protection Where are my hopes If hee be my God and I deny him what hee requireth where then is my duty Or how performed If hee be my God and I render him what hee requireth and yet hee accepteth not what I render what then shall become of mee This heart is too had for him to accept of who is goodnesse it selfe It is too uncleane for him who is purity it selfe It is too base for him who is excellency it selfe Lord how I doe waver in my thoughts and what staggering doubts doe arise in my graoelesse heart What course can I take what meanes must I use to get a heast for him which may be any way acceptable Mine owne is too bad and if I thinke to mend it of my selfe I shall but botch it I shall but make it worse There is noe other way but a new one I must have and where or how to get it I know not Nay I have noe heart at all to seeke it If the ould one would be good for any thing I would willingly give that in part of payment in exchange for a new one But alasse that will never be worth any thing while it is a heart Surely if I would have a new one a good one that is worth having I must goe unto God for it for hee alone is the creatour there of To him therfore will I repaire and humbly I will beseech him to create in mee a new heart Ps 51.10 a cleane heart and renew a right spirit within mee If hee requireth a pledg for it seeing that I have formerly falsified my promise what shall I doe I have nothing worth it to leave in the place of it but I will howsoëver faithfully promise him that hee shall have it againe and with that very heart I will promise which hee shall spare mee I will desire onely to borrow it and but for a litle time even for noe longer time then hee of his owne accord shall be willingly pleased to spare it Nay I will not so much as desire to call it mine it shall be his still I will begge that it may goe under his name and if yet hee will not believe mee I will put him in securitie the best securitie that ever was or is or shall be even his onely beloved Son Why then should I not s◠to him to graunt my desires since neither my request is unreasonable nor my securitie questionable It is noe new thing to sue to him for a new heart Hee hath beene pleased to vouchsafe it to others Thus hee promised to Israel by the mouth of his prophet Ez. 11.19 C. 36. saying I will put a new spirit within you And in another place A new heart allso will I give you and a new spirit will I put within you and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh I will give you an heart of flesh Such ô such a heart doe I begge of thee ô my God Such a new heart such a fire new one I beseech thee to graunt unto mee as may burne with zeale for the honour of thy name But what if I should not prevaile with my God for a new heart It is all one with him to create a new or to revive an ould one and to mee it will allso prove of equall vallew I will howsoever submitt to his pleasure If hee give mee my dead one againe restored to life 1. King 17.20 as hee restored the sonne of the widow at the prayer of Elijah I shall be as well contented as if hee created a new one for mee for all will be one This allso hee can doe if hee please Is 57.17 for it is his custome to revive the spirit of the humble and to revive the heart of the contrite ones But if it be re-vived it must be washed before it will be fitt to be presented unto him And it must be washed by mee the paines must be taken by my selfe Ier. 4.14 for what hee sayd to Ierusalem hee speaketh unto mee O Ierusalem wash thine heart from wickednesse that thou mayst be saved how long shall thy vaine thoughts lodg within thee But when it is walhed 2. pet 2 22. it must not return againe with the sow that is washed to wallow in the mire Noe noe it must goe forward in goodnesse that so I may be able to speake as doeth the psalmist and say My heart is not turned back Ps 44.8 neither have my stepps declined from thy way And when I shall have such a heart such a new heart such a revived heart such a washed heart a heart so forward to goodnes then I resolve it shall be ordered constantly to looke up-wards to the donour to the re-viver there of If mine eyes looke upwards surely mine heart shall not stoope downe-wards The very herbs and flowers teach mee this lesson for they are noe sooner delivered from the wombe of the earth but up-wards they grow and aspire upwards they open as if nature had dispatched them into the world upon this very condition that they should gratefully looke upward towards the God of nature This new heart I would have wholly devoted to the feare of the donour Deu. 5 29. Oh that there were such a heart in mee that I would feare him and keepe all his commandements allways that it might be well with mee for ever I would have it both feare and likewise love him too 2. Thes 3.5 Prov. 16.1 I would have it directed to the love of him and into a patient wayting for his sonne And for as much as the preparations or disposing of the heart in man is from the Lord I will begge of him so much of his grace as that therewith I may sanctifie him in my heart 1. Pet. 3.15 Ps 86.11 even in that very heart I would have it united unto him that I might beare his name Then shall this new heart thus fearing and loving my Creatour be disposed by him it shall sanctifie him and being united unto him it shall ever be with him and allways be protected and preserved by him I would have my new heart to be a chamber of presence a privie chamber a bed chamber for the King of glory 1. Pet. 3 4. Gal. 4.6 Ps 27.8 that so hee may be hidden in mine heart I would have the spirit of his sonne be sent into it to teach mee to cry unto him Abba father for this new heart this infant heart must be able to speake and not onely able but ready allso to speake willing to answer that so when God shall say Seeke yee my face Ps 51.10 my heart with David's may be ready to answer Thy face Lord will I seeke I would have it to be cleane cleane washed from the filthinesse of former offences and purified Act. 15 9. as were the hearts of the Gentiles I would have it freed from the fowle opinions thoughts and desires which hung
then light because the deedos there of are evill so that if it could have seene it is now stark blind Or if it be not blind I am sure that I am blind I can see none of it Hos 13 8. 'T is true the reason of it is because there is a caule growe's over it and I have noe body to help mee as Ephraim had to rend the caule off it that so I might see 1 King 8.38 Or else it is an infected one 't is visited with the sicknesse with the plague and yet I doe not know the plague of mine owne heart or else it is wicked so wicked that like unto Shimei I cannot learne c 2.44 I doe not know all the wickednesse that mine heart is privie to and if it bee thus wicked Pro 10.20 I have but small comfort from King Salomon for hee tell 's mee that the heart of the wicked is litle worth So that whether my heart be dry or dead or fatt or blind or hidden or infected with the plague or wicked what am I the better for it Nay am I not farre worse infinitely worse rather And yet now I thinke upon it now I examine my selfe a litle better I have just none at all True it is that once I had one but may I not say as the Prophet did that whoredome Hos 4.11 and wine and new wine have taken it away 'T is stollen away sin hath stollen it quite away unawares of mee just as Iacob stole away un awares to Laban or as Absalom stole away the hearts of the men of Israel from his father Gen. 31.20 2. Sam. 15.6 when they came to the King for judgment Alasse I should have kept it in deede I should have kept it with all diligence if I had taken the advise of the wise King Salomon Prov. 4.23 1 Thes 3.13 2 Thes 2.17 Heb 13 9. Deut 20.3 for out of it are the issues of life I should have established it or have beg'd of God that hee would have established it unblameable in holinesse that hee would have established it in every good word and worke for it is a good thing that the heart be established with grace I felt it fainting when I feared trembled and was terrified and then I should have had a David to comfort mee and to say unto mee Ps 31.24 Be of good courage and God shall strengthen thine heart thou that hopest in the Lord. I should have spoken kindly to it as Shechem did to Dinah Gen 34 3. when his soule clave unto her and he loved the damosel and spake kindly to her to her heart Prov. 27.9 I should have rejoyced it as Solomon say's with oyntment and perfume with the oyntment of my teares Rev. 5.8 Iud 19 5. and a golden violl full of such odours as St. Iohn speaketh of which are the prayers of the saints I should have comforted it not with a morsell of bread as the Levite was advised by the father of his concubine not of or from or by my selfe but I should have prayed unto God 2. Cor. 1.3 even the father of our Lord Iesus Christ as S. Paul did thank him for the Corinthians the father of mercies and the God of all comfort vers 4. to comfort it in tribulations that I might have beene able to comfort them which are in any trouble by the comfort wherewith I my selfe had ben comforted of God It was grieved with in mee Ps 73.24 and I was pricked in my reines But I should have made it like Aaron at the sight of Moses who was glad in his heart Exod 4.14 Ps 4.7 or else I should have prayed to the Lord to have put gladnesse into it as he did into David's more then in the time when the corne and wine increased But now alasse 't is too late my poore heart is gone 't is stollen away from mee what shall I doe to recover it againe I will arise now Cant 3 2. and goe about the citty in the streetes and in the broad wayes I will seeke it vers 3. I will say to the watchmen that goe about the citty Saw yee a heart a poore distressed heart passe by this way that is runne a stray from mee I poore I know not where to find it Alasse 't is not worth any one's taking up 't is not worth the keepinge I 'le describe it unto you that if yee heare of it of such a heart or happē to meete it yee may send it mee home againe and I may give it due correction for playing the vagrant the run-agate That heart which once did dwell in my breast is the most unthankfull guest that ever was harboured in the bosome of a woman It is the greate accuser of my selfe for mine offences and not content with that having arraigued mee for my sinns it hath condemned mee as guilty Ier 17.9 It is a cozening deceitfull heart it is deceit full above all things and desperately wicked even more then I can know full it is of tricks full of delusions there are many devices in it Prov 19.21 Ps 38.8 Ps 64.6 Ps 101.4 It is a troublsome heart in so much as many times I have roared by reason of the disquietnesse of it 'T is a deepe heart not easily pryed into both my inward thoughts my heartit selfe have beene very deepe It is a fro◅ard heart so froward that now 't is runne away frō me Zech 8.17 Mar 15 19. 't is departed It is an evill heart a heart that was always imagining evill and so greate evill that out of it have proceeded evill thoughts murders adulteries fornications thefts false witnesse blasphemies Gen 8.21.6.5 Iob 27.6 It hath beene evill even from my youth every imagination of the thoughts of it were onely evill continually It is a reproaching heart not like unto Iob's who sayd His heart should not smite him so long as hee lived It is a troubled heart Ps 25.17 Ier 4.19 the troubles there of have bene enlarged in so much as I have beene enforced to cry out My bowels my bowels I have beene pained at it it made a noise in mee that I could not hold my peace Lam 1.20 my bowells have beene troubled for my heart hath beene turned in mee 'T is a cowardly trembling heart Deut. 28.65 I had an extreame trembling at it when it was at home and failing of eyes and sorrow of mind it would tremble like Elies for the arke of God 1. Sam. 4.13 Deut 28.28 c 11.16 2. Sam 24.10 1. Chr. 12.33 Ps 12.2 Iam 4.8 Dan 5.21 Exo. 4.21 Heb 3.8 Rom. 2 5. Pro 28 14. Mar 16 14. Eph 4 1◠It would so grievously tremble that I have beene smitten with madnesse and blindnesse and astonishment of it It is an idolatrous heart a heart apt to be deceaved to turne aside serve other Gods
lips or with a double heart And though thus single was my heart 1 King 4.29 yet was it noe small one it was large God had given unto mee as unto Solomon both wisedome Ps 119.32 Ps 17.3 and understanding and largnesse of heart and like David I did runne the way of his commandements when hee had thus enlarged it This large heart was a proved one too for God had proved it and Visited mee and tryed mee when I was purposed that my mouth should not transgresse Ps 7.9 1. Chr 29.17 Ps 26.2 It was tryed tryed by my God by my righteous God which tryeth the hearts and reines even by him who tryeth the heart and hath pleasure in uprightnesse the very selfe same God did examine mee and prove mee hee tryed my reines my heart And this loving heart this broken yet whole heart this sound and single heart Ps 101.2 1. King 8.61 Act 16.14 this large and tryed heart was found perfect I did walke with in my house with a perfect heart it was perfect with the Lord my God to walke in his statutes to keepe his commandements It was an open heart it was opened lke Lydia's that I could attend to the things that were spoken by our Pauls It opened so wide or at least with sorrow it was so filled that at length it broke Ier 23.9 Mine heart within mee like unto Ieremiah's was broken all my bones did shake I was like a drunken man and like a man whom wine hath overcome O full well too it thē was with mee even when my heart was broken for it had beene stone nothing but stone before when neither promises nor mercies neither menaces nor judgments could worke upon it It had beene a stone a three-cornerd stone untill it pleased him to breake it who is the head-stone in the corner the head-stone Mat 21 42. because the strongest in the whole building sustaining the fabrick The head-stone in the corner knitting cimenting and uniting together both the Iewes and the Gentiles 1. Pet 2 8. The head-stone in the corner who is a stone of stumbling unto many and a rock of offence at which the Iewes tooke such offence that they hurt them selves against this stone in the corner Yet hee that was reiected by the Iewes and scornfully under-vallewed was unto mee a most skillfull excellent lapidarie hee knew the stone of my heart and at mine intreatie hee broke it hee broke it in pieces Yea hee wrought so powerfully in mee that through the helpe of him I had learned to rent it to rent my heart Ioel 2.13 and not my garments and turne to the Lord my God It was made an acceptable sacrifice to my God for I had a broken spirit a broken Ps 51.17 a contrite heart which hee will noe despise Hee hee is that great Iehouah who is high Ies 57.15 and excellent who inhabiteth eternitie whose name is holy who dwelleth in the high and holy place yet with him all so that is of a contrite humble spirit to revive the spirit of the humble and to revive the heart of the contrite ones Hee it is who hath promised that hee will not breake a bruised reede Is 42.3 nor quench the smoaking flaxe but on the contrarie Ps 147 3. will heale the broken in heart and bind up their wounds By him who is thus high and excellent by him who is thus full of compassion as not to bruise the reede nor quench the flaxe by him who is thus infinite in mercy that hee healeth those that are broken in heart even by the same God in testimonie of his love was my stony heart broken O it had beene an uncircumcised heart Deut. 30.6 but afterwards the Lord my God did circumcise it to love himselfe with all my heart and with all my soule that I might live So open so broken so rent so contrite so circumcised it was Act 7.51 that I resisted not the Holy Ghost Lord what happie dayes did I then enioy when my heart was thus qualified with goodnesse When it was thus acceptable to my God! But now alasse 't is quite otherwise That heart that good heart of mine is gone is lost is polluted Peradventure some anger had beene seated in my gall but I laboured that it should not increase into a sin Peradventure some joy was placed in my splene but that joy howsoëver was chiefly in the Lord and in my heart was carefully preserved the feare of his name That heart was then the cabinet the store house the treasurie of wisedome wherein were two with-drawing chambers divided but by a partition in which were placed the fountaines of lively blood of life it selfe even the life of grace given by the liberall hand of the God of my life But now oh my poore heart it hath forsaken this breast this breast of a distressed forlorne woman and in the roome thereof is crept into my bosome a heart so hard that when I sinite my breast in my deepest sorrow my very hand re-bound's by reason of the hardnesse of this rockie heart Often have I heard people complaine of the stone in the kidnies or the bladder but I am enforced to a new complaint even of the stone in the heart O that my God would cutt it and take this stone out of it or else give mee such a potion of sorrow and contrition that it might prove the most soveraigne saxafrage to break this stone A stone here is wich I can feele both by the weight and the hardnesse there of but what kind of stone I cannot determine Surely it can be noe pomoise none of that stone which in some sort may be sayd to be even heavier then it selfe because though when it is whole it is full of pores full of holes very hollow even as hollow as my heart yet when it is broken in pieces when it is stamped and beaten to powder it seemes to be more ponderous then when it was whole If such a one be in my heart ô that my God would breake this heart ô that hee would grind it or beate it to powder then peradventure it would be heavy for my sinns and ponder mine iniquities Or it may be that such a stone is in it as those were which the Lord did promise that the Israelites should find in the land of Canaan Deut. 8 9. even stones that were iron for surely my heart is as hard as iron And yet though it be so the patient Iob assureth mee that euen waters weare the stones Iob 14.19 O that my God would cause the trickling of my teares to weare away the stone of my heart Or if it be iron ô that hee would cause it to swimme in the Iordane of my sorrowes as once Elisha caused the iron and steele to doe 2. King 6.6 which were tempered together in the head of the are When I feele for my good heart oh
Christianitie seemes to be but the labour of the voyce for if men did believe what the Scriptures teach they surely would practise something of Charitie Thus I sitt and sigh and grieve and expostulate and complaine but yet I forget what I ought to consider of I am apt to repine at this poverty which I suffer but I am un-apt to enquire into the cause thereof Solomon tell 's mee that Prov. 19.15 Slothfullnesse casteth into a deepe sleepe an idle soule shall suffer hunger That hunger I feele but doe I acknowledg that idlenesse Doe I confesse that slothfullnesse If I should examine my hands what worke they have done would not their smoothnesse and whitenesse accuse them of idlenesse If I should aske mine eyes how vigilant they have beene in a lawfull imployment would they not drowzily and bashfully slinke behind the curtaines Let mee then remember how Solomon telleth mee c. 23.21 that drowsinesse shall cloath one with raggs And yet mee think's this is not all There must be some-thing else that bring 's this affliction Let mee but consider a litle and reason with my selfe It may be I may find out some-thing more by a diligent search I live upon the earth I live in the world Earth I had the best of earth in the esteeme of earth I had gold and silver so much esteemed and honoured by man In the world I am yet now my coyne is gone I am here but a stranger I did know many but in the change of my fortune I am known of none If I call to the earth which so much I have loved it will not un-bowell it selfe to offer mee it's intraills I cannot tell how neither to prick a veine of it to enrich my selfe as the delvers doe though shee tremble at the violence If I sue to the world I am there neglected Ps 31.12 I am forgotten like a dead man out of mind or like a broken vessell Whence ariseth this un-kindnesse of the earth Whence proceede's this forgetfullnesse of the world Certainly the earth of it selfe had not malice enough to sieke my ruine Surely the world of it selfe had not cruelty enough to contrive my un-doeing Noe noe there 's some-thing yet which I have not discovered that question-lesse hath brought this poverty upon mee I sigh my sighes goe up-ward mee think's toward heaven I looke with a steady and stedfast eye but 't is up-ward I looke 't is chiefely upon heaven I mourne and I cry and my word is chiefely O Lord O God Who is this I name so often in my laments Who is this I mention so often in my cryes Is it not the Lord Is it not God To heaven goe my sighes upon heaven looke mine eyes on the God of heaven doe I call and yet though hee 's in my sighes in mine eyes and in my tongue I have all this while forgotten to entertaine him in my heart Surely if hee had hitherto dwell't in my soule I should either have enjoyed more of the earth or lesse of my love to it That which I have left so un-willingly I have loved too much and in that love I have sinned too much and by that sinne I have moved him to anger who hath sent mee this poverty Yes yes 't is hee 't is hee that maketh poore and maketh rich 1. Sam. 2.7 that bringeth low and lifteth up All this while I have lived in such ignorance that either I knew him not or at least I honoured him not I lived as if there were noe other God but onely mammon noe happinesse but on earth noe treasures but gold and noe content but in plenty If I ever remembred him it was to his dishonour if ever I spake of him it was in prophanenesse I never doubted of his love therfore never prayed for his blessing or if I did pray it was coldly it was faintly and rather to satisfie the world then to discharge my duety or in an awfull manner to have recourse to his Majesty I measured his favours by my out-ward possessions and deemed them blessings which hee sent in wrath but I hope it will prove that hee hath taken them in mercy Graunt blessed God that now I may know thee in this my miserie who formerly forgot thee in the height of my plenty and that knowing thee I may love thee and that loving thee I may depend on thee that depending on thee I may serve and honour thee all the dayes of my life O now mee think's I am another woman I beginne to feele some warmth at my heart I find that my God doeth speake to my conscience Lord send mee repentance that I may be sorrie for my sinnes send mee thy grace that I may have share in thy promises send mee a lively faith that I may relye upon the merits of my blessed Redeemer and howsoever thou disposest of this body of flesh preserve my soule for thy celestiall kingdome O what a suddaine alteration doe I find in my selfe My teares that savoured of murmuring and despaire shall flow aboundantly for the sinnes I committed World leawd world thou art a jugler and an impostour Earth base earth thou art a cozener and a deluder I silly woman did place my happinesse in your transitorie courtesies and thought it the chiefe honour to become your minion But now I see that you fayle your servants and mocke your lovers There 's noe constancy but in God There 's noe comfort or happinesse but in Christ The more I sieke him the more I love him and the more I love him the more I am beloved of him Hee will not deceave mee hee will not leave mee nor forsake mee Lord let me be thine though hungry though thirstie though naked I come unto thee I am sure that if I serve him I shall be provided for by him Hee can doe it for hee hath enough Col. 1.16 Hee created all things and his they are by whom they were created O let him give mee a litle with content rather then so much as I had with forgetfullnesse of him I care not how litle I possesse so I may enjoy my Lord. The birds doe never thinke of a morrow and yet their hunger is satisfied every moment The herbes the flowers are infensible of their verdure and yet they infinitely out-vye King Solomon in his glory Mat. 6.29 The rivers that steale from the billowed ocean and sport awhile in the massie earth are at length directed to the sea againe The stone that is digged from the quarries in the earth to serve for necessity and ornament of our structures findeth rest at last in a silent heape where making a way by it's heavy weight it steale's back by degrees into the wombe of the earth In each of these I discover a providence for hee who first created doeth still preserve O let him be mine and then I shall be his O let mee be his then hee shall be mine If I be his
soone therfore appease his anger by revenging my selfe upon my selfe for the sinnes which I have committed against his glorious name And if I cannot be revenged enough I will cry for anger even for anger that I cannot punish my selfe enough for displeasing him who thus honoureth my roofe When the Israelites were to eate the Paschall lanb Ex 12.7 they were commanded to take of the blood thereof and to strike it on the two side-posts and on the upper doore-post of the houses wherein they did eate it vers 13 And the blood saith the Lord shall be to you for a token upon the houses where yee are and when I see the blood I will passe over you and the plague shall not be upon you to destroy you when I smite the land of Egypt O here is comfort now in the midst of affliction here is joy in the depth of sorrow See there there is that token there is the blood on the doore or at least the representation of it for the red Crosse is there It is to mee for a token or a memoriall of the blood of that innocent Lamb without spot that was slaine that was crucified on the Crosse for the sinnes of the elect Now Lord doe what thou pleasest spare or strike it shall be all one to mee so long as thou givest mee a firme assurance that hee hath suffered for mee I vallew not my flesh I care not for this lumpe of walking dust let it be blowne away let this muddewall be throwne downe it is noe matter I am content so long as I am sure that the anger of my God will be appeased by the blood of my Redeemer and that so soone as my soule shall be freed from the prison of my flesh I shall for ever sit on the right hand of my Iesus Sure I am that allthough my house be shut up because of the infection yet my Christ will cleanse my soule with his blood Therfore World farewell shut up whom thou pleasest Thy companie is not so good nor thy courtesie so greate as to command my joy Allthough my house here be shut up yet hee which is faithfull hath promised that the gates of that new Ierusalem Reu 21 25. which is above shall not be shut at all by day and that there shall be noe night there O let mee begge of my Lord my Land-Lord yea my guest my friend my brother my father that seeing I am a woman a fearefull woman wonderfully afraid especially of a serpent c 20.2 or a dragon hee will be pleased to lay hold on the dragon that old serpent which is the devill and Satan vers 3. and bind him and cast him into the bottomlesse pit and shut him up and set a seale upon him that hee may deceave mee noe more O how contentedly then shall I mourne How joyfully shall I grieve for all the offences that ever I committed Well now my God is pleased to speake to my conscience away will I goe in private all alone and cry in a corner I will weepe by my selfe away I will goe and separate my selfe from my familie yea even from him who is my head and my Lord that I may the more freely weepe This I will doe and this I may doe for when Ierusalem had her great mourning not onely every familie mourned apart Zech 12.12 but even their wives allso mourned apart So will I I will mourne apart too But because I must not offer to offer unto my God such a present as a litle poore botle of teares Ps 56.8 and say nothing to him when I render it humbly therfore upon my knees will I fall and thus will I say unto him The Prayer GLorious and ever-living Lord God Ps 75.5 who doest suffer the wicked to live in prosperitie to be in noe trouble like other men nor to be plagued like other men but hast tould us that whomsoever thou lovest thou doest chasten Heb 12 6. and scourgest every child whom thou receavest vouchsafe I beseech thee to sanctifie this affliction which thou hast layed at this time upon mee and mine 1. King 17.18 Thou art come ô my God to call my sinnes to remembrance ô let mee not frustrate thine intent not repell the motions of thy blessed Spirit My selfe and my familie are now shut up from the lewde temptations of the seducing world Lord make mee at this time to looke into my selfe into mine owne wicked and sinfull heart which hath beene so long shu◠up even from mine owne selfe from mine understanding and my knowledge This o Lord is thy time to speake let it I beseech thee be my time to heare My house is become a house of thy correction and my selfe familie are the offenders whom thou art pleased to chastise Ier 10.24 Ps 88.7 Lord correct us but with judgment not in thine anger lest thou bring us to nothing Thy wrath at this time lyeth hard upon us and thou afflictest us with all thy waves Thou hast put our acquaintance farre from us vers 8. thou hast made us to be an abomination unto them wee are shut up and cannot come forth Ps 38.11 Our lovers and our friends stand aloofe from us and our neighbours stand afarre off Ps 88.9 By reason of this affliction mine eye mourneth Lord I call dayly upon thee Ps 69.15 Ps 73.14 Ps 69.3 and stretch out mine hands unto thee O let not the water-flood over-flow us neither let the deepe swallow us up and let not the pit shut her mouth upon us All the day long are wee plagued and chastened every day I am wearie of crying Ps 69.3 my throate is drie my sight even faileth for wayting so long upon thee my God Ps 78.39 Ps 91.3 O consider thy distressed servants that wee are but flesh that wee are even a wind that passeth away and cometh not againe Deliver us o Lord from the snare of the fowler from the noisome Pestilence Either send unto us or else be thou thy selfe unto us a staffe as well as a rodde Ps 23.4 Ps 91.5 a supporter as well as a correctour that so wee may not be afraid for the terrour by night vers 6. nor for the arrow that flyeth by day nor for the Pestilenee that walketh in darkenesse nor for the destruction that wasteth at moone-day Prepare us o Lord for those heavenly mansions where thy Sonne sitteth at thy right hand making intercession for us Heare him pleading for our remission and inter-ceding for our pardon Out of his wounds have issued that pretious balsamome which is able to cure the sinnes of the whole world In him be pleased to be reconciled unto us since our times are in thine hands Ps 31.15 Lord either spare us for thine honour or else receave us to thy mercy Let the health of our bodies make us mindfull to labour for the health of our soules and
15 that seede fell on this ground this good ground for so I then was and with an honest vers 15 and good heart having heard the word I kept it and brought forth fruit with patience Sure I did I brought forth fruit good fruit or else I am much deceaved But why then Gen 3.18 doe I now lye fallow Why doe I produce nothing but thornes thistles the curse of the earth Heb 6.8 1. Cor. 3.9 Why nothing but thornes briers whose end is to be burned I was in those dayes ah I was Gods husbandrie but since that time hee hath left mee off my ground is growne out of heart quite out of heart for hee would digge mee noe more hee would plough mee noe more hee would soyle mee noe more But what is the cause of his anger Wherfore did hee thus leave mee thus forsake mee Alas the reason is too manifest I would needes take the plough out of his hands I would not suffer him willingly any longer to breake up the fallow ground of my heart Ier 4.3 but I my selfe would plough And what is the effect What is the event thereof Nothing but miserie nothing but woe for I have ploughed wickednesse Hos 10 13. and I have reaped iniquity and eaten the fruit of lyes I would needes follow mine owne wayes Deu 22 10. and plough with an oxe and an asse with thoughts cleane uncleane pure and impure ioyning them together and therfore to my woe I find the words of King Solomon in mee most sadly ve rified Prov. 21.4 Iob 4.8 that the ploughing of the wicked is sinne And yet I ahwretched I doe still follow the plough I plough iniquitie and sow wickednesse and yet for all that I looke not to reape the Same but I expect fondly I expect a harvest of goodnesse a croppe of blessings Ps 129.6 But now I find that those blessings doe wither even before they grow up The mower I find vers 7. cannot fill his hand with them nor hee that bindeth up sheaves his bosome Neither doe they which goe by say vers 8. The blessing of the Lord be upon you wee blesse you in the name of the Lord. Oh if God would but once againe take mee into his care and husbandrie Ps 1.3 I might bring forth good fruit in due season Then though I should goe on my way weeping Ps 126.6 yet I might beare pretious seede come againe with reioycing bringing my sheaves with mee This I might doe if hee would manure mee if hee would dung mee Lord 1. Cor. 4.13 let mee rather be made as the filth of the world the off-scowring of all things then not be manured by thee Make mee to account all things but dung Phil. 3.8 that I may winne thee and that so winning thee I may once againe be in heart that I may have a heart Deu 5.29 even such a heart may be in mee that I may feare thee and keepe all thy commandements illway that it may be well with mee for ever I had once a soft heart like Iob Iob 23.16 Eph. 4.32 2. Chr. 34.27 for God made it soft and the Allmighty troubled mee I had a tender heart apt to forgive a heart that was tender for I humbled my selfe before my God like Iosiah and rent my clothes and wept before him Hee did mollifie it made it fleshie hee tooke the stonie heart out of my flesh Eze 11.19 gave mee an heart of flesh not givē to the flesh to the fowlenesse the filthinesse of the flesh but such a heart of flesh as was flexible soft easie to be pierced I could weepe lament for every sinne for every transgression which I had committed against my good God It was a melting heart it would melt like the hearts of the Babilonians Is 13.7 Ps 22.14 when their destruction was threatned to be effected by the Medes it would melt like waxe in the midst of my bowells And well it might melt for it would burne it would burne within mee like the hearts of the two disciples goeing to Emaus Luc 24 32. yet this heart-burning was noe disease neither but as it was with David when mine heart was hott within mee then in my meditation the fire burned Ps 39.3 And well againe might it melt into teares for it was a mourning heart Eccl 7.4 Io 16.6 it delighted to be in the house of mourning it was full of sorrow as were the hearts of the disciples when Christ had tould them of the persecutions which they should suffer I had greate thoughts of heart Iud 5.15 Ps 119.161 such as were for the divisions of Reuben a heart very awfull for it stood in a we of the word of my God This heart of flesh so soft and tender so mollified and melting so burning so mourning this sorrowfull and thoughtfull heart was so apt for any impression of goodnesse that like unto Solomon I could find in it 2 Sam. 7.27 I could find an aptnes in it to pray unto the Lord. Prov 3.3 It was a writing table God had written mercy and trueth upon the table there of and in more perfect characters too then the Gentiles had Rom 2 15. I could shew the worke of the law written in my heart It was a loving heart Mat 5.43 it would love my neighbour and not hate mine enemies It was a broken heart and allthough 't was broken yet was it whole I could seeke the Lord like Iehosaphat 2 Chr 22.9 with my whole heart Yea this I could doe as Abimelech sayd of himselfe concerning his taking of Sarah Gen 20.5 Ps 119.10 Abraham's wife I could doe it in the integrity of my heart innocency of my hands With this whole heart I could seeke the Lord I could love him I could believe I could praise him Deu 4.29 c 6.5 I could seeke him with all my heart and with all my soule I could love him yea I could love the Lord my God with all my heart and with all my soule with all my might I could believe as Philip sayd to the Eunuch I could believe Act 8.37 Ps 9.1 even with all my heart I could praise him all so even with David I could praise the Lord with my whole heart Ps 119.80 This whole heart was sound too as David prayed even sound in the statutes of my God that I might not be ashamed This sound heart was single too single even like those good servants whom Saint Paul commandeth to be obedient unto them that are their masters according to the flesh with feare and trembling Ep 6.5 in singlnesse of heart as unto Christ Act 2.46 I could eate my meate with gladnesse Act 2.46 Ps 12.2 and singlnesse of heart It was not then my custome to speake vanitie unto my neighbour to speake with flattering
give mee a sight of and a sorrow for the offences thereof Breake thou my hard and stonie heart with the knowledg of my sinne and my due consideration of thy heavy wrath Psal 5.4 Eze. 11 19. Psal 51.10 Deut. 4 9.10.17.17 Ps 107.35 Thou art a God that delightest not in wickednesse remove therfore from mee this heart of obstinacie and give mee a heart of flesh Create in mee a cleane heart ô God and renew a right spirit within mee Let not thy commandements depart from it all the dayes of my life Speake but the word ô God and it shall be done Sanctifie it in thy trueth thy word is trueth O thou that didst turne the wildernesse into a standing water and drie ground into water springs be pleased to shew thy mercy now in the depth of my distresse Lord heare my desires behould my necessities Without a heart I cannot serve thee without a new heart I cannot praise thee Lord give mee a heart to feare thee Is 66.2 Ps 38.18 to tremble at thy word to listen to thy promises to confesse my sinnes and to be sorrie for mine offences Give mee ô my God Ps 119.80 fuch a heart as thou requirest that so it may be allways sound in thy statutes Give mee a heart that may mourne in secret for all my sinns both secret and open that may be zealous for thine honour that may be tender of thy displeasure and that may shun both the inclination to and the desire of offending thee my greate Creatour Heare mee ô God Io. 19.34 Mat. 26 38. for thy mercies are greate Heare mee ô Christ whose side was pierced whose soule was sorrowfull and all to purchase new hearts for all that are penitent sinners Heare mee ô blessed spirit and assist mee in my petitions with sighes Rom. 8 26. Can. 8.6 and groanes that cannot be expressed Give mee a heart for thy service and then set mee ô Lord as a seale upon thine â—rme O Lord give O Lord forgive Forgive my sinnes and give mee the blessing of a righteous heart that so I may feare thee as long as I shall remaine in this vallie of teares and then receave mee ô my father into thy celestiall Kingdome that I may live with thee in glorie for ever and ever through Iesus Christ my onely mediatour and redeemer Amen THE THIRD SUBJECT Teares of Time The Soliloquie consisting of three parts viz 1 A re-view of the time past 2 A consideration of the time present 3 A resolution for the time to come The First part A re-view of the time past THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words o Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voice of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray THe fower beasts in the Apocalyps that were full of eyes before behind and within sitting upon the throne which was set in heaven rested not day and night saying Rev. 4.8 Holy holy holy Lord God Allmighty which was and is and is to come What a high description is here of the sacred Trinitie The Father holy the Sonne holy and the Spirit holy and yet not three holies but one holy The Father Lord the Sonne Lord and the Holy Ghost Lord. The Father God the Sonne God and the Holy Ghost God The Father All mighty the Sonne All mighty and the Holy Ghost All mighty The Father Eternall the Sonne Eternall and the Holy Ghost Etemall and yet not three Lords nor three Gods nor three Allmighties not three Eternalls but one Lord one God one All mighty and one Eternall Eternall What 's that The text saith which was not as if hee had beene but is not therfore it is added which is yet not so is as if hee should be no more therfore it is farther added and is to come Surely hee that was without beginning which is immutable and which shall be the judg both of the quick and the dead even the same God was is and shall be Holy in his essency Lord in his dominion God in his excellency Allmighty in his power and Eternall in all When I reade these deepe mysteries of my God ô how I am divided mee think's in my selfe How doe I varie in my thoughts and meditations The singing of those heavenly beasts make's mee rejoyce but their song it selfe drive's mee into a sadnesse for they tell mee that holinesse and righteousnesse and glory and power and eternitie is the very nature of God in none whereof I can find my selfe to be like unto him Lord I wish that I were with the beasts upon the throne that I might be a litle more cheerfull then I am here at the foote stoole But alasse my wishes cannot be purchases for none can come to God but those alone who are like unto God 1 Cor. 29. Before I can come to sitt upon that throne I must certainly be holy for hee is holy I must be righteous for hee is righteous and then though I shall not have such power nor glory as hee hath yet I shall have my share I shall have my proportion I shall have such power to magnifie my God as that nothing shall be able either to oppose or divert mee I shall have such glory as neither eye hath seene 1 Pet. 1 15. nor eare hath heard nor yet can enter into the heart of man to conceave yea and I shall have eternitie too for though I cannot be sayd to be perfectly eternall because I had a beginning yet I shall be certainly eternall in that I shall have noe end But how shall I gaine this holinesse that I may come to that eternitie Surely I must looke upon the three distinctions or parts of time and if I consider them as limitted I must find my selfe in them if as unlimitted I must find my God in them For God is not so sayd which was which is and which is to come as if this description did any way come neere a full expression of his eternitie but rather submitt's as it were onely to our capacitie that so by this I may partly conjecture at what I cannot yet possibly comprehend Noe time can properly be asscribed unto God for each part thereof hath a bound and limitation which God can not have The time past is gone allready from us the time present is goeing and the time to come is not yet ours But when wee say God was wee intimate his perfection in being without a beginning of being When wee say God is wee expresse his vigour and readinesse and power to effect his purposes and when wee say God shall be wee undoubtedly acknowledg and confesse his perpetuitie The time was when I was not and I againe shall be when time shall not I shall be indeede but where shall I be Eternitie hath but two mansions heaven hell If I doe not take heede I may be tormented for ever Lord how I tremble at the thought of it
to whom shall I goe To what physitian or Chyrurgion shall I repaire Lev. 13.2 I reade that if any man of the house of Israël had in the skinne of his flesh a rising or a swelling or a bright spott and if it were in the skinne of the flesh like the plague of Leprosie then hee was to be brought to Aaron the Priest or unto one of his sonnes the Priests vers 3. and the Priest was to looke on the plague in the skinne of the flesh and then to proceede according to order Thus under the Law the Priests were the Physitians both for the body and the soule where upon the Prophet Ieremiah complained and accounted it as a greate judgment upon the people for their sinnes that From the Prophet even to the Priest every one dealt falsely Ier. 6.13 vers 14 they healed allso the hurt of the people sleightly Hence allso another Prophet reproved them Eze. 34.4 because The diseased they had not strengthened neither had they healed that which was sick neither had they bound up that which was broken Under the Gospel allso the Apostles were likewise Physitians for both Mat. 10.1 for when Christ had called unto him his twelve Disciples hee not onely gave them power against un-cleane Spirits to cast them out but allso to heale all manner of sicknesses and all manner of diseases Doubtlesse by this I am likewise taught into whatsoëver sicknesse I fall Psa 110.4 Mal. 4.2 Make use of the prayer which followeth the next Meditation whatsoëver disease I am visited with first of all to goe to the Priest to the Minister of God first to examine my soule before I looke for the cure of my body To the Priest will I therfore goe to the chiefe Priest to the high Priest to the chiefest and highest that ever was even to him who is a Priest for ever after the order of Melchizedek and humbly will I besiech him to teach mee to feare his name and then I know that hee who is the Sunne of righteousnesse will arise with healing in his wings and will make mee goe forth and grow up as calves of the stall 2. Teares of the visited being marked with the Tokens The Soliloquie THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words o Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voice of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray THere is a time to kill saith Solomon and a time to heale Eccl. 3.3 O that time to kill is now come upon mee but I know not how so much as to hope for the time of healing for here I find the tokens of death the markes of my mortalitie This flesh this sinfull flesh of mine which hath beene so washed so unguented so smoothed and coloured according to the choycest witt of art and industrie hath now the staines in it of a contagious sicknesse Where are now those admirers of comelinesse those idolatrous doaters upon the beawtie of women Let them come and learne the vanitie of their opinions chide their simplicitie by these tokens of vengeance O what a fraile thing is woman easily deluded into a beliefe of her beawty and as easily stricken with her owne deformitie But what doe these spotts meane to die my flesh and strike such a deepe tinture in a smoothed sknne Are diseases blind that thus they fasten every where without either choyce or exception Vaine woman as I am why doe I spend these minuits these few and winged minuits alotted unto mee in such impertinent quaeres These blewish staines tell mee that I must provide to answer for my sinnes yea shortly speedily before him who dispatched them hither unto mee Death approacheth mortalitie knocketh at my burdened heart Lord how heavie is my soule Even as if it were allready at the greate tribunall and pleaded guiltie of millions of enormities They have corrupted themselves saith Moses by the Israëlites Deut 32.5 their spot is not the spot of God's children they are a perverse and crooked generation Is there a spot then which even the children of God may be subject unto Why then may not these be some of those spotts and my selfe be one of those children of God Lord how willingly how greedily doeth every one strive to dye the death of the righteous How easilie are wee apt through ignorance to dwell in the letter of the text when wee should rather prie into a farther intent of the blessed Spirit That spot of the children of God is not seated in the body but in the soule and that spot in the soules of the Israelites was chiefely Idolatrie True it is that even the righteous have their stainei too vers 15 16.17 but not such bloaches not such greate and fowle spots or howsoever not of such a deepe tincture not dyed so in graine as are those of the wicked for they are washed out with the teares of sorrow through the blood of the Lamb. O that my spotts were onely in my skinne and not in my soule and that I could truely justifie my selfe in the language of Iob. Iob. 31.6 vers 7. Let mee be weighed in an even ballance that God may know mine integritie If any blott hath cleaved to my hands But alas I cannot I dare not Yet if I could but come to a sight of my sinnes and be truely humbled for them then am I sure that hee who taught Iacob how to increase his flock of the speckled and the spotted Gen. 30.39 Is 1.18 would easily make mee white as wooll But how or upon what grounds can I expect his mercy feeing all that I can suffer is not punishment enough for all that I have trespassed Heb. 9.22 Without shedding of blood is noe remission sayth the blessed Apostle What comfort then can I expect or what mercy can I hope for seeing that my blood my life is not of vallew enough to suffer what my sinnes have merited much lesse to purchase remission of my sinnes What now shall I doe What hope can I have that my body should be freed from these spots of my disease when I know not how to be freed from the pollutions of my soule By the Mosaicall law If any one of the common people sinned against any of the commandements of God concerning things which ought not to be done Lev 4.27 vers 32 A Lamb without blemish was to be his offering and so the atonement was made for the sinne vers 35 and it was forgiven Here yet was some ease for a distressed soule the sinne was forgiven through the blood of the Lamb. But what hope have I of remission That Law doeth noe longer stand in force nor will the blood of a common Lamb be accepted for the least the smallest offence Yet Cheere up O my drooping soule Let my fainting spirits and my sorrowfull heart take comfort in the middest of my deepe distresse for there is
bee none to deliver us O thou who didst suffer thy selfe to be wounded for our transgressions be pleased to cure the wounds and maladies both of the soule and body of thy distressed servant Thou knowest Lord that the feeble soule cannot praise thee with cheerefullnesse nor serve thee with alacritie The sicknesse of the body disturbeth the soule and maketh it un-apt to serve thee with readinesse O say of his disease that It is enough and remove from him speedily this heavy visitation Thine hand ô Lord is layed upon him and the stroake is so heavy that it woundeth us both Mercifull God let the sinnes of both of us be blotted out of thy remembrance like a clowde Is 44.22 and be appeased with us through the merits of thy Sonne Mar 2.17 The whole have noe neede of thee the physitian but wee that are sick O be thou the Physitian to cure our soules and then in thy good time restore thy diseased servant to his former health But if thou hast sent him this sicknesse as a messenger of death ô give him patience to beare and willingnesse to suffer whatsoever thou sendest Ranke him not in the number of those rich and wicked Eccl. 5.17 who have much sorrow and wrath in their sicknesse but ease his sorrow and appease thy wrath Make him willing to submit to thy will and pleasure that so whether hee liveth Rom. 14.8 hee may live unto thee or whether hee dyeth hee may dye unto thee yea whether hee liveth or dyeth that hee may be thine Luc. 18 13. Lord be likewise mercifull to mee a sinner Thou knowest how deepely this affliction woundeth mee To him thou gavest mee whom now thou visitest that so hee might be both my head and my directour and thou knowest my weakenesse and my frailties that I cannot understand I cannot walke in thy wayes without a counseller I cannot apprehend what I reade Act. 8.31 except some man should guide mee O be thou pleased therfore to spare his life whom I am commanded to learne of at home 1. Cor. 14.35 for if thou callest him to the joy of thine heavenly Kingdome let it be thy goodnesse to moderate my sorrow upon earth If thou takest him from my societie let mee not be left alone but send mee the comforter even thy holy Spirit to be my Protectour and my guide unto death Ps 48.14 Release him of his torments whom thou visitest with this sicknesse and ease thou my sorrowes which arise from his paines Give the comforts of thy Spirit both to him and mee that when this painfull life shall have an end wee may be found of thee in peace 2. Pet. 3.14 Is 9.6 through the merits and mercies of the Prince of peace even Iesus Christ my Lord and onely Saviour Amen THE NINETEENTH SUBJECT Teares of a woman lamenting the death of her beloved husband The Soliloquie THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words o Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voice of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray WHen Mary came where Iesus was Io. 11.32 and saw him shee fell downe at his feete saying unto him Lord if thou hadst beene here my brother had not dyed Shee wept indeede yet it was but for a brother and the Iewes allso wept vers 33. yet it was but for a common friend but what was all that to the death of a husband O my husband my husband That very name of husband mee think's would flatter mee with comfort as if I might imagine that hee could heare mee But oh hee is dead hee is dead hee cannot heare mee hee cannot behould mee hee cannot answer mee his eares are locked up his eyes are closed his mouth is sealed his soule is gone O what shall I doe for my head my guide my heart my husband Were my Saviour upon earth againe I could send one to him as Mary did vers 3. who should say Lord behould hee whom thou lovest is dead Dead say I O dead dead hee is gone hee is departed and can never be re-called But why Why can hee not be called back againe Did not my Iesus cause Lazarus to arise when hee had beene fower dayes dead vers 44 vers 39 Yes hee did but what then I neither love my Saviour so well as Mary did nor I feare doeth hee love mee so well as hee did Mary or if both were so yet since miracles are ceased I cannot so much as hope that hee will call back the spirit of my Lord my husband Oh could hee be wooed by the teares of a sinfull woman never did any mourne so much as I would But nothing will perswade I seeke but the disturbance of him whom I mourne for if I desire to call him from his eternall rest Yet I hope that it is noe sinne to grieve that hee is gone I lament not his happinesse but mine owne losse vers 35 My Iesus himselfe did weepe for Lazarus in testimonie of his affection for so sayd the Iewes vers 36 Behould how hee loved him And was my love to my husband so litle or so cold that I should forget to testifie it in a sorrowfull teare O I cannot forbeare the remembrance of him Is 1.2 Lam 1.12 who was deerer unto mee then life it selfe Heare ô heavens and give eare ô earth Was it nothing to you all yee that were by him when yee saw him breathing out his soule and forsaking the world O behould and see if there be any sorrow like unto my sorrow which is done unto mee wherewith the Lord hath afflicted mee in this day of his anger Tell mee not how Iacob lamented the supposed death of his sonne Ioseph Hee was misse-taken in the cause but I see and feele the chillowed clay of mine indulgent husband Iacob mourned onely for a sonne but I for an husband Iacob had more many more I had but one 2. Sam 1.26 and the love of this one to mee did passe the love of women Yet though Ioseph was alive and though hee was the youngest save one of twelve sonnes Gent 37.34 Iacob his father rent his cloathes and put sackcloth upon his loynes and mourned for him many dayes c 23.2 Tell mee not how Abraham bewayled the death of Sarah his wife who dyed in Kiriath arba in the land of Canaan Hee was a man so neither his passion nor his losse could paralell mine Hee had more-wives but I had not more husbands And yet though Abraham lost but onely a wife I reade that hee came to mourne and to weepe for her Tell mee not of Abijah the sonne of a King how hee dyed and was lamented Could a Prince be as neere and deare to the people as a loving husband to the wife of his bofome Yet though neither mariage nor blood could pleade for a teare I find that all Israël mourned for him
and yet 't is a paine to mee to cry yea and 't is follie to cry because I receave 〈◊〉 certaine hurt by it but noe release from thâ— which I cryfor I envy all that enjoy theâ— health and each moment I am ready to repiâ— at him who hath brought mee so low Thâ— smile of a visitant is a dagger at my heart for while I find my selfe thus lingering in a sicknesse I looke that the whole world should decay for companie I am fretfull and peevish and disturbed with every thing yea even by a continuance of the fretfulblesse it selfe One while I faine would have my life prolonged another while I cry out for a speedie departure Sometimes I have a kind of glimmering oâ— health and then I am so proude of it that 〈◊〉 adventure too much Either I eate too much or I walke too much or I discourse too much or one thing or other exceeding its proportion speedes mee back againe to my former weaknesse then am I sorrie for what I have done and yet am I apt either to denie or excuse it Thus ô thus is my body perplexed but all this while I say nothing of my soule I am sensible of the anguish which I feele in my body but in what estate or condition doe I find my foule My body is allmost resolved into that whereof it was framed my soule therfore is not long to continue upon earth When they shall part it will prove either a day of tryumphant blisse or else a dismall time â—t will be of horrour and confusion O come come thou fond and foolish woman looke â—o that darling which ere long shall be crowned with a diademe of glory or else be damned with the rebellious ghosts Well I am resolved I will now take up banishing the thoughts or hopes of recoverie I will prepare my selfe that I may meete my God O my God assist mee in this my resolution and blesse mee in the performance part 2 The second part of the Soliloquie expressing the cause of the maladie HAd Adam continued in his integritie man should have beene freed from the tortures of sicknesse The dead and trampled earth should not have beene freer from thornes and thistles then man the living earth from maladies and infirmities But ô I feele the sowernesse of the apple in the bitternesse and sharpnesse of my disease and needes must I therfore remember mine originall corruption This is the cause of my languishing this is the ground of my feeblenesse But is this all Have I nothing but the staine which I inherit from my parents to be termed the cause of this my miserie One onely offence to my greate creatour hath power enough to purchase my disquiet But have I but one Is mine hereditarie sinne mine onely crime Surely I feare that I have something amisse in mine owne thoughts and words and actions as well as in my parent's un-kind legacie I cannot believe that God doeth afflict my body with these chastisements yea and threaten my soule too with eternall tortures and all this onely for a sinne of Adam so many ages since committed Thus indeede hee might doe and yet I should not chuse but justifie him when hee should speake Ps 51.4 and cleare him when hee should judg Oh but I feele some-thing else at my heart as weightie as lead which make's mee cry out it is some-thing at my conscience which telleth mee that I have more to answer for then the pollutions of nature it assureth mee that I have offended cruelly deepely desperately I have offended 'T is true ô mine angrie my disturbed conscience I must confesse I have Oh my heart I feele there I feele there something more then an universall guilt I have offended I have sinned actually greatly mightily bloodily in every thought in every word in every action I have so industriously imployed my time to the dishonour of my God that I cannot remember I ever pleased him Guiltie guiltie I must I doe confesse my selfe highly guiltie of fearefull crimes such as disturbe mee in the very remembrance O my God vouchsafe mee a repenting heart for them yet never without the assurance of thy mercy and pardon through the sufferance of thy Sonne How can I choose but find my sinnes even in my very feeble and consuming sicknesse Since I have so many testimonies in the sacred pages that God is noe revenger untill mee are delinquents All disturbances of the body doe un-doubtedly arise from the pollutions of the soule The Prophet David confessed it and said Ps 38.3 There is noe soundnesse in my flesh because of thine anger neither is there any rest in my bones by reason of my sinnes My Redeemer justified it when hee who had beene shaken with a palsie was brought unto him lying upon his bed for hee cured him Mat 9.2 and said Sonne be of good cheere thy sinnes be forgiven thee And againe when thirtie eight yeeres had beene spent by a man in a lingering disease and after that my Iesus had cured him when hee found him in the Temple Io 5.14 his words to him were Behould thou art made whole sinne noe more lest a worse thing come unto thee Saint Paul assured the Corinthians that because they did unworthily approach the table of the Lord 1. Cor 11.30 even for this cause many were weake and sick among them and many slept Thus the punishment is sent from God but the offence is both in and from our selves But have all diseases the same originall Is sinne the ground of every sicknesse Cannot I be afflicted with this languishing maladie but it must needes proceede from the wickednesse I have committed Noe doubtlesse for this very kind and manner of sicknesse hath particularly beene threatned yea and sent too as a punishment for disobedience A languishing hath beene threatned and sent upon the very creatures for the sinnes and wickednesse of the offending people Thus the Prophet bemoaneth the punishment of the Iewes for their greate rebellions and saith The earth mourneth Is 24.4 and fadeth away the world languisheth and fadeth away the height of the people of the earth doeth languish Ier 14.2 Thus in a grievous famine Iudah mourned and the gates thereof languished they were black unto the ground and Ierusalem was gone up Is 16.8 Thus the fields of Hesbon languished and the vine of Shibmah the lords of the heathen brake downe the principall plants thereof Ioel 1.10 Thus among the Iewes the field was wasted the land mourned for the corne was wasted the new wine was dryed up the oyle languished vers 12 the vine was dryed up and the figg-tree languished Thus in the confusion of Egypt the fishers mourned Is 19.8 and all that did cast the angle into the brookes lamented and they that spread netts upon the waters did languish Thus among the enemies of the church the earth mourned and languished c 33.9 Lebanon was ashamed and hewen
blesse you if yee be righteous vers 28 Ps 5.12 Ps 115.13 2. Tim 4.6 and â—ith favour hee will compasse you as with a shield Hee will blesse them that feare him both small and greate And now my children I have not much more to say to you for the time of my departure is at hand If yee doe heartily love your God I know that yee will affectionately love each other yee will be observant to your guardians and instructours yee will be courteous unto all Be not dismayed at any crosse or affliction at any losse or povertie which may fall upon you Mat 6.33 Deut 28.8 Ex 23.25 but seeke yee first the Kingdome of God and his righteousnesse and then all other things shall be added unto you Then the Lord shall command the blessing upon you both in your store-houses in all that yee set your hands unto Hee shall blesse your bread and your water Deutâ— 28.3 and take away sicknesse from the midst of you Blessed shall yee be in the citty and blessed shall yee be in the field vers 4. Blessed shaâ— be the fruits of your bodies and the fruit of your grounds and the fruits of your cattell and the increase of your kine and the flocks of your sheepe vers 5. Blessed shall be your basket vers 6. and your store Blessed shall yee be when yee come in and blessed shall yee beâ— when yee goe forth c. 7.13 The Lord will love youâ— and will blesse you and multiplie you buâ— will allso blesse the fruit of the wombe unto you and the fruit of your land and your corne and your wine and your oyle and the increase of your kine and the flocks of your sheepe in the places where yee shall live c. 28.12 Hee will open unto you his good treasure the heaven to give the raine unto your land in his season and to blesse all the worke of your hands Gen. 49.25 and yee shall lend unto many and yee shall not borrow Hee shall helpe you and blesse you with the blessings of heaven above blessings of the deepe that lyeth under and blessings of the breasts of the wombe And that hee may thus blesse you the same Lord direct your hearts preserve you in his blessing All that I can doe now is to pray for you and my weakenesse will hardly permit mee to doe that yet so long as I can speake I trust I shall pray and in my petitions remember both my selfe and you While I am yet alive it is my duety to pray for you and it is your duety allso to pray for mee The Lord graunt that wee may all doe what hee requireth at 〈◊〉 hands Doe not yee grieve too much that I am so neere my rest for it is the decree of â—…y God and the longing expectation of my â—earied selfe The Lord give you patience to â—ndure this affliction and the Lord give mee â—atience and perseverance unto the end Now I goe the way of all the earth 1. King 2.2 Keepe yee the Charge of the Lord your God to walke in his wayes to keepe his statutes vers 3. and his commandements and his judgments and his â—estimonies as it is written in the Scriptures that yee may prosper in all that yee doe and whithersoëver yee turne your hands The Lord give you the blessing of Iudah Deut. 33.7 and â—eare your voyces and let your hands be sufficient for you and let him be an helper to you from your enemies and the Lord give you the blessing of Benjamin vers 12 The Lord cover you all the day long and dwell betweene your shoulders And the Lord give you the blessing of Ioseph vers 13 Blessed of the Lord be your land for the pretious things of heaven for the deaw and for the deepe that coucheth beneath vers 14 and for the pretious fruits brought forth by the Sunne vers 16 and for the pretious things put forth by the Moone and for the pretious things of the earth and fullnesse thereof and for the good will of him that dwelt in the hush The eternall God be your resuge vers 27 and underneath you the everlasting armes 2. Sam. 7.26 And now ô Lord God let it please thee to blesse the house of thy servant Vers 29 and with thy blessing letâ— familie of thy servant be blessed for ever Deut. 26.15 ps 67.1 Lâ—… downe from thine holy habitation from heare and blesse them O my God he mercifull uâ— them and blesse them and cause thy face to 〈◊〉 upon them And now with Iacob I have made an 〈◊〉 of commanding you Gen. 49.33 and ready I am to gathâ—… up my feete into the bed and to yeeld up the 〈◊〉 and to be gathered unto my fathers Onâ—… come yee neere my deere ones that I 〈◊〉 kisse you and that my cold and clammy haâ—… may be layed upon your heads that I may once more blesse you and dye Fare-well my prettie ones farewell the children of my deare affection 2. Cor. 13.11 I must leave you and I hope I shall leave my God with you who will be unto you a father of mercies and 〈◊〉 God of all consolation Once more fare-well 1. Pet. 3 8. 2. Tim. 4.23 Love as brethren and the God of love and peace be with you The Lord Iesus Christ be with your spirits Grace be with you all Amen subject 26 THE TWENTIE-SIXTH SUBjECT Teares of a dying woman wherein is set downe her religious exercises 1 A Soliloquie in which is set forth 1 A desire of life 2 The certaintie of death 2 A godly preparation against the minuit of death 3 A prayer of the sick 4 The consolation of the godly in the hower of death 5 The resignation of the soule into the hands of God exercise 1 â—he Soliloquie wherein is set forth part 1 1. A desire of life THE EjACULATION â—sal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words o Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voice of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray VVHen Ahazia had fallen downe through a lattesse in his upper chamber 2. King 1.2 that was in Samaria and was sick of 〈◊〉 fall hee sent messengers to enquire of Baal-zebub the God of Ekron whether hee should recover of that dangerous sicknesse Every one desireth a fore-knowledg of events that they might prevent those dangers which otherwise might ensue Herein mee thinks wee endeavour a kind of imitation of our maker labouring unjustly for his attribute of prae-science But if wee desire what hee forbiddeth wee seeke but our destruction in the pursuit of our desires Of some things hee often permitteth us a fore-knowledg and somethings againe hee hideth from us that so both by ouâ— knowledg wee may conjecture at what a blessing wee should have enjoyed had not Adam transgressed and allso that by our ignorance wee may
order unto him and in obedience to his commands I will love my neighbour as my selfe I will love him with the same affection as my selfe For his sake for whom I love my selfe even for God's For the same reason as my selfe even for grace conferred in this life present and for a certaine hope of eternall glory in the life to come In the same order as my selfe which shall be above the world but inferiour to my God Vpon the same ground as myselfe even because of the image of God imprinted in him and because hee is capable of immortall happinesse lastly as long as myselfe even from the beginning unto the end untill this fraile flesh shall be forsaken by my pensive my sad and sorrowfull soule And that my brethren my neighbours may be the better assured of my love which cannot be firme unlesse I accord with them in the same beliefe Heb 4.14 and that it may be knowne that through the grace of my God I hold fast the profession of my faith wherein I have lived even the same which was taught by my Saviour and his Apostles according to the trueth and puritie of the same without leaning either to prophanesse atheisme superstition or any other errour or heresie and to the intent that they may joyne with mee in thanksgiving to my God for preserving mee in the same and in prayer unto God that I may continue in the same both to the end in the end I will therfore cheerefully faithfully and confidently rehearse the articles of my beliefe and say I beleeve in God the Father Allmighty Maker of heaven and earth and in Iesus Christ his onely Sonne our Lord which was conceived by the holy Ghost borne of the Virgin Mary suffered under Pontius Pilate was crucified dead and buried hee descended into hell the third day hee rose againe from the dead hee ascended into heaven and sitteth on the right hand of God the Father All-mighty from thence hee shall come to judg the quick and the dead I beleeve in the holy Ghost the holy Catholike Church the Communion of Saints the forgivenesse of sinnes the resurrection of the body and the life everlasting Amen Thus I believe Lord helpe my un-beliefe Mar. 9.24 Eph. 4.14 and graunt that I may not be tossed to and fro and caried about with every wind of doctrine by the sleight of men and cunning craftinesse whereby they lie in wayt to deceave vers 15 but that speaking and believing this trueth in love I may grow up unto him in all things which is the head even Christ my Redeemer And that I may thus repent mee of my sinnes and continue in love and persevere in the faith and submit to his good pleasure I will with a bended heart and a sorrowfull spirit and weeping eyes pray unto him and say exercise 3 3. The Prayer of the sick FAther of mercies Lord of life thou God which art a refuge in the time of trouble Ps 6.2 have mercy upon mee Ps 143.4 for I am weake and my heart with in mee is desolate A sinner I am I must confesse it not deserving thy mercy a fowle a grievous sinner I am who have disobeyed thy statutes and broken all thy commandements and never have I set my selfe in any good way to seeke my peace and reconciliation with thee My conscience check's mee and my sinnes testifie against mee and mine adversarie the devill strjveth to pluck from mee my considence in thee O Lord be thou my protectour and my gracious father Be reconciled unto mee in Iesus Christ in whom alone thou art well pleased Io 16.23 and in whose name whatsoëver I shall aske of thee I am sure thou wilt give it unto mee Heavenly Father doe thou assist mee doe thou comfort mee in these my trpâ—… and afflictions Ps 60.11 o be thou my helpe in trouble for vaine is the helpe of man To thee I cry to thee I come with a panting heart with a sorrowfull soule with an humble spirit I have sinned ô I have sinned and done amisse and my portion might be justly therfore in the land of darknesse there to be tormented with the devill and his angells forever But ô thou who hast promised to heale all those that are broken in heart Ps 147 3. and to bind up their wounds be reconciled unto mee in the wounds of my Redeemer Speake peace unto my conscience in this agony Ps 143.6 in this sorrowfull and deepe sighing for my skarlet sinnes To thee Ps 143.6 and to thee alone I stretch forth my hands to thee my soule gaspeth as a thirstie land vers 7. Heare mee ô Lord that soone for my spirit waxeth faint hide not thy face from mee lest I be like unto them that goe downe to destruction O let not these teares be refused nor these groanes be sighed and sobbed in vaine but by the power of his passion out of whose pretious side did issue both water and blood be thou reconciled unto mee the unworthiest of thy creatures Though my soule be deepely stained with the pollutions of my transgressions yet his blood hath power to make it white as snow On that remission of sinnes by his torments and sufferings doe I wholly rely My selfe I abhorre Iob 42.6 and repent in dust and ashes my workes I disclaine for I know their unworthinesse on thee alone ô my Iesus I wholly depend and by thee alone I hope for remission Be thou my Iesus be thou my Saviour Cure mee by thy wounds heale mee by thy stripes ease mee by thy torments comfort mee by thine agonie refresh my fainting soule by thy bluodie sweat revive mee by thy death and ô Sonne of God and Saviour of the world present mee to thy father in the robe of thy righteousnesse Ps 94.13 Give mee patience in this time of adversitie that I may quietly and contentedly submit to thy good pleasure rely upon thy mercy be thankfull for thy chastisement and in all things so looke up unto thee in this time of my sicknesse that I may hereafter be raised to glory by the power of thy resurrection This sicknesse for ought I know may be unto death but in thee I trust it shall be a passage unto life If thou hast passed the sentence of the first death upon mee decreeing to execute it by this my sicknesse to lay mee in the dust by this present visitation howsoever be pleased ô my father for the worthinesse of thy sonne to free met from the horrour of the second death Let mee be found of thee in peace 2. Pet 3 14. Hab 3.2 Is 9.13 Iob. 3.25 Mich 6 13. 1. Pet 4 19. Ps 119.175 that it may clearely appeare to mee that thou art a God of trueth and in the midst of judgment remembrest mercy Vnto thee I turne for thou hast smitten mee and the thing that I so greatly feared is fallen upon mee My body thou
destruction nor the threatned fall nor thy resisting us nor Sodom's ruine Lord forgive this iniquity amongst us and give us now such humble hearts Ps 75.6 that wee may noe more set our hornes on high nor speake with stiffe necks for why Thou ô God art the judg vers 8. thou puttest downe one and settest up another Wee are taught ô thou just God of truth Prov. 11.1 that a false ballance is abhomination unto thee but a just weight is thy delight and wee know that thou didst question by thy Prophet saying Mic 6.11 Shall I count them pure with the wicked ballances and with the bagg of deceitfull weights vers 10 Are there not in Ierusalem and Samaria the treasures of wickednesse in the house of the wicked and the skant measure which is aboâ—minable Yea and wee know that thou doâ—… stricktly forbid Deut 25.14 vers 13 vers 15 saying Thou shalt not have iâ— thine house diverse measures a greate and 〈◊〉 small thou shalt not have in thy bagge diversâ— weights a greate and a small but thou shalâ— have a perfect and just weight a perfect and just measure shalt thou have that thy dayes may be lengthened in the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee And yet for all this the same complaint may be made against many of us Ier 6.13 which was against Iudah wee are given to coveteousnesse and wee dealt falsly Iustly therfore ô most righteous judg thou mayst question us as thou didst the Iewes and say c 7.9 vers 10 will yee steale murder commâ— adulterie and sweare falsly and come and stand before mee in my house which is called by my name and say wee are delivered 〈◊〉 doe all these abominations O thou that art the easer of the oppressed thou God of compassionate bowells to thee are allso knowne both the deceaver and the oppressour walking hand in hand among us Surely thou hast seene it Ps 10.15 for thou behouldest ungodlinesse and wrong therfore thou callest Amos. 8.4 vers 5 saying Heare this ô yee that swallow up the needy even to make the poore of the land to faile saying when will the Sabbath be gone that wee may set forth wheate making the Ephah small and the Shekel greate and falsifying the ballance by deceit vers 6. that wee may buy the poore for silver and the needy for a paire of shooes Yea ô thou that makest inquisition for blood and forgettest not the complaint of the poore to thee wee must confesse that with the deceitfull is joyned allso among us even the bloody murderer allthough wee are well assured that the blood-thirstie and deceitfull man shall not live out halfe his dayes Ps 55.25 Yea Lord thou God of justice thou mayest allso complaine of us as thou didst of the Iewes Is 59.4 and say that few or none among us calleth for justice or pleadeth for truth wee trust in vanity and speake lyes wee conceave mischiefe and bring forth iniquity Hos 4.2 By swearing and lying and killing and stealing and committing adulterie the people breake out and blood toucheth blood Therfore doth our land mourne vers 3. and every one that dwelleth therein doth languish Thus ô thus wickedly thus contemptuously Iud 10 15. thus outragiously yea and many more and worse though closer wayes have wee sinned o Lord doe thou unto us whatsoever in thy mercy seemeth good unto thee For these Ier. 50.4 and for all other our private and publike our secret and our open our particular and our generall crimes I besiech thee o father of mercies to graunt that I and all the people of the land may goe weeping as once did the children of Israel and of Iudah Lord be reconciled unto us in the blood of that Lamb of thine who taketh away the sinns of the world Cause us all now in this time of our visitation to learne vers 5. and aske the way to Sion with our faces thitherward saying Come let us joyne our selves unto the Lord in a perpetuall covenant that shall not be broken Amos. 7.2 Dan. 9.19 Ioel. 2.21 vers 26 O Lord God forgive us I beseech thee by whom Shall Iacob arise For hee is small O Lord heare ô Lord forgive o Lord hearken and doe it so shall wee be sure that thou wilt doe greate things Cause us once againe to eate in plenty be satisfied praise thy name o Lord our God when thou hast dealt thus wonderously with us and wee shall never be ashamed Ier. 29.11 O let thy thoughts be thoughts of peace towards us and not of evill Wee should o my God 1. Pet. 3 8. wee should have loved one another as brethren and should have beene pittyfull and courteous but to our shame I must acknowledg with a sad and a broken heart that wee have beene more ready to bite and devoure one another Gal. 5.15 and therfore now are wee justly consumed one of another It is most just with thee o thou sin-revenging God thus to visit our offences with the rod Ps 89.32 our sinns with scourges Vnnaturall have beene our crimes therfore unnaturall are likewise our punishments Ps 37.15 for our swords doe goe thorow our owne hearts and wee our selves are become the destroyers of our selves O eternall mercy O eternall goodnesse be thou gratiously pleased I beseech thee to give us a true sight sense and feeling of these and all other our faylings and back-slidings give us hearty remorse contrition and sorrow for them all together with a stedfast resolution of new obedience yea and so strengthen us in these our pious resolutions and so enable us to the performance of the same yea so sanctifie us throughout that our whole spirits and soules bodies may be kept blamelesse unto the comeing of our Lord and Saviour Iesus Christ Thou hast threatned that If a man will not turne Ps 7.13 thou will whet thy sword this long time thou hast bent thy bowe thou hast prepared for us vers 14 and brought among us the instruments of death and hast ordained thine arrowes against thy persecuters Yet Lord thou art yesterday and to day and the same for ever The same father of mercies and God of all consolation Remember therfore I beseech thee how gratious thou wert to the people of Iudah to whom thou sentest thy Prophet to speake Ier. 26.3 If so be they would hearken and turne every man from his evill way that thou mightest repent thee of the evill which thou didst purpose to doe unto them because of the evill of their doeings O Lord doe thou rent our hearts in thy mercy and make us turne from our evill wayes that thou mayst repent thee of the evill of our punishments Make us turne unto thee with 〈◊〉 our hearts Ioel 2.12 with fasting and with weeping and with mourning Ex 32.12 and then turne thou from thy