even against thy own genius and aversion Remember the pleasure of wholsome and handsome Children remember the improbability of having any where there is a secret and a real dislike Remember what disgusts will arise in thy breast when thou shalt see others happy in a suitable match in a numerous and amiable off-spring Take all these things together and before thou settest forth upon this expedition read over again and again the Memorandums I have here given thee as the fruit of my experience and observation and which I have delivered unto thee in hopes to make thee in this particular truly happy The happiness of a Married life requires that both be good But it will not be an expedient sufficient for the procurement of thy happiness to have chosen a good and vertuous wife with the best qualifications above intimated unless thou also prove as fit and suitable a Husband For though thou canst not be happy with a bad one yet thou mayest so demean thy self as to be very unhappy though thou hast a good one Thy own vices and vanities will in the continuance and consequence of them bring many evils upon thee both as thou art a Husband a Father a Master of a Family As thou art a Husband if thou debauchest thy self becomest a Drunkard a common Gamester negligent of thy fame and thy calling besides the evils more immediately will attend thee thou wilt by degrees sowre the good disposition of thy Mate and turn thy sweet nourishing and delicious Wine into Vinegar Thou wilt bring upon her Melancholy and Sickness cool and lessen if not totally extinguish her affection for there being in all naturally implanted self love and desire of good to our selves what reason is there you should expect a permanency of her affections when through your default she is made most miserable For what ever humor and obstinacy may perswade you to yet love is naturally the off spring only of love and you will but vainly exact it from her as her duty when notwithstanding the mutual obligation you have broken all the ties and by a vitious and imperious carriage which usually follows it you incite her to a reliction of those respects she would otherwise inviolably have maintained You must remember that you marry not a Saint but a Woman that you have past your promises as well as your Wife that the Tie is equally obliging and withal ask your self whether if she were become so vitious so neglectful of all the parts of her duty you would not think it unreasonable that she should expect any degree of affection from you having done all that lay in her to sink you into irreparable Calamities Consider further that if through your default the temper of her mind and constitution of her body be perverted which should indeed by your sweetness be improved you are justly to be charged with all the ill effects that may thereupon ensue which will be no small burthen to your Conscience and a certain diminution or destruction of all the contentments which would otherwise flow from that relation A Vitious Father seldom makes good Children 2. Your Vitious habits will not only have an influence upon your Wife but your Children also for how can you then be capable of the due oversight of their education and giving them those good instructions which are necessary for forming and fashioning their minds and seasoning them with fit principles of Religion and Vertue What power also can your instructions have when as they grow up they shall discover in your own life vitious practices contrary to the instructions you give them 'T is by all allowed that practice and example perswade much more powerfully than precept and therefore it will be certain that they will every day warp and decline that original innocence and good nature they are born with by observation of your daily deviations How can you implant and cherish in them that Reverence they owe to God that love to honesty and vertue they cannot but perceive you contemn by practising contrary thereunto So that since the happiness of man in his posterity is not in having Children but in having good ones you must never expect a participation in that blessing when you take a course that can in no reason produce other than the contrary You will find it as the World is constituted a difficult matter to steer them right with the utmost care a good and prudent Father can use what little hopes then will remain when there is not only a neglect of the paternal duty but your own perswasive example to hurry them into vitious extravagancies It is not force and a rude hand that fashions the mind you shall find looking with an unperverted eye into the World and examining things aright that when Parents are playing the Beadles with their Children that for every lash the Parents it may be passionately or humerously give them they deserve ten themselves were the cause fairly pleaded as either foolishly beating them for trivial lapses by other means more easily amended or for such faults as they themselves either for want of good instruction or by giving bad example or some occasion thereunto have thereby produced This is indeed one of the greatest causes of the Worlds perversion And therefore my Son for the sake of your self and Wife whose felicity is here much concerned for the respects you owe to your Children who will owe more to you for good education than their lives for 't is better never to have been born than to be vitious and lastly for the common respect you owe to your Countrey and to mankind whose integrity is preserved by the good of particulars be circumspect in this and careful to discharge your Paternal duty by preserving your self in a fit capacity both for seasoning the minds of your Children by prudent instructions and affording them the more powerful incitement from your own well led life and laudable example The concernment to the Family that the Master be a good Man 3. A Vitious man can never make a good Master of a Family The good will either be corrupted by him or with detestation leave him You are not Master of Slaves that you can force to serve your will God be praised the Law of England knows no such tenure But of Servants by contract who when they are admitted you are tacitly charg'd with a care of them not only to afford conveniences for their livelyhood and external support but 't is a duty incumbent upon you to form and fashion their minds with a love to all that is good and Honest This you are obliged to in several regards as 1. Out of respect to the good of your Country of which Servants are a numerous and considerable part And therefore it is a deserved blemish upon Masters if their Servants fly out into unworthy actions unless they can manifest that they have not been wanting on their part to teach them better and afford them the benefit
into the capacity of both persons and what thou wouldst not have done to thee wert thou in his condition that be sure thou do not to him in the same condition Let not a little profit or the passionate obtaining of thy will sway thee from this Heavenly rule Remember it is the mind and will of God and that God plac't it within thee for thy observance Whilest it was observ'd the world was in its state of Integrity and nothing under a series of Miracles can reform the World or reduce it to its desirable state again but the general observation of this Rule However my Son let it be the practice of thee and thine consider with thy self that a little gain the fulfilling thy appetite or satisfying thy passion can hold no proportion being put into the opposite scale with the favour of God the love and respect of good men the peace and quiet of thy own spirit which are indeed the greatest blessings upon Earth Almost all the mischiefs that are in the world arise from not observing this rule and yet 't is allow'd by all it was given by God it was exemplified by Christ it is the fulfilling of the Laws of the Second Table it is the rule of the Municipal Laws of all well govern'd Countreys it is of that universal esteem that never any one had the confidence to make an objection against it and therefore as an abbreviation of all good Laws let it be the Touchstone my Son of all thy actions towards others by which thou mayst easily examine and restrain thy self when thou art about to do any injustice to thy neighbour This sacred light within us is so radically fixt that it cannot by the utmost endeavours that man has us'd be utterly effaced for the most wicked men who would fain have believed that there is no God and consequently no Conscience that so the fear of a Deity being removed they might more freely indulge themselves in the satisfaction of their Lusts and Wills have never been able to accomplish that end but have that Conscience which they would stifle vigorously working within them and it self a revenger of their Crimes And therefore Caligula and Nero men infamous for their wickedness having committed foul actions secretly and which they knew no earthly power could punish have yet had day and night before their eyes the horrours of an awakened and revenging Conscience which embitter'd all the Pleasures which they fancied to themselves by the suppression of this unextinguishable light or rather â—ire within them maugre all the art and endeavours they could use to prevent it This is attested by that of the Apostle to the Romans c. 2. v. 15. where he vindicates the justice of God for that the Gentiles had the Law written in their hearts their Conscience also bearing witness and their thoughts the mean while accusing or excusing one another Man knows that Divine Laws are to be observ'd if he fails let him be himself the Judge his Conscience is the Witness and then comes in that indubitable saying Se judice nemo nocens absolvitur So that let him hide from the world what he can he carries himself about him and though he bears it proudly off he knows himself a guilty person deserving those punishments which it may be he sits as Judge to inflict on others From the sense of this verity Menander a Greek Poet has this expression 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 No Faults can scape for in his Breast Man carries God his Conscience test So Cicero in his Oration for Milo Great is the force of Conscience to both purposes by means of which they who do no evil fear not and they who are wicked have the dread of punishment ever before them It may be laid asleep sometimes as it is whilest wicked actions are committing the gust of pleasure profit or revenge that while taking up and wholly possessing the thoughts but it will certainly awake again and bring with it those perplexing thoughts which the Poets express by Infernal furies Take therefore my Son the advice of wise Socrates study Conscience more than Fame justifie thy self to thy self by a life of Integrity rather than to the World by specious shews of pretended Honesty external acts of Religion plausible appearances of Vertue for though thou maist abuse the credulous world which for the most part judge from the outside and dissembled actions of men yet God and thy Conscience are within thee from whose irresistible light no man can conceal himself Next consider the regards thou owest to thy self It may be thou thinkest thou hast full and absolute power over thy own body and mind But it is a mistake my Son for thy authority over those is bounded by certain rules of Equity there is also a greater right even to these than thou canst lay claim to the right of him that made them who can gainsay it and then the right of him that redeem'd them ye are bought with a price therefore glorifie God in your bodies and your Spirits which are Gods We were once lost my Son to all intents and purposes forfeited to the displeasure of God for breach of his commandments what is included in that forfeiture is dreadful to imagine think then how justly we owe our selves to him who by shedding his own blood rescued us from the Curse the pain and penalty of Gods disfavour We are therefore Christ's and shall we take the members of Christ and abuse them with falshood uncleanness bestiality or any vitious habit that may leave a blemish or reproach upon them No my dear Son have it in thy serious regard rather to preserve them pure and unspotted fit habitations for the holy Spirit to dwell in This is truly loving thy self which consisteth not in the pleasing thy humours indulging thy passions these are sickly and fading pleasures nor yet in the accumulation of Wealth the acquisition of Honour the gaining power over thy enemies all these have many bitternesses joyned with them but in the subduing thy Inclinations to Vice reducing thy Spirit to the Laws of Reason and Nature recovering thy body and mind to such a frame as that they may take pleasure in nothing but what is conducing to health and agreeable to the rules of Vertue and the pattern of our great Master the Universal Saviour This is truly self-love and allowable in no opposition to those duties we owe God and that affection we owe to our Neighbour which is to be extended and conformed to this self-love we are thus to shew unto our selves I know very well my Son that the light of thy mind is very agreeable to this and that thou wilt easily confess that all other self-love which is vitious and hurtful either to thy body or thy mind or detrimental and injurious to thy Brother as it is expresly forbidden in holy writ so is it in direct opposition to the light of unperverted Nature which having imprinted in all of us a love
them that thou upbraid them not therewith neither practise them as thinking thou hast warrant for it because they are thy Parents but remember that thou art by prime right the Son and Servant of Almighty God to whom thou art alwayes and against all competitions to yield prime obedience 2. That thy abundant obligations otherwayes ought to perswade thee prudently to hide all their imperfections and withal imaginable meekness and submission seasonably and warily to indeavour their alteration which is most consistent with that honour which is due from thee to them and which God commands thee upon his blessing to render unto them 2. Means of acquiring Wisdom is reading the Scriptures and the writings of wise and good men First the Scriptures for they are pure and to be confided in The writings of the wisest extant have many things in them dubious perplext opinionative impertinent and it may be false and therefore are to be read with a wary and watchful understanding as also an examining judgment lest otherwise thou drawest into thy mind insensibly imperfect and erroneous Ideas which imprest in thy young and tender age will not without great heedfulness and intention of mind be eradicated Whereas in reading the Scriptures though serious consideration thereupon is not to be excluded yet mayest thou with great assurance and confidence rely upon the truth of what is there written and build thy faith and practice thereupon 2. Chiefly read the Scriptures because they are more comprehensive than all other books there being no occasion of mans life in which thou mayest not there receive sufficient directions and guidance how to bear thy self therein thy Faith is there to be established thy Hope 's assured thy doubts and diffidences cleared There thou mayest learn how to behave thy self in prosperity and in adversity To bear afflictions to regulate desires There thou mayest observe the chief and visible transactions of God with man The lives of the Patriarchs the dispensation of the Jews the states and ordinances given to them their disobediences and consequences thereof the blessing upon those who were good the judgments upon the refractory and rebellious The experiences of David and Solomon The courage of the Prophets against Kings Priests and People swerving from the commands of God And lastly as of highest moment thou shalt there find for thy imitation as far as human frailty can reach the most excellent pattern and rule of living in the life precepts and doctrines of our Master the ever blessed Jesus his Apostles and Disciples In a word whatsoever is necessary for thy instruction respecting thy duty and behaviour towards God towards men and in reference to thy self the Scripture above all other writings amply comprehends the same and therefore in the acquisition of Wisdom esteem this as an inexhaustable Fountain ever full free from taint and mixture and in order to that end be here chiefly and dayly conversant But let me further advise thee that in reading of them thou do it not transiently supinely and carelesly but with purpose either to lay up in thy heart the unvaluable treasures thereof to serve thee upon all future occasions or else in reference to some present difficulty and emergency which perplexes thy mind out of which the light of those most glorious radiations will certainly and in the best manner steer and deliver thee Concerning the writings of wise men out of which wisdom is also to be gathered you must read them I have said with many allowances and cautions the most of what is written being mixt and much encumbred Men regarding not solely as they ought the doing good to mankind but consulting their own fame and have therefore come abroad with too much flourish and cloquence and the Authors been too solicitous about method collections from other men regards to the humour of the times and flattery of the Great and have therefore writ not precisely what is truth and good but what will pass and at least not displease Others though they have by long experience gained many excellent rules of Wisdom yet being sraught with the knowledg of common and frivolous matters and with many false opinions in their youth acquired or from ignorant and imprudent Tutors derived retain so strong a tincture thereof that their writings are tainted therewith and much pains is to be taken and Wisdom to be used in gathering the little corn from the heaps of chaff and to pass over those erroneous infantile apprehensions which they with the same Spirit and passion communicate as they do the most received and undeniable verities 3. The third means of attaining Wisdom is frequent converse with wise and experienced Men The mind of man is by nothing so certainly formed as by conversation This alters the very natural dispositions of men sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse and we sind that men are fashioned both in their Religion and in their Manners according to what is received in the place of their nativity or education and modified by the particular humors bents and inclinations of their Masters Governours or Tutors As this is verified in matters of opinion so is it much more in the moralities of men and in the prudent or imprudent conduct of their lives If God vouchsafes me life to remain with thee I shall take the utmost care I can to caution thee about the tempers of men and to give thee the characters of whom I esteem the best and let me say that in my life I have met some few of them with whom I would have thee principally associate and from whom I shall hope thou shalt learn nothing but what is agreeable to the unchangeable rules of true Wisdom and Honesty I have often inculcated to thee that Wisdom is an inseparable of goodness and that therefore you are to distinguish between crafty or politick men and the wise be exceeding wary in this point for certainly the subtle are of all mankind the most pernicious sort Because to them are justly attributable all the evils and vexatious perplexities of the world and not only so but being no way bounded by a sense of their obligations to God or love to goodness they are at freedom daily to invent new stratagems and contrivances further to imbitter the peaceable lives of the innocent and establish power and force in the place of justice and innocence I would much rather have thee a natural Fool than one of these for such have a fair excuse from the irremediable imperfections of their bodies and minds Whereas these having great knowledge and great ability of mind make use of them not for the securing of themselves or protecting the innocent but advisedly to distract the World from the small temptation of a little gain or the flattery of some despicable advancement When thou hast either by my assistance or thy own care acquired an acquaintance with some wise men be industrious to improve the same which is no otherwise to be done
of their good example 2. If on your default or ill example your Servants grow depraved you are to be charged with their crimes if not in Curia humana yet in Foro Conscientiae and before the Divine Tribunal This is a position that I confess may be extended further to Magistrates and Governours but that however lessens not the verity and validity of it since it is grounded upon this just Maxime That all crimes have a reflection of guilt upon those who by their Authority and power being implyed in their charge might have prevented if through supine negligence or their own incouragement they promote them The neglect or inanimadvertency of this rule takes not from it its essential verity and therefore think not that since you might by your good management of your self have made your Servants good you can become guiltless if in default of your care they become otherwise 3. A Man by his vitious life loses the respects of his Servants the truth and reality of their Service and grows into their contempt For indeed nothing renders a man cheaper and lower in esteem than vice Honour is the reward of Vertue and though a Vitious man may think to have it by the prerogative of his Mastership yet he but deceives himself he may have lip or knee-service but little of the heart they may be obliged by interest but never by affection which is the productrix of the truest service I know the Apostle advises Servants contrary to this That they should discharge their duty well even to the froward and perperse But where will Servants so qualified be found or if they have attained that Christian and honest disposition how long will they stay under the roof of those the sight of whose evil lives are a vexation and grievance to their Spirits If therefore a man expects to be well served Let him shew a just regard to those that serve him Let it appear to them that he intends their good by paying duly their wages affording them reasonable conveniencies forbearing froward and passionate carriage to them giving them prudent instructions such as tend to the improvement of their knowledg and bettering their lives and lastly let him not spoil all by exposing to them the daily sight of his own vitious habits invalidating thereby all that he otherwise sayes to them and rendring him cheap and of low estimation among them The almost universal complaint of the scarcity of good Servants their negligence indisposition to business their Pride Frauds Purloynings and other debaucheries will upon a fair scrutiny be found to be the product and imitation of the same vices in Masters and Mistresses and therefore the redress and reformation must begin above and from thence derive its influence to those who are subordinate and but imperfectly transcribe their Copy Of Boldness or Confidence I will speak to thee now of several occasional matters and first of Boldness or Confidence It is counted a fault in education to see Children bashful 'T is what Parents count their Childrens shame and their own My opinion of it is quite otherwise when it does not proceed from debauchery or universal ignorance I judg it a mans great honour to take upon him no more than his skill fully reaches to sometimes fairly to profess his ignorance and where he knows to express it civilly and modestly Nothing gives a greater value to his knowledg What though the greatest part of mankind are shallow in judgment and weak in Courage and consequently apt to be wrought upon by the confident 't is a poor despicable victory and of short continuance As appears by the little and fading repute of Mountebanks in Physick State matters or whatsoever profession Acquire my Son real worth from thy Vertue and Honest life acquire it also in thy profession and let thy actions of desert gain thy esteem and not thy vauntings or confident extollings of thy self The Bashful are every where thought to have more than they shew the Boaster suspected ever to have less However use neither one nor other for advantage but depend upon Gods blessing in the constant practice of honest dealing and acquisition of solid skill The Bold appear best at first incounter but gradually lessen till they vanish to nothing Nor is any thing more contemptible than ignorant confidence discovered in its failings Whilst the esteem of Persons of real worth daily increases and indears it self Of Ceremonious behaviour Concerning Ceremonious behaviour the less of it the better it implies a defect of real worth and where it is studied and affected is very despicable it has to the real prejudice of mankind justled honest and plain dealing out of practice and esteem In lieu of it my Son I would have thee use a natural and free civility giving every man his just due and respects especially where desert claims it though in mean condition They who are Ceremonious aim therein at their own fame or advantage whereas decent civility is a debt due to others and terminated in them What can be more unworthy and derogatory from manhood than to express an outward respect and fawning where there is no reality in the heart yea and many times a dislike and abhorrency of the person we seem to honour Guide thy self in this particular by the rules of Honesty and Justice Let thy conversation be plain and courteous shewing alwayes a dislike of the Vitious and undeserving plainly but candidly where it may be done with safety to thy self to reclaim as much as thou canst but not to irritate and that for the common love to mankind and to Vertue They who are most ceremonious do commonly little regard more worthy matters they are either superstitious and ignorant or crafty and designing and therefore 't is a practice most used by Statesmen and Courtiers who aim at advantages by it and who though they are great explorators of other mens hearts keep their own skreened with the outside of Ceremony and art of obliging Good men are of another mould they do not hide their hearts in the formality of their carriage and expressions but intend to be known by them Reservation being for the most part an argument of ill intentions and secret frauds than which nothing has more debased and unmanned us and will in time make us as it has done some other Nations a Proverb to express falshood by I would not have thee therefore my Son to study and affect any particular carriage but to let it naturally flow from the integrity of an honest heart and a will to do no man any wrong and thy self only just right Let thy behaviour therefore be free and unaffected manly agreeable to the Laws of thy Country hearty and consonant to the just regard thou bearest to the good and well being of mankind Leave the other to men of outside apes parasites falsehearted Courtiers to the deceitful superficial ignorant and impostors Of Deformity They who are deformed are rather to be pitied and gently