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A57030 The second book of the works of Mr. Francis Rabelais, Doctor in Physick treating of the heroick deeds and sayings of the good Pantagruel. Written originally in the French tongue, and now faithfully translated into English. By S.T.U.C.; Pantagruel. Book 2. English. Rabelais, François, ca. 1490-1553?; Urquhart, Thomas, Sir, 1611-1660. 1653 (1653) Wing R108; ESTC R202205 100,489 230

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said Thaumast it is very well said begin then Now you must note that Panurge had set at the end of his long Codpiece a pretty tuft of red silk as also of white green and blew and within it had put a faire orange CHAP. XIX How Panurge put to a non-plus the Englishman that argued by signes EVery body then taking heed and hearkening with great silence the Englishman lift up on high into the aire his two hands severally clunching in all the tops of his fingers together after the manner which alachinonnese they call the hens arse and struck the one hand on the other by the nailes foure several times then he opening them struck the one with the flat of the other till it yielded a clashing noise and that only once again in joyning them as before he struck twice and afterwards foure times in opening them then did he lay them joyned and extended the one towards the other as if he had been devoutly to send up his prayers unto God Panarge suddenly lifted up in the aire his right hand and put the thumb thereof into the nostril of the same side holding his foure fingers streight out and closed orderly in a parallel line to the point of his nose shutting the left eye wholly and making the other wink with a profound depression of the eye-brows and eye-lids Then lifted he up his left hand with hard wringing and stretching forth his foure fingers and elevating his thumb which he held in a line directly correspondent to the situation of his right hand with the distance of a cubit and a halfe between them This done in the same forme he abased towards the ground both the one and the other hand Lastly he held them in the midst as aiming right at the English mans nose And if Mercurie said the English man there Panurge interrupted him and said You have spoken Mask Then made the English man this signe his left hand all open he lifted up into the aire then instantly shut into his fist the foure fingers thereof and his thumb extended at length he placed upon the gristle of his nose Presently after he lifted up his right hand all open and all open abased and bent it downwards putting the thumb thereof in the very place where the little finger of the left hand did close in the fist and the foure right hand fingers he softly moved in the aire then contrarily he did with the right hand what he had done with the left and with the left what he had done with the right Panurge being not a whit amazed at this drew out into the aire his Trismegist Codpiece with the left hand and with his right drew forth a trunchion of a white oxe-rib and two pieces of wood of a like forme one of black eben and the other of incarnation brasil and put them betwixt the fingers of that hand in good symmetrie then knocking them together made such a noise as the Lepers of Britanie use to do with their clappering clickets yet better resounding and farre more harmonious and with his tongue contracted in his mouth did very merrily warble it alwayes looking fixedly upon the English man The Divines Physicians and Chirurgions that were there thought that by this signe he would have inferred that the English man was a Leper the Counsellors Lawyers and Decretalists conceived that by doing this he would have concluded some kinde of mortal felicity to consist in Leprosie as the Lord maintained heretofore The English man for all this was nothing daunted but holding up his two hands in the aire kept them in such forme that he closed the three master-fingers in his fist and passing his thumbs thorough his indical or foremost and middle fingers his auricularie or little fingers remained extended and stretched out and so presented he them to Panurge then joyned he them so that the right thumb touched the left and the left little finger touched the right Hereat Panurge without speaking one word lift up his hands and made this signe He put the naile of the forefinger of his left hand to the naile of the thumb of the same making in the middle of the distance as it were a buckle and of his right hand shut up all the fingers into his fist except the forefinger which he often thrust in and out through the said two others of the left hand then stretched he out the forefinger and middle finger or medical of his right hand holding them asunder as much as he could and thrusting them towards Thaumast Then did he put the thumb of his left hand upon the corner of his left eye stretching out all his hand like the wing of a bird or the finne of a fish and moving it very daintily this way and that way he did as much with his right hand upon the corner of his right eye Thaumast began then to waxe somewhat pale and to tremble and made him this signe With the middle finger of his right hand he struck against the muscle of the palme or pulp which is under the thumb then put he the forefinger of the right hand in the like buckle of the left but he put it under and not over as Panurge did Then Panurge knocked one hand against another and blowed in his palme and put again the forefinger of his right hand into the overture or mouth of the left pulling it often in and out then held he out his chinne most intentively looking upon Thaumast The people there which understood nothing in the other signes knew very well what therein he demanded without speaking a word to Thaumast What do you mean by that In effect Thaumast then began to sweat great drops and seemed to all the Spectators a man strangely ravished in high contemplation Then he be thought himself and put all the nailes of his left hand against those of his right opening his fingers as if they had been semicircles and with this signe lift up his hands as high as he could Whereupon Panurge presently put the thumb of his right hand under his jawes and the little finger thereof in the mouth of the left hand and in this posture made his teeth to sound very melodiously the upper against the lower With this Thaumast with great toile and vexation of spirit rose up but in rising let a great bakers fart for the bran came after and pissing withal very strong vineger stunk like all the devils in hell the company began to stop their noses for he had conskited himself with meer anguish and perplexity Then lifted he up his right hand clunching it in such sort that he brought the ends of all his fingers to meet together and his left hand he laid flat upon his breast whereat Panurge drew out his long Codpiece with his tuffe and stretched it forth a cubit and a half holding it in the aire with his right hand and with his left took out his orange and casting it up into the aire seven times
at the eight he hid it in the fist of his right hand holding it steadily up on high and then began to shake his faire Codpiece shewing it to Thaumast After that Thaumast began to puffe up his two cheeks like a player on a bagpipe and blew as if he had been to puffe up a pigs bladder whereupon Panurge put one finger of his left hand in his nockandrow by some called St. Patricks hole and with his mouth suck't in the aire in such a manner as when one eats oysters in the shell or when we sup up our broth this done he opened his mouth somewhat and struck his right hand flat upon it making therewith a great and a deep sound as if it came from the superficies of the midriffe through the trachiartere or pipe of the lungs and this he did for sixteen times but Thaumast did alwayes keep blowing like a goose Then Panurge put the fore-finger of his right hand into his mouth pressing it very hard to the muscles thereof then he drew it out and withal made a great noise as when little boyes shoot pellets out of the pot-canons made of the hollow sticks of the branch of an aulder-tree and he did it nine times Then Thaumast cried out Ha my Masters a great secret with this he put in his hand up to the elbow then drew out a dagger that he had holding it by the point downwards whereat Panurge took his long Codpiece and shook it as hard as he could against his thighes then put his two hands intwined in manner of a combe upon his head laying out his tongue as farre as he was able and turning his eyes in his head like a goat that is ready to die Ha I understand said Thaumast but what making such a signe that he put the haft of his dagger against his breast and upon the point thereof the flat of his hand turning in a little the ends of his fingers whereat Panurge held down his head on the left side and put his middle finger into his right eare holding up his thumb bolt upright then he crost his two armes upon his breast and coughed five times and at the fifth time he struck his right foot against the ground then he lift up his left arme and closing all his fingers into his fist held his thumbe against his forehead striking with his right hand six times against his breast But Thaumast as not content therewith put the thumb of his left hand upon the top of his nose shutting the rest of his said hand whereupon Panurge set his two Master-fingers upon each side of his mouth drawing it as much as he was able and widening it so that he shewed all his teeth and with his two thumbs pluck't down his two eye-lids very low making therewith a very ill-favour'd countenance as it seemed to the company CHAP. XX. How Thaumast relateth the vertues and knowledge of Panurge THen Thaumast rose up and putting off his cap did very kindly thank the said Panurge and with a loud voice said unto all the people that were there My Lords Gentlemen and others at this time may I to some good purpose speak that Evangelical word Et ecce plus quàm Salomon hîc You have here in your presence an incomparable treasure that is my Lord Pantagruel whose great renown hath brought me hither out of the very heart of England to conferre with him about the insoluble problemes both in Magick Alchymie the Caballe Geomancie Astrologie and Philosophie which I had in my minde but at present I am angry even with fame it self which I think was envious to him for that it did not declare the thousandth part of the worth that indeed is in him You have seen how his disciple only hath satisfied me and hath told me more then I asked of him besides he hath opened unto me and resolved other inestimable doubts wherein I can assure you he hath to me discovered the very true Well Fountain and Abysse of the Encyclopedeia of learning yea in such a sort that I did not think I should ever have found a man that could have made his skill appear in so much as the first elements of that concerning which we disputed by signes without speaking either word or half word But in fine I will reduce into writing that which we have said and concluded that the world may not take them to be fooleries and will thereafter cause them to be printed that every one may learne as I have done Judge then what the Master had been able to say seeing the disciple hath done so valiantly for Non est discipulus super Magistrum Howsoever God be praised and I do very humbly thank you for the honour that you have done us at this Act God reward you for it eternally the like thanks gave Pantagruel to all the company and going from thence he carried Thaumast to dinner with him and beleeve that they drank as much as their skins could hold or as the phrase is with unbottoned bellies for in that age they made fast their bellies with buttons as we do now the colars of our doublets or jerkins even till they neither knew where they were nor whence they came Blessed Lady how they did carouse it and pluck as we say at the Kids leather and flaggons to trot and they to toote Draw give page some wine here reach hither fill with a devil so There was not one but did drink five and twenty or thirty pipes can you tell how even Sicut terra sine aqua for the weather was hot and besides that they were very dry In matter of the exposition of the Propositions set down by Thaumast and the signification of the signes which they used in their disputation I would have set them down for you according to their own relation but I have been told that Thaumast made a great book of it imprinted at London wherein he hath set down all without omitting any thing and therefore at this time I do passe by it CHAP. XXI How Panutge was in love with a Lady of Paris PAnurge began to be in great reputation in the City of Paris by means of this disputation wherein he pre vailed against the English man and from thenceforth made his Codpiece to be very useful to him to which effect he had it pinked with pretty little Embroideries after the Romanesca fashion And the world did praise him publickly in so farre that there was a song made of him which little children did use to sing when they went to fetch mustard he was withal made welcome in all companies of Ladies and Gentlewomen so that at last he became presumptuous and went about to bring to his lure one of the greatest Ladies in the City and indeed leaving a rabble of long prologues and protestations which ordinarily these dolent contemplative Lent-lovers make who never meddle with the flesh one day he said unto her Madam it would be a very great benefit to the
retard her course or that the Hawk did but plaine and smoothly fly without moving her wings perceiving the prey by force of flight to have gained bounds of her have been much chafed and vexed as you understand well enough but the comfort unto which they had refuge and that they might not take cold was to relate the inestimable deeds of the said Gargantua There are others in the world These are no flimflam stories nor tales of a tub who being much troubled with the tooth-ache after they had spent their goods upon Physicians without receiving at all any ease of their pain have found no more ready remedy then to put the said Chronicles betwixt two pieces of linnen cloth made somewhat hot and so apply them to the place that smarteth synapising them with a little powder of projection otherwayes called doribus But what shall I say of those poor men that are plagued with the Pox and the Gowt O how often have we seen them even immediately after they were anointed and throughly greased till their faces did glister like the Key-hole of a powdering tub their teeth dance like the jacks of a paire of little Organs or Virginals when they are played upon and that they foamed from their very throats like a boare which the Mongrel Mastiffe-hounds have driven in and overthrown amongst the foyles what did they then All their consolation was to have some page of the said Roll-book read unto them and we have seen those who have given themselves to a hundred punchions of old devils in case that they did not feele a manifest ease and asswagement of paine at the hearing of the said book read even when they were kept in a purgatory of torment no more nor lesse then women in travel use to finde their sorrow abated when the life of St. Margarite is read unto them is this nothing finde me a book in any language in any faculty or science whatsoever that hath such vertues properties and prerogatives and I will be content to pay you a quart of tripes No my Masters no it is peerlesse incomparable and not to be matched and this am I resolved for ever to maintaine even unto the fire exclusivè And those that will pertinaciously hold the contrary opinion let them be accounted Abusers Predestinators Impostors and Seducers of the People it is very true that there are found in some gallant and stately books worthy of high estimation certain occult and hid properties in the number of which are reckoned Whippot Orlando furioso Robert the devil Fierabras William without feare Huon of Bourdeaux Monteville and Matabrune but they are not comparable to that which we speak of and the world hath well known by infallible experience the great emolument and utility which it hath received by this Gargantuine Chronicle for the Printers have sold more of them in two moneths time then there will be bought of Bibles in nine yeares I therefore your humble slave being very willing to increase your solace and recreation yet a little more do offer you for a Present another book of the same stamp only that it is a little more reasonable and worthy of credit then the other was for think not unlesse you wilfully will erre against your knowledge that I speak of it as the Jewes do of the Law I was not born under such a Planet neither did it ever befall me to lie or affirme a thing for true that was not I speak of it like a lustie frolick Onocrotarie I should say Crotenotarie of the martyrifed Lovers and Croquenotarie of love ●uod vidimus testamur It is of the horrible and dreadful feats and prowesses of Pantagruel whose menial servant I have been ever since ● was a page till this houre that by his leave I am permitted to visit my Cow-countrey and to know if any of my Kindred there be alive And therefore to make an end of this Prologue even as I give my selfe to an hundred Pannier-fulls of faire devils body and soule tripes and guts in case that I lie so much at one single word in this whole History After the like manner St. Anthonies fire burne you Mahooms disease w●●●●e you the squinan● with a sti●ch i● your side and the Wolfe in you● stomack trusse you the bloody flux seize upon you the curst sharp inflammation of wilde fire as slender and thin as Cowe haire strengthened with quick silver enter into your fundament● and like those of Sodom and Gomorrha may you fall into sulphur fire and bottomlesse pits in case you do not firmly beleeve all that I shall relate unto you in this present Chronicle The Second Book of RABELAIS Treating of the Heroick Deeds and Sayings of the good PANTAGRUEL CHAP. I. Of the Original and Antiquity of the great Pantagruel IT will not be an idle nor unprofitable thing seeing we are at leasure to put you in minde of the Fountain and Original Source whence is derived unto us the good Pantagruel for I see that all good Historiographers have thus handled their Chronicle not only the Arabians Barbarians and Latines but also the gentle Greeks who were eternal drinkers You must therefore remark that at the beginning of the world I speak of a long time it is above fourty quarantaines or fourty times fourty nights according to the supputation of the ancient Druids a little after that Abel was killed by his brother Cain the earth imbrued with the blood of the just was one year so exceeding fertil in all those fruits which it usually produceth to us and especially in Medlars that ever since throughout all ages it hath been called the yeare of the great medlars for three of them did fill a bushel in it the Calends were found by the Grecian Almanacks there was that yeare nothing of the moneth of March in the time of Lent and the middle of August was in May in the moneth of October as I take it or at least September that I may not erre for I will carefully take heed of that was the week so famous in the Annals which they call the week of the three Thursdayes for it had three of them by meanes of their regular Leap-yeares called Bissextils occasioned by the Sunnes having tripped and stumbled a little towards the left hand like a debtor afraid of Serjeants coming right upon him to arrest him and the Moon varied from her course above five fathom and there was manifestly seen the motion of trepidation in the firmament of the fixed starres called Aplanes so that the middle Pleiade leaving her fellowes declined towards the Equinoctial and the starre named Spica left the constellation of the Virgin to withdraw her self towards the balance known by the name of Libra which are cases very terrible and matters so hard and difficult that Astrologians cannot set their teeth in them and indeed their teeth had been pretty long if they could have reached thither However account you it for a truth that every