Tusser that he wrote excellently well of Husbandry but himselfe was the worst Husband that ever water wet 'T is true of many in this sense who can preach very well to save others but cast away themselves In a word let us so teach and so doe that wee may both save our selves and them that heare us And Thomas Aquinas makes it a greater difficulty for a Prelate to bee saved than another man for this reason Because hee hath other mens sinnes lying upon him besides his owne and for the same cause Saint Chrysostome saith the like of Ministers also and that seriously That he thought few of them would be saved both because more is expected from them than from others and their sinnes greater than the sinnes of others The hazard of which Saint Augustine saith was the cause hee so wept at his Consecration The like saith Saint Ambrose No Office more excellent and if they fall none more dangerous A great honour saith Saint Hierom but if they sinne a great fall the one is not such a ioy as the other a sadnesse The nearer wee approach to GOD in our service the greater is the offence if wee shall runne into rebellion See the Apostles Argument Rom. 2.21 22 23 24. Thou that teachest another teachest thou not thy selfe Thou that Preachest c. In the Law 't is observed the measures and weights of the Sanctuary were double to the Common and so are the sinnes of the Officers of GODS Sanctuary that draw nigh to him double and treble to the same sinnes in the Common-people If the Priest annoynted did sinne his Offering for expiation was to be as much as for the sinne of the whole Congregation So the sinnes of such as are consecrated and set apart for GODS service require a deeper measure of repentance a greater portion of sorrow than might suffice for many others by how much they are the more scandalous And hath not this of late beene the cause of the contempt of our calling that the Vulgar though erroneously have argued from the persons to the Offices according to that of Malac. 7.8 Because yee have departed out of the way and corrupted the Covenant of Levi therefore have I made you base and contemptible before all the people according as you have not kept my wayes A good strict life needs no other helpe to gaine respect Vice usually stands in awe of vertue See but that instance in Herod who feared John and observed him because he was a iust man and a holy c. T is the prescription of Saint Paul to Timothy and Titus for it I speake the more of it in regard the contrary hath been pretended as the Originall of all these stirres A present lamentable example wee have in this person the fruit of whose life hath beene this ignominious death both scandalous both lamented Yet in this differing his life a continuall spirituall death his death a beginning and a great progresse of a spirituall life Let him die in your thoughts for his life But let him live in your memories by his penitent death forget the former and imitate the latter And thus we have considered the second part of the Text applicatory to this our Brother as it was to have beene his employment towards others A word of it only as it was effectually found in himselfe and so wee shall have done with it Yee have heere a threefold Metaphoricall description of the sinfull state of nature before Conversion and the state of Grace after it The former by a 1. Blindnesse 2. Darknesse 3. Slavery The latter by a 1. Sight 2. Light 3. Liberty The Division of the former is somewhat like Saint Johns Tricotomize c. referring all in the world to the Eye the Flesh and Life according to the usuall distinction of sinnes into those of the Heart Fact and Custome The first ex Ignorantiâ the second ex Infirmitate the third ex Studio As this sinfull condition by nature is a dead estate you may perceive three degrees of it according to a distinction of Saint Augustines The first Blindnesse is like the man dead in his Bed The second Darknesse put into his Coffin The third Vnder the power of Satan layd in his Grave Three such our Saviour raysed to life Jairus his daughter in her bed within doors The Widdow of Naims Sonne in his Coffin carrying out And Lazarus putrifying in his Grave all were miracles but the last the greatest Such severall Degrees of sinners is Saint Paul here sent to rayse from the death of sinne to the life of Grace to the last degree of which to magnifie GODS mercy the more was this our Brother fallen and raysed againe by repentance 1. The first Degree of our wretched estate before Conversion is set out by a Blindnesse to open their eyes therfore blind before which indeed is like his John 9.1 from our very birth And yet in many things this of the Soule is worse than that of the Body He that is blind in body is glad of a guide these often scorne instruction the former thinkes them happy that see and desires it These despise such and will not see though they might The one beleeves he is blind and laments it The other thinkes hee sees well enough like the Pharisees John 9.41 The Corporally blind sometimes excell in parts of the minde as Memory c. But a man spiritually blind hath no good thing in him at all 2. The second by a darkenesse as the world the first day of the Creation was empty and voyde wrapt up in a confused darknesse such is our estate as we are borne at first voyd of all good Rom. 7.18 Darkenesse in the Vnderstanding Confusion in the Affections and Conscience And there is some similitude between them First a man in Darkenesse is subject to errour so are such to go astray resembled in the lost Groate and Sheepe Secondly subject to stumbling so are these to dangerous fals and scandals in their lives till they slip at last into that Pit of darknesse Thirdly insensible of any evill before them So are these of Hell and damnation let them be never so often warned Fourthly subject to mistakes to thinke they are right when they are wrong So are such often strongly conceited they are in the way to Heaven and yet Posting the contrary Lastly subject to feares and frights such is the Case of those who live in the works of darkenesse they have many horrours and scarres within their Consciences especially if they fall into any danger of death by sicknesse or any other accident The same which this our Brother often acknowledged to have beene his condition before his Conversion 3. Thirdly by a slavery and the worst of any omni malo exitio peior under the power or thraldome of Satan 2 Tim. 2.26 An Emblem of it ye have in Sampson who had his eyes first
have shewn us thus much nor told us such things as these In this wrestling with God for repentance and such a measure of godly sorrow that might be proportionable for so great a sinner was Munday and part of Tuesday spent by him When in the afternoone upon some further discourse the sore of his soule being now ripened burst forth and his mind being a burthen to himselfe he unloaded his Conscience to me in some particulars but with such a flood of teares casting himselfe downe to the ground taking me by the hand and desiring me to kneele downe by him and pray for him that I have never seene the like whereas before hee could swallow grosse acts without trouble now only the thoughts of his heart put him to a most grievous Agony that astonished me wrung many tears from my selfe A good foundation to begin at the heart evill thoughts and affections howsoever common yet ought to be of no small reckoning with us the first sinne of the Divell being a spirit could be no other And here 't is observable that as they say a Pine Apple or a Flint are sooner broken upon a soft bed then on a hard floore so the representing unto him the most compassionate mercifull Nature of God willing yet to be friends with him so apt to forgive and forget all injuries I say the opening unto him the infinite sweet disposition of him whom he had offended raysed up in him this holy indignation against himselfe and was a means to melt him into an entrance of this happy condition Many that never could be moved with threatnings have been overcome with kindnesse It is the Argument of the Apostle Rom. 12.1 as elsewhere And after this by some interruption of other Company I was compeld to leave him till late at night when I found him getting further ground of himselfe and that time was the first I heard him pray the maine subject being a sorrowfull large confession of his vileneffe with deepe aggravations prevalent arguments for mercy â—â—â—â—earty thankfulnesse for any beginnings of breakings in him and sending a Brother willing to beare the burthen with him which with divers others were so aptly and fully exprest and in that latitude that as it was beyond my imagination so it wrought much upon my affection and this was the first time he said he ever felt indeed what belong'd to prayer He had said one over often as others usually do but he found a great difference between that and the spirit of prayer and so we parted for that night The next day he desired we might keep together in the Nature of a solemne Fast when no body came to him but my selfe from nine of the Clock till between three and foure in the afternoon which he set apart for the finishing what he had begun before Such a countenance of a perplexed soxle did I never see as his seemed to me that morning at our first meeting so sore had the weight of his sins pressed his feeble Conscience that night in a private Audit between God and Himselfe At our entrance he desired me again to stirr up in him a further apprehension of his wretched Condition how odious his sins had made him in his sight with whom he had now to do that the nearer he drew to God the more he might like Job abhorre himselfe to use his owne words J pray saith he deale truly freely and impartially with me Looke not upon me as one that hath had some honour in the Church from which J am worthily fallen but as upon the most abiect base person in the world He was resolved to set himself as before Gods Tribunall and to powre forth his heart fully unto me the thing he only desired was a further spirit of Compunction that his eyes might be like Jeremiahs a fountaine of teares to weepe day and night After some such instructions as he had desired he fell upon his knees with a most affectionate prayer in the acknowledging of Gods Omnipresence and Omniscience infinite Wisdome and Justice c. praying for a further sense and sorrow for those sins which he was now about to rip up without any extenuation or concealing and so set open his heart indeed in a plenary particular Confession of all his sinnes he could remember from his youth till now The heads of which he had for his memory penned but with such bitter Teares such sorrowfull sighes The whole time either upon his knees or prostrating himself upon the ground as cannot be expressed Which took so with me as I never wept more at the losse of my dearest friend And in Conclusion after he had thus unlocked to use his own words the Magazin of his sinfull soule for which his shame was as evident as his grief he intreated me if I could discern any true penitency in him and judged him to be in the state of Pardon To pronounce it to him in Christs stead that it would be some comfort to his Conscience for me to declare so much unto him But what tears fell on both sides how he prayed both before and after that God would ratifie it in Heaven and seale it inwardly to his Soul can scarce be imagined Now howsoever he found some present ease in this emptying himselfe of himself yet still he grew very jealous that he was not yet come to that depth of sorrow requisite for so great a sinner The fears and troubles of Francis Spira he wished for whose life and death he had a great desire to read but I thought it not fitting One thing that troubled him long was my weeping with him gathering from thence that if an ear-witnesse were so mooved what should the party himself be plunged into He began to find already such sweetnesse in tears for sin as he was praying like those in the Gospell Lord evermore give us this bread desired there were a Well of such living water in him that might stream down his cheeks continually wished that he might be in them wafted over into another world and till then not to be wiped from his eyes After this many conflicts and doubts assaulted him which would be too many to relate Perplexed he was at the Consideration of some passages of Humiliation in Ahab Felix Judas finding that wicked men may cry earnestly for mercy and yet have little love to God lesse to Grace A passage he read casually of Francis Spira disturbed him more viz. That he begged for grace it selfe as a bridge to get to Heaven by Sometimes he doubted if the time and cause of his return being so late and out of necessity would be accepted according to such threatnings in Prov. 1.26 27. and the like Seldome did he think of any passionate fit of mourning such as Davids for Absalom but he thought presently it checked him for his sins to be
Slaveâ—y The state of Conversion resembled by giving Sight Light Liberty That the greatest Sinner once converted is capeable of forgivenesse The joyfull happy estate of him who hath an assurance of it in three things he hath Peace with God of Conscience with Death And therein of spirituall refreshings Throughout Applicatory to the Party The Text. ACT. XXVI vers 17. I send thee Vers 18. To open their eyes to turne them from darknesse to light from the power of Satan unto God that they may receive forgivenesse of sins c. THat there is an eminent Man this day falne in Israel by a scandalous and ignominious death ye al know of whom this unwonted confluence of people speaks an expectation of saying somwhat For his life to give the least commendation would be a scandall to the Speaker and yet wholly to conceale his penitency at his death would be a wrong both to him and you the hearers It was indeed his own desire there might be no good spoke of him at all but me thinks that it self if there were no more is cause sufficient to speak somwhat in that short expression being much included And commendation if ever is then most seasonable when it can neither impute flattery to the one nor cause a pride in the other Then may be thought the lesse affected when a dispraise would be the least offensive And for that we have done with in the Relation This Text fits this present occasion thus Saint Paul is here sent to preach the Gospell such was the end of this our Brothers ordination but neglected Such had bin his solemne vow of latter years but broken The persons to whom he was sent were such as lived in darknesse under the power of Satan such to have bin his life formerly to the Churches scandall is confessed The effect of Saint Pauls message is to open their eyes to turne them unto God such a blessed change to have bin lately found in him hath bin made apparant And if with these he hath obtained the efficacy of the meanes why should we barre him from attaining the like happinesse in the end also viz. forgivenesse of sinnes 'T is true he was sent and like that Son that said he would go into the vineyard but went not Instead of converting others he had corrupted them instead of opening their eyes he had shut his owne instead of gayning others out of darknesse he had lived in the works of darknesse himselfe instead of turning men from the power of Satan he had drawn more subjects to him Notwithstanding what he was ordained to have bin an instrument of in others was by Gods grace in a great measure wrought in himselfe and if conversion why should not we beleeve forgivenesse and if forgivenesse blessednesse for blessed is the man whose iniquities are forgiven and whose sins are covered c. The Ocean of Gods mercy is able to swallow Mountaines as well as Mole-hils great sinnes as lesse according to the proportion of Repentance Saint Paul a blasphemer yet obtained pardon The crucifiers of the Lord of life are bad to be converted and their sinnes should bee blotted out 'T is true hee was at first mooved to it with Feare so was Noah to the saving himselfe by the Arke Gregorie Nazianzen was at first converted to Christianity in a Storme Our Saviour in the same breath calls his Disciples Friendes and yet bidds them feare him for the feare of Hell it selfe Hee came late so did they that went into the Vineyard at the eleventh houre Manasses began in fetters The Prodigall Son staid till he was starved and forced Oh let not your eyes be evill when Gods is good Where we find his hand why should wee doubt of his Seale if he were turned from the power of Satan in repentance to God no doubt but God hath turned to him in granting forgivenesse In the Text you may observe these three parts 1. St. Pauls mission J send thee 2. His Commission in three branches 1. To open their eyes 2. To turn them from darknes to light 3. From the power of Satan unto God 3. The happy fruit of both That they may receive forgivenesse of sins The first implies our Dignity The second our Duty The third our hearers benefit By this our Brother the first at his arraignement hath hin much disgraced The second in his life more neglected And the third at his death Gods mercy in him infinitely magnified From the first he judged himselfe worthy to be degraded For the second he had strongly resolved if he had lived to have repayred And the third was in an extraordinary manner to his conscience sealed So that the three things which are now to be handled from the words are these 1. First the dignity of Ministers to be Christs Messengers I send thee 2. Secondly the chief part of their message to be Preachers the sole end of which is the converting of men to open their eyes to turn c. 3. Thirdly the latitude of Gods mercy even to the worst of men who by their preaching shall be converted though living under the power of Satan yet shall receive forgivenesse of their sins In the handling of which ye shall find some things as seasonable as profitable and throughout I would be understood to be equally applicatatory to Bishops as other inferiour Ministers 1. First the dignity of Preachers sent by Christ their mission is like St. Johns Baptisme not of men but from Heaven they may say to their hearers as Moses to the Israelites I am hath sent me unto you And t is observable their Commission is sealed by the blessed Trinity First severally by the Father Matth. 19. ult Pray the Father that he will send labourers c. By the Son Ephes 4 1â— He gave some Apostles some Pastours some Teachers c. By the Holy Ghost Act. 20.28 Over whom the Holy Ghost hath made you Over-seers Secondly ioyntly Math. 28.18 Go teach all Nations and baptize them in the name of the Father and of the Sonne and of the Holy Ghost and accordingly as Saint John begins his Revelation with a Salutation from them So Saint Paul concludes his second Epistle to the Corinthians with a Benediction Hence those honourable titles by each of which we deny not is implyed a severall duty also honos onus to imply there holinesse Men of God Their vigilancy Watchmen their courage Souldiers their painfullnesse harvest labourers the care of their flock Shepheards their wisedome Over-seers their industry Husbandmen their patience Fishermen their tendernesse of affection Nurses their love Fathers nay Mothers their faithfulnesse Stewards their necessary use in preserving and informing of men Salt of the Earth * Light of the world their dignity Rulers Embassadours their eminency Angels fellow-fervants with them
as nothing which being so great and the issue so miserable even the losse of his Soule he judged should have exceeded them much both in measure and continuance When in these and divers others he was satisfied then fears of another nature rose viz. That if he were truly getting out of the Divels snare it could not be but he should be pursued with further horrours and terrours tending to despair which he had not felt In this he was thus satisfied that expectation of temptations was a preparation for them and such the Divell did not usually set upon And that if ever he did appeare it would be in some wiles and at such times as he should least suspect he had a hand in them which I verily believe did so fall out in some distractions afterwards The many Objections which he not only found but studied against himself as it was a taske to clear so a Schoole to learn much experience in so cautelous was he of any Rocks which in this mist might split him so suspitious of any Sands that might swallow him so accurate in searching out any secret Leake within himself that might sinke him so fearfull and full of doubts was he till he found himself Anchored upon safe and firm ground A blessed feare a happy trembling The Story of Manasses he read often who beginning to repent in Fetters as he had now in prison was a comfort to him That of S. Paul to the Corinthians the 1. Epist 6. Chap. vers 9 10 11. And such were some of you but yee are washed but yee are sanctified But yee are justified c. was the like On Thursday the next Morning he desired to receive the Communion when I provided my self with such matter as I conceived fit for him by way of preparation and so with some others appointed to Communicate with him he received it with penitentiall expressions and after that was somewhat comforted He desired me to stay Dinner with him as the last set meale he intended in this World The magnanimity of the Man I did much admire his cheerfulnesse in counting how many hours he had to live his solid Counsell to his wife who upon his discourse of death and thankfulnesse to God for this punishment fell into a passion his comforting of Her that he was upon an advancement and why should she be against it that his sins were not the greater for the shame he was to suffer that the only thing to be feared in death is the guilt of sin The sting of it which he hoped was now taken out that he trusted God who had forgiven the sin would also in time abate the scandall and provide for Her also if she could by Faith rely upon him That afternoon the storm in his Conscience being somewhat allayed we had many calme and comfortable discourses of the priviledges of Christians admitted to be not only servants friends but sonnes of God Heirs and Co-heirs with Christ called his Love his Spouse said to be married to him to have a fellowship with him c. which he desired to have largely declared unto him Then was his Coffin brought into his Chamber though he was displeased he had it not long before it came seasonably he now looked on it with little consternation of mind as on his bed he must sleep in And yet even then another thing troubled him which he feared was a stupidity viz. that hee should be no more afraid of death having also slept quietly the night before in which after he was satisfied yet it fell so out that the next night he was disquieted which he took as a punishment for his former desire of troubles and fears and so gave it over One passage he took speciall notice of that the same friend of his who not many daies before had bin very harsh with him fearing the party to whom he had given up himselfe was too milde and would not deale roughly enough with him c. now visiting him again and finding that change in him wished his soul in his case and applied all comforts to him which comming from the same mouth that had used him so sharply before drew many tears of joy from him and confirmed him divers Divines with others that came to visit him did the like and rejoyced much at the sight of him That night his prayers were to my admiration with which his desire was we might every time we parted conclude 'T is known what an excellent faculty he had naturally in a ready present expression of what he understood either in Ecclesiasticall or Civill affairs Now God had given him another heart he did as much excell in spirituall How desirous he was still to be put upon the Tryall for saving grace by any signes or discoveries with which we run through many would be impertinent to spend time in Naturally he was not apt for tears but now he was a man of tears before given to pride and vain-glory now so humble so thankfull for the Counsell of the meanest person so attentive to any advise so open in the abasing and condemning himselfe to whomsoever came at him his very countenance was altered When he heard of my Lord Deputies death who had no long sicknesse with others who died suddenly being in health at his Condemnation his Application to me was what cause he had to blesse God it was not so with him who must undoubtedly then have sunke down to hell What thankfullnesse did he confesse he owed to God and man for this weeks preparation Apprehended it as no small token of Gods love to him in giving him his portion of shame in this world as a means to shun it in the world to come which he once expressed with such a height of affection as I wondred at it believing that nothing but this or the like would have wrought upon his masterlesse disposition which under any other troubles he feared should still have lingred like Lot in Sodom ready to be fired till he was hailed out or like Cattle within a house and fire about them yet stirre not till they are drawn out It was so with the Israelites Isa 42.25 The like he judged of himself And herein he was so farre from bearing any hatred to such as had prosecuted him that he accounted them his best friends applying the case of Pheraeus Jason to himself whom his enemy running through with a sword opened an impostume which the Physitians could not cure That howsoever his enemies as Joseph said of his brethren might intend his hurt yet God had turned it to his good by this death they had saved his life and so he owed them thankes acknowledged Gods goodnesse to him in his sudden surprizall and strict imprisonment that as no Councell would come unto him so he was not permitted to goe into the Town to them by which liberty it may be some evasions
way His giving some almes to the poore with a charge to the party that it might not be knowne from whence it came were good things in him But more especially it appeared in his pious Letters to his wife and children hereunto annexed the latter of which is most worthy of memory as wrote the night before his Execution in the difference of them somewhat will appeare of his growth in that time It is scarce to be beleeved in this little space how much he had read in some practicall bookes of our late Divines the being not acquainted with whom before he much bewayled in speciall that of Doctor Prestons of Gods all-sufficiency and Bishop Downhams of the Covenant of Grace which had been call'd in did him much good his conversing with M. Fox his booke of Martyrs in viewing the manner of some godly mens deaths did much animate him against his own The night before it was a wonder to see his resolution in taking leave of his children and giving them good counsell and to one of them the said Letter and some houres after his taking his last farwell of his wife who was the more passionate his affectionate and heavenly counsell to her comforting her and instructing her was to my admiration and in conclusion told her he had wrote a Letter 2. or 3. dayes agon which she should receive about the time of his Execution which if shee observed their next meeting would be in Heaven Then late at night he sent for all the servants of the house gave them each severall admonitions with teares who all wept as if they had been his owne His speech to me not long before his leaving the Castle is not to be omitted viz. It may be saith he if they doe not bury me till Sunday you will be desired to preach then but J pray speake no good of me onely what may abate the scandall and be an usefull warning to others he was willing to That which he chiefly then requested of me as his last was As soone as J had seene the end of him to continue my endeavours for the good of his in a present comforting and counselling his wife and children whom he prayed might with contentednesse make the same sanctified use he had done himselfe And now we are drawing nigh the saddest part of the story for his body but yet the most comfortable for his soule His sowing time in teares ye have heard now followes his reaping in joy of which some sheaves he carried with him hence which is the most memorable thing in the whole Relation After he had with great industry and watchfulnesse obtained some testimony unto himselfe of his repentance and so hope of mercy all his earnest desire was that God would but give him some token for good in fealing it now to him by the comforts and Love-tokens of his Spirit Hee had read much of that joy unspeakeable and glorious of the Light of Gods countenance which David valued above all the world heard much of the Consolations and refreshments of the soule by the inward witnesse of the Spirit but Oh! how hee thirsted the day before his Execution to have some taste of them which would fully arme him against the feare of Death He said he could remember in his youth before his soule was stained with sinne when he lived for a time in some conscionable way in a certaine religious family he had some short flashes of such sweetnesse that was of more worth then all the joy he had since He acknowledged he was not worthy of it and that if God did deny it him yet the course he would hold he had began that he would never give over begging till he had some degree to use his own words were it but as imperfect a sight as the blind mans in the Gospell who saw men walking like trees and he had a promise God would not deny his holy Spirit to those that aske him And that if he might expect the fullnesse of joy not many houres after why might he not hope to get some first fruits or earnest for the assurance of it here and he conceiv'd of all men living he had most need both considering what hee had been and what he was to suffer with this his thoughts were filled wholly and for which he desired me to pray with him often and to help him with the prayers of others also And after eleven of the clock that night I was witnesse of a most affectionate prayer of his owne which a hearer would have thought could not but arise from some apprehension already and which made me so confident as to assure him of it The next morning which was the day of his Execution his first salutation to me was Oh! God hath heard me about foure or five of the clock this morning for the space of an houre and a halfe I have had that sweetnesse in my soule those refreshments in my heart that I am not able to expresse which he now beleeved might be well signified by that hidden Manna and white stone which no man knowes but he that receiveth it to use his own words I had such a weaning from this world might I have enjoyed all the contents of it such a trust and relying upon God in committing my wife and Children to his care such confidence of Gods love and assurance of pardon such a longing to be dissolved and to be with Christ such ioy and inward consolation as if he had been in the suburbs of Heaven already that saith he J felt where my heart lay that J arose out of my bed and gave God thanks and prayse upon my knees in the place where J had begged it and so fell into abundance of teares adding whereas before J wept for sorrow now I weepe for ioy of all which divers others there were witnesses besides my selfe and so desired me who had been a Petitioner with him to kneele downe with others present and solemnely give God thanks with him for it and pray for a continuance of it to his last which teares of his comming from so cheerefull a countenance when we expected the most sadnesse moved us more than all before For confirmation of his said rising out of his bed his mans testimony is evident who comming that morning by breake of the day to the Chamber doore and before he knocked looking through the key-hole saw him in his shirt by his bed side upon his knees for a quarter of an houre and as soone as he came in with a smiling countenance brake out to him into the like fore-named expressions what a sweet night he had enjoy'd c. and adding if I had beene in a slumber it might have been a deceit but I was full waking as now he seemed to be in such a rapture that his servant as he told mee was astonished at it expecting then to have found him most