And I my selfe too blame Pi. Let us retire then Vic. Mistake me not good Signior Keep your distance I blame my selfe to let you overweene By my long silence that immodesty To be in me that might embolden you To your and my dishonor Pray desist And let the friendly welcome you have found Perswade your faire construction Pi. Is this earnest Vic. Yes in sooth is it Pi. I 'le be playner then What make you here i' th' Smock-Faire precious Mistris Or why these dressings these perfumes and paintings Doe you weare the habit of our Curtezans And by their art call Gazers to your beauty Full of high hopes and flames of ardent Love Thus to delude and make them witnesses Of a cold seeming Chastity what new Art Is this it cannot be to get a husband Vic. Nor a child neither sir that 's lesse Pi. That 's soone believ'd yet no disparagement To your expert sufficiency in the trade For the best Carpenters make fewest chips There 's very few of all your function fruitfull Yet some there be approved men at armes Famous in publique service and a many Good handy craftsmen in the Arsenall Bred by this bounteous City from such mothers That nere could boast their fathers and as many Daughters if they prove worthy in their feature Succeed their active Mothers in their fortunes Vic. You are better read then I sir Pi. T is common knowledge Lady Nor do I Read this t' informe your selfe who were instructed I make no doubt before your price was set By all examples to your present practise Vic. Sir I must tell you now you grow too lavish So as I feare foule language to' avoyd which Let me intreat a faire departure hence Pi. Lady this overacted State might fit The wife of a Clarissimo or the bashfull Daughter of some Patrician but in you A piece set out to sale it but appeares Affected singularity more unsutable To the temptations you weare about you Then th' holy seeming pictures in your Chamber Vic. Why should it trouble you sir Pi. It dos to thinke what new and secret aime You may intend by this in taking on you The habit and the name of Curtezan And first to set a price so far beyond The strength of any ordinary meanes And then to shew a carriage that may strike Lust out of countenance O the Knot 's dissolv'd O Oedipus O Sphynx I now have found it You fish for Fishermen t is pregnant truth Shee claps a Cardinall aboord at least T is not a Lay-mans purse or Learning can Or purchace or confute you i st not so Vic. Now you are foule indeed and I must plead My priviledge against you sir you know I have a freedome grounded upon custome Here in this City for a moneth to make Choyce of my Lodging set what price I please Upon my selfe admit what visitants I shall thinke fit no other nor no more And this without controule or least exception Of you or any man secur'd by th' City So safe from out-rages that least abuse May on my just complaint be punishable In whomsoever by affront dares grive me Pi. I feare shee 'l prove another creature then The Beast I tooke her for shee knows her strength Vic. Yet thus much for you are a Gentleman I 'le yeild for satisfaction unexacted If in this Moneths space in that honor'd way For I despaire not of a husband sir Of holy Marriage I be not promov'd Nor by that time prefix'd the great Son tenderd Great as you terme 't for my virginity And that I stoope for lesse here is my hand I will be yours as freely as mine owne At your own price Pi. Said like a noble Wench Onely a word by way of friendly advise And so farewell This Maydenhead of yours By you so highly pris'd now being ripe And therein only merchantable ware Will if you overslip the season grow Sodainly fulsome streight way stale then Rotten Think upon choycest Fruit or Foule or Fish Rich Wines or any Rarity how soone Their vertue 's lost Vic I am enough instructed Pi. Once more farewell pray ponder on these things Vic. Feare not I shall Pi. Could you consider how 't would grieve a soule Indued with Reason Knowing the true use Of Nature 's delicates to see 'hem lost Or spoil'd for want of seasonable taking I know you would and thanke me for my counsell Vic. Indeed and so I doe Pi. Indeed farwell then Exit Vic. Hee 's gone at last the tedious storme is over I shall want day as well as patience T' indure and answer all the rest so largely See my sprightly Frenchman I must looke For a hot Onset now though a short Skirmish Enter Horatio like a French cavalier Paulo presents him Hor. Let me in my approach admire that Object That vindicates the voyce of Fame in proving Shee was no Lyer in the lowd reports That blaz'd it for the Beauty of the World Vic. Good sir beware idolatry Hor. The Egiptians Would they forbeare their wonted heathenish worship And fall in adoration of this face Vic. Indeed I 'le heare no more Hor. Lady you must You are so farre above the pitch of flattery That highest courtship in our best of Language Wants due expression of your supreame graces And not to tender you the heighth of prayse Were mere Rusticity rather prophanation Vic. Yet Let me stay you there and let me tell you You have worded well your high conceipt of me But in a way so low so undeserving A courtiers art that I have found you none Hor. No Courtier Lady Vic. No no Courtier sir How can it fall in courtly understanding That beauty can be conquerd by it's praise It breeds but lesse respect and oft times scorne From those that are ambitious of praise On such praise-givers And if you came onely Thus to pronounce my praise you have said enough Hor. Nay dearest Lady saving your displeasure I must come closer to her shee 'l forget Aside Shee is a whore else Vic. Sir your further pleasure Hor. To tell you Lady now I like your wit Equally with your beauty briefly of which A word or two and so unto our businesse You tax me with the losse of time already You doe consider fitly that to praise What we would purchace makes the value higher It is the chapmans rule to discommend Vic. Right sir were you to buy a Horse or Jewell You would not praise it past the price propounded Hor. Yes where I finde the worth exceed the price Vic. I am betray'd Hee brings the Money sure Aside Hor. And that you know I doe esteeme your worth Above all Salary I yeild my selfe Fraught with unvaluable Love and Honor To be the due reward of your embraces Vic. What 's this sir to a thousand double Duccatts Hor. You cannot thinke so poorely or if so Perceive them in a taste of my endowments First see my late composure where the flame Of the soule-ravishing art of Poesy May light
yee Quot quot adestis salvete salvetote Dramatis Personae CRasy a young Citizen falling into decay Jeremy his Apprentice Sarpego a Pedant Sneakup Crasyes Father in Law Pyannet Sneakup's Wife Ticket two Courtiers Rufflit two Courtiers Lady Ticket Josina Crasyes Wife Linsy-Wolsey a thrifty Citizen Toby sonne to Sneakup Bridget Iosina's Maid Crack a Boy that sings two keeping Women Isabell Jone The City VVit OR The woman wears the Breeches ACT. I. Scene I. A Dinner carryed over the Stage in covered Dishes Exeunt Enter Crasy Jeremy SEt forth that Table Jer. A Table set forth with empty Mony-bags Bills Bonds Bookes of accompts c. Jer. Will you not go in and dine Sir Cra. No I am of other dyet to day Jer. The whole company expects you Cra. May they sit merry with their cheer while I feed on this hard meat And wait you within I shall not change a trencher Ier. Alas my good Master Exit Cra. Here are the nests but all the He takes up the bags Birds are flown How easie a thing it is to be undone When credulous Man will trust his state to others Am I drawn dry Not so much as the Lees left Nothing but empty Cask have I no refuge To fly to now Yes here about a groats worth He takes up the bils papers Of paper it was once Would I had now Greens groats-worth of wit for it But 't will serve To light tobacco-pipes Here let me see Here is three hundred pound two hundred here And here one hundred and two hundred here Fifty fifty fifty and one hundred here And here one hundred and fifty Besides A many parcells of small debts which make Two hundred more I shall not live to tell it But put it up and take it by the weight He puts the Bills Bonds into a Bag. O me how heavy 't is And doubtless so 't would be At some mans heart It troubles me a little Enter Jeremy Now what newes He takes up a scroll Jer. My mistriss and your Mother Sir Intreats you to come to dinner Cra. These they are My debts That strike me through This bag will never pay Any of these Jer. Sir shall I say you 'l come Cra. How well it were if any of my Creditors Could once but dream that this were current mony Jer. What shall I say Cra. Even what thou wilt good Jeremy Jer. Alas you know this dinner was appointed A friendly meeting for most of your Creditors And many of your Debtors Cra. But I hope Few of the last appeare Jer. None but some priviledg'd Courtiers that dare Put in at all mens Tables They 're all set Your Creditors on one side and your Debtors On t'other and do only stay for you Cra. To feed on do they Goe I will not come Jer. I feare Sir you will overthrow the good That was intended you You know this meeting Was for the Creditors to give longer day As they should find your Debtors to acknowledg The summes they owe you Sir I should be sorry To see you sinck or forc'd to hide your head That look'd as high as any in the City Cra. Prithee go in And if they seem to stay Pray 'em fall too tell 'em I take this time Only to order my Accompts and that as soon As they are full and fit to talk I 'le come Good Jeremie goe Jer. Introth I pity him Exit weeping Cra. A right good Boy thou art I think on thee What must I do now All I have is lost And what I have not sought to be forc'd from me I must take nimble hold upon Occasion Or lie for ever in the Bankrupt ditch Where no man lends a hand to draw one out I will leape over it or fall bravely in 't Scorning the Bridge of Baseness Composition Which doth infect a City like the Plague And teach men Knavery that were never born to 't Whereby the Rope-deserving Rascall gains Purple and Furrs Trappings and golden Chaines Base Composition baser far then Want Then Beggery Imprisonment Slavery I scorn thee though thou lov'st a Trades-man dearly And mak'st a Chandler Lord of thousands yearly I will have other ayd How now Againe Enter Ieremy Jer. O Sir you are undone Cra. Hast thou no newes Jeremie Jer. Alas your Mother Sir Cra. Why what of her Is there a Plate lost or a Postle-spoon A China Dish broke or an ancient Glass And stain'd with Wine her Damasque table-cloath Or is the Salt faln towards her What 's the matter Jer. Her mischievous tongue has over-thrown the good Was meant to you Cra. What Good good Jeremie Jer. Your Creditors were on a resolution To do you good and madly she oppos'd it And with a vehement voyce proclaims you a Beggar Says you have undone her Daughter that no good Is fit to be done for you And such a storm Of wicked breath Cra. She 's drunk Is she not Jeremie Jer. No Sir 't is nothing but her old disease The Tongue-ague whose fit is now got up To such a height the Devil cannot lay it The learned School-master Mr. Sarpego Has conjur'd it by all his parts of speech His Tropes and Figures and cannot be heard I' th furious Tempest All your Creditors Are gone in Rage will take their course they say Some of your Debtors stay I think to laugh at her Enter Sarpego Sar. Now deafeness seize me I disclaime my hearing I defie my audituall part I renounce mine ears Mistris Pyannet a desperate Palsey is on thy lips and an everlasting Feaver on thy Tongue Cra. What raging Rout hath rent thy rest What Scold hath scutch'd thy skonce Sar. I 'le breath it to thy bolder breast That askst me for the nonce You understand or know that here hath been a Feast made to take up a ponderous difference between Master Sneakup your Father in Law and your selfe Mr. Crasy and between most of your Creditors and Debitors Food hath been eaten Wine drunck Talke past Breath spent Labour lost For why Mistris Pyannet your Mother in Law Mr. Sneakups Wife though shee will be call'd by none but her owne name that woman of an eternall Tongue that Creature of an everlasting noyse whose perpetuall talke is able to deafen a Miller whose discourse is more tedious then a Justices Charge Shee that will out-scold ten carted Bawds even when she is sober and out-chat fifteen Midwives though fourteen of them be halfe drunk this Shee-thing hath burst all Demosthenes himselfe would give her over Therefore hopeless Sarpego is silent Enter Pyannet Sneakup Sir Andrew Ticket Rufflit La. Ticket Josina Linsy-Wolsy Py. O are you here Sir You have spun a fair thred Here 's much ado and little help We can make bolt nor shaft find neither head nor foot in your business My daughter and I may both curse the time that ever we saw the eyes of thee Cra. Sir you have the civill vertue of Patience in you Dear Sir hear me Py. He sayes he heares thee and
dash I will say that though my outside were glorious yet of purpose I left my inside lowsie Enter Sneakup like a Citizen Sed O Dii Quem video nonne Mr. Sneakup Cra. See my worshipfull Father-in-Law Now the Woodcocks shoot into the glade Sneak. Pray ye peace you must not know me Sar. O monstrum horrendum May not you and I know one another Sneak. Pray go home and ask my wife Enter Crasy in haste Cras. Mr. Crasie Is not one Mr. Crasie here Sneak. Yes Sir Here is Mr. Crasie for a need Sir Cras. Well done Be bold Sir Let not your dissimulation be read in your eyes You know me give me the Jewells Sneak. Yes Sir Cras. Let me alone to present them to his Grace and praise them before you are call'd Sneak. Will you do so Sir Cras. Yes For you know I must not seem to indeare them before your face For that would smell rank of correspondency Sneak. You say right Sir Cras. But betwixt us both wee 'l make a shift to cheat him Stay you here I will returne instantly O Mr. Sarpego Your Pupill will come and conduct you presently Thus sometimes by deceit deceit is known 'T is honest craft by wit to get ones own Exit Enter Ticket Rufflit Toby To. My Quondam Pedagogue Sar. My Nuper Alumnus Come present me to the Grace of Greatness I am ready behold I am approach'd according to thy intreats to approve thy praise and mine own perfection Set on His Grace shall see that we can speake true Latin and construe Ludovicus vives Go set on Tob. I cry you mercy Sir Upon my troth I tooke you for Mr. Sarpego my learned Tutor He is very like him Is he not Gentlemen But now I come to my selfe againe I remember this was never his walke nor these his cloaths Sar. Sent you not a Nuntius or a Messenger for me intimating that it was his Grace his instant desire to entertain me as his Instructor Tic. Alas he has over-studied himself You were best let blood in time Sir Sar. Sent I not you by the same messenger your ten pound Tob. My ten pound Ha ha ha I would laugh i faith if you could bob me off with such payment Ruff. Sure Sir you use some Dormitaries Best shave your head and 'noint it with Oyl of Roses Tob. Father Father Sneak. Pray peace son The plot will be discover'd else Tob. The plot what plot Sneak. The Jewells are sent in What I am Mr. Crasie now you know I shall be sent for in to his Grace instantly Tob. Midsummer Moon Midsummer Moon Sneak. In very truth son hit as 't will I say we are beholding to Mr. Holywater Tob. Heaven not blesse me if I understand not the Baboons mumpings better then your speech You are more dark then Delphos What Holywater Sneak. Why the Gentleman you know you sent to bring M. Crasie to serve his Grace with Jewells Tob. Father Heaven pardon me For sure I have a great desire to call you Cockscomb I sent no man nor is there any so stiled as Holywater about the Court Tic. Do you not want sleep sir Ruff. Or have you not seen a spirit sir Tic. Or have you not over-mus'd or over-thought your selfe as wee doubt Mr. Sarpego here has done Tob. Or has not my mother over-beaten you father You may tell me Sneak. Son I am not so very a foole but I perceive I am made a stark Asse Oh sonne thy father is cozen'd and thy mother will beat me indeed unlesse your charity conceal me in the Court here till her fury be over Ticket Hee shall stay at my Wives Chamber Rufflit And there instruct us in the passages of this cozenage Tob. Do not weep father My Lady Ticket will appease all Ruff. Adieu Mr. Sarpego Lure your braines backe againe Exeunt Sar. Sic transit gloria Mundi The learned is Cony-caught and the lover of Helicon is laugh'd at The last six-pence of my fortune is spent and I will go cry in private Exit ACT. IIII Scene I. Enter Crasy like a Dancer Cras. NOw whilst my politike Mother-in-Law is in expectation of her great adventure and my worshipfull Father-in-Law stinks at Court for feare of her I in this last disguise will pursue my new affairs Me-thinks these Jewells smile on me now more chearfully then when they were mine owne before First to my honest Punk Crack meets Crasie at the doore Crac. Who would you speak with Sir Cras. With thy sister Dost thou not know mee Jeffrey Where is she Look better on me Cras. O is it you Sir Hang me if I knew you in this habit though I was set here on purpose to watch for you Cras. What 's the matter Jeffrey Crac. Sir she is fallen into a new fit of Melancholy Some new project she has in her noddle But she desires you to worke upon this he gives him a paper I dare not be seen to talk with any body Exit Cras. What new device is this he reads Since I last saw you your Mother-in-Law Mrs. Sneakup has earnestly dealt with me to make me a Bride for her sonne Tobias If there may be any thing wrought out of it to benefit you I will suddenly take occasion to break with the Foole Wolsie of whom I am heartily weary and after be wholly disposed by you Sure this wench studies nothing but my profit Well I have thought already to make the best of her Now to my new Mistresse This is the house and here 's her maid Enter Bridget Bri. Would you speak with any here Sir Cras. With your Mistresse I take it Mistresse Crasie Bri. May not I deliver your mind unto her Sir Cras. My business is of weight and secresie yet you may tell her here is the Gentleman that her Doctor sent her Bri. O she expects him most impatiently Pray enter Sir She 's ready for you there before you Sir Exit Crasie A businesse of mine owne makes me wait here I think I saw my learned Love make this way But he alas though small in fleshly growth By reason of his high preferment is Now growne too great for me Enter Sarpego musing 'T is hee I know his stature Though not his cloaths the Ensigns of his greatness In which how big he seems though but a sprawler So cloaths can make men greater but not taller He 's deep in study I dare not interrupt him Sar. I have adventur'd though with trembling feet Unto this Mansion to exonerate At least extenuate my suspirations For my dear loss The Lady of this place Who had an equall venture and hath suffer'd In the same Fate with me may ease my sorrow Solamen miseris socios habuisse doloris I of my wrongs and she of hers shall clamor But ecce noster ubi esset Amor Bri. Most worshipfull Sir welcome from Court If your poor Handmaid may presume to say so Sar: Where is your Mistresse I mean your grand Matrona Mrs. Sneakup Bri. In the first
place let me beseech you Sir Vouchsafe your answer to a longing Maid That can be comforted in nothing more Then the good newes of your prosperity Of which I hope a part at least to be Preferr'd by your late promise to your service Sar. I will now breath a most strong and Poeticall execration Against the Universe Bri Sir I beseech you Sar. From henceforth Erit Fluvius Deucalionis The world shall flow with dunces Regnabitque and it shall raine Dogmata Polla Sophon Dogs and Polecats and so forth Bri. His Court advancement makes him mad I fear Sar. From hence let learning be abomination 'Mong the Plebeians till their ignorance Shall lead them blinde into the Lake of Lethe Bri. What pity 't is that honour and high places Should make men lose their wits sometimes their heads Sar. May Peasantry and Idiotism trample Upon the heads of Art and Knowledge till The world be shuffled in th' pristine Chaos Bri. Dear Sir though you are highly dignified Forget not the preferment that you promis'd me To scratch your head to make your bed to wash Your shirt to pick your toes and to evacuate Your Chamberpot Sar. Elephantem ex Musca facit She takes me for a Mountaine that am but a Mole-hill But when she reads my poverty agen And that these Garments must return to th' Gambrels Her scorn will be impetuous Enter Josina Crasie Jo. Go finde another room maid for your talk Mr. Sarpego my mother calls for you Sar. Has she receiv'd Aliquid novi newes from Court Jo. She has now receiv'd a Letter Pray be gone I have more serious business of mine own Ex. Sar. Brid You are the Creature then that my deare Doctor has sent me that can dance read write and be secret I shall use you all in all And I prithee how fares my Physitian Cra. I can confirm that he is yours protestedly And to morrow night Jo. Peace Here comes my mother Enter Pyannet reading a Letter I can my Cinquepace friend But I prithee teach me some tricks Who would care for a female that moves after the plain pace No Give me the woman of tricks Teach me some tricks I prethee Cra. Ha! Tricks of twenty Your Traverses Slidings Falling back Jumps Closings Openings Shorts Turns Pacings Gracings As for Corantoes Levoltoes Jigs Measures Pavins Brawls Galliards or Canaries I speak it not swellingly but I subscribe to no man Jos. T is a rare fellow Py. Am I then cheated my wit begins to be out of countenance O the Plague that hangs over her head that has a foole to her husband as thou and I have daughter Jo. How now sweet mother What ill newes changeth your face thus Py. O deare daughter my Lady Ticket writes here that the fool thy father is cheated of two rich Jewells that thou and I stole from the Ideot thy husband Crasie Cra. O that Crasy was ever a silly fellow Py. A very Citizen a very Citizen How should I call you Sir Jo. One Mr. Footwell Mother who teacheth Gentlewomen to doe all things Courtly to dance Courtly to love their husbands Courtly Cra. Your name is Mrs. Pyannet I take it Py. Pyannet Sneakup Sir Cra. Your husband is cozen'd at Court I take it Py. So my Lady Ticket writes Sir Cra. That Lady Ticket is a cunning creature I have been inward with her And such are my private Intelligences that if equall curtesie might recompence I could unshale a plot is upon you Py. Recompence Sir command me command my daughter my maid my house onely tell it I beseech you Jo. I pray see wherein we may be gratefull I pray speak Cra. So it is I am a decayed Gentleman quite out of repaire fallen for want of means to the use of my feet Nor have I hope to see better light but onely that Love and Fortune have put upon me a right wealthy widdow She lyes at a near neighbours house here and here I hover about her but for want of some good friends countenance some meanes for cloaths and fit housing she holds off from consummating our Marriage Now Lady Py. I apprehend you Sir Bring her to me lodge her with me I le call you Cousen I Is she very rich At a neer neighbours said you Not she at Mr. Wolsies is it Cra. The very same Py. By 'r Lady a match for my Esquir'd son and heire Beare a braine dancer or I may chance to shew you a crosse caper Sir bring your Widdow Sweare to your selfe my house is yours Now the plot or I burst Cra. Why then will I disclose who cozen'd you by what meanes you are injur'd and how you may be reveng'd onely you shal vow to conceale the secret-revealer else you lose the benefit of further Intelligence Py. Stand off daughter I will not trust mine own flesh with a secret for in truth I have found it fraile Now speak I beseech you Cra. Sure precious Mistresse very absolute creatures have had Cockscombs to their husbands Py. Nay that 's indubitable I know it by my self Cra Marry to bee made Cuckqueane by such a Cockscombe to have her Jewells prig'd away to bestow on a Court Mistresse to have a trick put upon her as you have 't would move I must confesse a woman that were not part a Philosopher and had a strong wit as you have Why did you not feele the deceit your husbands unworthinesse having no meanes to enjoy this Court-Lady but by gifts and having no course for gifts but from you procures some Pander to performe a fam'd message Your hope of game puts the weighty trust upon the counterfeit fool your husband his simplicity seems cozen'd whilst this Lady excuses all and keeps all So that your own Jewells purchase your owne horns nay and you were not withall laught at for your purchase 't were scarce enough to run mad for Py. 'T is most plaine I will have such a revenge as never woman had Enter Ticket Tic. Good Mrs. Pyannet bear 't as well as you may Your losse is heavy yet under the strength of your constant wisdome I faith my wife was so carefull lest you should take too deep sense of it that she importun'd my own presence to comfort you For sure I know Py. You are a Wittally Cuckold I know I commend thy wives modesty yet She will not doe it afore thy face but will send thee out of an errand yet Tic. What mean you you amaze me Py. Nay I look you should seem ignorant What to take sense or notice of your horne as long as it winds you into profit were most uncourtly Well you heare not me rage nor rave marry I will slit the Drabs nose crop off her eares scratch out her eyes Tic. Blesse us Py. Teare off her haire plucke out her throat that 's all Come along Sir Io. Now they are gone I prethee M. Footwell stay a little I will fetch thee some Letters to read for me which I have not open'd yet because I durst trust
wouldst teach me Sar. Quid faciendum Best stop their mouths La. T. Out you bawble you trifle you burden smock'd sweaty sluttery that couldst love a fellow that wore worsted stockins footed and fed in Cooks shops Sar. Jaculis Arcu Thunder and Lightning Py. Ods my precious Sneak. Nay dear sweet wife Py. How 's this To. Honey Mother Py. Take this and take all Why goody Complexion thou Rammy Nastinesse thou knowest wherefore thy Gentlewoman left thee did she not sweare that she To. For modesties sake Py. Had rather be at the opening of a dead old man then stand dressing thy head in a morning Remember the Page that wore thy picture and the song which thou hadst in the praise of the male Baboon Sar. Tacete parvuli You have said too much To. Indeed mother you will be sorry when you know how much you mistake some crafty fellow has put a trick upon you Sneak. Me-thinkes sweet wife you should rather condole our losse with me Py. Hold you your peace do not you prate Sar. Redde te Harpocratem The man is wise enough To. 'T is true misfortune hath wrought the Iewells from my father Sneak. Indeed wife truly truly I am Cony-catch'd To. But for my father or this Ladies wronging you as I am your son I assure you I have been an eye-witness of all fair respect towards you Py. Is it even so To. Mother as I respect your blessing it is perfect truth Py. I humbly beseech you sweet Madam that my earnest and hearty sorrow may procure remission for my inconsiderate and causelesse Invectives Let my confession seem satisfactory and my contrition win indulgency to my forgetfull delinquency I pray you let us kisse and be friends La. T. Alas sweet friend you and I have been inward a great while and for us to fall out and bare one anothers secrets Py. VVell 't was mine error not malice but as for the procurer of it if I pay not him in his owne Coyne Mr. Footwell I le shew you a trick of twenty Come son I have a wife for thee To. A Wife a Wife Mother O where is shee Py. I my boy a Wife To. O ho Py. And such a one as thou shalt blesse me for procuring Curteously farewell sweet Madam Where 's my Fool Come leave the Court sirrah and man your owne wife into the City Exeunt omnes ACT. IIII Scene III Josina Crasy Jo BUt I prethee satisfie me What returne they Received they my Jewells Cra. Yes they prov'd acceptive Jo. And what said they Can they affect Cra. Can they be damn'd Before I will undergoe againe such a business fore Heaven I do as little differ from a Pander only I have nothing for my pains or else Jo. Thou shalt have Are thy news happy Cra. Are your own wishes happy Jo. Hold spend this ten pound for me Footwel Cra. Will you make me a Bawde What a Bawde And yet introth what would not a man be for your sake that have such wit and such bounty I cannot refuse but suffer your Virtue to be exercis'd upon me Jos. Now prethee speak what 's their answer Cra. Why I le tell you they are both your own Jos. Both Footwell I prethee how Cra. Why no more but this they are both yours only you know but one hand in a Glove at once But I had so much to do with one of them such a coyle to draw him to it Jos. Which I prethee Sir Andrew Cras. Even he He saies he understands that you affect a Mountebanck Sure your Doctor is but some base bragging Rascall Jo. Do you think so Cras. How should Sir Andrew know else that he is come to embrace you to night Jo. Does he know that too Cra. Yes marry does he which the worthy Knight takes so contemptuously suffering so base a Rivall that he vowes unless you beat him bastinado him soundly when he comes he will loath you most constantly Jo. Enough if I do not make him an Example to all the bawdy Quacks in the Kingdome say there is no virtue in Cudgels and Bedstaves I le charm him for opening any more secrets of mine I le warrant him And so write to Sir Andrew Cra. Welsaid Mistress be resolute I mean to help you my selfe Jo. I le cast about for weapons instantly Exit Cra. Yes I will write to Sir Andrew 〈…〉 that which he shall have small cause to thank me for I wil write for him to come in the habit of this Doctor My◠ACT. IV. Scene IV. Linsie Wolsie Crack with a Lute c. Lin. SHee 's gone shee 's gone Was ever man so cheated Threescore pound for a Ring and the Ring gone too for which I paid it A moneths dyet and lodging besides the charge of Physick and attendance Five pound in dole bread would have serv'd my house a twelve moneth I am undone broke Bankrupt But thou Rogue shalt smart for all now I have caught thee Crac. Mercy dear Sir mercy Lin. Were you making up your packe to bee gone too Crac. Nothing but my own Sir my Lute and a few Musick-books Lin. You and your Mistresse have made sweet Musick of me Therefore sirrah quickly Are the Beadles gone for Servant within Yes Sir Lin. Therefore quickly I say as you were an Acter in the Cosenage bring her to light or Crac. Shee 's light enough her self But a very Innocent I Sir She has cozen'd me of halfe a years service wrought me off o' my leggs strain'd my backe crack'd my voyce done me to my utter undoing and can you think I knew of her running away Lin. I 'le make you sing another song sirrah Are the Beadles come Crac. Any song Sir or as many as you please He sings a song Lin. Pretty I confesse But that 's not the song must do it nor can any song please me at this time Are the Beadles come Serv. within Yes Sir they are here Crac. Deare Sir let 'em forbeare a little And if I cannot please you with a song commit me to their fury Lin. 'T is but to trifle time yet sing before you suffer Worse then t'other this you shall sing in another place to the whip to the whip Sir Bring in the Beadles and away with him to Bridewell He sings another song Crac. Yet once more good Sir try me this last time and but promise me if I can sing a song that you shall like to forgive and free me Lin. Sing a song that I shall like and I will free thee Crack sings againe Then shall a present course be found For M. Wolsies threescore pound And his Ring And the thing That has given him the slip Lin. I marry that I like well Crac. Then I have 'scap'd the whip Lin. Think you so Sir Crac. Yes For you like the song well you say and I am free I hope you will make good your noble City word Sir Lin. City words use not to passe for songs Sir Make you good the words of your
have it Sapientia mea mihi Exeunt omnes ACT IV. SCENE I. Enter Lord Lovely Crostill Bellamy Lo. LAdy 't is true hee is a bashfull Lover Unskill'd to court a Widow has not yet The Act methodicall to sweare he loves you Must and will have you nor the moving boldnesse To stirre your blood by putting of you to 't Or shewing you how t is before the Priest Declares it lawfull But he has love and sweetnesse Which you will find with full and rich content And look look here what a long middle finger he has Which with thin Jawes and Roman Nose Are never fayling signes of Widowes joyes Cros. Your Lordship is dispos'd to mirth Lo. It is My care to put you in a course of mirth Nay of felicity Cros. In marrying of that stripling Lo. Do not thinke slightly of him tho' he appeares Modest and bashfully if I have any judgement Hee 's a fit match for you His outward fortune For his estate I will make good to him And for his inward vertue never doubt Hee 'l make that good to you However still He holds his much commended Modesty Cros. My Lord you much commend his modestie And bashfulnesse urging your confidence Of his strange inward hid abilities I hope your Lordships pardon can you tell If hee has with that bashfull modesty Got any of his Mothers Maides with child Or of his Fathers Tenants Wifes or Daughters I would have some assurance Lo. Then I 'le tell you These Widowes love to heare of manly acts And choose their husbands by their backs and faces Cros. My Lord you said youl 'd tell me Lo. Yes but I would not have you cunningly To sift discoveries from me to his wrong Cros. I am loth to speake so plainely to you my Lord But by the worst that you can speake of him I may the better like him Lo. That 's her humor Then hearke you Widow to avoid his blushes Suppose I tell hee has got a bastard Cros. You may as well suppose I 'le say 't was well Lo. What say you to two or three Cros. The more the merrier Lo. He has no lesse then five old Gentlemens Young Wives with child this Moone but got all in One weeke Cros. Indeed Lo. Yes in good deed and lusty Cros. Good deed call you it to get other Mens Children Lo. Suppose they have the husbands consents Cros. I suppose they are wittalls then Lo. No they are wisealls and 't is a thing in much request among landed men when old and wanting issue of their owne to keepe out riotous Kindred from inheritance who else would turne the Land out of the Name Cros. An excellent policie Lo. You know the Lady Thrivewell Cros. And her old husband and his riotous Kinseman too Lo. You will heare more hereafter but now to him agen for whom I am spokesman Cros. In a strange way me thinks Lo. Hee is sent for farre and neere on those occasions hee is of so sweete a Composure and such sure taking mettall that hee employes my care to have him well bestowd before he begins to wast Cros. I st possible hee has done so much and sayes so little Lo. The deepest waters are most silent But he can speake and well to Bellamy Bel. My Lord Lo. I have made your love knowne to this Lady Bel. My love my Lord Lo. And have begun your suit follow 't your selfe Bel. My suit my Lord to her I never mov'd your Lordship to 't Tho' I presume she may be a happy fortune to one of my condition a poore and younger brother onely made rich and happy in your Lordships service and over-flowing favours Lo. Which I 'le take off o' you if you slight my care in seeking your preferment to this Lady of beauty equall with her faire estate in both which shee is great and her atchievement will be the Crowne and the continuance of all my favours to you you are lost if you pursue it not I would thy old Unkle Bellamy saw thy Bashfulnesse Cros. Your Lordship seemes now to wooe for me not him however I am bound in thanks to your noblenesse in your faire proportion I hope I shall not be so poore to require an advocate when I shall yeild to have a husband But your mirth becomes your honor and the young gentlemans reservednes him Ha ha ha Lo. How meane you Mistris Crostill Cros. I doe commend your mirth my Lord for the lusty straine you spoke him in that he had yet five children in one weeke wherein I may presume you thought you had mov'd to my liking ha ha ha Lo. I am glad I have made you merry But you will wish if you reject him Cros. If I reject one that tenders not himselfe yet I commend his caution Lo. As how I pray Cros. As thinking I am one of your cast peeces Knowing how well your Lordship loves the game And now would put mee on him But you misprise mee sinfully sweet Youth In such a thought how e're you should not scorne To ride in your Lords cast boots though you be Gentleman of 's house Lo. Come now he shall have none of you Cros. I 'le heare him say he will not first by your Lordships leave Lo. Spirit of contradiction Cros. Stay sir would you be content to have me Bel. You heard my Lord say I should not Cros. But say he say agen you shall speake will you have mee Lo. Say no I finde her now that is the way to win her Cros. Without instructions good my Lord Bel. Lady I finde so much your scorn already That to be wedded to 't I should dispaire My much unworthinesse consider'd to convert it Ever to love and 't is your love before Your Person or Estate that my affection Ought to direct mee to In answer therefore to your will you have mee I must say no till I perceive some signe Of love in you towards me Cros. I now he speakes Some signes of love in me How would you have it Must I declare it to you before you seeke it Bel. No I would seeke it zealously but my Lord Is off on 't now and I may lose his favour Cros. Is your love limited by his favour then Bel. Not limited but as it is as yet But in its infancy a little checkt Though it still growes and may extend beyond All limitation to so faire an object As is your selfe But still my own demerit Curbs my ambition more then love emboldens Cros. He speakes within me now Enter Saveall Carelesse Sa. Stay let us retire Here is the Lord Lovely Car. Be he a Lord of Lords I 'le not retire a foot Lo. What servants Mistris Crostill doe you keep To let intruders in O Mr. Saveall Carless salutes Crostill puts by Bellamy Sa. The humblest of your Lordships servants Lo. What Gentlemen is that you bring with you Sa. It is the Nephew of the good Knight Sir Oliver Thrivewell of which Sir Oliver I have procured unto your
No I could weepe for that Gua. How ha what 's that This money 's mine againe and thou art not If thou dost wish one dayes procrastination Degenerate brat changeling Fla. Deare Father Father Gua. Th' ast seene thy last of happinesse all content From this black minute and thy selfe are strangers Fla. Sir I beseech you heare me Gu. Get you in I 'le mew you up where never Sun shall show Into what endlesse misery I 'le cast thee Nor any sound bring succour to thine Eare To call thee back from torment Fla. Sir deare sir Gua. My selfe will be your Keeper Cook and Carver Fla Indeed you will be sorry Gua. Sorry for what Fla. For the mistake you run away withall Gua. Didst thou not say thou wept'st because to morrow was come so nigh Fla. So nigh and yet not come sir Fearing how many dangerous houres are thither Gua. Ha! I beginne to be now sorry indeed Fla. Loves Minutes sir are dayes and houres are years When each protracted multiplies our feares Gua. Now I am sorry with all my heart and here 's a Thousand checqines to expiate my trespasse But do not let thy husband know of them Till he redeeme a fault to their full value Oh mine own Girle my honey honey Girle Fla. Was not I sir applauding of your wisdome And giving you the glory of my comfort In this approved match Gua. Thou didst thou didst With teares of joy I must confesse thou didst Fla. Had you but heard me out I had magnified My fortune sprung out of your providence Gua. Speake yet and I will heare attentively Fla. First then how first your admirable wisdome Weighing how I had setled my affection Upon Francisco excellent in parts Of noble blood how ever low in fortune You gave your free consent knowing your estate To be a portion fitter to restore him Unto the dignity of his Ancestors Then to be added to anothers Muck-hill That I should be his wife Gua. What 's this you say Fla. Nay deare sir flie not off Gua. Well on then on Fla. I say you gave consent that I should be Wife to that noble Gentleman pray sit still sir As you had foreseene my future happines Only in him consisted sir untill This wealthy heire young Fabritio You Neighbour Trades-mans Son of great estate Was by his father tender'd unto you For me a husband then unseene by mee But since I must confesse a proper man Worthy a fitter Wife Gua. Sweet Modesty Fla. But that your wisdome needs will have it so By reason that his heapes may purchase honour Which to'thers wants can never wash away But farewell him I must looke this way now And crown your wisdome with this closing point That whereas I betroth'd was to Francisco And Pantalonies Sonne unto another A Lady as t is justified at Rome You force me on this man the fittest husband On whom to make my party good hereafter Who shall not dare to upbraide my breach of faith Gua. And i st not a sound policy my Flavia A Bell rings But now no more old Pantaloni comes I take it How now dos he not come Enter Nanulo Nan. Signor Pantaloni sir intreats you Meet him on the Rialto instantly That you may goe to the Advocates together Gua. It is my Flavia interchangeably To seale your Marriage covenants make thee happy Looke to my house and havings keepe all safe I shall be absent most part of this day Be carefull Girle thine own speciall good Requires thee to 't and therefore I dare trust thee Fla. Happy successe attend you sir whilst I Rest here in prayers for you Gua Thanks my child Come sirrah lock the doore But first d ee hear Beware that none have entrance in my absence Except Fabritio Pantalonie's Sonne Or such as I have warranted looke to it Nan. With due respect Gua. Come lock the doore I say Exit Fla. I I be sure of that and I could wish My thoughts were prisoners too that they might fly No further then the casement or the wicket Where they loose things get out and nothing bring Back to this heart but cold and sad returnes O my Astutta Enter Astutta Ast. Now or never helpe me Fla. As thou didst ever dreame what true love was Fancy some way to quit me of this bondage Or else contrive this houre to be my last Ast. What! would you disobey your Father what So good so carefull and so wise a Parent Fla. O doe not vex me into longer life Either speake helpe or let me die in silence Ast. Yes at sixteene you would die at sixteene Fla. Else let thy pitty of my youth preserve me Ast. O Cupid what a Termagant tyrant art thou Over poore subjects of sixteene There is not one Among a hundred of those ticklish Trifles But is more taken with a Toy at sixteene Then six and twenty because by that time The edges of most maydenheads are allayd Fla. Nay deare Astutta hast thou thought a course Ast. What to prevent your Father my good Master Thinke you I can turne traytor to his trust And crosse his purpose for your Marriage Fla. If Knife or Poyson Fire or Water may Remove this wretched cause I 'le do it else Ast. Yes you were best leape from the top o' th' house Into the Cavail grande and there perhaps Some courteous Gondaliar may catch you up And waft you to some house of deare delight Fla. Thou tortur'st me Ast. You see the doore is shut And Go-by-ground your fathers Giant here More sterne then Cerberus holds fast the Key You can make no excursion nor let in Any attempt for your redemption No Letter or a Message can approach you But by this Gyant-dwarfe your Fathers Agent Though I my selfe were wicked to assist you Fla. O couldst thou be so vertuous Then I know Some quaint devise would issue from thy braine To conjure and controwle his weaker spirits Thou knowst I have command of Gold and Jewells Enough to buy a Senators large conscience Doe thou command it all to win him to us That petty thing Dos he appeare bribe-free Is he the only officer uncorrupted Enter Nanulo Nan. Madona Flavia newes Fla. What I beseech you Nan. From your elected Bridegroome brave Fabritio Ast. Dissemble patience as you are a woman Or hope to be and heare him handsomely Fla. How dos hee Nanulo Ast. That was well said Nan. VVell and respectfull towards you it seemes For hee desires you not to stir abroad As I could wish you would not Fla. Insolent slave You know I may not stir beyond the Key You keepe and yet you wish me stay within Ast. VVill you marre all the reason Nan. The reason is he meanes to send anon A Mercadante from the Merceria The famous Pedler woman of this City VVith her most precious wares for you to choose VVhat you shall like and take them as his presents A ceremony us'd on wedding Eves Such Rings such Things such Knacks such Knots Bobs Such Curles such
Boy of a very honest Appetite sober Ignorance and modest Understanding My old Grandmothers Latine is verified upon him Ars non habet Inimicum praeter Ignorantem Ignorance is womans greatest Enemy Who 's within Bridget Enter Bridget Bri. Here forsooth Jos. Go your wayes to Mistresse Parmisan the Cheesmongers Wife in old Fishstreet and commend me to her and intreat her to pray Mistresse Collifloore the Hearb-woman in the Old Change that she will desire Mistris Piccadell in Bow-lane in any hand to beseech the good old dry Nurse mother Et cetera shee knowes where to provide me an honest handsome secret young man that can write and read written hand Take your errand with you that can write and read written hand Bri. I warrant you forsooth Exit Jos. So now will I meditate take a nap and dreame out a few fancies ACT I. Sene II. Enter Crasy booted Ticket Rufflit Tobias Sarpego Linsy woolsy Tic. WEE take our leaves Mr. Crasy and wish good Journey to you Ruff. Farewell good Mr. Crasy Tob. Adiue Brother Sar. Iterum iterumque vale Lin. Heartily Godbuy good Mr. Crasy Cra. Nay but Gentlemen A little of your patience you all know your own Debts and my almost impudent necessities satisfie me that J may discharge others Will you suffer me to sink under my Freenes shall my goodnesse and ready Pietie undoe me Sir Andrew Ticket you are a profest Courtier and should have a tender sense of honor This is your day of payment for two hundred pound Tic. Blood of Bacchus t is true t is my day what then Dost take me for a Cittizen that thou thinkest I 'll keep my day No thou 'st find that I am a Courtier let my day keep me and 't will But dost heare Come to the Court J will not say what I will do for thee But come to the Court I ow the two hundred pounds I 'll not deny 't if thou ask seven years hence for 't farewell I say no more but come to the Court and see if I will know thee Cra. O Sir now you are in favour you will know no body Tic. True t is just Why should we when we are in favour know any body when if we be in disgrace no body will know us Farewell honest Tradesman Exit Sar. That is Synonima for a fool An ironicall Epithite upon my Facunditie Cra. O Master Sarpego I know you will satisfie your own driblet of ten pound I lent you out of my Purse Sar. Diogenes Laertius on a certaine time demanding of Cornelius Tacitus an Areopagit of Syracusa what was the most Commodious and expeditest method to kill the Itch answered Cra. Answer me my monyes I beseech you Sar. Peremptorily Careo Supinis I want money I confesse some driblets are in the Debet But me thinks that you being a Man of Wit Braine Forecast and Forehead should not be so easie I will not say foolish for that were a figure as to lend a Philosopher money that cryes when he is naked Omnîa mea mecum porto Well Sir J shall ever live to wish that your owne Lanthorne may be your direction and that where ever you travell the Cornu copia of Abundance may accompany you Yes sure shall I Vive valeque Exit Tob. Why look you Brother It was thought that I had a tender Pericranion or in direct Phrase that I was an unthrifty fool Signior no you shall now find that I cannot only keep mine own but other mens It is rightly said He that is poor in Appetite may quickly be rich in Purse Desire little covet little no not your own And you shall have enough Cra. Enough Tob. Yes Brother litle enough I confesse I am your Debtor for the loane of some hundred Marks Now you have need who has not you have need to have it I have need to pay it Here 's need of all hands But Brother you shall be no looser by me Purchase Wit Get wit look you wit And Brother if you come to the Court now my Mother and my Father have bought me an Office there so you will bring my Sister with you I will make the best shew of you that I can It may chance to set you up againe Brother t is many an honest mans fortune to rise by a good Wife Farewell sweet Brother Prithee grow rich againe and weare good Cloaths that we may keep our Acquaintance still Farewell deare Brother Exit Cra. Mr. Rufflit Ruff. VVhat does thy fist gape for mony from me Cra. I hope it is not the fashion for a Gallant of fashion to break for so small a Portion as the summe of an hundred Angells Ruff. For a Gallant of fashion to break for a Gallant of fashion Dost thou know what a Gallant of fashion is I 'll tell thee It is a thing that but once in three Moneths has money in his Purse A creature made up of Promise and Protestation A thing that foules other mens Napkins towseth other Mens Sheets flatters all he feares contemns all he needs not sterves all that serve him and undoes all that trust him Dost ask me mony as I am a Gallant of fashion I do thee Curtesie I beat thee not Cra. I lent it you on your single word Ruff. T is pittie but thou shouldest loose thy Freedom for it you Tradesmen have a good Order in your Citty Not to lend a Gentleman money without a Cittizen bound with him But you forsooth scorne Orders By this light t is pitty thou loosest not thy Freedome for it VVell when I am flush thou shalt feel from mee Farewell Prithee learne to have some witt A handsome streight young fellow grown into a pretty Bear with a proper bodyed VVoman to his VVife and cannot beare a Braine Farewell Dost heare Be rul'd by me Get money do Get money and keep it wouldst thrive Be rather a knave then a Fool How much dost say I ow thee Cra. Fifty pound Ruff. Thou art in my Debt I have given the Counsell worth threeskore Dog-cheap well I 'll rent the odde mony Exit Lin. Strange mad fellows these same Mr. Crasie me thinks to deale withall Cra. You are right Mr. Linsie wolsie I would my Genius had directed me to deale alwayes with such honest neighbourly men as your selfe I hope you will not deny me a Curtesie Lins. Not I I protest what is it Cra. You took once a Jewell of me which you sold for thirty pound for which I have your Bond for sixty at your day of mariage If you will now because I want present money give me but twenty pound I 'll acquit you Lin. My good friend Mr. Crasie I have no tricks and Jerks to come over you as the witty Gentleman had ere while But I know a plaine bargaine is a plaine bargaine and wit is never good till it be bought If twentie pound will pleasure you upon good security I will procure it you A hundred if you please do you mark Mr. Crasie On good security Otherwise you must
pretends this straine but onely to explore your strength of means and to try how far you dare engage them for her enjoying Ruff. I will send them win her use her suck her Purse recover my own gain hers and laugh at the poor Cuckhold her Husband Commend with these my lifes blood and Soules service to my Mistris Farewell Exit Enter Ticket Cra. Sir Andrew Ticket I take it Tic. The same Sir Is Mrs. Crasie within I cannot keep pace with her Mother O when jealousie is once set a going it runs on high speed But let her make hast to arrive at Court while I land on her Daughter in the City Is she privately idle Crasie spits at Ticket What dost thou mean by that Cra. My Vow 's discharg'd and her Revenge is done I am no Pandar Sir and yet I am of Counsell with Smock secrets Buttock businesse Sir Are you so stale a Courtier and know not the necessity of Gifts Tic. Is that the matter I am rejected by her Cra. Why would it not provoke any Woman to be called foole and foule-face Tic. I never call'd her so by the Soule of my Affection not I Cra. No Do you not intimate she is a foole when you hope to enjoy her without a Gift And foule when your neglect of cost saies she deserves none Tic. 'Fore Heaven I was a silly Asse now I think on 't to send a Sonnet without some rich present Cra. Why Sir A man must do as he would be done to Do you or any man use to be made Cuckhold for nothing Tic. I should have sent a Gift What if I enjoy her she may requite it Cra. May Nay can nay will Look you Sir here 's Gold Here are Jewels They are hers they may be yours I would not seem a Pandar to you though for you have a Wife Sir Tic. Pish who cares to drink out of a River What I can command out of duty hath but a dull relish Had not Danae been kept in her brass Tower she had never tempted a Gods piercing I must send though it be but to shew the ability of my Fortune and the desert of her Beauty Cra. And then to send but a trifle would disgrace both Tic. Hold convey this Carckanet unto her t is of value and let her read by this how much I seek her Cra. And how deare you hold her Sir I can speak but I use to take nothing for my paines Tic. Yes receive this little Nay I prethee Cra. Only not to appeare Uncourtly or uncivill I protest I abhor Pandarisme only as a second or so As you have beheld two Horses knubbing one another Ka me Ka thee an old kind of Courtship Tic. I prethee return instantly my success You shall find me at the Ordinary come and Dine with me Cra. I have procur'd a private Stable for my Horse And therefore I my selfe would be loth to stand at Livery Cra. Dost compare common Stables for Horses and publick Ordinaries for Gallants together Cra. Troth yes sir for as in Stables here a goodly Gelding of twenty Pounds price there a raw-backd Jade of foure Nobles by him So at Ordinaries here a worthy Fellow of means and virtue and there a Cheating Shifter of wants and cosenage Here a Knight there a Beggar Here a Gallant there a Gull Here a Courtier there a Coxcomb Here a Justice of Peace and there an Esquire of low Degree Or in direct Phrase a Pandar Tic. Such a one as thou art Cra. Umh Virtue goes often wetshod and is forc'd to be cobled up with base means to hold out water and cold necessity You command me no further sir Tic. No honest Knave farewell Exit Crasy Now Mr. Crasy will I button up your Cap with a Court-brooch You demand Debts do you I le pay you none Oh t was a notable dull Flat-Cap He would invite Courtiers stand bare say grace make legs kiss his hand serve us in perfum'd linnen and lend us money upon our words or bare words Were 't not a sin to let such a foole passe unsuckt No Fortune drest him only for us to feed on and I le fall to Exit ACT. IV. Scene 11. La. Ticket Sneakup Toby Page La. Tic. BEE comforted Mr. Sneakup Remember you are in my Chamber Beare the heart of a Husband who scorns to tremble at the face of his Wife Do not feare sir Tob. Stand firm Father do not sinck before the face of a Lady La. I have sent my own Husband to satisfie her and I hope he will do it throughly Be your selfe therefore all the Pleasures the Pallace can afford shall strive to mitigate your feares Sneak. Have you any Pleasures in the Court can make a man forget he has a Wife To. Sir we have pleasures will make a man forget any thing even himselfe therefore necessarily his wife who is but part of himselfe La. T. Boy sing your song of the Court delights They sit Sneakups head in the Ladies lap The Page sings Enter Pyannet with a Truncheon Sarpego Py. Are you lull'd in your delights No pillow for your Goatish head but her Ladyships lap Sneak. O dear O wife I did not know you were so nigh truly Py. You are ignorant still I know But I will make thy bones suffer as well as my browes Thou Cullion could not thine own Cellar serve thee but thou must be sneaking into Court Butteries Sneak. Oh oh oh Sar. Vae misero To. Hold deare mother La. T. Sweet Mrs. Pyannet hold Py. Art thou there daughter of an Intelligencer and strumpet to a Bearward La. T. Now Beauty blesse me was not thy mother a notorious Tripe-wife and thy father a profest Hare-finder Gip you Flirt Py. How now Madam Tiffany Will none but my Cock serve to tread you Give me my Jewells thou Harlot To. Mother Pray Mother Py. Bestow steeping thy skin in perfumes to kill the stink of thy paintings and rotten inwards to catch Cockscombs To. Dear mother Py. But thou shalt not cozen and Cucquean me To. Sweet mother Sar. Lupus in fabula The Devill 's in the womans tongue Py. A whip on her rotten eggs and kennell dirt on her silken Whoreship Sar. Nil tam difficile Nothing can lay her La. T. Nay let the Countrey Gentlewoman bee mad and rave on she knowes I know my Countrey Gentlewoman had a Bastard before shee was married Py. Did um so The Countrey Gentlewoman was more chaste in a Bastard then the Court Madam in her barrennesse You understand me you have no Green-sicknesse there yet I hope you have few Christ'nings you have trickes for that have you To. Nay mother Py. You have your Kickshaws your Players March-paines all shew and no meat Sar. Nulli penetrabilis Astro Shee 'l heare no reason La. T. Go to you know how in private you commended your Horse-keeper to me Py. Well And didst not thou in as much privacy counsell me to contemn my husband and use an Italian trick that thou
of Italy by our selves only the plot premeditated to what our aim must tend Marry the Speeches must be extempore Mrs. Bride would I have to play Dame Luxury and Mr. Footwell here the Prodigall Py. And my husband the Fool Enter Sneakup Josina and Bridget Sneak. I and 't please you wife Sar. I le play the Inductor and then we are all fitted Try I pray you what is Lady Luxury A woman regenerative Tob. A Whore wife Sar. In sincerity not much better then a Curtezan a kind of open Creature Try And do you think me fit to represent an open Creature Saving your modesties a Whore Can I play the Strumpet think yee Jos. Trust me Sister as long as it is done in private in ones own House and for some few selected Gentlemens pleasure Me-thinks the part is not altogether the displeasingst Try Modesty defend me you think t is nothing to play the Strumpet Sar. Why surely religious Lady it can be no disgrace to you to figure out the part For she that cannot play the Strumpet if she would can claim no great honour to be chast Bri. How gravely and sententiously he speaks Tob. Wife it shall be so It is my first Injunction you shall do it or disobey me You must play it Try What the Whore sir Tob. I in jest What hurt is 't And Mother you shall excuse my Father for this once For since my wife plaies the Whore I le play the Foole my selfe Though I know you had rather see him do it you shall see for a need I can make shift to perform it as well as he as naturally and to the Life Sar. Exceeding well thought on I pray you Lady approve of it Py. Let learning direct I am not to prescribe to the Muses To. Come sweet heart let 's in and tire us and be ready to enter presently Sar. I fausto pede Ex. Tob. Try Now for the Prodigall Cra. O doubt not Mr. Sarpego For know Sir I am but a poor serving creature that lives upon expectation Oh Sir my end must be husks Feare not my discharge of the Prodigall Exit Sar. Nil nisi Carmina desunt To entertaine ye while we attire our selves We want but now some Musick or a Song But thinke you have it Sit wee 'l not be long Exit Py. Seat you Gallants Sit sweet Sir Andrew Madam and the rest and wee 'le imagine Musick as M. Sarpego bids us Enter Linsle Wolsie and Crack with his Lute How now By what misrule comes he to trouble us Lin. By your leave Gallants I have brought you Musick Py. You Sir I know your purpose and it is prevented you come after the Marriage to forbid the banes Ha ha ha you are short M. Wolsie you are short Lin. Good Mrs. Sneakup you are wide I come to wish joy to the match and to tell you I rejoyce that I mist a Bridegrooms part Py. How 's that Lin. You see I wear no Willow and am merry All 's true you told me boy Crac. Yes by my detestation to Bridewell Sir Lin. Sing boy that song If I have any griefe it shall be all vented in a Hymeneall Song Tic. I have not known him in this humor Ruf. Sure 't is a merry madnesse for the losse of the widdow Py. Since you come friendly you are welcome M. Wolsie Pray sit with us and heare your Hymeneall Song Crack sings Jo Hymen Jo Hymen Jo Hymen Py. This begins well Was wont to be still the old song At high Nuptiall Feasts Where the merry merry guests With joy and good wishes did throng But to this new Wedding new notes do I bring To raile at thee Hymen while sadly I sing Fye ô Hymen fye ô Hymen fye ô Hymen What hands and what hearts dost thou knit A Widdow that 's poore And a very very Whore To an Heire that wants nothing but wit Yet thus far O Hymen thy answer is made When his moans are spent they may live by her trade Py. He sings Hymen and Hymen but me-thinkes the song is scandalous to the Marriage Lin. Excuse me Lady though I was cozen'd of the Bride I have no such malice 't is a song that the boy could sing by chance and made by a couple that were lately married in Crooked-Lane Py. O is it so Sir I knew not what to make of it Florish Enter Sarpego the Prolocutor Tic. Let us attend I pray the Prologue enters Sar. Right Country Dame and Courtly Lady Look for sense as small as may be But if wit deceive your thinkings Know our Muse disdaines base shrinkings Hold a while your Verdicts bridle Judge not yet our Project idle Till at length the close may show it If we act the part of Poet Enter Tryman and Toby She loosely drest like a Curtezan a bowle of wine in her hand He in a fools Cap and Coat Speak Lechery and Folly Luxury I would say I need not prompt them they know what they should say Try Out you base Rascall you muddy Slave thou hast married me and I will drink a health to thy Cuckoldmaker She drinks it off To. Sfoot I am afraid shee 'l play the whore better then I shall act the fool Try Thou under-hearted dull-blooded Pantaloon thou whose utmost honour is to be made so good a thing as a Cuckold thou sonne of a Copy-holder and the Pudding-pye womans daughter dost thou think dar'st thou but imagine that I shall ever vouchsafe to love to doe any thing but laugh at thee Hence you Poultroon thy voyce sounds not so farre as thy breath stinks Kicks him To. Nay but nay but do you heare wife I do not very well like this me-thinks you play too much in earnest Try In earnest Why Goodman Fool you Cocke you Ninnihammer you Clotpold Countrey Gentleman thou dirty greediness Py. Why how now daughter Are you well Methinks you over-do it too much Try Thou dream'st my good husband that thou hast married the rich widdow ha ha ha Sar. Now enters Prodigality Enter Crasy in his own habit all hung with Chaines Jewells Bags of Money c. Cra. When the troth is deare brother you have married the rank whore Ha ha ha To. Sir who brother Crasy Jo. Sweet husband Py. Dear son Tic. Ruff. Precious friend Lin. Neighbour Crasie Sar. Dij boni Domine Crasie Cra. And how doe you wife When comes your Doctor Pulsfeel But a kisse and so forth And would not one of these free Gallants these proper youths have serv'd the turne I pray pardon mine incivility Mother I was bold to retaine mine owne Jewells Ha' you not forgot your singles and your doubles your fallings back and your turnings up wife Jo. Why ifaith dear heart dost thinke me so simple that I did not know thee all the while Alas man I did but counterfeit as you did to maintaine the jest kisse me sweet duck onely to maintaine the jest ifaith Cra. Yes yes yes we are Friends I heartily thank these kind Gentlemen for