Come fellow-souldiers are you ready to march 2. Commander Whether 1. Commander Into our own native Country for our General is sent sol home 3. Commander Except there be wars in our own Country we cannot go with him 1. Commander I know not whether there be wars or peace but he obeys for he is preparing for his journey 2. Commander Who shall be General when he is gone 3. Commander I know not but I hear the States offers to make our young Lieutenant-General General but he refuseth it 2. Commander Would they would make me General 3. Commander If thou wert General thou wouldst put all method out of order 1. Commander Faith Gentlemen I would lead you most prudently and give you leave to plunder most unanimously 1. Commander And we would fight couragiously to keep what we plunder 2. Commander Come let us go and inquire how our affairs goeth Exeunt Scene 22. Enter the Lord Singularity and Affectionata LOrd Singularity Now Affectionata we have taken our leave of the States I hope thy mind is at peace and freed from fears of being staid Affectionata Yes my my Lord Lord Singularity They did perswade thee much to stay Affectionata They seemed much troubled for your Lordships departure Lord Singularity Truly I will say thus much for my self that I have done them good service and I must say thus much for them that they have rewarded me well Affectionata I have heard my Lord that States seldom rewards a service done wherefore I believe they hope you will return again and sees you for that end Lord Singularity I shall not be unwilling when my Country hath no imployment for me Affectionata Methinks my Lord since you have gotten a fame abroad you should desire to live a setled life at home Lord Singularity A setled life would seem but dull to me that hath no wife nor children Affectionata You may have both If you please my Lord Lord Singularity For children I desire none since I have thee and wives I care not for but what are other mens Enter a Messenger with a Letter to the Lord Singularity Lord Singularity From whence comest thou friend Messenger From Rome my Lord Lord Singularity If you please to stay in the next room I shall speak to you presently Messenger Exit The Lord Singularity breaks up the Letter and reads Lord Singularity Affectionata From whence do you think this Letter comes Affectionata I cannot guess my Lord Lord Singularity From the Pope who hath heard so much of thy youth vertue wit and courage as he desires me to pass thorough Rome im my journey home that he might see thee Affectionata Pray Heaven his Holynesse doth not put me into a Monastery and force me to stay behind you Lord Singularity If he should I will take the habit and be incloistered with thee but he will not inforce a youth that hath no will thereto Affectionata Truly my Lord I have no will to be a Fryer Lord Singularity Indeed it is somewhat too lazie a life which all heroick Spirits shames for those loves liberty and action But I will go and dispatch this Messenger and to morrow we will begin our journey Exeunt Scene 23. Enter the Lady Wagtail and the Lady Amorous LAdy Wagtail Faith Amorous it had been a victory indeed worth the bragging off if we could have taken Sir Peaceable Studious Loves prisoner and could have infettered him in Cupid's bonds Lady Amorous It had been a victory indeed for I will undertake to inslave five Courtiers and ten Souldiers sooner and in less time than one studious Scholar Lady Wagtail But some Scholars are more easily taken than the luxurious Courtiers or deboist Souldiers Lady Amorous O no! for Luxurie and Rapine begets lively Spirits but a study quenches them out Lady Wagtail One would think so by Sir Peaceable Studious but not by some other Scholars that I am acquainted with Lady Amorous But confess Lady Wagtail do not you find a studious Scholar dull company in respect of a vain Courtier and a rough Souldier Lady Wagtail I must confess they that study Philosophy are little too much inclined to morality but those that study Theologie are not so restringent Lady Amorous Well for my part since I have been acquainted with Sir Peaceable Studious I hate all Scholars Exeunt Scene 24. Enter three Men as the Inhabitants of Rome 1. T Is a wonder such a youth as the Lord Singularity's Son is should have so great a wit as to be able to dispute with so many Cardinals 2. Man The greater wonder is that he should have the better of them 1. Man 'T is said the Pope doth admire him and is extreamly taken with him 2. Man If Iove had so much admired him he would have made him his Ganimed 1. Man He offered to make him a living Saint but he thanked his Holyness and said he might Saint him but not make him holy enough to be a Saint for said he I am unfit to have Prayers offered to me that cannot offer Prayers as I ought or live as I should then he offered him a Cardinals hat but he refused it saying he was neither wise enough nor old enough for to accept of it for said he I want Ulisses head and Nestors years to be a Cardinal for though less devotion will serve a Cardinal than a Saint yet politick wisdom is required 3. Man Pray Neighbours tell me which way and by what means I may see this wonderfull youth for I have been out of the Town and not heard of him 2. Man You cannot see him now unless you will follow him where he is gone 1. Man Why whether is he gone 2. Man Into his own Country and hath been gone above this week 3. Man Nay I cannot follow him thither Exeunt Scene 25. Enter the Lord Singularity and Affectionata as being in the Country Lord Singularity Affectionata you have promised me to be ruled by me in every thing so that you may not part from me Affectionata I have my Lord and will obey all your commands so far as I am able Lord Singularity Then I am resolved now I am returned into my own Country to get thee a wife that thy fame and worthy acts may live in thy Posterity Affectionata Iove bless me a wife by Heaven my Lord I am not man enough to marry Lord Singul. There is many as young as you that have been Fathers and have had children Affectionata If they were such as I am they might father Children but never get them Lord Singularity Thou art modest Affectionata but I will have you marry and I will chose thee such a wife as modest as thy self Affectionata Then we never shall have children Sir Lord Singul. Love and acquaintance will give you confidence but tell me truly Affectionata didst thou never court a Mistriss Affectionata No truly Sir Lord Singularity Well I will have you practice Courtship and though I will not directly be your Band or Pimp yet I
say he was the honour of the Age the glory of our Nation and a pattern for all mankind to take a sample from and that his person was answerable to his merrits for he said he was a very handsome man of a Masculine presence a Courtly garbe and affable and courteous behaviour and that his wit was answerable to his merits person and behaviour as that he had a quick wit a solid judgment a ready tongue and a smooth speech Mrs. Acquaintance And did your Father proffer you to be his wife Lady Orphant Yes and I remember my father sighing said he should have died in peace and his soul would have rested in quiet if he had been pleased to have accepted of me Mrs. Acquaintance When did your Father proffer you Lady Orphant When I was but a Child Mrs. Acquaintance He is not married and therefore he may chance to accept of you now if you were profer'd Lady Orphant That were but to be refused again for I heare he is resolved never to marry and it will be a greater disgrace to be refused now I am grown to womans Estate than when I was but a Child besides my Father is dead and my marring can give him no content in the grave unless his soul could view the world and the severall actions therein Mrs. Acquaintance So is his Father dead Lady Orphant Yes and I here that is the cause he cares not to return into his native Country Mrs. Acquaintance I have a friend that hath his picture Lady Orphant Is it a he or a she friend Lady Acquaintance A she friend Lady Orphant Pray be so much my friend as to get your friends consent to shew me the Picture Mrs. Acquaintance Perchance I may get it to view it my self but I shall never perswade her to lend it you jealousy will forbid her Lady Orphant She hath no cause to fear me for I am not one to make an Amorous Mrs. and I have heard he will never marry Mrs. Acquaintance That is all one woman hath hopes as much as feares or doubts what ever men doth vow for or against Lady Orphant Pray send to her to lend it you and then you may shew it me Mrs. Acquaintance I will try if she will trust me with it Exit Lady Orphant Solus O Heaven grant that the praise my Father gave this Lord whilst in the world he lived prove not as curses to me his Child so grieve his soul with my unhappy life Exit Scene 4. Enter the Lady Bashfull and Mrs. Reformer her woman she being in yeares MIstriss Reformer Madam now you are become a Mrs. of a Family you must learn to entertain visitants and not be so bashfull as you were wont to be insomuch as you had not confidence to look a stranger in the face were they never so mean persons Lady Bashfull Alas Reformer it is neither their birth breeding wealth or title that puts me out of Countenance for a poor Cobler will put me as much out of Countenance as a Prince or a poor Semestress as much as a great Lady Mrs. Reformer What is it then Lady Bashfull Why there are unacustomated faces and unacquainted humours Mrs. Reformer By this reason you may be as much out of countenance as an unacustomed Dogg or Cat that you never saw before or any other beast Lady Bashfull O no for mankind is worse natured than boasts and beasts better natured than men besides beasts lookes not with censuring eyes nor heares or listens with inquisitive cares nor speakes with detracting tongues nor gives false judgment or spitefull censures or slandering reproaches nor jeeres nor laughs at innocent or harmless Errours nor makes every little mistake a crime Enter the Lady Bashfulls Page Page Madam there is a Coachfull of gallants allighted at the gate Lady Bashfull For heavens sake say I have no desire to be seen Reformer No say my Lady is full of grief and is not fit to receive visits Enter the Ladyes and Gentlemen Whereat the Lady Bashfull stands trembling and shaking and her eyes being cast to the ground and her face as pale as death They speak to Reformer Where is the Lady Bashfull pray Gentlewoman tell her we are come to kiss her hands Reformer offers to go forth Lady Wagtaile Will you do us the favour old Gentlewoman as to let the Lady know we are here Reformer If I am not so old as to be insensible this is she Lady Wagtaile Is this she alas good Lady she is not well for surely she hath a fit of an Ague upon her she doth so shake you should give her a Carduus-possit and put her to bed Lady Amorous Lady are you sick She Answers not Lady Wagtaile She is sick indeed if she be speechless Reformer Madam pray pull up your spirits and entertain this honourable Company Lady Wagtaile Why is the defect in her spirits Reformer She is young and bashfull They all laugh except Sir Roger Exception and Sir Serious Dumb. Ha! Ha! She is out of countenance Sir Roger Exception No she is angry because we are strangers unknown unto her and she takes it for a rudeness that we are come to visit her therefore let us be gone Lady Amorous Let me tell you it is meer shamefacedness Sir Roger Exception I say no for those that are angry will shake extreamly and turn as pale as death Sir Humphrey Bold Lady take courage and look upon us with a confident brow All the while Sir Serious Dumb lookes on the Lady Bashfull with sixt eyes The Lady Bashfull offers to speak to the Company but cannot for stuttering they all laugh again at her Reformer Lord Madam I will you make your self ridiculous Lady Bashfull I cannot help it for my thoughts are consumed in the fiery flame of my blushes and my words are smothered in the smoak of shame Lady Wagtaile O! she speakes she speakes a little Reformer Pray Madam leave her at this time and if you honour her with your Company again she may chance to entertain you with some confidence Lady Wagtaile Pray let me and Sir Humphry Bold come and visit her once a day if it be but halfe an hour at a time and we shall cure her I warrant thee Reformer I wish she were cured of this imperfection Sir Humphry Bold She must marry she must marry for there is no cure like a husband for husbands beget confidence and their wives are brought a bed with impudence Lady Wagtaile By your favour Sir Humphry Bold marriage must give way or place to courtship for there are some wives as simply bashfull as Virgins but when did you ever see or know or hear of courtly lovers or Amorous courtships to be bashfull Their eyes are as piercing as light and twinckles as Starrs and their countenance as confident as day and the discourses is freer than wind He imbraces her Sir Humphry Bold And your imbraces are wondrous kind Lady Wagtaile In troth we women love you men but too well that
Lovewel But as Allay makes gold work better for use so Temperance makes Love Happy for life Hypocon. Well Husband I will strive to love with Discretion Lovewel Pray do and goe abroad to divert your melancholy and eat as others do that may have good meat and drink and not live by the Air as you do Hypocon. I shall obey you Exeunt Scene 12. Enter the Lady Inconstant alone LAdy Inconstant O Cupid thou art a cruel Tyrant making more wounds than remedies And I am wounded so as I am sick with Love and cannot live unless I am belov'd again To make my Passions know is all my care Lest he should love me not is all my fear Exeunt Scene 13. Enter the Lady Procurer and Sir Thomas Cuckold LAdy Procurer Sir Thomas Cuckold Monsieur Amorous desires very much to make friendship with you for he is so taken with your Civilities and your courteous Demeanors when he was to visit you that he swears you are one of the finest Gentlemen in the Kingdome He says you are so gravely wise so hospitably kind and so generously free as he honours you and loves you with his soul Cuckold I am his very humble Servant and shall be glad nay proud of such a worthy Friend as Monsieur Amorous Procurer Have you returned his Visit Cuckold No but I 'll go wait upon him immediatly Exeunt Scene 14. Enter Nan the Lady Jealousies Maid going through the room crying and the Fool following her singing FOol Childrens eyes are always flowing Womens tongues are always going And mens brains are always musing And mans natures all abusing And mans life is always running And mans death is always comming Enter Mistris Single Single VVhose death is comming Fool. Yours for any thing I know wherefore take heed for let me tell you Death is a rough fellow for he pulls the soul out of the body as a Barber-Chirurgeon doth a tooth sometimes with less pain sometimes with more but many times Death is forc'd to tear the body as a Tooth-drawer tears the jaw-bone before he can get it out Single VVhat Instruments doth Death draw out the Soul with Fool. Sickness VVounds Passions Accidents and the like Single But how came Death and you so well acquainted Fool. VVe are near a Kin for Death and Ignorance are Cousin-Germans Single 'Faith thou art rather a Knave than a Fool and a Knave is nearer a-kin to Life than Death Exeunt Scene 15. Enter the Lady Disagree and her Chaplin Master Perswader DIsagree VVell I am resolv'd to be Divorced from my Husband for I cannot endure his tyranny any longer for he will let me have my will in nothing crosses and contradicts me in every thing Perswader Madam we are taught to obey and humble our selves to our Superiours and the Husband is the Master of his Family the Governour of his Estate and Ruler and Disposer of his Children the Guide and Protector of his VVife Disagree Yes he protects me well indeed when he breaks my head Perswader May be your Ladyship doth provoke him with some unkind words Disagree VVhat unkind words were they I only said that Goos-quils made the best pens to write with and he said no that Crows-quils were better for that purpose 't is true at last I returned as bad words as he flung at me Perswader Truly Madam it is a great grief to your friends and servants to see yoo live so disquietous together besides you torment your selves with your own anger Disagree That 's the reason I would part for I will never be a slave to his humour I will rather chuse to die first Exeunt Scene 16. Enter Sir Humphrey Disagree and Master Makepeace his Friend SIr Hum. Disagree It were better we were parted than to live in a perpetual war together Makepeace But Sir is it not possible to temper your Passion Disagree No truly for her words are so sharp and pierce so deep that they make me as furious as a wilde Boar that is hurt with a Javelin And since she cannot temper her Tongue nor I temper my Passion it will be best for us to live asunder for absence is the best and most certain remedy I can think of Scene 17. Enter two Serving-men of Sir VVilliam Lovewels 1 SErvant Have not you heard that my Master hath had a Quarrel and is wounded 2 Servant Yes and 't is said he fought so valiantly as he beat half a dozen lusty men and followed them so close as they were forc'd to take shelter and I have also heard that one of them he beat swears to be revenged 1 Servant But if my Lady hears of it she will run mad or die 2 Servant O no my Lady Ioan says hath left those follies and is become discreet 1 Servant Discreet what is that to be ill-natur'd as not to care if her Husband or Friends be kill'd 2 Servant O yes so much to care as to pity them and be sorry nay sad if they should be kill'd but not passionately to drown themselves in tears or to let their grief feed on their life and die Exeunt Scene 18. Enter Monsieur Amorous and Sir Thomas Cuckold They meet each other and imbrace as two dear Friends CUckold O my sweet Amorous Amorous O my dear Cuckold the delight of my Life Cuckold 'Faith Amorous I have been to seek you all the Town over and my Lady Procurer met me and sent me to the other end of the City telling me you were at the Horn-Tavern Amorous Why do you not know her humour she will serve you twenty such tricks for she is the veriest Wag in all the Town although she is in years Cuckold Well if I be not even with her as very a Wag as she is let me be condemn'd for a fool Exeunt ACT III Scene 19. Enter a Maid as to her Lady the Lady Hypocondria MAid O Madam my Master is comming home being wounded in a Duel The Lady swouns Maid Help help my Lady my Lady Enter Joan her Maid Ioan. What 's the matter Maid My Lady is kill'd with the report of my Masters being hurt Ioan. It were fit you should be punish'd for telling her of it They raise the Lady and bow her forward She revives but with a groan Lady groans Oh oh Ioan. Take life again for my Master is not so much hurt as to be in danger of Death Hypocon. Do you speak this as a known truth or for to recover me Ioan. As a truth upon my Conscience Madam Hypocon. Then I charge you do not discover my Passion Ioan. We shall not Exeunt Scene 20. Enter Sir VVilliam Lovewell and two of his men and his Man Roger Trusty LOvewell Go and give charge to my Footmen that none of them run home to tell my Wife of my hurt for fear of frighting her for if she hears I am hurt before she sees me she will apprehend me worse than I am and that may kill her Servant Sir she hath heard of it already
in a bashfull Countenance and if to tremble for fear to describe the fear as being the Nature of the Sex also to describe their Behaviour after a Noble Garb and their answers to their Suters to be full of Reason Sense and Truth and those answers to be delivered in as short discourses and as few words as Civility will allow of and not like an ignorant innocent a childish simplicity an unbred Behaviour expressing themselves or answering their Suters with mincing words that have neither Sense nor Reason in them Also Poetical and Romantical VVriters should not make great Princes that have been bred in great and populous Cities glorious Camps and splendrous Courts to woo and make Love like private bred men or like rude bred Clowns or like mean bred Servants or like Scholars that woo by the Book in Scholastical Terms or Phrases or to woo like flanting ranting swearing bragging Swaggerers or Rusters or to woo a Country wench like as a Noble Lady or great Princesse Also not to make such women as have been bred and born Nobly and Honourably to receive the Courtship of great Persons like a Dairy-maid Kitchin-maid or like such as have been bred in mean Cottages as to behave themselves simply or rudely as to the answer and speak Crossingly or Thwartingly as contradicting every word that is spoken unto them as if they did believe what they said was not truth for Civil and Honourable bred women who have Noble and Generous Souls will rather seem to believe all their Superlative Praises than make Doubts as if they knew they lyed for to make Doubts is in the mid-way to give the Lye Matron Lady how approve you of those Lovers that kisse the Letters Tokens Pledges and the like that are sent unto them from their Lovers or such as wear Letters Tokens or Pledges in their Bosomes and next their Heart and take them and view them a hundred times a day Lady Speaker Approve it say you you mean disapprove it but let me tell you most Reverend Matron that the very hearing of it makes the sick and the seeing of it would make me die I have so great an Aversion against such actions for those actions like as whining Speeches proceed from filthy Amorous Love and Mean Lovers for true Love in Noble Persons receives gifts as an expression of their Suters or Lovers Loves and will carefully keep them as an acknowledgment of the receipt and accept of them as a great Seal to their affections yet they keep such Presents but as Treasurers not as Owners untill they be man and wife neither do they make Idols of such gifts nor do they adore the Owner the more for the gift nor the gist for the Owner nor do they think fit they ought to give such outward expressions of Love by such uselesse actions when as they have a high esteem of their Suters Love a perfect belief of their Merit and a constant return of their affection and a resolution to dye or suffer any misery for their sakes if need required besides true Lovers have ever the Idea of their beloved in their Thoughts by which they cannot forget their Memory indeed Love-letters they may read often because Letters are an injoyment of their discourse although their persons be at a distance and are also a recreation and delight in their Wits if there be any Wit therein but to kisse the Paper they neither find pleasure delight non profit neither to themselves nor to their Beloved the truth is not one Writer amongst a thousand make Lovers woo either wisely wittily nobly eloquently or naturally but either foolishly meanly unmanly unhandsomely or amorously which is corruptly Matron Lady you say very true and some Romantical Writers make long and tedious Orations or long and tedious and fruitless discourse in such times as requires sudden action Lady Speaker You say right as to speak when they are to fight but for my part I hate to read Romances or some Scenes in Plays whose ground or Foundation is Amorous Love Matron VVhen you read such Books you must never consider the Subject that the VVriter writes on but consider the Wit Language Fancy or Description 2 Matron Most Reverend Sister I suppose few read Romances or the like Books but for the Wit Fancy Judgement and lively Descriptions for they do not read such Books as they do read Chronicles wherein is only to be considered the true Relation of the History Lady Speaker Most Grave and VVife Matronesse I believe though none read Romances or such like Books whose ground is feigned Love and Lovers as they read Chronicles whose ground should be unfeigned Truth yet certainly few read Romances or the like Books either for the Wit Fancy Judgement or Descriptions but to feed their Amorous Humours on their Amorous Discourses and to tune their Voice to their Amorous Strains of Amorous Love for it is to be observed that those Books that are most Amorously penned are most often read Exeunt Scene the last Enter the Academical Gentlemen to them enters a Servant MAn Servant May it please your Worships there is an Antient Gentlewoman that desires to speak with your VVorships 1 Gent. I lay my life it is one of the Matrons of the Academy 2 Gent. Faith if the Humble Bee is flown out the rest of the Bees will follow 3 Gent. I fear if they do they will swarm about our Ears 4 Gent. Yes and sting us with their Tongues 5 Gent. Let us send for her in 6 Gent. I will go and Usher her in He goes out Enters with the Matron All the Gentlemen pull off their Hats Matron Gentlemen the Ladies of the Academy have sent me unto you to know the Reason or Cause that you will not let them rest in quiet or suffer them to live in peace but disturb them in both by a confused noise of Trumpets which you uncivilly and discourteously blow at their Grate and Gates 1 Gent. The cause is that they will not permit us to come into their Company but have barricadoed their Gats against us and have incloystred themselves from us besides it is a dangerous example for all the rest of their Sex for if all women should take a toy in their heads to incloyster themselves there would be none left out to breed on Matron Surely it is very fit and proper that young Virgins should live a retired life both for their Education and Reputation 2 Gent. As for their Education it is but to learn to talk and women can do that without teaching for on my Conscience a woman was the first inventer of Speech and as for their Retirement Nature did never make them for that purpose but to associate themselves with men and since men are the chief Head of their kind it were a sign they had but very little Brain if they would suffer the youngest and fairest women to incloyster themselves Matron Gentlemen pray give me leave to inform you for I perceive you are in great Error of mistake for these Ladies have not vowed Virginity or are they incloystred for an Academy is not a Cloyster but a School wherein are taught how to be good Wives when they are married 3 Gent. But no man can come to woo them to be Wives Matron No but if they can win their Parents or those they are left in trust with and get their good liking and consent the young Ladies have learn'd so much Duty and Obedience as to obey to what they shall think fit 4 Gent. But we desire the Ladies good liking we care not for their Friends for the approvment and good liking of their Friends without the Love of the Ladies will not make us happy for there is no satisfaction in a secondary Love as to be beloved for anothers sake and not for their own Matron If you be Worthy Gentlemen as I believe you all are their Love will be due to your Merits and your Merits will perswade them to love you All the Gentlemen Well if you will be our Mediator we will surcease our Clamour otherwise we will increase our noise Matron If you can get leave of their Parents and Friends I will endeavour to serve you and shall be proud of the imployment that you shall be pleased to impose to my trust and management Gentlemen And we shall be your Servants for your favours They all go out with the Gentlemen waiting on her with their Hats in their hands Scraping and Congying to her FINIS