that frequently seizes him though I am sorry it should happen so unluckily at this time Sir Dav. Distracted say you is he so apt to be distracted Fourb Oh Sir rageing mad we that live by Murder are all so Guilt will never let us sleep I beseech you Sir stand clear of him he 's apt to be very mischievous at these unfortunate hours Blood Have I been drunk with tender Infants blood and ript up teeming Wombs Have these bold hands ransackt the Temples of the Gods and stab'd the Priests before their Altars Have I done this hah Sir Dav. No Sir not that I know Sir I would not say any such thing for all the World Sir worthy Gentleman I beseech you Sir you seem to be a civil person I beseech you Sir to mitigate his passion I 'l do any thing in the World you shall command my whole Estate Fourb Nay after all Sir if you have not a ming to have him quite murder'd if a swinging drubbing to bed-rid him or so will serve your turn you may have it at a cheaper rate a great deal Sir Dav. Truly Sir with all my heart for methinks now I consider matters better I would not by any means be guilty of another mans blood Fourb Why then let me consider to have him beaten substantially a beating that will stick by him will cost you half the money Sir Dav. What one hundred pounds Sure the Devil 's in you or you would not be so unconscionable Blood The Devil where where is the Devil shew me I 'l tell thee Belzâ—bub thou hast broke thy Covenant didst thou not promise me eternal plenty when I resign'd my Soul to thy allurements ' Sir Dav. Ah Lord Blood Touch me not yet I 've yet ten thousand Murders to Act before I 'm thine with all those sins I 'l come with full damnation to thy Caverns of endless pain and houl with thee for ever Sir Dav. Bless us what will become of this mortal Body of mine Where am I Is this a house do I live am I Flesh and Blood Blood There there 's the Feind again don 't chatter so and grin at me if thou must needs have prey take here take him this Tempter that would bribe me with shining Gold to stain my hands with new iniquity Sir Dav. Stand off I charge thee Stain wheresoe'r thou art thou hast no right nor claim to me I 'l have thee bound in Necromantick Charms Heark you Friend has the Gentleman given Soul to the Devil Fourb Only pawn'd it a little that 's all Sir Dav. Let me beseech you Sir to dispatch and get rid of him as soon as you can I would gladly drink a Bottle with you Sir but I hate the Devils Company mortally as for the hundred pound here here it is ready no more words I 'l submit to your good nature and dâ—scretion Fourb Then Wretch take this and make thy peace with the infernal King he loves Riches sacrifice and be at rest Blood 'T is done I 'l follow thee lead on nay if thou smile I more defy thee Eee Fa Fum. Exit Fourb 'T is very odd this Sir Dav. Very odd indeed I 'm glad he 's gone though Fourb Now Sir if you please we 'l refresh our selves with a chearful glass and so Chaque un chez lui I would fain make the Gull drunk a little to put a little mettle into him Sir Dav. With all my heart Sir but no more words of the Devil if you love me Fourb The Devil 's an Ass Sir and here 's a Health to all those that defy the Devil Sir Dav. With all my heart and all his works too Fourb Nay Sir you must do me right I assure you Sir Dav. Not so full I not so full that 's too much of all Conscience in 〈◊〉 Friend these are sad times very sad times but here 's to you Fourb Poâ— o' the times the times are well enough so long as a man has money in his Pocket Sir Dav. 'T is true here I have been bargaining with you about a Murder but never consider that Idolatry is coming in full speed upon the Nation pray what Religion are you of Friend Fourb What Religion am I of sir Sir your humble Servant Sir Dav. Truly a good Conscience is a great happiness and so I 'l pledg you hemph hemph but shan't the Dog be Murdered this Night Fourb My Brother Rogue is gon by this time to set him and the business shall be done effectually I 'l warrant you here 's rest his soul. Sir Dav. With all my Heart Faith I hate to be uncharitable Enter Courtine and Drawer Cour. Look you 't is a very impudent thing not to be drunk by this time shall Rogues stay in Taverns to sip Pints and be Sober when honest Gentlemen are drunk by Gallons I 'll have none on 't Sir Da. Oh Lord whose's there Sit up in his Chair Drawer I beseech your Honour our house will be utterly ruin'd by this means Cour. Damne your house your Wife and Children and all your Family you Dog Beau. Sir who are you To Sir David Sir Da. Who am I Sir what 's that to you Sir will you tickle my Foot you Rouge Cour. I 'll tickle your Guts you Paultroon presently Sir Da. Tickle my guts you Mad-Cap I 'll tickle your Toby if you do Cour. What with that circumsis'd Band That grave hypocrytital Beard of the reformation Cut Old Fellow I believe your a Rogue Sir Da. Sirrah you are a Whore an errant Bitch-Whore I 'll use you like a Whore I 'll kiss you you Jade I 'll Ravish you you Buttuck I am a Justice of the Peace Sirrah and that 's worse Court Dam you Sir I care not if you were a Constable and all his Watch what such a Rogue as you send honest Fellows to prison and countenance Whores in your Jurisdiction for bribery you Mongrel I 'll beat you Sirrah I 'll brain you I 'll murder you you Moon-Calf Throws the Chairs after him Sir Da. Sir Sir Sir Constable Watch stokes stokes stokes murder Ex. Caur Huzza Beaugard Enter Beaugard Sir Jolly Four Well Sir the busiuefs is done we have bargain'd to Murder you Beau. Murder'd whose to be murder'd ha Fourbin Sir Iol. You are to be murder'd Friend you shall be murder'd Friend Beau. But how am I to be murder'd Who 's to murder me I beseech you Four Your humble Servant Fourbin I am the man with your worships leave Sir David has given me this gold to do it handsomely Beau. Sir David uncharitable Cur what Murder an honest Fellow for being Civil to his Family What can this mean Gentlemen Sir Iol. No 't is for not being Civil to his Family that it means Gentleman therefore are yoâ— to be murder'd to Night and buried a Bed with my Lady you Jack Straw you Beau. I understand you Friends the old Gentleman has design'd to have me butcher'd and you have kindly contriv'd to turn it to my
has given him over for my part this shall henceforth be my prayer Curst be the memory nay double curst Of her that wedded Age for interest first Though worn with years with fruitless wishes full 'T is all day troublesome and all night dull Who wed with Fools indeed lead happy lives Fools are the fittest finest things for Wives Yet old men Profit bring as Fools bring ease And both make Youth and Wit much better please ACT. II Enter Sir Jolly Beaugard Courtine and â—ourbin Court SIR Iolly is the glory of the Age. Sir Iol. Nay now Sir you honour me too far Beang He 's the delight of the young and wonder of the old Sir Iol. I swear Gentlemen you make me blush Gour. He deserves a Statue in Gold at the charge of the Kingdom Sir Iol. Out upon 't fye for shame I protest I 'll leave your comcompany if you talk so but faith they were pure Whores daintily dutiful Strumpets ha udds-bud they 'd have stript for t'other Bottle Beau. Truly Sir Iolly you are a man of very extraordinary discipline I never saw Whores under better command in my life Sir Ioll. Pish that 's nothing man nothing I can send for forty better when I please Doxies that will skip strip leap trip and do any thing in the world any thing old Soul Gour. Dear dear Sir Iolly where and when Sir Iol. Odd as simply as I stand here her Father was a Knight Beau. Indeed Sir Iolly a Knight say you Sir Iol. Ay but a little decay'd I 'll assure you she 's a very good Gentlewoman born Cour. Ay and a very good Gentlewoman bred too Sir Iol. Ay and so she is Beau. But Sir Iolly how goes my business forward when shall I have a view of the quarry I am to fly at Sir Iol. Alas a day not so hasty soft and fair I beseech you ah my little Son of thunder if thou hadst her in thy arms now between a pair of sheets and I under the Bed to see fair play Boy gemini what wou'd become of me What wou'd become of me there would be doings oh Lawd I under the bed Beau. Or behind the hangings Sir Iolly would not that do as well Sir Iol. Ah no under the bed against the world and then it would be very dark hah Beau. Dark to chuse Sir Iol. No but a little light would do well a small glimmering Lamp just enough for me to steel a peep by oh lamentable oh lamentable I won't speak a word more there would be a trick oh rare you friend oh rare odds so not a word more odds so yonder comes the Monster that must be the Cuckold Elect step step aside and observe him if I shou'd be seen in your company ' twoud spoil all Beau. For my part I 'll stand the meeting of him one way to promote a good understanding with a Wife is first to get acquainted with her Husband Enter Sir David Sir Dav. Well of all blessings a discreet Wife is the greatest that can light upon a man of years had I been married to any thing but anâ— Angel now what a Beast had I been by this time well I am the happiest old Fool 't is an horrid Age that we live in so that an honest man can keep nothing to himself if you have a good estate every coveâ—ous Rogue'ls longing for 〈◊〉 truly I love a good estate dearly my self if you have a handsome Wife every smoothâ—ac'd Coxcomb will be combing and cocking at her flesh-â—lies are not so troublesome to the shambles as those sort of Insects are to the Boxes in the Play-house But vertue is a great blessing an unvaluable treasure to tell me her self that a Villain had tempted her and give me the very Picture the inchantment that he sent to bewitch her it strikes me dumb with admiration here 's the Villain in effigie Pulls out the Picture Odd a very handsome fellow a dangerous Rogue I 'll warrant him such fellows as these now should be fetter'd like unruly Colts that they might not leap into other mens pastures here 's a Nose now I cou'd find in my heart to cut it off damn'd Dog to dare to presume to make a Cuckold of a Knight bless us what will this world come to well poor Sir David down down on thy knees and thank thy stars for this deliverance Beau. 'Sdeath what 's that I see Sure 't is the very Picture which I sent by Sir Iolly if so by this light I am damnably Jilted Sir Da. But now if Beau. Surely he does not see us yet Four See you Sir why he has but one eye and we are on his blind side I 'll dumb found him Strikes him on the shoulder Sir Da. Who the Divels this Sir Sir Sir who are you Sir Beau. Ay ay 't is the same now a pox of all amorous adventures 'sdeath I 'll go beat the impertinent pimp that drew me into this fooling Sir Da. Sir methinks you are very curious Beau. Sir perhaps I have an extraordinary reason to be so Sir Da. And perhaps Sir I care not for you nor your Reasons neither Beau. Sir if you are at leisure I would beg the Honour to speak with you Sir Da. With me Sir What 's your business with me Beau. I wou'd not willingly be troublesome though it may be I am so at this time Sir Da. It may be so too Sir Beau. But to be known to so worthy a Person as you are would be so great an honour so extraordinary a happiness that I could not avoid taking this opportunity of tend'ring you my Service Sir Da. Smooth Rogue who the Divel is this fellow Aside But Sir you were pleased to nominate business Sir I desire with what speed you can to know your business Sir that I may go about my business Beau. Sir if I might with good manners I should be glad to inform my self whose picture that is which you have in your hand methinks it is very fine painting Sir Da. Picture Friend picture Sir 't is the resemblance of a very impudent fellow they call him Captain Beaugard forsooth but he is in short a rakehell a poor louzy beggarly disbanded devil do you know him friend Beau. I think I have heard of such a vagabond the truth on 't is he is a very impudent fellow Sir Da. Ay a dam'd Rogue Beau. Oh a notorious scoundrel Sir Da. I expect to hear he 's hang'd by next Sessions Beau. The truth on 't is he has deserv'd it long ago but did you ever see him Sir David Sir Da. Sir does he know me Aside Beau. Because I fancy that Mignature is very like him pray Sir whence had it you Compares the Picture with Beaugard's Face Sir Da. Had it Friend had it whence had it I bless us what have I done now this the very Traytour himself if he should be desperate now and put his sword in my guts sâ—itting my nose will be as bad as that I
body but me to play the Fool withal Sir Iolly A lack a day Lady D. Could you pitch upon no Body but that wretched Woman that has loved you too well to abuse you thus Sir Iolly Thatever I was Born Beau. Here here Madam I 'l return you your dirt I scorn your Wages as I do your Service Lady D. Fye for shame what refund That is not like a Souldier to refund keep keep it to pay your Sempstress withal Sir Iolly His Sempstress who the Devil is his Sempstress Odd what wou'd I give to know that now Lady D. There was a Ring too which I sent you this Afternoon if that fit not your Finger you may dispose of it some other way where it may give no occasion of Scandal and you 'l do well Beau. A Ring Madam Lady D. A small trifflâ— I suppose Sir David deliver'd it to you when he return'd you your Mignature Beau. I beseech you Madam Lady D. Farewel you Traytor Beau. As I hope to be sav'd and upon the word of a Gentleman Lady D. Go you are a falfe ungrateful Brute and trouble me no more Exit Beau. Sir Iolly Sir Iolly Sir Iolly Sir Iolly Ah thou Rebel Beau. Some advice some advice dear Friend e're I 'm ruin'd Sir Iolly Ev'n two pennyworth of Hemp for your Honours supper that 's all the remedy that I know Beau. But priâ—hee hear a little reason Sir Iolly No Sir I ha' done no more to be said I ha' done I am asham'd of you I 'l have no more to say to you I 'l never see your Face again good b'w'y Exit Sir Iolly Beau. Death and the Devil what have my Stars been doing to day a Ring deliver'd by Sir David what can that mean Pox on her for a Jilt she lies and has a mind to amuse and laugh at me a day or two longer hist here comes her Beast once more I'I use him Civilly and try what Discovery I can make Enter Sir Davy Dunce Sir Da. Ha ha ha here 's the Captains Jewel very well In troth I had like to have forgotten it Ha ha ha how damnable Mad he 'l be now when I shall deliver him his Ring again ha ha Poor Dog he 'l hang himself at least ha ha ha Faith 't is a very pretty Stone and finely set Humph! if I should keep it now I 'll say I have lost it no I 'l give it him again o' purpose to vex him ha ha ha Beau. Sir David I am heartily sorrie Sir Da. Oh Sir 't is you I was seeking for ha ha ha what shall I say to him now to terrifie him Beau. Me Sir Sir Da. Ay you Sir if your name be Captain Beaugard how like a Fool he looks already Beaug. What you please Sir Sir Da. Sir I should speak a word with you if you think fit what shall I do now to keep my countenance Beau. Can I be so happy Sir as to be able to serve you in any thing Sir Da. No Sir ha ha ha I have commands of service to you Sir oh Lord ha ha ha Beau. Me Sir Sir Da. Ay Sir you Sir but put on your hat Friend put on your hat be cover'd Beau. Sir will you please to sit down on this bank Sir Da. No no there 's no need no need for all I have a young Wife I can stand upon my legs Sweet-heart Beau. Sir I beseech you Sir Da. By no means I think friend we had some hard words just now 't was about a paultry baggage but she 's a pretty baggage and a witty baggage and a baggage that Beau. Sir I am heartily asham'd of all misdemeanour on my side Sir Da. You do well though are not you a damn'd Whore-master a devilish Cuckold-making fellow here here do you see this here 's the Ring you sent a Roguing Sir do you think my Wife wants any thing that you can help her too Why I 'll warrant this Ring cost fifty pound What a prodigal Fellow are you to throw a way so much monie or didst thou steal it old Boy I believe thou maist be poor I 'll lend thee money upon 't if thou thinkst fit at thirty in the hundred because I love thee ha ha ha Beau. Sir your humble Servant I am sorry 't was not worth your Ladies acceptance now what a dog am I Sir Da. I should have given it thee before but faith I forgot it though it was not my Wives fault in the least for she says as thou likest this usage she hopes to have thy custom again Child ha ha ha Beau. Then Sir I beseech you tell her that you have made a Convert on me and that I am so sensible of my insolent behaviour towards her Sir Da. Very well I shall do it Beau. That 't is impossible I shall ever be at peace with my self till I find some way how I may make her reparation Sir Da. Very good ha ha ha Beau. And that if ever she find me guilty of the like offence again Sir Da. No Sir you had not best proceed ha ha ha Beau. Let her banish all good opinion of me for ever Sir Da. No more to be said your Servant good b'w'y Beau. One word more I beseech you Sir Davy Sir Da. What 's that Beau. I beg you tell her that the generous reproof she has given me has so wrought upon me Sir Da. Well I will Beau. That I esteem this Jewel not only as a wreck redeem'd from my folly but that for her sake I will preserve it to the utmost moment of my life Sir Da. With all my heart I vow and swear Beau. And that I long to convince her I am not the Brute she might mistake me for Sir Da. Right well this will make the purest sport Aside let me see first you acknowledge your self to be a very impudent Fellow Beau. I do so Sir Sir Da. And that you shall never be at rest till you have satisfi'd my Lady Beau. Right Sir Sir Da. Satisfi'd her very good ha ha ha and that you will never play the fool any more be sure you keep your word Friend Beau. Never Sir Sir Da. And that you will keep that Ring for her sake as long as you live hah Beau. To the day of my death I 'll assure you Sir Da. I protest that will be very kindly done and that you long mightily long to let her understand that you are another guess Fellow than she may take you for Beau. Exactly Sir that is the sum and end of my desires Sir Da. Well I 'll take care of your business I 'll do your business I 'll warrant you this will make the purest sport when I come home no Aside Well your Servant remember be sure you remember your Servant Beau. So now I find a Husband is a delicate instrument rightly made use of To make her old jealous Coxcomb pimp for me himself I think 't is as worthy an emploiment as such a noble Consort can
What can be the meaning of this now Sir Da. A Gentleman yes Madam I am a Gentleman and the world shall find that I am a Gentleman I have certainly the best Woman in the World Lady D. What do you think must be the end of all this I have no refuge in the world but your kindness had I a Jealous Husband now how miserable must my life be Sir Iol. Ah Rogues Nose ah Devil ah Toad cunning Thief wheed ling Slut I 'll bite lier by and by Sir Dav. Poor Fool no Dear I am not Jealous nor never will 〈…〉 of thee Do what thou wilt thou shalt not make me Jealoâ—◠〈◊〉 love thee too well to suspect thee Lady D. Ah but how long will you do so Sir Da. How long as long as I live I warrant thee I don't talk to a bodâ— so I cannot hold out if thou dost my eyes will run over poor 〈◊〉 poor Birdsnies poor Lambkiâ—â— Lady D. But will you be so kind to me to answer my desires will you once more endeavour to make that Traytor sensible that I have too just an esteem of you not to vallue his addresses as they deserve Sir Da. Ay Ay I will Lady D. But don 't stay away too long Dear make what haste you can I shall be in pain till I see you again Sir Da. My hear my Love my Babby I 'll be with thee in a moment how happy am I above the rest of men Neighbour dear Neighbour walk in with my Wife and keep her company till I return again Child don't be troubled prithee don't be troubled was there ever such a Wife well da da da don't be troubled prithee don't be troubled prithee don't be troubled Da da Exit Lady D. Sir Iolly Sir Iolly Sir Iolly Sir Iol. Don't be troubled prithee don't be trouled da da. Lady Du. But Sir Iolly can you guess whereabout my wand'ring Officer may be probably found now Sir Iol. Found Ladie he is to be found Madam he is to be at my house presently Ladie he 's certainly one of the 〈◊〉 Fellows in the World Lady D. You speak like a Friend Sir Iolly Sir Iol. His Friend Lady no Madam his Foe his utter Enemy I shall be his ruin I shall undo him Lady D. You may if you please then come both and play at Dards this evening with me for an hour or two for I have contriv'd it so that Sir David is to be abroad at Supper to night he cannot possibly avoid it I long to win some of the Captains Money strangely Sir Iol. Do you so my Gamester Well I 'll besure to bring him and for what he carries about him I 'll warrant you odd he 's a pretty Fellow a very pretty Fellow he has only one fault Lady D. And what is that I beseech you Sir Sir Iol. Only too Loving too good Natur'd that 's all 't is certainly the best natur'd Fool breathing that 's all his fault Lady D. Hist hist I think I see company coming if you please Sir Iolly we 'll go in Enter Beaugard follow'd by Sir Davy Vermin Sir Iol. Mum mum mum 't is he himself the very same odds so Sir Davy after him too hush hush hush let us be gone let us reâ—ire do but look upon him now mind him a little there 's a 〈◊〉 there 's an Air there 's a motion Ah Rogue ah Devil get you in get you in I say there 's a shape for you Exit Beau. What the Divel shall I do to recover this days loss again my honourable Pimp too my Pander Knight has forsaken me methinks I am quandari'd like one going with a party to discover the Enemies Camp but had lost his guide upon the mountains Curse on him old Angus is here agen there can be no good Fortune towards me when he 's at my heâ—ls Sir Da. Sir Sir Sir one word with you Sir Captain Captain noble Captain oneword I beseech you Beau. With me Friend Sir Da. Yes with you my no Friend Beau. Sir David my intimate my Bosom Physitian Sir Da. Ah Rogue damn'd Rogue Beau. My Confessor my dearest Friend I ever had Sir Da. Dainty Wheadle here 's a Fellow for ye Beau. One that has taught me to be in love with Vertue and shown me the ugly inside of my Follies Sir Da. Sir your humble Servant Beau. Is that all if you are as cold in your Love as you are in your Friendship Sir Davy your Lady has the worst time o' nt of any one in Christendom Sir Da. So she has Sir when she cannot be free from the insolent solicitations of such Fellows as you are Sir Beau. As me Sir why who am I good Sir Domine Doddle-pate Sir Da. So take notice he threatens me I 'll have him bound to the peace instantly will you never have remorse of Conscience Friend have you banisht all shame from your Soul Do you consider my name is Sir Davy Dunce that I have the most vertuous Wife living Do you consider that Now how like a Rogue he looks again what a hang-dog leer was that Beau. Your vertuous Wife Sir you are always harping upon that string Sir Davy Sir Da. No 't is you wou'd be harping upon that string Sir see you this cast your eyes upon this this Letter Sir did not you promise this very day to abandon all manner of proceedings of this Nature tending to the dishonour of me and my Family Beau. Letter Sir what the divel does he mean now Let me see For the Lady Dunce this is no scrawl of mine I 'll be Sworn by Iove her own hand What a Dog was I forty to one but I had play'd the Fool and spoil'd all again was there ever so Charming a Creature breathing did your Lady deliver this to your hands Sir Sir Da. Ev'n her own self in person Sir and bad me tell you Sir that she has too just an esteem of me Sir not to vallue such a Fellow as you are as you deserve Beau. Very good Reads the Letter I doubt not but this Letter will surprize you in troth and so it does extreamly but reflect upon the manner of conveighing it to your hand as kindly as you can Sir Da. Ay a damn'd Thief to have it thrown into the Chair by a Footman Beau. Reads Would Sir Davy were but half so kind to you as I am Sir Da. Say you so you insinuating Knave Sir Jolly Reads Beau. But he I am satisfi'd is so severely Jealous that except you contrive some way to let me see you this evening I fear all will be hopeless Sir Da. Impudent Traytor I might have been a Monster yet before I had got my Supper in my Belly Beau. In order to which either appear your self or some body for you half an hour hence in the Piazza where more may be considered of adieu Sir Da. Thanks to you noble Sir with all my heart you are come I see accordingly but as a Friend I