greatest winner Wert not a merry ieast to haue about againe Maister R. G. with your poetical Brethren amongst the which one learned Hypocrite that could brooke no abuses in the Commonwealth was so zealous that he began to put an English she Saint in the Legend for the holinesse of her life and forgot not so much as her dogge as Tobies was remembred that wagged his tayle at the sight of his olde Mistresse This pure Martinist if he were not worse had a combat betweene the flesh and the spirite that he must needes haue a Wife which he cunningly conny-catcht in this manner A pleasant Tale how a holy brother Conny-catcht for a Wife FIrst you must vnderstand that he was a kind of Scholastical panyon nourst vp onely at Grammer schoole least going to the Uniuersitie through his nimble witte too much learning should make him mad So he had past As in praesenti and was gone a proficient as farre as Carmen Heroicum for he pronounst his wordes like a â—ragout and helde vp his head like a Malt-horse and could talke against Bishops and 〈◊〉 very mannerly the discipline of the Primitiue Church were restored Now sir this Gentleman had espyed I dare not say about Fleetstreet a proper mayd who had giuen hir by the decease of her Father foure hundred pound in money besides certaine faire houses in the Cittie to this girle goeth this proper Greek a wooing naming himselfe to be a Gentleman of Cheshire and only sonne and heyre to his Father who was a man of great reuenewes and to make the matter more plausible he had attyred his owne brother very orderly in a blew coat and made him his seruingman who though he were eldest yet to aduaunce his yonger brother to so good a marriage was content to lie cog and flatter and to take any seruile paines to sooth vp the matter insomuch that when her Father in law for hir mother was marryed againe to an honest vertuous and substantial man in Fleetstreet or thereabouts heard how this yoong Gentleman was a Suiter to his daughter in law careful she shoulde doe wel calde the Seruing man aside which by his outward behauiour seemed to be an honest and discreet mâ—n and began to question with him what his Maister was of what parâ—â—tage of what possibilitie of liuing after his Fathers decease and how many children he had beside him This fellow wel instructed by his holy Brother without distrust to the man simply as he thought said that he was the sonne and heire of one Maister c. dwelling in Cheshire at the Manor of c. and that he had a yoonger brother but this was heyâ—e to all and rehearst a proper liuing of some fiue hundred markes a yeare The honest man knowing diuers Cheshire Gentlemen of that name gâ—ue credyte to the fellowe and made no further inquiry but gaue countenaunce to my yoong Maister who by his flattering speeches had wonne rot onely the Maydes fauour vnto the full but also the good wil of her Mother so that the match shortly was made vp and marryed they shoulde bee forsooth and then should she her Father and her Mother ryde home to his Father in Cheshire to haue suâ—â—icient dowry appointed To bee breefe wedded they were and bedded they had been three or foure nights and yet for all this fayre shew the Father was a little iealous and smoakt him but durst say nothing But at last after the marriage had beene past ouer three or foure dayes it chaunced that her Father and this Seruingman went abroad and past through S. Paules Churchyard amongst the Stationers a Prentise amongst the rest that was a Cheshire man and knew this counterfayte Seruingman and his brother as being borne in the same Parish where his Father dwelt called to him and sayde What I. how doth your Brother P. how doth your Father liues he stil The fellow aunswered him all were wel and loth his brothers wiues father should heare any thing made no stay but departed This acquaintance naming the fellow by his name and asking for his brother droue the honest Cittizen into a great maze and doubted he his wife hâ—s dâ—ughter were made Connyes Wel he smoothed all â—p â—s if he had heard nothing and let it passe til he had sent the man about necessary businesse and then secretly returned againe vnto the 〈◊〉 shop and began to question with the Boy if he knew the 〈◊〉 â—an wel that he cald to him of latâ— I marry doe I sir quoth 〈…〉 and his brotheâ— P. I can tel you they haue an 〈…〉 at the boordes end but my yoong Maister and he very coyly badde them all welcome to his fathers house they all gaue him reuerent thankes esteeming him to be a man of worship and worth Assoone as all were set and the meate serued in and the Gentlemans Seruing-man stood mannerly wayting on his brothers trencher at last the good man of the house smiling said Sonne P. I pray you let your man sit downe and eate such part with vs as God hath sent vs. Marry quoth Maister P. that were wel to make my man my companion he is wel inough let him suppe with his fellowes Why sir sayth he in fayth he plaine cal him brother and bid him sitte downe Come coossen I. quoth he make not straunge I am sure your brother P. wil giue you leaue At this Maister P. blusht and askt his Father in lawe what he meant by those wordes and whether he thought his man his brother or no I by my faith doe I sonne quoth he and account thee no honest man that wilt deny thine owne brother and thy father For sir know I haue learnd your pettegree Alas daughter quoth he you are wel marryed for his Father liues of the almes of the Parish and this poore Fellowe which he hath made his slaue is his eldest Brother At this his wife began to weepe all was dasht and what she thought Gâ—d knowes Her mother cryed out but all was bootlesse Maister P. confest the trueth and his brother sate downe at supper and for al that he had the wench I pray you was not this a Conny-catcher Maister R. G. But now to be a little pleasant with you let me haue your opinion what you deeme of those Amarosos here in England about London that because the old prouerbe saith change of pasture makes fat calues wil haue in euery shire in England a sundry wife as for an instance your countryman R. B. are not they right Conny-catchers enter into the nature of them and see whether your pen had been better imployed in discouering their villâ—inies thaÌ„ a simple legerdemain at cards For suppose a man hath but one daughter and hath no other dowrie but her beautie and honestie what a spoile is it for hir to light in the hands of such an adulterous and incestuous rascal had not hir father beene better to haue lost forty shillings at cardes then to haue
his daughter so conny catcht and spoyld for euer after These youths are proper fellows neuer without good apparel and store of crowns wel horst and of so quaint fine behauior so eloquent that they are able to induce a yong girle to folly especially since they shadow theâ—r villainy with the honest pretence of marriage for theyr custome is this When they come into the Cittie or other place of credit or somtime iâ— a country village as the fortune of theyr villany leads them they make inquiry what good marriages are abroad on the sunday make suruey what faire and beautiful mayds or widowes are in the Parish then as their licentious lust leades them whether the eye for fauour or the eare for riches so they set downe theyr rest soiourne eyther there or thereabouts hauing money at wil and their companions to sooth vp whatsoeuer damnably they shal protest courting the maid or widow with such faire words sweet promises that shee is often so set on fire that neither the report of others nor the admonition of their frends can draw them from the loue of the Poligamoi or bel-swaggers of the country And when the wretches haue by the space of a moneth or two satisfied their lust they waxe weary either faine some great iourney for a while to be absent so go visit some other of his wiues or els if he meane to giue her the bagge he selleth whatsoeuer he can and so leaues hir spoild both of hir wealth and honestie then which there is nothing more preâ—ious to an honest woman And because you shal see an instance I wil tel you a pleasant tale performd by our villaines in Wiltshire not long since I wil conceale the parties names because I thinke the woman is yet aliue A pleasaunt Tale of a man that was marryed to sixteene Wiues and how courteously his last wife intreated him IN Wiltshire there dwelt a Farmâ—r of indifferent wealth that had but oâ—ely one childe and that was a daughter a mayd of excellent beauty and good behauior and so honest in hâ—r conuersation that the good râ—port of hir verâ—ues was wel spoken of in alâ— the cuntry so that what for hir good qualiâ—ies sufficient dowry that was like to fal to her she hâ—d many suters mens sons of good welth and honest conuersation But whether this mayd had no minde to wed or she likte none that made loue to her or she was afrayde to match in haste least shee might repent at leysure I know not but she refused all kept her stil a virgin But as we see oftentimes the coyest maydes happen on the coldest mariages playing like the beetle that makes scorne al day of the daiâ—tiest slowers and at night takes vp his lodging in a cowshâ—rd So this maid whom we wil cal Marian refused many honest and wealthy Farmars sonnes and at last lighted on a match that for euer after â—ard her market for it fel out thus One of these notable roges by occupation a taylor and a fine workman a reprobate giuen ouer to the spoyle of honest maids to the deflowring of virgins hearing as he trauelled abroad of this Marian did meane to haue a fling at her and thereâ—â—re came into the towne where hir father dwelt and asked worke A very â—oâ—est man of that trade seeing him a passing proper man and of a very good and honest countenance and not simply appâ—relled sayd he would make trial of him for a garment or two and so â—ooke him into seruice assoone as hee saw him vse his needle he wondered not onely at his workemanshippe but at the swiftnes of his hand At last the felloâ— whom we wil name William desired his Maister that he might vse his sheeres but once for the cutting out of a dublet which his Maister graunted and he vsed so excellently wel that although his Maister was counted the best taylor in Wiltshire yet he found himself a botcher in respect of his new intertained iourneyman so that from that time forward he was mâ—de foremaâ— of the shop so pleased the gentlemen of that shire that who but William talkt on for a good taylor in that shire Wel as yong men and maydes meet on sondayes holydaies so this taylor was passing braue began to frolike it amongst the maydes to be very liâ—eral being ful of siluer and gold for his personage a properer man than any was in all the Parish and made a far off a kind of loue to this Marian who seeing this William to be a very hand some man began somewhat is affect him so that in short time she thought wel of his fauors there grew some loue betweene them insomuch that it came to hir fathers eares who began to schoole his daughter for such foolish affectioÌ„ towards one she knew not what he was nor whither he would but in vaine Marian could not but thinke wel of him so that her father one dâ—y sent for his Maister and began to quâ—sâ—ion of the disposiâ—â—on of his mâ—n The Maister told the Farmar friendly that what he was hee â—new not as being a meâ—re strangâ—r vnto him but for his workmansâ—ip he was one of tâ—e most excellent bâ—th for needle and sheeres in England for his behauior since he came into his house he had behaued himself very honestly and 〈◊〉 wel apparelled he was and well moâ—ied might for his good qualitiâ—s sâ—eme to be a good wâ—mans fâ—llow Although this somewhat satisfied the father yet he was loth a tailâ—r should 〈◊〉 away his daughter that she should be driueÌ„ to liue of a barâ— occupation whereas she might haue landed men to her husbandes so that hee and her friendes called her 〈◊〉 and perswaded her from him but she flatly told them â—he neuer loued any but him and sith it was her first loue she would not now be turned from it whatsoeuer hap did afterward befal vnto her Her father that loued her dearly seeing no perswasions could draw her from the taylor left her to her owne libertie and so shee and William agreed togither that in short time they were married and had a good portion and set vp shop and liued togither by the space of a 〈◊〉 of a yeare very orderly At satisfied with the lust of his new wife he thought it good to visit some other of his wiues for at that instant hee had sixteene aliue and made a scuse to his wife and his wiues father to go into Yorkshire which was his natiue country and visit his friends and craue somwhat of his father towards houshold Although his wife was loth to part from her sweet Wil. yet she must be content and so welhorst and prouided away hee rydes for a moneth or two that was his furthest day and downe goes he into some other country to solace himself with some other of his wiues In this meane while one of his wiues that he married in
or about Tanton in Sommersetshire had learnd of his villany and how many wiues he had and by long traueyle had got a note of their names and dwelling and the hands and seales of euerie parish where he was marries and now by fortune shee heard that hee had married a wife in Wilshire not farre from Malborough thither hies shee with warrants from the Bishop and diuers Iustices to apprehend him and comming to the Towne where he dwelt vere subtilly inquired at her host of his estate who told her that be had married a rich Farmers daughter but now was gone downe to his friendes in Yorkshire and would be at home againe within a weeke for hee had been eight weekes alreadie from home The woman inquired no further for that time but the next morning went home to the Farmers house and desired him to sende for his daughter for sheâ— would speake with her from her husband the man straight did so and shee hearing she should haue newes from her William came very hastily Then the woman said shee was sory for her in that their misfortunes were alyke in being married to such a ruâ—â—agate as this Taylor for quoth shee it is not yet a yeare and a halfe since hee was married to me in Somersetshire As this went colde to the olde mans heart so stroke it deadly into the mind of Marian who desiring her to tell the truth she out with her testimony and shewed them how he had at that instant sixteene wiues aliue When they read the certificate and sawe thâ— handes and seales of euery parish the old man fel a weeping but such was the griefe of Marian that her sorrow stopt her teares and she â—at as a woman in a trance til at last fetching a great sigh she called God to witnes she would be reuenged on him for al his wiues and wâ—uld make him a general example of al such gracelesse runnagates So she conceald the matter and placed this her fellow in misfortune in a kinswomans house of hers so secretly as might be at tending the comming of hir trecherous husband who returned within a fortnight hauing in the space hee was absent visited three or foure of his wiues and now ment to make a short cut of the matter sel al that his new wife had and to trauel into some other shire for hee had heard how his Somersetshire wife had made inquiry after him in diuers places Being come home he was wonderfully welcome to Marian who entertained him with such curtesies as a kind wife could any waies affoord him only y â— vse of her body she denied saying her natural disease was vpon her Wel to be briefe a great supper was made and al her friends was bidden he euery way so welcome as if it had bin the day of his bridal yea al things was smoothed vp so cunningly y â— he suspected nothing lesse then y t reuenge inteÌ„ded against him Assoone as supper was ended al had taken their leaue our taylor would to bed and his wife with her own hands helpt to vndresse him very louingly and being laid down she kist him said she would go to hir fathers come again straight bidding him fal a sleep the whilest hee y â— was drowsie with trauel drinking at supper had no need of great intreaty for he straight fel into a sound slumber the whilest she had sent for his other wife other her neighbors disguised comming softly into the parlour where he lay she turnd vp his clothes at his feete tyed his legs fast togither with a rope then waking him she asked him what reason he had to sleep so soundly He new wakte out his sleep began to stretch himselfe and gald his legs with the cord whereat he wondring sayd How now wife whats that hurts my legs what are my feet bound togither Marian looking on him with lookes ful of death made him this answer I villaine thy legs are bound but hadst thou thy iust desart thy necke had long since been stretcht at the gallowes but before thou and I part I wil make thee a iust spectacle vnto the world for thy abhominable trechery and with that she clapt her hand fast on the haire of his head and held him down to the pillow William driuen into a wondrous amaze at these words said trembling Sweete wife what sodain alteraâ—ion is this what meane these words wife Traytor q. shee I am none of thy wife neither is this thy wife with that she brought her forth that he was maried in Somersetshire although thou art maried to her as wel as to me and hast like a villaine sought the spoâ—le of fifteene women beside my selfe that thou shalt heare by iust certificat with y â— there was read the bedrol of his wiues where hee married them and where they dwelt At this hee lay mute as in a traunce only for answer held vp his hands and desired them both to be merciful vnto him for he confest al was truth that he had bin a â—ainous offender and deserued death Tush saith Marian but how canst thou make any one of vs amends If a man kil the father he may satisfie the blood in the sonne if a man steale he may make restitution but he that robs a woman of her honesty â—ir gâ—nitie can neuer make any satisâ—action and therfore for al the rest I wil be reuenged With that his other wife and the women clapt hold on him held him fast while Marian with a sharpe rasor cut off his stones and made him a gelding I thinke shee had litle respect where the signe was or obserued â—itle art for the string but off they went then she cast them in his face said Now lustful whoremaister go I deceiue other women as thou hast done vs if thou canst so they sent in a surgion to him y â— they had prouided away they went The man lying in great paine of body agony of mind the surgion looking to his wound had much ado to stanch the blood alwaies he laught hartily when hee thought on the reuenge and bad a vengeance on such sow-gelders as made such large slits but at last be laid a blood-plaister to him stopt his bleeding and to be briefe in time heald him but with much paine Assoone as he was whole and might go abroad without danger he was committed to the gaole and after some other punishment banished out of Wilshire and Somersetshire for euer after Thus was this lustie cocke of the game made a capon and as I heard had litle lust to marry any more wiues to his dying day How like you of this conny-catching M. R. G But because now we haue entred talke of Taylors let mee haue about with them for they bee mightie Conny-catchers in sundry kindes I pray you what Poet hath so many fictions what Painter so many fancies as a Taylor hath fashions to shew the