like Man and Wife with your Jilt and are every day seen in the Glass Coach whil'st your own natural Lady is hardly worth the hire of a Hack Sir Tim. Why thou damnabie confounded torment wilt thou never cease Nur. No not till you raise your Siege and be gone go march to your Lady of Love and debauch go You get no Câ—linda here Sir Tim. The Devil 's in her tongue Cel. Good gentle Nurse have mercy upon the poor Knight Nur. No more Mistriss than he 'll have on you if Heaven had so abandon'd you to put you into his power Mercy quoth ye no no more than his Mistriss will have when all his money 's gone Sir Tim. Will she never end Cel. Prethee forbear Nur. No more than the Usurer would to whom he has mortgag'd his best part of his Estate would forbear a day after the promis'd payment of the money Forbear Sir Tim. Not yet end Can I Madam give you a greater proof of my passion for you than to endure this for your sake Nur. This thou art so sorry a creature thou wilt endure any thing for the lucre of her fortune 't is that thou hast a passion for not that thou carest for money but to sacrifice to thy lewdness to purchase a Mistriss to purchase the Reputation of as errant a Fool as ever arriv'd at the honour of keeping to purchase a little Grandeur as you call it that is to make every one look at thee and consider what a Fool thou art who else might pass unreguarded amongst the common crowd Sir Tim. The Devil 's in her tongue and so 't is in most Womens of her Age for when 't has quitted the Tail it repairs to her upper Tire Nur. Do not persuade me Madam I am resolv'd to make him weary of his Wooing Sir Tim. So God be prais'd the storm is laid And now Mrs. Celinda give me leave to ask you if it be with your leave this affront is put 〈…〉 of my Quality Nâ—r. Thy Quality Sir Tim. Yes I am a Gentleman and a Knight Nur. Yes Sir Knight of the ill-favour'd Countenance is it Sir Tim. You are beholding to Don Quixot for that and â—tis so many Ages since thou couldst see to read I wonder thou hast not forgot all that ever belongâ—d to Books Nur. My eye-sightâ—s good enough to see thee in all thy colours thou Knight of the Burning Pestle thou Sir Tim. Agen that was out of a Play heark ye Witch of Endor hold your prating tongue or I shall most well-â—avourdly Cudgel ye Nur. As your Friend the Hostess has it in a Play too I take it Ends which you pick up behind the Scenes when you go to be laught at even by the Player Women Sir Tim. Wilt thou have done by Fortune I 'll endure no more Nur. Murder Murder A Letter Cel. Hold hold Enter Friendlove Bellmour Sham and Sharpe Friend Read here the worst of News that can arrive Gives Bellm. a Letter What 's the matter here Why how now Sir Timothy What up in Arms with the Women Sir Tim. Oh Ned iâ— m glad thouâ—rt come never was Tom Dove baited as I have been Friend By whom my Sister Sir Tim. No no that old Mastiff there the young Whelp came not on thanks be prais'd Bell. How her Father here to morrow and here he sayes that shall be the last moment he will defer the Marriage of Celinda to this Sott Oh God I shall grow mad and so undo 'em all I 'll kill the Villain at the Altar By my lost hopes I will And yet there is some left Could I but speak to her I must relie on Dresswells friendship Oh God to morrow Can I endure that thought Can I endure to see the Traytor there who must to morrow rob me of my Heaven I 'll own my flame and boldly tell this Fopp she must be mine Friend I assure you Sir Timothy I am sorry and will chastise her Sir Tim. Ay Sir I that am a Knight a Man of Parts and Wit and one that is to be your Brother and design'd to be the glory of marrying Celinda Bell. I can endure no more How Sir You marry fair Celinda Sir Tim. Ay Frank Ay Is she not a pretty little plump white Rogue hah Bell. Yes Sir Tim. Oh I had forgot thou art a modest Rogue and to thy eternal shame hadst never the Reputation of a Mistriâ—s Lord Lord that I could see thee address thy self to a Lady I fancy thee a very ridiculous Figure in that posture by Fortune Bell. Why Sir I can Court a Lady Sir Tim. No no thou' rt modest that is to say a Countrey Gentleman that is to say Ill-bred that is to say a Fool by Fortune as the World goes Bell. Neither Sir I can Love and tell it too and that you may believe me look on this Lady Sir Sir Tim. Looâ— on this Lady Sir Ha ha ha Well Sir Well Sir And what then Bell. Nay view her well Sir Sir Tim. Pleasant this Well Frank I do And what then Bell. Is she not charming Fair Fair to a wonder Sir Tim. Well Sir 't is granted Bell. And canst thou think this Beauty meant for thee for thee dull common Man Sir Tim. Very well what will he say next Bell. I say let me no more see thee approach this Lady Sir Tim. How Sir how Bell. Not speak to her not look on her by Heaven not think of her Sir Tim. How Frank art in earnest Bell. Try if thou dar'st Sir Tim. Not think of her Bell. No not so much as in a Dream could I Divine it Sir Tim. Is he in earnest Mr Friendlove Friend I doubt so Sir Timothy Sir Tim. What does he then pretend to your Sister Bell. Yes and no Man else shall dare do so Sir Tim. Take notice I am affâ—onted in your Lodgings for you Bellmour You take me for an Ass therefore meet me to morrow morning about 5 with your Sword in your hand behind Southampâ—on House Bell. 'T is well there we 'll dispute our Title to Celinda Ex. Dull Animal Ye Gods cou'd ne're Decree So bright a Maid shou'd be possest by thee The End of the First Act. ACT. II. Scene 1. A Palace Enter Nurse with a Light Nur. WEll 't is an endless trouble to have the Tuition of a Maid in Love here is such Wishing and Longing And yet one must force them to what they most desire before they will admit of it Here am I sent out a Scout of the Forlorn Hope to discover the approach of the Enemy Well Mr. Bellmour you are not to know 't is with the consent of Celinda that you come I must bear all the blame what mischief soever comes of these Night-works Enter Bellmour Oh are you come Your hour was Twelve and â—ow 't is almost Two Bell. I could not get from Friendlove Thou hast not told Celinda of my coming Nur. No no ee'n make peace for me and your self too Bell. I
of keeping yet as you Sir Timothy have done much to your glory I assure you Sir Tim. Who I Sir You do me much Honour I must confess I do not find the softer Sex cruel I am received as well as another Man of my Parts Friend Of your Money you mean Sir Sir Tim. Why Faith Ned thou art i' th' right I love to buy my pleasure for by Fortune there 's as much pleasure in Vanity and Variety as any Sins I know What think'st thou Ned Friend I am not of your mind I love to love upon the square and that I may be sure not to be cheated with false Ware I present 'em nothing but my heart Sir Tim. Yes and have the consolation of seeing your frugal Huswifery Miss sit in the Pit at a Play in a long Scarf and Night-gown for want of Points and Garniture Friend If she be clean and pretty and drest in Love I can excuse the rest and so will she Sir Tim. I vow to Fortune Ned thou must come to London and be a little manag'd ' Slife Man should'st thou talk so aloud in good Company thou would'st be counted a strange Fellow Pretty and drest with Love a fine Figure by Fortune No Ned the painted Chariot gives a Lustre to every ordinary Face and makes a Woman look like Quality ay so like by Fortune that you shall not know one from t'other till some scandalous out-of-favor'd-laid-aside-Fellow of the Town cry Damn her for a Bitch how scornfully the Whore regards me She has forgot since Iack such a one and I club'd for the keeping of her when both our Stocks well manag'd wou'd not amount to above seveâ— shillings six pence a week besides now and then a Treat of a Breastoâ— Mutton from the next Cooks Then the other laughs and cryes I Rott her And tells his Story too and concludes with who maâ—nages the Gilt now Why Faith some dismal Coxcomb or other yoâ— may be sure replies the first But Ned these are Râ—gues and Rascals thâ— value no Mans Reputation because they despise their own But Faith 〈◊〉 have laid aside all these vanities now I have thought of Matrimony bâ—â— I desire my Reformation may be a secret because as you know for 〈◊〉 Man of my Address and the rest 'T is not altogether so Jantee Friend Sir I assure you it shall be so great a Secret for me that I will never ask you who the happy Woman is that 's chosen for this great work of your Conversion Sir Tim. Ask me No you need not because you know already Friend Who I I protest Sir Timothy Sir Tim. No Swearing dear Ned for 't is not such a Secret but I will trust my Intimates these are my Friends Ned pray know them This Mr Sham and this by fortune a very honest Fellow Bows to ' em Mr Sharp and may be trusted with a bus'ness that concerns you as well as me Friend Me What do you mean Sir Timothy Sir Tim. Why Sir you know what I mean Friend Not I Sir Sir Tim. What not that I am to marry your Sister Celinda Friend Not at all Bell. O this unsufferable Sott Aside Friend My Sister Sir is very nice Sir Tim. That 's all one Sir the old People have adjusted the matter and they are the most proper 〈◊〉 a Negotiation of that kind which saves us the trouble of a tedious Courtship Friend That the old People have agreed the matter is more than I know Sir Tim. Why Lord Sir will you persuade me to that don 't you know that your Father according to the method in such cases being certain of my Estate came to me thus Sir Timothy Tawdrey You are a young Gentleman and a Knight I knew your Father well and my right worshipful Neighbor our Estates lie together therefore Sir I have a desire to have a near Relation with you At which I interrupted him and cryâ—d Oh Lord Sir I vow to Fortune you do me the greatest Honour Sir and the rest Bell. I can endure no more he marry fair Celinda Friend Prethee let him alone Aside Sir Tim. To which he answer'd I have a good Fortune Have but my Son Ned and this Girl call'd Celinda whom I will make a Fortune sutable to yours your honoured Mother the Lady Tawdrey and I have as good as concluded the match already To which I who tho I say it am well enoâ—gh bred for a Knight answer'd the Civility thus I vow to Fortune Sir I did not swear but cry'd I protest Sir Celinda deserves no no I lye again 't was merits I Celinda merits a much better Husband than I. Friend You speak more truth than you are aware of Aside Well Sir I 'll bring you to my Sister and if she likes you as well as my Father does she 's yours otherwise I have so much tenderness for her as to leave her choice free Sir Tim. Oh Sir you Compliment Alons Entrons Exeunt Scene 2. A Chamber Enter Celinda and Nurse Cel. I wonder my Brother stayes so long sure Mr Bellmour is not yet arriv'd yet he sent us word he would be here to day Lord how impatient I grow Nur. Ay so methinks if I had the hopes of enjoying so sweet a Gentleman as Mr Bellmour I shou'd be so too But I am past it Well I have had my pantings and heavings my impatience and qualms my heats and my colds and my I know not what 's But I thank my stars I have done with all those Fooleries Cel. Fooleries Is there any thing in life but Love Wou'dst thou praiâ—e Heaven for thy Being Without that grateful part of it For I confess I Love Nur. You need not your sighs and daily nay and nightly too disorders plainly enough betray the truth Cel. Thou speak'st as if it were a Sin But if it be so you your self help'd to make me wicked For e're I saw Mr Bellmour you spoke the kindest things of him As would have mov'd the dulleâ—t Maid to Love And e're I saw him I was quite undone Nur. Quite undone Now God forbid it What for Loving You said but now there was no life without it Cel. But since my Brother came from Italy And brought young Bellmour to our house How very little thou hadst said of him How much above thy praise I found the Youth Nur. Very pretty You are grown a notable Proficient in Love And you are resolv'd if he please to Marry him Cel. Or I must dye Nur. I but you know the Lord Plotwell has the possession of all his Estate and if he Marry without his liking has power to take away all his Fortune and then I think it were not so good Marrying him Cel. Not Marrying him Oh canst thou think so poorly of me Yes I wou'd Marry him tho' our scanty Fortune Cou'd onely purchase us A loanly Cottage in some silent place All cover'd oâ—re with Thatch Defended from the outrages of storms By leafless Trees in Winter and from heat
being here my comfort is he has not found me out tho' but thinks I came to look for him and accordingly I must dissemble Bell. What 's here a Lady all in tears Sir Tim. An old acquaintance of mine that takes it unkindly that I am for change Betty say so too you know I can settle nothing till I 'm Married and he can do it swingingly if we can but draw him in Flaunt This mollifies something do this and you 'll make your peace if not you Rascal your Ears shall pay for this nights transgression Sir Tim. Come hither Franck is not this a fine Creature Bell. By Heaven a very Devil Sir Tim. Come come approach her for if you 'll have a Miss this has all the good qualities of one go go Court her thou art so bashful Bell. I cannot frame my tongue to so much blasphemy as 't is to say kind things to her I 'll try my heart tho' Fair Lady Damn her she is not fair nor sweet nor good nor something I must say for a beginning Come Lady dry your eyes This Man deserves not all the tears you shed So at last the Devil has got the better of me And I am enter'd Flaunt You see Sir how miserable we Women are that love you Men. Bell. How did you love him love him against his will Flaunt So it seems Sir Bell. Oh thou art wretched then indeed no wonder if he hate thee Does he not Curse thee Curse thee till thou' rt damn'd as I do lost Diana Aside Flaunt Curse me he were not best in my hearing Let him do what he will behind my back What ails the Gentleman Bell. Gods What an odious thing meer Coupling is A thing which every sensual Animal Can do as well as we but prethee tell me Is there nought else between the Nobler Creatures Flaunt Not that I know of Sir Lord he 's very silly or very innocent I hope he has his Maidenhead if so and rich too oh what a booty were this for me Aside Bell. 'T is wondrous strange Why was not I created like the rest Wild and insensible to fancy all Flaunt Come Sir you must learn to be gay to sing to dance and talk of any thing and fancy any thing that 's in your way too Bell. Oh I can towse and ruffle like any Leviathan when I begin Come prove my vigor Towses her Flaunt Oh Lord Sir you tumble all my garniture Bell. There 's Gold to buy thee more Flaunt Oh sweet Sir wou'd my Knight were hang'd so I were well rid of him now Well Sir I swear you are the most agreeable person Bell. Am I let us be more familiar then I 'll kiss thy hand thy breast thy lips and Flaunt All you please Sir Bell. A tractable Sinner Offers to kiss her Faugh how she smells had I approach'd so near divine Celinda what a natural Fragrancy had sent it self through all my ravisht senses Flaunt The Man 's extasi'd sure I shall take him Aside Come Sir you' are sad Bell. As Angels fall'n from the Divine abode And now am lighted on a very Hell But this is not the way to thrive in wickedness I must rush on to ruine Come fair Mistress Will you not shew me some of your Arts of Love For I am very apt to learn of Beauty Gods What is it I negotiate for a Woman Making a bargain to possess a Woman Oh never never Flaunt The Man is in Love that 's certain as I was saying Sir Bell. Be gone Repentance thou needless goodness Which if I follow canst lead me to no joyes Come tell me the price of all your pleasures Sir Tim. Look you Mistriss I am but a Countrey Knight Yet I shou'd be glad of your farther acquaintance Pray who may that Lady be Driv Who Mrs. Flauntit Sir Sir Tim I she she 's tearing fine by Fortune Driv I 'll assure you Sir she 's kept and is a great Rarity but to a Friend or so Sir Tim. Hum kept pray by whom Driv Why a silly Knight Sir that Sir Tim. I I silly indeed a Pox upon her a silly Knight you say Driv Ay Sir one she makes a very Ass of Sir Tim Ay so methinks but she 's kind and will do reason for all him Driv To a Friend a Man of Quality or so Sir Tim. Ay sâ—e blinds the Knight Driv Alas Sir easily he poor Cully thinks her a very Saint but when he 's out of the way she comes to me to pleasure a Friend Sir Tim. But what if the Fool miss her Driv She cryes Whore first brings him upon his Knees for her fault and a piece of Plate or a new Petticoat makes his Peace again Sir Tim. Why look you Mistriss I am that Fopp that very silly Knight and the rest that you speak of Driv How Sir then I mâ—undone she 's the upholder of my Calling the very grace of my Function Sâ—r Tim. Is she so ee'n keep her to your self then Iâ—ll have no more of her by Fortune I humbly thank you for your intelligence and the rest Well I see there 's not one honest Whore i' th' Nation by Fortune Enter Charles Bellmour and Trusty Heark ye Mistriss what was your bus'ness here Flaunt To meet a Râ—gue Sir Tim. And I to meet a Whore and now wee 're well met Flaunt How Sir Sir Tim. Nay never be surpriz'd for your Intrigues are discover'd the good Matron of the House against her Will has done me that kindness you know how to live without your Keeper and so I 'll leave you Flaunt You 're too serviceable a Fool to be lost so Aside Bell. Who knows this bold Intruder Char. How Sir am I a stranger to you but I shou'd not wonder at it since all your last Nights actions betray'd a strange depravity of Sense Sir I have sought you long and wish I had not found you yet since both the place and company declare how grosly you 've dissembled Virtue all this while Bell. Take hence that prating Boy Char. How Sir You are my elder Brother yet I may be allow'd to do the bus'ness that I came for and from my Uncle to demand your Wife Bell. You may return and tell him that she 's dead Char. Dead sure Sir you Rave Turns him about Bell. Indeed I do but yet she 's dead they say Char. How came she dead Bell. I kill'd her ask no more but leave me Turns him about again Char. Sir this is Madmans language and not to be believ'd Bell. Go to y' are a sawcy Boy Char. Sir I 'm an angry Boy But yet can bear much from a Brothers mouth Y 'ave lost your sleep pray Sir go home and seek it Bell. Home I have no home unless thou meanst my Grave And thither I cou'd wish thou wou'dst conduct me Weeps Flaunt Pray Heaven this young virtuous Fellow don't spoil all Sir shall I send for a Scrivener to draw the Settlement you promis'd me Bell. Do so and
he lov'd another A Maid he call'd Celinda Cel. Oh blessed Man Dia. How Sir Cel. To leave thee free to leave thee yet a Virgin Dia. Yes I have vow'd he never shall possess me Cel. Oh how you bless me but you still are Married And whil'st you are so I must languish Aside Dia. Oh how his softness moves me But can all this disorder spring from Love Cel. Or may I still prove wretched Dia. And can you think there are no wayes For me to gratifie that Love What wayes am I constrain'd to use to work out my Revenge Aside Cel. How mean you Madam Dia. Without a Miracle look on my Eyes And Beauty which you say can kindle Fires She that can give may too retain desires Cel. She 'll Ravish me let me not understand you Dia. Look on my Wrongs Wrongs that would melt a frozen Chastity That a Religious Vow had made to Heaven And next survey thy own perfections Cel. Hah Dia. Art thou so young thou canst not apprehend me Fair bashful Boy hast thou the pow'r to move And yet not know the bus'ness of thy Love Cel. How in an instant thou hast I hill d my blood And made me know no Woman can be good 'T is Sin enough to yield but thus to sue Heaven 't is my bus'ness and not meant for you Dia. How little Love is understood by thee 'T is Custom and not Passion you pursue Because enjoyment first was nam'd by me It does destroy what shou'd your flame renew My easie yielding does your fire abate And mine as much your tedious Courtship hate Tell Heaven you will hereafter sacrifice And see how that will please the Deities The ready Victim is the Noblest way Your Zeal and Obligations too to pay Cel. I think the Gods wou'd hardly be ador'd If they their blessings shou'd unaskt afford And I that Beauty can no more admire Who e're I sue can yield to my desire Dia. Dull Youth farewell For since 't is my Revenge that I pursue Less Beauty and more Man as well may do Offers to go Enter Friendlove disguis'd as one from a Camp Cel. Madam you must not go with this mistake Holds her Friend Celinda has inform'd me true 't is she Good morrow Brother what so early at your devotions Cel. O my Brother 's come and luckily relieves me Aside Friend Your Orizons are made to a fair Saint Pray Sir what Lady 's that Or is it blasphemy to repeat her name By my bright Arms she 's fair With what a charming Fierceness she charges through my body to my heart Death how her glitt'ring Eyes give fire and wound And have already pierc'd my very Soul May I approach her Brother Cel. Yes if you dare there 's danger in it tho' She has Charms that will bewitch you I dare not stand their mischief Ex. Friend Lady I am a Soldier yet in my gentlest terms I humbly beg to kiss your lovely hands Death there 's Magick in the touch By Heaven you carry an Artillery in every part Dia. This is a Man indeed fit for my purpose Aside Friend Nay do not view me I am no lovely object I am a Man bred up to Noise and War And know not how to dress my looks in smiles Yet trust me fair one I can love and serve As well as an Endymion or Adonis Wou'd you were willing to permit that service Dia. Why Sir What cou'd you do Friend Why I cou'd die for you Dia. I need the service of the living Sir But do you love me Sir Friend Or let me perish flying from a single Enemy I am a Gentleman and may pretend to love you And what you can command I can perform Dia. Take heed Sir what you say for I 'm in earnest Friend Command me any thing that 's just and brave And by my Eyes 't is done Dia. I know not what you call just or brave But those whom I do the honour to command Must not capitulate Friend Let him be blasted with the name of Coward That dares dispute your orders Dia. Dare you fight for me Friend With a whole Army 't is my Trade to fight Dia. Nay 't is but a single Man Friend Name him Dia. Bellmour Friend Of Yorkshire Companion to young Friendlove that came lately from Italy Dia. Yes do you know him Friend I do who has oft spoke of Bellmour We Travel'd into Italy together But since I hear He fell in Love with a fair cruel Maid For whom he languishes Dia. Heard you her name Friend Diana rich in Beauty as in Fortune Wou'd she had less of both and more of pity And that I knew not how to wish till now That I became a Lover perhaps as unsuccessful Dia. I knew my Beauty had a thousand Darts But knew not they cou'd strike so quick and home Aside Let your good wishes for your Friend alone Lest he being happy you shou'd be undone For he and you cannot be blest at once Friend How Madam Dia. I am that Maid he loves and who hates him Friend Hate him Dia. To death Friend Oh me unhappy Aside Dia. He sighs and turns away am I again defeated Surely I am not fair or Man's insensible Friend She knows me not And 't was discreetly done to change my shape For Woman is a strange Fantastick Creature And where before I cou'd not gain a smile Thus I may win her heart Aside Say Madam can you love a Man that dies for you Dia. The way to gain me is to fight with Bellmour Tell him from me you come the wrong'd Diana Tell him y 'ave an interest in my heart Equal to that which I have made in yours Friend I 'll do 't I will not ask your Reason but obey Swear e're I go that when I have perform'd it You 'll render me possession of your heart Dia. By all the Vows that Heaven tyes hearts together with I 'll be entirely yours Friend And I 'll not be that conscientious Fool To stop at blessings 'cause they are not lawful But take 'em up when Heaven has thrown 'em down Without the leave of a Religious Ceremony Aside Madam this House which I am Master of You shall command whil'st I go seek this Bellmour Dia. But e're you go I must inform you why I do pursue him with my just Revenge Friend I will attend and hear impatiently Ex. Scene a Bawdy-house Enter Mrs. Driver and Betty Flauntit Flaunt Driver prethee call for a Glass that I may set my self in order before I go up for really my Knight has not been at home all this night and I am so confus'd Enter one with a Glass and two Wenches Lord Mrs. Driver I wonder you shou'd send for me when other Womeâ— are in company you know of all things in the World I hate Whores they are the pratingst lewdest poor Creatures in nature and I wou'd not for any thing Sir Timothy shou'd know that I keep company 't were enough to lose him Mrs.