_o be_v the_o gift_n of_o god_n i_o find_v as_o christ_n jesus_n be_v a_o free_a gift_n to_o i_o and_o for_o i_o so_o be_v this_o save_a grace_n of_o faith_n a_o free_a gift_n also_o from_o the_o lord_n to_o my_o soul_n rom._n 3.24_o be_v justify_v free_o by_o his_o grace_n through_o the_o redemption_n that_o be_v in_o christ_n jesus_n to_o declare_v his_o righteousness_n for_o the_o remission_n of_o sin_n that_o he_o may_v be_v just_a and_o the_o justifier_n of_o he_o that_o believe_v in_o jesus_n so_o that_o all_o boast_n of_o the_o creature_n be_v exclude_v by_o the_o law_n of_o faith_n as_o by_o the_o disobedience_n of_o one_o many_o be_v make_v sinner_n so_o by_o the_o obedience_n of_o one_o shall_v many_o be_v make_v righteous_a 4._o i_o believe_v that_o as_o there_o be_v no_o sin_n find_v in_o christ_n and_o yet_o a_o sinner_n by_o imputation_n so_o i_o be_v a_o sinner_n indeed_o shall_v be_v make_v righteous_a by_o god_n imputation_n for_o it_o please_v god_n to_o make_v he_o become_v sin_n for_o we_o who_o know_v no_o sin_n that_o we_o may_v be_v make_v the_o righteousness_n of_o god_n in_o he_o 5._o i_o have_v the_o seal_n of_o the_o spirit_n as_o paul_n say_v the_o spirit_n of_o god_n bear_v witness_n with_o our_o spirit_n that_o we_o be_v the_o child_n of_o god_n and_o if_o child_n than_o heir_n of_o god_n and_o joint_a heir_n with_o christ_n in_o this_o our_o freedom_n 6._o i_o do_v believe_v that_o god_n the_o father_n love_v i_o and_o elect_v i_o for_o the_o son_n to_o redeem_v and_o that_o jesus_n christ_n love_v i_o as_o give_v of_o the_o father_n for_o he_o to_o redeem_v and_o manifest_v it_o to_o i_o and_o the_o holy_a ghost_n love_v i_o as_o elect_v of_o the_o father_n and_o redeem_v by_o the_o son_n and_o do_v evidence_n it_o in_o i_o which_o be_v the_o earnest_n of_o my_o inheritance_n and_o there_o be_v a_o expression_n in_o john_n 3._o last_o he_o that_o believe_v in_o the_o son_n have_v everlasting_a life_n 7._o i_o do_v believe_v that_o i_o have_v everlasting_a life_n already_o in_o possession_n 1._o by_o the_o promise_n fear_v not_o little_a flock_n for_o it_o be_v your_o father_n good_a pleasure_n to_o give_v you_o a_o kingdom_n 2._o in_o the_o first_o fruit_n for_o what_o be_v heaven_n hereafter_o but_o a_o more_o full_a enjoyment_n of_o what_o be_v begin_v here_o what_o we_o receive_v now_o be_v but_o a_o taste_n of_o what_o we_o shall_v receive_v as_o 1_o john_n 4.2_o belove_a now_o be_v we_o the_o son_n of_o god_n and_o it_o do_v not_o yet_o appear_v what_o we_o shall_v be_v but_o we_o know_v that_o when_o we_o shall_v appear_v we_o shall_v be_v like_o he_o for_o we_o shall_v see_v he_o as_o he_o be_v 3._o i_o do_v enjoy_v it_o by_o my_o head_n christ_n who_o have_v take_v full_a possession_n of_o it_o already_o for_o i_o