is what deâ—troy'd our first Parents One finds nothing so sweet as the power of commanding others and of being obey'd The Sacred Author lets us know that the very Apostles dispuâ—ed concerning precedence It is cerâ—ain that this Spirit of pre-eminence â—s born with us and one may say â—hat it is perhaps the first of our â—nclinations How much then ought Men to esteem Marriage since it satisfies it in so agreeable a manner In effect all cannot be Kings in a Monarchy Dukes in an Aristocracy States and Lords in a Democracy Heaven bestows this honoâ— but on a few Yet these for the moâ— part marry and are in a right tâ— hope for Children Thus Sir of aâ— humane dominions the paternal is undoubtedly most ancient and legitimatâ— 'T is even that which has served as foundation to all others Methinks there is not enough observance of this Soveraign authoritâ— of Fathers over their Children Theâ— is not perhaps any thing in naturâ— so pleasant or so admirable Whaâ— delight to see this people of free will subjected to your wills Alwayâ— disposed to obey you always zealouâ— for your service always interesseâ— for whatsoever has relation to yoâ— Do you speak they reply to you Do you not speak they remain iâ— silence Do you blame they are submissive Do you command they arâ— full of joy Do you give directions they obey Do you prohibit they abstain Do you make appear to them an angry countenance they tremblâ— and are frightned Do you discover one of good humour and love yoâ— fill them with contentment In â— word you do even what you please â—ongst them You are the Master 〈◊〉 their good and evil destiny Withâ—t ever demanding of you the reaâ—ns of your conduct in their respect â—ey suppose it always full of wisdom â—d they take a pride in a blind subâ—ssion to it As they are satisfied â—u can never do any thing to their â—ejudice and that all your aim is but 〈◊〉 procure their good so they neâ— undertaking any thing against â—u but on the other side they efâ—t all they can to give you a testiâ—ony of their respect their zeal and â—knowledgment In fine there neâ—r was an authority more agreeaâ—e or more absolute than this It 〈◊〉 to a Father that this Verse of Juâ—nal perfectly agrees in relation to 〈◊〉 Children â—oc volo sic jubeo Sit pro â—ratione voluntas Juv. Sat. 6. â—his I will this I command my Will is my Reason There is nothing that comes neâ—er to the Divinity than this Aâ— it is principally in this regard thâ— it is the lively image of it Nobis parentes sunt Deorum imâ—nes Our Parents are as the Images 〈◊〉 the Gods You will alledge perhaps that tâ— great number of Subjects which maâ— the felicity of other Governments 〈◊〉 the misfortune of this because it mâ— needs be that all Children are 〈◊〉 of the character I represent theâ— How many doth one fee that 〈◊〉 would swear they were born oâ— to be a perpetual torment to thâ— Parents If one believes Euripiâ— Amongst a great multitude scarce will â—pear a better man than his Father Aâ— according to Sophocles There are 〈◊〉 better but many worse I deny 〈◊〉 the consequence It is but too tâ— Every place is full of ill-born Câ—dren and unhappy Fathers But 〈◊〉 in spight of this ancient Proveâ— Heroum filij noxae and whatever 〈◊〉 Pâ—ets affirm it must notwithstanding 〈◊〉 granted that it is chiefly among 〈◊〉 scum of the people that appear â—se unnatâ—ral Children who inâ—nge all the rights of Nature and â—ace of Heaven and Earth like â—er Chams and other Absaloms emâ—y their sacraligious hands either 〈◊〉 dishonour or persecute their Faâ—rs This is rarely seen amongst 〈◊〉 generous sâ—rt and in Famalies â—ll orderd I add that there are â—y few Fathers who may not if â—y will enjoy with pleasure that â—ream Authority which God has â—en them over their Children 'T is â—thing which depends only upon â—acation and the manner of bringâ— them up There are three things which exâ—amly favour this paternal governâ—nt and may much contribute to â—nder it agreeable and propitious â—e first is That Fathers do themâ—ves form their own Subjects not â—ly by the birth they take from â—em but also by the education which â—ey give them They are in some â—t Masters of their minds Nature puts them into their hands like â—zed Tables wherein is nothing 〈◊〉 yet written They may impriâ—on them such Maxims as they thiâ— fit They find there no resistancâ— They receive the propensity thâ— would give them without any oâ—position Terent. in Adelph Act. 3. Sc. 3. Vt quisque suum vult esse ita est Insomuch that it depends only 〈◊〉 them to teach them the art of â—beying and respecting They alâ— have the power to make them wiâ— It is their own fault if they doâ— enjoy that Empire whereof Senâ— affirms That the chiefest strengâ— consists in the love 〈◊〉 Subjects Sen l. 1. decl c. 19. Vnum est 〈◊〉 inexpugnabile munimentâ— amor civium In fine depends on them alone to inspiâ— them with the fairest sentiments 〈◊〉 vertue â—o semel est imbuta receâ—ns Hor. Epist lib. 1. Ep. 2. servabit odorem Testaâ—diu â—hat scent a Vessel first â—kes will affect it a great while For that end you want no store 〈◊〉 Rhetorick There needs but your â—wn proper example All Children 〈◊〉 general are pleased to imitate â—eir Fathers and to do all they see â—em practise They copy them eâ—rnally in their way of action in â—eir manners and oftentimes in their â—ry gestures Amat unusquisque sequi â—tam parentum says St. Ambrose Oâ—rator filius quae viderit patrem facientâ—n says likewise St. Austin Thus â—othing is more important for Chilâ—ren than example But nothing also 〈◊〉 more commodious for Fathers â—ho are capable of affording good â—nes They may by this means save â—n infinite number of words and disâ—ourses If we believe St Bernard Example is the best of Sermons Sernovivus efficax exemplum operis est And after Seneca there is no shorter road to virtue Leâ—gum iter est per praecepta brâ—ve efficax per exempla Sen. Ep. 6. Long is the way by Precepts short and efficacious by Examples The second advantage of this government whereof I speak is founded upon the hope which all Subjects entertain of holding one day or other the same place their Fathers do and of becoming in their turn the Kings of their Children Therefore if they have never so small a stock of reason they will take care to practice towards their Fathers those duties which they would be displeased to see unpractised towards them when they should possess the throne of Paternity if one may be allowed to speak so If we love to imitate our Fathers we do not less love to be traced of our Children It is undoubtedly for their interests to acquit themselves religiously towards us of that obedience submission and profound
respect which even nature dictates to them and not to establish Maxims repugnant thereto because they will establish them against themselves For the most part one is longâ—r Father than Child and so were â—ot these Duties as they are the â—stest in the world by a principle â—f Self-love there is not a Child â—ut ought to hold them sacred Would you know what I call the â—hird advantage of this authority of â—he Father over his Children It is â—hat he exercises it continually unâ—er their eyes It is that he alone â—roposes to himself their good It â—s that he labours only for their adâ—ancement This is his general deâ—ign This is his principal end This â—s his single prospect Must not Children become very ungrateful not to honour and respect with all their power those Fathers who undergo such pains of body and mind and who sweat in their sight even bloud and water in order to render their condition happy and to leave them a good fortune All have not success 't is true Non licet omnibus adire Corinthum But be it as it will all have the intention All tend that way All propose it to themselves Are you not of opinion Sir that there would be even more blindneâ— than ingratitude in Children thaâ— refuse to submit themselves to thiâ— reasonable dominion since it has beeâ— established by nature and so strongly recommended by God himself iâ— his Divine Scriptures purely foâ— their Salvation and that it intirely aims at their proper good Behold three Characters that arâ— peculiar to paternal goverment anâ— which distinguish it extreamly froâ— all others Who can dispute after this the sweetness of it In effect nothing is more But it is not enough considered I maintain that it is one of those things which may most aleviate the cares and troubles of a Father What pleasure is it once again to have Children who like so many faithful Subjects are about you for your guard to serve you to love you to respect you What satisfaction to be able at all times and in all things to rely upon their heart their faith and their zeal What contentment never to impose but such commands as they readily perform to say to one go â—d he goes to bid another do this â—d he does it What secret joy to â—serve all these other-selves these â—erdant plants these rising Stars â—hich God has brought forth in your â—wn bosom to envy one another in â—e concern of your welfare In a â—ord what extream bliss to have â—ways at one's table and about one â—ch a troop of real friends uncorâ—upted Servants and submissive Subâ—cts If one regarded things as they â—re where are the bitters that all â—his is not capable of sweetning â—here are the misfortunes that the â—rospect of this good would not obâ—terate And yet 't is Marriage that â—roduces all this satisfaction for man T is that which procures him all â—hese advantages It is by that Chanâ—el that God distributes to him all â—hese favours By consequence what â—an one apprehend of more use to him What can be more excellent One affirms of truth that it is what all the world believes I assert just the same of an excellent thing it is what all the world makes practice of According to this principle one may say in a certain sense that noâ—hing can be more excellenâ— than Marriage It is of universaâ— practice As I have already insinâ—ated a perpetual Celibacy was neveâ— esteemed in the world At all timeâ— it has been regarded as a thing diâ—graceful to mankind and as the Peâ—â—â— of Republicks The Romans deprived Batchelours of Testamentary Legacies The Corinthians of Burial The Argives of all sorts of Presents And the Athenians even carried theiâ— severity so far as to whip them beforâ— their Alters upon their solemn Feast days But Sir if Marriage is of all timeâ— and of all places one may say thaâ— it is likewise of all persons Birth Death and Marriage are the threâ— bounds where all men meet Aâ—â— are born all dye and almost all are married Little and Great Rich and Poor Kings and Shepherds Learned and Ignorant Civilized aâ—d Barbarians Philosophers and Orators Young and Old All kinds of Men. Of all kind of professions Of all Ages Of all Statures Of all Comâ—lexions All Marry All enter inâ—o this great Society All get themâ—lves admitted into the Brotherhood â—here is no condition in the world â—here one has so many companions â—ethinks this ought to render it yeâ—â—ery considerable But as nothing â—akes a virtue appear more splendid â—han to compare it with its â—ppoâ—te vice to shew more fully the exâ—ellency of Marriage is to comâ—are it with the infamy of incontiâ—ence its contrary which is the subâ—ct of the Second Part of this Work OF THE INFAMY OF Incontinence PART II. IF I was only to treat with Saints upon this Subject I should not have occasion to use many words in order to persuade them that nothing is more infamous than Incontinence To convince them hereof it would be sufficient to tell them that nothing is more repugnant to that purity which they profess But Sir it is with Sinners and great ones too that I must have to do Even with such who for the most part are grown old in criminal habits and who make a sport of that filthy debauchery for which Heaven declares so much abhorrence You apprehend that if they are insensible of the charms of Marriage they are no less of the horrors of Lust and that it is equally difficult to convince them of the excellency of the one and the infamy of the other They are a sort of people willful in their blindness They resolve to see nothing in the first but what is irksome in order to make it an object of Contempt They refuse to see any thing in the second but what 's agreeable in order to make that a continual object of Concupisence This disorder is even so common so general and so well fixed in Society that to undertake to withdraw men from it and to exhort them to return from an errour which it is much more easie to blame than avoid is in some sort to make himself ridiculous Blandum malum est Luxuria quaâ— accusare facilius est aliquanto Max. lib. 9. quam vitare as an ancienâ— Author so admirably says That is Luxury is a soothing evil which we may with more ease censure than avoid 'T is certain that there is within aâ— apparent sweetness One may affirm of Lust that it is the bosom of the voluptuousness of the sences where sinners take their sleep with pleasure But O cruel fatal and pernicious bosom one sleeps there only to be destroyed If on one side you taste the sweets of Nectar on the other you suck the bitter of Poyson Alas who knows not that Samson found his death in that of Dalilah David almost his in that of his Bersheba and Mark Anthony the loss of an Empire in the
atones for a great fault with a father This manner of acting is in effect a very good way to make us be loved and feared of our children For as Quintilian says perfectly well Quin. Declam 4. Plures moribus quam viribus vincimus We reduce them much better to their duty by a soft and familiar conduct than we can ever be able to do by force and violence And altho' one should always preserve a certain grave Character with them which may obtain respect yet it is much better to retain them in their duty by love than by fear By a modest Liberty than too severe a constraint Pudore Liberalitate liberos Retinere satius esse credo quà m metu Jer. in Adelph I 'm of the opinion that 't is the safer way to keep our children within their duty by modesty and Liberality than fear Thus Sir I have finished my design Which was to shew you the Excellency Necessity and Happiness of Marriage Nothing more remains for me but to make wishes for the prosperity of yours when it shall please God to establish you therein Dij faciant possis gaudere fideli conjuge Ovid. Gods grant you the Joy of a faithful Wife I wish you this advantage with all my heart Without it of what service would all the rest be I hope it will not be wanting to you and that God at length will hearken to my prayers upon this subject FINIS BOOKS Printed for and are to be Sold by Richard Cumberland at the Angel in St. Pauls-Church-yard HOrological Disquisitions concerning the Nature of Time and the Reasons why all Days from Noon to Noon are not alike Twenty Four Hours long In which appears the impossibility of a Clocks being always kept exactly true to the Sun With Tables of Equation and Newer and Better Rules than any yet extant how thereby precisely to adjust Royal Pendulums and keep them afterwards as near as possible to the apparent Time With a Table of Pendulums shewing the Beats that any Length makes in an Hour A Work very necessary for all that would understand the true way of rightly managing Clocks and Watches By John Smith C. M. To which is added the best Rules for the Ordering and Use both of the Quick Silver and Spirit Weather-Glasses And Mr. S. Watson's Rules for adjusting a Clock by the Fixed Starrs The Government of the Thoughts a Prefatory Discourse to The Government of the Tongue By the Author of The Whole Duty of Man Reform'd Devotions in Meditations Hymns and Petitions for every Day in the Week and every Holiday in the Year Divided into Two Parts The Third Edition Review'd Analecta Or a Collection of some of the Choicest Notions and what seemed most remarkoble in more than forty Authors Philosophical Chymical Medical Astronomical Historical c. Whereunto is added an Appendix containing short but very profitable and delightful Rules in many parts of the Mathematicks By T. B. Gent. At which Place Gentlemen may be furnished with all sorts of Acts of Parliament BOOKS Printed for and Sold by Benj. Bragg at the White Hart over against Water-lane in Fleet-street A Companion for the Persecuted Or an Office for those who suffer for Righteousness Containing particular Prayers and Devotions for particular Graces and for their Private or Publick Wants and Occasions By John Kettlewell a Presbyter of the Church of England There is now in the Press and will be speedily published The Companion for the Penitent and for Persons troubled in Mind Consistent of an Office for the Penitent to carry on their Reconciliation with God And a Tryal or Judgment of the Soul for discovering the Safety of their Spiritual Estate And an Office for Persons troubled in Mind to settle them in Peace and Comfort By John Kettlewell a Presbyter of the Church of England
either loves or hates Avoid then as you would death a woman in whom you see no disposition to love you Admit her to be exquisitely fair unmeasurably rich extreamly virtuous she is not fit for you Of what service is all that to you if you are the object of her aversion This evil Sir is almost without remedy What cares soever you may take to win the heart of a wife who is only yours by the force of paternal Authority you will find it extreamly difficult to go through with it Never have any thoughts for marriage Sir unless you resolve to practise all these precepts I could add still many others But these are the chief and they suffice to make a good marriage The mischief is that people do not stop here and that almost all those who marry act herein by motives disengaged from the subject they look after The person which they take is a thing of the least regard with them They are determined by particular considerations This enters into their design but by accident and after the rest If she has a Fortune If she can draw me out of necessity If she belongs to persons who by their Credit are able to advance me it is enough says one I demand no other advantage If besides all this she is handsom well shaped and vertuous so much the better It is a double happiness for me But in case this doth not appear the rest remaining I shall not fail to marry her What destruction of Maxims and good Sense Now certainly to choose a wife with whom one may propose to live happily a man is only to consider if she pleases him If she be deserving and if she be derived from honest parents Whether she be rich or poor it imports not Dummodo morata veniat Dotata est satis This without dispute is the directest way of reasoning After having given you precepts for the attaining to a happy Marriage it is at present necessary to afford you some in order to live happily therein They all consist in the practice of two sorts of Duties towards two sorts of Persons The one regard the wife and the others refer to the Children The good or evil of marriage proceed alone from these two parts There was reason to say Est uxor aut tutum refugium aut penale tormentum She is also as another Author has it either the ruine or safety of the Family Mulier domi damnum est aut Salus On another side the wise man informs us that Children are the Joy or sorrow of their parents according as they are well or ill inclined This renders the matter which remains to be treated of in order to fullfil the design of this work very important It is Sir so much the more in that by acquitting your self of the duties whereof I shall discourse you will make your wife be a blessed Fountain to you at all times to speak with Solomon All the world is not happy enough to meet with this advantage The Precautions which one takes for this end are I confess sometimes unprofitable But it is almost infallible that a wife who by nature is not very reasonable shall become so if the Husband rules himself with relation to her according to my Instructions I begin them by declaring to you that if you would be happy in Marriage you must necessarily be loved of your wife You cannot be beloved of her if you do not love her Therefore be sure to love her This is the first Lesson a Husband ought to learn It comes from St. Paul Hushands Eph. 5.25.28 says he love your Wives as Christ loved his Church c. Would you know the reason Husbands ought to love their Wives as their own Bodies He that loves his wife loves himself No body ever hated his own Flesh By consequence the Husband ought to love his Wife for his wife is his own flesh They are no more two but one flesh What is more reasonable than this duty what ought to be more precious to us than our selves We ought then in the first place to love our wives by a motive of self-love since we cannot love our selves but we must love them being that I may so speak a part of our own substance Horat. Animae dimidium meae What a prodigious thing would it be to see a man declare himself an enemy to himself and to have an aversion for his own person St. Paul assures us that it was never seen and insinuates to us that it is a thing not to be seen in the order of Nature It is notwithstanding what arrives to all those who love not their wives A man ought in the second place to love his wife by a Motive either of personal Interest or pure acknowldgment Either she loves you or she doth not love you If she loves you you cannot without ingratitude forbear to love her On the other side if she loves you not you ought to love her to the end that she may be won to love you This Maxim of Seneca is of absolute necessity in Marriage Si vis amari ama Love is gain'd only by Love It is not to be obtain'd by Force or Violence Amor extorqueri non potest says Seneca Naturally we love those who love us If we did otherwise we should be less reasonable than Brutes Amore dicimus vinci feras Sen. Trag. We say that the very Brute Beasts are overcome by Love A Philosopher of old time made these Questions and Answers What is most insupportable in life To love without being beloved What is the most unjust thing in the world To be beloved without loving What is most mortifying to a man To see himself compelled to hate what he has loved Iâ— a word what is most dreadful to him A love converted into hatred which becomes so much the more implacable as the other was passionate Semper bonus amicus gravis irascitur Our best Friends are always the mosâ— angry with us All this Sir is true and these are Axioms which make so many certaiâ— principles in the Morality of Men. A Husband that doth not love or who loves without being beloved is equally unhappy The true secret to supporâ— patiently the inconveniences of Marriage and to live happy therein is to love Miserable is he who marries without determining to love his wife and proposes only to embrace her Riches Meipsum igitur amare oportet non mea si veri amici futuri simus There is not a wife but has a right of using such language to her Husband nor a Husband but ought to observe the same to his wife After this Rule I cannot give you a better than to afford your self for an Example to your wife Of all the Maxims of the Christian Morality the most equitable and most certain is undoubtedly this to do to others what we would have done to our selves Would you be beloved of your wife Love her Would you have her wife
Be so your self Would you have her complaisant to you Be you the same to her Would you have her make appear a sweetness of Behaviour and Fidelity in her Conduct Make appear the same in yours Nothing is more just than this duty and Husbands are insupportable to complain of the ill Humours and untoward conduct of their Wives if their own is no bettter One may say that they are in some measure guilty of their Irregularities because they would havâ— persisted in wisdom if their Husbandâ— had not removed themselves from it Iâ— is certain as Plutarch observes that the wife usually conforms her self to the manners of her Husband And Aristotle informs us that she will be alwayâ— chast and constant to him if she findâ— him so to her Si mulier cognoverit sâ—bi castum fidum virum ipsa etiam casta fida erit You will say perhaps that this duty is of very difficulâ— Practice and that it were better not to marry at all than to constrain ones selâ— to this degree I grant the difficulty But what would it not be scandalouâ— to omit a thing which is good in it self and very necessary for Salvation because it imposes an indispensible obligation to be a good man and to live according to the Maxims of Vertue O God! What Christians are we Is iâ— not a thing which ought on the other side to determine men for Marriage Whaâ— method is more infallible to withdraw men from Debaucheries or to prevenâ— them than Marriage Doth not the example which is owing to a wife and Children render a Man more circumspecâ— in his Conduct Marriage is a Bridle that keeps men within the bounds of sanctity and Motive to eschew Vices Is there a single man who doth not desire to be wife and to be able to deserve the Praises of a good man and is not this the true way that directs to it But Sir amongst the Vertues whose Example you owe to a wife you must above all things study to inspire her with that of devotion One cannot imagine what Good a devout Wife is capable of doing a Husband and the advantages he may receive from thence Whether he be sick or well rich or poor In prosperity or in misery in joy or sorrow He will always find in her an assistance proportioned to his necessities St. Paul somewhere says that Piety is good for every thing I say as much of a devout Wife Nothing is more Angelical nothing more excellent Happy and thrice happy may one call that man to whom Heaven has afforded such a present The exterior Cause of Devotion is the frequent Reading Divine Books and the works of Piety of Ecclesiastical Authors To this Sir you ought to turn the genius of your Wife as much as in you lies If once she takes a pleasure herein 't is almost infallible that she will have a regard to her Salvation a contempt for the World and a horrour for Sin which are the essential Characters of true devotion But if this kind of reading be infinitely necessary to dispose a Wife to wisdom that of Romances and Comedies is not less effectual to turn her inclination from it Whatsoever may be said in favour of these eloquent fictions I can assure you that nothing is fitter to corrupt the heart and to inflame it with the love of Creatures If Fathers and Mothers were sensible of the pernicious impressions which these forts of books are capable of giving their Daughters they would undoubtedly employ all their cares to conceal the very Names from them Take off your Wife therefore from the humour of reading such books It is a School wherein she will never fail to learn what will render you unhappy they will make her wanton vain ridiculous insupportable When she comes to compare you with those imaginary Heroes dressed in Romances after the manner of the Gods she will be apt to esteem you no longer you will almost necessarily become the Object of her contempt On the other side be careful to put into her hands the Prophets and Apostles Let this be her ordinary Employment Let her make thereof the whole matter of her diversion O Holy and Divine School where one learns to become like God himself and to practise the Duties of an Angelical perfection Prayer is both the principal act of Devotion and the most assured means to obtain Grace Practise it Sir and make your Wife practise the same with exactness Accustom your self to pray often to God with her in the midst of your Family Humble your selves often together before that Eternal Majesty from whom you expect all your good things and all your Comforts Let him hear several times in a day the voice of your heart with that of your mouth Represent to him all your wants and make appear in your Prayers a holy ardour that may inflame the zeal of your Wife Were she the most unreasonable of Women she would become the Sweetest and most compliant if you would confine your self as you ought to the practice of this Duty It is extreamly neglected now a days in the most part of Christian Families to their shame be it spoken and we have but too much reason to say with the Poet Virg. Aen. 6 He u pietas Heu prisca fides Above all Sir a man ought to live in a good understanding with his wife and to agree well together in relation to Domestick affairs In the little state of a Family as well as in the great State of the Republick concord is absolately necessary for its subsistence By that says Salust the least things become great and without it the greatest are of no account Concordiâres parvae crescunt Discordiâ maximae dilabuntur When a Husband and Wife misunderstand one another Sal. in Jug and each follows his own caprice or design all is lost the family falls of course This is called in our Proverbial Language to Light a Candle at both Ends. If you con't instruct your Wife in your affairs and manage all things without her participation she will easily be perswaded of one of these two things Either she will believe that you are Rich when perhaps you are poor Or she will imagin that you are poor when it may be you are Rich. This double error will make her fall into a double excess Either she will become Prodigal and be at a hundred sorts of vain and unprofitable expences Or she will become covetous and spare even what 's necessary Both will be equally inconvenient for you To avoid which impose upon your self this Law of accounting to her your administration Let her know from time to time the terms you are in with Fortune Undertake nothing of moment without her advice It is both just and advantageous for you to do so For what end have the Laws and customs established community of goods between Husbands and Wives but to inform us that as both ought to contribute their utmost cares to make it