World to settle its Affectionâ— upon How much the more earnestly ought it to fix them upâ—â— God after its Conversion LEt me â—ot O my God haâ—â—less Zeal Gratitude aâ—â— Fidelity towards thee than 〈◊〉 should have towards a Friendâ— who had offer'd to lay down hâ—â— life for the preservation of mine and to this superlative testimonâ— of his love did continually addâ— thousand other benefits Since thou hast been pleas'd 〈◊〉 humble thy self O my God 〈◊〉 making me offers of thy Graâ—â— and Favour and loading 〈◊〉 with thy Benefits let me not forget thee doubt of thy Mercy or wilfully shut my eyes and neglect to pay thee those acknowledgments of thy love and bounty which in strict Justice is but my reasonable service For is it just that I who pretend to act upon Principles of Generosity who boast of my good Nature Affection Integrity and Gratitude towards my Friends should be defective only in my Duty towards God living without Faith without Love or so much as the Acknowledgment of his Benefits Is it just that I a poor miserable creature who owe all that I have unto my glorious Creatour should offer up to him only faint acknowlegdments fickle desires and in truth the least part of my self Is it just that I who have been so industrious to gratifie my Idol-passions who never forgot any thing which might conduce to their satisfaction should complain of the difficulty and impossibility of placing them upon their due object and devoting my heart to the love of thee Lastly Is it possible that the soul which thou didst create to be the Temple of thy Divine Love should not be perswaded to return unto thee the center of its happiness after it has wandred a thousand and a thousand times from the way of thy Commandments unless thou art pleas'd to prepare its paths and draw it to thy self with the cords of thy Grace No Lord this is not reasonable and therefore maugre all the opposition I find in my corrupt nature in submitting my self to the easie yoak of thy Commandments thy love which predominates in my Soul above the love of the world the creature or my self shall unite me inseparably unto thee by the inexhaustible love of â—esus Christ By that love which has taught me by experience that there is nothing in this World worthy my friendship nothing but continual troubles and base ingratitude which has discover'd to me by these gentle Corrections that thou art a jealous God and requirest the sacrifice of my whole heart unto thee in acknowledgment of thy infinite Mercies my Infidelity and the sacrilegious misplacing of my Affections Ah Lord since thou requirest nothing to prepare me for the pardon of my sins but the cultivating of my love and the conversion of my heart unto thee Behold here is a heart ready to receive thy Commands ready to obey thee which is truly to love thee ready to undergo any thing which conduces to the advancement of thy Glory or the salvation of my Soul REFLECT XIII That a Penitent Soul should not examine what Sins are Damnable and what not but avoid all appearance of Evil every thing which may displease God lest indulging it self in lesser crimes it relapse at last into Habitual Debauchery IF it is thy pleasure to make my Repentance in some measure answer my Crimes to prolong my life ond punish me in the same place where my Offences were commited If it is thy pleasure to make my Sins my punishment and those Lusts which I have hitherto idoliz'd the Executioners of thy Justice my heart is fixed O God my heart is fixed Nevertheless Grant that I may be preserv'd in my Integrity thereby that my present Aversion to sinful Pleasures may be an Antidote sufficient to defend me from the infected breath of popular Applause that my Repentaance may be more pleasing to thee and profitable to my self But O Lord let me not only be preserved from those Notorious Crimes which this day render me the Object of thy Mercy but grant also that I may hate Sin more for the Malignity of its Nature than from the Dread of thy Vengeance let my Aversion to it proceed rather from thy love than any respect to my self that is let me abhor it more for displeasing thee than because it would be my ruin Let me not with the greatest part of the World nicely weigh how much Carnal Liberty I may take and yet continue in a state of salvation but let me avoid every thing which displeases thee as well as those grosser acts of sin which will certainly damn my soul For what is more impious O my God than to say I know that this Action will displease thee that this Temptation is alluring that these Pleasures obstruct the Emanations of thy Grace and in short that the Vanities of this World are at enmity to the life of Godliness and yet I am resolv'd to venter on them to disregard the all-seeing Eye of a jealous God the Remorse of my own Conscience and all this because I am assured that God is a merciful God that he loves me and is willing to pass by my Offences For is not this Way of Reasoning us'd by the greatest part of those servile Souls whose Religious Actions proceed more from fear of the Devil than out of love to God May not this Neglect of thy Grace which these Men esteem so small an Offence grieve thy Holy Spirit and become the Occasion of their Eternal Reprobation For the Devil by tempting us at first to smaller Crimes insinuates himself into our Affections and by degrees renders the most detestable sins familiar this he knows is the surest way to destroy us for by little and little it weakens the love and fear of God in our Souls it gives him possession of our hearts and at last delivers them up unto him for a prey For who knows but this variety of company this vain and frothy conversation which fills my heart with frivolous Desires and weakens the Influences of thy Grace may in the end seduce me from the simplicity of thy Word and the observation of thy Holy Law Who knows but thou mayest leave me to my self when thou perceivest that my Disobedience and Ingratitude towards thee proceeds from the abuse of thy Grace In fine Who knows but the Splendour of Worldly Pomp which is continually before my eyes which I behold with so much complacency and those Maxims of Carnal policy which are perpetually sounding in my ears may at last render me forgetful of those Solemn Protestations which but a few days ago I made unto thee when with Tears and Sighs I so earnestly besought thee to have Mercy on me and to deliver me from the jaws of Death REFLECT XIV She prays unto God instantly that he would be pleas'd to knock off those Chains which unite her Affections to the Creature to grant her fresh Recruits of his Mercy and Grace to make the right use of them AH Lord
this World Have compassion on my indigence and inconstancy which divert me from any thing that is good and maugre the light of Faith render tll my good Works abortive O God who lovest us more than we can love our selves and who out of thy infinite goodness hast rescued me from a false hope by which I should have been flattered into final impenitence and thus hast sav'd me contrary to my own inclination Give me a solid hope in thy Divine Merits let me consider them as the only Object of my Trust and principally when the Devil tempts me to dispair and employs all his artifices by the interposition of my sins and frailties to eclipse the contemplation of thy Merits In this day of my affliction and distress O my God fix my eyes upon my blessed Saviour dying on the Cross for my sins and miserably torn by those furrows which the Scourges made upon his back Let me consider that thou didst endure all this to obtain pardon for my sins and to encourage me to the taking up of thy Cross upon which depends all my hopes of Salvation Let me contemplate in thy Sacred Wounds the right I a notorious sinner have to hope in thy Mercies Let the hope of a blessed Eternity and the immutability of thy Promises take off my Meditations from the vain and fleeting Enjoyments of this World which hinder my Soul from aspiring to Eternal Felicity For thou knowest O Lord how little stability there is in my best Desires and how speedily the impressions of thy Grace on my heart are defac'd by the vain Idea's of worldly pleasure How the hopes of some trifle some vain lust puffs up my Soul how the Honours and Applause of this World makes me giddy and drunk with the fumes of Vain-glory In fine Lord thou knowest much better than I my self how pliable I am to receive any impression of evil how averse to any â—hing which is good and how unstable in the ways of thy Commandments This is the reason O Lord â—hat I put no confidence in my self that my heart converts it self to thee in all its wants and â—n the day of adversity To thee O Lord who enlightenest the darkest recesses of my mind who possessest me with patience under the severest afflictions and art the Anchor of my Soul Here is Lord my Merit my Riches and my Refuge when the consideration of my wicked life terrifies me Here is Lord my comfort in this vale of Tears and Spiritual Warfare wherein my Soul is made the Scene of all sorts of passions In fine This makes me hope more than fear and rely on thy Mercies rather than dread of thy Justice Ah Lord since I know by experience that thou art a sure Help to those that trust in thee Teach me to relie upon thee in my greatest Extremities to rejoyce in thy Chastisements and to look upon them as marks of thy favour Assist me patiently to undergo them and assure me that thou wilt lay upon me no more than I am able to bear but wilt take thy Rod from me when it shall be conveucent for the health of my Soul Let me be fully assur'd that thy Grace will in thy good time remove all Obstacles which obstruct my Salvation that my Sufferings and the malice of my Enemies will have an end but that thy Mercies endure for ever that after I have fought the good fight here on Earth I shall receive a Crown of â—lory in Heaven for thou maâ—est the Rays of thy Grace to â—hine upon the just and the unâ—ust which at the same time â—elt down the humbe Soul into 〈◊〉 sincere repentance and harden â—he habitual and obdurate sinâ—er to the end that the one â—hould not be tempted to Presume or the other to Dispair â—ut all remain in a continual dependence upon thy Grace Let me not then O my God be in the number of those who will be astonished and confounded at the Great Day because they have rejected thy Grace for I cast my self wholly upon thy Mercy which is infinite and knows no bounds without any reserve or confidence in my own merits But O Lord because Faith and Hope and all other Vertues will avail me nothing without Charity because tho' I could remove Mountains and work all sorts of Miracles yet my works would be dead and sinful unless season'd by thy Love Give me therefore in the third place that Charity which is the Crown of all other Vertues and the Soul of our Good Works I would say Lord Give me a fervent and a faithful Love to thee whereby I shall easily overcome all seeming impossibilities and satisfie the thirst of my panting Soul after a sincere Conversion unto thee REFLECT XI She Prays to God for a New Heart inflam'd with his Love FOr a Foundation of that Miraculous Work which one very truly calls the chiefest Work of thy Grace Create in me O my God a New Heart a humble yet an resolute steady and couragious heart estranged from the World and its Vanities and in short a true Christian heart which may possess me with the love of thee enable me to expose my Life and Fortunes for the Confession of thy Name and render me Obedient to the Foolishness of the Cross in the midst of a crooked and perverse Generation amongst whom it is esteem'd a scandal to be Religious A heart which will love thee in the midst of the severest Tryals resisting the Concupiscence of the Flesh mortifying its corrupt Appetites and irregular Desires A heart which will love thee when I am call'd upon to evidence that love by loving my Enemies and returning them Good for Evil. A heart which for the love of thee will deny it self when there is any competition between the Creature and the Creatour which will silence all the importunities of Nature that it may become more obedient to the voice of thy Grace A heart which will love thee when it must suffer for it and will be content I should sacrifice my reputation and honour to thy Glory in imitation of thy humble Life and opprobrious Death upon the Cross A heart which for the love of thee will relinquish the favour of the Court prefer thy Service before the Splendour of my Family or whatsoever is most dear to me demonstrating hereby that my love to thee surpasses that of the World Lastly Grant O my God that 〈◊〉 may love thee not only for thy benefits when thou blessest me with prosperity and the abundance of good things in this World but also when I am in disgrace poverty or any other Affliction Learn me then to submit to the dispensations of thy Providence and become more conformable to thy Divine Will For O Lord what testimonies can I give thee of my love which will in the least answer thy love to me nay which are not infinitely surpass'd by those favours thou hast been pleased to confer upon me REFLECT XII If the Soul finds any thing in thâ—
that these are the Fruits worthy of Repentance these are the Restitutions thou requirest of me and the choicest Victims my love can offer up REFLECT XVIII That she ought to desire of God the Gift of Prayer which is the only means the Soul can make use of to corfirm its wavering Resolutions O God who takest delight in rewarding that servant who has been faithful in a few things supply the indigency of my love out of the abundance of thy goodness Let its shallow streams be swallow'd up in the vast Ocean of thy Divine Charity lose themselves in it and be mixed with it that so it may be always conformable unto thine For I confess my frailty that my Heart is an ungrateful and barren Soil producing nothing but Briers and Thorns unless cultivated by thy Grace Water it therefore O Lord with the Dew of Heaven which gives fruitfulness to the Plants and paints the Flowers which inclines our wills and affects our hearts which after it has produc'd in our Soul Works worthy of Repentance protects them from those scorching beams the flames of our lust and preserves them safe unto the Harvest This is the comfortable hope and earnest desire of thy poor servant that which sustains him in this tedious Pilgrimage whilst he languishes with expectation of the Beatifical Vision But that thy Inspirations may have the desired effect upon my Soul that I may receive them with suitable affections that I may prepare my heart for so great favours which thou art pleas'd to bestow upon it With my eyes and hands lift up to Heaven I will meet these Blessings I will forsake every sin which unfits me for them and do all the good thy Grace shall enable me to perform And that the streams of thy Mercy may never fail me a poor thirsty sinner I will continually encrease them with my Tears that is to say Lord by an hearty repentance and an affectionate grief for having so often offended thee And since Prayer is the Channel by which thou conveyest thy Grace and thy Light into our Souls since it is the most fragrant Incence I can offer up unto thee for obtaining of fresh Mercies teach me to Pray unto thee with Reverence with the Adoration of all my Faculties and with my whole Heart And that I may the more devoutly perform this Duty shew me the Necessity and the Advantage of it take away their surprise which the very name of Prayer is apt to produce in me and shew me that 't is not so difficult so tiresom a Duty as some persons represent it to themselves who are ignorant that as in thy House there are many Mansions so there are different ways of conversing with thee some of which require only the sincerity of our Hearts REELECT XIX What the Nature of Prayer is and how faithful a Penitent Soul ought to be to its Resolutions of constantly performing this Holy Exercise 'T Is true Lord that the Prayer of a Devout Soul who has retir'd himself from the World and is fill'd with the Joys of thy Holy Spirit is like a Box of precious Ointment which as soon as ever it approaches the fire sends forth a fragrant Odour and that the Croans of a poor Creature who lies groveling on the Earth who only crawls on in the path of Vertue are like troubled Waters which must be distil'd drop by drop before they will afford any useful Liquor Nevertheress O my God it seems most reasonable that since Prayer is only a lifting up of our hearts unto thee in which we lay before thee our Wants and beg Supplies I say it seems most reasonable to me that she who is tormoiled with the Affairs of the World who finds her self in a languishing Condition harras'd by a thousand Miseries and surrounded with a thousand Dangers is under a more pressing necessity of Praying to thee than the Religious person who is hedg'd about with thy Mercies It appears highly reasonable to me not only that she is under a greater necessity but also that she is better disposed to perform this Duty of Prayer than one who is more habitually devout because she cannot chuse but do it whether she thinks of it or no For if 't is natural for a poor man to ask an Alms for a sick man to bemoan himself and for one in danger to lift up his eyes towards Heaven How much more natural is it for that Soul to pray unto his God who is continually pressed with these three Calamities who is always poor always sick and always in danger the three chief hinges upon which this Duty turns Therefore that I may delight my self in this Angelick Exercise teach me O my God that Prayer is nothing else but a pleasing converse between the Soul and its Creator a Torch which dispels the darkness of its understanding and a Glass which truly represents all its imperfections An Eloquent Preacher who Imprints the Law of God in our Minds a faithful Guide who conducts us safely through the strait Way of our Salvation a sweet Sleep which gives the Soul repose in the Arms of God's Providence a Holy Joy which renders sinful pleasures nauseous and all senful delights insipid in comparison with those of the Cross A comfortable contemplation of our latter end which tames our Appetites with the thoughts of Death which sweetens his approaches with the Expectation of Eternity and an ardent Desire of the Beatifical Vision Lastly 'T is the Crucifixion of our Passions the Mortification of our Self-love and the Resurrection of the Grace of Jesus Christ in our Souls Prepare therefore the Palate of my Soul O my God that it may relish this delicious Manna for the only way to persevere to the end in thy Commandnients in the midst of a crooked and perverse Generation to slight the World and all its Vanities and to love thee above all things is to converse with thee by Prayer not only as with our Father and our God but as with our most affectionate and familiar Friend I would say Lord the only way to lay before thee all those Passions which tyrannise in our Minds all those terrible Objects which fright us all those Frailties which humble us all those Sorrows which consume us all those Griefs which rend us and to delineate all the confusion of our Minds is to come unto thee as holy David did and lay all our Affictions all the burthen of our Souls and all our Prayers at the Foot-stool of thy Throne For alas if our Self-love takes so much pleasure in relating our Afflictions to our impotent Friends who can do nothing but hear and pity them how much greater comfort should it be that we are encouraged to pour out our Wants before a God who if he pleases can help us who is oftentimes more delighted to see a Soul humbled by its Misery than elated with the Eminent Instances of its Vertue Incline me therefore O my God to spend some moments every day
at the Foot-stool of thy Throne and let me not lie poring on a Picture or repeat my Prayers from a Book which I do not understand but let the Subject of my Devotions be my own Wants and whatsoever may render me more humble For I am too sensible of my own Imperfections to distract my Mind with other Objects besides my own Misery and the infinite Mercy of my God REFLECT XX. That the Misery to which Sin has reduc'd us ought to be the Subject of our Prayers and that 't is good to begin them with the Considerations of the stupendious Mysterie of our Saviour's Passion ALas how can I meditate on my Vileness who am puft up with Pride who can only Pray unto thee to break off my Ambition and Vain-glory which like unmanagable Horses precipitate my Soul into the Abyss of thy fiery Indignation How can I hearken to thy Word or taste the sweet Comforts of thy Holy Spirit who am surrounded with a thousand Passions a thousand Vanities which distract my thoughts when I come to appear before thee What can I do more than Groan within my self when as the Royal Psalmist has it my feet are hurt with the fetters of sin and I am in Captivity to my Unmortified Affections until the gentle Influences of thy Grace create in my heart a love to thy Law How can I lift up my self to Heaven whilst my Affections are groveling on the Earth How can I contemplate thy Greatness and thy Excellencies whilst my mind is distracted by its own Miseries and astonished at that imminent danger which only gives me space to beg thy Mercy and to say with the Apostles Lord save us or we perish Nevertheless O my Lord since the remembrance of thy bitter Passion ought to be deeply engraven upon my Soul Grant O my God that the beginning of my Prayer may have a respect to that adorable Mysterie that my heart may be mollifi'd by the consideration of thy sufferings render'd more susceptable of the impressions of thy Love and thy Grace and Meditate with more benefit on its own Vanity REFLECT XXI That we ought not to be weary of Praying because we do not find present Comfort but that we should be faithful to our Resolutions and have recourse to this Holy Exercise when we are wrack'd by the greatest pains and distress'd by the severest Afflictions OH that I could be so constand in my Resolutions as every day to prostrate my self at the Foot-stool of thy Throne at that set-time which I have consecrated unto thee when thou art pleas'd to give me Audience and that nothing might divert me from performing this one thing necessary Let me constantly throw my self at thy feet in whatsoever condition my Soul may be to the end that when distractions and barrenness of mind hinder me from fixing my thoughts upon thee or speaking of any thing but those Vanities which have taken possession of my heart then the labour which I undergo those painful pangs which I endure and those irksom attempts which I make to pour forth a Prayer may render it more acceptable unto thee Let me not fancy that thou hast abandoned me because my mind is sometimes overwhelmed with the load of my Corruption because at such a time as this I cannot form so much as one good thought For I will still look up and pray unto thee I will say with that great King the holy David I am like a beast before thee without spirit without speech and without consideration Tho' I cannot perform this Duty with a steady intention of mind yet I will not depart from the Foot-stool of thy Throne I will pray unto thee with my Heart and with my Will I will put my trust in thy Goodness and tho' thou may'st not for the present unite my Soul unto thy self by the sweet influences of thy Grace yet thou wilt accept of my endeavour in this deplorable condition and esteem it as a testimony of my sincere affection that it cleaves unto thee as well when thou art pleased to withdraw thy Comforts as when it enjoys thy ravishing Consolations But good Lord let me not only Pray unto thee with my Understanding and with my Tongue but also with my Heart Let me not only Pray unto thee in my Closet and in the Church where the consideration of thy Divine Presence inspires me with Devotion but grant O my God that by Acts of Faith Hope and Charity I may consecrate unto thee the Oratory of my Heart in which I will offer up the Sacrifice of Prayer For the Devotion of a true Christian is not confin'd to Words but extends it self unto his Thoughts and Actions in all Places and upon all Occasions I will do this in the midst of my Wordly Business nay in the midst of my Diversions when retiring my self into that Closet of my Breast which is dedicated to thee alone where no eye but thine sees me I will address my prayer unto thee When I find my self most expos'd to Temptation when I have the greatest sense of my ovvn Weakness when Self-love most Tyrannizes over me and the svveet poyson of pleasure most allures my Soul then will I sigh most fervently unto thee and without waiting for a suitable place or more convenient time I will presently lay open the Wounds of my Soul and implore thy help This shall be at the beginning and end of all my Actions in the Morning and at Night in the midst of my Journeys my heart shall take thee for its Polar Star it shall relye upon thee in every condition yield it self up to thy Conduct and implore the succours of thy Grace And this will be done with the greater ease because I shall better express my own vvants and my entire dependance on thy Mercy by one single sigh which proceeds from the bottom of my Oppressed Heart than by the most prolix Devotions I will joyn vvith thy Saints and praise thee in thy Sanctuary with my Lips and my vvith voice but I will also Pray unto thee with Sighs ahd Groans unutterable in my greatest dangers and under the most violent pains I will look up unto thee and in all the actions of my life with holy David I will have thee always before my eyes REFLECT XXII The indispensable Necessity of Prayer without which 't is impossible to have any serious thoughts of our Salvation WHat is that Soul O my God who lives in this World without Prayer I speak not of those persons who only mind their Pleasures and providing for their Bodies who are Christians in Name only and may be more fitly rank'd amongst brute Beasts than reasonable Creatures But I mean those who frequently reflect upon themselves who consider to what end a Rational Soul was given them and dominion over the rest of the Creation Who consider that there is a God I mean are convinc'd that none but Fools doubt of it Who consider how it comes to pass that those persons