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ID Title Author Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication) STC Words Pages
A11611 Scoggins iestes Wherein is declared his pleasant pastimes in France, and of his meriments among the fryers: full of delight and honest mirth.; Scoggin's jests. Part 2. Scogan, John, fl. 1480. 1613 (1613) STC 21851; ESTC S112212 35,697 94

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you for we haue beene hunted with a wilde Beare and could not escape him till euen now Then quoth the Innekeeper in mockage to them what a shame Gentlemen is it for you three to bee hunted with one Beare Now I tell you what if there came tenne Beares to me being but one in the field I would haue slaike them euery one and thus mocked hee the Marchants all supper while Scoggin sitting by the fire side and hearing all this after supper concluded with the Marchants to ouer-reach the heast in his owne scoffes whereupon Scoggin went into the towne and brought a Beares skin that was but newly dead and priuily brought it into his chamber and when the Innekeeper and all his houshould were gone to bed hee stuffed the Beares skinne with straw and dressed him with stickes to make it stand stiffe and put two Childrens shooes in his mouth and after set him vp in the Hall as though he had bene aliue This rested till the middle of the night and then Scoggin bad the Marchants call very earnestly for drinke the which they did Whereupon the hoast called vp his maide to fetch them some who lighted a Candle and going into the hall she spyed the Beare with two childrens shooes in his mouth wherewith shee was so frighted that she ranne downe into the Cale-house and hid her selfe thinking that hee had eaten vp both her maisters children Then called the Marchants againe for drinke whereat the hoast commaunded him man to arise who likewise going into the Hall and seeing the Beare for feere let fall his Candle and ranne into the Seller thinking the Beare had eaten vp the maide Then called the Marchants the third time and desired the hoast himselfe to fetch them some drinke for they said as yet that no body came or else to giue them a candle and they would draw it themselues with that the good man arose himselfe for hée thought that both his man his maide were fallen asleepe again and then lighted hée a candle and went likewise downe into the hall where he spyed the Beare and was so frighted therewith that he fell vnto the ground and cride out mainely to the Marchants for helpe saying that the Beare had eaten both his man and his maide who hearing their maister call for helpe came vp sodainely to helpe so did the Marchants who exceedingly laughed at this hardy man that would haue slaine ten Beares and yet was made affraide of one dead Beares skin when the Inne-keeper saw that it was done in mockerie hee was so ashamed that he wist not what to say and so went to bed and then in the morning arose the Marchants and paid their charges and so rode their wayes and after this neuer would the Inne-keeper boast of his manhood any more How Scoggin answered to all manner of questions that was asked him AFter this Scoggin came vnto the citie of Cane in Normandie where William the Conquerour King of England was buried and there set vp bils vp and downe the towne vpon euery poast and Church doore that hee would giue a right answere to euery question that was put vnto him whereupon came many learned men vnto him whereof there was one that asked him how many Gallons of water was in the Sea Then answered Scoggin Stop all the Riuers that do run into it and then I will measure it and tell you iustly how many gallons there hee then thought the other that it was impossible to do and so was content with that answere Then asked hee Scoggin another Question which was this How many dayes were past since Adams creation till this time Marry qd Scoggin there be but seauen dayes past for when the wéeke is done beginneth still another seauen dayes and so foorth to the end of the world Then said the other now fell and the third question which is Where is the middle of the world then answered Scoggin to him That is here in the middle of this house for if you will not beleeue mee take a coard and measure it whereat the proposer grew angry and asked him how farre was the earth from heauen Why quoth Scoggin that is hereby let mee sing neuer so softly here but it is heard in heauen and if you will not beleeue me take a Ladder and goe vp into heauen and I will here speake very softly and then if you heare it not I will loose my credit Then quoth the other how wide is heauen and how broad is it Why quoth Scoggin it is twelue thousand mile broad and ten thousand mile wide and if you will not beleeue mee then must you goe take the Sunne the Moone and all the starres and we measure them and if you finde it not as I say I will giue the maistery to you with that the learned man knew not what to say to Scoggin but that he was to craftie for them and to gaue him the victory and praise Of the merry talke a country-woman had with Scoggin AFter this Scoggin was estéemed in all places for a most wise and sencible man and the better beloued of the people because he loued to sport and iest and would take it in good part to be iested withall vpon a time one came vnto him and in this meanes said vnto him Sir this it is you are a man of great wisdome and therefore I come to craue your aduise in a matter of great waight I haue a sonne that is twenty yeare olde and better and hath gone a yeare to Schoole in our Parish therefore I would haue your counsell how I might doe to haue him made Priest but I feare me the Pope will not suffer him by reason of one thing that he hath not which will be great hinderance to him Scoggin takeing pleasure in the womans simplicitie saide vnto her what is it good wife Sir so it is that hee hath not what is that he hath not said he ha good sic said she he hath not I dare not tell it for you know well enough what men carry hath he no long hose no quoth shée it is not that I would speake sir he hath nothing you understand me well enough yet in the ende she said vnto him and please you sir when he was a little Boy he fell of a ladder and so brake them that hée was faine to bée gelded and had it not bene for that mischance I would haue married him for he is the tallest of my children in faith said Scoggin that is a smal fault and wil be no hinderance to him to be made a priest but yet sir there is another thing that wil be hie hinderance which is he can speake no latine for that let me alone is teach him therefore good wife when you please send him to me and I wil prouide him latine enough whereupon the poore woman gaue him great thankes and so she departed away How Scoggin taught a French-man Latin to carry him to the Pope THis young clownish Frenchman