your self of the Faith of Assurance yet indeavour to maintain and exercise the Faith of Adherence (a) Vid. Dr. Owen on Pf. 130.2 Say unto God that because there is forgiveness with him therefore he is to be feared My sin is not too great to be forgiven 'T is not the Vnpardonable Sin For I desire to repent and am resolv'd to return I will still cleave to the Lord and wait upon him and follow hard after him and take no other course for Deliverance and Comfort Mine is not a single Case I am not the only Soul that hath been so distressed and yet found relief by seeking unto God 'T is therefore good for me to hope and quietly wait for the Salvation of God (b) Lam. 3.26 I will draw near to God I will lie at his foot and continue in all ways of Worship and Duty wherein I may hope to meet with the quickening and comfort of his Spirit I will seek relief from no other I will keep as near him as I can whither else shall I go he alone hath the words of Eternal Life he alone can create what is the fruit of his own lips Peace Peace * Vid. Mr. Baxter 's Method for Peace of Conscience I will encourage my self in the consideration of his General Grace and the probabilities of his special Love I will recollect my former Experiences when I had some good hope through Grace concerning my Adoption I will remember the years of the right hand of the most High If God will give me so much Grace as to continue waiting I will hope still And though I walk in darkness and see little or no Light I will stay my self on the Lord. And if by the want of sensible Consolation he will make me more humble and keep me in a greater Submission to his Will I will bless his holy Name and derive more comfortable hope from thence than from the most sweet and sensible Consolations I ever had and look upon Humility Self-denial Dependance on God Resignation to him and Hatred of sin as a better sign of his Love than the highest fervors of Affection in his service can be Oh that I had formerly done as much for Holiness as I have for Comfort By the enjoyment of the one I should have had more of the other The Exercise of Grace would have discover'd the Truth of it Let me therefore accuse and condemn my self but still trust and love God and wait upon him Let me resolve never to chuse a new Lord or Master Or take up with any Portion beneath God himself or any way of Hope or Salvation but by Jesus Christ my only Saviour neither let me forsake the way of Faith and Holiness for all the Hopes and Happiness of this World if put to my choice But be always able to say blessed be God I now can that I will return to my former Husband for then it was better with me than now I had peace and refreshment in my former ways I will return to them Lord forsake me not utterly Keep not thine Anger for ever Cast me not away from thy presence and take not thy Holy Spirit from me Restore unto me the Joy of thy Salvation that my Heart may be inlarged to praise thy Name and to run the way of thy Commandments XXVI Confession of Sin Humiliation and Repentance must follow upon Self-Examination Advice concerning Repentance of some particular Back-sliding The great Perplexity and Distress of a Penitent Sinner represented as a Caution against returning to Folly THat we may turn unto the Lord is the end of searching and trying our Ways Lord I have been searching my Heart and considering my Ways but can find little or no good neither can I discover all that is evil in both But I find enough to make my own Heart condemn me and Thou who art greater than my Heart and knowest all things maist much more condemn me I am altogether unclean polluted and abominable If I go about to enumerate the Sins of my Thoughts Words and Actions in all the periods of my Life hitherto if I consider my Omissions of Duty and dayly Crimes by actual Commission If I reflect upon my Sins according to their respective Objects as either against Thee O God and against my Neighbour and against my own Soul or Body and compare my Heart and Life with thy strict and holy Law and think in how many Instances I have transgrest every of thy Righteous Commandments I find they are more than the hairs on my Head they cannot be number'd Who can tell how oft he hath offended Many of my sins make little Impression on my Memory I observe them not I remember them not But this hinders not but they may make deep Impression on my Conscience which will one day be awake and set them in order before me and they are all written in thy Book of Remembrance in order to my final Judgment All my sins are before thee But thou requirest my humble Confession of them in order to Repentance and as a part thereof that I freely acknowledge their hainous Aggravations to shame and humble my self the more before thee whom I have offended and provok'd How long did I serve divers Lusts and Pleasures with the neglect and forgetfulness of God How sad a Prospect may I take of the far greatest part of my Life past Especially of my younger years which have been trifl'd away in vanity and folly And since I have known the way of Truth how shamefully have I prevaricated with God I am confounded to consider how often I have despised the Commandment and rebelled against the Light against the Principles of Education and the checks of Conscience frequent Warnings from God and Reproofs from Others contrary to my Profession and Experience contrary to the Obligation of peculiar Mercies solemn Promises Resolutions and Engagements and a nearer Relation to God than many others Which sins have more dishonour'd the Lord discredited his Holy Gospel gratifi'd the Devil scandaliz'd the World and strengthen'd the hands of the ungodly than the sins of others And alas How much of my precious Time is thus gone which if duly improv'd would now afford me comfort to review How much Guilt have I contracted every Year particularly in this last I now begin another which will soon be gone as that which was concluded Yesterday And shall I only advance in Age to increase the number of my sins and heighten my Account against the Day of Reckoning In Temporal and Civil Affairs Day unto Day uttereth knowledge and Night unto Night teacheth Wisdom We are taught by Experience many useful Lessons which we should not else have learnt to reform many Errors and mistakes to correct many rash and foolish Actions and Speeches c. And shall I not learn Wisdom by the Experience of another Year in what concerns my greatest my Eternal Interest Shall not the reflection on my past sins prevent my Commission of
never live out of it and set my Heart and Affections on this World as if I should never remove to another and trifled away my precious Time and Life as if a change would never come That Few do seriously admit such Thoughts is too evident by the general Course and Practice of their Lives For to what Hazards do Men expose themselves what Pains will they take what Inconveniences will they bear with what unwearied Industry will they toyl and labour to get a little Money or Honour in this World tho' they know not but they may be called out of it before the End of this Year And yet the same Persons are remiss and slothful about a future Life negligent and unconcerned about an Eternal State careless and indifferent yea sottishly stupid about the Welfare of their Immortal Souls Henceforward O my Soul whatever others do let me resolve to live in the Expectation of a Change which I know is certain and may be very near SECT XI Of the Expectation of Another Life The Vanity and Misery of Man in his Best Estate if there be none The satisfactory Removal of that Supposition by the Thoughts of God and of Eternal Felicity in his Blessed Presence LET me retire a little O my Soul and bethink my self what a World this is what Men design and seek and do and suffer with what false and feigned Joys they are pleased being only happy by Comparison and with what real Sorrows they are afflicted what innumerable Disappointments Sicknesses and as troublesome Remedies Dangers Labours Pains and Calamities of all sorts Multitudes groan under and loudly complain of And what little unworthy Ends are pursued by all that do not seriously seek Eternal Rest and how often frustrated And withal consider the Cares that disquiet us the Errors that deceive us the many Temptations that assault and overcome us how busie we are about Vanities how often dejected and melancholy for the breaking of a Bubble how eager and industrious to pursue a Shadow active and in earnest to destroy our selves and one another and then reflect on the Malice and Cruelty the Filthiness and Impiety and great Corruption which abounds every where whereby God is dishonoured and provokt to Anger after this what a Theater of Tragedies must this World appear what an Hospital of Sick and diseased or rather distracted Persons How should I be tempted to say Lord why hast thou made all Men in vain In vain indeed if I could not look from this Sea of Troubles to the Haven of Rest from this dark Prison to the Region of Light from this deceitful troublesome and defiling Earth to a Blessed Everlasting Heaven For verily if there be no World but this Every Man in his Best Estate in this World is altogether Vanity Selah Psal 39.5 'T is a certain undoubted Truth the prefixed verily tells us so and that it deserves to be well considered we learn from the concluding Selah Every Man is Vanity Not the Inferiour Parts of the Creation only but Man the Lord of all And Every Man every Adam from himself to the last Man that shall by ordinary Generation descend from him Not the Ignorant Poor or Wicked only but all the Individuals of this Species Young or Old Strong or Weak Beautiful or Deformed Rich or Poor High or Low Good or Bad in respect of the Body and this present Life every one is vanity and this is true suppose him in his Best Estate not only in helpless Infancy and Childhood or in decrepit old Age not only in Pain and Poverty and Disgrace but in his most setled most flourishing most envied and admired Condition upon Earth in the midst of Strength and Wit and Honour when at best as to Body and Mind and outward Circumstances when he looks fairest when he shines brightest in the height of all his Glory with the greatest Likelyhood of a Continuance yet then he is but Vanity In his Frame in his Temper Constitution Inclinations Actions and Employment he is a meer Shadow an empty mutable inconsiderable Thing and not to be accounted of His Heart his Head his Imaginations Reasonings Desires Purposes Projects Hopes and Fears are all Vanity and altogether Vanity in all the Parts and Kinds and Particulars of it He not only may be but he is so in his best Estate if this World be his Best if this be our All and nothing more to be expected after Death And how should such a Reflection strike me to the Heart to suppose that after a few Years are ended I must return to my first Nothing and my very being be (*) Vid. Mr. How 's Vanity of Man as mortal swallowed up of Eternal Death what Satisfaction can I then take in any present Enjoyments if an Eternal Annihilation be at hand when I must bid Adieu for ever to all that I now possess What Delight can I have in the ordinary Comforts of Life with this Belief that within a Year or two it may be to Morrow I shall sink into the Dust and exist no more What Pleasure in any thing with this dismal Expectation The more flourishing my Condition is in this World the more should I dread to lose it if nothing better nothing at all can be injoyed after Death Some Philosphers have ignorantly urged such a consideration as an Antidote against the fear of death but the admission of it may rather deprive a Man of all the comfort of Life What then is the advantage of a Wise Man above a Fool the exercise and improvement of our noblest Faculties would render us more miserable than others if nothing be expected and certain when this Life is over Not only sensual but intellectual pleasures would be disturbed and destroyed by such Thoughts that very shortly the next Year or Day I must disappear and all my Injoyments and Hopes be utterly and for ever lost with my very Being Were the case thus which such Consequences evince it is not it were better for most Men they had never been Born whether their conditition here be Prosperous or Afflicted For what Comfort or quiet can any Man have in Plenty and Prosperity when this frightful apprehension of an approaching end is ever present and what Consolation can it yeild a Man who is afflicted and Calamitous and yet loves his Life above all things to think that he shall not cease to be miserable but by ceasing to be And what is become of all Religion if such a Thought be entertained All Devotion to God is thereby extinguish'd all the Restraints of Vice removed the Flood-gates of Impiety opened the Encouragements of Vertue the Rewards of Holiness the Foundation of Patience in Tribulation and suffering for Righteousness sake all at once taken away Lord Confirm my Belief of the invisible future state of Rewards and Punishments and let not Sadducism and Infidelity damp my Zeal in thy Service or rob me of the Comforts of this Life which if I have any solid ones
Period of your Life in order to thankfulness The last Section of these Papers may give you some Assistance therein and consider what Returns you have made to God for all his Kindness You may do well to consider your self also in the Relations you have stood to others as Inferiour Equal or Superior in Family Church or State in your Calling Profession Imployment c. And examine in what more notorious Instances you have been faulty in your Relative Duties How you did ordinarily carry it in your Place and Station for that is the best the truest Picture of a Man which is like him in his ordinary every days Habit. Particularly reflect upon the Sins you have committed in Company with others By whose Example you have been drawn to Sin who may probably have been tempted by yours and bewail it and if the Persons are living admonish them to Repent and if you have injur'd and wrong'd any acknowledge your Fault and to the utmost of your Power make speedy Restitution If any of your Companions in Sin are Dead and you fear died without Repentance humble your self particularly before God for having contributed to their Damnation I know of some who have made such a Catalogue of their Sins with the most observable Aggravations of them which they constantly preserv'd and frequently review'd to keep them Humble Penitent Watchful and Thankful and on some occasions of secret Humiliation have spread them before the Lord as Hezekiah did the Writing of his Enemy covering themselves with Shame and Confusion of Face by considering what they have been and thence admiring the Riches of free Grace in the forgiveness of such Crimes through the Blood of Christ Examine me O Lord and prove me try my Reins and my Heart for thy Loving kindness is before mine Eyes and I will walk in thy Truth Thou hast searched me O Lord and known me Thou knowest my Thoughts a far off all my secret Sins are in the Light of thy Countenance and thou art acquainted with all my ways set my Sins in order before me that I may Repent and forsake them Shew me mine Infirmities and Wickedness that I may watch against them And teach me to Judge and condemn my self that I may not be judged of the Lord or condemned with the World XXV How Christians ought to examine their Decays of Grace and Piety The greatness of their Sin and of their Loss under such a Declension God's Displeasure and departure from them considered to awaken Endeavours of a Recovery In what manner the Faith of Adherence may be acted by one who hath no Assurance IT cannot but be of use to Believers also at stated Times to examine themselves concerning their Languishings and Decays in Grace falling from their first Love to a Spirit of Indifferency and Lukewarmness disorderly walking or unfruitfulness whether gray Hairs are not here and there upon them and they know it not For God may withdraw by degrees so that his Departure may not presently be perceiv'd And some kind of Activity in Duty may be continued upon false Principles and from Common Assistance while a Christian as to his spiritual State may be under a dangerous Consumption 'T is not difficult for others to observe it some times and would be visible enough to themselves would they spare a few hours to examine the matter The Punishment of such Backslidings the loss of the quickning and comforting Presence of the Holy Spirit deserves likewise to be inquir'd into in order to a speedy Remedy and should enforce the Counsel I mean not barely the Ebbing of Affections in the Duties of Religion or the want of Life and quickning from sensible Consolations which new Converts especially such as have been reclaim'd from a course of notorious Impiety have more of at first than afterwards This doubting Christians should particularly take notice of by the Instance of the Prodigal who was extraordinarily feasted at his first Return but was doubtless contented afterwards with the ordinary Provisions of his Fathers house Neither doth God dispence the same measure to all alike nor to any alike at all Times Some who are called to greater Services and Sufferings than others or had greater Conflicts before Conversion may have a greater share than the rest of their Brethren Neither will the same degree of Grace imparted to some Persons so discernably move and comfort as it will do some others of a different Temper 'T is not therefore so much to be the matter of our Enquiry if at all it need to be so whether we have more or less of sensible Joy in the performance of Duty But Whether we are not fallen and declin'd as to the inward vital Acts of Grace and in the outward Fruits of Holiness Whether we have such clear convincing Apprehensions of Divine and Spiritual Truths and the Mysteries of the Gospel as formerly whether our minds are not become more vain and heedless whether our Knowledge of God and of the Revelations of his Will be as powerful and efficacious upon our Hearts and Lives as heretofore whether there be not less Frequency less Consistency less inward Satisfaction in holy serious Thoughts than formerly You were wont to pray and endeavour that God might be first and last in your Thoughts every day and by frequent Ejaculations in civil affairs to maintain a daily converse with God but now you mind not whether it be so or not yea you cannot but know that it is not thus with you still It was once your Burden to be pester'd with foolish filthy worldly vain Thoughts especially on the Lord's Day or in the Worship of God you rejected and disown'd them you lamented and pray'd against them do so much as examine whether it be thus still Consider all your Affections and their several Objects and see whether a Criminal Lukewarmness hath not diffus'd it self into every of them Examine every Grace and see whether your Faith Hope Love holy Desires and Delight in God be not miserably abated as to the strength and vigor the efficacy and frequent exercise of every of them so that your Thoughts of God are few cold and lifeless without Desire Delight and Love Consider the Opportunities of Publick Worship and solemn Occasions of approaching the Divine Presence Are they as much the desire of your Souls and the rejoycing of your Hearts as once they were Are you not more easily diverted from them less satisfy'd and refresh'd by them Are not all Gospel-Ordinances less powerful and quickning and your profit and advantage thereby unspeakably less than formerly Do you hunger and thirst and pant as the Hart after the Water-brooks to draw nigh to God and come into his Courts Do you make conscience of preparing before-hand Do you come with a real desire and design and expectation of profiting and bettering your Spirits Do you join in every part of Divine Worship with that attention seriousness and composure of mind and taste the sweetness and benefit of
me seek for continual supplies of Grace from Christ my Head to enable me to yield ready Obedience in the most difficult hazardous painful and humbling Duties In vain do I resolve it without the assistance of his mighty Power to strengthen my Heart and Hands whenever I am called to such a trial of my Sincerity Without it I shall never recover my Liberty or break asunder those Bonds and Cords wherewith I have formerly been held Captive as the Servant of Sin and Satan Such is the Weakness and Treachery of my own Heart the influence of ill Examples and the subtlety and cunning of the Tempter that otherwise I shall quickly change my mind and return to Folly as the Dog to his Vomit The Spirit is so weak and the Flesh so frail the Snares of the World so many the Power of remaining Corruption so strong and of my self I am so unsetled and wavering sickle and unsteady and prone to back-sliding that all my strongest purposes will not be sufficient without daily strength from above My Senses are so deceitful my Passions so ungovernable the Rule and Law I am to walk by so strict and spiritual and extensive Criminal Omissions may be so frequent and so easily overlook'd so many several and difficult Duties are to be performed and by every change of my Condition or of God's Providence so many new Dangers and new Duties may arise that I fear the issue of my firmest Resolutions So strict a Watch must always be kept such Humility and Caution is every-where to be practis'd such speedy Repentance requir'd after every fall with thankfulness and contentment in every State under all Calamities be they never so many or never so pinching and perseverance herein absolutely necessary though never so many Stratagems be used to discourage me from proceeding or to entice me to go back or turn aside to some other Path insomuch that if God had not promised me his continued Presence and that his Grace shall be sufficient for me and that I shall not be tempted above what I am able to bear I should utterly despair of making good what I now resolve But besides these Promises to encourage my Resolved Obedience he hath left upon Record in his Word many glorious Examples of his assisting and rewarding the Courage and Resolution of his Servants to continue faithful as in the case of Joseph Daniel and his Three Friends c. If Christ stand by and strengthen me I know I shall be able to do all things I shall not then be flatter'd or frighted out of the way of my Duty no Wind that can blow shall then turn me to another Point nothing shall then be able to prevail for my consent to a wilful and deliberate forsaking of God no Argument no Temptation though Privacy Opportunity Impunity from Men with Rewards of Wordly Gain and Honour should all concur to enforce a Temptation But by that Heavenly Assistance I shall be preserv'd Humble Temperate Chast Patient Thankful Self-denying Crucified to the World and hold fast my Integrity till I die still perfecting Holiness in the fear of God growing in Grace and in the Knowledge of my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ waxing stronger from day to day be seldomer surpriz'd offend less and repent more quickly and watch more narrowly afterwards till at last I receive the Crown Especially let me watch against my Constitution Sins such as I am most inclin'd to and where a Temptation doth most easily enter where the Devil can take the fastest hold and be least suspected where he hath formerly sprung a Mine and made a Breach I have known some humble watchful Christians after being recovered from their Back-slidings who abhorr'd every Temptation to that sin by which they had been defiled and wounded They can hardly put up a Prayer but they mention it hardly have their hearts affected in any Ordinance but they are inwardly asham'd of it hardly hear of any one guilty of the like but they are ready to burst out into Tears Fix therefore I beseech thee most Gracious God! My unfeigned Resolutions of cleaving to thee with full purpose of Heart And shew thy strength in my weakness by inabling me to do what I now resolve To that end teach me to watch over my Heart to keep it with all diligence to be more conversant with my own Thoughts examining the motions that arise in my Heart whence they come and whither they go and what they tend to that I may suppress the beginnings of Sin The unsearchable Deceitfulness of the Heart the rovings straglings and wandrings of the Thoughts the ungovernable motions and stirrings of the Passions and Affections with the corrupt Inclinations that are ready to comply with Temptation make such a constant Watchfulness necessary Let me live no longer as a stranger to my self but by Self-Reflection dwell more at home reckoning my principal Work to be within-doors to keep my own Vineyard Teach me to watch over my Senses to guard the door of my Lips to govern my Passions to be wary in the Choice of my Company and in the Right Vse of it to be Circumspect in every step of my daily walk to call my self frequently to a Reckoning to cast up my Accounts at the foot of every Page by every days review of my Actions to live always as in God's Presence and be awed every where by the thought of his Holy Eye to shun the occasions and appearances of Evil c. By the neglect of this Spiritual Distempers will insensibly creep upon us There is such a venom and malignity in Sin to wound and weaken the Soul to put us off the Hinges to disorder and unfit us for any Spiritual Service to make our Hearts vain and frothy lazy and listless that we shall easily let slip our Opportunities lose our Seasons and languish and pine away notwithstanding all the means of thriving and growth And hence it is that so many Professors mourn and complain lick the dust and lie among the Clods are dead under the most awakening Ministry and barren under the most fruitful means Hence it is they do little Good as well as taste little Comfort some Duties are neglected and others perform'd slightly and in none of them do they meet with that Sweetness and Satisfaction that Refreshment and Advantage Fruit and Benefit as formerly And all from the neglect of Watchfulness making bold with Temptation and not standing upon their Guard in the use of their Christian Armour And because no Place no Condition no Imployment is exempted from Temptatations let me fortify my self every morning against all Assaults for that day by Serious Prayer as Holy David was wont to do My voice saith he shalt thou hear in the morning O Lord in the morning will I direct my Prayer unto thee and will look up Psal 5. v. 3 4. Let the Law of God be my daily and delightful study that I may be able presently to bring my Words and
his Body and his Life but in his Mind too so as to love and hate to chuse and neglect to delight in and abhor such things at one time as he did not before He doth not pass the same Judgment nor retain the same Affections at one time as at another How do I live as if all this were as certainly false as it is unquestionably true admire love fear trust in Man as if he were the direct Contrary to what he is and seek for Immortality upon Earth and act as if I were assured of it and were not liable to any Change though I acknowledge and know the Contrary Though the last Years Experience and the observation of every Day doth convince me of it though all History and all the Records of the Grave attest it though all Mankind in every Age have found it so though it be a manifest notorious Truth legible in the various Changes and Calamities but especially in the Dust and Ashes of all who have lived before us our Graves being often made of our Predecessors Dust and the Earth we bury in having once been living yet how little is it believed how seldom considered The Confirmation of it which one Year gives us hath little Influence on our Hearts or Lives with respect to the next We ought therefore to accustom our selves to these Thoughts before such Changes happen to which our Final Change shall e're long succeed They will be less efficacious if never admitted till our Minds are opprest and feebled by the weight of Affliction We shall then want that Vigour of Reason which should co-operate with the Remedy and which if used before-hand would help to support and stay our Minds under all subsequent Revolutions For those Considerations may be able to fix and stay our Minds under Changes that may not be sufficient to recover and raise our Spirits after they are dejected and fallen SECTION II. Of the Change in Mens Inclinations Opinions and Actions which one Year shews How observable it is in Others how much more discernable in our Selves Honour and Reputation c. how uncertainly preserved and how easily blasted WHat a discovery doth one Year make of the Mutability of Man not only of his outward Condition but of the Man himself his Temper his Practise his Inclinations his Aversions c. He abideth not at one stay every breath of wind turns him to another shape We despise to day that which we admired yesterday and to morrow hate the object of our present love We begin Friendships and cancel them on slight occasions And a mortal Enmity often succeeds to a tender Affection The very Persons who are in one year our darling Friends and possibly deserved to be so may yet be open Enemies the next and seek our Ruine Lord what is Man How deceitful and mutable the Heart of Man We know not what other Men are or will prove to be till a trial and we are equally ignorant concerning our selves till an hour of Temptation How patiently do we think we could bear Afflictions till we feel them how partial and mistaken a Judgment do we make of our Wisdom and Strength in reference to the future we counsel others to Submission and Resignation in the most difficult trials and wonder they complain so loud when we our selves despond and sink under half their Burthen and send up our more impatient murmurs to Heaven when God thinks fit to prove us by a lighter Stroke We censure and condem Others who are in an higher Station and are called to more difficult work than we when by a little Advancement and the like Temptation we discover that we are as bad as they They who were reputed Humble Temperate and Religious when they have been Exalted higher become proud sensual and ungodly Had some been told a Twelve month since what now they are and speak and act they would have made Hazael's Answer Am I a Dog that I should do this A change in the publick Affairs of the State and by that means of particular Interests or some Alteration of our own private Circumstances calling us to new Duties and exposing us to new Temptations discovers us more to our selves and to other Men than was expected and proves us to be very different from what we appeared to be Such a change for Instance as from Poverty to Riches from Sickness to Health from Obscurity to Honour from Privacy to a Publick charge c. or on the contrary Men cannot bear the weight of Temporal Happiness but Riches and Honours make us to be Other Men than before we seemed to be How weak a thing is Man that cannot carry his own Wishes without falling under them That cannot prosper in his designs without being changed in the Temper of his Mind upon every success So true is it that Man in Honour is like the Beast that perisheth and changed ordinarily for the worse as to serious Religion May we not fear that some who a year since dared not live a day in the neglect of Closet and Family Devotion do now omit it for many Days and Weeks together And that some who once were careful to improve the whole Sabbath to religious purposes now place the whole of their Religion in attending the publiek Worship and think it enough not for that Day only but for the whole Week Under the Afflicting Hand of God or some Apprehensions of an approaching change or sense of guilt upon great Transgressions the Convictions of Sin are lively Conscience is sensible and awake Affections warm Resolutions strong c. But alas how soon doth the case alter our Spirits cool our Zeal abates our good Purposes untwist and die and come to nothing By degrees we return to Folly and boldly venture on that Sin we lately trembled at Through the want of continued smart Afflictions or of a serious awakning Ministry and friendly faithful Admonition or through the Temptations of vain Company and the remaining power of fleshly Lusts So that we falsifie our most sacred Promises and Resolutions violate our holy Vows cancel the Bonds of God upon us suffer the Devil to re-enter and prevail again to take possession of our Hearts and yield our selves an easie prey to his Temptations till our latter end be worse than our Beginning Oh what a Change doth one year let us see in Persons as well as Things in our selves as well as other Men And as it is with Man himself so with every thing that he values himself upon or for which he is esteemed by others and even his Esteem and Reputation is also changeable and uncertain Not to Instance in Riches but in what is nobler Learning and the Improvements of the Mind by Study how soon may the violence of a Disease disturb or stupifie the Brain to that degree as shall reduce the greatest Scholar to the pitied Condition of a Fool or Bedlam And where is his Reputation and Renown in such a Case But much less than that
bed of sickness breathing out his last faint breath and passing into the other world to answer for the Crimes and Follies of a wicked Life Lord revive these thoughts upon my Soul and let me feel the power and influence of them in the hour of Temptation and in every time of need and let the consideration of the death of Believers the Blessedness they are thereby entred into and the Happiness they are possessed of quicken my desires and diligence to prepare to follow When I think were they are and what they are doing what is their work and what their state what their continual imployment and what their enjoyments and how different from ours I cannot but wish to be with them to be as they are and do as they do to know and love and praise God as they They are not hindred by such a clog as this Body is to us or tempted by their senses appetite and fancy to sin against Him They complain not of a seducing Flesh unruly Passions low and disordered thoughts of temporal Afflictions spiritual Desertions the snares of the World and the malice and subtilty of the Devil We who are Pilgrims and Travellers are exposed to these difficulties and storms which they are freed from They are now rejoycing in the light of God's Countenance and shall never question his love more while we are in Tears and Sorrows groaning to be delivered But think O my Soul that They were lately such as We are now They were members of the militant Church before they entred into Joy and Triumph They had their conflicts and difficulties their hour of Temptation and time of Trial as we have ours They were slandered and persecuted and sadned and disappointed as their Followers are They went to Heaven the same way and got the victory after the same manner by Repentance and Faith and humble persevering Obedience They were once Imperfect as we are now and complained of the Body of Sin and Death and struglings of unmortified lust as we do And were sometimes in the dark about their interest in the promise and walked heavily by the hiding of God's face and indured Temptation even as we And as we have nothing to do or suffer but what they met with we have the same Encouragement that administred to their support the same God and Saviour the same way and rule the same Assistance by the aids of his Holy Spirit offered to us the same promises and the same rewards proposed which they enjoyed first in faith and hope and afterwards in fruition Yea they passed through the dark valley and so must we Their Earthly tabernacle was dissolved and so must ours be We must expect to go the same way to Rest and Glory and wait God's time for our admission We must finish first the work which God hath for us to do and suffer and then all Tears shall be wiped from our eyes we shall grieve no more we shall sin no more but be as the Angels in Heaven or as the Spirits of the Just made Perfect SECT XIII What Influence the Consideration of Eternity would have upon our Hearts and Lives if soundly believed and considered especially if the supposition of Dying this year be annexed to it WIth what Humility Mortification and Self-denial what Seriousness Watchfulness and resolved Constancy would every Christian Live on Earth did he act always under the influence and power of a confirmed Faith concerning the Life to come We should not then grudge at a little labour or boggle at a few difficulties in our Way What tho' I meet with injuries and affronts hardships and inconveniences being now in a Forreign Country and every day I live one Days journey nearer my Eternal Home Shall I not patiently bear momentany Sorrows while I believe I am hastening to Eternal Joy Did I look more to the Everlasting World should not I make the pleasing of God in order to my Eternal welfare the great business of my Life Should I not serve the Lord with more fervency of Spirit and be better fortified against the fears of Man who can but hurt and kill the Body nor that neither without the permission of God Shuld I not order all my affairs answer all Temptations mortifie inward Lusts live in the Exercise of Grace and in circumspect persevering Obedience in order to it Should I not watch more over my Heart and Lips and Ways be more diligent to trim my Lamps more crucified to this world more careful to call my self frequently to an account and renew my Repentance Would not my Converse be more useful and edifying my Discourses more savory and full of Religion my Prayers to God more humble and earnest my Charity to Men more unfeigned and extensive and my Preparations every way more suitable to such a Faith and to such Apprehensions of an Everlasting State Could we carry the thoughts of Eternity about with us every day and often admit them in our civil and secular affairs did we repeat it frequently to our selves at least every Morning as soon as we are awake that we are near Eternity this grain of Incense would perfume the whole Temple and be an Antidote against inward Lust and impure thoughts against the infection and defilement of bad Company and the snares of worldly Business and do much to prevent vain and sensual actions and to cure vain affections Did we believe it and believe it near should we not take as much pains to secure Eternal Life as we see Men do to get riches Should we not use the same diligence care and circumspection the same prudent foresight watchfulness and perseverance to prevent Everlasting Destruction as others do to provide against Poverty and to live in Plenty a little while on Earth Should we not rejoyce as much in the promise and hopes of it as others do in the prospect and expectation of some Earthly Advantage Lord I confess and bewail the weakness of my Faith How often have I concluded and said that Heaven alone is the place of Happiness and yet my carnal Heart is too much affected with Earthly Things How often have I re-resolved upon the conviction of the certainty of the Eternal World to mind this less and to affect and seek it no more as I have done and yet my foolish Heart is hankering after it still O crucifie my Affections to things below and let the believing Thoughts of the next Life render me victorious over all the Temptations of this Pardon and cure the staggering trembling Thoughts of an unbelieving Heart by greater measures of a lively Faith That my desires may be strong and urgent and my diligence and stedfastness in the way of Truth be some way correspondent to this important Article Let me live only for Eternity hope for nothing but Eternity design and intend nothing as my chief end but Eternity and seek and mind nothing in comparison with Eternity Did we believe it how would every thing in this World
be by the damned Spirits Oh that I might now feel more of this Heavenly Life begun and carried on in my Soul by a farther Participation of his Holy Image and Conformity to his Will by more vital Effects of his indwelling Spirit in my Soul forming it to be a Temple to himself for his own Delightful Residence that forgetting that which I have received I may still be Coveting and desirous of more forgetting what I have attain'd I may press on with an Holy Eagerness and Fervency towards the Mark When I seriously examine my own Heart had I nothing else to prove the Weakness of my Grace and the sinful Remainders of Unbelief but the low Desires and few Comfortable Thoughts the seldom joyful Prospect of this Blessed State how sad an Evidence were it of my low Attainments that I breath with no more Impatience after that Blessed Holy Rest in the Injoyment of God and Christ and labour no more in preparing for it When we profess to believe that all the Desires of our Souls shall be fix'd on Him and filled with Him as our Infinite and Supreme Good and all the Expectations of Faith and Hope swallowed up in Endless Admiration Gratitude and Joy being fully satisfied and at Rest in the Presence and Vision of God without the least Inclination or Desire of Change And by Consequence There will be no need of Novelty as now to a give a Relish to our Happiness All Happiness in this World is by comparing a Man's present Condition with his past or with that of some Inferiours But the Intrinsick Good Felicity and Joy of Heaven will need no such Foil to set it off no such Comparison to make it prized The Blessed Spirits will never lose the lively Sense of that low and miserable Condition from which they were raised to so great a Glory and so will ever equally rejoyce in the Happiness of their Translation and Wonderful Change And what was at first delightful will for Ever be so and not disdain'd or lessen'd by a Continuance as it happens in this World from the Emptiness Shallowness and Vanity of the Creature An Affectation of Variety and Desire of Change proceeding always from a Sense of Want But Holy Souls shall never be weary of Seeing Loving and Enjoying God his Blessed Presence will afford us Undecaying and Endless Satisfacton Pleasure never to be interupted or abated and never to cease The Blessed Object is absolutely Infinite and so will be always new to a Finite Understanding and Continual Fresh Communications from his Infinite Fulness must needs make our Subjective Happiness to be always new and Eternally such Let me by such Thoughts quicken and excite my Diligent Endeavours after a greater Meetness to injoy so great a Bliss And to that end Consider whether any of those Happy Souls who have finisht their Course and obtained the Prize do now regret their utmost Diligence Patience and Perseverance during their short Abode here to secure the Blessedness of an Endless Life No no they are far from repenting the Time they spent the Trouble they were at the Care they used the Difficulties they met with the Sufferings they endured to conflct with the World and the Flesh to resist Temptation to watch over their Hearts and Words and Ways to work out their Salvation to please God and be faithful to him c. They find to their Unspeakable Comfort and Everlasting Joy that Heaven makes amends for all they could do or suffer in order to their Coming thither Yea they find that they were not Diligent and Humble and Patient and Circumspect enough That they did not love God and seek his Glory redeem their Time and improve all their Talents and Opportunities of doing and receiving Good and give up themselves intirely to prepare for Heaven to that degree they should have done They find by the Transcendency of the Blessed Recompence that it deserved infinitely more than the most Active Zealous Christian upon Earth did ever do in order to it Lord Quicken my Resolutions and Endeavours by such Thoughts as these Inspire my Sluggish Carnal Heart with Holy Light and Life and Zeal and Fervour that looking to the Things which are not seen which are Eternal I may (*) 1 Tim. 1.19 lay up a good Foundation against the Time to come and so lay hold on Eternal Life But Alas How much have I neglected the great Duty of Holy Meditation How little Skill and Experience have I in it How tastless and inspid oftentimes are my Thoughts of God! how confused and unsteady how little Pleasure or Advantage have I by Contemplating his Highest Excellencies Yet methinks could I but retain the same awakened lively Thoughts of Heaven and Eternal Life which sometimes I have had might I continually feel the Sweet and Sacred Influence as for a little Season I have sometimes felt it how little how very a Nothing would all this World be to me How comparatively weak its strongest and most alluring Snares to draw me off from God! with what an unshaken Mind could I refuse and resist ' em with what an unconcerned Indifference could I look upon all its most charming Glory Could I maintain such a Frame of Spirit as I have sometimes had for a little while in the serious Contemplation of Divine Misteries in Fervent Prayers and other Solemn Duties of Religion when the Acts of Faith were strong and lively my Heart set on fire with Love to God and Holy Breathings after Him admiring his matchless Grace to fallen Sinners and to my Soul in particular when he brought me to the very Suburbs of Heaven tho' alas how seldom by the delightful Thought of what the Blessed Spirits above enjoy in being where Christ is and beholding his Glory when I was ready to say within my self 'T is good to be here this is no other than the Gate of Heaven Oh! when shall Mortality be swallowed up of Life But when I thought at any time to fix and settle in such sweet Contemplations how quickly did my lazy backward Heart fly off how soon did the Flame decay and dye away how soon did I find my self fallen down to Earth again sunk down from the Bosom of my Lord presently forgot my self and Heaven to dwell among the Pots and embrace a Dunghill 'T was not on my own Wings O Lord that I soared so high but I hope by the Breathings of that Holy Spirit of Light and Love who bloweth when and where and how long he listeth who gave me at any time any such first Fruits of the Spirit who convinc'd me of the Certainty of the Heavenly Inheritance by a lively believing Foresight of it who made me earnestly desire the Wings of a Dove to be gone and appear before God in Sion made me Pant and Groan to be delivered and to be with God and Christ with inexpressible Desire and Joy unconceivably mixt with Sighs and Groans O my God! let not this experience be only
such Solemnities as formerly Are such services perform'd with that Awe of God with that Humility Fervency and Intensness of Spirit as sometimes they were Are you not more negligent and unconcern'd before and after whether you find any thing of this or no Tho' your Desires are weak your Hearts flat your Thoughts wandring your Spirits trifling so the work be done and the duty be over in how formal customary and careless a manner soever it be you consider it not you lay it not to heart you reflect not upon it you bewail it not Or at least are better contented and sooner quieted and take less notice of the frame of your Heart in such Duties than formerly Examine farther how 't is with you as to the great distinguishing Duties of an upright Christian if performed as they ought to be I mean Secret Prayer and Meditation Are you as strict and careful constant and conscientious frequent and abundant in these as formerly May not our Closets and places of Retirement witness against us How seldom are we there How quickly are we gone How easily diverted How soon tired How do we trifle in that work and shuffle it over and take up with the shadow and image of Prayer Our former humble and importunate Prayers joyful Thanksgivings and sweet Contemplation of the Mysteries of Religion compared with our present dayly practice will testifie that we are declin'd and fallen Moreover consider the Evil of Sin and how your Heart stands affected to it Is not your Hatred of Sin and Zeal against it much decay'd especially with respect to inward Spiritual Sins such as the secret workings of unbelief and distrust pride envy uncharitableness c. Do you bewail it strive against it and shun the occasions and fear the temptations that may lead you into Sin as once you did Have you not lost much of that tenderness and holy Jealousie over your heart and ways you formerly had Do you not now make more bold with Temptation Are you not oftener conquered And with less Reluctance And by smaller Temptations c. Are you not more Vnserviceable Root and Fruit in a withering condition God less honour'd and others less profited and edified by your Example and Life Do you not adhere more to the World conform to it and comply with it in many things which formerly you durst not have done And are every day waxing worse Make a pause a while and bethink your self what this will come to at last when even the little Good that remains is ready to die May I not ask such Christians or desire them to ask themselves What is already the effect and consequence of this Declension Is not God's Spirit removed and the Light of his Countenance Eclipsed Yea as to many of them are they not under sad apprehensions of God's displeasure Do they not feel the terrors of the Lord Do they not walk heavily from day to day They that could once converse with God on all occasions as a Friend and a Father do now think of God and are troubled Thick Darkness doth incompass them round about They have lost the sense of his Love the comforts of his presence and their Song in the night and see no relief This is a more hopeful Case however than theirs who are under great Backslidings and Desertion and hardly sensible of it To awaken and assist both Consider I beseech you whence you are fallen and what you have lost and what will be the Issue of this if Sickness or some smart Affliction overtake you or if you should die in this condition And inquire seriously and presently into the Cause of all this Evil For a few transient thoughts will not affect the Heart and persuade to Action And do it presently because by every delay your work will be the harder your danger the greater and your recovery the more difficult Reflect upon the Sinfulness as well as Affliction of this case Know that you have displeased God and run from him neglected his Presence and griev'd his Spirit and in what Instances you have done so that hath made him weary of his dwelling what Ordinances you have slighted what Duties you have omitted what sins you have given way to in order to Repentance and deep Humiliation Can you contentedly sit still with this dismal State of things While God hath somewhat yea a great deal indeed against you for having left your first Love Will you not endeavour to remove that which hath made such a Separation between God and you and brought you thus low What Communion with God what Communications of his Grace what Influences of his Spirit and Evidences of his Favour have you lost And will you not acknowledge your Iniquity and abase your selves in the Dust and return to the Lord and do your first Works That he may heal your Back-slidings and receive you graciously that you may again take hold of his Covenant and be at Peace with him But to be at Peace with God is not the whole of your Concern you need not only a Pardon but a Physician to heal you as doth a Malefactor that is not only liable to the Law but desperately sick Your State is sinful and dangerous as well as troublesome From performing duties in such a manner as you now do you may quickly be Tempted to let them altogether alone God may be so far provok'd to suffer Satan to make attempts upon you of that kind and he is forward enough to make use of such an opportunity to try all his Snares and Stratagems against you till he prevail with you to think hardly of God himself †Vid. Mr. Gilpin of Temptation part 2. chap. 6. unthankfully to overlook all his former kindnesses to put the worst Interpretation that can be upon all his Providences to distrust and quarrel with him as if his Faithfulness had failed and his Mercy were clean gone for ever and there were no hope left for one in your case and so run into Desperation and through the subtilty and violence of Satan's Temptations try the most foolish and unlawful means for ease and cure either open Licentiousness or it may be Self-murder Therefore speedy present Repentance is necessary to find out and mortifie every Corruption and that especially which Conscience tells us you have most indulg'd from whence your Distress doth principally arise Confessing your Sin freely fully and without reserve and waiting on God in the diligent use of all means for the recovery of that which you have lost and justifying God in his Righteousness Truth Wisdom Holiness in all his Rebukes That you may regain a Spirit of Prayer and taste the sweetness vertue and efficacy of every Duty and of every Ordinance and God may give you the Garment of Praise for the Spirit of Heaviness and the Joy of the Lord may be your Strength for future service and suffering In the mean time do not cast away your Hope but tho' you have too justly depriv'd
freeness of his Love the Riches and All-sufficiency of his Grace towards all who come unto God by him I adore Thee O most blessed Spirit as proceeding and sent from the Father and the Son to renew all the Powers of my Soul and restore the Divine Image there to enlighten my mind to know and receive the Truth as it is in Jesus and purify my Heart and to sanctifie all the Members of my Body and make them Instruments of Righteousness unto Holiness which before were Servants unto Sin and gradually to deliver me from the power the defilement and abode of Sin as from the Guilt and Punishment by the Blood of Jesus And as the Witness of God to the Truth of the Holy Scriptures and as the Great Paraclete to comfort and establish the Hearts of Believers sealing them up to the day of Redemption and giving them the Earnest of the Heavenly Inheritance O blessed Spirit be thou my Witness that though I have violated the Law of God and defac'd his Image and formerly undervalu'd the Love of Christ and the Grace of the Gospel yet by thine Aid I now accept what I have so long neglected And thankfully devote my self henceforward to be the Lord's in a Covenant Relation But fearing and distrusting my self I give up my self entirely to the conduct of thy Grace depending upon it for my establishment and perseverance O form my Heart into an obediential Frame that in every thing I may endeavour to answer the Ends and Obligations of this Devoted State To this One God I have once again dedicated and resign'd my self to serve and please and honour Thee in Thought Word and Act to the last moment of my Life In the Performance of all Duties even those which I have been most averse from in the mortification of every Lust and the forsaking of every Sin even those which I was once most addicted to Resolving deliberately to allow my self in nothing great or little secret or open which I shall know or believe to be contrary to thy holy Will making it my business to be fruitful in good Works to the Praise of my Redeemer waiting in the use of all his appointed means for higher measures of Grace and Holiness to be more Victorious over inward Lusts and outward Temptations still pressing towards the mark for the prize of my high and holy Calling even Eternal Life I call Heaven and Earth O Lord to witness this day That I own and avow this to be my Mind and the setled Prevailing Purpose of my Soul This I again ratifie and confirm without any Clauses or Exceptions So help me O my God Glory be to God the Father God the Son and God the Holy Spirit XXIX Practical and Consolatory Reflections on the preceding Self-dedication or Covenant with God I Have this day solemnly Avouched the Lord to be my God to walk in his ways thereby to fortifie my Resolutions that I and my * Deut. 6.17 18. House and All that I can persuade to be of my mind will serve the Lord. I intend desire and hope never willfully to Violate the Faith which I have now plighted in the presence of God but to continue stedfast unmoveable always abounding in the work of the Lord c. Should I undertake any new Imployment or enter into any new Condition or change the place of my Abode where I might see more of God's dishonour and meet with more and stronger Temptations to Sin and be called to the performance of more difficult Duties greater Watchfulness and Self-denial c. I would hope hereby to engage the Presence of God with me and his Blessing on all my Affairs on which depends the success of all that I undertake and would hope the better to preserve my Integrity not only This Year but in all the remaining portion of my Time by the abiding sense of my Covenant with God thus seriously renewed This is the Method I have been often advis'd to for Peace of Conscience under doubts and scruples concerning my spiritual state to put the matter out of doubt by again accepting the offered Mercy and Grace of the Gospel and heartily consenting to the New Covenant giving up my self to God in Christ to be ruled and saved by him Blessed be God I have now done so Lord say Amen to thy part of the Covenant that Thou art and wilt be my God as I desire unfeignedly to do to mine that I will be thy Servant But because Articles are sooner consented to than made good tho' I seriously intend never to disown this my solemn Act and Deed but firmly to adhere to it as long as I live that having sworn I will endeavour to perform it that this shall be my Everlasting Choice never to be recanted or alter'd yet considering the sad Instances of my former Weakness and the vigilance and subtle malice of my Great Adversary I again implore the succour of Divine Grace to keep it for ever in the purpose of my Heart that it may be as the Laws of the Medes and Persians never to be reversed I have given up my Name to be Thine O put thy fear into my Heart that I may never depart from Thee Imprint thy Laws upon my Heart that my Obedience may be uniform and universal unwavering and perpetual suitable to so honourable and near a Relation to Thee I am sensible I want Wisdom and Strength to that purpose but thou hast bid me ask it of Thee who givest liberally to All without desert and upbraidest not with present unworthiness or former faults O lead me not into Temptation but deliver me from Evil. Stand by and strengthen me in the Hour of Trial lest I forget my Vows and deny thee O that my Soul may never draw back lest Thine have no pleasure in me I can serve no better Master O let mine Ears be bored to the door of thine House as the Token and Assurance of my being thy Servant unto Death I know 't is my Duty I am sensible 't is my Privilege and Honour I am convinc'd that 't is my Interest and Felicity my Soul my Life my present and everlasting Welfare and All depends upon it that thou shouldest be my God for ever O conduct me by thy Holy Spirit of Grace that I may walk and act as having heartily consented he should be so and direct my Heart into thy Love and the faithful keeping of thy Commandments That when so many Professors make shipwrack of Faith and a good Conscience and discredit the Religion of my Lord by their shameful Falls thou may'st make me to stand and improve the warning of their Examples to walk humbly and while I stand to take heed lest I fall Having thus surrendred my self to God what is there O my Soul that is ever like to prevail with me to go back and revolt from him Is the gratification of a Lust the securing of an Estate compliance with a Friend the pleasing of a Superior