are the same that the VVife doth owe unto her Husband And some that the VVife doth owe unto her Husband are the same that the Husband doth owe unto his VVife yet with some apparent differences But now there remaines some duties to be considered of that are equally due to each other though not before proposed and must be so handled The first joynt duty between a man and wife The first joint duty betweene man and wife equally obliging both is that they labour to maintaine a good opinion one of another touching their faithfulness in keeping the Marriage Covenant and that neither of them have violated the same by lodging their hearts in the bosome of strangers or defiling their bodies with them For if for want of care herein there appeare ground of just suspition of unfaithfulnesse jealousie will get into the heart and take up its residence there untill it have consumed the sap and devoured the root of all true love And then miserable daies in all probability will be the portion of both as long as their unhappy lives last Marke how Solomon in the Canticles doth describe jealousie Jealousie is cruell as the grave the coales thereof are coales of fire which have a most vehement flame Eccl. 8.6 this fire will not admit of any limits I say againe it will eat out love it will consume joy and all comfort in the Marriage-Estate yea it will waste the flesh the marrow and the bone and shorten life it selfe Jealousie saith the Holy Ghost is the rage of a man therefore he will not spare in the day of vengeance He will not regard a Ransome neither will he rest content though thou givest many gifts Prov. 6.34 35. Of all wrongs that can be offered to man or wife they will not endure this breach of the Conjugall Contract good natures especially gracious hearts in man and wife will beare with the Infirmities of each other but they will not be patient when they see this cursed enormity Here then you see that this care that is to be taken by both parties to labour to preserve in their hearts a good opinion of each other this way may well fall in as a duty to be minded of exceeding high concernment The second joint duty between man and wife equally concerning both is The second joynt duty betweene a man and wife the yielding to each other due benevolence the Apostle expressely requires it 1 Cor. 7.3 and gives an undeniable reason for it in ver 4. and in ver 5. he tels us upon the matter that to deny the same each to other is to defraud each other but I refer you to the place and will not adde one syllable more on this point for speciall reason The third joynt duty between a man and Wife The third and last joint duty of man and wife equally concerning both is that they do not pollute or defile the Marriage bed for it may be polluted c. two waies First by Inordinatenesse Secondly by unseasonableness First by Inordinatenesse when Married persons abuse their liberty in Marriage-Conjunctions to excesse and so make it a meanes rather to encrease Concupiscence than to mortifie the same they should cast on water to quench lust and not Oyle to enflame the fury thereof God hath ordained Marriage as a meanes to avoid Fornication but this excesse we speake of makes even such persons more obnoxious to temptations to that sin than happily most are that are in the single condition And God doth many times severely punish this sin but the Philosopher will tell you how He will acquaint you that by this inordinate and over-frequent actings you do evacuate the best spirits which God and Nature hath not only appointed for generation but for the supportation of the body of man which otherwise would be full of Imbecillity but being so profusely cast away there followeth much weaknesse in the body raging paines in the head and sometimes that exceeding sad affliction of the running of the Reines and sometimes the effect of these distempers brings death Now it is true both sexes are not joint sufferers alike but they are joint sinners and should jointly be humbled and reformed Thus much for the first head but secondly the Marriage-bed may be polluted by using it in unseasonable times for there are two times that God doth prohibite these conjunctions in First in case the Lord call us to the duty of Fasting and Prayer then there must be a cessation and intermission this way 1 Cor. 7 5. Defraud not one another except with consent for a time that you may give your selves to Fasting and prayer The Lord also by the Prophet Joel requires the Bridegroome to go forth of his Chamber in the day of humiliation Joel 2.15 16. VVhen the people of God make their approaches before the Lord on extraordinary occasions there must be very serious preparations to such duties And as jewels and rich apparrell must be laid aside in some cases as Exod. 33.4 5 6. So upon some other approaches they must not come at their wives Exo. 19.15 Thus much for the first unseasonable time whereby the Marriage-bed is polluted But secondly In a speciall manner this sin may be committed in those ordinary seasons of extraordinary flux or over-flowings of nature in the Feminine gender for then the Lord hath forbidden all neere approaches in such a way as we speake to and that under a speciall penalty even the being cut off from their people which was either by death or castings out from Church-society to the later I encline Lev. 18.19 Chap. 20.18 and in Ezek. 22.10 the Lord complaines that in Jerusalem there were a very flagitious people this way Now then by these pollutions of the Marriage-bed first by Inordinatenesse Secondly Unseasonablenesse the opinion of an Orthodoxe Divine will be confirmed which is that as a man may be a drunkard with his own drinke and a glutton with his own meat so a man may be a filthy and uncleane person with his own wife And for the sin of these last persons defiling the Marriage-bed by their unnaturall and uncleane Conjunctions God doth punish it according to the observation of the Philosopher with an unhealthfull and leprous Off-spring And for ought thou knowest with spirituall judgements on thy soule even hardnesse of heart and finall Impenitency Therefore in the name and feare of the great God it concernes you both to keep at a far distance from these pollutions in the Marriage-condition This may suffice for these three last and joint duties concerning both man wife First to avoid the giving any cause for jealousie to enter into the heart Secondly the yielding to each other due benevolence And lastly a religious care to shun all pollution in the Marriage-bed either by Inordinatenesse or unseasonablenesse in the use thereof We are now by the Lords good leave and divine assistance to proceed to the last thing propounded in the beginning which we are to
he then shall deny this Cohabitation there is a headlesse body behind and what is that short in some sense of a Monster It had been infinitely better as we may say that they had never been man and wife than being such not to live together This truth being so generally acknowledged and rarely if at all denied we shall use much brevity in handling of it but by the way notoriously abominable are such persons as falter in the performance of this duty Whether it be Husband or Wife The third duty of the Husband to the Wife In the third place the Husbands duty to his Wife is to labour to edifie and build her up more and more in the saving knowledge of God and in the waies of his Grace and to seeke especially the happinesse of her soule to help her forward to glorifie God here that she may be everlastingly glorified in Heaven hereafter hence it is that the Apostle in the place quoted before in 1 Pet. 3.7 requires the Husband to dwell with his wife as a man of knowledge If the Wife will learne saith Paul let her aske her Husband at home 1 Cor. 14.35 which implies two things First that the Husband ought himselfe to labour for Illumination and abundance of the knowledge of God Then secondly that it is his duty to informe and to instruct his wife As the head of a Naturall body carries the Eyes so it sees not only for it selfe but for all the members of the body so it should be in this case The Husband is the Candlestick and Divine knowledge in him is the Light Now our Saviour saith Luk. 8.16 No man lighteth a Candle and covereth it with a vessell or putteth it under a bed but setteth it on a Candlestick that they that come in may see the light The knowledge that is in the Husband should be communicative to all in the Family in generall and to his Wife in particular Now the Husband must labour to edifie and build up his Wife and to further her in the way of holinesse by his performance of these particular duties viz. By Dehortations Exhortations Reprehensions and as occasion is by labouring to give her Consolations So also by praying for her and with her by reading the Word of God to her and by holy Conference as frequently as may be For by praying for her he may find the Lord graciously intreated to confer and bestow Grace into her heart and to give her a daily encrease thereof Secondly By praying with her he may be a meanes to put life and quickning into her spirit in all duties Thirdly By reading the Word of God to her he may instruct her Fourthly By using holy Conference with her he may stir up in her ardent desires and Heavenly Affections in minding things of a more sublime Nature than any thing in this transitory life And if she be ignorant of the waies of God and the duties she doth owe unto God and man it must be the care of her Husband to informe her to teach and instruct her in those things But if she know them then he must labour to rub them afresh upon her Memory as the Apostle Peter did on them to whom he wrote 2 Pet. 1.12 that she may set her selfe the more seriously to the practice of them Beloved a man is no way able to shew his love more unto his Wife than by labouring that she may be everlastingly happy as well as himselfe And happy is that woman who doth enjoy such a Husband as is very tender of her soules health and who doth labour to further her in the discharging of all her duties in her generall and particular Calling even in doing the Will of God and insuffering his pleasure We might have been larger in this particular and doubtlesse should but that in the next head we shall have occasion to mention some of the forementioned directions againe as very proper to the next duty of the Husband to the Wife and so desist here The fourth duty of the Husband to his Wife In the fourth place the duty of the Husband to the Wife is to labour to reclaime her from any sin and sinfull course she doth live in for sin is of a deceitfull nature and will deceive the soules of the choicest Christians in the world if not rooted out betimes before the heart be hardened therein And therefore the Holy Ghost bids us exhort one another to day to prevent the same Heb. 3.13 Therefore if a man see his wife nourish any sin in her heart or life he had need to bestir himselfe to make opposition against it * Note for mind it well if sin be not mortified early we may feare that in time it will mortifie Grace They cannot be both fruitfull in one poore heart and if Grace die an exceeding sad Funerall will follow But if it be demanded what be the meanes the Husband must use to reclaime his Wife from any sin I answer First Earnest Prayer and Supplication to God in her behalfe this way When the Church had gone astray from God and had run themselves into many miseries the Prophet Jeremy seekes unto God in their behalfe thus Turne thou unto us O Lord and we shall be turned renew our daies as of old Lam. 5.21 Gen. 25.21 As God heard Isaac praying for his Wife for a fruitfull wombe that she might conceive and beare so how knowest thou but that thou maiest by Prayer prevaile with God in thy Wives behalfe that she may conceive the seed of saving Grace in her heart and bring forth the fruit of it in her life even the Mortification of that sin or sins that are most predominant in her and with much comfort maiest thou expect such a blessing on thy Prayers if they be fervent Iam. 5.16 God hath the hearts of all men and women in his hands and can turne them at his own pleasure he can make a proud heart humble a hard heart soft an Earthly heart Heavenly a crooked heart straight he can help the perversenesse of the Will and the disorder of the Affections God hath a Plaister for every sore and a proper remedy for every disease God can help the blindnesse of the Mind the Errour of the Judgement the irregularity of the whole man Then I say go unto God in the first place and importune him for mercy for and for cure of thy Wives soule-sicknesse and distempers In the second place thou must kindly and with all possible sweetnesse admonish her of the danger of sin and of the fearefull fruits and sad effects of it as that thereby she dishonoureth a good God she woundeth her owne Conscience she bringeth discredit to the Gospell she provokes the Lords indignation and wrath against her to her confusion if she persevere in sin labour to perswade her that sin hath a long taile of judgements at the heeles of it Externall Internall and Eternall Inchoated on Earth Consummated in Hell
consider of before Marriage namely the duties that both Husband and Wife do owe unto their Family in relation to both Children and Servants Which because most of these duties concerne both Husband and VVife we shall endeavour to handle them together for brevities sake yet make some distinction that they may both take notice of their duties where distinction is to be made The first duty that both Husband and VVife do owe unto their Family The first duty of Governours to thâ—ir Family is to Catechise and instruct their Children and Servants in the knowledge of God and feare of his Name This duty doth chiefly belong to the Husband yet in his absence it doth properly concerne his wife likewise Now the Great God doth not only enjoyne this duty upon the Children of Israel but doth much inculcate the same Deut. 4 6. Take heed to thy selfe diligently lest thou forget the things which thine eyes have seene and lest they depart from thy heart all the daies of thy life but thou shalt teach them thy Sons and thy Sons Sons Then againe Deut. 6. 6.7 These words which I command thee this day shall be in thy heart and thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy Children c. Yet further Deut. 11.19 Ye shall lay up these my words in your hearts and in your soules and bind them for a signe upon your hands that they may be as frontlets between your eyes and ye shall teach them your Children c. The Apostle requires the same duty of Parents Eph. 6.4 Ye Parents provoke not your Children to wrath but bring them up in instruction and information of the Lord. Solomon exhorts us to the same duty Prov. 22 6. Traine up a Child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it Now in Scripture you shall find this duty of teaching and instructing Children and Servants was frequently performed by the godly first see it in the practice of Abraham Gen. 18.19 Further view it in the resolution of Joshuah Josh 24 15 Also in the care of David both in 1 Chron. 28.9 and in Psal 34.11 And can we conceive that Corâ—elâ—us did neglect this duty who feared God with all his houshold Acts 10.2 Or that any of those holy men did omit this duty whose houses were Churches Rom. 16. â— Col. 4.15 Phil. 2. If we should so think we give ground enough for others to conclude we are very uncharitable Besides if the judgement of Ancient and Moderne Divines in relation to this truth be of force with you to confirme you herein you must then be satisfied that it is the duty of Parents and Governours of Families to take much paines to teach and instruct their Children and Servants to feare and serve the Lord Or else what meane all their Orthodoxe forms of Catechisme to yield help to consciencious Christians in the discharge of this duty of which there be many extant blessed be the Lord have been in ages past Doubtless you must be convinced that it is your duty only if you know these things blessed are you if you do them The second duâ—â— of Goverâ—â—urs of 〈◊〉 â—s Joh. 13.17 The second duty that both man and wife do owe unto their Children and Servants is to pray with them and for them Ye have seen but now that Parents must take paines to teach and instruct their Children and Servants in the knowledge of God But what successe can there be expected as the blessed fruit of such a duty without prayer with and for them Paul may plant and Apollos may water but God giveth the encrease 1 Cor. 3.6 But this encrease must be humbly sought of God by Prayer There is a spirit of Indotionablenesse in all by nature but it doth abound many times in some Children and Servants I will instruct and teach thee saith David in the way thou shalt go I will guid thee with mine eye Psal 32.8 Then instantly adds in the very next verse Be ye not as the horse or Mule which have no understanding c. There is a great deale of ignorance and blockish stupidity in all sorts of persons and therefore in Children and Servants which none but God can take away it was God that opened the heart of Lydia that she attended to the things that were spoken of Paul Acts 16.14 Therefore there is great need to pray unto God to take away all obstacles that may obstruct the edification of thy Family in saving knowledge and Grace or else thou maiest have small hopes of doing them any good by all thy other paines in the discharging thy duties Mind the imprecation of Jeremy Poure out thy wrath saith he upon the Heathen and upon the Families that call not on thy Name Jer. 10.25 Holy Job was very conscientious in this duty of prayer for his Job 1.15 He offereth burnt Offerings to God in relation to his Sons and Daughters with which duty the Learned do conclude he offered Prayer and of that there can be no doubt because when he offered burnt Offerings for his three Friends he also prayed for them Job 42.7 8 10. David he praies for Solomon 1 Chron. 29.19 And can any with reason conclude that he did not pray for his other Children upon all Occasions A very grosse absurdity it were so to do Certainly we may desist from further prosecution of this point as to Information that it is the duty of Parents to pray with and for their Children and Servants because all men will confesse it but for their neglect of it we shall by the help of God in due place labour to meet with them by just reproofe But for such as are godly Children and Servants who take notice of the extreame remissenesse of their Parents and Masters in performing this demonstrating evidently that they are Christians by praying for them I exhort that they would themselves go to God in secret to beg of him to open the eyes of such Governours to see with godly sorrow this their abominable sin and to give them grace to reforme it lest such Governour of Families sinke into the bottomlesse pit oâ— hell for it to all Eternity The third duty of Governours of Families In the third place it is the duty of Parenâ— and Governours of Families to labour to waâ— before their Children and Servants in all holy and religious waies and to be very circumspect herein We have taken some notice that it is the duty of such Governours to teach those that are under their government the knowledge of God and to informe them in the waies of his feare Now if this be done only by precept and not by example there is small hope of doing them any good for a man may teach his Child or Servant the way to heaven by Precept and the way to hell by bad example the leaders of this people cause them to â—erre and they that are led of them are destroyed saith the Prophet Isa
their exorbitant lust to make them more sit to glorifie God and perform service unto men these and such like ought to be purely your aimes And lastly you must administer this Ordinance in a a right manner that is with lifting up your hearts to God desiring him with the correction to vouchsafe to them Instruction to sanctifie it to them so that it may prove effectuall for their Reformation to make them obedient to God in word and deed and faithtull in the discharge of all the duties they owe unto you Now when your carriage is truely thus in your correcting Children or Servants you may by the blessing of God expect some gracious effects of it except the Lord have a controversie with and against them to harden their hearts by this and other means to their own perdition Thus we have done with the foure general Duties which both Husband and wife owe unto both Children and Servants as first to instruct them in the wayes of God Secondly to pray with them and for them Thirdly to walk before them in good examples Fourthly and lastly to seek to reclaim them from bad wayes Now because the neglect of these Duties is a prime cause of infinite dishonour to God the means of many souls perishing to all eternity and the breeding of multitudes of rotten and vile members in Church and State we shall endeavour with the Lords Assistance to proceed to some reasons inforcing the performance of these Duties by all godly Governours and then come to make some Application thereof Reas 1 The first Reason is taken from the Command of God who requires the performance of all these duties at thy hands for thou hast seen by variety of Scripture Texts that these duties are not Arbitrary or of an Indifferent nature that thou maist doe them or leave them undone at thy own discretion Now as the Promises of God are to be the ground of thy Faith so the Commands of God are to be the ground of thy obedience That God requires these Duties of thee from hence thou maist gather an Argument that thou art bound to set thy selfe with all thy might to the performance of them A good understanding have all they that doe his Commandements Psalme 111. ult If ye know these things blessed are ye if ye doe them John 13.17 The life of a Christian lyeth chiefely in doing What singular thing doe yee Matth. 5.47 for so it is rendred in the old Translation What is the Theory of Religion if the practick part be wanting Now as you would approve your selves to be the Children of God you must obey him in all things for His servants you are whom you obey Rom. 6.16 The second Reason inforeing from you the Reas 2 performance of these duties before mentioned for the good of your children and servants is taken from those bowels of compassions that should be in you relating to the good of their souls for by thy neglect of teaching them the knowledge of God and praying for them and with them and walking before them in good examples and labouring to reclaim them from sinne they may perish in hell for evermore He saith James that converteth a sinner from the errour of his way shall save a soule from death Jam. 5.20 and hide a multitude of sins and what knowest thou but by thy conscionable use of these meanes thou maiest instrumentally do it In Exod. 23.4 the Lord commands that if thou meet thy Enemies Oxe or his Asse going astray that thou shalt surely bring him back againe How much more then oughtest thou to be carefull when thou seest thy Children and Servants go astray from God in the wales that lead to hell to be carefull to bring them back againe and so to secure their poore soules from perishing Now in the way to hell thy Children and Servants alwaies walke when they are in a state of ignorance and in the practice of any sin My people saith God are destroyed for lack of knowledge Hos 4.6 And as for thy poore Children thy own Loynes have been the Conduit-pipe to convey into their hearts and soules from Adam the fountaine all that corruption of nature which is in them and all that propensity to sin which is in their wils Truly it is not only against a gracious principle but against an Humane and Morall one too that thou shouldst thrust thy poore Child into a dangerous quagmire and then deny him thy hand to help pluck him back againe and that thou shouldst give him many a deadly and mortall wound and refuse to apply a plaister for his cure these similitudes are infinitely too short to set forth this case fully Now when thou dost neglect these meanes beforesaid thou dost shew thy selfe to be a cruell and bloudy Man a most savage beast there is no tearmes in the world that can fully set forth the intolerable vilenesse of thy condition be thou amazed and tremble like Belshazzar in another case Dan. 5.6 and set thy selfe to reforme The third reason to quicken thee to the performance Reas 3 of the duties beforesaid is taken from the account thou art to give to God at the great day for those soules that he hath committed to thy charge if they by thy neglect perish thou must be responsible for them at the generall Audit before God Angels and Men. At which time the Lord will not remit thee one graine of the non performance of any one of these or any other duties which thou shouldst have performed to have sought his own glory and the salvation of thy Children and Servants by For in Gods calling thee to be the Governour of a Family he hath made thee a watchman over their soules And consider thou that place for the purpose in hand in Ezek. 33.8 Eli the Priest was by reason of his indulgence to his Children a very defective man this way yet many thousand Millions of men are more He sought to reclaime his Sons from their wickednesse only by admonishing them of it and of the judgments of God for the same which is more perhaps than thou didst ever do but there unseasonably came to a period God punished this sin of his First upon those his wicked and degenerate Sons then on his own person and lastly on his whole house His Sons were slaine both in one day himselfe brake his neck and his house lost the Priests Office 1 Sam. 2.22 23 24 34 35 36. Chap. 4.11 18. Read the Story and lay it sadly to thy heart But the Learned do conceive that the personall punishment of Eli was but temporall because he was gracious though in the case before-mentioned a grievous offender I say read and and consider and as thou likest the punishment so practice the sin it is true God is patient but this his patience if further abused by thee will not prove thy priviledge but thy infinite disadvantage For thou shalt when it is too late find thou art rather reserved for hell than
large of them Deale uprightly and justly with all men as in the presence of God 1 Thes 4.6 And as you would have others deale with you so deale with all men Mat. 7.12 You must prefer the good and safety of Church and State before your owne this may be deduced from the Message Mordecai sent to Queen Hester when she was fearfull to put forth her selfe for the safety of the Jewes in their extreame exigency Hest 4. the latter part of vâ—r 14. Rom. 12.11 Not sloathfull to do service for so the Geneva hath it Now my deare Children I beseech you in the Name of God and I hope your heavenly Father to labour to maintaine the life and heate of love unity Amity sweet Accord and Concord betweene your selves Consider for this purpose that it is a speciall duty God requires of you all to be performed each to other 1 Pet. 3.8 And the Lord hates and abominates such as low discord between Brethren Pro. 6. ver 16. compared with ver 19. Gen. 45.24 And well worth your observation for your encouragement to performe this duty here urged is that which the Spirit of God laies downe Psal 133.1 Behold saith the Psalmist how good and how pleasant it is for Brethren to dwell together in unity which in the remaining verses is amplified by two choice similitudes and with a comfortable conclusion Nature hath Characterized this so strongly upon the hearts of Men that some have taken revenge upon such as have done wrong to Brethren or Sisters Simeon and Levi slew all the Inhabitants of a whole City for the wrong that Shechem the son of Hamor had done to their Sister Dinah Gen. 34.25 26 27 31. Gideon put Zebah and Zalmunna to death for their slaying his Brethren Judg. 8.19 21. Abner slew Asahel the Brother of Joab 2 Sam. 2.23 but Joab slayes Abner for it 2 Sam. 3.27 Amnon deflowrs Tamar the sister of Absalom 2 Sam. 13.14 but Absalom did cause him to lose his life for it ver 28 29. Now these things my deare Children I mention not to put you upon such courses for they were Acts of murther in those that did them and that in a high degree and you have not nor cannot have any warrant to do such vile things all you can do in such cases is to go to God by prayer and to the Civill Magistrate by complaint for the security of each one of you But I make use of these Instances to convince you that if you love not one another you sin even against Nature how much more then against God And truly you sin also against your selves for by unbrotherly breaches you weaken your owne strength The uniting of Brethren and Sisters together by love fortifies them against the danger of oppositions The earth will with more ease swallow up one single drop of water than many drops and buckets-full met together in one A threefold Cord is not quickly broken Eccl. 4.12 Most excellent to this purpose is the story of the old dying man who having many Children and desiring they might be all united together in love he was ambitious to leave somthing upon their hearts and spirits as an Impression not easily to be forgotten but that might remaine for the end beforesaid Who having them all present before him cals for a sheafe of Arrowes which when brought he gives to divers of his Children a single Arrow and bids them break them which with great case they did But then he takes all the rest of them and with a cord he binds them in one bundle and then bids them breake them if they could which they aslaying to do could not so much as bend them Then he applies himselfe to them by way of counsell and tels them that if they were divided one from another in affection they would expose themselves to ruine But if they were all firmely conjoyn'd together as one they might be able to preserve themselves and one another Ah my deare hearts it is the desire and prayer of your poore Father for you unto the Blessed and for ever blessed Trinity who are three in Persons and but one in Essence that you all might have but one heart and one soule in relation one to another that thereby God might be glorified others edified and your selves for ever comforted by your mutuall love and sweet deportment one to another Thus my much endeared Children I have laboured to give you an Epitome of particular duties you owe unto God to his Church and to your own soules and bodies Now to all the advice I have given you in particular I shall in the Apostles owne words adde this in generall only changing the Appellation Finally my Children whatsoever things are true whatsoever things are honest whatsoever things are just whatsoever things are pure whatsoever things are lovely whatsoever things are of good report If there be any vertue and if there be any praise thinke on these things And the God of peace shall be with you Phil. 4.8 and the latter end of ver 9. Now my deare Children because I am convinced that it is the duty of a Father to seeke the compleat happinesse of his Children both Internall and Externall and though chiefly the good of their soules in relation to a better life Yet in a second place the good also of their bodies and their outward comfortable enjoyments in this Terrestiall World I cannot therefore omit in order to your well-being here to communicate unto you some advise in reference to the change of your conditions by Marriage if the Lord be pleased to bring you to such a time for seasonablenesse and to give you opportunities to embrace the same Let me tell you that for you to enjoy meet helpers in that estate you may reckon to be one of the greatest out ward favours that God doth bestow on his Children to sweeten their condition otherwise mixt with divers Afflictions in this life But in the discharge of this last duty I shall be very concise because you may meet with variety of directions this way in the ensuing lines and body of the discourse all which I beseech you to mind in your reading of them and much more in your practice in walking up to them but I shall here take the liberty to adde in generall this one thing viz. That it is a Rule Case and Maxime in Divinity that whatsoever Action any one is call'd to performe which is of high concernment especially to Gods glory and relates to the good of man and but once in probability to be done in his whole life and which being done is unalterable and remaines like the Laws of the Medes and Persians Dan. 5.8.12 There is required more than ordinary caution and circumspection in the undertaking and managing of the same Now the entring into the Marriage Estate is an Action of the same nature before exprest nay to speake properly it is that Action and none but it that fully answers the description
yet dare sit down in his place A second spirituall gift c. A second spirituall gift necessary for the governing a Family is Wisdome for Wisdome and Knowledge are two distinct gifts or graces for a man may have Knowledge 2 Chr. 1.10 and yet want Wisdome Solomon praies to the Lord to give him Wisdome and Knowledge Wisdome he mentions in the first place to go out and come in before that great People that is to walke wisely before them and that he might be able to governe them and to teach them I will walke wisely saith David in the midst of my house Psa 101.2 A man must have Wisdome to walke before his Wife and Family in giving good Examples unto them that they seeing his wise and Christian carriage in every thing may be provoked to follow him he must likewise have Wisdome that he may be able to incourage them that do well in well-doing and to reprove them that do ill he must have Wisdome to moderate his love his anger and all his passions toward all that are under him Thus you see what great need there is also of Wisdome in such men as have the government of others committed to them The third spirituall gift The third spirituall gift which Governors must labour after is patience There must be a patient bearing with Infirmities and great forbearing when they are not enormities and especially when the party is easily convinced and reformed Paul propounds his long-suffering charity and patience to Timothy in 2 Tim. 3.10 for him to imitate and practice toward them that God had set him over Saint James would have Patience have her perfect worke James 1.4 the grace of Patience is necessary for a Christian in the generall course of his life Therefore for domestique Government too Impatience is a Gangrene which eates out the heart and vitals of Love a man much more a Christian must not give sharpe words much less fall to blows for every triviall offence for that will discourage especially young people and dull their spirits it will sometimes be a mans discretion to look but with halfe an eye upon a fault yet he may give a loving admonition which will be sufficient where good natures are especially to be found whatever is the duty of a Bishop in relation to houshold government is undoubtedly the duty of every Christian as the Master of a Family and such a one must not be a brawler but patient 1 Tim. 3.3 The fourth and last spirituall gift The fourth spirituall gift which Governors must labour for is Humility which gift or grace I dare not lay down as an essentiall qualification for one impowr'd over other but only as a very necessary concomitant to such a person to help him against vain-glory pride and abuse of his place to sin and so to his own hurt for there is a time saith Solomon Eccles 8.9 that one man ruleth over another to his own hurt Rehoboam his roughnesse and Imperious carriage toward those over whom by right of Succession he was to rule as their King made the Major part of them to revolt and cast off their due subjection to the losse of his own Honour and their extreame prejudice both of soul and body 2 Chro. 10.6 8 13 16 17. Yet though it be very necessary that a person elevated to a place of Government over others should be humble and that for the premised considerations This doth not tye up the genius of a man in power that he may not upon some occasion and in his carriage to some persons behave himselfe with much gravity and reservednesse yea and with some kind of Majesty too to preserve his perâ—on and place from contempt and scorne and from disesteeme from Children and Servants â—or some such Children and Servants there are that if they can espâ—e cut in their Parents and Masters a spirit of Pussâ—lanimity they will trample all their Commands and the Authority it selfe by which they command under their swinish feet which a wise Governour will labour to prevent by shunning the occasions of it Thus we have done with discussing the three essentiall gifts and the fourth which hath been handled with Caution being a very necessary one all which do or may concerne every man intending the marriage estate and therefore he must before-hand labour to have the knowledge of them which are as you have seen first Knowledge secondly Wisdome thirdly Patience and lastly Humility And so we proceed to the consideration of the second qualication fitting for the Marriage condition The second qualification considerable on the first head The second qualification to be considered of before-hand is fitnesse of Age None can be thought fit for Marriage in None-age there must be Maturity and ripenesse-both in body and minde for that Estate or else the entrance into it is unlawfull The gifts of mind before mentioned cannot be expected in Youths and Children There cannot be prudence to mannage a Calling to bring maintenance in by it such such cannot be profitable in Church not Common wealth Yea Nature doth teach us that there is a deficiency in all persons untill they be come to some reasonable Age to performe some duties that the Marriage condition requires Juda gave Tamar a faire Account why at present he would not give Shelah to her in the Marriage-bed Which was because he was not growne but it was his sin that he did it not when he was fit for that condition Gen. 38.11 Isaac was forty yeares old when he marries Rebeccah Gen. 25.20 But in this Age of the World it is not convenient to stay so long before change of our conditions for few that so do do enjoy that great blessing of living to see their Children to be grown to some maturity setled in some good Calling and bestowed in Marriage much lesse to see their Childrens Children which is a blessing God promiseth to his people Psal 128.6 Yet it is undeniable that there must be as we said a ripenesse of Age before Marriage But we proceed no further in this particular in this place because we shall have an occasion to fall upon it againe in another The third and last qualification The third qualification fitting for Marriage from the first head or consideration before Marriage is to see a fitnesse in Estate for such a condition of life The Marriage estate brings with it great Charge and Expence therefore before this fall upon a man he had need to see some probable waies and meanes to carry him thorough all A man will not take a chargeable journey but he will put mony in his purse to supply his necessities unlesse hee know he shall meet with supplies by the way so in this case a discreet Christian will not Marry untill he can comfortably conclude that his present or future meanes will be sufficient to keep him from poverty pinching poverty and destruction and from lying as a burthen on others that place in Rom.
for God hath some hand in it to humble thee for some sin happily thou hast hid some cursed thing in thy heart as Achan did the wedge of gold and Babylonish Garment in the Earth in the middest of his Tent for which sin of his all Israel were beaten back by the Citizens of Aâ— Josh 7 5. And we know God would not go forth with Israel to blesse them and to give them victory over their Adversaries untill this sin was purged out But if this be thy case that as I said there is some secret sin lying hid in thy heart do not delude thy selfe thou must set thy selfe to the worke of humiliation and reformation before thou canst expect a gracious speeding in thy sute but when that is done rouze up thy spirit be not discouraged but set on afresh with vigour againe and againe and if it be for Gods glory and the mutuall good of you both thou shalt certainly speed and further thou oughtest not to desire it But I desire to adde one thing yet further and that by way of Advice Be very circumspect that before Marriage thou be not prodigall in thy engagements be sure thou promise her no more Maintenance than thou art well assured thy meanes will make good oâ— that may beseeme her in that condition as being thy wife Againe take care in a speciall manner that thou promise her no more than thy honest purpose is to make good and performe to the full For otherwise when things come to passe contrary to thy promises it will be a cause of much variance and of great breaches betweene you which like a fretting gangrene will eat out the very vitals of love for upon thy non-performance or unability to make good all thou hast unadvisedly and wickedly promised she will both twit thee and exclaime against thee for cheating and deluding of her with faire and golden promises which since are vanished into meere vapours it is more safe and creditable for thee rather to promise nothing to her that way but yet to do what with reason may be fitting One thing more and no more of this Conceale not before-hand any deficiency in Nature that may disable thee to performe any Conjugall duties whatsoever Thus much may suffice to inform thee in all the meanes thou art to use to obtaine a good wife and a meet helper We are in then nâ—xt place with the Lords leave and assistance to come to take a view of the duties which Married persons are obliged to performe wherein we shall consider the duties the Husband doth owe unto his Wife and the rather shall we do this in the first place to draw on the Wife to a cheerefull performance of hers likewise to her Husband The first duty the Husband doth owe unto his Wife is Conjugall Affections The first duty of the Husband to his Wife Or Matrimoniall and speciall love The greatest part of a womans outward comfort in Marriage stands in the entire love and hearty Affections of her Husband toward her and if she misse of this from her Husband she may feare his falling short in all the rest for the love of a Husband to his Wife is as the foundation stone of all his other duties it is as the chiefe wheele in the Clock which gives a dexterous motion to all the other wheeles thy cordiall love to thy Wife will sweeten her condition in this life in her worst outward crosses in want of health wealth the society of good Neighbours pleasures and what not nay let her life be fill'd with the Affluence and Confluence of all the comforts under the Sun yet the bare want of the apprehension of her Husbands Affections toward her will make her dip all her Morsels in vinegar and gall and make her complaine that she doth not see one good day Now that it is the duty of the Husband to love his Wife appeares Eph. 5.25 Husbands saith the Apostle love your Wives as Christ loved his Church that is for kind not for measure for the measure of the love of Christ to his Church no dimensions can demonstrate for to know the love of Christ the Apostle saith it passeth knowledge Eph. 2.19 and in Col. 3.19 the Apostle bids Husbands to love their wives and not be bitter unto them The woman was made of a Rib taken out of the side of man and therefore Adam saith she was bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh Gen. 2.23 Nay by Gods Ordinance they are no more twaine but one flesh and from hence Paul taketh an Argument to perswade the Husband to love his Wife because no man yet did ever hate his own flesh Eph. 5.28 29. You may remember that upon another occasion we did observe that Jacob esteemed Rachel his Wife as his right hand he call'd his Sons name of whom she died Benjamin or the Son of his right hand Gen. 35.18 God calls the wife of Ezekiel the desire of his eyes Son of man I take from thee the desire of thine eyes with a stroake Ezek. 24.16 18. The Prophet Nathan tels David in a Parable that Bathsheba the wife of Uriah lay in his bosome that is in the bosome of her Husbands Affections 2 Sam. 12.3 You plainly see then that it is the duty of the Husband to love his Wife Now that there are Scripture Incitations for it and Scripture Presidents for it too you must know you sin against God if you performe it not and if you do it not then as you have heard you bring affliction and griefe on your Wife so likewise you bring much prejudice on your own selfe for you discourage her from drawing in the same Yoake with you you disable her to be a meet helper you make her to be uncheerfull in all the duties of her generall and particular calling and which is worse you expose your selfe to the strength of many noysome lusts as elsewhere hath been mentioned be thou so convinced that it is a speciall duty that the Husband doth owe to his Wife even to love her with Conjugall and entire love as that thou set thy selfe to the practice of it wherein stands thy owne and her comfort The second Duty which the Husband doth owe unto his wife is Cohabitation The seconâ— duty of the Husband to his Wife or to live together in one Family mutually to enjoy intimate society both in bed and at boord for where this is not there no duty which a Husband doth owe unto his Wife can be performed Nay the very ends of Marriage are hereby null and frustrate The Apostle Peter laies a command on Husbands to dwell with their Wives Ye Husbands dwell with your Wives c. 1 Pet. 3.7 Can a man have any true comfort in his Wife or she in him if they do not dwell together Truly it is not only against Grace but against Nature too for them to do otherwise for the Husband is the head of his Wife and of his Family When
of thy future tranquillity glory and blisse at the right hand of thy dearest Saviour in Heaven to all Eternity hereafter In the sixth place The sixth duty of the Husband to his Wife it is the duty of the Husband to his wife to beare with her infirmities We that are strong ought saith the Apostle to beare the infirmities of the weake Rom. 15.1 And Peter in 1 Pet. 3.7 saith the woman is the weaker vessell Ergo A man ought to beare with the Infirmities of his wife But the question is what faults may be said to be Infirmities to be borne with in any in generall and in the woman in particular I answer these and such like as forgetfulnesse of some materiall businesse some unusuall neglect of duty to the Husband Children or Servants some wasting and spoyling of the Creature contrary to Custome formerly or purpose then or some not ordinary breakin gs forth into extravagant and exorbitant passions heat and Choler of the last kind we shall find two very sad presidents from two gracious women and of two patterns of admirable patience in their Husbands The first is the extreame but groundlesse passion of Sarah formerly Sarai raised against her Husband Abraham Gen. 16 2 3.4 5 6. we shall abbreviate the Divine History Sarai was barren and Aged she despaires of being naturall mother to any Children who did therefore desire to be the reputed mother of Children she makes a motion such a one as it was unto her Husband to go in to her Maid Hagar Abraham hearkens to her voice and doth it Hagar conceives then is elevated in herselfe and casts off due honour from her Mistris which she discerning is presently full of passion and vents it very uncivilly into the bosome of her Husband and speakes thus that is My wrong be upon thee I gave thee my maid into thy bosome and when she saw that she had conceived I was despised in her eyes thâ— Lord judge betweene me and thee Well Saraâ— what 's the matter Here is a great complaint out who hath done thee the wrong What Abram No he poore man is innocent in comparison of thy selfe what a false charge iâ— here drawn up against Abram What clamor upon it What appeales to God about it But how doth Abram demeane himselfe in the condition Truly singularly well he beats wiâ— this infirmity in his wife he knew this wâ— not the frame and temper of her spirit anâ— therefore answers very mildly and saith to be behold thy Maid is in thy hand do to her at pleaseth thee The second sad president as beforesaid is that of the carraige of Zipporah to her husband Moses Ex. 4.19 20 21 25 26 Moses being commanded by God to leave the land of Midian and to returne into Egypt about the delivering of the Children of Israel out of bondage he takes his Wife and Sons and the Rod of God in his hand and begins his journey but be having neglected the observation of a speciall Ordinance of God viz. the circumcising of his Son God saith the Text met him in the Inne and sought to kill him where note by the way that it is a dangerous thing for a man to take a journey though upon as lawfull an occasion as can be with the neglect of a duty or the guilt of any sin lying on the conscience unrepented of Moses you see is in great danger of death and his wife knowing the cause of it takes a sharpe stone and cuts off the fore-skin of her Son and throws it at his feet with these words surely a bloudy husband art thou unto me which was a very Contemptible Contumelious uncivill and unmannerly behaviour in her yet he is silent bears with her infirmities and no doubt but he did consider there lay a sad temptation on her spirit and withall was conscientious of his own sin against God and so sweetly passeth by his wives weakness Now these infirmities which a Husband out of duty to his wife must beare with must not be publike nor giving scandall and offence to others Nay whatever they are he must take a fit opportunity to give her a sweet reproofe for such a Husband as is in a passion for his wives infirmities will make such a smoake in his house as shall disturbe all in or neare it The discretion of a man deferreth his anger and it is his glory to passe by a transgression Prov. 19.11 The seventh duty of the Husband to his Wife The seventh duty the Husband doth owe unto his Wife is due maintenance in all things both inward and outward for her comfortable bodily subsistance here both in life and livelihood for supportation of health whilest it is enjoyed and for restoration of it when decayed And this to be performed with as much dearenesse of affections and tendernesse of heart as to himselfe which duty the Apostle clearely requires husbands to performe to their wives Eph 5.28 29. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies be that loveth his wife loveth himselfe for no man ever yet hated his own flesh but cherisheth and nourisheth it even as Christ doth his Church Now we know all men will nourish their own bodies with such meat and drink and Physick with such Preservatives and Restoratives of health as is necessary And they will cherish their own body with such Apparell as may not only keep them warme in their bodies but be some delight unto their minds The same for kind and measure for quality and quantity they must allow unto their wives if it be of necessity or necessary for them which I dare presume it is almost alwaies Yet this must be granted that a man must not maintaine himselfe in any thing either for food or rayment above his ability or unbecoming his place and Calling Neither must he allow it his wife and doubtlesse no discreet wife will desire the same Beloved you have heard at large that it is the duty of the Husband to his Wife to tender the good of her soule and can any man think that the good of her body is to be neglected Truly it were absurd for any to conceit any such thing God would not have the mouth of the Oxe to be muzled when he treadeth out the Corne Deut. 25.4 and will he have the mouth of her muzled that doth draw with thee in the same yoke Surely no The Apostle saith that he is worse than an Infidell that doth not provide for his own Family 1 Tim. 5.8 Now if the whole Family must be provided for as none dare deny then much more she who in thy absence is the head of the Family and in thy own presence thy right-hand Mate VVhat encouragement can thy wife have to seek thy good when thou shalt in whole or in part neglect hers Besides when thou shalt especially with cheerefulnesse allow thy wife all due and necessary maintenance for her comfort and encouragement in this life if she
of livelihood somtimes to enjoy society of choise friends there be none of these but may give a man a cleare call somtimes to remove his habitation he must if he be a Christian obey God herein Now take this for a most undeniable truth that whatever passage of Divine providence will warrant the lawfulnesse of the Husbands change of place of dwelling will also warrant the Wives call to travell with her Husband and to live with him wheresoever he pitch his Tent. Marke the Apostles phrase 1 Cor. 9.5 Have we not power to lead about a Sister a Wife as well as other Apostles and as the Brethren of the Lord and as Cephas where you may note that the Apostles the Brethren of the Lord and Cephas did lead about their wives which they could not have done against their wills and Paul doth challenge the same priviledge as due to him as well as to the other But to add a cleare demonstration to this truth yet further by joyning presidents to priviledges consider the practice of Sarah when God cals Abraham to leave his country and go into that which he would shew him she goeth with him Gen. 12.5 When God cals him the second time to remove that is to go into Egypt because of the Famine in the Land where he did live you shall find his wife did go with him ver 10 11. who did also returne with him Chap. 13.1 Againe when God cals Isaac to go to Gerar to sojourne there for a time and that by reason of Famine too Rebekah his wife goes with him Gen. 26.1 7. But in a speciall manner mind the practice of Leah and Rachel they are willing to leave their Fathers house and kindred not being enforced by Famine to enjoy society with Jacob their husband Gen. 31.4 to the end of ver 18. As Ruth said to Naomi her mother in Law Where thou goest I will go and where thou lodgest I will lodge and where thou dyest I will dye and there will I be buried The Lord do so to me and more also if ought but death part thee and me Ruth 1.16 17. So must every Christian wife say to her husband where thou livest I will live and where thou diest I will die and there will I be buried for nought but death shall part thee and me By all which it doth or may appeare that it is the duty of the wife to her husband to Cohabit with him in what place soever God shall call him and if she performe not this duty she disables her selfe to the observation of others But in case first that the husband will live in a Popish Countrey out of either a superstitious or fantasticall end or humour The wife is not bound to follow him for she must look more after the true worship of God and the salvation of her own soule than after any outward comfortable condition in the world Or secondly if the Husband be an unbeliever and doth not like to live with a believing wife then such a wife is at liberty if I mistake not the Apostle to live from him 1 Cor. 7.13 15. But lastly in case the husband do violate the Covenant of Marriage by Adultery Fornication c. Then if the wife please she may forsake him which by necessary consequence may appeare from the words of Christ Mat. 5.32 Chap. 19 9. For if the husband may put his wife away for such breach of Marriage-Contract why not the wife put away her husband on the like occasion But if upon ordinary occasion the wife shall refuse the performance of this duty to her husband she doth make void and null one speciall end of Marriage and so sins against God the ordainer of that happy estate also against her Husband in depriving him of his due comfort and lastly against her soule and conscience as contracting sin and guilt and against her body in a violent cutting the thread of her chiefest externall felicity So much for this particular duty from the wife to the husband In the third place The third duty of the VVife to the Husband the duty of the Wife to her Husband is to improve her spirituall abilities to be helpfull to him in the best things for the good of his soule to stir him up to good duties when she takes notice of any remissnesse and carnall security in him by sweet exhortations and holy conference she must labour to quicken him against a spirituall Lethargy which if it seize on him will so becloud and benight his senses that he shall have neither head nor heart with any cheerefulnesse of spirit to walke with his God which if his wife discerne him inclining to but in a speciall manner captivated under she had need to bestir her selfe to salute him often with such Texts of Scripture as these viz. Luk. 9.62 1 Cor. 9 the later part of ver 24. Phil. 3.13 14. Rev. 2.4 and the begining of ver 5. Rev. 3.15 16. Luk. 17.32 Ezek. 18.24 26. She must labour to stir him up to love and good workes and therein follow the example of the Shunamite 2 King 4 9 10. thou that art a Wife read the place and follow the Precept She must labour to strengthen her Husbands faith when he shews most weakenesse After Manoah had offered a sacrifice to God the Angell of the Lord did wonderfully in the presence of him and his wife The good Mans faith began to faile We shall dye saith he because we have seen God want of faith was like to kill the poore man Now his wife steps in very opportunely and labours to strengthen his faith If saith she the Lord would have kill'd us he would not have told us these things nor accepted a Sacrifice at our hands Judg. 13.20 22 23. so she makes good that place in Eccl. 4.9 10. Two are bettter than one for if one fall the other will lift up his fellow but woe be to him that is alone for he hath not another to help him up Truly there is a marvellous Sympathy betweene Husband and Wife in all conditions I meane when they live and love together as man and wife one will labour to support another And one thing let me put thee on in a speciall manner that is be sure as thou dost desire to improve thy gifts and parts for the good of thy Husbands soule That thou do never neglect to pray for him As Aaron did beare the names of the Children of Israel before the Lord on his two shoulders for a memoriall Exod. 28.9 12. So be thou sure to beare the remembrance of thy Husbands poore soule upon thy heart when thou art to appeare before the Lord in thy Closet-worship that thou maiest prevaile with God for a blessing for him that he may be heavenly and spirituall in all his deportments toward God and toward manâ— that in the strength of Gods grace he may be a selfe-denying and a selfe-mortifying Christian That he may be furnished with
had said be sure let the wife take diligent care of this and mind it in a speciall manner that she omit it not by any meanes to reverence her Husband Eph. 5.33 But if it be demanded how this Reverence should be performed I answer two waies in her words and in her gestures First in her words and that two waies first when she speakes to him Secondly when she speakes of him First when she speakes to him by avoiding Clamour and high language Secondly by avoiding of unnecessary repetitions and Tautologies especially if her Husband be a judicious and prudent man for take this for an undeniable truth that a man of parts cannot endure a multitude of words and large preambles Thirdly When she makes her desires known to him rather by requests than by peremptory demands yet this must be granted that a Woman may speake to her Husband in a way of intimate familiarity Lastly when she takes a fit time and place to fasten some Christian reproofe on him and then to do it with much meeknesse and tender love Secondly a woman must reverence her Husband in her words when she speakes of him to others First by giving him on all occasions that are just due praise and commendations And secondly by being ready to vindicate his reputation against all unjust aspersions Calumniations that do impeach his credit and obstruct his well-deserved Estimation in the hearts of such as are wise and godly whereby she shall not only reverence him her selfe but cause others to do the same Secondly The Wife must reverence her Husband in her Gestures and Actions First by giving him due respect before others abroad and before Children and Servants at home not behaving her selfe in a rude and uncivill way toward him as slighting his presence Secondly in leaving to him the wise and orderly government of the Family and all Domestique Discipline without contradiction Lastly and in speciall in observing his good Counsell and in following his religious and godly examples I might here take occasion to fasten a just reproofe upon many Women that are so far from reverencing their Husbands that on the contrary they are Instruments but cursed ones of much disrespect disgrace and dishonour to be call upon their Husbands by their Contumelious words to them their scandalous and contemptible words behind their backs and in their unworthy and unbeseeming gestures and actions toward them but let such women know that as they are transgressours against the Commands of God relating to the Wives duty of reverencing her Husband which is most of all so they are no gainers hereby it may be they make their Husbands good esteeme fall to the ground among the baser conditioned people but to be sure their own good names if ever they had any they make to stinke in the Nostrils of all men who have but morall honesty and much more with those who are pious and godly indeed But I shall not prosecute this because I thinke it rarely the sin of a godly woman and I despaire of doing good on others In the sixth place it is the duty of the Wife to bear with her Husbands infirmities The sixth duty of the Wife to the Husband though the woman be the weaker Vessell yet the man is not free from but Obnoxious to many weaknesses and infirmities which a loving and tender-hearted wife must labour to beare with sometimes it doth come to passe and often too that the Husband meeting with turbulent and crosse businesses may have such perturbations of mind that for a time it may interrupt his otherwise sweet composure of spirit and make him malecontent and wayward and hard to please by his dearest relations that neither Wife nor Children can have a cheerefull looke from him nor a good word of him which the wife with a sweet silence or amiable carriage both in words and actions must passe by and it will be her great wisdome and godly discretion so to do And hereby his passions of mind will waste the faster and he returne to his usuall temper the sooner but if on the contrary the Wife to his enkindled coales adde fewell and combustible matter by bad words and a crosse-grain'd behaviour the whole house will not only be in a disturbing smoake but in a burning flame Grievous words stir up Anger Pro. 15.1 whereas on the contrary A soft Answer turneth away wrath It was the sin of Zipporah who failed in her duty in not bearing with her Husbands infirmity but as hath been observed Moses did well to beare with hers Exod. 4.25 Beare ye one anothers burthens and so fulfill the Law of Christ saith the Apostle Gal. 6.2 This duty concerned all Christians to practice in generall but in the case we speake to it doth concerne the Wife most to practice in relation to her Husband but for her to take a fit opportunity with Abigail to acquaint him that his carriage was not good but he being godly very ill-beseeming him and of scandall to others this will be an ornament of grace to her especially if she perform it in a right way There may be many other infirmities in a man besides Anger and Passion which his Wife must I say beare with which we shall not endeavour to particularize but leave to her to judge of only we shall in one word give her the rule to proceed by viz. A mans infirmity properly is an unvoluntary deviation from that rule of exactnesse whereby by the grace of God he doth walke in the generall course of his life both in relation to God and man having first respect to the duties of piety required in the first Table and secondly to the duties of righteousnesse in the second Table of the Decalogue or ten Commandements In the seventh place The seventh duty of the Wife to the Husband it is the duty of the Wife to the Husband to yield him help and furtherance in his outward Estate But in the prosecution of this duty we shall use the more concisenesse having mentioned something this way in the ninth duty of the Husband to his Wife only what was there delivered was upon another Account that is to put it upon the Husband to stir up his Wife to avoid idlenesse and to labour to be industrious where her chiefe Imployment was exprest to be to guide the house and to looke well to the waies of her Family But here we must labour to stir her up to the practice of this her duty and we hope the convincing her that it is a duty will be Motive sufficient to that end Now here it will be necessary for the Wife to take notice of the injunction of the Apostle in 1 Tim. 5.14 where he saith I will which is as much as to say I command that the younger women marry beare Children and guide the house Now to guide the house at least well for that must be understood is to see every servant performe their duty and every one in the
Family to have food in due season and that it be good for quality and enough for quantity and nothing spoyled for want of seasonable spending she must have a jealous eye upon such servants in whom there is the least ground of suspition of unfaithfulnesse to prevent their passages out of the backe doore as we â—ay and to take heed of laying temptations on them by letting them enjoy any opportunities to come at such things which concerne them not to have to do with but at times of washings or cleansing the corners of the house for the Proverbe is that the temptation makes the Thiefe She must in a speciall manner be carefull of the Education and breeding of the Children they being the chiefest part of her Husbands and her owne Estate she must be as helpfull as she may if need require to her Husband in his outward Calling But thou that art a Wife if thou desire to performe thy duty this way then for thy imitation read often and consider seriously of the waies of the good Houswife in Pro. 31.10 to the end of that Chapter And truly let me tell thee that if thou be not consciencious to further thy Husband in his outward estate thou art very unworthy to have any share in that honour of being reputed among the number of meet helpers There hath many a man been raised to a good outward estate by the industry of his wife for the hand of the diligent maketh rich Prov. 10.4 whether the hand of Husband or Wife And many a man hath been brought to miserable penury and beggery by the Idlenesse and such qualities as attend thereon of his wife Lastly The Wife may very much help her Husband in his outward Estate by labouring to prevent him or to seeke to reclaime him from profuse unthrifty and expensive waies I say she should first labour to prevent him from such Estate-consuming courses which she may do by labouring to provide all necessary and wholsome dyet at home for him with due attendance and a quiet Family for many a man having wanted these at home hath sought them abroad and so by little and little custome in unthrifty courses hath brought a necessity on him of continuance in them a necessity indeed but yet springing from his own wicked heart But thou that art a Wife if thou canst not prevent this plague from falling on thy Family then in the second place thou must labour in all waies of wisdome and sweetnesse to reclaime him out of these pernitious courses Beseech him to consider his sin by this wicked way of his against God Secondly against his own soule Thirdly against his body by unhealthfulnesse and noysome diseases Fourthly against his Credit Fifthly Against his owne Estate Sixthly Against thy selfe Lastly Against his poore Children Thou must also labour to be as amiable in his eye as possible that he may delight in thy company truly they are no good meanes that some women use to reclaime their Husbands by as to follow them with an enraged spirit to an Ale-house and there to raile and foame pull and teare as if they would throw the house out of the window as we say for this course seldome or never doth do any good But if all the meanes thou canst use prove in vaine beg of God to sanctifie this sore afflicton to thee and thine and the more expensive thy Husband is abroad the more sparing be thou at home that if possible the Estate may hold out to be a meanes to bring up thy Children untill under God they can shift by good waies for themselves But for thy own condition whether in such a desperate case thou maiest make a purse for thy selfe as we say or not I shall say very little and that under correction too submitting to the judgement of learned and judicious Divines but I am fully satisfied in my own conscience that thou maiest not contrary to thy Husbands allowance lay by one penny as we lay against a wet day and the reason why I thus thinke is because thy Husband alone hath the propriety in his Estate unlesse some agreement betweene you before Marriage or betweene thy friends and him have altered the case And we must for ever walke by this Rule that we must not do evill that good may come thereby Rom. 3.8 for their damnation is just But this thou must do and in so doing approve thy selfe a Christian thou must act faith on God Hab. 3.17 18. And that thou canst not do if thou neglect lawfull meanes or use any that is unlawfull The eighth duty of the VVife to the Husband Now in the eighth and last place the duty of the Wife to her Husband is to put forth her selfe with all tendernesse and endeared Affections with all readinesse enlargednesse and cheerefulnesse to yield him comfort and succour in the time of bodily affliction sicknesse and weakness we have seen before that the aiming at comfort in all conditions is one end and a principall one too of our desiring the Marriage condition And if a woman be any way negligent herein she doth leave unperformed one speciall duty she doth owe to her Husband for if ever a man stand in need of his Wives help he doth so in a speciall manner when he cannot help himselfe Now the time of sicknesse and weakenesse is such a time and then the wife must in an extraordinary way put forth her best abilities in her own person to contribute to the foresaid purpose and not only so but she must labour to procure able and faithfull attendants about him and by no meanes neglect to look out to procure under God help from such Physitians as have both the Theory practique part of their profession and manifest most tendernesse care and honesty for the good and recovery of their patients But what meanes soever she makes use of she must depend on the God of meanes for a blessing which she must crave of him by earnest and fervent prayer for such prayer is a meanes sanctified of God to save the sick Jam. 5.15 We shall turne in here and proceed no further to lay down the particular duties that the Wife doth owe to her Husband of which she must make conscience as in the presence of God And that as she will approve her selfe to be a meet helper to her Husband the number of which duties you see are eight first Matrimoniall love Secondly Cohabitation Thirdly To be helpfull to him in the best things for the good of his soule Fourthly Submission to him Fifthly To reverence him Sixthly To labour to beare with his Infirmities Seventhly To yield him furtherance in his outward Estate Eighthly and lastly To labour to help and comfort him in time of Ilnesse and weaknesse of any kind We have endeavoured hitherto to consider of the distinct duties of the Husband to his Wife And of the VVives duties to her Husband or which duties some that the Husband doth owe unto his VVife
ponderous burden so that one way or other every one must be exercised in a lawfull Calling David was a Shepheard to look to Sheep before the shepheard over the house of Israel Psal 78.70.71 Peter and Andrew and other of the Apostles were fishermen Mark 1.16.19 before fishers of men Paul was a Tent-maker Acts 18.1 2 3. Joseph the husband of Mary was a Carpenter Mat. 13.54 55. And it is somewhat probable that our Saviour himself before he entred into his Ministeriall Office did work at his Fathers Trade Mark 6.3 You see then that there is a command from God that all persons must have honest Callings Secondly here are presidents enough to make it cleare from all exceptions And therefore it is the duty of Parents to labour to provide for their Children honest and lawfull Callings but in your endeavours this way let me advise you to take care of three things First Be carefull to gaine for them such Masters as feare the Lord for else thou maiest feare that all thy paines thou hast taken with them for the good of their soules may be lost Secondly Be carefull to put them to such Callings as they are most capable of Some Histories report that the Jews before they would put their Children to any Calling would first bring them into a large Roome which they did furnish with all Artificers tooles and if there they did take up any toole and seeme to take delight therein they would put them to that Calling unto which the same did belong Thirdly and lastly thou must take care to put them to such Callings as require no more stock of money to mannage them than thou art like to leave to them for else when their Time is out they can make no benefit by their Trades unlesse they remaine in a state of servitude by working under others The Apostle saith Art thou called a Servant care not for it that is be not dejected therefore but if thou maist be free use it rather 1 Cor. 7.21 And then in the 23. verse he addes Ye are bought with a price be not servants of men Therefore thou that art a Parent let thy care be such for thy children that thou make them servants to others but for a convenient time that after they may live in a free and honourable way The third duty Parents owe unto their Children for their outward estate The third Duty Parents owe unto their Children is to labour to provide them fit Marriages in seasonable time And for this we have first a word of Command from God Secondly command from Christian Parents In Jeremiah 29.6 God requires his People to take Wives for their Sonnes and to give their Daughters in Marriage Thirdly for examples mind the practice of of Abraham before made use of Gen. 24.3.4 Consider the practice of Isaac and Rebecca his wife for Jacob in Gen. 27.46 And then in the first verse of the next Chapter the carriage of Naomi for Ruth is a singular example Shall I not seek rest for thee saith she that it may be well with thee which was a Husband as doth after appear Ruth 3.1 By which Scriptures it doth appear clearly to be the duty of Parents in seasonable time to labour to provide Marriages for their Children Now there are some symptomes of this seasonable time whereof I shall name and onely name four First fulnesse and maturity of body Secondly solidity of understanding Thirdly their Constitutions And lastly the seeming delight they take in keeping company with the contrary sex This shall suffice for this third duty of Parents to their Children The fourth and last duty Parents owe unto their Children in relation to their outward condition is to provide for them The fourth duty of Parents to their Children in outward respects and to bestow on them competent maintenance if not more Jacob will travail for his own house Gen. 30.30 Prov. 13.22 A good man leaveth an inheritance to his Children but the eldest Son must have the double portion Deut. 21.16 17. unlesse he dis-inherit himself by any prophanenesse as Esau Heb. 12.16 And this maintenance must be bestowed on them in seasonable time not too soon as the Father of the Prodigall Sonne did Luke 15.12 but when they have necessary occcasion to use it as when with their parents consent they shall begin to look out for themselves in worthy imployments though before Marriage But especially at the time of marriage such are sordid Parents that will part with nothing till death they doe much discourage their children and provoke them to wrath against the Apostles Injunction Ephes 6.4 These are Persons without naturall affection and to be hist at as they goe Here then you see Parents must perform foure Duties to their Children in relation to their outward condition First to bring them up to learning Secondly to provide for them honest and lawfull Callings Thirdly to labour to further them in the change of their conditions by marriage And fourthly and lastly to make provision for them by competent maintenance The first outward duty that Masters owe to their servants The next thing in order to what was first propounded is to consider what duties Governours of Families doe owe unto their servants for their outward comfortable subsistance And In the first place it is the duty of Masters c. to provide for their servants wholsome and well-conditioned Meat and Drink in due time and sufficient of that too as also lodging and washing and what else is necessary for to maintain life and livelihood In order to which the wife must take notice that the chief care of this in reference to the distribution of it and the well-ordering of all things herein concerns her selfe And therefore the Holy Ghost puts upon record the practice of the good Huswife in Proverbs 31.15 of whom it is said That she riseth whilst it is yet Night and giveth meat to her Houshold and a portion unto her Maids For doubtlesse the comfortable allowance of these things is one speciall means by the blessing of God to maintain health and to make them able and strong in body and chearfull in mind to performe such service as is required of them But if it please the Lord to visit them with sickness or lameness in body or limbs and thereby to abate strength and vigour of body and spirit then it is the duty of their Masters and Dames to look out in the use of means for their recovery to make use both of Physitians and Physick and all helps Providence may provide for comfort under affliction and restoration to health again Naaman a servant to the King of Syria being afflicted by the Plague of Leprosie his Master writes a letter in his behalfe to the King of Israel and sends it by the hand of Naaman in order to the recovery of his health again 2 Kings 5.5 The good Centurion we read of in Matth. 8.6 8. when his servant was sick of
the Palsie and grievously tormented he goes in person to Jesus Christ who was a Physitian both for body and soul and humbly beseecheth him for his servants cure and through the free grace of Christ obtains it its good to goe to God in the first place for supplyes of all the wants of our selves and our relations Hee that is in misery ought to bee comforted of his neighbour as it is in the Geneva Translation Job 6.14 Now if Neighbours must put forth themselves to comfort or relieve and help such as are in any misery How much more must Governours of Families labour to perform this duty to their sick and distempered servants the inference is undenyable A good man is mercifull to his beast saith one Translation And another saith A righteous man regardeth the life of his Beast Proverbs 12.10 And how much better is a man than a sheep Mat. 12.12 But it is much to be bewailed that many servants who have in their health and strength well discharged their duties to their Masters yet find small comfort and regard from them when the hand of God is fallen upon them for they are then either sent home to their poor and indigent Parents to take care after or else mued up in a hole and small attendance and lesse allowance of means for their good provided for them such Governours of Families are cursed and hard-hearted persons and pity it is that ever good servants should step over their Thresholds to serve them for such have neither mercy nor justice in them neither grace nor good nature And yet of this stamp and hell-bred crew there are great swarms but let them take heed God is just their owne children be not so served when they are servants to others but I wish them better speed We might here adde a Word concerning seasonable Recreations to be allowed to servants for they may stand in great need of them sometimes after long and sore labour to quicken their spirits and to enliven them with all alacrity to return to their imployment we say Whet is no let And without doubt if Masters would grant it them they would be rather gainers by in the quick and wel-managing their businesses than losers But when Masters grant this liberty as before said I would advise them to take much care that the Recreations allowed be lawfull the time seasonable and their servants company civill or else both Masters and servants may repent the one that they gave the liberty and the other that they so ill improved the same In the second place it is the duty of Masters c. The second outward duty that Masters owe to their servants to allow their servants sufficient wages for their labour and to pay it to them when it is due If they have not sufficient wages they cannot maintaine themselves for the preservation of health and decency both which must be allowed nay and more too if their deserts challenge the same servants may spend thoughts of changing their estate we say service is no heritage and must they make no preparation in order thereunto That were absurd to thinke would you that are Masters have your servants barely live You would not like that if you would be pleased to put your selves in their condition But in the second place it is the duty of Masters to pay their servants their wages in due time and that is when it is due by the conditions of the Contract betweene you and them Mal. 3.5 God threatens to be a swift witnesse against this particular sin of oppressing the hireling in his wages amongst other sins Now a man may be guilty of this sin as well in deteining due wages in relation to time of paiment of it as in over-reaching a servant in contract for it turne to that place Deut. 24.14 15. Thou shalt not oppresse an hired servant at his day thou shalt give him his hire neither shall the sun go down upon it The Labourer is worthy of his hire Luk. 10.7 Masters give unto your servants that which is just and equall Col. 4.1 James tels you that the detaining wages from Labourers cryeth and the cries of them are entred into the cares of the Lord of Sabbath James 5.4 And surely when ever the Lord gives an eare to cries whether the cry of Innocent bloud as that of Abel Gen. 4.10 or any other occasion some fearfull vengeance doth fall upon the heads of such as cause them to ascend and therefore the Apostle James bids those worldlings houle for those miseries that should come upon them Now you that are Masters c. as you would keep off the curse prevent the cry The third duty of Masters to their Servants In the third and last place the dutie of Masters c. to their servants is to be liberall to them at times of parting in case they have been servants a considerable time and have been diligent and faithfull and so a blessing to them Deut. 15.12 13 14. So Prov. 17.2 There be many Masters who are strangers to this duty even in the knowledge of it and more in the practice thereof Yet some I dare not say in conscience to the performance of this duty but rather from the freenesse of their nature doe upon the matter that which is equivalent hereunto namely those that if their servants part from them by Marriage will give them beneficiall wedding dinners and sometimes divers peeces of necessary houshold-stuffe which is a great advantage to them and this is so laudable a thing that I could wish all would more practice the same provided they prevent all abusivenesse of the Creature by luxury and excess and disorder of every kind at such meetings Thus you see that Governours of Families do owe three duties to their servants in relation to their outward conditions First to allow unthem meat drinke and all other necessaries for their comfortable subsistance Secondly to yield them sufficient wages And lastly to be liberall to them at time of parting And thus by the gracious assistance of God we have finished all that was proposed at first to be considered of by such as desire to enter into the Marriage estate relating to the duties which each person in that condition of life owe one to another and both of them to such as God shall set under them viz. to children and servants But here it will be of some concernment to take notice of what duty children and servants owe unto Parents and Masters that they may call upon them to performe the same where we shall first observe the duties Children owe unto their Parents and then the duties of Servants to their Masters c. In the first place it is the duty of Children to yield unto their Parents all due Reverence and Honour The first duty Children owe unto their Parents this duty is expresly commanded by God in Exod. 20.12 Honour thy father and thy mother which the Apostle Eph. 6.2 takes notice
of to be the first Commandement with promise Mal. 6.6 A son honoureth his Father If I be a Father where is my honour But how should this Honour and Reverence be exprest may some say I answer first in words Secondly in actions and gestures First in words Children must reverence their Parents by using few words in their Parents presence or hearing Silence for the generall well becomes the younger sort before the Elder but more properly Children before their Parents And when they speake to them they must make use of the choicest expression that may be to hold forth their dutifull respect by And for their Action too they must be full of Humility as rising up before them and standing in their presence if they expect it being uncovered so long as they think fit and making obeysance on all occasions by shewing all filiall and Child-like dispositions to them by harkening to all their grave Counsels and Admonitions with diligent attention Prov. 1.8 Chap. 5.1 As also by submitting and subjecting themselves to all their godly reprehensions and by treading in their religious steps and imitating their unblameable examples and by covering all their imperfections and weaknesses as Shem and Japhet did when their Father lay drunke and naked in his Tent. Solomon is a singular example of honouring his Mother in another kind 1 Kings 2.19 The second duty of Children to their Parents In the second place it is the duty of Children to obey their Parents in all things lawfull and that with all readinesse Children obey your Parents in the Lord Eph. 6.1 Children obey your Parents in all things for this is well pleasing unto the Lord Col 3.20 Now this must be a cheerefull obedience without contending Isaac will submit to his Father though it be in matter of death Gen. 22 9 10. And so will the Daughter of Jephtha Judg. 11 39. The Rechabus obey Jonadab their Father in things that required a great deale of selfe-deniall Ier. 35.5 6 7. which the Lord rewards them for in ver 18 19. A Bishop must rule his own house well and have his Children in subjection 1 Tim. 3.4 Now subjection of all Children to Parents is as much a duty as it is in the children of the Ministers of the Gospell And of this obedience unto Parents we have an example beyond all presidents in our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ of whom it is said he went down with his Parents to Nazareth and was subject to them Luk. 2.51 Children must not make their own wils a rule of their actions but the Commandements of God and the Precepts of their Parents that are not contrary to the revealed will of God they must also quietly submit to such correction as they shall think fit to inflict on them for their faults In the third and last place it is the duty of Children to their Parents to labour to provide safty for them in the times of danger The third duty of Children to their Parents and competent maintenance in their necessitous conditions to their utmost abilities for the first take a president from Rahab the Harlot which is laid down at large in Josh 2.12 13. where she doth indent with the Spies sent to view the land to save her Fathers house and to preserve her Father and her Mother c. And for the duty of Children to relieve their Parents in their want consider what the Apostle saith in 1 Tim. 5.4 That to requite our Parents is good and acceptable before God When Parents have been at great paines and charge to bring up their Children and then come to poverty which perhaps may be occasioned by such charge it is not only against grace but against good nature too to cast them off without due care to relieve them it was the pestilent doctrine of the Pharisees to maintaine that Children were discharged from their duty herein provided they did offer a gift at the Altar which was indeed but to fill their pouches Mar. 7.11 12 13. Which practice of theirs as well as their doctrine our Saviour there condemnes We may learne a better example from the practice of Ioseph when he was in prosperity and his Fathers house in want Gen. 47.11 12. For he nourished his Father and his whole Family in Ramases which was the most fertile place of all Egypt When Naomi returned very poore out of the Land of Moab into the Land of Israel Ruth 1.21 then her Daughter in Law wrought hard and tooke great paines to gaine provision for her maintenance God condemnes the formall fasts of the Children of Israel as for other things so for this that they did hide themselves from their own flesh Isa 58.6 7. Now Parents may be more truly said to be our own flesh than others in common can be said to be our Saviour in that place of Marke makes it one kind of honouring Parents to relieve them in their want and to honour our Parents you have it proved before to be a duty from children There be other duties which children owe unto their Parents but they may be included in these If these be conscientiously performed they will be all discharged The duties then which children owe unto their Parents which are obvious to your eye are first to reverence them Secondly to obey them Thirdly to labour to preserve them from danger and to maintaine them in their wants In the last place we are to proceed to discusse the duties which servants owe unto their Masters c. and then we shall draw to a conclusion of this poore Treatise and so leave all upon your hearts to practice in your lives The first duty that servants owe unto their Masters The first duty of servants to their Masters c. is the same that children owe to their Parents that is Honour and Reverence this duty all Inferiours owe to their Superiours and therefore it must be a duty here Now that it is so consider the fore quoted place Mal. 1.6 A son honoureth his Father and a Servant his Master If I be a Master saith God where is my feare or Reverence Implying that honour and reverence is a duty servants owe to their Masters and that they are obliged to the performance of it That place in 1 Tim. 6.1 is much to be observed for this purpose where the Apostle requires all servants that are under the yoke to count their own Masters worthy of all honour and then adds a reason for the same which is this That the name of God and his doctrine be not blasphâ—med Then it is very cleare that such servants as make no conscience to performe this duty of giving honour to their Masters do expose the name and word of eternall God to contempt and to be blasphemed and how shall such servants ever be able to answer for this sin of theirs before the great and all-powerfull God who is alwaies armed with divine vengeance to be powred down upon the heads and hearts of
among all men which indeed it is the words following containe an Admonition and run thus Therefore is not to be enterprized that is Marriage nor taken in hand unadvisedly lightly or wantonly to satisfie mens carnall lusts and appetites like brute Beasts that have no understanding but Reverently discreetly advisedly soberly and in the feare of God duly considering the causes for which Matrimony was ordained c. such rash inconsiderate heady and unadvised persons as these never labour to see themselves to have a cleare Call to change their conditions by entring into the Marriage estate They desire no spirituall gifts to enable them to performe spirituall duties They look not upon any qualifications in the party they desire to enjoy in such a condition provided there be person and beauty to satisfie their brutish lusts and mony to please their covetous humour they will marry their hearts and soules to a bag of silver or gold these answer the Proverbe What hath she what is she and so they make money to answer all things As Solomon speakes yet to other ends Eccl. 10.19 And as for the way and meanes which God hath sanctified and appointed for men to walke in and make use of to obtaine good wives and meet helpers they will not set one foot in them they will not go to God by prayer for direction this way and for successe herein they scarce know what God is and for the duty of Prayer they know not so much as the A B C of it and as for Parents consent they regard not that all they desire is to inveigle maids to love them and enchant their foolish affections to answer their unreasonable desires let Parents consent or not consent what care they but for some sinister ends for portion sake or to attaine preferment by their favour There is an impure generation who have overspread the Nation yea and many other parts too like the Locusts in Egypt Exod. 10.14 who purposely do invent obscene lascivious scurrilous and filthy songs and Ballads on purpose to pollute and poyson young Virgins and Maids with carnall fleshly and abominable lusts that so they may bring them over to themselves for uncleane dalliance at present and then make them yield to their hellish Motions and run point blanke against the consent of their Parents to bestow themselves on them but poore Creatures when they thinke they are good wives they are but filthy Whores so long as Parents consent is not obtained by means whereof the Common-wealth is filled with abundance of Whores Bastards by which meanes also it comes to passe that Townes and Parishes are so over-charged with poore that there can scarce be an able Family there And where be they who labour to informe themselves in the duties which married persons are call'd to performe each to other and both to their Families And these duties to mind as I have said before Marriage that afterward they might practice them Truly this is the condition of multitudes of Men and Women now conjoyned together after their way in Marriage by reason whereof the Land is full of ignorant and extreamely profane Families by this meanes it is come to passe that the power of Godlinesse is slighted here is the cause why Sabbaths are profaned this is the cause why faithfull Ministers are the scorne of this Age this is the cause of so much Whoredome Drunkennesse Lying Cheating Over-reaching and what not amongst us Ah you poore soules who have contracted Marriage before you were call'd to it and have so wickedly entred into and lived in it all the sins before-mentioned and also what sins else can be named must like so many illegitimate children be brought and laid at your door and you must be Fathers and Mothers to them Never looke to prosper in your soules especially untill you labour to remove the guilt by repentance and teares of godly Compunction and untill thou reforme for which end be carefull to be informed in the duties thou art called to performe in the state of Marriage and then set about the discharge of them as in the presence of God labour to redeeme lost time by double diligence in the well improving the future and so God may yet be gracious to you and yours and make you blessings both to Church and Common-wealth In the last place it may serve for instruction Vse 2 First unto the unmarried And secondly to those in the Married condition First let me direct my selfe to you that are in the single Estate but yet mind a change of that life of yours as opportunity shall serve you to accomplish your desires Dost thou then desire I say to change thy condition as beforesaid and wouldst thou faine enjoy a meet helper in all conditions God shall put thee into whether prosperity or adversity Then let me exhort thee and be thou exhorted in the name and feare of God to see God going before thee by a cleare Call to enterprize so great a businesse even in fitting thee for the same as hath been before laid downe and in particular labour to get an humble spirit and an understanding heart to discharge all duties to every relation that God shall set under thee and that for their good both of body and soule that thou maiest be a blessing to them and they under God a comfort to thee labour to propound to thy selfe lawfull ends in that thy undertaking and be sure walke in warrantable waies and use godly and lawfull meanes to carry on thy desires by and amongst those meanes set down for thy direction mind well in a way of practice the going to God by Prayer then use double care and diligence to meet with one for thy companion who is of a gracious frame both of heart and life so far as possibly can be discerned And for those other qualifications before-mentioned be so far from slighting them that rather on the contrary be unsatisfied in thy thoughts if thou find any one of them wanting Yet not so unsatisfied as to divert thy affections from such a party because some one of them are undiscerned and perhaps some others a little defective but if the maine be there then in the name and feare of the great God proceed gradually to put a period to all thy cares paines and endeavours that way and now being married if thou wouldst have God say amen to all those joyes thy friends and acquaintance wish thee then set thy selfe the worke that lyeth before thee namely thy godly and Christian-like discharging of all the duty that estate cals for from thee which brings me to the second thing proposed in this Use that is to speake a word or two of Instruction to those in the Marriage condition It is a true saying that Marriage is either Merry-age or Mar-age But if thou wouldst have it to thee Merry-age and not Mar-age then now labour to walke with God in the conscientious discharge of all the duties that the same estate ties thee to