mee with the blessings of thy sweetnesse even from the beginnings for thou O Lord and my hope from the very time that I was a suckling yea before I was borne hast provided and prepared the waies that I should walk in and by them attain to the glory of thy heavenly Kingdome thou hast knowne mee before thou didst forme mee in my mothers belly and before I issued out of my mothers wombe thou hast preordained of mee whatsoever seemed good to thy divine pleasure I know not O Lord what things are written of me in thy Booke in the secret of thy Consistory which make me to feare exceedingly but thou knowest them all particularly because that which I expect by succession of dayes and times a thousand yeeres hence to bee fulfilled in the sight of thy Eternity is already accomplished and that which is to come is already done but I for that I know not these things living heer in a darke and obscure night cannot but feare and tremble whilest I see sundry dangers on every side assaulting me troupes of enemies pursuing me and infinite miseries of this life invironing me And were it not that the ayd of thy grace doth succour me in these my manifold tribulations I should soon fall into desperation but I have a great hope and confidence O my God in thee who art a God of unspeakable mercy and pity and the consideration of thy infinite mercies are no small comfort unto mee in my miseries The former tokens likewise of thy love and mercies shewed towards me before my nativity but appearing now especially doe put mee in hope for the time to come to receive more ample and greater favours from the hands of thy bountifull liberality which thou doest reserve for thy friends and those that love thee to the end that my hope may rejoice in thee O Lord my God with a sacred and lively cheerefulnesse with which thou doest continually comfort my old disconsolate years CHAP. XII O God of Gods O Lord in mercy surmounting the malice of men I know thou wilt not alwaies be silent then I meane when a flaming fire shall burne before thee and a terrible tempest shall showre down round about thee when thou shalt call both Heaven and earth to judge and discerne thy people and lo in the presence of so many millions of people all mine iniquities shall be revealed before so many troops of Angels all my abominations shall be displayed not only of my actions but likewise of my words and cogitations there shall I poore wretch stand to be judged by so many as have gone before me in doing good I shall by so many accusers be thought worthy of Hell as have given mee example to live well I shall be convinced by so many witnesses as have admonished me by their wholsome speeches and by their godly pious conversation have carried themselves worthy of imitation O my Lord I know not what to say I know not what to answer and albeit I am as yet free from that terrible danger neverthelesse my conscience doth afflict me the hidden secrets of my heart do torment mee coveteousnesse doth presse me pride doth accuse me envy doeth consume mee concupiscense doeth enflame me lust doeth molest me gluttony doth disgrace me drunkennesse doth convince me detraction doth rent me anger doth disturbe me behold O my deliverer who hast delivered me out of the hands of cruell people behold with whom I have lived from the day of my birth with whom I have studied and with whom I have kept promise those very studies which heertofore I affected doe condemne mee which in times past I praysed do now dispraise me These are the friends to whom I have assented the teachers whom I have obeyed the masters whom I have served the counsellours whom I have beleeved and the familiar acquaintance to whom I have consented Woe is me O my God for that my abode heere is prolonged woe is me O my light for that I have lived with those that live in darkness and seeing holy David sayd so much how much more may I bee able to say my soule hath dwelt too long in a strange land O my God my force my fortress no man can be justified in thy sight my hope is not in the sons of men Whom wouldest thou finde justified if thou shouldest judge severely setting mercy aside neither is there any thing whereof a just man may vaunt or which can bring him to glory unlesse thou prevent him before hand with thy mercy and pitty I therefore O my Saviour believe what I have heard that it is thy goodnesse that doth draw mee to repentance thy holy lips have told it me No man can come to me unless my Father who hath sent me draw him Seeing therefore it hath pleased thee to instruct me and by instruction hast vouchsafed mercifully to informe me I beseech thee with all the forces of my heart and mind O Almighty Father together with thy most beloved Son I beseech thee likewise O most blessed Saviour with the holy and blessed Spirit vouchsafe to draw me unto thee that I may run after thee and forsaking all things transitory I may only adhere unto thee and devote my soule and body only to thy service Who is like unto thee O Lord my God thou art great in sanctity terrible and worthy to be praised doing things that deserve to be admired too too late have I knowne thee O true light too late have I known thee and the cause was for that there was a great and dark cloud before my eies that delighted in vanity which hindered me from beholding the Sun of justice and the Light of all verity I was wrapt in darknesse being the child of darkness I loved darkness because I knew not the light I was blind and loved blindness and walked through one darknes into another who hath delivered me from thence where I remained as a blind man sitting in darknesse and in the shaddow of death who hath taken me by the hand and led met forth of the same who is he that hath thus enlightened me I sought him not and he called me but who is he thou art he O Lord my God being most mercifull and pittifull yea the father of mercies and God of all comfort Thou O Lord my God most holy art he that hath done the same whom I confesse with my whole heart rendring thanks to thy holy Name I did not seeke thee thou hast sought me I did not call upon thee thou hast called me Thou hast thundred from Heaven with a great voyce into the internall care of my heart saying let light be made and light was made whereupon that great and dark cloud which had covered my eies departed and was dissolved whereby I have seene thy light and known thy voyce I said truly O Lord thou art my God who hast delivered mee out of darkness and from the shaddow of death calling mee into the admirable
reconciled me unto thee when thou didst abhor me for my sins thou didst send him from heaven to me to shew that thou art ready to heare him for us therefore in him I come unto thee in him I will call upon thee O my Redeemer Preserver and my Saviour to thee be praise with the Father and the Holy Spirit for ever Amen Who shall stay mee from my Father and my Brother and my Comforter I Owe God a death as his Son died for me ever since I was borne I have been sayling towards this Haven and gathering patience to comfort this houre therefore shall I be one of those guests now that would not come to the banquet when they were invited what hurt is in going to Paradice I shall lose nothing but the sense of evil and anon I shall have greater joyes then I feele pains for my head is in Heaven already to assure me that my soule and body shall follow after O Death where is thy sting why should I fear that which I would not escape because my chiefest happiness is behind and I cannot have it unlesse I go unto it I would goe through Hell to Heaven and therefore if I march but through death I suffer lesse then I would for God my pains do not dismay me because I travell to bring forth eternall life my sins do not affright me because I have Christ my Redeemer the Judge doth not astonish me because the Judges Son is my Advocate the Devill doth not amaze me because the Angels pitch about mee the grave doth not grieve me because it was my Lords bed O that Gods mercies to me might move others to love him for the less I can expresse it the more it is the Prophets and Apostles are my forerunners every man is gone before me or else he will follow after me if it please God to receive mee into Heaven before them that have served him better I owe more thanks to him and because I have deferred my repentance till this houre wherby my salvation is cut off if I should dye suddenly lo how my God in his mercifull providence to prevent my destruction calleth me by a lingring sickness which stayeth till I be ready and prepareth me to my end lik a Preacher and makes me by wofull pains wery of this beloved world lest I should depart unwillingly like them whose death is their damnation so he loveth me whilst he beateth mee that his stripes are Plaisters to salve me therefore who shal love him if I forsake him this is my whole desire now to strengthen my body with my heart and to be contented as God hath appoynted untill I glorifie him or he glorifie mee If I live I live to sacrifice if I die I die a sacrifice for his mercy is above my iniquity therefore if I should fear death it were a signe that I had not faith nor hope as I professed but that I doubted of Gods truth in his promise whether he will forgive his penitent sinners or no. It is my Father let him doe what seemeth good in his sight Come Lord Jesus for thy servant commeth I am willing help my unwillingnesses For the Morning NOw that the day star doth arise Beg we of God with huÌ„ble cries Hurtfull things to keep away While we duly spend the day Our tongues to guide so that no strife May breed disquiet in our life To shut and close the wandring eye Lest it let in vanity To keep the heart as pure and free From â—â—nd and troubled fantasie To tame proud flesh while we deny it A full cup and wanton diet That when the day light shall go out Time bringing on the night about We by leaving worldly wayes May in silence sing God prayse Amen Come Holy Ghost our soules inspire And lighten with celestiall fire Thou the anointing spirit art Who dost thy sevenfold gifts impart Thy blessed unction from above Is comfort life and fire of love 〈…〉 with perpetuall light The … nesse of my blinded sight Anoâ—â—t and cheere my soyled face With the abundance of thy grace Keep 〈◊〉 my â—oes give peace at hom Where thou art guide no ill can com Teach mee to know the father son And thee of both to be but one That through the Ages all along This may be my endles song Prayse to thy Eternall Merit Father Son and Holy Spirit A Prayer for the Morning O Lord be mercifull unto mee a miserable sinner O Lord I beseech thee let thine eares bee attentive unto the prayer of thy servant that desires to feare thy name and prosper I pray thee thy servant this day And good Lord I beseech thee send thy holy Spirit into my soule so to teach mee to pray unto thee that both my selfe and my prayers may be acceptable in thy sight O Lord my strength and my Redeemer And good Lord I beseech thee to remove all my sinnes out of thy sight that they may neither hinder my prayers from ascending up unto thee nor thy mercies from descending downe upon me And good Lord I humbly beseech thee to banish out of my heart and soule all evil thoughts and desires all fond love and affection all carnall lust and concupiscence and whatsoever else may any way hinder mee from the true love and worship of thy divine and sacred Majesty O Eternall God maker and high possessour both of Heaven and Earth looke downe I humbly beseech thee with pity and compassion upon a poor miserable distressed sinner who am not worthy to lift up my eyes towards the throne of thy divine and sacred Majesty much lesse worthy of any of thy mercies and gracious blessings which continually from time to time thou hast beene pleased to bestow upon mee for O Lord so many and so mighty are my sinnes wherewith I have offended thy divine and sacred Majesty both in thought word deed and desire that if thou shouldst enter into judgement with mee and deale with mee according to thy justice and my desert I must expect nothing but eternall death and damnation But I most humbly beseech thee for Jesus Christ his sake that it wil please thee to have mercy upon me and to pardon me all my sinnes and offences and to remove all those judgements away from mee which my sinnes have deserved and give mee grace ever heerafter to amend my ungodly life and to love and serve and honour thee truly faithfully and unfeignedly without pride presumption vaine glory and hypocrisie from these and all other deadly sinnes good Lord deliver me And good Father I give thee most humble thanks for all thy mercies and gracious blessings which continually from time to time thou hast been pleased to bestow upon me more especially for that it hath pleased thee this night past to preserve me from all evills notwithstanding all my sinnes and ill deserts Lord thou mightest have made my bed my grave and throwne my soule into the deep pit of hell hadst thou dealt with mee according
to thy justice and my desert but good Father as thou hast given me time so I beseech thee for Jesus Christ his sake to give me grace to repent and amend my ungodly life and to spend those remnant of dayes which thou hast appointed me to live only in thy service And to that end O Lord I humbly beseech thee withdrawe my heart and soule from the love of the world and worldly vanities and wholly devote it unto the love and service of thy divine Majesty And good Father I humbly beseech thee for Jesus Christ his sake that it wil please thee to continue thy loving favour unto me in preserving me this day from all sin and wickednesse from all evill thoughts words deeds and desires and from all evill and misfortune both of soule and body good Lord sanctifie my soul and body this day and evermore to thy service Lord blesse and prosper all my proceedings all my thoughts words deeds and desires and grant that they may all bee directed to the honour and glory of thy Name the good of others and the peace and comfort of my owne soule and conscience when I shall come before thee to make my last accounts Lord keep me in thy faith fear and love and give me grace to live in thy feare and die in thy favor and good Lord I humbly beseech thee to grant mee the use of my sight senses and limbs whilest I live in this transitory life that I may bee the better inabled to serve thee Lord bee mercifull to thy whole Church and chosen people every where and in thy good time establish thy true Religion and Worship amongst us which is agreeable to thy holy wil and word And now good Lord Into thy hands I humbly commend my soule and body my life and all that ever I have to be guided directed and protected by thee good Lord suffer me not this day to doe any thing to displease thee but let thy holy spirit guide and direct mee thy holy Angels pitch their tents round about mee to keepe and protect mee from all the assaults of my enemies both bodily and ghostly this day and ever Good Lord shew me the way wherein I shall walke and the thing that I shall doe and give mee grace to walke humbly faithfully and sincerely before thee this day and all the dayes of my life grant this O most mercifull Father and whatsoever else thou in thy divine wisedome knowest most needfull for me and that for the merits of thy deare sonne my Saviour Jesus Christ to whom with the Father and the holy and blessed Spirit be ascribed all honour prayse power and glory world without end Amen O Lord pardon the imperfection of my Prayers Dum expiro spero For the Evening BLessed Savior Lord of all Vouchsafe to heare when we call And now to those propitious be That in prayer bow to thee Still to be kept from misery Great ruler of the day and night On our darknes cast thy light And let thy passion pardon win For what we have offended in Thought or word or deed of sin And as thy mercy wipes away What we have done amisse to day So now the night returns again Our bodies and our souls restrain From being soild with sinfull stain Let not dull sleepe oppress our eyes Nor us the enemy surprise Nor fearfull dreames our minds affright While the blacknes of the night Holds from us the cheerfull light To thee who doest by rest renew Our wasted strength we humbly sue That when we shall unclose our eies Pure and chaste we may arise And make our morning sacrifice Honour Lord to thee be done O thou blessed Virgins Son With the Father and the Spirit As is thine eternall merit Ever and ever to inherit Amen An Evening Prayer for a private Family O Eternall and most glorious Lord God Creator and Maker of Heaven and Earth we the most miserable most sinfull and most unworthy of all thy creatures do here presume to present our selves before the Throne of thy most glorious Majesty from the bottome of our hearts humbly acknowledging our vile wickedness and upon our knees beg pardon of thy gracious and most glorious Majesty for all our sins past committed in thought word or deed against thy divine Majesty And as in duty we are bound we give thee glory and praise for all thy mercies and good blessings from time to time bestowed upon us and more especially and in particular we laud and magnifie thy great and most glorious Name for that thou hast preserved us safe this day past from all evils and from all dangers both of body and soule and hast bestowed thy blessings upon us both spirituall and temporall for which as for all the rest of thy good gifts and benefits which either this day past or at any other time thou hast been graciously pleas'd to bestow upon us we magnifie thy great and glorious Name beseeching thee that with thy blessings thou wilt give us thy Grace that we may live to glorifie thy great and most mighty Name for them all And good Lord wee beseech thee passe by our great manifold and most numberlesse sins and transgressions Lord grant us true repentance for them all and grant us grace ever hereafter to serve and please thee in newnesse of life all the the dayes we have to live in this our Pilgrimage Lord teach us so to number our dayes that we may apply our hearts unto wisedome and grant us grace good Father that we may so spend our remainder of dayes that we have to live in this world that they may be to the glory of thy great Name and to the salvation of our own souls for Jesus Christs sake And as thou hast been a mighty and most glorious Lord God in preserving and keeping of us all the dayes and times of our life hitherto and especially this day past so good Lord vouchsafe to take us all this night into thy most glorious protection Lord defend and keep us from all evils and from all dangers that may happen unto us either bodily or ghostly Lord let thy holy Angels guard us to deliver us from all evils Lord blesse us all with the quiet rest and sleep of our bodies Save us good Lord waking and keepe us sleeping that wee may wake in Christ and rest in peace Blesse us that both sleeping and waking we may be thine O Lord leave us not to our selves nor forsake us utterly but in thy blessed time make us to be sheep of that flocke whereof our blessed Lord and Saviour Christ Jesus is the great Shepheard Hear us good Lord in these our weak most imperfect prayers grant us them and what else thou in thy mighty wisdome knowest to be most necessary for us and that for the glory of thy great Names sake for thy mercy sake and for our blessed Lord and Saviour Christ Jesus sake in whose most blessed name and words we further call upon thee
as he in his holy and Heavenly and most blessed Gospel hath taught us saying Our Father c. Let thy mighty hand and outstretched arme O Lord be still our defence thy mercy and loving kindnes in Jesus Christ thy deare sonne our salvation thy true and holy word our instruction thy grace and holy spirit our comfort and consolation unto the end and in the end Amen When we enter into our bed IN the Name of our Lord Jesus Christ who was crucified upon his Crosse and layd into his grave for me I lay me downe to rest he blesse me keepe me and rayse me up again and bring mee at last to life eternall Amen I will lay me downe in peace and take my rest for it is thou Lord only that makest me dwell in safety Have mercy upon mee O Lord now and at the howre of death Preserve mee while I am waking and defend mee when I am sleeping that my soule may continually watch for thee and both body and soule may rest in thy peace for evermore Amen An admonition before wee goe to sleepe PErmit not sluggish sleep To close your waking eye Till that with judgement deepe Your dayly deeds you try He that his sin in conscience keeps When he to quiet goes More desperat is then he that sleeps Amidst his mortall foes At night lie downe Prepare to have Thy sleep thy death Thy bed thy grave Awake arise Thinke that thou hast Thy life but lent Thy breath a blast O thou God Almighty Father of all mercy Fountaine of all pity Grant I beseech thee Of thy great clemency On me to have mercy Now and at the howre of death Amen Proverbs of Solomon Chap. 10. TReasures of wickednesse profit nothing but righteousnesse delivereth from death The Lord will not suffer the soule of the righteous to famish but hee casteth away the substance of the wicked Blessings are upon the head of the Just but violence covereth the mouth of the wicked The memory of the just is blessed but the name of the wicked shall rot The blessings of the Lord it maketh rich and he doth adde no sorrowes with it The fear of the Lord increaseth the daies but the years of the wicked shall be diminished The patient abiding of the righteous shal be gladnesse but the hope of the wicked shall perish The righteous shall never be removed but the wicked shall not dwell in the Land Chap. 11. RIches availe not in the day of wrath but righteousnesse delivereth from death The righteousness of the just shall deliver them but the transgressors shal be taken in their owne net He that is mercifull rewardeth his owne soule As righteousness leadeth to life so he that followeth evill seeketh his owne death They that are of a froward heart are abomination to the Lord but they that are upright in the way are his delight He that trusteth in riches shall fall but the righteous shall flourish as a leafe Chap. 13. THe hope that is deferred is the fainting of the heart but when the desire commeth it is a tree of life He that despiseth the word he shal be destroyed but he that feareth the Commandements he shal be rewarded Chap. 14. IN the fear of the Lord is an assured strength and his Children shall have hope The feare of the Lord is a Well-spring of life to avoyd the snares of death Chap. 15. THe Lord is far from the wicked but he heareth the prayer of the righteous The feare of the Lord is the instruction of wisdome and before honour goeth humility Chap. 16. COmmit thy workes unto the Lord and thy thoughts shal be directed By mercy and truth iniquity shall be forgiven and by the feare of the Lord they departed from evill Age is a crowne of glory when it is found in the way of righteousnesse He that is slow to anger is better then the mighty man and he that ruleth his own mind is better then he that winneth a City Chap. 17. A Joyfull heart causeth good health but a sorrowfull minde drieth the bones Chap. 18. THe name of the Lord is a strong towre the righteous runneth to it and is exalted The spirit of man will sustain his infirmity but a wounded spirit who can beare Chap. 19. HEE that hath mercy upon the poore lendeth unto the Lord and the Lord will recompence him that which he hath given The feare of the Lord leadeth to life and he that is filled therewith shall continue and shall not be visited with evill Chap. 21. HEE that followeth after righteousnesse and mercy shall finde life righteousnesse and glory Chap. 22. THe reward of humility and the fear of God is riches glory and life My son give me thy heart and let thine eyes delight in my wayes Chap. 28. HEE that hideth his sins shall not prosper but he that confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy Blessed is the man that feareth alway but he that hardneth his heart shall fall into evill He that walketh uprightly shal be saved but he that is froward in his wages shall fall at once Job Chap. 28. THe feare of the Lord is wisdome and to depart from evill is understanding Ecclesiastes Chap. 7. A Good Name is better then a good Oyntment and the day of death then the day that one is born It is better to go to the house of mourning then to the house of feasting because this is the end of all men and the living shall lay it to heart Anger is better then laughter for by a sad look the heart is made better The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning but the heart of fools is in the house of mirth The end of a thing is better then the beginning thereof and the patient in spirit is better then the proud in spirit In the day of wealth be of good Comfort and in the day of affliction consider Surely there is no man just upon the earth that doth good and sinneth not Ecclesiasticus Chap. 1. THe fear of the Lord is glory and gladnesse and rejoycing and a joyfull Crowne The fear of the Lord maketh a merry heart and giveth gladness and joy and long life Who so feareth the Lord it shall go well with him at the last and he shall finde favour in the day of his death Who so feareth the Lord shall prosper and in the day of his end he shall be blessed A patient man will suffer for a time and then he shall have the reward of joy Chap. 2. YE that feare the Lord love him and your hearts shal be lightned Consider the old generations of men ye children and marke them them well was there ever any confounded that put his trust in the Lord or who hath continued in his feare and was forsaken or whom did he ever dispise that called upon him For God is gracious and mercifull and forgiveth sins and saveth in the time of trouble and is a defender for all them that seek him in
that trust in thee and deliverest the poore from the mighty and from the hands of them that are stronger then he Hide not therefore thy face from mee O Lord neither despise me my saving God my strength and my deliverer for I am poor and in misery and thine eies look upon the poore and if thy justice seeke me hide me in the bosome of thy mercy wherin thou hast with long suffering beene with me and invited me to repentance for thou art long suffering and very patient and exceeding mercifull above all my wickedness yea nothing is more proper to thee O Lord then to spare and therefore thou hast mercy upon all and drawest the sonnes of men to repentance because thou canst do all and thou sparest all because they are thine O Lord thou lovest souls turn me therefore unto thee and deliver my poore afflicted soule from danger that my mouth may bee filled with thy praise and say unto thee Blessed be thou O Lord who hast not suffered me to be delivered into the hands of my adversaries except thou O Lord hadst been my Helper they had swallowed me up quicke my soule as a sparrow was delivered from the snare of the Fowler the snare is broken and I am delivered CHAP. VI. O Wretched man that I am what shall doe for the great wild Beast hath almost devoured my soule and I have been made a prey to the enemy he hath spoyled me of all those goods wherewith thou O Lord hast beautified me and I am afraid to appear before thee I departed rich and beautifull from thy face and went wandring after filthiness in a corrupt way and in the wickednesse of my heart my soule is made black and the excellent colour thereof is changed and I have so impoverished and deformed my self by wearing the foul garment of sinne according to the likeness of Adams offence as thou O Lord wilt not know mee according to the image wherein thou hast created mee and wilt not suffer mee as a scab'd sheepe to dwell among the sheepe of thy pasture How then shall I presume to returne to the presence of thy Divine Majesty in whose sight the Heavens are not cleane but empty vile and unclean or how shall I presume to communicate amongst thy chosen people being made foolish by offending I desire to return unto thee though ashamed and afrayd trusting to thy mercy for thou art a sweet Father to thy Sonne that did travel into a farre Countrey be more sweet to him when he returneth from a long pilgrimage O my God I want power to come to thee for I am kept fast bound by a most cruell robber not with strong iron but with iron of my own will wherof the enemy hath made a chaine for me and bringeth my heart into sorrow slavery and bitterness my refuge is far from mee for salvation is far from sinners and I am compelled to die in most miserable bondage unless thou O Lord looking down from Heaven dost help me I stick fast in the slimy filth of the earth and a tempest of temptations even like the wavs of the cruel sea hath overwhelmed me and almost drowned me so that I am in despair of avoyding these eminent dangers unless thou O Lord shalt take me up for the more I endeavour to rise the more I am bruised I am both within and without troublesome to my selfe and every where I do find domestick enemies that doe beat mee down I looke on the right hand and on the left and see none to whom I may commit my selfe in safety but every where feare doth shake me and to whomsoever I come I find not a faithfull friend and how should I find any when my selfe doe not keep my faith given to my God I have sought meanes to comfort mee in my afflictions and calamities and there was none of my deare friends that would comfort mee but I met with friends that were full of words nay dumb rather and therefore dumb O my God because thy word did not sound from their lips who did condemn my wants without Compassion and did falsely provoke strife against me I have often consented to foolish deceivers and swerving from the right Path I ignorant agreed to their opinions and by little and little was brought to such toyes and madness as though by the helpe of thy Grace I never departed from thy true Religion yet I did believe in many fables which makes me unexcusable for that when I knew thee to bee alwaies a God in truth I did not worship thee in spirit and in truth but changed this truth into lies and served the creature rather then the Creator and sought my selfe and my pleasures in corruptible things But thou O Lord and my Saviour proceed on and as thou hast made me by true faith to acknowledge thee awaken me up from the sleep of sin that I never sleep unto death lighten kindle and lift up my heart unto thee that in thy light I may behold the everlasting light the unquenchable light that never faileth the sweet and delightfull light that I may see and rejoyce and covet that light and to know that nothing is to be loved besides thee but in thee and for thee Thou O Lord art the true light that dost illuminate all men comming unto thee cause this light to rise in my darkness and make me to desire to see thy salvation that my soule being melted away with the force of love may attain to thy saving health and thirst after thy delights My soule I say but let me not call it thine because thou didst make it and give iâ— unto mee and mine because I receiced it from thee keep therefore thy creature which thou hast especially framed according to thine owne Image and suffer not thy precious gift which thou hast purchased with thy most precious bloud to perish but upon my body and members worke what it pleaseth thee let my flesh be cloathed with rottennesse and my bones consumed with worms but I beseech thee O Lord onely to spare my soul and stretch not out thy hand against it but bring me back againe into the way before the going down of the Sun for it groweth towards the evening of my age wherefore compell me to come unto thee if to call bee too little compell mee as it pleaseth thee so I may come and not perish not for my selfe who have so often abused thy mercy and made my selfe unworthy thereof but for thy holy name sake take from mee a stony heart and give unto me a heart of flesh and place thy spirit in the midst of mee that I may walke in thy Precepts and keep thy Judgements I come too late unto thee O Lord I confesse I would to God I had come sooner but I know and am assured that thou prescribest no time to those that come so they come at last and thou receivest the last as gently as thou dost the first for although thou hatest sin
I am often angry with my selfe because I am weary to live when I am not weary to sinne I know my folly and am confounded and being confounded I reproove my selfe saying O carnall lover why doest thou so long walke in the mire of concupisence why art thou so carefully busie for earthly things and doest so earnestly desire those goods that shall perish or by what reason callest thou them goods which thou gainest with so much labour and the great hurt of thy soule and being gayned possessest in feare and being possessed losest with griefe and sorrow O my soule why dost thou forget thy own proper estate and nobility and art not ashamed to endure a miserable and shamefull bondage under the corruption of thy corporall sence why art thou deceived with the unfaithfull promises of the world the chiefest good whereof is a mist or vapour that appeareth but a little season and vanisheth as vanity of vanities Blush and be ashamed O miserable sinner how often hast thou departed from thy Creator and turned to deceitfull creatures and comming againe to thy selfe behold with the sight of thy minde how cruelly thy soule hath bowelled her selfe of her owne bowells whilest with an inordinate desire catching at a vile prize of Flies she hath like the Spider made nets for her owne selfe of her owne bowels againe and againe I say blush at that where thou hast had no fruite and lament thy lost time and yeeld thy soule unto God with these speeches I rayle against my self when being inwardly admonished I enter into my selfe and consider with my heart what I have lost and what I have found and I finde that I doe not that good which I like but the evill that I will that I doe for my Enemies hold my will and doe keepe me being fashioned according to the former desires of ignorance captive under the law of sinne but thou O Lord of vertues and the tower of my strength doe not withdraw thy help from me looke Lord unto my defence and protect mee under thy wings left I fall in the sight of my adversaries and my enemies rejoycing against me say I have prevayled against him Breake the bonds of my reproach under which I have beene made crooked and loose the cords of my sinnes wherewith I am strongly bound O most mighty Lord and make knowne thy power to thy enemies that I may offer unto thee a sacrifice of gladnesse saying who shall speake to the power of the Lord or what shall declare his prayses that delivereth my soule from death and my feet from sliding who hath saved me from the Lions mouth and from the devouring Dragon To whom shall I flie but to thee O Lord upon whom all our Fathers have called and have beene saved to thee I say who never deceivest them that trust in thee and let any mans hand be against me for I will feare no evill because thou art with me O Lord all my desires are before thee blot out and put away whatsoever is displeasing unto thee renew create and confirme whatsoever thou hast given me that casting away all carnall and unprofitable desires the sinner may bee accepted in the desires of his heart and coveting to enjoy thee the onely treasure my request may come before thy face and I may bee confident to say unto thee Grant unto mee O God the desire of my soule for I know and am assured that no man can desire thee but by thy selfe nor come to thee unlesse thou draw him draw me therfore O Lord and grant unto mee that I may begin in a good desire that I may end and perfect it in a good worke before my old custome oppresse my new desires and my former will strengthned by age conquer my new will cloth me therfore O Lord I humbly beseech thee in the precious garment of thy salvation and put off the vile clothing of my wicked life wherein being deprived of thee I walke according to the ancient conversation of the old man but being newly clothed in thee and become a new man I may with a new spirit serve thee in a new life and in the sweet smell of thy oyntments running unto thee I may rejoice in Jesus my Saviour CHAP. VIII O Lord Jesus Christ the sonne of the living God who with thy hands stretched forth on the Crosse hast drunke the cup of thy Passion for the redemption of all mankind succour mee this day I beseech thee behold O Lord I that am needy doe come to thee that art wealthy I that am full of misery do approach to thee replenished with mercy suffer mee not therefore to depart voyd or as one worthy to be despised I begin hungry let me not end empty I approach as one hunger starved let mee nor depart unfed and if I sigh before I eat grant that I may eat at least after I have sighed first therefore O blessed Saviour I confesse against my selfe mine iniquity behold O Lord for that I was conceived and born in sinne and thou hast washed and sanctified me from the same and I after this have defiled my selfe with greater offences because those sins wherin I was borne were of necessity but those in which I afterward lay wallowing were voluntary this notwithstanding thou not being unmindfull of thy mercy and goodness hast drawne me from wickednes and from the fellowship of sinners inspiring mee with thy grace to follow thee in the company of those that seeke thy face who walke the direct way that leadeth to felicity but I ungratefull and forgetfull of so many benefits received have after my entrance into a Religious way committed many sinnes and abominations and where I ought to have amended my faults and to have repented for them in stead therof I have added sin upon sin these O Lord are the faults by which I have dishonored thee and defiled my selfe to wit Pride Presumption Vain-glory and Hypocrisie and many other sinnes almost infinite by which my unhappy soule is troubled and afflicted rent and destroyed Behold O Lord mine iniquities have overwhelmed my head being unto me a grievous burthen unsupportable to be endured insomuch as if thou whose property is to pardon and to shew mercy doe not lift mee up with the right hand of thy mercy I shall wofully sink down into the gulph of eternall misery behold O Lord God and see how my ghostly enemy doth insult over mee saying God hath forsaken him I will pursue and take him because there is none that can deliver him how long O Lord wilt thou thus leave me turn back and deliver my soul O save me for thy mercy sake take pitty of me thy son whom thou hast begotten in the great grief of thy passion and doe not so looke to my wickednesse that thou forget thy goodnesse what Father is there that seeing his son in danger doth not endeavour to set him free or what son is there whom his Father doth refuse to correct with the
staffe of his pitty wherefore O Lord and Father albeit I am a sinner yet I doe not cease to be thy Son because thou hast made me and new made me again like as I have sinned so correct mee and amend me commit me to the care and custody of thy only begotten Son Jesus Christ our Lord Is it possible for a woman to forget the childe of her own wombe and albeit she should forget it yet thou O most mercifull Father hast promised not to forget the same Behold I cry and thou dost not heare mee I am afflicted with griefe and thou dost not comfort me what shall I doe or say being in this extream misery alas I am altogether comfortless and which is worse am chased from thy presence wretch that I am from how great good into how great evill am I fallen whither did I attempt to go and whither am I come where am I and where am I not how is it that I that did sigh after Heaven do now sigh through so great tribulation I have sought comfort and have found affliction and truly it is better for me not to be then to be without thee O sweet Saviour It is better not to live then to live without thee the onely true life where are now O Lord Jesu thine accustomed mercies wilt thou bee displeased with me alwaies be appeased I beseech thee and take pitty of me and turne not away thy loving face from me who to redeeme mee hast not turned away thy face from those that did mocke and spit upon thee I confesse that I have sinned and my conscience doth adjudge mee worthy of damnation neither is my repentance sufficient to make satisfaction nevertheless it is a thing infallible that thy mercy doth surmount all offences whatsoever be it never so abhominable wherefore O most mercifull Lord I beseech thee enter not into judgement with thy servant but according to the multitude of thy mercies blot out mine iniquities wo be to me at the day of judgement when the Bookes of our Consciences shall be opened wherein our actions are registred when of mee it shall be openly proclaimed see here the man and his deeds committed what shal I do O Lord my God at that dreadfull day when the Heavens shal reveal my iniquities and the earth shal bear witnesse against me verily I shal be mute and able to say nothing but holding downe my head through shame and confusion I shall stand before thee shaking and blushing alas what shall I say I will call and cry unto thee O Lord my God why am I consumed being silent nevertheless if I speake my griefe will not cease and if I hold I shall inwardly be tormented with unspeakable bitterness weep O my soule and make lamentation as a yong married woman for the death of her new married husband weep and bewaile thy misery for that thy Bridegroome which is Christ hath forsaken thee O anger of the Almighty rush not upon mee because thou canst not be contained in me verily there is nothing in me that is able to contain thee take pitty of me lest I despaire of thy mercy that by despairing of my selfe I may finde comfort in thee and albeit I have done that for which thou mayest justly condemne me yet thou hast not lost thy accustomed property of shewing mercy and pitty thou O Lord dost not desire the death of sinners neither dost thou take pleasure in the perdition of those that die nay rather that those that were dead might live Thou thy selfe hast died and thy death hath been the death of that death that was due to sinners and if thou dying they have lived grant O Lord I beseech thee that thou living I may not die let thy heavenly hand help mee and deliver mee from the hands of those that hate me lest they insult and rejoyce over me saying we have devoured him How is it possible O blessed Saviour that ever any one can despaire of thy mercy who when wee were thy enemies hast redeemed us with thy most precious bloud and reconciled us to God Behold O Lord protected with the shaddow of thy mercy I run craving pardon to the throne of thy glory calling and knocking untill thou take pitty on mee for if thou hast called as to pardon even when wee did not seek it by how much more shall we obtaine pardon if we ask it remember not thy justice O blessed Saviour towards mee thy creature remember not thine anger towards mee guilty but bee mindfull of thy mercy towards me in misery forget my Pride provoking thee to displeasure and weigh my wretchedness imploring thy favour for what doth thy sacred Name Jesus signifie but only a Saviour wherefore O Saviour Jesu be thou my succour and protection and say unto my soule I am thy salvation I doe presume very much of thy divine bounty because thou thy selfe dost teach us to aske seeke and knocke at the doore of thy mercy wherefore I doe aske seeke and knock at thy doore as by thy word thou hast commanded mee to do thou therefore that willest me to aske grant that I may receive thou that dost bid me seek grant me likewise to find thou that dost teach me to knock open unto mee knocking at the doore of thy mercy recover me being diseased repair me being crazed raise mee being dead vouchsafe likewise so to direct and governe all my sences thoughts and actions in that which is pleasing unto thee that I may from henceforth faithfully serv thee and that I may live and give my selfe wholely unto thee I know O Lord that by reason thou hast made me I do owe my selfe unto thee and by reason thou hast redeemed me and hast been made man for me I do owe if I had it to give thee much more then my self unto thee by how much greater then mee thou art who hast given thy self for me I have nothing else to give thee neither can I give thee this without thee take mee therefore and draw mee unto thee that I mâ—y be thine by immitation and affection like as I am by condition and creation CHAP. IX TAke pity O Lord take pity O mercifull Saviour of mee a most miserable sinner doing things worthy of blame and worthily suffering for the same being by thee daily afflicted for that continually I am found to offend if I ponder the evill which I daily commit that which I endure is nothing in comparison of it that which I have done being much more grievous then my affliction thou art just O Lord and right is thy judgement all thy judgements are just and true thou O Lord our God art just and full of goodness neyther is there in thee any wickedness because when we doe offend thou doest not unjustly and cruelly afflict us who when wee were not hast powerfully made us and when for our sins wee were guilty of damnation thou hast by thy wonderfull mercy and goodness set us in a state of