kept up a rare thirst through his goodness after him and a delight in the ways of his communications But I would not it is not for me to speak these things you should be vain in your own conceit But go on I see the Foundation laid he will never leave you be at rest And now study the great mystery of the Gospel of which you have a large notion but I would have you turn every notion into a practical work a practical acting into a practical use I would have you turn it all and labour to do it every day that what you believe may be so to you as substance and not Air and the Lord will visit you and help you Your Nature is timorous and fearful but God coming in to fill your Soul with Faith and fill Faith with powerful workings you will have a great Friend at every turn to be for you to be with you for you will be able to trust God when you see not why nor wherefore to trust to his promise c. His Speech and Charge to his only Child was as followeth MARY I and you must part I and you must part I leave you behind me in the World and my Prayer to God is to keep my child to teach my child to keep you and to make your heart to be full of love to spiritual things that you may not be befooled of your Soul that you may not be befooled of Heaven that you may not perish like a Fool. And I charge you I charge you I charge you in the name of God who is your Judge that you hearken attentively to all the Counsel of your Dear Mother and do not play it away bable and trifle it away see you do it for your everlasting good and concernment and be obedient to her and do not only be fondling but hearken seriously to her Counsel and take it in MARY come to me that I may give you one Kiss I am about to kiss you and this Kiss must be a witness of my true desire of your good I Kiss you in love and my very Kiss will be a witness against my Child if you do not tread in the steps of your PARENTS such as you have observed to be good O my dear Child be not careless therein I leave you now to the conduct of him who is my conducter To a Christian Friend who said we must be willing to part with you you have a Pisga-sight of Canaan he replied I think I am at the very end and yet I do not go out all the day long I am thirsting O blessed be my God I am perswaded he will perform all that concerneth me To another Christian Friend at his taking leave of him he said thus I expect again to see you and an innumerable company more of Saints c. He further spake with respect to his languishing Body If I could have something or other to refresh my Body if the Lord saw it fit but the whole Earth I think is insufficient for it April 25. This day being Wednesday which proved the day of his Death in the Morning he spake to a dear Friend a Minister saying The blessing of the everlasting Gospel be upon you the Lord be with you And about Eleven of the Clock he began to Change having several Agonies and between them he desired to be prayed for saying Lift up a Prayer for me and speak that I may hear you For whatsoever ye shall ask on Earth shall be granted in Heaven let then the Earth be full of Prayer And coming out of another fit said Hitherto hath the Lord helped me I am in the hand of God I am in his hand and under his promise the end of this affliction is in the hand of my God the Lord enable me to abide his Will And the 5th Fit or Agony which was ' twixt four and five of the Clock in the Afternoon he in that Breathed out his Soul into the Arms and Embraces of his dear Lord and Redeemer retaining his senses to the last for even a little before his Decease his Wife asking him how he did he answered with great composure I am almost Dead and desired to be lifted up a little higher which were the last words he spake and a few moments preceding his Departure he opened wide his Eyes and immediately closed them again and so Expired FINIS ERRATA PAge 7. line 16. read see for let p. 10. l. 26. dele and p. 29. l. 32. r. person for perso p. 35. l. 8. del word of the p. 61. l. 8. r. Vail for Vale p. 62. l. 9. r. therein for thereon p. 63. l. 15. r. very for ve p. 70. l. 3. r. converse for dally p. 100. l. 5. r. expatiating for expiating p. 104. l. 34. del he p. 124. l. 28. add him p. 143. l. 15. r. hast for has p. 160. l. 18. add he p. 188. l. 1. r. means for mens p. 203. l. 19. r. floweth for followeth p. 213. l. 14. r. clouds for glouds p. 306. l. 11. r. heart for heat p. 313. l. 5. r. omnipotent for omnipent p. 328. l. 23. r. the for lhe p. 327. l. 3. add not And for any other literal Errors or false Pointings which are very few and inconsiderable the Reader is desired to Correct
of Body or Mind as are suitable to such work 3. Let not the Thoughts be inrodinately devoured in it and to that end 4. Force the heart to read and meditate the Scriptures with more seriousness and labour for an inward value thereof above any other labour or study 5. Judge not any useful Labour Work or Study to be materially evil because your inordinate Affection about it is sinful but rather regulate your desires to Moderation and a right end in what you do 6. Be contented in the measure of your Attainment 7. View the excellency of God in Christ appearing in all created Skill Excellency and Worth Strive to wind up your heart by Creature-Excellencies instantly to a more actual Enjoyment of them as his Gift only and so to himself as the Fountain of Perfection Thus have I been wrestling with a Monster bred in my own Bowels but O Captain of my Salvation breath Truth Faith Vertue and Blessing upon these Meditations or else all my labour is lost and my enquiry into my disease spent in vain Every good and perfect Gift comes down from above and therefore my eyes are to the Hills from whence comes my help Let not the Poor return ashamed of his Hope I leave my Success upon thy hands who hast redeemed me O Lord God of Truth And seeing a gracious God hath favoured me thus far to drill me along sometimes wooing sometimes reproving sometimes comforting and confirming me in the various roulings of my heart in these Meditations from time to time I would now lean upon him to make good all the movings of his Spirit in my heart and issue forth from himself through Christ by his Spirit a suitable Supply according as my daily need and proneness to decay doth require that it may be evidenced to my Soul that these Meditations how much frailty soever I have been laden with under them were not meer Humane Labour and Invention but that the Breath of the Holy Spirit hath been in some true measure present And therefore O thou who art the God of all my Hope be pleased to cause all that love to and desire after pure Union and Fellowship with thee in Christ which hath been at any time working towards thee in any of these Meditations and at any other time to be purged from my personal Guilt that cleaves to the best thing which I do And vouchsafe a Return of my desires from the Throne of Grace as far as any exercise of Spirit in me hath been acceptable in thy sight through my dear Redeemer That whether I sleep or wake the groanings of thy Spirit may be acceptable before thee day and night and though my heart be vile yet let it still be as a Garden watered by thy hand a Soul which the Lord careth for Bring me through the great Waters that one day I may be utterly and eternally delivered from every evil work inward and outward and purely serve love and glorifie thee being presented spotless through Christ among that glorious Host of the Spirits of just Men made perfect LETTERS 1638. To D. B. N o 1. YOur Letter I very gladly received and 't is no small delight to me to see that your eyes are towards Heaven and your desires to the fear of your Maker Before I was hopeful but now I am confident And being the beautiful Light of the Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ hath enlightned your Soul and purified your Conscience from dead works to serve the living God seeing 't is thus fear not only be strong Be thrifty of your time exact in your course spiritual in your aim bearing about an undaunted Triumph in believing One thing among the rest not unneedful I must advise you that you set your self to pluck up your Spirits and be of a lively heart getting what necessary insight into the World you can that you may the better get within the humours of all people to understand the better how to carry your self in what condition of life soever you shall be in to your own comfort and the shunning of unnecessary Reproach or Contempt but contrarily Credit and Esteem of all even of them that are without The Exercise of Worldly Wisdom Policy Skill and utmost Endeavour must be used albeit not depended on nor the Corruptions of the World practised Something I do the rather write this way as conceiving some other Course of Life will befall you ere long than at present you are in yet still keep close to Almighty God and whereas others in their Course on Earth and creditable Conversation here do sacrifice to their Wits Boldness Contrivance and the like do you endeavour and pray that you may sacrifice to the Will Wisdom and Assistance of God in Heaven made over to you in the Merits of Christ undoubtedly The Lord be with us and grant us unearthly Hearts and Conversations whatever may hereafter betide us There is no Rock like our Rock no God like our God to him I commit my self and you for an everlasting Support 1639. To D. B. N o 2. HAving such an opportunity I could not but write you a few Lines and all that I have to say is Cast your self upon God in Jesus Christ Eat his Flesh and drink his Bloud Be with him upon the Cross be with him ascended into Heaven by the one to be discharged from the Clamours of the Law and the Guiltiness of Conscience by the other to triumph in Assurance of Victory over Sin and Sorrow This Implanting into the Son is by Faith this Life of Faith is fed by Meditation of the Mystery with Prayer and attentive Reading and Hearing with good Conference with experienced Believers and Use of the Sacraments These things I believe your heart doth ponder but we are bound to put one another in mind And next seek and strive in your Service to be laborious faithful discreet separate not the Service of Christ from the Service of your Master serve one in the other strive mightily to temper them well one with the other and then what you put your hand unto do it with all your might c. 1646. To B. J. D N o 3. I Know you are under great Suffering and what word of Comfort or Counsel to write to you I know not only this that it is of the Lord as Jonah was not to be angry you are not to be tortured with Grief That one that two Gourds are withered together Morality and Reason do plead for Patience and Content but your interest in the Maker and Heir of all things may truly argue it much more He that gave you them at first has now called them away The Giver lives though the Gift be withdrawn The Comforter is the same and the substance though the Comfort be removed and the Leaves fallen Haply your thoughts are Where are they Whither gone At rest or not Consider whose eye saw them before they were formed in the Womb the everlasting Decree had disposed of them
Spiritual Exercise to put the Soul into sure and quiet Possession thereof in a through and direct levelling its eye at the Object the Person of Jesus Christ and to that end it gets the Soul up above the Reasonings of the Old Man Flesh and Blood into the Mount of Gospel-reason and from thence through the Promises and demonstration of the Word of Truth by the Spirit as through a Prospective-Glass gathers into its eye the lovely view of a compleat Redeemer and gazeth upon him till a Dart strike through the Liver and the Soul be made like the Chariots of Aminadab and is both willingly and safely carried into a holy confidence of the truth of what it seeth and the truth of its own being comprehended within the free and liberal reach of the design of God's Free Mercy in a way of particular Application thereof and cryeth out My Lord and my God And O that my Soul were a little upon the wings of the Spirit to ascend by Faith into this Mount of God my Saviour Why abide I among the Folds of corrupt Nature to hear the bleating of my own Confusions and Lusts seeing the Sword of the Lord and his Gideon is drawn for my deliverance Awake O my Heart awake O my Conscience shake thee from thy Dust let the Testimony of Faith and Spirit of Adoption and Freedom lead my Captivity Captive for ever In this glorious Work Faith seizeth on the Soul as the Angel did seize upon Lot and as it were tear him out of Sodom with this blessed advantage that it makes the Soul willing in the day of God's Power to be pulled with violence out of Sodom out of all its fleshly filth and fleshly state it rejoyceth to see the Blood of former Lusts to be sprinkled on all its Raiment 'T is wrathful against the Inchantments of Self-Pride Man's Applause Carnal Reason Earthly Compliances Fleshly Fears and Distrust It roars against its Sensual Mind and Carnal Consultations as a Lyon over its Prey It unhingeth the Gates of its Captivity and carrieth them up to the top of the Mount never to return again Mighty is this Sampson-Faith when its Locks of sanctified Convictions and Manifestation of Grace are grown up to some happy maturity it looks further and further after Christ in every Scripture it rejoyceth exceedingly to find the free Gift of Christ in such Language as this I will give thee for a covenant of the people that thou mayest say to the prisoners Go forth Isa 49. 8 9. Not by works of righteousness which we had done but according to his mercy he saved us Tit. 3. 5. I am he that blotteth out thy sins for my own sake Isa 43. 25. and will not remember them any more But the poor Soul looks down upon the scars of its own vile heart and daily weaknesses and cries out Oh! but what are these Wounds in my heart and hands these thorns in my sides these pricks in my eyes The Understanding triumphing through Faith replies These are the Memorials of the Wounds with which Christ was wounded in the House of his Friends when he came to his own and they received him not and when the Sword of Indignation awoke against the Shepherd one who accounted it no Robbery to be equal with God he then saved the Sheep and after a sore Conflict slew the Wolf and gathered again the Poor of the Flock who were appointed by the Law of Moses to the Slaughter Arise therefore and be not dismayed at the Witnesses of Christ's Agony which dwells for a season in thy mortal Flesh The Battel was his not thine he mortally wounded the Dragon and the God of Peace will shortly tread down Satan and every Spawn of his under your feet These Enemies are left to prove your Faith Integrity and Patience that you might learn Spiritual War and be renowned by Victory through the mighty Spirit of the Captain of your Salvation Then Faith fixeth its eye again upon Jesus Christ through the Word and beholds him as a Lamb that was slain and yet risen and there sees the Grave where the guilt of Conscience was buried and argueth it self into Freedom Guilt is destroyed and none can raise the Dead but God only but God will not raise it up because he destroyed it himself that he might marry the Justified Soul to himself out of that Destruction of Guilt and Bondage in the Person of his own Son that he might thereby bring forth Life and Immortality to sinners 2 Tim. 1. 10. Rom. 5. 6. by Faith and therefore here Faith strives to keep its eye while hands and feet are working and by this Compass it steers its Course towards the Haven of Safety But the abundant Grace and vastness of this Salvation in and through the Person of Jesus Christ is so great that my eye is dazled I am not able to measure the Heavens I bring my Bucket to hold the Sea and 't is drowned in the great Waters And yet here Faith has a Refuge against Confusion of Mind viz. when it espies a passive sence in all the Justification and Acceptation of the Gospel and in all the Fruits thereof working me up to and making me to be content with a Conformity according to the Measure given me by Jesus Christ Hence are the words discovering it rendred in a passive sense Justified Redeemed and Saved and the Action of this is ascribed only to Christ or God in Christ who justifieth redeemeth and saveth And hence also Faith giveth the Soul Relief against Confusion of Mind about defect of knowledge by the thought of this that though I know little yet I am known perfectly of God Gal. 4. 9. and though I apprehend little of the great Mystery of this Salvation yet I am apprehended fully by Jesus Christ Phil. 3. 12. while I receive him by Faith and am willing to be comprehended and moulded by his Spirit It was but a small thing on Mans part to touch the Hem of Christ's Garment yet that being an Act of Reliance on Christ and subjecting the Soul to him presently there came in Health of Body and Pardon of Sins from that comprehending Relation in which Christ stood to such a Soul The Souls work in Faith or rather that to which the Soul is wrought is a contentedness to receive the Person of Christ by Faith as the Sum and Title of its Interest in more than it can be ever able to receive within its own capacity The Soul that receives the Person of Christ by one true closing hint through Faith receives a rightful Propriety to every Excellency and Perfection that is in God laid up in Christ for that end though the length of that Perfection and Blessing be never fully known As a Man who buyes a Field if no Exception in the Laws of that Nation be made he buyes all the Advantages of that piece of Earth downwards to the very Centre of the Earth and all between that and the Stars albeit
as if he had forgotten were far off did not hear were reserved exceeding ready to take exceptions and such like whereas we may go to a poor lump of Clay where a spark of his Nature dwells and have sometimes a taste of that Affection that is scarce capable of reflecting back any such prejudices or the least shadow of them And the reason is because there is a rooted persuasion of some predominant Principle of Christian spiritual and reciprocal Love O then how seriously should we pray that our hearts might be directed into the Love of Christ and that it may be shed abroad in our hearts A Christ who loves once ever always and to the full he loveth he loved and came he loved and died he loved and proclaimed the everlasting Gospel he loves and pardons he loves and teaches he loves and reproves he loves and holds fast for ever he loves and saves When a Soul is sunk as deep as Hell in sin and filth in love he redeems that Soul as out of a Jaques and is not ashamed nor thinks it much to cleanse it again because Love constrains him All his ways not one excepted are Mercy and Truth to them that fear him He has a noble and surmounting Love not capable of Melancholy Misprision or Mistake He knew all the defects of his Spouse before he betrothed himself to her in loving Kindness and tender Mercies And he so far abhors the declining of his Love that the very beholding of any defect there inflames his heart to remove it that he may present her to himself without spot When we have any Agony against our sins doth this come from the Flesh Is it not purely the Lord's Arm What shall I say The Lord reveal himself that we may purely rejoyce in God our Maker and cling upon him in the vertue and power of his own unsearchable and endless Grace and Love I long for other Society than I can have here few Friends here and little help especially as to that Interest in which you and I are most concerned but there is a River that never dries up and a Counsellor that never fails I am yet in health and as to outward freedom as it was when I came hither first but not without some daily Exercises but my chief Adversary lurks within which God will one day destroy and all Warfare will be over Let us pray to him for each other for it is not in vain 1662. To B. D. N o 64. AS for all things that relate to this and the next Life the Lord help you and I and all his People fully to commit our selves into the hands of GOd in the name and interest of Christ who is Lord of Quick and Dead He who hath said In nothing be careful Cast your burthen on the Lord and that All things shall turn for good to them that love him and he that hath said I will never leave you nor forsake you certainly he cannot forget his own Word Oh that we had Faith to believe it Let the great business of Faith be our work every day and night I leave you to him who is able to teach help and save c. 1662. To T. N. N o 65. DEar Sir However it goes with you I trust you have no reason to count your self alone whilst so good a Friend hath said I will be with you in the fire and water When we are at any plunge then is a time to act Scripture-Reason and not worldly Reason and draw such Conclusions in reference to Soul and Body as the Wisdom and Truth of God doth teach The Lord make his Furnace to be purifying at this day Some in one kind some in another have their various Trials but the Father of Mercies doth govern the matter so that at the Close it shall be well with the Righteous Let us labour with might and main to keep up good thoughts of God and the glory of our Interest in him Though the Heaven and Earth do shake the sense of his Covenant cannot change his Son cannot be dethroned nor the Promises of his Grace and Presence turn into the Blood of a dead Man Clouds may darken the Sun as to us but they can never diminish the natural light of the Sun nor stop its Course The Sun is as nigh the Earth when Clouds do interpose as it was before and our dear Lord is now as near his afflicted ones as when the Branch of earthly things was never so green in their hands Faith Repentance Love to the Lord Jesus are glorious Ornaments for a Pilgrim travelling towards that City that hath Foundations Sir I know not how it fares with you but I doubt not but it goes well For can any dealings of an infinite wise God a faithful and gracious Father be amiss seeing he has promised and will not fail to give Grace and Glory and will with-hold no good thing from them that fear him Let us not deny his Truth by Unbelief nor his Love by a lowring Dispondency of heart however the Waves rise and swell he is above them and the great Redemption is near 1662. To B. D. N o 66. YOur welfare is amongst the chiefest of my desires in this World and if the Afflictive Providence of God doth still remain be not dismayed yea if it increaseth let not a disponding heart put the Lie upon any Promise God hath made he is not a cruel Father his Bowels are tender but our misgiving hearts are they that are apt to plunge us Had we more dexterity in believing we might steer a comfortable Course when all sight of dry Land is out of sight And such a Faith is God's Gift who has promised us every good thing Let us both go to the Creator of the ends of the Earth for Faith and by Faith wait for more Faith that we may ride out the Storm and not be ashamed or wearied out under the Cross How 't is with you I know not but I have much confidence you are in as safe hands and in the bosom of as tender love as ever did shine upon you in the days of more earthly fulness and that the gracious Goodness of God and his unsensible Wisdom has ordered this present state of Affairs to exercise you withal One half hours time beyond Mortality will make amends for all and we are hastening to it and I trust at present freely entitled to the unalterable love of God who will never leave nor forsake to pity and succour the Off-spring of his own Grace If the Lord favour me with his Counsel and give me the Shield of his Presence I shall not be at a loss I dare not give way to hard thoughts of him but rather to covet after a greater freedom of Resignation to his sweet pleasure 1662. To B. D. N o 67. I Am affected with your trouble and yet comforted in your faith and comfort But who makes Rivers run in the Desart knows how to refresh the dry
Affections The Lord's Promise is to satisfie the longing Soul To whose favourable Hand and rich Grace I commend you Faithful is God who hath called you into the Fellowship of his dear Son and thereby you have boldness to enter in within the Vail and he hath promised you shall never be cast out for your Iniquities he will remember them no more And though the Cross be somewhat difficult to bear yet the Reserve at last will fully recompence all and therefore lift up your head for Redemption is coming c. 1674. To B. D. N o 116. I Bless the Lord I can remember and mention you as one who is interested in that Promise Jer. 32. 41. I will rejoyce over them to do them good and that he will never leave you till he has perfected that which concerns you in a way of Grace Mercy and Love My great and often Request on your behalf is above all that God would preserve you from the Evil of Sin and from Snares in your daily Walk that he would sprinkle you with the Blood with the Merit of Christ's Satisfaction and Righteousness that he would direct your Path and do all your Works in you and for you and cause you to lean strongly and chearfully on the Arm of his Truth and Grace in reference to all present and future Trials and that you may more than conquer through believing in every Exigence you do or may meet with till the Warfare be accomplished and the days of Trial finished in the Fruition of perfect Freedom For my own part I have reason to bless the Lord that he has favourably held me up and carried me along now these many years since we saw each other though exercised me with some difficulties and considerable Losses yet I hope and do think he has some way or other a Reserve of Kindness for me unworthy me and mine for the Earth is the Lords and the fulness of it And through this Grace I have in some measure and desire held on still to chuse him for my Portion as to things present and eternal As his time was writing of one deceased so your and my times are in the hands of God who is most wise and to be adored and submitted to The days of our anxious Pilgrimage are running out the Lord direct our eyes to that serene unchangeable State where Sins Fears Temptations Turmoils and Difficulties will cease for ever To the Care Counsel Comfort and Communion of whose gracious Spirit I commend you 1674. To T. M. N o 117. SOme time since I received from you a large and very savoury Letter which I do now and then peruse as a friendly Monitor and good help for taking the better view of mine own heart and that Letter together with the Acquaintance I had with you in London doth cause me the oftner to remember you with delight I have understood of your Health by several Friends which I desire if the Lord please may continue and prosper as I am persuaded through the Influences of the Spirit of Christ and his unchangeable Love your Soul prospers To that rich Grace of Christ and to his blessed Conduct in all your Concerns I commend you c. 1674. To H. W. N o 118. REmembring that ancient Amity and Respect that was heretofore between my Father and your self and the continuance thereof for a long time after his Decease between your self and his Family and being not at all conscious to my self that I have for my own part hitherto merited much less designed the Suspence of that good Will but being still heartily desirous of your Welfare I am though distant in place yet as occasion presents often enquiring how 't is with you and understanding that your days are yet drawn forth and that your Pilgrimage though under much infirmity of old Age doth yet continue I was willing to evidence my real Respects unto you by a Line or two and as I do not doubt but that your general aim throughout your days have been to employ your Talent in the Service of Christ while strength and time permitted so I earnestly desire that in the Approaches of a Dissolution you may find that fulfilled to you which David prayed for viz. That the Lord would not leave him in his old Age when Strength faileth Psal 71. 9. The same I desire for you even that you may now experience the refreshing vertue of all those Gospel-Truths which Christ hath so long intrusted you with as his Messenger unto others that you may have the Merit of his Satisfaction and Righteousness applied for your perfect Absolution from all Sin and Guilt the Influence and Conduct of his Spirit to water and steer all your Meditations thoughts hopes and desires the Consolations of his Grace and Love to sweeten your Travel through the Valley of Death and give you at last a refreshing Arrival at the Throne of eternal Rest and there harbour you after all the Incumbrance and Warfare of this present state in the Fruition of his immediate Presence without spot in Jesus Christ the Glimpses whereof I heartily desire you may before-hand partake of as an Earnest of that great full and perfect Revelation and Enjoyment when Time shall be no more So with my hearty and unfeigned Respects I remain yours in Truth and true Affection c. 1674. To H. W. N o 119. I Received yours of the 25th past which was exceeding welcome to me and therefore I return you hearty thanks both for it and your candid Acceptation of that Token I sent you being an Indication such as it was of the respect and value which from my very heart and that deservedly I bear towards you Your Letter written as I see with an aged feeble hand I have read over with great Acceptation and account it to me the same as a precious Balm I understand that Mr. Oxenb after a very small time of Sickness in a few moments space departed this Life And thus we are dropping away hastning towards a Dissolution where the eye that now seeth us shall see us no more Blessed be that Redeemer who will not call home any of his peculiar number before he has finished the design of his Grace and the purpose of his Will by them and in them And blessed are those Souls that are in any saving measure helped by his Spirit to creep out of themselves into his heart and in that Union partake of all the Benefits of his Death and Purchase both for present Grace and hope of Glory In which number I am undoubtedly persuaded that you are included and that you lie under the Aspect of that Divine Goodness and Love which will feed the Oyl in your Lamp and cause your Lamp to be ready trimmed and burning that so when the Bridegroom comes and calls you off to Immortality and Life you may be able to say Loe I come for all is ready Such a readiness the Lord grant also to my poor Soul To his
let them be glorious in this World in Holiness and be bound up with thee for ever in the Covenant of Grace into which thou hast called them Let my poor Friends that have loved me and have seen but little Grace something it may be they have seen through thy Goodness Oh be with them and make them grow abundantly Let thy Glory arise hasten it let the Kingdom of Christ be exalted Oh that the days of this Darkness may be blown away and let there be a mighty coming in of Truth Holiness Sincerity and spiritual Light and Manifestation that there may be a mighty Child-like Spirit in all thy Children I desire all these Petitions in truth Let thy People be the Wisdom the Truth the Joy of the Earth Be with me and be with all thine and this I beg in the Lord Jesus Let thy good Spirit come upon all thine Oh glorifie thy self now and ever Oh let thy good Will be done Oh let thy own Will be done Let my Will follow thy Will as the Thread follows the Needle and let it be so eternally Let my Soul believe every word that thou hast spoken shall be accomplished Thou wilt never leave till thou hast made thy Name conspicuous and all thy People rejoyce Oh why why why may not the slow coming on now make haste Oh why may not the Growth of spiritual Wisdom be sprouting forth with great Improvement as being the very Operation of the Spirit Why may not Love to thee come and damp all other Loves Why may not the Observation of thy Love thou shewest me be powerful and transforming of my Soul Why should I lie back Lord I am not sanctified at the rate thou usest means for the same Oh that I might have more of the Spirit much much more and may see the Power of God from Heaven mightily changing me Oh let not thy Spirit be wanting Oh let Truth and Power be given in O God fill the World with thy Spirit that thy work may be done tidily tidily Oh let there be a nearness between thee and the Souls of thy People Oh that never that dull Spirit in Religion may come into the World again a God-provoking Temper of Soul Oh that thy People may judge of their love to thee by the very Out-goings of their Souls to thee and account nothing a Token of Love to thee unless the Soul be as it were in some Surprizes of being thine joyned to thee perfectly as if it were about to be carried out of the World I have been a withered dry Branch Oh hasten a Spring-time in one World or another Thou hast given me Truth in the inward parts I bless thee but there is no Answer answerably I wait now I wait every day and every night a poor Waiter I am O Lord be found Oh let God be glorified Oh that I might see Religion to be something I have professed Religion scores of Years one after another and yet to have got no more of the Glory of the Grace of that Religion methinks doth import that the Devil hath a strange debilitating power but God is pleased to leave him to put a slur upon the Glory of Christ's Church in the Life of Grace and to make the ways of God seem not so exceeding different from the way of Flesh as it is and all this for Trial and all this for Shame when the eyes of the spiritual Mind be a little opened Oh when a little satisfaction is got that there is truth of Grace how doth a seduced Soul nuzzle it self in that that it is safe and doth not make out for a great Progress in Grace and Holiness And if God should leave that Soul at last under those terrible Trials that may arise from thence it may shake and put it into a terrible Consternation Alas never can I fly too far from that devouring Lion never can I fly too soon April 16. Ah sweet Grave where I shall not need any cooling Drink Being spoken to from a near Friend viz. I hope the Lord will give you in of himself some such Prospect as he did to Stephen when he was leaving the World He replied I have a little sight of him and I find no dark passage to the enjoyment of him To another Friend he said He that hath you by the hand will never leave you To a near Relation he spake thus Say to your Soul I have a Fountain that will never dry up My Lines are fallen to me in a pleasant place yea I have a goodly Heritage There should be frequent fondnesses between God and us as Children towards their Parents He farther declared that though he had an earnest desire to be gone hence yet if the Lord pleased he could be content and willing to be the last Man in the Brunt of Suffering for his sake and Name in this World or words to that effect Again he spake saying O Lord come quickly come quickly answer me by thy self My wise God is still pleased to continue me though there are no signs of a Reserve for further Service to him in this World I bless the Lord for his Goodness towards me The Consolation of God is no small thing it is no small thing it is strong Consolation the Consolation of Christ is a great thing April 17. A Friend taking his leave of him saying that he was going to visit a Person of Honour he spake to this effect Pray remember me to my Lord and tell him that I am an Expectant hoping for a Meeting where we may dwell for ever April 18. In the Morning he spake saying O Lord how do I pass through nights and days O wise God and dost thou speaking to himself account him so Lord make me to account thee wise and good Lord pardon me and receive me O happy day that is coming O blessed day that is coming I pass through Death unto eternal Life After that he said The Captive shall return there will be no Captivity O sweet Redemption Much of our Heaven here lies but in a little talk about it and when we speak a word of it we have scarce a Thought suitable to the greatness of it Some space after he fetch'd a deep Groan and with his eyes lifted up and his Right hand stretched forth as if the pains of death were upon him he said Sharp and welcome Sharp and welcome And a while after he said praying Lord let me not die with any Guilt upon me but leave it all behind Oh let not any Sin remain in me unrepented of Let not any Concurrence with the least Guilt be in me Let there be upon my Will an edge of Hatred against every Sin Create it in me now Thou canst make me to delight in that that is contrary to my own Will Oh let thy Will be pleasing to me and let my Will be every way according to thy Will Let not the Agonies of Death be too terrible let not the Surge of it be too
Lord is with me and I have Ground of Faith and Hope that I have favour in his Eyes April 24. He expressed himself as followeth I am upon the Term of two great things viz. At the Term of all my great Subjugation to Sin and at the Term of all the Receipt of the Liberty Christ hath purchased at the Term of Sins Thraldom and at the Term of springing up through the Grace of God to eternal Life These are great things and I cannot manage my thoughts about it thorowly through the greatness of it I am going from the Yellings of Sin in this World and the woful effects of it and I am going to a Congregation the only Church of the First-born written in Heaven to visit the Streets of the eternal Grace and Love of God and meet the Company that walk there And methinks I am in a Wood and God hath held me in the Portal a pretty while and here I cannot be perfected for I never had any fittedness but through him that is compleat and is in Heaven And here I abide an Expectant as the poor Man that expected to be put into the Pool and that Angel hath not yet put forth his hand My Body parcheth my Mind parcheth a little Faith and Hope is left me My Tongue begins again to cleave I leave this World as a place where there is no satisfying It may content others a while but it seems rather to hunt me away Body faint Spirit faint in a strange Land my Mind is all in a scatter It will not be so it is so now O Lord help me graciously to wait Death was always spoken of as a dark Valley a place of Darkness and Trial not a place of Joy and shall I find it so Notwithstanding I have hope in the Faith and Love of God by Christ there is a secret Relief That he will turn Death into Life for his own sake and suffer never a clinging Soul to be lopt off and perish I desire no Food my very Nature loaths it my Body is off from all means of help in this World and here I stay through the good hand of God like a poor Stranger I am going to another World and the Fruits of that World will not satisfie the Wants I have here it will not quench my Thirst it will not allay my Drought So that if I have not some Relief to my Soul which is not of this World if I have it not from another World I am undone I cannot speak my thoughts have a large Theam I am up and down in and out and I see a great thing before me and sometimes it causeth a Word to drop I see ETERNAL LIFE before me That great thing that concerns me Sure it is a great thing to be at the very Brink to see all Promises fulfilled made good and all the Demonstrations of the Gospel made patent To see the Foundation of Eternal Life for ever laid and to come and cast ones eye upon it in the abundance of Faith And these are the things that lie just before me only there hath been an entrance about them I have believed c. and now I go to see the Promise and the Faith of the Promise accomplished To a Friend saying you have a strong hand to carry you Sure there is our Security in his holding of us more than in our holding of him He answered There it only lies The Lord continue to be with you The Lord make good his Covenant to you I and all the rest even that which is written in that good Book of his in which we desire to have our hope Let nothing hinder our Faith nor disorder our Practise He proceeded further to speak that day in the Afternoon thus God makes all these things here with respect to me at this time as it were to change their kind A Draught of Spring-Water fresh Beer or such a like thing how sweet have I sometimes found it But now nothing The rare vertues of Apples and other Fruits they are to me now as Dirt they do not answer my End My natural Thirst and Desire cannot be gratified with any thing here Though my Body lies parching away with Thirst my Soul loatheth dainty Meats and the best of Liquors that have been pleasing they are now a burthen to me I can taste nothing that will give reviving God is drawing forth my Nature in the way of a Dissolution that I must have no more Chear now but what comes in by New Covenant Mercy and that will be to Soul to Body for ever and thanks be to his Name he will not have me feed with dirty Company He hath shewed me the way of Life he hath caused me to chuse him I bless his Name Oh that wonderful thing that thou shouldst cause me to chuse thee Oh that thou mightest be chosen by all those that ever I had Acquaintance with in all my Life Oh that none of them may go without it Oh for a turned heart Oh for the eyes of Light and Life Oh for Salvation out of Damnation to a changed People Blessed be God that ANY that so MANY near to me were turned in at the right Gate of Election upon the Downfall that came by Sin as I hope as I hope O Lord find out thine thou wilt find them out Work Miracles work Miracles by converting Power in turning Souls that the Earth may see thy Glory Oh thou hast been my God many ways hast thou declared it Thou hast been the God of the Family from whence thou chusest me The Family is almost at an end Thou hast not left our poor Family two of us are yet remaining on the Earth O my God let it be for an eternal Renown to thy Name that thou hast hitherto reached out thy Grace to we two poor Remainers of that numerous Family Oh thou hast left us thy self to be our God to be our Portion O Lord thou hast given thy self to us and and thou hast given thy Spirit into us and we to the Glory of thy Grace can say Thou art OUR GOD hast been our God and wilt be our God and wilt number us amongst those whom thou hast delighted to take pleasure in unto Eternity O Lord be thou the God of our Seed or of our Seeds Seed O Lord that thou wouldst take them in with all those thou hast brought into Relation with thy self We have Relations in the World some that lie under the power of Satan and thou makest us to know it that it might be a constant Grief unto our hearts O Lord that none relating to us or to any or either of us might be found in those Bonds O Lord that thou wouldst imprint thine Image that thou wouldst come with a powerful hand and clear them out of Satan's Kingdom into the Kingdom of Christ Lord we are mingled in the World we have many Relations now up and down and what shall we say for the Children of our People