that honest Jew too I 'le pledge thee Enter Drawer Dr. Master Hazard there are two gentlemen below Inquire for you Ha. For me Da. One's somewhat ancient I heard him call The tother Nephew Ha. Say I come to 'em presentlie Gentlemen I doe caution you before To be faire conditiond one of them the Nephew Is of a fierie constitution And sensible of any affront let this Character prepare him for you Wi. Bring him not hither Ha. There is a necessitie in 't I wod not for A hundred pound but entertaine him now He knowes I am here Exit Enter Master Hazard againe with Barnacle his Nephew and Dwindle Wi. This is old Barnacle Acr. One that is to fine for Alderman Lit. And that 's his Nephew I have beene in 's company Sel. Is this the youth Hazard prepard us for How bussie they are Ha. You could not wish better opportunitie These are all gentlemen of qualitie I 'le call him cozen first if it please you To endeare him to their acquaintance Bar. I 'le not be a witnesse of your passages my selfe these will report as much as I desire sir if you be beaten I am satisfied Ne. But d' ee heare Uncle are sure you have made Your bargaine wiselie they may cut my throat When you are gone and what are you the wiser Dwindle be you close to me Ha. I warrant you we shall do things with discretion If he have but grace to looke and talke couragiouslie Bar. He may be valiant for ought I know Howsoever this will be a secure way To have him thought so if he beate you soundlie Ne. I doe not like the company But I have drunke wine too and that 's the best on 't We maie quarrell on even Termes looke to Thy basket-hilt Dwindle and have a stoole readie Dw. I will give your worship a stoole Ha. As I am gentleman be confident I 'le waite on you downe sir Bar. By no meanes let him beate you to purpose sir Ne. Buy Uncle Exit Ha. Come sir pray gentlemen bid my kinsman welcome a sparke that will deserve your knowledge Wi. His kinsman you are welcome Acr. He has power to command your welcome Lit. If I mistake not I have had the happinesse To ha beene in your companie afore now Ne. Mine sir d' ee heare what if I quarrel'd With him first 't will prepare me the better Ha. Do as you please that 's without my conditions Ne. I 'le but give him now and then a touch I 'le close Well enough I warrant you you beene in my Companie sir Lit. Yes and at the Taverne Ne. I paid the reckning then Lit. You came into our roome Ne. Tell me of comming into your roome I 'le come againe you are a superfluous gentleman Wil. How 's this Ha. Let him alone Lit. Sir remember your selfe Ne. I 'le remember what I please I 'le forget what I remember tell me of a reckning what i st I 'le pay 't no man shall make an asse of me Further then I list my selfe I care not a fiddle Sticke for any mans thundring he that affronts Me is the sonne of a Worme and his father a Whoore I care not a straw nor a broken point For you if any man dare drinke to me I Wonot goe behind the dore to pledge him Acr. Why her 's to you sir Ne. Why there 's to you sir Twit mee with comming into a Roome I could finde in my heart to throw a Pottle-pot I name no bodie I will kicke any man downe Stayres that cannot behave himselfe like a gentleman none but a slave would offer to paie a reckning before me where 's the Drawer ther 's a peece at all adventures hee that is my friend I cars not a rush if any man be my enemie he is an idle companion and I honor him with all my heart Wi. This is a precious humor is he us'd to these mistakes Lit. Your kinsman gives him priviledge Ne. I desire no mans priviledge it skills not whether I be kin to any man living Ha. Nay nay cozen pray let me perswade you Ne. You perswade me for what acquaintance minde your busines and speake with your Tailor Ha. And you be thus rude Ne. Rude sir what then sir hold me Dwindle Dw. Are you readie to have a stoole sir Wi. Nay nay Will we beare with him for your sake He is your kinsman Ha. I am calme agen Cozen I am sorry any person here Hath given you offence Ne. Perhapps sir you Have given me offence I do not feare you I have knock'd as round a fellow in my dayes Ha. And may againe Wi. Be knock'd a pox upon him I know not what to make on him Ha. Let me speake a word in private sir Ne. I can be as private as you sir Ha. Strike me a box o' th eare presentlie Ne. Ther 's my hand on 't Wi. Nay nay gentlemen Acr. Master Wilding Ne. Let him call me to account the recknings paid Come Dwindle Exit Sel. I did not thinke the foole durst ha done this T is a strange youth Ha. You shall heare more to morrow Dr. All 's paid and you are welcome gentlemen Exeunt Enter Leonara Violante Leo. Why should not we two live together being So equall in our passions oh Violante Our knowledge grew from children and our loves Allie us in our natures Vio. T is my wish To dwell with thee I never knew that woman In whom I tooke more pleasure to converse with Leo. But I have a father and remembring him A sorrow steales upon me to betraie My hopes of blessing for although hee love me And deerelie as he sayes for Children must not Dispute with fathers he affects not him In whom I place all thoughts that can delight me He loves not Delamore and what to me Is all the World without him I shall never I feare have his consent to be made happie In marriage and this although our thoughts Reflect with equall honor on our lovers Makes the distinction and concludes me miserable Thy will depends upon no riged parent Thy path is strew'd with Roses while I clime A ragged cliffe to meete whom I affect Vio. Indeede Leonara I much pitie thee Leo, I prethee counsell me how shall I wrastle With my sad destinie and yet preserve My filiall obedience I must loose A father or a husband Vio. Would I knew Which way to bid thee steere but lesson'd by My owne affection I would have thy minde Constant to him thou loust time may correct A fathers harshnes and be confident If poore Violante have a power to serve thee She will forget her owne heart ere prove false to thee Leo. Oh my deare soule I know 't Enter Servant Ser. Oh mistresse Leo. What 's the matter Vio. This face betraies some miserable accident Leo. Speake and assure us what disaster makes Thy countenance so wilde Ser. A friend of yours Leo. Is sicke is dead what more and yet I have So few I can spare
'em up againe oh Dwindle Thou dost not know what honor 't is to bee So boisterous I would take the wall now Of my Lord Maiors Gyants Wi. Doe as I bid you sirra Pa. Alas sir hee 'le devoure me Ha. He shanot hurt thee Pa. Be at my backe then pray sir now I thinke on 't I have the beard here too with which I frighted Our maides last night Dwi. You know these gentlemen Ne. Hazard and Wilding how i' st how i' st Bulchins Wo'dye had beene with us I ha so mald a Captaine O' th traine band yonder Pa. Is not your name Barnacle Ha. Ancient Petarre Ne. What 's this Wi. The admiration of the Towne Ne. For what Wi. For valour Ne. This inch and a halfe Wi. Ther 's the wonder oh the spirit the tall spirit Within him he has the soule of a Giant Ne. He has but a dwarfs body ancient Petarre Pa. Sirra how dare you name a Captaine Thou tunne of ignorance he shall eate my Pistole And save me the discharge Ne. Tell me of a tun I 'le drinke twenty tunnes to thy Health who shall hinder me if I have a Minde too 't your Pistol 's a Pepper-corne I will eate Up an armory if my stomacke serve so long as I Have mony to pay for 't and you were as little agen As you are fright me with your potguns my name's Barnacle sir call me what you please and my Mans name 's Dwindle and you goe there to do not Thinke but I have seene fire-drakes afore now though I never talk'd on 't and Rackets too though my man Be a Coxcombe here and balls of wild-fire no dispraise To you d' ee thinke to thunder me with your Picke Tooth by your side Pa. Let my sword shew him but one flash of lightning To singe the haire of his head off Ha. Good ancient Petarre Dwi. T is a very divell in decimo sexto Peter d' e call him Pa. Thou dogbolt and cozen germane to Cerbenus Ha. Two heads once remov'd hee 's somewhat like him Ne. I begin to thinke Dwi. And I begin to Pa. Agen Wi. He does but thinke Pa. He thinke is this a place for him to thinke in Minotaure vanish immediately or I will shoot death From my Mustachios and kill thee like a Porcupine Ne. Ancient Petarre I know thy name and I Honor it thar' t one of the most vaineglorious Peeces of fire-worke that ever water wet I am a Gentleman and if I have say'd any thing to disgust Thee I can aske thee forgivenes as well as the Proudest vassell on 'em all extend thy paw thou Invincible Epitome of Hercules and let thy servant Kisse it Wi. Come pray sir be reconcil'd he submits Pa. I see thou hast something in thee of a Soldier to no Purpose and I will cherish it Thou art a raskall in thy understanding thou shat excuse me Turke in honorable love I remember thy great grand-Father was hang'd for robbing a Pedler-woman of sixe yards of inckle and thou mayst mauger the Herald in a right line challenge the gallowes by his copie mongrell of mongrell Hall I am thy humble servant and will cut the throate of any man that sayes thou hast eyther wit or honesty more then is fit for a gentleman Command my sword my lungs my life thou art a puffe a mulligrube a Metaphysicall Coxcombe and I honour you with all my hart Ne. I thanke you noble ancient and kinde gentlemen Come Dwindle wee 'le go rore somewhere else Wi. Was ever such an offe Exit Ha. The boy hid hit his humour excellently Here cherish thy wit Pa. Now shall I tell my mistresse you 'le come to her VVi. How officious you are for your mistresse sirra What said shee I came not home all night Pa. Nothing to me but my eyes ne're beheld Her looke more pleasantly Ha. Now farewell Jacke I neede not urge your secresie Touching your mistres I have mounted for you Only I 'le caution you looke when you meete That you performe your busines handsomely I ha begun so well shee may suspect else And put thee out of service if shee doe You know your wages I shall laugh at thee And hartilie so farewell farewell Jacke Exit VVi. To say the truth I have shewed my selfe a coxcombe A pox a play that made me double looser For ought I know she may admit me never To such a turne agen and then I ha punished My selfe ingeniouslie Enter Mistris Wilding Penelope and Mistris Leonora a Servant waiting upon them My wife Pag. My Mistresse sir Wi. Keepe you at distance Penelope and Leonora Shee 's as the boy reported something more Pleasant then ordinarie Mi. T is hee good cozen Pretend some busines offer at some wares Or aske the Gold-smith what your Diamond 's worth Something to trifle time away while I Speake with my husband a few words Wi. Shee comes toward me Mi. I can containe no longer How d' ee sweete-hart Wi. Well but a little melancholy You looke more sprightfully wife something has pleas'd you Mi. It has indeede and if it be no staine To modestie I would enquire how you Sped the last night Wi. I lost my money Mi. I doe not meane that game Wi. I am not betrai'd I hope do not meane that game Mi. Y' are a fine gentleman Wi. T is so could she not keepe her owne counsell Mi. And have behav'd your selfe most wittilie And I may say most wrongfully this will Bee much for your honor when 't is knowne Wi. What will be knowne Mi. Do you not blush oh fie Is there no modestie in man Wi. What riddle Have you got now I wonot yet seeme conscious Mi. T is time then to be plaine it was a wonder I could be so long silent did you like Your last nights lodging Wil. Very very well I went not to bed all night Mi. You did not lie with Mistresse Penelope my kinswoman Wi. Refuse me if I did Mi. You neede not sweare But 't was no fault of yours no fault no vertue But 't is no place to expostulate these actions In breife know 't was my plott for I observ'd Which way your warme affection mov'd wrought So with my honest cozen to supplie Her wanton place that with some shame at last I might deceive your hard heart into kindnes Wi. That that agen sweete wife and be a little Serious was it your plott to excuse your cozen And be the bed-fellow Mi. Heaven knowes 't is truth Wi. I am fitted fitted with a paire of hornes Of my owne making Mi. Thanke and thinke upon That providence that would not have you lost In such a Forrest of loose thoughts and bee Your selfe agen I am your hand-maid still And have learned so much pietie to conceale What ever should dishonor you Wi. It budds It budds alreadie I shall turne starke mad Horne mad Mi. What aile you are you vext because Your wantonnesse thriv'd so well Wi. Well with a vengance Mi. I did expect
a cuckold then before Was I predestin'd to this shame and mockerie Where were my braines yet why am I impatient Unlesse betrai'd he cannot reach the knowledge And then no matter yes I am curst agen My torment multiplies how can he thinke He plaid the wanton with Penelope When he finds her a maide that ruines all I wod she had beene strumpeted he knowes My wives Virginitie to well I am lost And must be desperate kill him no my wife Not so good death is over blacke and horrid And I am growne ridiculous to my selfe I must do some thing Enter Sr. Richard Hurry Hu. Master Wilding welcome Y 'ave beene a great a stranger Wi. Do you know me Hu. Know you Wi. They say I am much alter'd alate Hu. There is some alteration in your forehead Wi. My forehead Hu. T is not smooth enough you 're troubled Your wife 's within Wi. Shee loves your daughter sir Hu. When saw you Master Beaumont Wi. Not to day Hu. I have sent for him pray stay and witnes His further examination I propounded A way to doe him good but he is obstinate Would I could change condition with him Wi. He is not troubled now with being a cuckold You shall command Enter Mistris Wilding and a Servant Hu. Your husband Lady Wi. Wife you are a whore You shall know more hereafter I must goe live i' th Forrest Mi. And I i' th Common Wi. Shee le turne prostitute Hu. Attend him hither Master Beaumont's come Nay you shall favour me so much here 's the gentleman Enter Master Beaumont with Officers Already Bea. Sir your pleasure by your command I am brought hither I hope you have no more to charge me with Then freelie I have confest Hu. Yes Bea. I must answer You can have but my life to satisfie Pray speake my accusation Hu. Besides the offence knowne and examin'd You are guilty Of that which all good natures do abhorre Bea. You have a priviledge but do not make me Good sir to appeare monstrous who are my Accusers Hu. I am one Bea. And my judge too I have small hope to plead then but proceede And name my trespasse Hu. That which includes all That man should hate ingratitude Bea You have Preferrd a large inditement and are the first That ever chargd me with 't it is a staine My soule held most at distance but descend To some particular this offence doth rise Or fall in the degree or reference To persons sinn'd against to whom have I Beene so ingratefull Hu. Ingrate as high as murder Bea. To whom Hu. Thy selfe to whom that life thou oughtest to cherish Thou hast undone Bea. I am not so uncharitable How ere you please to urge it but I know Why you conclude so let me sir be honest To heaven and my owne heart and then if life Will follow it shall bee welcome Ha. Still perverse Stand forth my Leonora looke upon her Bea. I see a comely frame which cannot bee Without as faire a minde Hu. With her I make Once more a tender of my wealth and thy Enlargement Wi. How can you discharge him sir Hu. Take you no care for that it shall be secur'd If he accept 't is the last time of asking Answer to purpose now Bea. There shall neede none Sir to forbid this marriage but my selfe My resolution but warme before Is now a flame I honour this faire Virgine And am too poore to thanke your love but must not Buy life with so much shame I am Violante My last breath shall confirme it Wi. Beaumont thinke on 't A little better be not mad if this be possible Embrace her instantlie Bea. Shee does not looke With any countenance of love upon me See shee does weepe Wi. Shee le love thee afterwards And shee doe not she can but cuckold thee There be more i' th Parish man Hu. Since you are so peremptory So peremptory here receave your sentence Live and love happilie Vio. My Dearest Beaumont Wi. To what purpose is this he must be hangd for Delamore Hu. Heer 's one can cleere the danger Wi. The Surgeon did not you say he was dead Sur. I did to serve his ends which you see noble Delamore is past danger but wants strength To come abroad Leo. You give me another life Hu. I see heaven has decreed him for thy husband And shat have my consent too Leo. Now you blesse me Hu. I wished to call thee sonne pardon my triall Joy ever in your bosomes Bea. I feele a blessing That onely can be thought silence my tongue And let our hearts discourse Enter Hazard Penelope Acre-lesse Little-stocke and Sel-away Ha. You leave gentlefolks who wishes joy And a bundle of boyes the first night Hu. Married Pene. Fast as the Priest could tie us A.S.L. We are witnesses Ha. Cozen two thousand pound and Ladie now T is time to cleere all Wi. I 'le be divorc'd now Wife y' are a Whore Ha. Ho there no bug-words come Wee must tell something in your care Be merry You are no cuckold make no noise I know That 's it offends your stomake Wi. Ha! Ha. I touch'd not her nor this with one rude action Wee le talke the circumstance when you come home Your wife expected you but when I came She had prepar'd light and her Cozen here To have made you blush and chide you into honesty Seeing their chast simplicities was wonne To silence which brought on my better fortune Wi. Can this be reall Mi. By my hopes of peace I' th tother World you have no injury My plot was onely to betraie you to Love and repentance Pene. Be not troubled sir I am a witnes of my Cozens truth And hope you le make all prosper in renewing Your faith to her Ha. Be wise and no more words Thou hast a treasure in thy wife make much on her For any act of mine she is as chast As when she was new borne Love love her Jacke As when she was new borne Love love her Jacke Wi. I am asham'd pray give me all forgivenes I see my follies heaven invites me gently To thy chast bed be thou againe my dearest Thy vertue shall instruct me joy to all Here be more Delamore is living And Leonora mark'd to injoy him Violante is possest of Beaumont too Ha. These be loves miracles a spring tide flow In every bosome Hu. This day let me feast you Anon wee 'le visit Delamore Leo. My soule Longs to salute him Ha. Here all follyes die May never Gamester have worse fate then I FINIS Imprimatur Tho. Wykes