Benedictions and he will addresse your life by your Meditation vpon his for he is the best Originall and Patterne which we can possibly haue And indeed what can we desire more then to haue so perfect a Freind at hand who will neuer giue vs ouer in our afflictions and tribalations as they of this world are wont to doe Most Blessed is that man who loues him with all sinceritie of truth and who is alwaies carrying him close to himself Let vs looke vpon the Glorious S. Paul who seemes as if he could not suffer that euer the name of Iesus should be able to fall often enough from his mouth as one who did not faile to carrie it well imprinted vpon his hart And since I vnderstood of that other abstracted course whereof I spoke I haue reflected vpon diuerse great Contemplatiue Saints with much care and I find that they went no other way then this S. Francis she wes it plainly by the Wounds S. Anthonie of Padua by the Infant S. Bernard delighted himself much in the Humanitie of our Blessed Lord and so also did S. Katherine of Sienna togeather with manie other Saints as your Reuerence knowes better then I. This departing and abstracting ones self from all Corporeall Obiects should as it seemes be good since persons who are so Spirituall affirme it but yet in my opinion this must be vnderstood of Soules who are very Proficient in Spirit for till then it is euident enough that the Creatour is to be sought by meanes of the Creatures But yet I will vndertake nothing in this case since all depends vpon the Fauour which our Lord is pleased to shew to anie Soule That which I would faine giue to be vnderstood is that the most Sacred Humanitie of Christ our Lord must not be made to come into that account and let this point be well vnderstood wherein I would faine know how to declare my self When God is pleased to suspend all the Powers of the Soule in those kindes of Prayer which are related we haue seen plainly that this Presence of Christ our Lord is taken from vs whether we will or no and let it then be gone in a good hower for that kind of losse is a happie one whereby we come to enioy more of that which we conceiue our selues to haue lost for then the Soule employes her self wholy vpon louing him whome the Vnderstanding hath already endeauoured to know and she loues that which she did not fully comprehend and now ioyes in that wherein she could not also haue ioyed but only by loosing her self for her greater gaine But now that we should by tricks and of sett-purpose accustome our selues not to procure with our whole power to carrie alwaies in our eyes and I would to God it were alwaies this most Sacred Humanitie of Christ our Lord this I say is that which I like not since it is a way of making the Soule walke in the Ayre as we vse to say For it seemes that she hath no firme and stable resting-place howsoeuer she may make her self beleiue that she is full of God It is a great matter whilst we liue and are humane to procure to bring God to our selues Humane for this is that other inconuenience which I say there is for the first I beganne to say was a little want of humilitie in presuming to raise the Soule before our Lord raised her and not to content her self with meditating vpon a thing so pretious but that she will needs be a Marie before she haue taken the paines of Martha If our Lord himself be pleased that we be Marie there will be nothing to be feared though it should be vpon the verie first day of our doing him Seruice But yet let vs consider well of the matter as I thinke I was saying before for this small moate of little humilitie will make a shift to doe a great deale of hurt against profiting in the way of Contemplation But to returne now to the Second point We are no Angells but we haue Bodies and to desire to make our selues Angells whilst yet we are vpon earth and especially if they be so earthlie as I was is a kinde of follie or madnes But our thoughts in the ordinarie way haue need of a kind of leaning or resting-place though yet sometimes the Soule may goe so out of her self yea and manie times may be so full of Almightie God that perhaps she hath no neęd to recollect her self by meanes of anie thing created But this is not a thing so ordinarie and in businesses and persecutions and troubles when she cannot enioy so much Quiet and in the times also of Drynesse and dulnesse Christ our Lord is wont to be a very good freind For we consider him as man and we behold him full of weaknesses and afflictions and he is companie fitt for all good occasions and when once we are a little accustomed we shall finde him very easily kept close to vs though yet some such times will occurr as that we shall not be able to doe neither the one nor the other Vpon this reason it will be well to doe that whereof I haue spoken already namely not to pretend and procure any sensible consolation of Spirit but let anie thing ariue that will for it is no toy or trifle to embrace the Crosse of our Lord. This Lord of ours was forsaken by all manner of comfort and they left him all alone in his afflictions but yet let not vs doe so For he will reach vs his hand which can raise vs better vp then all our owne diligences would haue been able to doe and yet he will absent himself also when he shall thinke fitt and when he shall thinke it fitt he will also draw the Soule out of it self as I haue sayd before Our Lord is very well pleased to see a Soule with Humilitie introduce his Sonne for her Intercessour and he loues her so very much that euen when his Diuine Maiestie shall haue an inclination to raise her-vp to great Contemplation the same Soule may yet hold her self vnworthie and cry out with S. Peter Depart from me O my Lord for I am a sinnefull man I haue tryed this verie thing by experience and thus hath God conducted my Soule Let others therefore goe by some other short cutt as they please but that which I haue been able to vnderstand is that all this Ciment of Prayer is grounded vpon Humilitie and that the more the Soule is abased in that holie exercise the more is it exalted by Almightie God Nor doe I remember that euer he shewed me anie of those singular Mercies of which I shall speake afterward but when I found my Soule euen as it were annihilated with obseruing my self to be so very wicked Yea and sometimes his Diuine Maiestie tooke care to giue me to vnderstand certaine things towards the making me know my self so much the better which I could neuer haue told how to
mee a very great deale of harrassing wearines to my self iust so as if some ordinarie person had been fighting with some strong Giant afterward I should finde my self very weary But at other times it was altogeather impossible for me to hinder it for my Soule would be carried absolutly away and ordinarily euen my head as it were after it yea this sometimes so farre as that my whole Bodie would be transported so as to be raised-vp from the ground This last hath happened rarely to me but once it was vpon the very point to ariue whilst we all were assembled togeather in the Quire and I being then vpon my knees as at the point of going to receaue the Blessed Sacrament it put me to an extremitie of trouble because it seemed to be a very extraordinarie thing and that instantly there would be much note of it and so I commanded my Religious-woemen for at that time I was growne to be Prioresse that they should not speake of it to anie creature But at other times when I beganne to discerne that our Lord was going about to doe the same againe and once in particular when diuers principall Ladies were present and it was vpon the Feast of our Vocation when there was a Sermon I did euen spread my self all along vpon the ground and though the Religious woemen came then about me to keep my Bodie downe yet the thing was easily perceiued Vpon this I humbly prayed our Lord in most particular manner that by no meanes he would doe me anie such Fauours as might carrie anie of these exteriour demonstrations with them for already I was very wearie of being necessarily so wary and watchfull ouer my self for that such kind of Fauours could not possibly be done me by his Diuine Maiestie but so that euerie bodie would come to know it And it seemes that through his goodnes he hath been pleased to heare my Prayer for since that time I neuer had anie Rapts of that kinde and to that proportion but it is true that it is notlong since I had the last But yet now so it is that when I had a minde to resist these Rapts there seemed to be somewhat of so mightie force vnder my feet which raised me vp that I know not to what to compare it but it came with much more impetuositie then anie of these other things of Spirit and so I was euen torne as it were to peices for the combat and strife is great but in fine all helped little for when our Lord hath a minde to doe anie thing no power is able to stand against it At other times he is pleased to content himself with letting vs see that he is disposed to doe vs that Fauour and that there is no auersion in his Diuine Maiestie and that we opposing our selues for Humility's sake there follow yet the self-same Effects as if we had wholy consented Now these Effects are great For first the mightie power of our Blessed Lord is made apparant thereby and that when his Diuine Maiestie is pleased to dispose of things otherwise we are no more able to detaine our Bodies then our Soules nor are we Lords therof but we must in despight of our harts acknowledge that there is a Superiour and that these Fauours come from him and that of our selues we can doe nothing in nothing and so a great impression of Humilitie is made vpon the Soule by this meanes And further I confesse that it bred also a great feare in me and at the first an extreame great one to see that a massie Bodie should be taken-vp from the earth For though the Spirit be that which drawes it after it and though it be with great suauitie and delight if it be not resisted yet our Senses are not lost thereby at least I for my part was so perfectly in my Senses that I was able to vnderstand that I was raised There doth also heerby appeare so great a Maiestie in him who can doe this that it makes euen the verie haire of the head stand on end and there remaines a mightie feare to offend so great a God but yet so as that it is wrapped vp in an excessiue kind of loue which she beginns to conceaue euen newly and freshly againe towards him whome she finds to carrie so great a loue to such rotten wormes as we are For now he seemes not content with drawing the Soule only to himself in so particular and so certaine a manner but that he will needs also draw the verie Bodie too euen whilst it is so very mortall and composed of so filthie earth as we haue made it by our Sinnes This also leaues in the Soule a very strange kind of loosning and casting it self off from all the things of this world whereof I know not how to expresse well what it is but me thinkes I may well say that it is not only in some sort a different but also a greater kind of thing then those others which worke vpon the onlie Spirit import For though in those other Visitations also there be a kind of totall vntying and loosning it self from all things for as much as concernes the Spirit yet heer it seemes our Lord is pleased that euen the Bodie also it self shall put this point in practise And it breeds in anie Creature such a new kind of shynesse and mislike in order to the things of this world that it makes euen our verie life much the more painefull to vs. It giues also such another paine as we can neither tell how to procure when we haue it not nor free our selues from the same when we haue it And I would be extreamly glad to be able to giue this to be vnderstood but I belieue I shall not know how to doe it though yet I will say somewhat if I be able But now it is to be noted that these things come vpon me when I am as it were in the verie Euening of the day after all those Visions and Reuelations whereof I will write after the time when I vsed to hold that Prayer wherein our Lord was wont to allow me so great Regalo's and gusts And though yet these things doe not cease with me at some times yet doth this Paine more often and more vsually seaze vpon me which I will now declare It hath sometimes of the more and sometimes of the lesse and now I will apply my self to speake of it as when it hath of the more For though I will treat heerafter of those great impetuosities which they vsed to bring vpon me before our Lord was pleased to giue me those Rapts yet they had in my opinion no more to doe by way of Comparison one with another then there is between things Corporall and Spirituall And I beleiue that I doe not exaggerate the matter a whitt by saying so because that Paine seemes to be such as that although the Soule doe feele it yet it feeles it
whosoeuer is of experience may very easily discerne And now I haue sett downe the Effects which those Rapts that proceed from the Spirit of Almightie God are wont to produce It is true that some of them doe it more and some lesse I say lesse because though in the beginnings they worke yet then the Effects are not seen experimentally by way of outward expression nor can it be yet so well perceiued that they haue them and besides the perfection therof goes increasing and the Soule goes procuring that there may now be no memorie of imperfections which will appeare if there be any like so many Cobwebs and this now requires some time And by how much the more Humilitie and the Loue of our Lord encreases in the Soule so much the more sweet and fresh odour will these Flowers of vertue be sure to giue both to themselues and others And it is most certainly true that our Lord knowes how to worke so well vpon anie Soule in one of these Rapts that there will not much remaine for the Soule her self to worke and labour in towards the acquiring of perfection For no Creature is able to beleiue without direct experience vpon himself how much it pleases our Lord to bestow vpon a Soule in such an occasion as this nor is there anie kind of diligence of ours which can in my opinion attaine it I say not but that by the Fauour of our Lord such as employ themselues manie yeares by those wayes which they prescribe who write of Prayer both concerning the beginning and proceeding therof may ariue to perfection and to a totall vntying and loosening themselues from the things of this world with much labour and paines but neuer in so short a time whereas heer our Lord is pleased to worke it that presently without anie labour of ours And he expresly clearly drawes the Soule from the earth and whatsoeuer is earthlie and he giues her an absolute dominion ouer all things which are therin though yet there be not in this Soule anie more true value or merit then there was euen in mine Nor doe I know how to exaggerate this point more for in mine there was in effect none at all If now it chance to be asked why his Diuine Maiestie doth it there is no other answer but because he is pleased to doe it and he doth it also iust so as he is pleased and though sometimes there be no disposition in her at all to receiue it he yet disposes also the same to receiue that benefit and blessing which his Diuine Maiestie is pleased to impart So that he giues it not alwayes because the Gardner hath deserued it by dressing vp and cultiuating his Garden well though yet it be very certaine that whosoeuer doth this as he ought and doth procure withall to vntye his whole affection from things of this world will neuer faile to be regaled by him but sometimes because it is his pleasure as I haue sayd to shew his power and greatnes euen vpon the most barren Soile and to prepare it for the receauing all kind of good So that now she seemes not in some sort to haue so much as a Power to returne to liue in offence of Almightie God as she was wont but she hath her thoughts so habituated to vnderstand what is Truth indeed that all the rest seemes but a foolerie and fitt to make sport for children She smiles also in her self sometimes when she findes certaine graue persons who liue in the exercise of Prayer and Religion make account of certaine foolish points of Honour which such a Soule as this holds now to be directly vnder her feet Some will say that this is but discretion and a preseruing forsooth of their dignitie and ranke that so afterward they may be able to doe the more good But that other Soule vnderstands very well that they might haue done Almightie God more seruice in one day if they would haue made their authoritie and honour yeild and shrinke for the loue of Almightie God then they would euer doe in ten yeares by vpholding and authorizing the same after their way But thus doth this kind of Soule lead a certaine troublesome life and is euer subiect to the Crosse though yet euer going on with encrease And though the persons who vse to treat with her conceiue her sometimes to be euen already at the verie verie topp of Perfection yet doe they find shortly after that still she growes to be more improued for our Lord goes euer fauouring her more and more God himself is in effect her Soule and it is he who hath already taken the charge of her into his hands and he shines euen brightly in her and seemes to be assisting her after a kind of euident manner both that she may not offend him and by continually also fauouring and stirring her still vp to serue him When once my Soule ariued so farre as that Almightie God might be pleased to doe her this great Fauour my miseries and Sinnes did cease euen all at once and our Lord gaue me strength to quitt them and it moued me no more to be afterward in those occasions of imperfection and with persons who had formerly been wont to to bring distractions vpon me then if I had not been there at all nay rather that which was wont to damnifve me grew to assist me now and all things were now fitt meanes to make me know God more and to loue him better and to see how deeply I was obliged to him and to make me in fine very sorrie for what I had been But yet I well vnderstood withall that this came no way from me nor had I growne to gaine it by anie diligence of mine owne nor indeed had I euen had time for it but only his Diuine Maiestie through the meer and onlie motiue of his owne goodnes had giuen me strength for this purpose From the time when our Lord was pleased to afford me the Fauour of these Rapts this strength hath gone on with encrease and he hath also held me so fast with his hand that I might not returne back againe anie more And now me thinkes that it is nothing at all which I doe on my part but I vnderstand in a very euident manner that our Lord is he who workes and therefore I am apt to be of opinion that the person to whome our Lord doth shew these Fauours supposing euer that with all humilitie and feare he will vnderstand and acknowledge that it is our Lord himself who doth them and that in effect we doe nothing at all in the busines may put himself into anie companie and that how distracted and vitious soeuer it be it will not moue or euen concerne him but that rather it will be of helpe to him and minister him some occasion or other whereby he may reape more aduantage for his owne good For these are already made strong Soules which our Lord is pleased to
saith he this cannot grow but from one of these two occasions Namely that either it is because they will murmure against you Orels for that they will praise and magnifye me Meaning that they who should beleiue it would praise him and they who should not beleiue it would condemne me though yet without anie fault at all of mine But he sayd that both those things would proue to be of aduantage to me and that therefore I must no longer be troubled at it This quieted me very much then and it also comforts me now whensoeuer I call it to minde This temptation came on so farre that it gaue me an inclination to quitt this place and to carrie my fortunes with me to another Monasterie which was very much more enclosed and shut vp then that wherein I was for the present And I liked it also the rather for that I had heard it extreamly praised manie wayes and besides it was a House of mine owne Order yea and also very farre off from my former aboade And it was a thing which would haue comforted me much to remaine where I were vtterly vnknowne but my Ghostlie Father would neuer permit it These feares did much depriue me of Libertie of Spirit but I came to vnderstand afterward that it was no good Humilitie since it gaue me such a deale of disquiet And our Lord vpon that occasion taught me this truth that if indeed I were resolued and assured that nothing at all of mine were good but that it were all of God it would follow that iust so as I would not be sorrie to heare other persons praised but rather would be greatly comforted and ioyed that our Lord did shew himself in them So neither would I be sorrie that his workes might be also seen in me I fell also vpon another extreame and it was to beg of Almighty God yea and I made particular Prayer to this purpose that when by accidēt anie person should enter into good opinion of me his Diuine Maiestie would be pleased to declare my Sinnes to him to the end that the man might see how absolutly without anie merit of mine it pleased our B. Lord to doe me Fauours And this doe I euer much desire though my Ghostlie Father haue commanded me not to aske it But hitherto till very lately if I chanced to see anie person who thought extraordinarily well of me I tooke the best meanes I could find by some deuise or other to tell him my sinnes and thus I conceaued my self to find ease But yet heerby they haue put me into a kind of scruple that this proceeded not in me from humilitie and that it rather grew from a temptation in regard that manie came to me and I seemed to haue cosened them all But though it be very true that they are indeed deceaued if they thought that there was anie goodnes in me yet had I no desire at all to deceaue them nor did I euer pretend anie such thing but that our Blessed Lord might haue perhaps permitted it And so for the self-same reason I would neuer haue imparted anie priuate accident of mine which was no Sinne euen to my verie Ghostlie Fathers themselues vnlesse I had found it to be wholy necessarie for I should otherwise haue had much scruple to doe it But now I see very well that all these little feares and troubles superfluities of ill-grounded Humilities doe sauour very sufficiently of imperfection and proceed from the immortification of the Soule For to a Soule which is well resigned into the hands of Almightie God it doth not import her a iott more that they should speake well of her then ill if once she vnderstand well and home forasmuch as God will giue her that grace that she hath nothing at all of her self but let her confide in him who imparts it and she shall know in time why he discouers it And in the meane while let her prepare her self for persecution for it will most certainly ariue in such an Age as this vpon anie such person as to whome our Lord will haue it knowne that he doth her such Fauours as these For vpon anie such Soule as this a thousand watchfull eyes will be cast whereas there will not be one vpon a whole thousand of such other Soules as be of a contrarie making And there is really much cause to feare this and it ought to haue been my feare that the other was not Humilitie but Pusillanimitie For a Soule which Almightie God permits to be exposed thus to the sight of the world may expect to be a Martyr of the same world for if she will not dye to it she shall dye by it For my part I really see nothing in this thing called World which seemes good to me except only that it giues not way that worthie and good people should be permitted to doe ill without being murmured at for their labour and by this meanes they grow to perfect themselues But there is need of more fortitude and courage for a man who is yet imperfect to walke-on towards a way of perfection then euen to be instantly made a Martyr For Perfection is not so quickly gotten vnlesse it be by some such person as to whome our Blessed Lord may vouchsafe that Fauour by way of a particular priuiledge But the world discerning once that a man beginnes to aspire to doe well will needs account him perfect at an instant and then will it presently see anie fault in him if he haue anie though it be a thousand leagues off Yea and perhaps that which they hold to be a fault in him shall indeed be a vertue and the other who condemnes him and is wont peraduenture to doe the self-same thing by an impulse of vice will iudge ill of it in another So that according to his dictamen that other man should neither eate nor sleepe nor euen as it were draw his breath And the more also they esteem such persons the more apt are they to forget that how perfect soeuer their Soules be and how absolutly soeuer they tread the whole world vnder their feet yet still they are in the Bodie and liue vpon Earth and are subiect to the miseries of their condition And therefore still I say that there is need of a great deale of courage because such men haue a minde that the poore Soule which hath not yet begunne to walke should already fly She hath not yet ouercome and mortifyed her passions and yet these men will needs expect that she should remaine as entire and firme as they haue read of Saints themselues after they were confirmed in grace The particulars which occurr in this kind are to giue a man cause to wonder and withall euen to afflict vs to the hart to see so manie Soules turne back againe which know not poore Creatures as they are what shift to make for themselues and so doe I beleiue that mine had also done if our
THE FLAMING HART OR THE LIFE OF THE GLORIOVS S. TERESA Foundresse of the Reformation of the Order of the All-Immaculate Virgin-Mother our B. Lady of Mount-Carmel This History of her Life vvas vvritten by the Saint her selfe in Spanish and is nevvly novv Translated into English in the yeare of our Lord God 1642. Aut mori aut pati Either to dye or els to suffer Chap. 40. ANTWERPE Printed by IOHANNES MEVRSIVS ANNO M. DC XLII TO THE INCOMPARABLE SOVERAIGNE PRINCESSE HENRIETTA-MARIA OF FRANCE QVEEN OF GREAT BRITTAINE FRANCE AND IRLAND MADAME I Presume not novv to approach to your Maiesties presence vvith designe to begg your Fauours though this vse to be the case of euery Creature but to pay your Maiestie a Seruice and that a great one for the many Princely benefitts vvhich I haue receiued already from your gratious hand For heer I come to offer your Maiestie a meanes of magnifying your ovvne naturall greatnes by your avovving protecting and enlargeing the glory of an incomparable Saint S. Teresa To vvhome as I haue vvell vnderstood that already yovv carry an extraordinary deuotion and not only deuotion to her selfe but affection also to the holy Religious vvoemen of her Angelicall Order vvhereof the English Nation vvhich novv enioyes the honour to be also yours hath a Monastery at Antwerpe vvhich needs not perhaps be ashamed to appeare neer any other of the vvhole vvorld vvhether it be for their great entire contentment in Recollection their insatiable yet most delightfull thirst after Perfection Vnion vvith our Blessed Lord or the euerlasting Feast of Joy Iubily vvhich they solemnize both in the harty high respects vvhich they carry to their Reuerend Mother Superiour and their true most tender loue to one another so it vvill not be vnvvorthy either of your ovvne greatnes or goodnes that vvhen there is question of considering the vertues perfections of the Glorious S. Teresa and the celebrating her praises and the studying her Life J meane that Life of hers vvhich she vvrote vvith that most holy vvise hand of her ovvne vvhich I heer present your Maiestie vouchsafe to march at the very head of that vvhole Troope vvhich may addresse it selfe to the imitation of her Heroicall actions and to the admiration of those incomparable Graces and Fauours vvhich the God of Heauen and Earth thought fitt to infuse vvith his enamoured hart and omnipotent hand into that most happy Soule For vvho can euer be more fitt to patronize so great a Saint as she is then so great a Queen as your Maiestie vvho besides your Birth and renovvne vvhereof to speake after the manner of men yovv haue so much occasion to bragg haue also in order to Heauen shevved such constancy in the vvay of Religion and pietye as may iustly all things considered giue cause to the rest of your owne most eminent Ranke at least to shrinke if not to blush For my selfe to begg your Maiesties pardon for this apparance of presumption vvere novv to acknowledge some such fault as vvhereof J acquitted my selfe before I vvill therefore rather by this meanes hope to obtaine a Suite for this Seruice yea and that of the most sauory kind of all other it is That yovv vvill vouchsafe to imploy the Sacrifice of my vvhole Life in obedience to any of your Maiesties least commands God make keep your Maiestie as healthy as happy as this vvorld can tell hovv to vvish yea and as the other can tell hovv to graunt I most humbly aske leaue to doe your Maiestie all Reuerence at your Royall Feet Your Maiesties most humble most obedient most deuoted most obliged Seruant M. T. A word of Aduertisment to the Reader TO the end that the Reader 's iudgement may be kept from anie considerable errour concerning the person of the Glorious S. Teresa he is humbly and earnestly desired to read the Preface before he read the Booke and especially that part thereof vvhich occurrs betvveen that § vvhich beginns vvith these follovving vvords For she vvill tell you c. And that other vvhich beginns But novv it vvill come fittly in c. He may also be pleased to excuse the fevv Faults vvhich shall be found in the Print the rather because it vvas performed both in a strange Countrie and by strangers THE PREFACE OF THE TRANSLATOVR TO THE CHRISTIAN AND CIVIL READER I Was moued and who would not be moued by the Reuerend Mother Superiour of the English Teresian-Carmelites at Ant werpe the rest of that holie Assemblie to Translate out of Spanish into English the Life of the Admirable and Blessed Woeman S. Teresa their holie Mother and mine whose Excellencies and Perfections it is hard for anie Penn to expresse and few Harts euen of the most refined and raised can fully vnderstand and comprehend For though it were translated long agoe by an eminent and worthie Man of our Nation in the great deuotion which he carried to his excellent Saint yet he had liued so very long out of his Countâ—â— and had attended in so serious a manner to the acquiring of Perfection and Knowledge in order to the Conuersion of Soules that on the one side he seemed to haue lost a little of the puritie of his owne English Toung and on the other not to haue acquired enough of the Spanish and consequently not to haue been able to performe the Worke so exactly as he desired Since such a Booke as was so sublimely conceiued by such a Hart and so vehemeÌ„tly posted-out by such a Penn could neuer be exactly translated out of anie one Language into an other vvithout a kind of full possession of them both besides a great attention application of minde othervvise Some places being therfore very obscure and manie other more then a little mis-vnderstood the Booke vvas not so vvell receiued nor so gladly greedily read as it deserued And therfore both in honour of their renouned and admired Parent in appetite also of their ovvne consolation and perfection in Spirit the zeale of these holy Religious vvoemen could not content it selfe vvith less then a procuring to get a nevv Translation made vvhich perhaps might proue to their thinkeing a little lesse imperfect then the other For my part I confesse I vvonder that some such Reuievv and Reformation concerning a Publique Worke so much importing the glory of Almighty God and the honour of so eminent a Saint could be forborne so long But euen that very conceipt and consideration did helpe to clappe the Spurrs into my Sides towards a running through this Course and Carreire vvith all the care speed vvhich I could possibly vse And heerin though my abilityes were small yet my attention grew to be great and so I considered seuerall Coppyes and tooke also many opinions and yet found that all my diligences vvere few enow towards the discharge of the multitude of doubts and difficultyes vvhich occurred Partly through the
our Lord will seeme to haue brought them so vpon vs as that we were not able to resist them Now it seems that his Diuine Maiestie is pleased to pay vs heer for the little poore care we tooke to serue him with so high a guift as that comfort is which he bestowes vpon a Soule who sees her self able to lament weep for hauing offended so great a Lord. And I wonder not a whitt at this for me thinkes she hath reason enough and to spare for receauing ioy and comfort vpon this occasion There doth the Soule reioyce there doth she regale her self I like that Cōparison well which offers it self to me now That these ioyes of Prayer should be somewhat like those others which are in Heauen For as they see no more there then God is pleased that they shall see according to their deserts they acknowledging how small those deserts are euerie one of them is highly well content with the place wherein he is though yet there be an excessiue differēce betweē the ioyes of some and of others in Heauen yea much more then there is between some spirituall ioyes and others heer on earth which yet is very great And really a Soule when God doth her this Fauour at first is very apt to thinke that there remaines no more then to be desired and she esteems her self then to be abundantly satisfyed for all the seruice which euer she was able to pay Almightie God and I finde that she hath at least reason enough to thinke so For euen one of those single teares which yet we may after a sort procure in some part euen of our selues though still without the assistance and fauour of God we can doe absolutly nothing at all cannot be payd for and purchased in my opinion with all the labours and troubles of the world For a Soule gaines much by them and indeed what greater gaine can possibly anie Creature acquire then to haue some kinde of testimonie that she is pleasing to Almightie God So that let whosoeuer shall arriue to this point praise God very much and acknowledge himself to be mightily in his Debt for already there is good apparance that his Diuine Maiestie designes such a person for his seruice in his owne House and hath chosen him for his Kingdome without intētion that he shall turne his back from him anie more And let vs not care for certaine odd Humilities which be in the world whereof I intend to treat For some will needs esteem it to be Humilitie not to vnderstand those Guifts which our Lord is bestowing vpon them But as for vs let vs well and very well know how the Case stands with vs Namely that Almightie God bestowes them vpon vs without anie merit at all of ours and let vs be thankfull to his Diuine Maiestie for them For if we know not what fauour we receaue we shall not stirre our selues vp to loue him for them as we ought For it is a most certaine truth that the better we finde that we are rich knowing first that of our selues we are poore we grow to profit so much the more yea and euen our very Humilitie will proue to be more entire and sincere That other course serues but to accowardize the minde and to make it hold it self vncapable of receauing great benefits if our Lord beginning once to bestow them it shall also beginne to fright it self by a feare of Vaine-Glorie But let vs rather belieue that he who doth vs so great Fauours will giue vs also grace that if the Diuel tempt vs vpon these occasions we shall haue knowledge how to vnderstand him and strength from God how to resist him I meane if we goe on with plainenes and sinceritie as in the sight of Almightie God pretending euer to content him only without respect to men For it is a very euident and certaine truth that we loue a person the better when we remember very freshly what benefits we haue receaued at his hands And if it be both lawfull and meritorious for vs to be euer keeping in memorie that we haue our verie Being from Almightie God and that he created vs of nothing and that he vpholds vs still togeather with all those other benefits of his Passion and Death which he endured for euerie one of vs who are now aliue long before we were borne why should it not be also lawfull for me who was wont to treat of nothing but vanities to vnderstand and see and consider these things often especially when now our Lord allowes me so great a blessing as that I would not willingly euen so much as speake of anie thing but of him And now behold heer a rich Iewel which remembring that it is bestowed vpon vs and that already we are in possession thereof inuites and euen obliges vs to loue our Blessed Lord And this in fine is the totall good of that Prayer which is grounded vpon Humilitie But what will then occurr when they shall finde that other more precious Iewels are come into their power and possession which our Lord imparts to some of his seruants as namely a profund contempt both of the whole world yea and of themselues It is cleare that in this case we must hold our selues for deeper debtours and more obliged to serue him and to vnderstand that of our selues we had no part of this Treasure at all and to know the great bountie of our Blessed Lord who to a Soule so wicked and so absolutly without all merit as mine for which the first of those Iewels aforesayd was not only sufficient but by much too great would yet needs load mee still with greater treasures then I could euen tell how to desire We must in such cases as these procure to get new strength wherewith to serue him and by no meanes to be vngratefull for our Lord giues them euer vpon this condition that if we vse not well that treasure and high place wherein he puts vs he will stripp vs of them againe and as for our parts we shall come to be more poore then euer we were so his Diuine Maiestie will dispense his Treasures to such others as he shall thinke fitt who may benefit both themselues and others by the good vse thereof But now how shall that man improue his owne Stock and spend thereof with latitude of hart vpon others whilst yet he is not come so farr as to know that himself is rich It is in my opinion an impossible kinde of thing considering the grounds of Humane Nature for one to doe great and goodlie things if he vnderstand not himself to be fauoured by Almightie God for we are so miserable Creatures and so inclined to delight in things of this world that we can hardly abhorre effectually all that which heer we enioy and especially to doe it with great libertie of Spirit if we vnderstand not out selues to haue some kind of tast or pawne concerning Heauenlie
better set downe And it seemes to be as when one hath an Originall before him and then he may easily take-out the Coppie But if the Spirit be wanting there is no more power and meanes to make one word of this language suite well with an other then if as we may say we would suite Spanish and Turkish togeather euen though we should haue exercised our selues manie yeares in Prayer and therefore me thinkes it is of very great aduantage when I write if I be then in state of Prayer for I see clearly that it is not I who declare it nor who doe either order it then with my Vnderstanding nor yet know afterward how I declared it before and this happens to me very often But now let vs goe-back to our Orchard or Garden and see how these Trees beginne to button and budd-out towards flowring that they may afterward yeild fruit and how these Gillie-flowers and other odoriferous Plants dispose themselues to giue delight full Sent to the Owner I confesse that this Comparison regales and pleases me much for manie times in my beginnings and I humbly beseech our Lord that euen yet I may haue been a beginner to serue his Diuine Maiestie I say in those beginnings of that which I shall say afterward of my Life it was of much delight to me to consider that my Soule was a Garden and that our Lord walked in it vp and downe and I humbly pray him to encrease the odour of those little young Flowers of Vertue which shewed in all apparance that they would be glad to find meanes to sprout and that also they might serue for his Glorie and that he would be pleased to sustaine them since I desire nothing for my self and that he would also dresse and prune as manie of them as he pleased for already I knew well enough that they would thriue and grow the better afterward I say that he would cut and prune them in regard that some such times ariue now and then to the Soule as wherein there is no apparance left of this Garden at all but then all seemes to be withered and dry and that there neuer will come more Water to sustaine it yea and that there also seemes to haue neuer been anie vertue in that Soule In this case it vndergoes great affliction because our Lord is pleased that the poore Gardner may cōceaue that all that care is lost which he had formerly employed vpon sustaining and improuing his Garden But then comes-in the time of true plucking-vp and rooting-out all those little paltrie hearbes which till then had remained there how little soeuer they might be with making vs also know that no diligence of ours will serue if Almightie God take the Water of his Grace from vs that so in fine we may come to hold this poore miserable Nothing of ours in no manner of account yea and if the thing were possible euen for lesse then Nothing For heer great Humilitie makes vs the gainers since the Flowers will thus grow to reflourish O thou my Lord and my God! for I know not how to say this without teares and without a great Regalo to this poore Soule of mine is it possible O my Lord that thou art pleased to be thus amongst vs Yea and thou remainest in the B. Sacrament which may well be with all truth belieued because so it is and we may with much truth make this Comparison and if it be not through our owne fault we may enioy our selues togeather with thee yea and thou dost also reioyce to be with vs since thou declarest That it is thy delight to be vvith the Children of men O my Lord what is this For whensoeuer I heare but this word it is to me of great consolation yea and was so when I found my self in the worst condition But is it possible after this O my deare Lord that there should be in the whole world anie one Soule which ariuing to receaue such Fauours and Regalo's at thy hands and vnderstanding that thou reioycest so highly in her should yet returne to offend thee after the receauing of so manie Fauours and so great demonstrations of the loue thou bearest her in such sort as that they cannot possibly be doubted since the effects doe so manifestly declare it Yes yes it is most certaine that there is such a Soule in the world which hath offended thee and that not once but often yea and I am this verie Soule And I beseech thy Diuine Goodnes O my Lord that I may haue been the onlie Creature who euer committed so high a wickednes and who haue been guiltie of such an excessiue ingratitude against thee though yet already euen from this verie miserie of mine thy infinite goodnes hath been able to draw some aduantage yea and euen by how much the ill hath been greater the great benignitie of thy Mercies hath shined so much the more But now with how much reason may I resolue to celebrate them for all eternitie I most humbly beseech thee O my God that it may be so and that I may sing praises to thee for euer since now thou hast vouchsafed to shew thy goodnes so highly and so greatly to me that such as see it are amazed and as for me they carrie me very often euen out of my self And if I should once finde that I were depriued of thee I could be fitt O my Lord for nothing but to returne to be such a kind of Garden as that the Flowers being plucked-vp yet once againe this miserable earth of mine would returne to be a direct Dung-hill as it was before To the end therefore that I may praise thee the better permitt not I beseech thee O my Lord that this Soule may euer grow to be lost which thou hast bought with so manie afflictions of thine owne and which thou hast so often repurchased againe and againe and taken from out of the verie teeth of that hideous Dragon of Hell I beseech your Reuerence excuse me for speaking thus from the purpose and doe not wonder at it since it is at least to mine owne purpose to speake as I doe For it happens according to those apprehensions and reflections which the Soule chances to make when one writes And sometimes it falls-out to be hard enough to forbeare to celebrate the praises of Almightie God when it happens that the penn represents such things as expresse the high obligations which we haue to his Diuine Maiestie And I belieue that this will be no way displeasing to your Reuerence for I am of opinion that we may both of vs doe very well to sing one Song though yet after a different manner because it is much more which I owe to Almightie God then you in regard that he hath pardoned me more Sinnes as your Reuerence knowes very well THE FIFTEENTH CHAPTER She prosecutes her Discourse of the same matter and giues some aduise hovv persons are to carrie themselues in this kinde
which his Diuine Maiestie giues to that Soule to shew that he chooses her out for great things if she will make her self fitt to receaue them I say this is a mighty guift yea and farre greater then I am anie way able to expresse And it is matter of much greife to me that as I was saying I know manie Soules which ariue thus farre and that yet there are so very few which passe further at least as they ought to passe that I am euen ashamed to confesse it I say not that there are so very few who passe on for it may very well be that there are manie for God doth not sustaine vs for nothing but I only speake of such as I haue seen For my part I would earnestly wish them not to hide their Talent since it seemes Almightie God chooses them out for the profit of manie others and especially in these times when it is so necessarie that his Diuine Maiestie should haue strong freinds to support and vphold such as are weake And let them all who finde that they haue receaued this great Fauour at our Lord's hands esteem themselues for strong if they know how to correspond well with the lawes which a firme and fast freindship euen of this verie world requires And if they will not let them apprehend very much and feare that they shall doe themselues a great deale of hurt yea and I pray God that it may be to none but themselues That which the Soule is to doe in these times of enioying this Quiet is but only that with suauitie and without noyse she employ the Will to vnderstand with much calmnes and discretion that the Soule is not to negotiate with Almightie God by the strength of the Arme. I call it noyse if the Vnderstanding goe seekingout manie words and considerations to giue thanks for this benefit and to make vp a mightie heape of her defects and sinnes to shew that she deserues not this Fauour For all is in motion now and the Vnderstanding represents many things to vs and the Memorie is boyling vp and really these Powers of the Minde are wont to giue me trouble enough at times and in regard that I haue but a weake Memorie I cānot in these cases subdue them But those other considerations and mentall discourses be indeed no better then as so manie great loggs of wood which are layd with small discretion vpon that little Sparke of fire to quench it And therefore let her know and say with great humilitie O Lord what am I able to doe heer What hath this Seruant or Slaue to doe with the Lord of Heauen and Earth Or els she may vse such other words as shall present themselues then in the way of Loue. But note heer that she must be very very well grounded vpon knowing that to be true which she saith Now as for that which concernes the Vnderstanding let the Soule consider it no otherwise then meerly as if it were a Miller and if she will needs giue it part of that which she enioyes or shall labour to recollect it also to her self she will find that it is not to proue well with her For manie times it is seen that during this Vnion and repose or rest in the Will the Vnderstanding is still much out of order and if the Will cannot be be able to arrest it it is better to let it alone then that she should still goe hunting after it I say the Will But let it remaine enioying that Fauour and be recollected and shut-vp in it self like a wise Bee for if no one of the Bees should goe into the Hiue but all be gadding abroad so to be still ferching one another home there would little store of hony be made And so a Soule will loose very much if she be not well aduertised of this and especially if the Vnderstanding be quick and sharp For if once such an one beginne to put discourses in order and light vpon some prettie reasons to the purpose she will if they be handsomly sayd beginne to thinke that shee performes some great exploit But the discourse which is to be vsed heer must be a knowing clearly and confessing plainely that there is no other reason at all why Almightie God should euer doe vs so great a Fauour then his owne onlie goodnes and to consider that we are now approached so neer to him and to begg Fauours of him and to beseech him also for his Church and for all such as haue recommended themselues to vs and so also for the Soules in Purgatorie and this not by the noise of words but only by a feeling desire to be heard by his Diuine Maiestie This is a Prayer which comprehends very much and we shall obtaine more thereby then by multiplying much rowling discourse by way of the Vnderstanding But let the Will stirr-vp her self by some reasons which will easily represent themselues to her then when she findes her self to be so very much improued to quicken-vp her Loue and to make her performe certaine amourous acts of how great things she would be glad to doe for one to whome she owes so verie much without admitting and permitting as I sayd that the vnderstanding part should make a noise in the search and pretence of doing high and mightie matters For heer anie few little poore strawes presented and offered-vp with Humilitie and they may be sure enough to be strawes if we bring them will make a great deale more to the purpose and will help to kindle a good fire more quickly then a great deale of bigg loggs of wood will be able to doe I meane reasons which in our opinion shall be very sure to quench and put-out the fire euen in the turning of a hand This is good for learned men who command me to write all this for through the goodnes of God it may be hoped that all of them ariue hither and it might perhaps so happen amongst them that this time would passe away in applying some places of Scripture But though that kinde of knowledge could not faile to be vsefull to them both before such occasions as these and also after yet at these verie times of Prayer there would be little occasion to vse it in my opinion vnlesse they had a minde to coole the feruorous employment of the Will For the Vnderstanding findes it self then to possesse such an excessiue kind of claritie by being so neer to Light it self that euen I with being so poore and miserable as I am seem to be another kinde of Creature And it is most certainly true that it hath hapned to me being in this kind of Quiet and without vnderstanding in effect anie thing of the Prayers which are recited in Latin and especially of the Psalter that not only I vnderstand the Verse in Spanish but I passe also yet further on and delight my self highly in considering what the meaning of that Spanish is I speake not
she doth not well consider that she hath not yet mewed all her owne sick-feathers She may well stepp out of her Nest yea and Almightie God himself will perhaps take her now and then out from thence But she is not yet fitt for a Flight because her vertues are not yet growne to be of full strength nor hath she yet experience for the knowledge of dangers nor doth she yet vnderstand the mischeif which growes by putting too much trust in her owne forces And now this is that which destroyed me and both for this and for all things there will be great necessitie of a Directour and of conuersation with persons who are spirituall indeed It is true I am fully perswaded that when Almightie God doth once bring a Soule to this state he will not leaue to fauour her nor suffer her to perish if she doe not very shamefully and entirely forsake and forbeare to serue his Diuine Maiestie But yet if it should so happen that she fall let her consider and consider againe euen for the loue of our Blessed Lord and take heed that the Diuel deceaue her not so farre as to make her giue-ouer her Prayer as he did me vnder the pretence of false Humilitie as I haue declared and as I would fayne repeat very often But let her trust in the goodnes of Almightie God which is greater then all the sinnes which we can commit and let her hope that he will not remember our ingratitude when once we reflecting duly vpon our selues desire to returne againe to his friendship nor euen so farre consider the Fauours which he hath done vs as to make vs be punished for them but that rather they will help to obtaine pardon for vs so much the sooner as for persons who haue belonged to his House and haue had the honour to eat as men vse to say of his bread Let them remember his words and consider how he hath proceeded with me who euen wearied my self with offending his Diuine Maiestie before he would forbeare or faile to pardon me For he neuer growes vnwilling to giue nor is it euer possible to draw his Mercies dry and so let not vs be wearie of euer receauing Fauour at his hands Let him be blessed for euer Amen and let all creatures praise him THE TWENTIETH CHAPTER VVherein she treats of the difference betvveen Vnion and Rapt and declares vvhat kind of thing a Rapt is She speakes also of the blessing vvhich that Soule hath vvhich our Lord through his goodnes brings thither and of the Effects vvhich Rapts vse to produce This Discourse is of much admiration I Would be glad to know how to declare through the Fauour of Almightie God the difference which there is between Vnion on the one side and Rapt and Flight as they are wont to call it of Spirit on the other for these two latter doe signifye in substance but one thing and it is also called Extasis The aduantage is very great which belongs to Rapt beyond Vnion and the effects also which it produces are much greater and it hath also manie other operations For meer Vnion seemes to be alwaies after the same manner both in the beginning in the middle and in the end and it is alwaies in the interiour part But now as Rapts are Visitations of the Soule which vse to be of a higher Straine they are wont to produce their Effects not only interiourly but exteriourly also I humbly beseech our Blessed Lord that as he hath vouchsafed to declare the rest so he will also vouchsafe to doe this for certainly if his Diuine Maiestie had not been pleased to giue me to vnderstand by what meanes in what manner it might be done I should not possibly haue knowne which way to turne my hand Let vs therefore now consider that this last Water whereof we haue spoken is so very plentifull and abundant that if it were not because the Soyle of the Garden cannot consent to receaue it we might beleiue that the verie Clowd it self of that great Maiestie were heer rayning it self downe vpon this earth And so when we are gratefull to our Lord for this great blessing acknowledging the same by our good workes according to the vttermost of our power our Lord catches-vp that Soule as a man may say euen iust so as the clowdes snatch vp the vapours from the earth and so taking her wholy vp from the same earth the clowd rises vp to Heauen and carries the same along with it self and shewes her certaine things belonging to that Kingdome which is prepared for her I know not whether this Comparison will be thought to suite well with that whereof I am speaking but I am sure that in realitie of truth it passes thus In these Rapts it doth not seem that the Soule doth euen animate the Bodie and so the Bodie it self remaines with a kind of trouble and defect through the want of that naturall heat which belongs to it and it goes all cooling it self though yet with an excessiue sweetnes and delight There is heer no meanes at all to resist though in Vnion we being then as in our owne Countrie there is some remedie and so though it be not without suffering a kind of paine and vsing some force it may alwaies in effect be employed But heer for the most part there is no remedie at all nor anie helpe but manie times the thing ariues without our being so much as able to preuent the coming of it euen by our very thought And there growes to be such a speedie and strong kind of impetuositie that you feele and find this Clowd to raise it self instantly vp or rather that this strong Eagle takes you and carries you quite away between her wings And I say it is vnderstood and you find your self to be carried away though you know not whither For howsoeuer the thing happen to be with delight yet so great is the weaknes of our naturall condition that it puts vs into some feare in the beginning And therefore it will be necessarie in this case for the Soule to be much more couragious and resolute then for all those occasions which were precedent For heer she must be content to hazard all and to leaue her self wholy in the hands of Almightie God and to goe whithersoeuer she shall be carried and this with a very good will for in fine they will be sure to carrie her whether she will or no and that with so great extremitie of strength and speed that howsoeuer I had a minde very very often to resist it yea and that I employed all the strength I had to that purpose and especially at some particular times when things fell out to happen in publique yea and at manie other times also when they were priuate for I was then in doubt and feare least I might be abused and deceiued it was yet but seldome that I was able to preuaile to some small proportion But it cost
imagine But I am of opinion that when the Soule doth anie thing on her part to help her self on as afforesayd towards that Prayer of Vnion how soeuer for the present it may seem to doe good yet the building will quickly fall as wanting anie sound foundation and I am afrayd that she will neuer ariue to true Pouertie of Spirit which consists in not desiring so much as comfort or gust in Prayer for all those of this world are forsaken already except consolation in affliction and that for loue of him who euer liued in them but to remaine also quiet in those verie afflictiōs and aridities for though they faile not to haue some little trouble thereat yet is it not so farre as to giue them anie such disquiet and paine as some giue themselues by conceiuing that if they be not alwaies labouring with their Vnderstanding and to haue sensible deuotion all is lost as if they could deserue so great a good by the paines they take I say not that they should not procure and maintaine themselues with much care in the Presence of Almightie God but if yet they be not able to obtaine no not so much as one good thought as I haue sayd els where yet let them not torment themselues because we all are vnprofitable Seruants what can we conceiue that wee shall be euer able to doe Our Lord is much better pleased that we may come to know this truth and that we may hold our selues fitt to be treated like some poore little Asses to turne that wheele about whereby the sayd Water is to be gotten who though they be put in blindfold doe not so much as know what they doe will yet get-vp more water then the Gardner with all the diligences he can vse No we must walke in this way with libertie of Spirit put our selues into the hands of Almighty God If his Diuine Maiestie shall be pleased to aduance vs to be of his Chamber Councell we must goe with a good will but if not we must be content to serue in inferiour employments and not to seate our selues in the best place as I haue sayd els where Almightie God hath more care of vs then we haue of our selues and knowes for what euerie bodie is fitt and for what therefore doth it serue for him to gouerne himself when already the whole Will is disposed of and giuen away to Almightie God In my opinion it is lesse to be tollerated or endured heer then in the First Degree of Prayer and it doth vsmuch more harme if any such errour be committed by vs for these are Supernaturall blessings If a man haue an ill voice how much soeuer he shall enforce himself to sing the voice will not be made good by it but if God shall once haue made it good he needes not be crying out before hand Let vs therefore alwaies humbly pray him to shew vs fauour let the Soule be wholy resigned but yet withall confiding in the greatnes of God And now when she hath gotten leaue to remaine at the feet of Christ our Lord let her not stirre from thence but continue in what sort soeuer it may be and let her imitate the Magdalena for when he shall find her strong he will take her vp with him to the Desert So that your Reuerēce shall doe well to keepe your self in this way till you meet with some other who may haue more experience then I and may know it better Only if they be persons who were but beginning to haue gust in Almightie God doe not beleiue them for they conceiue that they profit themselues more and haue more gust when they helpe themselues in such sort as is declared before O how Almightie God comes clearly and openly enough in without these little prettie helpes when he hath a minde to it and so as that whether we will or no he eleuates and hurries-away the Spirit euen as some Giant would dispose of a straw and so as that no resistance can be thought of But what a kind of impertinency is it for a man to beleiue that whensoeuer he lists a Toade should be made able to flye of it self And I hold it to be a more difficult and absurd kind of thing that the Spirit should be able to raise and exalt it self without being exalted and raised by Almightie God for it is all loaden with earth and with a thousand impediments and it will proue to be of little vse to it that it haue a minde to flye for though flying be more naturall to a Soule then to a Toade yet this Soule is already all plunged in a great bed of dutt myre as haueing lost that other qualitie by her owne fault I will therefore conclude with this that whensoeuer we dispose our selues to thinke and meditate vpon Christ our Lord we must remember the loue wherewith he did vs so manie Fauours and now greatly Almightie God was pleased to shew it to vs by giuing vs so high a pledge and pawne of his loue for one loue begetts and breeds another And though we should he meer poore beginners in this holie exercise and though we should withall be very wicked yet let vs still procure to be looking vpon this Obiect and still be stirring our selues vp to loue For if once our Blessed Lord vouchsafe to imprint this loue into our harts all things will grow easie to vs and we shall quickly fall to worke and that without anie trouble to our selues at all I beseech his Diuine Maiestie that he will vouchsafe to bestow it vpon vs since he knowes how very much the same imports vs for we beggit by the great loue which he bore to vs and for the sake of his Glorious Sonne who also loued vs all so extreamly to his owne cost Amen One thing I would faine aske your Reuerence how our Lord beginning to doe Fauours to a Soule and those so eminent and high as to bring her to perfect Contemplation which Soule were therefore in all reason to grow and remaine entirely perfect euen at that instant for certainly it ought to be so since whosoeuer receiues so very great blessings from Heauē should be extreamly farre from careing for anie such delights as concerne this life can possibly bring to passe that when she growes to haue Rapts and so to receiue more Fauours higher Effects thereof and that so much the more as she falls-out to be more vntyed from the world and considering yet withall how in the very first instant when our Lord ariues to a Soule he can leaue her entirely sanctifyed how I say our Lord can abandon this Soule afterward in processe of time without maintaining it in the perfection of vertue This I say would I very faine know for I vnderstand it not yet though I know well that it is a very different case what proportion of strength Almightie God leaues in a Soule when his visitation at the first
be neuer so much alone though yet I feele still that I know there is a God and I find also that it is my Imagination and my Vnderstanding which doe me so much hurt in these occasions and cafes for as for my Will me thinkes it stands right in me and that it is disposed to all goodnes But this Vnderstanding of mine is so entirely lost that it seemes to be no other thing then some furious and madd kind of Foole whome no bodie is able to bind nor am I so farre Mistresse thereof as that I can make it quiet for one Credo Sometimes I fall on laughing and yet then doe I know my miserie and stand looking vpon my Soule and permit her to doe what she will and yet our Lord be thanked she neuer by anie meanes applyes her self to anie thing which is ill but only about things which are indifferent if there be anie thing which may occurr to be done either heer or there or anie where els But thus I come to know better the incomparable mercie which our Lord is pleased to shew me vpon his tying-vp this madd foole when we are in perfect contemplation And heer I consider what would become of me if such persons as hold me now for good could discerne me to haue these idlenesses and impertinencies which I haue described heer But now I haue very great compassion of a Soule to find her in so ill companie as this I would faine see her rather in libertie and I expresse my self in this manner to our Blessed Lord When O my God shall I ariue to see my Soule all conioyned and vnited togeather in celebrating thy praise that so all the Powers thereof may admire thee Permit not heerafrer O Lord that she wander vp and downe by peices for now it seemes no otherwise then as if euerie one of the same Powers were running vp and downe in a seuerall way These things passe thus very often and I vnderstand also very well that sometimes the little corporall health I haue contributes much to these inconueniences I also reflect much by these occasions vpon the hurt which the Sinne of our First Parent hath done vs for me thinkes it is growne from thence that we are incapable to enioy so great a good and mine owne sinnes are a great part of the cause for certainly if I had not committed so manie I should haue remained more entire and free towards the doing of good I was subiect also by times to another very great inconuenience for conceauing that I vnderstood all the Bookes that treat of Prayer which I came to read and that already our Blessed Lord had done me some such kind of fauour as that I needed them not for this reason I did not read them but applyed my self to read the Liues of Saints And finding my self also very short in that wherein they had so heroically serued Almightie God this seemed to doe me good and giue me strength but yet me thought this was a signe of little humilitie for me to thinke that I was already ariued to hold that degree of Prayer And not being able to quiet my self otherwise I continued much in paine till certaine learned men and particularly that blessed Creature Fray pedro de Alcantara declared to me that I was not to be troubled at that I am not ignorant that in the seruing of Almightie God I haue not yet so much as begunne though yet the way which his Diuine Maiestie hath held in doing me Fauours is the same which he hath vsed towards such as are good whereas for my part I am no more then a direct downe-right meer imperfection vnlesse it be in my desires to loue him for in this indeed I see well that our Lord hath done me Fauour that so I may performe some little thing for him I confesse me thinkes I loue him but my actions and the manie imperfections which I discerne therein giue me great discomfort At other times my Soule falls into a kind of Foolerie for so it is when me thinkes I doe neither good nor ill but follow on after the walke of others folkes and this neither with paine nor glorie nor with thought of life or death nor gust nor trouble yea me thinkes she feeles nothing at all but rather seemes to me to walke on like some little Asse who seeds and sustaines himself because they giue him somewhat to eate and he eates almost without thinking what he is doing For the Soule when she is in this state is not likely to be without feeding vpon some great Fauours of Almightie God since she is not troubled with liuing in so miserable a life as this but passes through it with patience and equalitie of minde but yet these motions and effects are not found by her in such sort as that the Soule is made to vnderstand her self by them It seemes now also to me to be as when men saile at Sea by the breath of a sweet and gentle Winde for then we ridd much way though we scarce know how Whereas in those other conditions the effects are so very great that the Soule doth almost instantly discerne her owne improuement for instantly doe her desires boile vp and the Soule can neuer satisfye her self but they to whome Almightie God imparts such impetuosities of Loue doe find such operations as these This is like certaine little Springs which I haue obserued to rise and where the Sand neuer ceases to moue vpwards And this example and comparison of Soules which be ariued to this state seemes very naturall to me For Loue will be euer boyling vpward and considering and deuising about what it may be able to doe and can by no meanes be contained in it self as it seemes the water whereof I spake is not able to continue in the earth which still is casting it vp from thence And iust so is it very vsuall for the Soule not to be at quiet or in contentment with her self through the loue she beares to Almightie God but she is so bathed and soaked and filled with it that she wishes that others would drinke too since for her part she cannot want that so they might assist her to sing the praises of Almightie God O how often doe I call to minde that liuing Water whereof our Lord spake to the Samaritan as indeed I am very much deuoted to that Ghospell And really it is most true that I was so euen from my childhood though I did not then vnderstand this benefit as now I doe but I often besought our Lord to bestow of this Water vpon me and alwaies I had the Image or Figure of it at hand with this Motto or Word of hers when he was so neer the Well Domine da mihi hanc aquam O Lord bestovv this vvater vpon me It seemes also to me that as a Fire which is very great needs matter vpon which to worke to the end that it may not be extinguished So also for