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A05338 Englandes bright honour shining through the darke disgrace of Spaines Catholicon. Seruing as a cleare lantherne, to giue light to the whole world, to guide them by; and let them see, the darke and crooked packing, of Spaine, and Spanish practises. Discoursed in most excellent and learned satires, or briefe and memorable notes, in forme of chronicle. Read, but understand; and then iudge.; Satire Menipée de la vertu du Catholicon d'Espagne. English. T. W. (Thomas Wilcox), 1549?-1608, attributed name.; Leroy, Pierre, Canon of Rouen.; T. W., fl. 1573-1595. 1602 (1602) STC 15490; ESTC S104018 162,351 210

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theeues In the meane while yee haue prouoked the sixteene who accuse you to bee a marchant of crownes and haue offered this of Fraunce to him that would giue most They make books of this to your preiudice wherein they discipher all your actions They say that you haue close practises with the Biarnois and cause wordes and messages to be caried vnto him by Villeroy and Zamet to lull him a sleepe and to cause him to vnderstand that you are a good Frenchman and will neuer be a Spaniard and that you can giue him Paris backe againe and make peaceable vnto him all his kingdome when hee shall haue been at Masse and acknowledged our holy father and vnder this baite and deceite you haue drawne or gotten fortie thousand politike crownes for three moneths which indeede should bee rated for foure A good arithmetician euery one tenne thousand crownes a peece making you to vnderstand that the Spanish King would pare and clip your distributions if he knew that you treated concerning accord and agreement with heretikes But it is discouered that secretly you send your agents to Rome and into Spaine to lette that the Pope should not giue him absolution if hee demaunde it and to stirre vp the King of Spayne to send new forces towards the frontiers you thinke you are very subtile but your subtleties and fetches are sowen together with white thred And therefore easilie discouered in fine all the worlde seeth them For these politikes haue dragons in the fieldes that take all your packets and by diuelish arte diuine and decipher al your ciphers as also those of the King of Spaine and of the Pope though they bee neuer so subtile and craftie so well that they know all your affaires both at Rome and at Madrill and in Sauoy and in Germanie You iuggle and deale craftily with all the world and all the world doth deale so with you likewise Danger there is that you become not that that the Countie Saint Pol constable of France in the time of King Lewis the eleuenth was who after that he had abused his master and the Duke of Bourgongne That is lost his head in the place of execution as wee would say at Tiburne or the tower hill and the King of England all at one time in the end was made Cardinall in Greue As for being King of your head looke not for it your parte is perished frozen or runne into the fire all your elders set themselues against it Your cousines competitors would rather goe and departe to the other sides than to indure it the sixteene make no more account of you for they say that they haue made you that that you are and you hang them vp and diminish their number as much as you can the people had hope vpon your word that you would vnlock and open the riuer and make the wares and trade free but they see to the contrarie that they are more locked vp and straitned than before and that the bread and the small good they haue to liue of commeth not thorow your well dooing nor by your valour but of the liberalitie of the Biarnois and of his good nature or of the couetousnes of the getters of it which drawe out of it all the profit Briefelie the greater parte beleeueth that you will prolong as long as you can the Lieutenancie in the which men haue placed you and liue alwaies in warre and in trouble and yet well to your ease well serued well intreated well guarded of the Swissers and of the Archers that there lacketh nothing but the coates of armes and the applause of the people to be King whilest all the rest of the people dieth starke mad through famine You will keepe the pledges and bee the perpetuall person who will haue the charge of and looke well to the goods that are vacant which hindereth and prolongeth as much as hee can the deliuerance of the things cried least hee should render an account Mōsieur Lieutenants lets Besides you cannot be King by the mariage of the infant or daughter of Spaine you are maried alreadie and would you put your finger in the hole For you haue ridden the olde one that keepeth hirselfe well from the hee Goate and besides there must bee ano●her more lustie fellow than your selfe for this girle of thirtie yeres blacke as pepper and of an oken appetite Moreouer though we should haue chosen you King yet you should haue to doe with the Biarnois who knoweth a thousand feates or prankes of Basque and who sleepeth not but as much as he will and at the houre that hee will who making himselfe a catholike as he threatneth you hee will doe will drawe on his side all the potentates of Italie and of Almaine and withall the heart of all the French gentry or gentlemen of France of which you see alreadie the greatest parte with so many poore afflicted townes wearie of their warre and of their pouertie part to shake in the haft and to make a writing of their retraict that demaunde nothing else but that colour and good occasion to withdrawe themselues from the couple therewith to couer or colour their repentance Doe you dreame thereof Monsieur the Lieutenant for the like you haue counterfeited the King and yee haue farted against or like the Biarnois in edicts and declarations in seales in guardes and great prouosts and masters of requests of your house Though you would burst and would blow vp your selfe great as an oxe as doth the female frogge yet shall you neuer be so great a Lord as he although some say that he hath not so much fat vpon all his bodie as is able to feede a larke But doe you knowe what you doe I would counsell you but that you haue been Bigamus or haue had two wiues to make your selfe an Abbot A good preferment for so great a seruice whosoeuer shall be King he will not refuse to bestow vpon you the Abby of Clugny which is of your house you loue a fatte soppe or brewis as wee say and you thrust your selfe willingly into the kitchin you haue a very ample and spacious belly and so you shall be crowned I say crowned with the same crowne and your crowne made with the same cissers It needeth not an honest man may be taken vpon his word that Madam your sister saide hung at her girdle to make the monkelike or frierlie crowne of the late Henrie of Valois You will not demaund of me neither fidelitie nor oath for this matter but I am of this aduise I will not speake here of Monsieur of Nemours your vterin but the politikes say adulterin brother Speake cleanly for shame he hath done his caca or needes in our little chests he hath his purposes and attemptes by himselfe and is like to Picrocolus that by discourses well reasoned of made himselfe Monarch of the world foote by foote If he can gouerne the King of
our ciuill warres would ouerthrow the Catholike religion the Church all ecclesiasticall order causing the priests religious men and religious women and all to fall to wicked life wasting benefices and abolishing Gods seruice throughout all the plaine countrie and notwithstanding we persisted as before without hauing any pitie of so many desolate and straying soules forsaken also of their pastors which languished and pined away without religiō without feeding and without administration of any Sacrament In fine sith we agree together Like sinnes like punishments and are like in so many meetings of things to the citie of Ierusalem what other thing can we look for than a whole ruine and vtter desolation as theirs was vnles God by an extraordinarie miracle giue vs againe our right wit and sense For it is impossible that wee can any longer time indure thus being alreadie so beatē down fainting sluggish with lōg sicknes that the very sighs and groanes which we fetch are nothing els but the very hickcockes or pangs going before death We are shut vp pressed inuaded And that is not very good cōpassed in on all sides and wee take not the ayre but the stinking ayre that is within our walles from our myres and sinkes for all the rest of the ayre from the libertie of the fields is withheld from vs. Wherfore ye free cities learne learne I say by our damage and losse to gouerne your selues from this time forward after another fashion suffer not your selues to be mislead and haltred as you haue been by the charmes and inchauntments of the preachers who are corrupted with money with some hope which some princes giue thē who aspire nothing but to ingage you and to make you so weake so souple easie to bee bent that they may play with and enioy at their own pleasure your selues your riches your libertie and all For concerning that which they would make you beleeue touching religion An apt comparision it is but a maske or visor wherewith they busie the simple as the foxes couer their footing with their long tailes that so they might catch them eate them vp at their pleasure A common vse indeede Haue you euer seene any other respects in them that haue aspired after tyrannous gouernment ouer the people than this that they haue alwaies made taken and vsed some goodly title and shew of the common wealth or of religion And yet when question hath been of comming to some agreement their particular interest and profit hath alwaies been in the vantgard and they haue set the benefit and good of the people behinde as a matter that did not touch them Or else if they were victors and did ouercome their end was alwaies to bring vnder and churlishly to vse the people by whome they were ayded and assisted to come to the very top of their desires But so are not they that defend such things And I am abashed seeing that all histories as well olde as new are full of such examples to behold that yet there are found men so poore in vnderstanding as to rush vpon and to flie vnto this false lure The historie of the ciuill warres and of the reuolt which was made against Lewis the eleuenth is yet fresh and as wee say bleeding new An example The Duke of Berry his brother and certaine Princes of Fraunce raised vp and hartened by the King of England and yet somewhat more encouraged by the Countie of Charolois vsed no other colour for leuying of their armies than the benefite and comfort of the people and kingdome But in the ende when they were to come to composition or agreement they intreated of nothing but to increase to one his yearely pension and to giue offices and friendly conditions of agreement to all those that had assisted them without any more mention of the commō wealth than of the Turke If you will wade somewhat higher in the French Chronicles you shall see that the factions of Bourgongne and of Orleans were alwaies coloured with the comforting or easing of the taxes or of the euill gouernment of the affaires and yet notwithstanding the intent of the principall heads thereof was nothing else but to keepe vnder the authoritie of the kingdome and to giue one house aduātage against another as the issue hath alwaies made plaine proof of it Though hee should haue done it did it indeed sometimes yet of late you haue vniustly detayned the same For in the end the King of Englād caried alwaies away some part of it for his share the Duke of Bourgongne did neuer depart without some citie or countrie which he tooke for his bootie Whosoeuer will finde leasure to reade this historie shall finde therein our miserable age naturally and liuely set out vnto vs. He shal see our preachers the blowfires and bellowes of contention that ceased not to intermeddle therein as they doe at this daye though at no hand there was then question touching religion they preached against their King they caused him to bee excommunicated as they doe at this present They set vp propositions and vsed disputations in Sorbonne against the good citizens and common wealths men as they doe now A man might haue behelde then murders and slaughters of innocent people and of furies and outrages committed by the people themselues euen as ours doe Our mynion the late Duke of Guise is there represented and set out in the person of the Duke of Bourgongue False and spoken like a Frenchman for our Kings had and haue a lawfull right and our good protector the King of Spaine in that of the King of England You therein see our easines to beleeue and simplicitie accompanied with ruines desolations sackings burnings of townes and suburbes such as we haue seene and see continuallie vpon vs and vpon our neighbours The common good was the charme or witcherie that stopped vp our predecessors eares but indeede the ambition and the reuengement of these two great houses was the true and first cause as the ende discouered it And thus haue I deducted and laide out vnto you that first the iealousie and enuie of those two houses of Bourbon and of Lorraine and since the onely ambition and couetousnes of these of Guyse haue bin and are the only cause of all our mischiefes miseries But as for the catholike Romane religion It is the cup of fornication mentioned in the Apocalyps it is the drinke wherewith they haue infatuated vs and caused vs to fall on sleep and a poyson wel sweetned with sugar and which serueth for an obs●upatiue or benumming medicine to astonish or benumme all our members which whilest we are on sleepe wee feele not when they cut away now one piece then an other euen one after an other and that which remaineth be but as a truncke which very quickly will leese all the blood and the heate and the very life it selfe thorow ouermuch
Englandes bright Honour Shining through the darke disgrace of Spaines Catholicon Seruing as a cleare Lantherne to giue light to the whole world to guide them by and let them see the darke and crooked packing of Spaine and Spanish practises Discoursed in most excellent and learned Satires or briefe and memorable notes in forme of Chronicle Read but understand and then iudge LONDON Printed by Iohn Deane and are to be sold at his shop at Temple barre 1602. A SATYRE MENIPPIZED THAT IS TO SAY a Poesie sharplie yet Philosophicallie and wisely rebuking vices without regard of persons Touching the vertue of the * Amongst the Phisitions it is a name giuen to medicines vsed to purge all humours here applied to the briberie and other corruptions of the Spanyard Catholicon of Spayne and concerning the holding and assemblie of the States of Paris Anno. Dom. 1594. The Printer of the French Copie to the Reader THis discourse touching the assemblie of the States of Paris and touching the virtue and strength of the Catholicon of Spayne was made and written in the Italian tongue by a Gentleman of Florence which was at Paris whilest the Estates were held and assembled there of purpose as is to bee supposed to carrie the same to his Master the Duke of Florence that so he might represent vnto him the wonderfull estate of the affayres of France But it fell out that as he did returne into his countrey and passed by Amiens to goe into Flanders his horse keeper being a Briton borne and vnwilling to hazard himselfe in so long a voyage and hauing perceiued that his Master was no good Catholike yet he gathered it by nothing but this that he called that a He meaneth the King now raigning who hath this name of Bearne a coūtrey subiect vnto him Biarnois the King of France he gently parted from him without telling him any thing that grieued him or that troubled him in his quiet estate and to comfort himselfe for the keeping and feeding of two horses he carried away the better of them together with the cloake bagge or maile in which was the originall of the sayd discourse But God would haue him taken by certaine religious persons of Chasteauuerd and brought before the Maior of Beauuois where he had been declared and taken for a good prize by reason of some bootie or bagge of * He meaneth as I take it double pistolets sure I am it is some Spanish ●oyne Grosse palpable superstition bel●eue it who will Doublons found in the maile but that he shewed them an ounce of Catholicon which he carried in his purse with seuen hallowed graines and a shirt of Chartres which had remained nine daies and nine nights at our Ladies feete vnder the ground being a preseruatiue to hinder the batterie of the cannons and artillerie and to let the taking of the towne either by warre or by iustice In so much that he freely confessed that he had forsaken his Master after he knew him to be an heretike by this that he called the Biarnois King of France Now amongst the instruments or stuffe found in the maile Robbers pretend right whereof there was a solemne Inuentorie taken and made in the presence of the Maior and of Doctor Lucain the superintendent or ouerseer of the prizals and pillages there was found the original or first copie of this Italian discourse which the Maior did not vnderstand and therefore praied the aforesaid Doctor Lucain to translate it into good French Of which the sayd Doctor excused himselfe affirming that though he had skill well to speake the language of Rome Better a bad one then none at all yet he was not able or knew not to appropriate it to the French finenes or naturalnes of their owne tongue So that indeede they were inforced to giue it to a certaine little Monke or Frier called Romipete who the next day after did disrobe and vnapparell himselfe from his vsuall garments euen for very haste that he had to be at Paris at the solemne blessing generall procession Deuotiō good enough ●or to had an action which the Legate should make for that same holy and Catholike enterprise that Peter Bartiere of Orleans was to doe had vndertaken and sworne it vnto him namely to assault murther his Maiestie at Melun Howbeit it so fell out that the sayd poore Monk was taken by certaine Gentlemen and found charged with the said discourse which seemed so pleasant vnto thē that presently one of thē turned it into French so from hand to hand the translatiō of it came euen vnto me which I haue caused to be printed as well to relieue from paine such as are curious to behold all newes or nouelties as to prouoke thē that yet lāguish vnder the yoke of that tyrānie for they must needs be rotten infected lepers indeed if they feele not this pricking goade doe not at the leastwise send forth some groanes for their libertie that is readie to yeeld vp or dye Farewell THE VIRTVE OR STRENGTH OF THE CATHOLICON BEcause that the Catholique States not long sithence held and assembled at Paris are not States by the douzzen as wee may say or common and accustomed but haue something in them very rare and singular aboue all the rest which as yet haue euer been held in France I haue thought I shall doe a worke pleasant to all good and zealous Catholiques and seruing much to the edification of faith to set downe by writing the summe thereof which is as it were some * An Arrabian worde and expounded by that which followeth elixir or quintessence abstracted and drawne not onely out of the orations but also from the intentions and pretentions of the principall persons that plaide their parts vpon this scaffolde or stage But because both the prouinces appoynted and summoned long time before and their assignatiōs also were sundry times made frustrate by the white scarft souldiers Hee meaneth the Kings forces who did commonlie weare white scarfes Goodly things to commend men to the counsell of Estate who crossed the waies of the deputies that they could not passe nor assemble themselues at the day set the assemblie indeede was not so great as some did hope and desire it might haue been And yet notwithstanding there were founde in it very notable famous officers who nothing at all gaue place for the length and greatnes of their beards and the burlines of their bodie or corps to the ancient Peeres of France And among them there were three at the least of verie good knowledge marke that did weare coyfes after the catholique manner and one that did weare the great hat and very seldome put it off Which things the Politikes who yet in Paris are more than sixteene tooke in the worst part and saide that the three that did weare coyfes That is bald as his was reade the historie were scuruie and scabbed and
without any feare of God or man Nay they will doe more they will canonize that murtherer and place that Iudas aboue S. Peter Worthie fruit● of a right religion and wil baptise this prodigious and horrible misdoing or offence with the name of a blow or a stroake from heauen and the gossips at this baptisme shall be Cardinals Legates and Primates IIII. Let a great and a mightie armie of pitiful and yet feared and renowmed Frenchmen be prepared and made readie to aduenture honorablie or to do well for the defence of the Crowne and countrey and to reuenge so fearefull an assault and murther let them cast in the midst of this armie but halfe a dramme of this drugge A strange metamorphosis but yet no vntrue tale it will benumme all the armie and strength of these braue and noble warriors V. Serue for a Spye in the Campe in the trenches at the cannon in the Kings chamber and in his councels yea though men knowe you for such a one yet if you haue taken in the morning but one graine of Higuiero whosoeuer shall taxe reproue or accuse you for it A sound iudgment shall be taken for an Huguenot or a fauourer of an Heretike VI. Fight and play on both sides as we say be vnfaithfull and traiterous yea so farre that you touch and take the kings coyne to make warre euen against himselfe also be not grieued any whit at all for so vngracious a deede practise with the enemie c. yet if you glew your sword within your scabberd with this Catholicon you shall be taken to be a very good man VII Will you be an honorable scoffer and newter cause your house in euery part to be painted not with the late S. Anthonie but with the crosse of Higuiero and behold you shall be exempted from armour proclamation proscription c. VIII Haue about you but halfe an ounce weight of this Catholicon you neede no more strong or auaileable passeport to procure you as good entertainment and to be as well welcome to Tours These are leaguer townes as to Mante to Orleans as to Chartres to Compaigne as to Paris IX Be acknowledged and taken for the pensionarie or feed man of Spayne seeke priuate profite betray change sell barter disioyne and set Princes at iarre so you haue one graine of Catholicon in your mouth Strange 〈◊〉 cts they will imbrace you and will enter into as great distrust against very faithful and ancient seruitors as against Infidels and Huguenots how free and faithful Catholikes soeuer they haue alwaies been before X. Though al goe from euill to worse though the enemie aduance his purposes and practises and departeth not from peace but the better to bring in againe assault it considering the goodly shewes that men make him though the Catholike Church it selfe runne at randon as we say though there be peruerting of all order ecclesiasticall or secular A small matter to moue such stirres through default of speaking good French doe but closely and cunningly sowe a little of Higuiero thorowe the world no man will regarde what you say or doe nay no man dare speake of it fearing least he should be accoun●ed a Huguenot XI Make your selues Cantons and install your selues tyrannously in the Kings townes euen from Newhauen to Meziers and from Nantes euen vnto Cambray be a villaine a runnagate or traytor obey neither God nor the King nor the law haue notwithstanding thereupō in thy hand a little of this Catholicon and cause it to bee preached or commended in your canton or towne you shall be a great and catholike man XII Haue a dishonest and shameles face and a blistered forehead For euill example as we say as haue the vnfaithful Iailors of Pontheau de mer and Vienne rubbe your eyes but a little with this diuine or heauenly electuarie you shall be taken and reported to be a very honest and rich man XIII If a Pope as for example Xistus the fift doe any thing against you you shall bee permitted Papists against the Pope and that without hurting the conscience to execrate curse thunder out against him yea to blaspheme him so that there be in your incke neuer so little of this Higuiero XIIII Haue no religion mocke in sport and as much as you will the priests and sacraments of the Church and all law both Gods and mans eate flesh in Lent in despight of the Church you neede no other absolution nor better pardon then halfe a dramme of this Catholicon XV. Would you very quickly become a Cardinall rubbe one of the hornes of your cap with Higuiero An easie stepping stone to promotion it will become red and you shall be made a Cardinall though you were the most incestuous and ambitious Primate of the world XVI Be thou for any thing as guiltie of death as Mothe Serrant be conuicted for coyning and counterfeiting money as Mandreuille be a Sodomite as Senault A meruailous chaunge yea contrarie to all reason and religion a wicked person as Bussie an Atheist and vngratefull as the Poet of the Admiraltie wash thy selfe with the water of Higuiero behold thou art become an vnspotted lambe and a piller of the faith XVII Let any sage Prelate or Counsellor of the estate being a true Catholike Frenchman thrust in and oppose himselfe against the woluish or foxish enterprises of the enemies of the state so you haue a graine of this Catholicon vpon your tongue God make it to prosper euerie where as there there and elsewhere better as he shall see good They are good by excellencie or in the superlatiue degree you shall be permitted to accuse them yea to haue a will and desire so long as God will let you alone to let religion perish and decay as it doth in England XVIII Though some good preachers not able to teach children doe goe out of the rebellious townes to ayde the simple people elsewhere to arme themselues if he haue but a corne of Higuiero in his cowle or hood he may very well and safely returne backe againe XIX Let Spayne set his foote vpon the throate of the honour of France let the Lorraines striue to take or robbe rather the lawfull inheritance from the Princes of the bloud royall let them debate and discourse vpon their owne no lesse furiously then subtilly and affirme that the Crowne is their owne vse but thereupon a little of this Catholicon and you shall perceiue that men will more meruaile to see some question out of season moued concerning a Bishops cope or about Plessis monument then to trauaile with oares and sailes as they say to make sottish and foolish tyrants that tremble for feare to forgoe or let loose their pray This is almost the halfe of the articles which the whole writing of the Iugler or Apothecarie of Spayne did containe time shall cause you see the residue XX. As concerning the Iugler or Apothecarie of Lorraine