many good parts why should you not know one another better Long Courtships out of fashion come Mr Cringe speak to her Crin And so I will hey I don't care a pin for you Mr. Lucia fa la la la fal la la ly do you think I doted on you To Mrs Lucy aside sings hey you are mistaken hey and I will have Mrs. Priscilla and she shall have your Portion hey how do you like that they Luc. Ay ay if you can get it Exit Pris aside I have a great fancy and desire for this man I like his fine airy humour it will do well to mix with my heavy temper I had best provide for my self whilest I may Crin Do you love me Mrs. Priscilla hey Pris Thou sayest so Crin But I would have you say so hey Pris Plainly if it would do thee any good to know it verily I have a kindness for thee Crin That is well hey and I will also be kind to you from this time forth hey Pris I I have soon made an end of the business hey this is to the purpose hey I can round round like a horse in a Mill with Mrs. Lucia hey and am now where just where I began hey A sig for Mrs. Lucia I 'le get Mrs. Priscilla in earnest if she will but love Heroicks Crin But Mrs. Priscilla shall I shew you some Verses won't you love Verses Pris They are very vain and abomianble and used only among the prefane they stink in the Nostrils of the Righteous Crin Mrs. Priscilla we shall never agree if you will not let me write Heroicks I shall never marry you Pris I had best yield to him till I am married and then I may convert him from that Pagan Trick of Versifying Crin I will write Hymns and Lamentations Pris Thou sayest well plainly that will be very agreable to my dispensation ha mayest write Hymns of Lamentation whilst the good people are under persecution Calling within Pris Pris why Pris My mother calleth Finical Cringe I shall be passing but I am thine in the Love Exit Grin So I have made a short hand of it hey I shall get Mr. Turbulent's Daughter and Mrs. Lucia's Portion for she 'll Marry Mr. Fairlove hey and then her Uncle won't give her a Groar hey and so I shall have all for ho has no body else to give it to hey a fig for Mrs. Lucia hey fal la la la fa la la fa la Exit Singing Enter Mr. Turbulent Sly Suck-Thumb and Pollux Tur. Where is your Mistress Paul Pol. In her Chamber Sir Tur. What is she doing Pol. Cutting her Cornes Tur. Then she intends to go abroad to night where is my daughter Pol. In her Chamber reading a piece of Aristotle's Logick call'd Problems or hard Questions Tur. Where is my Neece Pol. She is in her Chamber at work Tur. They are all well employ'd go Sirrah see that the Doors be lock'd fast and bolted let the outer Windows be shut up that the sound of the Voice may not go forth and be sure to stand at the Door that no body interrupt us and give us notice if any come near be you on your watch Sirrah 't is dangerous times friends and 't is wisdom to be cautious Brother Suck-Thumb set down Exit Pol. Come set down this is the most private Room in the House we may speak free They set Suck Thumb pulls his Hat over his eyes and puts his thumb â—n his mouth leaning his â—lbow upon his other arm Are not these sad times Brother Rabsheka that we must skulk thus in holes and corners Oh the good times of Nerva when every one might think what he pleased and speak what he thought and never be questioned for 't oh that was a gracious Heathen Emperor Sly Or the good times of the Rump when any one might rail against Kingly Government and the idols of Monarcy without check or controul I tell you Brother Turbulent it is a great tribulation to have ones zeal quenched Tur. Ay Brother so that we are fain to whisper in the Closet when we should cry on the house-tops Sly Whilst the Nimrods the Nebuchadnezzars the Balshazers and the oppressing Pharaohs ride in their Chariots and on their Horses Tur. Whilst the Jezabels and the Athalias run about like wild Colts snuffing up the Wind. Sly And yet we must be silent and our mouths must be muzzled that we may not bray against those sad abominations But I will speak and I must speak and I cannot but speak against Monarchy which is the very tail of the Beast that arises up with seven heads out of the Bottomless Pit Tur. 'T is the Idol of the World and ought to be pull'd down and laid in the Dust It must be overturn'd overturn'd overturn'd Sly For it permits the wicked and abominable men to do what is good in their own eyes and suppresses the fiery zeal and the zealous fury of those who stand up for Reformation Tur. And suffers the gathering together of Minstrels and the noise of the Flutes and the tinkling Cymbals in the Streets Sly And the Mor is dancers and the Rope-Dancers the Puppet-Plays the Bull-bating the Bear-bating the Horse-Races and the Cards and the Dice oh abominable Tur. And the Players of Interludes and the Men and the Women singers Sly But Babylon must fall must tumble must be pulled down Tur. And it shall fall and it shall tumble and it shall be pulled down Suck-Thumb groans once or twice peace brother Suck-Thumb has seen a Vision he is about to speak Brother Abednego what hast thou seen He lifts up his Hat gravely Suck I was carried out of this carnal body into the World in the Moon and there I beheld a great Tree whose Branches overspread the face of the earth On the top of this Tree sat an Eagle and a Crown upon his Head And there came a mighty Dragon out of a River running 〈◊〉 the foot of this Tree and Fire came out at his mouth and he devoured the Tree and the Eagle thereon Tur. Oh wonderful hast thou the interpretation of this Vision given to thee Suck Not yet it may be revealed Enter Pollux gives Mr. Turbulent a Note he goes aside and reads Tur. 'T is from my Nephew Furnish I hope he his got some money for me Dear Uâ—cle I must needs speak with you about a very great concern and advantage to you I am at the Popes-Head-Tavern near your houseâ— here I have â—ot ready a Pottle of butter'd Sack because I heard you had taken Physick make â—ast anâ— lâ—t not my Aunt know of it Your loving Nephew Furn. Friends I have a very great conceâ—n thaâ— calls me away at this time but we will meet again Sly And I have also at this time so … eâ—traordinary business to go to Mr. Furnish Sucâ— Peace be with you I shall retire into the silence and wait Exeunt The End of the Second ACT. The Third Act.
THE Faâ—â—â—ous Citizen OR THE Melancholy Visioner A COMEDY As it was Acted at the DUKE'S THEATRE Aequanimitas Poetae ad scribendum augeat industriam Terent. LONDON Printed for Thomas Maddocks at the upper end of Ship Yard without Temple Bar 1685. THE PROLOGUE Spoke by the Lady SLINGSBY HOW cruelly do Poets rack their Brains For small Applause and little or no gains Courting your sick and squeamish Appetite Still with fresh pleasure and a new delight They strive to please you with no little pain And try to humor you in every strain From the high Rant of Thundring Rhiming Verse To mimic Baudy Droll and humble Farce Lovers from every place of every Age Their Tragic Muse have brought upon the Stage Whilst Comic Satyr strove to represent All sorts of Fools to give you all content Poets have robb'd the Earth Heav'n Air and Seas Of Objects trying every way to please With Songs with Dances and with painted Scenes With Drums with Trumpets and with fine Machines They 've shewn you Angels Spirits Devils too Hoping to find some way to pleasure you With something that was very rare or new All this for you have drudging Poets done Losing the dear-bought Fame they once had won You come not now sharp set pleas'd with each bit Of Tragic Sence and season'd Comic Wit But now you come with Stomachs as if full Tast nothing but cry out the Poets dull Not much unlike to an ill-natur'd Guest Who having fill'd his Belly blames the Feast When you 'll scarce come to'a noted Poets Treat Or when you do will hardly like the Meat Our Poets fears cloy'd with such various Feasts He shan't find any thing to please our Guests That nothing with pall'd Appetites will down Unless he brings some Fruit you have not known Poets have been so lavish and so kind New Characters are very hard to find And all the Fools Court City Country yield Already have been muster'd in this Field But he at last did on some Mad-Men light With whom he 'll entertain you here to Night Hoping that his Fanatic Melancollicks Will make you laugh at their unusual Frolicks What e're the Title in the Bill may say He thinks 't will prove no Melanchollick Play THE EPILOGUE Spoke by Mr. TURBULENT SEE Gentlemen I now am Sober grown And all Fanatic Turbulence disown I who did Rail and roar against the Times And still was rakeing in the Kingdoms Crimes Who meddled with all matters and made known All Faults but never told nor saw my own In silence now Crimes Follies Madness too Can see and laugh and snear like some of you Bethlem's a Blessed Hospital and fit T' effect the Cure of each crack'd Brain and Wit And may deserve a Song as well I tro As th' Monument or Weather-cock of Bow Thither let all Fanatics of this Age Who trouble both the Church the State and Stage Be sent spare dyet whipping letting Bloud Is far more proper and may do more good T' all who run mad in Coffe-house and Ale-house Than either Newgate Pillory or Gallows Send thither every Lay and Frantick Widgeon Who coble botch patch and translate Religion Who leave their Awles their Needles Hammers Shears To meddle with and prate of State Affairs Who cry down Vice yet love a private Whore These and alas to name too many more Want Doctor Quibus Pill of Hellebore You Critticks too who damn our Poets so Pray do not think that you shall Scot-Free go For all you half-brain'd Wits who never fail Against both Poets and their Plays to rail Who still find fault tho oft told of it here Like our mad Aristotle and Scalliger In Bethlem 'mong the rest ought to appear I 'll say no more lest I should tedious grow But only make one Prayer e're I go With this New Play may you all pleased be May we all live in peace and all agree And may all Turbulents find Cure like Me. Dramatis Personae Timothy Turbulent One that hates all sorts of Government and Governours and is always railing against the Times Guardian to his Neece Mrs. Well-bred Represented by Mr. Vnderhil Furnish Nephew to Mr. Turbulent a swaggering debauched Person who has nothing lives by his Wits yet furnishes others with Money and Goods Mr. Jevon Hangby A Creature of Furnish's and a Cheat. Mr. Gillow Grin Sneak A great Projector and a Fop. Mr. Norris Fiincal Cringe A Balderdash Poet and an Apish Citizen makes love to Mrs. Well-bred Mr. Nokes Rabsheka Sly A Creature of Mr. Turbulent's and one of his private Cabal a private Sinner and Railer against the Times Mr. Bowman Abednego Suck-Thumb Another Creature of Turbulent's Mr. Anthony Leigh Mr. Fairlove A Gentleman of Sense and Understanding in love with Mrs. Lucy Mr. Williams Friendly Of his acquaintance averse to Marriage Mr. Wiltsher Dr. Quibus A French Doctor that gives Physick to Turbulent Mr. Peircival Pollux Turbulents Man Mr. Richards WOMEN Mrs. Turbulent Mrs. Norris Lady Medler A very busie Match making Lady a pretender to get Pattents for Sneak. Mrs. Currer Lucia Well-bred Neece to Mr. Turbulent in Love with Fairlove Lady Slingsby Priscilla Turbulent's Daughter A Quaker yet desirous to be thought Learned Mrs. Price Mrs. Sly Wife to Rabsheka Mrs. Osborn Mad-Men and Women Constables Drawers Fidlers The Scene MOOR-FIELDS SCENE I. MOORFIELDS ACT I. Enter Pollux alone telling some Brass Farthings on t of one hand into the other Pol. ONE Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight with these Eight Farthings must I purchase Six several sorts of Commodities Very good what a pretty Office I have 't is the chief of my work to trot about these Errands all day long for a covetous stingy griping old Devil my Master who feeds me with Leek Porredg and Cow-Heels whilst he fills his own Guts with cramb'd Chickens Turky-Eggs and white Broaths till he lays it up again Odsnigs I have lost one of my Brass Guinies kneels as to look his farthing Enter Mr. Fairelove Fair. Why how now Pol what art thou poaking for i' the dirt Pol. O Mr. Fair-love I am undone I have lost the Eighth Part of my Purchase-Money I was going to lay out for my Mistress Fair. Come give it o're here I 'll make it up for thee what hast lost Pol. Nay not much but a Farthing it is but eating our Cow-heel without Mustard to day Fair. Here Pol here 's a Shilling for thee Pol. Thank you Sir if I could but lose money thus every day and gain by the loss I should grow rich like those who lose a Hundred Pound by a Fire procure a charitable Brief with one more and get Six Hundred Pounds by it Fair. Well Pol I see you know the World but prethe let Mrs. Lucy know that I am in this Walk and would willingly kiss her hand you know Pollux I dare not be seen in Mr. Turbulent's House and Mrs. Lucy has desired me to forbear coming thither her self Pol. I know it Sir very well I shall
love with me Aside brisking up himself 2 Mad. I say Mr. Scaliger you are a proud malepert and impudent Critick to find fault with the very Inspired Priests of the Muses and I tell you your Euripides Sophocles Aristophanes and Menander and all the rest of them were mere Ideots to the Poets of our Age. Enter mad Woman pulling Sneak aside Mad. Wo. You are not matried are you Sne. Why do you ask No Mad. Wo. Don't let the Keeper see me I an 't mad I have 10000 l. to my Portion and 500 l. a year which a rich Uncle keeps from me in Berkshire and keeps me here and makes People believe I am mad only to keep my Estaâ—e I am no more mad than you are Keep Sir pray have a care of that Woman she is mad and sometimes very mischievous How came you loose Go in Mad Wo. You See he won't let me tell you but heark you I 'll marry you if you can get me out Exit Sne. This was a happy coming hither 'T is so the Keeper is afraid I should discover it she speaks very rationally This was a very lucky chance a happy Discovery Aside 1 Mad. I say you are a dull insipid and ignorant Critick and I say again the Kings of your Poets are no better than Punchenello's they are ridiculous and want Majesty Enter mad Wo Aside to Mr. Sneak. Mad. Wo. You 'll marry me then and get me out of this place Keep Pray Sir have a care of her I give you warning La. Med. Who is she Keep A Stocking-mender's Daughter that has run mad through Pride and fancies she has 10000 l. to her Portion and 500 l. a year in Berkshire Dr. Qui. Do not disturb dem dey are de fittest to talk togeder dat I know She hate de long Vorm in her Brain and he hate de great Maggot in his She fancies she hate de 10000 l. and he imagines he hate de 100000 l. ven he has noting Which is de madder den Mad Wo. Be sure you keep my Council Exit Sne. And I will and marry thee too and get thy Estate hah this is a lucky hit I 'll deal well enough with her Uncle by the help of my Lady Medler 2 Mad. Thou art a very venemous wicked and reproachful Critick 1 Mad. Thou art a scurrilous surly chymical Critick 1 Mad. Thou art Lifting up their Fists 2 Mad. And thou art Keep Hold I 'll end your Quarrel I am so troubled with these mad Criticks when they meet together They always dispute till they fall together by the Ears Parts them and turns them out severally Dr. Qui. Dere be many of dese Greek Wits about dis Town dat deserve a place in dis Hospital dey do noting but find de fault and pick de hole in de Coat of de Poet and de Wits dey see de motes in de Sun and de spots in de Moon and de Stars dey find de fault in de Lines in de Verse in de Vords in de Plays vitout de Sence or de Vit or de Reason Begar dey be all mad and fit for de Betlem Sne. Madam I am very happy to day I have made a most rare Discovery I 'll tell you anon you must assist me in it you shall have a Share Madam I would not for a thousand pound but I had come here to day La. Med. I am glad of the good Fortune Enter out of his Cell a mad Man Chain'd shaking his Chains and roaring Mad. Pull down the Stars hah blow Boreas blow make the Seas meet dash Rocks together and put out the Sight of the Sun La. Med. I 'm afraid of him Keep You need not he is fast chain'd Mad. Cerberus dost thou howl Cerberus I 'll cut off thy three Necks and boyl 'em for that Lady's Supper Avaunt thou she Fury I 'll leap thee else like an Incubus Tear 'em tear 'em tear 'em Ratling his Chains Keep Go get you in This is a frantick outragious mad man Exit mad man into his Cell Dr. Qui. Dis is one of de coloric Melanchollicks dat is full of de rage and de raving Fits and is not as de Lunaticks vith de lucid Intervals Dis sort and de hot Brain like de vild Fire Here be all de sorts of de mad men and de melanchollicks in de Varld and here dey take de Physick and have de Cure for deir Malady and Distemper in de Brain Enter mad man Mad. And now I am come to the nine and fortieth point the downfal of the Whore of Babylon Mark me the Judgments of the terrible Approach of the falling into nothing of the polluted and sinful World shall be turned and converted to Confusion and Distress and then you shall behold the Crowns of the Earth be tumbled on Heaps and the Seas and the Moon shall vanish into Vapor but then Exit Keep This is a Fifth Monarchy Preacher who employs himself this way all day long Dr. Qui. He speaks as soberly as most of dem and as mush Sence Enter mad Woman again pulling Sneak aside Mad Wo. Let me tell you another Secret You will marry me Sne. Yes yes and get you out but take no notice then Mad Wo. Heark you in your Ear. She whispers in his Ear. Keep Pray have a care Sir of that Woman Sne. Oh oh oh oh oh Cries out she bites him by the Ear. La. Med. O Lord Mr. Sneak what ail you Keep I told you what would come of it Keeper runs and takes her off and turns out the mad Woman who Exit laughing La. Med. I think Mr. Sneak you were madder than she to trust your Ear in her mouth Keep Is this Mr. Grin Sneak the Projector La. Med. Yes this is Mr. Grin Sneak poor Gentleman Looking at his Ear. Keep Oh Sir I have an Order here to provide for you I am glad you are come Pulling out a Paper Sne. What mean you Sir Keep Only to carry you to your Companions till I provide a Chamber for you I have your Name here Mr. Timothy Turbulent Mr. Abednego Suckthumb and Mr. Grin Sneak. Whistles Enter two men Here carry this mad Gentleman to Mr. Turbulent Sne. What do you mean I an 't mad La. Med. Sure he is not mad Keep Here is Dr. Quibus that receives a Pension from the House and assists in the Cure of the mad Folks He knows sure better than you Madam who is mad and who is not I have his Hand for it and an Order to provide for him Dr. Qui He is de very mad man in de Vorld I assure you Sne. The Doctor understands nothing I tell you I am not mad and I won't go with you Keep There is none of all these mad men that are here but will say as much as you do they do not think themselves mad no more than you do Dr. Qui. He vere not mad if he did not tink himself so Keep Have him away I say away with him Exeunt carrying out Sneak between them