the wants weakenesse of grace answered I finde in mee such a poore and weake measure of grace that at times I make question whether there bee any true grace at all in me I haue not such a feeling of faith as I desire nor of that ioy which at other times I haue felt especially at my first conuersion I am also affraide that I grieue not enough for my sinnes sure I am not so much as I would which makes me doubt whether these graces bee in me at all and whether I were euer truely conuerted Min. How do you ouercom this Diuell when hee thus grapples with you Con. Thus I encounter him I remember what I haue learned that they which see and heartily bewail in themselues the want of grace cannot possibly bee without true grace and the Lord respecteth not so much the quantity of grace as the quality thereof not how much but whether it bee of the right kinde so that if it bee truely in mee though but as a graine of mustard-seed it is accepted with him And as for feeling it is no sure rule to try my estate by faith without feeling is stronger and more precious then faith with feeling It was not so much ſ Ioh. 20.29 for Thomas to beleeue when hee saw and felt as if hee had done neither It is nothing for a childe being dandled in the lap to thinke his father loues him but when his father frownes and lowers vpon him then to bee perswaded of his loue is something indeed And I stand bound in conscience as well to beleeue when I want feeling as when I haue it for Gods commandement of beleeuing is not confined to the condition of reason experience and feeling nay he is the best scholar in Gods schoole that reasons least vpon these grounds and assents most I must not therefore beleeue according to my feeling of comfort but must beleeue better that I may feele more comfort And as for my ioy I call t Psal 77.6 Psal 143.5 to minde the comfortable experience that I haue had at times heeretofore of my conuersion and the liuely feeling of grace working in mee and that sweet consolation which I haue had in the assurance of the fauour of God in former times Heereby I relieue my selfe and gather that true grace is in mee though at the present it doth not so cleerely manifest it selfe for ioy is more perceiued of some at their first conuersion than euer after but it is because of the newnesse strangenesse and suddennesse of it which makes a deeper impression and causeth greater admiration for it may bee more after like as one that is brought out of some deepe and darke dungeon wherein hee hath been enclosed all his life before into the sun-shine more ioyes in it at his first comming forth then after when he hath been daily wonted to it and yet may enioy more cleare and lightsome daies by farre then at the first and may enioy also more constant and continuall comfort thereby and like as a begger that is aduanced to some very great and vnexpected honor ioyes more at the first therein than afterward and yet his dignities and reuenues may daily increase and grow farre greater than at the first and like as the Ghurch at their first returne out of captiuitie had their u Psal 12 6 2. mouth filled with laughter and their tongue with singing and yet inioyed more good and comfortable dayes after in the peaceable seruice and worship of God then at their first returne As touching my griefe for sinne though it makes mee hang down my head to see the largenesse of Dauids heart this way and the straightnesse of mine for hee u Psal 6. made his bed to swimme and watered his couch with his teares and I can hardly shed on teare for my fins yet in that I am afraid that I doe not grieue enough yea and therefore grieue because I can grieue no more it is heereby euident that I would faine grieue more which the Lord accepts of for if there be first a x 2 Cor. 8.12 willing minde it is accepted according to that a man hath and not according to that hee hath not and secondly though in the intention of my affection Perk. Cas Con. my sorrow for sinne seemes little and lesse then my sorrow for worldly losses yet in the estimation of my minde it is greater because I grieue for my sinne as the greatest euill of all and so in truth of iudgement doe account it and grieue for the losse of Gods fauour as for the losse of the most precious and excellent thing of all and thus I see that my weaknesse in grace is no iust cause to make mee think that I haue no grace no not in the least measure Min. I pray you proceed further to shew Satans cunning in seeking to vnsettle and subuert you Con. The multitude and greatnesse of my sinnes which Sathan sets before me doe now and then much dismay and affright me and make me almost faint I cā say with the Prophet Dauid y Ps 40.12 Innumerable euils haue compassed mee about mine iniquities haue taken hold vpon mee Doubting because of the multitude and greatnesse of sin answered so that I am not able to looke vp they are more then ths hayres of my head therefore my heart faileth mee And beside outward sinnes I am inwardly much oppressed with hardnesse of heart coldnesse of good affection dulnesse of spirit barrennesse of good thoughts motions and desires with manifold foule corruptions I perceiue also sundry imperfections in my prayers and in the best duties so that when I looke backe on the seruice which I performe to God I finde it such simple patched and broken seruice that I feare least hee should account it vs sinne vnto mee and that it should bee as abomination to him and that hee should abhorre both mee and it Min. How doe you beate backe this temptation Con. First for my sins I learn and beleeue that God is able to forgiue my greatest sins as well as the least yea all though bloody sinnes z Esa 1.16 18. as red as scarlet and though they be innumerable for his mercy far passeth my sinnes yea the sinnes of the whole world Great is the Hell of my sinnes saith one But greater is the depth of thy mercies O Lord. This bottomlesse deepe is not like a 2 Kin. 19.24 those pooles about Ierusalem which might bee dried vp with the tramplings of horse and horsemen but such as all the sinnes of a thousand worlds cannot drie vp Augustine I remember a speech of an ancient Father to this purpose who vpon those words of Cain My sinnes are greater then can bee forgiuen saith Thou lyest Caine the mercies of God are greater than the sinnes of all the world and no maruell for the mercy of God hath all dimensions It is so deepe that it brought vp Dauids soule from the
carnall ioy is which causeth men to reioyce onely or chiefly in their corne and their wine their wealth and their honours their pleasures and their profits this nature affords vnto them But I finde in me a supernaturall ioy in things diuine and spirituall which corrupt nature can take no liking of much lesse delight therein therefore it hath been wrought in me by a power diuine that is the fruit of Gods holy spirit 5. Whereas the ioy of the wicked is slight and short a flash and away no better then the chirping of birds in a sunne-shine day mine is firme and durable not like summer-fruit which holds good but for a time for the summer-season of prosperity but my ioy is lasting fruit which still holds good yea euen in the hardest winter of greatest aduersity Ro. 5.3 I can ioy in tribulations 6. It is a victorious ioy for when as griefe like lead lies heauy on my heart pressing it downe then doth this ioy lift vp my heart in faith together with my hands eyes and voyce vpward to the heauens aboue the mountaines from whence my helpe commeth wherby appeares it ouercommeth griefe and getteth victorie ouer tentation thus I haue that which is the very life of life true ioy for life without this is hardly worthy the name of life Min. This pawne of heauen which the Lord hath put into your heart I may not nor cannot except against therefore proceed vnto another signe of your salution Con. Patience vnder the crosse may not bee left out nor forgotten no more then it may bee cast off or forgone well it deserues a roome among this good company of witnesses all which giue in euidence that heauen is mine The thirteenth sine of saluation taken out of Iam. 1.12 That this is a sure signe of saluation S. Iames proues it when he saith Blessed is the man that endureth temptation for when he is tryed hee shall receiue the crowne of life and that it is in me my conscience proues it therefore I am blessed but more blessed shall I bee when I receiue the crowne Minist Well may the crowne indeed be set vpon the head of patience so noble and so conquering a grace for christian * Nobile vinceÌ„di genus est patientia vincit qui patitur suffring is a noble kinde of conquering and hee that so suffereth no lesse than conquereth And if you haue also found this gemme in you happy are you prouided alwaies that it be true patience how prooue you that Con. 1. 5. Notes of true patience Because I doe not onely finde out but also finde fault with any inclination or disposition toward impatiency I check and controul my selfe for it when it begins to stirre I begin to stifle it before it gather strength or get to head 2. I doe not goe about to prescribe to GOD the measure of afflicting me nor yet the manner meanes or time of helping easing and deliuering mee I can bee content with the grace of God in the forgiuenesse of my sinne and sanctification of his Spirit tho I want other things and can receiue the loue of God with good contentment though it come alone or attended with the crosse 3. I more feare to doe the euill of sinne than to suffer the euill of punishment for sinne * Malum parti maluÌ„ non est maluÌ„ facere malum est for to suffer affliction is not euill but to commit sinne is euill and I can be content still to beare the punishment so that the sinne may bee taken away oh I would not for any thing that the rod of God should be remoued before the Cure bee throughly wrought 4. My patience goes accompanied with a profiting vnder the correcting hand of God for first it brings forth e Rom. 5.4 experience both of the care and loue and gracious dealing of God towards me as also of my owne estate and cariage toward him and thus I come to haue better acquaintance with God with my selfe it also increaseth my loue toward him makes me cleaue and cling faster to him as a childe doth to his parent when hee turneth away from it and maketh as though he would goe away and leaue it to the wolfe it strengtheneth my faith and causeth me to relie more stedfastly on God in distresses for time to come and a dram of tried faith is better then a pound of vntried Lastly it worketh in me reformation I am not like wicked AhaZ f 2 Chr. 28 22. who in the time of his distresse did yet trespasse more and more against the Lord. For I can truely say with the holy Prophet g Ps 119.67 Before I was afflicted I went astray but now haue I kept thy word ô God Thus by patience I reforme my self and thus in patience I possesse my soule therefore it is true patience Min. By what other certain signe are you perswaded of your euerlasting saluation Con. They which haue receiued the Earnest of the Spirit in their hearts The fourth signe of saluation taken out of 2. Cor. 1.22 Eph. 4.30 Ro. 8.16.17 are thereby sealed vnto the day of redemption this haue I receiued to wit the infallible testimony of GOD's holy spirit which beareth witnesse with my spirit that I am the child of God and so an heyre of glory seeing God who cannot lye tels me by his spirit I shall be saued I hold it as I am bound for a necessary and a most vndoubted truth Min. Thousands of vngodly ones haue a perswasion that they shall be saued and none seeme more confident than they and yet it is but presumption and the illusion of the deuill in them for they haue no more true right to saluation than dogges to the childrens bread yea and though they sweare to it too as that they are ready enough to doe yet you neede not credit them vnlesse you will and if you doe it is but a lye as if a woman that had a child should swear she were a maid or one that had a plague-sore on him should sweare that hee were cleere would you beleeue either of them for all their facing of the matter sure you would not how know you then that yours is the testimony of Gods Spirit and not presumption which is nothing else but the lying spirit of Sathan in the mouthâ—s and hearts of all his children Conuer 5. Notes of the true testimony Gods of spirit First I proue it by the birth of it for it hath been wrought and planted in me contrary to nature by the word of God heard read meditated vpon and the like good meanes whereas presumption like a stinking weed growes of it owne accord out of the ranke soyle of Nature 2. As Iacob may bee knowne by Iacobs voyce from Esau so may this be knowne by its voice for it doth not barely tell mee I shall be saued but proues it to me and perswades mee by all these former signes which
wee know that sicke folkes are not competent or meet iudges of themselues for they sometimes feele nothing but paine or sicknesse whereas others know that there is in them more health then sicknesse or at least some health Minist Now then to come to your selfe for it is the part of euery wise man to be best acquainted with his own estate Let mee a little examine your Euidences haue you some good assurance that you shall bee saued Con. Yes I praise God else how could I haue any comfort else my very meat should be turned into gall teares should bee my drinke well might my eyes refuse all rest and my soule all comfort knowing none other but that I should p Iob. 18.14 goe to the king of feare into a Land darke as darknesse it selfe And sure I am that the q Mark 8 36. whole World with the r Eccles 2.11 best of all earthly things cannot affoord true sound and substantiall comfort to the quieting of the conscience reioycing of the heart Min. How doe you know that you shall bee saued Con. First by that mother-grace from whence all other sauing graces flow namely true iustifying faith a sparke of this pious faith I find is kindled in me whereupon this I build GOD hath promised The first signe of saluation taken out of Iohn 3.36 that hee which beleeueth shall be saued Now then seeing I belieue that is am truly perswaded that Christ is my Sauiour that hee died for my sinnes and fulfilled the Law to procure mee perfect righteousnes therefore I know I shall be saued Min. It is nothing to say you beleeue but let mee heare if you can proue it how know you that yours is true faith and not meere mocke-faith which is so rife in the world Con. Because it hath beene rightly bred and begotten in me and that by the spirituall seede of Gods word according to that saying of the Apostle f Rom. â—0 17 Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God Thus then I came by Faith first by hearing the doctrine of the Law preached I saw my selfe to be in a damnable conditioÌ„ by nature a wretched sinner yea wholly sinful and therefore accursed by the iust sentence of Gods most righteous Law deseruing nothing but the horrible wrath of God and lying open to the vengeance of eternal fire so that there was nothing betweene me and hell but onely a poore simple crasie tottering life which I knew not how soone or suddenly it might be surprised by death the consideration whereof wrought in mee terror of conscience dread of hell and condemnation despairing of any hope or helpe in my selfe Min. And what then did you rest quiet in the sight of this your wofull miserie Con. Oh it was not possible my poor distressed soule should find any rest in this estate nay if I had heard no better tidings I should haue bin swallowed vp of despair but then in the next place I came * This is the cape of good hope in sayling to heauen to vnderstand that God hath anointed and sent his own sonne to t Isa 61.1 Luk. 4.18 preach good tidings vnto the poore recouering of sight to the blind to binde vp the broken hearted and set at liberty such as are bruised more plainly I learned by the doctrine of the Gospell that God of his rich mercie hath giuen his sonne Christ Iesus very God and man to be a Sauiour vnto sinfull men euen to as many as beleeue in him and hath u Ioh. 3.16 not excluded mee out of the number of those that shall be saued by him but hath offered him vnto mee amongst others which are weary and heauy laden with their sins saying * Mat. 11.28 Come vnto mee all euen all such and hath also x Ioh. 3.23 commanded yea euen y Cor. 5.20 intreated mee to beleiue in him Thus my heart was drawne and wonne to take him and apply him a Sauiour to my owne soule thinking my selfe bound in conscience to yeeld obedience to the holy commandement and gracious inuitation of Almighty God and what a beast were I if I should not accept of so free a profer of his Sonne as he hath made vnto me Min. Thus you haue shewed mee well how you came by faith and I see you haue come honestly by it whereby it appeares that it is not like Iacobs venison too quicklie found to bee of the right kinde nor like Ionahs gourd too suddenlie sprung to continue long but like the z 2 Sam. 23.15 16. water of Bethlehem much longed for hardly obtained now shew mee further how you vse it since you got it what fruites doth it bring forth whereby you may know more easily whether it be true and a 1 Tim. 1.5 Faith vnfained Con. As fire may bee discerned by heat 6 Notes of true faith and life by motion so may my faith by the fruites thereof For first it enableth me to b Eph. 6.16 quench the fierie darts of that euil one to resist not without some comfortable victories the suggestions of Sathan wherwith he buffets me and more particularly that same temptation of doubting whether the promises of God belong to me or no for that I am not ouercome of this doubting and sunke vnder it but struggle and wrestle with it and with vnbeliefe that is by the power of faith Secondly it makes mee earnestly desire to bee more and more reconciled to God that is more fullie assured of his fauour that I am at peace with him and hee well pleased with mee to whom by nature I was an vtter enemy it makes mee crie c Ps 106.4 remember mee O Lord with the fauour of thy people d Ps 84.5 release thy anger toward mee turne thy fac vnto mee e Ps 31.16 cause thy face to shine vnto thy seruant and saue mee through thy mercy Thirdly my faith makes mee labour to please God though it bee with displeasing my selfe and to doe the will of God yea eueÌ„ in those things which crosse my owne will as it caused Abraham to f Gen. 22.10 offer his dearely beloued Isaac though otherwise it would haue gone ful sore against his heart and heereby Enoch was g Heb. 11.5 reported of that had had pleased God Fourthly by it my heart is in some measure purified from noysome lusts and affections as secret pride selfe-loue hypocrisie carnal confidence wrath malice and the like in that they are distastfull yea loathsome to mee so that the spirit within me fighteth against the flesh that is grace resisteth and subdueth corruption Fiftly it makes me long after Christ to tast more fully of his sweetnesse and to bee h Can. 1.2 kissed with the kisses of his mouth that is to haue a greater measure of heauenly graces and greater and more liuely tokens of his loue communicated to mee whom and whose loue I do preferre aboue the
and distressed in conscience neuer had true peace 2 My peace of conscience 3 Notes of true peace of conscience makes mee carefull to keepe a good conscience as it made the Apostle t Hebr. 13.18 desiring to liue honestly and to haue u 2 Cor. 1.12 my conuersation in godly purenesse 3. This true peace makes my Conscience not afraid to view it self whereas the euill conscience is like the Elephant which being guilty of his deformity cannot abide to looke on his owne face in the water but seekes muddy chanells and fowle puddles Min. Let mee heare you name some other signe from whence you gather assurance of your saluation Con. Mine Adoption is a sign hereof for wheras I was by nature a base-born of Satan no child so like his father as I was like him the Lord of his free grace fauour hath adopted me his childe to traine mee vp vnto eternall life that I may inherit with his own Son Iesus by meanes whereof I haue right also * 1. Cor. 3.22.23 to the creatures heere in this world as being my fathers goods and the miseries of this life x Rom. 8.28 become mercies to me and the glorious y Heb. 1.14 Angells become attenders on mee O high fauours O rich mercy O instimable dignity to bee the childe of God! Thus I trust I am one of the number of Gods children The fourth signe of saluation taken out of Rom. 8.17 Now none of them can possibly be depriued of an euerlasting inheritance for if we be children then are wee also heyres of God ioyntheyrs with Christ Seeing then I am one of them I know I shall inherit together with them yea with Christ Min. It is a common thing with men yea with lewd and gracelesse persons to say they are the children of God as the wicked Iewes z Ioh. 8.41 44. said to our Sauiour but hee tels them they ar of their father the Deuill how know you then that you are a true childe of God Con. 1. Because I am regenerate that is borne againe a Ioh. 1.13 5 Notes of a true child of God not of bloud as by a second naturall generation nor of the will of the flesh as by any naturall strength or actioÌ„ nor of the will of man as by any mans endeuour or operation but of God born of the spirit b Ioh. 3.5 as water through spirituall c T it 3.5 washing and ablution being begotten by the incorruptible seed of his word they which are thus begotten and borne of God must needs be his children that I am thus borne of the spirit and so become a new creature I haue shewed before in that I am conuerted Secondly looke what naturall affections are in a childe toward his father such spirituall affections are in mee towards God if he frowne I mourne if he threaten I tremble if he smite I stoop if he smile I am right glad if hee speake comfortablie I reioyce hartily I delight in nothing so much as the fauour of God feare nothing so much as the losse of it hauing found it oh how faine would I keepe it hauing lost it I cannot be at quiet till I recouer it I can be content to want all things so I haue it and can finde contentment in nothing if I want it my heauenly fathers fauour is more to mee then all the world Thirdly I know my adoption by the spirit of adoption which is within mee and casts out of me daily more and more the d Rom. 8.15 spirit of bondage a terrifying tormenting conscience and it makes me with some comfortable confidence and a true heart vnfainedly to call vpon God and to cal him my Father without either flattery or dissembling Fourthly e Rom. 8.14 As many as are led by the spirit of God they are the sons of God by his holy spirit am I led and willinglie doe I submit my selfe and vnfainedly desire to bee wholly gouerned thereby I desire not to follow the blinde guide carnall reason nor the deceitfull guide my own corrupt heart but I set the Lord alwaies before mee as a guide to direct mee in all things by that rule whereby hee leades into al truth euen his holie word it is my delight to say with the Prophet Dauid f Ps 25.5 Leade mee in thy truth O Lord and teach mee for thou art the God of my saluation Fiftly whereas all the children of God do resemble him their father for howsoeuer a man may haue a childe nothing like him yet God hath neuer a childe but is in some measure like him hereby I also know that I am his childe because I doe in some sort resemble him my heauenly Father As hee is g 1 Pet. 1.15 holy h Luk. 6.36 mercifull good i Ma. 5.48 perfect so doe I endeuour to conforme vnto him hauing his blessed image imprinted in mee and being renewed vnto that k Ge. 1.26 likenesse wherein the Lord created man in the beginning abhorring to bee of the number of them who though they professe themselues to bee Gods children yet are as Nabal so prophane and wicked that a man cannot speake vnto them and surely blasphemie it were to thinke that there is any likenesse betweene God and them he such a pure spirit and they such impure swine Min. Proceed vnto some other signe of your saluation Con. The Lord will bestow an euerlasting inheritance vpon all them that are sanctified The fift signe of saluation taken out of Act. 20.32 such a one am I the Lord hath sanctified mee by his holy spirit that is hath made mee holy whereas I was before most vile filthy vnclean wholly sinfull Neither yet am I now quite and cleane freed from all sinne or perfectly holy for alas l Ro. 7.23 I see another law in my members rebelling against the law of my minde and bringing me into captiuity of the law of sinne but I am freed from the bondage and dominion of sinne And looke as in the twi-light or day-breake some little glimmering light there is ouer-spreaâ—ing the skie yet mixed with much darknesse euen so there is in mee the admixture of sinne and much corruption accompanying the light of sanctifying grace in euery part of me yet this is my comfort That the day-starre is risen and the morning-light now shineth in mee and as for high-noone perfection of holinesse I wait for it and looke to enioy it in the highest heauen for the m Pr. 4.18 path of the iust is as the shining light that shineth more more vnto the perfect day Min. There are not a few who though they can talke of sanctification aâ—â— notwithstanding very prophane yea leaprous persons hauing the vncleane issues of sin like plague-sores running on them going vp and downe with the leapers crie in their mouth n Leui. 13.45 vncleane vncleane therefore how know you that you are
were as many paied vse for loue as doe in these dayes pay vse for money Then should they be no whit impouerished lesse in the vsurers books more in Gods and so would it be a better world Min. Whereas you say you loue the godly it may be that is onely because they are friendly to you or because you receiue or hope to receiue some outward kindnes and benefit from some such if your loue be no other than this it is but selfe-loue beeing grounded meerely vpon your owne priuate commoditie and this kinde of loue may bee found in an vnregenerate and carnall man Con. It is not so with me for though happily I may regard some such for some such respects as you name yet if I should not loue the child of God for his own sake and for his and my fathers sake more than I loue my worldly friend for my cōmodities sake or my kinsman for neerenesse of bloud I should bee void of any sparke of true heauenly loue therfore I chiefly loue the godly for their goodnes and godlinesse sake the ground of my loue vnto them is the image of god in them This is that diuine load-stone which drawes my affection toward them Minist How can you make it appeare that you loue them with a right affection Con. Thus 1. because I loue some such in the * In abstracto abstract euen when they are seuered and separate from all externall respects and grounds of loue to mee-ward as 4 Notes of true loue to Gods children when I heare or reade of the zeale piety constancy heauenly vertues and gracious endeauours of the worthy seruants of God such as I neuer knew nor had any dealing with yet I finde that I loue them and feele the affection of my heart spreading it selfe towards them to embrace them which cannot be for carnal respects nor worldly hopes for it may bee some of them are dead and gone and thus I loue the Saints departed which are now in heau'n sometimes also I haue knowne and loued some worthy Christians who then haue flowed with worldly prosperity but after haue fallen to a very low ebbe of great aduersity when the world hath bidde them adieu friends wealth goods haue altogether taken their leaues yet then haue I loued them as dearely as euer I did before whereby it appeared that my loue was not grounded vpon worldly regards which all forsooke them but vpon their goodnes and godlines which still continued with them Secondly I much affect the godly and delight exceedingly in their cōpanie yea of such as are nothing of kin vnto mee that e Ro. 1.12 wee may bee edified through our mutual faith whereas I care not for the company of others wanting true godlinesse though they may be perhappes of my very neere kindred So that I can truely say f Psa 16.3 As for the Saints that are in the earth and the excellent in them is all my delight but as for others I haue hated the assembly of euill doers and will not sit with the wicked and if of necessitie I bee forced to bee in their company then am I readie to wish with the Prophet O that I had wings lik a Doue then would I flie away and be at rest or if this ô will not set mee at libertie then I take vp woe to expresse my misery Woe is me that I soiourne in Mesech that I dwell in the tents of Kedar 3. I haue a fellow-feeling of the miseries of the Saints my deare Christian brethren and sisters which works in mee compassion and makes my heart euen ake and bowels yearn within me to see their grief and behold them in necessitie Whereby I perceiue that I haue the true affection of a fellow-member for if one member suffer all the members suffer with it Fourthly I finde in mee a willingnesse in some measure to impart my selfe vnto them in life and goods soule and bodie so far as I canne to affoord them helpe and succour for as it is truely said of faith that * Fides toto copulatiua it is wholly copulatiue wholly employed in coupling vs to Christ so may it as truly bee said of loue that it is * Charitas communicatius wholly communicate imployed in imparting it selfe and what it hath to others for their good Faith is as the leads and pipes to bring in and loue is as the cock of the conduit to let out Now for as much as my loue is thus communicatiue to the children of God because they are his children heereby I also see that it is of the right kinde Min. Alledge some other sure signe of your saluation For the more the better man the richer you are in the true treasure the more comfort may you haue thereby Con. The Lord hath promised to fulfill the desire of them that feare him The eleuenth sign of saluatiō taken out of Psal 145.19 that he wil heare their cry and will saue them Now I finde in some measure in mee the true feare of God and though I say not of my selfe as the Scripture saith of Obadiah that g 1 Kings 18.3 hee feared God greatly yet this I can say that I desire to feare God greatly and this I dare say in despight of the diuell that I feare GOD truely Therefore I shall be saued certainly according to Gods holy word of truth Min. St. IOHN telles vs that there is no feare in loue but that perfect loue casteth out feare Seeing then you loue God how can you bee said to feare him how can these two stand peaceably together Con. Very well for there is a two-fold feare of God the first is a slauish and seruile feare in horrour to dread his maiestie as a seuere reuenging Iudge eyther executing his iudgements or readie to take vengeance on his enemies Thus all impenitent persons and the Diuels feare him and onely thus and therefore hate him wishing there were no God And this is the meaning of Saint Iames when hee saith h Iam. 2.19 The Diuels beleeue and tremble The second is a childe-like feare in awefull reuerence and loue toward God to be carefull not to offend him now this feare is the true naturall birth of loue being bred and brought forth of it Looke then as Sarah cast out Ismael the seed of the bond-woman but would not cast out her owne deare sonne Isaac euen so the loue of GOD doth cast out of mee by degrees the seed of bondage the slauish feare but not her owne birth the awefull and holy feare of God but cherisheth and nourisheth this continually in mee and is as a nurse vnto it so that now I feare not so much that God will condemne me as that I may not offend him so good so louing a father to mee euen as a good ingenious childe feares to offend his father for very loue but feares not that his father will cut his throat or murder
I haue alledged and diuers others whereas presumption doth only suggest that conceit vnto men but proues it not so that when they are asked why they thinke they shall bee saued they are not able to alleage any sound sufficient reason for the same 3. The witnes within me speaks the same that the word of God doth without me both being the voice of the self-same spirit of God which cannot contradict it selfe but presumptuous presumption speakes contrary to Gods word for whereas the Scripture saith h Mat. 18.13 Vnlesse a man bee conuerted hee cannot enter into the kingdome of God and i 1 Cor. 6.9 the vnrighteous shall not inherit the kingdome of God and k Heb. 12.14 without holinesse no man shall see the Lord and that the Lord will take l 1 Thes 1. vengeance on them that know him not and obey not the Gospell of our Lord Iesus Christ yet presumption beares men in hanâ— they shall be saued howsoeuer and is ready to buzze into their eares â—alas good Sir pitie your selfe these things shall not bee vnto you 4. Gods spirit doth as well m Rom. 8.27 make intercession for mee as witnes to me and therefore brings mee to God making me pray earnestly and feruently to him from a sense and feeling of my manifold sinnes with groanings which cannot be vttered but presumption driues men further from God neither worketh any such feruent prayer in them 5. Gods spirit brings forth the fruits of the Spirit in mee as loue ioy peace long-suffering gentlenes goodnes c. Gal. 5.22 whereas presumption as it is of the flesh so it yeelds the fruits of the flesh as adultery fornication vncleannesse wantonnesse hatred variance wrath strife enuyings murders drunkennesse reuellings and such like Gal. 5.19 and these are the common fruits of these daies which grow more commonly in townes and houses then crabs doe in woods and hedgrowes They which bring forth such fruits as these giue heede to the witch that speakes within them the spirit of Sathan who tells them they shall bee saued as as soone as the best and they beleeue him but I will heare what God the Lord will speake for hee will speake peace vnto his people and to his Saints Yea O Lord let mee heare this thy voyce within mee speake lowder that I may heare thee better O say vnto my soule I am thy saluation Min. There may appeare as manifest a difference betweene the witnesse of Gods holy spirit and the lying suggestion of the Diuell to such as are not wilfully blinde as is betweene light and darknesse truth and falshood But lest I be burdensome to you name one signe more of your saluation and that shall suffice Con. It is no whit irkesome to the men of this world to looke on their gold and siluer their deedes and leases nay they take a meruailous pleasure and delight therein why then should it be burdensome to the children of God to view and looke ouer the markes of their saluation seeing these are much more precious then gold that perisheth But for as much as you require but one signe more I will endeauor to comprehend all vnder one In summe then I perceiue that I am one of those whom God hath faithfully promised in his word to saue The fifteenth signe of saluation for though a number of men yea the greatest number thinke to get heauen though they haue neither scrip nor scrole to shew for it yet I haue both Gods word and his writing to shew or rather his word in writing that heauen belongs to me Now the Scripture is a true copie and draught of the booke of life taken out of the court of heauen by Gods owne hand so that there can be no error in it Hereby I know that my name is written in the booke of life because I finde my selfe enroled in Gods holy scripture among those to whom he hath promised eternall life Min. Indeede If you be of that number there is no doubt but you shall be saued For n 2. Tim. 2.13 he abideth faithfull hee cannot deny himselfe but are you sure that you are such a one Con. Though all that I haue hitherto said and the signes which I haue produced drawne out of Scripture and grounded thereon doe verifie the same yet if you will giue mee leaue I will further proue it by other expresse texts of Scripture though the same for the most part in substance with that I haue already said that as you haue seene my speciall euidences truely taken out of the graund copie so now you may also see the grand copy it selfe in the volume of which book I finde it written of me and that in sundry places that I shall bee saued Min. This would I gladly see proceed then to shew it Con. God in his word hath promised that o Ps 34.8 hee will bee nigh vnto them that are of a broken heart and that hee will saue such as hee of a contrite spirit he himselfe hath vndertaken the cure of such p Psal 147 Hee healeth those that are broken in heart and bindeth vp their wounds as it is in the Psalme and a wonderfull cure indeede he will work vpon them euen then when all helps do vtterly giue them ouer hee like the good Samaritane will binde vp their wounds and poure in the oile of comfort and wine of gladnesse hee will take them in his armes and bring them q Can. 1.4 into his Chambers hee will take the care of them and worke the cure on them for none can doe it but hee none can cure throughly the heart-wound and such as are sicke thereof but onely God Such a one am I I am bruised and broken in heart and spirit and distressed in conscience for my sinfulnesse and wretchednesse hauing by my sinnes O my sins so many great and grieuous deserued no lesse then the heauy wrath of God O wretched man that I am who shall deliuer mee from sin that vnwelcome guest nay that deadly enemy I thanke my God through Christ for by him I haue deliuerance Oh still vouchsafe deere God to visite mee thy poore patient and though I be not worthy with the Centurion that thou shouldst come vnder my Roofe yet farre bee it from mee to say as Peter r Luk. 5.8 Lord depart from mee for I am a sinful man nay rather therefore come to me for I haue the more neede of thee the whole neede not the Physition but the sicke as I am thou lookest for such a Patient sweet Iesus and I lacke such a Physition as thou art Oh bee pleased to come home vnto mee poure forth some more of thy precious oyle into my wounded heart Oh spread a plaister of thine owne heart blood and apply it to my soule r Can. 2.5 Stay me with thy flagons and comfort mee with thy apples for I am sick of loue My heart is wounded within mee but seeing thou hast
of saluation are in me in truth as first hatred of sin for though there were no hell as I haue said before I would not commit those sinnes which some doe though nature corrupt doe relish them very well my soule goes against them Secondly I make conscience of lesser sinnes which the world count no sins as wel as of those great and grosse sinnes which stare vs in the face and though some would shrinke vp sinne into a narrow scantling and faine would bring it to this that none doe euill but they which are in gaoles yet I haue learned otherwise to iudge of sinne to e 1 Thes 5.22 abstaine from all appearance of euill holding it a point of wisedome to looke to sinne in time lest it fester and eat in infect more and at length breake forth into a running sore Thirdly I loue the godly in sincerity not for feare of hell that cannot make mee loue them nor for any sinister respects but because they are godly Fourthly when I go to the word preached sacraments prayers and all other holy exercises of religion I heartily desire to vse them not for forme or custome as the manner of most is but with profit and therfore lift vp my heart to the Lord crauing his blessing in the vse thereof for the edifying of me in grace and for the ripping vp of my corrupt heart an hypocrite doth nor thus Fiftly though the Lord should condemne mee which hee neuer will and throw mee into hell which in regard of his faithfull promise hee neither will nor can yet I finde my heart so affected that sure I should neuer blaspheme his holy name with the Diuels and damned spirits but euen out of the bottome of the lowest pit should I praise him yea out of the very f Iona. 2.2 bellie of hell as the Prophet Ionah speaketh should I pray vnto him so that I see I loue the honour of God neither for feare nor fauour but in sincerity whereby I also gather and conclude that I am sincere and not an hypocrite Min. Be there yet any more euill spirits of Sathan sent of him to vexe you that put you in feare and would make you beleeue lies Con. Sir it is not for nothing that their name is Legion for they are many there is another which doth not seldome molest me for when I cannot deny vpon a right tryall taken of my selfe but that the grace of God is in some measure begun in mee yet then sometimes steps in a shamelesse messenger of Sathan Doubting of perseuerance answered much like his maister that hath sorsworne all shame truth thinking to out-face mee and beare me down by maine strength hee will needs face mee downe that I shall not continue in grace the way to heauen so straight and difficult my skill so little my weaknesse so great my enemies so many mighty crafty resolute and malicious that it is not possible for mee to hold out to the end that I might be saued Min. Dare you looke this Goliah in the face or enter cōbat with him Con. Yes that I dare and doe and will doe all my dayes because hee blasphemeth the liuing God as though he could lye or did repent but I doe not trust in my owne bow neither can my sword saue me I do not betake my selfe to my owne strength good mind and meaning free-will c as blinde Papists and others doe for these are weapons of Sathans owne making and be sure hee will make none to hurt himself withall therefore I take vnto mee the g Eph. 6.17 sword of the spirit which is the word of God this I brandish against the tempter and tell him as it tells me that h Ier. 31.3 the loue of God is an euerlasting loue and i Ioh. 13.1 whom Christ loueth hee loueth to the end and k Io. 10.28 none can plucke mee out of his hand neither men nor diuels and l Ro. 8.39 nothing can separate mee from the loue of God in Christ neither life nor death height nor depth things present nor things to come no not sin it selfe which is most likely of any thing for that lyes pining and wasting in mee in as much at the first instant of conuersion it fell into a deepe consumption and that incurable all the drugs of that old Empirick the Diuell can neuer restore it to perfect strength againe therefore I shall endure to the end and in the end bee saued for all that Secondly for the better animating of me to perseuere m He. 12.2 I looke vnto Christ the author and finisher of my faith he held out to the end in suffering for mee why should not I then hold out to the end in seruing of him he would not leaue me in hell fire why then should I leaue him in the heat of temptation or in the cold bleake winde of affliction well I am n Phil. 1.6 confident of this verie thing that hee which hath begunne the good worke in me will performe it vntill the day of our Lord Iesus Christ Min. What is there else which doth perplex your minde Con. Doubting of presuming answered I am now and then grieuously affraid that I doe but presume in being perswaded that I shall be saued by Christ partly because I am so very sinfull and my vnworthinesse is so great and partly because mee thinks I doe not grieue enough for my sins Min. What helpe do you vse against this shaking fit Con. First I consider that it is but spirituall pride in the habite and shew of great humility to feare to beleeue because of our great sinfulnesse and vnworthines for thus wee shew wee would haue some thing of our owne to bring to God or else we dare not trust him we would spie some righteousnesse and worthines in our selues before we bee perswaded of saluation and so not to be beholding to God this proceeds from the poysonfull root of pride and naturall popish desire of meriting at the hands of God Secondly I must not hang off from beleeuing till I finde that I grieue enough for my sinnes for this were to set the cart before the horse In as much as godly sorrow for sinne proceeds from faith therefore I must not stay to beleeue till I finde more godly sorrow but I must beleeue more that I may grieue more for my sinnes for the more faith the more godly sorrow Thirdly indeed if I had bin neuer humbled in the fearefull sight of my sinnes and a sense of the heauy load thereof then I should presume if I did perswade my selfe in that estate to bee saued but now I see and feele my sinnes and misery and what extreme neede I haue of Christ God calls me as verily as if it were by name Matth. 11.28 to come vnto Christ that is to beleeue in him therefore there can be no danger in so doing I can not sinne or presume in being perswaded that I