of the same Yoke again I hope we shall fight a little better for our Deliverer than these Caterpillers did for their King and so if you please let us go and Drink the best Health in the World To King William and Queen Mary Exeunt ACT III. Scene 6. Tyrconnel Lauzune La Hoquette I Saw him Shipt off and I could not but let fall some of my Radical Moisture at parting but it was only like a short April shower when the Sun shines for indeed under the Rose be it spoken our King is not the man I took him for no man more impatient for the loss of his Crown no man more unwilling to venture himself for the recovery of it Lauzun My Lord my Master 's a Politician and will not let him venture He has charg'd him to the contrary For if he be lost my Master loses the chiefest Instrument he has to disturb his most dreadful Adversary Tyrcon And when your Master finds he can do no good with him what will he do with him then For people have little Kindness for unfortunate Princes especially those that shew themselves more careful of their persons than of their Dominions And therefore if this last Act of his have not quite extinguished that small Remainder of Affection which the English had for him I think they are too blame to be always venturing their Lives and Fortunes in a leaky Bottom Lauzune What will you do then my Lord Tyrcon I 'll e'en do as well as I can I 'le only stay to see Lymerick lost and then I 'le consider I must confess I have some Embers of gratitude still glowing for my Old Patron and Raiser and I would fain do as much for him as I could Lauzune But what shall I do then that have sold all to sollow the Fortune of an Unfortunate Prince I am loth to return home to my own Country to be laught at Tyrcon Faith my Lord I would advise you to carry your Brigade into the Morea as Hawksworth the English Taylor in Ed. the thirds time got leave to march into Italy then variously in Arms where he serv'd them that gave most with that success that at length he had the honour to be buried in Florence under a noble Monument by the name of Giovanni Acuto My Lord when you have got your Men into the Morea you may either side with the Turk your Master 's great Crony or with the Venetian which gives most and by that means after great Renown acquir'd you may chance to be buried either in St. Marks at Venice or else in the Chief Mosquee in Constantinople Lauzune I should be glad my Lord of your Lordships Company and be willing you should share as well in my Fame as in my Funerals Tyrcon Pardon me my Lord for being merry in misfortune an ounce of Mirth is worth a pound of Sorow Hoquette But what shall I do then I have no Brigades to carry either to the Turk or any where else Lauzune Oh! Lieutenant General you may return again to your Native Country without Reflections Hoquette I think my Lord I have as much reason to complain as you our Master might have sent some body else than us of his first of April Errands into a Cowardly Country What Honour did he think we could win among a Company of Captain Cut-puddings that never intended to fight Had we not understood the Right French way of fighting savingly we had been all cut to pieces Tyrcon My Lords I make no question but you have both of ye made up your Mouths pretty well This Island affords good staple Commodities that are good Chaffer in France and sure you did not burn so many Towns and Villages for nothing certainly you skim'd off the Cream of the spoil for your selves Hoquette Something begar we have got you may be sure but not so much as you think for or we expected to gain Ventre Goy I was for plundering of Dublin and then we might ha' fill'd both Pockets Breeches and all now we must be glad to get away with a Flea in our Ears in Comparison as well as we can Would I were well safe once where some of my Luggage lyes Lauzun I wish I were any where but where I am here I neither Command nor am Commanded but lye still for want of work like a Brick-layer in Winter Morbleu I thought to have been Prince of Dublin before this Tyr. I question my Lord whether that would have fallen to your share Lauzune Mortbleu had we beaten the Enemy I could have beaten all your Men my self and then I would have tryed who was Master your King or ours Tyr. Ah my Lord I 'me afraid you shew'd your Teeth too soon and that was the reason our Dogs bit no closer Enter Messenger My Lords the English Army is certainly marching towards ye in two Bodies One General Douglas Commands the other is headed by the Victorious Prince himself Lauzune We have been all along deluded with Stories and untruths Where are your fifty thousand Men my Lord that were to rise in England Tyr. Why Sir they are gone to joyn the twenty thousand Men your Master sent to take the I 'le of Wight don 't your Lordship understand what belongs to false reports yet Lauzane Yes Begar and to true ones too my Lord I wish I had never given Credit to the true ones and I had never lost my true Shouldier of Mutton to snap at the shadow Enter second Messenger The Enemy comes on a-pace and lyes this Night at Goolin Bridge Lauzune Were I not now in an Island I could find a hundred holes to creep out of this Labyrinth I could joyn a hundred of my Master's Parties But in this Lobs Pound what the Diable shall I do with two thousand five hundred Men Well my Lords I 'le leave Lymerick for that would be to shut my self up in a Pound within a Pound and retire to Galloway There I shall either meet with Ships to carry off my Men or else with new Reinforcements from my Master Was ever Man thus Bubbl'd Ventregoy To sell good Land to purchase a Decoy ACT. III. Scene 7. Messenger Lauzune Tyrconnel Berwick Hoquette Sarsfield Talbot MY Lords I come with Winds and Sails as diligent to hasten me as I was zealous to bring you welcome Tidings from St. Germains Berwick Thou seem'st to have rather flown than come by Sea Mess With the same speed your Royal Father flew who was at Tredah the Tenth of July and the Twenty sixth at St. Germains Berwick And is my Royal Father well Mess Upon the twenty sixth of July your Royal Father arrived at St. Germains in the King of France's Coaches accompanyed by the D. of Boüillon Great Chamberlain who was sent to receive him in his Majesty's Name Ber. There 's Honour still and Royal Respect I see shewn even to my Father's Misfortunes what would be done to his Prosperity Mess The King went to visit him the same day and receiv'd
enter Shuts the Door after him James Father you have wak'd me out of a sweet Slumber I was just dreaming of the Lady you wot of Hall 'T is from her I bring you Tidings I wish all your Enemies were as much at your command as She James Most Excellent Father sit down and talk softly Hall Sir I gave her a Visit under the usual pretence of Confession according to your command James And did you find her laden with Sin Hall I ne're asked her Sir how many Sins she had committed my business was as you well know had they been a hundred to perswade her to commit half a Score more to serve your Majesty and then to give her a Discharge in full James And how did she relish your Discourse Father Hall Why Sir I laid before her the Danger that threaten'd the Holy Church if she should suffer you to Languish and Pine away to Death for Love of her I told her how you had lost your Stomack and that nothing would go down with you but Sugar sops at night How you fasted and pray'd Mundays Tuesdays Wednesdays Thursdays Fridays and Saturdays and that I was confident she was the Saint to whom you offer'd up all your Devotions James What said she Hall She Hector'd and Flounc'd at first as if she had been the Goddess of Chastity call'd me Pimping Priest and a Reproach to my Profession and held out her Flag of Defiance at that rate that I began to despair of taking the Fort but the Devil so Faithfully supply'd me with fresh Batteries that at length as I may so say I took her by Storm And when she surrender'd But does the King dye for me she cry'd with such a Languishing Utterance that I perceived I had wounded her to the Heart in the Assault and that she only expected you to be her Surgeon James Successful Father thou hast oblig'd us for ever Hall She enjoyn'd me Sir most seriously to Privacy and I found too she had read the Earl of Rochester's Poems for she made use of the Dutchess of Clevelands Argument James That Father must be another of your Master-pieces Hall And I think Sir I have it already I will go to her again and appoint a convenient Time and Hour for Confession which being done with all the Care and Caution imaginable you shall go and meet her in my Habit Our Habit is a strange sort of Habit Sir the Devil makes use of it sometimes to cover his Clov'n Feet A Jesuits Gown is like Ixions Cloak which Juno gave him to lye with her undiscover'd James By the Mass Father thou hast Wit and Invention at Will I hug thy Design and I like it the better because you know I am one of the Order my self Hall Sir you see I am wholly at your Devotion James Nor shall you loose by 't Father Croesus shall not be richer than Thee if e're I come to my Throne again More than that I will erect a Colledge of Jesuits in England as big as the Escurial in Spain There shalt thou live like a Prince have more Lordships than the Old Abbots of St. Albans and Eat and Drink in more Plenty than the Monks of Glassenbury Hall These are Spurs would make a Malt-horse fly like a Pegasus Alas Sir my Ambition aims not at these great things The World well knows your great Zeal to advance the Glory of the Holy Order And that 's the main Spur that quickens me to your Service I have my Lesson Sir Bowes and goes off SCENE V. Lausun La Hoquette Count de Leri Lausun Reading a Letter I am certainly inform'd that the Prince of Orange will suddenly be in Ireland with a great Army Therefore if your Affairs do not succeed in that Kingdom be sure to be careful of K. James and hasten his safe return into France La Hoquette Our Master 's a Wise King but why he should be so chary of an Unfortunate Prince is past my Apprehension Diable I am sorry he is not in France at this present For never any thing prosper'd where-ever he was Lausun If you do not apprehend it I do there 's no such Mystery but may be easily unfolded Should he be too Fortunate he would be too Rampant for our Master Let him be Unfortunate but still preserve him in his Misfortunes and at one time or other he may chance to do our Masters work La Hoquette Mortbleu What a power of Mony has he cost our Master already to no purpose Lausun Th' art a Fool my Master has not spent a Doit upon him all our Master has spent has been for his own Interest Had it not been for our Masters pretended assisting him in this Kingdom and by that means cutting out other work for the P. of O. we should have had that Encroaching Enemy of ours at Versailles before this And besides if our Master get this Kingdom under this pretence 't is all clear Gains and Mony well laid out You know what he Conquers is all his own let the Pretence be what it will If our Master thought the Kingdom of Heaven worth Having he has Pen-men that would derive his Pedigre in a direct Line from the Virgin Mary rather than he should want a Pretention In short K. James must be a Goad in the sides of the English as long as he lives La Hoquette Mortbleu then let our Master find out a Goad that will peirce to the Quick and not such a Goad without a Point as K. James Let him set up his Son the Young P. of Wales Fortune 's a Whore and loves Young Flesh better than Old Lausun No no There are none in England but those of our own Religion that believe that Farce King J. has been Crown'd in that Kingdom and the Protestant Jesuits of his Party have found out a quaint Distinction already of a King de Jure and de Facto to make a Broyl upon the Coast and divide the Allegiance of the People 'T is for this our Master is so chary of K. James otherwise he would not care whither the Cham of Tartary or the Great Mogul were King of England 't were all one to Him Our Master 's a Charitable Monarch and if any Forreign Prince in his Distress craves his Assistance there is no Man so ready to lay hold of the Opportunity The Fox desir'd the Lamb but only to let him put in his Head and then he knew well enough how to get in his whole Body La Hoquette Nay I know our Master knows how to make use of a proper Tool as well as any Prince in Europe But what would he do with this Island if he had it Lausun Why Transplant all the Cowardly Irish to his Plantations in America and People the Kingdom with his own Subjects Or what if he should Dispeople the Country and leave it without Inhabitants La Hoquette I confess 't is a good way to prevent Rebellion Lausun You know our Master loves to be King of
by de toot as disoblige a mee Maitre Begar mee Maitre be de gran King of de varle and begar me bee de gran Prince of Irlanda begar me make a de King submeet a to mee mee varrant him mee a got de possession of de gran Citee of Dubleen and of de Castel and mee keep a dem bor begar or if dey voree a mee to run a de way mee run a de way by de light of 'em begar me set all on de veere mee burn burn kill kill and make all as plain as my nail but first mee plundra all de Hereteeks and de Papists boat mee make up mee bundla mee garant mee Foutre Diable of de Gran Prince of Irlanda That can't lick his fingra having all at commanda ACT III. Scene 1. King Tyrconnel Hamilton Primate Nugent Mac Gillicuddy Butler Talbot MY Lords I make no question but you hear the News of the P. of Orange's being Landed and my Intelligence from England confirms the number of his well provided Forces He comes with all the Preparations of a Great a Prudent and a wary Captain And now he 's come I know he will not trifle time away In the mean time all 's quiet in England not a Mouse stins in my behalf and that perplexes me I wish I were well rid of this unwelcome Guest but ugly fears possess me Tyr. However shew 'em not Great Sir that will dishearten all the rest James No My Lord not so neither I 'le have one brush for 't you may be sure what e're comes on 't But you know my Lord we must be forc'd to leave Dublin but thinly mann'd behind us and 't is a fowl Nest of Hereticks I wish they had bin all transported long ago Tyr. You know Sir that was debated in Council at the beginning But then it was found that all the Butchers Brewers Bakers Clothiers Weavers Taylors Shoo-makers Hat-makers Smiths Carpenters and other Artizans were Hereticks so that had they bin remov'd your Souldiers could have had neither Meat Bread nor Drink nor Cloaths to wear nor Carts to carry their Provision and Ammunition into the Field nor would your Majesty have had a Mint and Workmen to Coyn your Brass and Copper Nugent However Sir there is Order taken to secure the Hereticks safe enough Your own Example in England in Monmouth's time has taught us to confine 'em all with in the Churches Hospitals and Jayls of the City 'till the Business be well over and then you may make Bonfires of 'em for your Victories James Well then that care 's over But how stands the Army affected for fighting are they in the same brave humour they were in when I last took a view of ' em Tyr. I think so Sir they show the same Symptoms of Valour as ever they Drink as hard Swear as hard toss about your Health as fast Bounce and Rant and Swagger as loud as ever and quarrel with one another as much as e're they did and why they should not fight the Enemy as Boldly and Couragiously as they Duel one another I know not This I dare say they will either fight or run away but that 's left to their Discretion James Well but to come more close to the Business you see the Newry's lost and you all agree that if we lose Ardee the Boyne is the next Pass to be defended so that it looks like stopping one Torrent by another Hamilton Goads Bread and I 'le undertake to hold the Enemy play there this whole Summer or I 'le give him leave to make a whistle o' my Tayl James Bravely said Hamilton but is the River fordable for if it be Ham. What if it be I 'le have it undermin'd and blow 'em up if they offer to set foot in the water James Greatly said again Hamilton But I have heard that Old Prince William of Nassau had such a Trick of passing Rivers that Duke d'Alva put the Question whether his Army had wings or no Now suppose our Enemies should have such a knack Ham. Bread a Goad Sir I have men under my Command that will kill a Sparrow or a Tit-Mouse flying much more a Horse or a Man if they do not fly in the Night James But what if they do Ham. What if they do Why then bread a Goad Sir I have a way to prevent that too by driving stakes into the ground all along this side of the River for many Miles together with their upper ends as sharp as Needles so that when they come to light they must of necessity spit themselves with their own weight A General without Stratagems is like a Mountebank without his Receipts James Well my Lords if we can but stop him ten days I make no question but to see an Alteration of the Weather in our Affairs for I have certain intelligence from Our Brother of France that he has so ordered it in England that the Prince's Fleet will not fight but leave the Dutch in the Lurch if they presume an Engagement so that the French being Masters of the Sea we shall have what Assistance we desire here besides a numerous Invasion of England it self to joyn with our Friends in that Kingdom My Brother of France well knows that if I fall his Universal Monarchy must sink My Lords these are my hopes and these my Fears Talbot Does your great Game dear Sir depend upon a ten days stop that 's too too mean to beg of hoary Time We 'll make it Agamemnon's Toyl to gain the Boyne I scorn to fly Ham. And so do I Gillicuddy And so do I Butler And so do I Unless the Souldiers turn their backs and Flie For 't was never my ambition to fight whole Armies alone Enter an Irish Souldier staring and Breathless Tyr. How now Fellow-Souldier what News Sould. By my Shoule Dear Joy very bad I wash one of those that was set to guard the Pash within four miles of the Newry and there we had news that the Danes and the Dutch were advanced as far as the Newry presently they sent us word that if we burnt any more Houses they would give no quarter either to French or Eerish By and by we saw a Party of them appear at a distance and by St. Pautrick they look'd all like your Sharazens with turn-pike Beards on each side their Mouths as sharp as Boars Tushes which made such a great fear upon us that we presently quitted the Pash and made haste to Ardee my Dear Joy Had your Lordship bin there my Dear Joy you would have done the shame by my Shoule Tyrcon Could you observe their Number Sould. By my shoule dear Joy I believe there might be about thirty Thousand Tyrcon How thirty Thousand Man Sould. By my shoule they made so great fear upon me that I have hardly yet recovered my self By St. Pautrick I am shure there was great many more than four hundred Tyr. Well is this all you can say Sould. Yesh
THE Royal Flight OR THE CONQUEST OF IRELAND A NEW FARCE LONDON Printed for Richard Baldwin near Oxford-Arms in Warwick-Lane 1690. The Persons K. J. D. of Berwick Tyrconnel Powis Herbert Nugent Lutterel Talbot Pretended Primate Arch Bishop of Cassels Sarsfield Hamilton Mac-Guillicuddy D'Avaux Lauzune La Hoquette Leri Ld. Mayor of Dublin Hall the Priest Priests and Jesuits Protestants and Papists Officers and Souldiers Messenger Lady Lancarty PROLOGUE AFter one Summers being in Arms in vain And Ireland look't like Hounslow-Heath Campaign When to drink Usquebagh and pick his Toes Mend his pacht Brogues and Mundifie his Cloaths Was all Teague had to do one would have thought The Irish might to Discipline been brought For tho' their Wit and Sense can never Charm ye They might have learnt the Language of an Army When their great Generals fam'd beyond the Moon Were Deputy King James and Count Lazune The first for why should we great Actions bury So famous for his Flight from Salisbury The other who from 's Master learnt the Trick Of Burning Towns because they 're Heretick But they learnt only how to fight in jest Nay when they were by greatest dangers prest And minding nothing that their Generals say But how to face about and run away Not Bullies Scouring from the Mid-Night Watch Nor needy Debtor from a Serjeants Catch Could Faster run than did the Irish Hoast When Great King William o're the Boyn was crost Their Abdicated Prince first show'd the way And why should they behind their Leader stay For he 't is said from Hubbaboos and Hoots Rode sixty Mile that day and spoil'd his Boots 'T would be a Jubile at Rome that Day If James could learn to fight as well as Pray And I 'le affirm't without his Royal Word 'T is a good Cause sets th' edge upon a Sword But his is such a sneaking little Cause And much more Vgly then he made our Laws A Cause of such a Tottering sinking Fame No Prince e're thriv'd that undertook the same And were there but a worser Place than Hell May they be all sent there that wish it Well THE ROYAL FLIGHT OR THE Conquest of Ireland ACT I. SCENE I. James Tyrconnel Herbert Hall the Priest K. James leaning his Arm upon a Table and resting his Head upon his Knuckles IT was observ'd that when I was first crown'd in this Kingdom of Ireland my Crown stood like the Steeple of the Duomo at Pisa awry upon my Head which way soever Men lookt upon me Was that a good Sign Hall or No Hall I suppose it lean'd toward England Sir and then 't was a good sign I long to be preaching again in your Chappel at White hall James By the Mass and so do I too to hear thee there But when I first turn'd Roman-Catholick I was promis'd Mountains of Gold Where are those Mountains Hall Despair not Sir I make no Question but rather than you shall want that Heaven will rain Gold for as many days together as it rain'd in the Time of the Flood James I good Sooth Father Hall I should be glad to see that day come I have no Faith in Miracles Hall I am sorry to hear you say so Sir K. James Why so Hall Oh Sir If you would but trust in the Queen of Heaven I dare be bold to say she would send you her own Life-Guard to fight without Pay which would be the same thing as if she should Coin half the Stars in the Firmament to make Money for you James In the mean time what good News my Lords How go Affairs in England Herbert To your wish Sir The clos'd Parties are all to pieces again Whigs and Tories once more at Daggers drawing and contending for Mayors and Sheriffs and Common Council-Men as much as ever SCENE II. Herbert Tyrconnel D'Avaux Berwick James James I know I have a good Party there but still my Brother of France D'Avaux Hold Sir I am my Master's Representative in this place and must not brook this Language My Brother of France James Why Sir I am a Crown'd Head D'Avaux That 's nothing Sir you are but his Viceroy in this Kingdom consequently none of his Brother My Master 's too Jealous of his Honour to call his Inferiour Brother Tyrconnel By St. Patrick y' are a Proud French-man D'Avaux By St. Denis y' are a Beggarly Teague Barwick Sir the King is my Father and my Father is the King of Frances Brother D'Avaux Princock you are too Sawcy Then turning to K. James Sir I demand Reparation for these Affronts James My Lord I 'm sorry for th' occasion I know indeed the Barons of my Exchequer at London may call Baron Tell-clock Brother but Baron Tell-clock must not call any of them Brothers Y' are in the Right my Lord D'Avaux I am but a King-Tell-clock in the World at present But pass it over I 'll undertake my Wife shall make all well again SCENE III. D'Avaux Lausun D'Avaux Morthleu A Prince of No-land call my Master Brother Lausun Truly my Lord I think 't was by you ill tim'd for you know our Master pretends to assist him as still King of Great Brittain and therefore I don't believe he would have disown'd the Expression as yet had it been spoken to his Face D'Avaux But I know as well how our Master intends to Fool him how he only makes a Tool of him but despises him in his Heart Lausun That 's nothing what a Party would our Master loose both in England and Scotland and perhaps in this Kingdom too should he pretend to set up for himself D'Avaux To tell you truth I think our Master does ill to spend so much Money Time and so many Men upon him For i' my Conscience 't will all come to nothing Lausun I am in a fine case then to sell so fair an Estate as I have done to follow his Fortune D'Avaux Why look ye Sir Where Prudence and Courage are wanting there can never be a Prospect of Success Lausun What must we do then D'Avaux Make haste while the Sun shines Plunder and repay your self there be good Gleanings still left Never pity the People they 're a sort of Miscreants not worth hanging I have taken that course with the King as to make him seize all his Protestant Subjects Goods by Armed Force and then having set a Price upon them at his own Pleasure which he only pays in his own Copper Money to export them to our Master his Dear Correspondent in France Lausun You are a Faithful and Politick Minister I must confess D'Avaux Tann'd Hides Raw Hides Wooll Tallow and Butter are all Commodities which my Master wants and how much of this sort of Merchandize I have got the King to Ship off into France this year 1689 d'ye think Lausun I cannot tell my Lord. D'Avaux Begar my Lord no less than Thirty three thousand four hundred fifty eight Hides Tann'd and Raw Sixty one thousand four hundred and five Stone of Wooll three hundred
Night to teize Heav'n with their Caterwawling for your sake James I know not that I ever gave them any cause since my Conversion to mistrust me For tho I ne're regarded the keeping my word with Hereticks I was always true to them Hall Half the Revenue of this Island will be hardly sufficient to reward them for the great care they take of your Affairs James I intend them no less for I mean if God prosper me to have but two sorts of Subjects in the World Church-men and Slaves the One to ride me the Other to be ridden by me Hall Some People tell me Sir that I smell very strong of an Archbishoprick And when I ask 'em what sort of smell that is they Laugh But then I tell 'em I know not how an Archbishoprick smells only that I serve a Good and Gracious Pious and Religious Master a dutiful Son of the Church a Promise-keeping Prince And then a great many Laugh agen but then I tell 'em let them Laugh that win Did I not tell 'em right an 't like your Majesty James Nothing can stemm thy Prophetick Spirit but my downfall Thou might'st have told 'em 't was not the smell of an Archbishoprick but of a Cardinals Hat with Tossels But heark thee me Hall art not thou Confessor to the Lady Lancarty Hall Yes an 't please your Majesty for want of a better James I dye for love of that Lady and you must use all the Charms of that Sacrament to bring her into my Embraces Else I tell thee I shall dye and then all your Fat is in the Fire Hall My dreaded Liege I am not of that Opinion that we must not do evil that good may come of it James By the way Hall she 's marry'd Hall That 's no Impediment at all Sir Aside Now I smell a Cardinals Hat indeed You are a Prince so Brave so Generous so Valiant so Renown'd so Vertuous so Pious so punctual an Observer of that Maxim do as you would be done to that 't is Pitty the World should not be stockt with your Royal Breed Upon the Word of a Priest Dread Sovereign the Sacrament of Confession shall lore Bonnet to all other Considerations but this The Sacrament of Confession shall serve you to the uttermost of its Power Who would be such an Infidel as not to Pimp for the Holy Church James Tell her Hall Tell her my Liege I 'll tell her 't is the Queen of Heavens Pleasure and she must do it James Were it nothing else this Complacency of thine will raise thee go and be speedy in the Affair Hall She Confesses to morrow James The sooner the better But be sure of Secrecy S'life if my Tyranness should know it I should never be able to protect the first Perriwig I appear'd before her in and perhaps another Black Eye to boot Hall I see the Rock and shall avoid it Sir SCENE VII Lausun La Hoquette Count de Leri Nugent Nugent To Lausun having a Book in his hand What my Lord Bookish this Morning I suppose there 's no body here that needs to hear Lectures of Martial Discipline Lausun Begar Millord me ha sold de very great Estate vor de King of Englan's sake and me must get de very great Estate by do King Begar dis booken shew me de very fine tings 't is de Present Estat of Englan Begar me no beaga without Booka me kenow vat me Beaga bevore me open my Mout Begar me no be deny'd me no Fight de stroke bevore de King make me de Promise under his Haund of de great Matre Begar here be de Lord High Mareschall vat is dat de value Nugent That 's a place of much more Honour then Profit Lausun Begar me no care vor de great Onor me be vor de Profeet La Hoquette So be mee too Begar Let me see your Book a delittle Millord Lausun Hold Let me shooze in de first place a den take a de Book among you Here is de Lord Shanselour's place de Fee 848 Pound per de year Begar me no accept of de eight hundred vorty eight Pound by de year Me ha sold a great deal mush more Begar La Hoquette Begar den me vil ave it Begar me get a nautre and a nautre if dat vill not serve a Nugent The Lord Chancellor's place and the Judges are only for Lawyers my Lord they must be left for such as us to share La Hoquette Begar me no care for de Law me put in de Deputy vor de Law Begar de King himself is but our Maitre's Deputy Begar and de English and de Iris be no more den de Deputies to de Franshe Man de Mereet Count de Leri Here is de Lord Brevie de Seale Fee vifeteen hundred poun par l'an Nugent My Lords you had better look among the Men of Great Titles there you will find Forfeitures anow to beg These Places are but for Life but Land will descend to your Posterity Lausun Begar here is de Duke a de Beaufort Nugent Ay now y'have hit it there 's a Man enjoys more Land of his own than Forty Marquisses of France Lausun Den here is de Earl of Bedford Nugent Ay marry Sir there 's another has more than all the Peers of France put together but 't is a great part of it Abby Lands perhaps the King will restore it to the Church Lausun Begar me no care de rush for de Shurch let dem take a de Lord Shancellors and de Lord Privy Seals places dat vill me ave de Duke of Beauforts and de Earl of Bedfords places Begar Nugent What both Lausun I Begar boat Begar me go presantly to de King an me beaga dese two places Begar And Begar he give em me too or me no Fight a stroke Begar SCENE VIII K. James Lausun La Hoquette Count de Leri Lausun Begar Sir me be come here me leave a me Native Country to serve your Majestee me sell very much Land Begar for your sake me come here to restore you to your Trone Begar me deserve de very much Recompanse James Gratitude my Lord is a Virtue which I always boasted to be Master of and therefore you may rest assur'd of a Reward answerable to your Services Lausun Begar Sir me no love de General me love to come to de Particular James My Lord any particular Request of yours in reason is granted Lausun Why den an please your Majeste me sall expect for my good Service de Duke of Beauford's and de Earl of Bedford's places Begar dose two places me expect or me no Fight a stroke Begar James I know no places they ever had Sir Indeed the one was President of Wales but that 's more Honour than Profit my Lord Lausun Begar me be told dey ave a more Land den all de Peers de France a. James Oh now I understand you You beg the Estates of these two Persons Lausun I Begar de Estates me hope
your Majestee wont let a me be sheated for no speak good English James By no means my Lord and you have my Royal Word for 't Lausun Begar me no take a de word Dey say you no so good as your word dey say dat had a you kept your Promise wid a your Subject you no need of come here Begar me ave it under a your Hand and Seal Begar or me no Fight un stroke a Begar James My Lord I shall take order to give you all the Satisfaction you can desire La Hoquette Please your Majestee you must expect to be troubled with more Petishioners o dis kind but as you have many to ask so you have much to dispose of All your Subject vill be de Traytors Begar James And I 'll swinge 'em off for a Company of Hereticks too if ever I get among 'em again But they that serve me in my Extremities shall eat Gold they shall not ask so fast as I 'll give Can you think of nothing Monsieur La Hoquette Sir me beg by de book me beg de Gran Shansellors place James That 's for a Lawyer not for a Man of the Sword La Hoquette Den gi' me de Arshbishop de Canterbury's place James That 's for a Divine La Hoquette O Sir me put in de fine Deputees me get de monee me no care for de Law nor de Gospel neder De Leri My Suit is for de Gran Treasurers place and I make no doubt but wat wid my Pansion and wat me shall sheat your Majestee me shall do vell anough I would not give a rush for de Treasurer that knows not how to lick his own Fingers James Look ye my Lords I don't love much trouble ' een be your own Carvers your selves Do you but take care of me and my Little Son and then take and do what ye will For to tell you the Truth I don't care a Farthing what becomes of my Subjects De Leri Wy Sir you know y 'ave made our Master a Promise to destroy de Heretic and Begar your Subject be de Grand Heretic I 'de Varle James 'T is very true and therefore do you act your parts like Men of Valour and then Boys If by your Courage I am e're restor'd I 'll make 'em know that I can keep my word ACT II. SCENE I. K. James Tyrconnel Nugent Powis Tyrconnel reading a Letter THE P. of O. has certainly compleated his Levies and will be in Ireland in less than a Fortnight In the mean time King James's Friends are hard at work In the mean time the Cock-match goes on the Black-coats promise and you would not think how briskly the young Fry Gabber at Samm's Coffee-house So soon as the P. is got over the Water we fairly begin We have great hopes the E. of T. will fail their Expectations and leave 'em i' the Lurch when they least expect it 'T will be such a Blow as will make their Hearts ake The King of France's Declaration has wrought strange Effects and reconcil'd him to abundance of Gulls The Five Bishops stand stoutly to their Pan-pudding Come come Sir 'T is a long day that never has an end 'T is Mony that makes the Mare to go He that has the longest Sword governs the World And a light Wind shakes no Corn To King James Thus you see Sir all things go trim and trickfie for you in England Your work will be done to your hand James Ay Ay But what shall we do with this same Prince of Orange I fear me you will find him a Sower Crab Orange I ha found him so to my Cost and you know the Proverb Hang a Dog upon a Crab-tree and he 'll never love Varjuice And for my part I am forced to abstain from Veal least they should bring Oranges to the Table the very sight of 'em makes me ready to Puke Nugent Oh Sir the Queen of Heaven is a' your side James I had rather have another Joan of Arque o' my side by half One Amazon upon Earth is worth twenty she Saints in Heaven 'T is true she was burnt for a Witch but for all that she turn'd the Fortune of France Nugent Heavens Sir we never heard you talk at this rate before James I tell ye I am angry with the Virgin Mary because she would not give a Blessing to my Endeavours upon my Wife and yet I gave her the best Bodkin that ever she wore in her Life So that had not some been wiser than some I might have digg'd up all the Parsley Beds i' the Kingdom before I should have lit upon a Boy so fit for my purpose I am discompos'd Powis What think you Sir of retiring back to France for a while For some People have made an Observation that none of your Designs thrive where you are in Person You have found the one pretty true by Experience try tother way and let us alone to Fortune by our selves James Fortunes a Whig and a Draggle-tail If St. Patrick won't assist his own Teagues and St. Denis stand by his own Country men I am lost Powis This Despair of yours will discourage your Souldiers James No no my Lord I don't despair neither You see I venture my Person among you and that I think is sufficient to shew that I have Courage Tyrcon Sir I have read i' the Story of Richard the Third how Henry the Seventh fought Richard the Third and slew him James And so my Lord you 'd have me fight the P. of O I thank ye my Lord for your Parallel I 'll do any thing in Person but that You know that Richard the Third was accounted a Tyrant as I am accounted and Henry the Seventh the Deliverer of the People Now then my Lord if the Parallel hold 't is the P. of O. that must Kill me and Not I the P. of O I thank ye my Lord for your good Advice but I shan't take it Is there no way to beat the P. of O. but by my fighting him in Person Must I do your Drudgery for ye As if there were not anow to fight him in Person besides me Gad do you fight him in Person your self if you like fighting in Person so well Tyrcon Sir if you let him pass the Newry he 'll presently be with ye at the Boyne and if he get over that Passage then farewel Frost Y' faith James Your Bodies are the Walls I trusted to to guard those Passes and because I did not think ye all Guy's of Warwick St. Georges and Palmerins of England I got my Brother of France to assist ye What would ye have me do 'T is not for Kings to expose their Royal Persons If I am lost all 's lost Tye all the cursed Protestants Neck and Heels together and Pile 'um up i' the way as high as the middle Region Surely that will stop his Highness for some time If that won't do the Lord have Mercy upon us However if the worst come to the worst I
Countries without People and that made him Depopulate the Palatinate and the rest of his Conquests in Germany Nay you see how he Dispeoples his own France it self By the way he learnt that piece of Policy of the Turk And so if he could but get footing in England you should soon see what a Hunting field K. J. and He would make of it La Hoquette Mortbleu there 's reason for that 't is a Hive of Hereticks that ought to be smoak'd to Death with Brown Paper and wet Straw But do you believe the P. of O. is a coming indeed Lausun Our Master you see believes it and trembles already for his Brother of England Leri I don't like that same Diabolical Faith of our Master 't is ominous La Hoquette Nor do I love Fighting in an Island 't is like Scanderbag and the Gyants Fighting in a Sawpit I love the Continent-Liberty where a Man may run as far as he pleases Leri However our Master could not have given us a fairer pretence to run away with Honour had he study'd five years Nor indeed do I see any reason why we should venture our Lives and our Limbs with an English King that won't venture with us Lausun In short Gentlemen we are bound to fight for our Honour and we must save the King to obey our Master Leri But if I be kill'd how can I save the King Lausun Therein you must use your Discretion A good Souldier may fight with Discretion and make an honourable Retreat both at the same time La Hoquette And you shall see Noble General how discreetly we 'll split a Hair between our Martial Honour and our Obedience to our Master our Lives for yours we 'll either Fight discreetly or retreat discreetly But a Pox of retreating I scorn to retreat Now I think on 't I can kill a hundred at a time for my own share and fight with discretion Leri Nay if ye go to that I know not how many hundred I may kill when I am thoroughly heated for I remember I kill'd Forty once with my own hand in cold Blood No I 'll never retreat unless I 'm hard put to 't but if the Devil and Necessity drive me then I must obey my Master 'T is Honour we seek and Honour we 'd have But with your kind Grace They search the wrong Place That look for it in the Grave SCENE VI. James Tyrconnel Herbert Powis D'Avaux Nugent James The Critical Juncture's near at hand Now my Lords your best Advice For my part I believe that besides the Enemy that threatens us from the other side of the Water we have a Shoal of Hereticks lurking in our Bosoms here at home I could wish with my Brother Caligula they had All but one Neck and then I 'd make quick dispatch with 'em Herbert I am apt to believe they are all disarm'd by This Sir James That 's nothing as long as they have Arms to their Shoulders the Rogues will be doing Mischief They have Plough-shares and Plough-tails and I 'm afraid too many rusty Sithes still left Pox a' those Sithes They had like to have ruin'd me in the West of England I would not have my Men mow'd down a second time by Barley-cutters Powis I don't believe Sir there 's a Considerable Protestant but what is in Jayl they tell me the Prisons are stov'd with 'em as thick as Loaves in a Brown Bakers Oven I am sure the Priests are abroad in every Nook and Corner under your Majesties Jurisdiction and the Devil 's in 't if a Protestant Thrasher escape 'em I am certain they want neither Diligence nor Malice James I 'm afraid the Rogues don't starve fast enough in Jayl Nugent I know of nobody that relieves 'em some of 'em were carry'd naked to the Dungeon and tho they begg'd but the covering of an old Blanket to cover their Nakedness it would not be granted More than this the Jaylors have order to feed 'em as if they had been sentenc'd for standing mute at their Tryals There 's nothing wanting that Catholick Zeal and Providence can do James Are they not Chain'd Nugent No Sir They are kept weak and low enough I 'll warrant ye You may trust 'em Male and Female together without any danger of Procreation James This is something to the Point I must confess But what must we do to disperse the main Cloud that hangs over our Heads Nugent May it please your Majesty I have read of a Story somewhere I can't at present remember where but I am sure I have read it of a certain King of the Moabites that being afraid of the Children of Israel sent for one Balaam a Conjurer to curse 'em Is there never a Trithemius or an Agrippa of a Jesuit that could Summon up all the Plagues of Egypt together to help a dishessed Prince at a Dead Lift One Star of the first Magnitude well unhing'd by an expert Charmer would squeeze the whole Camp of the Herericks into Pancake-Batter I have heard of Showres of Wheat and Showres of Fire that have formerly fallen at the first word of a devout Saint James I have said it and will say it again there is no more trusting to Heaven in these cases for I find by my Wives last Miscarriage that Wonders from Heaven are ceast and that there is a General Embargo upon Miracles in the Upper Regions Herbert A desperate Disease must have a desperate Cure Did your Majesty ever make use of the Lower Regions yet James I believe I have sent some that way in my time but they were my Enemies and perhaps did me more harm than good Herbert We read that Ulysses who was the cunningest Dry-boots of his time and Eneas who was the Greatest Hector in Europe and a Pious Prince to boot when they were both at their Wits end took a short Fegary to Avernus and having there consulted the greatest Politicians of that place return'd again so well freighted with Council and Advice that they got quit of all their Enemies and dy'd i' their Beds Your Majesty has as short a Cut to Avernus as any of those Heroes here in your own Kingdom through St. Patrick's Hole You may take Father Hall along with you and be back in three days at farthest There you will meet Matchiavel Richlieu Mazarine Sixtus Quintus my Lord Jefferies and several others that will be ready to aid you with their Advice for nothing And this I hold to be the wisest Course your Majesty can take as being the only Remedy that preserv'd those Hero's when all other means fail'd James Would you be willing to bear me company my Lord Herbert With all my Heart and would be contented your Majesty should leave me behind with my Preach cleaving to a Stone as Theseus left his Friend Pirithous if it might be to your Majesties Advantage James A very great Complement indeed my Lord but you know I have done so many ill things by your Lordships Advice that I
him with all the Testimonies of a Tender and Ardent Affection And made him new Protestations to support him against his Enemy and to employ all his Forces to restore him nor did he shew him any signs of being dissatisfied with his Conduct Ber. There 's new Consolation for ye my Lords to raise your sinking Spirits Lauzune I wish they may come quickly or else I fear I shall be in the Sudds before their Arrival fetching a deep sigh Ber. Why d' ye sigh my Lord Lauzune Sighing again I know my Master 's a great Dissembler my Lord and I am well satisfied moreover that he has other Fish to fry than to employ all his Forces to assist your Royal Father Morbleu I don't like the beginning of the Story Go on Messenger Mess The Visit lasted above two Hours and by the report of some that understand Affairs 't was not altogether spent in Complements 'T is said also that your Royal Father is to go aboard the French Fleet and endeavour to land in England where he hopes to find a Considerable Party that will declare for him Ber. I like this well 'T was so order'd to save my Father's Vow who has determined never to head an Irish Army more Mess The next Morning he went to Versailles to visit her Majesty and return'd that Evening to the Queen his Royal Consort Ber. And how did she receive him Mess After a little studying Um why an 't like your Grace there were some little Bickerings between 'em at first but the next Morning she seem'd well contented Ber. Ay she 's a Woman never bears Malice long in her Mind Mess There 's something more that I have to say but I 'm loth to out with it Ber. Out with it man for fear of Choaking Mess 'T is said there stops Ber. Prithee go on Mess 'T is said that all the Welcomes and Caresses which the King made your father cannot reconcile him to the Esteem of the Court Grandees They say that William was truly born to Command and James to obey and that it was for your Father who had nothing more to lose to have acted the Person of King William in Ireland and for William the third to have spar'd himself as your Royal Father did Ber. And did they call him King William Mess Yes an 't like your Grace Ber. I 'le go and Challenge 'em every Mother's Son as soon as I 'me at leisure Well but how does my Royal Father look does he seem any way dejected Mess Quite the contrary Sir He carries it with an Air and Countenance rather of a Prince Triumphant over his Enemies than of a Person that had fled before 'em Ber. Law ye now there my Lords You see my Royal Father's Heart whole still and the King of France sticks to him I find we shall have t'other Brush for 't still Lauzune All this does not yet satisfie me I 'm sure my Master 's too knowing in the Art of War not to understand that if his Arms have not prosper'd in Ireland it must be in part the fault of him that commanded them So that if he received him kindly at his return and appear'd satisfied with his Couduct it was rather out of Policy than from the bottom of his Heart But my Master has still need of him to oppose the King of England and therefore it is that he is so good a Husband of him and so behaves himself towards him as if he were the greatest General in the World Sarsfield You are so full of Scruples my Lord you suppose and believe and believe and suppose this and that and t'other I believe and suppose no such thing I believe the King of France to be real and that he seriously intends to do as he says Tyr. Otherwise he were the most ungrateful Person in the World for when it lay in our Master's Power he did all that he could for him Nay I may boldly say that had it not been for our Master he had never come to what he is I will instance yee only in one thing and that was in mannaging all the Dutch Wars for your Master's advantage Tal. Gad I believe the most Christian King to be one of the Honestest Gentlemen in Europe and my reason is because he always lov'd a handsom Girl Ber. Look yee my Lords you must grant me that Kings Heads are better than other Mens Heads And if so then two Kings Heads are better than one so that I am confident after these two Kings have laid their Heads together a little while you 'll see strange Alterations in Europe Tal. Wou'd he were hang'd that does not not believe your Grace speaks like an Angel Sarsfield For my part I hope to be revelling in London Let me see How long first do you appoint a time my Lord Tyrcon Truly my Lord I can't Sars Before before Tuesday come Sennight Lauzune Not so soon Colonel Sars I 'le hold ye my Lord a hundred Guineys to one on 't Lauzune Wagers are Fools Arguments Colonel Sars By the Bones of my Father I 'le take the Lye from ne'er a French Bougre Diable of ye all Draws They all draw take Parties fall a fighting and so put an end to the last Act. Epilogue I Wonder what our Audience will say Of this our Thundring drumming fighting Play Here are no Scenes indeed as will invite We bring 'em or but yet they will not fight These Irish are of just the self same Kidney Like the two Cowards in Sir Philip Sidny They Huff present Rage foam look big and Swear But something whispers to 'em have a Care Such Sparks the Ladies Hatred cannot lack They hate the Man that always turns his Back No they by other methods must be won They like the Man that briskly pushes on 'T is strange what Nature made these Irish for They 're neither good in Peace nor fit for War The highest Office they are fit for most Is to be Trotters in the Penny Post Oh! were they all upon a Famous Plain Where never yet was daring Monarch slain From whence to Rome if we could them Convey We gladly would the charge of Carriage pay BOOKS Printed for Richard Baldwin THE Folly of Priest Craft a Comedy To the two Universities an Epistle together with a Prediction concerning the French Translated out of Callimachus who is by St. Paul said to be a Prophet and that his Testimony is true Titus Ch. 1. v. 12. 13. The Address given in to the late King James by the titular Arch-Bishop of Dublin from the general Meeting of the Romish Bishops and Clergy of Ireland held in May last by that King's Order wherein several things relating to the Popish Designs upon these three Kingdoms are discovered the Original whereof was found in the late King James's Closet in the Castle of Dublin at his leaving that City And the Copy whereof was found in the titular Arch-Bishop's Lodgings Now published with Reflections on each Paragraph A True Relation of
the Cruelties and Barbarities of the French upon the English Prisoners of War Being a Journal of their Travels from Dinan in Britany to Thoulon in Provence and back again With a Description of the Scituation and Fortifications of all the Eminent Towns upon the Road and their Distance Of their Prisons and Hospitals and the Number of Men that died under their Cruelty With the Names of many of them and the places of their Deaths and Burials With an Account of the great Charity and sufferings of the poor Protestants of France And other material Things that happened upon the Way The Memoirs of Monsiour Deageant containing the most secret Transactions and Affairs from the Death of Henry IV. till the beginning of the Ministry of the Cardinal de Richlieu To which is added a particular Relation of the Arch-Bishop of Embrun's Voyage into England and of his Negotiation for the Advancement of the Roman-Catholick Religion here together with the Duke of Buckingham's Letters to the said Arch-Bishop about the Progress of that Affair which happen'd the last Years of King James l his Reign Faithfully translated out of the French Original The Cabinet Open'd or the Secret History of the Amours of Madam de Maintenon with the French King Translated from the French Copy The History of the most Illustrious William P. of Orange Deduc'd from the first Founders of the Ancient House of Nassau together with the most considerable Actions of this present Prince The second Edition A Collection of Fourteen Papers relating to the Affairs of Church and State in the Reign of the late King James The Character of a Trimmer His Opinion of I. The Laws and Government II. The Protestant Religion III. The Papists IV. Foreign Affairs By the Honourable Sir William Coventry The third Edition carefully Corrected and cleared from the Errors of the first Impression An Impartial Relation of the Illegal Proceedings against St. Mary Magdalen Colledge in Oxon in the Year of our Lord 1687. Containing only Matters of Fact as they occurred The Second Edition To which is added the most remarkable Passages omitted in the former Collected by a Fellow of the said Colledge The Justice of the Parliament in inflicting of Punishments subsequent to Offenders ' vindicated and the lawfulness of the present Government asserted An Account of Mr. Perkinson's Expulsion from the University of Oxford in late times in vindication of him from the false Aspersions cast upon him in a late Pamphlet Intituled The History of Passive Obedience The Way to Peace among all Protestants being a Letter of Reconcillation sent by Bp. Ridley to Bp. Hooper By Mr. Sam. Johnson Purgatory prov'd by Miracles collected out of Roman-Catholick Authors With some remarkable Histories relating to British English and Irish Saints with a Preface concerning their Miracles By Mr. Sam. Johnson A Seasonable Discourse shewing the unreasonableness and Mischiefs of Imposition in Matters of Religion Recommended to a serious Consideration By Mr. Andrew Marvel late Member of Parliament The Revolter A Tragi-Comedy acted between the Hind and Panther and Religio Laici A Collection of Poems Satyrs and Songs against Popery and Tyranny In four Parts Most of them writ by the late Duke of Buckingham Mr. Andrew Marvel Mr. John Aylof and Mr. Stephen Colledge An Answer to the Bp. of Rochester's first and second Letters c. The Intrigues of the French King at Constantinople to imbroll Christendom discover'd in several Dispatches past between him and the late Grand Signior Grand Vizier and Count Teckely all of them sound among that Count's Papers With some Reflections upon them The New Nonconformist Or Dr. Sherlock's Case in preaching after a Deprivation incurr'd by the Express words of a Statute fairly Stated and examined With some short Reflections upon Mr. Cook 's Sermon Feb. 2. 1690. which was Licens'd by the Arch-Bishop's Chaplain The Fate of France A Discourse where it is shew'd That by the Happy Revolution in England all the Designs of the French King for the Vniversal Monarchy are disappoined and the Rational Grounds to believe his Downfal near In three Dialogues betwixt Father Petre Father La Chaise and two Protestant Gentlemen The Anatomy of a Jacobite Tory. In a Dialogue between Whig and Tory occasioned by the Act for Recognizing K. William and Q. Mary The Great Bastard Protector of the Little One. Done out of French And for which the French King put forth a Proclamation with a Reward of five thousand Louis d'Ors to discover the Author Reflections upon a Form of Prayer lately set forth by the Jacobites of the Church of England and of an Abhorrence tendred by the late King to some of our Dissenting Bishops upon his present Majesties Landing A true Account of a late horrid Couspiracy to betray Holland to the French And of the Tryal Confession Condemnation and Execution of Jacob Martinet Sheriff of the Town of Sluys and Cornelius Reoland Master of the Ship call'd the Argle of Amsterdam who were Executed for the said Conspiracy May 6. 1690. Essex's Innocency and Honour vindicated Or Murther Subornation Perjury and Oppression justly charg'd on the Murderers of that Noble Lord and True Patriot Arthur late Earl of Essex As prov'd before the Right Honourable late Committee of Lords are ready to be Deposed By Laurnece Braddon Gent.