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A60553 The religious impostor: or, The life of Alexander a sham-prophet, doctor and fortune-teller. Out of Lucian. Dedicated to Doctor S-lm-n, and the rest of the new religious fraternity of free-thinkers, near Leather-Sellers-Hall. By Sebastian Smith, Esq; Smith, Sebastian, b. 1677 or 8.; Lucian, of Samosata. aut 1700 (1700) Wing S4207A; ESTC R218093 22,245 32

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populous City and your Cullies must be pick'd and broken to your use by your own Industry and Cunning. 'T is true indeed your Instruments and Methods are the same but there is a vast disparity in the matter to be wrought upon He answer'd all Questions so do you He propos'd Remedies for all sorts of Grievances so do you He advis'd Physick so do you He us'd the assistance of a crafty Fellow so do you Only he met with no opposition all believ'd him so they do not you However proceed let your Courage carry you through all Obstacles and your Conscience be your Comfort You know the old saying Non sit sine periculo c. Faint Heart never won Fain Lady It is no easie matter to found a new Church Paul's you see can't be built in a day But great will be the Honour when the Feat is done adding one point to our Faith is adding to the compass by which we steer to Heaven our Directions are the more exact Go on regulate the whole Compass and be your self the needle to point out the way None but evil-minded Men can think our Spiritual Navigation sufficiently improv'd I think he that finds out a shorter cut to Heaven is a greater Benefactor to Mankind and deserves more Honour than if he found the North East Passage to the Indies Who would wait a tedious Passage by a Waggon who might go by the Penny-Post Correct the Geography of Religion and shew us a better Map of the Roads to the next World Outdo Bunyan and all the Spiritual Chorographers that have gone before you Oh how happy you whose Souls have been anointed and tarr'd all over with his Doctrine and liquor'd like Carriers Boots to take off the Scabs of Prejudice Whos 's Scirrhous Consciences have been soften'd by an Emollient Cataplasme of Argument Who have taken an Emetick Dose of Repentance and the Cathartick Pills of Contrition Who have patiently endur'd a Diaphoretick Dialogue and whose Concupiscence has been Flux'd and Salivated by the Precipitate of Spiritual Admonition whose Appetites have been rais'd by a Stomachick Whet of Pious Curiosity and satisfied with a Meal of Ghostly Comfort Whose Spirits have been rais'd by the dear Cordial of Zeal and whose strength supported by the precious Aliment of Faith and whose Carnal Itches have been kill'd by the Unguent of Mortification and whose inward Aches have been taken off by the Opiate of Election To recount here the infinite advantages you who are his Disciples have by this Physician Spiritual and Temporal were too tedious at this time since what is past must make all the World as well envious as sensible of your Happiness I shall conclude with a small Request to your great Master In a word then Pious Sir May you never cease to hold forth the Sucking Bottle of the Gospel to the Babes of Grace and the Crutches of Faith to the Crippled Saint Satisfie the craving Sister and assist the impotent Brother so may your Predictions of the Weather always hold good and your Almanack be fill'd with Saints of your own Cannonizing which is the Prayer of Pious Sir Your Devout Admirer Sebastian Smith THE PREFACE THE Reader is desired to take notice that the Translator has not tied himself to a Literal Version but contented himself barely to give him the full Substance of the History which he hopes he has not wrong'd either by adding or substracting any thing material He has taken a larger Liberty with the Oracles some of which he hath omitted and given a new turn to the rest as thinking them to contain nothing that might either Inform or Divert the English Reader In the whole he hath chiefly follow'd the Example of Monsieur Abancourt whose Version is to be found in Dr. Spon's Recherches curieuses del Antiquité But besides the Worthy Doctor who had the Honour of our Epistle Dedicatory there are Two more of the Gang whose Characters follow One of these Spiritual Navigators a weak help to the new-founded Triumvirate assisted his Two Brethren to facilitate their Voyage by finding out the shortest Passage to their Wits end and that is no far Journey you 'll say He is a great Friend to the Crooked Bodice-Seller in Cheapside and Counseller in Ordinary to his long-nosed Madam This wonderful Caco-Coxcomb call'd so not from the Greek but from the good luck of beshitting himself in a Conflict with a surely Low-Country Captain who happen'd to have more Brawn than the other had Brain to prevent like Pen any farther Quarrels though good to turn Religionist This Learned Juris-concealer was to ever blessed Remembrance born a Goose and bred a Gown-man so no swap in the changing of his Trade and a Divine Quaker has well observed in his Poem called the Blockhead's Blockade In Bitching still the Sot affected change Constant to nothing but a Dunce's Brains Tho' his ill face and worser ills applied Makes me believe a roguish Poet lied And so in Dad I have done with Father D dly The other is an Honest Man of some Learning and a great deal of mistaken Zeal drawn in to be their Apollo but he soon found that the other Legs of the Cricket were not in proportion to his Strength and so that Oracle ceased spoiling a good old Proverb in the fall not between two Stools but a Seat of one Leg the Arse of two Thirds of the Learned Triumvirate went to the Ground ALEXANDER OR The False Prophet Out of Lucian YOU imposed no small task upon me my dear Celsus when you enjoyned me to write the Life of Alexander the pretended Son of Podalirius For so he called himself which for variety of incidents is no less famous than that of his Name-sake Alexander the Great since the latter has not signalized himself more by his Noble Exploits than the former has done by his well-managed Impostures However out of Compliance with you I undertake it and will endeavour to acquit my self of the performance as well as I can provided that you carry a stock of good Nature about you to supply my Defects and pardon my Infirmities At the same time I am not without my apprehensions that the World will be apt to condemn both of us me for publishing so many Villianies and you for putting your Friend upon the Imployment For tho' the Hero of our Drama justly deserved to have his Carcass torn in pieces by Beasts of his own Complexion yet few Persons will be so complaisant to his Memory as to think he deserves to have his Name recorded in History But if any one shall Attack me upon this Article I will e'en defend my self by the example of Arrius the Disciple of Epictetus who thought it not below his Learning or Quality to oblige Posterity with the History of a Famous Robber As lately one of the greatest Ornaments of our Nation has condescended to write the Life of Et caetera Young Behold then after so authentick a President the Life of a