Selected quad for the lemma: friend_n
Text snippets containing the quad
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ID |
Title |
Author |
Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication) |
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A32424
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Cambridge jests, or, Witty alarums for melancholy spirits by a lover of ha, ha, he.
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Lover of ha, ha, he.
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1674
(1674)
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Wing C332; ESTC R7388
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59,605
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164
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them said to him seeing him in a passion that he could not pass suddenly Others Sir have past by and there was room enough but it may be your horns are wider than theirs 59. A Valiant Captain when some of his timerous companions to hinder the joyning of the Battle told him their enemies were three times as many as they Are they so said he no whit dismayed then I am very glad for there are enough to be killed enough to be taken prisoners and enough to run away 60. One who had alwayes been very jocose in his life time when he lay on his Death-bed his chief Clerk came and desired he would leave him a Legacy Here said he giving him a Key in such a Drawer there is that will make thee drink not many hours after he died and the youth greedily opening the Box found nought there but two red Herrings 61. A merry Gentleman riding on the Road saw a Boy foul his Breeches Why Sirrah said he are you not ashamed to make a fool in your Breeches Alas Sir said he you make a worse of your Doublet to button up such an Ass in it 62. 'T is reported of a certain debaucht person that he was wont very devoutly to say his prayers always in the morning and then at his departure out of his House he would cry Now Devil do thy worst 63. Sir Roger Williams hearing a Spaniard foolishly brag of his Countrey Sallats gave him this answer You have indeed good Sauce in Spain but we in England have dainty Beeves Veals and Muttons and as God made Beasts to live on Grass so he made Men to live on Beasts 64. When the Trojans sent Ambassadours to Tiberius to condole the death of his Father Augustus a long time after he was dead the Emperour considering the unseasonableness of it requited them accordingly saying And I am sorry for your heaviness having lost so valiant a Knight as Hector who was slain above a thousand years before 65. A certain Papist searching to know perfectly concerning the Mass found at the end of St. Paul's Epistle Missa est and bragg'd he had found the Mass in the Bible Another reading John 1.4 Invenimus Messiam made the same conclusion 66. The Standers by comforting a natural that lay on his Death-bed told him That four proper fellows should carry his Body to the Church yea quoth he but I had by half rather go thither my self 67. Galateus Duke of Millain being told of a certain Lawyer who by his quick and crafty wit could draw a fair Glove on a foul hand thereby multiplying Suits and wronging the innocent sent for him and said Sir I owe my Baker Five hundred pounds and have no mind to pay him will you undertake to defend me and free me from the Debt he answered He would The Duke therefore first reproved him sharply for his deceit and wrong dealing then caused him to be hanged 68. Two good Wives having now well warmed their knees by the fire and their noses over a pot and a tost fell into a hot dispute concerning their Brewers Mother Damnable said her Ale was the best in England because it was so and Mother Louse said her Brewer brewed the best stale Beer in the world 69. A Fool as he wandred by the River side at last clim'd up an Osier and there seated himself not long after one passing by that knew him asked him VVhat he did there Onely gather a few Nuts says he 70. A Boy going through the Streets with a Peck Loaf upon his head where was a great concourse of People hit a Gentleman unawares with the corner of the Loaf over the face VVhy how now you rude Rascal said the Gentleman cann't you see Spare your breath replied the youth I am as well bred as your self 71. A poor but witty lad brought up to the University and admitted in a Colledge could not go to the price of a new pair of Shooes but when his old ones were worn out at the toes had them capt with Leather whereupon his Companions began to jeer him for so doing VVhy said he must they not be capt are they not fellows 72. A young Man having raised a Maids belly and the bulk now evidently manifesting the fact his Friends and Relations came purposely together to reprove him and every one had a saying at him though in general every one said they wondered he should do so and so VVhy what a wondring said the young man do you make that I should get her with child is not that usual therefore no cause of wonder but you might have wondered indeed had she got me with child 73. A Countrey Peasant had often observ'd that there appear'd not so many Stars in the West as in the East at which the Phylosopher much concerned often made it his business to walk out at night in the Fields diligently observing the West to see if he could find out the reason At last he saw a Meteor fall by and by another then two or three together Nay then said he I shall cease to wonder that there be fewer Stars in the VVest than in the East since so many fall every night 74. A Fool fearing to be beaten went away privately and hid himself behind some bushes in the Garden but when they began to search for him and could not find him he peeps over the bush and cries You don't see me you cann't see me 75. A Stranger passing through the Temple had a Piss-pot discharged upon his head not long after he meets with a friend Pray what place call you that says he 'T is an Inn of Court replied the other And what do they do there VVhy they study the Law I believe rather quoth he they study Physick they cast so much water and Rake-hells they are I am sure for they throw the stools out of the windows too 76. A great Courtier seeing his Jester stumble VVhy how now can you not stand says he Yes replied he I can and stumble and rise again too but have a care for if you fall perhaps you may never rise 77. A Gentleman passing through Cambridge on a foundred Horse saw a Scholar of his acquaintance coming to meet him striving therefore to spare him the trouble he whips his Horse crying Vp Bacon His Friend asketh him the reason why he call'd him Bacon Because said he he is Very-lame Now my Lord Bacon's Title was Verulam 78. Some merry Companions being at a Singing Club amongst many other Songs and Catches sung at last that of New Oysters New Oysters New Oysters New c. Whereupon one that stood by laught to hear his Friend cry Oysters His Friend asked him how he would cry Oysters VVhy replied he I would cry O yes O yes O yes that is O yes ter 79. King James having seen two Plays performed by the Scholars of both Universities One of Cambridge where one named Sleep acted so well that the King commanded him to stop for fear
he should burst with laughter The other at Oxford where one VVake acted so bad that the King slept the best part of the Play His Majesty was pleased to say of them both that as in Cambridge Sleep made him wake so in Oxford VVake onely made him sleep 80. A poor Boy knowing what esteem Learning had in the World begg'd under colour of being a poor Scholar a Gentleman passing by took pity on him and asked him in Latine what his Friends were whether they were alive and the like but still he cries in the same tongue Pray Sir pity a poor Scholar VVhy you Rascal quoth the Gentleman do you say you are a Scholar and you understand not one word of Latine 'T is true said the Boy I understand no Latine and scarce can read English and that is the reason I desire you to give something to a very poor Scholar 81. VVere I a Prince says a Countrey Boy VVhy what then answered hiâ— Companion Oh then I would eat my Belly full of Bacon and swing upon a Gate aâ—â— day long 82. Walking through the City in a greaâ— throng a Person of Quality accidentallâ— lost his Watch out of his Pocket of whicâ— he complained to his Friend Alas Sir said the other who can help it time wiâ—â— away 83. A learned Gentlewoman put two Questions to a young Scholar the first was Why the Infinitive was next to the Optative of which he said Because wâ— never makâ— an end of desiring Secondly when he had answered her so well she bid him repeat to her a little of his Grammar whereupon he wittily began at Propria quae maribus 84. A witty Tavern Boy in the Spring time threw some dirt out aceidentally upon a Bald-headed Gentleman who being much incensed thereat demanded the reason Because Sir said he since now the New year is begun the Fields grow green the Trees and Plants flourish and all things look fresh and fair I thought your Head was too backward and wanted dunging 85. A learned Gentleman disputing concerning death said It was all one to live or to die Why do you not die then said another Because replied he it is all one 86. 'T was the humor of a witty person and a great Jester to a Nobleman to cry in fair weather and to laugh in foul This seemed contrary to reason and his Lord asked him wherefore he did so Why when it is fair weather said he I can expect nothing but that every minute foul should come that makes me cry In foul weather I alwayes expect that the sky should clear that makes me laugh 87. A vertuous Gentleman being asked by a Knave what was Piety What is that to you said he meddle with those things that concern you 88. A grave Citizen in London though not so wise as he should be talking with some of his Neighbours concerning his Shop he had then newly rebuilt after the fire Truly said he I think I have contrived in to the best advantage for it hath the Morning Sun all day long in it 89. 'T was at first when the Fashion of white Freeze came up amongst the Gentlemen especially for Riding Suits that a Wise-acre considering that it was then most in fashion a lasting and serviceable Garment asked If there were no black of that colour for he had a great mind to have a Coat made of it 90. A proud Londoner travelling to Goatam and meeting a poor fellow coming from thence thinking to shew his wit said Well met Fool of Goatam how far to the place of thy nativity True it is said the poor man my Countrey is a shame to me but you proud Londoner are a shame to your Countrey 91. Two men meeting in the street and quarrelling it came so far at last that one gave the other a kick in the breech The people much admired the others patience inviting him to revenge that injury What says he if an Ass kicks me must I go to law with him 92. The day proving very windy wherein one was to perform his journey who was scarce ever before farther than his Street his friends dissuaded him saying The wind would be very troublesome to him Oh let me alone said he I will ride out of the wind 93. One being demanded Why learned men frequented rich mens Pallaces but rich seldome visited the learned answered That the first knew what they wanted the later did not 94. One exclaiming against another that ran away in his debt A Pox light on him said he I am sure I lent him Six and forty good shillings all in Half Crowns 95. An impudent Strumpet seeing a poor Countreyman receive Ten pounds seised on him and brought him before the Judge swearing he would have ravished her nay that he did insomuch that the poor man who never had to do with her notwithstanding all his innocence could not clear himself of the accusation and still she urged that he ought to marry her so the business was put to a publick Trial where at last I know not by what means it was concluded that the man should give her Ten pounds to clear the business The poor man after he had delivered her the money made such unfeigned protestations of his innocence that moved the Judge to pity and to believe that he was indeed wronged wherefore he said to the poor man Go run after her quickly and if thou canst get thy money from her thou shalt have it thus overtaking her he sets upon her but proves so weak in the matter that she beat him heavily within sight of all the people Then the Judge commanded her to be brought back and said Could this man ravish thee and thou are so able to resist him Give him his money and pay him all his charges and for your wickedness I shall command that you be well whipped 96. When Guineys were first coined they were very rare in the Countrey and happy was he that could see one one therefore that came from London more gallant than wise seeing the Countrey people so eager to see them Alas said he throwing down one or two these are so common at London that you cannot receive forty shillings but you shall have five or six whether you will or no. 97. One lighting a Candle and striving to stick it in a Candlestick it often fell out of the Socket at which he said in choller That he thought the Devil did possess the Candle Why do you wonder said his Companion if it cannot stand Do you not see that 't is light-headed 98. An ingenious person being asked the interpretation of an obscure Riddle said nothing which made the propounder so much the more desirous to hear his answer Pardon me for why should I said he lose that which as it is yields me so much trouble 99. A poor man willing to imbrace any honest imployment offered his service to a Gentleman at such a price Why I can buy a Fool said be mocking the poor mans condition