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ID Title Author Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication) STC Words Pages
A67504 A frolick to Horn-fair with a walk from Cuckold's-point thro' Deptford and Greenwich. Ward, Edward, 1667-1731. 1700 (1700) Wing W735; ESTC R854 19,942 16

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A FROLICK TO HORN-FAIR With a WALK from CUCKOLD's-POINT THRO' Deptford and Greenwich LONDON Printed and Sold by I. How in the Ram-Head-Inn-Yard in Fanchurch-Street 1700. Books Sold by J. How in the Ram-Head-Inn-Yard in Fanchurch-Street J. Weld at the Crown between the Temple-Gates in Fleet-street and Mrs. Fabian at Mercers-Chappel in Cheapside 1. SOt's Paradise Or the Humours of a Derby-Ale-House With a Satyr upon the Ale Price Six Pence 2. A Trip to Iamaica With a True Character of the People and Island Price Six Pence 3. Eclesia Factio A Dialogue between Bow-Steeple-Dragon and the Exchange-Grashopper Price Six Pence 4. The Poet 's Ramble after Riches With Reflections upon a Country Corporation Also the Author's Lamentation in the time of Adversity Price Six Pence 5. The London Spy the First Second Third Fourth Fifth Sixth Seventh Eighth Ninth Tenth and Eleventh Parts To be Continued Monthly Price Six Pence Each 6. A Trip to New-England With a Character of the Country and People both English and Indians Price Six Pence 7. Modern Religion and Ancient Loyalty A Dialogue Price Six Pence 8. The World Bewitch'd A Dialogue between Two Astrologers and the Author With Infallible Predictions of what will happen in this Present Year 1699. From the Vices and Villanies Practis'd in Court City and Country Price Six Pence 9. A Walk to Islington With a Description of New Tun-Bridge-VVells and Sadler's Musick-House Price Six Pence 10. The Humours of a Coffee-House A Comedy Price Six Pence All Written by the same Author A FROLICK TO HORN-FAIR WHEN the near approach of Horn-Fair had Conjur'd up the Spirit of Cuckoldome in the Dissatisfied Minds of abundance of City-Wives who have Just Reason to Complain of the Unkind Usage and sl●nder Performances of either their Drowsie Lazy Morose Insufficient or Superannuated Husbands I happen'd from the Hands of a sorrowful young Lady who had griev'd for some time under the Weakness and Imbecility of an Infirm Husband to receive this following SVMMONS to attend her Person to Charlton on the 18th of October in order to Redress those Intollerable Grievances which she wanted in all Love to exhibit unto me SIR As it is a Duty Incumbent upon all Batchelors to supply the Defects of their own Sex who knowing their Deficiencies have contrary to the Laws of Nature and Sound Reason bound themselves For ever and Aye in the mutual and Indissolvable Tye of For better or for worse I having just grounds of Complaint in these my Iuvenal Years of the great and many Impediments on my Husbands part which give me a Iust and Vnquestionable Title to your Aid and Assistance and as Procreation is the Main End of Wedlock and I by the Infirmities of my Lawful and Well-beloved Spouse being in a great Measure depriv'd of the Wholesome Delectable and Indearing Means thereof having full and true Desire of Compleatly answering my Duty according to the known Laws of our Creation That is to do good in my Generation and raise Seed to the World as may prove a Blessing to Posterity I do therefore by Virtue of this Summons strictly Charge and Require you to meet me on the 18th of this Instant by Nine of the Clock in the Morning at the Mermaid-Tavern at Billingsgate there to Drink Canary and Eat Oysters till Eleven Then to take Boat and Land at Cuckolds-Point and from thence according to the Ancient and Laudable Custome of the Corniferous Society and in pursuance of their Orders to Walk from thence thro' Deptford and Greenwich to Horn-Fair there to receive a Horn Fairing as a Token of one Years Friendship which you are Carefully to Maintain and Preserve with all Love Constancy and Industry till that Day Twelvemonth with that Vncomfortable She from whose kind Hand you shall receive the Present Having full Power given you from that time over her own Body and her Husbands Goods so far as they can be Clandestinely Converted without discovery to your Good Vse and Benefit Therefore Fail not to give your Personal Appearance at the Time and Place aforesaid under a Weeks reserve Lustily Fed and well Accouter'd as you will hazard the Revenge of a Desirous Woman whose Name is under Written E F You Cannot but Imagine I Read the Summons it being from a pretty Woman with a little more satisfaction than a London-Prentice does his Sundays Chapter or a Married Man that Intercepts a Love-Letter to his Wife insomuch that I thought my self very highly Obliged to answer the Demands of the Fair Lady yet could not forbear Ref●ecting on the Conjugal Vows she was under and how far I must be guilty of the same Crime in submitting to her Unlawful Desires which I thought might as well spring from her own Exorbitant Concupiscence as any Just Reasons she had to Complain of her Bedfellow's Incapacity Labouring for some time under these Struglings of Conscience at last I bethought my self of an Old Story which remov'd my Scruples and restor'd me to my former Resolution of Pursuing the Intrigue And that you may not be Unacquainted with this Balsamick Tale so Excellent for Strengthening a Weak and Tender Conscience I have here given it by the Way in hopes not to Corrupt the Reader but to make him Merry A Batchelor Gentleman of Good Estate desiring thro' Covetousness to encrease his Riches apply'd himself to a Young Lady of Great Fortune and notwithstanding his Estate was somewhat inferiour to her Portion yet the Comeliness of his Person and his Engaging Accomplishments soon prevail'd upon the Lady to become his Bride who having nothing before her Eyes but the Prospect of a Happy Life and the Comfortable Embraces of a Gentleman of Sweet Temper Affable Behaviour Incomparable Wit and Excellent Proportion insomuch she gave him but very little Trouble to bring his Design to its propos'd Issue So that they were soon Marryed and Bedded accordingly with all the Solemnities and Formalities of a Publick Nupital But as soon as the Frolicksome Company had quitted the Bridal Chamber the Gentleman in his Minority having reciev'd a Kick from a Horse which Occasion'd his Castration was render'd incapable of gratifying the Expectancies of his Panting Bride Concluding it the best Way to Discover his Infirmities and put her past the thought of what is Natural in such a Case for the most Modest Woman to expect which he accordingly discover'd but with as much Art and Rhetorick as was possible to be us'd to take off the Impression of so great a Disappointment telling her That tho himself was Impotent he would grant her the Liberty of making good his Deficiency to herself by choosing any other Person to be her Confident that should be most agreeable to her own Inclinations The Young Lady fearing this might be some Trick of her Husbands to sift whether any other Person had any share in her Affections made a Iest of his Discovery and suspended her Choice till after a further time of Consideration But found at last she was brought