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length_n i_o may_v offend_v he_o no_o more_o i_o be_v beside_o very_o much_o devote_a to_o the_o glorious_a s._n marie_n magdalen_n and_o i_o think_v much_o and_o often_o of_o her_o conversion_n and_o especial_o whensoever_o i_o receive_v the_o b._n sacrament_n for_o know_v at_o that_o time_n that_o our_o lord_n be_v most_o certain_o in_o my_o very_a bosom_n i_o place_v myself_o at_o his_o foot_n as_o conceave_a that_o my_o tear_n will_v not_o be_v despise_v by_o he_o i_o know_v not_o very_o well_o what_o i_o say_v but_o yet_o i_o know_v that_o he_o who_o be_v please_v
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nor_o do_v i_o know_v or_o believe_v that_o it_o be_v i_o who_o be_o speak_v thus_o ever_o since_o i_o receive_v the_o b._n sacrament_n this_o morning_n for_o i_o think_v i_o do_v but_o dream_v of_o what_o i_o see_v and_o i_o will_v be_v glad_a not_o to_o see_v any_o other_o than_o such_o as_o be_v sick_a of_o that_o very_a same_o disease_n which_o be_v now_o upon_o i_o i_o humble_o beseech_v your_o reverence_n that_o we_o may_v all_o become_v like_o mad_a fool_n for_o his_o love_n who_o be_v content_a to_o be_v call_v fool_n for_o the_o love_n of_o us._n and_o since_o your_o reverence_n say_v that_o you_o wish_v i_o so_o cordial_o well_o i_o desire_v that_o you_o will_v show_v it_o by_o dispose_v yourself_o in_o such_o sort_n as_o that_o our_o lord_n may_v do_v you_o this_o favour_n for_o i_o see_v there_o be_v very_o few_o man_n who_o have_v not_o more_o wit_n than_o even_o they_o need_v for_o the_o effect_v such_o thing_n as_o they_o hold_v to_o concern_v they_o but_o now_o 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in_o their_o heart_n as_o the_o apostle_n be_v and_o so_o their_o flame_n falls-out_a to_o give_v but_o very_o little_a heat_n i_o say_v not_o that_o i_o expect_v that_o it_o shall_v be_v so_o great_a as_o they_o be_v but_o yet_o i_o hearty_o wish_v that_o it_o be_v great_a than_o i_o can_v now_o find_v it_o be_v your_o reverence_n know_v in_o what_o very_o much_o will_v consist_v namely_o in_o have_v this_o life_n of_o we_o in_o detestation_n and_o honour_n in_o very_o little_a estimation_n and_o that_o rather_o than_o fail_v both_o to_o speak_v truth_n and_o to_o maintain_v it_o for_o the_o glory_n of_o almighty_a god_n we_o will_v be_v as_o well_o content_v to_o loose_v all_o as_o to_o gain_v all_o for_o whosoever_o be_v resolve_v in_o very_o good_a earnest_n to_o put_v it_o all_o to_o hazard_v for_o the_o love_n of_o our_o bless_a lord_n will_v be_v as_o well_o content_a with_o the_o one_o as_o with_o the_o other_o i_o say_v not_o that_o i_o be_o any_o such_o creature_n but_o i_o 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prosecute_v the_o same_o argument_n about_o this_o three_o degree_n of_o prayer_n and_o finish_v the_o declaration_n of_o the_o effect_n which_o it_o work_n and_o declare_v also_o the_o disadvantage_n which_o the_o memory_n and_o imagination_n be_v wont_a to_o bring_v in_o this_o case_n i_o have_v already_o speak_v to_o some_o good_a proportion_n of_o this_o manner_n of_o prayer_n and_o of_o that_o which_o the_o soul_n be_v to_o perform_v therein_o or_o rather_o of_o what_o god_n do_v in_o she_o for_o now_o it_o be_v himself_o who_o take_v the_o office_n of_o gardner_n
together_o with_o the_o body_n and_o so_o both_o of_o they_o participate_v therein_o and_o it_o be_v not_o also_o with_o that_o extremity_n of_o be_v as_o it_o be_v abandon_v and_o utter_o forsake_v which_o yet_o abound_v in_o this_o wherein_o as_o i_o be_v say_v we_o have_v no_o part_n at_o all_o ourselves_o but_o there_o often_o come_v a_o kind_n of_o desire_n unreasonable_o and_o unexpected_o upon_o we_o and_o i_o know_v not_o from_o whence_o it_o move_v and_o upon_o this_o desire_n which_o penetrate_v the_o whole_a soul_n even_o at_o one_o very_a instant_n she_o begin_v to_o afflict_v and_o even_o belabour_v herself_o so_o as_o that_o she_o rise_v much_o above_o herself_o and_o indeed_o above_o whatsoever_o be_v create_v and_o almighty_a god_n be_v please_v to_o make_v she_o so_o very_o desolate_a &_o disgu_v in_o order_n to_o all_o temporal_a thing_n that_o how_o much_o soever_o she_o may_v labour_v and_o endeavour_v to_o the_o contrary_a there_o be_v nothing_o in_o this_o world_n 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manner_n but_o the_o word_n whereof_o i_o speak_v be_v these_o vigilavi_fw-la &_o factus_fw-la sum_fw-la sicut_fw-la passer_n solitarius_fw-la in_o tecto_fw-la i_o have_v watch_v and_o be_o become_v like_o a_o solitary_a sparrow_n upon_o the_o top_n of_o a_o house_n for_o so_o do_v that_o verse_n represent_v itself_o to_o i_o at_o those_o time_n that_o i_o think_v i_o do_v even_o see_v my_o own_o condition_n therein_o and_o it_o comfort_v i_o to_o observe_v that_o other_o have_v also_o find_v themselves_o in_o so_o high_a a_o extremity_n of_o solitude_n and_o especial_o when_o they_o be_v such_o person_n as_o the_o royal_a prophet_n be_v so_o that_o i_o think_v this_o kind_n of_o soul_n be_v not_o then_o itself_o but_o rather_o upon_o the_o very_a top_n or_o ridge_n as_o one_o may_v say_v thereof_o yea_o and_o of_o all_o thing_n also_o which_o be_v create_v for_o then_o i_o think_v the_o soul_n remain_v in_o the_o very_o high_a and_o most_o superior_a part_n of_o herself_o at_o other_o 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she_o will_v be_v glad_a that_o during_o all_o that_o life_n which_o may_v last_o she_o may_v continue_v in_o that_o state_n of_o sufferance_n though_o yet_o still_o it_o be_v so_o very_o excessive_a that_o the_o person_n be_v scarce_o able_a to_o endure_v it_o for_o sometime_o i_o be_o in_o effect_n without_o any_o pulse_n at_o all_o as_o my_o sister_n tell_v i_o who_o then_o come_v towards_o i_o to_o see_v what_o pass_v for_o now_o they_o begin_v a_o little_a to_o understand_v more_o of_o the_o case_n and_o the_o bone_n of_o my_o very_a arm_n to_o which_o the_o joint_n be_v fasten_v grow_v then_o to_o be_v even_o open_v and_o my_o hand_n be_v so_o stark_o and_o
be_v never_o so_o much_o alone_o though_o yet_o i_o feel_v still_o that_o i_o know_v there_o be_v a_o god_n and_o i_o find_v also_o that_o it_o be_v my_o imagination_n and_o my_o understanding_n which_o do_v i_o so_o much_o hurt_v in_o these_o occasion_n and_o cafe_v for_o as_o for_o my_o will_n i_o think_v it_o stand_v right_a in_o i_o and_o that_o it_o be_v dispose_v to_o all_o goodness_n but_o this_o understanding_n of_o i_o be_v so_o entire_o lose_v that_o it_o seem_v to_o be_v no_o other_o thing_n than_o some_o furious_a and_o mad_a kind_n of_o fool_n who_o no_o body_n be_v able_a to_o bind_v nor_o be_o i_o so_o far_a mistress_n thereof_o as_o that_o i_o can_v make_v it_o quiet_a for_o one_o credo_fw-la sometime_o i_o fall_v on_o laugh_v and_o yet_o then_o do_v i_o know_v my_o misery_n and_o stand_v look_v upon_o my_o soul_n and_o permit_v she_o to_o do_v what_o she_o will_v and_o yet_o our_o lord_n be_v thank_v she_o never_o by_o any_o mean_n apply_v herself_o to_o any_o thing_n which_o be_v ill_a but_o only_o about_o thing_n which_o be_v indifferent_a if_o there_o be_v any_o thing_n which_o may_v occur_v to_o be_v do_v either_o here_o or_o there_o or_o any_o where_o else_o but_o thus_o i_o come_v to_o know_v better_o the_o incomparable_a mercy_n which_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o show_v i_o upon_o his_o tying-up_a this_o mad_a fool_n when_o we_o be_v in_o perfect_a contemplation_n and_o here_o i_o consider_v what_o will_v become_v of_o i_o if_o such_o person_n as_o hold_v i_o now_o for_o good_a can_v discern_v i_o to_o have_v these_o idleness_n and_o impertinency_n which_o i_o have_v describe_v here_o but_o now_o i_o have_v very_o great_a compassion_n of_o a_o soul_n to_o find_v she_o in_o so_o ill_a company_n as_o this_o i_o will_v fain_o see_v she_o rather_o in_o liberty_n and_o i_o express_v myself_o in_o this_o manner_n to_o our_o bless_a lord_n when_o o_o my_o god_n shall_v i_o arrive_v to_o see_v my_o soul_n all_o conjoin_a and_o unite_v together_o in_o celebrate_v thy_o praise_n that_o so_o all_o the_o power_n thereof_o may_v admire_v thou_o permit_v not_o heerafrer_n o_o lord_n that_o she_o wander_v up_o and_o down_o by_o piece_n for_o now_o it_o seem_v no_o otherwise_o then_o as_o if_o every_o one_o of_o the_o same_o power_n be_v run_v up_o and_o down_o in_o a_o several_a way_n these_o thing_n pass_v thus_o very_o often_o and_o i_o understand_v also_o very_o well_o that_o sometime_o the_o little_a corporal_a health_n i_o have_v contribute_v much_o to_o these_o inconvenience_n i_o also_o reflect_v much_o by_o these_o occasion_n upon_o the_o hurt_n which_o the_o sin_n of_o our_o first_o parent_n have_v do_v we_o for_o i_o think_v it_o be_v grow_v from_o thence_o that_o we_o be_v incapable_a to_o enjoy_v so_o great_a a_o good_a and_o my_o own_o sin_n be_v a_o great_a part_n of_o the_o cause_n for_o certain_o if_o i_o have_v not_o commit_v so_o many_o i_o shall_v have_v remain_v more_o entire_a and_o free_a towards_o the_o do_n of_o good_a i_o be_v subject_a also_o by_o time_n to_o another_o very_a great_a inconvenience_n for_o conceave_a that_o i_o understand_v all_o the_o book_n that_o treat_v of_o prayer_n which_o i_o come_v to_o read_v and_o that_o already_o our_o bless_a lord_n have_v do_v i_o some_o such_o kind_n of_o favour_n as_o that_o i_o need_v they_o not_o for_o this_o reason_n i_o do_v not_o read_v they_o but_o apply_v myself_o to_o read_v the_o live_v of_o saint_n and_o find_v myself_o also_o very_o short_a in_o that_o wherein_o they_o have_v so_o heroical_o serve_v almighty_a god_n this_o seem_v to_o do_v i_o good_a and_o give_v i_o strength_n but_o yet_o i_o think_v this_o be_v a_o sign_n of_o little_a humility_n for_o i_o to_o think_v that_o i_o be_v already_o arrive_v to_o hold_v that_o degree_n of_o prayer_n and_o not_o be_v able_a to_o quiet_v myself_o otherwise_o i_o continue_v much_o in_o pain_n till_o certain_a learned_a man_n and_o particular_o that_o bless_a creature_n fray_n pedro_fw-la de_fw-fr alcantara_n declare_v to_o i_o that_o i_o be_v not_o to_o be_v trouble_v at_o that_o i_o be_o not_o ignorant_a that_o in_o the_o serve_v of_o almighty_a god_n i_o have_v not_o yet_o so_o much_o as_o begin_v though_o yet_o the_o way_n which_o his_o divine_a majesty_n have_v hold_v in_o do_v i_o favour_n be_v the_o same_o which_o he_o have_v use_v towards_o such_o as_o be_v good_a whereas_o for_o my_o part_n i_o be_o no_o more_o than_o a_o direct_a downright_a mere_a imperfection_n unless_o it_o be_v in_o my_o desire_n to_o love_v he_o for_o in_o this_o indeed_o i_o see_v well_o that_o our_o lord_n have_v do_v i_o favour_n that_o so_o i_o may_v perform_v some_o little_a thing_n for_o he_o i_o confess_v i_o think_v i_o love_v he_o but_o my_o action_n and_o the_o many_o imperfection_n which_o i_o discern_v therein_o give_v i_o great_a discomfort_n at_o other_o time_n my_o soul_n fall_v into_o a_o kind_n of_o foolery_n for_o so_o it_o be_v when_o i_o think_v i_o do_v neither_o good_a nor_o ill_a but_o follow_v on_o after_o the_o walk_n of_o other_o folk_n and_o this_o neither_o with_o pain_n nor_o glory_n nor_o with_o thought_n of_o life_n or_o death_n nor_o gust_n nor_o trouble_n yea_o i_o think_v she_o feel_v nothing_o at_o all_o but_o rather_o seem_v to_o i_o to_o walk_v on_o like_o some_o little_a ass_n who_o seed_n and_o sustain_v himself_o because_o they_o give_v he_o somewhat_o to_o eat_v and_o he_o eat_v almost_o without_o think_v what_o he_o be_v do_v for_o the_o soul_n when_o she_o be_v in_o this_o state_n be_v not_o likely_a to_o be_v without_o feed_v upon_o some_o great_a favour_n of_o almighty_a god_n since_o she_o be_v not_o trouble_v with_o live_v in_o so_o miserable_a a_o life_n as_o this_o but_o pass_v through_o it_o with_o patience_n and_o equality_n of_o mind_n but_o yet_o these_o motion_n and_o effect_n be_v not_o find_v by_o she_o in_o such_o sort_n as_o that_o the_o soul_n be_v make_v to_o understand_v herself_o by_o they_o it_o seem_v now_o also_o to_o i_o to_o be_v as_o when_o man_n sail_v at_o sea_n by_o the_o breath_n of_o a_o sweet_a and_o gentle_a wind_n for_o then_o we_o ride_v much_o way_n though_o we_o scarce_o know_v how_o whereas_o in_o those_o other_o condition_n the_o effect_n be_v so_o very_o great_a that_o the_o soul_n do_v almost_o instant_o discern_v she_o own_o improvement_n for_o instant_o do_v her_o desire_n boil_v up_o and_o the_o soul_n can_v never_o satisfy_v herself_o but_o they_o to_o who_o almighty_a god_n impart_v such_o impetuosity_n of_o love_n do_v find_v such_o operation_n as_o these_o this_o be_v like_o certain_a little_a spring_n which_o i_o have_v observe_v to_o rise_v and_o where_o the_o sand_n never_o cease_v to_o move_v upward_o and_o this_o example_n and_o comparison_n of_o soul_n which_o be_v arrive_v to_o this_o state_n seem_v very_o natural_a to_o i_o for_o love_n will_v be_v ever_o boil_v upward_o and_o consider_v and_o devise_v about_o what_o it_o may_v be_v able_a to_o do_v and_o can_v by_o no_o mean_n be_v contain_v in_o itself_o as_o it_o seem_v the_o water_n whereof_o i_o speak_v be_v not_o able_a to_o continue_v in_o the_o earth_n which_o still_o be_v cast_v it_o up_o from_o thence_o and_o just_o so_o be_v it_o very_o usual_a for_o the_o soul_n not_o to_o be_v at_o quiet_a or_o in_o contentment_n with_o herself_o through_o the_o love_n she_o bear_v to_o almighty_a god_n but_o she_o be_v so_o bathe_v and_o soak_v and_o fill_v with_o it_o that_o she_o wish_n that_o other_o will_v drink_v too_o since_o for_o her_o part_n she_o can_v want_v that_o so_o they_o may_v assist_v she_o to_o sing_v the_o praise_n of_o almighty_a god_n o_o how_o often_o do_v i_o call_v to_o mind_n that_o live_a water_n whereof_o our_o lord_n speak_v to_o the_o samaritan_n as_o indeed_o i_o be_o very_o much_o devote_a to_o that_o gospel_n and_o real_o it_o be_v most_o true_a that_o i_o be_v so_o even_o from_o my_o childhood_n though_o i_o do_v not_o then_o understand_v this_o benefit_n as_o now_o i_o do_v but_o i_o often_o beseech_v our_o lord_n to_o bestow_v of_o this_o water_n upon_o i_o and_o always_o i_o have_v the_o image_n or_o figure_n of_o it_o at_o hand_n with_o this_o motto_n or_o word_n of_o she_o when_o he_o be_v so_o near_o the_o well_o domine_fw-la da_fw-la mihi_fw-la hanc_fw-la aquam_fw-la o_o lord_n bestow_v this_o water_n upon_o i_o it_o seem_v also_o to_o i_o that_o as_o a_o fire_n which_o be_v very_o great_a needs_o matter_n upon_o which_o to_o work_v to_o the_o end_n that_o it_o may_v not_o be_v extinguish_v so_o also_o for_o
may_v hope_v from_o those_o terrible_a and_o perpetual_a torment_n since_o that_o time_n as_o i_o be_v say_v there_o be_v nothing_o which_o seem_v not_o easy_a to_o i_o in_o comparison_n of_o one_o moment_n of_o that_o which_o be_v to_o be_v suffer_v there_o and_o i_o be_v in_o a_o very_a great_a wonder_n that_o have_v so_o often_o read_v diverse_a book_n which_o give_v i_o some_o notice_n of_o a_o part_n of_o the_o torment_n of_o hell_n i_o fear_v they_o so_o little_a and_o hold_v they_o in_o so_o small_a account_n consider_v in_o what_o case_n i_o be_v then_o and_o how_o it_o be_v possible_a for_o i_o to_o receive_v contentment_n in_o any_o such_o thing_n as_o final_o be_v to_o carry_v i_o on_o to_o so_o wretched_a a_o place_n as_o that_o be_v be_v thou_o eternal_o bless_v o_o my_o god_n for_o how_o well_o have_v thou_o make_v it_o appear_v that_o thou_o love_v i_o incomparable_o better_a than_o i_o do_v myself_o how_o often_o o_o my_o dear_a lord_n have_v thou_o deliver_v i_o from_o that_o dark_a and_o horrible_a dungeon_n and_o how_o often_o have_v i_o return_v to_o cast_v myself_o in_o thither_o again_o even_o against_o thy_o will_n from_o hence_o also_o i_o get_v a_o facility_n to_o be_v in_o very_o great_a pain_n for_o the_o many_o soul_n of_o these_o lutheran_n which_o be_v condemn_v to_o hell_n and_o especial_o because_o they_o have_v once_o be_v member_n of_o the_o holy_a catholic_a church_n by_o their_o baptism_n i_o gain_v also_o great_a impulse_n to_o do_v good_a to_o soul_n and_o real_o it_o seem_v to_o i_o to_o be_v very_o certain_a that_o for_o the_o save_n of_o any_o of_o they_o from_o so_o grievous_a and_o everlasting_a torment_n i_o can_v suffer_v many_o death_n with_o a_o very_a good_a will_n for_o i_o consider_v that_o if_o we_o see_v a_o person_n in_o this_o world_n who_o we_o love_v undergo_v any_o great_a affliction_n or_o pain_n it_o seem_v that_o even_o our_o natural_a disposition_n invite_v we_o to_o have_v compassion_n of_o the_o case_n and_o so_o much_o as_o that_o pain_n be_v great_a so_o much_o the_o more_o and_o therefore_o now_o to_o see_v a_o soul_n which_o be_v for_o ever_o to_o be_v enchain_v to_o the_o endure_v of_o that_o supreme_a affliction_n and_o misery_n of_o all_o misery_n who_o shall_v be_v able_a to_o bear_v it_o and_o what_o hart_n can_v ever_o brook_v it_o without_o strange_a trouble_n and_o since_o we_o be_v move_v here_o to_o so_o much_o compassion_n of_o man_n who_o misery_n have_v yet_o a_o term_n prefix_v and_o at_o the_o further_a they_o be_v to_o end_v with_o their_o life_n how_o shall_v we_o be_v able_a to_o get_v patience_n for_o think_v of_o the_o infinite_a torment_n of_o those_o other_o consider_v what_o a_o huge_a number_n of_o soul_n the_o devil_n be_v daily_o carry_v into_o hell_n this_o consideration_n also_o make_v i_o desire_v that_o in_o a_o business_n of_o so_o mighty_a importance_n we_o may_v not_o be_v satisfy_v with_o less_o than_o the_o do_v of_o the_o very_a uttermost_a we_o can_v on_o our_o part_n and_o that_o we_o leave_v nothing_o at_o all_o unattempted_a to_o secure_v ourselves_o by_o that_o mean_n and_o i_o humble_o beseech_v our_o bless_a lord_n to_o give_v we_o all_o his_o grace_n for_o this_o purpose_n when_o i_o consider_v that_o howsoever_o i_o be_v former_o most_o wicked_a yet_o have_v i_o some_o little_a care_n to_o ferue_v almighty_a god_n not_o yet_o do_v i_o then_o commit_v certain_a thing_n which_o be_v take_v and_o swallow_v down_o by_o the_o world_n as_o familiar_o as_o to_o turn_v the_o hand_n and_o with_o this_o i_o endure_v huge_a sickness_n and_o i_o do_v it_o with_o that_o great_a patience_n which_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o give_v i_o for_o that_o purpose_n and_o i_o be_v also_o not_o incline_v to_o murmur_v and_o detract_v or_o to_o speak_v hardly_o of_o any_o creature_n nay_o it_o seem_v to_o i_o as_o if_o i_o scarce_o have_v power_n to_o with_o any_o body_n any_o ill_n nor_o be_v i_o covetous_a nor_o envious_a for_o any_o thing_n that_o i_o can_v ever_o remember_v at_o least_o to_o any_o such_o proportion_n as_o may_v result_v to_o the_o great_a offence_n of_o almighty_a god_n and_o some_o other_o thing_n also_o there_o be_v wherein_o though_o i_o be_v very_o wicked_a i_o have_v usual_o the_o fear_n of_o almighty_a god_n before_o i_o and_o yet_o notwithstanding_o all_o this_o i_o see_v where_o the_o devil_n 471._o have_v take_v up_o and_o provide_v my_o lodging_n and_o it_o be_v true_a that_o consider_v what_o my_o fault_n have_v be_v it_o seem_v to_o i_o that_o i_o yet_o deserve_v more_o punishment_n but_o howsoever_o upon_o the_o whole_a matter_n i_o declare_v that_o it_o be_v a_o most_o horrible_a torment_n and_o and_o that_o it_o be_v a_o dangerous_a thing_n that_o the_o soul_n shall_v take_v contentment_n and_o be_v at_o rest_n which_o be_v fall_v every_o minute_n into_o mortal_a sinne._n nay_o rather_o for_o the_o love_n of_o almighty_a god_n let_v we_o remove_v all_o the_o occasion_n thereof_o for_o our_o lord_n will_v help_v we_o all_o as_o he_o have_v do_v i_o and_o i_o humble_o beseech_v his_o divine_a majesty_n not_o to_o give_v over_o to_o hold_v i_o fast_o in_o his_o hand_n least_z if_o he_o do_v i_o return_v to_o fall_v for_o in_o that_o case_n i_o see_v already_o what_o be_v to_o become_v of_o i_o for_o ever_o but_o i_o beseech_v our_o b._n lord_n again_o not_o to_o suffer_v it_o even_o for_o his_o own_o mercy_n sake_n amen_n but_o now_o after_o my_o see_v all_o this_o as_o also_o many_o other_o great_a thing_n and_o secret_n which_o our_o lord_n through_o his_o own_o mercy_n be_v please_v to_o show_v i_o concern_v the_o glory_n which_o be_v design_v in_o the_o next_o life_n for_o the_o good_a and_o the_o torment_n for_o the_o wicked_a and_o i_o procure_v now_o to_o light_v upon_o some_o way_n or_o mean_n whereby_o i_o may_v do_v penance_n for_o so_o much_o ill_a as_o i_o have_v commit_v and_o may_v be_v able_a also_o to_o do_v somewhat_o towards_o the_o 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our_o lord_n will_v seem_v to_o have_v bring_v they_o so_o upon_o we_o as_o that_o we_o be_v not_o able_a to_o resist_v they_o now_o it_o seem_v that_o his_o divine_a majesty_n be_v please_v to_o pay_v we_o here_o for_o the_o little_a poor_a care_n we_o take_v to_o serve_v he_o with_o so_o high_a a_o gift_n as_o that_o comfort_n be_v which_o he_o bestow_v upon_o a_o soul_n who_o see_v herself_o able_a to_o lament_v &_o weep_v for_o have_v offend_v so_o great_a a_o lord_n and_o i_o wonder_v not_o a_o whitt_n at_o this_o for_o i_o think_v she_o have_v reason_n enough_o and_o to_o spare_v for_o receive_v joy_n and_o comfort_n upon_o this_o occasion_n there_o do_v the_o soul_n rejoice_v &_o there_o do_v she_o regale_n herself_o i_o like_v that_o comparison_n well_o which_o offer_v itself_o to_o i_o now_o that_o these_o joy_n of_o prayer_n shall_v be_v somewhat_o like_o those_o other_o which_o be_v in_o heaven_n for_o as_o they_o see_v no_o more_o there_o then_o god_n be_v please_v that_o 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to_o know_v that_o himself_o be_v rich_a it_o be_v in_o my_o opinion_n a_o impossible_a kind_n of_o thing_n consider_v the_o ground_n of_o humane_a nature_n for_o one_o to_o do_v great_a and_o goodly_a thing_n if_o he_o understand_v not_o himself_o to_o be_v favour_v by_o almighty_a god_n for_o we_o be_v so_o miserable_a creature_n and_o so_o incline_v to_o delight_n in_o thing_n of_o this_o world_n that_o we_o can_v hardly_o abhor_v effectual_o all_o that_o which_o here_o we_o enjoy_v and_o especial_o to_o do_v it_o with_o great_a liberty_n of_o spirit_n if_o we_o understand_v not_o out_o self_n to_o have_v some_o kind_n of_o taste_n or_o pawn_v concern_v heavenly_a
there_o may_v peradventure_o be_v none_o as_o also_o no_o tenderness_n or_o inward_a feel_n of_o devotion_n but_o what_o shall_v he_o do_v now_o who_o see_v that_o for_o the_o space_n of_o a_o long_a time_n there_o be_v nothing_o but_o dryness_n and_o disgust_v and_o displeasure_n and_o so_o little_a devotion_n also_o to_o go_v draw_v any_o more_o water_n out_o of_o the_o well_o for_o certain_o if_o he_o do_v not_o remember_v that_o he_o do_v some_o kind_n of_o pleasure_n and_o service_n to_o the_o lord_n of_o the_o garden_n and_o do_v not_o take_v care_n not_o to_o loose_v all_o the_o labour_n which_o he_o have_v already_o undergo_v and_o the_o hope_n also_o of_o get_v more_o by_o so_o great_a pain_n as_o he_o take_v to_o cast_v the_o bucket_n so_o often_o into_o the_o well_o and_o to_o bring_v it_o back_o without_o any_o water_n at_o all_o without_o doubt_n he_o will_v give_v over_o outright_o and_o many_o time_n it_o shall_v also_o happen_v to_o he_o upon_o this_o occasion_n that_o he_o will_v not_o so_o much_o as_o stir_v his_o hand_n nor_o will_v he_o be_v able_a so_o much_o as_o to_o continue_v in_o one_o good_a thought_n for_o already_o it_o be_v to_o be_v grant_v that_o this_o way_n of_o work_v by_o the_o employment_n of_o the_o understanding_n be_v a_o strive_v to_o draw_v water_n out_o of_o a_o well_o but_o now_o as_o i_o be_v say_v what_o be_v the_o gardener_n to_o do_v in_o this_o case_n i_o comfort_n answer_v that_o he_o be_v to_o rejoice_v and_o to_o receive_v much_o comfort_n and_o to_o esteem_v it_o for_o a_o incomparable_a favour_n that_o he_o may_v be_v suffer_v to_o labour_v and_o work_v in_o the_o garden_n of_o so_o great_a a_o emperor_n as_o god_n be_v and_o since_o he_o know_v that_o he_o give_v contentment_n to_o his_o divine_a majesty_n thereby_o for_o the_o gust_n &_o service_n of_o god_n &_o not_o the_o gardener_n own_o be_v to_o be_v his_o main_n and_o final_a scope_n let_v he_o give_v god_n glory_n and_o praise_n who_o proceed_v with_o he_o and_o treat_v he_o in_o so_o confident_a a_o manner_n since_o he_o give_v he_o grace_n to_o have_v so_o great_a care_n of_o do_v that_o which_o he_o recommend_v to_o he_o though_o he_o do_v not_o pay_v he_o yet_o for_o his_o pain_n and_o let_v this_o gardener_n still_o help_v our_o lord_n to_o carry_v his_o cross_n and_o remember_v that_o the_o same_o lord_n live_v and_o lay_v upon_o the_o same_o cross_n all_o his_o life_n and_o let_v not_o this_o man_n desire_n to_o enjoy_v his_o kingdom_n here_o in_o this_o world_n nor_o ever_o once_o give-ove_a his_o prayer_n but_o let_v he_o rather_o resolve_v that_o though_o his_o dryness_n of_o sensible_a indevotion_n shall_v last_v with_o he_o as_o long_o as_o his_o life_n yet_o he_o will_v never_o give_v occasion_n that_o christ_n our_o lord_n shall_v fall_v down_o with_o his_o cross_n for_o at_o least_o the_o time_n will_v certain_o come_v when_o he_o shall_v receive_v all_o his_o wage_n at_o one_o payment_n and_o let_v he_o never_o fear_v that_o his_o labour_n can_v possible_o be_v lose_v for_o he_o serve_v a_o very_a good_a master_n who_o stand_v look_v earnest_o upon_o he_o and_o let_v he_o make_v no_o account_n at_o all_o of_o ill_a thought_n but_o consider_v that_o the_o devil_n do_v also_o vex_v s._n hierome_n with_o they_o in_o the_o very_a wilderness_n but_o those_o labour_n have_v their_o price_n and_o recompense_n set_v out_o for_o they_o and_o i_o assure_v you_o as_o a_o person_n who_o have_v spend_v many_o year_n in_o the_o feel_n thereof_o that_o when_o sometime_o i_o come_v to_o draw_v and_o get_v but_o some_o one_o single_a drop_n of_o water_n out_o of_o this_o bless_a well_o i_o think_v that_o god_n do_v i_o a_o great_a favour_n i_o know_v well_o that_o these_o trouble_n be_v very_o great_a and_o i_o conceive_v that_o there_o be_v more_o need_n of_o courage_n for_o support_v they_o then_o for_o many_o other_o thing_n of_o this_o world_n but_o yet_o i_o have_v see_v clear_o that_o god_n leave_v they_o not_o without_o great_a reward_n even_o in_o this_o life_n for_o it_o be_v most_o certain_a that_o with_o one_o of_o these_o hour_n of_o gust_n of_o himself_o which_o he_o have_v give_v i_o here_o afterward_o i_o esteem_v all_o those_o sad_a affliction_n to_o have_v be_v very_o well_o reward_v which_o i_o sustain_v in_o all_o the_o former_a time_n of_o my_o continue_v the_o use_n of_o prayer_n as_o for_o i_o i_o hold_v that_o our_o lord_n will_v give_v these_o torment_n together_o with_o many_o other_o temptation_n which_o occur_v many_o time_n in_o the_o beginning_n and_o at_o other_o time_n towards_o the_o end_n to_o try_v who_o be_v his_o true_a lover_n and_o to_o know_v if_o they_o can_v drink_v of_o his_o chalice_n and_o will_v help_v he_o to_o bear_v his_o cross_n before_o he_o will_v depositate_fw-la so_o great_a treasure_n in_o they_o and_o i_o conceive_v that_o his_o divine_a majesty_n be_v resolve_v to_o carry_v we_o on_o by_o this_o way_n to_o the_o end_n that_o we_o may_v first_o understand_v well_o how_o little_a we_o be_v worth_a for_o the_o favour_n which_o sometime_o he_o impart_v afterward_o be_v of_o so_o great_a dignity_n that_o he_o will_v first_o have_v we_o see_v our_o misery_n by_o experience_n before_o he_o impart_v those_o great_a favour_n to_o we_o lest_o otherwise_o that_o shall_v happen_v to_o we_o which_o do_v to_o lucifer_n but_o what_o be_v it_o o_o my_o lord_n which_o thou_o be_v do_v be_v answer_v it_o not_o better_o for_o the_o good_a of_o that_o soul_n which_o thou_o know_v to_o be_v already_o thou_o and_o which_o put_v itself_o into_o thy_o hand_n to_o follow_v thou_o whithersoever_o thou_o will_v go_v though_o it_o be_v even_o to_o the_o very_a death_n of_o the_o cross_n and_o to_o resolve_v to_o help_v thou_o to_o carry_v it_o and_o never_o to_o leave_v thou_o alone_o under_o that_o burden_n no_o for_o whosoever_o find_v this_o resolution_n in_o himself_o have_v nothing_o leave_v for_o he_o to_o fear_v spiritual_a person_n have_v no_o reason_n at_o all_o to_o be_v afflict_v who_o be_v already_o place_v in_o so_o eminent_a condition_n as_o it_o be_v to_o treat_v with_o god_n hand_n to_o hand_n and_o to_o forsake_v the_o idle_a pastime_n of_o this_o world_n the_o great_a part_n of_o your_o business_n be_v dispatch_v already_o and_o praise_v you_o his_o divine_a majesty_n for_o the_o same_o and_o confide_v very_o full_o in_o his_o goodness_n for_o he_o never_o yet_o fail_v his_o friend_n shutup_a the_o eye_n of_o your_o mind_n from_o consider_v why_o he_o give_v sensible_a devotion_n to_o another_o in_o so_o few_o day_n and_o not_o to_o i_o in_o so_o many_o year_n let_v we_o believe_v and_o know_v that_o all_o this_o be_v do_v by_o he_o for_o our_o great_a good_a and_o let_v his_o divine_a majesty_n conduct_v we_o by_o what_o way_n he_o will_v for_o now_o we_o be_v no_o long_o our_o own_o but_o he_o and_o he_o do_v we_o favour_n enough_o in_o permit_v we_o to_o dig_v in_o his_o garden_n and_o to_o suffer_v we_o to_o be_v so_o near_o the_o lord_n thereof_o for_o it_o be_v certain_a that_o he_o remain_v with_o we_o and_o whether_o he_o be_v please_v that_o the_o plant_n and_o flower_n of_o his_o garden_n may_v grow_v or_o not_o grow_v either_o more_o or_o less_o what_o be_v that_o to_o the_o purpose_n do_v thou_o dispose_v so_o of_o thing_n o_o lord_n as_o shall_v please_v thou_o best_o and_o let_v i_o only_o not_o offend_v thou_o nor_o let_v my_o virtue_n be_v lose_v if_o thou_o have_v give_v i_o any_o i_o be_o resolve_v o_o lord_n to_o suffer_v since_o thou_o will_v suffer_v and_o thy_o will_n be_v accomplish_v in_o i_o in_o all_o kind_n and_o let_v not_o thy_o divine_a majesty_n be_v please_v that_o a_o thing_n of_o so_o high_a value_n as_o thy_o love_n may_v ever_o be_v give_v to_o any_o such_o people_n as_o will_v not_o serve_v thou_o but_o only_o for_o delight_n and_o gust_n it_o be_v here_o to_o be_v note_v much_o and_o i_o speak_v it_o because_o i_o know_v the_o truth_n of_o it_o by_o experience_n that_o the_o soul_n which_o begin_v to_o walk_v in_o this_o way_n of_o mental_a prayer_n with_o firm_a purpose_n &_o can_v bring_v herself_o once_o to_o a_o final_a resolution_n neither_o to_o be_v comfort_v nor_o discomfort_a great_o because_o our_o lord_n do_v either_o give_v or_o not_o give_v these_o spiritual_a gust_n or_o tenderness_n of_o devotion_n have_v already_o pass_v through_o a_o very_a great_a part_n of_o his_o way_n and_o let_v he_o not_o once_o think_v of_o turn_v back_o how_o much_o soever_o he_o may_v falter_v or_o stumble_v for_o his_o building_n be_v lay_v and_o ground_v upon_o
need_n also_o of_o such_o consideration_n as_o these_o and_o there_o be_v time_n when_o almighty_a god_n will_v try_v they_o nay_o it_o will_v seem_v as_o if_o this_o divine_a majesty_n will_v forsake_v they_o for_o as_o i_o have_v say_v already_o and_o i_o will_v fain_o not_o have_v it_o be_v forget_v the_o soul_n in_o this_o life_n which_o we_o live_v increase_v not_o as_o the_o body_n do_v though_o yet_o we_o say_v it_o do_v and_o real_o it_o do_v increase_v but_o yet_o a_o child_n after_o he_o be_v grow_v and_o become_v tall_a and_o prove_v to_o be_v already_o a_o man_n return_v not_o to_o decrease_v again_o and_o to_o have_v a_o little_a body_n yet_o now_o in_o the_o point_n of_o a_o soul_n our_o lord_n will_v have_v it_o be_v otherwise_o by_o what_o i_o have_v see_v of_o myself_o for_o i_o know_v it_o not_o in_o respect_n of_o other_o and_o it_o ought_v to_o humble_v we_o for_o our_o own_o great_a good_a and_o to_o the_o end_n also_o that_o we_o may_v not_o be_v negligent_a as_o long_o as_o we_o shall_v be_v in_o this_o bannishment_n since_o he_o who_o be_v high_a in_o virtue_n shall_v do_v well_o to_o fear_v himself_o most_o and_o to_o trust_v himself_o lest_o the_o time_n perhaps_o may_v come_v when_o even_o they_o who_o have_v their_o will_n so_o conform_v to_o the_o holy_a will_n of_o almighty_a god_n that_o they_o will_v rather_o be_v torment_v and_o endure_v a_o thousand_o death_n then_o swerve_v from_o it_o shall_v do_v well_o to_o be_v in_o doubt_n that_o even_o they_o may_v grow_v to_o fall_v into_o some_o great_a offence_n of_o his_o divine_a majesty_n and_o so_o there_o be_v certain_a time_n when_o they_o shall_v see_v themselves_o so_o assault_v by_o temptation_n and_o persecution_n that_o to_o the_o end_n they_o may_v not_o commit_v gross_a sin_n they_o will_v have_v need_n to_o serve_v themselves_o of_o the_o first_o defensive_a weapon_n of_o prayer_n and_o return_v to_o remember_v and_o consider_v that_o all_o the_o world_n be_v final_o to_o 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have_v no_o hand_n therein_o and_o though_o they_o shall_v even_o return_v to_o fall_v again_o there_o will_v yet_o remain_v one_o sign_n that_o our_o lord_n have_v be_v there_o which_o be_v that_o they_o will_v quick_o rise_v again_o beside_o these_o other_o which_o i_o shall_v now_o declare_v when_o it_o be_v the_o spirit_n of_o almighty_a god_n there_o will_v be_v no_o need_n at_o all_o to_o go_v in_o quest_n and_o send_v after_o certain_a reason_n to_o draw_v humility_n and_o confusion_n from_o thence_o for_o our_o bless_a lord_n himself_o be_v wont_a to_o impart_v it_o in_o those_o case_n after_o a_o very_a different_a manner_n from_o that_o which_o ourselves_o can_v procure_v by_o any_o pretty_a little_a consideration_n of_o our_o own_o all_o which_o be_v nothing_o in_o comparison_n of_o a_o certain_a true_a prayer_n humility_n that_o come_v along_o with_o a_o light_n which_o our_o lord_n instruct_v we_o in_o here_o and_o which_o breed_v such_o a_o real_a confusion_n in_o we_o as_o even_o do_v entire_o defeat_v us._n and_o the_o knowledge_n which_o almighty_a god_n be_v wont_a to_o give_v we_o to_o the_o end_n that_o we_o may_v perfect_o understand_v that_o we_o have_v no_o good_a at_o all_o of_o ourselves_o be_v a_o thing_n very_o sufficient_o perceive_v and_o still_o so_o much_o the_o more_o as_o we_o receive_v the_o high_a favour_n from_o his_o hand_n it_o also_o impart_v to_o a_o man_n a_o very_a great_a desire_n to_o proceed_v in_o prayer_n and_o he_o will_v not_o give_v it_o over_o for_o any_o trouble_n which_o may_v possible_o succeed_v to_o he_o he_o offer_v himself_o and_o be_v ready_a to_o endure_v all_o thing_n he_o have_v also_o a_o kind_n of_o assure_a hope_n that_o he_o shall_v be_v save_v though_o yet_o still_o not_o without_o humility_n and_o fear_n by_o this_o time_n he_o also_o instant_o forsake_v all_o kind_n of_o servile_a fear_n of_o his_o soul_n and_o it_o give_v a_o great_a deal_n of_o growth_n to_o a_o filial_a fear_n in_o stead_n 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afterward_o i_o say_v not_o for_o all_o they_o together_o but_o for_o any_o one_o of_o they_o be_v take_v several_o by_o itself_o and_o here_o let_v it_o not_o be_v forget_v how_o i_o say_v that_o these_o impetuosity_n or_o impulse_n which_o be_v describe_v here_o arrive_v after_o the_o favour_n which_o our_o lord_n do_v i_o first_o as_o also_o after_o all_o that_o whereof_o i_o will_v write_v in_o this_o book_n yea_o &_o even_o after_o my_o entrance_n into_o the_o favour_n which_o i_o be_o enjoy_v at_o this_o present_a and_o i_o find_v myself_o in_o the_o beginning_n to_o be_v in_o some_o fear_n as_o in_o effect_n it_o happen_v to_o i_o always_o whensoever_o it_o please_v our_o lord_n to_o do_v i_o any_o favour_n till_o at_o least_o in_o the_o proceed_n thereof_o i_o may_v have_v receive_v some_o kind_n of_o security_n from_o his_o divine_a majesty_n he_o will_v i_o not_o to_o fear_v but_o to_o esteem_v this_o favour_n for_o great_a than_o all_o those_o other_o be_v which_o he_o have_v former_o be_v please_v to_o vouchsafe_v i_o because_o the_o soul_n be_v purify_v by_o this_o pain_n and_o for_o that_o it_o be_v burnish_v &_o refine_v here_o as_o gold_n may_v be_v in_o the_o chrysuble_a that_o so_o it_o may_v be_v the_o more_o capable_a to_o receive_v those_o enamel_n and_o ornament_n of_o his_o gift_n and_o grace_n and_o that_o so_o that_o be_v to_o be_v wipe_v away_o which_o will_v otherwise_o have_v make_v work_n for_o purgatory_n i_o understand_v very_o well_o even_o before_o that_o this_o be_v a_o great_a favour_n but_o yet_o i_o remain_v with_o much_o more_o security_n after_o this_o and_o my_o ghostly_a father_n also_o tell_v i_o that_o it_o be_v good_a and_o though_o i_o be_v former_o afraid_a yet_o because_o i_o be_o so_o wicked_a i_o can_v never_o bring_v myself_o to_o believe_v that_o it_o be_v ill_a but_o rather_o the_o very_a greatness_n itself_o of_o the_o benefit_n give_v i_o a_o kind_n of_o fear_n when_o i_o remember_v how_o very_o far_o i_o 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absolute_o nothing_o at_o all_o of_o itself_o but_o as_o it_o chance_v to_o be_v at_o the_o time_n so_o it_o remain_v whether_o it_o be_v sit_v or_o no_o or_o whether_o it_o have_v the_o hand_n either_o open_a or_o close_v for_o though_o she_o lose_v her_o sense_n some_o few_o time_n and_o the_o same_o have_v also_o happen_v to_o i_o now_o and_o then_o yet_o have_v they_o seldom_o be_v total_o lose_v and_o that_o but_o for_o a_o very_a short_a time_n at_o once_o the_o most_o usual_a effect_n be_v wont_a to_o be_v that_o she_o find_v herself_o a_o little_a in_o
by_o those_o beam_n you_o will_v find_v it_o to_o be_v all_o full_a of_o moat_n this_o comparison_n be_v very_o literal_o true_a for_o before_o the_o soul_n be_v in_o this_o extasis_fw-la she_o conceive_v herself_o to_o have_v be_v very_o careful_a not_o to_o offend_v almighty_a god_n &_o that_o she_o perform_v it_o according_a to_o the_o uttermost_a of_o her_o power_n but_o yet_o be_v come_v once_o so_o far_o as_o that_o this_o sun_n of_o justice_n shine_v upon_o she_o which_o make_v her_o open_a her_o eye_n she_o than_o see_v so_o many_o moat_n therein_o that_o she_o will_v be_v glad_a if_o she_o can_v tell_v how_o to_o shut_v they_o again_o for_o she_o be_v not_o yet_o become_v so_o true_a a_o eaglet_n of_o this_o swift_a and_o strong_a eagle_n which_o breed_v she_o as_o that_o she_o can_v be_v able_a to_o look_v earnest_o upon_o this_o sun_n but_o how_o little_a soever_o she_o chance_v to_o hold_v they_o open_a she_o see_v herself_o all_o impure_a and_o call_v that_o verse_n to_o mind_n which_o say_v who_o shall_v ever_o be_v just_a in_o thy_o presence_n when_o once_o she_o behold_v this_o divine_a sun_n her_o sight_n be_v dazzle_v by_o the_o brightness_n of_o it_o but_o when_o she_o look_v in_o upon_o herself_o her_o eye_n be_v stop_v up_o with_o clay_n and_o so_o this_o poor_a dove_n be_v blind_a yea_o and_o it_o happen_v many_o time_n that_o she_o also_o remain_v blind_a for_o good_a and_o all_o as_o be_v absorb_v amaze_a and_o as_o it_o be_v out_o of_o her_o wit_n with_o so_o many_o mighty_a greatness_n as_o she_o be_v then_o grow_v to_o see_v heer_n final_o be_v true_a humility_n acquire_v not_o care_v any_o way_n at_o all_o either_o to_o speak_v well_o of_o herself_o or_o yet_o that_o other_o shall_v do_v it_o and_o our_o lord_n divide_v and_o dispose_v of_o the_o fruit_n of_o this_o garden_n not_o she_o and_o so_o there_o stick_v nothing_o of_o it_o to_o her_o finger_n all_o the_o good_a which_o she_o have_v go_v on_o as_o still_o address_v to_o 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and_o i_o have_v long_o desire_v that_o it_o may_v be_v possible_a and_o compatible_a with_o my_o state_n that_o i_o may_v go_v beg_v my_o bread_n for_o the_o love_n of_o god_n without_o have_v so_o much_o as_o a_o house_n or_o any_o thing_n else_o but_o only_o i_o be_v in_o fear_n that_o if_o our_o bless_a lord_n shall_v not_o give_v the_o selfsame_a desire_n to_o other_o which_o he_o give_v to_o i_o they_o will_v live_v perhaps_o with_o disgust_n and_o consequent_o that_o it_o may_v prove_v a_o cause_n of_o some_o distraction_n or_o division_n for_o i_o see_v that_o there_o be_v some_o poor_a monastery_n which_o live_v not_o with_o much_o recollection_n and_o i_o consider_v not_o that_o their_o not_o be_v recollect_v be_v the_o cause_n of_o their_o be_v so_o poor_a and_o not_o their_o poverty_n the_o cause_n of_o their_o want_n of_o recollection_n for_o distraction_n make_v they_o not_o more_o rich_a nor_o be_v ever_o almighty_a god_n want_v to_o such_o as_o serve_v he_o in_o fine_a my_o faith_n be_v weak_a which_o that_o of_o this_o servant_n of_o god_n be_v not_o but_o now_o i_o who_o will_v be_v take_v the_o opinion_n of_o so_o many_o person_n for_o every_o thing_n which_o i_o be_v to_o do_v can_v find_v no_o body_n of_o this_o mind_n no_o nor_o even_o my_o ghostly_a father_n himself_o nor_o yet_o those_o other_o learned_a man_n who_o i_o consult_v in_o the_o case_n but_o they_o bring_v i_o so_o many_o reason_n against_o it_o that_o i_o know_v not_o which_o way_n to_o turn_v myself_o for_o i_o for_o my_o part_n who_o know_v already_o that_o it_o be_v the_o rule_n of_o the_o order_n and_o know_v also_o that_o it_o be_v a_o point_n of_o more_o perfection_n can_v not_o persuade_v myself_o to_o have_v revenue_n and_o though_o sometime_o they_o convince_v i_o towards_o their_o opinion_n yet_o still_o when_o i_o return_v to_o prayer_n and_o consider_v christ_n our_o lord_n so_o very_o poor_a and_o naked_a upon_o the_o cross_n i_o be_v not_o able_a so_o much_o as_o to_o find_v patience_n for_o be_v rich_a but_o i_o humble_o beseech_v he_o with_o tear_n to_o ordain_v thing_n in_o such_o sort_n that_o i_o may_v be_v poor_a like_v he_o and_o i_o find_v so_o many_o inconvenience_n even_o in_o have_v revenue_n and_o find_v it_o to_o be_v so_o great_a a_o cause_n of_o disquiet_n yea_o and_o even_o of_o distraction_n also_o that_o i_o do_v nothing_o but_o dispute_v the_o business_n with_o those_o learned_a man_n i_o write_v also_o about_o it_o to_o that_o religious_a man_n of_o s._n dominick_n order_n who_o assist_v we_o and_o he_o send_v i_o two_o sheet_n of_o paper_n which_o he_o have_v write_v by_o way_n of_o contradiction_n to_o i_o and_o he_o ground_v himself_o in_o theology_n for_o the_o persuade_v i_o not_o to_o do_v it_o yea_o and_o he_o tell_v i_o that_o he_o have_v study_v the_o point_n very_o well_o to_o which_o i_o answer_v he_o that_o for_o not_o follow_v my_o vocation_n and_o for_o not_o perform_v the_o vow_n which_o i_o have_v make_v of_o poverty_n and_o embrace_v the_o counsel_n of_o christ_n our_o lord_n in_o all_o perfection_n i_o mean_v not_o to_o make_v use_n of_o his_o theology_n nor_o of_o his_o learning_n and_o therefore_o that_o in_o this_o case_n he_o may_v be_v please_v to_o excuse_v i_o for_o my_o part_n i_o be_v very_o glad_a when_o i_o find_v any_o creature_n who_o will_v help_v i_o and_o the_o lady_n with_o who_o i_o be_v assist_v i_o particular_o herein_o there_o be_v other_o also_o who_o tell_v i_o instant_o at_o the_o first_o that_o they_o like_v it_o well_o but_o afterward_o when_o they_o consider_v it_o better_o they_o
honour_n which_o be_v allow_v to_o other_o i_o consider_v the_o goodness_n of_o almighty_a god_n in_o not_o permit_v the_o soul_n even_o of_o that_o man_n to_o be_v defame_v but_o that_o it_o may_v be_v conceal_v that_o he_o be_v a_o enemy_n of_o he_o for_o my_o part_n i_o be_v even_o turn_v half_a fool_n by_o what_o i_o have_v see_v yet_o during_o all_o the_o performance_n of_o the_o office_n of_o the_o dead_a there_o be_v no_o more_o devil_n to_o be_v see_v but_o when_o afterward_o they_o put_v the_o body_n into_o the_o grave_n there_o be_v such_o a_o multitude_n of_o they_o ready_a to_o receive_v the_o body_n that_o i_o be_v even_o out_o of_o myself_o with_o behold_v it_o and_o it_o be_v no_o little_a courage_n which_o i_o need_v for_o enable_v i_o to_o dissemble_v the_o see_v it_o and_o i_o consider_v how_o those_o devil_n be_v likely_a to_o treat_v that_o soul_n when_o they_o exercise_v such_o a_o absolute_a dominion_n even_o over_o that_o woeful_a body_n and_o i_o will_v to_o christ_n that_o what_o i_o see_v have_v also_o be_v see_v by_o such_o as_o be_v in_o mortal_a sin_n for_o i_o think_v it_o must_v have_v be_v of_o much_o effect_n and_o force_n towards_o a_o make_v they_o mend_v their_o life_n now_o all_o this_o oblige_v i_o to_o know_v more_o and_o more_o what_o i_o owe_v to_o almighty_a god_n and_o from_o what_o he_o have_v deliver_v my_o soul_n but_o yet_o i_o go_v on_o with_o fear_n enough_o till_o i_o have_v impart_v these_o particular_n to_o my_o ghostly_a father_n as_o conceave_a that_o perhaps_o it_o may_v have_v be_v some_o illusion_n of_o the_o devil_n whereby_o to_o defame_v that_o soul_n though_o yet_o the_o man_n have_v not_o be_v hold_v to_o be_v of_o very_o good_a life_n but_o yet_o it_o be_v very_o true_a that_o whether_o it_o be_v a_o illusion_n or_o no_o i_o be_o sure_a i_o never_o remember_v it_o but_o it_o make_v i_o afraid_a and_o now_o since_o i_o have_v begin_v to_o speak_v of_o vision_n which_o have_v relation_n to_o some_o 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different_a kind_n be_v round_o about_o i_o which_o circle_v i_o in_o and_o it_o seem_v to_o i_o that_o cuerie_n one_o have_v offensive_a weapon_n in_o his_o hand_n wherewith_o to_o hurt_v i_o as_o lance_n sword_n and_o dagger_n and_o other_o have_v also_o long_a staff_n in_o a_o word_n i_o can_v not_o get_v from_o thence_o by_o any_o way_n or_o mean_n without_o danger_n of_o death_n especial_o be_v alone_o and_o not_o have_v any_o one_o creature_n to_o help_v i_o and_o be_v thus_o in_o so_o great_a affliction_n of_o spirit_n that_o i_o know_v not_o what_o to_o do_v i_o liftedup_a my_o eye_n towards_o heaven_n and_o see_v christ_n our_o lord_n not_o then_o in_o heaven_n but_o yet_o very_o high_a and_o far_o off_o from_o i_o in_o the_o air_n who_o reachtforth_o his_o hand_n towards_o i_o and_o favour_v i_o from_o thence_o in_o such_o sort_n that_o i_o fear_v neither_o all_o that_o other_o people_n nor_o yet_o these_o who_o all_o be_v unable_a to_o do_v i_o hurt_v how_o much_o soever_o they_o shall_v desire_v it_o this_o vision_n seem_v at_o the_o first_o sight_n to_o be_v without_o any_o fruit_n or_o good_a effect_n at_o all_o but_o it_o have_v yet_o do_v i_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o good_a because_o i_o have_v understand_v what_o it_o signify_v for_o i_o see_v myself_o in_o that_o encounter_n short_o after_o and_o know_v that_o it_o be_v nothing_o else_o but_o this_o vision_n and_o i_o also_o come_v to_o know_v it_o to_o be_v a_o very_a picture_n or_o rather_o map_n of_o the_o world_n for_o as_o many_o as_o be_v in_o it_o abstract_v ever_o from_o those_o few_o who_o apply_v themselves_o to_o do_v our_o lord_n particular_a service_n seem_v to_o carry_v arm_n against_o this_o wretched_a soul_n of_o we_o as_o namely_o honour_n estate_n delight_n and_o the_o like_a for_o it_o be_v evident_a that_o the_o soul_n be_v all_o overcast_v with_o a_o net_n before_o it_o be_v aware_a at_o least_o all_o these_o thing_n do_v the_o best_a they_o can_v to_o endanger_v and_o wrapp_v 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i_o only_o find_v remedy_n by_o lifting-up_a my_o eye_n to_o heaven_n and_o cry_v upon_o almighty_a god_n and_o i_o remember_v very_o well_o what_o i_o have_v see_v in_o this_o last_o vision_n of_o i_o and_o it_o do_v i_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o good_a towards_o a_o not_o put_v confidence_n in_o any_o creature_n for_o there_o be_v no_o one_o of_o they_o firm_a and_o stable_n but_o only_o god_n alone_o be_v entire_o and_o true_o so_o but_o in_o these_o great_a affliction_n our_o lord_n have_v ever_o use_v to_o send_v i_o some_o person_n or_o other_o who_o in_o his_o name_n may_v lend_v i_o his_o hand_n as_o he_o signify_v to_o i_o that_o he_o will_v and_o as_o he_o do_v also_o let_v i_o see_v in_o this_o last_o vision_n and_o so_o i_o tie_v not_o myself_o to_o any_o thing_n but_o only_o to_o please_v our_o bless_a lord_n and_o this_o have_v serve_v to_o sustain_v this_o poor_a little_a virtue_n which_o i_o have_v in_o desire_v to_o serve_v he_o and_o let_v he_o be_v bless_v for_o ever_o but_o find_v myself_o once_o very_o unquiet_a and_o in_o great_a disorder_n yea_o and_o in_o skirmish_n or_o rather_o in_o a_o very_a battle_n without_o be_v able_a to_o recollect_v myself_o yea_o and_o my_o thought_n be_v scatter_v and_o disperse_v upon_o thing_n which_o be_v not_o very_o perfect_a and_o withal_o not_o seem_v to_o be_v so_o utter_o untie_v from_o all_o thing_n as_o i_o use_v and_o be_v still_o so_o wicked_a as_o i_o be_v i_o grow_v afraid_a that_o the_o favour_n which_o our_o bless_a lord_n have_v do_v i_o may_v fallout_a to_o be_v illusion_n and_o in_o fine_a i_o then_o remain_v with_o a_o very_a great_a obscuritic_n of_o mind_n but_o now_o whilst_o i_o be_v in_o this_o pain_n our_o lord_n begin_v to_o speak_v to_o i_o and_o tell_v i_o that_o i_o must_v not_o be_v thus_o afflict_v but_o that_o find_v myself_o in_o that_o case_n i_o may_v well_o understand_v even_o thereby_o in_o how_o great_a misery_n i_o must_v remain_v if_o once_o he_o shall_v depart_v from_o i_o and_o that_o there_o be_v to_o be_v no_o security_n at_o all_o as_o long_o as_o we_o shall_v continue_v in_o this_o world_n i_o be_v also_o give_v to_o understand_v how_o well_o our_o labour_n be_v employ_v in_o this_o strife_n and_o war_n since_o it_o will_v not_o fail_v to_o be_v follow_v with_o so_o high_a a_o reward_n and_o i_o think_v our_o bless_a lord_n have_v compassion_n of_o they_o who_o live_v in_o this_o world_n but_o that_o i_o must_v not_o think_v that_o he_o have_v forget_v i_o yea_o and_o that_o he_o will_v never_o leave_v i_o but_o yet_o so_o as_o that_o still_o i_o must_v also_o do_v my_o part_n in_o help_v myself_o and_o this_o do_v our_o bless_a lord_n declare_v to_o i_o with_o a_o kind_n of_o tender_a compassion_n and_o regalo_n accompany_v with_o certain_a word_n whereby_o so_o high_a favour_n be_v do_v i_o as_o i_o need_v not_o stand_v here_o to_o relate_v and_o these_o other_o which_o follow_v here_o now_o his_o divine_a majesty_n say_v also_o often_o to_o i_o with_o demonstration_n of_o most_o particular_a love_n thou_o be_v now_o grow_v to_o be_v i_o and_o i_o be_o thou_o and_o those_o word_n which_o i_o be_o ever_o wont_a to_o say_v and_o to_o my_o think_n i_o say_v they_o with_o much_o truth_n be_v these_o which_o follow_v what_o care_v i_o o_o my_o lord_n for_o myself_o but_o only_o for_o thou_o but_o i_o confess_v those_o word_n of_o he_o to_o i_o be_v of_o great_a regalo_n to_o my_o hart_n though_o yet_o withal_o they_o be_v of_o excessive_a confusion_n when_o i_o remember_v what_o kind_n of_o creature_n i_o be_o but_o hart_n it_o seem_v that_o i_o have_v need_n of_o more_o courage_n for_o the_o receive_n of_o those_o high_a favour_n then_o even_o for_o the_o endure_a of_o unspeakable_a affliction_n but_o now_o when_o these_o thing_n be_v in_o motion_n all_o the_o poor_a good_a action_n of_o my_o life_n be_v utter_o forget_v by_o i_o and_o then_o it_o be_v only_o represent_v to_o my_o mind_n how_o wicked_a i_o be_o and_o that_o without_o any_o discourse_n at_o all_o of_o my_o understanding_n so_o that_o even_o this_o also_o do_v seem_v at_o certain_a time_n to_o have_v somewhat_o of_o the_o supernatural_a in_o it_o sometime_o there_o come_v also_o upon_o i_o so_o earnest_a and_o even_o eager_a appetite_n of_o receive_v the_o bless_a sacrament_n that_o i_o know_v not_o whether_o it_o can_v be_v possible_a for_o i_o to_o express_v they_o to_o the_o full_a it_o happen_v to_o i_o one_o morning_n that_o it_o rain_v so_o extreme_o as_o to_o seem_v no_o way_n fit_a for_o i_o to_o go_v out_o of_o door_n but_o yet_o be_v once_o get_v abroad_o i_o be_v already_o grow_v also_o to_o be_v so_o far_o out_o of_o myself_o through_o that_o desire_n of_o communicate_v that_o although_o they_o have_v set_v lance_n even_o point_v and_o hold_v fast_o against_o my_o very_a breast_n i_o think_v i_o can_v have_v pass_v even_o through_o they_o all_o and_o how_o much_o more_o then_o through_o water_n and_o as_o soon_o as_o i_o 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