and pray God to pardon this and other our Sins whereupon we both kneeled down upon the plowed Land and I prayed wept and made Supplication to God as well as I could and found so great Assistance from God at that time that I never used any set Form of Prayer afterwards which done we both kissed each other and went to School Afterwards I went to Cambridge and there a godly Minister preached on Hosea the 5th Chap. and 17. ver His Doctrine was That the joyning to Sin by often committing it after Conviction of Conscience for it did provoke God to give over many to the power of their Corruptions and let them alone to dye in their Sins I was thereby convinced that it was my Case for I had oftentimes broken the Sabbath after Conviction and I had disobeyed my Parents and had often told Untruths The same Lords-day at Night another godly Minister preached at five a Clock upon Eph. 2.3 and thereby I was much more convinced of my sinful Condition and that I was a Child of Wrath without Christ and Grace c. which Work of Conviction remained strongly upon me above one year under which I was filled with great Horrour and fears of Hell sore buffettings and Temptations of the Devil and made to possess the Sins of my Youth But yet I prayed daily heard all the godly Ministers I could read and searched the Holy Scriptures read good Books got acquaintance with gracious Christians then called Puritans kept several days of Fasting and Prayer alone wherein I did humble my Soul for my Sins and begg'd Pardon and Grace of God for Christs sake grew strict in performing Holy Duties and in Reformation of my own Life examining my self every night confessing my Sins and mourning for them and had a great Zeal for God and an Indignation against Actual Sins both committed by my self and others June 29th 1629. I was ordained Deacon and the next day June 30th I was ordained Presbyter by the Bishop of Peterborow having Preached above 16 Sermons before I would be Ordained by way of Tryal of my Ability for that great Work of the Ministry After my Ordination the Bishop of Lincoln gave me a small Living at Humberstone where I preached twice every Lords Day and once every Holy-day That which made me strict and Laborious in Preaching was partly the Work of Conviction upon my Conscience but more especially a Providential Acquaintance that I had gotten with a very godly old Widdow in Gainsburgh where I taught the Free-School before I came to Humberstone who told me of one called a Brownist who used to pray and expound Scriptures in his Family whom I went sometimes to hear and with whom I had Conference and very good Counsel Whilst I was at Humberstone there lived a very Religious Widow who falling sick sent for me and charged me that I would not depart her House on the day-time until she ended or mended least Satan should tempt her above her strength The Doctor of Physick had given her over some godly Ministers Friends and Relations did take leave of her as a Dying Woman She received nothing for several days but a little Julep which was put into her Mouth with a Spoon and ran most of it out again lay speechless two or three days her Family mourning over her and expecting her Death every Hour I had brought some of my Books to her House and was studying her Funeral Sermon and when I had almost finished the same the Devil set upon me with a violent Suggestion That the Scriptures are not the Word of God He had suggested this Temptation to me divers Times before but prevailed not Now the Tempter assaulted me with this Argument Whatever you ask in the Name of Christ God will do it but that Scripture was not true and if I would put it now upon Tryal I should find it not to be true for if I would ask the Womans Life in the Name of Christ God will not do it and thereby I should know the Scriptures are not true nor are they the Word of God for his Word is true To which I answered Satan thou art a Lyar a Deceiver and a false Accuser The Holy Scriptures are the Word of God and the Scriptures of Truth And seeing thou hast often tempted me in this kind and now dost assault me again that I may for ever silence thee thou wicked and lying Devil I will trust in God and act Faith in the Name of Christ in that very Word of his Truth which thou hast now suggested I will leave my Study and go and pray for her and believe that God will hear my Prayers thrô the Intercession of Jesus Christ and restore her Life and Health that thou mayst be found a Lyar Whereupon I went into the Parlour where she lay speechless without any visible motion or use of any Senses and I locked the Door and Candles being in the Room I kneeled down by her Bed-side and prayed above half an hour using my Voice and then she began to stir toss and struggled so much that I was constrained to stand up and holding her in her Bed still prayed over her Sathan then gave me a great Interruption and suggested to me she was a dying and these were the pangs of Death upon her I notwithstanding this Assault of the Devil was assisted by the Holy Spirit to pray and believe still and in a short time she lay very quietly and I kneeled down again and prayed fervently and within half an hour whilst I was yet praying she said The LORD hath healed me I am restored to Health Then I returned praises to God and she did joyn with me lifting up her eyes and hands still saying I am Healed Then I rose up from my knees and asked her how she did O Sir said she God hath heard your Prayers and hath made me whole Blessed be his Holy Name Then I unlocked the Door and some of her Kinswomen and Servants being at the Door came in and asked me if she were dead to whom I answered No. Then they asked me How she did I bad them go to her and ask her self She had been speechless four days I told them she could speak now and as soon as they came to her Bed-side she lift up her self and said I am well the Lord hath heard Prayer and healed me I am very weak and sore in my bones but I am in Health I pray you give me something to eat and as soon as they brought her some broth she sat up and eat it and took some of her Julep and from that time received strength and the next day she did rise and walked with a Staff which being heard of many godly Ministers and Christians came to visit her and to know the truth of what was told them touching her Recovery I told them it was not any thing in me but it was the Lord that had done it for His own Glory and to silence
Sathan who was never suffered to tempt me in that kind afterwards God bruised Sathan under my feet and my Lord Jesus Christ made a conquest of him and gave me the Vâ—ctory and helped me to give him the Glory of it The next Year after this I Married a Wife with whom I lived 40 years by whom I had Issue 7 Sons and 3 Daughters who was a Holy Discreet Woman and a meet Help for me in the ways of her Houshold and also in the way of Holiness who was my companion in all my Sufferings Travels and Hardships that we endured for the Gospel She departed this Life the 30th of April 1671. in full Assurance of Eternal Life and Salvation Presently after I was Married I was convinced of some things about the Worship of God which I had conformed unto to be sinful to wit the Surplice the Cross in Baptism and admitting wicked persons to the Lords Supper whereupon I resigned my Living to the Bishop who offered me a better Living I told him I could not conform any longer and would do nothing but preach which he connived at for two or three Years Shortly after I was convinced that my Ordination received from the Bishop was not right and thô I had preached some years by Virtue of that Ordination I had not received any Seal from Christ of my Ministry for thô many had been reformed and moralized yet I knew not that I had been Instrumental to convert any Souls to God And thereupon I renounced that Ordination and silenced my self resolving not to preach any more untill I had a clear Call and Commission from Christ to preach the Gospel And to that end I gave my self to Prayer day and night for several weeks together and at last being at Prayer in a Wood at Woodenderby in Lincoln-shire where I had preached before and prayed with loud cries and tears that Christ would count me worthy and put me into the Ministry and shew me how to glorifie God in the Ministry and thô I was much melted and enlarged in Prayer at that time yet I had no answer from the Lord After Prayer I walked and meditated under the Wood-side till Sun-set and then went homeward resolved not to preach till the Lord made my call to that great Work of preaching the Gospel clear to me And as I was going home an answer of my Prayers was given to me in these words Go to Mr. Wheelwright and he shall tell thee and shew thee how to glorifie God in the Ministry but I heard no voice nor did I see any Vision only those words were plainly and articulately spoken into my Ears and Understanding At which I was astonished and said Lord let me not be deluded nor deceived then was brought to my mind that passage of Cornelius sent to Peter who should tell him what he should do whereupon I was fully perswaded it was an answer of my Prayets from the Lord and I was filled with such joy that I went on my way rejoycing leaping and praising God The next Morning going to seek out Mr. Wheelwright who was a silenced Minister whom I had heard of by some Christians that he had been Instrumental to convert many Souls but I knew him not nor did I know where he was but I was resolved to find him out for I had heard that he was near Lincoln about 25 miles from me where he lived privately And as I was getting up on Horseback one of my Neighbours coming by asked me whither I was riding to whom I said I did not certainly know I was going to Mr. Wheelwright who was as I heard about Lincoln No sald he Mr. Wheelwhright and his Family came to dwell at a Village which was but three miles from my house for said he I saw him come thither but three nights since with his Family and houshold goods in a Coach and a Wagon Thither I rid presently and found it so and I told Mr. Wheelwright that yesternight I was praying as before and was sent unto him by the Lord c. And after he had asked me many things about the Work of God upon my Soul and I had told him he said I could not glorifie God neither in the Ministry nor in any other way or Work for I was building my Soul upon a Covenant of Works and was a stranger to the Covenant of Grace At which I was startled troubled and somewhat amazed but I told him I was assured God had sent me to him and by his mouth I should be instructed how to glorifie God in the Ministry of the Gospel and I did earnestly intreat and beseech him to apply himself to give me his Counsel and directions touching that Matter Then Mr. Wheelwright opened to me the Nature of the Covenant of Free Grace which I confessed to him I was a stranger to in a great measure having bin only under legal Convictions and a Spirit of Bondage and tho' I had some discoveries of my want of Christ yet I had sought Righteousness as it were by the Works of the Law and got my peace by performing duties and rested on them Mr. Wheelwright desired me to consider what he had said to me and to come to him 2 or 3 days after So I left him at that time and went home exceeding sorrowful about my Souls Condition but I gave my self to Prayer and begged of God to teach me the Covenant of Grace and to that end I searched the Scriptures and I heard one Mr. How preach upon Gal. 2.20 I live by the Faith of the Son of God whereby I saw that I had lived a Life of Works and not of Faith Then I began to see a necessity of believing in Christ for pardon and Salvation and hearing the Minister say that Christ was the Author Root and only Foundation of Saving Faith and that God did give the Faith of Evidence Heb. 11.1 in some New Covenant Promise Gal. 3.14 and that those Promises were given of God 2 Pet. 1.4 I prayed that Night and next Morning and in the night season that God would give me such a promise The next day I locked my self in the Church and in the Chancel or Quire so called I prayed very earnestly mourning and bemoaning my self and my Souls Condition fearing and with great brokenness of Spirit and many tears expressed my fears that God would leave me and forsake me and then I should utterly perish for ever And then that promise Heb. 13.5 I will never leave thee nor forsake thee was given me which Promise stopt me a little in Prayer and I brake forth into this kind of Expostulation with God saying Lord who am I I am a vile sinful Sinner the chief of Sinners most unworthy of Pardon and Salvation How Lord never leave me nor forsake me O infinite Mercy Oh Free Grace who am I I have bin a graceless Soul a formal Professor a legal performer of Holy Duties and have gone about to establish mine own Righteousness
had seven pounds that was given us by some Christian Friends I had spoken to some of those Friends to get me some Scholars and I would get me a convenient place to teach School for I had rather work for my Bread than be maintained by the Charity of good Christians One morning came a Friend and told me a School-master on great Tower-hill dyed last night and if I would come presently I might probably get some of his Scholars so I went and got three or four Scholars that day and there I had a great School and continued till I was chosen Master of Mary-Axe Free-School whither I carried sixty Scholars from great Tower-hill and within one year I had above seven-score Scholars and sixteen Boarders which Free-School and all the Benefits thereof I left to go into the Parliaments Army and preached freely to the common Souldiers till I did perceive the Commanders sought their own things more than the Cause of God and his People breaking their Vows and solemn Engagements Whereupon I left the Army and came to London again shortly after the Committee for plundred Ministers sent their Warrant to the then Keeper in Ely-House to apprehend me and bring me in safe Custody before them who took me out of my House carried me to Ely-House and there kept me Prisoner several days without any Bail and at last carried me before the Committee who asked me several Questions to which I gave them sober and direct Answers Among others the Chairman Mr. White asked me who gave me Authority to preach I told him the Lord Jesus Christ then he asked me if I were a Minister I answered I was made a Priest by the Preâ—ate of Peterborow but I had Renounced â—hat Ordination and I did here again Reâ—ounce the same They asked me by what Authority I preached in Bow-Church I told them after I had refused the desire of the then Churchwardens three times one day after another their want of Supply and Earnestness prevailed with me and I went â—hither They opened the Pulpit-door and I went up and preached upon Isa 58. and gave them such an account of that Sermon thirty Ministers of the Assembly of Divines then so called being present that they could not gainsay but bad me withdraw and said nothing unto me nor would my Jaylor take any charge of me for the Committee had called for him and did chide him and threaten to turn him out of his Place for keeping me Prisoner so many days So I went away without any blame or paying of any Fees Not long â—fter I was brought before the Committee of Examinations being accused to them that I occasioned great disturbance to Ministers and People in Suffolk which I gave so good and satisfactory an Account of to them that upon their Report thereof to the House of Commonâ— they Ordered That I might preach in any part of Suffolk when the Minister of that place did noâ— preach which was all I got for 60 l. which that trouble cost me to clear my Innocence and the Honour of the Gospel which Expence I put upon Christ's score for whose Gospel and preaching Jesus Christ upoâ— that Text Col. 3.11 But Christ is all and iâ— all I was stoned out of the Pulpit anâ— persecuted at a privy Sessions and fetched out of the Country 60 Miles up to London and was constrained to bring up four oâ— five Witnesses of good Repute and Credit to prove and vindicate my self from false Accusations Some time after that I was summoned before a Committee in the Chamber called the Queens Court at Westminster whereof Mr. Leigh was Chair-man for preaching without holy Orders To which I answered that I was in holy Orders Some of the Committee told rhe Chairman I had Renounced my Ordination by the Bishop in the Committee for plundred Ministers I confessed that I did so but I was Ordained since in a Church of God according to the Order of the Gospel of Christ the Manner whereof I then declared to the Committee before Mr. Nye and other Ministers there present But at last the Committee by their Chairman commanded me to preach no more I told them I would preach the Gospel both publickly and from house to house for it was more equal to obey Christ who had commanded me than them who forbid me and so I went away and ceased not to teach and preach Jesus Christ and him crucified I was then Pastor to a Church which I had gathered two or three years before in the year 1645. with whom I have walked ever since except that I was absent from the Church sometimes upon just Occasions and with their leave or forced from them by violent Persecution my chiefest means of Livelihood hath been by Teaching School wherein God was pleased to make me serviceable in my Generation to communicate liberally to the Poor of the Church and to Strangers that stood in need and plentifully to provide all things necessary and convenient for my Wife and Children through God's Blessing upon my honest Labours I received from the Church always according to their Ability most of the Members of the Church being poor but I coveted no mans Gold nor Silver but chose rather to labour knowing it is more blessed to give than to receive And I did not wholly neglect my Duty as a Pastor but preached two or three times a week and visited the Members of the Church from house to house especially when they were sick And during twenty five years now past the Church hath continued in the Apostles Doctrine Fellowship and in breaking of Bread and in Prayer without Division and Separation of any part thereof or Party therein Though some few particular Members being led away by some Errour in their Judgment have forsaken the Assembling of themselves with the Church as the manner of some is and was in the Apostles time In the year 1660. upon Venners Rising and others that with him made an Insurrection in the City of London my self and many other godly and peaceable persons were taken out of their own dwelling houses and brought to Woodstreet-Counter and many to Newgate and other Prisons though we were innocent and knew not of their Design at which time I suffered Imprisonment 18 weeks till we were delivered by an Act of Pardon upon the Kings Coronation unto all Offenders except Murderers We were above four hundred Prisoners kept all this time in Newgate because we refused to take the Oaths of Allegiance and Supremacy After I was set at Liberty out of Prison I went to Holland and thence up into Germany with my Wife and two of my Children where we sojourned about two or three years and in my Absence one Col. Legge a Bed-chamber Man and Lieutenant of the Ordnance charged me in the Court of Exchequer for keeping a House and Ground from the King against whom I stood Suit by my Attorney But when Col. Legge could not get my House from me by Law he and