is so full of thy praises when thou communicatest thy self so fully to them the crumbs that fall from thy Table are too much for me these temporal blessings are more then I can challenge yet Lord I cannot be content with them give me thy self and it sufficeth for all is nothing and snares without thee Meditat. XL. Alas my God pride and despair divide my life when I finde any thing I do in some manner as I should I begin to be puft up and think that I do more then some others of Gods people and when I look upon my failings these thoughts begin to arise It is in vain I shall never overcome such corruptions my sins do me more harm by discouraging me then in the commission Meditat. XLI Lord There is no peace until thou hast all our love while our heart is divided between the world and thee we can have no quiet natural Conscience draws one way and natural corruptions another way It is our ignorance that makes us think that there is not enough in thee to satisfie all our desires and to supply our want which makes us joyn the creature with thee When Lord when shall all my thoughts be of thee I am weary of being thus divided Lord if I can dispose of my self I give my self wholly to thee O refuse not that gift which thou hast so often desired thou hast said give me thy hearr Lord mine heart longs whilest thou hast it If thou saist that I do not give my self freely and wholly enough alas nor never shall until thou take my heart and discoverest the secrets of thy love unto me when thou dost that I shall runne after thee Lord here 's my poor soul it lies at thy seet groveling and gasping for life the creature hath left me and I have left the creature and would not that it should have any more of my love but it still wooes me and follows me for my love unlesse thou overcomest these strong corruptions I shall never be at quiet Meditat. XLII Sometimes my heart begins to be fil'd with joy so that I am ready to cry out Thou art mine exceeding joy and then I consider what I shall do for I am afraid that my joy is false When I consider how I came by it whether my praiers have been more fervent and frequent of late or my repentance more profound in the midst of this consideration I can hardly say but think with my self Why should I delay or refrain my enjoyment of God and am ready to say within my self The false joys in God are better then the true joys of the world these joys are too sweet to let go Lord Jesus when thou kissest me with the kisses of thy mouth I will kisse the Sonne lest he be angry Lord thou art too good for me if I may say so how could I ever expect that thou shouldest come near me more The poor love I have makes me say a thousand worlds and a thousand heavens for my God the small beams of the light of thy countenance are so sweet Lord if thou wouldst but continue the joys thou sometimes affordest I had enough I need not the comforrs of the world to make it up nor fear that the afflictions of the world though one need continuall supplies of comforts to support one yet they could not spend them Meditat. XLIII I will go to God saith David he is mine exceeding joy a sweet saying O that there were such a heart in me yet I have an unenflamed heart a frozen heart if I leave all things and my self I should finde thee but these poor joys of the world quench the joys of the Spirit I shut out the glorious beams of thy heat and light and light up the candles of the creatures which have neither heat nor light in comparison of thine When I go about to rejoyce in thee my sins come and tell me that they must be mourned for first Any thing Lord any thing so I may do what is pleasing in thy sight I am willing to stay for my joys while thou art pleased to give them Only I beseech and desire these three things of thee 1. That I may not want grace though I want joys 2. That I may not go about to make up the want of thy joys with carnall joys let me not kindle a fire and walk and rejoyce in the light and sparks of what I have kindled c. 3. That though thou hast kindled joy yet that I may have sorrows that are spirituall Lord how abundantly good art thou to them that love thee I lie under the weight of thy love and thy joy When I come hungry and thirsty to thee to be satisfied with thy joy to the utmost I ie now as a Ship upon the shoar while the Tide of thy joys come and lift me up and carry me into the Ocean of thy goodnesse When Mary Magdalene stood weeping at the Sepulchre thou didst call her by her name and she forgot all her sorrows she left her tears the Sepulchre and the Angel and cried out Rabboni My heart makes me beleeve that I would give the whole world to see Jesus Christ for I think if I could see him I should lie down at his feet and beg his grace and he would not deny me This is part of my weaknesse and want of faith for he hears my praiers as fully and is as willing to grant them now he is in heaven as if he were on earth Lord Jesus thou that never didst deny any poor soul that came to thee for grace and pardon thou never sendest them empty away but grantest their request Have mercy upon me O Lord my need and wants are as many and as great as any of them all and if my sense of my misery be not so great my misery is so much the greater Meditat. XLIV Lord I perceive that spiritual sorrows and spiritual joys are wholly thy work for my sins are as many as great and of as deep a dye as any in the world that is not the sin against the holy Ghost and I am fully and sensibly convinced of it that they are so and yet I am as sencelesse as if my condition were quite hopelesse for were it not so could I possibly be so seared as I am Thou hast said I will take away the stony heart Lord if thou wilt work who or what can hinder My corruptions and my sins have and do harden my heart by having and committing them Nor will they soften it by considering them What hinders thee from taking away the infidelity and stoninesse of my heart If that hardnesse and infidelity doth why that is the thing to be cured If I were not sick I need not a Physician Lord I say not this to justifie my self for it is thou of thy free grace that must justifie me for I am lost And so for joys and comforts though I reade and hear of the comforts that thou pourest
Spirit but with worldly businesse or company when I do grieve for my sins carnal grief bears a share in it and carnal joy abolisheth it Meditat. VIII To confesse my sinnes without any sense of them without any hatred of them to pray for grace and not to be sensible of the necessity or excellency of it to come to thine Ordinances without reaping any good from them to think and meditate of thee and neither admire nor love thee nor long and delight to be in thy company to what purpose are these things thou desirest of us our hearts and not our works words or thoughts without that Ah my Lord and my God shall all be in vain and wilt thou cast me off for ever Dost thou hate my soul and am I an abomination unto thee Must I be shut out for ever and never enjoy the sweetnesse of thy presence Thou wilt not O my God thou wilt not thou canst not O my God thou canst not for thou hast made a Covenant with me and I claim that Covenant for I have not any thing in the world besides thy Covenant in the Lord Jesus Christ that I can so much as have the least hope that will do me any good If the Lord Jesus Christ did not sit at thy right hand to make Intercession for me my sins continually daily hourly clamoring against me and accusing of me must needs prevail against me Alas my heart is far from that spiritual frame that thou requirest for the miseries that sinne brings are more troublesome and heavy to me then the filthiness that is in sinne Thy blessings are more lovely in our eyes then thy self Every duty hardens me in my formality Lord thou art the Father of mercies oh have mercy upon me for my case is not the common case of thy people but few few of many may be found whose soul is like my poor soul for where is there any that can say so and yet be so little affected as I am Meditat. IX Mine hopes are false and my fears are true the deadliest poysons do not make me sick nor the excellentest cordials do not comfort me I am not sick of sinne nor doth the Sacrament of the body and bloud of Christ fill me with joy nay rather doth it not fill me with griefs and fears If my sears and griefs were not carnall would they were more but my carnall joys eat out my spirituall grief and my joys also I am as it were like Absalom I hang between heaven and earth I would fain have heaven and yet would not part with earth Oh my Lord Jesus Christ art thou of no more excellency in mine eyes Doth thy love to me raise up no more love in me then to stand deliberating what to do when thou standest with stretched out arms to receive me to thy bosome Canst thou love one that loves thee so little as I do Thou didst love me when I loved thee not at all Why sittest thou so sad O my soul Go cast thy self into the armes and bosome of the Lord Jesus Christ there lie and hear the beatings of his heart toward thee and it may be thou maist be warmed with the heat of his love Christ pours out the boyling streams of his heart-bloud upon thy poor soul for his heart boyled in love towards thee and can thine heart still be frozen Oh Infidelity thou art the poyson of my soul thou with thy cold blasts hast frozen mine heart and keepst it so Lord give me faith or else all thy mercies are in vain Thy love is and hath been too great for me to beleeve Lord thou that lovest me so much as to give me Christ oh love me so much as to give me faith to beleeve it There remains in mine heart no more then the first spark of thy love and the first principle of grace that thou didst put into my soul when thou didst regenerate me All the flames are gone out that were once kindled in me All the fruit and leaves and boughs are stript from me there are all things to do beside bare regeneration I am as an arm cut off so that it hangs only by a little skin a slender thread Lord this is my hope that my corruptions and Satan that have quenched these flames that I have had shall never be able to quench this spark But alas that is a poor comfort that this is all my comfort that I shall not lose heaven though it be a thousand times too great a comfort for such a wretched sinner as I am to have Is it nothing to lose all my comforts all my duties all my sweet communion with thee or at least only so much of these remains as to keep me from being utterly cast off For one that had fared deliciously every day to come to have no more bread then to keep life and soul together though he dies not yet he hath a miserable life Thus thus and far worse it is with me Meditat. X. If I stood clear before thee O my God of those many sins of sencelesnesse under judgements fruitlesnesse under Ordinances mispending of time want of watchfulnesse of mien own waies and for the appearing of the Lord Jesus Christ Only my sinnes of unkindenesse to the Lord Jesus Christ were enough to cause thee to take away thy mercies from me I have heard and read the great mystery of my Redemption of his being scourged and crowned and nailed of his bleeding and dying for me of his great love and such things that if a Friend of this world had done or suffered the thousandth part so much his memory would have been precious Meditat. XI Ah my dear God thou hast been my God and therefore thou art my God how little can my soul know by any thing that I now either do or feel I am fain to fetch evidences and signs from actions done many years since My Praiers and other holy duties were matter of more joy when I did them then now they have terrour in them Now I think I do them not as heretofore I have been assisted by thy grace oh my lost joys and my lost duties where I shall finde you I know not the joys I had formerly and the great zeal of mine heart made me pray but now not out of feeling and zeal but for zeal and joy and I go from praier with a sad heart and an hard heart My praiers come neither from my heart nor reach to my heart Oh my Lord Jesus Christ where are thy motions and the joys of thy Spirit to work thine own work in me why do I walk in this valley of tears not only without comfort but without grace I do even stand astonisht at my self to see the vast difference between my self now and when I was thine When the Candle of the Almighty shone upon my soul and the Spirit of my God dwelt in me then sorrow and weeping flew away Alas I now have scarce any thing left me but
I should perish make the cords of thine afflictions stronger and if I murmure scourge me while I leave murmuring How true do I finde that saying He that injures forgives not My wickednesse I have committed against thee makes me not able to beleeve almost that thou art or canst be reconciled unto me When I should do more for thee and lesse against thee I shall easilier beleeve thy loves or rather when thy spirit shall shed abroad thy love in my heart I shall know thou lovest me I sigh and mourn and weep over my poor soul but cannot help it Dear Lord Let my tears prevail with thee Pity Pity have Pity upon a poor languishing soul that is even gasping out its last breath It grieves me to see what a sad condition I am in I am not yet in hell and by thy mercy I may never come thither but I am running headlong thither Wo is me that I am constrained to live in Mesech and to have my habitation in the Tents of Kedar Meditat. XXX Lord I pray for mercies and when I have them to see the unsuitablenesse of my spirit to them and mine unthankfulnesse for them brings more sadnesse upon me then to want them All the things I begged of thee for temporall mercies both in carrying me forth and bringing me home and concerning my businesse I went about not finding things in such a sad condition at home yet my heart is the same still as hard and as stony not willing to yeeld it self and all up to thee as if I were more able to order matters then thou Now my heart is subject to murmure that it is so hard when it should mourn Lord thou hast done enough to justifie thy love and thy tender compassions to me if thou shouldest never do more and not only thy justice could not be blamed but not thy mercy My dear God let me not die in thine arms of love except I must die and then let me die in thine arms Meditat. XXXI Accept of my poor praiers and when at the last day when the secrets of all hearts shall be known the hypocrisie and coldness of my desires shall be known and thy goodnesse shall be admired in hearing such praiers as mine are For the light of thy countenance to shine upon and the breathings of thy Spirit to blow upon a garden of Spices is not so much for the advancement of thy free-grace as for thee to shine upon and thy Spirit to breathe upon such a dunghill as I am that sends forth such noisome savours as I do Lord if thou wilt be my God I have a body and a soul I will give thee them 'T is true they are thine already but alas if I had any thing to give that were not thine I would but I have not Meditat. XXXII Lord I wait to see the day of my salvation and the hour when thou wilt shew me thy loves and when I shall lie in thy bosome and arms and hear the beatings of thy heart in love and the soundings of thy bowels towards me and know thine everlasting thoughts of love to me when thou shalt seal the pardon of my sinnes to me and make me reade the counterpain of the Covenant of love between thee and me which thou reservest in heaven and is fair and not blotted as mine is and when shall the day of the love and joys of my espousals return and my thoughts be swallowed up in love Lord why shouldst thou withhold thy love the manifestations of thy love Can thy love love to be concealed from thy Beloved I will wait for the discoveries of thy love I am loth to do any thing before thou comest whom my soul loveth for fear thou shouldest come when I am not looking for thee and thou escapest me I look every praier to see thee come leaping on the mountains and skipping upon the hils as a Row or an Hinde But I see thee not why dost thou put a spark of love into my heart If thou wilt leave me why didst thou cast thy mantle upon me and when I follow after thee say what hast thou done thy loves are better then wine sweeter then honey even more to be desired then life it self Lord if the small sparks and relishes of thy love be so sweet to me what will the feeding on this heavenly manna be If a drop of thy love be so sweet what will the overflowings be If thy smiles bring so much joy what will thy embraces do Lord I long till I am undone with thy love All my carnall and worldly joys undone Lord it is not my unworthinesse that should hinder me nor will hinder thee from bestowing Lord help my unbelief Well Lord if I must walk in darknesse and see no light yet give me thy grace that I may stay my self upon thee my God my life is but short and when the hour of my departure shall come then I shall enjoy him whom my soul loveth and know as I am known then I shall forget the sorrows pains and throws of my travell for the joy that shall be revealed My Bride saith come and the Spirit saith Come Come Lord Jesus Come quickly Meditat. XXXIII I wait for the appearing of the Lord Jesus Christ if thy love be as fire in straw or such like matter lie smoaking and makes ones eyes weep while one strives to finde the fire At last it being able to hold no longer breaks forth into a great flame and the longer it is before it discovers it self the greater is the flame and light when they do break forth Lord whilest I am looking for thy love thou makest me weary let the length of thy stay be made up by the fulnesse of thy presence and greatnesse of thy manifestations when thou comest I seek thee in my praiers and I say O where art thou whom my soul loveth and yet thou sendest me away weeping and mourning I seek on my bed when I awake in the night but I finde thee not I speak with those which have found thee and they tell me nay I know it by thy Word that thou art near to every soul that seeks thee and when a poor soul cries thou wilt answer it then I multiply my praiers and call lowder and yet my praiers are as the winde that passeth away and returns no more O my Lord and my God thy love was strong enough to make thee suffer and thou didst die that thou mightest make known and commend thy love unto the Sonnes of men and now thou hast done all this to manifest thy love and wilt thou hide it from me Creature-love hath wrought strange things in me I have never been weary of their discourses and humane learning how hath it made me ravisht with some learned saying and if thou wouldest discover thy love and shed that abroad in my heart certainly it would work wonders For the Creatures flames of love are but as a blaze that straw makes but is
A METHOD AND INSTRUCTIONS for the Art of Divine Meditation WITH Instances of the severall Kindes of Solemne MEDITATION By THOMAS WHITE Minister of Gods Word in London May 28. 1655. Imprimatur Edm. Calamy LONDON Printed by A. M. for Joseph Cranford at the Signe of the Phoenix in St Pauls Church yard near the Little North. Do ot 1655. To the Reverend and my much Honoured BRETHREN FATHERS the Presbyterian Ministers Of the GOSPEL within the Province of LONDON Brethren and Fathers I Have long since seriously considered since the Church hath been so much divided among us with whom to close and where to fix and I have endeavoured to observe both the publique and private actions the Tenents and conversations of those Ministers that were of divers judgements and I doe publikely profess that those Ministers which have and still doe own Provincial Assemblies are for their Piety Orthodoxness Christian Simplicity for their powerfull spiritual frequent practicall Preaching eminent These are the things which long agoe have made me cordially to honor you though since my intimate acquaintance with many of you hath much encreased and confirmed my high thoughts of you and I think I may confidently say that under the whole Heaven there is not any City or Nation to be found that may be compared to London and England for powerfull spirituall practical Preaching And I may say that the Ministry of England is the Glory of the world and that London is the Paradise of England yet though I have long honoured you I have not had any opportunity to testifie it therefore I thought good having this small Treatise to publish with it to publish how much I honor you Though I am very sensible how little my judgement can adde to the just esteem that the people of God have of you My desires and prayers to God are and shall be that as to your enemies you may be as John Baptists that though they love you not they may fear and reverence you being aw'd by the Image of God that appears in the Majesty and power of your Preaching and in the holinesse of your lives and conversations and that all the people of God may more and more highly esteem you in love for your works sake and that the Doctrine which you preach from the word of God may be delivered with such evidence and demonstration of the Spirit that the mouths of gain-saiers may be stopped and that your lives and Conversations may more and more abound with such Sincerity Simplicity Meeknesse Gravity Humility and Christian Prudence that the faces of those may be covered with shame that speak evil of you These are the desires of him who is Your Fellow-Labourer in the Work of the Lord Thomas White A METHOD OR INSTRUCTIONS for the Art of Divine Meditation CHAP. I. What Meditation is FIRST It differs from occasionall Meditation such as these If one heareth the clock strike to think with ones self how many thoughts have I had of God this hour 2. I am one hour nearer my grave and the Lord onely knows whether I may have another hour to live or no. 1. These are farre shorter like ejaculatory praiers which though they are as Parenthesises in our worldly employments yet they signifie more then all the rest of the businesse we are emploied in but meditation is generally of longer duration then ordinary solemn praier 2. Such occasional Meditations are things that we have in transitu and this that I speak of is a solemn set duty 3. The Subject from which occasionall Meditations arise are very frequently things artificiall civill or naturall indeed any thing that we see or hear but the Subjects of Meditation are onely spirituall Secondly It differs from study 1. In respect of the Subject Wicked men study and it may be more then Godly men Wicked men study and Godly men meditate Nay it is the very distinguishing signe between Saints and others Psa 1.2 and I beleeve 't is a thing far more rare for a meditating Christian to be an hypocrite then for a Christian that spends much time in praier especially if it be publike 2. As for the matter of praier and study they are very different 1. Study is of all manner of things whether naturall civill mathematicall c. but Meditation is onely of matters that concern our eternall welfare 2. The matters that we most study are those Truths that are most knotty and difficult and generally such as afford little spirituall nourishment as Criticismes Chronologies Controversies c. but the matter of Meditation is plain and of great spiritual advantage 3. The end of Study is knowledge the end of Meditation is holinesse If one sees a Learned man one may conclude that that man hath studied much If one sees a devout holy man one may conclude that that man hath meditated much Thirdly It differs from Contemplation 1. Contemplation is more like the beatificall Vision which they have of God in Heaven like the Angels beholding of the face of God Meditation is like the kindling of fire and Contemplation more like the flaming of it when fully kindled The one is like the Spouses seeking of Christ and the other like the Spouses enjoying of Christ 2. Contemplation is one effect and end of Meditation 3. Meditation is like the Bees flying to severall flowers or one smelling to flowers particularly or severally and Contemplation is like the smelling of them all in a Nosegay or like the water that is distilled from them all The Spouse in her description of Christ is like to Meditation her concluding that he is altogether lovely is like to Contemplation Therefore to conclude Meditation is a serious solemn thinking and considering of the things of God to the end we might understand how much they concern us and that our hearts thereby may be raised to some holy affections and resolutions Now there are four kindes of solemn Meditation according to the four severall Subjects of it 1. Some solemn Meditations are on Sermons that we hear which is a very usefull and necessary practice for Christians and it is better to hear one Sermon only and meditate on it then to hear two and meditate of neither but for setting down a method for meditating on Sermons is neither necessary nor possible since the method of Sermons are various and they are to observe in their Meditation the method of the Sermon they meditate upon All that I shall say therefore in this particular is onely this that the end of such Meditations is neither onely nor chiefly that we may the better fix the Substance and heads of the Sermon in our memory nor that we may the better understand and fuller be instructed of the truth of that point that is preacht upon but especially to work those truths advices and motives c. upon our affections that are proposed to us in the Sermon 2. The second kinde of Solemn Meditation is when upon some providentiall occasion or upon
I stand in need of grant these things which I have begged for the Lord Jesus sake Amen This or a prayer to the like purpose thou art to put up unto God but it is to be done with thy whole heart for thou must know that it is by the strength which thou shalt get from God by prayer whereby thou shalt be enabled to perform this or any other duty profitably for it is he that teacheth us to profit he that begins a holy duty without God will end it without God also It is a dangerous thing to think that we can by our natural parts learning or by the strength of grace already received without Gods further assistance perform any thing that can please God or edifie our own sonls For though our Mountain be made strong yet if he shall hide his face there will be trouble We may with much more sense say Now the Sunne shines so bright and the air is so clear that now we can do well enough for a while though the Sunne be ecclipsed then to say though our hearts be never so much inflamed with the love of God Now we are so filled and inflamed by his love we shall do well enough by our own strength for the present we need not Gods further assistance Give us but fewell matter to meditate of and we shall be able to continue and encrease our flames Do not account it a burthen but a mercy and priviledge that God hath necessitated and commanded thee alwaies to draw strength from him CHAP. VII Of Consideration 1. THey must be plain Considerations not intricate and abstruse For the main end of Meditation being the affecting of our heart and reforming of our lives and not informing of our understandings our considerations should be so plain that they may be without difficulty understood 2. It must be certain and evident not controversal and doubtful for the end of Meditation is not properly to encrease our knowledge but to improve our knowledge 3. Much lesse should our considerations be curious and nice speculations or if we choose any Book by reading whereof to help our Meditation we must not choose such as are filled with flourishes and Rhetorick for let a truth be drest never so curiously the wit and eloquence wherewith the truth is cloathed leaves the truth before it comes to the heart as some meats that are made in curious works are spoiled of all those curiosities before they come to the stomack and the Bee lights not upon the Rose which hath the freshest colour and the sweetest smell but upon the thyme that is an Herb of little Beauty Besides Eloquence to them that meditate is much like pictures in Books to Children they neglect their lesson to look on their pictures they will be looking on the pictures while they should be getting their lesson so the fancy will be playing with the Eloquence when the heart should be feeding on and affected with the truths we reade The lesse time the truth staies in the Understanding the better for the work of the Understanding in this businesse is not to retain but to convey the Truths to the heart As Physicians use when they are to give medicines to cure any disease in the bladder they give such as may soonest come to the part affected for if they stay by the way they lose their vertue before they come to the part which they should cure So if the Understanding shall stay dallying with the Eloquence or searching out the meaning or certainty of the truth it considers any long while the heart will lie cold and unaffected all that while It is somewhat like that Story concerning Musitians that were to play before the Emperour of the Turks who were so long tuning their Instruments which they should have done before that he would not stay to hear their musick Therefore let the Truths you consider of to raise affections be plain certain nourishing 4. The 4th Rule is that in case any doubt ariseth upon a plain known Truth for Satan will be subject to cast in doubts against the most evident Truths then do as the Arch-angel did with Satan you may enter the lists with Satan and it may be when you have a little considered and disputed the matter the mist may vanish and the Sun shine clear and Satan being resisted will presently fly but if Satan shall still wrangle and your blasphemous doubts shall not be removed then dispute no more but say as the Arch-angel did the Lord rebuke thee Satan As a woman that is attempted to be ravished will strive and struggle a while and if she findes that she can quickly get loose she flies but otherwise she cries out for help The Arch-angel first disputed but when that would not speedily prevail appealed unto God To this purpose it is good to be exceedingly well grounded in Truths from the Word of God for that is the Sword of the Spirit and that by which our Saviour silenced Satan in all his temptations 'T is a dangerous thing to dispute with Satan by humane reason we must put on the Armour of God if we will be able to stand in the evil day of temptation and when all is done to stand 5. The fifth Rule is that we should not over-multiply our considerations but as soon as by considering of the Truths of God we finde our hearts strongly affected then we are to passe over that part but this Caution must be observed that we must not as soon as we finde our heart never so little affected leave off our considerations The Bee will not go from the flower as long as any honey is easily drawn out of it and indeed it is a temptation which the people of God ought to take notice of That Satan is subject to make one passe over duties before we have drawn half the strength of them as for example When we are confessing of our sinnes as soon as ever our hearts begin in the least measure to be humbled he fils them with joy such joy may generally be suspected to be from Satan or our own naughty hearts not from God Corn when it springs up too fast and grows rank husbandmen cut it down a corrasive that is laid on to eat dead flesh must not be taken off as soon as it begins to smart the Wheat in the stony ground did soonest spring up We should let our considerations take deep root and not passe over to affections and resolutions as soon as ever they take hold of our heart but it is alwaies to be remembred that in case our affections be very much inflamed as soon as ever we begin our considerations we are to yeeld to the Inspirations of God and to follow the leading of the Spirit for this method that is set down is not to binde up and limit the extraordinary working of the Spirit of God but if our hearts be only a little moved we must do as I have said not leave blowing the
then I have recourse to the Word of God and by that I am assured that all the treasures of wisedom and knowledge are hid in Christ and in his Gospel then further I have recourse to the experience of the people of God in the Word of God and in particular to Paul who being a learned man yet accounted all things as drosse and dung in comparison of Christ I have also recourse to the experience of severall godly Persons I know of the abundant sweetnesse in Christ I have recourse to that small experience I have had of the sweetnesse and excellency of the knowledge of Christ therefore Lord though I have nott at this present the powerful and ravishing feelings of Christs excellency yet assuring my self all these waies whereby I fully do assent to that truth that It is life eternal to know thee and Jesus Christ I do beseech thee O Lord to give me a fuller knowledge of thee in Christ I beseech thee I beseech thee Let not mine undervaluing of this knowledge cause thee to deny it I shall more value it if I had more of it Lord I know if thou shouldest look in me and my life to see what thou canst finde to hinder the granting of this Request thou maist finde enough nay I that know my self not so well as thou dost know enough and enough nay I know nothing to move thee in my self except something I have had from thee those things I have so abused that I know they may be swift witnesses against me bâ—t Lord if thou shouldst give me this knowledge of them I might doe great things for thee Lord hear me Alas Lord my desires to know Christ do even die while I am praying to know him Alas Lord such an heart as I have is fit for none but thee for none in the world can tell what to do with it but thou only It is past the skill of all in heaven and earth but thee it is not in the power of Ordinances and duties if thou should not set in I would pity the soul of my greatest Enemy if I should see it in such continual storms and troubles as are in mine there are new corruptions appear such as I may term them nothing so fitly as sparks of the fire of hell to have ones heart rise against God when the continual desire of ones soul and prayer is that one might be inflamed with the love of God Lord while I am working my heart to a serious thought of thee endeavouring to have mine heart full of admiration of thee and affiance in thee before I pray unto thee that if it may be my praiers may be as an arrow-drawn up to the head but when I go about to pray and send up my Petitions my thoughts of thy glory and goodnesse slack and it fares with me oh my Soul as sometimes it doth with one that is tying knots when one hath pulled the first very hard yet it slacks before one can tye the second If I kept but a strict communion with thee and did as thou desirest Lord why shouldest thou desire us alwaies to be with thee how should we be acquainted with thee farre more then we are and if we knew thee more how should we love thee more and if we loved thee more how should we know thee more for thou revealest thy self to them that love thee Alas O my Soul why should not we alwaies be with God since he gives us leave how gracious art thou to invite such sinners as we are to come to thee For thee to wash our souls clean with the immaculate bloud of the Lord Jesus Christ Alas Lord I am mine own enemy nay I see it and know it and it cannot be otherwise Lord I am so tired out with my corruptions that I am even weary of my life and almost weary of my duties Lord even at this present how when my soul was so troubled that mine eyes were ready to weep there comes a thought of a poor worldly businesse into my soul and my thoughts and sorrows for heavenly matters are gone Meditat. XXIII O my God how coldly without love how doubtingly without faith do I call thee my God! Lord how carelesse am I in thy service how very carelesse how long Lord holy and true shall I be thus laden with corruptions Nay which is my greatest misery I am not but very little sensible of my own vilenesse that makes me that I do not hunger after righteousnesse Blessed Lord I do humbly prostrate my soul before thee and do with all the weak power of my soul importune thee by all the merits of my dear Saviour pray thee to look upon me in mercy When the poor wounded man that went from Jerusalem to Jeriche lay half dead and speechlesse in the way though he was not sensible of his own misery yet the good Samaritan was though his tongue did not could not call for pity yet his wounds opened their mouths wide and spake aloud to the Samaritan Though his eyes shed no tears yet his very heart wept bloud at his wounds and mov'd compassion Like to that poor wounded man am I so weak so sick that I am scarce sensible of mine own desperate condition Lord though my heart be not full of love it is full of wounds Lord thou knowest my miseries I humbly beseech thee to pity me not according to my praiers but according to my wants Lord that I do not desire to serve thee that I do not hunger nor thirst after righteousnesse it is the greatest misery that I have Meditat. XXIV Oh how terrible is the thought of death to me it is not so much for want of faith as holinesse and indeed I finde that I can never with comfort think on death but when I have liv'd very holily before for what will faith in that case help me without holinesse for faith without holiness is not faith but presumption Oh how sweet how dear how excellent a thing is holinesse Oh how full of peace and joy is my soul when I am full of that and yet Lord how carelesse am I of thy service how many times in the day when I might think of thee without any hindrance of my studies do I choose rather to think of vanity O wean my soul O God from every thing that is not thee Fill my heart with thy self dwell in me my dear God Why do I call thee dear When I prefer every trifle before thee O most glorious Lord God whom ten thousand worlds cannot sufficiently praise nor love which art thy self and canst not be more nor canst be lesse how easie Lord is it for thee to change my heart mine heart of stone for an heart of flesh Lord as long as I have this heart of stone there is no hope that I should serve thee with any cheerfulnesse or any constancy Lord hear my praier Meditat. XXV O blessed God If the way of thy providence be such that thou wilt
out on others I am not moved nay those very Stories and sayings which have formerly inflamed me now are as sparks falling into the Sea warms not at all alas when I shall meet thee at the last day thy mercies they shall testifie against me when they shall witnesse my slieghtings of them my fruitlesnesse under them and unthankfulnesse for them What can I say Alas my poor soul we are undone but that day is not come yet one hour more the Lord it may be will give me Come Lord Jesus Come quickly Come into my poor soul for I am afraid to meet thee at the Tribunal of thy judgement If thou wert on the earth methinks I could go with confidence to thee that thou wouldest hear me but now thou art in heaven I cannot Blessed are they who have not seen and yet beleeve Lord I have received double for all my sinnes in respect of any profit or pleasure I have had by them I have had full measure prest down and running over but alas my vexation of spirit is more gall then all the pleasure that I have had that have been worldly the losse and want of the discoveries of thy love cannot be recompensed with all that the world hath thy loves are better then wine indeed in respect of the offence to thee every prayer deserves hell Meditat. XLV Lord I am as afraid of comforts as of terrours for when I have comforts I am subject to pride my self in them and in stead of having sweet thoughts of thee have high thoughts of my self Afflictions breed sorrow and comforts pride Sorrow is better then pride My preaching is my temptation and my accuser If I preach not the strictest waies of God my negligence condemns me and if I do my Sermons condemn me For my life is hell I am afraid of publishing something I have by the help of thy Spirit written lest my life should do more harm by scandal then the writings should do good by directing to holinesse and yet sometimes I think that if I publish and own such writings they would be a strong engagement to live more holily But I have something against that also for that Motive would in short time lose its strength Such waxen wings would melt and let me fall to my former waies and that holinesse which is born up with such carnal motives is a poor thing Lord how am I distracted and torn in peeces with these thoughts Nay Lord if thou wilt have me go with these burthens on my soul do whatever seems good in thine eyes If I may but drudge in thy house though I lie among the pots yet to be a skullion in thy house is better then to sit at the Table of Princes Lord I am undone except thou work a miracle of mercy yet if I am undone it may before thou givest me over and discoverest me to the world thou wilt let me do something more that may glorifie thee and edifie the people nay it may be thou maist suffer me as long as I live to do much of which thou maist have glory Lord if my heart be not upright yet O that my actions and my Preachings may be such that men seeing and hearing them may be stirred up to glorifie thee by doing those things sincerely which I it may be do out of hypocrisie I am sure too much hypocrisie Lord I have begged for such a heart as may not deceive me nor dishonour thee O my God What shall I do Nay Lord what wilt thou do I am undone unless thou dost work mightily above all I can speak or think according to that mighty power wherewith thou didst raise the Lord from the dead O that I might be so raised that I might return no more to corruption Meditat. XLVI By this I know and am sensible It is not for any man to live by his own strength by my knowing how impossible it is for a sick man to recover without thee If a living man cannot speak how can a condemned man live without thee If living bones cannot move how can dry bones live Lord thou meetest me not at duties thou speakest not to me there thou speakest to me in mercies and I answer not in judgements and I carry my self as a sleepy man that is unwilling to be awaked What wilt thou do with me Lord when I will neither speak to thee nor answer thee when thou speakest O the weaknesse of my graces and the power of thy mercies Those sinnes I have had a minde to commit thou hast taken from me the opportunity to commit It is a comfort to me that I had not opportunity but it would be a greater comfort not to have a minde An Instance according to the Rules given for meditating on the Scripture A Meditation on these words ISA. 66.2 But to this man will I look even to him that is poor and of a contrite spirit and trembleth at my Word 1. LET us seriously consider O my Soul That if an Angel or God himself from Heaven had spoken these words in our hearing as once Christ did to Paul when he was going to Damascus surely I think they would have very much affected us Is the Word of God lesse his Word because it is written I reade that the Apostle 2 Pet. 1.17 18 19. speaking of a voice that he himself heard from Heaven saith that he had a more sure word of Prophecy that is as I conceive that he was no lesse sure that the words of the Prophets were the very words of God then those that he heard with his ears Then let us not be lesse affected with these words then if we our selves had heard God himself speak them 2. Nor let us think that they lesse concern us then if we had earnestly begged of God to tell us what he would have us to be and do and as an Answer of our praiers we had heard him speak to us from heaven in particular To this man will I look that is of a poor and contrite spirit and trembleth at my Word For doubtlesse God hath not caused his Word to be written in vain at a venture for whomsoever should reade it but knew not who they were should reade it but he knew every particular person to whose hand his Word should come and knew his Word should come to my hands and I should reade these very words and therefore caused them to be written in particular for my sake though not exclusively Christ died for all his people yet Paul saith that he loved me and gave himself for me and Christ did think particularly of Paul and so of every one else for whom he died and gave himself up as a Sacrifice and ransome particularly thinking on and intending every one that should be saved by his death If a Minister should go to one that is given to Swearing and tell him of the hainousnesse of that sin and lay it home to his conscience in private it generally doth affect him
thy hand to smell unto all the day 2. Set down this that thou hast resolved to spend no more time in such a recreation then thou shalt spend in praier and Meditation 3. Go unwillingly from this duty and do not rush into worldly businesses but look to thy heart which is a slippery deceitful thing MEDITAT II. Of the Mercies of God 1. BE convinced of and affected with the presence of God 2. Pray beg of God that he would put such considerations and thoughts into thy heart that thou maist be so convinced of and affected with his goodnesse that thou maist love praise and serve him Considerations 1. Consider how much thou art engaged to God for bodily mercies he hath given thee thy senses sight hearing and other parts of thy body If thou didst want thy sight what wouldst thou give for it if thou wast Emperour of the world How many thousand pounds wouldst thou give A Diamond is not therefore worth no more then 6d because a poor man can give no more if thou shouldst reckon up what thy hands feet health liberty were worth to what a vast Surn would they arise Thou hast all these things from God thou hast not them from thy Parents they knew not before thou wert born whether thou shouldst be male or female thou maist say to God as David did In thy Book were all my members written 2. Consider what faculties of soul God hath given thee What a miserable condition are mad men in those that are born naturall fools thou art well and thousands are sick thou hast plenty when thousands beg their bread 3. Consider what spirituall mercies God hath given thee how many thousand poor ignorant Heathens are there which never heard of God and of Christ who were born and bred where the Gospel is not preached but worship the devil but thou dwellest in the Sunshine and under the droppings of the Gospel and are not these great mercies and unvaluable If thou dost not value them it argues so much the greater goodnesse in God to bestow them upon thee nay hath not God made thee to know him he hath not only given thee the light of the Gospel but eyes to behold it 4. Consider the greatnesse of God Why should he look after thee nay why doth he not destroy thee Thou art but a worm nay a viper why doth he let thee hang upon his hand of providence and not shake thee off into hell fire As we walk we do not step out of our way to avoid crushing a worm to death if we see an adder or such a venomous creature we go out of our way to destroy it God hath not dealt so with thee but when thou hast run from God he hath called after thee and would not suffer thee to perish though thou wouldest and when thou hast come against him with thy sinnes and thy rebellions he hath stood with stretched out armes to embrace thee Are not these miracles of mercy O my Soul how many mercies dost thou receive from God even at that very time when thou sinnest against him 5. Consider the innumerable multitude the infinite greatnesse of his mercies and the wonderful love wherewithall he bestows them How precious are thy thoughts toward me O God saith David I am sure thou hast just cause to say so also O my soul The mercies that God hath bestowed are wonderful but those that he hath promised are farre greater What manner of love hath the Father bestowed upon us that we should be calledth Sons of God! Now we are the Sons of God and it doth not appear what we shall be That he should make us his Sons is very much but that he should not spare his own Sonne that he might spare us is beyond all admiration Affections Admire the goodnesse of God Lord what is man what is sinful man that thou shouldst so regard him What am I that am the worst of men why art thou so good to me that have been and am so bad When I was in my bloud to the loathing of my person thou saidst unto me in my bloud Live nay not only when I was weltring in my own bloud but in the bloud of Christ thou saidst unto me Live What did I ever do to deserve those mercies or what have I or can I do to requite them As thy glorious Name so thy mercies are extolled above all praises 2. Admire thine own ingratitude Have I so requited my God O my Soul as to return rebellions for mercies Hath God heaped upon me so many glowing coals of love and mercy and is my heart still frozen Must God only be a looser by his blessings If man who is bound to do me good when it lies in power bestows a small courtesie on me how doe I thank him whensoever I meet him but though God who is no way engaged of his free grace bestows thousands of thousands of blessings how do I live in the midst of them without ever regarding of them Nay my ingratitude is such that I make God a looser by his mercies If thou Lord hadst made me to beg my bread I should have been more thankful for one daies food then I am now for a years Are his mercies lesse because they are continued Alas O my Soul how foolish are we We do even daily provoke God to take away his blessings because we will not prize them while we have them and then there is another thing wherein we do wonderfully ill if God doth but lay any affliction upon us and take away but one mercy in stead of being thankful that we have enjoyed it so long and that he hath not taken away all we murmure and repine and rob him of all the praise that is due for the rest of the mercies we enjoy Alas what doth God require of us for all his mercies but this that we should love him with all our heart soul and strength 3. Stir up thy heart to praise and thanks-giving Blesse the Lord O my Soul and all that is within me blesse his holy Name Forget not all his Benefits who forgiveth all thine iniquities who healeth all thy diseases Who redeemeth thy life from destruction who crowneth thee with loving-kindenesse and tender mercies Not love God not praise God O my Soul why what could God require lesse at thy hands then these I have heard of one that being delivered out of a great and long desertion had much ado to stay within doors and not run into the streets and stay every one she met that she might tell them what God had done for her soul How do the Angels love and praise God to all Eternity and why should the Angels love and praise God more then I He never forgave them one sinne he hath forgiven me thousands 't is true they are in glory so shall I be too if I be not unthankful for the mercies I have received Resolutions I am resolved for the time to come to sing Psalmes
the tongue of man can express or the heart of man conceive there is nothing that thou seest with thy eyes or hearest with thy ears or feelest with thy hand is more certainly true than this But alas because thou hast heard it so often and God of his infinite goodness and patience hath not made thee yet to feel the stroak of his justice and the misery due to sinne thou wilt not believe him though his threatnings be never so clearly set down and with much earnestness 5. Consider against what precious mercies what sweet love what blessed experience holy inspirations what abundance of means strong resolutions precious promises clear light c. thou hast sinn'd Affections 1. Pray to God to help to a further sence of the sinfullness of sinne Blessed God must all these considerations pass as a Serpent on a stone without making any impression upon my soul Lord give me an affecting knowledge of the sinfullness of sinne and not have such slight thoughts of sinne as I have had but grant that I may esteem of sinne as thou esteemest it 2. Talk with thine own soul about this matter O my soul are these considerations true or false if thou thinkest them false bring thy objection shew wherein the error lies which thou canst never do but if they be true as certainly they are how comes it to pass that we have made nothing of sinne 't is in vain for us to put off the sense of our sinnes untill it be too late 3. Be confounded and ashamed in the presence of God Alas O Lord my God as a thief is ashamed when he is taken or as a woman is ashamed when her adulteries are found out by her loving husband so and a thousand times more I desire to be confounded and ashamed in thy presence when I consider how abominable my life hath been and how that I have committed my abominations even in thy sight and provokt thee to thy face and had not thy patience and mercy been infinite thou couldst never have stood out against so many provocations I had been in hell roaring and blaspheming long before this day and then I had been past prayers and past mercies and past pardon What shall Isay unto thee O thou preserver of men to excuse my sinnes I cannot I have nothing but the multitude of thy tender compassions and thy free grace in Jesus Christ to flie unto Lord lay my sinnes home to me to humble me and to break my stony heart but lay them not to my charge to condemn me If thou hadst not in thy word promised forgiveness to sinners through Jesus Christ I could no more hope to obtain pardon than even the devils themselves Resolutions It is enough O my soul and too too much that we have been undoing our selves and provoking God thus long that we have as it were with all our power pull'd down the vengeance of God upon us and as it were kindling his wrath against us but he hath not suffered his whole displeasure to arise nor suffered us to perish though we would blessed be his Name that we have not committed the sinne against the holy Ghost which we certainly had done had he given us up to the strength of our own corruptions and to the power and malice of Satan to improve them to our destruction Is it true indeed that God saith Yet return and I will save thee doth he stand with stretcht out arms doth he indeed stand with stretcht out arms to imbrace us is it possible he should be so gracious to forgive such and so many sinnes and of such long continuance Well blessed be God we will go unto him and never offend him more We will hereafter whensoever we are tempted unto sinne say What sinne against such love such mercy such experiences offend that God that hath pardoned us that hath done such things for us and is not content with that but hath promised to do more I will not hereafter stand parlying with temptations but I will cry out unto God and say Lord help me for I suffer violence and in particular I am in some measure sensible that I pray not with that fervency and reverence as I ought to do for the time to come I shall by the blessing of God mend that I am too passionate well since God hath been so gracious as to forgive so many so great so grievous sinnes that mine own heart is not able to understand their vileness or number I will not hereafter be troubled when I hear my neigbour or underling or when I hear my fellow N. use such or such taunting words against me I will not be provoked by this or that despite or contemptuous trick that he or she doth use against me but rather I will endeavour to say or do such a thing to gain his good will and to pacifie his anger conceived against me for certainly his injuries are not comparable to my sinnes and yet God forgive me them there is a difference between I. N. and me I am resolved I will go to him and be reconciled this very day or if I cannot I will pray for him and speak well of him this very day if I have occasion to speak of him at all howsoever I will pray for him now Conclusion 1. Pray desire God that he would increase thy detestation of sin and that thou mightst as well hate sinne as leave sinne and that he would not let any spark that hath been kindled by his own Spirit go out in thee Say unto him Lord I do not beg riches I can go to heaven without them please thee without them but I beg of thee grace and strength against corruptions pardon of sinnes if thou deniest me these I am undone 2. Praise God Blessed be thy Name that my heart hath been in any measure affected with the hatred of sinne that I have in any measure known and considered the things that belong to my peace thou mightst have suffered me to drop into hell and never to have thought of it before I had been there but thou hast not dealt so with me 3. Acknowledge thine own unworthiness of so great patience as God hath exercised towards thee thine inability to think any of those good thoughts that thou hast had c. as is in the first Meditation After all think what passages most affected thee 2. Write down thy resolutions c. 3. Go unwillingly from the duty MEDITAT IV. Of Death 1. BE convinced of and affected with the presence of God 2. Pray for his assistance Considerations 1. Canst thou not remember that thou wert by such an one when he died didst thou not see how his countenance failed his eye-strings broke how he grew weaker and weaker at last grew speechless how he throtl'd in the throat how his teeth grated how he sweated and strugled for life and at last gaspt and died consider that thus thou must do likewise how soon the Lord only knowes that thou