enough for me to consider the Divine nature in Unitie of Essence unless I go yet further and find a Trinity of Persons to be curious in this search is dangerous to be careless damnable nothing may be here safely seen but what is gratiously revealed Lord no man can see thee as thou art in thy self suffer mee therefore to see thee as thou art unto us that I may know thee and love thee and delight in thee and be for ever known and loved of thee If there were not an eternity of being then it may be truly said that not being was before being and so that being had its rise from-not being by causing it self to be when it was not So should Privation which was eternally evill produce that glorious being which is eternally good Seeing this cannot be it will hence follow that being was from all eternity and that this being was eternally Good for that which was good in the effect must needs be far more eminently good in the cause That this eternall good being must be also infinite because eternity it self is infinite That this infinite eternall good being must be of infinite power to continue infinitely That this infinite power must also bee of infinite understanding to support and preserve this eternall infintie good beeing and this infinite understanding is God Where there is an infinite understanding there must also be an infinite object to be understood els could it not be insinitely active and so should both eternity and infinitie suffer diminution and become defective which were for them both to be and not to be which is impossible and seeing there can be no object infinite out of God therefore this eternall infinite and ever-blessed object must of necessity be God Where there is an infinite understanding and an infinite object to be understood there cannot choose but be an infinite and eternall love for from this infinite Understanding of this infinitely amiable and for ever blessed object there must needs proceed an infinite delight whereby it infinitely injoyeth its own excellency and eternally reflecteth on the beauty of its own perfection els this infinite eternall understanding should want power to enjoy this infinitely aimiable object and so should be neither good infinite nor eternall and this infinite and eternall love is God Now because this Understanding Object and Love are all infinite and that whatsoever is infinite must of necessity be God it will from thence truly and undoubtedly follow that this understanding is God this Object God and this Love God And because it is as equally impossible that there can be any more than one infinite therefore it will as assuredly follow that these three are one three in Existence one in Essence three in Order one in Eternity three persons one eternall infinite glorious incomprehensible wise God to whom be glory for ever Amen This is that blessed Father Son and Holy Spirit that ineffable most mysterious Trinity in Unity eternally injoying blessedness in its own Essence This is that blessed inter-union of that ever blessed Spirit that most unspeakable immutable incomprehensible fruition of eternall joy at which the blessed Angells stand amazed in which the blessed Saints shall sweetly rest themselves for ever All this and infinitely more than this thou art Lord in thy self thy Wisdom Justice Mercy Truth Power Holiness and whatsoever other Attributes thou art pleas'd to take unto thy Divine Essence are unto thee one although unto us divers and thou art therefore pleased diversly to manifest thy self unto us because we cannot otherwise conceive thy being than according to thine outward working thy distinct operations are unto us the divers Indications of thine eternall undivided and for ever blessed essence And now Lord who can see thee thus and live I have hitherto seen nothing but destruction to my body amazement to my soul In thine Essence there is light inaccessible unto which no mortall eye can approach in thine attributes terror unutterable from which no mortall man can escape Thy wisdom trying my corrupt heart and scoarching my sinfull reines Thy Justice most severe fearfull in the pronunciation dreadfull in the execution Thy truth admitteth of no alteration no Judgement pronounced but precisely fullfilled Heaven and Earth shall pass away but not one tittle of thy sacred word Thy Holiness is such that even the blessed Angells are impute in thy sight what then shall become of me a miserable wretch the thoughts of whose heart are only evill and that continually were it not for thy rich mercy I were lost for ever by this alone I am for ever reconcilâ—d unto thee and shall eternally be blessed with thee I can here with joy unspeakable and glorious behold thee my loving Father affectionately imbracing me in Christ from all eternity by the sweet working of thy holy Spirit this is that truly-blessed vision of the sacred and mysterious Trinity in this life of Grace that will for ever make me truly happy in that of Glory Lord if I find thee not Three in One to my soul's comfort in this life I shall never be found of thee to be blessed in thee in that to come Without thy Power it had not been decreed without thy Wisdom it had never been acted without thy Love it had never been sinished Here in a severe Judge I joyfully behold a mercifull Redeemer In a glorious Divinity a true Humanity united to the Deity not mixed with it Before I had three Persons in one Essence here I have two Natures in one Person God and Man one Christ in whom and by whom I have a joyfull interest and undoubted union in the Godhead Here is the Father promising the Son performing the Holy Spirit confirming This is alone that blessed sight of God that bringeth rest and quietness to my weary soul To know him to be my God to have suffered for my sin and risen again for my Justification To find him supporting sustaining me in my infirmaties relieving my wants chastising my errors revenging my wrongs repairing my breaches directing my wayes protecting my person wounding rending breaking my obdurate heart creating in me a clean heart and renewing a right Spirit within me bemoaning bewailing mine iniquities inviting nay compelling me to mercy and forgiveness Seeing now O my Soul that Gods being in himself is incomprehensible and his Love in Christ unutterable with what Filial fear shouldst thou think of him with what awfulness name him with what reverence and preparedness pray unto him with what heat of affection love him with what carefulness and conscience fear to offend him with what cheerfulness and holy diligence devote thy service to him Blessed Lord Seeing that I am utterly unable of my self to comprehend thee O let me be graciously comprehended of thee that corruption may be swallowed up of immortality and humane frailty of eternall glory As thou hast given me an understanding in part to know thee so give me also affections intirely to love thee and fixed
whole life a very sink of sin and all uncleanness When thy hand hath been heavy upon me I have then promised thee amendment when thy rode hath been taken off from me I have again returned to mine evil courses this plainly sheweth that I have hitherto sought but any self in thee and may therefore justly fear to be forsaken of thee I have been undutiful to thee my God envious and uncharitable to my neighbour hypocritical to the world deceitful to mine own soul My thoughts have been wanton my desires lascivious my actions unclean I have been blind to thy precepts deaf to thy promises dumb in thy praises lame in thy services sick at thine ordinances dead to thy imbraces I have broken all my promises I have slighted all thy threatnings I have abused all thy mercies I have rejected all thy favours I have delayed my repentance I have resisted the checks of mine own conscience I have quenched the motions of thy blessed Spirit and turned thy grace into wantonness and yet as if all this had been too little to condemn me I have most daringly presumed on thy mercie and most ungracionsly resolved to go on in my impieties Lord thou hast peomised to forgive those that repent to ease those that are heavy laden to raise up those that are fallen to satisfie those that are hungry and to bind up those that are broken-hearted O Lord my God I earnestly desire to repent I am laden with a burthen insupportable I am feeble and sore smitten with the terrors of thy Law my flesh trembleth and my heart fainteth I am fallen into the very mouth of hell I am sorely wounded with the remorse of mine own accusing conscience and hungry for the sweet refreshings of thy saving grace Thou O Lord hast made me sensible of this my great misery and thou alone canst make me capable of thy rich mercy unto that mercie therefore I appeal with sighs in my soul and sorrow in my heart O thou which art the blessed fountain of all goodness which desirest not the death of a sinner but rather that he should repent and live have mercy upon me O thou which art the Saviour of the world which camest to seek and to save those which were lost have mercy upon me O holy and for ever blessed Spirit thou which feedest and refreshest the distressed soules of thine Elect have mercy on me Let thy power O blessed Father support my weakness thy wisdom O blessed Son supply my folly thy love O blessed Spirit restrain my wilfulness that as thou art eternally one so I may for ever be at unity with thee although most wofully divided in my self Lord as thou hast given me a heart to pray unto thee so give me also a soul to praise thee and a serius resolution to perform those promises I make unto thee Lord sweeten all my sorrows by thy blessed sufferings inlarge my heart with thankfulness for thy many favours strengthen my weak faith restrain my rebellious nature increase daily in me the gifts and graces of thy blessed Spirit indue me with a perfect hatred against all sin and grant dear God that daring and presumptuous sinnes may never have dominion over me Amen CHAP. 14. Upon Quenching the motions of Gods holy Spirit COnsider O my soul from whence these happy thoughts arise and wherefore if they were from nature they must needs savour of corruption but now they are from Grace they summon thee to goodness they beckon thee to immortality Thy God now calleth thee to repentance he offers thee his gracious pardon for thy sin his love his protection his peace his grace his glory He now woeth thee to favour and thou a wofull wretch convicted by thine own accusing conscience condemned by divine Justice rebelliously rejectest all these gracious offers Ah what wofull folly is this nay rather what wilfull madness As there is a time of calling so there will be a time of rejecting the blessed wind of Gods holy Spirit bloweth but where it listeth when it is once gone thou knowest not whether it shall ever return God will have mercy on whom he will have mercy and whom he will he hardeneth Rom. 9. Ah wo be unto that soul whose time of calling is once past a thousand worlds cannot redeem its loss If thou wilt not now embrace these comfortable breathings of his tender love thou shalt then endure the bitter storms of his incensed wrath If thou wilt not embrace his Mercy thou shalt exalt his Justice I called unto you saith God and yee refused to come I held out my hand and ye would not look towards me therefore will I forsake you in your extremity when your fear cometh as desolation and your destruction as a whirlwind when distress and anguish cometh upon you then shall they call upon me but I will not answer they shall seek me early but they shall not find me Prov. 1.24 27 28. Gods clemency and patience in this life will assuredly exasperate his fury and revenge in that to come as his Mercy is unutterable so his Justice is intollerable both are his divine being and therefore both must needs be infinite both are to manifest his glory and therefore both must be eternall From hence is that expression of Saint Vaul It is a fearfull thing to fall into the hands of the living God Heb. 10. From hence it is that wicked men are left unto their own swing in this life that they may be payd home with Gods wrath in that to come Let this teach thee O my soul to welcome these endeared motions of the gladding Spirit to thirst for them to rejoyce in them to think no thought too dear to be disloged for them Blessed Lord I hear thee calling thy holy Apostle Saint Peter and I see him readily forsaking all to follow thee how often hast thou called me a sinfull wretch by the sweet motions of thy blessed Spirit and I have hitherto refused to forsake the very least of all my sins for thy sake who willingly forsookest all the pleasures of this life for mine Long hast thou waited my repentance but I have yet hated to be reformed Mercy hath been offered and I have not esteemed it Judgement hath been threatned and I have not regarded it thou hast not onely whispered unto me by thy gracious visits of thy blessed Spirit but thou hast even called me aloud by thy divine hand of wholsom chastisement By loss of friends by loss of means by loss of health by loss of liberty and without thy rich mercy by the great danger of that greater loss of thy Gospel and thereby of thy gracious presence in this life and thine eternall joys in that to come All this my sins have justly brought upon me and yet for all this my wretched heart desires to be a stranger to thee Lord who am I that thou so graciously invitest unto mercy Lord what am I that now presume to speak unto thee I am so
temptation if the World frown upon them they can chearfully say and faithfully believe that A small thing which the righteous hath is better than great riches of the ungodly Psal 37.16 if it smile that They then account all things but loss and dung in compare of Christ Jesus if outward blessings be present they are humble under them and thankfull for them if absent They can patiently tarry for the Lord for they know he is their help Psal 33.14 and that No good thing will he withhold from them that love him Psal 34.10 if sickness seize upon them The Lord is about their bed and about their path and spieth out all their waies their waies of sin and their waies of sorrow yea He maketh their beds in their sickness by ease to their bodies comfort to their souls if famine threaten them they have God's promise to maintain them For the eye of the Lord is upon them that fear him and upon all those that put their trust in his mercy To deliver their souls from dearth and to feed them in the time of security Psal 33.17 18. if sudden danger approach them they have heavenly succour to defend them for The Angell of the Lord tarrieth about all them that fear him to deliver them yea even Death it self is an advantage to them and therefore no waies able to affright them for Pretious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his Saints and therefore Though the Lord kill them yet will they trust in him Iob 13.15 Lord if thy mercy be thus great unto me while I am yet in my sinfull flesh how unspeakable shall I find thy love when my body is become spirituall my joy eternall From these outward enjoyments may well be derived their inward contentments but by their inward refreshments is enjoyed that incomparable inconceivable unutterable sweetness that blessed peace of God and joy in the holy Ghost which passeth all our understanding God's holy Spirit witnessing with their spirits that they are his children and most pretious in his sight and they are now fully perswaded with his blessed Apostle that Neither Death nor Life nor Angels nor Principalities nor Powers nor things present nor things to come nor height nor depth nor any other Creature shall be ever able to separate them from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord Rom. 8. 37 38. How full of solid comfort is this blessed assurance how are our souls ravished with apprehension of the sweetness of our present comforts of the fulness of our future joyes these blessed earnests of that ever blessed Spirit are the faithfull pledges of his future embraces far above the reach of Malice to disturb or Devill to destroy Hence it is that our faith is pretious our hope lively our joy glorious our lives safe our deaths blessed and from hence arise those many and those rich endowments of the Saints their zeal burning their love wonderfull their desires earnest their longings insatiate their petitions for enjoyings importunate Lord what can I desire more of thee than what I enjoy from thee I have thy mercy without me and thy mercy within me thy mercy in life and thy mercy in death thy mercy from the beginning thy mercy to the end and thy mercy without end I am even crowned and encompassed with mercy O let me now say with holy David I will allwaies give thanks unto the Lord and his praise shall be ever in my mouth Psal 34.1 Let me not onely praise thee my self but with him allso invite others to praise thee O praise the Lord with me all ye his Saints and let us magnifie his name together Psal 34.3 O tast and see how gratious the Lord is blessed is that man which putteth his trust in him Be glad O yee righteous and rejoyce in the Lord and be joyfull all yee that are true of heart Psal 32.12 And now Lord having had a tast of the sweetness of thy Saints happiness on earth I willingly forsake all to follow them I have too long been straying in the strange pastures of impiety and am now joyfully desirous to be led home to thy fold that I may feed in the green and fresh pastures of thy sacred precepts and drink freely of those waters of comfort in thy blessed promises that I may so drinle that I may never thirst but be fully satisfied with thy grace in this life with thy glory in that to come O let this evill world neither allure me to its vanities nor betray me from thy mercies but as thou hast overcome the world for me so by thy grace assisting it may be allso overcome by me Thou hast indeed told me that I shall mourn in it but my mourning shall be turned into joy and that my joy shall no man take from me Lord I believe help my unbeliefe I embrace thy cross I despise the shame for that glory which is set before me of which I have a safe assurance by the blessed earnest of thy holy Spirit in me To thee O Father Son and holy Spirit one eternall infinite incomprehensible and ever blessed Goodness be all possible praise honour and glory now and for ever Amen O thou great God who hast tender bowels of compassions and multitudes of mercies for us miserable sinners who art not easy to be provoked but ever ready to forgive who sufferest not thy whole displeasure to arise against us but even in thy very judgements remembrest mercy and art then moved with the sight of our misery have mercy upon me a great and grievous finner Lord I have sinned I have transgressed I have done foolishly in departing from thy judgements But righteousness belongeth unto thee O Lord and unto me shame and confusion of face O let thy bowels of compassions remove out thy sight my multitudes of transgressions that I may now appear before thee with a joyfull heart and happy soul Let thy words be sweeter to me than the hony and the hony comb than the vain pleasures and false profits of this life O let my chiefest joy be in thy service my greatest delight to walk in thy waies and all false waies of pollution and uncleanness let me utterly abhorr Give me that inward peace that quietness of conscience which the world cannot take from me that when I am afflicted by it I may not be condemned with it Lord let me faithfully believe and gratiously improve the constancy of thy love in the worlds great unconstancy the richness of thy mercy in this wretched ages misery O that my eye might drop without ceasing that my heart might break forth into complaints and my soul be melted into sorrows for mine own and others sins that have occasioned these heavy judgements these sad complainings of thy people Lord as I have been a great and grievous sinner amongst them so let me be a constant and a true mourner for them as thou hast beheld us sinning so now allso behold us sorrowing
a Father thou wilt abhor that sin that hath so much provoked his displeasure thou wilt most solemnly protest against it and seriously resolve for ever to avoyd it thy sin will be ever before thee to humble thee here to exalt thee hereafter Thy degrees of sin will have thy degrees of sorrow thy measure of pollution will require thy measure of sanctification As thou hast given up thy members to be servants of sin so thou must now yeeld them up to be weapons of righteousness as thou hast been drowned in pleasure so thou must be drencht in tears yea those tears will be thy dayly food to nourish thee in grace to enrich thee in glory O how truly-blessed is that soul which hath unfeignedly resolved on this good this great this necessary work that can cheerfully and joyfully express it self with holy David and say Lord I am bowed down greatly I goe mourning all the day long I have roared out for very anguish and unquietness of heart If thou hast Davids sorrow O my soul thou shalt assuredly have Davids joy thou shalt say with him allso Lord I am thy child and the son of thine handmaid thou hast broken my bonds in sunder Psal 116.16 Satan may now tempt thee and through thy frailty and infirmity prevail against thee but to become a customer to evill the powers of hell cannot entice thee a thousand worlds are not now of that value with thee as the joyfull remembrance of thy passed dangers thy present comfort thy future safety Thou hast now seen O my soul how absolutely necessary this great work is think now how happy will be the performance how full of danger the delay the longer thou continuest in sin the more remote thou art from grace What extreme folly is this in thee to deprive thy self of that friend of whom thou hast most need If thou findest thy self so backward to this holy duty now how averse wilt thou be hereafter when sin is more deeply rooted in thee the devill in more firm possession of thee and God himself removed further off from thee From whence now are these false hopes these vain promises of future happiness how darest thou refuse these gracious offers of eternity how full of doubtfulness and extreme hazard is this false assurance of that holy Spirit which thou hast so often grieved Be not deceived God is not mocked look what a man soweth even that shall he reap he that soweth in the flesh shall reap corruption he that soweth in the Spirit life everlasting If thou wilt not hear Gods call in this life he will not hear thine in that to come if thou wilt not mourn for thy sins here thou shalt howl for them for ever And who shall then have pitty upon thee or who shall be sorry for thee or who shall pray for thy peace thou hast abandoned me saith God thou hast gone from me and now will I stretch out my hand against thee to destroy thee Jerem. 15.5 6 Lord let this teach me to deal truly with my self to search narrowly for sin timely for sorrow and speedily for pardon Seek the Lord O my soul while he may be found for in the great water-floods of his eternall wrath thou shalt not come nigh him Lord I have sinned and I desire to repent I have layen long festering in the grave of sin and cannot be now raised without a miracle I have sinned in delight in consent in action in custom in long continuance of custom without remorse of conscience without thought of repentance I am grown old and impudent in sin and am no more worthy to be called thy child Lord I am become loathsom to my self how much more odious unto thee who art a God of pure eyes and canst behold none iniquitie I have sinned against thee I cannot repent but by thee my transgression is active my obedience passive I can no more arise from sin than death even this desire of sorrow is from thee the repair of my corruption is the work of thy creation when thou hast raised me by thy grace thou supportest me by thy goodnesse thou leadest me by thy providence thou drawest me by thy patience thou compellest mee by thy power Such is my weakness such is my feebleness by nature that I cannot rise without thee that I cannot stand without thee when I am raised by thee such is my strength such is my ability by grace that I am able to go with thee that I am joyfull to run after thee Lord quicken and revive me from the death of sin and grave of misery sustain my wounded conscience with the sweetness of thy saving promises let thy patience and long-suffering lead me in to repentance thy holy Spirit unto perfect holiness and endless happiness Lord Jesus draw me and I shall joyfully run after thee my body in obedience to my soul my soul and body in obedience to thy blessed will more zealously more willingly more constantly to my lives end Amen CHAP. 21. Upon Servile fear and the danger thereof NO child can fear his father as lie ought that is not jealous of his fathers honour that is not feelingly affected with his injuries and zealously devoted to perpetuate his praise and it is as equally impossible that this father can affect that son whose obedience is rather enforced by power than invited by affection If this be so in Nature it is much more so in Grace for thou O Lord art now a double father to me thou art my father by creation and my father by redemption Lord as thou hast doubled thy goodness towards me I should have doubled my return of thankfulness towards thee Thy love to me is absolute no breach can dissolve it no time determine it thy love to me was from the beginning and whom thou lovest thou lovest to the end My love to thee is fickle false and full of imperfections and if my filiall fear even in my rest performances be full of spots and blemishes in thy sight how most deformed shall I appear when I serve thee with an irreligious and ungodly fear when I doe thy will repiningly and coldly not for love of thy mercy but for fear of thy justice when I am knowingly and willingly consenting to thy great dishonour when I am so zealous in the worlds cause yea too too often in the devils cause and so benummed in thine when sorrows dismay me and sins delight me Ah Lord how far am I from what I ought to be If I go on in this path I perish everlastingly while I continue in this course of disobedience I hang over hell fire by the slender twig of an uncertain life and if that once break my loss is irrecoverable Thou Lord hast sayd it and thy word is truth He which denieth me before men him will I deny before my Father which is in heaven Lord let this teach me to delight in thy service to be jealous of thine honor to thirst for thy
favour to tremble at thy frown to submit to thy rod to think nothing too dear to part withall to purchase thy grace to promote thy glory Thou O Lord lovest not a cowardly Christian if I prefer any thing to thy love I am most unworthy of it that friendship is too dearly bought which cannot be enjoyed without the loss of thy favour If my brother offend me I will labour to restore him with the spirit of meekness lest whilst I study to rebuke another I become guilty my self No sin shal pass me without some shew of distast without some feeling of my Makers injury and my brothers misery If I be not moved with compassion for anothers sin I shall never be moved with contrition for mine own such comfort as I can willingly afford another I may well hope shall be graciously conferred on my self In my reproof of sin I will observe these holy cautions lest while I endeavour to become serviceable unto thee I prove injurious to my neighbour Private sins shall not have publique reprehensions neither shall publique sins be undecently reproved by me a private person Piety must not confound Charity nor Religion Policy Lord I may easily transgress even in my best intentions how grievously have I then failed in my rebellious actions when I have not feared thee with that sincerity of heart which becometh thy child when I have not loved thee for that beauty for that richness for that goodness which thou art but for those outward blessings which I enjoy from thee when I serve thee for base and by respects such and so unbeseeming my profession so far below that soul which thou hast given me that thou mayst justly now withhold thy blessings from me when I have hitherto sought but my self in thee when my thoughts have been carnall my words hypocriticall my service deceitfull To thy glory Lord and mine own deserved shame I willingly confess that I have not only sinned through the frailty of my nature but I have sinned allso with an high hand sin hath not onely surprised me at unawares but I have obeyed it in the lusts thereof with willingness with greediness with joyfulness I have not onely corrupted mine own wayes before thee by mine own sins but I have allso foolishly contracted others faults by hearing and seeing thee my God dishonored in vain and sinfull discourse in more vain and sinfull excess without shew of dislike without thought of reproof yea Lord I have added unto others sins by mine example while I have feared to reprove that which I have known to be distastfull unto thee while I have seemed to love that which hath been hatefull to mine own soul With those time-pleasing Rulers in the Gospel I have believed in thee but because of the Pharisees because of outward respects I have feared to confess thee and have loved the praise of men more than the praise of God But thou Lord who art infinitely good and ever ready to forgive whose wise and over ruling Providence is only able to produce the greatest good out of the greatest evill Pardon and pass by my many and my weak compliances of sinfuâ—l nature supply my defects accept my desires incourage my endeavours Let thy power be magnified in my weakness thy love in my willfulness thy grace in my sinfulness Suffer me not O Lord to run from thee by a base and servile fear of thy Justice O let me rather run into the bosom of thy love by a filiall fear in sweet and safe assurance of thy mercy Lord make me to see the fearfulness and ugliness of sin by the bright rayes of thy celestiall beauty O let me patiently and joyfully and thankfully endure thy sweet chastisements for it and speedily and constantly withdraw my longings from it Give me an yearning and relenting soul for grieving thy good Spirit give me O Lord that chast and blessed fear belonging onely to thy children that I may not fear thee to tremble at thee but to love thee to honor thee to delight in thee to enjoy thee Lord make me jealous of every deed of every word of every thought that may displease thee and truly penitent for all those sins by which I have so much dishonoured thee Indue me with a loyall heart to love thee truly as I ought strengthen this love with holy confidence and happy perseverance that may for ever hanish this unholy fear that so my joyfull soul may live above the reach of humane misery that I may be capable of no fear but of offending thee and that I may not onely fear thee my self but be jealous allso of thy fear in others Lord let nothing in this life withdraw me from a zealous and a constant love to thy service from a faithfull and devout indeavour to promote thy glory that so I may be ever found truly obedient unto thee my God religiously acquainted with the affairs of this life piously affected to the good of mine own soul Amen CHAP. 22. Upon the great neglect of reckoning daily with our consciences and the benefits lost thereby COnsider O my soul how venomous the nature of sin is if thou canst afford to sleep in small sins thou wilt not stick to welcom greater Sin is of an incroaching nature if thou suffer it to sleep in thy bosom it will expect to dwell there Little sins are harbingers to bigger ones if thou lodgest these those will challenge entertainment Let each evening therefore take a strict accompt of that daies action and where thou findest thy self failing pray heartily for pardon In thine entrance upon this holy course thou wilt surely find three potent oppositions Satan will tell thee that God requireth no such strictness at thy hands the World will tell thee thou hast this or that employment to consider of thine own Corruption will perswade thee that nature will abhor this discontented course that thy spirits will be too much dulled and thy life will prove uncomfortable Alass my soul these are delusions to betray thee to a greater mischief As there are degrees of Sanctification so there are of Pollution no man becometh evill in an instant from hence it is that sometimes the soul can start even at the very thought of that sin which by degrees it can digest without disturbance If holy David had accounted with his conscience after his lustfull looks on Bathsheba doubtless those fearfull sins of his had never been committed O let not any vain pretences deter thee from this task but the blessed benefits allure thee if the entrance be harsh the progress will be safe the continuance sweet the end happy By this enquiry thou shalt see thy sins those great disturbers of thy pâ—ace arraigned convicted condemned and by the mercy of thy Saviour dayly dying in thee Satan repulsed the gifts and graces of Gods holy Spirit strengthened thy mournings comforted thine infirmities susteined thy conscience quitted thy rejoycings exalted the holy Angels delighted and thy heavenly Father well
joyfulness of heart contentedly rely upon thee Enrich my heart with heavenly thoughts give me that better part which cannot be taken from me Lord what thou deniest me of these outward comforts make good unto me by thine inward mercies that all these earthly things may work together to the best to mine advantage so shall my present poverty be an undoubted earnest of my future glory Amen CHAP. 34. Upon Sickness and ungodly repining thereat AS every good and perfect gift is from above so is allso every punishment for sin by every proportion of sorrow For misery cometh not out of the dust neither doth affliction spring out of the earth Iob 1.5 6. That Divine Goodness which wisely and affectionately disposeth all things to the good of his chosen by his holy providence hath suited their degrees limited their powers and appointed their ends every pain in sicknesse every pang in death have their just number weight and measure I't is the Lord let him doe what he will nothing can befall me but by his Divine allowance nothing shall dismay me that my God inflicteth on me if my visitation be grievous I am sure it is safe For He chastiseth me for my profit that I may be partaker of his holiness Blessed be that sorrow which allureth me from sin blessed be that misery that inviteth me to mercy 〈◊〉 kiss it I embrace it and with humbleness of heart I joyfully and patiently submit unto it The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh blessed be the name of the Lord Iob 1.21 I humbly confess Lord that my great and grievous sins have most justly deserved this great and grievous affliction that thou mightest long since have deprived me of my life for depriving thee of thine honour that I am most unworthy of this thy gentle visitation for I am full of rottenness and corruption and therefore can expect no other but to be fill'd with sorrow and affliction thou hast given me a body for thy service but I have defiled it with sin and wickedness thou gavest me a soul enriched with thy heavenly graces but I have defaced it with unthankfulness and disobedience no faculty of my soul no member of my body but are most impure and sinfull in thy sight Thou O Lord knowest all my foolishness and my faults are not hid from thee thou seest how vainly I have mis-spent my pretious time how carelesly abused that continued health which thou hast given me how seriously been busied on the Creature how wretchedly neglected thee the great Creatour Thou hast often weaned me from sin by thy blessed motions by thy gratious admonitions by thy gentle visitations by a wasted body and a wounded soul and yet I still sin without ceasing without sorrowing without repenting such are my faults so grievovs mine offences that I now blush to name those sins before thee by which I have so often and so foolishly rebell'd against thee and now after all this allthough thou hast with lasting patience waited my return and art inforced to withdraw thy present mercy yet thou art moved to behold my present misery evâ—n in thy very wrath thou hast compassion on me Habac. 3.2 while thou seemest by this present sickness to withhold thy favour from me thou gratiously intendest by this blessed means to shew thy self more lovingly unto me for I know Lord that thy judgements are just and that thou of very faithfulnesshast caused me to be troubled Psal 119.75 Theresore Though thou killest me yet will I trust in thee Iob 13.15 Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death yet will I fear no evill Psal 23.4 Behold Lord I am willingly and joyfully and thankfully in thy hands doe with me what thou wilt if I live I shall praise thee if I dye I trust I shall goe home unto thee and be for ever blessed with thee O thou Father of mercies and God of all consolations behold me thy sick servant with thine eye of pity and compassion O remember not my former sins but have mercy upon me O Lord and that soon for I am come unto great extremity O Lord my God I am troubled I am bowed down greatly I goe mourning all the day long thou writest bitter things against me and makest me possess the iniquities of my youth O let the sweetness of thy mercy qualifie the sharpness of thy Fatherly correction consider me O Lord that I am but dust full of frailties and infirmities forgive me for thy mercy sake Remember not the sinfull failings of my youth but according to the richness of thy goodness be thou mindfull of me O righteous Father look not on the multitude and hainousness of mine offences but look upon the bitter passion of thy blessed Son he was wounded for my transgressions he was broken for mine iniquities O by his blessed stripes let my sinfull soul be healed Enable me to suffer this thy gentle visitation with that meekness and contentedness of soul that becometh thy child and so bless it unto me that it may bring forth in me the quiet and the happy fruits of righteousness that it may drive my thoughts to immortality and fix my soul upon eternity Blessed Lord my hope is in thee my soul trusteth in thee and under the shadow of thy wings shall be my refuge untill this misery be overpast O Lord consider my complaint for I am brought very low Let my present anguish more prevail with thee to move thee to compassion than my former foolishness to stir thy wrath and indignation O enter not into judgement with thy servant for no flesh is righteous in thy sight Lord I confess my wickedness and am sorry for my sin for thy Names sake O Lord be mercifull unto my sin for it is great my confusion is daily before me and the shame of my face hath covered me my heart is disquieted within me and the fear of death is fallen upon me Lord I am thine O save me for thy mercy sake into thy hands I commend my self for thou hast redeemed me O Lord thou God of Truth Forsake me not O Lord my God be not thou far from me hast thee to help me O Lord God of my salvation O spare me for thy mercy sake that I may recover my strength before I goe hence and be no more seen Amen CHAP. 35. Upon the misery of Life and blessedness of Death I am a Pilgrim and a Stranger here as all my Fathers were I am wearied out with travell and long to be at rest I am lodged here but with great cost and greater danger this seeming sweetnesse hath cost me much true sorrow many bitter sighs and aking hearts disturbance of body distraction of soul I have sought for help here below but can find none no creature on earth to relieve me none to support me I have seen pleasure to be folly and laughter madness men of low degree to be vanity of high degree a lye their understanding vain their labours vain