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A89926 Newes from the New Exchange, or The commonvvealth of ladies, drawn to the life, in their severall characters and concernments. Neville, Henry, 1620-1694. 1650 (1650) Wing N510; Thomason E590_10; ESTC R203016 11,178 24

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of one wife and keeps this very close though Jack Griffith be in France and so doth James his too though my Lord of Oxford be in Holland As for Jack with his Spider's shanks his Mistresse is not arived to fourteene yet or else he would take the same course as his Brothers for feare she should suck of the same Teat with her Mother VVee cannot name my Lady Crompton too often VVhen Tom. Temples stock could hold no longer neither in Wit nor Money she laid him aside like a ridiculous Foole and jump't in with my Lord Molineux who whipt up her Belly here in England and then she got a Passe to go to her husband in France that he might father the Bantling My Lord and she are parted since but how it is not known only we heare of great resolutions against Teeming professing shee will venture no more for Children but we fear she must have one more to please my Lord Broncker Heigh now for the nine Worthies who above all deserve the Breeches to ride astride to the Devill And to lead the Van march couragious yong Madam Peterborough whose Earl is a Wittoll and her father was a cuckold gramercy old Peterborough This Ladie makes nothing of 3. Gallons of Usquebagh to Mr. Staffords health and whatsoever the Gentleman lends her his wife payes him again in the same coyn at home according to my Ladies maxim which sayes Shee 's too much Phlegme a husbands faults can smother If he take one t is fit you take another Next enter Madam Peter who was tried by the Prince Elector and Harry Compton was his Taster This will neither settle Mr. Vowell's eyes nor his Conscience for he hath liquored her with many a Pot and tosted her and she promises much in her cups Besides her faculty in drink she is good at all games but especially at cogging the Die and the Cod-peece Though we cannot rank her Aunt my Lady Mary Sheldon among the Nine yet it being pitty they should be parted she may passe for an Appendix being so fast hung to my Lord Peter that his Lady rambles without suspition and sets down this for a maxim of our Commonweale That Ladies when their Lords new loves do mind Should in revenge like Cats unto their kind 'T were pitty the Third should be left out who ought to have been first in order Shew as confident as you speak Mrs. Phil. Mohun whose Rhetorick is Ribaldry whose Element is Drinke whose wit is in Baudery and whose Beauty is blasted with her own Breath it being a damp that will kill a Spider She swears with a bon-grace makes offensive and defensive War offensive with Sherwood whose Lordship is an Asse defensive with Lenthall whose courage is wit This Lady will be sure to match the man if she knows the length of his weapon She is often purged but vowes drink is the best Physick and delivers this maxim If any thing make women more divine Than men it must be quick and mighty wine Make room for the Fourth with the new-elected Colonel Corbet by name Mistris Harris sister to the forementioned Lady who neither in quantity quality action Passion nor any other Predicament is any whit lesse remarkable She hath lived these 30. years in the same extremes that the rest of her Sisters now begin with Tom. Temple had never been arrested for the 200 l. if he could have plied her busines in earnest as well as laugh at his own Jests Let old gouty Ash of the Parliament take heed for that in the nose is not so easily cured as that in the Toe and the Cavalier Corbet his Mistresse may chance to make him crosse Pothecaries Bills and baudy reckonings instead of the accompts of the Kingdom For after a full beer-glasse she set down this too for a Maxim The Members ought now Cavaliers are poore If they will share a Mistresse pay the score The third of the Sisters makes up the fifth of our VVorthies Enter Mistris Cambell with a piss-pot on her head a pipe in her mouth a pintle in her Tail Ash runs through this Family as his brother-commoner Howard known heretofore by the name of Lord Howard runs through the Family of the Murray's and hath made most of their Issue free Denisons being more English then Scotish We understand by Master Cook 's books at the Bear at the Bridg-foot who must needs be an exact accomptant having been a Committee-man that from Midsummer to Michaelmas 100 pound sterl hath been bestowed by Master Ash upon this Lady in VVine and Tobacco to cherish her in the maintenance of her most rare Maxims of which the chiefe is She that with pure Tobacco will not prime Her Nose can be no Lady of the time Now for a Worthy in good earnest my Lady Wildgoose alias Velledicus alias Mistris Salkeld who reckons continency either to husband or Servant the worst of the seven Deadly Sins having lately resolved to try all that will try her though she pass the most fiery tryall Many a sad journey hath she made but of late two into Scotland to fit her English measure according to the Italian with S. Bernard Gascoign She finds VVine of a rare quality for it saves the charge of Vermilion for her Beake being at great expence upon her cheeks This Lady playes as well at Best as the Beast drinks well swears enough for six of the nine and hath been often a Caterwauling with Sir Iohn Morley Her Maxim is 'T is not enough that Ladies drink whiff whore Except they swear God-dammees by the score And now since the widdowes weare the buskins let them tread the stage boldly and so enter two more of our Worthies at once Aunt and Niece my Presbyterian Lady Stapleton and my Lady Campion the Cavalier the one Being drunk at the receit of the newes of her husband's death out of France the other very jolly with Master Howard of Barkshire in her arms at the newes of her Husbands death at Colchester and since that she hath a Rubbers every weeke with no lesse then five for variety The controversie betwixt these two is who can drink most and then they quarrell for the conquest Tom Temple and Col. Iephson are their Seconds the first of whom lost his haire and the other had like to have lost his one eie in deciding the busines But what care these Ladies Their maxim is She is no Mistresse though she rants drinks Swears That doth not set her Servants by the ears To bring up the Rear of the nine enter the incomparable Lady of an old Low-country Colonell by name Cromwell who hath run through most of the Regiment both Officers and Souldiers Since her coming to England she hath traded never a jot the lesse in the low-countries loves Wine and of all Wine Sack in Glasses and of all Glasses Beer-Glasses She keeps a free Port for all Merchants and trucks with all Languages and Nations Shee is controller of the Club among the
stroke thou shalt drinke Dormer into Matrimony T is the wonder of the world Why Sir Kenelm Digby should be so mad for my Lady Middlesex since he boarded her and the Gallies at Scanderoon much about the same time and hath rid at Anchor ever since T is a very hard matter to know whether she be a Lady or Leviathan Sure none but Goliahs weapon can fit her Scabbard nor can any hand but his with the six fingers sufficiently seele her and he that will please her which she abundantly loves must convert a Weavers beam into a dildo If she and Sir Kenelme go on with the Match then let the Saints beware for I beleeeve Gog and Magog will come of the Progeny But what thinke you of my Lady Marchionesse of Winchester and Colonell Warren Though my Lord be her Husband yet the Colonell is the man Though my Lord have a good Bable by descent and may play well yet the Col. hits the blot oftner in his Ladie 's Tables She is often sick and as often swels and by the opinion of all Doctors no cure is like that in private with her Colonell Boles was an able fellow too once before he came to be my Lady of Bath's Gentleman usher But you may guesse how the VVorld goes with him now for he dwindles every day and some say the Calves of his legs are left in his Ladies Belly so that when my Lord expected a Son God knows it proved a Moon Calfe and had it grown up to have horns my Lord might then have hoped it was of his own begetting Poor Jack Young my Lady Monmouth bites hard too for she hath drawn him so low that he will never make Mummy and therefore intends to prefer him for a living Skeleton to Surgeon's hall as a very neat Subject for an Anatomy lecture And indeed it is high time he were some way disposed of for his fore-man is so flag and his hams so feeble that my Lady is constrained still to cry out Thy finger againe Jack I beleeve the Parson too is puzled to interpret the barrennesse of my Lady Stanhope she gives him the opening of many a hard Text so that he will have much ado to resolve the Tithe of her Doctrine into Use and Applycation for t is known she is much given to Hunting and hath run down a whole kennell at a time for recreation Her mouth is like mopsaes O Heavenly wide so that her Taile being of the same size in dimension 't is possible Stamford may passe throngh her booted and spur'd to seek new fortunes in America There is another notable Lady too newly come out of France and knowes all the feats of that country and is now set up in England by name my Lady Mountague all spirit of Sulphur for she takes fire immediatly and evaporates without conception so that we must leave her to the skill of Ben. Weston to provide a Son for my Lord Montague as the Prince Elector did for my Lord Moulgrave And if ever Ben. mean to effect it let him keepher Ladiship only to himselfe and recall her Ambassadors which lie Leiger for strong backs in City and Country She trades not so openly but others are as close yet Murther will out for 't is known well enough though carried in private how often Mr. Villiers hath come the Back way over a wall to the fore way of my Lady Savile alias Sussex and she usually helps him down in her armes for feare of a straining Newes newes The Dutchesse hath a Son and heir in the absence of Prince Rupert But c. If Madam Newport should not be link't with these Ladyes the chain would never hold for she is Sister to the famous Mrs. Porter who of late plaies the Macquerela in the behalf of her owne Son and to the more famous Lady Marlborough whose Paint is her Pander This Lady Newport leads the Lord Bellasis in one hand and Iack Russell in the other and cuts a kindnes so equally be-between them that Sir Kenelm Digby needed not have come in to decide the controversie Yet having beat the Bush so often there 's no reason but he should catch the Bird and these two Gentlemen when he comes be turned loose to ruminate the Favor And that this Lady may not go without her fellow if you are coloured my Lady Elizabeth Darcy appeare as Stanhope alias Chesterfields Daughter Take confidence such as your Sister Stanhope did when she met Hatton Rich upon the stairs whilst her Husband good man was making his Will Manage your designe well there is no feare but you may trail both Sir Andrew and Mr. Glascock as long as they can crawle and you smile These are very tractable Gent. and hot-mettal'd the harder you stave them off the fiercer they come on the longer you hold them in play the more will the prize be valued This Madam is like a Politique Merchant in our Commonwealth and if she be not taken off by Preferment may chance to spoile the Trade of all Stallions in Pension by teaching the rest of the Ladies how to prize their Commodities My right hand would forget it's cunning should the example of all women be left out my Lady Cullen who in my Lord Riche's time was called my Lady Mary Cokaine but varied her name when she began to teach Souldi●rs how to order the Pike This silken-Granado hath blown up many a Garrison for she ever fired well wounded one Captain so that he lies in still fell furiously on many others and she hath one Trick that if you will not charge her she 'll charge you Upon these tearms she met with a Colonell one Stamford whom when she had worn out one way as well as the other she cashired him for want of pay and took over his head George Porter whose designe is to Levell her even with his owne principles On the other side she having smelt his Plot begins to grow weary of him and plies the Countermine but knowes not how to admit another because his Mother and his Wife stand Sentinell at her elbow It is intended the life of this Lady shall ere long come out in Folio But 't is an old Proverb there can be no Play without a Foole in it Alas poore Master Pembroke who twelve months since was an Earl but now being made a poore Commoner of England hath rallied his forces and finds it necessary to cashire my Lady May my Lady Banbury and my Lady Crompton having been very angry with her and desired her to resolve him of this Question * She dun'd him beyond reason for Money Whether he shit Gold This poor over-ridden Gentleman lies now at Rack and Manger with a Chambermaid of my Lady Herbert's 'Zounds we are now in a Godly Family and they that are the only people in the world that know to order Women for the Father keeps two wives and a Concubine as prisoners The Lord his son a poore Commoner too rid his hands