Selected quad for the lemma: duty_n
Text snippets containing the quad
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A44302
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The honourable state of matrimony made comfortable, or An antidote against discord betwixt man and wife being special directions for the procuring and preserving of family peace.
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B. D. aut; J. R. aut
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1685
(1685)
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Wing H2601; ESTC R215302
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102,808
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275
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in an humble manner and Superiours ought to act as men accomptable to an Higher Power and those which are above others on Earth are to be informed when they offend God in Heaven He which is Superiour in one respect is Inferiour in another The Husband which hath Dominion over his Wife is under Gods Dominion Tho' he is above his Wife yet he is not above Gods Law Gods Law must oblige the Husband as well as the Wife and when the Husband breaks Gods Law he may be lawfully told of it by his Wife in a regular and humble manner so that she doth always manifest a reverence to the superiority God hath placed in her Husband But many Wives think that they are not at all inferiour to their Husbands They conclude that they are equal with them in all things because by the Marriage-relation they become one flesh Other Wives are not satisfied except their Husbands carry it towards them as persons subordinate to them and in the pride of their spirits speak to their Husbands in such masterly language as to their Inferiours and will revile their Husbands if they do not in every thing subject themselves to their cross perverse and froward humours bear with all their insolent carriages and this they will do under pretence of reproving their Husbands miscarriages and they will be always contending with their Husbands if their Husbands will not submit to be in subjection to them whereby they seldom live in peace with each other In order to the reformation of this great disorder in Wives carriages to their Husbands 1. I shall endeavour to convince them that their Husbands have a right of superiority over them 2. I shall give some cautions to Wives to prevent their insulting over their Husbands under a pretence of reproving their faults that they may not presume to exercise any kind of authority over them that God requires them to be subject unto and therein acquaint them with the proper method God allows them to take in admonishing their Husbands 3. I shall direct them both how to carry themselves to those that are subordinate to them both for their proper carriage to their inferiours in their Families will be a special help to preserve peace between them 1. To prove the Husbands right of superiority over the Wife 1. Consider that the titles given the Husband in Scripture doth prove his superiority and the Wives subjection The Husband is called the Wifes Lord 1 Pet. 3.5 6. Being in subjection to their own Husbands even as Sarah obey'd Abraham calling him Lord. So in Gen. 18.12 He is her Master Est 1.17 22. Her Head 1 Cor. 11.3 Her Guide Prov. 2.17 She forsaketh the guide of her youth which is meant of her Husband whom she married in her youth and whom by marriage she received as the guide of her youth under God who is to be her guide both in youth and old age and by forsaking the government of her Husband in his commands directions and counsels she forgetteth the Covenant of God made in marriage All these expressions do evince the Husbands superiority and the Wives subordination orderly subjection 2. The Wife was made after man therefore she should not go before man 1 Tim 2.12 13. Adam was first formed then Eve therefore she must not usurp authority over the man she must not be a Teacher but a Learner in silence with all subjection Teaching and reproving is taking an authority upon her which belongs not to her The Woman was made of Man 1 Cor. 11.8 she received her being under God from man now the Effect is ever less noble and inferiour to the Cause The woman was made for man 1 Cor. 11.9 that which serveth to any end is less than the end to which it serveth And the woman is the glory of the man 1 Cor. 11.7 as he hath so excellent a Creature as a Woman endued with reason as himself subject to him Dominion in this case being mans priviledge Gen. 3.16 Thy desire shall be to thy Husband and he shall rule over thee The superiority that God hath given man to enjoy shall he not enjoy it as God hath given it Ephes 5.22 23 24. Wives submit your selves unto your own Husbands as to the Lord. Some Wives are not convinc'd that they owe this subjection to their Husbands as the Scripture requireth but in truth every Wife owes it to her own Husband tho' he comes short of others in Knowledge Wisdom Education Estate and every other thing which doth deserve it For the great and main duty which a Wife as a Wife ought to learn and so learn as to practice is to be subject to her Husband and Paul holds it forth as the sum of all other duties And there is no Wife whatever be her Birth Parts Portion Breeding or any other Priviledge who is exempted from this tie of subjection to her own Husband The Law of Nature Gods Ordinance and her own voluntary Covenant binds her to it and there is not any Husband to whom this honour of subjection is not due no personal infirmities frowardness of nature no nor error in point of Religion doth deprive him of it provided her submission be in those things which are consistent with her love to Christ And the Wifes subjection ought to flow from the conscience of and respect to that state and dignity wherein God hath placed her Husband above her which ought to ingage her to reverence and obey him For as I said before the Husband is the Head of the Wife and this subjection to the Husband ought to be in every thing Ephes 5.24 which is not forbidden in the word of God tho' it cross the humour of the Wife and argue little discretion in the Husband that commandeth it 3. Wives are oblig'd to be in subjection to their Husbands by their Marriage-Covenants wherein they have promis'd Obedience to their Husbands and Marriage-promises must be performed Now Obedience is an act of subjection and an evidence of inferiority so that such Wives as are not willing to consent to their Husbands superiority are not willing to be faithful to their own engagements Indeed God will be very severe against such women as make no conscience of observing their Marriage-covenant for it is Gods Covenant made in his name God is the Author of it as he is the Ordainer of that state of Marriage and it is made in Gods presence so he is a witness to it Mal. 2.14 And this Covenant is Gods Covenant because he will avenge the breach of it God will certainly severely avenge the quarrel of his Covenant when men and women are the only expressed parties in the Covenant and God made Zedekiah smart sorely for breaking his Covenant with the King of Babylon Ezek. 17.16 19. Zedekiah gave his band to confirm his Covenant made to the King of Babylon that he would be subject to him so Wives give their hands to their Husbands in Marriage that they will be
Abomination when she cannot evidence them to be possitively sinful Some Wives will exclaim against their Children in Law for very trifles accuse them to their Husbands as gulty of stubborness and rudeness to incense their Husbands against them and if they cannot influence their Husbands to be dogged to them or if their Husbands will not countenance and encourage their harsh dealings with them they contend with their Hesbands and will not permit them to end joy any quiet in their Families I say if such Wives cannot by any of their subtile contrivances and unjust complaints prevail with their Husbands to withdraw their affections from them they will withdraw their affections from their Husbands and refuse to give them any conjugal respect They approve of no Servants but such as will make complaints against their Children in the law and concur with them in villifying of them and such a course hath been the cause much discord between Husbands and Wives Indeed it is a Mother-in-laws prudence to wink at many Childish faults in her Husbands Children by a former Wife and not aggravate every failing in them Let Mother-in-laws know that they cannot justly claim a right to exercise equal Authority over them as over Children born of their own bodies because not so nearly related to them yea not related to them at all by blood and notwithstanding what some Mother-in-laws have asserted yet it cannot be thought true that they are so much Mothers to their Children in Law as they are Wives to their Husbands because their chiefest right of authority over their Children in law doth arise from their Husbands Resignation of them to their charge and Tutorage and their own taking charge of them by vertue of the said Resignation For the Mother-in-laws authority over the Children that are not born of her own body is derived from her Husband and conferred on her by her Husband and as she hath not an equal authority over her own Children as her Husband hath who is her superior by Gods appointment much less over her Children in law 'T is true as in the absence of the Husband the Wife is principally concerned in the Government of the Family and Children in law are Members of the Family in that respect the Mother-in-law hath the same authority over them as other Members of the Family Therefore let all Mother-in-laws consider Docter Harris his last advice to his Wife If you marry again remember your own observation that second Husbands are very uxorious second Wives very prevalent and therefore take heed that you do no ill office in estranging your Husband from his natuaral Children and kindred you shall thereby draw upon him a great sin and judgment if you kill in him natural affections Wherefore if Mothers-in-law are so Resolute and the fury of their Spirits is so raised that they will exercise more authority over their Children in law then their Husbands are willing to allow them to preserve the peace of the Family it is the Husbands prudence to place his first Wives Children in other Famlies where they may be piously educated and that Wife hath no regard to the glory of God nor the honour of Religion that will eppose it if the Husband be able to mentain them in other Families The Apostle presseth all to follow after the things that make for peace Rom. 14.19 This Exhortation doth concern the peace of Families as well as the peace of the Church therefore whatever doth necessarily tend to preserve peace between such near Relations as Husband and Wife must be carefully followed and whatever tends to be get strife and contention between them must be carefully avoided for such froward Persons as are promoters of discord God hates Prov. 6.19 Prov. 8.13 Therefore observe these following cautions First Beware of being discontented with the condition or relation in which God hath placed you for nothing doth more aim the Glory of God more destroy and â—â—t out your Comforts then discontent 2. Beware of looking on one another with a disdainful eye as if each of you did conceive your self to excel and were superior in worth to the other for by having one another in contempt you can never live peaceably together 3. Beware of neglecting acts of conjugal love for that will breed strangeness between you By this means such as heretofore lay in one anothers bosoms are grown so strange that they cannot stay with content in one anothers sight they will scarce look upon one another who not long since professed dearly to love one another 'T is sad yea very sad that they who should be ready to die for one another can hardly live with one another Oh when will the love of many such Relations which hath waxen cold gather heat again Were it not monstrious that one Member of the body should withdraw ffices of love from another or should be as 〈◊〉 stranger to it So it is strange that Husband and Wife should suspend the exercises of love to each other that are as nearly allied as one Member of the body to another these unnatural distances between Husbands and Wives are to open to be hid or denied And it is not a reproach to Christianity that such as are one flesh should act as if they were not Members of the same World If then you would live peaceably together beware of suspending Acts of Love to each other 4. Beware you do not reproach one another for reproaches do make breaches if one Friend do reproach another there will be a breach of their Friendship for bitter and calumniating words do very much vex our spirits and usually the chiefest causes of discord between you Wherefore I pray consider that Husbands and Wives continuing in strangeness to each other makes them at last become guilty of burnings and bitterness of spirit one against another it will not only cause them to forbear the manifestations of kindness to each other but to be cruel and devise evil one against another Therefore let me perswade you to love each other with a love of complacency Let your delight be set on each other and let all the lines of your affections be centred in each other i.e. Let not every trifling occasion quench the flames of your affection but let the heat and height of your love be placed upon one another beyond your Children and other Friends When such Relations decline in their love they incline to hatred Conjugal love being ill digested or corrupted turns to the greatest enmity Husbands and Wives are under the closest obligations to love Now the closer any obligation is the wider is the breach when once the obligation is broken or misimproved If the Wife whom the Husband dearly loved begins to fall from him or forsake his bed she usually falls out with him There hath been sad experience of this and 't is an argument where it happens that such Wives did never love their Husbands upon Gospel-principles or in obedience to Gods command for as they who turn against the Truths of God never received them in love so she never in reality embraced her Husband in love who turns against him for when grace is the cement of affections nothing can divide them Certainly if Husbands and Wives would faithfully endeavour to observe the directions that I have given them concerning their carriages to each other and to their Children and Servants they would live more peaceably and comfortably together than they now do 'T is their unfaithfulness in relational duties that occasions much of their Discord You Wives that pretend reasons for your contendings with your Husbands and for your angry insulting language endeavour to inform your selves more fully of the nature of your relational duties how you ought to carry it towards your Husbands and to your Children and Servants and endeavour a faithful discharge of those duties and you will quickly find a better agreement between you Thus I have ended what I have to say on this subject FINIS