Selected quad for the lemma: hand_n

Word A	Word B	Word C	Word D	Occurrence	Frequency Band	MI	MI Band	Prominent
hand_n	good_a	king_n	lord_n	7,040	5	3.9036	3	false

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ID	Title	Author	Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication)	STC	Words	Pages
A14103	The schoolemaster, or teacher of table philosophie A most pleasant and merie companion, wel worthy to be welcomed (for a dayly gheast) not onely to all mens boorde, to guyde them with moderate [and] holsome dyet: but also into euery mans companie at all tymes, to recreate their mindes, with honest mirth and delectable deuises: to sundrie pleasant purposes of pleasure and pastyme. Gathered out of diuers, the best approued auctours: and deuided into foure pithy and pleasant treatises, as it may appeare by the contentes.	Twyne, Thomas, 1543-1613.; Anguilbertus, Theobaldus. Mensa philosophica.; Turswell, Thomas, 1548-1585, attributed name.	1576 (1576)	STC 24411; ESTC S111450	115,907	158

was called into iudgment and seeing his wife with many other holly folkes entring in at the doore of the celestial ioy and he likewise woulde haue gone in with them the porter put him backe and sayd shée shall go in for you both Thus hee tareing without awaked with sorow and griefe and aterward leade a godlier life A certain Marchant hauinge occasion to trauayle beyond the sea who had a fayre womā to his wife which he had sumwhat in ielousie At his home comminge demaunded of his wife betwéene iest and good earnest how oft shée had made him cuckold since he went who answered that shée had not done it at all well quod he I shall know it on Sunday whē I come at church how can you quod she mary saide he looke how oft you did it so many hornes will appeare on my heade at church well then quod she try it a gods name This marchant in the meane time got a companye of shéepes hornes found the meanes to make thē sticke in the heare of his head and when Sunday came his wife and he went to church togither and comming to church either of them went to their owne Pew And as soone as the marchant had said his praiers he tooke preeuely one of the shéepes horns and stucke it on his head and by and by his wife spied it but she said nothing within a litle while after he priuely stuck on another and his wife spied it and yet said nothinge the marchante within a while stuck on the third horne At last the wife perceiued the hornes to grow vp so fast stept to her husband and rownded him in the eare and desired him for the passion of God to get him out of the church quickly for surely said shee if you tary here any while you will haue a hūdred hornes on your head so by that meanes he tried his wiues falshed although not greatly to his contentment A Marchant cumming to Paris deliuered a casket full of Gold and siluer to a certein ritch Citizen to keepe who was godfather to Philip the French king And when the marchant came to require his mony the Citizen denyed it him and sayd that he neuer saw him before Then the marchant complained vnto the King wherat he being greatly astonied caused the Marchant to hide himself secretly in his Chamber and caused the Citizen to be sent for whome curteouslye interteined and communed with him of many familiar matters And seing a ringe vpon his finger which he had often times offered to giue him good godfather quoth the Kinge haue you yet your ringe yea my Lord quoth the Citizē and I haue often desired your grace to take it at my hande and now again I desire you to accept it Then the King receiued the ringe and sent it immediatly secretly vnto the Citizens wife that by the same token shee should sende vnto her husband the casket of gold and siluer In the meanewhyle he enquired of the Citizen touching the same casket which he vtterly denied that he had it vntill the messenger returned and the kinge brought it foorth beefore his face and for the fact expulsed him out of the realme One that had bought an horse when he had paid his mony demaunded of the seller if hee were good yea quod the seller Why doest thou sell him then quod the byer bicause I am but a poore man quod the seller and hée will eate to mutch What other euill conditions hath hée said the byer none answered the seller sauing that he will not clime trées But when hée had bought the horse and brought him home he bit euery body Then said his maister he that sould him to mée sayd true for he eates to mutch indéede And another time ridinge foorth vpon him when he came to a woodden bridge he would not go ouer Which when some sawe that wher with him when he bought the horse he tould you true said they for he will clime no trees Ther was a certein good woorkeman which gained much and yet was alwayes poore And cumminge on a time to confession the Priest perceiued that hee was giuen mutch to drinkinge and therfore inioyned him penance that hee should not drinke aboue a certen measure of wine at a meale wherunto he consented vnlesse he sould or bought sumthing that day On a day being at dinner with his wife he drāk vp his measure of wine was yet a thirst Thē his wife knowinge of the penance that was inioyned him husband sayd shee follow my counsel I wil sell you a cow then you may drink more by couenant and you shal sell her to me againe and by this meanes he deceiued himselfe and could neuer bee ritch One bought an horse and demaunded of the seller what faut he had None quod he but that if you traueill him in company he will not stand with his fellowes The byer lyking well of that and imputing it vnto courage and stomack said that he liked him neuer a whit the worse for that But when he prooued him he found him a lame dul and tyred iade and could neuer reach to his bayte with his company but alwayes was fayne to tarry behinde Chap. 13. Diuers pleasant hystories and pithy examples of Vsurers A Preacher which in a Sermon had declared the vile wickednes and abominacion of vsurers pronounsing absolution after the Sermon vnto all sortes of people accordinge to the maner that then was willed that euery sort of them should stand vp to haue his Benediction when hee named them according to their vocation And first sayd he arise al you that be Carpenters which they did and when he had blessed them he bid them sit downe agayn Next arise Clothiers and after them Shoemakers and so of the residue Now sayd he last of all let the Vsurers stande vp to be blessed and when none stoode vp although there were many present Good Lorde quoth hee how will they appeare before God in the day of iudgement to receiue eternall damnacion whiche dare not stande vp before men to receiue blessing A certein Vsurer very ritche and couetous dwellinge in the Citie of Mentz being sicke and perceiuing that hée should die willed that a bag which hee had ful of Monie should be buried with him in his graue for the sure perfourmance wherof he caused his friendes to sweare vnto him by an othe When hee was dead and buried and afterward some came pri●●y in the night to his graue to take away the Mony they saw there the Diuell sitting with a great Spone of Iron burnying hoate f●●dyng him with the Mony flamynge in at his mouth bright with fire A certayne Vsurer which was sick confessed himself to a Priest saying that hée had but thrée sinnes whereof he was gilty to wit Vsurie Lecherie and Gluttony To whom the Priest said that hée could absolue him of twayne of them but of the third that is to say Vsury he

Table I wyll say sumwhat out of the auntient Records of our Elders beginning with the most woorthy Personagies Chap. 1. ¶ Of Emperours ANd first to speake of Emperours how that some of that excellent calling haue bin very frugale sparing at their Boord as Suetonius in the third Booke of the liues of the. 12. Emperours writeth of Iulius Caesar saying that he dranke verie litle Wine whiche thinge his enemies could not deney and was indifferent about the residue of his diet Vpon a time when at the Table the good man of the house where hee supped had set before him olde preserued Oyle that was ranke stale in the steede of new and swéete when other in company refused it he only eate it greedely for that he would not séeme to reproue him that had inuited him to supper either of litle good manner or couetousnes The same Aucthour also saith of Augustus that hée was a man of small feeding and drunke but very litle wine for hee vsed not to drink therof aboue thrise at a meale Neither vsed hee commonly to drink Wine but when he was drie hee woulde dip a sop of bread in faire colde water or eate the slices of a Cucumber or of a gréene mellow Apple whose tast were tart or sumwhat like vnto wine In the Ieastes of the Romanes it is written that the Emperour Augustus was a very small féeder For he would eate common bread and litle fishes or cruddes made of Cowmilke which he would wringe in his hand or gréene Figges which he lyked well and these thinges would he eate in euery place and when so euer his Appetite serued Helinandus in his Booke of the institutions of Princes saith that Iulius Caeser committed his Baker to prison because hee gaue him better bread at his Table then he gaue to the residew of his Souldiours Suetonius also in his worke beefore alledged writeth of the Emperour Tiberius that at his first comming to the Empire he was very frugall and moderate but afterward hee grue so glouttenous and geuen to the bellie that in stéede of Tiberius hee was called Biberius for Claudius Caldius for Nero Mero that is to say one ouer much giuen to wine And vpō a time spending two whole daies and nightes with Pomponius Flacchus Piso for a rewarde he gaue vnto the one the gouerment of the Prouince of Syria and to the other the Lieuetenantship of the same He lyked better of one that presented him with a Musshrom and a kinde of Birde called Ficedula then if it had bin a greater matter It is also written of the Emperour Vitellius by Egesippus in his fourth Booke of the destruction of Iherusalem When hee knew there was secret wait layd for him in the meane time he gaue himself to feasting and garmandize bicause he would not lose the famous ignominie of the shame that hung ouer him Hee was drawne from the banket hee was contemptuously insulted vpon and slaine in the midst of the Citie at one time together both sheading his bloud and vomyting his surfeat who if hée had liued any longer would haue deuoured the treasure of the Romane Empire in riot and banketinge To conclude hée had reigned but eight Moneths and fiue daies and yet Rome was able no longer to serue his bellye Ghap. 2. Of Kinges FRrontinus in his fourth booke and third chapter of warlike Pollicies reporteth how that Alexander king of Macedonia was vsed to eate of sutch bread as hée founde while hée traueiled vpon the waye Also in the fourth booke and vii chapter hee writeth in this manner Alexander kinge of Macedonia traueilinge by great iourneies through the desertes of Affrica both hée and all his armye beinge greatly athirst a souldiour offred him a draught of water in a Sallet which in presence of them all hee powred on the ground deseruing more prayse by that example then if hee had drunke it Helinandus in the place beefore recited telleth how that Piso desiering Romulus to supper and perceiuing how litle wine he had drunke at that meale O Romulus if euery man woulde do as thou doost wine would be better cheape Nay quod hée it would bee dearer if euerye man might drinke what hee would Valerius Max. in his fift booke and sixte chapter writeth that kinge Alexander vpon a time beeing repulsed from some purpose by a tempest in the winter beeholding an ould Macedonian souldiour quaking and béenummed with could and himselfe sitting in his regall seate by a good fier euen with those handes wherewith hee was woont to bestowe liberall rewardes hee tooke the ould man that was crooked and doubled with colde and set him in his owne place What merueill was it then if it were pleasant vnto them to serue so many yeeres vnder that captaine which esteemed more of the goodhealth of a common souldiour then hee did of his own dignitye In the same place it is also writen that Pyrrhus the king sayd that certen Tarentines had talked of him very broade and vndutifull language at a banket Then demaunded hee of one of the companye whether they had any sutch talke or not yea truly said hée wée had so indéede and vnles our wine had fayled vs these had bin but trifles in respect of that we would haue spoken So pleasant an excuse of their rioting so frank confession of the truthe turned the Kinges wrath into laughter By vsing of which clemency he obtayned this mutch that his Subiectes the Tarentines thanked him when they were sober and praied for him when they were drunken Chap. 3. Of Princes PLutrach of the institutions of Princes citeth the aucthoritie of Plato which saith thus when Potentates oppresse their subiects it is like as if the head of a body should swell to sutch hugines that the other parts were able scarcely or not at all to beare it but with great paine Likewise when the hier powers do hate and persecute the subiectes it is lyke as if the tutor should pursue his pupil to slay him with the sword which he gaue him to defend him against others Hel●nandus in his booke of the institution of Princes saith that a Prince should do as the Phisition doth which neuer geueth extreme medicines but when he séeth that gentle pocions will neuer recouer the Pacients health Vnto which purpose said Lucius very well that it behoued a Prince to be an old man in manners to follow ripe and wise counsell and to imitate the order of good Phisitions which sumtime cure by filllnge that which is emptie in spare bodies sumtime by emptyinge that which aboundeth to much in full bodies aswaging the greife many times with hot burning irons often with fomentacions and sumtime otherwise vnto which intent hee setteth downe these verses To punish let a Prince be slow and quick to giue reward And let it greeue him when he is constrained to be hard Aristotle in the

wée come to the consideration of Oyle where these questions are to bée mooued First wherfore fleeteth Oyle in the top wine in the middes and Hony in the bottome The better the Hony is the heauier it is and that which lieth in the bottom is alwayes the best and in Wyne that is cheifest which lieth in the middle not troubled with the Lées nor aboue corrupted by the ayer For the husband men of the countrey not contented only to couer their vessels abroad hide them vp in the ground and defend them from externall hurt preseruyng them as mutch as is possible from takyng the ayer wherwith they bée so manifestly anoyed that sumtime the whole full vessels are almost corrupted Wherfore the Wine which is in the middes of the vessell béeyng farthest from the aier and the Lées in the bottome is best as farthest distāt from two noysom neighbours Secondly why doth Oyle amend in goodnes which is preserued in a vessell but halfe full The aier filleth vp the other void place of the vessell and drieth vp the superfluous moysture which aboundeth in the oyle which beeing taken away it getteth a new sweetnes in the tast Thirdly why doth Oyle congeale but wine very seldome Oyle is a smother and thicker substance then wine is and therfore more apt to congeale but wine is nothinge so soft béesides is much more liquid And wheras vpon occasiō hereof it may bée replied why vineger which is passing cold doth not freese when other things do which are not so cold Surely it may also bee answered by the same reason for that among all liquours it is the thinnest sharpe also and eger which is some hindrance as it is euident if wee take the sea for example which by occasion of the bitternes and saltnes therof is kept from congealing And now also of purpose a litle to digresse what is the cause that Pepper and Mustard béeing applied vnto the outside of the skin do blister and inflame the place but receiued into the stomack they offend very litle or not at all Sharp spices and drugges do exulcerate the vpper most part of the skin bicause they bee therto applied in their full vertue without the mixture of any thing els with them but beeing eaten downe into the stomack their force is delayd by the moysture of the belly so that they bee altered by the heate which is there beefore that they bee able to do any harme FINIS ❧ The fourth Booke of Table Philosophie which compriseth many mery honest Iestes delectable deuises and pleasant purposes to be vsed for delight and recreation at the boord among company The Preface Jn this fourth Booke we intend to set downe somwhat concerning honest myrth and pleasaunt recreation in wordes wherby men are refreshed at the table For as sayth Aristotle in the fourth booke of his Ethicks In this life if at any time we haue the liberty to lyue in rest quietnesse and to refresh our selues with any pastime wee ought therein to frequent comelie and curteous speache and to behaue our selues gentlie so that a mannes wordes and deedes do tende vnto delight dysposing himselfe to vtter himselfe accordinglie and to beare the merrie deedes and wordes of others Vpon which place Albertus in his Commentarie sayth Euerie man that is geuen to studie hath nede of recreation that his witte bee not wholy ouerthrowne For whoso euermore applieth his studie and bendeth his minde alwaies to practise or looke vpon sumthinge doubtlesse his spirites shal be resolued and the animall power be destroyed and the proper functions of the partes surceasse which partes being destitute then is the force of studie brought to ruine In consideration whereof those which are studious and mutch troubled with affaires haue neede of rest wherein theyr spirites may be released and their sences resolued in some pleasure For lyke as in the cōmon course of our life nature wanteth sleepe so in studie and trauayle rest is semblablie needefull But who so is a student or wearied with honest exercyse to such is none other then honest recreation acceptable which playnly consisteth in such wordes deedes as are not repugnaunt to vertue but styrre vp the delyte of our affection For looke howe bodylie wearinesse is cured by bodylie rest so is tediousnesse of the minde asswaged by pleasure of recreation which is also a certaine resting of the minde As it i● read in a certaine wryter that as there was a man of rype yeares and much addicted vnto contemplacion playing for his delight among children which he taught there came one by who beholding the same mocked him to scorne Then sayd this good mā why mockest thou bend thy bow which thou hast in thy hand and he dyd so Nay bend it more quod he J dare not sayd the other for feare of breaking it Euen so quod he it fareth with my mind For vnlesse I should refresh it with some pla●e it would fayle mee and be quite extinguished And therefore it is expedient to vse honest recreation ▪ by meanes wherof to recreate a mans minde as namelie after godly studies and painefull trauayles And among many it is a pretie kinde of solace and delight to vse wyttie inuectiues quippes one at another at the table so that the wytte therein be exercised not by byting but by sharpning one another Or whether it were in pleasaunt questions or picked deuises whereby the one prouoketh another to breake silence Or else in pleasaunt tales or hystories wherewith the hearers are delighted and made merie Chap 1. Of pleasaunt quippes and tauntes ACcording to the doctrine of Macrobius in his fourth booke of Saturnalia there be two kindes of quippes or inuectiues The one a plaine rayling or chacking The other a figuratiuelye shadowed speach couered cleanly with myrth ciuilyty soūding one thing couertly meaning another but not proceedyng to expresse bytternesse The fyrst kynd is altogyther to h●e banished the table For as the same aucthour wryteth lyke as a lytle thrust dryueth downe him that standeth vppon a narrowe footing so a small griefe being sprinckled and bathed with wyne wyll soone dryue a man into madnesse The other kynd which is coouert may also be sauced with sharpne●se The lyke whereof is reported of Octauianus who seemed to bee a noble man of byrth Before whome when on a tyme Cicero pronounced somewhat I heard not what you sayde quod Octauianus That is maruayle sayde Cicero synce your eares were woont to be so well boored which hee spake for this cause for that Octauianus was borne in Lybia where the maner of the people was to make hoales through theyr eares This kynde of nypping because it is next neyghbour to rayling ought amongst wyse men to bée auoyded at the table But some there is which hath in it lesse sharpenesse as that which Cicero vsed against Gneus Seruilius which was Consul but one daye In foretymes quod Cicero Flamines were but for one daye and nowe the

newes The drunken Prior answeared a vengeance on this Abbey for they were woont to haue twelue dishes of meate at a dinner and this day they had but eleuen Then answeared the knight If I had but two disshes of meate in my house they would suffise me and thou wretch as thou art canst not be contented with eleuen surely I wyll geue thee the twelfth and there withall he threwe him downe in the durt There was a knight which desyred much to heare his wyues confession which she denyed hym because he hadde on neyther Surplice nor Stoale And when he had gotten them and put them on and disguised hym selfe he called her and she confessed her selfe vnto hym saying that when she was young she loued a young Gentleman and afterward a Squ●re and then a Knight and next a Foole and lastly a Priest Then the knight hearyng that in a rage cast of the Surplice and the Stoale and asked her angerly if that Priest were nowe liuing and she sayde yea requesting hym that he would reueile it to no man And after three dayes when he had sufficiently bit on the bridle and vexed him selfe she came vnto him and sayde Deare husband vnderstand that that which I sayde vnto you in my confession I spake it for the nonce and I tould you the trueth for first when I was married vnto you you were a young gentleman and afterward a Squire then were you dubbed a Knight and after that you became a foole because you coueted to vnderstand such matters of your faythfull Lady and nowe lastly you are become a Priest for you haue heard my confession Frontinus in his fyrst boke wryteth that when Scipio landed in Africa comming foorth of the ship he fell downe to the ground and because his souldiers should not be afraide Heare ye my souldiers said he I haue now taken all Africa Cap. 9. Of Squires and armour bearers and their merie iestes QVintus Curtius in his historie of Alexander the great wryteth that when Alexander fought with Darius there was a Persian who putting on the armour of a Macedonian souldier came behind Alexander and strake him on the head but his helmet was so hard that the stroke glaunced away and did him no harme Then being apprehended and brought before the king and demaunded why he had done so answeared that Darius and he had couenanted that yf he coulde kyll Alexander he should then marrie his daughter and haue part of his kyngdome Then Alexander liking well of the couenant and praysyng his aduenture suffered him to depart safe to his company A certayne Squire offered him selfe vnto a king to serue hym saying that he was very sturdie and bould On a tyme seeing raine lying vpon the kinges head he would haue beaten it of and as he was dooing the king boughed with his mouth to make him afraide Then he immediatly lyfted vp his hand and gaue him a boxe on the eare that he cast him to the ground saying wylt thou eate me vp But when the other seruants would haue apprehended him the king bid them let him alone saying I tooke him into my seruice because he promised me that he was bo●ld Two Squires were sworne fellowes concerning all their gaynes and pray whereof one went into turneament and gained much the other went not but required his my Lorde sayd the poore man yf you heare hym speake then haue I surely lost my Cowe in deede An Aduocate ●ntred into the Cisterian order and was set to kéepe sheepe In a tyme when great trouble arose in the Abbey there was none found that could geue any good counsell but he only At the length being called and required wh●rfore he medled not with the Monasterie matters answeared O brethren God geueth abrode in the worlde and the Abbot in the order of religion A certayne Earle going forth on Pilgrimage put his lawier in trust with his wyfe whyle he should be absent When the Earle was departed the Lawyer began earn●stly to sollicite her to consent to his incontinent lust whereunto because she would not agree he withdrewe from her her meate and apparrel and other necessaries apper●eyning vnto her necessarie furniture At length fearing lest she should be starued and that the people would thinke that it came through some euyll desart of hers graunted to consent vnto him and sent her handmaide to bed vnto him in her stéede And when he had taken his pleasure of her he cut her finger which the Lady hearing tred a linnen cloth about her owne finger Now when the Earle was returned and this bawdy Lawyer thought to haue shamed the Lady before her Lord she disprooued his trecherie and proued him a lyer saying Looke whose finger is cut she it is that lay with you and there withall she plucked away the cloth and shewed her finger that was whole A certayne Lawyer had taken sees of both parties in a controuersie of one a Cowe of the other an Oxe Nowe when he shoulde pleade for him that had geuen him the Oxe he was dumb and could not speake Then sayde the Client Speake Oxe and he answeared The Cowe wyll not suffer me A man of the countrey desyred an Aduocate to teache him the best woord belongyng to an Aduocate and he would geue him a certayne number of Goslinges for a reward Then sayd the Aduocate whatsoeuer is asked of thee in iudgement deny it and require a longer time to answeare although thou knowe it w●ll already N●w when the Aduocate sent his seruantes for the Goselinges the countreyman denyed them saying that he owed him none But at length confessing the det hée required a longer terme to pay him which was an whole yéere after A certein Lawier which obtained the vpper hande in all causes became a Munke and beeing made solicitour for the Abbey all matters went against him And when the Abbot was much displeased therwith hee said vnto him my Lorde bée not angry for now I dare not lie and face as I haue done béefore and therfore I loose all matters that are committed vnto mée And Aduocate béeing very sicke his friendes that were about him thought it expedient for him to receiue the Communiō ere he died Then said he I will hear iudgment whether it wer best for mée to do so or not Then said his frindes wee iudge it best But I appeale frō your sentence quod hée for you are not my iudges and so died And an old verse there is written of lawiers many a yéere agoe I haue heard some which made their mone That Lawiers friendly are to none But whether that bee true or no It is not lawfull to say so Chap. 12. Of Marchant men byers and sellers A Proper iest of a certen Marchant that would neuer come to Church nor heare sermons and beeing mooued often times by his wife therto said alwayes vnto her go thou for vs both On a night he dreamed that he

goose yeas quod the theef that I am then quod the Priest for shame restore to the poore man his goose again or els I will excommunicate thee There was a theif which watched a man that had soulde an Oxe and tooke acquaintance of him and lead him to the Tauerne and gaue him a quarte of Wine And when hee that had soulde the Oxe woulde haue bin gonne sayinge that he must go bie him a purse to put his mony in Nay quoth the Theif lay thy mony to mine and let vs drink more and I will giue thee a piece of my shirte to wrap thy mony in and hee did so But when hee departed this cousening theif ran after him with hew and cry saying that hee had cut away a piece of his shirt with his mony in it and shewed the place so hee gote the mony and the true mā was hanged A cousening knaue seeinge a siluer Cup in a gentlemans house which was broken a litle in the foote he bought a good Pickerell caried it vnto the Gentlewoman while her husband was abroade saying My master your husband hath sent you this Pickrell to be dressed for dinner for he will bringe home geasts with him and willeth you to send him the broken cup that hee may haue it mended for the geasts to drinke in and shée deliuered it vnt● him Now when he had toi●d this tale to his fellow surely quod he and I wyl haue the pickrell againe And when he came to the house finding there the Mistresse and all the housholde wéeping hee spake vnto her with a counterfayte merrye countenaunce saying Bée of good chéere now for my maister hath taken the théefe and sentence is gyuen that hee shall be hanged immediatlye with the pickrell about his necke and therefore you must send him the pickrell out of hand which shee deliuered Thus the théefe and his fellow had both the cup and the pickrell Chap. 17. Of Iesters and theyr merye deuises MAcrobius in his Saturnalia wryteth of Cicero that hée was so pleasaunt in wordes so full of pastime that his friends tearmed him a scoffer and Iester Fredericke the Emperours iester with wordes prouoked verye much one Eurelius a learned man to haue mooued him to laughter but h●e could not Shortly after perceyuing him to bée in some deepe cogitacion he made a great many of lyttle balles of hearbes and threwe them hard at him And when he demaunded of him what he ment by that the Iester answered saying I haue hard say that there is great force in three thinges to wyt wordes hearbs stones And as for wordes I haue sufficiently assayd you with them can auayle nothing nowe wyll I trye you with hearbs and if I can profite nothing that way surely I wyll stone you to death at which saying he fell in a laughter gaue the iester a reward A Iester taught his Horse to kneele downe on his knees as often as he sayd Flectamus genua It happened afterwarde that a théefe seeing the iesters Horse to be a proper Gelding stole him away It fortuned this theefe ryding vpon this Horse which he had stollen to ryde through a déepe slough and full of myre which the iester seeing cryed alowde Flectamus genua and forthwith the Horse fell downe vpon his knées and threwe his ryder in the dyrt Another i●ster being vpon the Sea and sodainly a tempest rysing began very gréedily to eate powdered béefe and when one asked him why he dyd so hée answered that perhappes he shoulde haue occasion to drincke more shortlye then euer he dyd A certaine Iester being vpon the sea in a tempest euery man in the shyp was commaunded to cast the heauiest thing which he had ouer boord Then tooke he his wyfe threw her into the Sea saying that he had neuer any thing so heauie A skoffer seeing theeues ryfling and searching his house in the night sirs quod he I maruayle what you can finde here by darcke in the nyght when I can find nothing in the broad day lyght A certaine merie felow being sick was admonished by the Priest to make his wyll ▪ Mary gladly quod hée And I haue none other goodes but only two horses which I bequeth to the Kinges and Princes of the earth But the Priest demanded why he would not rather giue them vnto the poore aunswered you preache that we should imitate God and he hath giuen all the ritches of the earth vnto them and not vnto the poore therfore I would faine doe as lyke vnto him as I could A Iester had rayled skoffed so bytterlye at a noble man that he threatned to hang him wheresoeuer he tooke him At length being taken by the noble mans seruants brought before his presence my Lord then quod he I see now there remaineth nothing vnto mée but present death which I haue well deserued I beseech you grant mee one request which may be profitable for my soules health which as the earnest request of those that stoode about him the Lord frankly yeelded vnto Then sayd hee when I am hanged I beseech you to come vnto mee thrée dayes after with a fasting stomacke euery morning kysse my bare tayle with your mouth Now the Deuyll hang thée and kysse thy tayle quod the Lord went away in a rage so he escaped A mery cōpanion hauing prepared a morsell of good meat for his owne eating his wiues there came vnto his house a company of Friars knowing not how to excuse the matter to shyft them of sayd vn-them syrs I am very sory that you may not eate with mée for I am excōmunicate Then sayd the Fryars we wyll not beleeue thée vnlesse thou tell vs the cause why For beating of a Friar quod he Then a●t y worthily excōmunicate said they fearing least he would haue beaten thē also they departed incontinētly Chap. 18. Of merie iestes of weemen MAcrobius writeth in his Saturnalia that when one demaūded of Iulia which was daughter vnt● Augustus the Emperor ▪ why she decked not her self according to her fathers plainnes ▪ fragilitye she answered saying My father forgetteth that he is Emperor but I remember that I am the Emperors daughter When some that were priuie of her incontinencie woondred that her children were so lyke vnto Agrippa her husbande considered that shee yéelded so commonly the vse of her body abroade in euery brothel house I neuer take any passenger to sayle in my shyp quod she but when my shyp is already fraught When one sayd that he maruailed why all brute beastes would not abide to company with the males but only when they would cōceyue young Populia which was daughter vnto Marcus answered bicause they be beastes Faustus sonne vnto Sylla knowing that his syster vsed the carnall company of twaine namely Pompeius and a fullers sonne I must sayd hee how my syster cā haue any spet