told me that Lyons are swifter then Buckes For they said he catch these in hunting The rest praised his reason as well delivered by the Lybian Then said I do you thinke such diseases as this are cured by charmes or that an inward malady is eased by an outward spell Whereat they smiled and seemed much to condemne my sillynesse as not knowing a thing so received and not gainsaid or disproved by any understanding man Antigonus the Physitian seemed pleased with my question who it seemes was formerly neglected in his offers to cure Eucrates by the prescriptions of his Art which enjoyn'd him to abstain from wine to eat hearbes and to studye more remissely Cleodemus in the mean time smiling replyed saying do you thinke it incredible Tychiades that such spells should be of power to cure diseases I do said I. Nor am I of so grosse a sense to beleeve that such outward receiptes which have no affinity with the springs and causes of the infirmity within should worke by charm as you pretend or by Imposture or upon their bare application should instill cures A thing not to be effected though one should bind sixteen whole weesills in the Nemean Lyons skinne I have often seen a Lyon halt and go lame with pain in his whole skinne You are a very punye said Dinomachus and have not learnt to know what power such spells have over diseases Nor seem to me to understand the expulsion of periodicall feavers the charming of serpents and asswaging of botches and other things performed by every old woman All which being frequently done why should you thinke cures of this nature impossible You pile too much Dinomachus said I and according to the proverb drive out one naile with another Nor doth it appear that the things you speak of are by such power effected If therefore you prove not to me first by reason that 't is naturally possible that a feaver or blayn should be frighted with a divine name or barbarous spell and thereupon forsake the place swoln you have but hitherto utter'd old wives tales Thus saying said Dinomachus you seem not to beleeve there are Gods since you thinke it beyond the power of their names to worke cures Say not so Good Sir quoth I for there may without impediment be Gods and yet your prescriptions may bee deceitfull and false I adore the Gods and behold their cures and recoveryes of sick people by regular medicines and Physick Aesculapius and his followers heal'd the diseased by wholesome prescriptions not by the application of Lyons and Weesills Let him enjoy his opinion said Ion. I will report to you a miraculous passage When I was a Boy about the age of fourteen years one came and told my father that Midas his Vinedresser a stout industrious servant about the time of full market lay stung of a Serpent which presently gangrene'd his legge For as he was bending a vine and winding it about a pole the Snake crept to him and biting him by the great toe presently slipt away and retired into a hole Whereupon he cryed out and was ready to expire with payne In the close of the relation we saw Midas himself brought by his fellow servants in a chaire swoln all over discolourd in appearance rankled and scarce able to breath My father being much grieved a certain friend of his there present said Take courage Sir I will presently fetch a Chaldaean who shall cure him Not to be tedious the Babylonian came restored Midas and drew the venom from his body by a charm and by the application of a stone cut from the pillar of a deceast Virgin to his feet and which is yet more Midas rising from the chaire in which he was brought went back into the field so powerfull was the charm and the stone taken from the tomb Among his many other miracles which he wrought he went one morning early into a field where having pronounced seven certain sacred names taken out of an ancient book and purged the place with brimstone and taper and walkt it thrice round hee assembled to him al the Serpents of the country So that drawn by force of the charm came many Snakes Aspes Vipers Efts Darters Lizards and Toades only one ancient Dragon was left behinde who for age I believe and not being able to crawle disobey'd the spell Whereupon All are not here said the Magician and presently selecting one of the youngest Serpents sent him Embassadour to the Dragon Who not long after came also When they were all assembled the Babylonian puft upon them and presently to our astonishment they were all burnt with his breath Then said I pray tell me Ion did the young Serpent Embassadour lead the old or did he support himself by a staffe You are merry said Cleodemus I was once as great an Infidell in these things as you are now and saw no reason to beleeve them yet when I beheld the Barbarian stranger fly who as they report came from the North I was convinced into a belief against my inclination For what should I do when I saw him carryed in the Aire walking upon the water and in a slow and leisurely motion passe through the fire But did you said I see a Northern man fly or walke upon the water Most certainly replied he shodde with pumpes after the manner of his country I forbear to speak of his smaller performances his infusion of love expulsion of devills raising of the dead long buryed publique presentment of Hecate and drawing downe the moon from heaven I will only report to you what I saw him do for Glaucias the son of Anaxicles Glaucias no sooner began to inherit his dead fathers estate but he fell in love with Chrysis Demaenetus daughter I was Tutor to his studies Who had not love diverted him had by this time learnt all the Peripateticke Sciences since being but eighteen yeares old he had already gone over the Analytickes and past through Aristotles Physickes to the end Thus perplext with love he revealed himself to me Who being his Tutor as it became me brought this Northern Magician to him hired for four Crownes in hand which were to buy things for the sacrifice and sixteen more when Glaucias enjoy'd Chrysis He observing the moones increase the proper time for such inchantments and having digged a hole in the house yard about midnight first call'd up to us Anaxicles Glaucias father dead seven monthes before The old man stormed and raged at his sonnes love but in conclusion gave license to his affection Next he raised up Hecate who brought Cerberus with her Then he call'd down the Moon a various spectacle by reason of her diverse appearances and changes For first she resembled in countenance a woman then she was transform'd into a beautifull Cow then into a little dogge After this fashioning a little Cupid of Clay Go said he and fetch Chrysis hither The Clay presently flew away and shortly after she came and knockt at the
that they depart from the Theater taught what to choose and what to shunne and instructed in those things which before they knew not For as in speech so in Dancing over-affectation is the fault of many who strive to exceed the bounds of imitation and strain beyond Decorum As when some great passage is to be presented to show it over great or if some soft passage to present it too womanish or to stretch some manly Atchievement to savagenesse and bestiality As I once saw a Dancer formerly much approved and in his other performances discreet and worthy to be admired I know not by what mischance disgrace himself by over action For being to dance Ajax after his vanquishment distracted he failed so grossely that some thought he acted not a madnesse but was himself distemper'd For he rent the garment of one of those who stampt in Iron shooes and snatching a Cornet from one of the Fidlers struck Ulysses who stood by insulting for his victory such a blow on the head that if his Helmet had not saved him and borne off the violence of the stroke the wretched party had perisht and fallen prostrate at his feet Though the whole Theater of Spectators as mad as Ajax stampt showted and shooke their cloathes For the Rout and Idiots who knew not Decorum nor were able to distinguish false action from right took this as a great expression of fury And the better bred and more understanding though they blusht at what was done yet show'd not any dislike as much as by their silence but colour'd the Dancers folly with their commendations Though they plainly saw not the madnesse of Ajax but of the representer acted Not herewith content the Gentleman plaid a prank much more ridiculous For descending into the pit he sate down between two who had been Consulls much affraid least he should have mistaken and beaten one of them for a sheep which passage some extolled others derided others suspected his over Imitation had cast him into a true Madnesse Others report that after he came to himselfe he was so ashamed of his action that upon the true apprehension of his distemper he fell sick for grief and plainly profest it For those of his Faction requesting him to act Ajax over again to them When I come next upon the Stage said he In the mean time 't is enough for me to have once play'd the Madman But his chiefe discontent sprung from an Antagonist or Anti-Actor who represented Ajax Raging so gracefully and discreetly that he was much extolled keeping himself within the limits of dancing and not breaking forth into any unproper action These few examples and exercises of dancing of many have I my Friend recounted to you that you should not too much resent my thirst and desire to frequent them If therefore you will vouchsafe to partake of the Spectacle I assure my self you will be inveigled and become in love with Dancing Nor shall I need to apply that saying of Circe to you I wonder by my Cup you 'r not encharm'd for you will be enchanted not to have the head of an Asse or heart of a Swine but your understanding will be much more confirm'd and you for pleasure will leave little of the Potion undrunk For what Homer sayes of Mercury's Golden Rod that he thereby charmes up the Eyes of whom he lists and rewakens them from sleep is truly verified of Dancing which wakes and unlocks the eyes of the Beholders and rouzes up their minds to all the passages of Life Crato You have perswaded me Lycinus and have at once open'd my eares and eyes And therefore remember when hereafter you go to the Theater to take me along with you that you only may not return from thence the wiser The Sale of Philosophers The Speakers Iupiter Mercury a Merchant Pythagoras Diogenes Democritus Heraclitus Socrates Chrysippus the Philosopher Iupiter MAke you ready the Scaffolds and provide a place for the Commers stand you behind to produce the Lives but first adorn them that they may look well favour'd and allure Chapmen Do you Mercury make Proclamation and in the name of good luck summon Buyers to appear here in the Market We will that you proclaime Philosophers of all sorts and of all sects If there be any who cannot pay ready money he shall be trusted till the next year upon security Mercury See they are already assembled so that you need loose no time or delay them Iupiter Proceed we then to Sale Mercury Whom shall I first produce Iupiter That Hairy Ionian with the grave and reverend look Mercury You Pythagorean descend and present your self to the Assembly Iupiter Now make proclamation Mercury I sell a rare and venerable Mortall who will buy him who desires to be something more then a man Or to know the Harmony of the Vniverse or to live often Merchant He hath a promising countenance Which way lies his knowledg Mercury In Arithmetick Astronomy Interpretation of Prodigies Geometry Musick Jugling He is an excellent Soothsayer too Merchant May I ask him some questions Mercury A Gods name Merchant What Country man are you Pythagoras A Samian Merchant Where bred Pythag. In Aegypt among the Wise men there Merchant Suppose I should buy you what will you teach me Pythag. Nothing but to forget Merchant How Pythag. First by cleansing your Soul and scouring off the drosse of it Merchant Suppose I be already refin'd how will you instruct me then Pythag. First you are to undergo a long and speechlesse Silence and in five years to say nothing Merchant Pray my Friend be Tutor to Croesus son For I mean to speak not to be a Statue And what shall I learn after this five years Dumbnesse Pythag. Musick and Geometry Merchant This is pleasant Education first to be a Fidler then a Wise man Pythag. Next you shall learn to number Merchant That I can do already Pythag. How Merchant One two three four Pythag. Perceive you that what you think Four is Ten and a perfect Triangle and the number we swear by Merchant I never heard more Divine or sacred discourses Pythag. Next my Friend you shall be taught the nature of the Earth Air Water and Fire and what is the force of each what the forme and how they are transmuted Merchant Have Fire Air and Water a Form then Pythagoras A very visible one For you see their motion is not formelesse or deformed To this you shall know that God is nothing but Number and Harmony Merchant You speak Wonders Pythag. Nay more then this you who seem one thing shall know your self another and another after that Merchant Say you then that I am another and not my self who now talk with you Pythag. Now you are indeed the man you are but have heretofore appeared in another body and under another name and will in time undergo other changes Merchant By your saying then I shall be immortall and passe through severall shapes But enough of this Of what
for thy selfe left'st nothing for Jupiter but Bones cover'd with fat As I remember Hesiod tells the story so Next thou madest men a most slie and fallacious creature but especially women But above all thou stolest Fire the most pretious treasure of the Gods and bestowed'st it upon men And after all these offences can'st thou say thou art causelesly fasten'd Prometheus Methinks Mercury you as well as the Poet doe accuse the innocent when you charge me with things for which if I had Justice done me I should be allowed a pension If therefore your leasure serve you I will gladly wipe off your accusations by showing how unjustly Jupiter hath given sentence upon me Doe you in the mean time being both eloquent of speech and skilfull in the lawes make his defence as if he held equall Scales in dooming me to be here crucified neer the Caspian streights upon this Caucasus where I am a miserable spectacle to all the Scythians Mercury Thou spendest wordes in vaine Prometheus and to no purpose yet say on For since I am otherwise enjoyn'd to tarry till the Eagle alight and feed upon thy Liver 't will not be amisse to fill up the time with listening to thy Sophistry wherein thou art most expert Prometheus First then Mercury doe you aggravate your charge as much as you can and as well as you can defend your fathers justice In the mean time Vulcan be you Judge between us Vulcan So help me Jupiter I will rather be thy accuser Doe you remember how you stole my Fire and left my Forge cold Prometheus Divide the accusation between you then and doe you say all you can against my Theft let Mercury plead against my Creation of men and division of the sacrifice you seem to be both your Arts-masters and very able to speak Vulcan Mercury shall speak for mee who am not for your pleadings and Law Cases but imploy my selfe about the Anvill and Forge For he is an Orator and hath studied Rhetorick Prometheus I believe Mercury hath little to say against Theevery and will not charge me with a thing whereof himselfe is the Author If you have Mercury 't is time you produce your Accusation Mercury It would aske a long speech Prometheus and much preparation to repeate all your offences It shall suffice me to recount onely their heads First being permitted to cast Lots for a Sacrifice you kept the best for your selfe and cheated the King next you made men which was not fit lastly you stole Fire from us and bore it to them wherein in my opinion you did very indiscreetly to provoke Jupiter who is such a friend to men Now if you deny this for your greater convincement 't will be fit I enlarge my selfe and try to make the truth of things yet plainer If you confesse that you made a false Division of the Sacrifice and that you formed men and stole Fire my Accusation will be full and I should but trifle to say more Prometheus Whither you have not spoken trifles all this vvhile vve shall see anon I since you think you have made such a full accusation vvill strive as vvell as I can to dissolve it First then lend me your attention concerning the Sacrifice I call Heaven to witnesse whether in making my defence I blush not for Jupiter to think he should be so poor spirited and whining as for one small Bone which came to his share to send hither so ancient a God as I am to be crucified not remembring of what assistance I have been to him nor weighing how childish the ground of his displeasure is to be angry and fret because he had not the greater piece Nor do I think Mercury that cheats of Entertainment are to be remembred but that all faults committed at feasts are to be reckon'd sport and that he was to leave his anger behind him at the Table But to bury his hate till the next day and to lay up a past injury and keep it in fresh memory is neither Kingly nor like a God For take away from Banquets wit breaking of Jests putting of Tricks Jeeres Comicall abuses and laughter and nothing will remaine but drunkennesse surfets and silence Things dull and unpleasant and misbecoming a Feast I therefore could not imagine Iupiter could have remembred things the next day much lesse have proved so Cholerick or taken matters so haynously if in the division of a little flesh one should make sport with him and make triall whither he knew how to choose the better part But put the worst Mercury that I gave him not the lesser piece but deceived him of all must he therefore according to the proverb bring heaven and earth together and project fetters Crosses whole mountaines and Eagles to devoure my liver Look if such proceedings as these do not betray great weaknesse and poornesse of Spirit and inclination to revenge If he do thus for a little beefe what would he have done for the losse of a whole Oxe Mortall men deal much discreetlier in the like cases then so who should be proner to wrath then the Gods For never any yet crucified his Cook for dipping his finger in the sauce and licking it or for cutting a slice of beefe from the spit and eating it but rather pardon'd him or if he were very angry gave him only a cuffe on the eare or a blow on the cheek But never any was crucified for things of this light nature And thus much be spoken concerning the flesh a matter unworthy of my defence but much unworthier of his complaint I proceed to speak next of my workmanship and Creation of men which falling under a twofold charge I know not Mercury of which you acuse me most whither because it was not fit for men to be made at all but to have laine unformed and the Earth to have remained unoccupied or because they should have been made otherwise and of another shape and Figure I shall easily reply to both and will first endeavour to prove that the production of men is no hurt or dammage to the Gods next that 't is of much more convenience and advantage to them then that the earth should lie desolate and unpeopled whereby it will plainly appear whither I have offended in my gracefull formation of men the only creature of a divine and heavenly race For the earth was a rude shapelesse thing grown over with thickets and dark woods the Gods had neither Altars nor Temples nor Images nor statues who are now every where adored with much reverence I therefore for 't was ever my care to provide for the common and to advance the honour of the Gods and to project things of ornament and beauty did cast with my selfe whither I could do better then take a peece of clay and forme Creatures like us Gods in visage and figure For this methought was wanting to our Divinitie that there was not a contrary or foyle which set in Comparison with us might set off
man had bin left And this skilfull Coachman and Driver was of your sending forth Sun I was to blame Iupiter yet pray be not angry since I was over-borne by my Sonnes importunity Alas how could I foresee the mischiefe which followed Iupiter Did you not know what skill your place requires And that upon the least aberration of your Wheeles all perishes You knew not neither the fiercenesse of your Horses and that they are to be hard reyned For give them Bridle they presently alter course just as they hurried him sometimes to the left hand sometimes to the right sometimes quite contrary now up now downe as they list themselves he not knowing how to manage them Sun I knew all this and withstood him a good while and denied him my Teem But when he joyned teares to his petition Clymene his Mother with him I set him fast in the Box and taught him how to drive telling him how high he was to mount and how low he was to fall as also how to reyne his horses and curbe their furies I told him also the danger should he drive wrong But he child as he was having mounted so much fire and beholding such a vast dungeon beneath him could not choose but be amazed whilest the horses missing their usuall driver despised the Boy and fell a wandring and wrought all this mischiefe He letting go the reynes and fearfull I believe to fall tooke hold of the Chariot but he hath suffer'd already and my sorrow Iupiter is punishment enough for me Iupiter Enough for such an attempt Well I pardon you for once But offend so againe and send forth such another Deputy and you shall feele how much hotter my lightning is than your fire Let his sisters also bury him neere the Po where he fell and let them be turn'd into Poplars and weep Amber over him Be it your businesse to mend your Chariot for the Axle is broken and one of the wheeles is crackt and having coupled your horses againe drive your selfe and remember this Accident A Dialogue between a Cyclops and Neptune Cyclops O Father how am I serv'd by my wicked Guest who first made me drunke then assaulting me in my sleep put out my eye Neptune Who was 't that dared this Polyphemus Cyclops First he said his name was No-body but after his escape when he was out of shot he call'd himselfe Vlysses Neptune I know who you meane he lives at Ithaca and sailed now from Troy But how could he attempt this being such a Coward Cyclops Coming home from my stock I found a great Troop in my Cave in all likelyhood lurking to steale my sheep whereupon I bolted my doore made of a huge rocke and kindled a fire No sooner began the wood which I brought from the mountaine to cast a flame but they prepared to hide themselves But I apprehending some of them devour'd them as thieves In the meane time that subtle Companion No-body or Vlysses which you will gave me a venemous potion to drinke very sweet and fragrant but most treacherous and turbulent in operation For I had no sooner drunk but me-thought my Cave went round and I was no longer my selfe and at last fell into a deep sleep he sharpening a Barre and stirring the fire put out my eye and ever since Neptune I have been blinde Neptune You slep't soundly my sonne that the losse of your sight could not rowse you But how scap't Vlysses Me-thinkes he should not be able to roll away the rocke from the doore Cyclops I removed it that I might the easier catch him going out And planting my selfe at the hole I grop't with my hands letting onely my sheep passe remitting my businesse to my Ramme Neptune Now I know his Device he past under thee among them unperceived But me-thinkes you might have call'd in other Cyclops Cyclops I did and they came and ask't me the traytors name And when I told them No-Body they thought me madde and departed and so the Caitiffe cosen'd mee with a false name But that which grieves me most is that upbraiding me with my hurt he told me my Father Neptune should not cure me Neptune Take courage sonne I will revenge thee And and he shall know that though I cannot heale eyes bored out yet 't is in my povver to save or drown those that sayle He is yet at Sea A Dialogue between Alpheus and Neptune Neptune VVHat 's the reason Alpheus that of all the rivers which fall into the Sea you onely contrary to the courses of the rest grow not salt nor mingle waters or diffuse your self but gliding through the Ocean preserve your streame fresh untainted and pure in some places I know not how diving like a sea pye or Heron and rising againe in other places and showing your selfe Alpheus These are love tricks Neptune Therefore blame me not you have loved in your time Neptune Is 't a woman you love Alpheus or a Nymph or some sea Goddesse Alpheus None of these Neptune but a Fountaine Neptune Where springs it Alpheus In the Island of Sicily they call it Arethusa Neptune I know it believe mee Alpheus you have not made an unlovely choyce 'T is a cleare spring and flowes in a pure Chrystall and receives thus much ornament from the pibbles among which it rises that it showes like a poole of silver over them Alpheus I see you know it Neptune To it am I now going Neptune Goe and be happy in your love but first tell me one thing where did you see Arethusa you being an Arcadian and she rising neere Syracuse Alpheus You hinder my journey Neptune by your impertinent questions Neptune You say well passe on to your beloved and when you rise againe from the Sea mingle with your fountaine in one Channell and become one Streame A Dialogue betweene Menelaus and Proteus Menelaus THat you should be converted into water Proteus is not incredible for you are a Sea God or into a tree may be borne withall or sometimes into a Lyon is not utterly beyond beliefe But how living in the Ocean you can transforme your selfe into a flame is a thing which I admire but believe not Proteus Marvaile not Menelaus for all those changes I under-goe Menelaus I have seen you But then me-thought as I may say to you you jugled onely by drawing false presentments over your tricks and casting a mist before your spectators eyes not that you truly were what you appeared Proteus What jugling could there be in things so plainly done Have not you seene with your eyes open into how many shapes I have transformed my selfe If you will not believe that sense but will still thinke you saw a delusion or some Aëry appearance cast before you when I next turne my selfe into fire apply generous Sir your sense of touch to me and then you will perceive whether I be true fire or fire in show Menelaus That would be no safe triall Proteus Proteus In my opinion Menelaus
you never saw a Polypus nor understand the transformation of that fish Menelaus A Polypus I have seen but would gladly learn it's transformation from you Proteus To whatsoever rock it fastens or spreads its finnes it becomes like and throwing off its owne assumes the colour of the stone thereby lying concealed from fishermen not at all differing or varying in appearance from the rocke Menelaus So the report goes but yours Proteus is a Paradoxe much unlikelier Proteus I know not Menelaus whom you will believe who will not believe your owne eyes Menelaus I saw what I saw yet 't is a thing to me prodigious how you should become fire and water A Dialogue betweene Neptune and a Dolphin Neptune T Is wel done of you Dolphins that you are such friends to men For heretofore you carryed the son of Inus ashore the Isthmus after he and his mother were cast downe from the Scironian Cliffe now thou hast wasted a Musitian of Methymna over to Taenarus keeping his Furniture and Harp and hast not suffer'd him to perish by the Saylers Dolphin Wonder not Neptune that we succour men thus we of Men were made Fishes Neptune 'T is a thing I blame Bacchus for that having overcome you in a Sea fight he transform'd you whereas it had beene enough to have taken you prisoners and to have subdued you as he did others But how good Dolphin came Arion to be thus endangered Dolphin Periander as I imagine delighted with his skill sent for him often He being enrich't by the King desired to saile home to Methymna to show his riches shipping himselfe with a crue of Pyrates who knew he carryed much gold and silver about him when they came about the middle of the Arches the Saylers conspired against him Well quoth he for I heard all swimming neere the Ship since you intend to kill me permit me in my bravest furniture to play mine owne funerall Elegie and voluntarily to cast my selfe into the Sea They consented And he taking his robe and playing most ravishingly cast himselfe over-board with a purpose to drowne himselfe But I receiving him and getting him on my back swam with him to the Promontory Neptune I applaud your love to Musicke 'T was a fit reward for your Attention A Dialogue between Diogenes and Pollux Diogenes I Charge you Pollux assoone as you are risen for to morrow I perceive 't is your course to returne to life that if you see Menippus the dogge whom you shall find in the Schooles at Corinth or in the Lycaeum at Athens laughing at Philosophers wrangling with one another you tell him that if he have laught enough at the passages of the upper world I desire him to come downe into the Lower where he shall have much more to laugh at For there our proceedings which he laughs at are doubtfull to him and he meets with this frequent objection Who knowes what shall befall us after the end of this Life But here tell him he shall never want sport But laugh as I do as often I see rich men great Officers and Tyrants humble and unrespected and not to be distinguisht but by their unmanly degenerous howlings at the remembrance of their life past Tell him this and bid him bring a knapsacke with him fil'd with beanes and a supper if he can find one made for Hecate in some crosse way or an egge left after a lustration or the like Pollux I le deliver your Message Diogenes But for my better knowledge of him what kind of man is 't Diogenes A little crabbed old man enclining to baldnesse wearing a torne Gowne pervious to all winds and varied with patches of severall colours He alwayes laughs especially at self-conceited Philosophers Pollux 'T will be easie to find one of this Character Diogenes Will you carry a Message from mee to those arrogant Philosophers too Pollux Speak your Errand it shall not be any trouble to serve you Diogenes In short then Counsell them to trifle no longer nor to dispute of wholes nor cast one another into Dilemma's or horned syllogismes nor give forme and mood to Crocodiles nor breed their minds to such drie barren studies Pollux But they will say I am ignorant and unbred thus to condemne their wisdome Diogenes Bid 'em then from me Live scornd Pollux So much I shall tell them Diogenes Say to Rich men in my name Why ye fooles do you treasure up your gold and why do you torment your selves by counting your use money and laying talent to talent who are shortly to come hither but with a penny fare in your mouth Pollux I shall tell them this also Diogenes Tell the spruce Gallants and Hectors Megillus the Corinthian I mean and Damoxenus the Wrastler that here is no use of golden haire black eyes or red cheeks or of bigge sinewes or strong shoulders Pollux It shall not be burdensome to deliver this also Diogenes Bid the poor who are many driven from their estates and groaning under their wants that they neither weep nor howle but that they consider the equality of this place and that they shall see the richest here as poor as they And if you think fit tell the Lacedemonians that they are grown loose and effeminate Pollux Pray excuse me for the carriage of your message to my Countreymen Diogenes your errands to the rest I will deliver Diogenes Leave them out then it you think good and convey my speeches to the rest Pluto or a Complaint against Menippus The Speakers Croesus Pluto Menippus Midas Sardanapalus Croesus T Is not possible for us to endure Pluto this insufferable Barker Menippus to be of our company Therefore remove him hence or we will depart some where else Pluto What hurt can he do to you being dead as you are Croesus When we howl and sigh at the memory of our pleasures in the other world Midas of his gold Sardanapalus of his Luxury I of my treasures he laughs and upbraides us calling us slaves and base villains sometimes he drowns our howlings with singing and in a word he is very troublesome Pluto What say you to this Menippus Menippus T is all true These men I hate as degenerous and lost who think it not enough to have lived wickedly but remember and dwell upon the thought of those things above Therefore I delight to plague them with themselves Pluto But you do ill for they lament no small losses Menippus Are you mad too Pluto that you approve their whinings Pluto No Sir But I would not have you divide your selves Menippus Know this O ye worst of Lydians Phrygians and Assyrians that I will never leave you but wheresoever you go I will follow vexing you and singing and laughing Croesus Is not this plaine Contumelie Menippus No. That was contumelie which you usually practiced suffering your selves to be adored and abusing free people not at all remembring your mortalitie wherefore hovvle novv you have lost all Croesus Where are my rich and Numerous possessions
the testimony of their husbands I will report to you a Dialogue which past between Glycon and a Tyanean Priest whose wisdome you may perceive by his Questions I read it in golden letters in the Priests house at Tion Tell me sayd he Prince Glycon who art thou I am answered he the lesser Aesculapius Distinguisht from the former Speake 'T is not lawfull for thee to know How many yeares wilt thou stay among us and give Oracles A thousand and three Whither wilt thou goe then To Bactra and the Regions about it For 't is fit the Barbarians should should enjoy my presence Have the Divinations at Didymae Clare and Delphos Apollo for their Author or are they false counterfet Oracles 'T is not lawfull for thee to know What shall I be after this life First a Camell then a Horse then a wise man and a Prophet equall to Alexander This was the Dialogue between Glycon and the Priest whom at last knowing him to be a friend to Lepidus he sent away with this Oracle wrapt up in this verse Believe not Lepidus his fates are dire For as I said before he much feared Epicurus as an Anti-plotter and Anti-juggler to his cheats A certaine Epicurean therefore not a little endanger'd himselfe for confuting him in a publique Assembly where setting upon him in a loud voyce he said Thou Alexander didst perswade a Paphlagonian to accuse his servants before the Prefect of Galatia for the suspected murther of his son who went to schoole at Alexandria yet the young man lives and is safely come home but the servants are executed and by this meanes have bin cast to wild beastes The occasion was this The youth sayling a good way up into Aegypt against streame was perswaded from thence to sayle on to India After a long stay his unfortunate servants supposing him either drowned in the Nile or slain by theeves of which there was then store returned home and reported he was lost whereupon the Oracle was consulted and they condemned presently after return'd the youth and reported his voyage He had scarce done speaking but Alexander much provok't by his confutation and unable to heare truth longer commanded the multitude to stone him as they meant to avoyd the wicked name of Atheists and Epicureans which they presently attempted But one Demostratus who sojourned in Pontus interposed himselfe and rescued him from Lapidation who had else bin deservedly slaine for why would he offer to be the only discreet man among so many distracted and expose himselfe to the madnesse of the Paphlagonians you see what he got by it Alexanders custome was the day before he gave Oracles to call in order those who had given in their Inquiries and a cryer standing without the curtaine ask't him if he were pleased to answer them And if he gave this reply from within to any man's name To the crowes with him none afterwards received such a one into their house or admitted him as they say either to their fire or water But he was forced to wander up and downe forreine Countries as an Atheist a man hated of the Gods and an Epicurean which was the height of infamy He did one thing very ridiculous Having got Epicurus select Sentences which you know is his best Booke and the Abridgement of his whole Philosophy he carryed them into the middest of the Market place and burning them in stead of the Author cast the ashes into the Sea with this Oracle The purblind old man's workes I doome to the flame Not considering of what use and instruction that booke was to the Readers and how it quieted settled and freed their minds from vaine feares phantasmes prodigious apprehensions empty hopes and swelling desires and planted vertue in their stead truly clearing and purging the soule not with a Taper or Brush or such other trifles but with right reason liberty and truth Among his other Pranks you shall heare now one of the greatest the Rascall ever play'd Having by Rutilianus procurement gain'd no small reputation in Caesar's Court in the heat of the German warre when Marcus was to joyne battle with the Bohemians he divulged an Oracle which commanded two Lyons to be cast alive in Danubius with many odours and perfumes and magnificent sacrifices But 't is best to repeat the Oracle as 't was deliver'd Into Danubius when most swolne and vast Let two of Cybel's wood bred Teeme be cast VVith fragrant flowers crown'd which in India grew Then Conquest Peace and Triumph shall ensue All things being performed as the Oracle directed the Lyons swamme over to the enemies shoare which the barbarous people tooke for forreine dogges or wolves and chased them away with clubbes But a great defeat and slaughter befell us to the losse of twenty thousand men presently after the like befell us at Aquileia where we had almost lost the Citty He coldly vvrested the Delphicke Oracle vvhich vvas delivered to Croesus to this Accident and said the God did indeed foretell a great victory but explain'd not himselfe vvhether it should befall the Romans or the enemy When the Citty of Abonwall began at length to be so surcharged vvith the great confluence and resort of people which came to consult the Oracle that it was not able to supply them with victuals he invented a new kind of Oracles which were call'd night Oracles For taking their Tickets and sleeping with them he gave such answers as he said his God revealed to him in his dreame which for the most part were darke ambiguous and confused especially if the Ticket were exactly sealed For then without the danger of opening he subscribed any thing by chance which was obscure and agreeable to an Oracle To these kind of Answers belonged certaine Interpreters who received no small rewards from those who askt their expositions and farmed their places of Alexander to whom they every one paid yearly an Attick Talent Sometimes when none came or were sent to enquire he gave voluntary Oracles to astonish the simple people of which this was one The page to thee most deare at home unspyed Commits adultery with thy faire cheekt Bride 'T is but a just revenge of sinne with sinne He Cuckolds thee who hath thy pathick bin Drowsie Charmes also they in secret places To make thee stupid to their loose Imbraces Under thy bed neere to the wall have laid Assisted by Calypto thy wives maid What Democritus would not be troubled to have names and places thus punctually discribed And yet would not smile assoone as he knew the plot He many times gave answers to barbarous people though they enquired in their owne language in Syriack perchance or French But his manner vvas vvhen he could not easily find one of that Country to take the Ticket and to keep it till he met vvith an Interpretter vvhich made a long space sometimes betvveene the Inquirie and Ansvver A Scythian once received this Oracle Morphi Ebargulis into the shade Chnenchichranc his light shall fade
the Theater as to some delightfull spectacle of the Graecians Having seated our selves we saw first some wild beasts peirced with javelins and hunted with dogges others let loose upon certaine men bound whom wee guessed to be malefactors When the combatants entred the cryer produced a young man of vast size saying if any man will enter duell with this Champion let him stand forth and as the reward of the fight he shall receive ten thousand Drachmes Sisinnes presently rising up leapt our undertooke the combate and required armes and receiving the mony deliver'd it into my hands saying If I overcome Toxaris when we depart this shall be our viaticum If I be slaine bury mee and returne to Scythia The words drew sighs from wee whilst hee taking the Armour put it all on but the helmet and fought bare headed In the first encounter he was wounded with a reverst blow in the hamme at which much blood issued which halfe slew mee with feare but hee stoutly observing his adversaries assaults ran him through the brest whereupon hee fell presently at his feet And hee faint with his wound was forced to sit downe upon his conquest so neere was he expiration I running to him rais'd him and gave him heart And after hee was declared victor tooke him upon my backe and carried him home where he lay a while under cure but is now recover'd and lives in Scythia marryed to my sister onely he is still lame of his wound This Mnesippus was not done among the Machlyans or in Alania which might give you colours for your distrust But the Amastrians have yet in fresh memory Sisinnes combate I will conclude my first narration with the story of Abauchas This Abauchas arrived at the Citty of the Borysthenians and brought with him his wife whom hee exceedingly loved and two children one a sucking boy the other a girle of the age of seven yeares He had besides in his company a friend one Gyndanes who lay sick of a wound received by the way from certaine theeves which asâ—aulted them By whom in the skirmish he was hurt in the thigh and disabled from standing by the paine One night as they lodged in an upper chamber and were all asleepe a great fire happen'd which shut them in and surrounded the house At which Abauchas awaking left his children crying and thrusting away his wife who cleaved to him and bidding her save her selfe taking his friend upon his shoulders he carryed him downe and broke with him through the flame untoucht His wife bearing the little infant follovved and bid her daughter follovv her but halfe burnt she vvas constrained to cast the child from her armes and yet hardly so escap't the flame her daughter also which closely follow'd was almost smother'd Afterwards when one objected to Abauchas that he betray'd his wife and children and saved Gyndanes 'T will not be hard for mee said hee to beget more children besides 't is doubtfull how they will prove but it must be a long time before I can find such another friend as Gyndanes of whose affection I had so many tryalls I have sayd Mnesippus and have reported five examples of many 'T is now time to pronounce whether I be to loose my right hand or you your tongue who shall be Judge Mnesipp That wee did not agree upon But I le tell you what we will doe since we have all this while shot without a marke let us upon a new agreement choose a Moderator and report before him other examples of friendship and as the conquest is decided let either my tongue or your hand be cutt off or if such decision be too savage since you seem to be an admirer of friendship and since I hold nothing more excellent or desirable to men why should not wee two combind betweene our selves hereafter become friends and for ever enterchange affections being both conquerours and both receiving the highest reward instead of one tongue and one hand two apiece foure eyes also foure feet in a word all things double For two or three friends joyn'd become the Geryon described by writers to be a man vvith sixe hands and three heads But I suppose them three men vvho did all things in common as it becomes friends Toxaras You say vvell be it so then Mnesippus To confirme our friendship then vve need not use a svvord Toxaris or blood Our present discourse and sympathy is much more povverfull then your Cuppe since such friendships require affection not necessity for their ground Toxaris 'T is true Be vve then mutually friends and hostes you to mee here in Greece I to you vvhensoever you come into Scythia Mnesipp Assure your selfe I would take a much longer voyage to gaine such a friend as you Toxaris by your discourse have showne your selfe Anacharsis or a Discourse of Exercises The Speakers Anacharsis and Solon Anarcharsis VVHat Custome is this among you Solon some of your young men mutually closing trip up one anothers heeles others take their companion by the Throat and tosse him others tumble and rowle themselves in the mire like swine But first I observed that unclothing themselves they shave and annoint one another very peaceably and presently I know not upon what quarrell they fall to pushing and to dash foreheads like rammes Looke yonder one having lift his fellow up by the thighs hurles him to the ground and falling on him suffers him not to rise but drawes him into a puddle and screwing his legges up to his belly and infolding his neck with his arme almost stifles him another beats him on the backe requesting him I suppose not to be chok't nor care they to loose their oyle or to be fullied but bemiring bedaubing and putting themselves into a great sweat make mee sport like so many Eeles slipping away betweene the holders fingers In like manner others here in the Court yard rowle not themselves in puddle but in the deep sand and tumble together into a pit where like so many cocks they bedust one another to hinder dis-imbracements I suppose to avoyd slipperynesse and by drying his body to strengthen his hold on his adversary Others keeping posture and dusted all over beat and kick one another See how yonder poore wretch sprinkled with sand bleeds with a blow on the face and is ready to spit out his teeth nor doth their Captaine for so I guesse him by his purple offer to part them or compose the quarrell but rather provokes them and praises the striker others farre off with much speed seeme to runne races yet keepe the same place and kicke up their heeles into the ayre I would therefore know to what end they doe thus For to mee these agitations seeme plaine madnesse nor shall any man easily perswade mee that they who do thus are not distracted Solon 'T is like enough Anacharsis that these exercises carry such appearances to you being strange and different from your Scythian customes and formes of exercises
destroy such a sinner as thou art But 't is plain they are travelled from home over the sea to the devout Aethiopâ—ans For they use frequently to goe thither for entertainment and sometimes without invitation Timocles What shall I say to so much impudence Damis Damis Marrye that which I have long desired to heare how you became perswaded that the Gods have a providence Timocles I tooke my first perswasion from the order of things observing the Sunne alwayes to move in the same Circle as also the Moone then the revolution of times the springing of the Plants the generation of beasts and these so regularly disposed as to be able to feed move apprehend walke build contrive defences All which seeme to mee as so many demonstrations of providence Damis You run away with the question Timocles nor have you yet proved whether providence move those wheeles or noe That such things are done I grant but whether ruled by the hand of providence I hold not necessary to be beleeved 'T is true there is an orderly rising and course of things but you call this order necessity Then you grow Cholericke if you be not obey'd in your opinion when you make an enumeration of things and thinke your praises of them are so many demonstrations that all their revolutions and changes are the effects of providence Hitherto therefore your answer hath bin frivolous give a better Timocles Methinkes they need not a higher proofe yet I will produce others Answer mee then Dost thou take Homer to bee the best Poet Damis Yes Timocles I build my faith then on his authority he plainly mentioneth a providence of the Gods Damis Most admired Sir Wee all grant that Homer was an excellent Poet but not that he or any other Poet is of authority sufficient in this case For truth I beleeve was not their ayme but the delight of their hearers And therefore they sung in verse and mixt fables with their numbers having only pleasure for their end But I would faine know by what place of Homer you were most perswaded By that where speaking of Iupiter he sayes his daughter and brother and wife took counsel to bind him and had not Thetis out of compassion calld in Briareus to his ayd our great Iupiter had bin fettered and hurryed to prison Out of his gratitude for which rescue at Thetis suite he deceived Agamemnon and sent him a false dream that many of the Graecians might be destroyed Where observe that he was not able by a bolt of thunder to consume Agamemnon unlesse he had shown himself a deceiver too Or perhaps you are most swayed by the description how Diomedes assisted by Pallas wounded Venus and Mars himselfe And how a little after the Gods held a conflict and warre among themselves males with females where Pallas overcomes Mars weakened I suppose by the wound hee received from Diomed And 'gainst Latona usefull Hermes stands Or perchance your perswasion is built on that passage of Diana where shee complaines and takes disdayne that shee was not invited by Oeneus to his feast and in revenge sent a vast Bore of an invincible strength to wast his country Are these the authorities of Homer on which you build your beleef Iupiter Harke what a humme the applauding multitude give Damis whilst our man stands like one forsaken dismaid and trembling and ready to cast away his shield and prying after a passage to make an escape Timocles What thinkest thou of the authority of Euripides who brings in the Gods upon the stage protecting vertuous and valiant men and subverting the wicked and irreligious such as thou Damis If Timocles Thou most learned of Philosophers you have drawne your perswasion from tragedies one of those two must necessarily follow either you must take Pole or Aristodemus or Satyr for the Gods or for the Actours of the Gods when you see them clad in buskins long robes spangled clokes rich mantles gloves ventrals glittering corslets and other properties with which they set off their tragedies which were most absurd since Euripides of himselfe and unconstrain'd freely delivers his opinion in his playes where you may heare him clearly say Seest thou the Ayre diffus'd in boundlesse spaces Encircling earth and sea with moist imbraces Thinke this is Jupiter thinke this is God Againe VVhat Jupiter is Jupiter I know not But what goes in tradition and the like Timocles Are all people and nations deceived then who hold there are Gods and celebrate their Festivalls Damis I thanke you Timocles for quoting the Nations From whom any man may learne what small certainties may be had of the Gods of whom there are so many doubts and diversities of opinion For the Scythians sacrifice to a Whinyard the Thracians to Zamolxis a fugitive who fled from Samos thither the Phrygians to the Moone the Aethiopians to the day the Cyllenians to Phales the Assyrians to a Dove the Persians to Fire and the Aegyptians to water which is their Deity More peculiarly the Memphites have an Oxe for their God the Pelusiots an Onion some a Storke or Crockodile others a Dogge or Catt or Ape Againe in streetes To some the right side is the Deity to the opposite dwellers the left to others halfe the head Some adore an earthen cup others a dish Are not these Gods to be laught at most holy Tomocles Momus Did I not tell you yee Gods that all this would be divulged and be brought into discussion Iupiter Thou didst Momus and didst deservedly chide us It shall be therefore my businesse if we scape this brunt to contrive a reformation Timocles Tell mee yet thou enemy to the Gods from whence proceed the Oracles and predictions of things to come not from them and their prescience Damis Speake no more of Oracles good Sir but let mee aske you upon what Oracle you most rely upon that which Apollo gave to Croesus you know 't was two edged and faced like those double pictures of Mercury which are both sides alike which way soever you turne them Nor revealed it whether Croesus passing Halis should ruine his owne or Cyrus Empire Yet that ambiguous Oracle cost the wretched Sardian not a few talents Momus This fellow is falne upon the very objection yee Gods vvhich I most feared Where is our divine fidler novv Why do you not defend your selfe Apollo Iupiter Thou massacrest us Momus with thy unseasonable reprehensions Timocles Thou vver 't best then thou Atheist quite overthrovv the religion and altars of the Gods by thy impious discourses Damis I vvould not have altars pull'd dovvne Timocles since vvithout any great inconvenience they may still send forth svveet smels and perfumes Yet I vvould be glad to see Diana's Altar at Taurica utterly demolisht if she delight in such Sacrifices on them Iupiter What an uncontroulable mischiefe is fallen upon us This fellovv spares no God but inveighs and le ts fly at all vvhether guilty or not Momus You vvill find fevv of us innocent Iupiter