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A94794 A legacy for saints; being several experiences of the dealings of God with Anna Trapnel, in, and after her conversion, (written some years since with her own hand) and new coming to the sight of some friends, they have judged them worthy of publike view; together with some letters of a latter date, sent to the congregation with whom she walks in the fellowship of the Gospel, and to some other friends. Trapnel, Anna.; Proud, John, fl. 1654.; Ingold, Caleb. 1654 (1654) Wing T2032; Thomason E806_1; ESTC R207169 57,632 72

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terrors and perplexities and sore plunges I could make a large rehearsall I could tell you much of the sad apprehensions I had of my eternall condition which I have but as it were given you a little hint of my condition in the time of my bonds but my desire now is rather to tell you of my freedom unto which I hasten though I know that these mourning experiences may be of great use to the sorrowfull and troubled spirit that lyeth languishing for want of the light of assurance which God doth see good for a time to conceal from his beloveds that he hath loved with an eternall love which in time be draweth with loving kindness Therfore let not any poor soul despair there is free grace enough an ocean to swallow up not my sins onely but many more a fountain open for all manner of sins be they never so great poor souls you cannot out-sin mercy your sins are finite but grace is infinite do not think that any sin can shut thee out of divine love if it could it would have shut me out for certain I am that no heart could be more desperatly wicked then mine no ones sins could be of a more scarlet dye then mine strong unbelief continually departing from the living God as full of heart hypocrisie as I could hold Oh let sinners admire free grace with me that hath freed me from as stony as seared benummed sensless a condition as any could or can be in hearing or reading or Saints speaking to me was as to one deaf I still concluded my condition to be like theirs the Scripture speaks of that were given up by the Lord to blindness of mind and hardness of heart I thought confidently God had given me to know that I should perish for ever but Gods thoughts at length appeared higher then mine as the Heavens are higher then the Earth and when my Spirit had thus been upon the rack for a season and tossed up and down with the waves of a continual accusing troubled conscience And none spake any word that did in the least measure revive me till that voice sounded that I could not contradict but I did withstand it and repulse it as long as I could and when it spake as a stil small voice I rejected it a week before I felt heard and saw that glorious light and power sounded into my spirit which caused an eccho or answer from my spirit in believing the testimony of the Spirit but that small voice made such a report in my soul which made me to listen it was such a speaking that I had not heard before therefore it was very strange to me the word I had was this Christ is thine and thou art his and no word was spoken to my spirit for six or seven days but this it followed me where ever I went sometimes as I have been going along the streets I have looked behind me thinking I had heard some locall voice a voice without me but sure it was because I was unacquainted with the voice of the Spirit speaking in or to the soul I oft-times turned back when I have been going along the streets to see who it was that spake taking that for visible which was invisible I did not know that I had read such a word in the Scripture that the Spirit spake to me but before my heart was brought over to believing the same power that raised Christ from the grave appeared in destroying that strong unbelief that made me depart from the living God and as in the fulness of time Almighty power brought Christ into the world and into the grave it raised Christ also out of the grave this same power was a hand by Divine appointment leading me through varieties of inward bitter desolations untill it brought me not onely to the gates but into a heaven of sweet consolation Now I shall by the assistance of the Spirit tell the time when my heart was brought to believe the pardon of my sins past present and to come by an act of grave through the blood of the Lord Jesus which I clearly saw by the light of the Spirit bearing witness to my Spirit that Christ was mine and I was his The time the year 1642. the day the first of the first moneth called January it being the first day of the week commonly called the Sabbath day which was indeed a Lords day to my soul While Mr. John Simpson was preaching from that Scripture in the 8 of the Romans the words are these Now if any man have not the spirit of Christ be is none of his Many Sermons he preached from this Scripture and he had shewed that the Spirit might be in that soul that was very dark and much confused in its apprehensions of Christ as he proved from John 14.5 6 7. Thomas faith unto Christ Lord we know not wh●ther thou goest and how should we know the way Christ in the 4. verse told them they knew whither he went and the way they knew and he tells them that they had known the Father and seen him and yet they said they knew not so that the Disciples of Christ had sometimes a confused knowledge of the Father and yet they had both seen and known so that from thence was proved that many poor souls might have the Spirit as was instanced in many particulars that the Spirit might be in the soul though it could not make it out through that exceeding hurry the soul lay in being still in a confusion its darkness being not dispelled by the glorious manifestation of the light of the spirit sealing it up to the day of Redemption My Spirit was under much trembling for fear it should still be said that I had none of the Spirit which often was a terrible sound within me which I still dreaded and my spirit cryed out to the Lord when this Sermon before mentioned upon that 8. of the Romans was almost ended I said Lord I have the Spirit in this confused manner as I found a witness within me that I had the Spirit in those particulars that were declared but my spirit strongly run out to the Lord for a clear manifestation of his love in Christ and suddenly my soul was filled with joy unspeakable and full of glory in believing the spirit witnessing in that word Christ is thy wel-beloved and thou art his my soul was now full of joy as it could hold now I saw all my sins laid upon Jesus Christ and when he was sacrificed all my sins were sacrificed with him oh what triumphing and songs of Hallelujah were in my spirit I knew not where I was nor how to get out of the place where I sat I apprehended nothing but a clothing of glory over my whole man I never beheld Saints as I did then I saw their faces like the face of Angels Oh what Angelicall creatures did they appear before me full of shining brightness oh what a heart inflamed now was mine filled
exceeding sweet to me which caused me to Exhort the Saints to study the Trinity more of which one thought is more worth then ten thousand words And further I shall tell you Saints in other Scriptures how God did present himsef as concerning Jacobs ladder as it is written In his sleep he saw a Vision a Ladder set upon the earth the top of it reached to heaven and he beheld the Angels of God Ascending and Descending on it and behold the Lord stood above it and this Mysterie was held forth in it the Ladder signifies Christ a Saviour the top reaching to heaven and from those words the Lord stood above it and it reached to the earth in that the humane nature of Christ was presented the Divine nature assumeing to it self flesh and whereas it is said the Angels of God Ascended and Descended on it in that was held forth the sweet recourse the Saints have in Jesus Christ in his Death in his Resurrection and Ascention to glory This appeared very sweet to me but I cannot set forth things so fully as they came in and God in the night set before me Sampsons Riddle of the Lyon and the hony out of the eater came forth meat and out of the strong came sweetness By Lyon is meant Christ who is called in Scripture the Lyon of the Tribe of Juda and by Honey is meant that sweetness that lies wrapt up in Jesus Christ considered as a Lyon yet full of sweetness And as it is said out of the eater come forth meat Christ is that eater which eats up the spirits as David said the Zeal of thine house hath eaten me up and the word might set out that vertue which comes from the Lord Jesus which is the bread of life in which we have life for ever and out of the strong came sweetness that is out of the Lyon of the Tribe of Juda flows all our sweetness and raptures of joy and as Sampson told them Except they had plowed with his Heyfer they could not have found out his Riddle So the great God spake to me in the whisperings of his Spirit and said in believing in my son Christ which is typed out by an Heyfer and Plowing may signifie believing that in believing in thy Saviour thou shalt understand my secrets God I may say spoke to me as a man speaks to his friend but in a far more transcendent manner and Ionathan spoken of in the 1 Sam. 14. it came thus to me that though he was so faint that he climbed on his hands and feet and his eyes were dim with faintness and no sooner had he taken of the hony that dropt out of the rock but his eyes were enlightned so as soon as there is a distilling from that rock Christ upon the spirits then it tastes such sweetness which strengthens the fainting spirits and this was that which made me say oh come Saints taste and see did you but know what I feel you would admire with me oh how strong am I in the Lord and in the power of his might When I have closed my eyes thinking to sleep they have on a sudden been forced open and upon the Sun shining in the room this was declared to me seest thou how the Sun shines in beams and streams accompanied with shadows and I said Lord why doth it not shine as in the body of it why doth it not shine so on the Earth as in the Firmament It was answered me should it shine on the Earth as it is in the Firmament it would suddenly burn up all things on the earth no fruits of the earth nor any creature could live or breathe and therefore that it might be for the comfort of the fruits of the earth and of all creatures it was spread forth in the beams and streams of it so the Lord said to me should I thy God dwell in thee as I am in my essentiall glory thou couldst not breathe in the body but immediatly thou wouldst dye in the body it could not bear such a weight of glory therefore I shine on thee on beams and streams of glory which produces those effects spoken of in Scripture I was filled with joy now I knew not wherefore God spake this to me till a while after I was going to speak of it and this voice came to me This was brought to thee for the rectifying of thy Judgement the erring spirit shall come to understand Isa 29. last now I considered how I had erred in that I had held forth before I sickned that God dwelt essentially in his Saints when I considered in Scripture where it is said God in us and likewise when I viewed Gal. 5. which holds out the fruits and operations of the spirit I was at a loss in my spirits concerning this nor could not make it out nor be convinced by any till God satisfied me and so in many other things none could give me light till the light of lights came and then my spirit was full of praises Another time when I laid my self to sleep something as it were pulled me by the shoulder with this voice it is better for thee to wake I will shew thee thy Saviour in the Mount then was set before me Jesus taking up Peter and Iohn into the Mount and his transfiguration before them which to me shined forth very glorious that I said as the disciples said Lord it is good to be here and that of Moses and Elias appearing in that was presented to me the glory of the Law of Moses and from Elias was discovered the glory of the Prophets and both these glories meeting in the glory of Jesus Christ Oh how this did enamour the spirits of the Disciples and herein they manifested the strength of their delight in saying And let us build here three Tabernacles one for thee one for Moses and one for Elias it was with them as it is with a man that delights and affects a place he desires to take up his abode there so the Disciples would fain have been continually beholding that glory but while he yet spake a bright cloud overshadowed them and behold a voice out of the cloud saying This is my beloved Son in whom I am well pleased hear you him The soul wrapt up in the glorious discovery of the brightness of God would fain be always in that condition but that God seeth it good to draw a cloud to overshadow them a cloud but not a thick black one but a bright one which noted thus much That let the greatest discovery of glory which caused the face to shine be withdrawn God doth not leave his without glory though in a cloud yet there appears brightness and a sweet voice telling the Saints that they shall hear and see that invisible glory sounded forth in the Son by that word hear ye him now we see him as in a glass but we shall see him as he is when we shall be lifted up for ever above all