A Preparatiue to Mariage The summe whereof was spoken at a Contract and inlarged after Whereunto is annexed a Treatise of the Lords Supper and another of Usurie BY HENRIE SMITH Imprinted at London by Thomas Orwin for Thomas Man dwelling in Paternoster row at the signe of the Talbot 1591. NOBILISSIMO VIRO GVILIELMO CEcilio Equiti aurato Baroni Burghleiensi summo Angliae Thesaurario Cantabrigiensis Academiae Cancellario Henricus Smithus haec tria pignota in grati animi testimonium consecrauit To the Reader BEcause sicknesse hath restrained mee from preaching I am content to doe anye good by writing Happye is that Author which is in stead of other that after his Booke is read men neede reade no moe of that matter I goe on a Theame which many haue trauersed before mee prolixely or cursorily or barrenly If I haue performed by studie any more than the rest let my reader iudge and giue glory to him which teacheth by whome he will What I haue endeuored my selfe doo feele and others knowe We are ignorant of many things for a few that we vnderstand but I haue bin alwaye ashamed that my writings shoulde waigh lighter for want of paines which is the bane of Printing and surfetteth the Reader Now I send thee like a Bee to gather Honie out of slowers and weedes Euery Garden is furnished with others and so is ours Reade pray and med 〈…〉 thy profit shall be little in any booke vnlesse thou reade alone and vnlesse thou reade all It is one of the births of my fainting therefore take it with a right hand and if thou finde any thing that doth make thee better I repent not that others importunitie hath obtained it for thee Farewell As Iacob blessed his sonnes when he left them so now I must leaue my fruite to others I pray God to blesse it that it may bring foorth fruit in other and be the sauour of life to all that reade it Thine in Christ H. S. The principall contents of this Treatise THE cause of contracts before Mariage Fol. 2. Three honours geuen of God to Mariage Fol. 3. Three causes of Mariage Fol. 13. Whether Ministers may marry Fol. 19. Whether an old man may marry a young woman contra Fol. 14. Whether Protestants may marry Papists Fol. 47. Whether Children may marry without Parentes consent Fol. 45. Whether Husbands may strike their Wiues Fol. 69. Whether the vse of Mariage be sinne Fol. 23. Whether Mothers should nurse their Children Fol. 99. Fiue markes in the choise of a Husband or Wife Fol. 35. The Husbands dueties Fol. 62. The Wiues dueties Fol. 74. Their duties to their Seruants Fol. 68. Their duties to their Children Fol. 77. Of Stepmothers Fol. 105. Of Diuorcement Fol. 107. Other obseruations that fall in handling the partes MAriage the first ordinance of God and calling of men Fol. 4. Christs first myracle at a Mariage Fol. 5. Three Mariages of Christ. Fol. 6. By Mariage the Womans curse turned to two blessings Fol. 6. A note of Adams sleepe Fol. 10. Another application of his rib whereof was made the woman Fol. 11. The day of Mariage counted the ioyfullest day in mans life Fol. 11. A good Wife like little Zoar which Lot sled to from Sodom Fol. 12. Without Mariage all things should be vaine Fol. 14. Fornicators like the Deuill Fol. 18. No Bastarde prospered but Iiphtah Fol. 19. A maried sornicator like a Gentleman theese Fol. 19. A Wife is the poore mans treasure wherein only he matcheth the rich Fol. 26. Two spies for a Wise Discretion and Fancie Fol. 27. The Wife must not onely be godly but sit Fol. 28. A memorable saying of one that light vpon a sit Wife Fol. 32. The first beginning of the Ring in Marige Fol. 31. Why Mariage doth come of Nuptiae Fol. 37. Maides must speake like an Eccho Fol. 38. A lesson for the married drawne from the name of Wedding garment Fol. 52. The Man and Wife like cock and dam. Fol. 54. Marriage compounded of two loues Fol. 55. The best pollicie in Marriage is to begin well Fol. 58. They must learne one anothers nature Fol. 59. A sweete example teaching how coples shall neuer fall out Fol. 61. Man and Wife like two partners Fol. 66. Abraham bid to leaue all but his Wife Fol. 66. Why Wiues are called Huswiues Fol. 79. When the man is away the Wife must liue like a Widdow Fol 81. Why a Wife was called the Contrary to a Husband Fol. 82. The cause why many despise their Husbands Fol. 86. Many obseruations vppon Seruanntes Fol. 88. The Maister must correct his men and the Mistresse her maides Fol. 97. Children like mediators betweene a man and his Wife Fol. 98. Adulterie like the disease of Marriage and diuorcement like the remedie Fol. 107. Why Adulterie should dissolue Marriage more than anye thing else Fol. 110. A sentence for the Married to thinke vppon Fol. 111. A Preparatiue to Marriage YOu are come hether to bee contracted in the Lord that is of two to bee made one for as GOD hath knit the bones and sinewes together for the strengthening of the bodie so he hath knit man and woman together for the strengthening of this life because two are stronger than one and therefore when GOD made the Woman for Man he sayd I will make him a helpe shewing that man is stronger by his Wife Euerie Marriage before it bee knit should bee contracted as it is shewed in Exo. 22. 16. and Deut. 22. 28. which stay betweene the Contract the Marriage was the time of longing for their affections to settle in because the deferring of that which wee loue doth kindle the desire which if it came easilie and speedilie to vs would make vs set lesse by it Therefore wee reade how Ioseph and Marie were contracted before they were married In the Contract Christ was conceaued and in the Mariage Christ was borne that he might honour both estates Virginitie with his Conception and Marriage with his Birth You are contracted but to bee married therefore I passe from Contracts to speake of Mariage which is nothing els but a communion of life between man and woman ioyned together according to the ordinance of God First I will shewe the excellencie of Marriage then the institution of it then the causes of it then the choise of it then the dueties of it and lastly the diuorcement of it Well might Paule say Mariage is honourable for God hath honoured it himselfe It is honourable for the author honourable for the time and honorable for the place Whereas all other ordinaunces were appoynted of GOD by the hands of men or the hands of Angells Marriage was ordained by God himselfe which cannot erre No man nor Angell brought the Wife to the Husband but GOD himselfe so Marriage hath more honour of God in this than all other ordinances of God beside because he
if you would shewe what masters they should be hereafter After the care of their soules they must care for their bodies for if the labourer is worthie of his hire which laboureth but a day what is the seruant worth which laboureth euerie day Therefore Paule is so earnest with Philemon to make much of Onesimus his seruant that he desireth Philemon to receiue him as he would himself Therefore because cruell greedie Masters should not vse them too hardly God remembred them in his creation and made euerie weeke one day of rest wherein they should be as free as their Masters so God pitieth the poore labourer from heauen and euerie Saboath lookes downe vpon him from heauen as if he should say one day thy labours shall haue an ende and thou shalt rest for euer as thou restest this day By this wee see as Dauid did limit Ioab that hee should not kill Absalom so God hath bound masters that they should not oppresse their seruants Shall God respect thine more than thou Art thou made fresher to thy labour by a little rest and is not thy seruant made stronger by rest to labour for thee How many beasts and sheepe did Laban lose onely for hardly intreating of a good seruant Therfore that is the way to lose but not to thriue He which counteth his seruant his slaue is in an error for there is difference betweene beleeuing seruants and Infidel seruants the Infidels were made slaues to the Iewes because GOD hated them and would humble them but their brethren did serue thē like helpers which should be trained by them It is not a base nor a vile thing to be called a seruant for our Lord is called a seruant which teacheth Christians to vse their seruants well for Christs sake seeing they are seruants too and haue one master Christ. As Dauid speaketh of man saying Thou hast made him a little lower than the Angells so I may say of seruants that God hath made them a little lower thā children not children but the next to children as one would say inferiour children or sonnes in lawe and therefore the householder is called Paterfamilias which signifieth a father of his familie because he shoulde haue a fatherly care ouer his seruants as if they were his children and not vse thē onely for their labour like beasts Beside the name of a seruant doth not signifie suffering but dooing therefore masters must not exercise their hands vppon them but set their hands to worke and yet as God laieth no more vppon his seruants than he makes them able to beare so men should lay no more vppon their seruants than they are able to beare For a good man saith Salomon is mercifull to his beast and therefore he will be more mercifull to his brother That man is not worthie to bee serued which cannot affoord that his seruants should serue God as well as himselfe Giue vnto God that which is Gods and then thou maiest take that which is thine He which careth not for his familie saith Paule is worse than an Infidel because Infidels care for their familie But as Agur praieth Giue me not too much nor too little but feede me with foode conuenient So their care should not be too much nor too little but conuenient or els they are worse than Infidells too because Couetousnes is called Idolatrie which is worse than Infidelitie for it is lesse rebellion not to honour the King than to set vp another King against him as the Idolaters doo against the King of heauen Next vnto seruants instruction and labours must bee considered their corrections As Paule saith Fathers prouoke not your children to wrath So I may say Masters prouoke not your seruants to wrath that is vse such reproofes such corrections that you do not prouoke them but mooue them that you doo not exasperate them but win them for reuiling words and vnreasonable fiercenes doth more hurt than good And therefore the law of God did charge the Master that hee should not inflict aboue fourtie stripes vppon his seruant least hee should seeme despised in his eyes For while a childe or scholler or seruant dooth thinke that hee is reprooued for loue or beaten with reason it makes him think of his fault and be ashamed but when he seeth that he is rebuked with curses and beaten with staues as though hee were hated like a dogge his heart is hardened against the man which correcteth him and the fault for which he is corrected after he becommeth desperate like a horse which turneth vppon the striker and therefore thinke that GOD euen then chides you whēsoeuer you chide in such rage For though there be a fault yet some things must bee winkt at some things forgiuen and some things punished with a looke for he which takes the forfeit of euery offence shall neuer rest but vexe himselfe more than his seruant Further I haue heard Experience say that in these punishments it is most meete and acceptable to the offender that the man should correct his men and the woman her maides for a mans nature skorneth to bee beaten of a woman and a maides nature is corrupted with the stripes of a man Therefore wee reade that Abraham would not meddle with his maide but committed her to his wife and saide Doo with her as it pleaseth thee As if he should say it belongeth not to me but to thee Lastly we put the duetie toward children because they come last to their hands In Latin children are called Pignora that is pledges as if I should say a pledge of the husbands loue to the wife and a pledge of the wiues loue toward the husband for there is nothing which doth so knit loue between the man and the wife as the fruite of the wombe Therefore when Leah began to conceaue she sayd now my husband will loue me as though the husband did loue for children If a woman haue many defects as Leah had yet this is the mends which she makes her husband to bring him childrē which is the right Wedding Ring that sealeth and maketh vp as it were the Marriage When their father and mother fall out they pert vp betweene them like little mediators and with many pretie sportes make truce when other dare not speake to thē Therefore now let vs consider what these little ones may challenge of their parents which stād thē in sted of Lawiers The first duetie is the mothers that is to nurse her childe at her owne breasts as Sara did Isaak therefore Esaiah ioyneth the nurces name and the mothers name both in one and calleth them nurcing mothers shewing that mothers should bee the nurces So whē God chose a nurce for Moses he led the handmaid of Pharaohs daughter to his mother as though GOD would haue none to nurse him but his mother After when the Sonne of God was borne his
father thought none fit to bee his nurse but the Virgin his mother The fountaines of the earth are made to giue water the breasts of women are made to giue suck Euery beast and euery foule is bred of the same that did beare it onely women loue to be mothers but not nurces Therefore if their children prooue vnnaturall they may say thou followest thy mother for she was vnnaturall first in locking vp her breasts from thee and committing thee foorth like a Cuckowe to bee hatched in the Sparowes nest Hereof it comes that wee say he suckt euill from the dugge that is as the Nurse is affected in her bodie or in her minde commonly the childe draweth the like infirmitie from her as the egges of a Henne are altered vnder a Hawke yet they which haue no milke can giue no milke but whose breasts haue this perpetuall drought Forsooth it is like the Gowte no beggers may haue it but Citizens or Gentlewomen In the 9. of Hosee drie breasts are named for a curse what lamentable hap haue Gentlewomen to light vpon this curse more than other Sure if their breasts bee drie as they say they should fast pray together that this curse might bee remooued from them The next duetie is Catechize child in his youth and he will remember it when he is olde This is the right blessing which fathers and mothers giue to their children when they cause GOD to blesse them too The wrong mother cared not though the child were diuided but the right mother wold not haue it diuided so wicked parents care not though their children be destroyed but godly parents would not haue them destroyed but saued that when they haue dwelt together in earth they may dwell together in heauen As the Midwife frameth the bodie when it is yong and tender so the parēts must frame the mind while it is greene and flexible for youth is the seede time of vertue They which are called fathers are called by the name of God to warne thē that they are in stead of GOD to their children which teacheth all his sonnes What example haue children but their parents And sure the prouidence of God doth ease their charge more than they are aware for a childe will learne better of his father than of any other And therfore we reade of no Schoolemasters in the Scripture but the parents for when Christ saith to the Iewes If ye be the sonnes of Abraham ye will doo the workes of your father Abraham He sheweth that sonnes vse to walke in their fathers steps whether they be good or bad It is a merueilous delight to father mother when people say that their children are like them but if they be like them in goodnes it is as great a delight to other as to the parents or els wee say that they are so like that they are worse for it Well doth Dauid call children arrowes for if they bee well bred they shoote at their parents enemies if they be euill bred they shoote at their parents Therfore many fathers want a staffe to stay them in their age because they prepared none before like olde Eli which was corrected himselfe for not correcting his sonnes Are not children called the fruit of their parēts Therfore as a good tree is knowne by bringing foorth good fruite so parents should shewe their goodnes in the good education of their children which are their fruite For this cause the Iewes were wont to name their children so when they were borne that euer after if they did but thinke vppon their names they would put them in minde of that religion which they should professe for they did signifie somthing that they should learne An admonition to such as call their children at al aduentures sometimes by the names of doggs euen as they prooue after In the 1. King 2. 2. wee haue Dauid instructing his sonnes In Gen. 39. Iaacob correcting his sonnes and in Iob. 1. Iob praying for his sonnes These three put together Instructing Correcting and Praying make good children and happie parents Once Christ tooke a child and set him in the middest of his Disciples and sayd He which will receiue the kingdome of heauen must receiue it as a little child Shewing that our children should bee so innocent so humble and voide of euill that they may bee taken for examples of the children of God Therefore in Psal. 127. 4. children are called the heritage of the Lord to shewe that they should bee trained as though they were not mens children but Gods that they may haue Gods heritage after Thus if you doo your seruants shall bee Gods seruants and your children shall bee Gods children and your house shall be Gods house like a little Church when others are like a den of theeues Now I speake to one which is a mother so soone as she is maried therefore peraduenture you looke that I should shewe the duetie of stepmothers Their name dooth shewe them their duetie too for a stepmother dooth signifie a stedmother that is one mother dyeth another commeth in her stead therfore that your loue may settle to those little ones as it ought you must remember that you are their stedmother that is in sted of their mother therfore to loue them and tender them and cherish them as their mother did Further these children are Orphanes and therefore you must not onely regarde them as children but as Orphane children Now God requireth a greater care ouer Widdowes and Orphanes than ouer any other women or children Lastly you must remember that saying As you measure vnto other so it shall be measured to you againe That is as you intreate these children so an other may come after and intreate your children for he which hath taken away the first mother and sent you can take away the second mother and send a third which shall not bee like a stedmother to yours vnlesse you be like a stedmother to these If these dueties bee performed in Marriage then I need not speak of Diuorcement which is the rod of Marriage and diuideth them which were one flesh as if the bodie and soule were parted a sunder But because all performe not their Wedlocke vowes therfore hee which appoynted Marriage hath appoynted Diuorcement as it were taking our priuiledge frō vs when we abuse it As God hath ordained remedies for euery disease so he hath ordained a remedie for the disease of Marriage The disease of Marriage is Adulterie and the medicine hereof is Diuorcement Moses licenced thē to depart for hardnes of heart but Christ licenseth them to depart for no cause but Adulterie If they might bee separated for discorde some would make a commoditie of strife but now they are not best to bee contentious for this lawe will hold their noses together till wearines make them leaue strugling like two spaniels which are coupled in a
you not take his instruction Marriage hath neede of many counsellers and doest thou count thy Father too many which is like the foreman of thy instructers If you mark what kind of youths they be which haue such haste that they dare not stay for their parents aduice they are such as hunt for nothing but beautie and for punishment hereof they marrie to beggerie and lose their Father and Mother for their Wife therefore honour thy parents in this as thou wouldest that thy children should honour thee The second question is answered of Paule when he saith Be not vnequally yoked with Infidells As we should not be yoked with Infidells so we should not be yoked with Papists and so we should not be yoked with Atheists for that also is to be vnequally yoked vnlesse we be Atheists too As the Iewes might not marrie with the Chananites so we may not marrie with them which are like Chananites but as the sonnes of Iacob said vnto Emor which would marrie their Sister Wee may not giue our Sister to a man vncircumcised but if you will be Circumcised like vs then we will marrie with you So Parents should say to suiters I may not giue my Daughter to a man vnsanctified but if you will be sanctified then I will giue my Daughter vnto you Though Heresie and irreligion be not a cause of diuorse as Paule teacheth yet it is a cause of restraint for we may not marrie all with whome we may liue being married If adulterie may separate marriage shal not idolatry hinder marriage which is worse than it Christ saith Let no man separate whome God hath ioyned so I may say Let no man ioyne whome God doeth separate For if our Father must be pleased with our Marriage much more should we please that Father which ordained Marriage Shall I say Be my Wife to whome I may not saye Be my Companion Or Come to my bed to whome I may not say Come to my table How should my marriage speede well when I marrie one to whome I may not say God speede because she is none of Gods friendes Doth not hee marrie with the Deuill which marrieth with the tempter For Tempter is his name and to tempt is his nature When a man may chuse he should chuse the best but this man chuseth the worst He prayeth Not to be led into temptation and leadeth himselfe into temptation Surely he doth not feare sinne which doth not shunne occasions and he is worthy to be snared which maketh a trappe for himselfe When Salomon the myrrour of wisedome the wonder of the world the figure of our Lord by idolatrous Concubines is turned to an idolater let no man say I shall not be seduced but say How shall I stande where such a Cedar fell The Wife must be meete as God saide Gen. 2. 18. But how is shee meete if thou be a Christian and she a Papist We must marrie in the Lord as Paule saith but how do we marrie in the Lord when wee marrie the Lords enemies our Spouse must bee like Christs Spouse but Christs Spouse is neither Harlot nor Heretick nor Atheist If she bee poore the Lord reprooueth not for that if she bee weake the Lord reprooueth not for that if she bee hard fauoured the Lord reprooueth not for that but none giueth any dispensation for godlines but the diuell Therefore they which take that priuiledge are like thē which seeke to Witches are guiltie of preferring euill before good This vnequal Mariage was the chiefe cause that brought the flood the first beginning of Giants mōstrous births shewing by their mōstrous children what a monstrous thing it is for beleeuers and vnbeleeuers to match together In Matth. 22. Christ sheweth that before parties married they were wont to put on faire newe garments which were called Wedding garments a warning vnto all which put on Wedding garments to put on trueth and holinesse too which so precisely is resembled by that garment more than other It is noted in the 14. of Luke that of all them which were inuited to the Lords banquet and came not onely hee which had married a Wife did not desire to bee excused but saide stoutly I cannot come Shewing how this state doth occupie a man most and drawe him often from the seruice of God and therefore wee had not neede to take the worse for the best are combersome enough In the 2. of Iob it is obserued of the patient man that hee did not curse the day of his birth vntill his wife brake foorth into blasphemie shewing that wicked womē are able to change the stedfastest man more than all temptatiōs beside Sampson would take a Philistian to wife but he lost his honour his strength and his life by her least any should doo the like But what a notable warning is that in 2. Chro. 21. 6. where the holy Ghost saith Iehoram walked in the waies of Ahab for he had the daughter of Ahab to wife as though it were a miracle if he had been better than he was because his wife was a temptation Miserable is that man which is fettered with a woman that liketh not his religion for she will be nibling at his prayer and at his studie and at his meditations till she haue tyred his deuotions and turned the edge of his soule as Michol tried Dauid she mocked him for his zeale and liked her self in her folly Therfore as Christ saieth Remember Loths wife so when thou marriest remember Ichorams wife and be not wedded to her which hath not the Wedding garment but let vnitie goe first and let vnion come after and hope not to conuert her but feare that she wil peruert thee least thou saye after like him which should come to the Lords banquet I haue married a wife and cannot come Yet the chiefest point is behind that is your dueties The dueties of Mariage may be reduced to the dueties of Man and Wife one toward another and their dueties towarde their children and their dueties toward their seruants For themselues saieth one they must think that they are like two birds the one is the Cock and the other is the Dam the Cocke flieth abroad to bring in the Dam sitteth vpon the nest to keepe al at home So God hath made the man to trauaile abroade and the woman to keepe home and so their nature and their wit and their strength are fitted accordingly for the mās pleasure is most abroade and the womans within In euery state there is some one vertue which belongeth to that calling more than other as Iustice to Magistrates and Knowledge to Preachers and Fortitude to Souldiers so loue is the Marriage vertue which sings Musicke to their whole life Wedlocke is made of two loues which I may call the first loue and the after loue As euerie man is taught to loue GOD