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ID	Title	Author	Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication)	STC	Words	Pages
A68037	A world of vvonders: or An introduction to a treatise touching the conformitie of ancient and moderne wonders or a preparatiue treatise to the Apologie for Herodotus. The argument whereof is taken from the Apologie for Herodotus written in Latine by Henrie Stephen, and continued here by the author himselfe. Translated out of the best corrected French copie.; Apologia pro Herodoto. English	Estienne, Henri, 1531-1598.; Carew, Richard, 1555-1620, attributed name.; R. C., fl. 1607.	1607 (1607)	STC 10553; ESTC S121359	476,675	374

I remember I haue read a like story of another Franciscan called Bardotti which may fitly parallele the former who preaching at Bourdeaux of the good theefe to whom our Sauiour said This day thou shalt be with me in Paradise affirmed he had found in a certain Gospel the reason why he went straight to heauen not so much as saluting Purgatory by the way because that when Christ fled into Aegypt he would not suffer his fellowes to rob him nor those that were with him and that he should say vnto him I beseech you Sir remember me another time for the good turne I haue done you which he promised to do and so did when they hung together vpon the crosse Thus we see these ghostly fathers could neuer be drawne dry considering they had as many Gospels as they could desire out of some of which they took many fine fables to make their auditors some sport out of others sundry miracles able to rauish them with admiration I meane such miracles and lying wonders as the Euangelists neuer mention and out of others answers to sundry obiections which might marre their mirth by putting out the great fire of their greasie kitchin As this Bardotti who hauing much ado to maintaine his Purgatory against the foresaid place of the Euangelist alleadged this story for a full answer I haue also heard of another Preacher who serued his turne very well with this voyage into Aegipt to assoile a question wherewith he was sore troubled viz. when that was fulfilled which was foretold by the Prophet Ezechiel Et disperdam simulachra cessare faciam idola de Memphis for he said it was then fulfilled when our Sauiour fled into Aegypt being but a child I come now to their lying legends and pretended reuelations CHAP. XXXIIII Of fables taken out of their Legends and such like baggage wherewith they stuffed their Sermons BVt the store-house of most idle most addle and Frier-like fables hath bene and is the book intituled The golden Legend of the Saints containing such a number of absurd and ridiculous tales that the Reader had neede to hold hard behinde for marring his breeches which French-men do oftener in the vintage then any other season Neither is he to be too nice or daintie for he shall meet with many places out of which he shall neuer be able to extricate himself without doing that which fresh-water souldiers do as not hauing bin vsed to the sea Amongst which if I may iudge of other mens conceits by mine owne these may be numbred Frater Iuniperus whō S. Francis held for a very holy mā purposing on a time to play the cooke very brauely put chickens into a great pot without either pluming drawing or washing them as also fresh and poudered beefe together with herbs pease beanes and such like pulse neither washing or clensing them and boiling all these together ouer a great fire serued in this goodly dish of meate and set it before his fellowes The same Frater Iuniperus and here a man had need to haue a strong stomack indeed being lodged vpon a time in a good bed and faire cleane sheets layd pilgrime salue therein which he left his host for full paiment without giuing him any other farewell Both which tales are taken out of the booke of Conformities before alleadged the first fol. 62. the second fol. 63. both these modest stories being there recorded to shew the humilitie of this holy Frier But if humilitie did consist in the second pranke here specified questionlesse there would be none comparable to that of yong children for they play this slippery trick oftener then their nurses would haue them yet we must not iudge rashly of this fact of Iuniperus for he knew it may be by reuelation that he was to set another hew vpon the sheets before he went thence And what can a man tel whether it was not a receipt which he had learned in some Legend For let me but speake this one thing in his behalfe that it is scarce probable that the stinke of these excrements should be like other mens especially considering we reade in the foresaid booke of Conformities fol. 51. how that a Monke of the same Couent called Ruffin draue away the diuell by threatning to vntrusse a point into his throate for it is there said that when the diuell heard this he ranne away in a maruellous rage as if a tempest had bin at his taile whereas going backe for feare of holy water he doth not make a whit the more hast Now if the diuell was in such a bodily feare to be so perfumed by Frier Ruffin the perfume doubtlesse which Frier Iuniperus left behind him in his bed to pay his host withall was more then Memphiticall 2 Pardon me good Reader if I be too broad for I am inforced to accommodate my selfe to the matter in hand For as the Greeke prouerbe saith It is hard to find modest words to expresse immodest things Notwithstanding I do not as thou mayst perceiue say the worst I can of these filthy Friers for the respect I haue of their holy mother the Church but if I take them tardy the second time let them assure themselues I will curry their cockscombs for altogether 3 But who is such an Heraclitus that would not burst with laughter when he shall reade in the life of S. Dominicke how he besieged the diuels in a certaine demoniack and would not suffer them to depart without giuing pledges and how in the end they got the holy Martyrs which lay buried in the Church to be their sureties But that I may the better satisfie the Reader I wil here set downe the very words of the story as they lie in the old French tongue Vn homme estoit demoniacle de plusieurs diables lequel lui fut presenté assauoir à S. Dominique il prit l'estole la mit sur son col Et puis en ceignit le col au demoniacle commanda à iceu● que d'oresenauant ils ne tourmentassent celui homme Et tantost ils furent tourmētez dedans lui fourment dirent Laisse-nous aller Pour quoi nous contrains tu à estre tourmentez Et il dit Ie ne vous laisseray iusqu ' à tant que m'aurez donné plege que ne re●ournerez plus Et ils dirent Quels pleges vous pouuons-nous donner Et il dit Les saincts martyrs qui reposent en ces●e eglise Et ils dirent Nous ne pouuons car nos merites ne le requi●rent pas Et il dit Il conuient que vous les donniez ou ie ne vous laisseray pas aller quittes Et ils respondirent Qu'ils y mettroyent peine Et apres vn peu de temps ils dirent laçoit ce que nous ne soyons p●s dignez nous auons impetré que les saincts martyrs nous plegerout Et il requit auoir signe de ces●e chose Et ils dirent

As when Barelete recordeth fol. 247. col 3. that after that the Emperour Constantine had bene baptized he sent backe two Priests which came to him for the deciding of a controuersie which was betwixt them and that he should say vnto them It belongs not to me to iudge them that are my gods And what would we more when they apply sundry places of Scripture to their shauelings which were written of Christ himselfe neither herewith content forge sundry fables touching the strange torments inflicted vpon those that had any way wronged or offended Church-men or had called them by any terme worse then their names And as for Priests their shauen crowne which might not be touched vpon paine of excōmunication exempted them frō the iurisdiction authoritie of the secular power yea of Kings and Emperours themselues by many priuiledges of their Popes in such sort that certaine theeues as histories report would needs be shauen in the Priests cut that if they were taken they might be sent to their competent Ecclesiasticall Iudges that is might escape and be set at libertie as themselues thought good Notwithstanding euen those Church-men which had not their crownes shaued but onely some lesser marke and character of the beast would boast and bragge of this priuiledge of exemption from secular power 6 And touching their cosening conueyances it is no maruell if they were so plunged therein ouer head and eares considering the feare they were in of being excommunicated if they did but once entertaine any thing tending to the preiudice of the least ceremony established or receiued in their religion Besides they terrified them with the feare of certaine torments which they were to suffer in Purgatory or in hell according to the qualitie of their sinnes As we reade in the booke of Conformities of Saint Francis with Christ of a man who hauing but once omitted to make a legge at Gloria Patri did vndergo most cruell paine in Purgatory They also alleadged examples of certaine punishments which haue bene inflicted vpon men in this life of which sort we reade of one very ridiculous aboue the rest viz. that in the daies of Pope Iohn the one and twentieth it was blazed a broad ouer all Saxony that there were certaine which neuer ceased dancing a whole yeare together without intermission by vertue of a curse wherewith the priest had blessed them because they honoured not the breaden god which he caried about with him 7 We may also perceiue how the poore people were nuzzled in ignorance by that which at the first they made them beleeue concerning the Lutherans as they tearme them for they were so farre from letting them vnderstand that they were like vnto other men and that they had no hornes that they were such as had bene baptized and armed themselues with texts of holy Scripture against the Church of Rome as that they made them beleeue that in shape and figure they differed from other men that they made a mocke of God and all religion that they had wiues common and in a word that they were worse then Iewes Turkes or Saracens It is further to be noted that a great part of the simple people knew not of a long time whether a Lutheran were the name of a man or of a beast For it is reported of one who being called a Lutherā asked his friend what this name Lutheran meant who told him that it was a disease ten times worse then the Leprosie which he did so firmly beleeue that falling sicke not long after he sent his state to the Physitian with this commandement that they should enquire of him if he were not a Lutheran 8 But at the last when their trumperies were so layd open and their iuggling tricks so well discouered that euen litle children could laugh them to scorne it was necessary for them to deuise some other meanes whereby to maintain themselues For how the Cleargie terrified men with the thunderbolt of excommunication when as they of the same religion feared it no more then a childs rattle or the cracke of a pot-gun may appeare by the Emperour Charles the fift who was not only a fauorer but also a defender thereof for being menaced with excommunication by Pope Paulus the third if he would not yeeld vp Playsance into his hands after the death of Peter Lewis he let him vnderstand by his Embassadour that he would thunder and lighten with his canons and artilery if he wold needs be thundring with his excommunications What meanes then vsed they may we thinke to stop vp the light of the truth that it might not preuaile against the darknesse of their lying legends Verily the same that we find registred of Phalaris Busiris Nero and such of the like strain But what do I compare them with these gentle tyrants For they neuer thought of the tenth part of the cruelties which these hel-hounds haue practised against those that maintained the truth and armed themselues with the word of God to vphold his credit and cause for they chopped Logicke with them and answered them againe with fire and sword and all kind of torments and in so doing were both parties and iudges taking it to heart as a matter that did sit very neare them because they foresaw that this light which some laboured to giue entrance vnto wold in the end put out the great fire of their greasie kitchin And it was but lost labor to alleadge Scripture against them for their bellies which made buttons already for feare of paying their interest had no cares as wee know no mans belly hath according to the common saying One brother was moued to accuse another the wife to accuse her husband the husband the wife parents to appeale their owne children yea to be their tormentors hang-men and executioners for default of others They of the Inquisition as they are called had their spies abroad in all quarters to whom they gaue the watchword No witnesses might be refused though neuer such theeues murderers malefactors nay contrarily they often escaped scotfree in recompence of their false depositions They gaue their word to such as were accused or suspected to the end they might toule them in but thought it a sinne to keepe promise with them alleadging for themselues this goodly text Haereticis fides non est seruanda Others were euen halfe dead before they came into the tormentors hands comming forth of dungeons where they had bene encountred by toades and such like vermine yea sometimes they came old men out of prison who were yong when they went in They that caried alms to the prisoners were permitted to relieue all saue those that were imprisoned for matter of religion And he that said he pitied them was in great danger though he had no more pitie of them then of a dog Whereupon I remember a staffe of a dozen verses made by a learned man endowed with rare gifts which yet do flourish in him in which regard he is greatly beloued