Rambling to quench his Flames from place to place And stockt his Heaven with a Bastard-race Rumag'd Alcoves and all their Beds defil'd 'Till all th' immortal Females were with Child What was his SON the great Alcides too But a meer Rambler like the wandring Iew About the World the mighty Lubbard strol'd In dull complyance to the heavenly Scold 'Till Rambling in the dark his way he lost And almost knockt his Brains out 'gainst a Post Which now to make amends and raise his Fame Posterity has honour'd with his Name Nothing in Nature's fixt and stedfast found But all things run an endless Circuit round Heaven and Earth the Sun and Moon and Stars What are they else but Rambling Travellers And that bright Cup which does so gaily shine Did use to Ramble at their Feasts divine 'Till Jove did it in that high place bestow To light poor drunken Ramblers here below Then On brave John to end thy great intents Incourag'd by such glorious Precedents That Unborn Ages may thy Works applaud And spread thy Praises like thy Books abroad 'Till all Mankind by thy Example won Like Staring-Kine when with the Gad-fly stung Around the World from Post to Pillar run And by this strange Fantastick Reformation RAMBLING become the only thing in Fashion A RAMBLER Anagram by the Author RARE BLAMe THy stubborn Anagram Friend scorns to submit To all the little Rules of Sence and Wit â—pregnable while to it self 't is true â—e must divide before we can subdue â—onsence in Gobbets will the Reader choak â—hich easily slips down when chaw'd and broke â—or let false Criticks thy false spelling Blam â—ut know 't is all for th' sake of thy Rare Anagram Rare is thy Fortune Rare shall be thy Fame â—hô nibbling Envy thee unjustly Blame â—et them that Blame thee mend thee if they dare 〈◊〉 not ingeniously confess 't is Rare But if some Faults the rest seem to disgrace â—As there 's a Mole we know in Venus ' Face â—l Flesh must own that even those faults are Rare â—or any Flesh alive can Blame 'em there Those of thy Trade who now imploy themselves â—h ' honest noble Art of Dusting Shelves â—hô they mock thee and flout thee not a Pin for their Blame do thou care â—r thou gerst Mony by 't and sure that 's wondrous Rare TO My much Esteemed Friend Iohn Evander AUTHOR of this BOOK ENTITULED A Voyage round the WORLD WElcome dear Friend to me and England too Welcome as ever I have been to you Ulisses like at last return'd agen Tho' more than he thou Manners knowst and Men Altho' but Two-Years thou he rambled Ten. What 's the small Mediterranean he was tost on To the main Sea what 's Ithaca to Boston There needs 't is true no Bush for such rare Wine There needs no Band for a good Face like thine Yet will I throw my little Venture in My Drop into thy goodly Kilderkin And if my Verse Eternity can give As sure old Songs make Robin Hood to live 〈◊〉 strain my Muse and Conscience e're we part 〈◊〉 let thy Rambles have their due desert Ca'ndish and Drake rub off avauat be gone â— greater Traveller now 's approaching on 〈◊〉 for one way at once did well 't is true 〈◊〉 his Inventions far more strange and new 〈◊〉 once he forward goes and backwards too â—hilst his dull Body's for New-England bound â—is Soul in Dreams troâ—s all the World around 〈◊〉 Cunning Men and Conjurers use this Trade â—ho still as Stocks have Sea and Land survey'd â—or think he writes more than he saw thô he â—se Authors to refresh his Memorie 〈◊〉 Trav'llers have you know Authoritie 〈◊〉 Fame and thee as who dares doubt speak true â—o mortal Wight cou'd ever him out do â—o wandring Christian No nor wandring Jew â—esputius Madoc Cortes Captain Smith â—ithgow or whom Achates travel'd with â—hoever round the Earths vast Circle ran â—oryat or Cabot Hanno or Magellan â—y Horse or Foot or Ship how e're they 've gone â—hether Dutch Vander or Castilian Don â—one sure none over-went thee yet Friend John And see how on the Black'nd shore attends â—hy looseing Bark a shole of weeping Friends Weeping or what 's far worse the sad surprize And Grief for thy Departure froze their Eyes He that can cry or roar finds some relief But nothing kills like the dry silent grief But who can tell the mutual Sighs and Tears Husbandly manly Groans and gentle Wifely Fears Twixt thee and Iris at that fatal Tide Which did thâ— Knot of Heaven it self divide Oh! that I were an Husband for an hour â—or who can else describe Loves mighty power How sweet his Moments flow how free from strife When blest like thee Evander in a Wife But yet if dearer still Friends still must part They go but leave behind each others Heart Noâ— all the Love that Rambling cou'd inspire Not all his vigorous warmth and youthful Fire Couâ—d thaw Evander's Soul when she was gone How shou'd the Wax but freez without the Sun So Orpheus when his Lady downward fell When his sweet Spouse was left behind not well So screecht and on his Harp he play'd by turns So Orpheus then so now Evander mourns Now Neptune's foaming surges rave and boil While thou great Friend forsak'st our greater Isle Here may it stand just in the self-same place Here may it stand ' till thou hast run thy race With Blessings you forsake't althô it be Ungrateful Isle unkind untrue to thee A Place there is where vast Sea-monsters keep In the blew Bosom of the dreadful Deep Where watry Waves and boisterous Billows fight 'Till they almost strike fire in a Tempestuous Night Where surly Nereus sâ—owls and Neptune frowns In Sailors English and plain Prose The Downs Here did the Furies and the Fates combine To ruine all our Hopes dear Friend and thine For hadst thou perisht there without strange Grace America had never seen thy Face Now Tempests terrible around thee roll And wou'd have daunted any's but thy Soul The boisâ—erous surges toss thy Bark on high And with another Argo mawl the Skye Eternal Rambler whither art thou driven Since Earth's not wide enough thou 'lt travel Heaven â—f thou below so many Lands explore Sure thou 'lt above discover many more Secrets to all but one unknown before Survey'd at first by Mahomet on the back Of his good trusty Palfrey Alborack And when Dear Friend so near to bliss you be Remember Iris and Remember me Some hope Their earthly Learning they in Heav'n shall share But sure Friendship and Love will â—nter there But ah thou empty teazing Name Farewel That charms the Ship and down it sinks to Hell And wilt thou then thy third last Ramble make To the dark confines of the Stygean Lake Ben't Earth and Heaven enough that thou must go To view the Kingdoms of the World below Both of thy Pockets and thy self take care For sholes of Booksellers will scrape
brisk as old Aeson when he had cast his Skin and grew as fresh as a Chrysom Child tho' past fourscore and seventeen last Midsummer On a double account I now came into a new World being little acquainted with the old one before and what small acquaintance I had in so fair a way of leaving it When I once came abroad agen and was employ'd in the Town about my Masters business more frequently than formerly being now Head-prentice and deliver'd from that worst part of my doom nothing in the World being a greater Curse to a man of my Spirit than to be a Servant of Servants I fell into acquaintance about Town saw the Humours on 't and found enough to make me hate some things and be cautious of others This added to what I formerly knew and wou'd ha' told you before had not Sickness chopt in between I have here left for the benefit of the World and of you in particular my dear Well-beloveds the hopeful London Prentices from Temple-bar to Aldgate as you 'll find in the following Chapters CHAP. V. Of Atheists and other Fools or Knaves of that nature NO sooner one Munday Morning had my Master sent me out with a Note into Duck-lane but who shou'd I meet with at the turning down Shoemakers-Row but a young Spark of my Acquaintance formerly my School-feâ—low some years before me advanced to London and placed by his careful Father Apprentice to one Mr. A at the Sign of the not far from the sound of Bow-Bell He appear'd extreamly brisk and gay profess'd himself heartily glad he had lit so luckily on his old Acquaintance and invited me to a Glass of Wine at the Queens-Arms and Fountain which being then in haste and my Master expecting me back agen having business himself abroad I durst not accept but promised soon to steal an Opportunity to enjoy his good Company We went chatting along together for two or three streets talking of old Stories and Acquaintance several of whom he named to me and where they lived withal adding they and much other excellent Company were to meet at such a Tavern as well as I can remember at such a distance 't was the Nag's-Head in Cheap-side that very Evening whither if I could possibly steal time from my business he 'd engage I should be very welcom pressing me very earnestly this being the first time he had the happiness to meet me in Town not to refuse his Invitation Being not unwilling I must confess to see the humours of the Town as well as my old Acquaintance and not willing to disoblige this Person with whom I had formerly contracted a great intimacy I promis'd him if I could possibly get leave of my Master I 'd not fail meeting him at the time and place appointed I perceiv'd indeed he smiled something scornfully when I mention'd asking leave and from that time began a little to suspect him tho' his way lying different from miue we then immediately parted In the Evening according to our assignation I told my Master I had met some of my Acquaintance whom I hâ—d not seen for several years and â—equested his leave to give them a visit for an â—our or two it being in the long Winter nights â—nd Shops shut early This he did not refuse but withal oblig'd â—e to have a care of ill Company the ruin of â—hree quarters of the World and to be sure not to â—â—ay out late which he 'd by no means endure Modestly thanking him for his good Adâ—ice and promising to regard that and keep within the compass as to time away I went to â—he place I told ye of But Heavens what a Hell did I see and hearas â—oon as I enter'd 'T was not now more than Seâ—en a Clock and yet one good half of the Compaâ—y whither my Acquaintance whom I ask'd for â—at the Bar conducted me were as Drunk as Brandy or Claret could make 'em and the other half employing that little sense they had â—in Volleys of Curses and Oaths Stepping back â—gen over the Threshold as one who treads on a Snake Is this said I to him who was introducing me the good Company you promis'd to bring me to Why they seem fit Company for none but themselves or Devils As I was going forwards and backwards at once he stopt me in both motions and half by force half by perswasion got me in among 'em laughing aloud at my ignorance and squeamishness and telling me I should shortly be one of them and as mery and wicked as the best Iust such a tender-hearted Fool was I cryes he who brought me thither when I first came to Town nay continued in the same fine precise humour till I was almost pointed at as I pass'd the streets till honest Iack here took pains with me â—nd with the help of some of this good Company soon made me as brave a Fellow as the beâ—â— of ' em What I warrant you says another this pooâ— fresh-water Soldier is afraid of enquiring into the Till and cheating his Master and durst not swear or whore though you 'd make him an Alder. man But we must bear with him and remember what we once were our selves I could hold no longer to hear 'em talk at thaâ— lewd rate my blood boyl'd my heart trembled and I hardly had the courage or patience to answer 'em doubting whether I was fallen among a crew of Devils or mortal Creatures You were once Men said I but now I question of what Species I ought to name ye for there are othâ—â— Beasts go upright as well as you which yet is more than I see most of the Company here can do They 'd let me go on no further but instead of being angry as I expected fell all into a loud and most profuse laughter reiterating the same iâ— several volleys and not permitting me to insert a word between Till at last when they were weary he who introduced me lookt wistly in my Face and askt me very seriously But Evander are you really of this mind Is not the taste of Mothers-milk yet off your tongue and d' ye think it such a hainous thing to be Drunk as you pretend you believe it What a deal of sour Religion and Vertue you yet pretend to carry about you as if there were any real Evil in being merry with a Friend giving Nature a Fillip as you see we do here and enjoying our selves as well as our Masters do theirs What hurt did that charming Bottle there ever do that you should so severely hold forth against it And why mayn't we forget our Troubles and make the tedious seven Years roll as glibly on as possible since as the Poet The Wheel of Life no less will stay In a smooth than rugged way And why shou'd n't we drink as well as all Nature the Sea the Air the Sun the Earth the Birds and very Beasts themselves to whom your grave side of the World so often compare us And
a Beast I 'd be with all my heart were I to chuse what sort for what a heavenly Creature is an Elephant that can suck in a whole Tun at a Gulp He would have gone on I believe at the same rate if I had not interrupted him and in the next place wish'd himself a Whale that he might drink whole Seas and spout 'em out agen I confess said I I expected not any thing that look'd like Reason from ye and 't is meerly your goodness since 't is more than a Beast is bound to give for his Actions and such it seems you think or wish your self to be You ask whether there 's any evil in being merry with a Friend I readily answer No but there is in being mad with ' em Look but what wonderful mirth there is among ye Is not he very merry there that lies with his Heels upwards against the Frame of the Table or that other pair so well matcht excellent Company for themselves and the Hogs who in their drunken kindness kiss'd and slabber'd one another so long till they did the last indeed See else where they wallow half drown'd in the nasty irruptions of their own Stomachs Or that Spark in the other corner a very pleasant Companion who has been quarrelling and fighting all round till the Liquor and some of his Fellow-Drunkards together has knockt him down a-cross one of his Brethren in the same condition And for those that still make shift to keep upon their Legs or Stools are they not extreamly merry and divertive who sit nodding one against another like the stinking Snuff of a Candle when 't is just going out in the over-heated Socket But alas you design only to heighten Nature to exalt and cheer it not quite sink and drown it at the rate that these have done And how often pray have they seen you in the same fine Circumstances that you do them When you are once got beyond the Barrieres of Temperance and Modesty you can no more stop your self than after you are faln from the top of a Tower you can stay betwixt that and the ground ' Tiâ— lawful to be chearful no body denies it and sometimes necessary too but can't a Man be so without beating the Watch and allarming all the Tenement Or is there no difference as an ingenious Man asks you between going up to your Chamber and riding upon the ridge of your house All nature teaches us Sobriety not Intemperance nothing in the World has too much moisture but it suffers for 't and quickly rots if it ben't dry'd agen The very Rivers and Sea the greatest Topers in the Vniverse drink no more than suffices 'em nay and that not so much for their own sakes as others the Rivers only suck in moisture for the Sea and the Sea agen for the Rivers unless we 'll say this is not like Liquors in the Stomach something preternatural but like that in the Veins in a regular circulation to preserve the whole An Elephant drinks a great deal and need enough there is of a large swallow which has so large a Body but what only slakes his thirst would burst a Horse to pieces or any smaller Animal none drinking beyond their proportion there being no Beasts in the World that will be drunk as Naturalists report but a Swine and a Man who are then fit company for one another and worthy no place but a Hog-stye On which account you well enough give your Bottle the Epithet of Charming for its Operation is just the same with what the Enchantress Circe's Boles produc'd charming Men into Hogs Your calling your Bottle Charming puts me in mind of a pretty Criticism I have some where or other met with 'T is that the old Iewish Conjurers used to make use of a Bottle call'd in their language Ob either to keep the Devil in or which is much the same to receive or give Oracles out on 't which were mutter'd in a deep hollow Voice Nor has the Devil yet left that way of enchanting the World There 's a strange odd passage in that well attested Relation of the Demon of Mascon One of the Spectators of his Pranks seeing a Bottle dance about the room and hearing a Voice come from thence gat hold of it when immediately the â—oise was transferr'd to another part of the room and the Devil fell a laughing very merrily and speaking to the Person who took up the Bottle askt him if he thought him such a Fool to stay there since if he had but clapt his Finger in and stopt the mouth on 't he 'd have held him imprison'd there and he could by no means have got out agen Whether the old â—yar kept to his trade and told a Lye here or no is not much material but this is certain there 's something like it true in the case we are talking of While this charming Bottle oâ— yours is close stopt the Devil can do no feats with 't but if once 't is open'd he dances about the room to some purpose The young Divine cries one of the Company he talks as peremptorily of the Devil here aâ— if he were one of his familiar Acquaintance First prove there 's a God before you tell us all these Tales of the Devil for we believe one no more than t'other Don't come to us with your antiquated Tales of Vertue and Vice and Heaveâ— and Hell and Good and Evil we have bin past believing any such old Wives Tales for many a fair year Our Pleasure is our Religion our Body all of of us this Life our Heaven and when that 's done there 's an end of us That would be rare News to you I confess if you could prove it replied Evander as easily as I can what you have now blasphemously but according to your own practice politickly enough deny'd for I 'm sure he 's a greater Contradiction to himself than any pretended ones he e're found out in Religion who believes those things you have now talk'd of and yet live as you do Tell me ye Atheists who sounded the firsâ— march and retreat to the Tide Hither shalt thou come and no further When the Winds are not only wild in a Storm but even stark mad in an Hurricano who is it that restores them again to their wits and brings them a-sleep in a Calm Who made the mighty Whales who swim in a Sea of Water and have a Sea of Oyl swimming in them Who first taught the Water to imitate the Creatures on Land so that the Sea is the Stable of Horse Fishes the Stall of Kine Fishes the Stye of Hog Fishes and the Kennel of Dog Fishes and in all things the Sea the Ape of the Land Was not God the first Ship-wright and are not all Vessels on the Water descended from the Loyns or Ribs rather of Noah's Ark or else who durst be so bold with a few crooked Boards nayl'd together a Stick standing upright and a Rag tied to it