of a wiues separation for her disease Leu. 15. 19. c. For what can be expected â—m such polluted copulation but a leprous and loathsome generation This kinde of intemperancie is expresly forbidden Leuit. 18. 19. and a capitall punishment inflicted on such as offended therein Leuit. 20. 18. Abstinence in this time is set in the catalogue of those notes which declare a man to be righteous Eccles 20. 7. and the contrary intemperancy is put in the roll of such abominations as prouoked God to spue out the Canaanits Leuit. 18. 28. and to forsake his owne inheritance Ezek. 22. 10. To this kinde of intemperancie some referre a mans knowing of his wife after she hath conceiued with childe But I finde no such matter condemned in Gods word neither dare I make that a sinne which is not there condemned Certaine Sectaries among the Iewes are branded for this error 1. Obiect No other creature will so doe so as it may seeme to be against nature Answ 1. I denie the argument though some forbeare yet all doe not 2. I denie the consequence for other creatures are not so tied one male to one female as an husband to his owne wife Besides that which beasts by nature are tied vnto must be left to mans discretion 2. Obiect After a woman hath once conceiued no more conceptions can be expected till she be deliuered Answ Conception is not the only end of this dutie for it is to be rendred to such as are barren Quest What if the wife giue sucke to her childe ought not her husband then to forbeare Answ Because giuing sucke is a mother dutie man ought to doe what he can to containe §. 10. Of mutuall loue betwixt man and wife Hitherto of those common mutuall duties which tend to the preseruation of the very being of mariage and are in that respect absolutely necessarie The other common mutuall duties though they be not of so absolute necessitie as the former are in their kinde necessary for the good estate of mariage and for the better preseruing of that knot so as if they be not performed the end and right vse of mariage will be peruerted that estate made vncomfortable very burdensome The first of these is Loue. A louing mutuall affection must passe betwixt husband and wife or else no dutie will be well performed this is the ground of all the rest In some respects Loue is proper and peculiar to an husband as I purpose to shew when I come to speake of an husbands particular duties But Loue is also required of wiues and they are commanded to be louers of their husbands as well as husbands to loue their wiues so as it is a common mutuall dutie belonging to husband and wife too and that is true wedlocke when man and wife are linked together by the bond of loue Vnder loue all other duties are comprised for without it no dutie can be well performed Loue is the fulfilling of the Law that is the very life of all those duties which the law requireth It is the bond of perfection which bindeth together all those duties that passe betwixt partie and partie Where loue aboundeth there all duties will readily and cheerefully be performed Where loue is wanting there euery duty will either be altogether neglected or so carelesly performed that as good not be performed at all in which respect the Apostle willeth that all things be done in loue Loue as it prouoketh the partie in whom it ruleth to doe all the good it can so it stirreth vp the partie loued to repay good for good It is like fire which is not only hot in it selfe but also conueigheth heat into that which is neere it whence ariseth a reflection of heat from one to another Note how admirably this is set forth betwixt Christ and his Spouse in the Song of Salomon and it is further manifested in the examples of all good husbands and wiues noted in the Scripture they did mutually beare a very louing affection one to another Though loue be a general duty which euery one oweth to another euen to his enemie yet the neerer that God hath linked any together the more are they bound to this dutie and the more must they abound therein But of all others are man and wife most neerely and firmly linked together Of all others therefore are they most bound hereunto that in the highest degree that may be euen like to Ionathans loue who loued Dauid as his owne soule Salomon saith He that findeth a wife findeth a good thing and obtaineth fauour of the Lord which by the rule of relation is also true of an husband Shee that findeth an husband findeth a good thing and obtaineth fauour of the Lord. Man and wife therefore are each to other an especiall pledge of Gods fauour and in this respect aboue all others vnder God to be loued If this be the ground as it ought to be of their mutuall loue their loue will be feruent and constant Neither will the want or withering of any outward allurements as beautie personage parentage friends riches honours or the like with-hold or with-draw extinguish or extenuate their loue neither will any excellencies of nature or grace in other husbands and wiues draw their hearts from their owne to those other nor yet will the loue of a former yoake-fellow dead and gone any whit lessen the loue of the liuing mate This instance I haue the rather mentioned because in many who are farre from setting their affection on strange flesh their loue of a former husband or wife departed is so fast fixed in their heart as they can neuer againe so intirely loue any other They who are so minded are not fit to be ioined with another yoke-fellow after they are loosed from one If they mary againe and manifest such a minde they plainly shew that they respect this or that person more then Gods ordinance By Gods ordinance man and wife are no longer bound one to another then they liue together Death is an absolute diremption and maketh an vtter dissolution of the mariage bond If the man be dead the wife is deliuered from the law of the man so as shee may take another man Which liberty is also giuen to the man Being now free if they mary another that other being now a true husband or wife their loue must be as intire to that other as it was to the former yea and more intire if there were any defect in the former For as children maried out of their parents house must not retaine such a loue of their parents as shall swallow vp their loue of the partie to whom they are maried but must according to the law leaue father and mother and cleaue to their yoke-fellow so neither must the loue of a former husband or wife be predominant when they are maried to another This other must be as close cleaued
spot he did therefore no way pollute or defile his Spouse and that his loue might the better appeare to be chaste loue cast only vpon one Spouse and not many he vnited all his Saints together by the bond of his Spirit and made them all one body Hereby husbands must learne so to be affected towards their wiues as may stand with holinesse and chastitie though much loue be required yet it may not ouer-flowe those banks Mariage is honourable and a bed vndefiled It must therefore be vsed as an vndefiled thing This indeed appertaineth to the wife as well as to the husband But because he is the head and guide of his wife and ought to be as a patterne and president before her as Christ is before him therefore is it more specially applied to him The puritie of an husbands loue here spoken of hath a double vse 1. It restraineth an husbands loue to his owne wife There is a generall Christian loue whereby all occasions of doing good are taken with which an husband may and ought to loue others and a particular matrimoniall loue whereby he is moued to preferre his wife before all and to haue his heart set and fixed on her and so proper and peculiar to her 2. It orders and moderates his loue so as it turneth not into sinfull lust whereby that estate which in it selfe by vertue of Gods ordinance is holy is polluted §. 68. Of husbands lightnesse Contrary is not only adulterie whereof we haue spoken before but also wantonnesse lightnesse and vncleannesse with his wife For many intemperate and vnchaste husbands giuing the raines to their headstrong lusts manifest as much vnseemlinesse and plaine filthinesse in their words gestures and actions to say nothing of their thoughts which are not seene to their wiues as other doe to strumpets and harlots which is a most shamelesse thing and I am euen ashamed â— mention but because it is mentioned let such know thâ— they shall be accounted among such whoremongers and adulâ—rers as God will iudge §. 69. Of husbands louing their wiues more then themselues The quantity of Christs loue cannot be expressed for the measure of it was aboue measure He gaue himselfe for his Church and in that respect he calleth himselfe that Good sheepheard that gaue his life for his sheepe Greater loue then this hath no man What will not he doe for his spouse that gaue his life for her This may seeme to be too high a straine and pitch of loue for an husband to attaine vnto a matter wherein he is to â—eaue his patterne and not to follow Christ but yet S. Iohn addeth euen this extent to the loue of our brethren We ought saith he to lay downe our liues for the brethren therefore by â—ust consequence for our wiues But that this extent be not stretched too farre and husbands cast into a pit of needlesse â—erill two cautions must be noted 1. That there be an absolute necessity to bring vs to this â—raite of parting with our life which is when the good we â—ime at in the behalfe of our wiues cannot any other way be â—ffected but by venturing our life There was no other way â—â— redeeme the Church but by the bloud of Christ 2. That the good we intend in this case to our wiues be of â—reater valew then our temporall life as is the good of her â—ule the sauing of it Thus the Apostle saith I will most gladly bestowed for your soules Which minde men must much more â—rie towards their wiues It was for our saluation that Christ â—ue himselfe §. 70. Of husbands vnkindnesse Contrary is their vnkindnesse that preferre euery trifle of â—â—eir owne before the good of their wiues their profit their â—easure their promotion cleane draw away their hearts and â—â—fections from their wiues If any extraordinary charge must â— laid out or pains taken for their wiues good little loue â—ll then appeare whereby it appeares that there was no true â—â—d sound loue setled in their hearts towards their wiues As â—ld and other like mettals are tryed by the fire so loue by â—â—ictions and crosses §. 71. Of combats in pretence of wiues honour Contrary in another extreme is the ouer-bold and ouer-heady pretended manhood of such husbands as vpon euery iealous surmize and sleight report are ready to make challenges of fight and to enter into single combats and duels on pretence of maintaining their wiues honour This being no warrantable course of righting a wrong no honour can redound to the wife thereby but much dishonour and danger to the husband If he preuaile ouer his aduersarie and kill he is made guilty of murther thereby and so reproach and shame must needs come to himselfe wife and whole family if he be ouercome and slaine she may be reputed more guilty then she was before And oft it falleth out that God in iust iudgement giueth ouer the challenger into his aduersaries hand because he hath vndertaken so indirect a course §. 72. Of husbands Constancy in loue VI. The continuance of Christs loue was without date Hauing loued his owne he loued them vnto the end His loue was constant not by fits now louing then hating and euerlasting neuer repenting thereof neuer changing or altering his minde no prouocations no transgressions could euer make him forget to loue and cease to doe that good which he intended for his Church note what he said to her euen when she reuoulted from him Thou hast played the harlot with many louers yet returne againe to me and againe My mercy shall not depart away For his loue resteth not on the desert of his Church but on the vnchangeablenesse of his owne will As this manifested Christs loue to be true sound loue so it made it profitable and beneficiall to the Church which notwithstanding her many frailties by virtue hereof is glorified This last branch must be added to all the former branches of an husbands loue or else they will be all in vaine and to no purpose This giueth the truest tryall of sound loue Such was the loue betwixt Dauid and Ionathan the soundest loue that euer was betwixt partie and partie This bringeth the greatest glory to the partie which loueth and the greatest benefit to the partie which is loued That a mans loue may thus remaine firme and inuiolable 1. He must be sure to lay a good foundation he must ground his loue on Gods ordinance and loue his wife in regard of the matrimoniall bond which knitteth them together and that neere vnion which thence ariseth and so it will last so long as that knot lasteth 2. He must further support and strengthen it with an inuiolable resolution to be changed and altered with no prouocation but rather to passe by all infirmities indeauouring in loue to redresse them if possibly he can if not to beare with them §. 73. Of husbands variablenesse Contrary is their
forward and cheerefull ought he to shew himselfe in granting his wiues request then any others prouided notwithstanding that her desire be of that which may lawfully be granted to yeeld in things vnlawfull is to lose his authoritie as was shewed before §. 17. Of husbands harshnesse to their wiues Contrary is the harshnesse of their disposition who yeeld to their wiues request as an hard-milch-cow letteth downe her milke not without much adoe whereby the grace of all their yeelding is taken away There can be no courtesie in yeelding when it is against their minde and will forced from them their wiues must aske and intreat againe and againe yea be forced to vse the mediation of others to perswade their husbands to yeeld to their request before they will yeeld if at all they yeeld What is this but to proclaime to all the world that there is no affection in them to their wiues If a wiues breath be strange to her husband assuredly his heart is first strange to her which is the readie way to make him set his heart on strange women §. 18. Of husbands forbearing to exact all that they may As a wiues reuerence so also her obedience must be answered with her husbands courtesie In testimony whereof An husband must be ready to accept that wherein his wife sheweth her selfe willing to obey him He ought to be sparing in exacting too much of her in this case he ought so to frame his cariage towards her as that obedience which she performeth may rather come from her owne voluntary disposition from a free conscience to God-wards euen because God hath placed her in a place of subiection and from a wiue-like loue then from any exaction on her husbands part and as it were by force Husbands ought not to exact of their wiues whatsoeuer wiues ought to yeeld vnto if it be exacted They must obserue what is lawfull needfull conuenient expedient fit for their wiues to doe yea and what they are most willing to doe before they be too peremptorie in exacting it For example 1. Though the wife ought to goe with her husband and dwell where he thinkes meet yet ought not he vnlesse by vertue of some vrgent calling he be forced thereto remoue her from place to place and carrie her from that place where she is well setled without her good liking Iaakob consulted with his wiues and made try all of their willingnesse before he carried them from their fathers house 2. Though she ought cheerefully to entertaine what guests he bringeth into the house yet ought not he to be grieuous and burdensome therein vnto her the greatest care and pains for entertaining guests lyeth on the wife she ought therefore to be tendred therein If he obserue her conscionable and wise well able to manage and order matters about house yet loth to doe any thing without his consent he ought to be ready and free in yeelding his consent and satisfying her desire as Elkanah and if she be bashfull and backward in asking consent he ought voluntarily of himselfe to offer it yea and to giue her a generall consent to order and dispose matters as in her wisdome she seeth meet as the said Elkanah did Doe saith he to his wife what seemeth thee good and the husband of that good housewife which Salomon describeth A generall consent is especially requisite for ordering of houshold affaires for it is a charge laid vpon wiues to guide the house whereby it appeareth that the businesses of the house appertaine and are most proper to the wife in which respect she is called the hous-wife so as therein husbands ought to referre matters to their ordering and not restraine them in euery particular matter from doing any thing without a speciall licence and direction To exemplifie this in some particulars it appertaineth in peculiar to a wife 1. To order the decking and trimming of the house 2. To dispose the ordinary prouision for the family 3. To rule and gouerne maid seruants 4. To bring vp children while they are young with the like These therefore ought he with a generall consent to referre to her discretion with limitation only of these two cautions 1. That she haue in some measure sufficient discretion wit and wisdome and be not too ignorant foolish simple lauish c. 2. That he haue a generall ouersight in all and so interpose his authority as he suffer nothing that is vnlawfull or vnseemly to be done by his wife about house children seruants or other things for 1. The generall charge of all lieth principally vpon him 2. He shall giue an account vnto God for all things that are amisse in his house 3. The blame of all will also before men lie vpon him But those two cautions prouided he ought together with his generall consent put trust in his wife as Potiphar did in Ioseph making herein a difference betwixt a wife and all others whether children of yeeres friends or seruants whom he imployeth in his affaires Them in euery particular he may direct for matter and manner and take a strait account of them for expences laid out or other things done because what they doe is wholly and only for another To his wife who is a ioynt parent of his children and gouernour of his house to whose good the husbands wealth redoundeth and in that respect doth for her selfe that which she doth for her husband greater liberty and licence must be giuen §. 19. Of husbands too much strictnesse towards their wiues Contrary is the rigour and austeritie of many husbands who stand vpon the vttermost step of their authoritie and yeeld no more to a wife then to any other inferiour Such are they 1. Who are neuer contented or satisfied with any dutie the wife performeth but euer are exacting more and more 2. Who care not how grieuous and burdensome they are to their wiues grieuous by bringing such guests into the house as they know cannot be welcome to them burdensome by tu frequent and vnseasonable inuiting of guests or imposing other like extraordinary businesses ouer and aboue the ordinary affaires of the house Too frequent imposing of such things cannot but breed much wearisomnesse Vnseasonable as when the wife is weake by sicknesse childe-bearing giuing sucke or other like meanes and so not able to giue that contentment which otherwise she would cannot but much disquiet her and giue her great offence 3. Who hold their wiues vnder as if they were children or seruants restraining them from doing any thing without their knowledge and particular expresse consent 4. Who are ouer busie in prying into euery businesse of the house and will haue their hand in all Besides that such husbands afford no opportunity to their wiues of giuing proofe of that vnderstanding wit wisdome care and other gifts which God hath endowed them withall they take away that maine
opprobrious and ignominious words Quest What if her fault be an heinous notorious sinne Answ In an extraordinary case some sharpnesse may be vsed as the reproofes of Iaakob Iob and Dauid doe shew for they were euery one of them sharpe but yet this sharpnesse must not be made bitter by any euill language A womans wickednesse may not moue an husband to be froward and outragious but rather to be the more watchfull ouer himselfe that he containe himselfe within the bounds of discretion and moderation For which end it is meete that husbands lay it downe for a rule neuer to rebuke their wiues when they are in passion Passion raiseth a darke mist before the eies of reason which while it remaineth keepeth reason from giuing any good direction Yea passion is as a fire and it so incenseth a man and distempereth him that in his disorder he can keepe no meane or measure Howsoeuer a man be not able to rule himselfe when passion is stirred vp yet if before hand while his eie is single and his whole body light while he is in tune as we speake and well tempered he resoluedly determine with himselfe not to doe such or such a thing in his passion that fore-going resolution will be an especiall means to make him forbeare doing that in passion which if he should doe he could not in passion well order and moderate For if once he begin to doe a thing in passion the least prouocation that can be will be as bellowes to blow vp that fire into a flame In regard of the violence of passion wherein women by reason of the weaknesse of their iudgement are for the most part most violent it is also the part of a wise man to forbeare this duty of reprouing his wife euen when she is in passion For as it is needfull that he should be in case well to giue a reproofe so as needfull it is that she should be in case well to take a rebuke Passion both filleth and festereth ones heart The heart then being full of passion what roome is left for good aduice will a man powre wine into a vessell full of water or stay till all the water be dreaned out The heart also being so festered as it sauoureth of nothing but passion what good can then good aduice doe It is therefore an especiall point of wisdome and sheweth a good respect that a man beareth to his wife yea it sauoureth of much meeknesse and moderation for an husband well to weigh both his owne and his wiues temper when he reproueth her and to forbeare doing it while either he or she be in passion §. 39. Of vndiscreet reproouing a wife Contrary is the indiscretion of husbands who regard nor place nor persons nor time nor temper of themselues or their wiues nor any other circumstance in reprouing but like Saul who at a table where a great feast was in presence of his Nobles and Captaines when he was inraged with anger with most virulent and bitter speeches not rebuked onely but reproached also his sonne and that with such words as he spared not his owne wife for in his passion he called his sonne sonne of the peruerse rebellious woman like this foolish and furious Saul I say they take the most open place of the family before children seruants and whole house to reproue their wiues and that with such bitter and disgracefull termes as either they prouoke their wiues to answer againe for maintaining as they thinke their owne credit and reputation thus Ionathan was prouoked to answer his father againe or else giue them of the house that behold her thus trampled vnder foot occasion to set their feet also vpon her Most husbands are forward enough to reproue but few doe it in meeknesse and moderation They cannot doe it but in company nor without bitter words Many in rebuking their wiues sticke not to vse all the euill termes that they can thinke of euen such as tend not only to their wiues dishonour but also to their owne and their childrens infamy The reason whereof is because they neuer rebuke but when they are in passion and so scarse know what they doe whereby also they stirre vp passion in their wiues and yet for all that refraine not any whit the more but rather grow more violent as when the heat of two fires meet together the flame must needs be the greater This being the preposterous practise of many husbands is it any maruell that ordinarily so little good and so much hurt is done by reprouing Nay would it not be a wonder if any good and no hurt should be done thereby This therefore though it be a duty yet a dutie rarely and with great moderation to be vsed Thus farre of an husbands mildnesse in his speeches to his wife §. 40. Of an husbands amiable countenance towards his wife An husbands cariage towards his wife must be answerable to his speech or else all the mildnesse thereof will seeme but complementall A mans cariage compriseth vnder it his Countenance Gesture Actions in all which must mildnesse be seated 1. His countenance in his wiues presence and towards his wife must be composed to an amiable pleasantnesse His authority ouer her and eminencie aboue her may not make him forget the neere coniunction and vnion betwixt them Vnder the face and countenance I comprise head brow eies lips and such other parts which are according as they are framed signes of amiablenesse or discontentednesse Now among and aboue other parts of the body the outward composition of the countenance doth soonest and best declare the inward disposition of the heart By Esaus pleasant countenance Iaakob perceiued that he was pacified in his heart towards him and thereupon said I haue seene thy face as though I had seene the face of God that is an amiable gracious countenance On this ground Dauid desired God to lift vp the light of his countenance vpon him that thereby he might know the fauour and loue of God towards him On the other side by a frowning and lowring face by hanging downe the head putting out the lips with the like anger malice griefe with other like affections of heart are manifested by Caines casting downe of his countenance God discerned anger and enuy to be in his heart by Labans countenance Iaakob obserued that his affection was turned from him A wife then beholding mildnesse and amiablenesse in her husbands face beholds it as the face of God and therein as in a looking glasse beholds the kindnesse and loue of his heart and so hath her heart thereby the more firmely knit vnto him and is moued the more to respect him §. 41. Of husbands too great austeritie Contrary is 1. A loftie proud countenance as of an imperious Lord ouer his vassals 2. A grim sterne countenance as of a iudge ouer poore prisoners 3. A lowring frowning countenance as of a discontented
hereof as Abrahams Isaacks Rebekahs and others Great reason there is why this affection should be fast fixed in the heart of parents towards their children For great is that paine paines cost and care which parents must vndergoe for their children But if loue be in them no paine paines cost or care will seeme too much Herein appeareth the wise prouidence of God who by nature hath so fast fixed loue in the hearts of parents as if there be any in whom it aboundeth not he is counted vnnaturall If loue did not abound in parents many children would be neglected and lost For if parents look not to their children who will If none looke to them they must needs perish for they are not able to helpe themselues As God by nature hath planted loue in all parents so Christians ought euen for conscience sake to nourish increase and blow vp this fire of loue that they may thereby be made more forward to doe euery duty with cheerefulnesse The more feruent loue is the more readily will euery duty be performed Obiect As too much fire is dangerous so too much loue Answ True Wherefore as in other things so in this the golden meane must be kept No dutie so holy and necessarie â—ut may be peruerted Let the extremes be auoided and the meane will better be kept §. 3. Of the contraries to loue The extreme contrary to loue in the defect is want of naturall affection which is reckoned in the catalogue of notorious â—â—nnes Though loue of children be by nature engrauen in mans heart yet many cleane put it out through couetousnesse â—â—st vaine-glory superstition idolatry and other vices whereby it commeth to passe that in stead of the good which they â—ould doe for their children they bring much mischiefe vpon â—hem Some spare not the pretious life of their children Among these barbarous idolaters doe most exceed in this kinde of vnnaturall cruelty sacrificing their children and offering them vp to deuils To this the great bloud-sucker Satan of old brought not only the heathen who being ignorant of God did seruice to the diuell but also the Israelites to whom Iehouah the true God made himselfe knowne and expresly forbid this cruelty and that vnder paine of death Behold how superstition and idolatry blinde the eies of men They who haue beene among the Sauadges in Virginea Florida India and other like places testifie that such cruelty is vsed to this day And it is rendred as a maine reason why notwithstanding such spacious places as they haue they increase no more in multitude because many of their children from time to time are offered vp in sacrifice Reasonable men herein shew themselues more vnreasonable then vnreasonable beasts which doe what possibly they can to preserue their young ones Though not so high yet too high on this ladder of vnnaturalnesse doe they climbe who hate their children and that which maketh the sin to be out of measure sinful for piety and integrity as many Popish and profane parents who haue children truly religious and in that respect ought so much the more to be loued The extreme in the excesse is too much doting vpon children as they doe who so vnmeasurably loue them as they make reckoning of nothing in comparison of children Euen God himselfe is lightly esteemed his worship neglected his word transgressed all dutie to others omitted their owne soules forgotten thorow care of children Is not this meeâ—â— apish kindnesse for Apes kill their young ones with hugging This is no loue but plaine dotage But what may be said of those that are so hellishly enamoured with their children as to commit incest or buggery with them §. 4. Of Parents praying for their children The first and best streame which issueth out of the forenamed fountaine of loue is faithfull and feruent prayer This extendeth it selfe to all things at all times thorowout the whole course of the childes life It is the first and it is the last dutie which parents ought to performe to their children euen that which they must doe without intermission Pray without ceasing Though praier be a generall dutie which all Christians owe one to another yet after a peculiar manner doth it appertaine to parents and of all others they are most bound to it For the promise which God maketh to a parent is extended to his seed and children as these and such like Scriptures shew I will be thy God and the God of thy seed That it may be well with them and with their children The promise is vnto you and vnto your children Parents therefore with most assurance of faith may call vpon God for their children For Gods promise is the ground of faith so farre as Gods promise is extended so farre our faith may and ought to extend it selfe Hence hath arisen the commendable custome of childrens asking their parents blessing which intimateth a desire that parents would pray for Gods blessing on them This dutie of praier must be performed before parents haue children that they may haue some as Isaak Annah and others did and so soone as children are conceiued especially if they obserue them to be quicke in the wombe as Rebekah did and againe when they are borne as Zachariah did and thorowout the whole course of their life as Iob did and when they are going out of this world and leauing their children as Isaak did There is no one thing wherein and whereby parents may doe more good for their children then in and by true praier God hath sanctified praier as a meanes to receiue all needfull blessing from himselfe the fountaine of all blessing If therefore Gods blessing be of vse to children what Atheists are they that beleeue it not then also is praier by which it is obtained §. 5. Of vices contrary to parents praying for their children The very neglect of this dutie is a sinne contrary to the dutie it selfe and many parents there be that stand guilty of this sinne Some thinke it needlesse to pray for a childe before it be borne not considering that in sinne it is conceiued When it is borne they referre this dutie to the midwife whereas it properly appertaineth to the father After it is growne to any ripenesse they put it off to the childe to pray for it selfe And when they are on their death-bed they thinke it enough if they can pray for their owne soules Such parents shew little true loue to their children but lesse faith in God But what may we say or thinke of such impious parents as feare not to make fearefull imprecations against their children God oft in wrath and vengeance heareth such imprecations to the woe of parent and childe whereby he sheweth his great indignation against them for the same §. 6. Of parents endeauouring to be righteous that they may leaue Gods blessing to their
forced to correct such Heauy are Gods corrections and oft light on parent and childe both as appeareth by the iudgement on Eli and his sonnes for such parents make themselues accessary to their childrens sinnes yea also to the iudgements laid vpon their children God saith of such parents that they honour their children aboue God It is therefore a fond indulgency which maketh parents regard neither Gods honour nor their owne or childrens safetie Mothers for the most part offend herein who are so farre from performing this dutie themselues as they are much offended with their husbands if they doe it And to proclaime their folly to all the world they cannot commit their children to a Tutor or Schoole-master but with a strait charge that they correct them not Obiect Correction maketh children sots and blocks Answ If Gods spirit deserue to haue more credence then such foolish women that obiection is most false for we heard before how correction giueth wisdome and driueth out foolishnesse 2. Obiect Mothers may be the more borne with herein because with long trouble they did beare and with great trauell bring forth their children Answ That may be a good motiue for them to seeke the true good of their children that so their trouble and trauell may not be in vaine but not to vphold them in the broad way that leadeth to destruction §. 49. Of parents too much seueritie in correcting their children They who offend in the other extreme of seuerity of the two are the more vnnaturall parents they offend directly against the first branch of this text Prouoke not to wrath Nothing more prouoketh then immoderate seuerity for 1. It argueth no loue in the parent but rather hatred at least wrath and other such like distempered affections 2. It softeneth not the childes heart but hardeneth it rather 3. It maketh him dull and stupid and cleane peruerteth the right and true end of correction 4. It oft maketh a childe thinke of doing some mischiefe to his parent or himselfe That parents may the rather take heed of this extreme I will briefly note wherein excesse in seueritie is shewed It is shewed when correction is giuen 1. For no fault In this case though correction be neuer so light it is too seuere 2. For small faults in wrath and furie though the stripes be few and light yet the parents behauiour is too much seueritie 3. To children that are young and tender or soft milde and ingenuous as if they were in some yeeres the most obstinate and peruerse that could be 4. Too often for euery thing done amisse whereas parents should seeme not to see or heare many things which they see and heare 5. Too sorely so as the childe is lamed or some way so hurt as he shall feele it as long as he liueth §. 50. Of Parents care in prouiding fit callings for their children Hauing laid downe such duties of parents as especially respect the childhood of children I proceed to lay forth such as haue respect to their riper yeeres wherein they are to be placed forth Here we are to note 1. The kindes of those duties 2. The meanes of performing them  The kindes may be drawne to two heads 1. Prouiding fit places and callings for them to exercise their gifts 2. Prouiding fit mariages for them We heard before how children were to be trained vp and fitted to some good calling euen in their childhood Now further when by vertue of good education they are inabled to discharge the functions and duties of a calling and by yeeres they are well growne vp so as it is time they should be set to some particular calling Parents ought to prouide fit callings for their children and fit places for them to exercise the gifts which by nature or education they haue gotten For example If children haue beene brought vp in learning parents must vse what lawfull and honest meanes they can to settle them in such a place and course as they may professe and exercise their gifts according to their seuerall kindes be it Diuinitie Law Physicke or the like or if they haue beene brought vp in any trade to prouide that they may set vp as we speake and exercise their trade The two first children that euer were borne of woman Cain and Abel were placed forth in seuerall callings and without doubt their places were so ordered by their parents The like may be gathered out of these phrases Esau was a man of the field and Iaakob dwelt intents It is noted of Samuel that he made his two sonnes Iudges Had they beene as faithfull in well vsing their places as their father was carefull in prouiding them they might haue liued well themselues and done much good to others Ishai hauing many sonnes had a care hereof for he sent his three eldest sonnes to the war and placed them in a souldiers course of life his youngest he made a shepheard which was in those daies and places a calling of greater reckoning then now it is with vs. 1. Thus shall they make vse of that abilitie whereunto by their parents prouidence and their owne diligence they haue attained otherwise that abilitie may soone be lost Doth not daily experience shew that many who haue beene well trained vp by their parents in learning so farre as they haue beene fit to haue entred into the ministerie for want of place and imploiment haue in time so forgotten all as if they had neuer beene trained vp in learning and so in other sciences 2. Thus come they to doe much more good in Church or Common-wealth till men be placed in distinct callings they are but fitting and preparing for future times I denie not but that both Church and Common-wealth may reape much benefit by the paines and labour of the younger sort who are trained vp vnder others but most properly are they counted members of the Church and Common-wealth and actuall instruments of the good thereof who haue some particular distinct calling whereby they doe good to others 3. Thus they come to liue of themselues and to be able to releeue others also All the time of their education they are commonly at the charge of others at least though by their paines they may gaine much yet the gaine returnes to others they themselues for the most part haue but a bare maintenance meat drinke and cloth as we say little haue they to lay vp for themselues for the time to come or to giue to others for the present 4. They thus come to traine vp others against after times as they themselues haue beene trained vp whereby a continuall and perpetuall succession of all kindes of callings is from time to time preserued and thus Family Church and Common-wealth vpheld and maintained In short time would all callings and functions vtterly decay if a continuall supplie were not thus made §. 51. Direction for parents in prouiding callings for their children Two
nature the loue of God hath waxed cold in man and though the Saints be created againe according to that image of God yet while in this world they liue that image is not so perfect as it was the flesh remaineth in the best in which respect God hath fast fixed this affection of feare in mans heart and thereby both restraineth him from sinne and also prouoketh him vnto euery good dutie §. 5. Of the feare of God mouing vs to doe seruice to men Hauing briefly declared the nature obiect extent and vse of feare I returne to the point in hand viz. to shew 1. how it is here laid downe as a motiue to stirre vp men to performe the dutie here required for by this clause in the feare of the Lord the Apostle implieth that It is the feare of God which moueth men conscionably to submit themselues one to another This made Dauid so well to rule the people of God and Ioseph to deale so well with his brethren yea this is noted to be the cause of the righteous regiment of Christ himselfe Well did that good King Iehosaphat know this and therefore when he appointed Iudges ouer his people as a motiue to stirre them vp to execute the iudgements of the Lord aright he saith vnto them Let the feare of the Lord be vpon you So also S. Peter to moue subiects to honour their King prefixeth this exhortation Feare God By feare of man may one be brought to submit himselfe to another as a magistrate may be moued to deale iustly and mildly with his people through feare of insurrections and rebellions subiects may by seuere lawes and tyrannie be brought to submit themselues and so other inferiours also by threats by hard vsage and other by-respects 1. Though feare of man be a motiue yet it followeth not that therefore feare of God should be no motiue it may be another motiue and a better motiue 2. The submission which is performed through feare of man is a forced and a slauish submission nothing acceptable to God but that which is performed through a true filiall feare of God is a free willing ready cheerefull conscionable submission such a submission as will stirre vs vp to doe the best good we can thereby vnto them to whom we submit our selues and so is more acceptable to God by reason of the cause thereof and more profitable vnto man by reason of the effect and fruit thereof For a true feare of God maketh vs more respect what God requireth and commandeth than what our corrupt heart desireth and suggesteth It subdueth our vnruly passions and bringeth them within compasse of dutie It maketh vs deny our selues and our owne desires and though through the corruption of our nature and inborne pride we be loth to submit yet will Gods feare bring downe that proud minde and make vs humble and gentle It will keepe those who are in authoritie from tyranny crueltie and ouer-much seueritie and it will keepe those who are vnder subiection from dissimulation deceit and priuie conspiracies Behold how necessarie it is that a true feare of the Lord be planted in mens hearts in the hearts of Kings and all Gouernours in the hearts of subiects and all people whether superiours or inferiours Where no feare of God is there will be no good submission vnto man Abraham thought that the men of Gerar would haue no respect to him or his wife nor make conscience of common honestie nor abstaine from innocent bloud because he saw no feare of God in that place and the Apostle hauing reckoned vp many notorious effects of mans naturall corruption concludeth all with this as the cause of all There is no feare of God before their eyes Wherefore let Magistrates Parents Masters and all in authoritie haue especiall care that their subiects children seruants and all vnder them may be taught and brought to feare the Lord. I dare auouch it that such inferiours which are taught to feare God will doe better seruiee to their superiours than such as feare their superiours only as men and feare not God Let Ministers especially vrge and presse vpon the consciences of men a feare of God Let all inferiours pray that the feare of the Lord may be planted in the hearts of their superiours that so they may liue a quiet and peaceable life in all godlinesse and honestie vnder them Happie is that kingdome where Magistrates and subiects feare the Lord. Happie is that Church where Ministers and people feare the Lord. Happie is that family where husband and wife parents and children master and seruants feare the Lord. In such a Kingdome Church and family will euery one to the mutuall good one of another submit themselues one to another But if such as feare not God submit themselues whether they be superiours or inferiours it is for their owne ends and aduantages and not for their good to whom they submit themselues §. 6. Of limiting all dutie to man within the compasse of the feare of God Againe as this clause In the feare of the Lord declareth the manner of submission it sheweth that No submission is to be performed vnto man but that which may stand with the feare of God Whereby we shew that we haue respect to God and labour aboue all to approue our selues to him Thus Dauid is commanded to rule in the feare of God and other Magistrates to performe their dutie in the feare of the Lord which Nehemiah that good Gouernour was carefull to doe So also subiects are to obey in the feare of the Lord which the Apostle implieth by prefixing this precept Feare God before that Honour the King as if he had said so honour the King as in and thereby you may manifest your feare of God let not this latter crosse the former Seruants likewise are commanded to be obedient vnto their Masters with this prouiso fearing the Lord. Such phrases as these For the Lords sake As vnto the Lord In the Lord As seruants of Christ with the like being annexed to the duties of inferiours doe imply as much Great reason there is that all seruice should be limited with the feare of God for God is the highest Lord to whom all seruice primarily and principally is due whatsoeuer seruice is due to any man high or low is due in and for the Lord. The Lord hath set superiours in the places of eminencie wherein they beare the image of God The Lord also hath set inferiours in their places and commended them as his charge to the gouernment of those who are ouer them He that obeyeth not those who are ouer him in the feare of God sheweth no respect of Gods image and he who gouerneth not those who are vnder him in the feare of God sheweth no respect of Gods charge Besides God is that great Iudge to whom all of all sorts superiours and inferiours are
drawne to two heads 1. Their Resurrection 2. Their glory in heauen That which was before said of the difference betwixt the preseruation of the bodies of the Saints and wicked in death may be applied to the difference of their Resurrection Resurrection simply in it selfe is not the priuiledge of the Saints but Resurrection of life to the wicked appertaineth the Resurrection of condemnation The benefit of Resurrection ariseth from the glory which followeth therupon in heauen That glory hath the Apostle excellently set forth before vers 27. §. 74. Of the duties which are required of the Saints by vertue of their union with Christ The mysterie of our vnion with Christ as it is a matter of great comfort and incouragement which ariseth from the forenamed priuiledges so also is it a matter of direction and instigation vnto vs for the performing of sundry duties whereof they who desire assurance of the forenamed priuiledges and comfort by them must be carefull and conscionable Some of the most principall of those duties are these 1. Confidence in Christ Christ being our head so mighty so wise so tender euery way so sufficient an head as he is we should highly dishonour him if we should not wholly and only repose our selues vpon him for euery good thing and against euery euill 2. Subiection answerable to his manner of gouerning vs. The world is subiect to Christ perforce as he is an absolute and Almighty Lord but he gouerning vs as an head we must be subiect vnto him as members willingly and readily What member will rise vp and rebell against the head yea what member is not as ready to obey as the head to command 3. A cleansing of our selues from all filthinesse of flesh and spirit Shall we defile the members of Christ The sinnes of the Saints are in this respect the more hainous because that body euen Christ whereof they are members is defiled thereby Wherefore in regard of Christ the head of other Saints their fellow members and of themselues must all that professe themselues to be of this bodie be watchfull ouer themselues and cleanse themselues from all filthinesse Otherwise they giue iust occasion to thinke that they are no members of this bodie If a Lions foot or Beares paw were held out and said to be the member of a man would any beleeue it Can we then thinke that worldlings drunkards profane riotous vncleane persons and such like limbs of the Deuill are members of Christ 4. A conformitie vnto the image of Christ in true holinesse and righteousnesse It is not therefore sufficient for the members of Christ to abstaine from polluting themselues for they are created in Christ Iesus vnto good works He that abideth in me saith Christ and I in him the same bringeth forth much fruit 5. Heauenly affections If ye be risen with Christ seeke those things which are aboue where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God Set your affections on things aboue and not on things on the earth Where our head is there also ought our heart to be Earthly affections come not from that head which is in heauen nor from that Spirit which proceedeth from him They who are after the spirit minde the things of the spirit 6. Courage against death seeing that in death we are Christs what cause haue we to feare death Be not afraid of them that kill the body and after that haue no more that they can doe The ancient worthies would not accept deliuerance that they might obtaine a better resurrection Hitherto of the vnion it selfe The meanes of effecting it remaine to be handled § 75. Of their regeneration who are members of Christ EPHES. 5. 30. Of his flesh and of his bones This clause declareth the meanes whereby we come to be members of Christ namely by receiuing a new being from Christ which is to be not of the flesh and of the bones of Adam but of the flesh and of the bones of Christ which being spiritually taken as hath beene expounded before sheweth that They who are true members of Christ body are truly regenerate If any be in Christ he is a new creature these words are so laid downe by the Apostle as they serue both for a demonstration and an exhortation he is or let him be a new creature neither is expressed but either or both may be vnderstood As many of you as have been baptized into Christ that is made members of this body haue put on Christ that is haue beene borne againe the first branch noteth out our incorporation into Christ the latter our regeneration This second man and last Adam Christ Iesus is a quickning spirit he diffuseth life and grace into all his members if his spirit be in vs it will quicken our mortall bodies If the head of our naturall bodies conueigh sense into all our members if the root of a tree diffuse sap into all the branches shall not Christ much more giue life to all his members This then is a matter of triall whereby we may proue whether indeed we are of this body or no and so haue a true right to the forenamed priuiledges Many boast of this honour that they are members of Christs body and yet are not of his flesh and of his bones they haue no other being then what they receiued from their parents These vaine professors are like woodden legs or armes on a man which may be couered ouer with hose and sleeues for a time but shall not be raised at the resurrection with the other parts of the mans body so neither shall those professors be raised to glory with Christ though they may be couered ouer with the hose and sleeues of profession and thereby seeme to be members §. 76. Of the author of our regeneration Christ This relatiue particle HIS twice repeated of HIS flesh and of HIS bones sheweth that Regeneration is of Christ The Sonne quickneth whom he will Object This worke is attributed in Scripture to the Father to the Spirit to the word and to the Ministers of the word Answ Christ may very well stand with all these The three persons in Trinitie are all one One in nature and essence One in will and consent One in vertue and power what the one doth the other doth also Yet because there is a difference in their manner of working this worke as other workes is distinctly attributed to each of them The Father is as I may so speake the beginner of this worke His will it was that his Sonne should be the head of a bodie and that there should members be made fit for that head and haue a new being of his owne will begat he vs for this end he sent his Sonne into the world to be made flesh The Sonne put in execution the will of his Father he tooke flesh vpon him
Scripture noteth many husbands to be elder then their wiues as Abraham was tenne yeeres elder then Sarah and if we narrowly marke the circumstances of the histories of Isaac and Iacob and their wiues we shall finde that the husbands were elder then their wiues To my remembrance an approued example of an husband younger then his wife cannot be giuen out of Scripture Contrary to this equalitie in yeeres is the practise of many men and women who being aged to satisfie their lust or for some other by-respect mary such as are but in the floure of their age wherein they doe many times much faile of their expectation for those young ones finding the societie of aged folkes to be burdensome and irksome vnto them soone begin to loath the same and thereby cause more griefe and vexation then euer they did giue comfort and contentment On the other side others there be who in the prime and strength of their age for wealth honour or such like respects mary those that with age begin to be decrepit and vnfit to be maried hoping that they will not long liue but that with a little trouble they shall purchase much dignitie or riches after a while be free againe But God oft meeteth with such in their kinde by prolonging the life of those aged persons and so making the burden to be much more grieuous and tedious then was imagined and by taking away those young ones sooner then they looked for whereby it commeth to passe that all their hopes perish The heathen obserued inequalitie in yeeres to be occasions of many mischiefes and thereupon prescribed rules against it §. 10. Of equalitie in estatâ— and condition betwixt those that are to be maried together 2. Some equalitie in outward estate and wealth is also befitting the parties that are to be maried together lest the disparitie therein especially if it be ouer-great make the one â—nsult ouer the other more then is meet for if a man of great wealth be maried to a poore woman he will thinke to make her as his maid-seruant and expect that she should carrie her selfe towards him so as beseemeth not a yoake-fellow and a bedfellow so as such an one may rather be said to be brought vnto bondage then mariage And if a rich woman mary a poore man she will looke to be the master and to rule him so as the order which God hath established will be cleane peruerted and the honour of mariage laid in the dust For where no order is there can be no honour 3. The like may be said of outward condition that therein also there be some equalitie that Princes Nobles and Gentlemen mary such as are of their owne ranke and the meaner sort such as are of their degree Note what sort of wiues Abraham Isaac and Iaacob maried and it will appeare that they had respect to this paritie Disparitie in condition as well as in estate is a meanes to make men and women swell and insult aboue that which is meet yea and to twit one another in the teeth with their former estate and condition Contrary on the one side are the practises of such as affect to mary aboue their owne estate and degree thinking by such mariages to aduance themselues This is the only thing which many seeke after in seeking wiues and husbands whereby it commeth to passe that they oft meet with the worst matches and make their mariage a kinde of bondage vnto them Great portions make many women proud daintie lauish idle and carelesse a man were much better euen for helpe of his outward estate to mary a prudent sober thriftie carefull diligent wife though with a small portion then such an one A proud backe a daintie tooth and a lauish hand will soone consume a great portion but a wise woman buildeth her house and a vertuous woman is a crowne to her husband Many wiues also that are maried to very rich husbands are more stinted and pinched in their allowance then such as are maried to men of meaner estate It is not the meanes which a man hath but his minde and disposition that maketh him free and bountifull to his wife Contrarie are the mariages which men of great authoritie and abilitie make with meane women yea their owne maids many times and those of the lowest ranke their kitchinmaids parties part that is to be maried and then if that partie be vnder the gouernment of parents the matter must be moued to them before there be any further proceeding therein as Sampson who seeing and liking a daughter of the Philistims told his father and his mother thereof Yea though the partie be not vnder the gouernment of any yet it is very meet that counsell be taken of wise and vnderstanding friends that in a matter so weightie as mariage is there may be the aduice of more heads then one for the preuenting of such mischiefes as through rashnesse might fall out After a liking is thus taken by one partie of a meet mate that liking must be moued to the other partie so liked to know whether there be a reciprocall affection of one towards another Thus Sampson went and talked with that woman whom he liked to be his wife If at first there be a good liking mutually and thorowly setled in both their hearts of one another loue is like to continue in them for euer as things which are well glued and setled before they be shaken vp and downe will neuer be seuered asunder but if they be ioyned together without glue or shaken while the glue is moist they cannot remaine firme Mutuall loue and good liking of each other is as glue Let the parties to be maried be herein well setled before they come to meet with trials through cohabitation and that loue will not easily be loosened by any trials Contrarie is the adulterous and brutish practise of such as so soone as they cast their eie on any whom they like neuer aduise or consult about a right and due proceeding vnto mariage but instantly with all the eagernesse and speed they can like brute beasts seeke to haue their desire and lust satisfied Though to keepe themselues free from the penalty of the lawes vnder which they liue they procure meanes to be maried yet they declare a lustfull and adulterous minde And their practise is too like to the practise of the Beniamits who catcht wiues from among the daughters of Shiloh as they were dancing or else to the practise of the old world which so grieued the Spirit of God that it repented him that he had made man and thereupon he was moued to bring a generall deluge on the whole world Their practise was this that they tooke them wiues of all that they chose that is they rashly and suddenly maried whomsoeuer they liked without any consideration of their condition §. 14. Of a contract what it is II. When both parties
man and wife become adulterers one to another As other things so this also is sanctified by the word and praier The word giueth a warrant and direction for the vse of it praier both seasoneth it and procureth a blessing vpon it 3. That they may haue children and those such as may be heires of saluation and liue in this world to their owne and others good that they may be comely and well proportioned children nor ideots in vnderstanding nor monsters in bodily shape nor yet lewd and infamous in their liues which could not but be a griefe to their parents and might also open the mouthes of the wicked against them 4. That God would giue them competencie of this worlds goods and other good meanes well to nourish nurture and place forth their children and a sufficiencie for the maintenance of their family and of that estate wherein God setteth them 5. That such needfull gifts and graces as are wanting in either of them may be wrought and such vices and infirmities as they are subiect vnto may be redressed These and many other like things giue occasion to man and wife in speciall manner to pray one for another and one with another §. 20. Of husbands and wiues hatefull imprecations and wishes one against another Contrary to that holy and heauenly dutie of praier are those direfull and hellish imprecations and execrations which ordinarily doe passe out of the mouthes of many husbands and wiues against one another and that many times for very light occasions cursing the day that euer they knew one another and wishing that one of them had beene vnder the ground before they came together Most odious are these and such like execrations in any mans mouth but more then most odious in the mouth of man and wife against one another Many who for outward shame for beare to belch forth such â—rotten stinking speech make small conscience of wishing the like in their hearts If an husband be any whit harsh and a wife shrewish or if through sicknesse or any other like occasion they seeme burdensome each to other or if any dislike of one arise in the heart of the other or if their hearts be set vpon others or if the suruiuor be to carry away the goods and â—ands their hearts will be filled with a thousand wishes of one anothers death Yea many times such as haue very good husbands or wiues without any shew of reason only through an inward corrupton of their heart and malicious instigation of Satan not taking notice of their owne good are ready to wish they were in heauen making thereby a pretence of their eternall blisse to whom they so wish whereas indeed their only desire is to be loosed and freed from them God oft meets with such wicked wishers whereby he sheweth how hatefull such wishes are to him for sometimes according to their wish he taketh away good husbands and wiues from those that are euill and when they are gone he maketh their losse to be so sensibly felt as those vngodly wishers doe as we speake in euery veine of their heart repent them of their rash wishes Yea to aggrauate their wretchednesse the more he giueth them such crabbed and peruerse husbands and wiues in the roome and stead of those good ones for seldome comes a better as they are forced with many deepe sighs and groanes to wish but all in vaine their former wiues and husbands aliue againe and so to verifie the prouerbe A good thing is not so well discerned by enioying as by wanting it Sometimes againe God in anger crosseth their wishes and first taketh away the wishers of others death or else prolongeth the life of both to their greater vexation §. 21. Of husbands and wiues neglect of mutuall praier The very neglect of mutuall prayer in husbands and wiues for each other is also a sinne contrary to the forenamed dutie of praier whereof if all that are guiltie were as well knowne to man as to God how many vnkinde husbands and wiues carelesse of one anothers good would be noted more then are Rare are those husbands and wiues that haue their seasons to pray alone together one with another if euer they pray one for another Though in outward complements they may seeme very kinde and in the outward things of this world very prouident yet if they pray not one for another they are neither kinde nor prouident Heartie feruent frequent prayer is the greatest token of kindnesse and best part of prouidence that can be §. 22. Of husbands and wiues mutuall care for one anothers saluation From the generall dutie of praier which is profitable to all things I come to the particular branches of man and wiues mutuall prouident care and will first begin with that which is first to be sought the good of one anothers soule which the Apostle intimateth to be a thing to be sought after where he saith What knowest thou ô wife whether thou shalt SAVE thine husband or what knowest thou ô man whether thou shalt SAVE thy wife S. Peter enioyneth wiues to doe their endeuour to win their husbands and S. Paul setteth before husbands the patterne of Christs loue which had especiall respect to the soule and the saluation thereof so as this is a mutuall dutie appertaining to them both which S. Peter further implieth where he stileth them coheires of the grace of life It is the greatest good that one can possibly doe for another to be a meanes of helping forward his saluation And there is nothing that can more soundly and firmely knit the heart of one to another then to be a meanes thereof §. 23. Of husbands and wiues care to win one the other when one of them is not called That the saluation of the soule may be the better effected respect must be had to the present and particular estate of husband or wife If one be a beleeuer the other not the beleeuer must vse all the meanes that may be to draw on the other also to beleeue If both be beleeuers their mutuall care must be to â—edifie one another in thier most holy faith For the first it is the maine drift of S. Peters exhortation to beleeuing wiues about their conuersation to draw on their vnbeleeuing husbands to the true faith His phrase that they may be wonne or gained as in generall it hath respect to their soules saluation so in particular to their first conuersion Now if this dutie appertaine to a wife much more to an husband who is appointed an head to his wife and a Saniour To this end doth S. Paul aduise beleeuing husbands and wiues that are maried to vnbeleeuers to dwell with them For what a wofull thing is it that two which in this world are so neerely linked together as to make one flesh should in the world to come be so farre separated one from another as heauen is from hell This indeed shall
all nor endure that they should finde any fault much lesse take in hand to redresse any thing that is amisse These and such like peruerse dispositions are in husbands and wiues whereby it commeth to passe that they who were ioyned together to be a mutuall helpe each to other proue heauy yea intolerable burdens §. 42. Of husbands and wiues mutuall helpe in hospitality The next common duty of husband and wife respecteth such as come to their house but are no particular members thereof whether they be kindred alliance acquaintance or strangers especially if they be Saints to whom hospitality that is a kinde and courteous entertainment is due Herein therefore must husbands and wiues be helpfull one to another for as it is required of husbands so also of wiues to be harborous namely while they are maried together with their husbands and when they are widowes of themselues Abraham and Sarah were herein an helpe one to another when the three Angels in shapes of men came to their house so were the Shunemite and her husband when Elisha the Prophet came to their house For hospitality that it is a commendable dutie belonging to such as are house-keepers and able to giue entertainment is euident by the precepts and examples before specified as also by the blessing which God thereupon hath brought to the houses of them that were giuen thereunto which the Apostle intimateth in these words thereby some haue entertained Angels vnawares Now therfore husbands and wiues being as we haue heard ioynt gouernours as in other things so in this they ought to lend an helping hand each to other and that for these reasons 1. Because in giuing entertainment there are sundry things to be done whereof some are proper to the husbands place and some to the wiues To take order for the prouision of things without doores is more fit for the husband Abraham did it to order the smaller things within doores is more fit for the wife that was left to Sarah 2. Because it is meet that guests should know they are welcome both to the husband and to the wife that so they may be the more cheerefull 3. Because a mutuall consent and cheerefull help herein will be an especiall means as to manifest their mutuall affection so to hold the hearts of man and wife firme and close together and make them the better like and loue one the other especially if the husband shall shew himselfe as ready and willing to entertaine his wiues friends and kindred as his owne and so the wife her husbands as they ought For as they themselues are made one flesh so ought each of them to esteeme of the others friends as of their owne 4. Because thus they shew a mutuall desire of bringing Gods blessing on each other and vpon their whole family §. 43. Of vices contrary to mutuall helpe in hospitality Contrary to this dutie is for the most part couetousnesse in the husband and lasinesse in the wife The man because the charge of the family lieth on him distrustfully feareth lest he should want for his owne I denie not but that a prouident care for our owne namely for them of the family is needfull and commendable he that prouideth not for them is worse then an infidell so as a man may be ouerlauish in giuing entertainment if he goe beyond his meanes impouerish his estate and disable himselfe to prouide for his owne as many doe yet when a man hath sufficient yea and abundance when there is no iust cause but meerely vpon an vndue feare too carkingly and distrustfully to pinch and grudge to giue entertaiment to any is vnbeseeming a Christian yea also to be worse then an infidell not worthy to haue an house or any thing fit for entertainment no nor worthy of common society The woman on the other side grudgeth at the paines she must take and trouble she must vndergoe about entertaining guests and thereupon is loth that any at any time should come to their house Concerning a wife I denie not but that an husband may be in this kinde ouerburdensome to her by being too ioueall as they speake and bringing guests too often into the house especially if they be guests of no good name and by that meanes make her euen weary of her life but yet for a wife to refuse all paines in that kinde and to be discontented when her husband inuites any friends or when any come as the three Angels did to Abraham vnawares argueth not a louing affection nor a wiuelike subiection vnto her husband to be in her These faults are so much the greater when the husband or wife are free and forward in entertaining their owne kindred and friends but are backward and grudge at the entertainment of each others friends and kindred Hence commonly ariseth much heart-burning of one against the other yea much iarre and contention betwixt them and from dislike of the practise of one another in this kinde oft followeth a dislike of one anothers person so that as the fault is bad in it selfe it proues to be much worse in the mischiefes that follow vpon it §. 44. Of husbands and wiues mutuall helpe in releeuing the poore The last common and ioynt dutie wherein husband and wife ought to be helpfull each to other respecteth those that are without the house namely the poore and such as stand in need of their helpe who are to be releeued and succoured Because man and wife vsually meale together and are ioynt partakers of Gods good creatures they must put one another in minde of that precept of charity which was giuen to the Iewes when they were at their meales send part vnto them for whom none is prouided The good wife which is set forth by the holy Ghost for a patterne and example vnto others to follow together with her husband are noted to be helpfull one to another in this dutie for she is said to stretch out her hand to the poore and to the needy and he is said to praise her thereby incouraging her to hold on in doing those good things which she did What liberty the wife hath or howfar forth she may be restrained in case her husband vtterly refuse to giue consent we shall hereafter declare in the particular duties of wiues the point here noted is that both the husband himselfe must according to his abilitie be bountifull to the poore and suffer his wife yea prouoke her so to be and withall allow her wherewithall to be bountifull and that the wife also must stirre vp her husband to liberalitie in this respect and her selfe open her hand to the poore in the things which lawfully she may giue There is nothing wherby a man or wife can bring more profit to the house then by giuing to the poore that which is giuen to the poore is lent to the Lord and he will repay it
stocke or though he were her prentise or bondslaue which also holdeth in the case betwixt an aged woman and a youth for the Scripture hath made no exception in any of those cases 2. Obiect But what if a man of lewd and beastly conditions as a drunkard a glutton a profane swaggerer an impious swearer and blasphemer be maried to a wife sober religious Matron must she account him her superiour and worthy of an husbands honour Answ Surely she must For the euill qualitie and disposition of his heart and life doth not depriue a man of that ciuill honour which God hath giuen vnto him Though an husband in regard of euill qualities may carrie the Image of the deuill yet in regard of his place and office he beareth the â—mage of God so doe Magistrates in the common-wealth Ministers in the Church parents and masters in the familie Note for our present purpose the exhortation of S. Peter to Christian wiues which had infidell husbands Be in subiection to them let your conuersation be in feare If Infidels carrie â—ot the deuils Image and are not so long as they are Infidels â—assals of Satan who are yet wiues must be subiect to them and feare them §. 6. Of wiues denying honour to their owne husbands Contrary thereunto is a very peruerse disposition in some wiues who thinke they could better subiect themselues to any husband then their owne Though in generall they acknowledge that an husband is his wiues superiour yet when the application commeth to themselues they faile and cannot be brought to yeeld that they are their husbands inferiours This is a vice worse then the former For to acknowledge no husband to be superiour ouer his wife but to thinke man and wife in all things equall may proceed from ignorance of hinde and error of iudgement But for a wife who knoweth and acknowledgeth the generall that an husband is aboue his wife to imagine that she her selfe is not inferiour to her husband ariseth from monstrous selfe-conceit and intolerable â—rrogancy as if she her selfe were aboue her owne sex and â—ore then a woman Contrary also is the practise of such women as purposely â—ary men of farre lower ranke then themselues for this very end that they may rule ouer their owne husbands and of others who being aged for that end mary youths if not very boyes A minde and practise very vnseemely and cleaneth warting Gods ordinance But let them thinke of ruling what they list the truth is that they make themselues subiects both by Gods law and mans of which subiection such wiues doe oft feele the heauiest burden Salomon noteth this to be one of the things for which the earth is disquieted when a seruant reigneth Now when can a seruant more dominere then when he hath maried his mistresse As for aged women who are maried to youths I may say as in another case it was said woe to thee ô wife whose husband is a childe Vnmeet it is that an aged man should be maried to a young maid but much more vnmeet for an aged woman to be maried to a youth §. 7. Of a wiues inward feare of her husband Hitherto of a wiues acknowledgement of her husbands superioritie It followeth to speake of that answerable respect which she ought to beare towards him A wiue-like respect of her husband consisteth in two points 1. Reuerence 2. Obedience  The reuerence which she oweth to him is 1. Inward 2. Outward  Inward reuerence is an awfull respect which a wife in her heart hath of her husband esteeming him worthy of all honour for his place and office sake because he is her husband Doubtlesse Sarah had in her heart a reuerend respect and honourable esteeme of her husband when being alone and thinking of him in her very thought she gaue him this title Lord. This inward reuerence the Scripture compriseth vnder this word Feare as where our Apostle saith Let the wife see that she feare her husband and where S. Peter exhorteth wiues to haue their conuersation in Feare It is no slauish feare of her husband which ought to possesse the heart of a wife dreading blowes frownes spightfull words or the like but such an awfull respect of him as maketh her to vse the Apostles word care how she may please him This wiue-like Feare is manifested by two effects one is Ioy when she giueth contentment to her husband and obserueth him to be pleased with that which she doth the other is griefe when he is iustly offended and grieued especially with any thing that she her selfe hath done Vnlesse this inward reuerence and due respect of an husband be first placed in the heart of a wife either no outward reuerence and obedience will be performed at all or if it be performed it will be very vnsound only in shew hypocriticall and deceitfull so that as good neuer a whit as neuer the better For according to ones inward affection and disposition will the outward action and conuersation be framed Michal first despised Dauid in her heart and thence it followed that she vtteredmost vnreuerend and vile speeches of him euen to his face Wherefore after the iudgement of a wife is rightly informed of an husbands superioritie and her will perswaded to account her owne husband her head and guide it is very needfull that her heart and affection be accordingly seasoned with the salt of good respect and high esteeme which breedeth feare and that thus her heart may be seasoned she ought oft and seriously to meditate of his place and office and of that honour which the Lord by vertue thereof hath planted in him And if he haue gifts worthie his place as knowledge wisdome pietie temperance loue and the like she ought to take notice thereof and to thinke him worthie of double honour §. 8. Of a wiues base esteeme of her husband Contrary to this inward reuerence of the heart is a base and wile esteeme which many haue of their husbands thinking no better of them then of other men nay worse then of others despising their husbands in their heart like Michal of whom we heard before This as it is in it selfe a vile vice so is â—t a cause of many other vices as of presumption rebellion yea and of adultery it selfe many times and it is also a maine hinderance of all dutie It commonly riseth either from selfe-conceit whereby wiues ouerweene their owne gifts thinking them so excellent is they need no guide or head but are rather fit to guide and rule both their husband and all the houshold of which proud and presumptuous spirit Iezabel seemeth to be who with an audacious and impudent face said to Ahab her husband Dost thou now gouerne the kingdome of Israel Up I will giue thee the vineyard of Naboth So also all those wiues which are noted to draw away their husbands hearts from the
a kinde of obeysance This is not so to be taken as if no difference were to be made betwixt the carriage of a seruant or childe and a wife or as if a wife should bow at euery word that she speaketh to her husband Though in the kinde and extent of many duties the same things are required of wiues which are required of children and seruants because God hath made them all inferiours and exacted subiection of all yet in the manner and measure of many duties there is great difference as in this the obeysance of children and seruants ought to be more submissiue and more frequent Yet because God hath placed authority in the husband ouer his wife she is euery way to testifie her reuerend respect of her husband and therefore at some times on some occasions as when he is going on a iourney for a time from her or when he returneth home againe or when she hath a solemne and great sute to make vnto him or when he offereth an especiall and extraordinary fauour vnto her or as I haue obserued such wiues as know what beseemeth their place and are not ashamed to manifest as much when she sitteth downe or riseth vp from table to declare her reuerence by some obeysance This cannot but much worke on the heart of a good and kinde husband and make him the more to respect his wife when he beholdeth this euidence of her respect to him Yea it cannot but be a good patterne to children and seruants and a motiue to stirre them vp to yeeld all submissiue obeysance both to her husband and to her selfe For it may make them thus to reason with themselues shall we scorne or thinke much to yeeld that to our father or master which our mother or mistresse thinketh not much to yeeld to her husband shall-she bow to him and shall not we much more bow to her Thus a wiues honouring of her husband by yeelding obeysance to him maketh both him and her selfe to be more honoured of others Contrarily minded are they who not only altogether omit this dutie but also gibe and scoffe at the very hearing thereof saying thus wiues shall be made no better then children or seruants But though scornefull dames deride these outward euidences of their subiection yet such wiues as feare the Lord ought not to be hindered thereby from doing their dutie for by such euill examples they might be discouraged from euery good dutie It is sufficient that such holy women as trusted in God so behaued themselues But for this particular we know that equals scorne not vpon occasions to performe this kinde of courtesie in making obeysance one to another how much lesse ought wiues who are their husbands inferiours §. 12. Of wife-like modestie in apparell Modestie appertaining to a wife is much manifested in her apparell S. Paul requireth this modestie in generall of all sorts of women but S. Peter presseth it in particular vpon wiues For as it well beseemeth all women so wiues after a peculiar manner namely in attiring themselues to respect rather their husbands place and state then their owne birth and parentage but much rather then their owne minde and humour A wiues modestie therefore requireth that her apparell be neither for costlinesse aboue her husbands abilitie nor for curiousnesse vn beseeming his calling As a poore mans wife must not affect costly apparell so neither Ministers graue Counsellours sage Magistrates no nor conscionable Professours wiues hunt after new fashions or in light and garish apparell attire themselues It is a token of great reuerence in a wife towards her husband to haue an eye to his place and state in her apparell On the contrarie such proud daines as must haue their owne will in their attire and thinke it nothing appertaineth to their husbands to order them therein who care not what their husbands abilitie or what his place and calling be they shew little respect and reuerence to their husbands Such are they who are no whit moued with their husbands example but though the mans apparell be plaine and graue yet the wiues shall be costly and garish Yea many there be that stand in some more awe of their husbands sight but shew little more respect vnto him who haue their silken gownes Beauer hats and other like attire not agreeable to their place and state lie in the countrey if they be of the citie or in the citie if they be of the countrey in a friends house where their husbands shall not know it and when their husbands are not with them weare them and paint their faces lay out their haire and in euerie thing follow the fashion What can they which behold this thinke but that such a wiues care is more to please other light vaine persons then her graue discreet husband or that her husband can nothing at all preuaile with her which as it staineth her owne credit so it leaueth a blot of dishonour euen vpon him If the care of a wife were to giue euidence of the reuerence which she beareth to her husband his desire and example would in this respect more preuaile with her then the humour of her owne heart §. 13. Of a wiues reuerend speech to her husband As by gesture so by speech also must a wiues reuerence be manifested this must be answerable to that For by words as well as by deeds the affection of the heart is manifested Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh A wiues reuerence is manifested by her speech both in her husbands presence and also in his absence For this end in his presence her words must be few reuerend and meeke First few For the Apostle enioyneth silence to wiues in their husbands presence and inforceth that dutie with a strong reason in these words I permit not the woman to vsurpe authoritie ouer the man but to be in silence the inference of the latter clause vpon the former sheweth that he speaketh not only of a womans silence in the Church but also of a wiues silence before her husband which is further cleared by another like place where the same Apostle enioyneth wiues to learne of their husbands at home The reason before mentioned for silence on the one side implieth a reuerend subiection as on the other side too much speech implieth an vsurpation of authoritie Obiect Then belike a wife must be alwayes mute before her husband Answ No such matter for silence in that place is not opposed to speech as if she should not speake at all but to loquacitie to talkatiuenesse to ouer-much tatling her husbands presence must some what restraine her tongue and so will her verie silence testifie a reuerend respect Otherwise silence as it is opposed to speech would imply stoutnesse of stomacke and stubbornnesse of heart which is an extreme contrarie to loquacitie But the meane betwixt both is for a wife to be sparing in speech to expect
she be accounted the best wife Answ 1. It may be she was good enough when first she was brought to thee but thou by thine euill example or negligent gouernment or hard vsage hast made her so bad as she is Which if it be so then is she to be considered not as thou hast marr'd her but as thou diddest marie her 2. Though she be not in relation to other wiues the best in condition yet in relation to thee she may be the best in euent if not for thine ease and quiet yet for triall of thy wisdome and patience and so as a schoole of vertue she may be vnto thee As a skilfull pilots sufficiency is tried and knowne by tempestuous seas so a mans wisdome by a troublesome wife Yea she may be giuen thee as a punishment of some former sinnes as seeking after a beautifull honourable rich proper wife rather then a religious and honest one or seeking her without any direction or helpe first sought of God or otherwise then thou hast warrant from God as by stealth and without parents consent or some other sinnes in another kinde to bring thee to repentance or as a meanes to restraine and weane thee from some future sinnes whereunto thou are subiect and so proue a blessed crosse to keepe thee from a fearefull curse §. 10. Of husbands preposterous opinion of their owne wiues Contrary is a corrupt and peruerse opinion which many haue of their owne wiues thinking them of all other the worst and vnfittest yea though they be such as euery way both in gifts and qualities of minde and also in grace and comelinesse of body deserue all good respect and esteeme Whereas others which looke with a single eye commend their good parts they Misinterpret and misiudge all if their wiues be religious they thinke them hypocrites if graue sober and modest melancholicke if cheerefull wanton if they keepe at home idle drones if they take occasion though neuer so iust of going abroad gadders and lightfooted This bad opinion of their wiues is a cause that their hearts are cleane remoued from their owne and set vpon strange flesh whereby the deuill gaineth what he desireth that is to put asunder such as God hath ioyned together and to ioyne those whom God hath put asunder §. 11. Of husbands intire affection to their wiues An husbands affection to his wife must be answerable to his opinion of her he ought therefore to delight in his wife intirely that is so to delight in her as wholly and only delighting in her In this respect the Prophets wife is called the desire or delight or pleasure of his eyes that wherein he most of all delighted and therefore by a propriety so called Such delight did Isaak take in his wife as it droue out a contrary strong passion namely the griefe which he tooke for the departure of his mother for it is noted that he loued her and was comforted after his mothers death This kinde of affection the wise-man doth elegantly set forth in these words Reioyce with the wife of thy youth Let her be as the louing Hinde and pleasant Roe and be thou rauisht alwaies with her loue Here note both the metaphors and also the hyperbole which are vsed to set forth an husbands delight in his wife In the metaphors againe note both the creatures whereunto a wife is resembled and also the attributes giuen to them The creatures are two an Hind and a Roe which are the females of an Hart and a Roe-Bucke now it is noted of the Hart and Roe-Bucke that of all other beasts they are most inamored as I may so speake with their mates and euen mad againe in their heat and desire after them These metaphors hath Salomon vsed to set forth that vnfained and earnest intire and ardent affection which an husband ought to beare vnto his wife which being taken in a good sense and rightly applied so as they exceed not the bonds of christian modesty and decency are very fit and pertinent to the purpose if we stretch them beyond modesty we wrong the pen-man of them or rather the Holy Ghost that directed him and propound a pernicious patterne vnto husbands The attributes giuen to the forenamed creatures much amplifie the point the former is termed a louing Hind the latter a pleasant Roe word for word an Hind of Loues a Roe of fauour that is exceedingly loued and fauoured for to set forth the extent of Gods loue vnto his Sonne Christ is called the sonne of his loue These comparisons applied to a wife doe liuely set forth that delight which an husband ought to take in her and yet is it much further amplified by the hyperbole vsed in this phrase be thou rauisht with her loue word for word erre thou in her loue by which no sinfull error or dotage is meant but a lawfull earnest affection implying two things especially First so far to exceed as to make a man ouersee some such blemishes in his wife as others would soone espie and mislike or else to count them no blemishes delighting in her neuer a whit the lesse for them For example if a man haue a wife not very beautifull or proper but hauing some deformity in her body some imperfection in her speech sight gesture or any part of her body yet so to affect her and delight in her as if she were the fairest and euery way most compleat woman in the world Secondly so highly to esteeme so ardently to affect so tenderly to respect her as others may thinke him euen to doat on her An husbands affection to his wife cannot be too great if it kept within the bonds of honesty sobriety and comelinesse The wiues affection ought to be as great to her husband yet because of the husbands place of authority he must especially take all occasions to manifest this his inward affection Read the Song of Songs and in it you shall obserue such affection manifested by Christ to his Spouse as would make one thinke he did with reuerence in an holy manner to vse the phrase euen erre in his loue and doat on her A good patterne and president for husbands For nothing is more louely them a good wife §. 12. Of the Stoicall disposition of husbands to their wiues Contrary is the disposition of such husbands as haue no heat or heart of affection in them but Stoick-like delight no more in their owne wiues then in any other women nor account them any dearer then others A disposition no way warranted by the word The faithfull Saints of God before mentioned as also many other like to them were no Stoicks without all affection nor did they thinke it a matter vnbeseeming them after a peculiar manner to delight in their wiues witnesse Isaacks sporting with his wife for this is a priuiledge which appertaineth to the estate of mariage But that I be not mistaken herein let it be noted that the
the bodie the eye is most tenderly handled Now what things what persons are more deare and pretious then a wife yet withall she is a weake vessell therefore she is much to be borne withall For an husbands better direction herein difference must be made betwixt infirmities for some are naturall imperfections other are actuall transgressions Naturall imperfections are inward as slownesse in conceit dulnesse in apprehension shortnesse of memorie hastinesse in passion c. or outward as lamenesse blindnesse deafnesse or any other defect and deformitie of bodie These infirmities should breed pitie compassion commiseration yea and greater tendernesse and respect but no offence Note Abrahams example in this case his wife was barren yet he despised her not for it nor vpbraided her with any such thing Actuall transgressions are breaches of Gods law whereof such are here ment as are most directly tending to his owne disquiet and disaduantage as shrewishnesse waiwardnesse nicenesse stubbornnesse c. In the bearing of these must an husband especially shew his wisdome and that sundry wayes 1. By vsing the best and mildest meanes he can to redresse them as meeke admonition seasonable aduice gentle intreatie and compassionate affection Elkanah supposing that his wife offended in her passion thus dealt with her and supported her 2. By remouing the stone whereat she stumbleth by taking away the occasion so far as conueniently he can which maketh her offend Thus Abram and that by Gods aduice put Hagar and her sonne out of the house because they were an offence to Sarah 3. By turning his eyes away if the matter be not great but such as may be tolerated and taking no notice of the offence but rather passing by it as if he perceiued it not Solomon saith that it is a mans glory to passe ouer a transgression and he exhorteth a man not to giue his heart to all the words that men speake 4. By forgiuing and forgetting it if notice be taken thereof Iaakob tooke notice of Rachels rash and froward demand for he rebuked her for it yet in that he readily yeelded to that which afterwards she moued him vnto it appeareth that he forgaue the offence if not forgat it The best triall of a mans affection to his wife and of his wisdome in ordering the same is in this point of bearing with offences Not to be offended with a wife that giueth no offence is not praise-worthy heathen men may goe so farre Note what Christ saith of this case If yee loue them which loue you and doe good to them that doe good to you what thanks and reward haue ye for publicans and sinners doe the same but gently to forbeare and wisely to passe ouer offences when they are giuen not to be prouoked when there is cause of prouocation ministred is a true Christian vertue a vertue beseeming husbands better then any other kinde of men §. 46. Of husbands testinesse Contrary is testinesse and peeuishnesse when husbands are moued with the least prouocation like tinder catching fire at the least sparke that falleth vpon it yea many are like gunpowder which not only taketh fire but also breaketh out into a violent flame vpon the least touch of fire as gunpowder is dangerous to be kept in an house so such husbands to be ioyned so neerely to wiues as mariage ioyneth them If it be said that as gunpowder doth no hurt if fire come not at it so they are good and kinde if they be not prouoked and displeased I answer that we haue a prouerbe that saith The deuill is good while he is pleased yet it is not safe to haue the deuill too neere It is as impossible considering mans weaknesse that he should liue and conuerse with any and not giue offence as for flint stones long to beat and dash against one another no sparke of fire to come from them How then may it be thought possible for a wife who is so continually conuersant with her husband and the weaker vessell to liue without giuing him offence It is no very kinde speech which husbands vse especially if they be told of their vnkindnesse Let my wife deserue fauour and she shall haue it How little fauour would such husbands haue of Christ their husband if he should be of that minde towards them Thus farre hath beene handled the first part of an husbands well managing his authoritie by a tender respect of his wife The second is a prouident care for her §. 46. Of an husbands prouident care for his wife An husband that tenderly respecteth his wife but prouidently careth not for her sheweth more affection then discretion he may haue a kinde heart but he wants a wise head How then can he be a good head vnto his wife Some present contentment she may haue by him but small profit and benefit can she reape from him Those duties therefore which haue beene deliuered must be done but these that follow must by no meanes be left vndone An husbands prouident care is noted in that office of Christ wherein an husband resembleth him namely to be a Sauiour of the bodie as hath beene before declared It consisteth 1. In prouiding things needfull for his wife 2. In protecting her from things hurtfull 1. A carefull prouiding of things needfull is a principall part of that honour which husbands are to giue vnto their wiues For where the Apostle saith that Elders are worthy of double honour he meaneth maintenance as well as reuerence The Apostle counteth him worse then an Infidell that prouideth not for his owne and specially for those of his owne house Who are of an husbands house if not his wife in his house who more properly his owne then his wife If then an husband prouide not for his wife what is he to be accounted Great reason he should prouide for her because he hath taken her from her parents and friends and hath receiued that portion which they allotted her and hath authoritie committed vnto him ouer her and she is put in subiection vnder him her friends hauing giuen away her portion and their power ouer her and committed all to him will take no further care for her she being in subiection vnder him cannot without him prouide for her selfe Who then shall prouide for her if he doe not whose wholy and only she is Contrary is their minde who take a wife only for their owne content or delight or gaine and neuer thinke of that charge which together with a wife they take vpon them According to their minde is their practise for when they haue a wife they neglect her in euery thing but what may stand with their owne ends Much haue they to answer for and so much the more because a wife is an especiall pledge of Gods fauour §. 47. Of an husbands prouiding meanes of spirituall edisication for his wife In this prouident care which an husband ought to haue of Â
actually crowned before he himselfe gaue vp the Ghost which he did as for other weighty reasons so in particular for his wiues good as may be gathered from that reason she alleaged to the King in these words Else when my Lord the King shall sleepe-with his fathers I shall be reputed vile 2. That he request some faithfull friend in his steed to be an helper vnto her as Christ commended his mother vnto his disciple Iohn which will be needfull in regard of her weaknesse by reason of her sex and want of experience to manage such affaires especially as are out of the house At the time of a mans departure out of this world from his wife will the truest triall of his affection to his wife be giuen for many that beare their wiues faire in hand while they liue with them at their death shew that there was no soundnesse of affection in their heart towards them all was but a meere shew for some by-respects §. 58. Of husbands neglect of their wiues future estate Contrary are diuers practises of vnkinde husbands For 1. Some through improuidence vnthriftinesse and prodigality disable themselues from doing good to their wiues after their death and so leaue their wiues nothing or that which is worse then nothing in debt and with a great charge of children That care which husbands ought to haue of their wiues should make them thinke before hand of the time to come and euen for their wiues sake be some-what the more diligent thrifty and prouident and cut off many vnnecessary expences else their sinne is doubled 1. By a needlesse wasting their estate 2. By neglecting their wiues 2. Others by fawning or forcing meanes draw their wiues to yeeld vp that interest they haue in money goods house or land by ioynter inheritance or any other way and yet make them no sufficient recompence in another kinde but at their death leaue their wiues in a farre worse estate then they were in before mariage beside a greater charge then they had before As this is a great part of vnkindnesse so also a maine point of iniustice 3. Others grudging against the lawes vnder which they â—iue for prouiding for a wife by thirds or otherwise vse all the â—raudulent meanes they can to depriue her of that which otherwise the law would lay vpon her The ciuill politique awes of the place where we liue ought to be the rule of our ciuill actions so farre as they are not repugnant to Gods word and we ought for conscience sake to be subiect vnto them Besides an husband ought though the law forced him â—ot to leaue at least the thirds to his wife as a testimony of his loue to her and care for her so as this also is a douâ—le fault 1. A transgression of the law 2. A note of vnâ—indnesse 4. Orthers hauing aged and sickly wiues or otherwise â—hinking that their wiues may or rather hoping that their â—iues will die before themselues put off the making of their wills of purpose that they might not put in their wiues thirds but dispose them some other way Besides that these husbands shew no good affection towards their wiues they prouoke God to disappoint them of their hopes and so he doth often-times for he taketh them away before their wiues and so taketh them away as hauing no time to make their will not only their wiues enioy their thirds which they so much desired to auoid but also some other whom of all in their life time they misliked seaze vpon the other two parts §. 58. Of an husbands protecting his wife from danger Hauing shewed how an husband is to prouide things needfull for his wife It remaineth to shew how he is to protect her from things hurtfull In regard of that protection which an husband oweth his wife he is called the veile of her eies which phrase as it implieth Subiection on the wiues part so also Protection on the husbands to protect one is as it were to couer them namely from danger to be negligent and carelesse of them is as it were to lay them open to danger The same duty is implied vnder another like phrase of spreading his wing ouer his wife The metaphor is taken from winged fowles which to keepe their young ones from hurt vse to spread their wings ouer them this phrase and metaphor is also attributed to God to set forth his protection But most pertinent to this purpose is the title Saniour giuen to an husband in relation to his wife For this end the Lord who subiected a woman vnto her husband gaue to his sexe greater strength courage and boldnesse then to hers that he might protect her which is the weaker vessell In this duty of protection Christ sheweth himselfe an excellent patterne and president vnto husbands The better to performe this dutie an husband must bee carefull 1. To preuent as much as he may such dangers as his wise is like to fall into 2. To recouer her out of such as she is fallen into For this purpose did Dauid carry his wiues into Gath lest if they were left in Israel Saul should worke them some mischiefe and againe when they were taken by the Amalakites he recouered them According to that danger whereunto wiues are subiect must an husbands care of protecting his wife be manifested 1. If she be in danger to be seduced and inticed as Euah was by any euill instruments of the deuill as Iesuits Priests Friers profane blasphemous lasciuious or riotous persons his care must be either to keepe them away that they come not at her or to put them away from her so soone as he can he may not suffer them to harbour in his house 2. If by any sleight she be drawne from his house he must seeke her and fetch her againe as the Leuite did his wife or cause her if he can to be brought home againe as Dauid caused Michal to be brought especially if they be taken away by force as Ahinoam and Abigail Dauids wiues were 3. If she be vniustly slandered he is to maintaine her credit and reputation as much as his owne as Christ accounteth himselfe despised when his Church is so must he This care must he haue of his wiues credit euen after her death as well as while she liueth 4. What other mischiefe so euer is intended or practised against her he must be a tower of defence to protect her as Ahoshuerosh was to Ester against Haman and that not only against strangers without the house but also against children and seruants in the house Children growne to yeeres that are stout and stubborne will be ready to rise vp against their mother especially if she be a mother in law because she is the weaker sex the countenance of a father for the most part keepeth most in awe Wherefore the husband must be an helpe to his wife and maintaine her
well as they can the storme of their parents displeasure To preuent such contempt of the power of parents and to establish that authority which God hath giuen them ouer their children mariages without or against parents consent as aforesaid are in many Churches made voide §. 17. Of the equity of the point and reasons why children should haue their parents consent vnto their marriage 1. By mariage children are put from their parents for Man must leaue his Father and Mother and cleaue vnto his wife Is it not then great reason that they from whom children had their being and by whom they haue beene maintained and trained vp till the time of their mariage should haue notice of that kind of leauing them and consent thereto 2. A parents power by the marriage of his childe is passed ouer to the husband or wife of the childe And shall such a power be taken away without consent of parent 3. Children for the most part being heady and rash for want of experience and seeking more to satisfie their present carnall desire then to prouide a good lasting helpe for themselues but parents by the instinct of nature louing their children as well as children loue themselues and hauing by much experience better vnderstanding of a meete helpe and better able to vse their discerning gift in this case because it is not their owne case and yet the case of one whom they loue as themselues and to whom they wish as much good as to themselues is it not meete euen for the childs good that in a matter of such moment as mariage the parent should haue a stroake §. 18. Of a childs cariage in case a parent prouide an vnfit mate or none at all Quest What if parents vrge their children to marry such as they can not affect and loue must children therein against their minde and liking yeeld obedience Answ If there be no iust exception against the partie commended they ought with the vttermost of their power to endeauour to bring their affection to the bent of their parents will and as an helpe thereunto be perswaded that their parents are as carefull of their good as they themselues are and wiser then themselues yea aboue all they ought to make instant prayer vnto God in whose hand mans heart is to turne it whither soeuer he will that he would be pleased to alter the course of their affection and to settle it on the party whom their parent hath chosen for them if at least they see no iust cause to the contrary But if notwithstanding all the meanes that they can vse they still finde their heart altogether auerse they may in a reuerend manner entreat their parent to forbeare to presse that match and to thinke of some other 2. Quest What if the parent be negligent and in due time prouide no fit match may not the childe prouide one for himselfe Answ A parents negligence is not a sufficient pretext to make a child cast off that subiection which he oweth to his parent Yet I deny not but that a childe knowing where a fit match is to be had may make knowne as much to his parent as Sampson did and craue both his consent and help thereunto And if his parent giue no eare to his humble suit he may vse the mediation of his kindred or other friends Yea if necessity require that the childe be married and his parent adde wilfulnesse to negligence and will not be moued at all neither by the humble suit of his childe nor by the earnest solicitation of any friends meanes may be made to the Magistrate who is in Gods place ouer the parent as well as ouer the childe and ought to afford releefe vnto the childe and what the Magistrate doth in that case is as good a warrant to the childe as if the parent had done it The like meanes may be vsed if a parent be an Idolater Hereticke or Atheist and will not yeeld that his childe be married to any but to one of his owne profession and disposition §. 19. Of the sinne of Children in marrying without their parents consent Contrary is the minde and practise of such children as ouer lightly esteeming their parents power take matches of their owne choice and that sometimes priuily without giuing any notice at all to their parents and sometimes most rebelliously against their parents mind and charge not much vnlike those who in the old world are condemned for taking wiues of all that they chose which was one branch of that wickednesse for which the world was drowned or rather like Esau who tooke such wiues as proued a griefe to his parents What blessing can be expected to fall vpon such mariages or rather what curse may not be feared to follow them Gods law is transgressed thereby his Image in parents despised that which is more proper to them then any goods or fraudulently or violently taken from them their soules grieued thereat and they oft prouoked to cast off their children and curse their mariages Now Gods curse doth oft follow the iust curse of a parent §. 20. Of obiections for childrens marrying without parents consent answered 1. Obiect Though Iaakob married one wife according to his parents direction yet he married other three at least the two maides without their consent 1. Answ Iaakobs example in marrying more wiues then one is not iustifiable 2. Answ Iaakob had a generall consent of his parents to take a wife of the daughters of Laban if therefore his marying of two wiues had beene lawfull neither this nor that daughter had beene taken without all consent of his parents As for the two maids of whom he had children neither of them was his wife for long after they had children they are called his maids and distinguished from his wiues 2. Obiect Seruants may mary without their masters consent why then not children without their parents 1. Answ It is not lawfull for seruants so to doe while the â—ate of their couenant lasteth 2. Answ Though the seruitude of a seruant be greater â—hen of a childe yet a parent hath in many respects a greater â—ower ouer his childe then a master ouer his seruant The â—ower which a master hath is by a mutuall couenant betwixt him and his seruant and by the voluntary subiection of a serâ—ant vnto his master But the power of a parent is by the bond of nature in that a childe hath his being from his parents Beâ—ides this subiection of a childe to his parents in case of marriage is not for seruitude but for the good of the childe 3. Obiect Children marry for themselues and not for their parents why then should parents consent be so much stood vpon 1. Answ Though they marie not for their parents yet they marie from their parents by mariage they are freed from the power of their parents 2. Answ Children are not their owne they
childrens being Children come out of the substance of both alike 2. The care and pains of both for the good of the children is very great I know not of whether the greater The mothers paines and care in bringing forth the childe is indeed the greater and it may be also the greater in bringing vp the childe especially while it is young at least if she giue it sucke her selfe yet afterwards the fathers exceedeth in prouiding fit calling sufficient meanes of maintenance yea and portion or inheritance for it and that after he himselfe is dead Thus one way or other the childe is equally bound to both and accordingly Gods law maketh no difference betwixt them Obiect The wife is subiect to her husband therefore a childe ought to preferre his father before his mother Answ Though there be a difference betwixt father and mother in relation of one to another yet in relation to their children they are both as one and haue a like authority ouer them Now children are not to looke to that difference that is betwixt their parents in that mutuall relation that is betwixt husband and wife but to that authority which both parents haue ouer their children and so to carry an equall respect to both 2. Obiect What if the fathers and mothers disposition be contrary and the one command what the other forbids Answ The thing commanded or forbidden must be obserued if it be about a thing simply good or euill lawfull or vnlawfull then the parent which would haue the thing lawfull to be done or vnlawfull to be for borne though it be the mother must be obeyed for in this case she is backt with Gods authority But if the matter be meerely indifferent then I doubt not but the father must be obeyed yet so as the childe no way shew any contempt to his mother but with all reuerence and humility make it knowne to her that it is best both for her-selfe and himselfe that his father be obeyed But if the fathers contrary authority be not interposed or if the father be dead then is a mother as simply and absolutely to be obeyed in all things as a father §. 55. Of pretences alledged to obey father rather then mother Contrary on the one side is their childish fondnesse who so wholly respect their mother and seeke to please her as they little regard their father vnlesse through feare they be forced thereto and on the other side their scornefull spirit who only beare respect to their father and altogether neglect their mother if not despise her For the most part of the two the mother is lesse regarded The reasons whereof I take to be these following whereunto I will annex particular meanes to remoue the seeming force of those reasons as antidotes or remedies vnto them 1. The mother by reason of her sex is commonly the weaker and subiect to more infirmities Answ Children ought rather to looke vpon their mothers place and authority then their person and infirmitie so these would no whit impaire their respect of the other 2. The mother is more indulgent and tender to her children and vseth more familiarity towards them now familiarity breedeth contempt Answ This is the abuse of familiarity loue should breed loue and loue must be ordered according to the condition of the parties louing and loued As children with one eie behold the affection of the mother so with another they should behold Gods image in the mother and then that which is noted as the ground of all childrens dutie a louing-feare would be wrought in their heart which would cast out all contempt 3. The mother hath not that power to reward or reuenge that a father hath Answ 1. This is not to obey in the Lord. No outward respect should moue the childe to obey his parents so much as conscience to God-wards If children duly considered God how he hath made no difference but commanded them to obey both alike and how he is able abundantly to reward and seuerely to reuenge that reason would be no reason 4. The mother is subiect to the father Answ This was remoued before As a generall answer to these and all other such pretences as can be alledged let it be noted that the Lord doth not only in expresse termes charge children to feare their mother but also the more to presse this point sometime setteth the mother in the first place thus Yee shall feare euery man his mother and his father which is not so to be taken as if the mother of the two were the more excellent in this respect the father for the most part is first named but because it is the truest triall of a childes subiection to be subiect to his mother He that willingly and conscionably subiecteth himselfe to her who is in relation to her husband the inferiour in sex the weaker in condition subiect to more infirmities in her affections lesse moderate in power lesse able to reward or to punish will much rather no doubt subiect himselfe to his father §. 56. Of the difference of childrens subiection to naturall parents and to such as only are in the place of parents Beside naturall parents there are others by God so set ouer children as they owe in conscience child-like dutie vnto them These in generall are such as are in the place of parents and so performe or at least ought to performe the dutie of parents to children They are of two sorts 1. Such as are ioyned to a naturall parent in mariage commonly called Step-fathers and step-mothers or fathers in law and mothers in law 2. Such as haue the gouernment and tuition of children committed to them commonly called Guardians Tutors Gouernours yea also foster-fathers and foster-mothers Quest Is the same dutie in euery respect due to those who are in place of parents as to naturall parents themselues Answ Not so There is such a prerogatiue appertaining to naturall parents from whom children haue receiued their being that many things wherein children by an absolute necessity are bound to them are bound vnto the other who are but in place of parents only by the law of honesty of meetnesse conueniency Whence it commeth to passe that such things as being done by children rebelliously without or against the consent of naturall parents proue meere nullities will stand in force though they be done without or against the consent of such as are only in the place of parents instance contracts made about goods lands and such other things as parents retaine a right in whereunto many good Diuines adde contracts of mariage of calling and the like Yet notwithstanding seeing in conscience we are bound to those things which the law of honesty and conueniency requirety for whatsoeuer things are honest iust and of good report are to be done great is that dutie which children owe to those who are in place of parents §. 57. Of childrens subiection to fathers and
mothers in law Fathers and mothers in law are to be ranked in the first degree of those who are in the place of naturall parents Very good proofe there is in Scripture for childrens subiection to them The respect which Moses beare to his father in law and Ruth to her mother in law and Christ himselfe to his supposed father are commended for this very purpose Subiection is noted in Christs example Reuerence in Moses Recompence in Ruths The mariage bond maketh man and wife one flesh whereupon the naturall parent that marieth another maketh that other one with him and in that respect is as a parent to the children and by them ought to be accounted so The law of God maketh it plaine inâ—â—st for a sonne to vncouer the shame of his mother in law or for a father in law to vncouer the shame of his daughter in law Whereby it appeareth that fathers and mothers in law are by Gods law in the very place and steed of naturall parents to their children and accordingly as naturall parents are to be honoured Besides it is a great honour which a childe doth to his naturall father or mother to respect such as they haue made one flesh with themselues as they doe their owne parent So as to honour a father or mother in law is to honour a naturall parent Contrary is the minde and cariage of most children Very few beare a reuerend dutifull and child-like respect to stepfathers and step-mothers but for the most part despise them in heart grumble at them in speech and are very vndutifull in their behauiour whence it commeth to passe that they bring much griefe to their naturall parent and oft cause much discord and dissention betwixt their naturall and step-parentâ— being herein set on worke by Satan who laboureth what he can to disunite those whom God hath neerely vnited together and made one flesh Lamentable experience sheweth that the second third or any after-mariages are seldome so comfortable and peaceable as the first especially if either the one or other or both haue children The cause thereof for the most part is in children who brooke not fathers or mothers in law Obiect Nature cannot so well brooke a step-parent as a naturall parent Answ 1. If not so well yet despise them not there is a difference betwixt extremes 2. Conscience and religion ought to alter corrupt nature Looke to Gods ordinance and let Gods feare possesse thine heart that that may bring thee to doe what nature cannot 2. Obiect Fathers and Mothers in law seldome respect their husbands or wiues former children Answ This obiection more beseemeth the mouth of a barbarian then a Christian The Gospell teacheth to be subiect not only to the good and gentle but also to the froward and not to be ouercome of euill but to ouercome euill with goodnesse The Scripture reckoneth such as rise vp against their parents in law among such as rise vp against their naturall parents shewing thereby that the impietie of those is as blame-worthy as the impietie of these §. 58. Of childrens subiection to Guardians Tutors c. For childrens subiection to Gouernours Guardians and Tutors the Apostle saith that a childe is vnder them If by the law children are vnder them they ought in equitie to be subiect to them It is expresly noted of Esther euen after the King had chosen her for his wife that she did the commandement of Mordecai who was as a Guardian to her like as when she was brought vp with him A memorable patterne for this purpose What pretences might she haue made to haue cast off all manner of subiection Mordecai was but her cosen she was now aduanced aboue him a wife she was and so subiect to her husband yea a Kings wife and so her selfe a Queene yet she was subiect and her subiection commended We reade that the children of the Prophets much respected Elisha did reuerence to him and were obedient to him because he was as a father and tutor vnto them in which respect also Elisha was as a childe subiect to Eliah whom he called father Guardians Tutors and such like ouer-seers of children haue a parents charge laid vpon them as we shall after shew great reason therefore that child-like dutie should be yeelded to them Their honour must be answerable to their charge and care Contrary is the conceit of many lawlesse children whose parents being dead or they being sent and placed abroad out of the gouernment of their parents thinke they are cleane free from all gouernment and may liue as they list Their practise being correspondent to this opinion they runne into all riot and in time bring themselues to vtter ruine It is the ouerthrow of many children that they regard not their Guardians Tutors and Gouernours and God in iudgement bringeth many such refractarie children to some fearefull shamefull end or other Let children therefore be wise and not take too much libertie to themselues Thus farre haue beene handled the duties of children in their seuerall kindes the manner of performing them and the parties to whom they are to be performed It remaineth to speake of the reasons which the Apostle alledgeth to inforce those duties §. 59. Of the place of parents whereby children ought to be moued to obey them The reasons which the Apostle vseth to moue children to performe their dutie are foure The first is taken from the place of the parent The second from the equitie of the thing The third from Gods expresse charge The fourth from Gods promise I. The place of a parent is noted forth by this phrase IN THE LORD which as it affordeth a limitation and giueth a direction to children so it addeth a spur vnto them to stirre them vp to performe their dutie for it sheweth that parents are to then children in the Lords steed as an euidence thereof hath God communicated to them this glorious and honourable title FATHER which is proper and peculiar to himselfe Now then parents being to their children in Gods steed and by vertue of their place bearing Gods image children in obeying their parents obey God in refusing to obey them refuse to obey God A strong motiue is this first motiue For who is so void of religion but will thinke it most meet that God should be honoured or who so impious as to refuse to yeeld dutie to God Here then children may learne in one maine point how to honour the Lord shew themselues children of God And let them here by know that disobedient and vndutifull children that resist the authoritie of parents resist the ordinance of God and receiue to themselues damnation §. 60. Of the equitie whereby children should be moued to obey their parents II. The second reason in these words for this is right though it be not of greater force yet is it more plainly and expresly noted to be a reason as the