in sicknesse The Prayer O Lord my God I waite on thée My soule keepeth silence vnto thee for of thee commeth my saluation therefore do I submit my self vnto thy will giuing thée thankes for thy patience towards me in Jesus Christ nor thou hast shewed thy selfe towardes mee slowe to wrath and full of goodnesse and mercy Increase euer more and more thy graces towards mee that in this my Pilgrimage towardes my graue I may possesse my soule in patience waiting thy good time for my deliuerie for here where I now dwel I neither hear nor sée taste nor touch any truly comfortable thing only thy Word is my spirituall consolation and the hope of future glorie my ioy And were I not fed with the hope of a better life by death I were of all men most miserable for nature could not with patience beare the burden of this miserable life being so ful of all infirmities both of body and mind so fraught with sins of all sorts and accompanied with so many and sundry crosses and finally subiect to thy seuere Judgement But thy fauour and thy loue and thy patience towards me worheth in me patience knowing that the time is comming and at hand wherein I shal be fréed from this mortal and miserable to enioy a life immortall and glorious O confirme therefore increase the patience attendance and attention which thou hast begun in me that after I haue here done thy will I may receiue the promise wherein thou hast assured me that the patient abiding of the righteous shall be gladnesse Thou art a God of mercy and blessed are they that waite for thee Grant therefore Lord that I may be found blamelesse in the day of my distation and that I may here walke worthy of thee through Christ beeing strengthned with al might thrugh thy glorious power to all patience and long suffering with ioyfulnes Amen Lord increase my faith MEDIT. VIII Of Repentance and Merit NO man be he neuer so holy is free froÌ„ sinne and therefore neuer free from occâ—sions to mooue him to Repentance And I acknowledge that Repentance Patience Watchfulnesse Attendance and Attention are of no force vnlesse Faith be the ground of euery of them For it sufficeth mee not to bee sorrie for my sins as it séemeth Iudas and Kain were vn lesse by Faith I can feele assure my selfe that my sinnes are also pardoned as neither of them did for it is the free gift of God which God vouchsafed not to them Neither is it sufficient for mee to watch with Patience or to attend the bringing forth of outward oftentiue and vaine-glorious works but I must feele in my selfe the infallible tokens of mine effectuall calling and ingrafting into Christ through Faith before I can bring forth workes worthy amendment of life which is true Repentance Some tokens of mine effectuall calling I feâ—le in my selfe for I desire to do good yet euen then is euill present with me I delight in the Law of God as conceruing the inner man Namely as I am regenerate But I see another Law in my members rebelling against the Law of my minde and lending me captiue vnto the Law of sinne which is in my members So that I cannot doe the good I would doe but the euill which I would not do that I doe Should I then thinke that because I feele not the signes of my calling in perfection and because I am not free from all touch of infirmities and sinnes in thought word and deed that therefore I haue no Repentance God forbid for to perswade my selfe that I haue no sinne were to deifie my selfe and to make mee equall with Christ as doe those that are faithed from yet by their workes of Merit and of Supererogation presume to affirme that they can bring not only them-selues but others to saluation whose arrogate Merit stinkes before God making the death of Christ of none effect the highest Blasphemie that mortall man can spew out against the Trinitie for hereby is the most vnsearchable loue of God the Father in sending his Sonne made vain and fruitlesse the obedience of Christ to his Fathers will made needlesse and his death causlesse and the worke of the Holy Ghost who giueth Faith in the hearts of them that shall bee saued excluded and the corrupt heart of miserable man wherein by nature is nothing but sinne the dregges whereof will remaine euen in the regenerate man during this mortall life exalted aboue the merits of Christ. Which Blasphemy be farre from me Hee that can merit his owne Saluation needs no Repentance which I disclay me and cleaue only and alone to the merits of Christ my Sauiour in whom my Repentance imperfect is reputed true Repentance howsoeuer the â—ing of sinne remaines in me yet without mortall venome only to keepe me euer in minde of mine imperfections for when sinfull motions arise in mee I cannot but acknowledge in my selfe corruption which cannot but humble mee before God and occasion me to pray for the Spirit of Repentance and that God will deliuer mee from this bodie of sinne A Prayer for true Repentance and a reformed life The Prayer O Lord my God I come here into thy presence fearefull to looke vp to Heauen where thou sittest from whence thou beholdest all my wayes and obseruest all mine actions in earth cursed and euill and wherein I haue too too long wallowed my selfe and as it were bathed my selfe in the bloud of mine owne soule which I haue diuersly wounded through my sinnes seldome or neuer calling my selfe to an account what I haue done but resting secure haue followed vanitie vpon vanity heaping â—â—â—ne vpon sin as if there were neither pleasure nor profit but in a carnall course of life O touch my heart with a true sorrow for euery idle thought of my heart for euery vaine word of my mouth and for euery act that I haue commited against thy sacred Maiestie giue mee grace to call to minde my sinnes of all sorts of all seasons and of all places howsoeuer or wheresoeuer I haue done and committed them that they appearing vnto mee in their vgly likenesse I may truely lothe them hate and abhorre them and vnfainedly repent them while Ihane time and while thy Mercies may be found for in death there is no remeÌ„brance of thee and in the graue who shall prayse thee Returne O Lord deliuer my soule saue mee for thy mercies sake withdraw not thy tender mercie from mee O Lord let thy Merrie and thy Truth alwayes preserue me Open Lord my dimme eyes the â—ies of my heart that I may hence-forth sée and walke in thy wayes Soften and molliste my hard and stonie heart that with Peter I may go out of my sinnes and bitterly bewaile them Send thy light and thy truth let them lead mee let them bring me vnto thine holy Mountaine and to thy Tabernacles Giue me a truly repenting heart through a liuely Faith in the Merits
feare him then that feare being blessed and sanctified â—restraynes mee from sinne to walke in the wayes of God therefore I feare and walke because I am blessed and not blessed because I either feare or walk in his wayes for God by his blessing which is his grace giues mee the will without which the deede cannot follow so both the will and the deede the desire and the worke in me are of God He that feareth the Lord will neither speake nor do euill because both speaking doing good comes from the feare of doing euill which holy feare being the gift of God hath great commendation in the Scripture It is the beginning of wisedome saith Salomon and wisedome the end of all heauenly perfection and tendeth not only to restraine from euill for feare of Gods Iudgements as it wrought in Dauid when he said My flesh trembleth for feare of thee and I am afraid of thy Iudgements But to retayne me in the loue and fauour of God Iob was reputed a iust and vpright man because he feared God and in fearing God he eschewed euill Satan himselfe confessed that God preserued Iob blessed all that he had for that he feared God The feare of God then is that true rule of wisedom which directeth vnto a godly life a godly life an infallible forerunner of a happie death and to die in the Lord is chiefest blessednesse the passage from a miserable mortall to a blessed immortall being This feare then being the first steppe to a godly preparation to liue well and to die blessed is that true most precious Iem and Iewell which I seeke and desire to obtayne at the hands of God whose gift it is And therefore according as Salomon hath defined this feare of the Lord I will indeuour to abandon euill and to abhorre sinne Dauid also teacheth and I will desire to practice the same feare in keeping my tongue from euil and my lips that they speake no guile I will seeke to eschew euill and to doe good to seeke peace and to follow it for Who hath euer continued in the feare of the Lord and hath beene forsaken of him in life or in death A Prayer for the feare of God and wherein I may so liue as I may not be afraid to die The Prayer O Lord my God who hast made mée and fashioned mee of the dust of the earth and hast breathed into me the breath of Life here to trauaile vpon the face of the earth during a time appointed by thy Prouidence which I shall not passe for thou hast set down the number of my dayes which how many they shall bée I am vtterly ignorant giue me therefore a holy â—eare that I may thinke euery day to bee the day appointed for my death that I may so much the more warily walk in the wayes of true wisedome in a holy and sincere conuersation before the sons of men and in the sanctification of the inner man lest I be found more formall before men then faithfull in thée I beséech thée hearken to the prayer of thy Seruant who desireth vnfaynedly so to feare thée as I may not feare or be afraid of death Giue me that holy feare of thy Name which thou hast commanded that I may not erre from thy wayes nor harden my heart from thy feare for I know that great is thy goodnesse which thou hast layd vp for them that feare thee Knit my heart therefore vnto thée that I may fear thy Name and may receiue grace to serue thée so that I may so please thée with reuerence and feare that I not only may not feare to die but desire it rather passing all the time of my dwelling here in continuall meditation of thy future life sanctifying thee the Lord God of Hosts who art euermore my feare for thou only art able to kill and to make aliue to cast downe and to raise vp therefore art thou only to be feared like vnto whom there is none among al the gods so glorious in holinesse fearefull in praises and doing wonders I thanke thée gracious Father in Jesus Christ that in and by him I haue receiued the Spirit of re conciliation adoption whereby I am enabled to crie Abba Father and am freed from the spirit of seruile feare from the feare of Satan by thy Spirit Though for a little while O Lord thou maist séeme to forsake me and leaue mee to the spirit of bondage yet with great compassion according to thy wonted mercies I finde thée euer readie to receiue mee againe For a moment thou hidest thy face from mee but with euerlasting mercie thou wilt haue compassion vpon mee and after this my mortalitie receiue mee to eternitie who art my Lord my God my streÌ„gth and my Redéemer Lord increase my feare of thee my faith in thee and loue towards thee Amen MEDIT. IIII. Watchfulnesse THE second point of my preparation is to bee watchfull and that for three especiall causes The first for that I haue an Aduersarie who is maliciously watchfull therefore ought I to be religiously watchfull The second because death will steale suddenly vpon me as a Thiefe The third because of my generall account to which I know I shall be called as soone as my soule is gone from my bodie if then I bee not able to yeeld a â—ust reason how I haue spent the time of my life here I shall be cast into prison neuer to bee redeemed First then to apply my watchfulnes to the watchfulnesse of mine enemie it behoueth me euer to haue an eye vnto the thoughts motions and affections of my corrupt heart for from my heart proceed all the euils that by any part or member of my bodie are actually committed and all the thoughts of my heart are euill euermore yet thence is my tongue moued to speake how then can my words be holy proceeding from so polluted a fountayne I am often violently carried whither the thoughts of my heart doe moue me and am often incited to commit those things howsoeuer euill which my corrupt heart hath conceiued And mine enemie Sathan that thirsteth for my confusion takes aduantage by the inclination of my heart manifested by mine accustomed actions to frame his bayts according to my corrupt appetite coueting euer to draw actual euils out of the polluted puddle of sinne conceiued in my heart This do I find by the experience of his long practice and inferâ—all stratagems for vpon my committing of some sinne and hartily repenting the same with a resolution neuer to commit the like I haue as it were sensibly felt and plainly obserued how by little and little he hath endeuoured to lay snares to draw me to the same euil not as with a violent hand but as it were stealing vpon me like a flattering and deceitefull Theefe whose policies I haue no power to preuent but only by that promise which GOD made vnto
yet remaynes in our corrupt hearts that we being thus washed in the Lauer of perfect regeneration the precious bloud of that slayne Lamb by faith we may not feare the assaults of Satan nor any malicious instrument of his this night but may be safely kept and preserued by thy prouidence and receiue such rest and sléep as may onely refresh vs let thy Angels guard vs and our soules and bodies and all that we haue that we it may bee kept and preserued safe vntill the morning and for euer Amen O Lord increase our faith A Confession of sinne a Prayer for pardon and for a godly and sanctified life O God and Father of all Goodnesse and Fountaine of Mercie the Guide of the Righteous the Giuer of all perfect gifts and the Sanctifier of the heartes of all that shall be saued shew thy selfe vnto me who am a defiled and deformed wretch whom originall corruption and actuall sinnes haue so polluted as I am not worthy to stand in thy sight or that thou shouldest dwell in mée by thy holy Spirit And therefore I cannot without feare and astonishment without trembling and shame approch into thy presence séeing mine owne filthinesse and considering thy great Maiestie Integritie and Puritie yet am I embeldened to come vnto thée coÌ„passed with many infirmities especially with 〈◊〉 and corruption which if I would endeuour to conceale I cannot they are so open and manifest to thine All-séeing eye that the more I labour to hide them so much the more they breake forth and shew themselues vnto thée O looke not vpon them as a Judge to condemne me for them but as a louing and mercifull Father and Phisician to cure mée of them so shall I not onely willingly discouer vnto thée all the sores and pollutions of my corrupt heart and pro phane life which by search I shall bée able to finde in my selfe but intreate thée also with the Lancet of thy Loue to cut searifie rip vp and find out all the hidden filthinesse that lurketh in my soule in my minde in my will and in mine affections and apply the Playster of the sauing Bloud of Jesus Christ to heale mee throughout that there remaine no more grosse corruption in mée and learne mée so to search and know the wickednesse of my heart that I may not spare my dearest and most familiar sinne but may â—ast it out as the chiefest worker of my miserie Lord let it become bitter lothsome and méerely hatefull vnto my soule as a most deadly infection howsoeuer it hath béene heretofore séeming swéet pleasing and delightfull vnto my carnall part Let mée abhorre all iniquitie and truely abstaine from all occasions to sinne againe Giue mée strength O Lord to ouercome my sinfull lusts and what wanteth in my power supply by thy grace that I may at least still striue against euery sin through the power of thy Spirit that I may bée approoued a member of thy Militant Church here where yet I am a stranger and where I continually féele the wearisome warfare betwéene the flesh and the Spirit wherein I haue neuer the victorie but by thine only power but the fâ—yle euer by mine owne weaknesse O subdue my flesh and fleshly minde to thine obedience that I neuer make ship wracke of a good conscience by yéelding vnto the motions of my corrupt heart which I daily féele in my selfe to rebell against thy reueiled will and make mée lightly to estéeme of the vaine and deceiuing things of this World that I may truly shew my selfe to take no thought for the flesh to fulfill the lusts thereof but by a constant deniall of mine owne will approoue my selfe to liue by Faith after thy will And giue mée grace that in nothing I may offend thy Maiesty and let mée neuer giue way to mine owne corrupt will and affections to commit the least sinne whereby I may quench that sparke of that Spirit and Grace thou hast begun in mée Enlighten my heart that I may know thy will aright and rightly behaue my selfe according vnto the same not for a day and then fall to the workes of mine owne peruerse will againe but that my Righteousnesse may shine more and more through a constant perseuerance vntill it come to that perfection as may truly testifie vnto my conscience that I am the same that I desire to séeme to be not according to the opinion that others haue of mee but according to that measure oâ— holinesse thou requirest to be in me let my outward integritie bee in all holy simplicitie and godly purenesse among men as in thy sight And the more that Satan by his meanes and ministers endeuoureth to withdraw mine obedience from thée so much the more let mée striue to maintaine that dutie and obedience which I owe vnto thée And let thy loue towardes mée draw mée to loue thée aswell when thou touchest mée with aduersttie as when thou giuest me prosperitie and fayle mée not in my greatest néed Teach mée O Father to séeke and obtaine all things at thy hands by the meanes and merits of Jesus Christ in whose name I humbly offer vnto thée this my weake and imperfect Sacrifice Accept it yet in him he is thine only Sonne in whom thou art euer well pleased hée is my Redéemer and hath paid the ransome for me which for my sinnes was laid vpon me and hee sitteth now a Mediator at thy right hand euen for me Scatter therefore O Lord my sinnes as a mist and mine iniquities as a Cloud and let my Righteousnesse appeare as the Sunne and mine Integritie before men as the noone day that my heart may alwayes behold thée And let thy face of fauour and loue spread its beams so ouer mee that I being inlightened by thée may walke as in the cléere Light of sauing Truth and be euer led by the hand of thy Grace that neither sinne Satan the World nor mine owne corruptions cause me to stumble and fall Giue me good Father the Spirit of perfect Prayer And although through the coldnesse of my Zeale and weaknesse of Faith I cannot cry vocally vnto thée alwayes alike yet accept the will and the sighes and grones of my heart which cannot bee expressed yet knowne to thée Thou knowest the meaning of the heart and hee that inwardly mourneth for his sinnes though hee outwardly cry not for Mercie thou hearest him it is thy Grace that worketh sighes in the sorrowfull heart and which inkindleth the fire of Zeale whereby the tongue is mooued from the beléeuing heart euen in often inforced silence to pierce at length euen the Heauens with the loudnesse of its cry And thou againe graciously grantest the faithfull hearts desire by outward reliefe or inward comfort so that nothing wanteth to him that séeketh thée but hee is filled with all ioy and spirituall consolation In this ioy let all worldly ioyes bee swallowed vp in mee and let mee preferre the peace of a good conscience before all carnall peace and