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ID	Title	Author	Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication)	STC	Words	Pages
A91655	The first [second] book of the works of Mr. Francis Rabelais, Doctor in Physick, containing five books of the lives, heroick deeds, and sayings of Gargantua, and his sonne Pantagruel. Together with the Pantagrueline prognostication, the oracle of the divine Bachus, and response of the bottle. Hereunto are annexed the navigations unto the sounding isle, and the isle of the Apedests: as likewise the philosophical cream with a Limosm epistle. / All done by Mr. Francis Rabelais, in the French tongue, and now faithfully translated into English.; Gargantua et Pantagruel. English. 1653	Rabelais, François, ca. 1490-1553?; Urquhart, Thomas, Sir, 1611-1660.; Hall, John, 1627-1656.	1653 (1653)	Wing R105; Thomason E1429_1; ESTC R202203	215,621	504

to set upon the wood of Vede and Vaugaudry and that they had already plundered the whole countrey not leaving cock nor hen even as farre as to the wine-presse of Billiard These strange and almost incredible newes of the enormous abuses thus committed over all the land so affrighted Gargantua that he knew not what to say nor do but Ponocrates counselled him to go unto the Lord of Vauguyon who at all times had been their friend and confederate and that by him they should be better advised in their businesse which they did incontinently and found him very willing and fully resolved to assist them and therefore was of opinion that they should send some one of his company to scout along and discover the countrey to learn in what condition and posture the enemy was that they might take counsel and proceed according to the present occasion Gymnast offered himself to go whereupon it was concluded that for his safety and the better expedition he should have with him some one that knew the wayes avenues turnings windings and rivers thereabout Then away went he and Prelingot the Querry or Gentleman of Vauguyons horse who scouted and espied as narrowly as they could upon all quarters without any feare In the mean time Gargantua took a little refreshment ate somewhat himself the like did those who were with him and caused to give to his mare a Picotine of Oats that is threescore and fourteen quarters and three bushels Gymnast and his Camerade rode so long that at last they met with the enemies forces all scattered and out of order plundering stealing robbing and pillaging all they could lay their hands on and as far off as they could perceive him they ran thronging upon the back of one another in all haste towards him to unload him of his money and untrusse his Portmantles Then cried he out unto them My Masters I am a poor devil I desire you to spare me I have yet one Crown left come we must drink it for it is aurum potabile and this horse here shall be sold to pay my welcome afterwards take me for one of your own for never yet was there any man that knew better how to take lard rost and dresse yea by G to teare asunder and devoure a hen then I that am here and for my Proficiat I drink to all good fellowes With that he unscrued his Borracho which was a great dutch leathern bottle and without putting in his nose drank very honestly the marousle Rogues looked upon him opening their throats a foot wide and putting out their tongues like Greyhounds in hopes to drink after him but Captain Tripet in the very nick of that their expectation came running to him to see who it was To him Gymnast offered his bottle saying Hold Captain drink boldly and spare not I have been thy taster it is wine of La fay monjau What said Tripet this fellow gybes and flowts us Who art thou said Tripet I am said Gymnast a poor devil pauvre diable Ha said Tripet seeing thou art a poor devil it is reason that thou shouldest be permitted to go whithersoever thou wilt for all poor devils passe every where without toll or taxe but it is not the custome of poor devils to be so wel mounted therfore Sir devil come down and let me have your horse and if he do not carry me well you Master devil must do it for I love a life that such a devil as you should carry me away CHAP. XXXV How Gymnast very souply and cunningly killed Captain Tripet and others of Picrocholes men WHen they heard these words some amongst them began to be afraid and blest themselves with both hands thinking indeed that he had been a devil disguised insomuch that one of them named good Ihon Captain of the trained bands of the Countrey bumpkins took his Psalter out of his Codpiece and cried out aloud Hagios ho theos If thou be of God speak if thou be of the other spirit avoid hence and get thee going yet he went not away which words being heard by all the souldiers that were there divers of them being a little inwardly terrified departed from the place all this did Gymnast very well remark and consider and therefore making as if he would have alighted from off his horse as he was poysing himself on the mounting side he most nimbly with his short sword by his thigh shifting his feet in the stirrup performed the stirrup-leather feat whereby after the inclining of his body downwards he forthwith lanch't himself aloft in the aire and placed both his feet together on the saddle standing upright with his back turned towards the horses head Now said he my case goes backward Then suddenly in the same very posture wherein he was he fetched a gambole upon one foot and turning to the left hand failed not to carry his body perfectly round just into its former stance without missing one jot Ha said Tripet I will not do that at this time and not without cause Well said Gymnast I have failed I will undo this leap then with a marvellous strength and agility turning towards the right hand he fetch 't another frisking gambole as before which done he set his right hand thumb upon the hinde bowe of the saddle raised himself up and sprung in the aire poysing and upholding his whole body upon the muscle and nerve of the said thumb and so turned and whirled himself about three times at the fourth reversing his body and overturning it upside down and foreside back without touching any thing he brought himself betwixt the horses two eares springing with all his body into the aire upon the thumb of his left hand and in that posture turning like a windmill did most actively do that trick which is called the Millers Passe After this clapping his right hand flat upon the middle of the saddle he gave himself such a jerking swing that he thereby seated himself upon the crupper after the manner of Gentlewomens sitting on horseback this done he easily past his right leg over the saddle and placed himself like one that rides in croup But said he it were better for me to get into the saddle then putting the thumbs of both hands upon the crupper before him and thereupon leaning himself as upon the only supporters of his body he incontinently turned heels over head in the aire and streight found himself betwixt the bowe of the saddle in a good settlement Then with a summer-sault springing into the aire again he fell to stand with both his feet close together upon the saddle and there made above a hundred frisks turnes and demi-pommads with his armes held out acrosse and in so doing cried out aloud I rage I rage devils I am stark mad devils I am mad hold me devils hold me hold devils hold hold Whilest he was thus vaulting the Rogues in great astonishment said to one another By cocks death he is a goblin

fingers streight out and closed orderly in a parallel line to the point of his nose shutting the left eye wholly and making the other wink with a profound depression of the eye-brows and eye-lids Then lifted he up his left hand with hard wringing and stretching forth his foure fingers and elevating his thumb which he held in a line directly correspondent to the situation of his right hand with the distance of a cubit and a halfe between them This done in the same forme he abased towards the ground both the one and the other hand Lastly he held them in the midst as aiming right at the English mans nose And if Mercurie said the English man there Panurge interrupted him and said You have spoken Mask Then made the English man this signe his left hand all open he lifted up into the aire then instantly shut into his fist the foure fingers thereof and his thumb extended at length he placed upon the gristle of his nose Presently after he lifted up his right hand all open and all open abased and bent it downwards putting the thumb thereof in the very place where the little finger of the left hand did close in the fist and the foure right hand fingers he softly moved in the aire then contrarily he did with the right hand what he had done with the left and with the left what he had done with the right Panurge being not a whit amazed at this drew out into the aire his Trismegist Codpiece with the left hand and with his right drew forth a trunchion of a white oxe-rib and two pieces of wood of a like forme one of black eben and the other of incarnation brasil and put them betwixt the fingers of that hand in good symmetrie then knocking them together made such a noise as the Lepers of Britanie use to do with their clappering clickets yet better resounding and farre more harmonious and with his tongue contracted in his mouth did very merrily warble it alwayes looking fixedly upon the English man The Divines Physicians and Chirurgions that were there thought that by this signe he would have inferred that the English man was a Leper the Counsellors Lawyers and Decretalists conceived that by doing this he would have concluded some kinde of mortal felicity to consist in Leprosie as the Lord maintained heretofore The English man for all this was nothing daunted but holding up his two hands in the aire kept them in such forme that he closed the three master-fingers in his fist and passing his thumbs thorough his indical or foremost and middle fingers his auricularie or little fingers remained extended and stretched out and so presented he them to Panurge then joyned he them so that the right thumb touched the left and the left little finger touched the right Hereat Panurge without speaking one word lift up his hands and made this signe He put the naile of the forefinger of his left hand to the naile of the thumb of the same making in the middle of the distance as it were a buckle and of his right hand shut up all the fingers into his fist except the forefinger which he often thrust in and out through the said two others of the left hand then stretched he out the forefinger and middle finger or medical of his right hand holding them asunder as much as he could and thrusting them towards Thaumast Then did he put the thumb of his left hand upon the corner of his left eye stretching out all his hand like the wing of a bird or the finne of a fish and moving it very daintily this way and that way he did as much with his right hand upon the corner of his right eye Thaumast began then to waxe somewhat pale and to tremble and made him this signe With the middle finger of his right hand he struck against the muscle of the palme or pulp which is under the thumb then put he the forefinger of the right hand in the like buckle of the left but he put it under and not over as Panurge did Then Panurge knocked one hand against another and blowed in his palme and put again the forefinger of his right hand into the overture or mouth of the left pulling it often in and out then held he out his chinne most intentively looking upon Thaumast The people there which understood nothing in the other signes knew very well what therein he demanded without speaking a word to Thaumast What do you mean by that In effect Thaumast then began to sweat great drops and seemed to all the Spectators a man strangely ravished in high contemplation Then he bethought himself and put all the nailes of his left hand against those of his right opening his fingers as if they had been semicircles and with this signe lift up his hands as high as he could Whereupon Panurge presently put the thumb of his right hand under his jawes and the little finger thereof in the mouth of the left hand and in this posture made his teeth to sound very melodiously the upper against the lower With this Thaumast with great toile and vexation of spirit rose up but in rising let a great bakers fart for the bran came after and pissing withal very strong vineger stunk like all the devils in hell the company began to stop their noses for he had conskited himself with meer anguish and perplexity Then lifted he up his right hand clunching it in such sort that he brought the ends of all his fingers to meet together and his left hand he laid flat upon his breast whereat Panurge drew out his long Codpiece with his tuffe and stretched it forth a cubit and a half holding it in the aire with his right hand and with his left took out his orange and casting it up into the aire seven times at the eight he hid it in the fist of his right hand holding it steadily up on high and then began to shake his faire Codpiece shewing it to Thaumast After that Thaumast began to puffe up his two cheeks like a player on a bagpipe and blew as if he had been to puffe np a pigs bladder whereupon Panurge put one finger of his left hand in his nockandrow by some called St. Patricks hole and with his mouth suck't in the aire in such a manner as when one eats oysters in the shell or when we sup up our broth this done he opened his mouth somewhat and struck his right hand flat upon it making therewith a great and a deep sound as if it came from the superficies of the midriffe through the trachiartere or pipe of the lungs and this he did for sixteen times but Thaumast did alwayes keep blowing like a goose Then Panurge put the fore-finger of his right hand into his mouth pressing it very hard to the muscles thereof then he drew it out aud withal made a great noise as when little boyes shoot pellets out of the pot-canons made of the hollow

little Organs or Virginals when they are played upon and that they foamed from their very throats like a boare which the Mongrel Mastiffe-hounds have driven in and overthrown amongst the foyles what did they then All their consolation was to have some page of the said Roll-book read unto them and we have seen those who have given themselves to a hundred punchions of old devils in case that they did not feele a manifest ease and asswagement of paine at he hearing of the said book read even when they were kept in a purgatory of torment no more nor lesse then women in travel use to sinde their sorrow abated when the life of St. Margarite is read unto them is this nothing finde me a book in any language in any faculty or science whatsoever that hath such vertues properties and prerogatives and I will be content to pay you a quart of tripes No my Masters no it is peerlesse incomparable and not to be matched and this am I resolved for ever to maintaine even unto the fire exclusive And those that will pertinaciously hold the contrary opinion let them be accounted Abusers Predestinators Impostors and Seducers of the People it is very true that there are found in some gallant and stately books worthy of high estimation certain occult and hid properties in the number of which are reckoned Whippot Orlando furio so Robert the devil Fierabras William without feare Huon of Bourdeaux Monteville and Matabrune but they are not comparable to that which we speak of and the world hath well known by infallible experience the great emolument and utility which it hath received by this Gargantuine Chronicle for the Printers have sold more of them in two moneths time then there will be bought of Bibles in nine yeares I therefore your humble slave being very willing to increase your solace and recreation yet a little more do offer you for a Present another book of the same stamp only that it is a little more reasonable and worthy of credit then the other was for think not unlesse you wilfully will erre against your knowledge that I speak of it as the Jewes do of the Law I was not born under such a Planet neither did it ever befall me to lie or affirme a thing for true that was not I speak of it like a lustie frolick Onocrotarie I should say Crotenotarie of the martyrised Lovers and Croquenotarie of love Cuod vidimus testamur It is of the horrible and dreadful feats and prowesses of Pantagruel whose menial servant I have been ever since I was a page till this houre that by his leave I am permitted to visit my Cow-countrey and to know if any of my Kindred there be alive And therefore to make an end of this Prologue even as I give my selfe to an hundred Panniers-full of faire devils body and soule tripes and guts in case that I lie so much as one single word in this whole History After the like manner St. Anthonies fire burne you Mahooms disease whirle you the squinance with a stitch in your side and the Wolfe in your stomack trusse you the bloody flux seize upon you the curst sharp inflammations of wilde fire as slender and thin as Cowes haire strengthened with quick silver enter into your fundament and like those of Sodom and Gomorrha may you fall into sulphur fire and bottomlesse pits in case you do not firmly beleeve all that I shall relate unto you in this present Chronicle The Second Book of RABELAIS Treating of the Heroick Deeds and Sayings of the good PANTAGRUEL CHAP. I. Of the Original and Antiquity of the great Pantagruel IT will not be an idle nor unprofitable thing seeing we are at leasure to put you in minde of the Fountain and Original Source whence is derived unto us the good Pantagruel for I see that all good Historiographers have thus handled their Chronicle not only the Arabians Barbarians and Latines but also the gentle Greeks who were eternal drinkers You must therefore remark that at the beginning of the world I speak of a long time it is above fourty quarantaines or fourty times fourty nights according to the supputation of the ancient Druids a little after that Abel was killed by his brother Cain the earth imbrued with the blood of the just was one year so exceeding fertil in all those fruits which it usually produceth to us and especially in Medlars that ever since throughout all ages it hath been called the yeare of the great medlars for three of them cid fill a bushel in it the Calends were found by the Grecian Almanacks there was that yeare nothing of the moneth of March in the time of Lent and the middle of August was in May in the moneth of October as I take it or at least September that I may not erre for I will carefully take heed of that was the week so famous in the Annals which they call the week of the three Thursdayes for it had three of them by meanes of their regular Leap-yeares called Bissextils occasioned by the Sunnes having tripped and stumbled a little towards the left hand like a debtor afraid of Serjeants coming right upon him to arrest him and the Moon varied from her course above five fathom and there was manifestly seen the motion of trepidation in the firmament of the fixed starres called Aplanes so that the middle Pleiade leaving her fellowes declined towards the Equinoctial and the starre named Spica left the constellation of the Virgin to withdraw her self towards the balance known by the name of Libra which are cases very terrible and matters so hard and difficult that Astrologians cannot set their teeth in them and indeed their teeth had been pretty long if they could have reached thither However account you it for a truth that every body then did most heartily eat of those medlars for they were faire to the eye and in taste delicious but even as Noah that holy man to whom we are so much beholding bound and obliged for that he planted to us the Vine from whence we have that nectarian delicious precious heavenly joyful and deifick liquour which they call the piot or tiplage was deceived in the drinking of it for he was ignorant of the great vertue and power thereof so likewise the men and women of that time did delight much in the eating of that faire great fruit but divers and very different accidents did ensue thereupon for there fell upon them all in their bodies a most terrible swelling but not upon all in the same place for some were swollen in the belly and their belly strouted out big like a great tun of whom it is written ventrem omnipotentem who were all very honest men and merry blades and of this race came St. Fatgulch and Shrovetuesday Others did swell at the shoulders who in that place were so crump and knobbie that they were therefore called Montifers which is as much to say

sticks of the branch of an aulder-tree and he did it nine times Then Thaumast cried out Ha my Masters a great secret with this he put in his hand up to the elbow then drew out a dagger that he had holding it by the point downwards whereat Panurge took his long Codpiece and shook it as hard as he could against his thighes then put his two hands intwined in manner of a combe upon his head laying out his tongue as farre as he was able and turning his eyes in his head like a goat that is ready to die Ha I understand said Thaumast but what making such a signe that he put the haft of his dagger against his breast and upon the point thereof the flat of his hand turning in a little the ends of his fingers whereat Panurge held down his head on the left side and put his middle finger into his right eare holding up his thumb bolt upright then he crost his two armes upon his breast and coughed five times and at the fifth time he struck his right foot against the ground then he lift up his left arme and closing all his fingers into his fist held his thumbe against his forehead striking with his right hand six times against his breast But Thaumast as not content therewith put the thumb of his left hand upon the top of his nose shutting the rest of his said hand whereupon Panurge set his two Master-fingers upon each side of his mouth drawing it as much as he was able and widening it so that he shewed all his teeth and with his two thumbs pluck't down his two eye-lids very low making therewith a very ill-favour'd countenance as it seemed to the company CHAP. XX. How Thaumast relateth the vertues and knowledge of Panurge THen Thaumast rose up and putting off his cap did very kindly thank the said Panurge and with a loud voice said unto all the people that were there My Lords Gentlemen and others at this time may I to some good purpose speak that Evangelical word Et ecce plus quàm Salomon hîc You have here in your presence an incomparable treasure that is my Lord Pantagruel whose great renown hath brought me hither out of the very heart of England to conferre with him about the insoluble problemes both in Magick Alchymie the Caballe Geomancie Astrologie and Philosophie which I had in my minde but at present I am angry even with fame it self which I think was envious to him for that it did not declare the thousandth part of the worth that indeed is in him You have seen how his disciple only hath satisfied me and hath told me more then I asked of him besides he hath opened unto me and resolved other inestimable doubts wherein I can assure you he hath to me discovered the very true Well Fountain and Abysse of the Encyclopedeia of learning yea in such a sort that I did not think I should ever have found a man that could have made his skill appear in so much as the first elements of that concerning which we disputed by signes without speaking either word or half word But in fine I will reduce into writing that which we have said and concluded that the world may not take them to be fooleries and will thereafter cause them to be printed that every one may learne as I have done Judge then what the Master had been able to say seeing the disciple hath done so valiantly for Non est discipulus super Magistrum Howsoever God be praised and I do very humbly thank you for the honour that you have done us at this Act God reward you for it eternally the like thanks gave Pantagruel to all the company and going from thence he carried Thaumast to dinner with him and beleeve that they drank as much as their skins could hold or as the phrase is with unbottoned bellies for in that age they made fast their bellies with buttons as we do now the colars of our doublets or jerkins even till they neither knew where they were nor whence they came Blessed Lady how they did carouse it and pluck as we say at the Kids leather and flaggons to trot and they to toote Draw give page some wine here reach hither fill with a devil so There was not one but did drink five and twenty or thirty pipes can you tell how even Sicut terra sine aqua for the weather was hot and besides that they were very dry In matter of the exposition of the Propositions set down by Thaumast and the signisication of the signes which they used in their disputation I would have set them down for you according to their own relation but I have been told that Thaumast made a great book of it imprinted at London wherein he hath set down all without omitting any thing and therefore at this time I do passe by it CHAP. XXI How Panutge was in love with a Lady of Paris PAnurge began to be in great reputation in the City of Paris by means of this disputation wherein he pre vailed against the English man and from thenceforth made his Codpiece to be very useful to him to which effect he had it pinked with pretty little Embroideries after the Romanesca fashion And the world did praise him publickly in so farre that there was a song made of him which little children did use to sing when they went to fetch mustard he was withal made welcome in all companies of Ladies and Gentlewomen so that at last he became presumptuous and went about to bring to his lure one of the greatest Ladies in the City and indeed leaving a rabble of long prologues and protestations which ordinarily these dolent contemplative Lent-lovers make who never meddle with the flesh one day he said unto her Madam it would be a very great benefit to the Common-wealth delightful to you honourable to your progeny and necessary for me that I cover you for the propagating of my race and beleeve it for experience will teach it you the Lady at this word thrust him back above a hundred leagues saying You mischievous foole is it for you to talk thus unto me whom do you think you have in hand be gone never to come in my sight again for if one thing were not I would have your legs and armes cut off Well said he that were all one to me to want both legs and armes provided you and I had but one merry bout together at the brangle buttock-game for here within is in shewing her his long Codpiece Master John Thursday who will play you such an Antick that you shall feel the sweetnesse thereof even to the very marrow of your bones He is a gallant and doth so well know how to finde out all the corners creeks and ingrained inmates in your carnal trap that after him there needs no broom he 'l sweep so well before and leave nothing to his followers to work upon whereunto the Lady answered Go villain go

forme of pillars chamfered channel'd and pinked behinde that they might not over-heat his reines and were within the panes puffed out with the lining of as much blew damask as was needful and remark that he had very good Leg-harnish proportionable to the rest of his stature For his Codpeece were used sixteen ells and a quarter of the same cloth and it was fashioned on the top like unto a Triumphant Arch most gallantly fastened with two enamell'd Clasps in each of which was set a great Emerauld as big as an Orange for as sayes Orpheus lib. de lapidibus and Plinius libr. ultimo it hath an erective vertue and comfortative of the natural member The extiture out-jecting or out-standing of his Codpiece was of the length of a yard jagged and pinked and withal bagging and strouting out with the blew damask lining after the manner of his breeches but had you seen the faire Embroyderie of the small needle-work purle and the curiously interlaced knots by the Goldsmiths Art set out and trimmed with rich Diamonds precious Rubies fine Turquoises costly Emeraulds and Persian pearles you would have compared it to a faire Cornucopia or Horne of abundance such as you see in Anticks or as Rhea gave to the two Nymphs Amalthea and Ida the Nurses of Jupiter And like to that Horn of abundance it was still gallant succulent droppie sappie pithie lively alwayes flourishing alwayes fructifying full of juice full of flower full of fruit and all manner of delight I avow God it would have done one good to have seen him but I will tell you more of him in the book which I have made of the dignity of Codpieces One thing I will tell you that as it was both long and large so was it well furnished and victualled within nothing like unto the hypocritical Codpieces of some fond Wooers and Wench-courters which are stuffed only with wind to the great prejudice of the female sexe For his shoes were taken up foure hundred and six elles of blew Crimson-velvet and were very neatly cut by parallel lines joyned in uniforme cylindres for the soling of them were made use of eleven hundred Hides of brown Cowes shapen like the taile of a Keeling For his coat were taken up eighteen hundred elles of blew velvet died in grain embroidered in its borders with faire Gilliflowers in the middle decked with silver purle intermixed with plates of gold and store of pearles hereby shewing that in his time he would prove an especial good fellow and singular whip-can His girdle was made of three hundred elles and a halfe of silken serge halfe white and half blew if I mistake it not His sword was not of Valentia nor his dagger of Saragosa for his father could not endure these hidalgos borrachos maranisados como diablos but he had a faire sword made of wood and the dagger of borled leather as well painted and guilded as any man could wish His purse was made of the cod of an Elephant which was given him by Herre Praecontal Proconsul of Lybia For his Gown were employed nine thousand six hundred elles wanting two thirds of blew velvet as before all so diagonally purled that by true perspective issued thence an unnamed colour like that you see in the necks of Turtle-doves or Turkie-cocks which wonderfully rejoyceth the eyes of the beholders For his Bonnet or Cap were taken up three hundred two elles and a quarter of white velvet and the forme thereof was wide and round of the bignesse of his Head for his father said that the Caps of the Mirabaise fashion made like the Cover of a Pastie would one time or other bring a mischief on those that wore them For his Plume he wore a faire great blew feather plucked from an Onocrotal of the countrey of Hircania the wilde very prettily hanging down over his right eare For the Jewel or broach which in his Cap he carried he had in a Cake of gold weighing threescore and eight marks a faire piece enamell'd wherein was portrayed a mans body with two heads looking towards one another foure armes foure feet two arses such as Plato in Symposio sayes was the mystical beginning of mans nature and about it was written in Ionick letters 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 or rather 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 that is Vir Mulier junctim propriissimé homo To wear about his neck he had a golden chaine weighing twenty five thousand and sixty three marks of gold the links thereof being made after the manner of great berries amongst which were set in work green Jaspers ingraven and cut Dragon-like all invironed with beams and sparks as King Nicepsos of old was wont to weare them and it reached down to the very bust of the rising of his belly whereby he reaped great benefit all his life long as the Greek Physicians knew well enough For his Gloves were put in work sixteen Otters skins and three of lougarous or men-eating wolves for the bordering of them and of this stuffe were they made by the appointment of the Cabalists of Sanlono As for the Rings which his father would have him to weare to renew the ancient mark of Nobility He had on the forefinger of his left hand a Carbuncle as big as an Ostrige's Egge inchased very daintily in gold of the finenesse of a Turkie Seraph Upon the middle finger of the same hand he had a Ring made of foure metals together of the strongest fashion that ever was seen so that the steel did not crash against the gold nor the silver crush the copper All this was made by Captain Chappins and Alcofribas his good Agent On the medical finger of his right hand he had a Ring made Spire wayes wherein was set a perfect baleu rubie a pointed Diamond and a Physon Emerald of an inestimable value for Hans-carvel the King of Melinda's Jeweller esteemed them at the rate of threescore nine millions eight hundred ninety foure thousand and elghteen French Crowns of Berrie and at so much did the foucres of Auspurg prize them CHAP. IX The Colours and Liveries of Gargantua GArgantua's colours were white and blew as I have shewed you before by which his father would give us to understand that his sonne to him was a heavenly joy for the white did signifie gladnesse pleasure delight and rejoycing and the blew celestial things I know well enough that in reading this you laugh at the old drinker and hold this exposition of colours to be very extravagant and utterly disagreeable to reason because white is said to signifie faith and blew constancy But without moving vexing heating or putting you in a chafe for the weather is dangerous answer me if it please you for no other compulsory way of arguing will I use towards you or any else only now and then I will mention a word or two of my bottle What is it that induceth you what stirs you up to believe or who told you that white signifieth faith and blew constancy

leaping nimbly from one horse to another without putting foot to ground and these horses were called desultories he could likewise from either side with a lance in his hand leap on horseback without stirrups and rule the horse at his pleasure without a bridle for such things are useful in military engagements Another day he exercised the battel-axe which he so dextrously wielded both in the nimble strong and smooth management of that weapon and that in all the feats practiseable by it that he past Knight of Armes in the field and at all Essayes Then tost he the pike played with the two-handed sword with the backsword with the spanish tuck the dagger poiniard armed unarmed with a buckler with a cloak with a targuet Then would he hunt the Hart the Roe-buck the Beare the fallow Deer the wilde Boare the Hare the Phesant the Partridge and the Bustard He played at the baloon and made it bound in the aire both with fist and foot He wrestled ran jumped not at three steps and a leap called the hops nor at clochepied called the Hares leap nor yet at the Almanes for said Gymnast these jumps are for the warres altogether unprofitable and of no use but at one leap he would skip over a ditch spring over a hedge mount six paces upon a wall ramp and grapple after this fashion up against a window of the full height of a lance He did swim in deep waters on his belly on his back sidewise with all his body with his feet only with one hand in the air wherin he held a book crossing thus the bredth of the river of Seine without wetting it and dragged along his cloak with his teeth as did Julius Caesar then with the help of one hand he entred forcibly into a boat from whence he cast himself again headlong into the water sounded the depths hollowed the rocks and plunged into the pits and gulphs Then turned he the boat about governed it led it swiftly or slowly with the stream and against the stream stopped it in its course guided it with one hand and with the other laid hard about him with a huge great Oare hoised the saile hied up along the mast by the shrouds ran upon the edge of the decks set the compasse in order tackled the boulins and steer'd the helme Coming out of the water he ran furiously up against a hill and with the same alacrity and swiftnesse ran down again he climbed up at trees like a cat and leaped from the one to the other like a squirrel he did pull down the great boughes and branches like another Milo then with two sharp well-steeled daggers and two tried bodkins would he run up by the wall to the very top of a house like a cat then suddenly came down from the top to the bottom with such an even composition of members that by the fall he would catch no harme He did cast the dart throw the barre put the stone practise the javelin the boar-spear or partisan and the halbard he broke the strongest bowes in drawing bended against his breast the greatest crosse-bowes of steele took his aime by the eye with the hand-gun and shot well traversed and planted the Canon shot at but-marks at the papgay from below upwards or to a height from above downwards or to adescent then before him sidewise and behinde him like the Parthians They tied a cable-rope to the top of a high Tower by one end whereof hanging near the ground he wrought himself with his hands to the very top Then upon the same tract came down so sturdily and firme that you could not on a plaine meadow have run with more assurance They set up a great pole fixed upon two trees there would he hang by his hands and with them alone his feet touching at nothing would go back and sore along the foresaid rope with so great swiftnesse that hardly could one overtake him with running and then to exercise his breast and lungs he would shout like all the Devils in hell I heard him once call Eudemon from St. Victors gate to Monmartre Stentor had never such a voyce at the siege of Troy Then for the strengthening of his nerves or sinewes they made him two great sows of lead each of them weighing eight thousand and seven hundred kintals which they called Alteres those he took up from the ground in each hand one then lifted them up over his head and held them so without stirring three quarters of an hour and more which was an inimitable force he fought at Barriers with the stoutest and most vigorous Champions and when it came to the cope he stood so sturdily on his feet that he abandoned himself unto the strongest in case they could remove him from his place as Milo was wont to do of old in whose imitation likewise he held a Pomgranat in his hand to give it unto him that could take it from him The time being thus bestowed and himself rubbed cleansed wiped and refresht with other clothes he returned fair and softly and passing through certain meadows or other grassie places beheld the trees and plants comparing them with what is written of them in the books of the Ancients such as Theophrast Dioscorides Marinus Plinie Nicander Macer and Galen and carried home to the house great handfuls of them whereof a young Page called Rizotomos had charge together with little Mattocks Pickaxes Grubbing-hooks Cabbies Pruning-knives and other instruments requisite for herborising Being come to their lodging whilest supper was making ready they repeated certain passages of that which hath been read and sate down at table Here remark that his dinner was sober and thrifty for he did then eat only to prevent the gnawings of his stomack but his supper was copious and large for he took then as much as was fit to maintaine and nourish him which indeed is the true diet prescribed by the Art of good and sound Physick Although a rabble of loggerheaded Physicians nuzzeled in the brabling shop of Sophisters counsel the contrary during that repast was continued the lesson read at dinner as long as they thought good the rest was spent in good discourse learned and profitable After that they had given thanks he set himself to sing vocally and play upon harmonious instruments or otherwayes passed his time at some pretty sports made with cards or dice or in practising the feats of Legerdemain with cups and balls There they stayed some nights in frolicking thus and making themselves merrie till it was time to go to bed and on other nights they would go make visits unto learned men or to such as had been travellers in strange and remote countreys When it was full night before they retired themselves they went unto the most open place of the house to see the face of the sky and there beheld the comets if any were as likewise the figures situations aspects oppositions and conjunctions of the both fixed starres and planets

as Hill-carriers of whom you see some yet in the world of divers sexes and degrees of this race came Aesop some of whose excellent words and deeds you have in writing some other puffes did swell in length by the member which they call the Labourer of nature in such sort that it grew marvellous long fat great lustie stirring and Crest-risen in the Antick fashion so that they made use of it as of a girdle winding it five or six times about their waste but if it happened the foresaid member to be in good case spooming with a full saile bunt faire before the winde then to have seen those strouting Champions you would have taken them for men that had their lances setled on their Rest to run at the ring or tilting whintam of these beleeve me the race is utterly lost and quite extinct as the women say for they do lament continually that there are none extant now of those great c. you know the rest of the song Others did grow in matter of ballocks so enormously that three of them would well fill a sack able to contain five quarters of wheat from them are descended the ballocks of Lorraine which never dwell in Codpieces but fall down to the bottome of the breeches Others grew in the legs and to see them you would have said they had been Cranes or the reddish-long-bill'd-stork-like-scrank-legged sea-fowles called Flamans or else men walking upon stilts or scatches the little Grammar school-boyes known by the name of Grimos called those leg-grown slangams Jambus in allusion to the French word Jambe which signifieth a leg In others their nose did grow so that it seemed to be the beak of a Limbeck in every part thereof most variously diapred with the twinkling sparkles of Crimson-blisters budding forth and purpled with pimples all enameled with thick-set wheales of a sanguine colour bordered with gueules and such have you seen the Chanon or Prebend Panzoul and Woodenfoot the Physician of Angiers of which race there were few that liked the Ptisane but all of them were perfect lovers of the pure septembral juice Naso and Ovid had their extraction from thence and all those of whom it is written Ne reminiscaris Others grew in eares which they had so big that out of one would have been stuffe enough got to make a doublet a paire of breeches and a jacket whilest with the other they might have covered themselves as with a Spanish Cloak and they say that in Bourbonois this race remaineth yet Others grew in length of body and of those came the Giants and of them Pantagruel And the first was Chalbroth who begat Sarabroth who begat Faribroth who begat Hurtali that was a brave eater of pottage and reigned in the time of the flood who begat Nembroth who begat Atlas that with his shoulders kept the sky from falling who begat Goliah who begat Erix that invented the Hocus pocus playes of Legerdemain who begat Titius who begat Eryon who begat Polyphemus who begat Cacos who begat Etion the first man that ever had the pox for not drinking fresh in Summer as Bartachin witnesseth who begat Enceladus who begat Ceus who begat Tiphaeus who begat Alaeus who begat Othus who begat Aegeon who begat Briareus that had a hundred hands who begat Porphyrio who begat Adamastor who begat Anteus who begat Agatho Who begat Porus against whom fought Alexander the great who begat Aranthas who begat Cabbara that was the first inventor of the drinking of healths who begat Goliah of Secondille who begat Offot that was terribly well nosed for drinking at the barrel-head who begat Artachaeus who begat Oromedon who begat Gemmagog the first inventor of Poulan shoes which are open on the foot and tied over the instep with a latchet who begat Sisyphus who begat the Titans of whom Hercules was born who begat Enay the most skilful man that ever was in matter of taking the little wormes called Cirons out of the hands who begat Fierabras that was vanquished by Oliver Peer of France and Rowlands Camrade who begat Morgan the first in the world that played at dice with spectacles who begat Fracassus of whom Merlin Coccaius hath written and of him was borne Ferragus who begat Hapmouche the first that ever invented the drying of neats tongues in the Chimney for before that people salted them as they do now gammons of bacon who begat Bolivorax who begat Longis who begat Gayoffo whose ballocks were of poplar and his pr ... of the servise or sorb-apple-tree who begat Maschefain who begat Bruslefer who begat Angoulevent who begat Galehaut the inventor of flaggons who begat Mirelangaut who begat Gallaffre who begat Salourdin who begat Roboast who begat Sortibrant of Conimbres who begat Brusbaut of Mommiere who begat Bruyer that was overcome by Ogier the Dane Peer of France who begat Mabrun who begat Foutasnon who begat Haquelebac who begat Vitdegrain who begat Grangousier who begat Gargantua who begat the noble Pantagruel my Master I know that reading this passage you will make a doubt within your selves and that grounded upon very good reason which is this how it is possible that this relation can be true seeing at the time of the flood all the world was destroyed except Noah and seven persons more with him in the Ark into whose number Hurtali is not admitted doubtlesse the demand is well made and very apparent but the answer shall satisfie you or my wit is not rightly caulked and because I was not at that time to tell you any thing of my own fancie I will bring unto you the authority of the Massorets good honest fellows true ballokeering blades and exact Hebraical bagpipers who affirm that verily the said Hurtali was not within the Ark of Noah neither could he getin for he was too big but he sate astride upon it with one leg on the one side and another on the other as little children use to do upon their wooden horses or as the great Bull of Berne which was killed at Marinian did ride for his Hackney the great murthering piece called the Canonperrier a pretty beast of a faire and pleasant amble without all question In that posture he after God saved the said Ark from danger for with his legs he gave it the brangle that was needful and with his foot turned it whither he pleased as a ship answereth her rudder Those that were within sent him up victuals in abundance by a Chimney as people very thankfully acknowledging the good that he did them And sometimes they did talk together as Varomenippus did to Jupiter according to the report of Lucian Have you understood all this well drink then one good draught without water for if you beleeve it not no truly do I not quoth she CHAP. II. Of the Nativity of the most dread and redoubted Pantagruel GArgantua at the age of foure hundred fourescore fourty and foure yeares begat his sonne Pantagruel upon his wife named Badebec daughter to the King

where Heraclitus sayes the truth lies hidden and I do highly commend the manner of arguing which thou hast proposed to wit by signes without speaking for by this means thou and I shall understand one another well enough and yet shall be free from this clapping of hands which these blockish Sophisters make when any of the Arguers hath gotten the better of the Argument Now to morrow I will not faile to meet thee at the place and houre that thou hast appointed but let me intreat thee that there be not any strife or uproare between us and that we seek not the honour and applause of men but the truth only to which Thaumast answered The Lord God maintain you in his favour and grace and instead of my thankfulnesse to you poure down his blessings upon you for that your Highnesse and magnificent greatnesse hath not disdained to descend to the grant of the request of my poor basenesse so farewel till to morrow Farewel said Pantagruel Gentlemen you that read this present discourse think not that ever men were more elevated and transported in their thoughts then all this night were both Thaumast and Pantagruel for the said Thaumast said to the Keeper of the house of Cluny where he was lodged that in all his life he had never known himself so dry as he was that night I think said he that Pantagruel held me by the throat Give order I pray you that we may have some drink and see that some fresh water be brought to us to gargle my palat on the other side Pantagruel stretched his wits as high as he could entring into very deep and serious meditations and did nothing all that night but dote upon and turn over the book of Beda de numeris signis Plotius book de inenarrabilibus the book of Proclus de magia the book of Artemidorus 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 of Anaxagaras 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Dinatius 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 the books of Philistion Hipponax 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 and a rabble of others so long that Panurge said unto him My Lord leave all these thoughts and go to bed for I perceive your spirits to be so troubled by a too intensive bending of them that you may easily fall into some Quotidian Fever with this so excessive thinking and plodding but having first drunk five and twenty or thirty good draughts retire your self and sleep your fill for in the morning I will argue against and answer my Master the Englishman and if I drive him not ad metam non loqui then call me Knave Yea but said he my friend Panurge he is marvellously learned how wilt thou be able to answer him Very well answered Panurge I pray you talk no more of it but let me alone is any man so learned as the devils are No indeed said Pantagruel without Gods especial grace Yet for all rhat said Panurge I have argued against them gravelled and blanked them in disputation and laid rhem so squat upon their tailes that I have made them look like Monkies therefore be assured that to morrow I will make this vain-glorious Englishman to skite vineger before all the world So Panurge spent the night with tipling amongst the Pages and played away all the points of his breeches at primus secundus and at peck point in French called Lavergette Yet when the condescended on time was come he failed not to conduct his Master Pantagruel to the appointed place unto which beleeve me there was neither great nor small in Paris but came thinking with themselves that this devillish Pantagruel who had overthrown and vanquished in dispute all these doting fresh-water Sophisters would now get full payment and be tickled to some purpose for this Englishman is a terrible bustler and horrible coyle-keeper we will see who will be Conquerour for he never met with his match before Thus all being assembled Thaumast stayed for them and then when Pantagruel and Panurge came into the Hall all the School-boyes Professors of Arts Senior-Sophisters and Batchelors began to clap their hands as their scurvie custome is But Pantagruel cried out with a loud voice as if it had been the sound of a double canon saying Peace with a devil to you peace by G you rogues if you trouble me here I will cut off the heads of every one of you at which words they remained all daunted and astonished like so many ducks and durst not do so much as cough although they had swallowed fifteen pounds of feathers withal they grew so dry with this only voice that they laid out their tongues a full half foot beyond their mouthes as if Pantagruel had salted all their throats Then began Panurge to speak saying to the Englishman Sir are you come hither to dispute contentiously in those Propositions you have set down or otherwayes but to learn and know the truth To which answered Thaumast Sir no other thing brought me hither but the great desire I had to learn and to know that of which I have doubted all my life long and have neither found book nor man able to content me in the resolution of those doubts which I have proposed and as for disputing contentiously I will not do it for it is too base a thing and therefore leave it to those sottish Sophisters who in their disputes do not search for the truth but for contradiction only and debate Then said Panurge if I who am but a mean and inconsiderable disciple of my Master my Lord Pantagruel content and satisfie you in all and every thing it were a thing below my said Master wherewith to trouble him therefore is it fitter that he be Chair-man and sit as a Judge and Moderator of our discourse and purpose and give you satisfaction in many things wherein perhaps I shall be wanting to your expectation Truly said Thaumast it is very well said begin then Now you must note that Panurge had set at the end of his long Codpiece a pretty tuft of red silk as also of white green and blew and within it had put a faire orange CHAP. XIX How Panurge put to a non-plus the Englishman that argued by signes EVery body then taking heed and hearkening with great silence the Englishman lift up on high into the aire his two hands severally clunching in all the tops of his fingers together after the manner which alachinonnese they call the hens arse and struck the one hand on the other by the nailes foure several times then he opening them struck the one with the flat of the other till it yielded a clashing noise and that only once again in joyning them as before he struck twice and afterwards foure times in opening them then did he lay them joyned and extended the one towards the other as if he had been devoutly to send up his prayers unto God Panarge suddenly lifted up in the aire his right hand and put the thumb thereof into the nostril of the same side holding his foure