ere they can enter Portsmouth is but meanely provided with Ammunition and therefore they were all in amaze for feare the French should come in a Fog Southampton was the next place of 〈◊〉 I came at and there the Aldermen were busie begging a benevolence for the warres But because I had none for them I thought it better to shew them my backside then to bee called Rebell for refusing From thence I came to Winchester where I was afraid of a Goose This Towne I left and came to Bagshot and so to Basing-stoke where a lordly Lowne sware me out of ten shillings with his merry conceits of his questions and answers amongst which these were a part What hunting is most in use The Foxe in the Forrest and the Conie in the Court What profession is most in practise Buffe Coats in the Campe and black Coats in the Church-Campe What is that which few men love and most men hate The curse of a Cuckold and the pride of a Prelate What are the two worst evils in the Commonwealth Covetousnesse of the Clergy and contention of the Commonalty I left this place and tooke my way to wards Gilford in hope to have seene Arundels Earle but hee was gone to Court yet I did not loose my labour for there I saw the finest and best govern'd Almes-house in the Kingdome built by old George of Canterbury for a President for his successors to doe like The next day I came to Croydon thinking to have seene the little man that makes so mickle matter but he was at Lambeth whereupon I came along towards London with a Colliers Cart of Croydon where after some whistling and merry tales I heard these mysticall Novelties That of late some are so much for Church Ceremonies as they doe nothing in true sincerity And that others are altogether for pride and prodigality and nothing for love and charity That the Owle counterfeits the Eagle the Buzzard the Blackbird the Cuckow the Nightingale and the Wren would fly with the Faulcon but for feare his wings should fayle him That the Fox would faine lap himselfe in the Lions skin the better to terrifie the other Beasts Thus the Wolfe would faine bee chiefe Shepherd that he might the better feed his flock and the Asse must have the Harts skin on his backe to keepe him from the Northerne storme When they had made an end of their Parables they fell to singing And askt mee if I could helpe them to sing a three mans song I told them I would doe my best then they began and the bearing of the song was this with which I end my Relation O'good King Charles blame not my pen Spare your purse and save your men Give Laud to the Scots and hang up Wren The Eccho answered still Amen THE THIRD SCOVTS Discovery I Came in Kirke Patricks Boat all about the Irish seas where we saw some souldiers sent from thence to the Lord Clifford at Carlile Wee landed three of our men in Wales being Papists but they were quickly snapt up for Covenanters and called Rebels for refusing the oath of Supremacie and shortly after were learned Traytors by open Proclamation Wee viewed all the English Ilands as wee past along as Man Garnsey Silly and the like The Inhabitants had need be honest for they are entrusted with keeping of the three greatest Enemies of the Clergie viz. Divinity Law and Physicke In all our voyage wee saw but only two of the Kings ships which were sent to scoure the seas wee did vaile our Bonnets unto them and bid them good day and so departed undiscovered Wee put in at Portsmoth where there is a good Harbour and good Forts but sorrily kept their Governour that Baggage Bag having taken a surfeit of a Star-chamber suite and being a little overshadowed with the Moone gave them the bagge and dyed whose Successor will never fill the bags hee hath left empty behind him As I came through Somerset-shire I saw great mustering They are notable windy fellowes and strong breath'd with eating of Beane-bread they meane to shew you a Taunton trick and fart in your faces you may ken them from all the Campe by the Beanes ratling in their bellies a mile before they come at you In all the Countrey as I came along there was a great complaint of the decay of Trading The Farmers and Sheep-masters blame the Clothiers the Clothiers the Merchants and Drapers and they lay the fault on the troubles in Scotland which hinders their traffick but some of them say they could find it out nearer home if they durst discover it I came downe by Reading where little Laud was borne his Father was a Clothier his Mother a Spinster hee being the worst thred that ever shee spunne in her life Hee was from his Cradle ordained to be a Punisher of poore people For hee was borne between the stocks and the cage which a Courtier one day chanced to speake of whereupon his Grace thought himselfe so disgrac't as he removed them thence and pull downe his Fathers thatcht house and built up a faire one in the same place because none should say hereafter that he was discended of so meane a house The next day I came to Windsor which is the worst place that ever I came in For the Knights are poore and the Priests rich the Prebends proud and the Deane deafe for a poore man hath called a long time to be released and cannot be heard Away I came towards London and landed at Hampton Court in hope to have seene the Prince and Duke Iemmy but the Dupper Doctor had carried them to St. Iames to see the Queene Mother where hee left them untill hee himselfe went to Lambeth for Canterburies blessing to a better Bishoprick in which if hee behave himselfe well and please his Patron in bringing up his pupill he shall be promoted to a better Bishoprick When I came to Westminster a countrey man of mine had mee to see the Tombes where amongst many other Kings and Queenes I saw King Iames and Queene Elizabeth conferring about the troubles in Scotland which they said was plotted in Spaine ratified at Rome and agitated by the Iesuits in England to be acted in a tragicall procession in Scotland but it was not so in their dayes and they hoped it would not long continue as now it is The next morning I got up betimes to goe to our Intelligencer but ere I came at White-hall I was prest for the Kings service whereupon I presently fell lame of my left legge and with a pittifull look I said Messe Constable I am a poore lame Passenger I pray you let me passe but if I must have your money then change me one shilling for an other with that I blest my selfe with a good Angell and then gave it him for his shilling which he perceiving put it up and so out of pure love let me passe When I came to the Exchange our Intelligencer and two or three more of my
countrey men went to dinner where I was relating my Reading Journey and newes whereupon one of them puld a paper out of his pocket saying now by your Relation I understand the meaning of my verses which were bestowed on me And before now I did not well know what they meant A Copie whereof hee gave me to end my Discovery withall which are as followeth The King wants coyne the Bishops blood The Church is chang'd none dares doe good The three chiefe Arts in all the Land In Pillory at once did stand The Welsh may run the English ride To kill the Scots for Prelates pride VVhich makes men cry and curse that Age Hatcht little Laud twixt Stocks and Cage THE INTELLIGENCERS owne Discovery AT my first comming to London I heard little newes of any Scots grievances but within a little while after when I saw Burton Bastwick and Pryn promoted to the Pillory for speaking against the power of the Prelates then I began to smell a fox They rejoyced as much in their sufferings as their Adversaries did in their sentences but because they should not prate nor talke to one another as they did when they stood in the Pillory Therefore they were sent first into three severall Castles in three remoted counties and afterwards removed to three severall Ilands every one of them at their departure from the Pillory to their Prisons made two verses Tryumphing I returne my face discryes Lauds scorching scars Gods gratefull sacrifice A painefull Pastor I have beene my flock I truly fed And now in honour of Christs cause my blood I freely shed Physician 's for soule and body and Lawyer for the State All here now have lost their blood to please a proud Prelate The next Terme after this the Bishop of Lincolne came to his sentence in the Star-chamber where hee received a sharpe sensure but hee may thank himself for it in keeping two prime places in his hands when others want preferment But hee stood too much upon his trumps thinking that King James his Patents had beene now as good as when hee had them Alas good man though hee be a great Scholler not a better in the Kingdome yet hee had forgot the little Mans Motto Sic volo sic Iubeo The originall cause of this was never heard but this I learned that two flesh flyes having fed at his Table for a long time together had purposely laid a traine to intrap him and then they combined with one Kilvert A Caniball who having devoured his owne Master Sir Iohn Bennet undertooke to doe the like with him and hath hunted him so hard that the Tower is become his Tabernacle where he is like to remain unlesse hee will pull off his Miter and give it for his Ransome Long hee had not laine there ere he was roused up againe for a second course pretending that hee had given a false exposition on the great Leviathan false Mediator and the like whereupon through the meanes of a false Steward a faithlesse Secretary and a foolish Scribe he was Acteon-like puld down with his own hounds which he had fed at his trencher in his prosperity but had now fallen upon himselfe in his adversity yet his owne patience and the peoples prayers may one day be a comfort to him That when the newes came first of the troubles in Scotland Archie the Kings Foole was questioned for something against the Prelates whom hee thought was the cause of it For which hee had beene had up in the Star-chamber but that the Fool told them hee would plead the priviledge of his Coat For quoth hee if neither Foole nor wife man must scape this Court I will be neither But for all this Archie could not scape scot free for hee was led to the Porters lodge where albeit hee found favour in his lash yet he lost both his Coat and his place by it That about a weeke after I met Archie at the Abby all in black Alas poore foole thought I hee mournes for his countrey I askt him about his Coat O quoth he my Lord of Canterbury hath taken it from mee because either he or some of the Scots Bishops may have use for it themselves But hee hath given me a black coat for it to colour my knavery with and now I may speake what I please so it be not against the Prelates for this Coat hath a farre greater Priviledge then the other had when I heard him say so albeit thought I a Fooles bolt is soone shot yet perhaps hee may hit the marke whereupon I went and bought me a canonicall Coat and put my selfe into an Arminian habit which hath kept mee freer from danger then if I had beene all clad in buffe That about Christmas last all the passages of your Assembly were presented to the King and all the names of the Lords and others that had subscribed the Covenant or consenting to the putting downe of the Prelates were given in wherupon a Convocation of the Clergy of England was once resolved to be called and to have the matter disputed but the Bishops were busie and could not attend it and advised that ipso facto you should be proclaymed Rebels and all your Lands should be confiscate to the King which made some of the Courtiers mouthes so water in hopes of a Lordship that they lookt as if they had beene troubled with the scurvie That about Candlemas the newes was nothing but warre and that the King would goe in person into Scotland and had promised to gratifie those that adventured with them for cutting off the Covenanters And therefore to make them the more contemptible to the English Proclamation 〈◊〉 made in all market Townes and read in all Churches That you were base fawning fellowes and people of broken fortunes and would faine repair your ruined estates by the spoyles of the good subjects of England which Proclamation notwithstanding the faire and true declaration of your intentions so animated many of them as like Hogs in the wind they ran on but knew not whither ro fight but knew not for what hoping to be rewarded but knew not when and they may returne but know not how That of late every man at London hath beene in his humours The Courtiers were learning how to tosse tennis bals instead of Bullets The Captaines were preparing to see the tragedy of traytors the Clergy were studying a Masque for a Myter the Ministry were drawing the map of misery the Iesuits were at wilie baguilie and the Scots Bishops were at Boe peepe with the Kirke That one day I went to see the Tower which is newly rapaired there are forty new beds and lodgings provided for entertainment of the Scots traytors well let me advise yee to looke to your selves for if ever you bee lodged there the next newes after will bee your comming out to Tower-Hill where either your heads must lop or your Crags crack I came home by the custome House where there was
such an out-cry with Merchants concerning their new Impositions As it made the old Farmers 〈◊〉 for a court Lord and a citie Captaine to assist them who came ruffling into their offices with such violence as for feare of Goring it made al the Virginian Merchants to run away and leave their Plantations For Tobacco was growne so cheape as the Kings customes came to more then the Merchants had for it For it was taken by a worse name and sold by the measure of Iacobs staffe whereupon when the old Pinder saw such shavers come to share in his office he gave over and left the Dawes to shift among the Rooks which the common people seeing they prayed that their Court Customer might dye drunke in his new Impositions of Wines and the Crispe Citie Captaine might break as fast as doth his glasse beads Whilst I stayed at Custome-house I heard a muttering of a red Deere Pye full of gold going to the Nuns of Nancy from the holy sisters in England under colour of a peece of Venison sent to the Prince of Peymont from Catholico Mariano But they said a wilie Wayter had put his finger further into the Pye then was fitting and after it was discovered it was husht up no man can tell how Likewise I heard that the Cardinall of Cordel◠being cast away in crossing of a River his hat came floating up to the custome House where it was taken up for a miraculous monument and carried to the Lord Treasurer for a wreck who hath order to keepe it untill some fitting person bee found to weare it This accident makes good the old Proverbe Quot homines tot sententia for some sayes our countrey man Con the Popes Legate must have it others say Sir Tobit Mathewes doth better deserve it some say that as soone as the King hath established Bishops againe in Scotland St. Andrew shall have it instead of a blew Bonnet and others say Canterbury must be served before him But some say it s kept untill St. Paul have a new coat and then hee must have it for his hat or else when Pauls is quite built it must be carried round about it procession and then left on the high altar for a religious Relique That all Lent long His Majesties Chaplaines instead of Fasting preached fighting and instead of Peace preached punishing of Rebels amongst whom wilie Warner of Rochester having got a Bishopricke for making one Sermon hee gave the King an other gratis wherein he so rayled at the Rebels as his Patron hath promised a better Bishopricke when it fals That such time-serving Clergie men as have not the gift of Preaching seeke preferment by rayling as one Harison who lookes for a Deanery at least for calling Judge Hutton Traytor when hee sate on the seat of Iustice for speaking his conscience for the subject against Prerogative That the case of ship-monie was fully argued first by foure Councellors and afterwards by the twelve Iudges whereof the Gold-finch Vernon and five punies past for the King and five Seniors whereof two were capitall stood for the countrey but what can withstand fortune for most voices mis-carried it Neverthelesse the Lord Say would faine have had another assay at the matter but could not be heard That about Mid-lent the names of all strangers as well French and Dutch as Scots were collected in and about London and sent to the King viz. 60000. French 40000. Dutch and 900. Scots but if Priests Friers Iesuits and the rest of the Romish Rabbies had beene also collected they would have exceeded the number of the Scots and if the Papists and Protestants of the French and Dutch had beene likewise collected the number of the Protestants had stood but for a cipher to the other The voice went that all the Protestant strangers should have beene sent into New England if the King could have spared shipping and the others should have made a catholicke Army to have gone against the Scots But now the Scots taking their new oath to fight against their consciences and countrey and the rest paying in their money without grumbling they may all stay in Old England if they please That albeit with the pilling and polling of the Commonalty England is fallen into a very dangerous disease which growes every day worse and and worse in so much as one Sunday at one Master Shutes Parish Church a Bill was delivered that Iohn Common-wealth of England being sick of the Scots disease desires the prayers of the Congregation for calling a Parliament the great Physician of the Kingdome to cure their infinit infirmities That all men must contribute to this holy and zealous expedition whereupon the Citie of London having made a collection of at least 6000. l. presented it to the King who thankt them for their loves but would not receive it because some say it was too little others say that he will come home by them and then they must present him with a golden Calfe and a greater gift for a peace offring But in the meane time its said that Yorke must bee made the Royall Citie of the Kingdome but when no man knowes yet the Merchants care not if both Court and Towne bee carried thither so long as they cannot carry Thames with them also For if their wives loved Courtiers no better then they doe their roomes were farre better then their company That the King being resolved upon his Iourney wrote his Letters to all Noble-men in the Kingdome to attend his Royall Standard at Yorke The first day of Aprill with fitting men and furniture according to their birth and qualities degree and honour where by the Papists report his Majesty will be with 100000. English 20000. Welsh 20000. Irish 20000. chosen Catholikes all in compleate armour and that the King of Spaine would send him 20000. of his old souldiers if he had no use for them himselfe The King of Denmarke would send him 20000. of his Drunkards if he could spare them The King of Morocco would send him twenty tun of Barbary Gold if Argier and Tunnis stood not in his way and the Pope would send his Benediction if he thought it would doe him any good That the King was by the Prelates so exasperated and made so eager on the busines as he tooke his Iourney on his Coronation day which some think unfortunate But the Papists Proverbe prevailed The better day the better deed At this departure hee had Canterburies blessing and a book of Remembrances what is fit to be done to such a rebellious people That all things are much altered since the Kings departure from London White-hall is become an Amazonian Castle St. Iames an Hospitall for strangers Somerset-House a Catholicke Colledge Westminster a receptacle for Seminary Priests and Iesutis London is like a private friend in close mourning Coaches and Carts are halfe idle for want of imployment and great Horses Sedans and wherries fight for their imployment Porters are taken up for Gentlemen Vshers Clergy
and in the Interim most of his men falling Sea sick A pinke was dispatcht to Apolloes Oracle to know their destinies Answere was made that they were all unsanctified people and not fit to bee imployed in so holy a warre untill they had done penance and made their confessions in some fitting Land This made them more amazed then before untill a subtile Sphincks expounded the riddle and told them it was meant by the holy Island unto which hee would prove their Pylot and bring them thither where if their men died as fast on Land as they did at Sea then they might save a labour of digging of Graves and bury them in conyborowes unto this they all agreed and weighed anchour hoised up sailes and in short time arrived in the harbour where they landed their men And the Marquesse himselfe after hee had made his Orizons at Saint Cutberts shrine hee posted to Apollo for further direction That when I came to the Campe I saw diverse troopes of voluntaries who like so many prodigals having got their patrimonies are come thither to spend them in hope to returne richer They have taken with them three horses a peece one to carry the Asse himselfe an other to carry a Prisoner if hee can take any and the third to carry his provision But it s commonly seene in all Lotteries this being the like that there are above ten Blancks to one prize I met with a great many Gamsters there and with some Players and Poets but all out of imployment yet a Poet told mee that because hee would keepe his hand in ure hee made every day a few lines in Verse a parcell whereof hee gave mee as followeth No enemies face yet have wee seene Nor foote set on your ground But here wee lie in open feild With raine like to bee drown'd The Earths my Bed when I am laid A Turfe it is my Pillow Our Canopy is the skie above My Lawrell turn'd to willow Then mighty Mars withhold thy hand And Jove thy fury cease That so wee may as all doe pray Returne againe in peace About the end of May either a Foole or an unskilfull Physitian told the King that the Scots Campe had such stinking breaths as the English durst not come within tenne miles of them for feare of infecting whereupon a Proclamation was made that the King did respect the safety of his subjects of England So as the Scots Campe under paine of displeasure should not come within tenne miles of the English borders or Campe wheresoever it lay but if they did then the Generalissimo was to kill all they could catch wherein they should doe his Majesty good service and honour Shortly after this a vaine man perswaded the King that all the Scots were retired above 14. miles from Barwick and that 5000. would bee able to take them all in their trenches This being granted upon Ascension day the English army went out of Barwick very early to put this designe in execution but ere they had marched two miles newes came that Generall Lesley was comming towards them whereupon they returned saying they went out but onely to goe in procession round about the bounds belonging to the Towne of Barwick About two dayes after there happened a great mistie morning in which the Cowes comming down the Hill towards Barwick seemed like so many men and the white horses like so many colours which put the Towne in such a fright that the Scots were comming that they barrocaded their Gates ranne up their Rampires mounted their Ordinance and made ready for a defence But when the day grew cleere and that they heard Cowes low for their Calves they opened their Gates and let them in to Suckling That I observed in the Campe that both the French and Spanish factions like to Caiphas and Pilate are now agreed to your overthrow in this expedition who were alwayes opposite enemies one to another even in their very apparrell which I will decipher unto you because if you see them you may know them The French-men bee knowne by their Curld Perriwiggs Franciscan Cap short wasted Dublet long arsed hose and curtall Cloake with boots as though they meant to bee buried in them And the other may bee knowne by his Spanish hat Armenian band long bellied Dublet without a belt trunke hose start up stockings buskin bootes and large cloakes which is the generall fashion now in the Army That when I was in the Campe Proclamation was made that every man upon paine of death should observe these Lawes and Ordinances of warre which all the Campe were sworne to as sacred and good out of which tenne of the most materiall were collected and set up to bee observed as truly as they doe the tenne Commandements 1. VVHosoever shall speake any thing in favour of the enemy or say that this army in unlawfull or unnecessary shall suffer as a Rebell 2. All such as have intelligence with the enemy or shall releive them or give them any thing saving blowes shall die without redemption 3. That all such as disparage or speake against the actions of any chiefe Commander or refuse to doe what they desire shall suffer death 4. That all such as forsakes their Collonels leave their Captaines or draw of sword against any but the Scots shall suffer death without mercy 5. That no man lift his hand wag his tongue or stirre a foote against his Commander when hee shall correct him upon paine of death 6. That whosoever shall see a Commander in danger shall venture his owne life to save the others upon paine of death 7. That when the enemy is driven out of the field no souldier leave his ranck to fall to pillage untill license bee given them upon paine of perpetuall imprisonment 8. That all such spoiles as shall bee taken above the rate of tenne shillings shall bee brought undiminished to the Lord Generall to bee rewarded for a memoriall of victory and after it is proclaimed with sound of Drumme and Trumpet it is to bee sold and the money to bee kept to build an Hospitall for old Casheer'd Captaines and such Souldiers as shall bee lam'd or spoil'd in this expedition 9. That he which can take any of the Lords or principal Covenanters Prisoners shall bring them to the Lord Generall where hee shall have an honourable reward for his paines 10. That whatsoever any man can spare unspent of his pay hee is at his returne to London to offer it up at the high Altar at Pauls towards the repayring therof wher his name shall be inrolled as a valiant Warrior against the Scots a brave Benefactor too Per Generalissimo Some of the Captaines and souldiers being displeased with these orders the next night puld them downe and put up these other ten in their places 1. That no man bee too forward to fight untill hee know the quarrell and that such correspondency be kept with the Covenanters as they doe with us upon paine of the next Parliaments