times their businesse sticks to their fingers then they have most irons in the fire to attend errands abroad or children within to runne upon to dresse If private duties be occasioned much more awek and untowards they are If any duty of compassion and mercy offer it selfe visiting the sicke counselling of the distressed helping of the needy come in their way they lowre and crosse it disnay each other from it Nay and yet professe to be religious neverthelesse Oh wofull ones Is this your consent Doe you thus honour your marriage Did you enter it with some opinion of religion and doe you thus promote it Is it not a sweet nosegay for you to smell to to heare your husbands alledgings this duty Sabbath Sacrament Fast had beene done sanctified enjoyed hadst not thou hindred Take heed God will not be mocked If this be done by the religious what shall the irreligious doe If this be done in the greene tree what shall be done in the dry Thirdly it reproves all such as basely rest in the religion of each other though themselves looke after none Many women good for not hing but for drudgery yet have a conceit husbands praiers their zeale and holines shal serve their turn and under that rotten ragge they shroud themselves No no this plaister is too narrow for the sore If each party will fare the better for other both must combine both must pray fast sanctify their blessings and crosses wives must not plod for their childrens backes and bellies leaving the care of their soules and good government to their husbands What is this but to be a true slave but an unfaithfull wife Rather say thus husband I have a part a part in them as well as thou sure I am they have received as much of old Adam from me as thee Oh that I had as carefull a spirit to traine them up as thou So in other parts of duty rest not either of you in others religion being barren your selves for each tub shall stand on his owne bottome The goodnesse of one shall not be imputed to other but the soule that sinneth shall die Take heed lest it be verified two shall be in one bed the one taken the other refused As God hath made you for marriage to bee one flesh so see that by grace you bee one spirit Fourthly to these may be added the preposterousnesse of such couples as are then safest when as they forsaking their bosome fellowship runne into the company of strangers to converse with to them they impart their marriage discontents crave counsell advise from them betraying by their practice their husbands to base report all and more then all their griefes they powre into strange bosomes refusing their owne who are much better then themselves and then its best done when most privily and furthest from their husbands notice But they may never heare of any thing from them except with up brading and discontent They must either heare of it from strangers or not at all Oh how many of these housewives have deceived both Minister friends and husbands by their subtilty till afterward their sinne betray them what mettall and stampe they are of The truth is their love is unfound their hearts turbulent their tongues querulous and clamorous But if their husbands be taken from them and their eiesores remooved then religious persons and the Minister shall no more heare of them their hearts are upon new liberties all their gronings are vanisht and the next husband though lesse religious then the former pleaseth them better Oh wofull hypocrites thus to colour over a rotten heart with religious complaints God shall meet with you in your kinde and make your selves at last your owne judges when his plagues ceaze upon you repent beforehand and prevent them if you bee wise Your sinne is hereby worse then others who perhaps of me ere ignorance neglect this duty being otherwise honest To whom I give this caveat let your sinne this day come to your remembrance amend it and the good Lord regard not but passe by your former errors upon your Repentance Vse 2 As for those couples who are both agreed in their gracelesse contempt of this duty as they also are in all ordinary worship of God they belong not to this place I have before spoken to such in the point of unequall matches They of all others are furthest off let them prepare to make answer to their Iudge who being commanded to honour their marriage with mutuall religion dare mock God thus Indeed in one sense it may be said they are equally religious for the one hath as much as the other neither barrell better herring for both are profane and as they entred so they continue Well God could have promoted you to some honour but your selves have chosen shame he hath powred contempt upon you thanke your selves Vse 3 Thirdly this teacheth us the true cause why so many couples leade a sad comfortlesse life some cry out they can have no peace one with another others that they thrive not cannot be well reported of or their children disquiet them God is against them nothing prospers Alas what wonder God is the last end of your though he is not set up in your married estate he is thrust out into the backe roome who yet should be all in all chiefe in your soules prayers family worship hee is nothing at all and is it strange nothing goes forward How should it Surely if it should as perhaps some as bad as you thrive I should thinke he meant to destroy you But now since he sends this Bayliffe to arrest you and filles you with adversity I hope it is to bring you to a parlee as Absalom in burning Jacobs barely to provoke and stirre you up to lay hold upon him in due season Bethinke your selves set him up better honour him and he will honour you but if you dishonour him he will as Samuel told Eli lightly esteeme of you Prevent it in time eare he come upon you worse he hath hitherto beene onely as a mothe and destroied your beautie but he can teare you in pieces as a Lion if you looke not to it picke out the secret canker out of this apple else it will consume all And this I adde although you should swimme in all welfare and prolong your daies if this be all your mourning for corne and oyle it shall be given you as a curse if you see not Gods meaning and honour not your marriage by resigning up your Crowne and casting it at Gods feet depending upon him for blessing you shall die dishonorablely and live without comfort it s not all the wealth you have shall helpe you to joy but rather as quailes shall all come out at your nostrills and leave you desolate Vse 4 Fourthly let this be exhortation to all good couples who feare God to be joint in their religion together And here give me leave to speake a word or two
where love is entire but want of religion is not easily recompenced with externals be wise not to stumble too much at the former neither let heat of affection snare and cousen thee in the latter So much for the meanes to be used for marrying in the Lord. And to this issue pertaines all this discourse therefore still I so conclude as I began And because no bad marriage befals any where the husbands sinne is not chiefe either because himselfe is bad or erreth in judging the wife the woman having onely a refusing voyce not a chusing but the man having the prerogative of choice as the leader of the businesse therefore let the man especially looke to himselfe It s not for the modesty of the womans sexe to play the suitour to put forth her selfe towards the man but to wait till God offer her an object of consideration and I seldome have noted matches very succesfull in this kinde I remember the answer of a wise man to a Gentlewoman which told him she could love him before any man he answered her but of al others I dare not venture upon you for my wife He considered that such pangs in that humorous sex cannot come from judgement because they thwart an ordinance and as a sudden torrent of passion or heat causeth them so they suddenly fall as fast and leave the channell dry when the humour is over then coole blood succeeds and checks the party for rashnesse workes a dislike of the choice and a very indifferent spirit to the husband thinking him to be too meane for them and so little joying in him waxing darke and farre from that sweet temper of amity and subjection which a wife should bewray Therefore ye husbands be not gulled with easie matches they are not so easie to forgoe as to get the furthest way about is the neerest way home There is a pleasingnesse in shew to be fancied by a woman to be offred that estate which I could never have expected but when all is said that can be it is too easie to prove happy what it may prove I cannot say but since it s not of God and is against the modesty of that sex I can see no great hope of it This by the way I end my counsell with a two-fold question One is this if say some we stay till these choice marriages be offred us we may wrong our hopes passing the time of our virginity and youth vainly away To whom I say I speake to none in this kinde save to the religious let the rest move in their owne spheare commit thy way to Iehovah and he will effect it where there is truth of grace it cannot lye hid some way or other the Lord shall provide and the labour of thy love shall not be concealed feare not the worlds feares cry not a confederacy where they cry it but wait and there will alway be some men who will be as jealous as women to plunge themselves into a crosse marriage as glad of thee as thou of him it s a reciprocall case and hee who beleeves makes no more haste then good speed Thy worth shall breake out as the light and thy patience and modesty as the noone day Another is whether should we goe to finde out such for we see the families of such as had name of religion are now degenerate and empty of such choice None doe more degenerate to pride vanity and prophanenesse then the children of many Ministers and professours which have bin religious yea many townes anciently of note for such yet are now become as barren as any other To whom I answer when the people came and told Samuel that his children walked not in his wayes it was not so much from any offence at their sinne as for their owne ends to make them a King many upbraid good families because they are willing to balke them and to looke otherwhere Sure I am that families are not so wanting of good matches as the good matches who are in them are disregarded But further be it true Gods rules are sleighted in all places now a dayes and religion was never thicker sowne nor come up thinner then now what wonder if sinne carry this duty downe the streame of contempt as well as others yet I say is religion gone quite out of all families Though it be entailed to no one yet cannot free grace plant it selfe where it listeth if it leave one can it not chuse another religion for ought I see may lye long enough except excesse of portion smell her out Oh! follow not the streame conforme not to the fashion of this world God is tyed to no places families congregations he is no accepter of persons but in all places where his name is feared and called upon there will he blesse Such shall not need to distrust God hee makes none a soone of Abraham but he makes a daughter of Abraham also meet for him use meanes to finde them out and having so done preferre pearles before pibbles and the Lord shall bring the good to the good for he is a God of order not of confusion Quest 3 But will some say perhaps we have found out a jewell but it s in a dunghill a good husband or wife but the parents bad the kindred bad and no encouragement to proceed I answer as a bad wife is never the better because graced with a good so neither ought a choice either wife or husband be too much sullied by a bad family it s their ill lot to be so but that grace that made Lot eminently good Noah excellently righteous in their sinfull times doth even more abundantly requite that blemish with the select religion of some one among them I blame no man if with a good wife he would be glad to marry to a good family and stocke but in another respect I would account that grace which is unstained with so much ill being in the midst of it more approved and tried with the touchstone then that which growes up together with the grace of a family for company It s some grace to a Lilly to grow among thorns and a Rose looks the more beautifull among thistles contraries set one against another are the more orient I should not refuse a truly vertuous companion for the cause And this be said of the second maine rule for such as are upon entrance of marriage I goe to the third The third dutie concernes the two parties after their Contract viz. to spend that space betweene it and marriage as a more due and solemn season for a preparation of themselves to the estate and conversation of marriage to come But because I foresee that the Reader will expect that somewhat be said in this Treatise touching a Contract I will therefore suspend this third advice till I come to that argument in the fift chapter at the end thereof Thus much for this Chapter
Contracts Civill ones and no more unsafe matches for religious ones 33. Connivers onely at and not approovers of religon in their Yokefelowes taxcd 39. Comenders of religion in their wives for by ends reprooved ibid. Counsell for such as draw in an evill yoake Pag. 41. 1. Rip up thy state to God 2. Redâ—eme old errors and pray for pardon 3. Passe by pardonable faults 4. Fret not at thy Lot 5. Vtter not thy greivances easily 6. Justifie not thâ—ne owne sinnes by anothers ibi seq Continency a rare gift of God therefore to be sought for of him 49. No Curiosity to marry aptly 64. Corruption alway affects a contrariety to the Law of apt marrying 67. Contemners of equall marriage reprooved 69. Counsell to such as are already unaptly married 70. Contract and â—onsent of Parents in marriage handled 71. Consent of Parents necessary for marriage and why 71. ibid. Exceptions against the strict rule of Parents Consent in marriage 77. Childrens objections against Parents carelesnesse in their marriages answered 79. Counsell given them what to do in their supposed wrongs 80. Parents obstinate to Consent to be curbed 81. Question about Parents Consent answered 81. ibid. Cavills of such answered as plead for maintenance and respect from Parents whose consent they neglected 84. Dissembled and forced consent of Parents by children is sinfull 85. Halfe Consent of Parents or consent after contract is faulty 86. Contract of marriage in what sence here used 96. In what râ—spects such Contracts may be said to be essentiall 104. Contracts very antient and of generall use 105. Jewish Contracts what and how solemnized ibid. Act and performance of a solemne Contract how to be done 106. Disdainers of Contracts taxed 121. Contracted couples must prise their Contract 123. Speciall Counsell touching it 124. Cause of the unhappy and unprosperous estate of many Couples is the want of their joint Religion 137. Chastity the maine joint duty of marriage 163. Proofes of it 164. Amplification of the point 166. Reasons for it 1. Chastity is the main support of union 2. The deâ—ilement of each party defiles the whole marriage 3. God hath ordained one for one 4. It covers all other defects but is covered by no other endowments 5. It is the corner stone holding in all the building 6. Because it honours mariage in many respects 1. In the fruitfulâ—esse of the wombe 2. Blessing of legitimation 3. A curse is turned to a blessing hereby 167. to 171. Chastity to be preserved and in how many things it consists 172. Chastity of spirit necessary and why 172. 173. ibid. Chastity of prevention necessary wherein it consists why here urged 173. 174. 175. Chastity of Bed needfull heathen men shame Christians in this Two Extreames here to be avoyded ibid. 175. 176. 177. 178. Some marks to know moderation ibid. 178. Popish forced Chastity and affected abstinence from the benefit of the Bed compared 179. Inconvenience of both unjust abstinence and excesse of liberty compared ibid. Chastity of Body needfull what is meant thereby Exhortation thereto 180. 181. Consent between Couples a joynt duty and needfull 184. Reasons 1. by the experience both bad of such as want it and sweet of such as enjoy it 2. The pretiousnesse of it 3. It hath a divine instinct in it 4. It brings God into the Marriage 184. 185. 186. 178 188. The praise of consent 186. Consent stands in three things 1. Consent of Heart 2. Of speech 3. Of Life 188. 189. Consent exhorted unto and urged 200. What ought to be done by both after their differences with the conclusion of the point 201. 202. Cohabitation of Husband with Wife a necessary duty Many abuses of this kind taxed Humiliation to such 217. Reproach of seperaters 218. Conditions requisite in a Wife in the acting of Gods matters 286. Whether wives may give to Charitable uses or not 272. The mothers Consent in Marriage not absolutely required 81. Exhortation to Chastity to keepe our Vessels with holinesse and honour 354. Three counsels propounded To abhorre somewhat 1. Thine owne selfe 2. Thoughts of contemplative uncleanesse 3. All colours and excuses of it 4. All inward fomenters of it 5. All outward Temptations Counsell 2. To meditate of Somewhat 2. Properties of it 1. That it be wise 2. That it be deepe and serious About both the Properties and penalties of this sin First the Properties and they are three 1. the Spiritualues of this sin shewed in six steps or degrees 1. An evil heart 2. Evill works 3. Vnbeleife 4. Delusion and defilement 5. Hardnes of heart 6. Departing from the living God Secondly meditate of the peculiarnes of this sins evill The third thing that it seperates from God And from Communion through Excommunication if not inflicted yet deserved The spirit of God excommunicates him in the Court of his owne conscience Then secondly meditate on the penalty of this sinne 1. A giddinesse and drunken security disabling the sinner to lay it to his heart A wofull example of it from 354. to 368. Then secondly temporall penalties of it 369. The third Counsell to practise somewhat and that concernes either such as have been only guilty of it or else relapsed to it after conversion For the former they must practise 1. Due humiliation and abasement under the hand of God 2. They must gather hope out of the promise of God to pardon it 3. Glorifie God in the confession of it 4. Set before thine eies the Promise in 4. respects 5. Sue out the killing power of Christ to destroy lust 6. Returne to the Lord in chastity for ever Lastly such as have revolted to it againe must take counsell in divers particulars to 384. Encouragement to all undefiled ones 385. Magistrates both Civill and Ecclesiasticall to whom the censure of lust pertaines must be in Gods stead to judge and censure all uncleane persons 384. D. DIverters of their wives from Religion to other matters reprooved 39. Duties of Parents toward children unwisely suffered to linke themselves 78. Dissentions of religious couples the shame of profession 190. Difference in Couples wherein it stands 313. E. ENtrance into good marriage requires Marrying in the Lord and apt marrying in the Lord. 21. Exhortation to it in many branches 45. 46. 48. Error of the time and prejudice of outward complements must be abhorred by him who would marry in the Lord. 51. Exceptions against the generall rule of apt Marriage many 62. Exhortation to Parents not to faile their Children in the busines of their Marriage 95. Exhortation to all good couples to close together in Religion both inward as Faith and outward in Family worship and private 138. 141. 143. Exhortation to private intercourse with God 145. Exhortation to wives to be helpfull in their places 302. Encouragement to such 303. F. FAith the maine Duty for couples to joine in The infinite miseries of a married life for lacke of it 140. Family duties and private worship necessary for the married to
The third their heartsâ—re broken hereby Zach. 10. 12. The fourth they being convinced of Gods ends beleeve it The fifth From hence they are encouraged to obey Psal 45. Eph. 6. Mâ—â—kes of a lower degree Job 33. 23. Zach. 9. 9. Cant. 3. Reasons of this first branch The first Rash matches unblest The jewels of the marriage ring Faith and humility Peace Ephes 6. Purity Righteousnes Trials of mriage many 1 Cor. 7. 35. God is â—eldom found out of his owne way 2 Tim. 3. 3. Grace levels all disproportions Objections and doubts answered 1 King 21. 25. 2 Kings 4. 27. Luk. 23. 31. Mat. 12. 35. Rom. 1. 13. Luke 9. 60. 1 Cor. 5. 10. Instan Pro. 24. 34. 2 Cron. 19. 11. Eccles 7. 26. Ephes 4. 14. Esay 30. Vses of the point 1. Terror and reprâ—ofe Bran. 1. Pâ—opnane scorners to mâ—rry in the Lord terrified 1 Kings 12. 10. Juâ—g 14 3. Josh 23. 29. Prov. 9. 17. Jedg ult As Gen. 6. 2 3 2. Branch of terrour Marriages with them that are onely civilized unsafe Gen 6. 1. Psâ—l 4. 8. Branch 3. Reproofe Of such in which either partie is bad 1 Kings 21. 25 cap. 21. ver 7. 1 Kings 21. 7. Eccles 4. 9. Judg. 11. 38. Mat. 23. 15. A villanous speech Admonition to such 2 Kings 1. 13. Psal 39. 13. Iob 20. 11. Branch 4. Admonition to the religious married to the irreligious Bran. 1. Luk. 1. 6. 1 Sam. 18. 27. 1 Sam. 25. Job 1 8 9. Dâ—â—â— 22. 11. 2 Cor. 6. 15. Dâ—n 2 32. Prov. 19. 13. Job 2. 9. 12. 2 Sam. 6. 23. Luk. 1. 6. Luke 15. 28 Branch 2. Diverters of their wives from religion to other matters reproved Connivers only at the religion of their yoke-fellows not approvers thereof taxed Commenders of religion in their wives for others reâ—pects not for religion blamed 1 Pet. 3. 1. 1 Cor. 1. 25. 1 Cor. 7. 16. Luk. 10. 42. Scorners to be drawne by their wives religion faulty Counsell for such as draw in an evil yoke Gen. 41. 9. 1. Rip up thy state to God 2. Redeem old errours and pray for pardon Gen. 17. 18. Deut. 5. 28. 3. Passe by ordinary faults 1 Pet. 3. 1. 4 Fret not at thy lot Luke 21. 19. Esay 26. 20. Luke 5. 40. 5. Conceale grievances so long as is possible Heb. 12. 13. Prov. â—8 10. Prov. 10. 29. 6. Justifie not thy owne errors by others Instruction What the best object of the maâ—ried is 1. Respect Job 28. 18. Prov. 8. 11. 2 Sam. 23. 19. Prov. 19. 22. 2. Respect 3. Respect Jonah 2. 8. Ad monition against some errours herein The first The second Gal. 6. 7. 3. Branch â—ecles 9. 11. Exhortation to marry in the Lord in 3. branches Three branches of it The first Youth must redeeme her golden season for this end Eccles 12. 1. Mat. 12. 35. Luke 10. 42. Eccles 12. 1. John 21. 18. Single life not like marriage in point of troubles but more free Read Prov. 5. 11. 12. John 3. 8. Gen. 6. 2. Lam. 3. 23. Esay 63. 9 10. Mat. 12. 45. Esay 57. 17. The second branch of Exhortation in many particulars Duty 1. Selfe-deniall and trial what Gods minde is about our estate Mat. 16. 24. 1 Thes 4. 4. Mat. 21. 17. * All receive not this gift Mat. 19 12. 1 Cor. 7. 8. 1 Cor. 5. 5. Continency being'a gift of God must be sought for 1 Cor. 7. 35. No vowes of single life wâ—â—ranted The second Sound judgement and subduing of a rebellious heart Job 39. 9 10. 1 Cor. 7. 38. Luke 23. 21. Duty 3. Error of the time to be abhorred Grace must be prefer'd to weâ—lâ—th in marriage 1 Sam. 25. 18. Good marriages must be bought The fourth pray hard for good marriage pay and pray too Mat 15. 18. Ezek. 36. end Ps l. 37. 5. 1 Sam 1. 27. Gen. 33. 5. Tit. 1. 15. 1 Sam 25. 1. Judg. 14. 3. Duty 5. Advice of the most judicious and impartiall friends requisite for good marriage Joh. 14. 14 15. 1 Sam. 16. 6. Duty 6. Observing the spâ—ttis of each other meet for such as would marry in the Lord. Job 34. 3. Prov. 15. 22. 〈◊〉 1. 5. â—ob 32 8. 1 Cor. 2. 15. Exod. 33. 6. Rom. 12. 16. Acts 15. 15. Prov. 17. 24. Esay 65 8. Zach. 4. 10. Conclusion of this second duty The man hath the leading hand therefore ought to be wary Women woers threaten woe Touching marrying in the Lord three questions answered 1. Question answered Psal 37 5. 1 Pet. 3. 15. Psal 37. 6. 2. Question answered 1 Sam. 8. 5. Act. 10. 34. 1 Cor 14. 33. Gen â—â— Gen. 19. â— The third duty preparation betweene the contract and the marriage necessary The second generall for entrance is to mairy aptly 1 Cor. 7. 35. * Jugaiâ—s Who are unapt Exceptioâ—s against the 〈◊〉 of 〈◊〉 aptnesse many More exceptions Phil. 4 8. Psal 131. 1. Instruction No curâ—â—siâ—y to marâ—y aptly Exâ—d 8. 3. Judg 21. 23. Admonition against overweening our own strength in unapt marriage Terror to affectors of unequall matches Reproofe Branch 1. Corruption alway affects a contrariety to the Ordinance Prov. 30. 23. Branch 2. Reprose Contemners of equall marnage reprooved Exportation Affecters of of unequall marriages learne to be wiser Rom. 12. 16. 1. Sam. 18. 23. 1. Sam. 25. 41. Matt. 20. 22. Branch 2. Counsell to such as are already unaptly married Iam. 4. 10. Occasion of this digression For handling of Consent of Parents and a Contract Consent of Parents necessary for marriage and why Parents cannot doe as they would in matching of their children Guardians and governours are to looke to their orphans as well as parents to children in point of marriage See these texts Deut. 7. 3. Ier. 29 6. Gen. 24. 3 4. Exod. 22. 16. Iudg. 14. 3. Verse 4 5. Gen. 21. 21. Further proofe of the point Cornel. à Lap. Terent. Andr. Scen. 3. Confut. Exceptions against this generall rule Exod. 22. 16. Duty of parents towards children unwisely suffered to link themselves Num. 30. 4. Another exception 1 Cor. 6. 36. Parents must observe the condition of their children Childrens objections against parents carelesnesse in their marriages answered Counsell to such children Mal. 4. ult Parents obstinate in consent to be curbed Matt. 8. Mat. 16. 25. Questions about Parents consent answered Reproofe Terror to all rebellious Children who marry against their Parents consent Cavills of such Children answered as will be loose in duâ—ty to their Parents consent yet will have their parents tyed to them in meanes and maintenance Ioh. 9. 5. Parents may be shy to disobedient Children and why 2. Sam. 14. 24. Branch 2. Dâ—ssembled and forced consent of Parents by children is sinfull Galat. 6. 4. Rom. 12. 9. Luc. 15. 12. Matt. 7. 2. Branch 3. Hâ—lfe consent of parents or conâ—ent afâ—er their contract is faulty Exhortation to marry with Consent of Parents 1. Sam. 25. Pro. 10. Mica 2. Branch 2. Dignity of parents Vse of reproof
dependeth Well there is no doubt but as in all other so in this part of the wheele of our conversation to wit of marriage we all sinne many wayes and our errours are infinite But now sift thy selfe more narrowly and leaving thy faults examine thy selfe in intentions in all the wandrings and swervings of thy course Canst thou say that as in all other so in this part of thy course thou hast sought better to be informed what that good and accepted will of God is and accordingly with simplicity of heart hast quit thy selfe to thy companion not for thine owne base ends and ease but that marriage might have her honour preserved offences might be prevented God worshipped within and honoured without doores a peaceable life in all godlinesse and honesty preserved I aske not whether there have bin staggerings wearinesse of the yoake and desire after more liberties for who is there that sinneth not as Salomon said but I aske this Hast thou denied thy selfe and curbed thy base heart to stoope to God in drawing this yoake not sought thy ease sleshly content letting the honour of God to sinke or swim Hast thou humbly bowed thy neck and stooped to the ordinance acknowledging how much its changed from the first Creation and by sinne filled with sundry sorrowes distempers and bitter-sweets hardly to be avoyded I say hast thou under all these abased thy selfe before the Lord craved pardon of thy stout heart and proud stomacke loth to yeeld and thine impotency of thy passions desiring to testifie thy obedience in bearing these annoyances as justly inflicted for sinne Hast thou acknowledged the Lord most wise in so ordering the matter for thee that because thy heart is haughty and insolent therfore he hath tamed thee by this bridle and hath by it exercised thy faith and patience and brought thee to the bent of his bowe so that for the avoyding of farre worse snares and for the comforts and liberties accruing by marriage thou canst willingly yeeld obedience to the rules and duties therof not dividing burdens from priviledges and thou canst correct all thy licentiousnesse in seeking sleshly content onely in marriage Surely if in some comfortable sort thou canst speake thus in the eares of God begging a pardon of all wants and a release of all deserved penalties then I say according to infirmity thou hast sought the honour of marriage and to prevent the just staine and aspersions thereof by thy watchfulnesse yea thou hast sought the honour of the ordainer therof for thy singular comfort which thou mightst ill have wanted What remaines therefore but that I comfort thee from God and encourage thee by his promise not onely against the feare of thy dishonouring God but also towards a more hearty endeavour to honour him further Surely thou hast neede of no lesse Thy journey is long thy obedience difficult its not for a day or a moneth but for life it s not for a sodering up of breaches for a while to breake out so much the worse after it s no worke of an outside to set a good face upon the matter abroad nourishing still the disease within God is not mocked and sinnes in this kinde are like oyle in the hand which cannot be hid But this obedience is a perpetuall yet an ingenuous humble and holy subjection to the will of the subjecter who by it tryes men and shewes them all which is in the heart so that I dare say a true obedient in marriage is a good servant in all Therefore as thou needest encouragement from God as who doth not in difficult duties so take it into thy bosome as thine owne chew upon it and digest it it s the Lords will that thou shouldest I say unto thee that as the Lord hath put honour upon this ordinance so thou hast sought to maintaine it and who so honours God shall be honoured of God God can and will turne all the impediments and incumbrances of this estate into blessings thou shalt finde this estate made honourable to thee thy selfe shalt finde acceptance with God in all thy suits successe in enterprises honour and esteem among his people he shall crowne thee with old age and good report in the way of righteousnesse Thy wife shall be a blessing no snare thy liberties shall be pure unto thee and thou shalt visit thine habitation without sinne as Iob speaks thou shalt drâ—nke of the stoods of milke and butter and honey Thy children shall honour thee in the gate and shall be thy crowne in thy age they shall stand about thy table as olive plants yea although any of them should prove irregular yet that should not condemne thine innocency In a word God shall bring upon thee all the blessings promised to such as honour his ordinance even to love thine for many generations His word shall not be taken from thee and them for ever he will continue thee a name upon earth and a naile in his temple and peace upon Israel Nay I adde that thy very obedience alone in it self shal be a blessing unto thee Dost thou preserve thy body in holines and honor thou shalt a void hereby those infinite woes and miseries which befall the unchaste as proverty basenesse a rotten body a worse soule a ruined estate both in this world and in the world to come Dost thou nourish love and amity betweene thy selfe and thy wife that so the peace of God thereby may the better rule thy heart and minde Loe how infinite many garboiles and miseries thou avoydest of wrath debate envie raylings quarrellings and discontents which bad marriage causeth But canst thou say that besides these ordinary duties of the married estate thou and thy wife have also closed with God in the speciall service of the time and with good Vriah and Mephibosheth moderately used the comforts of this life during the sorrowes of the Church and bin married as if not remembring the afflictions of Ioseph making them the due and daily matter of thine Humiliations and Requests before God hast thou oft with Ioel's Bridegroome and Bride come out of thy feasting Chamber to hide thine head in thy fasting chamber as our Saviour tels us when the Bridegroome shall be taken away they shall mourne in those dayes the husband apart and the wife apart for sincerity or both together for fervency Or with the Psalmist Dost thou desire thy tongue cleave to the roofe of thy mouth except the joy of Ierusalem be above all thy joy even marriage joy it selfe which yet is allowed to be great Surely then I say thou hast honoured marriage indeed and as thy share in the duty hath bin greater so shall it be in the blessing The Lord shall give thee an hiding place in the day of evill and because thou hast kept the word of his patience in bad times hee shall also deliver thee in that
thought rather how in the swarme of such you may shun them and light upon such as are the Lords As for these you shall not need to take thought for them our rules will not much hinder their marriages like will to like doe we what we can and the dead will bury the dead the world will love their owne and that to their mutuall sorrow and all to teach us to love such the rather whom the Lord loveth What have we to doe to judge them that are without no we speake to no other but the willing people Psal 110. 3. who will stand to be judged at Gods barre Object 6 But I have cast mine affection already upon such an one and am snared Answ Then forbeare a while till all means be tryed for the parties bettering and so venture upon them Object But I cannot so farre deny my selfe Answ Thanke your selfe God forceth no such necessity upon any if they will be ruled If not their snaring themselves with a needlesse necessity cannot make Gods command of no effect If you can make to your selves such a necessity as must breake a charge of God then try how well you can endure the fruit of it when sorrow repentance and shame shall come upon you as the necessity of an armed man Is not as good reason that you digest this gobbet as that the Lord digest the other yes surely Object 7 But when all is done perhaps we shal misse of our choice desired because there are so few to be found in this wofull barren world of such as be religious and those who are but meerely civil are counted puritans and those precise whose manners are not debauched Answ Set not Gods providence and his command together by the eares as if he charged you to marry onely in the Lord and yet debarred you from it in practice so that either you must be forced to marry with all sorts or else must not marry at all No God puts no such snare upon any looke you to your selves that you be such as you goe for and the Lord will not deceive you he hath good in store for the good It s one of heavens workes to make good marriages and hee who hath bad women in store for sinners that they may fall by them he hath also good ones for the good that they may honour marriage and him thereby yea and he hath wisdome discerning of spirits of the subtill shewes and guizes of all sorts both hypocrites and other bad ones so that as subtill as the world is they who loathe to be cheated by their dice-play shall not want wisedome to judge and savour to relish the good in the midst of the bad they shall heare a voyce behinde them saying This is the way and withall giving them an eare to heare and an heart to obey and walke therein Object 8 But to conclude wee have met say some with good companions by providence yet still are we letted for our parents and friends at least of one side will not consent I answer perhaps you seeke among the good and finde better then your selves for some sinister end the beauty or the portion of the party otherwise unworthy to speed and what wonder if a wise parent will not consent to bestow his childe upon you But ye object yes both of us being both religious and consenting yet parents crosse us I answer If indeed it be so tarry till I come to the next Chapter and there I shall fall into that argument of the parents duty and therefore I will not prevent my selfe We have answered Objections enough and more will occur after enough therefore is said here Let us hasten to some Vse of the point wherein more satisfaction will be given to other questions First this is terrour and reproofe to the marriages of this degenerate age wherein this duty of marrying in the Lord is cast off at large As Rehoboams yonkers carried that weighty businesse of his Kingdome and overthrew it so doe the unruly and rebellious humours of most youth miscarry this They knit and combine themselves together as if they were right grave Counsellours wiser then their parents and ancients disdaining that any should over-rule their rash and rebellious appetites and so with rash resolutions and fury of undeniable passions they rush themselves upon the pikes of eternall misery If once their parents be dead then most of these hot-spurs have made sure enough for the honour of marriage for by that time they come of yeeres if not before most of them have embezeld their patrimonies But if not yet in this point of marriage this is their resolution Give me her for she pleaseth me well she may please well for a moment though she be a prick in the eye and a goade in the side for ever after And so for a vanishing content to a vaine humour what doe such but enthrall themselves to a wanton wastefull and wilfull ungodly companion And as the Heathen said of a bad bargaine it vexes the foolish buyer more with the continuall upbraiding then the losse of the money so may I say of this and as Sampson found this at leasure for the wilfull minde he bare to have Delila so doe these But alas there is no season for such as he was to beleeve it being intoxicate with the cup of inchantment disabling them from taking better counsell But why then speake I this Surely because I see religion among young couples for the most part is the first of those respects which are last thought of Desperate and stollen waters are sweetest to such like those of the Benjaâ—ites who rushing into a company of dancers in their jollity snatcht up each man his wife as she came to hand prove well or ill for better for worse for why they sought wives not good ones and that any way so they had them What a merry world were it for our debauched drunken youth in these our dayes if they might choose their wives in such a lottery To catch among a drove each one his owne marrow pell-mell oâ— what a brave thing were it There is a pleasure in doing that which is forbidden to our cursed nature even because it is so and if it were not so they would dye upon a swords point ere they would attempt it And notwithstanding the woe of such marriages both against Gods word law of reason consent of parents yea the generall experience of such as are gone before them yet who may speake to such Surely such matches are made in hell like are fallen upon like by the Divels spokesmanship as I confesse better one house troubled with such then two But what a sad thing is it to thinke what a cursed posterity such are like to hatch I say such as whereof one or two might poison an whole neighbourhood Druken meetings marriages revellings Marquets Fayres Tavernes and Alehouses being the places
on through a second or a third marriage if it so fall out with as gracelesse an heart as through the first Certainly there remaines nothing for thee save that thy end prove worse then thy beginning because thy troubles brought thee not upon thy knees for thy former sinne but rather thou walkest on still in the frowardnesse of thine heart I proceed to a second duty when thou intendest a change that is be sure thou doe nothing rashly but use all possible wisdome that as thou hast sought the Lord so he would bring thee to a sutable companion A great worke I grant and thou wilt aske how it may be effected I will labour to satisfie thy desire with these advisâ—s following First deny thy selfe renounce that carnall wisdome presumption and will of thine owne which ascribes so much to it selfe as if it needed no advice submit thy selfe to the Lord doe not at first rush thy selfe upon marriage by a necessity of nature or by custome of the world or because yeeres require it or out of base ends to give way to thy lust but let it be thy care to preserve thy vessell in holinesse and honour abstaine from all provocations to lust be much in prayer for a sanctification of every age and condition of life perhaps the Lord hath appointed thee a single life which may be much better for thee then marriage to honour God in perhaps thou art not a meet man for marriage but it would prove incommodious for thee however it s thy duty to try what God hath for thee in store and many repent them for their yeelding to the first pangs of unbrideled youth and wish they had not given way so soone to an impotent humour nay many who at the first intended no other save marriage yet by their more wary and temperate diet company and by subduing their flesh by fasting and prayer meditation and close attendance of study calling or the ordinances of God have obtained such a gift of chastity that they see it is rather the way of God they should not marry There are some saith our Saviour who are Eunuches borne marriage were a snare to such notwithstanding their frothy concupiscence and some have made themselves so for the kingdome of heaven Chastity is a peculiar gift of God all will grant and God will have it appeare in some that grace hath more strength then nature hath as against lusts so above lawfull liberties and he who adviseth continence to some in times of danger especially in which marriage might prove a clogge and otherwise also for a more close cleaving to God without marriage distractions there is no doubt but he hath grace sutable to frame some men and women for this very purpose And sure it is where such a gift is God is highly honoured with the pure and undivided spirit of such as serve him in that condition Therefore all due meanes must be used for the attaining of it till the minde of God be knowne in this kinde and no man ought to forestall providence in that respect weigh well thy strength or thy weaknesse in the ballance lay before thee the burdens and service of marriage thy bodily or spirituall abilities or imperfections play not the part of a foole to say after marriage I never thought it such a state I see now I am not meet for it that should have bin thought of before informe thy selfe duly of the conveniences and inconveniences of each condition the single and the married and when all is done if God incline thee to a private state reserve thy selfe to it I say not to thee vowe it for who knowes but thy minde and body may alter and require a change but so long as by thy abstinence from all provocations and watchfull eye over thy selfe thou canst keepe thy selfe chaste and prove it by the contentation of thy spirit without noy somenesse and neglect of the duties of thy place thou maist gather the will of God by the signe and so thou art to yeeld thy selfe to a single life wherein although there cannot but fall out some petty discommodities in some kinde yet they ought to be digested meekely for the a voyding of worse and the attaining of the benefit of a single estate For when God is in a condition that shall be tolerable to one which would be burdensome to another and there is no state wholly free from trouble in this world onely that is to be embraced as neere as we can which is free from the most And having once understood the way of God goe not out of it wilfully nor dally not with him in such weighty purposes if it please him to alter thy minde thou shalt understand it by signes easily and maist without sinne follow him so thy sinne be not accessary So much for the first counsell which I desire may be conceived of discreetly and not mistaken The secondly if notwithstanding this triall thou shalt finde that God hath alotted marriage to thee know it s a lawfull condition of life be resolved it is so be not snared with feare melancholy or any distemper although it be joyned with many troubles yet they shall be the lester when God tels thee its best and thy gaine shall be above thy losse cast thy selfe upon the ordinance in such a case to make it sweet And therefore prepare thy selfe for it deny thine owne rebellion pride passions will and lust know that marriage is no state as many thinke of licenciousnesse to live at ease and as a man list They who are of that minde neede no other plague then their owne errour to vexe them when they meet with the contrary No no this estate is not for an untamed heifer as soon mayst thou force an Vnicorne to plow with thy Oxen as thy rude spirit to draw in thy yoke of marriage Learne therefore self-deniall betimes it s as essentiall for a married life as for a single humility and wisdome and how hardly this hard Theme will be handled till the heart be subdued and meekened before For all unbroken ones are like to finde sorrow in the flesh double and treble If it be so in the greene tree how much more in the dry If it be unavoydable to the best how much more to them who seeke it So much for the second Thirdly be warned against the common difease both of errour and practice which hath overflowed the world and so bleared the eyes of men that they can see nothing save the outsides of things Suffer not beauty breeding portion personage education with complementall behaviour fashionablenesse and the like so to bribe thy judgement and forestall thine affections that religion should come too late and be thrust out from consultation Beware of covetousnesse pride of life and jollity ambitious and aspiring thoughts to count none meet for thee save such as are
let not this marriage of mine deface these faire beginnings it is appointed for good let us therfore meet for the better not the worse Take me on further Lord as the child takes forth his lesson let the sun of my light and grace not go back but forward ten degrees in all my hearings Sacraments publique and private use of ordinances growing in the truth as it is in Iesus that together with judgement sweet affections againe with tender affections sound judgement may grow and increase in me And thus I have finished this point also of a Contract being the second peece of my Digression from the point intended to wit the honour of marriage both in the entrance of it whereof I have spoken in the first three Chapters and the continuance of it whereof in the Chapter following shall be treated CHAP. VI. Returne to the first Argument The Honour of Marriage in the preserving of it during the marriage life TO returne then whence we digressed now it followeth that we come to the second part of the Honour of Marriage standing in the carefull improving thereof in the marriage conversation It is the nature of honour to love attendance and they who have found an honourable marriage must wait upon it and keepe it so And it is a true speech That it is no lesse vertue to keepe a mans wealth name or honour then to purchase them Iob tells us that God hath denyed wisedome to the Estrich to looke to her egges to hatch them when she hath layd them she forgets the worke of laying and leaves them in the sand for the feet of wilde beast to destroy them The Apostle John willes that Lady and her children not to lose the good things they had gotten but to get a full reward It had beene better that some had married with farre lesse shewes of goodnesse and hope of thrift except they had kept it better For there is nothing so miserable as to have beene happy The praise of that good woman in the Proverbs is not that she was vertuous before entrance no it was her proofe and practice which made her honoured and her husband in her Many great Captaines have got a sudden crown upon uâ—eir heads but they have died with a bare title and lost it with more shame then the glory came too which they got it by It s not sayd that Zachary and Elizabeth were worthy couples in their entrance but both in their married course walked with God Paul doth not onely teach married ones to bee married in the Lord and no more but how to live together and maintaine conjugall affection and to keepe that knot by subjection compassion tendernesse and faithfullnesse Rest not in this as some Scholers doe that their names are up and then fall to idlenesse and prove dunces So many couples are like the Image made of gold in the head silver in the breast but worse and worse downeward They would have their marriage beare up it selfe whereas that is as she is used if she be not cautiously observed she will take a tetch depart and carry her honour away some husbands and wives through the slighting of religion as thinking it needles to acquaint themselves with God as Job saith in all their complaints wants and distempers others by loosenesse of heart in company whereof they make but small choice others pampering themselves with ease and wantonnesse lying open and naked to a unsuspected enemy soone blast that honour of their marriage which at the first they seemed not dishonourable to enter upon And others have done the like by improvidence by needlesse meetings gaming 's or the like idle courses others little observing each others temper and so preventing many discontents others also by presuming to find at the hands of another more respect and affection or expecting greater wealth and estate then they found grow to distates and debates then to seek stollen waters as weary of their owne cisternes And therupon growes a decay in their estates discredit among such as esteemed well of them poverty and imprisonment seperation from each other And what is all this save to cast their crowne into the dirt and to prophane it wilfully whereas had they resigned up themselves and the successe of all their hopes to God walking faithfully and keeping covenant both with him and themselves humbled themselves and submitted painfully to their callings of magistracy ministery or private life without ambitious reatching at matters above them they might have kept their crowne and garland fresh and green yea surely had they set themselves to embrace those graces of God in each partie to winne love and amity betweene them bearing with infirmities and covering them with tendernesse how flourishing had their head and honour continued without fading even to this day But it shall be enough in this place to touch only in the generall upon the equall necessity and coherence of this second duty with the former for all such as would preserve their honour inviolable That which I shall further say hereof may more seasonably come into the use of that discourse which shall ensue after we have cleered the point it selfe which because its large and will cost consideration let us enter upon it It may then be demanded wherein this art and skill consists of saving this honour of marriage so unsteined The answer is it stands in two sorts of duties whereof the former sort concernes both husband and wife jointly and undividedly to practice The latter concernes each of them in severall the husband apart and the wife apart Let us then begin with the former Those duties which concerne bothe equaly are foure First Iointnesse in religion mutuall love like loyall chastity and sutable consent Touching the first of religion my meaning is that as they are entred already with a religious spirit into their marriage so they must continue not only to be religious stil but to cleave mutually together in the practise of all such meanes of worship and duties of both tables as concerne them I say in the parts of religious conversation to God More plainely first that they be joint in the worship of God publiquely both ordinarily upon the Sabbath and occasionall at other times and seasons as also extraordinary The word must be heard by both jointly Sacraments mutually received prayers frequented and all the worship attended Secondly family duties concerning both themselves and their children and servants as reading of the Scriptures conferring of them prayer and thanksgiving exercising those whom God hath committed to their care in the principles of Godlinesse and the severall duties of inferiors The husband being the voice of God when they are both together touching which more shall be said in the severall offices belonging to the husband If he be absent and there be no man of better sufficiency to present whom both of them allow of then ought the wife to discharge the duty as hereafter shall
governors as David saith how your fellowship with the good encreases what new blessings are fallen upon you in persons names trades posterity Marke also well where Satan most insuleth and where the hedge is lowest with you what corruptions as old sores breake out in their seasons which yet seemed to be quasht before what lustes of the heart lust of the eie or pride of life bubbles up from within Looke not each into him or her selfe but each into other as having interest deeply planted yet doe it not with curiosity but simplicity By this meanes both abundant matter and manner as oile to the lampe will offer themselves to nourish this ordinance all lust of sloth all rust of ease wearinesse will be filed off And a free heart to make God the umpire of your differences if any be as how can it be avoided but a roote of bitternesse within will lesse or more breake out the composer of your hearts the granter of your requests and the gracer of your marriages will be obtained And feare not lest this course should in time wearie you or alienation each from other should grow to distast this duty for the Lord who hath founded it will owne it and can blesse it and keepe out disorder and the sweet fruit of this service will so both prevent attend and follow you in all your waies that you shall feele your selves to walke each before other and both before God lesse loosely moresoundly and safely For why how can it otherwise be when both of you remember whom you use to goe to as to the oath and covenant both in your confessions on which you shame your selves for your faylings and in your requests craving pardon and purging and where you have done wel to praise him for support and to be thankfull for that administration and protection of his under which as his beloved you have bin all the day long I conclude therefore goe to God more jointly then ever hold and pull more hard and close together so oft as you go to the throne of grace especially when as with that good Jacob you are resolved not to cease wrastling till you be blessed compell him to send you away with your request else you cannot be answered Goe by a promise in your Advocate and say now Lord this new state of ours requireth new manners new selfedeniall new faith new life a donble portion of grace begge it therefore as Elisha did all that belong to you require a new part in you And who is sufficient for these Make your selves nothing and God all in all who can satisfie you Seperate not your selves in these duties as others doe in Congregations or others in boord and bed but say come let us pray together confesse give thanks I am as thou art my people as thine my horses as thine my thoughts affections members as thine By this meane love shall so grow that it shall outgrow all distempers you shall say of each other I never thought my wife had the tithe of that grace in her heart or that my husband had halfe that humblenesse compassion faith which now I perceive Those evills those infirmities which would for ever have estranged some and caused distast I see in him in her breed so much the more love to my soule sympathy and mercy This from this welspring of joint worship shall flowe streames of hony and butter as Iob speakes into all the lifeâ— Especially when crosses and streights shall befall you then shall God be neerest of all unto you and be afflicted with you in all because you have made him the God of your mounteynes he wil bee the God of you valleys also whenas others who never thus traded with him shal be sent to their Idolls and to shifte for themselves And as touching the first duties of mutuallnes viz. of these fowre jointnesse of religion and worship thus much CHAP. VII The second mutuall duty of the Married viz. Conjugall love handled I Now proceed to the second mayne and joint duty of the marryed which is conjugall Love For the better handling wherof it will not be amisse first to premise somewhat touching the nature of it and then to shew some reasons why it should bee jointly preserved adding some meanes wherby it may bee done and so concluding with use That infinitely and onely wise God who both upholdeth by his providence all his creatures in their kindes and subsisting and hath by one soule of harmony and consent accorded each with other for their mutuall ayde and support much more hath his hand in the accorde of reasonable creatures their fellowship and league together as without which they could not well continue in their welfare prosperity And therefore for the more sweete reconciling and uniting of the affections of one to another in every kinde of league and fellowship both the more generall and common standing in outward commerce and the more neer close as in friendship and marriage he hath accordingly planted in every nature sexe and person more or lesse Simpathy that the one not possibly beeing able to subsist without the other might by this tye each love the other and be knit to the other in union and affection This appeares even in the most remote contracts of buying and selling borrowing and lending wherin although the league stand rather in things then in persons yet even there is seene a generall kinde of love each man chusing to trade and traffique with them whose spirit and frame is most sutable to their owne When God meant to enrich the Israelites by the bounty of the Egyptians he darted in for the time such a sympathie into their hearts that they found favour in their eies so that nothing was then too deare for them jewels and gold and silver till they had impoverisht themselves And in those combinations of men which are grounded in law and civill order in commonwealths and corporations although there be a necessary bond to keepe all sorts within order and government yet there is to be observed between those members a more peculiar bond betweene some then others through a suteablenesse of disposition that is in them whereby for speciall causes the one doth more tenderly affect some one or other then the common body can affect it selfe This yet doth much more appeare in the league of friendship wherin we see God doth so order it that by a secret instinct of love and sympathy causing the heart of the one to incline to the other two friends have beene knit so close to the other that they have beene as one spirit in two bodies as not only wee see in Jonathan and David but in heathens which have striven to lay downe their lives for the safeguard of each other And that the finger of God is hert appeares by this that oftimes a reason cannot be given by either partie why they should be so tender each to other It being caused notby any profitable
Jephtha a valiant man yet a bastard was scorned and cast out from among his brethren had no childs portion and Sampson by his wilde lust became of an honorable Iudge a foole in Israel Chastity then you see is a generall duty for all them who seeke to maintaine their honour unstained nothing doth cleave so deeply to marriage as this I have noted before some accidentall staines by unequalnesse when Ladies and their horskeepers young girles and old men match together when a Prince marries a beggar a bad with a good a christian with an heathen or heretique or if marriage proove contentious and unpleasant who sees not a reproach But these are such staines as may be washt out in time either by repentance or in a sort by second better marriages Onely the staine of unchastnesse is like an iron-mole which nothing can fetch out it s like the leprosie which fretted into the walls no scraping the stones could clense it but it must be demolished Death may end the parties but not the memory of the shame Davids repentance tooke away the guilt but not the reproach that abides to this day So then as I have began with the duty of love which must be the first and inward cement of couples for what 's christall worth if it be broken I say as loves is the inward band of preserving because the outward action followeth the affection so now I proceed with chastity which is the maine Charter of love and the patent thereof evidencing that the heart loves entirely because the bodies are kept pure from pollution I deny not but there are thousands of none of the most loving ones nor religious ones who yet loath adultery and filthinesse in this kind but yet there are many also not the worst for repute whose marriages are spotted with this staine and all to shew that where the roote wants ten to one if the branches doe not wither The restraint of providence is such by a common light that many are kept perforce from this dishonour And yet this proves not but that the inclinations and temptations of others are such that they lie open to this snare as much as to any We must not neglect the urging of the duty because some are innocent for some are so in same who are not in deed and some in deed who are not in spirit and some in spirit and yet no thanke to them let the point fasten as it may and fynd out the guilty the guiltlesse are out of the compasse of it But the age is generally debauched and iniquity carryes all as a flood before it Although the second part of this Treatise treating of the denunciation against this sin may perhaps more fully discover this disease with the cure of it yet here by so fit occasion I shall presse the jointnesse and honor of the duty by a few reasons exhortation and motives Reason Touching Reasons this may be one Chastity is the maine support of union as the contrary is the chiefe dissolver of it No other fault if once the marriage be lawfully consummated doth jnferre iust separation by authority of the word save this of uncleannesse Therfore needes must that which mainteins union bee the greatest pillar and prop of marriage Prostitution of the body profanes the honor of it and casts it into the myre and therfore the Cardinall vertue that must beare it up must be this Chastity If so then ought it by joint consent to be maynteyned by both parties Reason 2 Secondly it must be jointly done because although the honor of pure marriage requires both to conspire in mutuall chastity yet the defilement of eyther party is sufficient to overthrowe the honor of it As we say of a vertuous action all points must concurre to make it good but any one defect in those will serve to make it vitious so here Marriage dishonor doth not need the consent of both the parties dishonesty if one be disloiall it s as good as both Not before God in point of guilt but men in point of honor for to manward guilt and reproach â— in a sort especially here lose their difference the innocent party being pittied with as much dishonour as the guilty is reproached Therefore this joint duty of chastity must be supported most carefully by the joint care and purenesse of both parties Adde hereto that defect of this joint closenesse may bring a shame upon marriage though perhaps not so great yet as true as well as a greater crime committed As the Philosopher saith glory is not in the glorified he is but the object the agent is the glorifier Therefore fame and report is well called by some the married ones Saint For by fame they either stand or sinke Now how easily may fame snatch the least neglect of the married in this kind to raise suspicions How closely curious had they need be of their course and purenesse who cannot keepe their owne honour in their owne power sometime doe what they can Is it not the misery of manie to be defamed without cause Neither smoke nor fire appearing but perhaps some mistake error or advantage of a foule mouth being the sparke that kindleth the fire And yet it sometimes little availes for the point it selfe of honour whether a man be guilty or be taken so How great had that caution need to be that should preserve the honour of chastity Reas 3 The third may be this as I noted before Gods setting his print and marke of honour upon marriage in appointiug one to one How serious and solemne ought the meditation of this charge be being not humane but divine And to repeate nothing If the violation of this sacred band had such a blemish cast upon it by the Lord when yet it was covered over with a mantle of connivence and the practice of so many holy Patriarkes and Saints who were guilty of it what shall bee said now of that uncleannesse which proclaimes it selfe like Sodom If Poligamy were a state of uncleannesse in Gods esteeme and seldome went without a scare from Gods stroak as in Jacob and David and Elbana's cases appeares especially in that exorbitancy of Salomon what shall be said of that which carries the bastard at the back and wants the least rag of any veile to colour or excuse it Attend this reason and shunne this sin Reas 4 Fourthly that must needs be looked unto jointly by both the couples which hath such a covering faculty in it and sets the varnish and lustre upon each other endowment of it My wife hath defects but she is loyall by unavoidable errors she may offend but by voluntary she will not From her the honour of my marriage coms even when both of us are dead and gone in our lawfull posterity the Crowne of parents She is beautifull saith one personable well descended rich saith another yea but she is chast saith a third this crownes all What else were
experience will construe my meaning herein better then others can I now conclude the whole Chap. with use of exhortation and with some short direction to set it home First I say let all who desire to preserve the honor of their marriage looke to their Chastity Drinke of the waters of thine owne well but let the Cisterne bee thine owne Seeke not to strangers give not thy strength to the harlot and thy yeeres to the cruell Abhorre all sweetenesse of stollen waters let not thy teeth water after forbidden deynties lest thou find bitternesse in the end If medling with thy neighbors hedge thou mayst feare lest a serpent bite thee how much more with his bed Let thine owne wife delight thee shee is the woman whom thou chosest for the companion of thy youth transgresse not against her therefore Let her love satisfie thee and her affections equall thy embraces let thine appetite be subject to him and share the duty and the honor of it betweene you both and keep chaste till the comming of the Lord Iesus Know that this is an equall duty of both God having bestowed the power of each over other upon both Thinke not thy husband tyed to this rule O woman nor thou thy wife tied O husband and the other free the tye is equall It s not jealousie of each other which can preserve this honor no it s the Canker of marriage Bathsheba describing the condition of a good woman tells us The husband of such a woman rests in her his heart setles upon her Nothing that a wise man observing vertuous qualities in his wife iudgeth her the same towardes himselfe which he is to her A good man such an one as Joseph was to Mary a just man one that had no worse thoughts of jealousie towards her then shee had to him loth to entertaine the least suspicious thought against her will alway esteeme her by himselfe Why should I thinke that her Conscience Chastity is not as tender to her as mine to my selfe what can it come from save a base heart enclined to treachery against my wife that I should imagine my wife should bee false to mee Surely were it not a sin to do such a thing or wish it done it were but just that an unjustly jealous husband should meete with that he feares that so he might be jealous for somewhat Many civilly chast women having bin drawne to commit this folly by no greater motive then the vexation of jealousie as not fearing God and therfore thinking they were as good commit it as be alwayes falsely charged with it And marke it It s commonly the sin of couples unequall in yeeres who having marryed yonger husbandes wives then themselves lye opē to this temptation Alas I am too old to give him or her content they seeke such as are like themselves when as yet the parties are as cleere from such aspersions as the child new borne what hast thou offended once and is there no remedye but thou must soder it by a worse I speake not as if I would make men Pandars and Bawdes to their wives through their folly and carelesse confidence exposing them to any temptations and winking betweene the fingers for what is this save to give ayme to a chaste woman to be lewd No But to shame that impotencie and basenesse of either sex whereby each is prone contrary to the good cariage and approoved conversation of the other yet to surmise in them falsehood and ill meaning What can be such an incendiary to set all on fire between couples as this cursed mischiefe of jealousie which is ofttimes upon meere mistake of some word guise or action nothing tending that way rooted in the spirit of man or woman that neither all the assurances of truth betweene themselves nor yet by mutuall friends can compound the matter so but still there must be a pad in the straw and ther smoke must argue some fire And yet when all is done it prooves a meere Idoll of fancie nothing in all the world The Lord indeed appointed a triall for the jealous man against his wife but wee must not conceive this was to breed or nourish causelesse conceits it was no doubt first brought to the judges in criminall causes to determine what the matter was and as our Inquests doe to cut off all meere surmises else what a bondage had it beene for a wife to be so hurried and defamed And although it be true that for the hardnesse of their hearts the Lord permitted more liberty to men at that time being sturdy and rebellious should that be any encouragement now to Christians to nourish such trash in themselves to make their spirits their prayers their whole life sad and miserable to themselves and to be so imbittered each against other that even when they would faine shake off their owne conceits they should not be able I say no more of this elfe of causelesse jealousies but this for the party sinning no man shall need to wish his greater torment then himselfe hath created to himselfe let him thanke himselfe that his owne sinne hath eaten up the marrow of his bones The greatest pity is to the party innocent and sinned against who is to be advised while there is any hope of recovery to strive by all caution and exact circumspection of carriage to tender the weaknesse of the other hoping that love rather then anger hath bred it but by no meanes disdaine them and to walke loosely under pretext of innocency But if the disease be so rooted that it will not be healed let them enjoy their uprightnesse for the way of God is strength to the upright as Salomon saith Prov. 10. 29. and not be dismaied but looke up to God who can cleare their righteousnesse as the noone day and plead their cause against their oppressour joyning prayer to God to quit them accordingly This I have said of injust jealousie as for that which is just I say as much against the guilty party wishing the law were as strong now as it hath formerly beene against all violaters of this sacred knot And for this branch so much I had here purposed to insert some other watchwordes and directions but I consider that in the latter part of this Treatise more full occasion will be given of this Argument So much therefore shall serve for this Chapter CHAP. IX Conteining the description of the 4. last Ioint duty of the Marryed viz. Consent THe fourth and last duty equally concerning both parties married is Consent and harmony of course each to another Both the former of chastity and this doe grow as springs from the stocke of love the former in the bodies this latter in the lives of both For this I would have the Reader conceave that the former of love and this of consent doe not differ save as the roote and the branch the cause and the effect Love being the noble groundworke this the sweet building
blessing Looke about thee and see what objects God hath planted for thy bounty to be bestowed upon Thy wealth if it be a standing poole will stinck and baine thee If it be a streame it will be sweet and all the bulke shall be pure unto thee As in the Manna all had their due the plenty of the gatherer of much abounded to the supply of him that lacked By the decaies of others God trieth thee If when blessing comes in upon thee thou welcomest it with an evill eie saying This is little enough to pay debts this will do well to encrease my stocke this is for the clothing of my children I will spend this upon costly apparell for my wife and all that comes is onely for thine owne use and thou shrinkst up the bowels of thy compassion so much the more know this will destroy all as a Canker bred in a fayre apple No say thus This plenty will serve mee and God too part of this shall supply the defects of my faythfull Minister poor decayed neighâ—our such a poor widdow such poore Orfans poor Students at Vniversity hast thou such an heart to the poor members of Christ that no complaints may be heard in thy streets that thou and they may meete together and worship God with the more joyfull hearts that the Gospell and religion of God may be supported both in peace and especially in persecution It s a signe that God meanes to make thy horne full and thy winepâ—esse to burst with new wine well continue doe so still try the Lord if he will not requite thee Thy goodnesse cannot reach unto the Lord himselfe let it extend to his saints such as excell in vertue SeÌ„d thy treasure to heaven before thee cast thy bread upon the waters trust God after many daies if thou trust God it shal returne againe Many rich husbands professe religion but all their serving of God is no other theÌ„ the poorest ChristiaÌ„ may performe to pray heare conferre But as for the dutie they owe to God as rich men they cast it behind their backe They thinke that their workes should hinder their faith and so hoard up hundreths yea thousands together but do nothing till God by degrees wast and consume both them and their posterity as a moth and at last roote them up quite out of the land of the living Beware of this curse therfore Seventhly if any affâ—onts losses ill successe or discontents befall thee in thy course of providence by ill debtors servants children looke up in thine innocency with cheerfulnes to the smiter aswell as in thy gaynes Both are alike from him even to weane thee from the sweet milke of those brests which thou art loth to be weaned from to knocke thee off from hence and to prepare thy spirit for better welfare Bee patient Trades are as the sun which though it set over night yet returnes in the morning Iobs latter dayes after he had been tried prooved happier then the former And when both the mizer and waster shall both be left to want the Lord yet shall susteyne thee and thy faith which yet the world thinks will buy no meate in the marquet shall be such currant pay in heaven that it shall purchase thee abundance upon earth To conclude let all thy providence determine in this full point That hereby thine heart may rejoice thou and thy wife enjoying the fruite of thy travaile that thou mayst not be like to them that roste not that they got in hunting For what hath a man of all that sore travaile and labor which as a poore son of Adam he hath taken here under the sun save that a man eat and drinke and cheere his heart in the goodnes of the giver and rejoice in the wife of thy youth let her share with thee I meane not as Iob saith That he kisse his owne hande and magnify the Idoll of his provident head saying All this hath mine hand gotten nor that he soake himselfe in the Creature and set himselfe to looke upon the sun in her brightnes and the Moone in her encrease adoring the outward meanes and denying the Almighty this were Idolatry and Sacriledge No but quietly and thankfully praysing God and rejoycing as those Israelites were charged to do when they brought their first fruites in all which they put forth their handes unto Taking with a loving right hand that which God reacheth out causing themselves to serve him with a glad heart for all which the Lord hath don for them Better thus then as many do pursing and stopping up in holes corners in an ragge or in the ground perhaps here one debtor running away with an hundreth there another cheater with fifty or perhappes a theese digging thorough stealing as much in another kynd To the wicked God gives toyle and vexation of body of spirit more discontent then all their plenty can breed peace wheras the rest of the Righteous is sweet bee their portion more or lesse thorough the good will of him that dwelt in the bush added to their Providence See then that it be so that thou play not the block under all mercies so that neither a good day should mend nor a bad paire thee But first for thy outward condition proportion thine expences according to thy revenews as neer as thou canst keep downe thine heart and then its lawfull for thee to live according to thy meanes Cut thy coate according to thy cloth rather living at an under then an over rate as knowing its easier to fall then to rise and yet understanding what scantling God allowes yet better be a cheerfull dispenser then a base niggardly grudger at the use of what God hath given As the good woman sayde husband better spend it freely as God sendes it then knaves run away withall TheÌ„ for thy spirituall course let thine heart be doubly and trebly cheerfull in the Lord saying with her my Soule magnifies the Lord and my flesh rejoices in his salvation If I ought to make him my strength in the lowest adversity although neither vine should beare grapes nor the olive her fruit although there were neither Calfe in the stall nor bullock in the flocke how much more then when my pathes are anoynted with oile and my streames run full of butter and hony And so much if not too much for the answere of this question wherin providence standes Vse 1 I conclude all with use and first of reproofe for this point is fruitfuâ—l in unfruitfulnes first how many husbands are there who contrary to the vowes made to their wives in this behalfe at their entry upon marriage cast off this burden from themselves lay it wholly upon the weake shoulders of their wives In the mean while themselves bearing themselves upon the fidelitye or thedrudgery of the wiâ—e at home go abroad and open the sluce and floodgates of prodigality and
at once to make outcries against professors when they prove Bankrupts Adde sixthly to these such hotspurres as will not be idle but runne into another extreame of wilfulnesse rushing upon matters beyond their skill and reach affecting plots and inventions of gaine either by Adventures or by new Manufactures resolved eyther to winne the spurres or to lose all And so they have lost all indeed and withall drawne many with them who were as greedie of gayne into deepe expences and forfeits of their states and indeed they are both well enough served to teach them as Paul speakes to follow their owne affaires with quietnes Others weary of their slow-paced Trades desirous to hasten them how do they enlarge their providence rather their greedines as hell thrusting as many irons at once into the fire as they can come by adding house to house and farme to farme borrowing upon eight gayning scarse four in the hundreth yet dreaming of golden mountaynes Till at last the mistresse of fooles teaching them too late they perceive their haste to have brought foorth blind whelpes and wish they had made no more haste then good speed Eightly how ordinary a course now adaies is it with men as I touched before to wrangle with their callings that they might change them and seeke others till as the dog catching at the shadow they lose the flesh and forfeit that they have which is to cast their present reall estate upon the casual and uncerteyne hope of things to come Yet since this occasion is offred I speake not as if all deserting of a calling or diversion from it for a time were unwarranted For sometime it so falls out by providence that a man deserts Country and all and departs to such a place as will not admit a possibilitie of the exercise of his calling so that in the one he must needes yeeld the other Againe sometimes the outward members senses and the inward abilities of a man desert him and disable him from his calling when as yet some slighter employment may perhaps befit him well enough Necessity of banishment caused many holy men to make buttons and points for their living who before had studied and written books So also the trade may bee so growne out of request eyther by multitude of Traders or by deadnesse of the wares that they cannot support the workemen or they may bee so low and require so much work to be done for mony that a trader cannot live on them Shall then the mayntenance of the family hang upon the strict point of not change of a calling No in no sort But in these or any the like cases wherof are many the end must rule the meanes and any other lawfull course which lies neerest to the skill or sleight of the workman is allowed for the support of the family Onely let men beware lest out of a fickle ungrounded lazy wearisome covetous reaching aspiring spirit they desert not their Callings and if they needs must yet let them chuze to divert rather from them for a tyme and returne to them after when providence yeelds opportunitie for it then shew that they willingly and slightly were mooved to abandon them at the first But this by the way Endlesse it were to mention all abuses in this kynde but to finish how many have wee who through their Rebellion will not be subject to the duty of Providence Others who spoile all by improvidence and having sold all even their wyves clothes off their backe make a mocke of it saying If any can make more of their wyves then they have done let them take them How many others who having gotten a faire estate by their Providence yet wast it as fast by their jollity and lavishnesse making their houses Through-faires for Epicures and boone companions disquieting their poor wives from their setled family busines to wayt upon such base Companions contrary both to her spirit conscience Or if not yet farre from honoring God with their Encrease or their marriage with wise dispensing of their estate These excesses have as thou mayst see good Reader caused mee to lengthen out this Argument as if I had not only treated about marriage Providence but providence in the generall the contrary thereto But I hope that some may light upon what I have sayd amend Thus much for the use of Reproofe Vse 2 The latter use is Exhortation Let all good Husbands honour their Marriage and the Lord by a faithfull improovement of this duty of Providence Let them avoyde all extremities both on the right hand and left and in weldoing commend themselves to God as to a faythfull keeper and God alsufficient Let them neither go to worke carkingly nor yet carelessely Let them abhorre ydlenesse and yet shun ill occupiednesse And by that I have sayd of the sin of Improvidence let them learne the contrary and so shall they as much as in them lyes build up the house give good example to their wives to do the like within serve God with cheerfulnesse and enjoy the fruit of their Travaile with contentednesse when the slothfull and prodigall shall perish and vanish And for this second peculiar duty of the husband viz. Providence so much and for this Chapter CHAP. XII Treateth of the third and last Personall Office of the man Honor of Respectivenesse to his wife NOw I proceed to the third and last duty of the husband towards his wife which is honor and due respect to his wife The ground of which is the ordinance of God by which they are made one flesh For so sayth Moses when the Lord had brought the woman to Adam he embraced her saying This is bone of my Bone and flesh of my flesh Shee shal be called woman because shee is taken out of man For this cause shall a man forsake his father and mother and cleave to his wife and they twayne shal be one flesh Lo with what honorable esteeme he welcomes this his blessed compeere into the world Now its true the wife in this respect oweth the like tye of tendernesse towards him But we must know this first lyes upon the man to her ward because he is the roote of the relation Wee say that love descendes from the Father to the Child because he is the foundation of the reference Not but that mutualnesse is required But the Originall roote must first impart himselfe Now upon this roote of union the Apostle enforceth this duty No man ever hated his owne flesh But nourished theri shed it as himselfe He then that hates his wife is an unnaturall monster and devoures his owne flesh He that loveth his wife loveth himselfe We know how it is in the body Vnion of parts causing samenesse and uniforme subsisting in one procuring an exceeding tendernesse compassion and sympathie betwixt each member So that although the foot stumble and give the body a fall yet a man
he ever feele himself burne if shee were weake What affliction of body or mynde coulde he ever fynd in his heart to condole for his wife What one kid gave he at any time to her out of his flocke or twelve pence out of his purse to make merry withall what one lap of his garment did he ever spread over her Or what I say not blast of cold wind but sad crosse did he ever keep in tendernesse from her himselfe being both a nipping East wind to blast her hopes and a perpetuall dropping to dwell with Many an infamy and blot hath he suffred to light upon her head though he needed not himselfe being the upshot of all Oh the snares which such unnaturall wretches bring upon innocent women but ease them of none Oh the narrow eye they carry over them watching them as the Cat the mouse from either good Sermon hearing loving friends frequenting abroad or Christian company at home Stripping their bodies of good clothes their purses of mony their hearts of delight their soules of grace as much as in them lies if grace were not past their reach to rob them of what one peny ever gave they them for good use If they knew of any who should endure the tempest of their violence they will see their owne turnes served to the uttermost But as for easing them of their burdens or being drawne to resigne up their lusts and loose liberties to joine with their wives in the burden of house government those Israelitish bondmen were as good complayne to Pharao or those other subjects to Râ—hoboam as they to their husbands for their tale of bricke should be but multiplyed their fingers should proove heavier theÌ„ their loyns before I might be endlesse But I blame only the faulty for I know and God forbid else all are not alike Many not onely irreligious but meerly civil ignorant ones have had tender melting hearts to their wyves so unnaturall wretches are all unmercifull respectlesse husbands in this kynd even bred upon the rockes and nursed up by Tygres yea fiendes in the likenesse of men Let them alone but O thou woman that fearest God persist neverthelesse in thy uprightnesse serve God not man and vile man for Gods sake do not repent thee of thy goodnesse give thy worke to God still heape up hot coales upon the head of the Barbarous if they melt not they shal burne to hel bear a while he that commeth will come not tarry causing thy light to breake out as the morning and thy Righteousnes as the noone day He shal plead the cause of the despised wife and quit her of her adversary bringing his wickednes upon his owne pate And of this third severall duty of giving honor and so of all the three thus much be spoken CHAP. XIII Treates of the personall dutyes of the wife Ana first of her Subjection to her husband IT is high time now having dispatched the husbands duties to proceed to the next branch in which the preserving of Matrimoniall Honor consists to wit the peculiar duties of the wife to the husband Else I know husbands would taxe mee for partiality and I confesse as I have no cause to conceale the priviledges of the good wife from her husband so neither must I withhold from her the knowledge of her offices and services towards him The first and maine wherof comprehending all the rest is subjection to her husband the second is helpfulnes the third Gracefulnes By her subjection she answers his understanding By her helpfulnesse she equals his providence by her gracefulnesse she supplies his tender respectivenesse in a word she answers him as face to face in water so shee in marriage service with all correspondence Else how shall the relation hold firme and entire First then of the first This duty then of subjection is the womans great and cheefe commandement and as St. Iames saith he that can rule his tongne is a perfect man can rule his whole conversation so shee who hath learned to be subject for as Paul Philip. 4. is not ashamed to say of that grace of contentation that he had learned it so may the woman say of this is a perfect woman That which was wont to be said of prounciation in Rhetorique and of humility in Divinity that may be said of Subjection in this businesse of the wife Its breadth and length it fills up all yea it s all in all the whole duty of the womaÌ„ all other sticke at this grant this and all other follow of themselves Now then this great dutie of subjection so much cavild at by the Rebellious so much honored by the dutifull and loyall wife must have a good foundation both for the convincement of the bad and for the encouragement of the good The warrant then of this duty stands not in the opinion choise or will of man or flesh no nor of nations because the world will have it so for there is a world of women to gainsay as well as of men to alledge it But it is a firme law from the will of the first ordeyner because God will have it so That very strict Imperiall Edict of Ahashuerosh that Every man should bear rule in his owne house proceeded in a sort from a discontent with Vashti a desire to be revenged for the dishonor offred Ahashuerosh her husband and for prevention of the like for time to come But if all this streame of Authority had not met with another more strong one of divine Ordinance alas it had beene no more terror to the sexe of women then swordes and spears to the Whales skin even as stubble and rotten wood No no it s an instinct put into the spirit of the woman principling and convincing her understanding will and affections viz. The great God of heaven and earth will have it so Reasons 1 Wherof two reasons may be given the one from the law of creatioÌ„ the other from the law of Penalty following disobedience For the first The man we know was first created as a perfect Creature and not the woman with him at 〈…〉 as we know both sexes of all other 〈…〉 not so here But after his constitution and frame ended then was she thought of Secondly she was not made of the same matter with the man equally but she was made and framed of the man by a rib taken from the man and being formed by God into a woman was brought unto the man And thirdly she was made for the maÌ„s use and benefit as a meet helper when no other creature besides her was not able to do it Three weighty reasons and grounds of the womans subjection to the man and that from the purpose of the Creator who else might have done otherwise that is yeelded to the woman coequall beginning samenesse of generation or relation of usefulnesse For he might have made her without any such precedency of matter without
her instruction to Salomon speake Shee describing a godly and helpfull wife and not onely a thrifty one as it appeares from the 25. verse to the end of the Chap. doth couple her vertue and house wifery together She openeth her mouth with wisedome and the law of grace is upon her lips there is her grace and she overseeth the waies of her houshold and eateth not the bread of idlenesse there is providence And lest any should thinke this latter might be spared it s to be noted that she spendeth the whole Chapter in the description therof by divers passages wheras the former she shuts up in the end of that Chapter in a verse or two although the more necessary as taking it to be more out of question then the other nay note how the holy Ghost wil needs convey that instruction by the counsel of a woman to all of her sex to make the thing lesse subject to exception pressing it strongly in an Idea of such an exact helper and that with pleasing Rethorique and variety Why save because she saw it a vertue meet to be urged as being that which many women will not acknowledge Neither can the greatnesse and wealth of wives controll this duty of Providence and that not for shew neither or complement and praise to let the world see what skill in spining in needle worke or in other matters they have but for conscience sake In Bathsheba's daies gold and silver were common and as plentifull as the stones and figtrees and therefore need there was not for Queenes or their maids to work so hard And yet for the religion of the duty she speaks so as one who had experience of it in her owne princely person and had the oversight also of her maydens in the handling of the wheele and spindle for flax and wool And surely in great families both sexes had need to be yoked and awed from the sins which come from sloth and idlenesse although I adde in a mediocrity lest they trench upon the contrary of covetousnesse My meaning yet by all this is not to allow any woman the liberty of any such peculiar housewifery by her selfe apart from the common streame and welfare of the husband and family but in common with for and under him though in a way of her owne best fitting her sex and education For I know there be housewives who excell in providing for themselves and like the Steward in the Gospell who to prevent beggery when he should be turnd out of service can shift for themselves who yet are but ill providers for the good of their husbands whom to use that Emperors comparison I may liken to the Spleene in the Body which when its fullest makes the body emptiest and so commonly when the cofers of these Housewives are fattest their husbands treasure is leanest and lankest wheras shee should rather be a pipe to conveigh into his cesterne then a sponge to sucke from or a Channel to dreyne from his fountayne This yet is a common vice not only of second wyves prowling for their owne broodes or kindred But of all sorts of women and is caused by pride of Birth of dowry education or person which to godlesse ones are occasions to withdraw them from the yoke of supposed bondage though if a Queen may judge of helpfull houswifely providence In some others its rather caused by oldor late habits of luxuriousnes riotous and lewde companionship for now wee have meetings of Women-drinkers Tobacconists and swaggerers as well as men lest Pauls Prophecie of the latter time should be falsified and which is worst of all secret and stollen liberties These vices are like the daughters of the horseleach crying give give but like hell the grave never satisfied In steed of the which licentious usurping over the husbands commodities let women know that although they have a true property and interest in their husbands Estates yet when the use of the same comes into question the Lord will have it as wel as other things ordered by the husband Neither may the bad qualities of the man as his churlishnes Covetousnes and Enmity to vertue authorize the woman to be her owne carver lest if this wicket be set open to good wyves the bad ones throng in with them also and usurpe it to evill endes Gods law is one and concerneth all sorts indifferently If women desire a stroake this way as indeed some may more causedly plead in then others in shew let them labor by their good deserts to prevaile with their husbands and by their helpfulnesse and love to draw so good an opinion of themselves that they may with a willing mynd yeeld this favor to their wives as to use their pleasure in a sober manner Provided that they spende it upon honest and religious objects But if God have layde another burden upon them as I noted in the former chap. of ill natured and straithanded husbands let them take up and beare it as the Crosse which God hath set apart for them without discontent or grudging Especially second wyves having the charge of former brood depending upon them further then by cheerfull consent of their husbands they are allowed let them beware lest herein they dishonor their Profession by yeelding to the strong and tempting occasions of needy unruly and burdensome children supplying their want by injurious pillage of the husband and his posteritie This by the way To conclude the point these three specialls concerne the womans providence first getting then storing and lastly dispensing those things which are committed to her charge The first of these three is proper onely to those women who sell their husbands commodities or are allowed to be chapmen of their wares which is the case of few or such as by reason of some speciall skill in any crafts or manufactures have some stocke allotted them by their husbands to trade and traffique withall In which way they must use all good faythfulnes neither selling to their husbands losse nor for their owne secret gaine nor the hurt of the buiers all which rules are in all tradings usually transgressed Besides the huswifery of many tradesmens wives who learne their husbands skill serve to the making of sundry wares which serve to the upholding of the family and estate In which case as the other burden of family will admit they are to shew their best endeavor both for the getting in of some part of the mayntenance and saving it from being spent about such houshold expences as by paines and thrift at home might be spared And this is that which Bathsheba most insisteth upon She laboureth cheerfully with her hands she is like the Ships of Merchants She bringes home her food from a farre Shee ariseth while it is yet darkish her candle goeth not out she puts her hand to the wheele and her handes to the spindle She makes sheets and selleth them and giveth girdles to the merchant Shee
corruption cannot recover it by faith and this disquiets them the losse of a pig a chicken will vexe by consent because there is a worse vexer within But as wee know if a woman had found a pearle worth an hundreth pound shee would be overjoyed Christ speakes but of a groate so that if she should heare she had lost one of her goslings it would little affect her so if this faith were within the bosome the losses of toies the occasions of common anger in the family would cease That would change all as Christ calmed the sea And secondly for the life of it what gold is so precious as is the triall of faith Marriage is as full of troubles as a Crowne of cares Sorrow there is sufficient to each day to a womaÌ„ by name breeding bearing bringing forth many losses she meetes with false aspersions feare of debts wrong of ill neighbors and enemies deprivall of health her deerest children sundry diseases ill successes what were then the life of a woman under all these but miserie if she beleeved not in the son of God and hoped for a good end That although she cannot say All is yet she may say All shal be well when the houre of Redeemed ones is come This life of faith wil make the bush though it burne yet not to consume and will bring the Son of God to walke with her in the hot fornace who wil keep away the savor as wel as the power of fire from theÌ„ Therfore Sara and the widow of Zarepta and of Shunem and Rebecca are brought in as beleevers in that cloude of witnesses as well as Abraham and Isaac and Iacob So base is that speech of some Atheists that women must meddle with no faith but wrap themselves up in their husbands A fourth grace is Innocency and truth A compound of two in one The one is a brestplate of defence the other a Golden Girdle to gird all other graces of Gods spirit close to her These I grant are peeces or Armor for Champions but I understand my selfe to speake of women Captains and conquerors as I tolde you before and you know fayth is no effeminate grace though feminine but overcomes the world And why should a shield of Faith which serves to defend both the body and the Armour of it too go without a Brestplate and a girdle Debora if shee will go into the feeld shee must be armed and a woman is not free from assaults and perill shot and darts aswel as a man in this feeld of the worlde therfore must learne to put on this armour God hath no other for men then women though women must not put on mens apparrel yet they must be clad in the same armor of light That will make them shot-free The Emperor Charles the 5. went among the thickest of his souldiers and tolde his men That a true Emperor was never shot with a Bullet But I am sure of this That this Brest plate is armor of proofe An innocent hermelesse quiet woman shall not be ashamed to meete her enemies in the gates yea though it were of hell wheÌ„ things come to be debated her uprightnes and righteousnes shall deliver her Innocency shal be her defence against evill tongues abroad truth against an ill conscience within wheras the guilty and treacherous woman will betray her selfe and lose the day That very harlot true in nothing but that shee was the infants mothe â—by her truth escaped the swords censure A miescheevous woman or a woman-lyar who can endure And who would not go or ride a far journey to see this other warlike woman Those Heroines of whom story and Poëts so talke as Penthesilea and the like were not so gracefull a sight nor those Amazons that seared off one dug that they might shoot were no such spectacles as these women clad in innocency and truthe Their name is more fragrant then sweet oyntment and there is no dead fly to make it stinke A fifth grace is zeale and prety For the former it serves to make the woman a stirring housewife for God as Diligence makes her so for her husband Meeknesse in her own matters well becomes her who is earnest in Gods If a woman man would be hot and fiery let her turne it to God and for his cause and this will make her coole and calme in her own As bleeding on the arme by art stops unnaturall bleeding by fluxe so zeale for God cooles the heat of corrupt passion to man This grace becomes this sexe the rather because it argues truth of grace for else calmenesse of her frame naturally carries her to flatnesse and fulsomnesse It must be with a Christian woman as it is in nature with the female sexe of the creatures Nature hath put a fircenesse into the female because of the impotency thereof therefore the she Beare the Lyonesse are the most raging and cruell But grace makes that naturall impotency of the woman turne impotency for God as to provoke her husband with sweet affections for his servants and worship It was a great praise for the sexe that God would send his Prophet in the famine rather to try the piety of the widdow of Zareptha an heathen then any of the sonnes of Israel And it was the honour of those wealthy women Joanna the wife of Herods Steward and other the like to be the pious supporters of the Lord Iesus his body when hee had not whereon to lay his head And at this day if estimation be made God is as much if not more honoured with the forwardnesse of women then of men their nature being fearfull hath ever beene proner to superstition as in Ezekiel those women that wept from Tammuz those devout Grecian Gentlewomen stird up by the Iewes against Paul and where they are out of the way none are worse But grace overruling corruption turnes superstition into zeale and devotion into religion and then its comely Mens spirits are hardier doe not so easily feare Majesty tremble at judgemnts beleeve promises shun sinne love good as women so that when they are in the way none are better none sooner embrace the Gospell if it come a new to a place none more readily joine together in communion none more tender hearted to the distressed and such as suffer for Christs name God hath his women that wove scarlet and twined linnen for his Tabernacle as Manasseh had for his Idolls Oh! how sweet a sight is it to see these Votaries not of the Pope but the Lord Iesus who can thinke of that honorable Countesse of Richmond and Derby without admiration the founder of so many Colledges and Hospitalls I omit to speake of all whose praise is in the gospell wee have many worthy momen in our daies exceeding men in these pieties and zealous duties Oh goe on hold your daily entercourse with God! keepe quarter with heaven have your conversation where your treasure is and with that
she bee all blubberd with teares she loseth not her beauty but by the contrary doth commend it so although the occasions of her life are sad aswell as cherefull yet the cloud doth not disanull the sun but causes it to shine thorough with a more acceptable grace So farre I say as weake flesh mixt with much corruption wil admit And this forthe latter What shall I then say for Conclusion of this former part of my text that the married wives must honor their Marriage by this amiable behaviour Surely it instructeth us in and about the variety of couples in marriage The oddes is as great as the difference of the Prophets baskets of figs very good and very naught so that they could not be eaten The gratious wife is not only an helper to the Estate of her husband â—ut shee is a Coâ—fort and contentment to his mind and spirit shee lies in his bosome as a bag of sweet spices under his Aâ—meâ—olâ—s as a perfumed garment to his nostrils as the spikenard of the spouse in the Canticles which gave her savor to the beloved when he lay upon his bed Hence it is that Salomon compares her not onely to the most costly but especially to the most comely things which Nature hath made All her teeth her forhead lips necke bosome thighes legges yea even her very goings are pleasing in his eye he compares her to the lillies to the washed sheepe to the Roes of the Mountaines to the Doves to the Cedars to the Curtains of Salomon and every lovely amiable thing All to shew that amiablenesâ—e and gracefulnes is that principall excellency which commends a wife to her husbands esteem and affection without the which the rest were little worth In other things shee hath a mixture of her selfe but in this she resembles him who hath restored her to her first order and comelinesse in her creation A creation which no outward wealth or price can purchase nothing in the world can equall the reflexion of those graces and the savor of that report which came from her They are in her not for her as the flowers of a garden serve to garnish the house so these grow in her for his use her husbands to adorne and grace his person that he may be knowne in the gates All that City which knew Ruth to be a vertuous woman knew Booz to be an happy man in her himselfe thinking no lesse when he told her so Her vertues indeed shine within her owne sphaere and centre chiefly yet the influence therof is as that oile of Aaron which stayed not where it was first layd upon his head but wet the whole attire and earth about And as that box of costly oyntment though onely powred upon the feete of Christ yet made the whole house savor of it so the temper which ariseth of the simplieity meeknesse modesty of a good wife makes her amiable to such as never saw her face It s as the vices of the bad wife which like oile in the palme of ones hand cannot be hid Contrariwise an unhappy husband falles alone nor in himselfe so much as in his vitious wife who creates abroad dishonour at home discontent to him The best man thus plagued shall hardly avoid one of these imputations either that he is unworthy of a good one because he makes her no better or unhappy because she is no better the one is his sinne the other his shame both his sorrow She is neither comfort to him at home because he is an eie-witnesse of what he would not nor abroad being forced to stop his nose at the ill savour of he vices as Ahigail at Nabals churlishnesse Neither can hee be but as the body sitting upon a rolling stone which is never at rest but alway in conflict with himselfe with wrath and despaire yet there is no way to bee rid of such either in the getting or having except God shew a man favour that a man fall not into her hands So much for information But from this another use arises And that 's admonition to good wives and happy husbands thus much To the good wife this if God have thus graced thee enjoy it not thy selfe but set a Crowne upon thine husband expresse the temper of thy inward vertues in the amiablenesse of a loving and sweet carriag Forget it not even in affliction utter it even in the midst of bodily weaknesse Let thy pleasing influence breake through all opposition and sorrowes as the Sunne breakes through the thick mist or darke cloudes yea although eclipsed in part yet shine in part and let a glimmering appeare remember thou art a true friend made for the day of adversity it is not so thankeworthy for thee to cheere thine husband when he can cheere thee or himselfe without thee while the day of prosperity lasts but then to play the sweet orator and to make him merry when all other comforts have forsaken him in the sad season of sicknesse of sorrow this is better then all musique and melody Every base bird while summer lasts will chirp and chitter But to sing upon the bare bow or thorne bush when the leaves are gone and the cold winter approacheth this argues a wife truly gracefull truly amiable and cheerfull and next to the Soules peace with God is the greatest content under the Sunne I exhort no woman to play the hypocrite neither indeed can gracefulnesse be long acted by any apish imitator But I entreat her whom God hath thus graced to understand the use she serves for not concealing her selfe but to the uttermost to apply her selfe to the comfort of her husband And for himselfe this I say If God hath thus honored thee with such a wife understand oh man thine owne happinesse and digest it seriously with thanks to him who hath framed her so and brought her so framed into thy bosome Let her finde by good experience there is no love lost but let thy heart rest in her and trust to her seale her a bond of thy sure and faithfull respect againe and let her see she hath not a wearisome Nabal to do with who cannot value that which is pretious in her at a due rate Set her as a signet on thy right hand and let her be neerer thine heart then thy costliest jewell Let it not be enough that thou canst love one who hath honoured thee more then all thy wealth or birth could doe but procure her honour in all places and suffer none to eclipse her worth Give her of the worke of her hands and let her workes praise her in the gates And so much bee spoken for the use of this third Branch and so touching the meane to preserve the honour of Marriage by the duties which concerne each party in severall And thus having at last absolved this Taske which I undertooke to wit to shew how Matrimoniall honor may both bee purchased and preserved entire viz first
by a wife Entrance marrying in the Lord and aptly in the Lord as also by wise watching to the Duties both of common nature reaching to them both and in speciall pertaining to either let mee conclude the whole treatise with an item to both sorts First all ye that are apt religious joint worshippers of God who love each other are chast and consenting in the generall also who in speciall are understanding provident respective husbands subject helpfull gracefull wives Let me say this unto you both I doubt not but in the reading of my former treatise you willingly heare of other unhappy couples your selves better married But which of you in thus reading looke up to God or acknowledge such a blessing with due thankfulnes Which of you do but suppose as it is not amisse to suppose what might have bin or what may bee or say within your selves If â—he Loâ—d had not provided better for some of us then we deserved then we desired given us good companions before ever we knew what the misery of bad or the worth of good ones meant yea if he had not beene better to us most unworthie then he hath beene to more worthie then our selves whom he saw fitter to beare to profit by the crosse then our selves were oh what had become of us Oh! Nabals Laâ—ecs Zippora's Iebazels had swallowed up our souâ—s spirits peace welfare thrift and all The continuall vexitions of bad heads daily dropping of bad wives had oppressed us Alas And why hath the Lord done this Surely not for any good hee saw or foresaw in us but because he knew how unmeet we were to honor him under such a chaine Why then do wee not more magnify his providence and wonder at his love who hath so guarded us There being so few apt couples in the world that our lot should bee to light upon no unapter there being so many bad ones that wee should light upon no worser Is not this mercy Was it a golden blessing at first in our owne sense and confession and is it become a leaden one now after ten twenty thirty yea fourty yeeres experience Doe rich Pearles fall in price Could such mercie be better spared now then it might thirty yeeres a goe Have we had the stock of good marriage now 20. yeeres and come far shorter in the Tribute of praise thanks and fruit then when we first entred There be 4. ages of each marriage through the sin of the marryed the first goldeÌ„ the next silver the third brasse the last yron At first couples begin with precious affectioÌ„s to God to each other join much in duty cleave closely each to other mutually excite each other to zeale good works and pay their vowes well then nextly Gods part weaknes and decayes and they hold mutuall marriage-love hardly Then thirdly both Gods part and their owne faile too and they waxe fulsome and formall in both But lastly and before they die the Devill will faile of his will but he will make them both loose carnall profane and scandalous consider this how many Marriages of great hope and solemnity have by these Declensions proved starke naught at last when indeed they should have proved best and by degrees come to perfection Let it bee a sad Item to such as enter well to beware lest they trust too much to their owne wisedome and strength which will lay them in the durt ere they be a ware Againe how little do wee condole the unhappines of mismatcht couples Yea even Christians better then our selves Rather readie to disdayne and scorne them then to condole and pity them As those two Aaron and Miriam fell a cavilling at Moses for his Aethiopain wife Why Had he not sorrow enough before Was this to mourne with him or rather to adde more burden thereto Was it not from God And were they to quarrel at it Even so it fareth with many That which should provok teÌ„dernesse love fellow-feeling compassion in men rather causeth disdaine indignation alienating and estrangement of heart deserting of fellowship Why I pray Do they stoop under their burden so deeply that they are oft ashamed to complaine and dost thou trample upon them Dost thou judge them afflicted of God and humbled for sin Knowing thy wisedome and choice was no whâ—t better Thy successe only was happier in providence No but as thy selfe in the like affliction wouldst be handled so deale thou Bear their burden associate their persons use all meanes to reconcile their spirits to compound their differences to reduce them to mediocrity and indifferency of affâ—ctions many couples had prooved happier if even such as were neerest them had not rather made them objects of abhorring then of compassion A great sin and meane to aggravate yea exasperate those seedes of evill which disproportion at the first was like to kindle too much Pray pray rather for mercie and strength to guide and carry them through For how hardly couldst thou digest those morsells once which must bee their daily diet Wilt thou eate thy sweet bits alone and so little wish them to such as want them wholy Once a man enjoying sweet marriage thought seriously of another friend that never married a viling himself as base in respect of him that seemed to be above the need of that which himselfe could neither well want nor thankfully improove How much more shouldst thou then pray for such as would faine enjoy that which no creature can help them withall Moreover if not our worth but rather our weaknes hath mooved the Lord to shew us this mercy how doth the sense of our weaknes humble us How do we esteeme of the grace of God in such as although but ill married yet do walke more wisely under that crosse and do grow daily more humble and wary and purge out much drosse out of themselves which perhaps the blessings of God purge not out of us but rather make us sleep securely in the love of them As pride hipocrisie selflove and sensuality what if we whose portion is better do yet make a slighter matter of it and turne it into wantonnes How just were it with God to bereave us of our sweet companions leaving us to passe the rest of our daies either in solitarinesse with snares so that we should bring our gray heads to the graves with dishonor as many have done or in marriage more sad and sorrowfull the latter part of our life then ever it was comfortable in the former part thereof Could we well brooke such sawce and sower hearbs yet fit for such as have eaten our former dainties with such unthankfulnesse verily the experience I have had of second or third matches which have betided some husbands have made mee to thinke of our Saviours words to Peter when thou wert young thou girdedst thy selfe and went at thy pleasure But when thou art old another shall bind thee and lead thee whither thou wouldest not Surely when